Hello you savages. Get my free Reading List of 100 life-changing books here - chriswillx.com/books/ Here's the timestamps: 00:00 It Begins With You 05:05 The Parallels Between Romance & Business 14:06 The Stories We Create in Our Minds 20:00 Why Accountability in a Relationship is So Important 25:43 How to Stop Your Mind Being a Battlefield 28:57 Differentiating Love & Lust 40:03 The Importance of Self Love 44:13 Speak Up & Tell the Truth in Relationships 51:58 What Do Women Really Want From Men? 1:05:48 How Stress & Fear Ruin Relationships 1:14:00 Relationships Aren’t Supposed to Make You Happy 1:18:50 Why You Need to Make Peace With Your Parents 1:30:06 Where to Find Jillian
It's ironic how there are relationship coaches who make millions, yet if you look into their lives, they are most likely single/divorced and do not want/regret having kids.
I think this is because they made the mistakes, and they're coaching people away from the mistakes they made. Passing on wisdom from the lessons they learned. Teaching others the things they wish they knew, before entering into these relationships. Things that would have perhaps prevented them from even entering into the relationships in the first place. It's okay to learn from your mistakes, regret your mistakes, and teach other people how to avoid doing what you did wrong.
I'm so tired of people saying men don't understand how important safety is as if we never experience the fear of feeling unsafe. This is entirely false. Women's emotions are volatile, destructive, and dangerous to men. They are a weapon that could harm a man physically and emotionally. This is why we try to "fix" things or "take it personal." It's because the woman's emotions and her lack to regulate or control them has caused us to feel unsafe. I'll use her parking lot example, she says that if she is alone in a parking lot, she feels a sense of fear, and her safety is in jeopardy, and she would "run" to her car. Why? There aren't any threats to your safety. You're allowing the emotion of fear, that you can't regulate, dictate your action. Now if we put a man alone in that parking lot he's fine, but if we put both a man and a woman in that same parking lot, and the man is not, whatsoever, a threat to the woman, she still feels unsafe with her heightened emotions. However, that man is going to feel unsafe because that woman IS a threat. Not by direct physical force, but by indirect actions she could take that could threaten that man's existence. All she has to do is lie about an interaction with that man that never took place and his life is over because she is to be believed and there are no witnesses. A woman's emotions can damage a man's livelihood and his own mental state. It what such a great podcast up to this point because Jillian went on about self work, and then completely neglected that women need to control and regulate their emotions as part of that self work. Women, if you want a man to make you feel safe, YOU have to start with controlling your emotions to make HIM feel safe.
Yep, this whole thing is just modern feminist again putting all the responsibility on men for women's actions rather than taking accountability for them. And what's worse is a single woman can admit she's irrational and emotionally unstable as long as no other women are around. But the second other women are involved you're the problem you made her do that, she's the victim
If it is biological then they cannot do that though. For men this is based on testosterone. If you up your T then you will not have the problem you describe. Low T men are dependent on the situation or the female's emotions while high T men are not. Your T levels are under your control and the answer to the relationship is to boost the male's T levels no? This gives the female the stability of the male's strength to rely on.
The vast majority of actual crimes of violence and SA against girls and women are never procecuted, no arrests even made yet you men, in order to somehow claim victimhood status, have painted this narrative that a woman could simply lie and say something happened with no evidence (in a parking lot full of cameras) and youd be put in prison for life. Its so pathethic. Just stop.
I mostly agree with you, but I think there’s a few separate points to be made here: 1. We are all responsible for our actions, regardless of our emotions. Emotionally volatile people have a moral burden to not behave badly, regardless of how they feel. (All of us have our moments, regardless of how stoic we think we are.) 2. Men and women BOTH have unique ways in which we can badly harm one another. Men usually have the physical advantage, while women utilize reputation damaging. Both are bad, both are wrong. 3. I would also agree that the latter (women using reputation damage to harm men) is under-appreciated in its prevalence. Content like this often forgets to remind women that they have this power and to be mindful of that kind of behavior. It sucks.
One can practice actual Stoicism and still acknowledge their emotions. To not do so would defy logic, and to not share with their partner would defy ethics. That said, I feel the stoicism being discussed was externally not expressing emotion as it has a time and place.
