How To Know If Your Ex Is At Riding The Dragon (Clay Andrews 5 Stages)
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 2 ต.ค. 2024
- Clay Andrews discusses the Riding The Dragon part of the 5 stages of getting back togetherr.
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In this video, we're going to talk about how to tell if your ex is at the riding the dragon at stage of getting back together and what you can do to help them to move past this stage.
This can often be one of the most confusing and frustrating parts of the journey of getting back together with your ex.
It may seem that your ex is acting like a different person or that they are suddenly playing sadistic mind games with you.
However, this often isn't the case, if you understand where your ex is coming from on an emotional level.
That's what this video is about.
**** IMPORTANT ****
This is an internet video, and it should be obvious, but this video and other videos on this channel should not be taken as a substitute for the evaluation of a psychologist, therapist, counselor, etc. This video and other videos on this channel are intended for informational uses only, and only reflect the personal opinions of the creator. The creator of this video is not responsible for your actions or choices or the consequences of your actions or choices.
Thanks for watching this video. I know that it's tough when your ex is at Riding The Dragon. It's a confusing and frustrating part of this whole process. What were the dead giveaways that your ex was at Riding The Dragon? Leave a comment and let me know.
Iv not heard from my ex in 3 months
Hi Daryl, Would you consider that you are emotionally ready to initiate contact with your ex? In doing the Active No Contact, we have to take the active approach instead of just waiting. But we have to be sure that our Advanced Relational Skills are fully developed.
This video is absolutely spot on Clay
My significant ex is soooooooo nice to me sometimes(probably when he’s fell out with the rebound)then another time he is rather unco-operative towards me(or anywhere in between!)
we had an amazing relationship until his mistake with the grass isn’t greener relationship but he’s having a hard time admitting his mistake and doesn’t seem happy most of the time
but I will keep riding the dragon for as long as it takes as I KNOW we belong together and nothing else will do
so thanks Clay for the ‘feeling the way’ analogy - love that!!
thanks again
Hi Clay it's a very hot and cold situation right now but getting better with the communication. I noticed a happier look about when she saw me but tried to hide it..
We broke up a year ago, and have recently started talking and hanging out again, having a great time. He talked to me about why he decided to break up, how hard as it been for him, how much he has missed me and how he never stoped loving me. At one point he kissed me but he got freaked out because he perceived that as some sort of indication that we were suddenly getting serious and pulled back saying we should just be friends because he does not feel ready to be committed to a relationship as he feels de need to experiment and meet other people. I told to him that I was feeling the waters as much as he was, that this was new to me to, that I genuinely liked spending time with him and we should focus on that and go day by day instead of projecting ourselves to a future outcome. It got him very relaxed and open again and we are still talking and hanging out, no pressures, no expectations just focusing on having a good time together. It is frustrating because I do want to get back at some point, but I feel that is the healthiest way for me to go about it and not get anxious or disappointed in the process.
Seriously, if a Girl leaves you, imply let her go. Get busy living your life, and get on with it. Hit the Gym, take up a Martial Art to to improve your self esteem. Make decisions about what sort of person you are, what you wanna do with your life, then get to doing it. The best way to get a Girl back, isn't to beg her to come back, but to show her you're an independent, driven, strong Guy who might WANT her, but he doesn't NEED her
She riding the UPS Man. Nothing lost lol
I spit out my coffee😳😂😂
😂😂😢🤣🤣🤣😭😭😭😭
You win the internet sir!! 😂
No you just didn't lmao
I can’t lie this got . She riding that hard!
He started out at riding the dragon: has been flaky, hot and cold, scared and keen to meet, mixed messages, wants to be friends but doesn’t want to be sad, sabotage things because they might be too good...
It hurts, it makes me cry, it almost seems like he wants me to be a doormat. It’s confusing, but he’s as confused as I am, and I shouldn’t judge.
Despite all, he’s still my friend, and I help my friends, that’s just who I am.
Hi Norrona, we understand that this journey is never easy. Do take care of your self as your well-being is important as well as it is to getting him back.
update?
