'I've learned that there is hope and that when I feel that there isn't hope my brain is lying to me.' I want this on a shirt. I want this on a wall. I want this emblazoned on my forehead.
They need to make a pretty quote thing and put it on dftba.com signed by John so we can all buy it and remind ourselves that even those who inspire us sometimes need inspiration.
+TheRantsOfABookWorm FORREAL, RIGHT? I read something the other day that resonated here--that in the depressive moment, you often don't realize you're seeing the world through a glass darkly. You feel like the veil of happiness and lies has been lifted away, and you are seeing the world as it truly is. And sometimes it can be really, really hard to realize that THAT is the lie. GOD DAMMIT BRAIN.
"I find it difficult to talk about my own experiences with chronic illness because the central way we imagine sickness as a thing that we must conquer and then put behind us, doesn't really apply to chronic illness". THANK YOU.
+Beckie0 With my own condition, there isn't any hope to be had :(. I find it very difficult when people shove "HOPE" in my face like a medication in itself. Then again, we are talking with our own conditions in mind. Hope may be possible for others x
"my friends and family have known that I've been unwell the last several weeks because it is impossible for me to hide it from them, but it is very possible for me to hide it with jump cuts." Masks come in a wide variety. I find it interesting that that jump cuts can be one of them.
As someone constantly struggling with depression and anxiety, but without many resources to help, thank you for this video. It's bad enough having a mental illness, but to also have life experiences that support what your illness tells you (debt, unemployment, etc.) makes it so much worse.
+IceMetalPunk Depression is hilarious!.. Said someone who is currently suicidal. The biggest problem I have with depression is that I am unable to speak to anybody about it because of autism, so instead I go on the internet and make jokes about it and somehow, in my own way, that makes me feel a little bit better. But really, being suicidal is the worst thing I have ever done to what few friends I do have (internet ones of course), and if it weren't for them, I have no doubt in my mind that I wouldn't be here today. I can be incredibly rambly sometimes, and for the most part, I always just delete my comments after typing them out. In any case, I should get back to playing with maths.
+Ludvig Nygaard being suicidal is super uncomfortable and scary. I'm sorry you're in the midst of it. I've been there too. It really helped me (and you may already know this) when my therapist got me to understand that my wanting to kill myself was me wanting not to hurt any more. . .also, that I could have the feeling (of wanting to kill myself) at the same time I knew I really *didn't* want to. Brains are weird for sure. I hope you're getting what you need to help ease your pain. If it helps, the feeling does pass and happiness can come back. Take care, Laura
+IceMetalPunk I wished I could tell you "been there, done that" but what I actually must say is "being there, doing that." Hope it helps you to be reminded that you are by far not alone and that it doesn't make you feel down even more.
+Ludvig Nygaard: Here's a big hug for you! If you can't speak about it, but you can write about it (whether on the internet, or in any other way). Keep on doing that! Use every means you have to feel a bit better. You are definitely not alone and I really wish you every bit of feeling and love and happiness that you can get. +IceMetalPunk, +Marie Lastname, and everyone else who needs it: I also wish you every bit of feeling, love and happiness that you can get.
I also have OCD. Knowing that someone I look up to that is successful that has my illness helps a lot. It makes me think I'm not alone in this illness. Thank you, John, for talking about your illness.
"Most importantly there is hope and when I feel like there isn’t hope, my brain is lying to me." For a multitude of reasons, I've have a really crappie few months. This is the most helpful thing I've heard.
+SciJoy I am sorry you have been having such a hard time lately. Hopefully it turns around soon or at the very least you remind yourself frequently now that your brain is lying to you and it will turn around eventually. Hang in there.
I painted this and it's on my tumblr (ThisIsRNation) if anyone's interested. I have the same name on my Etsy but I'm not sure about selling it since they aren't my words. Does anyone know if he would mind someone selling art with his quotes?
"How you feel when you are at your sickest is not how you will always feel." Really though...remembering that can do *so* much for anyone's well-being. :)
+Lamar M And I think it plays into really giving ourselves space to be human, to err, to have off days, and to know that we can come back from those things.
I have loved all the Pizzamas videos, but this one touched a nerve. I am 51 years old and have lived with bi-polar/depression/anxiety since I was 13. Having yet to find a drug cocktail that works for me I manage without. There have been and will be days when I don't think I can do it for one more minute, let alone another year, another decade, but I do. For anyone out there who is dealing with this, day after day, and has those weak times (we all do) - YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Yes, it feels like it, and yes, your brain will tell you it's true, but it is not... not ever. There is always someone out there to take your hand and pull you through, but you have to look for them; they won't just fall in your lap; there are all kinds of professionals, family, friends, complete strangers waiting to be friends but you have to make an effort. Not on your bad days because your brain will tell you it's pointless and you'll be too weary to bother; do it on a good, or not so bad day. Pick up the phone and talk to someone, go to a clinic, look at the internet and find a group. but DO IT and never pretend you are ok because lying to yourself is not how you begin to cope. Wishing you all better days. DFTBA ;)
John has always inspired me with how open he is about his mental illness and how awesome he still is. Whenever my depression is getting the better of me I remember that him and other people have made it through and if they can do it, so can I. We can be strong together and help each other through the darkness.
+piratequeen94 I also really like what Jenny Lawson (the Bloggess) says; depression lies. Because it's so accurate. Highly recommend reading her new book "Furiously Happy" which is all about mental illness and how yes, it sucks but there is hope to be found.
this video is super old but here i am in 2023 freshly touched by it. I gotta say, the acknowledgment of the chronic nature of mental illness is something i don't think we're seeing much in society at the moment and I wish there was more of it. it is a very scary reality to face as someone with mental illness, the fact that you'll never be 'cured'. but the truth isn't so bad when you look at it and think about it. as you say, it's still possible to live a rich and fulfilling life. there are recessions, ebbs and flows, ups and downs, good days and bad days. I think refusing to acknowledge the fact that mental illness is forever perpetuates the idea that its impossible to live a good life alongside it, and that just leaves people feeling hopeless and defeated. personally my life got a whole lot better once the goal shifted from being 'cured' to simply taking and enjoying the good days. every once in a while I still need a reminder that depression is something I'm living with and that bad days will happen sometimes, though. this video was that for me. thanks, john.
Thank you, John. I needed to hear this today. I struggle with both chronic illness issues and chronic mental health issues. This past year has been bad, and today in particular, I'm really feeling it. I'm low. Like really low. It's good to have a reminder the lowest points are temporary. It's easy to get lost in everything and forget that. I've had good, healthier times in my life, and I will have good, healthier times again. Thank you for reminding me.
I have an ending coming up. I cannot publicly discuss the details because of a promise I made, but thankfully it's not my 9yr old son (and it's not me.) I've had difficulty crying about it - which is weird because I'm perhaps too in touch with my emotions and cry quite easily. I think crying might make it more real and my mind apparently doesn't want to deal with that right now. I'm thankful to be a part of communities like Nerdfighters and a select few others on TH-cam. I've seen so many instances of people feeling like they have nowhere else to turn, pouring out their emotions in the comments, and for the most part the community coming together to rain encouragement. The ending I speak of might not come for months, or it might happen tomorrow. Either way, part of what keeps me going each day is knowing when it happens I'll be able to turn to some of you marvelous people for support.
Holy crap! This makes me so happy and so sad at the same time! As a fellow OCD sufferer, thank you for 'coming out' about your OCD. Sorry to hear you've been having a crappy time of late but glad to hear you're back in a better place at the moment. I hope you continue to manage your OCD well and live fully and completely despite it. :)
hi! i think i have OCD, but i can't really afford to see a doctor right now so I just wanted to ask someone who suffers from OCD, how do you know when your thoughts are symptomatic of the illness? bc it's easy to realize that with our behavior but what are some of the thought processes that someone with OCD goes through? i would appreciate a description so much because i have a very strong hunch that i have this but i wanted to know from someone who actually has it
Thank you, I've been trying to "get better" after nearly a year with depression and I've been getting mad at myself because often I don't feel better and I'm supposed to be "over it." I'm really not and I probably won't ever be but I can live life to the fullest even with my illness because of who I am, it's not "getting better" it's deciding it won't stop me anymore. Thank you so much for helping me realize this.
+Kacy Christensen Illnesses suck. Managing them is such a pain. Don't forget that what you have is an illness. And you can no more "get over it," than someone with cancer or Lupus or MS. It's hard accepting that we can still suck the marrow out of life even with a chronic illness. I'm glad you're able to see it's possible.
As someone suffering from probably rather severe depression (I am not in treatment) and someone who has people in her life suffering from rather severe depression I want to tell those of you who don't know how to deal with people like me that the best gift I can think of to give to people like me is normality. I don't want to be treated like someone who's constantly about to fall apart. If you for example expect the same from me as from any sane person, you make me happy. If you tell me I'm being an egomaniac because you think I act like one and you feel like telling me that, you make me "happy". When a friend of mine tells me that she just spent the last couple of weeks in a mental institution I have no problem callinh her the next day asking for help or advice if I need help or advice and am confident that she might be suited to help me or give me advice. I actually once visited her in that facility (she was better already) and let her pay the food I ate there and complained about my sister and asked her for advice. Because it is normal for me that when friends meet and have lunch together, one person invites the other. Sometimes it is person A who pays, sometimes person B. She once told me that SHE is the one having serious mental problems and that anyway I ask HER for help. She wasn't angry at me for doing so at all, she just was aware of the (apparent) irony of the situation. She found it rather funny. I answered her that I ask her for advice "although" she is the one of us with the bigger problems because I know that she is still able to help me with my problem I can't help myself with. That I need someone with a different perspective than mine, someone who has made other experiences in life than me. And that I think that she can offer that other perspective. And that I really don't think I'm doing her any harm asking her for help. She agreed with me.
Amen! I told my husband that it's like a carousel...sometimes I'm too "spinny " and I have to step off for a bit and the BeST thing he can do is actually keep riding. I told him I will see him riding and gather the inspiration to jump back on!
um i need some advice please because you've been through it....how do i help someone out of depression something other than "be there for them" like specifically plz
+Rahi Shah honestly, it doesn't work that way. Depression affects people differently and people have different ways of handling it. My best suggestion would literally be to be there for them, and by that I mean actively reaching out and saying "If there is anthing I can do to help please, please tell me" and then actively following through with it. Regularly check up on them to see if they're ok. Make sure that you always have a supportive and loving tone when your speaking with them. Ask them to do some small, easily accomplishable tasks, like talking a walk. Get them outside every once in a while. Actively and consistently let the know that they have someone in their life who cares about them and loves them. You're not gonna cure them of their depression, but if you can help facilitate how they can manage it, it makes a world of difference.
Rahi Shah Don't know if your comment with the question was directed at me or at "RandomSarah". The things that I said and the things that "DarkAnd Dandy" said sound like a bit like the opposite of each other but they are to some degree compatible. One good thing you can do (in my opinion) is to ask this person what they want or need and to give it to them. In my experience this person might tell you something like "I can't motivate myself to do this thing "B" as long as I am not done with this thing "A" and I know that there is just one little thing I can't do on my own to get this thing "A" done, please help me with this little thing to accomplish doing this thing "A" because then I can do "B", "C", "D", "E" and "F" on my own. And then help me with thing "G" because I am already sure that I will need help with this "G". In this case don't argue that things "D" and "F" for example are the most important and urgent things to do even if this (in your opinion) should be the case. Just give this person what this person asks for without questioning it. By that I don't mean that you should give this person whatever they want no matter if you suffer from it or not. I mean by that that you, if you are willing to help this person for three hours and are also willing to do something that is boring and likely to cause your back to hurt in this time, then don't say things like "I was expecting you to need and want help for three hours with this in my opinion important and urgent thing "D" that will make my back hurt, I am now surprised that you only want to have my help with this in my opinion less urgent and less important thing "A" which will not make my back hurt and which will only take me one hour to do so now I will not help you because you want it for something else than I had in mind." Help that is actually helpful is not defined by the helper, it is defined by the person in need of help. (That goes for EVERYTHING. Don't be so arrogant to say thing like "I know what YOU need and YOU have no idea about what will help YOU.") We can chat more privately if you are interested in telling me more specifically for what situation you need advice.
