The Truth about Tradwives
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 29 ธ.ค. 2024
- I take a look at the controversial lifestyle taking social media by storm- 'tradwifing' to find out if it really is as innocent as it looks, or whether these traditional gender roles should be left in the past...
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I chose the trad wife life, I had the perfect life! Until, my husband decided to leave his family for our cleaning girl.
If you're in the USA, particularly Florida and thinking about becoming a trad wife, please take this seriously. As of July, Florida's divorce laws have changed, and the law is not on your side. It doesn’t matter if you gave up your career to support your husband’s-no one will care! Even if you have children and have been married for 18+ years, you will now receive the bare minimum in terms of support. Alimony is no longer guaranteed for life, even if you've never been in the workforce. You'll only get a few years of minimal support while your husband keeps his six-figure salary, leaving you with little to nothing.
In court, many men become unrecognizable, showing no care or concern. Please think twice before giving up your career, education, or future financial independence for marriage. A man is not a plan.
I absolutely love that last line! “A man is not a plan” ❤ couldn’t be more true.
Yep, and this is part of what has changed. Without over romanticizing the past, there were social and legal expectations that gave trad wives of the past some safety. Darcy and Elizabeth (of Pride and Prejudice) had a prenup, which would have legally obligated him to give her so much per quarter for her personal expenses while he was alive and an annuity should he die, etc. Young trad wives today? Often just getting told, ‘just trust me, babe!’
@@archervine8064 THIS! Yes, well said!
Same. I lived that life while he cheated on me for years, leaving me for a coworker. In Michigan, alimony isn’t guaranteed, either, and mine was basically to “pay me back” for the substantial help I and my family provided for him to get his MD. Court was a nightmare, he turned into someone I barely recognized, and the next wife abused our kids so badly the court put in a no contact order.
Being a stay-at-home wife again due to disability, I can’t say it isn’t in the back of my mind that my husband could do the same thing to me the ex did. He’s a good man, but that fear is real.
“Be prepared,” is always sound advice. Times have changed. We all follow our own path. Be compassionate to others. As the saying goes: Be as cunning as a serpent, and gentle as a dove. Protecting yourself and yours is honorable ♥️
In the 1950’s (U.S), my mother had a low paying job as my father was in a new job and starting at the bottom so money was tight. He worked his way up but spent money on cars and nice clothes for himself and not on the family. My father left mom for a 19 year-old when she was 31. He paid minimal child support that stayed the same my whole childhood. We made it but it was tough. I paid my own way through college, while working full-time, and swore I would never be in that position and I haven’t been. I’m very thankful for how far women have come and don’t want to go backwards again.
We are not going back!
We must vote 💙 bc maga wants women under their boots .... America must vote every Republican out of office ....we are not going back
Sharing a story here. Both my mother and grandmother were stay at home. I was for a number of years. My experience was different from theirs. For example. My grandfather retired. Every day at exactly noon he would go into the kitchen and sit at the table and wait. My grandmother would drop what she was doing and go make his lunch. My mom in her 80s is still doing this sort of thing. It isn't just lunch. He had a lot more play time than she did. I think you can understand what I mean. My grandmother asked, "When do I get to retire"? The division of labor should change when the needs of the family does. My husband even noticed it early on and didn't want things to turn out that way for us.
2nd story. My mother tried to run a small business at an antique mall. Whenever she was there and stayed later because she wasn't finished working, my dad would call around 4 pm and say he was hungry. She'd leave right away and go home and cook. She complained about it plenty to everyone else, but never tried to change anything. I think she finally just quit trying to do the mall because of this. I tried to tell her at some point it should be her turn.
😱😱😱😱😱😱
To any young women watching this, run a mile from this Trad Wife idea.
Run and keep running.
Very well said! As a 70ish woman, I have been both a stay at home mom and a working mom/wife. I know the importance of women having “their own” careers- becoming a widow at 54 - I needed that career income to support myself and my family. Women need their own because you truly don’t know what the future will bring.
💯
"And so as much as I love ocassionally baking bread from scratch and wearing pretty dresses, and I would never discourage my partner from holding doors from me and sweeping me off my feet, I also love earning my own money, my independence and being child-free by choice, also love supporting my partner as equals because men deserve to be supported too and risen up."
BEST ENDING EVER
I love pretty dresses, but live in trousers, l always end up getting bleach splatters on my clothes when cleaning, so wear my scruffiest clothes when I'm doing housework. Definitely not a domestic goddess
@@joanmatchett8100 Me neither!
THANK YOU SO MUCH xxxx
beautifully ended i love that
I think men would be lost without women, but women would be just fine without men.
Yes women aren’t lost without men. They are lost to themselves. Those lost like to blame men.
When they’ve hit the wall. Have 7 cats 3 wines and 1 empty life.
You may find you don’t need a man until you really need one.
I wonder why so many single women over 35 are in therapy and on medication.
Most
Men near the same age are just moving forward knowing they aren’t wanted.
