When it comes to certain behaviors, I can totally relate with this woman. I over explain my intentions, apologize for things I’ve done in the past, overreact, overthink, and drive myself crazy. It’s like a lose complete control over my thoughts. It can become overwhelming, especially when I get stressed about something. I think people don’t understand what it’s like, unless they go through it themselves.
@@DrDanielFox I don't understand. I am estranged from my sister if you could ever have called someone that beats you up to get out their frustrations as a child. Now as an adult, and out mother deceased, she seems to want to take her controlling place. I don't care if she has zero expectations of me, but I did have them for her and she will not change of course, I know that now as an adult. I forgave her for everything she ever did to me when my mother died. She told me she hated me, then when my father died and he left everything to her by matter of manipulation on her part, I sat quietly on the sidelines. So, how am I managing my expectations of my sister? She is dead to me. I have no other family. She has caused me permanent damage to many relationships of mine. I don't want one with her anymore, there isn't any reason. Sorry, you caught me at a bad time.
36:18 so difficult when so many people are taught from an early age to repress their emotions (invalidation) and years later as an adult wind up seeking external validation to feel them let alone express them.
I just want to tell this woman that I'm so proud of her too. She's brave for putting herself out there and being so transparent with everybody on her experiences and struggles. I feel like people with BPD often don't feel like they are given permission to be themselves, and that once somebody understands that you have the diagnosis. We get looked at through some type of fish bowl or something. It's like the stigma just is the lens in which people view you from. It's really a shame because I feel people with BPD aren't getting enough credit where credit is due. At least I can say that from where I sit. I hope that this woman in her life is given the acknowledgment and credit that she deserves.
“Couldn’t breathe oxygen without him” I felt that I’m free of that now like she is. It’s a very hard way to exist clinging to someone like a child hangs on to a leg. Your strength is amazing you set yourself free if so many paradigms & boxes that many can’t understand only judge. It’s super hard to reprogram your programming & throw away the trauma response. I’m so fkn proud of you. You give me & I’m sure many others hope. Never quit
I really appreciate her sharing how she reconnected and learned how to communicate with her daughter. It’s a good example of changing an unhealthy relationship into something hopeful and healing. So happy for her and her growth and healing.
"Me being as sensitive and empathetic as I am, being around people all the time is very very very exhausting for me." I can relate to this so much. Over time, I've learned that when I feel overstimulated, I need to give myself an adult time out and go somewhere for quietness so I can breathe.
I can relate to Carla. I’ve moved over 40 times. I’m never satisfied and life feels grey. I’m a very fun loving person but I struggle daily. I have BPD and CPTSD. I also lost my husband to a sudden death. I had a traumatic childhood which is the root of my BPD.
This is great, I'm literally right behind this woman in my recovery. It helps me realize that I'm on the right path even tho I'm not in therapy, I'm doing it. Thank you Dr. Fox!
I will piggyback off of that because I am in the same boat! Thank you so much for sharing your content with us, I truly believe I wouldn’t have made the progress I did and become so self aware without your videos starting the conversation. Thank you again!
I just suddenly have met myself for 40 minutes and it's crazy and amazing feeling. I never thought somebody has the same stupid problems like me as I was thinking before. 🙈😆
This had me in tears… Thank you both, this video is incredible and I can’t even explain how much this hit home for me, because I can completely relate and I felt like for the first time I heard proof that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Even though I only have the option of watching your videos, while I wait to be accepted into a DBT program here in NYC, you have helped me more than you could ever imagine. I have the knowledge now, I do the research and Im putting the work in but I just need to master the power of acceptance which is beyond difficult. This was so inspiring! Thank you for being a doctor who actually cares about making such a huge difference for such a stigmatized disorder. Wish you were my doctor, you’d have a field day 😅. But again, thank you, thank you, thank you! We need more people like you in the world 🥲.
Radical acceptance is the key to recovery and I second what this lady said about explaining yourself all of the time. Once you begin to love and like yourself you don’t have to do this maladaptive behaviour anymore as that only reinforces the BPD and keeps you stuck. Great video you should do more of these Dr Fox
such an amazing video:) ur videos help me understand a lot of what i’m going through. diagnosed with bpd a few months ago at 16 and i’ve started DBT, stories like these really give me hope!!
Thanks For this 👍 This is pretty much my story, except my heroin use lasted almost 10 years. Congratulations to her for regaining custody. Thats not easy. Staying sober during my pregnancy and keeping custody of my kids is my biggest achievement. Even though most people would think "um... Sober during your pregnancy is a given" I overdosed in the hospital parking lot after I had my baby... because I just couldn't wait.
Ohh wow, this woman is amazing. She gives me so much hope. She went through so so much but was always taking action! Based on her story, even of she might’ve struggled with self-hate, I see the she was always fighting for herself! I am inspired ❤
Your comment means the world to me! It's incredible how one person's story can have such a powerful impact. Wishing you all the strength and courage to fight for yourself as well!
I am the same. I’ve been told by a therapist I need quiet. This is a learning curve for my husband. I encourage set up boundaries with the people living in your house (I believe you said it’s yours) that they cannot be in the house certain hours of the day. Set Boundaries. You’re doing great and I identify and learned a lot from you and you’ve helped me.
Carla is inspiring. Its rare to come across these stories. All parents hurt their kids, but very few are are authenticity apologetic and accept accountability.
Thank you for your kind words! Carla's story is truly inspiring and it's important to recognize the power of authenticity and accountability in parenting.
Thank you Carla. Lots of relatable stuff here that helped me and will no doubt help so many others. You're a modern day Super Hero! Thanks Dr Fox! Your channel and books saved my life, and this current initiative is fantastic. I will share my story with you soon too. xx
100% resonate with me in this discussion. THANK YOU! YES, disengaging and removing the self from the situation is WONDERFUL to keep anything from getting much worse leading to guilt in a big way -- from happening.
I have BDP traits and adhd I was diagnosed with traits 15 I was on my own at 15 and I can relate because since I had early on life responsibilities and graduation, just got hard knocks I was always ask for advice and totals resourceful. Want no matter what I didn’t show me dependency I showed independent seen as far is survival, but when it came to emotional independence, he showed that I became codependent always in need for validation always, and need to do something for others, felt needed and validated when I was the one for the advice and problem-solving until I burnt out I have so much on my plate playing so many rolls and I have no children on my own and I burnt out and I went on a three-year, self-medicating, abusive, isolation, depression, to the point where I completely lost myself in a narcissistic relationship that became physically abusive, but this is not your typical narcissist. This is a autistic narcissist that I ended up getting away from and getting pregnant at the age of 41 by another BDP😢 and that’s where I’m at right now
This is by far my favorite of all. I love this woman. I plan to re-watch this every day and sometimes a couple times a day. I love this woman. Many Thanks 🎉🎉🎉
Yes pls. After hearing this woman I’m convinced I have this . I’m 64 have v little income. My husband is 74 who has a routine he must follow daily. And is getting sick of me. Asked for a divorce’ or.. When I heard divorce I didn’t bother to listen to or.. . I’ve called a mediator. If we go to court and he is ordered to pay me a lump some he’d have to sell his property and I walk w/ potentially millions but I’d never do that to him.. although he has other property. I’ve become controlling follow him because I’m worried about his back. I go to all his doctor appointments and I haven’t been to mine for years. He has No plan for the future (wishes, a will that I know of. He locks all paperwork in his 3 cars and when we had a bad fight because I lost control. He slandered me around the neighborhood and where I work. And Our entire community . He is very loved and respected.