As a person with OCD I am always glad to hear people speak about it in this way. People act like it just means being organized, or that its easy to control, or that it's quirky and cute. The reality is that it is serious and lifelong, but manageable.
+Em63974 I have OCD...and I'm far from organized. I wish I was the type of person who felt compelled to control things through cleaning. I hate cleaning because I become so obsessive about it that I get really detailed and something that should take 20 minutes for most people takes me hours.
+Em63974 This. Liking things to be balanced, ordered, and correct is not OCD, it's more or less being normal, especially with anything you care about.. The key words are in the name. Obsessive. Compulsive. Obsession and compulsion are not cute, or quirky. Those are big scary wrapped-in-razor-wire kind of words.
I've got terrible social anxiety. It only affects me when I leave home or think about leaving home. Its gotten a little better, but it got really bad at one point. I would actively make excuses to get out of doing things I really wanted to do. "Oh, that movie I've been looking forward to seeing for a year is coming out! I should probably stay home and not go."
My brother has selective mutism, a form of social anxiety in which he cannot speak to anyone except me, my parents and his grandmother. Each case of social anxiety is different and affect people in different ways, but knowing someone with social anxiety has showed me that there is such a strong stigma attached to it. It's sad. People should be friendly and inclusive, but not overpowering and not pressuring. Instead, people tend to ignore you, thinking you're the "weird" one, which is the total opposite of the way it should be. It's been so hard watching my brother go through this, and he is improving; he will now use nonverbal cues and will even speak to his therapist. I hope you can overcome your anxiety, or at least don't let it stand in your way and try and get out more with people. I know how hard it can be, but I wish you luck and a good day.
MegaMrFroggy My very first friend had that. He would only talk to me and his mom. If he was in the middle of saying something, he'd immediately stop talking if someone came into the room. He wouldn't even talk to his own dad. By the time we were teenagers, we was over it though.
Same here. I can't say for sure that it is social anxiety as I am not diagnosed, but there are times that I get very nervous when leaving home and only overcome it when I spend some time outside and see that I am doing ok or when I reach a friends house. What helped is trying to redirect my attention from all the things that can ho wrong to the happy memories I've had outside. Also, always planning before going out so that I do everything in my power to control any bad outcome(cause of another illness I have, I always have medication on me in case something goes completely wrong and wont manage and stress more about that) Thank you for sharing :)
Hey, I have really bad social anxiety too. It's been a few years; has it improved much since then? I hope it has. It's really difficult to function as an adult with SA. Depending on how bad it is, it can make you feel like you can't do things that you're supposed to as an adult e.g. going to the bank or even going through the checkout line. I haven't been able to get a job because just thinking about the interview process makes my brain nope the heck out and I get nervous just thinking about it let alone actually going to one and it makes me feel pretty incompetent and terrible all round. It's important to have family and friends to help make sure you're not isolating yourself which makes it worse and making sure you have positive interactions outside so you don't associate outside with being bad.
Thank you, John and Hank for making me smile on an almost daily basis. With everything that you do, create or even just help me to better understand, I just smile, like an enthusiastic person should, because even with all of the serious things that get talked about in videos or in the comments, I think that we as a community learn more than we could have ever on our own. So thank you so much and OH MY GOD IT"S BURNING. DFTBA
+Joshua Young Because of that (french the llama, let's be honest) awesome podcast, it has now come to my attention that one of my bad habits is licking my finger after getting jam on it.
Dear John, Thank you for making this video! I too struggle with OCD, and was diagnosed with it, and bipolar depression coupled with anxiety almost a year ago. My partner and I love your videos and live together now with more support from his parents! It's been a difficult journey for my adolescent years, and now I'm hoping to be a able to go back to school ie. college as soon as I can! I had to leave school because of complications in medicating, and symptoms. My partner's support has been instrumental in being diagnosed and cared for during the hardest time of my life! I'm glad there are people who support you and that you have an amazing creative outlet like Nerdfighters and Crashcourse (which I LOVE SO MUCH)! Thank you, fellow fiction writer! Keep taking care of yourself! You have a brilliant mind, but an even more brilliant heart! Love, Lillie
I have Aspergers, which has anxiety and ADD as a symptoms, so I deeply appreciate these kinds of videos. I've been unmedicated (save for vitamins) for several years because none of the medications I tried worked for me. Thankfully, I've learned ways to work around my attention problems as I've gotten older, and found things that help me calm myself down from anxiety. Like music. I keep a playlist of calming music on my phone in case it gets out of control. It works like a charm.
Babbert Scientific That's awesome! My dogs aren't service dogs either, but there have been moments where they kept me calm. Animal therapy can be pretty effective.
I know how you feel, for me Asperger's makes it very hard to function in social situations so everything that is necessary for survival/success (having a job, school etc) is made way harder than it should be. It's good that you have music to calm you down, for me it is reading or watching one of my favorite movies. Godspeed
+Kaija Schmauss I have Aspergers, too. The amount of anxiety I experience is horrible but I am to anxious to ask for help. Listening to music is one of the best things I have to distract myself and calm myself down, but unfortunately, during school, that isn't possible. I love it when I see other people on the autistic spectrum around on the Internet because it makes me feel less... broken as a person? I don't know, but it's nice.
I sincerely hope you get some small bit better soon, John, and thank you for sharing your experience. Good on you for speaking up on such a misunderstood issue. Good luck.
"And most importantly I've learned that there is hope and when I feel that there isn't hope my brain is lying to me." ^ that. That right there is the thing that keeps me going 99.9% of the time.
Thank you, John, that was a very nice and, in a strange way, comforting video. My deep sympathies for your current struggles, and good luck with finding the new balance in your life.
I have really enjoyed pizzamas. I live with 3 chronic illnesses. Severe atopic eczema, fibromyalgia, and major depression/anxiety. I have been trailing a new medication for the last three weeks (Imuran) which has progressively made me more sick with nausea, vomiting, and diarrhoea which I stopped yesterday as I couldn't physically force myself to take anymore (disgusting story that no one needs to know). I have had to give up my job two years ago due to the combined effects of these illnesses. Slowly my world has become smaller and smaller as people have dropped off the plain of my existence. I am left with two amazing daughters who work hard to encourage, physically help and provide love and support. I am in hospital approximately one week in every month, with only my girls visiting me now. What I have found is that people don't want to know about chronic illnesses, it's embarrassing to have something that can't be fixed or that has highs and lows.
I don't usually post about it because people don't like to here about it. I have thought of making illness cards that people can give in hospitals for people like me. Cards like "I am not avoiding you, I just don't know what to say to help you, but I still think about you often", "you managed to shower tidy!!! I am honestly proud of you".
it's too real and too sad but true that people don't like when you suffer a chronic illness. they want you to get over it, get better and put it behind you, but for a lot of people they can't deal woth the realoty that you very well may never be better. and it sucks, but some people just don't want to deal with it, be it from annoyance or guilt that there is nothing they can do to 'fix' you. thanks for your articulation in that. i'm glad that your daughters are still supporting you in life. dftba
I think we all know how hard John and Hank have been working the past few weeks. So I feel like today is the best day to appreciate them and how hard they work. VLOGBROTHERS APPRECIATION DAY!!!! Dear John and Hank(or Hank and John whatever) Thank you. Thank you for never forgetting to be awesome. Thank you for being wonderful people.Thank you for being so smart, and sharing your knowledge with us. Its hard to imagine how big the nerdfighteria community has grown. The thought of it alone makes me grin like an idiot. Scratch that. It makes me grin like someone who over time has learned that its okay to be overly enthusiastic about things that you love. Thank you for teaching me that. I am no longer embarrassed to be dorky, nerdy, and enthusiastic around my peers, and I have experienced the benefits of this confidence infinitely. You make me laugh even when I’m under a great deal of stress and I’m finding it hard to think about anything other than the stress. You make me look at the world with a whole new set of eyes. Eyes that sees how others feel, and eyes that care about problems in our world, and want to help fix them. You helped me develop a strong passion for learning that without it, I would not be passing my classes with 90s and over. This is a thank you from my friends too. Not all of my friends know who you are or what you do, but they know that I have been better since I joined this community. Being a nerdfighter means to be kind. It means to be enthusiastic. It means we imagine others complexly. We look at people, and wonder how we could make their day better. It means that in stead of being made up of blood, cells, and organs and stuff, we are made completly out of awesome. And while a vast majority of nerdfighters may not think they are “cool” or “popular” its not true. I now see that these words have no meaning. What does popular mean? Halloween weekend I threw a party. In planning this party I tried to avoid causing any drama. I invited this guy in my math class who felt like he was not very popular, because I wanted to be his friend. He told me that he would never expect and invitation from the likes of me. Confused, I asked him why not, and he said that I was fairly popular. This came as a shock to me. But then I realized that everyone has a different opinion on what “popular” or “cool” means. This guy saw popular as someone who is widely known, but I disagreed with this. What if I was widely known for the wrong reasons? So I began investigating. I asked my friends what they thought popular meant. I found my self either completely disagreeing with all of them, or being completely disgusted of what it meant.So thank you. For being the coolest people ever. And I mean in a good way. You earned your cool by being good people, not by doing what others wanted you to do. Thank you for showing me that is possible.❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ If you are a nerdfighter and you are reading this, reblog and write about how John and Hank changed your life, or something that they taught you.Show them how much we love and respect them for what they do:)
+Ceece Nydam I hope they see this, they are truly inspirational and I think it's good for them to see how much good they do in people's lives just by being them, not by doing big expensive or time consuming things necessarily, just by being awesome in and of themselves.
Rare video gems 💎 like this are what keep me going. Your open and articulate discussion of mental illness is so refreshing to hear. I returned to this video many, many times when I was severely depressed and struggling with mental illness of my own. Today I released my own video on mental illness, it was incredibly difficult to make, but videos like this made it manageable. Thanks for blazing the trail John 🔥 you're an inpiration. Much love from Canada ❤️
I have a friend that suffers with social anxiety, I didn't realize how bad it was until a boy came up to say she was pretty and she had a panic attack.i hope it gets better for you🤗👍
Thank you for making this video, I've been at my 'sickest' for several months now and I'm trying to get out of that hole, but it's so difficult. So thank you, for reminding me that I'm not alone and that things do get better.
I've been dealing with depression for about eleven years and anxiety for most likely my whole life, though I didn't recognize it for what it was until about six years ago. It wasn't until about two years ago that I started opening up and talking about it for the first time--I started a blog (which I didn't tell anyone about for a long time) where I could just talk about my experiences and my bad days, and slowly, I started telling friends what was going on, how my depression and anxiety worked, and when I was having a hard time with it. It's been the single most important part of learning to cope, and it shouldn't be as scary as it is. I imagine if you're in a more high-profile position where more people can see or judge you, it's scarier. It's a huge moment of vulnerability even to tell my best friends "Hey, I'm not doing so well lately, please be patient with me." And I really haven't been doing well the last few weeks. It's really refreshing and comforting to see other people talking about mental illness as a thing that is (1) a real illness and not just a weakness or a temporary emotion and (2) a thing which is okay to talk about. So thanks for that. (I commented on my first vlogbrothers video yesterday and my second one today. I've been watching for like four years. Look at me go!)
+Katie S Ten thousand gold stars to you, friend. Those are huge achievements and on the off chance that no one's said it to you yet: I am super proud of you for that. Additionally, welcome to the comments section! It's pretty nice here!
+Katie S Katie, stay strong! Your comment is inspiring to me, as I am also dealing with depression. You're brave to share this, I'm going to do the same as you (thank you). Mental illness is a state of mind. Like any sickness or disease it has to be diagnosed, isolated and treated, and acknowledging it is the first step to wellness. It takes a long time to heal, but the times when we are well are ahead. Times where we can appreciate all aspects of life from the perspective of a well mind. Allowing yourself to open up to your friends and loved ones and be supported is really hard, but doing that is such a huge step to getting well. Let's all help each other through these bad times, in whatever way we can. Continue kicking ass, even when you're feeling vulnerable. Good luck!!!
