Clay Andrews My ex visited my work place after almost a year she could have avoided coming there I was busy so we didn't see eachother should I reach out?
Clay Andrews Thanks for reply sir!Shouldn't dumper make a contact first? And I think it's been a year. I haven't reached out and in last call I told her to call me for date only.
#1 - 0:50 - You believe that they have the capacity to do this. #2 - 2:09 - You know that feeling powerful is important to them. In order to justify the break up with you, they need to have an image of you as a person who should be broken up with. It helps them to come out of the break-up looking good. #3 - 4:10 - Their self-worth is determined by external factors. #4 - 5:50 - They are doing things intentionally to hurt you. (Be very, very wary of jumping to conclusions here!) #5 - 7:30 - You have tried to come out of this break-up emotionally inert. (They're testing to see if you actually feel nothing about the break-up.) #6, Teaser-tip - 9:27 - They're giving you hot and cold behaviour. Usually not mind games; they can be confused and stressed out.
I had a date with my ex, she was cute to me and hugged me long and said she miss me. But when I was home, she started to play cold and did not rlly reacted to my flirt in a way i expected. What can I do?
I think my ex is playing games. She broke up with me bc of Long Distance and the loss of connection and attraction. After that, she asked to be friends and went cold when I rejected. Then she would reach out and chat with me for a long time about things like movies she just watched, interesting things that happened in her life, or even our dog, and suddenly pull away reminding me that we are broken up that there is no way she is taking me back. She would be normal emotionally one moment then try to irritate me saying that I am a terrible person. And when I finally pull away, she would act insecure and ask me why do I ignore her. I am so confused right now. Clay, do you think she is deliberately humiliating me for her ego, or she is just as confused as I am? Thank you.
My ex and I were together for almost two and a half years. But about 4-5 months before she broke up with me we started having problems. She has diagnosed depression and I had some Unconfronted trauma. Both of these problems took their toll on our relationship once I had moved in with her and her family. We weren’t ready and it just through a wrench into our dynamic together. We had a big fight a week before she broke up with me and said that the problems on her end of the relationship were a result of her going through a depressive episode which she hadn’t told me this until then. after I poured all my energy into the relationship thinking the problems we were having were a result of me, my own trauma started to come out and I became extremely needy and overbearing. Most likely to the point where she lost attraction towards me and thought I was toxic towards her and her depression. Her, her family and friends, all had blocked me after the break up and I haven’t spoken to her since. Except for telling me to stop talking to her friends. Ive done all I could up to this point. Unfortunately Immediately after the break up, for about two months, I began making a lot of mistakes. But since then, I’ve done a lot of self reflection and have learned a lot about our mental and emotional conditions, as well as what makes relationships work with those conditions. I feel she refuses to let herself understand my perspective because it would challenge her own reality of things. Since I’m sure in her mind she’s, like you say, painting a picture of someone worth breaking up with. My friends say she’s very bitter towards and talks bad about me to them and blows things out of proportion. Also that’s she’s scared of what may happen if she lets me back into her life.
Hi Michael, I understand how much you want to make this relationship work. But before you can even make her consider the idea of getting back together, you will have to make sure that you seek the help of a professional for your trauma. I made a video on what to do if your ex has depression. >> th-cam.com/video/FZCpThxc6hk/w-d-xo.html
I think my ex is playing games with me. We broke up beginning of September last year. I wanted to talk n work things work out n he never wanted to. Beginning of last month he texted me saying he misses me n he wants to talk n work things out. He never came over to talk
For the first two months after the breakup she wasn't hiding anything from me on facebook. She still continued to reply to my texts, but didn't really initiate, except for my birthday and calling when she found out my loved one passed away. Then one day I found something of hers and took it to her house. It was super awkward, I asked her if she wanted to catch up over ice cream and she said she'd let me know when she wants to, because of the virus. It's been a month since and she still hasn't let me know when she wants to meet. But ever since that meetup, she suddenly started hiding all her facebook posts from me except for pictures and selfies. However, sometimes she lets me see certain posts that she's shared that I believe relate to me. Why else would she allow me to see them and not others? For example, one post was about not putting up with a messy lover (which was one of the reasons she left).
She is in a rebound. He tries to keep us apart. She keeps in touch and when we meet it is always friendly but she keeps it a secret from him. I never raise relationship stuff. How do I decide whether to confront her with the choice between us?
Don't make her choose yet. It might bring tension and could back fire when she's not ready. Don't worry about the rebound. Focus on deepening your emotional connection to her.
Hot and cold behavior IS a mind game, trust me. Anything hot and cold or wishy washy is a mind game. That behavior is what ended up ruining my mental health. They jerk you around to keep you around until they find a new toy
My ex has broken up with her rebound but has been spending time with me. She just want to be friends while getting over her rebound. I don't want to be just friends but in order to be more she told me i needed to put a ring on her finger. What should i so?