@@herertolearn3418 Isn’t it strange how loyal and caring some of us with BPD are to our spouses or significant others to are own detriment. We continue to care for others even when we aren’t wanted and of course then we feel abandoned. Why? That is the question of the decade. The answer could be as simple as we were never cared for as children ourselves; not trying to blame anyone, parents don’t come with a handbook, but they ought to it sure would help a lot of people, at least a little bit if they read it! I’m not claiming to have all the answers by any means, just saying I feel for this woman, and only wish her the best future she can have. Please keep watching Dr. Daniel J. Fox, and you shall do somewhat better. ❤️🙏
Thank you so much for sharing your story ✨💕 I related to so many aspects of it including struggling with drug addiction, meeting a partner in rehab, and I’m currently with a guy who’s been to prison. I carry so much shame in my relationship because of my bpd and I’m going to start practicing radical acceptance. You are so resilient and strong and I want you to know how inspiring your story is!
I love this so much. Clear storytelling of the skills to deal with bpd symptoms. I'm so proud of Carla. I love how Dr Fox introduced her as a resilient and brave person, because she totally is! She's not just a bpd sufferer/survivor. She's a brilliant, resilient, brave, and kind lady, say it like it is 😊
So inspiring story, I agree that radical acceptance is one of the key steps to manage BPD. Also, as I have been reflecting on myself recently, what has helped me as a person with BPD was the acceptance I had upon coming to terms with my spiritual self. Hopefully some people could see this new perspective as well. There was a moment in my life where I had to recollect about my painful childhood. Growing up my parents used to treat me so unjustly as compared to my older sister. As I was reflecting, even though my parents and some people in my life were really abusive in some parts, but what I realized that at the age of 3, it wasn’t really quite normal to have such intense reaction to someone’s negative emotions. I often interpret one’s facial cues and I felt like I knew the intentions of other people. I loved staying up at night til dawn staring at the night sky full of stars when I was a toddler. I just ALWAYS never felt like home. I was very deep as a kid. I wrote my feelings with metaphors, the only way I could express myself. When I first held a crayon at that age, I knew to myself that I know how to draw but my mind was just so confused why my hands lack coordination. I later on developed my artistic ability. Other than that, what has always made me wonder was when I had these repeating dreams about this older boy. I find it crazy until now as to how I had never stopped praying for him and his good health only til the age of 9 when I told myself that I will never ever find him anyway. With all those experiences I had, I came to terms with my spiritual and physical self. Believing that probably, I had a past life that til now is reliving in me. Before this realization, I ALWAYS felt so empty like I never belong as one of BPDs symptoms. I had to change jobs and places every 6 months which also had affected my relationships. Later on and until now, even with difficult times, I am continually meditating, reflecting and reminding myself that I belong. And to my parents, my sister and to some people who mistreated me, I learned to forgive (now that it’s easier for me cuz I’m living alone) believing and trusting in the unknown, that probably it is just part of my journey in this lifetime
Man this is soooo needed right now 💓 been doing F lot of work on myself personal development work and I have alot of shame having bpd.. people in my group and all see us as bad -- I know they are in pain but we are human too 🥺 I can see this lady has a healthy perspective and I felt it deeply :) I feel less alone and knowing I Don't have therapy at the moment-- been working my ass off everyday on my own and like you say -- what is a healthy way of processing and expressing emotions? What is appropriate way -- and for others too wih us ... But I am glad you are having that security of boundaries and all even if there still is chaos and uncertainty-- I can see you've got it mate :) hello from the UK 1💓 I have your workbooklet and survival of BPD and DBT booklets all from amazon LOL let's hope all goes well -- like you say start to create space and start to understand and know ourselves 💓 We are resilience, wise and strong AF LoL
I wasn’t able to watch a lot of it I became to triggered even though I could definitely relate. I don’t even know what I’m triggered about. I’m so exhausted I’m disassociated
Me as well. Relatable but also triggering? I have no idea why. You put it into better words than I could’ve. I’m happy for this woman as well, I may add. I’m not sure exactly what I’m triggered at but I can feel it.
I really appreciate and admire this woman, Carla for sharing this part of her life. It was very courageous and so inspiring for those of us who live this. Thank you so much for this content.
She did amazing honestly I can relate on so many levels. I'll be 30 in exactly a month and I swear I am just getting to know who I really am and this video Def gives me hope. I have a high fight or flight response and have had 5 children and I don't have any of them. Always felt the best service I could do was give them someone who wasn't as messed up as me .. . But after hearing how she got the help and fought and reunited with them really does give me hope. Really does. Thank you
Thank you to both of you for sharing this video. For me, listening is both validating and triggering. So, I'll be listening again and again to let myself connect with my core content that is impacted. I am 71 years old. Been working on "getting good enough" to be part of my family in therapy for over 30 years. Was miserable and mostly alone. Started DBT five years ago. I feel better more often. Hey. Thank you.
Yes, I'm curious how both BPD and Bipolar are comorbid and diagnosed as such when the two are very often misdiagnosed. I THINK I have an idea of it but I'm not a professional despite all my years of research. This is a GREAT "Voice!" OMG, I LOVEEEE DBT!!! I think it should be a required course for facing life in general when life takes jolting turns!
My daughter is suffering so much, last night took her to the hospital bc of being suicidal. They did not admit her, they let her go at 4:00 a.m. meanwhile they gave her none of her medication, which she needs. Today I brought her back to the same hospital this morning and she has not even been seen. She only goes to the hospital when it gets horrendously bad. My heart is breaking for her. She is still there and it’s now almost 7pm. and yes, has not been seen yet. I’m beside myself not knowing what to do at this point l. All I know if they send her home for a second time I’m afraid she will go through with taking her life. She has lost all hope she really has hit bottom.
Dam... Is there an actual mental health place that will actually do something?! Screw that ER. Google if there's a crisis line where u live. They'll actually tell u or take u somewhere for mental health help. Getting help for this stuff is a dam circus. It's like u gotta force these "professionals" to do their job
On behalf of kids that didn't have parents who were actually concerned about them and treated them more like a burden or scapegoat, I appreciate you. I pray that she and your family stay strong and don't lose faith in her healing process, despite the lack of care in the hospital right now. God bless
Good thing your Daughter has such a caring Mom who takes the correct action. A little cooperation from the healthcare "professionals" is far from too much to ask ... or demand. Good note. Tough story.
Cool! It's funny, I was just speaking to some friends about how I wanted to show some girls that I'm volunteering with that It's possible to have a mental illness and still have a great life.
Thank you so much for sharing, Carla. You story of experience definitely help me to know what I have to do. Sometimes if it came from people who doesn't understand this situation is hard to trust their tips. It brought me into tears and hope, that this BPD definitely can be handled. And thank you so much for having this video, Dr. Fox. It brings a certain light that we can through this condition by any changes.