+Katie S I am sorry you haven't been doing so well the last few weeks. You are so brave and strong to speak about your experiences and your struggles though. Please never forget that. By sharing you are helping so many people just like you keep fighting. You're amazing. Keep it up!
No. I enjoy kindness, intellectual and emotional generosity, and the movement towards understanding the stories of other complexly. Dislike and disagreement are valid responses in many circumstances, but they are not always ones which lead towards a more beautiful world nor are they always particularly helpful. Furthermore, I do disagree with John and Hank on many things. I am sure I disagree with other nerdfighters as well. It's not about being in agreement, it's about being in conversation.
"[...] telling myself over and over that this mood would pass. I knew it would. It always did. But oh, how the waiting sucked." a quote that i try to think of whenever i feel like shit again
Thank you, John. I struggle to cope with my non-neurotypical brain, and these last three months have left me at my lowest. But friends, family, and good entertainment have helped me. Your podcast has helped me. Acknowledging that you're not okay is so rare, and it made me feel normal. Thanks again. I got my Rainbow John shirt at the last possible second. Proud of you guys, and grateful for your support. Thanks for a great Pizzamas.
As I'm going through the comments, it's become very clear to me that many people are benefiting from your video, John. I'm so glad to be a part of a community that can be supportive and open with what they are struggling with without fear of being made fun of or belittled. The nerdfighter community is something quite special and I love all of you. Whatever you are going through, please remember people in your life care about you no matter what your brain is saying. Reach out to someone you trust whether that be a friend, family member, or professional. It will not only improve your health, but it's possible that your friend or family member is going through a tough time and they need help as well.
I'm coming up on my 4 year anniversary of my inpatient stay. You're absolutely right, we need to remember this doesn't define us and to support each other at our lowest points. best of luck with everything.
I've been diagnosed with chronic depression, situational/social anxiety, and misophonia. Over the past three years, it's been very hard. I'd lost interest in my grades, my hobbies, my friends, my hygiene - everything that made me who I am. I saw multiple therapists, to no avail, because when I try to talk about my illness, I can't speak. I physically can't make a sound. I developed issues with self-harm and body-image. I found comfort in food and then hated myself for eating it, causing me to gain weight more and more. Eventually I was diagnosed with an eating disorder. At that point I was seriously considering suicide. A few weeks ago, I finally visited a psychiatrist again. Because of the severe anxiety that school gives me, I'm now in homeschooling and on medicine to help me feel better. It's been two weeks and I already feel so much better. Thanks, John, for talking about this. We all appreciate it. And to anyone else struggling: get help. It will get better.
Thank you, John, for being so vulnerable and open about your personal life with us. I find that when people like you take steps to be real about your personal realities, it makes it easier for people like me to deal with our personal realities. My reality isn't fun, like you, I am living with multiple chronic illnesses, mental and physical. Some days suck, some days aren't so bad, but all days are better when I am reminded that I'm not so alone in the battles I wake up to every morning. Thank you, John.
I never really leave comments except for the p4a but this video means a lot to me as a trans girl living with depression and anxiety. It's kinda comforting knowing someone who I look up to and hope to be like is dealing with the crushing weight of mental illness and getting through it, despite it being really really hard sometimes. So thanks :)
This video hit home in ways that I need not describe, but I will say this: thank you John. Your words mean so much in and of themselves-- their quality is not found in your "fame," but in your willingness to share and say things that need to be heard.
John, thank you so much for making this video. I know you'll probably never read this, and that's okay, but I would be remiss to not at least attempt to thank you, because the impact you've made on my life is immeasurable. I'm a person that suffers from chronic illness both mental and physical, having a progressive genetic disease called cystic fibrosis and also suffering from chronic depression. A few years ago I came across TiFIOS at a time that I desperately needed some form of hope to cling to, and reading your novel and then discovering Nerdfighteria was one of the steps in my finding that hope. That's not to say that I'm suddenly okay, but with the impact this community has made on me and my world view, at least I've been able to believe that someday I can be. This video meant more to me than most videos do, because it touches on something that most people don't understand, and something that my whole life basically revolves around: It's Not All About Getting Better. Yes, I'm sick. Yes, I'm dying. Yes, I have depression. Yes, I'm alive right now. Just as alive as anyone else is. Alive enough to love, laugh, cry, dream, have friends, have fights, be young and stupid and reckless and grow and learn and make mistakes and act my age and not be your bs inspiration all the time and LIVE. I shouldn't have to hide the sick parts of me all the time just to be treated like a person. I shouldn't have to downplay my disease and I shouldn't have to disguise my depression. Thank you for helping spread this message, because it's so important. Kill the stigma surrounding illness, and let us just live.
my words will be lost but what you have given me will never can never be just found. Thankyou John and everyone who talks about mental illnesses and open up conversations. Because the last thing you need when suffering from any tipe of illness is to feel alone and like no one understands or will ever love you for you. DFTBA xx
I love so many things about this video but what stood out the most was John's use of the words sickness and illness. So often Mental illnesses are overlooked and not considered a sickness. My own family disguises my depression and anxiety as 'having a bad day' in comparison to my 'real' chronic illness only because that one can be confirmed by a blood test. I know it wasn't necessarily the point of this video, but its so lovely to hear that from someone you look up to. Hope you're feeling a bit better than before John, you're a great person, chronic illness and all.
"When I don't feel there is hope, I know my brain is lying to me." Somehow John rewording my thoughts and philosophies usually sounds better than my original wording.
I know this is old, but thank you. And thank you to all the people in the comments sharing their stories, too, even though none of you will see this, I'm sure. Bipolar 2 here, and damn, it's tough sometimes. But when I think no one loves me or I have no hope, that's my disease lying to me. If anyone reads this, I hope you find some encouragement, or perhaps understanding for someone you know who lives with this kind of chronic illness. Let's all be here for each other.
We need more like you John to help remove the stigma. You are a good man for sharing with us. I lost a former student of mine due to the devastation of OCD and the resulting depression. I didn't really understand his suffering and what was going on with him until after he graduated. You are a man that demonstrates the personification of awesome.
Newest Hallmark Card: "I hope your life isn't controlled and forced into destitute by your incurable illness." I love making jokes about my mental disorder.
Thank you John Green. As someone with a mental illness, as a spouse of someone with a mental illness, it's so important to find ways of normalizing the conversation we have about mental illness as a society. It's not always easy to talk about, especially while in the midst of the storm. I am glad to hear you are getting relief and I hope you're not struggling with severe side effects.
Thank you, John. A lot of people have mental illnesses, like myself, and I often struggle finding a consistency that I can use to reach some sort of stability. To hear that someone such as yourself, someone of such talent and open heartedness, struggles with the same thing, while not unfortunate, brings comfort to a lot of people. There's a discourse in that people often aspire to their heroes but know they can never become them, but your honesty in this confession brings you a lot closer to the community in which you have supported, created, and advanced. Thank you for all of your work, your books, your communities, but most of all thank you for your honesty, and your humanity. You're a hero to a lot of people but not because of your superpowers, but because of your overwhelming kindness, your unadulterated honesty, and your humbleness to your own talent and work. I hope that one day I can find that, as you have. Thank you again. May your illnesses never harm the writer, nerd, and great mind that is yourself.
I live with severe depression and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I also have cerebral palsy and use a wheelchair for mobility. I've been through a difficult time lately, and this video is a timely reminder to be kind to myself, and to celebrate life's triumphs, no matter how small or insignificant they seem. John, thank you for this powerful message. Your words mean so much.
What sucks is even people in the mental health medical field don't care much. ER physicians are just as overworked as ER psychiatrists, yet an ER physician will still go out of their way to treat you, while a ER psychiatrist ... depends on their mood. If they don't feel like dealing with you, well, welcome to the psych ward! Enjoy your stay while I don't address your problem for a week, then send you home because "there's nothing that could be done". And if you go see a psychiatrist outside of a hospital, it costs thousands of dollars. And the uncertainty of mental illness (it's no one's fault) is even more frustrating, because if you're not "cured" in the next couple of weeks, everyone gives up on you and you're on your own and out of who knows how much money. I know there are some good therapists out there and I'm not shitting on all psychiatrists/psychologists. But it sucks to have to deal with this, without any good result for years.
+Silpae Kang To survive is a form of fight. And it is incredibly hard and frustrating to deal with that. But I genuinely hope that everyone struggling with this finds their support network and their people to help. Don't give up hope and best wishes.
You are right and that never gets talked about. Not every doctor will help. Good doctors are bewildered and feel distrustful of the stories from us. My current doctor said three words, "I believe you." Changed everything.
Most public mental health wards (in Australia anyway) work in the process here is drugs and medicine. That is it. Getting into them is hard in my experience anyway. I once had a psychologist who refused to admit me as there was no beds (there are many other hospitals I could have been referee too surly there was beds in one) and told me if I killed myself it would be my fault not his. Then sent me home for my 19 year old to keep a suicide watch on me.
Thanks for this John. As a fellow human being with clinically diagnosed OCD I find that it becomes hard to fight when people around you don't take it seriously. I can't even begin to count the many jokes I've seen about how people are "overreacting" so they must have OCD or stupid posts about "CDO" (ugh, that one is the worst). Having support and people who actually understand can make the biggest difference (along with CBT, that stuff is fantastic). Keep on being awesome :)
Thank you for sharing your struggles. Have you heard of To Write Love on Her Arms? it's a great non-profit that helps people who struggle with mental illness, depression, addiction, etc. also the founder, Jamie Tworkowski, is a fan of yours :)
This made me tear up, John. Thank you for being honest about such a complex topic. Often the messages sent to those of us who struggle with mental illness are either completely devoid of hope or are optimistic in a way that is borderline accusatory of the person who is ill. I appreciate all that you said, and I hope your stability returns to you soon! We all support you. And Merry Pizzamas!
I hate it when someone says youre so brave. It bothers me. Like, Im not. Brave people are people who have a choice and chooses to do something they are afraid of. I have no choice. Im literally like everyone else who goes through problems they didnt choose to have. They are not being any braver than I am. But I'm probably just rambling. I ramble.
dancinislivin828 Yes, I totally feel and understand where people are coming from when they say it, it's just like mentioned there is this stigma. I feel like, and this is just how I feel, that it isolating and somehow makes my mental illness a "special problem", even though mental illness is very common.
+cadr003 There are many varieties of bravery. I think of things like Bravery like the color red. Sure, lots of things are red, but rarely are any of those things the same or even in the same category. Apples, fire hydrants, lipsticks, cars, stop signs, barns, roses, crayons, warning labels, etc. All red, all very different things despite all being red. Having to face something you were never given a choice to or not is certainly one variety, I think. Because there is a choice there, ultimately, and that some people are here typing at all means they made it. That is brave. Making choices, hard, life altering choices is brave. Mundane, maybe, but also brave. And it's not a competition, your bravery cannot detract from someone else's bravery.
I would say strong instead of brave. because that's how I see a person dealing with depression, or bipolar disorder, or bpd - everyday they choose to get out of bed and live is a victory and a testament to how strong they can be, that despite having to constantly carry their mental illnesses around they are STILL LIVING. (strangely I haven't been as effective at looking at my own ADD in the same light... mostly i think of it as a nuisance, idk)
It always sucks to go through and actually enjoy a good period of mental health only to be reminded that your mental illness is still there and is back with a vengeance, but to hear someone who knows how it feels and has a public platform using it to speak positively about mental health and mental illness is always very helpful and encouraging. It helps to break down the stigma surrounding it all.
I agree with everything you say, period. I have panic attacks and have anxiety, depression, and slight O.C.D and watching this made me feel good. You guys give me a reason to live.
OCD can be really difficult and painful. i've had it for as long as i can remember, but it was only through crash course psychology last year that i realized what it was, and that i wasn't alone or insane. i can't thank you enough for that. it really means the world to me.