Clay, im super confused about her right now. First after the breakup she was super cold, then after I attracted her a little she began to talk to me, but now she went silent again. I send her messages and she leaves me on read, and mine are not random texts, they are calculated to attract her: 1. Sent her a pic where I cooked her favorite food. 2. Sent her the improvement of my physique, from when she broke up with me that I didnt had strenght, to 3.5 months later with a much more muscular body. I look good, but no reply.
My ex just changed her relationship status on fb last night after 3 weeks of our break up but does it mean something? That she’s trying for me to contact her?
Mine is currently playing mind games with me. We have this one mutual friend that doesn’t really mess with her and they talked for the first time since me n my ex broke up and she talked abt the “new guy”, mind you its only been a month aftwr weve broke up and she has said it in a way like she wants me to hear that theres another person but i already know that she is using him to get over me and surpress her feelings
Hi Clay!..Bonnie here..Mine is hot and cold..very confused man..he told me he made a mistake and I know talking to him he's not happy..very confused is right..I'm to the point I don't see a reconciliation..its been back and forth for too long now..but he wont let me go
@@bonniebeck4068 I'm curious why you do not see a reconciliation. There's always hope to getting a relationship back. What I am seeing is that there's an opportunity to strengthen your emotional connection so it would be clear to him what the relationship with you can really bring. If you want, you can tell me more about it via email. hello@modernlove.life
A couple of days after a break up she diverted her calls to me. I told her about this to fix it and she didn't. I ended up blocking her and all the numbers that called looking for her. After a week I unblocked her. Almost a month passed with silence and she, again diverted her calls to me. Part of me felt like she did this on purpose. I'm not sure whether these are mind games or not.
Hey Clay, since we're supposed to be being honest with our ex and trying to be friends in order to get closer with them, then would you say it's ok to ask an ex why they don't reach out to you? Especially since he said he wanted us to stay friends. Why or why not?
Hi Hayley, First, you have to know that being friends with an ex may have some limitations. It doesn't mean that when we are friends with them, things will just go on as normal. We have to understand that the will still be some negative emotions that need to heal and to be processed. If ever you will ask your ex, will that be coming from a place of acceptance or attachment to the expectations that go along with the idea of friendship?
@@ClayAndrews I feel like both because I want him to reach out to me so that I can see that he even cares about being friends but I also want him to reach out because I want to know if I am annoying him. I don't really know. there's a lot of reasons.
@@ClayAndrews Also he always responds almost instantly when I initiate a conversation but never initiates himself. Could he be trying to act like he is over me and just doesn't text me first since he knows that we will talk again because I will always initiate?
Hi Clay, she broke up with me 2 months ago. I contacted her a couple of weeks ago and she called me. We spoke for an hour of just basic stuff. I decided to call her a few days later and we talked longer but she seemed a little distant. I asked her to hang out and she was not interested in that at all. So I said apparently I need to do all the contacting? She said I don't know it depends how I feel. So I decided to go no contact again. 11 days later I received a call from her and she was giving me a mix of missing me, flirty talk but then kept going back to the fact we are not together which was annoying. It was almost a push pull dynamic in 1 conversation. I don't know if I should pursue or go ghost. Any opinions would help. Thanks
I need help clay. So last time we hung out was good, and we talked over text the couple days following and she said that our hang out on Tuesday would have to be over FaceTime because of quarantine and stuff and that she would be happy to. Sure, sounds good. But the past couple days we haven’t been able to call or talk and now she won’t really respond to anything. What is going on here? I can tell that she’s really depressed right now and I’m not sure what to say or do to have her talk over the phone. Where about a am I? What should I do?
Hi Charles, do you think your ex is more worried of what is currently happening than focusing on her thoughts with the relationship? We have to understand that the current situation can truly cause some worries for most people.
Hi Charles, with what's going on in the entire world, I feel that we can get closer to others by showing that we understand what people could be going through. Quarantine is not easy and the experience varies. Just check up on her. Be accepting when she wants to respond, or how long it will take her. Keep safe.
My ex and I were together almost 3 years. She went cold and emotionless in november, in december told me she was talking to and interested in another guy. In middle january I moved out and told her I was breaking up wit her, I needed space from the toxicity. 2 weeks later in February she left me and up until this past weekend was telling me she would try to work things out with me. Now she's in a new relationship. Do I have any chance to get her back?
There's always hope to getting a relationship back. She fell for the rebound because there's an emotional gap in your relationship. Understanding what caused that gap and improving your interaction is crucial. Have you assessed what lead to the emotional gap?
@@ClayAndrews Yes i have. I quit using booze 4 months now and I've tried to talk to her about how she felt. She said she knew it would be a lot of work to make US work. then left me and got into another relationship...not even 2 months after she left me.