I think she’s been riding the dragon the whole time since our break three months ago; but I went in damage control for a while and definitely worried too much. This phase is actually pretty fun and exciting to game a bit if you can just calm down and keep making positive baby steps.
I can’t thank you enough for your guidance, Clay. Thank you!
Any update?
@@TheBigblumonkey one day she made it clear that she just wasn’t in love with me anymore, and I moved on. About three months later, I met the person who I’ve been with for the past two years. Things haven’t been perfect with her, but she is a better match for me than this aforementioned ex.
@Brandon Sanborn Fitness that's what my stbx wife is saying. That she just wants to co-parent our two children bur then turns around and we have a great week together. Then the next week she will get hulk angry at me for no reason. This is affecting our 9 year old really bad, but in the end I hope she realizes that she is making a dumb decision not only for her but for our 2 daughters as well. Im glad things worked out for you
@@TheBigblumonkey thanks. If it helps, this ex that I originally was posting about: I believe I would have a great chance of getting back with now due to just time and what she has seen me doing since then. I’ve even heard that from her. I don’t want to get back with her. I have accepted that we have a different set of values that aren’t sustainable for a long-term relationship, but if you’re holding onto hope about keeping a relationship together for the long term, especially a marriage: time, self reflecting, growth in any amount, and positive consistency will pay off. It’s already helped out a lot in my newer relationship.
@@BSC2CGYM from the time you broke up with your ex to the time she declared for you to move on, how long was it? Also, do you think you'd ever return to this ex after separating from them for a couple of years or no?
I feel like this is where I’m at with my ex. Her words say “we are never gonna work. We won’t ever get back together. We can’t start fresh due to our history” but then was smiling, laughing with me through it all. And wouldn’t stop gravitating towards me, moving closer each time we spoke. And her hugs? She lingered in on them. And she’s still wearing the things I bought her
Thanks for sharing your journey. We understand that being at the Riding The Dragon Phase can be confusing mentally and emotionally for both of you. Take this time to focus on honing your Advanced Relational Skills and healing at the same time. Sending more positive energies on your end.
Update?
same here, update?
So very interesting Clay. Thank you.
Glad you enjoyed it :-)
My ex talked to me for the first time in 5 months and listen to me 🤷♂️
Good luck with the process
That's great news, Brian. :-)
( after NC for 3 monthd )My ex girlfriend texted me to congratulate me with my new girlfriend and that she is happy i moved along so quick
But ... I dont have a new girlfriend .
She’s fishing ...
Have you clarified the matter with her?
Thank you Clay for your videos! I'd lovem5o invest in one of your program kits, but honestly I'm unsure what to do. Its been qlmost 6 months and my ex still has me blocked everywhere. We haven't had any communication or interactions. I did reach out to him several times with NO RESPONSES. he reached out to me once with a question, but nothing more. How can I get him back if he continues to shut me out?
Hey clay, my ex and I have been broken up for 7 weeks and we’ve been in the riding the dragon phase for probably about 3 weeks. How long does this phase usually last? I can tell we’re progressing, but it feels like it could last forever.
Hi Payton, there's no specific timeframe on how long the Riding the Dragon phase would take. Sometimes, it can go back and forth. What is important is that you are not too focused on the stages but on how you apply the Advanced Relational Skills.
I talk and see my ex everyday, but she still keeps her distance from me. I get hugs and even kisses sometimes but she always says we cant ever work it out....smh im very frustrated
This stage is crazy...
Hello, I know you might not see this because this is an old video. You stated "they might be more relationship focus as opposed to connection focus. We already spoke about this in an other video". Which video was this spoken in. I have not yet found it.
@yurimartinez8745 this must be one of them >>> th-cam.com/video/tFUcYTvpgZY/w-d-xo.html
Yes, we have so many videos that are related to that particular topic. :-)
I think he and I are clearly in this stage now... Sometimes he says flirty things (sometimes with a sexual undertone) and then backs off,saying he doesn't want to go further, he very often compliments me and says all guys who've rejected me are idiots, he often intiates contact and was even comfortable seeing me in a person and sharing a bed (however: his boundary was to wear PJs and not touch each other). Sometimes he says "I love you (then corrects himself and says: as a friend), then he says we could date in the future, then he said the ship has long sailed and things can't be fixed... We also keep going on short breaks on and off, but he admitted to missing me during those breaks. Recently, he also started liking my content on social media again. Does this sound like riding the dragon?