Mine absolutely didnt. While veganism improved my physical health and to some degree my mental health, i still struggle everyday with anxiety, obsessive compulsives, and impulse control. Most of the time diet really doesnt have a huge effect on disorders in my experience, and while veganism definitely helped me, with some of my negative thoughts concerning diet, i wouldnt say that if you go vegan, your mental illness will disappear. Im glad it did for you though
+Elle Mc. give it time i guess? maybe it takes more time for some than others. really feels good not having it though. its like ive been unshakled heheh.
What an odd parallel, I have OCD too and have been struggling with it worse than ever before over the past few weeks due to medication changes. I had no idea John Green had OCD too, or that he was going through hard times lately too. It's 5 AM and I'm just getting over a panic attack and this video was something I really needed to hear. Being reassured that there's hope, even from those with the best of intentions can be difficult to swallow... but it takes on a different meaning when it comes from someone who actually understands what it's like to go through the worst of it. I wouldn't wish this illness on my worst enemy, but it's comforting to hear I'm not alone nonetheless. Thank you, John Green.
As a person living with a chronic physical illness for which there is currently no cure, I am with you John. My body lies to me regularly but I have my mind to thank for the "wellness" I choose. I cannot begin to imagine your struggle. I am here; willing you my mental strength. You are loved and appreciated and cherished and I can only hope that is enough to help you through this moment, this minute, today. Be well.
+Liz Rivers If someone with depression's life permanently lacked anything joyous or happy, they probably should kill themselves. I mean, that's why we want these people to live, because things can improve with treatment and help. If they couldn't, we'd just be asking people to suffer more to gratify our self-righteous urge to be helpful.
Maybe just "thinking of you" or "I'm here for whatever you need"? "Get happy" or "Take care of yourself" are the impossible things for a depressed person.
+Cat Hales i kind of like "i hope you feel better soon" (as opposed to just "feel better soon".) comes across as a wish for better days instead of a demand.
I have been also feeling more ill these past couple of weeks. A lot of destructive thought patterns I thought I had learned to do without are resurging. Thank you for this. Hope is not illogical.
As someone living with a chronic illness, and as a friend to a couple of amazing people living with mental illness, I thank you for sharing this John. Though its never a matter of when you'll "get better" I do hope things start to feel better! And i hope you and your family have a happy new year!
Thank you for making this video, John. I was talking to my father earlier, who said he was "proud" that I didn't seek our professional help when I hit rock bottom because "I'm stronger than that." I probably should have, and probably should currently, go out and do that. Videos like this serve to prove that ANYONE can struggle, and more importantly, that it's okay to struggle and reach out to resources that can help you. It's comforting to know that we're not alone in this fight. I hope more people have this mentality in regards to mental illnesses and can help their fellow man or woman around them.
I had a long reply typed out, but my own illness led me to keep those thoughts inside my skull (something which happens far too often). So I'll just say "Thank you, John, for the words of hope--no matter how difficult my illness makes it to accept them as applying to me," and hope that in the two weeks since you posted this, your new regimen has helped you become more stable.
Thank you! I have been in my current depression almost 2 years and the numerous knockbacks have left me feeling kinda hopeless. Thank you John for reminding me that there is ALWAYS hope and that this state of being isn't forever.
It makes me smile to see you (John) aknowledge the hope that's always there. I suffered from intrusive thought OCD, anxiety and depression for many years and they just cycled around themselves feeding off each other, Slowly I've begun to learn some self respect and not loathe myself. It's never hopeless. never. if anything it just serves to make the bright moments incandescent!
It always makes me feel good when John speaks about mental illness. I feel like I enjoy life the most when I'm being productive, but I also have occasional problems with anxiety and depression, which are pretty terrible for productivity. Knowing that an extremely productive person like John Green has similar problems gives me a nice, concrete example of someone overcoming those particular problems that give me so much trouble.
This is something I needed, especially now. As someone who suffers from social anxiety and PMDD, I know how crippling mental illness is. Some days are better than others, but when I am at my worst, I feel hopeless. And when I feel that way, like you said, I know my brain is lying to me. I've coped in many ways, but my favorite is writing poetry to get my messed up feelings out. Thank you for this. It has helped motivate me to share my story.
This video really means a lot to me. I've been living with obsessive compulsive disorder my whole life, but mostly because of familial problems and because of a lack of funding or reliable insurance until very recently. I've never been able to seek help for it. It feels like nearly every day it completely consumes my life, but seeing things like this lets myself, and other people like me, know that it's okay to ask for help. There are others who understand, and you never have to be ashamed to reach out to others. I really appreciate you guys and all that you do. Thank you so much.
This is a message to both John and Hank Green. I have autism, ocd, and severe PTSD. This year has been traumatizing. One of my special interests is learning (in general). Thank you for speaking out about mental illness and giving me hope for tomorrow. I'm an artist and that hope you give me every day, has kept me moving forward and not quitting life. Thank you from the bottom of my heart...
I thank you for being so honest and open. I live with chronic depression and anxiety. I've been trying for 5 years now to find the right medications and I literally can't hold a job for more than a year without having to quit due to my anxiety. The stigma surrounding it can also be sadly crippling. Seeing people like you and Wil Wheaton being so open about their experiences helps. It truly does. And it gives me hope that some day people will stop judging so easily.
I'm crying because of a lot of reasons. Because I needed to hear this. Because this is the first video I've watched of yours in a while, as something about Vlogbrothers videos reminds me of a past that brings about fear, sadness, nostalgia, and a sick feeling in my chest I refer to as "the vacuum", in which breaths get lost and screams cannot escape. Vacuum aside, I am thankful for this video. I so appreciate these words of encouragement because they are encouraging, yet realistic. They acknowledge the suckiness* of mental illness ("devastation" also fits here) while also giving hope. Thank you for being open and real about this. Thank you for sharing and I wish you all of the strength and the best of wishes.
Thank you for helping to break the stigma John! There has been a huge push for Mental Health Awareness going on at my school, University of California, Irvine, and to have a well respected and loved artist be open about their struggles has the ability to make an impact that simply cannot be had in a small group. Thank you, so very much.
As someone else who struggles with mental illness on a day to day basis (I'm bipolar with anxiety issues), I want to thank you for this video. Knowing that others have fought and are fighting and winning makes each new day that much easier to get through. Thank you, Nerdfighters, for all the support this community shows one another. It is truly a privilege to be a part of it.
I have anxiety. I've had it for years, but it became the worst it has ever been this summer. I think, like you said, the hardest part is talking about it with people because of all the stigma surrounding mental illness. Thank you so much for being vulnerable with us. It's so inspiring.
Thank you so much, John for shedding some light on mental illness. So many people out there don't know what it's like to deal with Major Depressive Disorder, Anxiety, OCD, Bipolar Disorder, Schizophrenia... etc. It can be so debilitating and; it affects people from all walks of life. Wish you all the best, John, to you and your loved ones.
John, I'm so sorry you haven't been feeling well but I'm so glad you're managing your chronic illness better now. Thank you so much for talking about your own experience with mental illness. It has helped me and I'm sure it has helped a lot of other people too.
I am seeing this a year later, but thank you, John, for making a video like this. I'm currently dealing with my own mental health battles and seeing you struggling and finding ways to make it work is inspiring to me and helping me find the courage to reach out and ask for help. Thank you so much, and I hope you are doing well.
This was much needed today. Between my mental illness, chronic illnesses, and chronic pain I am struggling like no other. It helps to see videos like this when I'm in such bad shape.
From one chronically ill person to another I wish you as many good days as possible. For the bad days I hope you get through them as easily as possible.
John, I remember watching your 'perspective' video in 2013 and absolutely breaking down in tears. I couldn't think of a single time in my life anyone i looked up to or respected or for lack of a better term, idolised, being so honest about their mental health. It really struck me hard. I've been diagnosed with anxiety, depression and PTSD. When your video came out, i was in the middle of what turned out to be two years of my life where my mental illness had control of me. Even though it took me some time after that to get help and help myself, watching that video was the first time in a long time i didn't feel completely alone and i thank you so much for that. In the last 12 months, my life has completely turned around, i am progressing in my career, i feel happy, i care about myself and i am definitely not alone. I know mental illness is personal and not something you want to share every intimate detail of with nerdfighteria, but I am so grateful for what you have shared. It has helped me and i'm sure it's helped others. I'm so glad you have your family and friends to help you during tough times. I wish i could give you the same support you've given me in the past.
John, thank you. My family has a history of depression and I have felt very down on myself for the past week or so, and sometimes you just need a reminder that there are other people out there, including people who, from your perspective, seem healthy and well-off and like they are invincible, but in reality they can be hurting just as much as you are. Plus the fact that there is proof that people do get better, that you can snap out of just about any funk, that there is something to live for and something to look forward to despite how bleak things may seem at the time, is very helpful and I appreciate any message of hope and support that I come across. Keep being awesome and tell your friends, family, and other support people they are awesome too
As one who has suffered from OCD since early childhood, and whose illness has seemingly continued to morph into larger problems by the day, I must say I found this video enormously helpful. Thank you for being so candid with your viewership, John. I know I'll be directing myself toward either this video or the one you posted on Oct. 30 of 2013 called "Perspective" (about the film Harvey) to attempt to prevent the descent into total blackness.
'I've learned that there is hope and that when I feel that there isn't hope my brain is lying to me.' I want this on a shirt. I want this on a wall. I want this emblazoned on my forehead.
+TheRantsOfABookWorm I want it seared on my heart.
i want it tatooed on my left butt cheek
+Rainbowkittenism I need someone who will calligraphy that so I can frame it and put it on my wall.
They need to make a pretty quote thing and put it on dftba.com signed by John so we can all buy it and remind ourselves that even those who inspire us sometimes need inspiration.
+TheRantsOfABookWorm FORREAL, RIGHT? I read something the other day that resonated here--that in the depressive moment, you often don't realize you're seeing the world through a glass darkly. You feel like the veil of happiness and lies has been lifted away, and you are seeing the world as it truly is. And sometimes it can be really, really hard to realize that THAT is the lie. GOD DAMMIT BRAIN.
"How you feel at your sickest is not how you will always feel." Needed this so, so much right now. Thank you, John
"I find it difficult to talk about my own experiences with chronic illness because the central way we imagine sickness as a thing that we must conquer and then put behind us, doesn't really apply to chronic illness".
THANK YOU.
+Beckie0 With my own condition, there isn't any hope to be had :(. I find it very difficult when people shove "HOPE" in my face like a medication in itself. Then again, we are talking with our own conditions in mind. Hope may be possible for others x
+Beckie0 feel for you. DFTBA 😀
I know, Right? How perfect is that?
+Beckie0 - I totally agree. I HATE when people shove Hope in my face like it will solve everything.
+
"my friends and family have known that I've been unwell the last several weeks because it is impossible for me to hide it from them, but it is very possible for me to hide it with jump cuts."
Masks come in a wide variety.
I find it interesting that that jump cuts can be one of them.
Jump cuts, smiles, "I'm fine"...we all have our own masks.
+pretty-little-birdie all social media is run on jump cuts.
i find it terrible yet good for him and im just happy that he has people to help him even tho i wish i could help
He said that pizzamas helped a lot, so in a way we all helped a little :)
+pretty-little-birdie That's true....
As someone constantly struggling with depression and anxiety, but without many resources to help, thank you for this video. It's bad enough having a mental illness, but to also have life experiences that support what your illness tells you (debt, unemployment, etc.) makes it so much worse.
+IceMetalPunk Depression is hilarious!.. Said someone who is currently suicidal.
The biggest problem I have with depression is that I am unable to speak to anybody about it because of autism, so instead I go on the internet and make jokes about it and somehow, in my own way, that makes me feel a little bit better.
But really, being suicidal is the worst thing I have ever done to what few friends I do have (internet ones of course), and if it weren't for them, I have no doubt in my mind that I wouldn't be here today.
I can be incredibly rambly sometimes, and for the most part, I always just delete my comments after typing them out.
In any case, I should get back to playing with maths.