@@DrKing1989 ayy well since you asked. we ended up trying again but this time she was hiding the other guy still. its been almost a year since ive seen her.💁♂
@@UndeadLavender thanks for reply buddy. sorry to hear about the outcome. Ive dated long distance 6mths, havent seen her for 5mnths talk with her every now and then but she doesnt make any effort whatsoever. Ill try to shorten distance between us but I have no high hopes at this point.
I breaked no contact because she reached out saying "Hey want a photo of you? Take this one" and send me the photo, I answered, that thanks and bla bla, i did right? i wouldnt ignore her right? She asked if everything is okay Said that she changed the role in her job etc etc (she's in 1 month and 1 week with a rebound) what should I do now?
Clay Andrew's, my ex has been in a rebound relationship and lately she has been giving me mixed signals, hot and cold behavior and confusing me ...is that because she is trying to decide between me or them?
I've been in a relationship with this guy on off for 11mnths. Last saw him in March. Had an opportunity to catch up this wkend one day all good next day nothing. Won't answer txt msg or ph call. Im guttered nd hurt. It's just happened. What to do?
I need your help. I messaged the same comment on 5 of your videos. Please Im at a point where I am so close I feel like but I need help and personal advice. I'll pay u if needed please
Kragan Sullivan Loosen up. Don’t allow your ex to see that you’re desperate. If you’re so close, you should have no reason to worry. Just continue to be the you that you want to be. Continue making them happy, and they should come back on their own.
I don't understand clay my ex is in a new relationship she has said I hope you can forgive me for breaking up with you and hurting you but then she multiple times has told me things I didn't need to no like she had stayed at his place the week after our breakup and that there now looking for a flat together the first was after she said she was tired and stupidly I asked her why and the latter was after I needed to drop something of hers of to her but she said she was busy she was going with the new bloke for a meal after the looked at a flat together im not reacting to this but deep down it hurts badly what can this mean or am I just letting myself get worked up over nothing?
Hi Chris, it seems like your ex may still be attached with you in some way. But if you feel that you are uncomfortable when it comes to talking about her new relationship, you can always redirect the conversation. It will really depend on how you would control the interaction.
@@ClayAndrews im not responding to what she has said I just kind of change the subject im just so confused as we seemed fine then one day she said she felt she couldn't open up to me so we couldn't be together but she always did talk to me then 4 days after the split she was seen kissing this new bloke and holding his hand etc im trying no contact if she talks im responding nicely trying to make it seem im ok or good when in reality im still struggling as I do love her
Thanks for your response as well I really want her back but I feel like she has moved on it could be she is not telling me the whole truth but its difficult as she has deleted me on Facebook my only platform i use so difficult I still see her on messenger but she deleted me then a couple of hours later she unblocked me im just so confused we both have the same values and we both seemed to want the same things in life a family etc but her new bloke she has told me wants to travel and she's thinking of going with him she never spoke to me about travelling only having a family my heads all over the place I wish I could move on but its really difficult
Just had a strange one now just had to drive past her work and she messaged me saying did I drive past. I said yes why she said because I saw you look in I said sorry force of habit lol. how are you. she said really good going to be moving into a house with her new bloke which I no can't be true but said ah fair enough she said she has given up smoking and is really happy just seems very odd if honest
@@ClayAndrews i just feel like I messed up now I wish I could do something but I think I've really messed things up now I just feel so low 😞 I wish she would give me a second chance but she has never gone back to an ex she says its because she felt she couldn't open up to me but I no she did so I think I was just boring to her I should have taken her out more but i don't think I will get that chance now 😢
Guy came back after 8 weeks, we texted for 2 days, he send me a sexual story ( I asked for it since we used to do that) Then I probably made a mistake nu I said his story was only okay with no laughing emoticon. He didn’t respond so I got anxious and texted him again after few yours, saying that I did like the story but was just trying to get him to do betteror sth like that, I basicaly told him I was playing a game and I said I guessed he was angry? He texted why should I be angrythen he texted again that he was in a meeting so not to text . That was 5 weeks ago, I didn’t text and he didn’t either. What should I do, text him and what do I text him then? Or is that called chasing or is he playing mind games and is trying to get me to chase? Please do not say forget him, just what should I do, text him and if so what should I see or should I wait for him to come around?
Hey man so I face timed my ex after a month of NC and when we face timed we started some good funny chat then she kept saying she was pregnant in a giggling manner and she kept saying it like she wasn’t lying and she kept saying she wasn’t so I was very confused and I’m thinking she’s pregnant now because idk if she lying or not also I was a rebound during our time together and she broke up with her ex a few weeks ago after the 2nd time so basically it’s prob because she’s alone but does she want a reaction from me? Attention? She says she’s also in denial so I’m very confused
Hi Mace, your situation sounds a bit complicated. How would you like to proceed with your situation given the dynamics that you have between the two of you? Would you still prefer to be her rebound or would you like to seek someone who is more emotionally available and can commit with you in a healthy manner?