Lost “
But yes men are the problem not the agendas invented keep a good woman and man apart…
I was a trad wife until my husband decided that after 11 years of marriage and two beautiful kids decided he married too young and wanted to "play the field." I was a single mom for a while and went back to college. I'm now a small business owner and remarried to a great guy who is loving and supportive of my creative and business endeavors. I love your take on this.
I always tried to have a beautiful apartment, but I worked longer hours than he did and it drove me nuts that he did Nothing. When he decided He didn't want children I was out.
You're right even in the mid 1800s no women in my family were 'trad wives' They worked in factories etc. One ancestor was a nurse.
Interestingly I had a similar experience except it was my wife that wanted to play the field and she left me and the kids.
I am so glad that you stressed the difference between a modern homemaker/stay-at-home mom and a tradwife. I have been a stay-at-home parent for 20 years now and am very proud of what I do. I'm also a very liberal, well educated feminist who is treated as an equal in my home. I may love vintage inspired fashion and dress in a feminine manner but I do not hold myself to strict gender roles. I just do what I like.
Being a modern homemaker is best for both me and my family at this point so it's how I've chosen to contribute to our household. The key is that it's what I have chosen. My partner supports me in doing this but he'd also support my choice if I were to go out and work as long as we had proper care lined up for our son. The only reason my partner works rather than me is that he has a higher earning potential and care for our special needs son would cost more than I could make at the moment (plus I'm homebound due to health issues). In our case it just makes sense for me to take care of the home and our child. It has nothing to do with my gender or traditional roles or whatever.
Thank you for this. What a lot of the Trad Wife content perpetuates is this idea that being a stay at home parent or carer is always a choice or a privilege. I am a parent carer: I care for my eldest son who has complex special needs and learning disabilities. I did not choose to stay at home. It was necessary in order for my child’s needs to be met. This is not a luxurious or easy job. I do not have the time or mental space to be a perfect home maker. Not everyone who finds themselves at home has chosen to be in that position, nor, if they are female, does it mean that they accept traditional gender roles. Xx
Yes, your home SHOULD be a calm, sensory friendly refuge from a day of hard work and demands. But whether you work for pay or not, make sure this is also true for YOU!
Submitting to your husband is Biblical, but it comes with instructions to the husband, which are often ignored. He is to love her as Christ loves the church. Considering Christ gave his life for us, that is quite a self sacrificial instruction. I have loved my traditional marriage. I have always been at home, before and after children, and my husband has worked. Money has always been ours, not his! We both had the same limit on spending without consulting, mainly to prevent being overdrawn. Feminism should give women a choice, but it should be possible to choose to be at home if you both agree that is what you want. I love your home by the way. X
I feel like there is a huge difference between traditional wives/homemakers and trad wives. I am a traditional homemaker in that I stay home, cook from scratch (cause it’s cheap), and clean but I also handle all the finances, as was common in the past, and fall more naturally into the head of household role. Also, the idea of submitting to your husband is so gross and my husband said it sounded so lonely to him. I think trad wives are playing what they think tradition looks like without really thinking about how people in the past were just as multifaceted as we are now. If you read and watch actual testimony from the mid century, there’s a lot of men who helped with housework and said their wives were head of their household. There’s a lot more nuance than we like to remember and I think most average 50s wives would think trad wives were pretty weird.
I could not agree with this more. I don't care if people want to call themselves trad wives, but the reality is that more often than not husband's and wives were teams. Just because someone wrote a book on how roles should be defined or how roles were defined on tv in the mid 1900s doesn't make it reality. My mother became a wife in 1960 and she always stayed home. She said her household chores would by done by 10:30 each morning and then she basically did whatever she liked until it was time to make dinner. She loved every moment. My grandmother stayed home too, but when the need would arise and money was short she would take a job for how ever long she had to. I really don't like when people now put everyone in the past in the same box. It's just not realistic. Also, no woman in my family "summited". They worked very hard whether in the home our outside and the men in the family darn well knew it!
It's not just cheap it's delicious. I bought 3 ingredients the other day and made lasagna in a skillet. Took 35 minutes and was so good. Made another meal with the leftover sauce, still have cheese. You already know who wrote the recipe; a stay at home mother of many years.
People who get so skilled in home cooking are always those able to work because they want to, they have time to experiment and test and whether a kid will eat it is unbiased feedback.
Think of Amish women and their famous pies. They combine homemaking with providing when they sell them, too.
I think everyone has to do what they can do in the times that they live in. My mother stayed home her entire life. She was a WWII war wife. They had 6 children. I married & stayed home for 7 years until our second daughter was in 1st grade. I realized then & now how fortunate I was- but… it was extremely difficult. We rented a house, I did all from scratch and we went to dinner on our anniversary. We had one car, which he used for work & I grocery shopped with it once a week while he was with the kids. I wouldn’t trade those days for anything. I started working at that point and 32 years later, I will retire in December. We are a team. It’s been hard work with each of us respecting and loving each other and God at the center of our lives. As long as those components are what are strived for, all will turn right.❤Love your channel!
