r/SocialSkills | 🥺👉👈
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 7 ต.ค. 2024
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Top posts from r/SocialSkills on Reddit. Join the community subreddit at / emkay Video credits below.
Narrator ► / @itsboobin
Also check out:
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I love these more text based subreddits you guys are doing lately. Makes the videos longer and personally i prefer that since i usually listen to these to kill time while doing an activity
same, although these do seem like they would fit more on ask emkay
@@regrettspaghetttI agree, I think the text based ones should be on askemkay
same bruh i use it as the background whist i video game
and these are usually more positive too
@@regrettspaghetttI went into the responses to say just that!
As an autistic person I needed this
I like how this is basically "how can I be more normal?" when everyone in their own way is doing the same thing, none of us are normal, THAT'S what makes us normal, the fact that we know we're not normal, learning to adjust to everyone is the key, that's more complicated lol
I'm neurodivergent, so I'm a bit weird when it comes to social situations. There are times where I'll be stimming excitedly (most likely has something to do with my hyperfixations) and be so talkative and social, but then there are times where I'll be shaking and doing this specific stim I call "pangolin hands" and feel like death is slowly wrapping its cold hands around my lungs. The only way to cope with the latter is to find people I know (such as my boyfriend or a close friend). There are also times where I can't shut my mouth and talk on and on, and then I only realize that I was annoying the person I was infodumping on after the conversation.
Sorry for dumping all this here. This subreddit is amazing. It feels nice to see so much social advice.
With the phone call thing, I grew up in a time when we would call each other and be on the phone for hours. Sometimes not even saying anything for long periods of time. Now if I get a call I get so anxious. My heart literally skips a beat. If you have something to tell me text. I blame spam calls. I never know whose going to be on the other end and it just makes me so nervous to accidentally answer one if i'm waiting for a call.
The attractive but socially awkward thing really hit me. I used to do runway and modeling, so if I’m at least fairly attractive. My appearance and voice is such a crutch for mh customer service job because I KNOW if I was an average looking dude and not a pretty girl, people would think I’m just really fucking weird instead of cute but odd. I’m autistic and have crippling social anxiety and the only reason I can do customer service is because my communication has purpose and it’s what I’m supposed to do. I have an impossibly hard time making my own friends because I’m too anxious to even put myself in situations where I would make friends. My appearance has been a crutch but I still feel like I’m a fish out of water constantly because it seems only my husband understands me and my stupid humor. Instead of setting New Year’s resolutions to finally make at least one best friend, I have started to just try my best to be comfortable with myself and be my own best friend. I feel like that will help me make a real friend if I’m not desperate and come off strange
Oh another. Yes learning one self will help bit in that reguard. Good luck!.
For the last one, I'm usually the second person. I'm the type of autistic where I usually forget that you need to reach out to maintain relationships. We cannot speak for years and I would feel the same way I did the last time we spoke and react the same way. Oftentimes I assume that other people are doing what I'm doing and that's just going about their lives. Maybe they're busy, maybe they're too drained to talk, maybe they just don't have anything they need or want to say. I have to consciously remember to contact people because I have to remind myself that most people aren't perfectly fine with being alone
Oh, I do this... no news everything is peachy basically. I have gotten more in the habit of reaching out like for major holidays now, but beyond that, like I don't miss people? I can do the 'hey how are ya it's been a bit' when I cross paths with someone again, but it seems more like picking back up than some sort of life altering event to cross paths.
if being complimented makes you awkward i’ve started complimenting ppl back like “thank you i like your hair” or even “thank you that’s so nice of you” and it makes it idk feel balanced as all things should be
That's a good tip 👍🏼
I’m glad that anxiety isn’t a problem for me when in a party setting. Having a drink beforehand helps me as well.
Plus, these posts read like a transcript for a meeting of Overthinkers Anonymous.
i can be clueless sometimes but holding someone hostage on the phone or in your doorway as you slowly close the door is torture 😂
1:34 Worry not, dear Robin, or whoever else is reading this. You can still get in on the action through technical theater: lights, sound, scene shift, various aspects of design, the parts people don’t see. Your position includes all the fun of being a theater kid without having to perform on stage.
Most of the time when someone compliments me (usually a piece of clothing) I say "YES" instead of thank you, because I'm genuinely so happy about those and also think they're pretty
Because I’m awkward in public situations and suck at small talk, I learned a way to actually have a conversation. Ask my interlocutor if they have a guilty pleasure song and tell them mine so we can have an awkward laugh together. It’s a great way to talk about music without it getting pretentious.