Clay Andrews hey man so I found out my chances of getting back are done lmao but here’s the deal, the girl I was with broke up with her ex due to lack of attention so that’s when she came to me for all of it, she broke up with me to go back with the ex and now she’s broken up with the ex to start dating another guy possibly another rebound only a few weeks after breaking up with him same as with me, man will this girl ever find anything good? Will she ever change cuz now I just feel bad for who she’s ever hurt.
My ex asked if I was seeing anyone. I'm not. Then told me she's going on a date with a guy. She messages, ignores, then reappears after days then repeat. What's going on?
Remember that dating someone else doesn't mean that she's lost all her feelings for you. It's just that those feelings are being masked by the issues in your relationship.
Any advice or help please! I was in this relationship and it was perfect! Seriously! We dated 5 months. We both loved each other and where very different to each other. During the 5th month things got a little overwhelming. She had kids, I didn’t. It was all very new too me and I was having a hard time dealing with it. Not in a bad way tho. She sensed something was a little off but never decided to bring it up so she decided to break it off, said it didn’t feel right for her anymore. Now I did a lot of special things for her that never been done and she absolutely feel in love with me. I was shocked that this happened. Couldn’t believe she wouldn’t want to talk about it with me. I made the mistake of acting out and pleading for her to talk to me and even wrote a stupid letter. Now see, love makes you do stupid things. I set the standard pretty high for her. This ended 3 months ago. Think there’s still a chance? Deep down I know she really didn’t want this but I think I drove it to the point where maybe I scared her off. But I know I fucked up with that. But I haven’t been in contact for 3 months. And advice. There’s just this energy I feel. It was a very unique relationship, I really wanna reach out to her but I know I can’t. I believe we just had a huge misunderstanding of the things going on. I feel stupid and pathetic. I’ve learned a lot after the break up and I 100 percent feel like a better man because of it. In a way I feel like I had to go through that due to my lack of dating experience. I spent most my life working on my foundation. I don’t want to waste the best parts of myself on anyone else. She was a great women, she was perfect for me. Also I just unfriend her on Facebook cause i do feel I needed to do that to move on, good or bad move. And crazy thing, she kept her relationship status with me for 2 months after the break up
Bulau Power It’s scary how similar your story sounds to mine. Don’t beat yourself up, the breakup wasn’t all your fault. I felt like you did for a long time, but as you said, if you were the best she had, you did the best you could at the time. Now you know better. Personally, I’d say keep at no contact. You have to remember just because you’re feeling a lot of strong emotions for them, if you haven’t heard from them they likely aren’t ready to talk with you. That’s not to say they aren’t thinking about you. I’m currently in no contact almost 3 months now with a woman who I only dated a few months, but I know the connection we had could never be better. Just trust in yourself and your value. Don’t let the coronavirus scare you into contacting them. I promise you silence shows them strength and respect. Remember she only knows the old you, the new you thinks you can reason with her, but she doesn’t know the new you yet. If you’re looking for advice, chances are you aren’t ready emotionally. I know I’m not fully yet. Anyways, it’s much more valuable for them to reach out to you first. You don’t have to give up on them, but don’t preoccupy. Go out. Keep working on yourself and doing you. Best of luck.
Work on the issues that caused the tension in the relationship. It's important that you give yourself time to learn relational skills that will help you approach your ex better this time. 3 months may have lowered any negative feelings she has. You can test if she'll be ready for a conversation. Have you considered looking into one of our courses? We can definitely help you out on your journey.
Luke S thanks man! It’s tough not to want to reach out cause I always feel like maybe they want me too. What’s weird is I know she’s starting to date again and I don’t get it. Maybe she’s been through this so much this is the only way she knows how to go. Life’s crazy, I just know what we had. A side of me thinks maybe she needs to date again and realize what she had but time will tell. I’ve been staying focused and working on myself but that time at night when your settling down the thought and nostalgic memories flood.
Thanks for watching this video. For more signs your ex wants you back, here's a series you might like: th-cam.com/video/4tpTirUU-QU/w-d-xo.html
Hey Clay someone is spamming the comment section. Can you block them?
Clay Andrews My ex visited my work place after almost a year she could have avoided coming there I was busy so we didn't see eachother should I reach out?
Yes, we do that and we report spammers as well. :-)
@Sigma wolf, I am curious to know what is stopping you from reaching out to her?
Clay Andrews Thanks for reply sir!Shouldn't dumper make a contact first? And I think it's been a year. I haven't reached out and in last call I told her to call me for date only.
#1 - 0:50 - You believe that they have the capacity to do this.
#2 - 2:09 - You know that feeling powerful is important to them. In order to justify the break up with you, they need to have an image of you as a person who should be broken up with. It helps them to come out of the break-up looking good.
#3 - 4:10 - Their self-worth is determined by external factors.
#4 - 5:50 - They are doing things intentionally to hurt you. (Be very, very wary of jumping to conclusions here!)