+Ludvig Nygaard being suicidal is super uncomfortable and scary. I'm sorry you're in the midst of it. I've been there too. It really helped me (and you may already know this) when my therapist got me to understand that my wanting to kill myself was me wanting not to hurt any more. . .also, that I could have the feeling (of wanting to kill myself) at the same time I knew I really *didn't* want to. Brains are weird for sure. I hope you're getting what you need to help ease your pain. If it helps, the feeling does pass and happiness can come back. Take care, Laura
+IceMetalPunk I wished I could tell you "been there, done that" but what I actually must say is "being there, doing that." Hope it helps you to be reminded that you are by far not alone and that it doesn't make you feel down even more.
Rachel B Feels are nice. Have feels back!
+Ludvig Nygaard: Here's a big hug for you!
If you can't speak about it, but you can write about it (whether on the internet, or in any other way). Keep on doing that! Use every means you have to feel a bit better. You are definitely not alone and I really wish you every bit of feeling and love and happiness that you can get.
+IceMetalPunk, +Marie Lastname, and everyone else who needs it: I also wish you every bit of feeling, love and happiness that you can get.
I also have OCD. Knowing that someone I look up to that is successful that has my illness helps a lot. It makes me think I'm not alone in this illness. Thank you, John, for talking about your illness.
"Most importantly there is hope and when I feel like there isn’t hope, my brain is lying to me." For a multitude of reasons, I've have a really crappie few months. This is the most helpful thing I've heard.
+SciJoy I want to repeat that to myself until it's seared into my heart.
+SciJoy I am sorry you have been having such a hard time lately. Hopefully it turns around soon or at the very least you remind yourself frequently now that your brain is lying to you and it will turn around eventually. Hang in there.
I'm living proof this is true, and you can make it out of this. Much love and good luck.
+SciJoy I agree! Great quote! It needs to go onto a shirt!
I painted this and it's on my tumblr (ThisIsRNation) if anyone's interested. I have the same name on my Etsy but I'm not sure about selling it since they aren't my words. Does anyone know if he would mind someone selling art with his quotes?
"There is hope, and when I feel like there isn't hope, my brain is lying to me."
Needed this for my depression.
"How you feel when you are at your sickest is not how you will always feel."
Really though...remembering that can do *so* much for anyone's well-being. :)
+Lamar M And I think it plays into really giving ourselves space to be human, to err, to have off days, and to know that we can come back from those things.
+Lamar M So does being reminded of that by others. Sometimes people just aren't able to remember that themselves.
I have loved all the Pizzamas videos, but this one touched a nerve. I am 51 years old and have lived with bi-polar/depression/anxiety since I was 13. Having yet to find a drug cocktail that works for me I manage without. There have been and will be days when I don't think I can do it for one more minute, let alone another year, another decade, but I do.
For anyone out there who is dealing with this, day after day, and has those weak times (we all do) - YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Yes, it feels like it, and yes, your brain will tell you it's true, but it is not... not ever. There is always someone out there to take your hand and pull you through, but you have to look for them; they won't just fall in your lap; there are all kinds of professionals, family, friends, complete strangers waiting to be friends but you have to make an effort.
Not on your bad days because your brain will tell you it's pointless and you'll be too weary to bother; do it on a good, or not so bad day. Pick up the phone and talk to someone, go to a clinic, look at the internet and find a group. but DO IT and never pretend you are ok because lying to yourself is not how you begin to cope.
Wishing you all better days. DFTBA ;)
John has always inspired me with how open he is about his mental illness and how awesome he still is. Whenever my depression is getting the better of me I remember that him and other people have made it through and if they can do it, so can I. We can be strong together and help each other through the darkness.
+piratequeen94 I also really like what Jenny Lawson (the Bloggess) says; depression lies. Because it's so accurate. Highly recommend reading her new book "Furiously Happy" which is all about mental illness and how yes, it sucks but there is hope to be found.
this video is super old but here i am in 2023 freshly touched by it. I gotta say, the acknowledgment of the chronic nature of mental illness is something i don't think we're seeing much in society at the moment and I wish there was more of it. it is a very scary reality to face as someone with mental illness, the fact that you'll never be 'cured'. but the truth isn't so bad when you look at it and think about it. as you say, it's still possible to live a rich and fulfilling life. there are recessions, ebbs and flows, ups and downs, good days and bad days. I think refusing to acknowledge the fact that mental illness is forever perpetuates the idea that its impossible to live a good life alongside it, and that just leaves people feeling hopeless and defeated. personally my life got a whole lot better once the goal shifted from being 'cured' to simply taking and enjoying the good days. every once in a while I still need a reminder that depression is something I'm living with and that bad days will happen sometimes, though. this video was that for me. thanks, john.
Thank you, I very much needed this video today :)
I second this. Thanks and you are awesome
ditto so so so much!
Definitely, I needed this
same...I very needed this...I also need a grammar check
I didn't need it precisely today, but there are other days where remembering this will help.
Thank you, John. I needed to hear this today. I struggle with both chronic illness issues and chronic mental health issues. This past year has been bad, and today in particular, I'm really feeling it. I'm low. Like really low. It's good to have a reminder the lowest points are temporary. It's easy to get lost in everything and forget that. I've had good, healthier times in my life, and I will have good, healthier times again. Thank you for reminding me.
+facemonkey13 I am sorry you are having a particularly low point right now. I am glad you shared however. Thank you, too.
*hug*
Hope your doing better.
I have an ending coming up. I cannot publicly discuss the details because of a promise I made, but thankfully it's not my 9yr old son (and it's not me.) I've had difficulty crying about it - which is weird because I'm perhaps too in touch with my emotions and cry quite easily. I think crying might make it more real and my mind apparently doesn't want to deal with that right now.
I'm thankful to be a part of communities like Nerdfighters and a select few others on TH-cam. I've seen so many instances of people feeling like they have nowhere else to turn, pouring out their emotions in the comments, and for the most part the community coming together to rain encouragement.
The ending I speak of might not come for months, or it might happen tomorrow. Either way, part of what keeps me going each day is knowing when it happens I'll be able to turn to some of you marvelous people for support.
+Middle Aged Nerd from one middle aged nerd to another, I'm sorry you have an ending coming toward you. :( *Hugs* - Laura
praying for you and whatever your ending may be... lots of nerdfighters support you! ♡
You are courageous and amazing. I may not know what you're going through, but it doesn't mean I won't be here for you, fellow nerdfighter.
+Middle Aged Nerd You are in our thoughts.
+Middle Aged Nerd
Holy crap! This makes me so happy and so sad at the same time! As a fellow OCD sufferer, thank you for 'coming out' about your OCD. Sorry to hear you've been having a crappy time of late but glad to hear you're back in a better place at the moment. I hope you continue to manage your OCD well and live fully and completely despite it. :)
+tilywinn Ps. I want to change my medication but I have a triggering situation coming up very soon, so I'm hesitant to change it.
Hang in there :)
CactusAvenue Nawww, thanks. ;) I do manage to make progress... very slowly but still.
Small progress is still progress! :) Encourage yourself!
hi! i think i have OCD, but i can't really afford to see a doctor right now so I just wanted to ask someone who suffers from OCD, how do you know when your thoughts are symptomatic of the illness? bc it's easy to realize that with our behavior but what are some of the thought processes that someone with OCD goes through? i would appreciate a description so much because i have a very strong hunch that i have this but i wanted to know from someone who actually has it
Thank you SO MUCH for the phrase "There is hope, and when I feel like there isn't hope, my brain is lying to me." That was something I needed to hear.
Thank you, I've been trying to "get better" after nearly a year with depression and I've been getting mad at myself because often I don't feel better and I'm supposed to be "over it." I'm really not and I probably won't ever be but I can live life to the fullest even with my illness because of who I am, it's not "getting better" it's deciding it won't stop me anymore. Thank you so much for helping me realize this.
+Kacy Christensen I am sorry you have had to struggle with this for so long but am so glad you have had that epiphany.
+Kacy Christensen Illnesses suck. Managing them is such a pain. Don't forget that what you have is an illness. And you can no more "get over it," than someone with cancer or Lupus or MS. It's hard accepting that we can still suck the marrow out of life even with a chronic illness. I'm glad you're able to see it's possible.
As someone suffering from probably rather severe depression (I am not in treatment) and someone who has people in her life suffering from rather severe depression I want to tell those of you who don't know how to deal with people like me that the best gift I can think of to give to people like me is normality. I don't want to be treated like someone who's constantly about to fall apart. If you for example expect the same from me as from any sane person, you make me happy. If you tell me I'm being an egomaniac because you think I act like one and you feel like telling me that, you make me "happy". When a friend of mine tells me that she just spent the last couple of weeks in a mental institution I have no problem callinh her the next day asking for help or advice if I need help or advice and am confident that she might be suited to help me or give me advice. I actually once visited her in that facility (she was better already) and let her pay the food I ate there and complained about my sister and asked her for advice. Because it is normal for me that when friends meet and have lunch together, one person invites the other. Sometimes it is person A who pays, sometimes person B. She once told me that SHE is the one having serious mental problems and that anyway I ask HER for help. She wasn't angry at me for doing so at all, she just was aware of the (apparent) irony of the situation. She found it rather funny. I answered her that I ask her for advice "although" she is the one of us with the bigger problems because I know that she is still able to help me with my problem I can't help myself with. That I need someone with a different perspective than mine, someone who has made other experiences in life than me. And that I think that she can offer that other perspective. And that I really don't think I'm doing her any harm asking her for help. She agreed with me.
Amen! I told my husband that it's like a carousel...sometimes I'm too "spinny " and I have to step off for a bit and the BeST thing he can do is actually keep riding. I told him I will see him riding and gather the inspiration to jump back on!
um i need some advice please because you've been through it....how do i help someone out of depression something other than "be there for them" like specifically plz
+Rahi Shah honestly, it doesn't work that way. Depression affects people differently and people have different ways of handling it. My best suggestion would literally be to be there for them, and by that I mean actively reaching out and saying "If there is anthing I can do to help please, please tell me" and then actively following through with it.
Regularly check up on them to see if they're ok. Make sure that you always have a supportive and loving tone when your speaking with them.
Ask them to do some small, easily accomplishable tasks, like talking a walk. Get them outside every once in a while. Actively and consistently let the know that they have someone in their life who cares about them and loves them.
You're not gonna cure them of their depression, but if you can help facilitate how they can manage it, it makes a world of difference.
+DarkAndDandy so well said
Rahi Shah
Don't know if your comment with the question was directed at me or at "RandomSarah". The things that I said and the things that "DarkAnd Dandy" said sound like a bit like the opposite of each other but they are to some degree compatible. One good thing you can do (in my opinion) is to ask this person what they want or need and to give it to them. In my experience this person might tell you something like "I can't motivate myself to do this thing "B" as long as I am not done with this thing "A" and I know that there is just one little thing I can't do on my own to get this thing "A" done, please help me with this little thing to accomplish doing this thing "A" because then I can do "B", "C", "D", "E" and "F" on my own. And then help me with thing "G" because I am already sure that I will need help with this "G". In this case don't argue that things "D" and "F" for example are the most important and urgent things to do even if this (in your opinion) should be the case. Just give this person what this person asks for without questioning it. By that I don't mean that you should give this person whatever they want no matter if you suffer from it or not. I mean by that that you, if you are willing to help this person for three hours and are also willing to do something that is boring and likely to cause your back to hurt in this time, then don't say things like "I was expecting you to need and want help for three hours with this in my opinion important and urgent thing "D" that will make my back hurt, I am now surprised that you only want to have my help with this in my opinion less urgent and less important thing "A" which will not make my back hurt and which will only take me one hour to do so now I will not help you because you want it for something else than I had in mind." Help that is actually helpful is not defined by the helper, it is defined by the person in need of help. (That goes for EVERYTHING. Don't be so arrogant to say thing like "I know what YOU need and YOU have no idea about what will help YOU.")
We can chat more privately if you are interested in telling me more specifically for what situation you need advice.
As a person with OCD I am always glad to hear people speak about it in this way. People act like it just means being organized, or that its easy to control, or that it's quirky and cute. The reality is that it is serious and lifelong, but manageable.