I also tend to over-explain or try to defend myself in a way that's harmful. I beat myself up too. A lot of what she's saying definitely resonates with me. I'm PROUD of her for doing this interview! AHHHHH - MAZINGGG!!! DBT changed my life for the better in MANY areas of my life. Going through and updating all the homework over time as a guiding refresher outside of therapy. SO proud of coming out into public. SO not easy to do.
Hello! I love hearing your story and I relate to almost everything. I feel that you're surrounded by narcissists, I don't know how you can deal with these people and I commend you for trying hard to get them to understand you. I learned the hard way that even if you're blood-related, these people have to EARN their place to be considered your family, but you somehow can tolerate and be patient to their ignorant "did u take ur pill yet?" statements.
@@DrDanielFox 😊 Hii Dr Fox , I emailed u. Im interested in being interviewed sometime. My name is Stacey Q. So u know who I am in email. I've had a crazy, intense, life. I think my story would be beneficial to many. I'm off to work, I'm a Psw in Canada part time. I can't work full time bc get overwhelmed. Hope to talk.to.u soon. ALWAYS A PLEASURE 🥰 HAPPY TURKEY DAY to all Canadians this weekend !!! ⭐💗
If you believe that you can take control back over your life, you're already half way there. But please always focus on your kids, use them as an excuse to get out of bed. Ive noticed when parents go through things, its during the kids *vulnerable* stages, inwhich theyre still growing, and still understanding. You never know what's going on or who's doing what to the vulnerable child when you're not there
Ms. Carla I want to send you and Dr.Fox a BIG HUG! 🤗 You are inspiring, intelligent, logical, so lovable 💖 and relatable! I respect and honor all the work, self-reflection, self-control and therapy (especially DBT) you've been motivated and persevered to do for yourself and your family. Even for those us that aren't BPD, your decisions, process and progress was relatable and story well told. You relayed a fair, realistic and hopeful portal of you, your family, struggles and wins. I also really relate to over-apologizing, needing my space (especially with company) and am now accepting I don't need to try make everybody ok. I have been with my narricistic spouse for nearly 24 years and it is VERY challenging but he also provides some stability while I try to learn and heal from what I didn't learn growing up: boundaries, right to respect, self-love and self-defination (vs. accepting on whatever projected label or feeling, fake belief someone would put on me because I was taught to go against my gut instinct because I was always wrong.) Guess what! It wasn't even true! There was a reason why I think differently from my family! Thank you for your bravery, honesty, thoughts 🙏 😊 You impact on families around the world 🌎 for hope & inspiration! ❤️ TY Dr.Fox as always for kind words of wisdom, breaking things down to call out important points and compassionate soothing tone - you care really comes through.
I personally think those with NPD or NPD traits (or at least in my experience), I say that "He never fell in love." "He fell in obsession." Not sure how accurate that is but that's something I realized after a while.
I love this, Dr. Fox! I was in tears hearing her story. I’m trying to find where I can have DBT in my area and this makes me want to pursue it that much more.
@@dawnmatthews2354 Do you mean like a behavioral health clinic? They don’t offer DBT, just talking therapy, EMDR and psychiatry. I live in a pretty rural area.
@@godless_rain22 yes. I live in small rural town and go to the local community mental health clinic/center. It's not the best but I got in a group and received materials.
I was mistaken, they just don’t list they offer it. They are referring me to a therapist who uses DBT and I asked for a caseworker also :) thank you so much
One of your most helpful, insightful videos! Thank you BOTH! I often have "inside" days and everything discussed helped me feel not so alone, and hopeful I will learn to manage this better someday. You have been so relatable. It was truly brave and very informative.
Opposite to Emotion is one of my go-to's. Not the same for everyone though! Pulls me to the middle ground. I LOVE that there are MANY various types of skills out there for each individual to find and USE what works for them. I'm talking a lot about this because YESSS, I know what you're saying, and you know how I'm feeling even though you don't know it!
First of all , thank you so much for this video ... I've finished my DBT treatment , too and I can say that I feel and understand this woman veeeery well... Thank you
I wonder why she said her husband was the narc but she blamed her children the whole time. Saying she's sorry but not sorry to her kids, way to invalidate them mom.
Hi Daniel Fox, thank you for this video. I bought your workbook and waiting for it to come. Can you pls make a video on chronic suicidality? I'm at the peak of my chronic suicidality and there's limited resource on this available online. Would really appreciate it, thank you.
Im watching this now. Thank u for sharing. So odd i have 3 teenage boys very close together. We moved every month or so but they stood their ground last time i tried to move. We have been here 7 years.
I would love to talk to this woman as I live in a smaller town and don’t know another person in the entire area with BPD nor is there any DBT in the area that I can get. 😞 Some tips and encouragement would be great! This was very real and great to hear from someone who actually has BPD!
I think stories of success are a huge huge motivator for me even years on i still search for them! I hope you could continue this! Maybe like a series? ❤️
Unfortunately, the BPD Label never comes off your health chart, your family may never let you forget, and that ONE time you let loose a little and then someone will throw it in your face, boom out it goes and your shamed again for being you. The thing is; so what! That is how I feel now. I don’t want to be perfect anymore, please come find a cobweb at my house. I’m not going to stress over it anymore!
@@DrDanielFox It's funny you would use the word expectations. Is that what I am expressing? My sister is always saying she has zero expectations from me, that is a very long story indeed. She is trying to get my goat, of course since I was the Scapegoat, she thinks it's still easy. It is still a work in progress. Thank you for all your Help along the way! Also, thank you for giving me a heart on my comment, it is appreciated :)
Thankyou i have a friend whome has b.p.d.i will never leave him.nor abandon him.i am in a relationship with some one else .i have patience and alot of love.i told him that his happiness is important to me. He doesn't or cant have a relationship. I wish for him to have inner peace. We are also twinflame. We meet up and talk alot about his past.we make each other laugh. For the first time in 2 yrs he wanted a hug.i obliged of course.but my life still goes on.he has sabotaged good friends along the way.but i have never left him.i told him if he ever wants to talk im not far away.just a few steps back.i thankyou again for your story and wish you all love and peace xx
I want to know how people with BPD manage to get married because I feel like it's such a curse that no one will ever accept me and marriage seems like something out of a fantasy, something that can never happen to me
I think learning basic and important relationship skills as well as managing emotions and perceptions of others and ourselves is the first step in that direction. All relationships have highs and lows and it’s managing those effectively with someone you feel comfortable enough to work through it with. I wish you all the best
This explains my nearly 50 moves in 15 years. Even when I finally found a great place and love it, I felt dissatisfied and decided to move to a new city where I knew no one to do my masters. I had to move back in a hurry and lost the wonderful place I'd live in before moving and am no in a worse spot.
If necessary, Distress Tolerance DBT skills if you're not ready for Radical Acceptance is WONDERFUL as well. I remember being told, "Maybe you're not ready to radically accept this yet and need to use Distress Tolerance actions until you're able to." They're ONLY meant for short term use but they REALLY help, and so does Radical Acceptance when that's reached. Helps to get into the "Wise Mind" middle ground between the extremes of emotion vs analytical thinking / acting.