It’s so right! When I started my personal development course to work on my attachment style, my relationships transformed not just romantic ones but familial and platonic ones too. And hypnotherapy really helped me. When you have a negative thought pattern and limiting beliefs, you’ll always feel like you’re not worthy of love.
@@markcavandish1295honestly it’s life changing I’ve been listening to my therapist’s recordings every night. You’re most receptive when you’re about to fall asleep and when you wake up. Try Thais Gibson’s personal development course. It’s been incredibly helpful.
No one is worthy of love. Some people are more lovable and some people less so. As far as romantic love, most men are simply not physically attractive enough to meet the minimal standards of women, therefore they are not worthy of love at all, because women don’t value them. No value, no worth.
A very good conversation. I In the whole 1.5h conversation I think there where two points I'd like to expand/discuss; when the topic of "emotionally stunted" men (She said stoic but I think she ment the former.) and what women want. It gets very conflicting with what she previously said about great relationships. The first, It's a very unfair characterisation of men. A factor to being reserved emotionally is because life punishes men who aren't mentally strong or should I say grow from failures. It's not malevolence from people but growing up with complete indifference from everyone except ones parents. There are basically no societal or cultural care for young boys & men. We're expected to perform & solve our own problems. Second, it seems more like a crutch which makes men responsible for women's emotional states. I get that safety might be a biological obstacle for women but enabling a sense of fear(parking lot example) or should I rephrase it as one succumbing to being reactionary to ones's emotions is NOT quite healthy or mature. There are plenty of my grandmothers generation who are very feminine & deal with life with type grace?...
There's this push to always put the onus on men. It's always a one way street. What happened to compromise, negotiation, accommodation, and compassion. It's always the man who needs to change, to fix himself, to do better for the woman.
Holy, fucking, shit - This is like answer to everything that Im currently going through. Greatest timing ever Chris, thank you for this, this helped me, and this is not an understatment, maybe even and undestatement, but A TON
What a juicy, relevant, and incredibly valuable & worthwhile topic. TBH - the single most important romantic relationship that one will ever have in their life is the one that they have with themselves. Learning how to take 100% accountability for, oneself, to love & accept oneself…. and to be alone with oneself is a very uncomfortable, arduous and difficult process… with the operative word being “process”…. vs. an event. Too, you can’t love & help anyone else any more (or less) than you can love & help yourself. TBH - It is only until you learn how to truly love & accept your authentic self, unconditionally, that you will truly be ‘free’. It takes time, which most people believe they don’t have due to this ‘fast food’ I want/need it NOW, world that we live in. IOW I love instant gratification, but it takes so long :-). Net net, your best shot, and frankly, your only shot is do the ‘work’ bc if & when you don’t. the work will (continue) to do you :-). Besides, YOU are worth it! XOXO
No husband, divorced, no children last time I listened. I prefer my relationship advice from happily married people with kids if possible. Still, always some nuggets of wisdom with all of Chris’s guests.
Me too. The point was swept under the rug by Chris’s guest who profits from relationship not enoughness. The whole self-development world can be a trap of “Not enough, not worthy yet…” If you were, surely you’d have a healthy desirable love life, right? The “not enough yet” is especially weighty when it comes to relationships and love. Not yet enough for externally reflected love? Need more X, Y, Z. Less 1, 2, 3. Meanwhile there’s a mountain of money to be made from all the people feeling as though they have to buy books, courses, consume content, pay for therapy and coaches etc., to make the mirage of possible love a real tangible reality. It can be a self-gaslight. Environmental conditions are an overlooked contributing factor. The pill, feminism, dating apps, no fault divorce etc. It’s a new landscape of unprecedented dysfunction. That’s got nothing to do with personal enoughness. I’ll listen to Chris’s podcasts on any topic, but I refuse to spend another cent on relationship self-development for single people. If I meet a suitable growth-focused person serendipitously while living my life, I’ll study and apply everything from The Gottman Institute, but I’ve graduated myself from the relationship mirage treadmill.