#5 - 7:30 - You have tried to come out of this break-up emotionally inert. (They're testing to see if you actually feel nothing about the break-up.)
#6, Teaser-tip - 9:27 - They're giving you hot and cold behaviour. Usually not mind games; they can be confused and stressed out.
Sigh, yep. My ex is codependent and is now playing games now that we're back in touch. Sigh. I'm so disappointed
This is better advice than I thought it would be
I had a date with my ex, she was cute to me and hugged me long and said she miss me. But when I was home, she started to play cold and did not rlly reacted to my flirt in a way i expected. What can I do?
The same thing
Hard to get lmao how old are you?
He did, called me sick for being so upset , and .. was, . And I recognized every single thing.. even at the time I walked away.
Has he always been like that during the relationship? Have you reflected on whether this guy is worth all your efforts and pain?
I think my ex is playing games. She broke up with me bc of Long Distance and the loss of connection and attraction. After that, she asked to be friends and went cold when I rejected. Then she would reach out and chat with me for a long time about things like movies she just watched, interesting things that happened in her life, or even our dog, and suddenly pull away reminding me that we are broken up that there is no way she is taking me back. She would be normal emotionally one moment then try to irritate me saying that I am a terrible person. And when I finally pull away, she would act insecure and ask me why do I ignore her.
I am so confused right now. Clay, do you think she is deliberately humiliating me for her ego, or she is just as confused as I am? Thank you.
My ex and I were together for almost two and a half years. But about 4-5 months before she broke up with me we started having problems. She has diagnosed depression and I had some Unconfronted trauma. Both of these problems took their toll on our relationship once I had moved in with her and her family. We weren’t ready and it just through a wrench into our dynamic together. We had a big fight a week before she broke up with me and said that the problems on her end of the relationship were a result of her going through a depressive episode which she hadn’t told me this until then. after I poured all my energy into the relationship thinking the problems we were having were a result of me, my own trauma started to come out and I became extremely needy and overbearing. Most likely to the point where she lost attraction towards me and thought I was toxic towards her and her depression. Her, her family and friends, all had blocked me after the break up and I haven’t spoken to her since. Except for telling me to stop talking to her friends. Ive done all I could up to this point. Unfortunately Immediately after the break up, for about two months, I began making a lot of mistakes. But since then, I’ve done a lot of self reflection and have learned a lot about our mental and emotional conditions, as well as what makes relationships work with those conditions. I feel she refuses to let herself understand my perspective because it would challenge her own reality of things. Since I’m sure in her mind she’s, like you say, painting a picture of someone worth breaking up with. My friends say she’s very bitter towards and talks bad about me to them and blows things out of proportion. Also that’s she’s scared of what may happen if she lets me back into her life.
Hi Michael, I understand how much you want to make this relationship work. But before you can even make her consider the idea of getting back together, you will have to make sure that you seek the help of a professional for your trauma. I made a video on what to do if your ex has depression. >> th-cam.com/video/FZCpThxc6hk/w-d-xo.html
Clay Andrews thank you for the insight. If she ever unblocks me hopefully we can make it work
I think my ex is playing games with me. We broke up beginning of September last year. I wanted to talk n work things work out n he never wanted to. Beginning of last month he texted me saying he misses me n he wants to talk n work things out. He never came over to talk
For the first two months after the breakup she wasn't hiding anything from me on facebook. She still continued to reply to my texts, but didn't really initiate, except for my birthday and calling when she found out my loved one passed away. Then one day I found something of hers and took it to her house. It was super awkward, I asked her if she wanted to catch up over ice cream and she said she'd let me know when she wants to, because of the virus. It's been a month since and she still hasn't let me know when she wants to meet. But ever since that meetup, she suddenly started hiding all her facebook posts from me except for pictures and selfies. However, sometimes she lets me see certain posts that she's shared that I believe relate to me. Why else would she allow me to see them and not others? For example, one post was about not putting up with a messy lover (which was one of the reasons she left).
She is in a rebound. He tries to keep us apart. She keeps in touch and when we meet it is always friendly but she keeps it a secret from him. I never raise relationship stuff. How do I decide whether to confront her with the choice between us?
Don't make her choose yet. It might bring tension and could back fire when she's not ready. Don't worry about the rebound. Focus on deepening your emotional connection to her.
I've lived it he play mind games I still love him but forgive
Hot and cold behavior IS a mind game, trust me. Anything hot and cold or wishy washy is a mind game. That behavior is what ended up ruining my mental health. They jerk you around to keep you around until they find a new toy
My ex has broken up with her rebound but has been spending time with me. She just want to be friends while getting over her rebound. I don't want to be just friends but in order to be more she told me i needed to put a ring on her finger. What should i so?
How to get over a break up
Clay, im super confused about her right now. First after the breakup she was super cold, then after I attracted her a little she began to talk to me, but now she went silent again. I send her messages and she leaves me on read, and mine are not random texts, they are calculated to attract her: 1. Sent her a pic where I cooked her favorite food. 2. Sent her the improvement of my physique, from when she broke up with me that I didnt had strenght, to 3.5 months later with a much more muscular body. I look good, but no reply.