There's a reason the quote "Man may work from sun to sun, but woman's work is never done" came about in those traditional times. And "Mommy's Little Helper" was valium. A doctor tried to push that onto my mother. A healthy relationship has give and take. If one of you is sick the other brings you soup, washes the dishes, or whatever because they value you. Telling a man he is a god in his home and that the wife and possible children only exist to serve him and should all be seen and not heard is not being equal or valued. I am disabled and a stay at home wife because of it, not a trad wife. I contribute by doing as much of the housework as I can as well as with the little money I get on disability. That doesn't make me less of a partner or provider. I'm also an old school feminist and believe women should be able to choose whatever life they want and that men and women should be treated as equals. Nothing wrong with a working or stay at home wife or husband. I do not believe men are inherently bad. But if you hand anyone absolute power over others it takes a strong mind to not let that turn into abuse, as the Standford prison experiment proved.
Thank you so much. I am a 68-year-old American woman, and we are fighting for our lives here. I believe and always have, that each woman should be able to make choices based on their own beliefs, however I stand against any man telling me what my choices should be. So once again thank you.
If a husband loves & respects his wife, he isn’t telling her what to do or not do. It’s companionship
Leah, I am thinking of you and I am behind you, every step. You aren't alone, women will always be here to look out for you and rise you up xx
@@Kgi439It's about consent. If you're in love with being a stay as home wife and mother and you sought out this lifestyle, your name is in legal documents, mortgages, titles, and you have the ability to leave if you want; then do it!
But if you can't leave, can't have your own money, can't have your own friends, etc, then it's not truly consent.
Keep your head up queen!
YES I just made a video about this too! As someone who makes homemaking content and looks like a traditional wife, it's something I've tried to be vocal about. Being on the spectrum/ADHD means my mental health tanks if I work a traditional job, so I chose to be the at-home partner long ago. I still work (creating content) and have to do so, but the homemaking workload is split pretty equally between us and we view it as OUR job to keep house, not just mine. I am very privileged that I was able to stay at home and figure it out early on in our marriage so that now I do make money, but we have to have that money and I have to work in some way and always have.
And I chose this. I would choose this every time. But I don't expect every woman to go be a homemaker or a mother, at all. I support women doing what they choose in life. Anyway. Love this!
Erm, HELLO MISS THING! I just found your content thanks to this comment, instant subscribe, and good for you. Jealousy between women breaks us down, and neither of us can control our upbringing or financial status. I am so happy for you that you were able to embrace the life that you wanted/ needed, as long as we're both finding individual joy in what we do and spreading kindness (rather than preaching) along the way, then I think we've nailed it.
I'm on the spectrum and ADHD too. I think I need to check out your channel. You look like you've got helpful videos.
Fascinating content. My mother was a woman of the forties and she was a force to be reckoned with.
I'd like to think I swing more towards the idea of make do and mend revival. Tradwives seem really unrealistic, and pictureque, compared to actual homemaking. I like the idea of women being able to customize things based on her and her families needs. There has to be a balance between acts of service and the ability to speak/advocate for oneself.
I was a mother at a very young age and expected to keep a home perfectly. I was also expected to do ALL the work in regards to renovating the house so it could be flipped for a profit. So with 4 children we escaped the monster that I was married to and was made homeless for nearly 2 years. While he lived like a king and didn't pay one cent of child support. It's been nearly 17 years, my beautiful children are all successful adults, and 6.5 years ago I bought my first home. I'm on a DSP but run 2 online stores with my youngest child because they have ASD Tourette's BPD anxiety depression etc and I have cPTSD ASD agoraphobia depression and auto immune disorders. So I think women should be able to decide what they do and be praised for whatever they choose to do. Queens supporting Queens 👑💖
Regarding marital r*pe: that was legal in Germany (where I live) until 1997, I was a teenager at the time. Until 1992, there wasn't even a term for it, as r*pe was considered to be something that happenend outside of marriage only, the concept didn't even exist. In fact, Friedrich Merz, the guy who wants to be our next chancellor, was one of the few members of parliament who voted against making it a criminal offence back in the 90s. He's the current head of the Christian Democratic Party. I guess he wants every wife to fulfill their "marital duties", just like the judge, who in 1996 said during a court case concerning a divorce that women shouldn't show their unwillingness to sleep with their husbands ("Lie back and think of England", as the saying goes).
I think most Northern women in UK were never simpering but cracked on with life and worked ruddy hard. Generations of kids were brought up with these strong mothers. Also, the women in my family lived in the 2WW. My auntie on my dad's side worked in a munitions factory and my mother and her sister served in the Army (ATS), later mum worked as an air traffic controller. She owned and drove a shooting brake as a single young woman. And they were all working class, from a line of miners and bakers. No simpering!
Certainly how I was raised! xx
I agree and I’m from the South, my Mum had 6 of us did everything and worked part time, she was definitely tough, no simpering there lol 😊
And southern women 🙂
Our oldest son became a stay at home father because of lack of adequate childcare.