Does taking responsibility count if they still continue to do it? Kind of like how an apology doesn't count without change behavior? I've sincerely asking, because I have a relationship in my life with someone who definitely when they're in their good moods they take responsibility for what they do in their bad moods, they know it's wrong, in the don't try to excuse it. But then the next time a sour mood rolls around for whatever reason, often the same things happen again, not always, but often enough. I just want to know what I can say to them when they try to take responsibility and in my opinion I don't really think they are because they're not changing. I'd love to hear a posing dew points though
She’s on point THEN she lost me with the “women need safety” 😂 Is that why women get flown out to Dubai or Tulum to sleep with men they never met before?
Thank you for talking about the L word Chris! Isn't it funny that Love and relationships are seen as a frivolous and silly topic when they are literally the most important factor in our happiness?
I just got ditched by someone I thought could save me from my own problems. So I guess I am extra much looking for relationship advice right now. Isn´t it funny that Turecki would refer to "500 days of summer". It can´t only be me that think she looks like a more mature and wiser version of Deschanel in that movie. As always a great episode.
Loving yourself first makes you endlessly selfish and you don’t help anyone else. Not one person who ‘loves themself first’ ever does anything for anyone else.
I don't believe that your statement is true. I fully love others or help others if I have not learned to love myself first. I can not be a good helper or serve others if my self-care or self-esteem is lacking or non-existent. I can only love others in the best healthiest way if I know what love is. And it's through loving myself that I learn what true love is.
Hello you savages. Get my free Reading List of 100 life-changing books here - chriswillx.com/books/ Here's the timestamps:
00:00 It Begins With You
05:05 The Parallels Between Romance & Business
14:06 The Stories We Create in Our Minds
20:00 Why Accountability in a Relationship is So Important
25:43 How to Stop Your Mind Being a Battlefield
28:57 Differentiating Love & Lust
40:03 The Importance of Self Love
44:13 Speak Up & Tell the Truth in Relationships
51:58 What Do Women Really Want From Men?
1:05:48 How Stress & Fear Ruin Relationships
1:14:00 Relationships Aren’t Supposed to Make You Happy
1:18:50 Why You Need to Make Peace With Your Parents
1:30:06 Where to Find Jillian
It's ironic how there are relationship coaches who make millions, yet if you look into their lives, they are most likely single/divorced and do not want/regret having kids.
I think this is because they made the mistakes, and they're coaching people away from the mistakes they made. Passing on wisdom from the lessons they learned. Teaching others the things they wish they knew, before entering into these relationships. Things that would have perhaps prevented them from even entering into the relationships in the first place.
It's okay to learn from your mistakes, regret your mistakes, and teach other people how to avoid doing what you did wrong.
I'm so tired of people saying men don't understand how important safety is as if we never experience the fear of feeling unsafe. This is entirely false. Women's emotions are volatile, destructive, and dangerous to men. They are a weapon that could harm a man physically and emotionally. This is why we try to "fix" things or "take it personal." It's because the woman's emotions and her lack to regulate or control them has caused us to feel unsafe.
I'll use her parking lot example, she says that if she is alone in a parking lot, she feels a sense of fear, and her safety is in jeopardy, and she would "run" to her car. Why? There aren't any threats to your safety. You're allowing the emotion of fear, that you can't regulate, dictate your action. Now if we put a man alone in that parking lot he's fine, but if we put both a man and a woman in that same parking lot, and the man is not, whatsoever, a threat to the woman, she still feels unsafe with her heightened emotions. However, that man is going to feel unsafe because that woman IS a threat. Not by direct physical force, but by indirect actions she could take that could threaten that man's existence. All she has to do is lie about an interaction with that man that never took place and his life is over because she is to be believed and there are no witnesses.
A woman's emotions can damage a man's livelihood and his own mental state. It what such a great podcast up to this point because Jillian went on about self work, and then completely neglected that women need to control and regulate their emotions as part of that self work. Women, if you want a man to make you feel safe, YOU have to start with controlling your emotions to make HIM feel safe.
Yep, this whole thing is just modern feminist again putting all the responsibility on men for women's actions rather than taking accountability for them. And what's worse is a single woman can admit she's irrational and emotionally unstable as long as no other women are around. But the second other women are involved you're the problem you made her do that, she's the victim
If it is biological then they cannot do that though. For men this is based on testosterone. If you up your T then you will not have the problem you describe. Low T men are dependent on the situation or the female's emotions while high T men are not. Your T levels are under your control and the answer to the relationship is to boost the male's T levels no? This gives the female the stability of the male's strength to rely on.