12:56 there is so much that can go wrong with friendships. they can use your vulnerability against you, they can manipulate you into doing things you wouldnt normally do, they can turn their other friends against you. all these things have happened to me. and it was really for no reason. a friend i'd had since kindergarten, in eight grade she suddenly just changed and became a cruel person. it hurt to end that relationship but it was better in the long run.
but yeah. there are a TON of things that can go wrong with friends.
I've never really struggled w/ small talk being from the rural midwest bc there's pretty much a script/step-by-step that you can use with absolutely anybody anywhere.
1. Talk about the weather
2. Talk about your job or life events (if they work with/know you)
3. Talk about your pets/hobbies
Usually in that order lol
The "sorry, you were saying" is SO validating and shows that you were actually listening. There were sl many times when a family member would interrupt my talking and then answer "idk" when I asked what we were talking about... like wow, if I'm that boring, I'd rather you just told me to shut up
If you have a fear of public speaking, Toastmasters can help. The most effective way to get over that fear (glossophobia) is practice, especially in a group whose members have the same objective.
An overwhelming amount of this video reads to me like people with undiagnosed neurodivergence.
Socially awkward people talking about how they don't know how to read social cues or the person who mentioned that they have a slow brain that's keeping them from functioning in some situations.
Undiagnosed ADHD or ASD is a very common thing and affects people in a semi two very serious manner. I encourage anybody who feels that way to speak to a doctor, therapist, or other relevant medical professional to discuss being tested as proper treatment is literally life-changing.
Once you understand the problem it makes solving it much easier
Whenever someone compliments my hair I say “Thanks, I grew it myself,” always makes people laugh.
About the socially awkward thing;
I personally feel really weird when i make eye contact
Im extremely blunt and to the point
One time, i was curious as to why one of my friends was playing a card game and asked, "Why is that so fun?" and then proceeded to get called rude when i wanted to know why it was so fun to them.
I also overahare... like just now 👍
Thank you.
I wasn't aware that this subreddit existed. I found the whole video filled with hints that I can use, and knowing I'm not the only awkward social person is great.
So, again, thanks.
I don't call people unless forced to and only after some cattle prodding me with an electric stick pretty much.
I never did understand the desire to pick up a phone and talk to someone about everything and nothing. Like, it's not enjoyable, I have other things I could be doing, why would I want to spend an hour talking about birds or the weather or how your toe hurts?
I'm also not someone who can make a decision on the spot. My mom has always gotten on my case about it. We would go out to eat and she would be like "So what do you want to eat?" and I would proceed to spend a solid five minutes going over the menu and trying to figure out what I want. She's asked me why can't I figure it out before we get there but that's just not how my brain works. I need to see a menu. That menu must have pictures of the food or descriptions of the food AND the price of the food. If it's missing any such information, I can't order, give up, and go home.
Very rarely do I get calls outside work. Usually either for something super serious (like a death) or when I need to ask a favor (but I always text first mentioning I need a favor), or if my parents need something. I am kind of surprised how much I fell out of phone culture after high school (like I recall calling radio stations to request songs in the late 90s, I'd be completely freaked out to have to do that today; and yes, pre-internet/social media you had to call the station, and if you were lucky enough, you'd connect to someone at the station and could request a song... last one I did was Finger Eleven - Quicksand to give an idea of timeframe)
The compliment thing is so true. I have friends who reject compliments because they don't believe it or it makes them uncomfortable (and I get it, because I can feel the same way and used to do the same). The thing is, even if it's not your intent, arguing about it eventually comes off like fishing for praise, and ends up being both annoying and offputting, so just... don't argue. Say "thanks" and people will move on.
Me and my dad almost call everyday. When he lived in southern Italy he'd call me every evening without a fail unless he was busy or sick. Now that he lives closer he calls me every other day to know how I'm doing and what I did that was interesting. You know the classic parent to child convo after school about how was your day etc. I'm not that young either. I'm 22. Not a kid anymore. But he also does it with my brother. And they talk about work stuff or common interests like football or Formula 1 or anything relevant that's sports related. And I really enjoy doing that. I love sitting on the phone and tell him everything I did or saw. I would've told him about the seagull that was suspiciously close to me and how they evolved to not be afraid of humans anymore in my city. I saw a seagull at the beach this year wandering around the beach towels next to people. Like when did that ever happen before?! Usually birds fly off as soon as you move a limb slightly! Anyways I still love calling and my relatives also still do it expecially since their brother moved back north again. It feels nice to sit and just vent or talk and let people know the stuff you saw or did.
My brother often calls me just for a chat. The calls are great, but he's a kind of awesome guy, and the conversations are always good.