You must be so very proud of him, that is a true testament to fatherhood. xx
@@Realvintagedollshouse we are proud of him and our daughter-in-law and the grandkids. He had a very successful career with a major corporation and stood a chance for even more advancement. His wife had just finished her medical residency and was starting a position as a doctor. They lost reliable and safe daycare at that time. If his wife had become the stay at home parent, she would have never been able to rejoin the workforce as her degree would have staled. There was some disapproval from people who don't matter that he stayed home and not her, but it made the more sense. He never got his position back after the kids got older, but his skill set was more versatile and she actually had the greater earning capability. He could get any job after 10 years of being out of the workforce and work up.
What I find strange with this hole movement or idea that it all talks about a specific set of attributes that a tradwife should have. My gf is a submissive, yet her way how giving me (some) power of her and the way we life this dynamic would not be accepted be these people. I think they just want a specific set of woman, all the gain without the care that a partner needs.
Further just because someone is a submissive doesn't mean they give you all the power of them, without conditions. You have to take care of the partner you have, power is given not taken if you don't take care over your sub you abuse the power and harm them. It doesn't mean that such a person is in this role all the time or that the power dynamic can not switch at all or in specific situations. When my gf wants something or is good in something I'm not she takes the lead or I ask her.
All this applies to relationship with all other genders of course too.
i have 9 sisters.....i grew up in Italy where traditional roles are still pretty heavy there, and when we moved to the U.S. still pretty heavy in my family with my sisters. BUT!!! the house was their turf. they had the say in the house, because they cook, they clean, they raise the kids. now that's changed a little since everyone's moved back under 1 roof. My grandparents had a few good words to all of us kids. "Marriage is a balance. Does not matter if the woman is in the house all day. The husband still should be just as kind as she is to him. for while he was battling at work. She was battling the rat going after the garden. The school teachers for your child's education, and washing his dirty underwear."
Right. You see many men married to happy more traditional (not the being meek crap) wives and they're making them the pantry of their dreams with their bare hands, shutting down the kitchen at night, taking out trash, taking turns cleaning the toilet. They put work into it and care about their wives.
And everyone should be able to cook for themselves and while my dad became a single dad, he has always been the better cook albeit reluctant to do so. He's got his own hacks he passed onto me, his recipes. I don't use a crockpot in the same easy corner cutting way he does but he taught me how wonderful they are.
Horrible baker. Even burns rolls from the tube. This makes him very grateful when I bake, though.
I guess I’m somewhere in the middle. For me, personally, I think my family is better off with traditional roles, but coming from a very untraditional family myself (which, honestly, is probably why I think this way of life is best for me) I understand that’s not possible or even desirable for everybody. I honestly don’t care how someone else chooses to live their life just as long as they keep their nose out of mine. That being said, I’m not an influencer, and the very idea that my way of life is border-lined fetishized by women online is honestly hilarious and baffling to me. These women who create this picture perfect trad wife world for clicks are out of their gourds, and I wish I could tell the women comparing themselves to them that, like everything else on the internet, it’s about 99.999% fake and to just live your life the way you see best.
We all make it through this crazy world the best way we can. I stand in judgement of no one. I was a single parent of three and had to put a roof over our head. My ex never paid one dime of child support which he wouldn't get away with today. I'm now remarried, my children are older and nothing makes me happier than a day at home.
I am so genuinely happy for you. You deserve everything good that comes to you xxx
I really wish I was not forced out to work when I had my daughter, we just couldn’t afford it. I’m always happy to be at home, thankfully now 27 years on I don’t have to work but there is still that element of guilt that I don’t contribute financially but my husband said that I am his support system and more than contribute with all of the washing, ironing, cooking, cleaning, dog walking, etc I do and that we are equal. You can’t be fairer than that 👍
Lovely Lady, listen to your Husband, don't feel guilty financial support isn't everything all the other functions are equally if not more important, best wishes to you
You sound like a wonderful partner to have, I'd be grateful for you too! xx
Nice that your husband appreciates what you do.
I feel similar. I never had any children, but around 40 I lost all interest in working, even though I still had at least 20 years before "retirement". We settled in my husband's home country when I was almost 40, and it's difficult to find work if you don't know the language well, and I became extremely discouraged, and I started having pretty bad anxiety, worse than I'd ever had before, so I told my husband I needed a break, even if I never knew if I would go back to work, I feel some of the burnout I felt was because all the work I did was very physically and mentally demanfing and was rarely higherwage salaries, from the time I was 17 to 39. My husband's salary is decent for just the 2 of us (and he has a permanent contract so very difficult to fire him), we own our apartment, we don't have a car and live in a good transit area, so we aren't struggling financially, we live within our means and have savings, and healthcare is covered by taxes, so we can live fairly decently on one income. But there are times I feel guilty for not contributing financially, so I sometimes overdo domestic tasks to make me feel like I'm contributing enough, lol. But thank god my husband doesn't agree with traditional gender roles and will take over when/if I do overdo it, but he's also never pushed or guilt trip me into going back to work.