The vast majority of actual crimes of violence and SA against girls and women are never procecuted, no arrests even made yet you men, in order to somehow claim victimhood status, have painted this narrative that a woman could simply lie and say something happened with no evidence (in a parking lot full of cameras) and youd be put in prison for life. Its so pathethic. Just stop.
I mostly agree with you, but I think there’s a few separate points to be made here:
1. We are all responsible for our actions, regardless of our emotions. Emotionally volatile people have a moral burden to not behave badly, regardless of how they feel. (All of us have our moments, regardless of how stoic we think we are.)
2. Men and women BOTH have unique ways in which we can badly harm one another. Men usually have the physical advantage, while women utilize reputation damaging. Both are bad, both are wrong.
3. I would also agree that the latter (women using reputation damage to harm men) is under-appreciated in its prevalence. Content like this often forgets to remind women that they have this power and to be mindful of that kind of behavior. It sucks.
@@winateverything3710 This is the most unfounded bs I've read in a while.
One can practice actual Stoicism and still acknowledge their emotions. To not do so would defy logic, and to not share with their partner would defy ethics. That said, I feel the stoicism being discussed was externally not expressing emotion as it has a time and place.
It’s so right! When I started my personal development course to work on my attachment style, my relationships transformed not just romantic ones but familial and platonic ones too. And hypnotherapy really helped me. When you have a negative thought pattern and limiting beliefs, you’ll always feel like you’re not worthy of love.
Holy Shit!
That’s what I need.
Never heard of hypnotherapy. Looking for answers
@@markcavandish1295honestly it’s life changing I’ve been listening to my therapist’s recordings every night. You’re most receptive when you’re about to fall asleep and when you wake up. Try Thais Gibson’s personal development course. It’s been incredibly helpful.
No one is worthy of love. Some people are more lovable and some people less so. As far as romantic love, most men are simply not physically attractive enough to meet the minimal standards of women, therefore they are not worthy of love at all, because women don’t value them. No value, no worth.
I think this lady is talking about 19:30 about the femaill mind, not so much the male mind.
"men have to become more emotive"....women have to not lose respect and attraction for men when they open up.
Great episode and guest! Much needed for everyone
Great pod! Thanks Chris
A very good conversation.
I In the whole 1.5h conversation I think there where two points I'd like to expand/discuss;
when the topic of "emotionally stunted" men (She said stoic but I think she ment the former.) and what women want. It gets very conflicting with what she previously said about great relationships.
The first, It's a very unfair characterisation of men. A factor to being reserved emotionally is because life punishes men who aren't mentally strong or should I say grow from failures. It's not malevolence from people but growing up with complete indifference from everyone except ones parents. There are basically no societal or cultural care for young boys & men. We're expected to perform & solve our own problems.
Second, it seems more like a crutch which makes men responsible for women's emotional states. I get that safety might be a biological obstacle for women but enabling a sense of fear(parking lot example) or should I rephrase it as one succumbing to being reactionary to ones's emotions is NOT quite healthy or mature. There are plenty of my grandmothers generation who are very feminine & deal with life with type grace?...
There's this push to always put the onus on men. It's always a one way street. What happened to compromise, negotiation, accommodation, and compassion. It's always the man who needs to change, to fix himself, to do better for the woman.
I don't want peace. I want her to let me help her.
I also want warmth.
Holy, fucking, shit - This is like answer to everything that Im currently going through. Greatest timing ever Chris, thank you for this, this helped me, and this is not an understatment, maybe even and undestatement, but
A TON
What a juicy, relevant, and incredibly valuable & worthwhile topic. TBH - the single most important romantic relationship that one will ever have in their life is the one that they have with themselves. Learning how to take 100% accountability for, oneself, to love & accept oneself…. and to be alone with oneself is a very uncomfortable, arduous and difficult process… with the operative word being “process”…. vs. an event. Too, you can’t love & help anyone else any more (or less) than you can love & help yourself. TBH - It is only until you learn how to truly love & accept your authentic self, unconditionally, that you will truly be ‘free’. It takes time, which most people believe they don’t have due to this ‘fast food’ I want/need it NOW, world that we live in. IOW I love instant gratification, but it takes so long :-).