OMG I can so relate! I was just saying the same thing about it not being fair. Other people get to have authentic emotions and responses but ours are unacceptable and need to be "managed". I didn't find out I had BPD until I was 59 years old after being treated for depression since my early 20's. As i look back at my life knowing this I can see why so many relationships failed, and why people were always trying to tell me I was overreacting. I couldn't even hear that. Recently my 42 year old daughter who once adored me, said to me "It's hard to love someone who hates their self so much." That has played over and over and over in my head. I had no idea I was coming across like that. I am at the point where I am so afraid to be around people knowing my responses are all wrong that I spend all of my time alone, along with the fact that everyone avoids me. I'm trying to learn as much as possible to help myself. I tried to find DBT therapy but none of the therapists accept my insurance. How do I find help?
Hi from Malaysia, u r a very strong good wise n kind human being. Thank you Dr Fox, your videos have really helped me n my family. Stay safe healthy n happy ❣️
I'm very proud of you for putting the strategies of therapies to work for you to enrich your life. It is ok to get acceptably angry instead of flying off the handle seemingly uncontrollably. It's an emotion. And just like all the other emotions when expressed have to be in a controlled way. I just want to say as a person that dealt with someone that was diagnosed with Bipolar but I believe he has BPD that when we ask if you've taken your meds it's not to be a put down but we need to know where you are on the spectrum so that we know how to go forward in the conversation without triggering you to anger. It's more like a safety gauge when we ask. Kinda like the setting on the stove. Are you going to stay at a mid level temp or burst into flames. By asking this our minds are thinking should we continue this conversation or shut it down before we trigger you and experience a very unpleasant episode.
Why after all my therapy over the last 10 yrs has nothing worked 😣, I battle every day, my moods can change in an instant. I have BPD, ANXIETY, PTSD. Depression how can someone have all these things. Alot of times I just don't want to live.... I've recently lost my mum too. I don't recognise who I am at all.
Dr Fox I was diagnosed with 28 with borderline personality disorder. I use drugs and alcohol most of my life. I've been sober for several years. I have been in many different treatments and seen many different counselors. I've been on disability for 10 years. I don't feel like I'm much better. I still feel like there's this trapped trauma somewhere subconsciously. One thing that I have been consistent about is researching anything I can get my hands on as far as the brain, the body, natural therapies, etc . I have always felt like I'm an empath but have really started to connect with this being a highly sensitive person lately. I'm wondering how many people are Hsp's but been diagnosed BPD and struggled in a bad environment growing up feeling like they didn't belong and were misunderstood. I just wondered may if you might talk about the difference between them. I feel like the highly sensitive person thing is more about your nervous system and mirroring neurons and your HPA being highly active. That is something that you can't really control. 20% of the population has it. I found out when I was 28 I'm 48 and I have been trying for 20 years to figure it out and still feel like I don't belong here. Anyway thank you for your time.
Hi, I have read quite a few books however, I am not a psychologist or therapist. I do know that people with BPD tend to be Highly Sensitive. Being an “Empath” is a term that some people use. Also, the brain nervous system connection goes right along with the trauma you refer to and to someone who ends up with BPD. There also is the theory of genetics. It sounds like you haven’t found that therapist who did really hear you, and whom you truly trusted. Please let me know if I’m totally off the mark, I’m not trying to preach or anything, I was diagnosed with BPD in 1989, when I was 26. I’m now 58, and just finally found a therapist I trust and supports me and knows a little something about what he’s doing. It’s taking awhile to undo all the damage that was done. Good luck to you, I only wish you the best. 🙂
This is one more case of BPD and NPD (or traits of both or either) relationships happening. Both attract each other TO each other. This is HUGE of what I noticed in the Fifty Shades trilogy. I wouldn't have noticed if I hadn't done research beforehand that the BDSM = surface content. Trilogy in her POV = classic BPD thoughts and behaviors. Trilogy in his POV = classic NPD thoughts and behaviors along with insights of their pasts. My mind was BLOWN when I read both! This has GOT to be "a thing" that's more common to attract one another like a beacon for the other to see and get entangled with. STILL dealing with that scenario of my own experiences of this. Society has NO idea what they were actually reading or advertised as. CLASSIC.
When it comes to certain behaviors, I can totally relate with this woman. I over explain my intentions, apologize for things I’ve done in the past, overreact, overthink, and drive myself crazy. It’s like a lose complete control over my thoughts. It can become overwhelming, especially when I get stressed about something. I think people don’t understand what it’s like, unless they go through it themselves.
Knowing that about yourself can help you manage it. I wish you well.
@@DrDanielFox I don't understand. I am estranged from my sister if you could ever have called someone that beats you up to get out their frustrations as a child. Now as an adult, and out mother deceased, she seems to want to take her controlling place. I don't care if she has zero expectations of me, but I did have them for her and she will not change of course, I know that now as an adult. I forgave her for everything she ever did to me when my mother died. She told me she hated me, then when my father died and he left everything to her by matter of manipulation on her part, I sat quietly on the sidelines. So, how am I managing my expectations of my sister? She is dead to me. I have no other family. She has caused me permanent damage to many relationships of mine. I don't want one with her anymore, there isn't any reason. Sorry, you caught me at a bad time.
@@DrDanielFox Dr Fox, I need to find a good online therapist for my BBD husband. We live on Texas, any suggestions?
36:18 so difficult when so many people are taught from an early age to repress their emotions (invalidation) and years later as an adult wind up seeking external validation to feel them let alone express them.
We all go through our processes to grow and develop.
I just want to tell this woman that I'm so proud of her too. She's brave for putting herself out there and being so transparent with everybody on her experiences and struggles. I feel like people with BPD often don't feel like they are given permission to be themselves, and that once somebody understands that you have the diagnosis. We get looked at through some type of fish bowl or something. It's like the stigma just is the lens in which people view you from. It's really a shame because I feel people with BPD aren't getting enough credit where credit is due. At least I can say that from where I sit. I hope that this woman in her life is given the acknowledgment and credit that she deserves.
Thats because they arent. Invalidation is a major contributing component.
“Couldn’t breathe oxygen without him” I felt that I’m free of that now like she is. It’s a very hard way to exist clinging to someone like a child hangs on to a leg. Your strength is amazing you set yourself free if so many paradigms & boxes that many can’t understand only judge. It’s super hard to reprogram your programming & throw away the trauma response. I’m so fkn proud of you. You give me & I’m sure many others hope. Never quit
You can literally see and hear how much he loves what he does. Thank you for your amazing work, Dr. Fox!!
Thanks 😊
He's amazing
I really appreciate her sharing how she reconnected and learned how to communicate with her daughter. It’s a good example of changing an unhealthy relationship into something hopeful and healing. So happy for her and her growth and healing.
Me too, she's very impressive.
Omg you took my suggestion! I can't wait to see this! Thank you Dr. Fox!
Thanks for the idea!
"Me being as sensitive and empathetic as I am, being around people all the time is very very very exhausting for me." I can relate to this so much. Over time, I've learned that when I feel overstimulated, I need to give myself an adult time out and go somewhere for quietness so I can breathe.
This woman is using her skills soooo well!!!! What an example of how to process, how to manage, how to give grace.
She's a role model for many!