7:39 I’m AWFUL at taking compliments from friends & family. For reasons I do not know, they like me. which means they might feel obligated to give compliments in order to make me feel good.
When a stranger gives me a compliment? WHOLE different story.
99% of the time a stranger compliments me it is a “come and go” interaction. I’m a delivery driver so I’m in and out of random stores and houses all day, and any words exchanged with other people are done in passing. So in passing, a stranger would have to see something they like about me so much they feel the need to say something while they have the chance. These compliments mean everything to me and they make my entire week
I remember at 17 my friends and I could spend hours on the phone. My best friend and I used to be on the phone with each other every night when we went to bed in our respective homes. We'd watch tv together, and chat and then go to sleep. It was a total routine and it didn't feel right going to sleep without saying goodnight to her first.
Now, at the ripe old age of 33 when my phone rings I debate whether I even want to look at who it is because I don't want to talk to ANYONE!
1:41 I'm not socially awkward but is it just me who waits for the person to finish helping someone then ask for help?
I really like these types of subreddits. Gives me advice for future situations
13:20 is definitely the environment in a lot of restaurants. I have seen how bad it gets with waiters and waitresses when I worked there.
About the last hangout thing, got a crew back in hometown a while back. Not seen any of them in person in ages after everyone kinda left for whatever schools and what-not, but from time to time, we notice one another online. Usually on the evening, so everyone should be free and with few discord messages, everyone is on call short 10 minutes.
And then we lose at whatever we're playing while laughing our asses off at whatever "super cool play makers" that none of us would probably try when playing on our own.
4:13 what if no one is interested in whatever I talk about... I mean these are the types of reactions I always get whenever I try to talk to ANYONE.. whether it be my college classmates or a random guy
I'm glad they chose Robin to host this sub, anyone else and it could've come off as very ableist.
I'm half watching and happened to glance over at 20:53 and got a little spooked by Robin's pic.
I do take issue with the idea that confidence is built from trying and repeatedly succeeding. The issue is with the perspective on what success actually is.
Personally, I find myself being more confident when trying something new, with the mindset of "it's okay if I fail, failure is how you learn". If failing becomes one of your conditions for success then it's a lot easier to handle both failure and success both, and you're more likely to stick with new things even if they don't immediately work!
I feel attacked by too many of them, that's so ridiculous 😅
This looks like a fun subreddit. I’m in!🎉
This video felt TOO relatable...
I once was out and about later than I wanted to be, and I was wearing my pajama top instead of a shirt. everything else was normal, I just couldn't be bothered to change my top again when my day was almost over anyway. someone comes up to me and compliments my 'fit'... look, this is not a fit, this is an unfit, ok? I mean, I said thank you but I was baffled
29:51 i needed to hear this bc my best friend won't tell me anything and i have to ask every single time. Sometimes i wish i could just tell her directly that i can't read her mind and she has to tell me what's going on. And rn she's upset with me but won't even tell me why. Now idk what to do and feel guilty.
She makes me feel guilty for socialising and talking to my other friends. I'd always invite her along with the others but she never wants to come. Says that it must be boring for the others if she's there. For context, we were all classmates including my best friend. Idk why she would think that. They're all nice and get along in class but when i want to hang out with them outside of school, my bsf doesn't like it? It feels like she thinks I'm abandoning her even though I can't just have her as my only friend. She is my best friend but it's not like I can't have other friends too.
Anyway, we were supposed to hang out today but she's upset and told me "I don't see any reason why I have to go". That hurt my feelings as I don't even know what i did wrong. I stopped texting her for now bc I know I'm not the one in the wrong. But I still feel guilty.
Sorry for the rant, just had to let this out so I don't overthink it later.
❤
I used to hate answering and talking on the phone. Now it's my job. I take about 20 calls a day. It's debt collecting so I've actually had someone threaten to kill me. I always dread my 1st call, then once that's over, I get into a flow
I CLAIM THIS FOR THE NON HUMAN KIND OF SKELETONS AND GHOST WE SHALL WIN
Not making friends at work makes as much sense as not making friends at school, at that stage of your life it consumes nearly all the time you aren't at home.
We all agree that Is the best comment
😯
You can't say that!
21:17
Yeah, they are. There’s something called Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) which actually has been shown to correlate to stories, heart problems, etc.
25:14
When you work on things like past negative experiences, sense of self, etc, you’ll find your (for lack of a better term) CPU for social situations improves noticeably.