My ex just changed her relationship status on fb last night after 3 weeks of our break up but does it mean something? That she’s trying for me to contact her?
Mine is currently playing mind games with me. We have this one mutual friend that doesn’t really mess with her and they talked for the first time since me n my ex broke up and she talked abt the “new guy”, mind you its only been a month aftwr weve broke up and she has said it in a way like she wants me to hear that theres another person but i already know that she is using him to get over me and surpress her feelings
Okay how can u get out if there are playing mind games with u and work things out for the better
Hi Clay!..Bonnie here..Mine is hot and cold..very confused man..he told me he made a mistake and I know talking to him he's not happy..very confused is right..I'm to the point I don't see a reconciliation..its been back and forth for too long now..but he wont let me go
@Bridget Madison ..this is Clay's channel.Thank You but I will get through to him ..but no Thanks.😊
@@bonniebeck4068 I'm curious why you do not see a reconciliation. There's always hope to getting a relationship back. What I am seeing is that there's an opportunity to strengthen your emotional connection so it would be clear to him what the relationship with you can really bring. If you want, you can tell me more about it via email. hello@modernlove.life
A couple of days after a break up she diverted her calls to me. I told her about this to fix it and she didn't. I ended up blocking her and all the numbers that called looking for her. After a week I unblocked her. Almost a month passed with silence and she, again diverted her calls to me. Part of me felt like she did this on purpose. I'm not sure whether these are mind games or not.
Yeah they are
Hey Clay, since we're supposed to be being honest with our ex and trying to be friends in order to get closer with them, then would you say it's ok to ask an ex why they don't reach out to you? Especially since he said he wanted us to stay friends. Why or why not?
Hi Hayley, First, you have to know that being friends with an ex may have some limitations. It doesn't mean that when we are friends with them, things will just go on as normal. We have to understand that the will still be some negative emotions that need to heal and to be processed. If ever you will ask your ex, will that be coming from a place of acceptance or attachment to the expectations that go along with the idea of friendship?
@@ClayAndrews I feel like both because I want him to reach out to me so that I can see that he even cares about being friends but I also want him to reach out because I want to know if I am annoying him. I don't really know. there's a lot of reasons.
@@ClayAndrews Also he always responds almost instantly when I initiate a conversation but never initiates himself. Could he be trying to act like he is over me and just doesn't text me first since he knows that we will talk again because I will always initiate?
@@ClayAndrews funny thing is, he reached out last night
Is it easy to get over a break up or hard specially your first one
Hey are you over now?
Hi Clay, she broke up with me 2 months ago. I contacted her a couple of weeks ago and she called me. We spoke for an hour of just basic stuff. I decided to call her a few days later and we talked longer but she seemed a little distant. I asked her to hang out and she was not interested in that at all. So I said apparently I need to do all the contacting? She said I don't know it depends how I feel. So I decided to go no contact again. 11 days later I received a call from her and she was giving me a mix of missing me, flirty talk but then kept going back to the fact we are not together which was annoying. It was almost a push pull dynamic in 1 conversation. I don't know if I should pursue or go ghost. Any opinions would help. Thanks
She's crazy
I need help clay. So last time we hung out was good, and we talked over text the couple days following and she said that our hang out on Tuesday would have to be over FaceTime because of quarantine and stuff and that she would be happy to. Sure, sounds good. But the past couple days we haven’t been able to call or talk and now she won’t really respond to anything. What is going on here? I can tell that she’s really depressed right now and I’m not sure what to say or do to have her talk over the phone. Where about a am I? What should I do?
Hi Charles, do you think your ex is more worried of what is currently happening than focusing on her thoughts with the relationship? We have to understand that the current situation can truly cause some worries for most people.
Hi Charles, with what's going on in the entire world, I feel that we can get closer to others by showing that we understand what people could be going through. Quarantine is not easy and the experience varies. Just check up on her. Be accepting when she wants to respond, or how long it will take her. Keep safe.
Clay Andrews thank you! Will do
Literally all of the above....and I’m trying no contact. She immediately moved to another guy the day we broke up, idk what to do , it’s been 6 weeks
My ex and I were together almost 3 years. She went cold and emotionless in november, in december told me she was talking to and interested in another guy. In middle january I moved out and told her I was breaking up wit her, I needed space from the toxicity. 2 weeks later in February she left me and up until this past weekend was telling me she would try to work things out with me. Now she's in a new relationship. Do I have any chance to get her back?
There's always hope to getting a relationship back. She fell for the rebound because there's an emotional gap in your relationship. Understanding what caused that gap and improving your interaction is crucial. Have you assessed what lead to the emotional gap?