I can relate to Carla. I’ve moved over 40 times. I’m never satisfied and life feels grey. I’m a very fun loving person but I struggle daily. I have BPD and CPTSD. I also lost my husband to a sudden death. I had a traumatic childhood which is the root of my BPD.
This is great, I'm literally right behind this woman in my recovery. It helps me realize that I'm on the right path even tho I'm not in therapy, I'm doing it. Thank you Dr. Fox!
That’s great and I’m so glad this is helpful!!
@@DrDanielFox P.S. Finding your channel is the reason I'm on the right path btw :)
I will piggyback off of that because I am in the same boat! Thank you so much for sharing your content with us, I truly believe I wouldn’t have made the progress I did and become so self aware without your videos starting the conversation. Thank you again!
@@MsRikkiTikki1 happy you’re discovering yourself. I hope you like what you see & if you don’t then I know you will be bold enough to edit
Would you please tell me what you have been following? It would be a great help. I am also diagnosed with BPD and OCPD
I just suddenly have met myself for 40 minutes and it's crazy and amazing feeling. I never thought somebody has the same stupid problems like me as I was thinking before. 🙈😆
This had me in tears… Thank you both, this video is incredible and I can’t even explain how much this hit home for me, because I can completely relate and I felt like for the first time I heard proof that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Even though I only have the option of watching your videos, while I wait to be accepted into a DBT program here in NYC, you have helped me more than you could ever imagine. I have the knowledge now, I do the research and Im putting the work in but I just need to master the power of acceptance which is beyond difficult. This was so inspiring! Thank you for being a doctor who actually cares about making such a huge difference for such a stigmatized disorder. Wish you were my doctor, you’d have a field day 😅. But again, thank you, thank you, thank you! We need more people like you in the world 🥲.
I’m so glad that you found the video helpful and I wish you all the best.
Radical acceptance is the key to recovery and I second what this lady said about explaining yourself all of the time. Once you begin to love and like yourself you don’t have to do this maladaptive behaviour anymore as that only reinforces the BPD and keeps you stuck. Great video you should do more of these Dr Fox
Agreed!
such an amazing video:) ur videos help me understand a lot of what i’m going through. diagnosed with bpd a few months ago at 16 and i’ve started DBT, stories like these really give me hope!!
I’m so glad they’re helpful. Be well and stay the course.
good for you! stay with it and I pray for you!
Thanks For this 👍
This is pretty much my story, except my heroin use lasted almost 10 years.
Congratulations to her for regaining custody. Thats not easy.
Staying sober during my pregnancy and keeping custody of my kids is my biggest achievement. Even though most people would think "um... Sober during your pregnancy is a given"
I overdosed in the hospital parking lot after I had my baby... because I just couldn't wait.
She's very brave.
Ohh wow, this woman is amazing. She gives me so much hope. She went through so so much but was always taking action! Based on her story, even of she might’ve struggled with self-hate, I see the she was always fighting for herself! I am inspired ❤
Your comment means the world to me! It's incredible how one person's story can have such a powerful impact. Wishing you all the strength and courage to fight for yourself as well!
🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽
Hallelujah!
This was a life-changing talk.
I will always go back to this.
I am the same. I’ve been told by a therapist I need quiet. This is a learning curve for my husband. I encourage set up boundaries with the people living in your house (I believe you said it’s yours) that they cannot be in the house certain hours of the day. Set Boundaries. You’re doing great and I identify and learned a lot from you and you’ve helped me.
Thanks for sharing!!
Carla is inspiring. Its rare to come across these stories. All parents hurt their kids, but very few are are authenticity apologetic and accept accountability.
Thank you for your kind words! Carla's story is truly inspiring and it's important to recognize the power of authenticity and accountability in parenting.
Thank you Carla. Lots of relatable stuff here that helped me and will no doubt help so many others. You're a modern day Super Hero! Thanks Dr Fox! Your channel and books saved my life, and this current initiative is fantastic. I will share my story with you soon too. xx
You are so welcome!
100% resonate with me in this discussion. THANK YOU! YES, disengaging and removing the self from the situation is WONDERFUL to keep anything from getting much worse leading to guilt in a big way -- from happening.
You are so welcome
I have BDP traits and adhd I was diagnosed with traits 15 I was on my own at 15 and I can relate because since I had early on life responsibilities and graduation, just got hard knocks I was always ask for advice and totals resourceful. Want no matter what I didn’t show me dependency I showed independent seen as far is survival, but when it came to emotional independence, he showed that I became codependent always in need for validation always, and need to do something for others, felt needed and validated when I was the one for the advice and problem-solving until I burnt out I have so much on my plate playing so many rolls and I have no children on my own and I burnt out and I went on a three-year, self-medicating, abusive, isolation, depression, to the point where I completely lost myself in a narcissistic relationship that became physically abusive, but this is not your typical narcissist. This is a autistic narcissist that I ended up getting away from and getting pregnant at the age of 41 by another BDP😢 and that’s where I’m at right now
So beautiful, thank you so much. So much respect for your bravery, personal accountability, and perseverance.
This is by far my favorite of all. I love this woman. I plan to re-watch this every day and sometimes a couple times a day. I love this woman. Many Thanks 🎉🎉🎉
Glad you enjoyed it
Please interview senior citizens with borderline personality with or without dbt.
Interesting idea.
🤣
What age is considered BPD Senior Citizen? I may be available. I am totally serious.
Yes pls. After hearing this woman I’m convinced I have this . I’m 64 have v little income. My husband is 74 who has a routine he must follow daily. And is getting sick of me.
Asked for a divorce’ or..
When I heard divorce I didn’t bother to listen to or.. . I’ve called a mediator. If we go to court and he is ordered to pay me a lump some he’d have to sell his property and I walk w/ potentially millions but I’d never do that to him.. although he has other property. I’ve become controlling follow him because I’m worried about his back. I go to all his doctor appointments and I haven’t been to mine for years. He has No plan for the future (wishes, a will that I know of. He locks all paperwork in his 3 cars and when we had a bad fight because I lost control. He slandered me around the neighborhood and where I work. And Our entire community . He is very loved and respected.
@@herertolearn3418 Isn’t it strange how loyal and caring some of us with BPD are to our spouses or significant others to are own detriment. We continue to care for others even when we aren’t wanted and of course then we feel abandoned. Why? That is the question of the decade. The answer could be as simple as we were never cared for as children ourselves; not trying to blame anyone, parents don’t come with a handbook, but they ought to it sure would help a lot of people, at least a little bit if they read it! I’m not claiming to have all the answers by any means, just saying I feel for this woman, and only wish her the best future she can have. Please keep watching Dr. Daniel J. Fox, and you shall do somewhat better. ❤️🙏
Thank you so much for sharing your story ✨💕 I related to so many aspects of it including struggling with drug addiction, meeting a partner in rehab, and I’m currently with a guy who’s been to prison. I carry so much shame in my relationship because of my bpd and I’m going to start practicing radical acceptance. You are so resilient and strong and I want you to know how inspiring your story is!