+Em63974 I have OCD...and I'm far from organized. I wish I was the type of person who felt compelled to control things through cleaning. I hate cleaning because I become so obsessive about it that I get really detailed and something that should take 20 minutes for most people takes me hours.
+Danielle Ugh exactly. Good to know I'm not alone on that one.
+Em63974 This.
Liking things to be balanced, ordered, and correct is not OCD, it's more or less being normal, especially with anything you care about..
The key words are in the name. Obsessive. Compulsive.
Obsession and compulsion are not cute, or quirky. Those are big scary wrapped-in-razor-wire kind of words.
I've got terrible social anxiety. It only affects me when I leave home or think about leaving home. Its gotten a little better, but it got really bad at one point. I would actively make excuses to get out of doing things I really wanted to do. "Oh, that movie I've been looking forward to seeing for a year is coming out! I should probably stay home and not go."
My brother has selective mutism, a form of social anxiety in which he cannot speak to anyone except me, my parents and his grandmother. Each case of social anxiety is different and affect people in different ways, but knowing someone with social anxiety has showed me that there is such a strong stigma attached to it. It's sad. People should be friendly and inclusive, but not overpowering and not pressuring. Instead, people tend to ignore you, thinking you're the "weird" one, which is the total opposite of the way it should be. It's been so hard watching my brother go through this, and he is improving; he will now use nonverbal cues and will even speak to his therapist. I hope you can overcome your anxiety, or at least don't let it stand in your way and try and get out more with people. I know how hard it can be, but I wish you luck and a good day.
MegaMrFroggy My very first friend had that. He would only talk to me and his mom. If he was in the middle of saying something, he'd immediately stop talking if someone came into the room. He wouldn't even talk to his own dad. By the time we were teenagers, we was over it though.
Same here. I can't say for sure that it is social anxiety as I am not diagnosed, but there are times that I get very nervous when leaving home and only overcome it when I spend some time outside and see that I am doing ok or when I reach a friends house. What helped is trying to redirect my attention from all the things that can ho wrong to the happy memories I've had outside. Also, always planning before going out so that I do everything in my power to control any bad outcome(cause of another illness I have, I always have medication on me in case something goes completely wrong and wont manage and stress more about that)
Thank you for sharing :)
That sounds more like agoraphobia than social anxiety, although they are linked.
Hey, I have really bad social anxiety too. It's been a few years; has it improved much since then? I hope it has. It's really difficult to function as an adult with SA. Depending on how bad it is, it can make you feel like you can't do things that you're supposed to as an adult e.g. going to the bank or even going through the checkout line. I haven't been able to get a job because just thinking about the interview process makes my brain nope the heck out and I get nervous just thinking about it let alone actually going to one and it makes me feel pretty incompetent and terrible all round. It's important to have family and friends to help make sure you're not isolating yourself which makes it worse and making sure you have positive interactions outside so you don't associate outside with being bad.
Thank you, John and Hank for making me smile on an almost daily basis. With everything that you do, create or even just help me to better understand, I just smile, like an enthusiastic person should, because even with all of the serious things that get talked about in videos or in the comments, I think that we as a community learn more than we could have ever on our own. So thank you so much and OH MY GOD IT"S BURNING. DFTBA
+Joshua Young I love their podcast too :). DFTBA.
+Joshua Young I actually yelled "Oh my god, it's burning" in the middle of the last podcast . . . :) Made me laugh out loud
+Joshua Young Because of that (french the llama, let's be honest) awesome podcast, it has now come to my attention that one of my bad habits is licking my finger after getting jam on it.
Totally! It's awe-OH MY GOD ITS BURNING
+Kindredsgirl I did too! 😂
Dear John,
Thank you for making this video! I too struggle with OCD, and was diagnosed with it, and bipolar depression coupled with anxiety almost a year ago. My partner and I love your videos and live together now with more support from his parents! It's been a difficult journey for my adolescent years, and now I'm hoping to be a able to go back to school ie. college as soon as I can! I had to leave school because of complications in medicating, and symptoms. My partner's support has been instrumental in being diagnosed and cared for during the hardest time of my life! I'm glad there are people who support you and that you have an amazing creative outlet like Nerdfighters and Crashcourse (which I LOVE SO MUCH)! Thank you, fellow fiction writer! Keep taking care of yourself! You have a brilliant mind, but an even more brilliant heart! Love, Lillie
I have OCD and anxiety. Seeing you talk about this means a lot, thank you so much!
I have Aspergers, which has anxiety and ADD as a symptoms, so I deeply appreciate these kinds of videos. I've been unmedicated (save for vitamins) for several years because none of the medications I tried worked for me. Thankfully, I've learned ways to work around my attention problems as I've gotten older, and found things that help me calm myself down from anxiety. Like music. I keep a playlist of calming music on my phone in case it gets out of control. It works like a charm.
Babbert Scientific That's awesome! My dogs aren't service dogs either, but there have been moments where they kept me calm. Animal therapy can be pretty effective.
I know how you feel, for me Asperger's makes it very hard to function in social situations so everything that is necessary for survival/success (having a job, school etc) is made way harder than it should be. It's good that you have music to calm you down, for me it is reading or watching one of my favorite movies. Godspeed
+Kaija Schmauss I have Aspergers, too. The amount of anxiety I experience is horrible but I am to anxious to ask for help. Listening to music is one of the best things I have to distract myself and calm myself down, but unfortunately, during school, that isn't possible. I love it when I see other people on the autistic spectrum around on the Internet because it makes me feel less... broken as a person? I don't know, but it's nice.
My dad had Aspergers and I'm pretty sure I do to, but I know for a fact that I have anxiety and it's awful.
+TheDiamondMaker *has
I sincerely hope you get some small bit better soon, John, and thank you for sharing your experience. Good on you for speaking up on such a misunderstood issue. Good luck.
"And most importantly I've learned that there is hope and when I feel that there isn't hope my brain is lying to me."
^ that. That right there is the thing that keeps me going 99.9% of the time.
Thanks John.
Thank you, John, that was a very nice and, in a strange way, comforting video. My deep sympathies for your current struggles, and good luck with finding the new balance in your life.
Thank you for being so enlighting, kind and emphatic. Thank you for being you.
I have really enjoyed pizzamas. I live with 3 chronic illnesses. Severe atopic eczema, fibromyalgia, and major depression/anxiety. I have been trailing a new medication for the last three weeks (Imuran) which has progressively made me more sick with nausea, vomiting, and diarrhoea which I stopped yesterday as I couldn't physically force myself to take anymore (disgusting story that no one needs to know). I have had to give up my job two years ago due to the combined effects of these illnesses. Slowly my world has become smaller and smaller as people have dropped off the plain of my existence. I am left with two amazing daughters who work hard to encourage, physically help and provide love and support. I am in hospital approximately one week in every month, with only my girls visiting me now. What I have found is that people don't want to know about chronic illnesses, it's embarrassing to have something that can't be fixed or that has highs and lows.
I don't usually post about it because people don't like to here about it. I have thought of making illness cards that people can give in hospitals for people like me. Cards like "I am not avoiding you, I just don't know what to say to help you, but I still think about you often", "you managed to shower tidy!!! I am honestly proud of you".
it's too real and too sad but true that people don't like when you suffer a chronic illness. they want you to get over it, get better and put it behind you, but for a lot of people they can't deal woth the realoty that you very well may never be better. and it sucks, but some people just don't want to deal with it, be it from annoyance or guilt that there is nothing they can do to 'fix' you. thanks for your articulation in that. i'm glad that your daughters are still supporting you in life. dftba
I think we all know how hard John and Hank have been working the past few weeks. So I feel like today is the best day to appreciate them and how hard they work. VLOGBROTHERS APPRECIATION DAY!!!! Dear John and Hank(or Hank and John whatever) Thank you. Thank you for never forgetting to be awesome. Thank you for being wonderful people.Thank you for being so smart, and sharing your knowledge with us. Its hard to imagine how big the nerdfighteria community has grown. The thought of it alone makes me grin like an idiot. Scratch that. It makes me grin like someone who over time has learned that its okay to be overly enthusiastic about things that you love. Thank you for teaching me that. I am no longer embarrassed to be dorky, nerdy, and enthusiastic around my peers, and I have experienced the benefits of this confidence infinitely. You make me laugh even when I’m under a great deal of stress and I’m finding it hard to think about anything other than the stress. You make me look at the world with a whole new set of eyes. Eyes that sees how others feel, and eyes that care about problems in our world, and want to help fix them. You helped me develop a strong passion for learning that without it, I would not be passing my classes with 90s and over. This is a thank you from my friends too. Not all of my friends know who you are or what you do, but they know that I have been better since I joined this community. Being a nerdfighter means to be kind. It means to be enthusiastic. It means we imagine others complexly. We look at people, and wonder how we could make their day better. It means that in stead of being made up of blood, cells, and organs and stuff, we are made completly out of awesome. And while a vast majority of nerdfighters may not think they are “cool” or “popular” its not true. I now see that these words have no meaning. What does popular mean? Halloween weekend I threw a party. In planning this party I tried to avoid causing any drama. I invited this guy in my math class who felt like he was not very popular, because I wanted to be his friend. He told me that he would never expect and invitation from the likes of me. Confused, I asked him why not, and he said that I was fairly popular. This came as a shock to me. But then I realized that everyone has a different opinion on what “popular” or “cool” means. This guy saw popular as someone who is widely known, but I disagreed with this. What if I was widely known for the wrong reasons? So I began investigating. I asked my friends what they thought popular meant. I found my self either completely disagreeing with all of them, or being completely disgusted of what it meant.So thank you. For being the coolest people ever. And I mean in a good way. You earned your cool by being good people, not by doing what others wanted you to do. Thank you for showing me that is possible.❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ If you are a nerdfighter and you are reading this, reblog and write about how John and Hank changed your life, or something that they taught you.Show them how much we love and respect them for what they do:)
+Ceece Nydam This comment will hopefully make a lot of Nerdfighters smile today. :)
+Meg Dowell yes! including john and hank, because they deserve it!
+Ceece Nydam YES
you made my day !!!!!
+Ceece Nydam I hope they see this, they are truly inspirational and I think it's good for them to see how much good they do in people's lives just by being them, not by doing big expensive or time consuming things necessarily, just by being awesome in and of themselves.
Rare video gems 💎 like this are what keep me going. Your open and articulate discussion of mental illness is so refreshing to hear. I returned to this video many, many times when I was severely depressed and struggling with mental illness of my own.
Today I released my own video on mental illness, it was incredibly difficult to make, but videos like this made it manageable. Thanks for blazing the trail John 🔥 you're an inpiration.
Much love from Canada ❤️
I have social anxiety and I'm trying to work on getting better. But it is the most difficult thing in life!
+Dylan Cataldo Baby steps, friend
I know how you feel and is harder to overcome it when you got no one to support you
So... trust in someone, look for help
I'm seeing a therapist so that's been helping.
I have a friend that suffers with social anxiety, I didn't realize how bad it was until a boy came up to say she was pretty and she had a panic attack.i hope it gets better for you🤗👍
Thank you John. I needed to hear this today.
Thank you. I needed this today.
+Howdy Cloud Me too! DFTBA!
Thank you for making this video, I've been at my 'sickest' for several months now and I'm trying to get out of that hole, but it's so difficult.
So thank you, for reminding me that I'm not alone and that things do get better.
I've been dealing with depression for about eleven years and anxiety for most likely my whole life, though I didn't recognize it for what it was until about six years ago. It wasn't until about two years ago that I started opening up and talking about it for the first time--I started a blog (which I didn't tell anyone about for a long time) where I could just talk about my experiences and my bad days, and slowly, I started telling friends what was going on, how my depression and anxiety worked, and when I was having a hard time with it. It's been the single most important part of learning to cope, and it shouldn't be as scary as it is. I imagine if you're in a more high-profile position where more people can see or judge you, it's scarier. It's a huge moment of vulnerability even to tell my best friends "Hey, I'm not doing so well lately, please be patient with me." And I really haven't been doing well the last few weeks. It's really refreshing and comforting to see other people talking about mental illness as a thing that is (1) a real illness and not just a weakness or a temporary emotion and (2) a thing which is okay to talk about. So thanks for that.