Hi Caly. My ex and me are in the Driving a Dragon Phase. She shows all sign of it. But how long is this stage? I understand that being patient and compassionate is important but I don't want suck melyself as well. Wait but hiw long?
@akosfellner5061 there are no really set to stone timeframe for each phases. Remember that human emotions are fluid and it can swing back and forth. Some of our member's even experience this for months and some even takes years.
@@ClayAndrews Thanks. The situation got better. But I suggest you think about non monogamous break ups as well. I am living in ethical polyamoria (in relationship hierarchy) and it were very important to explain your modell to Ethical Non-Monogamy too.
Where I'm at right now. Getting a lot of "we could never fix it, there's too much damage" but then I'm invited over to her house for the night or she's making efforts to plan things with me, meeting me when not necessarily needed in parental duties(we have a son together). Her speech is cold, her behavior is mostly warm but hits neutral pretty often. Warm and lukewarm as you said.
Recently got an admission that the rebound is for emotional stability and she's not pushing it. Good sign. Two months separated, finally getting some visible results.
Your videos are helping me out like crazy man, you the MVP big dude 👌
Update? I'm at this point rn
Bro... My ex has zero resistance... she tells me she loves me, she kisses me, texts me good morning, calls me when she’s free, calls me Nick names, plans dates... BUT she is afraid to fully recommit because we were engaged and she said scared of history repeating itself and what everyone might think... what do I do!? It’s been 4 months of this. It’s been fun and no pressure but where is this going?
Probably no where until she's done with her new man. What's the update and I hope you're good brah.
@@acemany1126 there is no new man. She tried to move on and came back admitting that she can’t meet anyone like me and she may have fucker up. Everything was going well till her sister randomly said it’s not a good idea to go back to your past which made her hesitate. She said we should stop talking and I replied saying whatever I’m over it no hard feelings.... a week later she sends me a memory saying she misses me. I just sent a nice reply to let her know I wasn’t fazed and haven’t spoken to her since. It’s been 2 months now and I’ve been speaking to other girls trying to find one worth my time
She was in the four stage, crisis point, at least she’s not in riding the dragon anymore, she definitely feel strong positive emotion, it’s just that you should talk and commit that this time the dynamic of the two of you will be different
@@hsiurui4079 I tried. Fear is stronger than love. It’s been almost a year now since we last spoke and neither of us have still moved on. She told me that she wishes we could be together and she will never meet anyone who comes close to me. She really loves me. She just doesn’t have the courage to face her fears. She runs from her problems and Denys them. I’ve grown a lot through all this and I don’t want to be with someone who isn’t willing to do for me what I’d be willing to do for them.
1 year for getting back together journey is tough, last time i tried it last 8 months and still failed. Maybe the best thing is to try tell them that this will be their last chance, because you won’t wait anymore.
If a Girl leaves a Guy, there's a reason. she won't go back to the Guy when he's the same sort of Guy she left
You're Awesome! So helpful always. Thanks!
Thank you!
What happens if both involved are riding the dragon?
Do you go back into no contact when you experience this hot 🥵 n cold 🥶 behavior from your ex?
You can go back to Active No Contact if you wanted to work something for yourself. Maybe you wanted to focus on a particular Advanced Relational Skill or you wanted to give each other the needed space to reassess the situation.