Well said I’ve stayed home to raise 10 children and home educate here in the uk and I love every part of being a housewife and that’s what I’ve always wanted to be from a young girl I don’t mind if it offends every feminist out their I’ve been married 21 years I’ve never heard of a right wing wife but I think that’s me 😂 x Ruby
(Found your channel today)
I was raised in a house where wife was stay at home but that was the expectations of Army wives in the 1960's and 70's. I was always raised to never depend on a man for my livelihood. My mom always had a side hustle going. Sewing, dog grooming, then base health nurse. As I got into High School she went to work full-time as a nurse. I have raised 4 kids, worked full time and have never depended on either of my 2 former husbands for support. At this point, I chose the bear. Lol
It's interesting to hear this because a lot of military wives I know still don't work. It can be tough when you have little choice in where you live and there may not be any jobs in your field nearby. However, their side hustle game at least attempts to be strong. Sadly, many Army wives I knew counted an MLM as their side hustle. But it seems like a lot hasn't changed.
This was so interesting and thought provoking! So nice to listen to an intellectual conversation on TH-cam! X
My husband would rather me stay home and read, so we can have in depth discussions of the important world events happening today (he is highly educated). We both enjoy that, but I tell him there needs to be a balance. I ask him if he would like to live in a dirty house (LOL!). We're older anyway, and I can't do nearly the things that I could do at 40, so we do the best that we can.
By the way, my Mom was one of these trad wives that you describe. I thought that something was wrong with her, but now I see that it was the culture. Although I must admit, my Dad was narcissistic, so that was part of the problem.
I stayed home to raise my daughter, because that's where I wanted to be. We weren't rich and we weren't poor, and we definitely sacrificed financially. I also felt that I had more freedom by staying at home, than if I was out in the workforce. I didn't have a boss breathing down my neck, and I was managing a household. I was very busy, to say the least!
The first thing you said reminded me of The Painted Veil. Have you seen or read that? It's very good.
And although due to their station she had no housework to do, this made her bored, and he was uninterested in what she liked to do, this drove her to infidelity.
Eventually he made her see she took life too unseriously and how kind he was and they forgave each other, he picking a wife by her beauty, her not being intellectual, and former purposelessness, and her infidelity, after they were both brutally honest with each other.
It's interesting what is being said about a woman's life being tied to her husband. During these times in India, it was not uncommon for widowed women to be thrown onto their husband's funeral pyre.
Every evening my hubby comes home to a nice dinner, cup (or 5) of cold coffee (he spends all day in a 100+F warehouse), delicious dessert and as many bottles of cold water as he should need. He spends the first hour whinging about the day he had, usually horrific of late. Then he settles in. He does the dishes, cleans the litter box, takes the trash out. He recently replaced the entire floor under our toilet. My part, which enables him to do nothing he doesn't WANT to do outside of work.... I make sure we have literally anything we need, his preferences insofar as meals-come FIRST. All the bills are paid, everyone is clean, neatly dressed, respectful, and the drain rack is cleared. He has any and everything he needs, wants or desires as to hobbies, comfort and a happily full tum. He wants a nice jelly for dessert -it's in the fridge, something sweet after dinner -check the pantry, ditto savory, nibbles? There they are. Cereal? Choose which one you want. "I need shirts/underwear/trousers/etc", yeah they're either hanging to dry or on the list for tomorrow. I deal with spiders, bugs, lizards, all household repairs and that ilk, he deals with rats, anything terribly heavy, the backdoor neighbours and the like. Am I a trad wife? Hardly . Do I want to give and do anything I can so he doesn't have to DEAL with anything? Oh hels yeah. I'm doing my bit, he does his. Simple.
oh my goodness, will you please marry ME!?
@@Realvintagedollshouse what a lovely thought to wake up to! If it weren't for the 4000 miles between us and the logistics of moving my collection of vintage stuff to the UK, I might've taken you up on it. 😊 V sweet dream anyway.
If any woman wants to be a trad wife, then the marriage needs to install financial protections -- ROTH or 401K or IRA accounts in the woman's name; plus a house account to run the household SEPARATE to a funding account for the woman to have her own money. If this is a financial burden based on the man's income, then you can't do it. You need to make the money also.
YOU HAVE THE RIGHT to fund this lifestyle, but NOT AT THE EXPENSE of reasonable home economics and accounting to fund it.
This advise is agnostic to anyone's feminism. It is common sense (Cents)
If you watch Leave it to Beaver, you will see Ward helping June out with dishes and other things.
I am happy that I found your channel ....absolutely great video 🙂 thx...
My ex-husband helped fix my dishwasher and I helped him with his house work when he was sick and just out of the hospital. it makes life easier for our daughter! I love cooking and cleaning! also I'm a single mom who has to work....
Now there's a partnership!
Spot on analysis. You are such a champion. It gives me such heart to hear young women, like yourself appreciating the efforts and ground that my generation of the women's movement fought so hard to establish, that women are equal in value to men. I too want women to be happy, but geez the trad wives terrify me and you hit the nail on the head as to why! Thanks so much for this!
Yep....working outside the home myself taught me just how EXTREMELY difficult it is😊
I’d happily marry a man that wanted to be the trad wife. There is no way it would be possible for me to do this. I was raised by a woman that fought very hard against it. If that’s someone’s gig then they’re free to do that without judgement from me, but I never want to hear you come at the women that chose otherwise because that is 💯 nunya business.