(I commented on my first vlogbrothers video yesterday and my second one today. I've been watching for like four years. Look at me go!)
+Katie S Ten thousand gold stars to you, friend. Those are huge achievements and on the off chance that no one's said it to you yet: I am super proud of you for that. Additionally, welcome to the comments section! It's pretty nice here!
+Katie S Katie, stay strong! Your comment is inspiring to me, as I am also dealing with depression. You're brave to share this, I'm going to do the same as you (thank you). Mental illness is a state of mind. Like any sickness or disease it has to be diagnosed, isolated and treated, and acknowledging it is the first step to wellness. It takes a long time to heal, but the times when we are well are ahead. Times where we can appreciate all aspects of life from the perspective of a well mind. Allowing yourself to open up to your friends and loved ones and be supported is really hard, but doing that is such a huge step to getting well. Let's all help each other through these bad times, in whatever way we can. Continue kicking ass, even when you're feeling vulnerable. Good luck!!!
+Katie S I am sorry you haven't been doing so well the last few weeks. You are so brave and strong to speak about your experiences and your struggles though. Please never forget that. By sharing you are helping so many people just like you keep fighting. You're amazing. Keep it up!
The comments on this video and the ratio of likes to dislikes is why I tell people I'm a nerdfighter. I love this community.
You love echo chambers and people who will agree with you no matter what?
No. I enjoy kindness, intellectual and emotional generosity, and the movement towards understanding the stories of other complexly. Dislike and disagreement are valid responses in many circumstances, but they are not always ones which lead towards a more beautiful world nor are they always particularly helpful. Furthermore, I do disagree with John and Hank on many things. I am sure I disagree with other nerdfighters as well. It's not about being in agreement, it's about being in conversation.
"[...] telling myself over and over that this mood would pass. I knew it would. It always did. But oh, how the waiting sucked."
a quote that i try to think of whenever i feel like shit again
Thank you, John. I struggle to cope with my non-neurotypical brain, and these last three months have left me at my lowest. But friends, family, and good entertainment have helped me. Your podcast has helped me. Acknowledging that you're not okay is so rare, and it made me feel normal. Thanks again.
I got my Rainbow John shirt at the last possible second. Proud of you guys, and grateful for your support. Thanks for a great Pizzamas.
As I'm going through the comments, it's become very clear to me that many people are benefiting from your video, John. I'm so glad to be a part of a community that can be supportive and open with what they are struggling with without fear of being made fun of or belittled. The nerdfighter community is something quite special and I love all of you.
Whatever you are going through, please remember people in your life care about you no matter what your brain is saying. Reach out to someone you trust whether that be a friend, family member, or professional. It will not only improve your health, but it's possible that your friend or family member is going through a tough time and they need help as well.
I'm coming up on my 4 year anniversary of my inpatient stay. You're absolutely right, we need to remember this doesn't define us and to support each other at our lowest points. best of luck with everything.
I've been diagnosed with chronic depression, situational/social anxiety, and misophonia. Over the past three years, it's been very hard. I'd lost interest in my grades, my hobbies, my friends, my hygiene - everything that made me who I am. I saw multiple therapists, to no avail, because when I try to talk about my illness, I can't speak. I physically can't make a sound. I developed issues with self-harm and body-image. I found comfort in food and then hated myself for eating it, causing me to gain weight more and more. Eventually I was diagnosed with an eating disorder. At that point I was seriously considering suicide. A few weeks ago, I finally visited a psychiatrist again. Because of the severe anxiety that school gives me, I'm now in homeschooling and on medicine to help me feel better. It's been two weeks and I already feel so much better. Thanks, John, for talking about this. We all appreciate it. And to anyone else struggling: get help. It will get better.
+Fandoms and Bandoms I'm glad you're feeling better. Hang in there :)
+CactusAvenue Thank you for the support, it means a lot to me. :)
Thank you, John, for being so vulnerable and open about your personal life with us. I find that when people like you take steps to be real about your personal realities, it makes it easier for people like me to deal with our personal realities. My reality isn't fun, like you, I am living with multiple chronic illnesses, mental and physical. Some days suck, some days aren't so bad, but all days are better when I am reminded that I'm not so alone in the battles I wake up to every morning. Thank you, John.
I never really leave comments except for the p4a but this video means a lot to me as a trans girl living with depression and anxiety. It's kinda comforting knowing someone who I look up to and hope to be like is dealing with the crushing weight of mental illness and getting through it, despite it being really really hard sometimes. So thanks :)
This video hit home in ways that I need not describe, but I will say this: thank you John. Your words mean so much in and of themselves-- their quality is not found in your "fame," but in your willingness to share and say things that need to be heard.
John, thank you so much for making this video. I know you'll probably never read this, and that's okay, but I would be remiss to not at least attempt to thank you, because the impact you've made on my life is immeasurable.
I'm a person that suffers from chronic illness both mental and physical, having a progressive genetic disease called cystic fibrosis and also suffering from chronic depression. A few years ago I came across TiFIOS at a time that I desperately needed some form of hope to cling to, and reading your novel and then discovering Nerdfighteria was one of the steps in my finding that hope. That's not to say that I'm suddenly okay, but with the impact this community has made on me and my world view, at least I've been able to believe that someday I can be.
This video meant more to me than most videos do, because it touches on something that most people don't understand, and something that my whole life basically revolves around: It's Not All About Getting Better. Yes, I'm sick. Yes, I'm dying. Yes, I have depression. Yes, I'm alive right now. Just as alive as anyone else is. Alive enough to love, laugh, cry, dream, have friends, have fights, be young and stupid and reckless and grow and learn and make mistakes and act my age and not be your bs inspiration all the time and LIVE. I shouldn't have to hide the sick parts of me all the time just to be treated like a person. I shouldn't have to downplay my disease and I shouldn't have to disguise my depression.
Thank you for helping spread this message, because it's so important.
Kill the stigma surrounding illness, and let us just live.
my words will be lost but what you have given me will never can never be just found. Thankyou John and everyone who talks about mental illnesses and open up conversations. Because the last thing you need when suffering from any tipe of illness is to feel alone and like no one understands or will ever love you for you. DFTBA xx
I think we'll all agree that if John ever feels the need for structure and achievable tasks we would welcome Pizzamas in July.
I love so many things about this video but what stood out the most was John's use of the words sickness and illness. So often Mental illnesses are overlooked and not considered a sickness. My own family disguises my depression and anxiety as 'having a bad day' in comparison to my 'real' chronic illness only because that one can be confirmed by a blood test. I know it wasn't necessarily the point of this video, but its so lovely to hear that from someone you look up to.
Hope you're feeling a bit better than before John, you're a great person, chronic illness and all.
"When I don't feel there is hope, I know my brain is lying to me." Somehow John rewording my thoughts and philosophies usually sounds better than my original wording.
I know this is old, but thank you. And thank you to all the people in the comments sharing their stories, too, even though none of you will see this, I'm sure. Bipolar 2 here, and damn, it's tough sometimes. But when I think no one loves me or I have no hope, that's my disease lying to me. If anyone reads this, I hope you find some encouragement, or perhaps understanding for someone you know who lives with this kind of chronic illness. Let's all be here for each other.
"to be is to change"
thanks for talking about the things that everyone avoids directly addressing. needed this.
We need more like you John to help remove the stigma. You are a good man for sharing with us. I lost a former student of mine due to the devastation of OCD and the resulting depression. I didn't really understand his suffering and what was going on with him until after he graduated. You are a man that demonstrates the personification of awesome.
Newest Hallmark Card: "I hope your life isn't controlled and forced into destitute by your incurable illness."
I love making jokes about my mental disorder.
Thank you John Green. As someone with a mental illness, as a spouse of someone with a mental illness, it's so important to find ways of normalizing the conversation we have about mental illness as a society. It's not always easy to talk about, especially while in the midst of the storm. I am glad to hear you are getting relief and I hope you're not struggling with severe side effects.
I wish I had jump cuts.
Thank you, John. A lot of people have mental illnesses, like myself, and I often struggle finding a consistency that I can use to reach some sort of stability. To hear that someone such as yourself, someone of such talent and open heartedness, struggles with the same thing, while not unfortunate, brings comfort to a lot of people. There's a discourse in that people often aspire to their heroes but know they can never become them, but your honesty in this confession brings you a lot closer to the community in which you have supported, created, and advanced. Thank you for all of your work, your books, your communities, but most of all thank you for your honesty, and your humanity. You're a hero to a lot of people but not because of your superpowers, but because of your overwhelming kindness, your unadulterated honesty, and your humbleness to your own talent and work. I hope that one day I can find that, as you have. Thank you again. May your illnesses never harm the writer, nerd, and great mind that is yourself.
Liked the video even though I am sad that I wouldn't see you guys on a daily bases anymore :(
+Shog AL Mas Oh, but P4A is coming, and we get the 48 hour livestream. We get to look forward to that. DFTBA!
I live with severe depression and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I also have cerebral palsy and use a wheelchair for mobility. I've been through a difficult time lately, and this video is a timely reminder to be kind to myself, and to celebrate life's triumphs, no matter how small or insignificant they seem. John, thank you for this powerful message. Your words mean so much.
What sucks is even people in the mental health medical field don't care much. ER physicians are just as overworked as ER psychiatrists, yet an ER physician will still go out of their way to treat you, while a ER psychiatrist ... depends on their mood. If they don't feel like dealing with you, well, welcome to the psych ward! Enjoy your stay while I don't address your problem for a week, then send you home because "there's nothing that could be done".
And if you go see a psychiatrist outside of a hospital, it costs thousands of dollars. And the uncertainty of mental illness (it's no one's fault) is even more frustrating, because if you're not "cured" in the next couple of weeks, everyone gives up on you and you're on your own and out of who knows how much money.
I know there are some good therapists out there and I'm not shitting on all psychiatrists/psychologists. But it sucks to have to deal with this, without any good result for years.
+Silpae Kang To survive is a form of fight. And it is incredibly hard and frustrating to deal with that. But I genuinely hope that everyone struggling with this finds their support network and their people to help. Don't give up hope and best wishes.
You are right and that never gets talked about. Not every doctor will help. Good doctors are bewildered and feel distrustful of the stories from us. My current doctor said three words, "I believe you." Changed everything.
Most public mental health wards (in Australia anyway) work in the process here is drugs and medicine. That is it. Getting into them is hard in my experience anyway. I once had a psychologist who refused to admit me as there was no beds (there are many other hospitals I could have been referee too surly there was beds in one) and told me if I killed myself it would be my fault not his. Then sent me home for my 19 year old to keep a suicide watch on me.
Thanks for this John. As a fellow human being with clinically diagnosed OCD I find that it becomes hard to fight when people around you don't take it seriously. I can't even begin to count the many jokes I've seen about how people are "overreacting" so they must have OCD or stupid posts about "CDO" (ugh, that one is the worst). Having support and people who actually understand can make the biggest difference (along with CBT, that stuff is fantastic). Keep on being awesome :)
Thank you for sharing your struggles. Have you heard of To Write Love on Her Arms? it's a great non-profit that helps people who struggle with mental illness, depression, addiction, etc. also the founder, Jamie Tworkowski, is a fan of yours :)
This made me tear up, John. Thank you for being honest about such a complex topic. Often the messages sent to those of us who struggle with mental illness are either completely devoid of hope or are optimistic in a way that is borderline accusatory of the person who is ill. I appreciate all that you said, and I hope your stability returns to you soon! We all support you. And Merry Pizzamas!
I hate it when someone says youre so brave. It bothers me. Like, Im not. Brave people are people who have a choice and chooses to do something they are afraid of. I have no choice. Im literally like everyone else who goes through problems they didnt choose to have. They are not being any braver than I am. But I'm probably just rambling. I ramble.
dancinislivin828 Yes, I totally feel and understand where people are coming from when they say it, it's just like mentioned there is this stigma. I feel like, and this is just how I feel, that it isolating and somehow makes my mental illness a "special problem", even though mental illness is very common.