I have very bad social anxiety but I always try to hide it. I remember when I was 22 I was at my best friends house,19, and he was having a party. His gf, her older sister, who I liked, and a few other of their friends. My anxiety got so bad I had to go outside because I was sweating so bad! Brad was out there with me and was liked " Jesus, you're sweating profusely. What's wrong?" At the time I had no idea. I didn't know what I was feeling was anxiety.
Well after calming down I went back in. I started drinking and I helped me soo much. I was able to relax and because a lot more social. Drinking does help make you more comfortable. I got friends together that didn't know each other and everything got less awkward after we started drinking and got a buzz going lol
I can force small talk with strangers if I really really have to, but around the 3-4 hour mark I have to get away from the situation and be alone to "charge my social batteries". This includes family members as well nowadays. The only person I can be around much longer is my husband, but even with him I tend to stay up for a couple of hours longer after he goes to bed. I have come to accept that I need my alone time a lot and there's not much I can do about it. I'm in a really tense mood if I have to socialize days on end
Got an ad for an AI voiceover company called "revoicer" on this video. Absolutely insulting... you cannot replace this.
2:08 I either make so much eye contact it’s creepy or look everywhere BUT the person talking
20:57 totally me.. I've very attractive, but absolutely socially awkward.. It really sucks, because I didn't realize this was the problem until 2 minutes ago.
Turns on Emkay to have as a fun and entertaining way to start the day gets called out instead.😆
4:10 can I add, for some people that is not true. You should know the person you're talking to to know if they are bored or not, because I will not ask follow-up questions, share my experiences with what you're talking about, I will just listen in silence. Not because I'm not interested, but because sometimes I like to listen to people talk about what they like, but can't bring myself to ask questions about said thing. I do want you to keep talking, I just don't know what to ask you or how to engage in conversations about that thing lol
I've found that my anxiety is actually lessened in party setting when everyone is drunk. I can't drink due to the medications I take, so I'm usually the one sober person at the party. And I find it so fun. I get to see what my friends are like when they're drunk, and it seems to lower the pressure to be "on" or seem "normal". I went to a wedding and at the beginning of the night, I was hugging the walls and hiding, doing all my stress relief ticks and trying not to have a panic attack at the size of the crowd. Then the alcohol kicked in and suddenly everything I said was hilarious, and a group of women were hyping me up, telling me I how good I looked and how cool I was. It was like I had my own personal cheerleaders. I could finally let loose. I danced and sang, even though I knew I wasn't very good, and just had a great time, knowing that nothing that I would do or say could compare to a dancefloor full of people drunk off their asses. It felt freeing to actually be myself without the fear of being judged or perceived as weird.
A lot of people here are calling what sounds like autism and/or adhd, being socially awkward. I'm autistic and have adhd. Most of what people are describing as their social awkwardness are literally just autistic and adhd characteristics. It really feels like these people are on the spectrum but are not diagnosed.
And anxiety related issues too
Interesting how much I improved at social interactions by following three rules:
1- Get them talking about themselves. Work and personal interests are easy starters and keep asking questions when they stop talking. This has the added benefit of figuring out if they're not interested in the conversation because they likely won't respond when you comment something like "oh I like that too", and that's my cue to say "well, nice meeting you, I gotta check up on X" and leave. I always give them as many opportunities to end the conversation as I can, so I make sure I'm not being annoying.
2- Joke about awkwardness and address it directly. It takes energy, but works wonders. Added benefit of humor is telling you "this is over, get out" if you make a light-hearted joke and people don't even crack a smile.
3- Eye contact. I still hate it. It doesn't go away. But at least now, aFtER YeARs oF tRaiNinG, I do it automatically. Unless I'm with someone I'm very comfortable with, like a close friend or girlfriend. Which recently forced me to explain to my ex why I don't look her in the eyes. IT'S BECAUSE I LIKE YOU, DAMMIT!
Nah I totally call my friends to chit chat cause we're all trying to do stuff so voice call is the faster option then stopping what I'm doing to respond to text
I don't really have a 9 to 5 and 5 to 9. It Takes me an hour to get to work for me to do my 7 to 5. after my 10 hours of work are over I drive an hour to get back home. So we're currently at 14 out of 24 hours.
I get home and take a quick shower and change where I then push you to make myself some food. That whole thing takes me 45 minutes to an hour depending on what I'm eating. If any work needs to be done around the house I have to do that but otherwise I'll have some time to either read a book or play a game which that takes anywhere from 2 to 4 hours depending on what needs to be done.
Finally I get about 4 hours of sleep which brings our total to around 24 hours. I repeat this 5 days a week and on my days off I spend them entirely unconscious give or take a few hours.
I will repeat this until the stress causes me to collapse and forces me to take a break or my entire body shuts down due to work-related exhaustion or high velocity lead poisoning.