Clay Andrews by active no contact you mean you respond warmly when she contacts you but never initiate contact?
update?
what if i reach out with her and tell her that we should talk even if shes telling me that shes now happy with her new found relation we broke up 2 months
Ok clay I'm getting whiplash, my ex is having conversations with me but then goes cold and distant with me. I've called him out on this and he's said this is because he finds it hard to talk to me like normal and it brings 'everything' back. I've asked if he needs space or for me to back off and he consistently says no, I've given him space and not reached out but within a couple of days he's reaching out or calling me just to 'chat'. This is despite him telling me it's too hard to hear my voice. I'm now at a stage where I want to talk to him but when he reaches out I don't know if he's going to be receptive with me and chat for 40 mins or be hesitant and not reply or give one word. What do I do because it's making me anxious and confused? I've left it today by saying that I know he's confused but his distance is making me anxious, I've asked him to call me when he wants to chat. Where is he at?
update?:(
Yeah, my ex slipped back close. Flirted and had sex for a couple weeks. Then told me we couldn’t talk anymore and just days later back with one of her old connections. We were together for over a year and a half, they had a fling for like three weeks
Warm and lukewarm 😂
She ghosted me back on January 3rd n has been MIA since then.
No contact from either of our parts yesterday V-Day
My love for her is quickly becoming hatred
Help?
I'm sorry to hear about what happened. We understand that this must be tough for you. We hope that you are holding on well. What are the things that you have done so far to heal from the pain?
More like chasing the dragon 🐉 😎 high AF
I really don’t know if my ex is at this stage or not. We text sometimes and she’s so happy to hear from me, but sometimes she flat out ignores me. Then later she’ll call and she talks to me as though we are best friends telling me everything she plans to do and what she’s up to. I get confused sometimes but I just go with the flow. It’s really difficult handling her.
Sounds like your ex is at the Riding the Dragon phase for me.
Clay Andrews really? She is in a rebound too. Always saying we shouldn’t be talking but she loves talking to me than her boyfriend. it hurts. And sometimes I just wanna give up and leave this situation. Cus whenever I hear her say my boyfriend I just get a heartache.
@@cedson108 How did things turn out?
@@michaelvega3669 well we’ve stopped communicating all together. Stopped about a year ago. She’s moved on I think. She’s got a guy and all. I’m just living life, focusing on myself
What do you do when an ex reaches out warmly during NC like before breakup, but then during texts she gets into a cold friend only zone?
I was healing up/healed up when she first reached out and I was there for her for a few weeks while she went on a trip. She texted only about herself. Then after I tried NC again she reached out with a Merry Christmas and soon Happy New Year's.
Now I can't re heal as she is riding this dragon so hard.
Last night I texted her to do a reset, and she's resisting saying we tried it last yr. Thing is it brought us even closer.
It's as if she's afraid of getting close.
But I feel I don't know her anymore, so if she's against hitting the reset button and being a 'team', its permanently over. If I can open up to her(and I'm a guy), and she can't appreciate it, then I'll have to permanently never contact her or reply in the future.
Feels like I was used and I can't play these head games.
It's a shame as we had something so special and she broke it off over mis communication via texting.
I can't ride this dragon forever...
Why do people play these head games?
Anytime your GF rings you and says:"We have to talk", stay calm. most Guys hear those words and absolutely freak. Stay calm and calmly say:"Ok, you're dumped"......and simply hang up. I guarantee you'll she'll be dumbfounded, because she wasn't expecting that....and ring back pretty quick. DON'T, don't EVER turn desperate, needy, clingy and start begging her. That will turn her off faster than you can sneeze
Wonderful clay your spot on bro
😊👍🏻✨ cool ✨Thank you ✨
Glad you enjoyed it :-)
What does it mean if she likes my comment on her facebook post and doesn't leave a comment back but every other comment she leaves a "love" (like) and responds to all other comments? does she wish I would not comment on any of her posts?
Don't be too caught up with social media activities, Antoni. focus on your in person connection as that will improve your personal connection.
@@ClayAndrews thank you for your reply, I am in NC but live near her so I have talked to her when we bump into each other... I kept the conversation light with no mention of the breakup or relationship just casual... we spoke for a good hour and she didn't seem to want to let me go but I had to as I had other things to attend to... not spoken to her since though (just over a week a go)... anyway thanks for your advice...