@@ClayAndrews Yes i have. I quit using booze 4 months now and I've tried to talk to her about how she felt. She said she knew it would be a lot of work to make US work. then left me and got into another relationship...not even 2 months after she left me.
What happened on the end?
@@DrKing1989 ayy well since you asked. we ended up trying again but this time she was hiding the other guy still. its been almost a year since ive seen her.💁♂
@@UndeadLavender thanks for reply buddy. sorry to hear about the outcome. Ive dated long distance 6mths, havent seen her for 5mnths talk with her every now and then but she doesnt make any effort whatsoever. Ill try to shorten distance between us but I have no high hopes at this point.
I breaked no contact because she reached out saying "Hey want a photo of you? Take this one" and send me the photo, I answered, that thanks and bla bla, i did right? i wouldnt ignore her right?
She asked if everything is okay
Said that she changed the role in her job etc etc
(she's in 1 month and 1 week with a rebound) what should I do now?
Here's a video I made regarding that >> th-cam.com/video/yLH8jaBw78I/w-d-xo.html
Clay Andrew's, my ex has been in a rebound relationship and lately she has been giving me mixed signals, hot and cold behavior and confusing me ...is that because she is trying to decide between me or them?
Maybe. If shes doing that she has feelings for you and dosent know how to express feelings. Do no contact for weeks or months
@@lordsith952 yeah that's my thoughts on it .
I'm currently going through the same situation I'm doing no contact. She been reaching out but just breadcrumbs so keeping strong.
@@juicesenpai1413 when I come in to contact with in person bc of work it's been hot and cold and mixed signals... its very frustrating
We dont text eachother it's only been when I had to see her...but now I dont see her with everything going on so no contact again
I've been in a relationship with this guy on off for 11mnths. Last saw him in March. Had an opportunity to catch up this wkend one day all good next day nothing. Won't answer txt msg or ph call. Im guttered nd hurt. It's just happened. What to do?
I need your help. I messaged the same comment on 5 of your videos. Please Im at a point where I am so close I feel like but I need help and personal advice. I'll pay u if needed please
Kragan Sullivan Loosen up. Don’t allow your ex to see that you’re desperate.
If you’re so close, you should have no reason to worry. Just continue to be the you that you want to be. Continue making them happy, and they should come back on their own.
Kragan, get in touch with me at hello@modernlove.life .
I don't understand clay my ex is in a new relationship she has said I hope you can forgive me for breaking up with you and hurting you but then she multiple times has told me things I didn't need to no like she had stayed at his place the week after our breakup and that there now looking for a flat together the first was after she said she was tired and stupidly I asked her why and the latter was after I needed to drop something of hers of to her but she said she was busy she was going with the new bloke for a meal after the looked at a flat together im not reacting to this but deep down it hurts badly what can this mean or am I just letting myself get worked up over nothing?
Hi Chris, it seems like your ex may still be attached with you in some way. But if you feel that you are uncomfortable when it comes to talking about her new relationship, you can always redirect the conversation. It will really depend on how you would control the interaction.
@@ClayAndrews im not responding to what she has said I just kind of change the subject im just so confused as we seemed fine then one day she said she felt she couldn't open up to me so we couldn't be together but she always did talk to me then 4 days after the split she was seen kissing this new bloke and holding his hand etc im trying no contact if she talks im responding nicely trying to make it seem im ok or good when in reality im still struggling as I do love her
Thanks for your response as well I really want her back but I feel like she has moved on it could be she is not telling me the whole truth but its difficult as she has deleted me on Facebook my only platform i use so difficult I still see her on messenger but she deleted me then a couple of hours later she unblocked me im just so confused we both have the same values and we both seemed to want the same things in life a family etc but her new bloke she has told me wants to travel and she's thinking of going with him she never spoke to me about travelling only having a family my heads all over the place I wish I could move on but its really difficult
Just had a strange one now just had to drive past her work and she messaged me saying did I drive past. I said yes why she said because I saw you look in I said sorry force of habit lol. how are you. she said really good going to be moving into a house with her new bloke which I no can't be true but said ah fair enough she said she has given up smoking and is really happy just seems very odd if honest
@@ClayAndrews i just feel like I messed up now I wish I could do something but I think I've really messed things up now I just feel so low 😞 I wish she would give me a second chance but she has never gone back to an ex she says its because she felt she couldn't open up to me but I no she did so I think I was just boring to her I should have taken her out more but i don't think I will get that chance now 😢
Guy came back after 8 weeks, we texted for 2 days, he send me a sexual story ( I asked for it since we used to do that) Then I probably made a mistake nu I said his story was only okay with no laughing emoticon. He didn’t respond so I got anxious and texted him again after few yours, saying that I did like the story but was just trying to get him to do betteror sth like that, I basicaly told him I was playing a game and I said I guessed he was angry? He texted why should I be angrythen he texted again that he was in a meeting so not to text . That was 5 weeks ago, I didn’t text and he didn’t either. What should I do, text him and what do I text him then? Or is that called chasing or is he playing mind games and is trying to get me to chase? Please do not say forget him, just what should I do, text him and if so what should I see or should I wait for him to come around?