The idea of the modern tradwife is absolutely fake - most women throughout history worked in addition to, or alongside men because they had no choice.
Medieval peasant women worked in fields or in crafts, or as alewives. Women in the victorian era worked in factories to help make ends meet, and even women in the 1950s and 60s mostly worked - my mother was the secretary at a car dealership in her 20s and 30s.
Y'know which women were stay-at-home wives? Rich women. Or women who were married to rich men, and they were not the majority.
The modern tradwife movement is a movement based on false ideals and rose-tinted, bad history.
It was always a partnership looking after a home and kids. Without modern gadgets being a stay at home Mum was more than a full time job no washing machines or dryers you either did it my hand in a dolly tub or went and did it by hand in a wash house.If you didn’t have a baths to go have a bath you had to fill up a tin bath, no fridges or freezers so you went shopping everyday. No hoovers you swept the floor and banged the carpets clean outside.Everything took an age to do yet lots of women had part time jobs as well, even if it was a job they did at home. They also had to mend clothes more and knit children’s clothes.No wonder our grandparents and great grandparents looked old before their time!
I'm a biblical wife. I refuse to call it a traditional wife. My husband loves me and he puts our needs above his own. As for me I put his needs above mine and kids are always first. Which is a hot topic too. We chose for me to be home now but I worked for 20 years. I'm married so we are not our own we are one. I think traditional wives and biblical wives are getting it mixed. We do not look like Donna Reed or act like Donna read 😂 my great grandparents didn't either. Like today that was propaganda. I'm from the south. We don't have a quiet bone in our body.
I was a bit worried when i saw your Instagram plug for this but needent have been - such an interesting take on things.
That balance your referring to is 100% bang on. The whole point of a relationship to help one another and build each other up. On the flip side of things as well, I would imagine it would be hard for the other party as well. It would be hard for a man who truly loves his wife back in the day to please society and what other men think of him while still trying to give his wife the proper respect freedom and value her as a human being. In the well up until the 1980's it was not uncommon for a woment to literally be locked away in a mental institution for trying to report things like rape or abuse to the police. If you got pregnant, you were shamed shunned and sent away to live at a home. If a women did anything that the husband didnt like or tried to stand up for herself the husband can just take her over to the insane asylum and have her locked up for the rest of her life and tell everyone that she is insane or is "ill" meanwhile the man suffers no repercussions for his actions and can even purse another love interest if he so desires. Just look at the play/movie "A street car named desire'. Meanwhile if your lucky enough to find a husband who actually loves you, he has all these political unrealistic stereotypes to live up to in order to avoid being mocked or seen as less "macho" or "less manly" all while trying to understand why his wife is feeling depressed or upset. It's just an unhealthy and toxic way of living all around. Both partners are human beings with feelings and both partners need and should feel appreciated and treated as an equal. If you look down on your partner, your looking down on yourself.
Thank you for your eloquent discourse regarding this subject. I thought you made some astute observations! I am a 35-year-old stay-at-home mom who attends grad school online. I love taking care of the kids, studying, cooking, and cleaning. However, I also love to go to work, which I plan to return to after my youngest is old enough to attend elementary school. I really treasure my time as a parent at home, and I can also confirm that it is a lot of work. My husband is very loving, and supports my choices as a modern woman. As someone who is studying counseling and has a bachelor’s degree in psychology, my primary concern regarding the tradwife subculture is that the power imbalance may lead some of these unsuspecting ladies to fall prey to abusers such as narcissists. Handing over complete control is unhealthy because it does not encourage a healthy sense of self within the tradwife, who risks becoming codependent. However, I fully respect the freedom that each woman has to decide for herself. I agree with you that roles should be interchangeable as needed, and thankfully, this is how my husband feels too. Have a wonderful day! 😇🙏
If you live in Canada, being a trad wife means you have no Canada pension plan. If your husband leaves you, hopefully you have decent lawyer. Society does not value housewives. Raising high needs children is deemed all but worthless. Money doesn’t buy happiness, but it does buy groceries.
As a child, hearing my father say that my mother would be judged by god for not making him dinner while she was very sick, kind of ruined the idea of trad wife from me. Probably why i've decided to live a life alone without any kind of partnership or children.So I can just be me and do what makes me happy.
I don’t even understand the theory behind “trad wives.” Traditionally, women have always worked. Always. Oh, it’s 1300 and your husband is a blacksmith? Well guess what, so are you. Oh, it’s 1820 and your husband is the village baker? Better learn how to bake! Oh, it’s 1954 in the East End and your husband is a fisherman? Better roll up your sleeves and help him scale and gut fish. If you were a mother in the backwoods of North Carolina in 1920, you were stringing tobacco bags while your kids ran around barefoot. If you were a mother in the suburbs in 1985, you were selling Avon or Pampered Chef or working a part time job somewhere. The idea of a “traditional wife” is a western, post-war concept for middle and upper middle class families that can survive on one income. All of these “traditional wife” influencers are playing dress up on camera *to earn an income.* They work, too.