She doesnt have an contact are any thing with me she stuck up her rebounds butt sofore she don't respond to anything I text her nothing what so ever I've just decide to stay in contact an do my thing maybe she will wake up
This seems to be where my ex and I are at. The last couple of weeks we have been texting back and forth and I told her my intentions of still wanting to talk and get to know her were that I liked her and thought we had an awesome potential. She understands where I am coming from and then this week she seems to be not as communicative with me. Since we had the talk about things and communication, I am taking it as a good sign that we have moved on to the next step, and yes, it is quite frustrating and confusing. However, if we are moving along and closer to seeing each other then this is a great place to be.
Hi Karl, If you feel that you are both at the Riding the Dragon Phase, you have to focus on building positive interactions and not just labels. Remember to work on your Advanced Relational Skills as well, just like what we teach inside our Ex Solution Program.
@@ClayAndrews thank you that is what I am working on and not pressuring her.
@@ClayAndrews i just got on the dragon after 4 months NC and we work together 😅🤕 wish me luck 🤕
@@Bucky1836 How did it go?
This this apply if the break up was more than 6 months ago? She still has our pictures in social media
Holding hands? That sounds way ahead...
Hello :) what do I do when they go cold and ignore my attempts to banter. Im aware if the walls/edges. But what do I do with this knowledge to progress?
Aside from learning the 5 stages, you also have to learn the Advanced Relational Skills. The Advanced Relational Skills is the foundation of the whole process.
This was super helpful for me! I feel like my ex doesn't openly show the good or hot sides to me so I was very curious if I could still be in this stage. When we are in person I see more of the hot but he will not openly express positive feelings to me. I think he is being very selective in what he says but its good to know he could still be experiencing it just unseen to me
Glad it was helpful! :-)
She sent me a video of her mother giving me a gift last Father’s Day and said this is what I’m missing out on. But she tells me she’s moved on and we’re never getting back together. Idk what to think earlier yesterday we were cool and then she was giving me the cold shoulder avoiding eye contact when she came and got the kids.
Hey Clay, my ex has been hot and cold recently. She invited me over, and she proceeded to tell me how much she missed me, glad i was there, etc. The next night she told me it didn't mean we're back together, and proceeded to barely text me. She will sometimes call or text at night to talk, or vent about something. Should I call her out on this behavior? Say I'm worth more than these table scraps and back and forth? Or should I weather the storm until it changed? I want her back, but this stuff really confuses me, thanks.
He broke it off, then came back 6 weeks later wanting to be a BF again. I accepted and we're together 2 weeks. Now he 'wants space' because he 'doesnt want to hurt me' but wants to keep helping me with my house renovation. Is that riding the dragon?
Go into no contact . And when he tries to come back again , don’t give in let him feel the break up , let him miss you.
I went to kiss my ex on the cheek and she put it out for me. I think I fucked up when I invited her over after that :(
I'm tired of giving the dumper excuses, its like a hard puzzle to put together, difficult. My ex disappointed me and I will not contact him for days, I feed up with this. I love him but he needs to see whats in front of him.
Hi Jesse, we understand that at times, we tend to rationalize and even justify the actions of our ex. During breakups, a lot of questions may come to our mind, especially the "why" questions. If you feel that you have to focus on your self and on your healing process, that is definitely fine. Remember, we have to focus as well in our own way of being in the process. And not just on the strategies of getting our ex back. We also have to come from a place of having a healthy mindset and emotions. Have you checked our program? We have various programs available in our store that might fit your goals. You can check www.modernlove.life/store
:-)
Is this the same rule when including rebound relationships?
Yes, it is. the same approach can still be used.
@@ClayAndrews so you said once we locate the “edges” we can adores them. We in if they uncomfortable with overt romantic physical contact ex holding hands, maybe they are to relationship focused. But what if the reason is also because they are in a rebound relationship? They don’t want to cheat. How do we navigate this?
Me and my ex are “friends” talking everyday day all day, we say I miss you to eachother, and she said she loved me for the first time in almost a year the other day. However she’s still with the rebound, planning future things with her etc.
Friends = male girlfriend
That didn't help me much. but thanks
I inboxed you the screenshots. Hope all is well. Hopefully you get a chance to look soon.
Do u mean po the riding dragon is his rebound relationship?