I love this so much. Clear storytelling of the skills to deal with bpd symptoms. I'm so proud of Carla. I love how Dr Fox introduced her as a resilient and brave person, because she totally is! She's not just a bpd sufferer/survivor. She's a brilliant, resilient, brave, and kind lady, say it like it is 😊
So inspiring story, I agree that radical acceptance is one of the key steps to manage BPD. Also, as I have been reflecting on myself recently, what has helped me as a person with BPD was the acceptance I had upon coming to terms with my spiritual self. Hopefully some people could see this new perspective as well.
There was a moment in my life where I had to recollect about my painful childhood. Growing up my parents used to treat me so unjustly as compared to my older sister. As I was reflecting, even though my parents and some people in my life were really abusive in some parts, but what I realized that at the age of 3, it wasn’t really quite normal to have such intense reaction to someone’s negative emotions. I often interpret one’s facial cues and I felt like I knew the intentions of other people.
I loved staying up at night til dawn staring at the night sky full of stars when I was a toddler. I just ALWAYS never felt like home. I was very deep as a kid. I wrote my feelings with metaphors, the only way I could express myself. When I first held a crayon at that age, I knew to myself that I know how to draw but my mind was just so confused why my hands lack coordination. I later on developed my artistic ability. Other than that, what has always made me wonder was when I had these repeating dreams about this older boy. I find it crazy until now as to how I had never stopped praying for him and his good health only til the age of 9 when I told myself that I will never ever find him anyway. With all those experiences I had, I came to terms with my spiritual and physical self. Believing that probably, I had a past life that til now is reliving in me. Before this realization, I ALWAYS felt so empty like I never belong as one of BPDs symptoms. I had to change jobs and places every 6 months which also had affected my relationships.
Later on and until now, even with difficult times, I am continually meditating, reflecting and reminding myself that I belong. And to my parents, my sister and to some people who mistreated me, I learned to forgive (now that it’s easier for me cuz I’m living alone) believing and trusting in the unknown, that probably it is just part of my journey in this lifetime
Stay strong and be well.
Man this is soooo needed right now 💓 been doing F lot of work on myself personal development work and I have alot of shame having bpd.. people in my group and all see us as bad -- I know they are in pain but we are human too 🥺 I can see this lady has a healthy perspective and I felt it deeply :) I feel less alone and knowing I Don't have therapy at the moment-- been working my ass off everyday on my own and like you say -- what is a healthy way of processing and expressing emotions? What is appropriate way -- and for others too wih us ... But I am glad you are having that security of boundaries and all even if there still is chaos and uncertainty-- I can see you've got it mate :) hello from the UK 1💓 I have your workbooklet and survival of BPD and DBT booklets all from amazon LOL let's hope all goes well -- like you say start to create space and start to understand and know ourselves 💓 We are resilience, wise and strong AF LoL
Stay strong and be well.
I wasn’t able to watch a lot of it I became to triggered even though I could definitely relate.
I don’t even know what I’m triggered about. I’m so exhausted I’m disassociated
Explore those triggers. Knowledge is empowerment. Be well.
Me as well. Relatable but also triggering? I have no idea why. You put it into better words than I could’ve. I’m happy for this woman as well, I may add. I’m not sure exactly what I’m triggered at but I can feel it.
@@haleyymillerr yes I was triggered but I couldn’t identify what I was triggered about, it’s a big mix of emotions.
I really appreciate and admire this woman, Carla for sharing this part of her life. It was very courageous and so inspiring for those of us who live this. Thank you so much for this content.
She did amazing honestly I can relate on so many levels. I'll be 30 in exactly a month and I swear I am just getting to know who I really am and this video Def gives me hope. I have a high fight or flight response and have had 5 children and I don't have any of them. Always felt the best service I could do was give them someone who wasn't as messed up as me .. . But after hearing how she got the help and fought and reunited with them really does give me hope. Really does. Thank you
I LOVE THIS SO MUCH. I really appreciate you doing this Dr. F! Thank you to your guest as well. I’d love to see more of this on this channel. 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🥰
Just impressed by her strength and bravery! Thank you Dr!
Me too
Thank you to both of you for sharing this video. For me, listening is both validating and triggering. So, I'll be listening again and again to let myself connect with my core content that is impacted. I am 71 years old. Been working on "getting good enough" to be part of my family in therapy for over 30 years. Was miserable and mostly alone. Started DBT five years ago. I feel better more often. Hey. Thank you.
Yes, I'm curious how both BPD and Bipolar are comorbid and diagnosed as such when the two are very often misdiagnosed. I THINK I have an idea of it but I'm not a professional despite all my years of research. This is a GREAT "Voice!" OMG, I LOVEEEE DBT!!! I think it should be a required course for facing life in general when life takes jolting turns!
i have given up personally but big respect to everyone struggling with this condition and seeking to better themselves
i just cant watch it anymore
I’m glad you found the video helpful. Be well.
My daughter is suffering so much, last night took her to the hospital bc of being suicidal.
They did not admit her, they let her go at 4:00 a.m. meanwhile they gave her none of her medication, which she needs.
Today I brought her back to the same hospital this morning and she has not even been seen.
She only goes to the hospital when it gets horrendously bad. My heart is breaking for her. She is still there and it’s now almost 7pm. and yes, has not been seen yet.
I’m beside myself not knowing what to do at this point l. All I know if they send her home for a second time I’m afraid she will go through with taking her life.
She has lost all hope she really has hit bottom.
Dam... Is there an actual mental health place that will actually do something?! Screw that ER. Google if there's a crisis line where u live. They'll actually tell u or take u somewhere for mental health help. Getting help for this stuff is a dam circus. It's like u gotta force these "professionals" to do their job
You sound like a good mom, one that actually cares about your children.
i'm sad to hear they wouldn't take her in, is there a shortage of beds?
On behalf of kids that didn't have parents who were actually concerned about them and treated them more like a burden or scapegoat, I appreciate you. I pray that she and your family stay strong and don't lose faith in her healing process, despite the lack of care in the hospital right now. God bless
Good thing your Daughter has such a caring Mom who takes the correct action. A little cooperation from the healthcare "professionals" is far from too much to ask ... or demand.
Good note. Tough story.
She's lovely….she has a wonderful way of expressing who she is. Thank you……very interesting! Thank you both!
Omg this is so so helpful she is so brave to have done this interview with you! I really found it helpful listening to her story❤️
Cool! It's funny, I was just speaking to some friends about how I wanted to show some girls that I'm volunteering with that It's possible to have a mental illness and still have a great life.
I'm glad it's helpful.
People aren’t very encouraging irl
@@2okaycola not yet unfortunately, no. Maybe some day 💖
Good girl telling your family about your h. I wish i had. I'm so proud of you girl. Thank you dr fox.
Thank you so much for sharing, Carla. You story of experience definitely help me to know what I have to do. Sometimes if it came from people who doesn't understand this situation is hard to trust their tips. It brought me into tears and hope, that this BPD definitely can be handled.
And thank you so much for having this video, Dr. Fox. It brings a certain light that we can through this condition by any changes.
You’re very welcome.
Wow what an amazing conversation I fully relate to her ❤ thanks for this dbt changed my life . Especially Dr Daniel I’m grateful truly
I also tend to over-explain or try to defend myself in a way that's harmful. I beat myself up too. A lot of what she's saying definitely resonates with me. I'm PROUD of her for doing this interview! AHHHHH - MAZINGGG!!! DBT changed my life for the better in MANY areas of my life. Going through and updating all the homework over time as a guiding refresher outside of therapy. SO proud of coming out into public. SO not easy to do.