I feel the same way with my physical disabilities
+cadr003 There are many varieties of bravery. I think of things like Bravery like the color red. Sure, lots of things
are red, but rarely are any of those things the same or even in the same category. Apples, fire hydrants, lipsticks, cars, stop signs, barns, roses, crayons, warning labels, etc. All red, all very different things despite all being red.
Having to face something you were never given a choice to or not is certainly one variety, I think. Because there is a choice there, ultimately, and that some people are here typing at all means they made it. That is brave. Making choices, hard, life altering choices is brave. Mundane, maybe, but also brave. And it's not a competition, your bravery cannot detract from someone else's bravery.
I would say strong instead of brave. because that's how I see a person dealing with depression, or bipolar disorder, or bpd - everyday they choose to get out of bed and live is a victory and a testament to how strong they can be, that despite having to constantly carry their mental illnesses around they are STILL LIVING. (strangely I haven't been as effective at looking at my own ADD in the same light... mostly i think of it as a nuisance, idk)
But you made a choice in how you're gonna react to it, and if you choose to keep fighting and not to give up hope, that certainly is brave :)
It always sucks to go through and actually enjoy a good period of mental health only to be reminded that your mental illness is still there and is back with a vengeance, but to hear someone who knows how it feels and has a public platform using it to speak positively about mental health and mental illness is always very helpful and encouraging. It helps to break down the stigma surrounding it all.
anxiety + panic disorder is my Mt. Everest. and I'm gonna climb it.
+Sanam Jamshidi You got this!
You can do it!
+Kevin Sakovich (REN) don't worry man, have some of mine, I gotchu
I agree with everything you say, period. I have panic attacks and have anxiety, depression, and slight O.C.D and watching this made me feel good. You guys give me a reason to live.
Huh. I found Alaska, but I didn't know I was looking for it. Is that always on the wall? Funny how brains work...
OCD can be really difficult and painful. i've had it for as long as i can remember, but it was only through crash course psychology last year that i realized what it was, and that i wasn't alone or insane. i can't thank you enough for that. it really means the world to me.
My OCD disappeared completely when i went vegan.
Just something to think about.
DFTBA
+Rachel B you are implying that it helped right?
Mine absolutely didnt. While veganism improved my physical health and to some degree my mental health, i still struggle everyday with anxiety, obsessive compulsives, and impulse control. Most of the time diet really doesnt have a huge effect on disorders in my experience, and while veganism definitely helped me, with some of my negative thoughts concerning diet, i wouldnt say that if you go vegan, your mental illness will disappear. Im glad it did for you though
+Elle Mc. give it time i guess?
maybe it takes more time for some than others.
really feels good not having it though. its like ive been unshakled heheh.
+Rachel B I think a healthier diet just leads to physical health, which leas to a greater mental health
+Emil Bozhilov Anecdotes are not evidence, and what worked for you may not work for everyone.
What an odd parallel, I have OCD too and have been struggling with it worse than ever before over the past few weeks due to medication changes. I had no idea John Green had OCD too, or that he was going through hard times lately too. It's 5 AM and I'm just getting over a panic attack and this video was something I really needed to hear. Being reassured that there's hope, even from those with the best of intentions can be difficult to swallow... but it takes on a different meaning when it comes from someone who actually understands what it's like to go through the worst of it. I wouldn't wish this illness on my worst enemy, but it's comforting to hear I'm not alone nonetheless. Thank you, John Green.
i had no idea john had ocd
As a person living with a chronic physical illness for which there is currently no cure, I am with you John. My body lies to me regularly but I have my mind to thank for the "wellness" I choose. I cannot begin to imagine your struggle. I am here; willing you my mental strength. You are loved and appreciated and cherished and I can only hope that is enough to help you through this moment, this minute, today. Be well.
How about instead of 'get well', we say 'get happy' huhhuhu?
+Cat Hales Don't worry, Be happy.
And now we dance with Robin Williams!
+Cat Hales Wouldn't that be exactly the same thing for someone with depression?
+Liz Rivers If someone with depression's life permanently lacked anything joyous or happy, they probably should kill themselves.
I mean, that's why we want these people to live, because things can improve with treatment and help. If they couldn't, we'd just be asking people to suffer more to gratify our self-righteous urge to be helpful.
Maybe just "thinking of you" or "I'm here for whatever you need"? "Get happy" or "Take care of yourself" are the impossible things for a depressed person.
+Cat Hales i kind of like "i hope you feel better soon" (as opposed to just "feel better soon".) comes across as a wish for better days instead of a demand.
I have been also feeling more ill these past couple of weeks. A lot of destructive thought patterns I thought I had learned to do without are resurging. Thank you for this. Hope is not illogical.
...not just poop... also fat and carbon dioxide.
As someone living with a chronic illness, and as a friend to a couple of amazing people living with mental illness, I thank you for sharing this John. Though its never a matter of when you'll "get better" I do hope things start to feel better! And i hope you and your family have a happy new year!
Thank you for making this video, John.
I was talking to my father earlier, who said he was "proud" that I didn't seek our professional help when I hit rock bottom because "I'm stronger than that." I probably should have, and probably should currently, go out and do that. Videos like this serve to prove that ANYONE can struggle, and more importantly, that it's okay to struggle and reach out to resources that can help you. It's comforting to know that we're not alone in this fight. I hope more people have this mentality in regards to mental illnesses and can help their fellow man or woman around them.
I had a long reply typed out, but my own illness led me to keep those thoughts inside my skull (something which happens far too often).
So I'll just say "Thank you, John, for the words of hope--no matter how difficult my illness makes it to accept them as applying to me," and hope that in the two weeks since you posted this, your new regimen has helped you become more stable.
Thank you! I have been in my current depression almost 2 years and the numerous knockbacks have left me feeling kinda hopeless. Thank you John for reminding me that there is ALWAYS hope and that this state of being isn't forever.
It makes me smile to see you (John) aknowledge the hope that's always there. I suffered from intrusive thought OCD, anxiety and depression for many years and they just cycled around themselves feeding off each other, Slowly I've begun to learn some self respect and not loathe myself. It's never hopeless. never. if anything it just serves to make the bright moments incandescent!
It always makes me feel good when John speaks about mental illness. I feel like I enjoy life the most when I'm being productive, but I also have occasional problems with anxiety and depression, which are pretty terrible for productivity. Knowing that an extremely productive person like John Green has similar problems gives me a nice, concrete example of someone overcoming those particular problems that give me so much trouble.
This is something I needed, especially now. As someone who suffers from social anxiety and PMDD, I know how crippling mental illness is. Some days are better than others, but when I am at my worst, I feel hopeless. And when I feel that way, like you said, I know my brain is lying to me.
I've coped in many ways, but my favorite is writing poetry to get my messed up feelings out.
Thank you for this. It has helped motivate me to share my story.
This video really means a lot to me. I've been living with obsessive compulsive disorder my whole life, but mostly because of familial problems and because of a lack of funding or reliable insurance until very recently. I've never been able to seek help for it. It feels like nearly every day it completely consumes my life, but seeing things like this lets myself, and other people like me, know that it's okay to ask for help. There are others who understand, and you never have to be ashamed to reach out to others. I really appreciate you guys and all that you do. Thank you so much.
This is a message to both John and Hank Green. I have autism, ocd, and severe PTSD. This year has been traumatizing. One of my special interests is learning (in general). Thank you for speaking out about mental illness and giving me hope for tomorrow. I'm an artist and that hope you give me every day, has kept me moving forward and not quitting life. Thank you from the bottom of my heart...
I thank you for being so honest and open. I live with chronic depression and anxiety. I've been trying for 5 years now to find the right medications and I literally can't hold a job for more than a year without having to quit due to my anxiety. The stigma surrounding it can also be sadly crippling. Seeing people like you and Wil Wheaton being so open about their experiences helps. It truly does. And it gives me hope that some day people will stop judging so easily.
I'm crying because of a lot of reasons. Because I needed to hear this. Because this is the first video I've watched of yours in a while, as something about Vlogbrothers videos reminds me of a past that brings about fear, sadness, nostalgia, and a sick feeling in my chest I refer to as "the vacuum", in which breaths get lost and screams cannot escape. Vacuum aside, I am thankful for this video. I so appreciate these words of encouragement because they are encouraging, yet realistic. They acknowledge the suckiness* of mental illness ("devastation" also fits here) while also giving hope. Thank you for being open and real about this. Thank you for sharing and I wish you all of the strength and the best of wishes.
Thank you for helping to break the stigma John! There has been a huge push for Mental Health Awareness going on at my school, University of California, Irvine, and to have a well respected and loved artist be open about their struggles has the ability to make an impact that simply cannot be had in a small group. Thank you, so very much.
As someone else who struggles with mental illness on a day to day basis (I'm bipolar with anxiety issues), I want to thank you for this video. Knowing that others have fought and are fighting and winning makes each new day that much easier to get through. Thank you, Nerdfighters, for all the support this community shows one another. It is truly a privilege to be a part of it.
I have anxiety. I've had it for years, but it became the worst it has ever been this summer. I think, like you said, the hardest part is talking about it with people because of all the stigma surrounding mental illness. Thank you so much for being vulnerable with us. It's so inspiring.
Thank you so much, John for shedding some light on mental illness. So many people out there don't know what it's like to deal with Major Depressive Disorder, Anxiety, OCD, Bipolar Disorder, Schizophrenia... etc. It can be so debilitating and; it affects people from all walks of life. Wish you all the best, John, to you and your loved ones.
John, I'm so sorry you haven't been feeling well but I'm so glad you're managing your chronic illness better now. Thank you so much for talking about your own experience with mental illness. It has helped me and I'm sure it has helped a lot of other people too.
I am seeing this a year later, but thank you, John, for making a video like this. I'm currently dealing with my own mental health battles and seeing you struggling and finding ways to make it work is inspiring to me and helping me find the courage to reach out and ask for help. Thank you so much, and I hope you are doing well.
This was much needed today. Between my mental illness, chronic illnesses, and chronic pain I am struggling like no other. It helps to see videos like this when I'm in such bad shape.
From one chronically ill person to another I wish you as many good days as possible. For the bad days I hope you get through them as easily as possible.
John, I remember watching your 'perspective' video in 2013 and absolutely breaking down in tears. I couldn't think of a single time in my life anyone i looked up to or respected or for lack of a better term, idolised, being so honest about their mental health. It really struck me hard. I've been diagnosed with anxiety, depression and PTSD. When your video came out, i was in the middle of what turned out to be two years of my life where my mental illness had control of me. Even though it took me some time after that to get help and help myself, watching that video was the first time in a long time i didn't feel completely alone and i thank you so much for that. In the last 12 months, my life has completely turned around, i am progressing in my career, i feel happy, i care about myself and i am definitely not alone.
I know mental illness is personal and not something you want to share every intimate detail of with nerdfighteria, but I am so grateful for what you have shared. It has helped me and i'm sure it's helped others. I'm so glad you have your family and friends to help you during tough times. I wish i could give you the same support you've given me in the past.
John, thank you. My family has a history of depression and I have felt very down on myself for the past week or so, and sometimes you just need a reminder that there are other people out there, including people who, from your perspective, seem healthy and well-off and like they are invincible, but in reality they can be hurting just as much as you are. Plus the fact that there is proof that people do get better, that you can snap out of just about any funk, that there is something to live for and something to look forward to despite how bleak things may seem at the time, is very helpful and I appreciate any message of hope and support that I come across. Keep being awesome and tell your friends, family, and other support people they are awesome too
As one who has suffered from OCD since early childhood, and whose illness has seemingly continued to morph into larger problems by the day, I must say I found this video enormously helpful.
Thank you for being so candid with your viewership, John. I know I'll be directing myself toward either this video or the one you posted on Oct. 30 of 2013 called "Perspective" (about the film Harvey) to attempt to prevent the descent into total blackness.