Read, “The Grapes of Wrath.” The matriarch of the family is a Rock! The women endured. ❤
I think there’s no wrongs or right…just do what’s right for you. I’m a full time housewife and it works for us both. I’m so happy being a full time housewife. I don’t care what other women think about that I’m happy … I love your channel
I wished I could have been a stay at home mom, we had a mortgage and bills to pay, now he is 18 I still feel upset, but my mom looked after him, but I still wished I could have been there for him, unfortunately I was 41 when I had him so I beat myself more
Just wow! What a clever and meaningful rant. ❤
I chose to be a SAHM. I would preferred to have work but we had a disabled child. 'Had' meaning she's now an adult, with her own family, in her own home. She did online schooling as she was missing too much school in the traditional school system. One year one of her subjects was women's studies. Her female teacher was interviewing several mothers/carers/female study supervisors our thoughts on feminism and equal rights. This was 2008. Teacher was very surprised when I told her that I do not support modern women's lib/equality because it does not put men and women on an equal footing, because modern women's liberation puts men down. I also stated that the burn-your-bra feminists of the 1960/70's made it acceptable for me to choose if I want to work or stay home.
Great sharing
Reminds me of Stepford wives
Very balanced information. Thank you. Having no money is a terrible, terrible place to be. You're dependent on someone elses charity. You might marry a kind wonderful person but a disease or some terrible trauma (eg a soldier who comes back from war with PTSD) may change their personality and become highly abusive. It's downright dangerous to be totally dependent on another person for money as without it ypu can very quickly find yourself homeless and hungry.
vintage style not vintage values.
I dont agree anyone in the household is more important than another and i dont think anyonw should submit to anyone but....my husband used to work 48 hours a week. I stayed home. Now he is ill and its the other way round in terma of i work (not 48 hours) and hes home i truly understand that coming home to a meal and a peaceful atmospheric after a stressful day means the world and is very important in keeping the working one (whether man or woman) going x
Everyone deserves their own income. Social media is the trad wife version of “income.” My brother in law is a gem, and he totally offered to stay at home since he knew my sister really wanted a career. Now they both work 75% and take turns watching the kids. Omg! Talk about partnership ❤ men take note
Here in the U.K., in the early 80’s, I had to get my husband to sign for me to get a small loan… In the forces, wives into the 90’s had their dentures stamped with their husbands service number ! US homesteaders/ traditional wives, seem to be adhering to the Catholic Church and their directives…. At least all the ones I’ve been following!
This old advice is propaganda. My Mom after 16 years of marriage was left by my Dad. He barely paid her a cent for our upkeep. Then after I was married for 18 years my husband left for a coworker. Fortunately I had a career and had never stayed home full time. I kept my house , kids and paid all the bills. My children have both been very successful. Never put yourself at a disadvantage, especially financially.
EXACTLY!!! 💯
I think that staying at home as a housewife is great.
It is my biggest dream actually.
I was working so much...
So tired of it just want to stay home and make delicious meals and clean all day.
❤
I'm in my mid 60s. I had the luxury of being a stay at home mom and homeschooled my kids. I was part of the first wave of moms who did that. I did work when the kids graduated, but I hated working outside of the home. I have college degrees and have always volunteered. I might have been a trad wife. I don't know. We didn't have labels for all those things. I understand that there are many bad husbands who don't respect their wives, and that's just terrible. But not all men are like that. You seem really angry and generalizing toward white conservative Christian women. You will find that each one of us is an individual with varying opinions and traditions.
My mother was a trad wife ( common in her days of the 50's and 60's) and was totally submissive. she actually ruled from below. If she didn't have the power, then she didn't have the possibility of failure. She took no blame, it was my dad's fault.Taking credit for a good outcome was not as important to her and not taking the responsibility.
Thank you for explaining this. I love vintage but I work and prefer to not be a stay at home. I also wanted a partner and equal. I do try to respectful of women who choose this. It is privilege to be able to live that way. Most households need two income.
It’s not always privilege. Some of us take a serious financial blow because we’re needed at home. We scrape to get by, but we do it for the ones we love most.
I am a housewife and love it
It really was the same in America. Many women worked outside of the home and still raised children back then though many grandparents watched the children during the day.
Jeepers! I've spent my whole adult life determined to be as equal to any man as I chose to be. All my friends did. We were happily married, some with kids, but everyone worked and had shared responsibilities at home and with the kids. My friends had/have careers not just jobs. The idea that women are now choosing to step back into Brief Encounter make me want to gag. It's a glorious film/stage play but it's not a way of life anyone should be trying to emulate again. That advice list about ribbons in hair and not talking to your husband about your day until he's done with telling you about his... It must have been written as a parody surely? But then again, I suspect not.
Being a traditional wife in this modern age is a giant step back in time for women. It's not what we need at all. Great video though. Really good subject and addressed well. But I'm with you on the baby voice and submissiveness. Yuck! No way.
While I am a whiz at old skills, the trad wife life is not for me.
Very fair and well thought out coverage of this issue; I totally agree with you.
I have a bumper sticker that says, "Feminism is the radical idea that women are people." I am fine with stay at home parents, but I do disagree with the idea that staying at home is the ultimate role a woman can fulfill. As you said, not all women can, or want, to be in that role. And those woman should not be made to feel less than if they aren't Trad Wives.