Has this approach actually worked for anyone
Working for it, being active and interested? Works if you're genuine and ready to stepup. What doesn't work is that no contact bs.
This thing not applicable in long distance because virtuall relationship not possible for too long time I also become fooled once in his talking
Hi Ankit, the thing is the stages of getting back together is not to label or box our ex, but it is for us to understand the process and the whole picture so we can handle the different situation along with the Advanced Relational Skills that we have honed. This is not about having a guarantee but it is about taking actions at the present moment.
Someone help, what are some good things to ask her when she goes cold, I'm unsure how to redevelop the emotional connection
Remember, it's not about what you said that will make a difference. But it is about practicing present moment awareness and honing the Advanced Relational Skills.
Video on signs your ex is over you ?
You can check on this video >>> th-cam.com/video/6S2XDRJz83E/w-d-xo.html
My ex and I have been talking again for a week now after 6 months of no contact, at first he was ok with the texting then stopped texting, we met up in person 3 days ago without any expectations and we talked a lot and kissed. He told me that he loves me and wants to be with me but that he is scared and a little confused, that day we agreed to start things again slowly, like it was our first date. The next 2 days he was texting a lot and replying quick but I've noticed that since last night he's taking soooo long again to reply :( he told me that his phone is not working well but I don't really know, I hope he doesn't regreat the decition we made in person...
Hi Jessica, It sounds like you are still having this attachment to the outcome. Better work on managing the feeling of need and remove any form of attachment to the outcome to avoid being frustrated.
@@ClayAndrews Might be true, I'm trying to manage my anxiety and just go with the flow. We still text and we are both feeling ok. Thanks for your reply!
@@jessicahernandez1853 update? :)
@@jessicahernandez1853 Update :(?
I asked my ex if she wanted to get together for a bike ride. She said sure but then added she is really busy in September. I told her it’s cool, I ride a lot and if she wanted to jump on a ride with me I’m open. Then I tried getting a conversation going with her through text and she would wait almost a day to respond and her responses were short. Where do I go from here?
Leave that alone don’t waste your time there’s other women out there that if they cared enough would make that time to reach out to you and do things that would make the both of you happy again rather then play respond games
Tell her what you want and then go no contact
Get your own life as she has.... it sucks man but just do it
Sounds like your ex may not be truly emotionally invested in your interactions. Be more aware when to step back if needed.
Personally I hate text conversations, I just don't have the time for it...it would be far better if you planned a conversation to ring her instead of texting especially when we all have busy lives...when people try to have conversations with me through texts I tell them if they want to talk ring I don't have the time to text back and forth....if she ignores the call I would send a text saying hey give me a call when you're free I'd love to talk to you and leave the ball in her court and you get on with life xo
what if they are in between riding the dragon and crisis point? I feel like he is fighting his feelings so much and i am not sure what to do!!!
Hi Liliana, I would recommend checking our Ex Solution Program and be a part of our private community. Maybe we can guide you closely on your journey. :-)
Hi , I broke up with my ex 7 months ago , we've had friendly contact as we're parents. Our break up was due to I developed a dependency on weed which lasted 5 years . It broke her heart and mental health seeing me change to a guy who changed completely and didn't seem to care about anything , i think she had mentally broke up long before it happened so the break up was more of a relief to her . . I've done a full turnaround , lost alot of weight and now stay fit and have a totally different outlook on everything . I told her I loved her a month ago , at this point we had both seemingly moved on so it surprised her . She slowly got her head around it and we spent two tough weeks going over everything that happened and how it affected her . Since then she has been in total confusion and has agreed to try and reconnect slowly . She says the hurt is too fresh in her mind and her feelings are fleeting and buried deep . She says she has no feelings for anyone most of the time . She's been meeting a guy but dropped him for our process and seems to be riding the dragon already at this early stage, very matter of fact in messages , but has caught herself feeling things a couple of times when we meet up . But she shuts down again in the week that follows . It has me in a spin but you're advice helps me centre myself better . I went too fast with talks of future which she didn't cope well with but I've stripped it back recently. She maintains she's not ready for a relationship with anyone yet . Any advice is welcome thanks