Hey man so I face timed my ex after a month of NC and when we face timed we started some good funny chat then she kept saying she was pregnant in a giggling manner and she kept saying it like she wasn’t lying and she kept saying she wasn’t so I was very confused and I’m thinking she’s pregnant now because idk if she lying or not also I was a rebound during our time together and she broke up with her ex a few weeks ago after the 2nd time so basically it’s prob because she’s alone but does she want a reaction from me? Attention? She says she’s also in denial so I’m very confused
Hi Mace, your situation sounds a bit complicated. How would you like to proceed with your situation given the dynamics that you have between the two of you? Would you still prefer to be her rebound or would you like to seek someone who is more emotionally available and can commit with you in a healthy manner?
Clay Andrews hey man so I found out my chances of getting back are done lmao but here’s the deal, the girl I was with broke up with her ex due to lack of attention so that’s when she came to me for all of it, she broke up with me to go back with the ex and now she’s broken up with the ex to start dating another guy possibly another rebound only a few weeks after breaking up with him same as with me, man will this girl ever find anything good? Will she ever change cuz now I just feel bad for who she’s ever hurt.
My ex asked if I was seeing anyone. I'm not. Then told me she's going on a date with a guy. She messages, ignores, then reappears after days then repeat. What's going on?
She maybe using you to fill a void, ex's do that.
Remember that dating someone else doesn't mean that she's lost all her feelings for you. It's just that those feelings are being masked by the issues in your relationship.
Any advice or help please! I was in this relationship and it was perfect! Seriously! We dated 5 months. We both loved each other and where very different to each other. During the 5th month things got a little overwhelming. She had kids, I didn’t. It was all very new too me and I was having a hard time dealing with it. Not in a bad way tho. She sensed something was a little off but never decided to bring it up so she decided to break it off, said it didn’t feel right for her anymore. Now I did a lot of special things for her that never been done and she absolutely feel in love with me. I was shocked that this happened. Couldn’t believe she wouldn’t want to talk about it with me. I made the mistake of acting out and pleading for her to talk to me and even wrote a stupid letter. Now see, love makes you do stupid things. I set the standard pretty high for her. This ended 3 months ago. Think there’s still a chance? Deep down I know she really didn’t want this but I think I drove it to the point where maybe I scared her off. But I know I fucked up with that. But I haven’t been in contact for 3 months. And advice. There’s just this energy I feel. It was a very unique relationship, I really wanna reach out to her but I know I can’t. I believe we just had a huge misunderstanding of the things going on. I feel stupid and pathetic. I’ve learned a lot after the break up and I 100 percent feel like a better man because of it. In a way I feel like I had to go through that due to my lack of dating experience. I spent most my life working on my foundation. I don’t want to waste the best parts of myself on anyone else. She was a great women, she was perfect for me. Also I just unfriend her on Facebook cause i do feel I needed to do that to move on, good or bad move. And crazy thing, she kept her relationship status with me for 2 months after the break up
Bulau Power It’s scary how similar your story sounds to mine. Don’t beat yourself up, the breakup wasn’t all your fault. I felt like you did for a long time, but as you said, if you were the best she had, you did the best you could at the time. Now you know better. Personally, I’d say keep at no contact. You have to remember just because you’re feeling a lot of strong emotions for them, if you haven’t heard from them they likely aren’t ready to talk with you. That’s not to say they aren’t thinking about you. I’m currently in no contact almost 3 months now with a woman who I only dated a few months, but I know the connection we had could never be better. Just trust in yourself and your value. Don’t let the coronavirus scare you into contacting them. I promise you silence shows them strength and respect. Remember she only knows the old you, the new you thinks you can reason with her, but she doesn’t know the new you yet. If you’re looking for advice, chances are you aren’t ready emotionally. I know I’m not fully yet. Anyways, it’s much more valuable for them to reach out to you first. You don’t have to give up on them, but don’t preoccupy. Go out. Keep working on yourself and doing you. Best of luck.
Work on the issues that caused the tension in the relationship. It's important that you give yourself time to learn relational skills that will help you approach your ex better this time. 3 months may have lowered any negative feelings she has. You can test if she'll be ready for a conversation. Have you considered looking into one of our courses? We can definitely help you out on your journey.
Luke S thanks man! It’s tough not to want to reach out cause I always feel like maybe they want me too. What’s weird is I know she’s starting to date again and I don’t get it. Maybe she’s been through this so much this is the only way she knows how to go. Life’s crazy, I just know what we had. A side of me thinks maybe she needs to date again and realize what she had but time will tell. I’ve been staying focused and working on myself but that time at night when your settling down the thought and nostalgic memories flood.
Why is she calling names , very childish behaviour
you waffle too much