Net net, your best shot, and frankly, your only shot is do the ‘work’ bc if & when you don’t. the work will (continue) to do you :-). Besides, YOU are worth it! XOXO
I love this information being shared.
It feels so true and relatable.
I’m glad I can get this knowledge from time to time. Thanks Chris!
Yes accountability on both sides is what matters and is most important
Does this woman have children? The complexity they add to this issue doubles the difficulty.
No husband, divorced, no children last time I listened. I prefer my relationship advice from happily married people with kids if possible. Still, always some nuggets of wisdom with all of Chris’s guests.
This is gold
Chris. Thank you SOOOO much for bringing up your point @2:50, I wonder about this all the time
Me too. The point was swept under the rug by Chris’s guest who profits from relationship not enoughness.
The whole self-development world can be a trap of “Not enough, not worthy yet…”
If you were, surely you’d have a healthy desirable love life, right?
The “not enough yet” is especially weighty when it comes to relationships and love.
Not yet enough for externally reflected love? Need more X, Y, Z. Less 1, 2, 3.
Meanwhile there’s a mountain of money to be made from all the people feeling as though they have to buy books, courses, consume content, pay for therapy and coaches etc., to make the mirage of possible love a real tangible reality. It can be a self-gaslight.
Environmental conditions are an overlooked contributing factor. The pill, feminism, dating apps, no fault divorce etc. It’s a new landscape of unprecedented dysfunction. That’s got nothing to do with personal enoughness.
I’ll listen to Chris’s podcasts on any topic, but I refuse to spend another cent on relationship self-development for single people.
If I meet a suitable growth-focused person serendipitously while living my life, I’ll study and apply everything from The Gottman Institute, but I’ve graduated myself from the relationship mirage treadmill.
You can do your best, but often the other in the relationship is working directly against you.
Does taking responsibility count if they still continue to do it? Kind of like how an apology doesn't count without change behavior? I've sincerely asking, because I have a relationship in my life with someone who definitely when they're in their good moods they take responsibility for what they do in their bad moods, they know it's wrong, in the don't try to excuse it. But then the next time a sour mood rolls around for whatever reason, often the same things happen again, not always, but often enough. I just want to know what I can say to them when they try to take responsibility and in my opinion I don't really think they are because they're not changing. I'd love to hear a posing dew points though
Trust their actions, not their words. If they show you that they don't care enough to change or respect you in any way - believe them.
She’s on point THEN she lost me with the “women need safety” 😂 Is that why women get flown out to Dubai or Tulum to sleep with men they never met before?
awesome podcast
I lie to myself about my beer belly every day. It’s actually a donut belly 😢
Donut say that
Thank you for talking about the L word Chris! Isn't it funny that Love and relationships are seen as a frivolous and silly topic when they are literally the most important factor in our happiness?
I've just been very good at choosing people with whom I need a mask. But I won't do it again.
I just got ditched by someone I thought could save me from my own problems. So I guess I am extra much looking for relationship advice right now.
Isn´t it funny that Turecki would refer to "500 days of summer". It can´t only be me that think she looks like a more mature and wiser version of Deschanel in that movie.
As always a great episode.
There is a lot more to psychology than this
Good point
I have a feeling she's single lol
interesting how the “what women want from men” segment is the longest one 🤔
Well they basically want everything from men, so makes sense.
It’s not the longest one. And Chris asked the question
Wrong. I know I'm enough. That's not the problem.
"What women really want from men" irrelevant, it's more what I want😂
I dont see the ring on her finger. Is she married?
Excellent, looking for a summary of key points discussed? More in profile.
"It's better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all"
Depends what you lose.
Loving yourself first makes you endlessly selfish and you don’t help anyone else. Not one person who ‘loves themself first’ ever does anything for anyone else.
I don't believe that your statement is true. I fully love others or help others if I have not learned to love myself first. I can not be a good helper or serve others if my self-care or self-esteem is lacking or non-existent. I can only love others in the best healthiest way if I know what love is. And it's through loving myself that I learn what true love is.
First
Dohhhhhh..... nearly😂
Third😂
First