Hooray for being a working adult in 2023. I pray none of you reading this suffers the same fate.
I am able to tell when the conversation is over, I just sometimes choose to ignore it.
If a "friend" ever said something like "i think we need to think about/improve our relationship", I'd kindly inform them I was heterosexual, and I'm sorry if they have feelings for me, but I can't reciprocate.
13:07 a certain group of TH-camrs have apparently experienced this The drama of which is still unfolding. If you think hard enough you'll know who
This was super helpful for me, thank you! ❤❤❤❤
I was bullied terribly in grade school and isolated myself for 12 years; missing out on social milestones. I developed debilitating social anxiety disorder and even lost two jobs because of it. Therapy, regular and cognitive behavioral therapy, has helped me tons! Just PLEASE don’t make the mistake I did and look up cognitive behavioral therapy by its acronym. 😅
They had us in the first half, not gonna lie.
I try to randomly compliment people I see, just simple things like “oh nice shoes” or “cool shirt”
2:07 this was so accurate to me that I actually did a real life spit-take
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY POSTS THAT DESCRIBE ME PERFECTLY
Who else had literally no idea this was a subreddit?
I'm so glad we know this stuff is from being neurodivergent now instead of how confused we were all that time lol
I actually did say thanks someone for complimenting me but he got mad at me for not saying he was cute also ugh. 7:17-8:34
I completely agree 18:54
I dont understand why so many people can recognize they have (bad) social anxiety, but think it will just go away? You have to go to therapy! This is the only thing that will work a 100%!! If you read this and struggle with anxiety, take this as you sign! If you are able to get therapy and go on medications, do that! I started therapy for social anxiety (amongst other things) in the summer of 2020, went on SSRI's around the fall and by June 2021 I got my first part time job, was no longer afraid to speak up in class and started participating, and was no longer afraid to hang out, go to parties and talk to guys. It has changed my life so much, it makes me sad to see so many people just accept their anxiety and not work on it. I can't believe I lived so isolated and scared for 23 years. I thought I was too weird for people to like and that I had no social skills. This was not true, it was the anxiety making me shut down and behave strangely
an 8 hour party? wtf was it? a Mexican birthday??
Wait so you’re telling me people can just be social after work????
2:10 this hurt my eyes
"Nah your lying ill just kick you in the nuts"
Love ur vids!
I think I just found the sub I needed
Thank you TH-cam
🥺👉👈
this did not assist my uber autistic social skills like i thought it would
4:00 Well shit
Socially active
Ew.
2:08 why
Phones are the devil.
quack
If someone compliments me i just say ok.
I don't want a compliment, it doesn't really do much for me, ill accept it, but do not demand i owe you thanks.
my autism came over
post a beat saber video i beg of you
5his must have took a long time to edit
This is cool
why
Day 3 of asking for r/AnarchyChess
I CLAIM THIS COMMENT SECTION FOR THE GOD EMPEROR OF MANKIND!
👍
👍
I CLAIM THIS REPLY THREAD ON BEHALF OF THE *COUNCIL OF GOLDBUDDS*
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Wdym? I don't understand
Edit: I was told to say 👍
I’m the 55 person to comment!!🎉🎉🎉
These storytimes using horrible stock vids/images are awful...
Second
Day 1129 of asking for "Hi, my name's Jack. I'm asking for some feedback."
After a long day, these videos always make it a little better :)
Thanks for your amazing work pleas keep going🩷
😢 Well, I don't want to say this, but I relate to ALL the negative points brought out in this, like being socially awkward, always getting interrupted, not being able to speak on the spot, feeling like I have nothing important to say, and so on and so forth.
In fact, just yesterday I had one of my school friends call me. He was one of those cases where you feel you have nothing in common with that person but as time goes on, faith has it, that this person becomes your best friend. He's the extrovert type, I am the introvert one. He called me and the first thing he said was "Hey it's been long since we last talked, so I just wanted to catch up. So I just called, because I know that you weren't going to call me." And in fact, I do never, as stated in one of the reddit posts, start a conversation myself because I too think I have nothing important to say. And I do fear that this would jeopardize the handful of friendships I have, as maybe this comes out as if I am being stuck up my ass. (I don't know the correct saying, so forgive me if this didn't fit here, I just meant if it makes me appear as if I consider myself way too superior to talk)
And that one post about being interrupted, oh was I almost about to cry on this one. It has come to the point that even if I have something to add to the discussion in the group, either I stay quiet or ask someone else individually to add my point as theirs, because I know if I said something it will be ignored or interrupted.