Bingo! We all are individuals on our own path. 👍
What if they make a lot of money from their videos? Then who is bringing in the income.
I wanted to stay home when I had my son but unfortunately my husband had passed away. I was able to for a bit but then worked until I retired. Even if I had been able I could not have been a Trad Wife. It sets unrealistic expectations of the wife and of her husband.
Oh my goodness Ruth, what an unexpected and tragic turn of events for you. You're quite right, you NEVER know what life may throw at you. xx
I’m a traditional wife. Not a stepford trad wife. Not privileged, lived under the poverty line mostly, even though we don’t look like it. I learned to make the most of our money. Just celebrated my 25th anniversary. We embrace biblical gender roles, not worldly ones, which means I’m a hard working wife and mom just like my husband and we are working toward the same goal. Building something together. I try to make sure my husband feels loved and cared for but, he’s not a king and hes a Christian man who puts his family before himself. There are a lot of misconceptions about Christian families, and admittedly also some bad examples. By and large though, we just believe in putting our husbands and children’s needs first before because it’s so important! Look what has happened to society as a whole since we have abandoned our post. Thank you for a pretty balanced take. It’s rare these days.
I love youre channell love from IRELAND YOURE FASION IS BEAUTUFUL
There's a romanticism that a lot of conservative folks and tradwife enthusiasts have about women's attitudes in days gone by, seeing women as blissfully engaged in their disempowered status. Kate Chopin's "The Story of an Hour" (1894) is a great example showing that women have always known what was up. And as you note, there's a big difference between partnership and service of partners for and with each other by choice, and the expectation of total submission of one spouse to another.
The only man I relied on was my Dad. My daughter has never relied on a man.
I do agrre with you. It gives me fulfillment to make something from scratch and witness the joy on other people faces, but just being home, cleanign and cooking only... it wouldn't be enough for me. Oh my! If you would know how much I love your content! Well done love! 💗🫂
Ahhh thank you so much! We sound so alike!
Brilliant as always. I love taking care of my husband. I love cooking and doing crafts, but I also work full time. We are a team, I do more traditional female jobs and my husband does more traditionally male but that is the way that we choose to live because it works for us. I just believe in living a way that makes you happy.
You said it best! xx
‘Trad wives’ are literally one of the standards I want to be able to escape. Because I can’t look that good, and keep the house that tidy, and make everything from scratch whilst also maintaining the full time job I’m dependent upon to keep the lights on.
I’d give anything to live in a world where we could sustain a family on one wage.
It’s all well and good wanting these traditional gender roles until your husband starts actually enforcing them and you aren’t just doing it for fun.
What a narcissistic system!
Watching from Ireland.. excellent video. Well done you 👍
Concrutulations for your amazing channel!
My grandparents said this wasnt here maybe rich folk they both had to work and whoever was in first put dinner on for everyone and all muck in all had to deal with kids
Trad wife is not homemaker 😊
But please women, have your own financial income, it’s crucial.
I enjoyed this so much! Well done!
Thank you!!!
I'd love to be a 'trad' wife because I want to be a millionaire lol.
My mother was a wonderful cook and housewife, so are some of my friends and family members. I love my home, but I've never been able to perfect the art of housewifery, it's truly a skill. I'm most definitely not alt right, but l do wish l was as good a cook and wonderful housewife as my mother.
You are SO correct, it is a genuine art form, and I really wish that I had perfected some of the skillsets that I see them display. But, as you say, we can keep learning without aiming for ultimate perfection, I'm sure our partners will appreciate our efforts nonetheless!
@@Realvintagedollshouse I'm sure their lives aren't quite so picture perfect off camera, l bet there are days they can't be bothered with make up or pretty dresses, and they just throw on a T shirt and sweat pants.
Brilliant assessment of the tradwife trend.
You’ll also find that the literature you referenced almost always depicted the death of the wayward woman as her natural fate. A moral warning. It was a very common, overhanging shadow. A woman dressed a little provocatively? She had it coming…. 😡👎 Malarkey.
Ooooh so much ickyness. I’m a stay at home mum right now, but submission and talking like a child, er no thanks x
Eh...not all women are feminists. I am a single mother, but do not fit the mold for the usual liberal ideals single mothers are stereotyped to be. Everyone is different. I am more egalitarian than feminist, for sure.
There’s a big part of me that loves this and I would give everything up to do this any day of the week!
So well said, exactly my thoughts
Such a valuable message ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️
Great points!
Oh, this was funny of the 40's role of the homemaker.
First time watcher, or rather listener. I highly recommend you look into demography. Falling birthrates is perhaps the largest problem facing the west, and unplanned childlessness is one of the biggest problems facing modern women. Regardless of what you think it is only traditional, religious families having replacement numbers of children. So this is what will continue into the next generation, feminism, will ofcourse die a natural death.
Given I dislike children and never wanted to marry - I find the whole Tradwife movement horrid. Just my life, my opinion. (I also dislike dresses and skirts and don't own any), I prefer animals to people