Hello! I love hearing your story and I relate to almost everything. I feel that you're surrounded by narcissists, I don't know how you can deal with these people and I commend you for trying hard to get them to understand you. I learned the hard way that even if you're blood-related, these people have to EARN their place to be considered your family, but you somehow can tolerate and be patient to their ignorant "did u take ur pill yet?" statements.
She’s very strong and uses her strategies very well.
@@DrDanielFox I am baffled by her strength, intelligence and perseverance! Wish I can be more like her.
So proud of you Carla!! Thanks for sharing your amazing Testimony.
"If you can survive a narc you can do anything" Amen sister :))))))
I really needed to see stories of recovery like this! More please 😄😄😄
I’m so glad you liked the video. Be well.
Thanks for sharing STRONG, BRAVE WOMAN 💕👏👏👏
I totally agree
Strong and brave to be ill and obese?
@@DrDanielFox 😊 Hii Dr Fox , I emailed u. Im interested in being interviewed sometime. My name is Stacey Q. So u know who I am in email. I've had a crazy, intense, life. I think my story would be beneficial to many. I'm off to work, I'm a Psw in Canada part time. I can't work full time bc get overwhelmed. Hope to talk.to.u soon. ALWAYS A PLEASURE 🥰 HAPPY TURKEY DAY to all Canadians this weekend !!! ⭐💗
@@maxwellmark8415 hiiii how r u?
If you believe that you can take control back over your life, you're already half way there. But please always focus on your kids, use them as an excuse to get out of bed. Ive noticed when parents go through things, its during the kids *vulnerable* stages, inwhich theyre still growing, and still understanding. You never know what's going on or who's doing what to the vulnerable child when you're not there
Thank you for the very uplifting comment!
Ms. Carla I want to send you and Dr.Fox a BIG HUG! 🤗 You are inspiring, intelligent, logical, so lovable 💖 and relatable! I respect and honor all the work, self-reflection, self-control and therapy (especially DBT) you've been motivated and persevered to do for yourself and your family. Even for those us that aren't BPD, your decisions, process and progress was relatable and story well told. You relayed a fair, realistic and hopeful portal of you, your family, struggles and wins. I also really relate to over-apologizing, needing my space (especially with company) and am now accepting I don't need to try make everybody ok. I have been with my narricistic spouse for nearly 24 years and it is VERY challenging but he also provides some stability while I try to learn and heal from what I didn't learn growing up: boundaries, right to respect, self-love and self-defination (vs. accepting on whatever projected label or feeling, fake belief someone would put on me because I was taught to go against my gut instinct because I was always wrong.) Guess what! It wasn't even true! There was a reason why I think differently from my family! Thank you for your bravery, honesty, thoughts 🙏 😊 You impact on families around the world 🌎 for hope & inspiration! ❤️ TY Dr.Fox as always for kind words of wisdom, breaking things down to call out important points and compassionate soothing tone - you care really comes through.
Many many thanks for sharing, Carla and Dan!!!
Y’all are so kind and helpful!!
I’m so glad you found the video helpful and I wish you all the best.
This helped answer a lot of questions I didn't even know I had about my bpd
That's great. Be well
Dr. fox, you're an actual hero!
Thanks. You’re nice.
@@DrDanielFox ❤️🙏
I personally think those with NPD or NPD traits (or at least in my experience), I say that "He never fell in love." "He fell in obsession." Not sure how accurate that is but that's something I realized after a while.
I love this, Dr. Fox! I was in tears hearing her story. I’m trying to find where I can have DBT in my area and this makes me want to pursue it that much more.
try community mental health. that's where I ended up.
@@dawnmatthews2354 Do you mean like a behavioral health clinic? They don’t offer DBT, just talking therapy, EMDR and psychiatry. I live in a pretty rural area.
@@godless_rain22 yes. I live in small rural town and go to the local community mental health clinic/center. It's not the best but I got in a group and received materials.
I was mistaken, they just don’t list they offer it. They are referring me to a therapist who uses DBT and I asked for a caseworker also :) thank you so much
@@godless_rain22 yaayy!!
Thank you Carla! 💖
She’s very brave, as you can tell from the video.
One of your most helpful, insightful videos! Thank you BOTH! I often have "inside" days and everything discussed helped me feel not so alone, and hopeful I will learn to manage this better someday. You have been so relatable. It was truly brave and very informative.
Thanks Carla/Karla (not sure how to spell your name sorry!) for sharing your story and your awesome progress!
She’s very brave.
You are the best doc.
I cant wait to be where she is...
You’ll get there
Opposite to Emotion is one of my go-to's. Not the same for everyone though! Pulls me to the middle ground. I LOVE that there are MANY various types of skills out there for each individual to find and USE what works for them. I'm talking a lot about this because YESSS, I know what you're saying, and you know how I'm feeling even though you don't know it!
Thanks for sharing!!
Thank you so much for this! The honesty helps me
First of all , thank you so much for this video ... I've finished my DBT treatment , too and I can say that I feel and understand this woman veeeery well...
Thank you
I wonder why she said her husband was the narc but she blamed her children the whole time. Saying she's sorry but not sorry to her kids, way to invalidate them mom.
Hi Daniel Fox, thank you for this video. I bought your workbook and waiting for it to come. Can you pls make a video on chronic suicidality? I'm at the peak of my chronic suicidality and there's limited resource on this available online. Would really appreciate it, thank you.
I wish there was something for adult children who were raised by BPD.
Complex issue for sure. Good suggestion.
Im watching this now. Thank u for sharing. So odd i have 3 teenage boys very close together. We moved every month or so but they stood their ground last time i tried to move. We have been here 7 years.
Thank you so much for sharing. I am newly diagnosed and terrified.
Same here… You aren’t alone. 🤗🤗🤗
What have you found helpful?
I would love to talk to this woman as I live in a smaller town and don’t know another person in the entire area with BPD nor is there any DBT in the area that I can get. 😞 Some tips and encouragement would be great! This was very real and great to hear from someone who actually has BPD!
I think stories of success are a huge huge motivator for me even years on i still search for them! I hope you could continue this! Maybe like a series? ❤️
I have BPD.. hearing her story is so helpful. Thank you so much
That’s awesome. Thanks
lucky woman that she was smart enough to find logical solutions
I agree.
I really needed to hear what you and her said in the end about needing space and that being okay. This was so helpful ❤
Glad it was helpful!
" He didn't trust me, and I didn't trust him. We spent all our time together, we were like best friends" . Bounding over mutual lack of trust?
Unfortunately, the BPD Label never comes off your health chart, your family may never let you forget, and that ONE time you let loose a little and then someone will throw it in your face, boom out it goes and your shamed again for being you. The thing is; so what! That is how I feel now. I don’t want to be perfect anymore, please come find a cobweb at my house. I’m not going to stress over it anymore!
Managing those expectations is never easy.
@@DrDanielFox It's funny you would use the word expectations. Is that what I am expressing? My sister is always saying she has zero expectations from me, that is a very long story indeed. She is trying to get my goat, of course since I was the Scapegoat, she thinks it's still easy. It is still a work in progress. Thank you for all your Help along the way! Also, thank you for giving me a heart on my comment, it is appreciated :)
Thankyou i have a friend whome has b.p.d.i will never leave him.nor abandon him.i am in a relationship with some one else .i have patience and alot of love.i told him that his happiness is important to me. He doesn't or cant have a relationship. I wish for him to have inner peace. We are also twinflame. We meet up and talk alot about his past.we make each other laugh. For the first time in 2 yrs he wanted a hug.i obliged of course.but my life still goes on.he has sabotaged good friends along the way.but i have never left him.i told him if he ever wants to talk im not far away.just a few steps back.i thankyou again for your story and wish you all love and peace xx
Thanks for sharing.
That’s amazing how much love and support you offer your friend. I hope to one day have someone in my life who can love me on the same way.🥰
Thank you Dr. Fox. I wish I could find someone like you where I'm located. This interview was an eye opener.
ouch my heart this was beautiful
I want to know how people with BPD manage to get married because I feel like it's such a curse that no one will ever accept me and marriage seems like something out of a fantasy, something that can never happen to me
I think learning basic and important relationship skills as well as managing emotions and perceptions of others and ourselves is the first step in that direction. All relationships have highs and lows and it’s managing those effectively with someone you feel comfortable enough to work through it with. I wish you all the best
This explains my nearly 50 moves in 15 years. Even when I finally found a great place and love it, I felt dissatisfied and decided to move to a new city where I knew no one to do my masters. I had to move back in a hurry and lost the wonderful place I'd live in before moving and am no in a worse spot.
Try to use this insight to develop adaptive strategies to help you manage this urge. I wish you all the best and thank you for your comment.
Thanks for the great video, Dr. Fox
My same diagnoses bpd and bipolar 2 this was a great interview. So proud of you Carla
She’s amazing! Thanks for your comment.
If necessary, Distress Tolerance DBT skills if you're not ready for Radical Acceptance is WONDERFUL as well. I remember being told, "Maybe you're not ready to radically accept this yet and need to use Distress Tolerance actions until you're able to." They're ONLY meant for short term use but they REALLY help, and so does Radical Acceptance when that's reached. Helps to get into the "Wise Mind" middle ground between the extremes of emotion vs analytical thinking / acting.
OMG I can so relate! I was just saying the same thing about it not being fair. Other people get to have authentic emotions and responses but ours are unacceptable and need to be "managed". I didn't find out I had BPD until I was 59 years old after being treated for depression since my early 20's. As i look back at my life knowing this I can see why so many relationships failed, and why people were always trying to tell me I was overreacting. I couldn't even hear that. Recently my 42 year old daughter who once adored me, said to me "It's hard to love someone who hates their self so much." That has played over and over and over in my head. I had no idea I was coming across like that. I am at the point where I am so afraid to be around people knowing my responses are all wrong that I spend all of my time alone, along with the fact that everyone avoids me. I'm trying to learn as much as possible to help myself. I tried to find DBT therapy but none of the therapists accept my insurance. How do I find help?
I believe he has a self help workbook actually that is quite affordable
Thank you for sharing , I related to everything . You are amazing keep sharing 💜💐
Hi from Malaysia, u r a very strong good wise n kind human being. Thank you Dr Fox, your videos have really helped me n my family. Stay safe healthy n happy ❣️
She is very strong and I’m glad that you found the video helpful.
Good job! 👍💕 not easy but helpful to hear common struggles and what has worked and what hasn’t
I'm very proud of you for putting the strategies of therapies to work for you to enrich your life. It is ok to get acceptably angry instead of flying off the handle seemingly uncontrollably. It's an emotion. And just like all the other emotions when expressed have to be in a controlled way. I just want to say as a person that dealt with someone that was diagnosed with Bipolar but I believe he has BPD that when we ask if you've taken your meds it's not to be a put down but we need to know where you are on the spectrum so that we know how to go forward in the conversation without triggering you to anger. It's more like a safety gauge when we ask. Kinda like the setting on the stove. Are you going to stay at a mid level temp or burst into flames. By asking this our minds are thinking should we continue this conversation or shut it down before we trigger you and experience a very unpleasant episode.
I hope you get more interviews on! This was great to see!
Why after all my therapy over the last 10 yrs has nothing worked 😣, I battle every day, my moods can change in an instant. I have BPD, ANXIETY, PTSD. Depression how can someone have all these things. Alot of times I just don't want to live....
I've recently lost my mum too.
I don't recognise who I am at all.
I can relate. 🙁 Stay strong!
I can relate as well. Sending you love 💗
Stay blessed everyone , Take one day at a time 🙌 😇 🙏
The more I watch the videos, the more I get overwhelmed that I am a patient of BPD, I do nor know from where to start!
Dr Fox I was diagnosed with 28 with borderline personality disorder. I use drugs and alcohol most of my life. I've been sober for several years. I have been in many different treatments and seen many different counselors. I've been on disability for 10 years. I don't feel like I'm much better. I still feel like there's this trapped trauma somewhere subconsciously. One thing that I have been consistent about is researching anything I can get my hands on as far as the brain, the body, natural therapies, etc . I have always felt like I'm an empath but have really started to connect with this being a highly sensitive person lately. I'm wondering how many people are Hsp's but been diagnosed BPD and struggled in a bad environment growing up feeling like they didn't belong and were misunderstood. I just wondered may if you might talk about the difference between them. I feel like the highly sensitive person thing is more about your nervous system and mirroring neurons and your HPA being highly active. That is something that you can't really control. 20% of the population has it. I found out when I was 28 I'm 48 and I have been trying for 20 years to figure it out and still feel like I don't belong here. Anyway thank you for your time.
Hi, I have read quite a few books however, I am not a psychologist or therapist. I do know that people with BPD tend to be Highly Sensitive. Being an “Empath” is a term that some people use. Also, the brain nervous system connection goes right along with the trauma you refer to and to someone who ends up with BPD. There also is the theory of genetics. It sounds like you haven’t found that therapist who did really hear you, and whom you truly trusted. Please let me know if I’m totally off the mark, I’m not trying to preach or anything, I was diagnosed with BPD in 1989, when I was 26. I’m now 58, and just finally found a therapist I trust and supports me and knows a little something about what he’s doing. It’s taking awhile to undo all the damage that was done. Good luck to you, I only wish you the best. 🙂
Dr fox 🦊 in UK I have never had no support or stable medication control .Ur videos give me advice
I needed this , thank you
You’re welcome ☺️
I will do an interview.
This is one more case of BPD and NPD (or traits of both or either) relationships happening. Both attract each other TO each other. This is HUGE of what I noticed in the Fifty Shades trilogy. I wouldn't have noticed if I hadn't done research beforehand that the BDSM = surface content. Trilogy in her POV = classic BPD thoughts and behaviors. Trilogy in his POV = classic NPD thoughts and behaviors along with insights of their pasts. My mind was BLOWN when I read both! This has GOT to be "a thing" that's more common to attract one another like a beacon for the other to see and get entangled with. STILL dealing with that scenario of my own experiences of this. Society has NO idea what they were actually reading or advertised as. CLASSIC.