In-Laws Are Trying To Give Us A Car But With Strings Attached
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 22 ก.ย. 2018
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My dad always told me “There’s nothing more expensive than something that’s free”
Smart man.
That's the one rule I live by.
I'm stealing this. Lol I didn't grew up with a father but he sounds wise
@@samguy7209 haha im glad you liked it. He is very wise! I am thankful for him
Hahah that’s actually a saying in Japanese!!
Such a wise man
I wouldn't even take a violin with strings attached
Would you attach the strings yourself?
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
😂
😂
That’s hilarious!
I no longer accept gifts from my parents. They always have strings attached.
My dad said that he and my mom were going to turn their car that I drive over to me, "if" I got a job a few hours away...if I got a job more than a few states away, they wouldn't give it to me because it's just too dangerous for a single woman to drive that far by herself....hehehe
i dont believe you.....
If you take the gift they will constantly remind you that they gave you that gift & use it to manipulate you
Tell him to f*** off possession is nine-tenths of the law
That’s a dumb mentality to have, good family doesn’t think that way, would your parents hold it over your head? I think the caller said it was his in laws so his wife would know better than he would but I doubt it, some parents are just generous
A gift w/strings attached is not a gift. If someone gave you a diamond ring & said it's a gift but you must marry a horse is it still a gift? little snarky manipulation tactics are what in laws are famous for
Exactly!
Mosses, all that your statement tells me is that you would do exactly that. You don't know what her parents would do or how they would behave, but you tell me everything about you in just a few words.
I bought my daughter a brand new Honda Civic.
I never told her anything but be safe.
smile. good dad! 👍
You mean you did something nice for your child and didn't put all kinds of conditions nor lord it over her? But, but, everybody on this comment section says that is impossible. What gives?
jamie t it ain’t ez that’s for sure. I was living in a car in Los Angeles when I paid for her college but I’m kinda crZy
no oil change? oof
Him Bike
Can you be my Dad? 😹
They might have the nicest intention, but that wasn’t a gift bro
My ex MIL was like this. She always had 'offers' for us, but they were conditional and often required a piece of note paper signed stating we understood the terms (even something as stupid as giving me a blank notebook for xmas with a tag attached that I was to sign before I opened it stating I would use it... the heck?). Control freak-ness at the max.
That's insane lol
Crazy 😜
A gift with strings attached is not really a gift.
Unless it's a violin, guitar, ect.
@@shaereub4450 or a marionette
Tell them they will be able to see the baby but not touch him so that they can understand what strings attached means.
priceless!!!
pissy!
I gave my son a used pickup truck and there were no strings attached. However, about every 3-4 months I bug him about changing the oil ( and remind him to periodically check it). Really, I'm trying to teach him how to get a long life out of a car by maintaining it correctly. I don't want to control him...I just want him to continue to benefit from this gift.
DJ Wadholm My dad used to ask me: What do you call someone who doesn’t change their oil? PEDESTRIANS
@Mark OnTheBlueRidge Relax there armchair psychoanalyst.
@Mark OnTheBlueRidge No, it's taking one scenario and extrapolating an entire relationship and projecting a person's life. Talk about melodramatic... Go back to your soap opera.
@Mark OnTheBlueRidge , don't be presumptuous.
By controlling him?
I know the caller said "total compensation" but I believe he was meaning full coverage insurance, probably replacement value. Which is understandable. If they are giving them a $40K vehicle they darn well better have full coverage. But I would also be concerned that they may hold this over their heads. Independence and not feeling beholden to someone is worth more than any amount of money.
Robert Bell if that’s the only thing then that’s not bad at all
Agreed. I'd be super concerned that these are just the starter strings and later on when they need or want something they'll pull the "I bought you a car!" card and guilt trip them. That car isn't a true gift. I'm almost 100% certain that is what will happen because I've had similar things happen to me before and I've seen it happen to others.
Rusty Shackleford yea once he takes that car it’s something to be held over his head forever. And I say he because they’ll give anything to their daughter without issue.
They should spend 10k on a mechanic approved car sold by owner and if something happens, they could replace it as many as 4 times.
Honestly its dumb (imo) to not have full coverage on even a $10k car unless you're ok with losing $10k+ tomorrow.
My ex mother in law used to buy stuff for us all the time, that she couldn't afford, and that we didn't want or need. She, in her mind, retained ownership of it and if she came over and it wasn't being used, as she thought it should, she would complain. She would buy things to decorate with and we had to use it even if it didn't match our decor, and she would tell us where to put or hang it. If we decided we didn't want it, or need it, anymore we had to give it back to her, because it was hers, at which time she examined it and would complain about its condition, even if it was never used. Her son would never set boundaries with her and always took her side. You notice the ex in front of the mother in law. This type of thing ruins relationships in a hurry.
It's yalls fault for allowing it to get to that
@@sehoujay it was *his* fault
@@sehoujay - She's sharing her experience. No need to point fingers. Plus, she said "ex" mother-in-law, so she clearly did something about it.
That must have been so frustrating!! I can completely understand why she's your 'ex' mother-in-law!
They go to a dealer and always get them to fix whatever is wrong. Sometimes a dealer will say something needs to be replaced when it doesn’t really need to be.
that's the part others aren't getting when they question why turn it down. this young man understands that and it may put him in more debt.
Most new cars come with extended warranties and free scheduled maintenance. I have purchase two cars in the last few years, and both of them came with that. So yes, I go to the dealer for my maintenance, and they perform it for no charge, and even give me a loaner if it's going to be a while. Now before you go all nuts, I negotiated the maintenance after we settled on a price, so no, it didn't cost me millions of dollars to have that.
I had a specially adapted handicapped vehicle. Took it to the dealer 2x a year for maintenance. They'd give me a list of things that were needed but prioritized it all. I would fix what had to be find and reevaluate next time. Car is sill in my possession 16 years later. Runs fine. Has over 125,000 miles. Not worth much today but the adaptations make it priceless. Routine maintenance Has meant the difference.. It really just depends on the mechanic and the shop's ethics.
Chuck Anderson They buy and enjoy new cars because they come with free maintenance for a period of time. They probably off load them when things start to go wrong past the free service period. My parents did this as well.
Right, but why would the parents even know about dealers claiming this or that needed to be done? Warranty for the first few years and follow maintenance schedule to the letter. Dealers do try to say you need fluid changes etc before the manual does, so just say no.
Keep it pristine with a newborn? lol
The conditions he said his in-laws gave started to sound reasonable, like keeping the car's mechanical issues maintained on a regular basis. But keeping it in pristine condition and always accepting every service someone tries to sell to you for it, is just outright impractical.
Dont give your kid food or crayons and there wont be any mess.
My baby isn't allowed to puke in my car
@@flipvdfluitketel867 💯
“A gift with strings is not a gift”. HOW TRUE!
Loan: a gift with strings.
Don't be taking out loans now
Here’s a gift 🎁 and here’s a catch. Use this gift the way we want u to use it pay for it the way we want you too. It’s yours but don’t ever do anything to it without our permission 🤔
Uhhh yah I’ll pass !
Dude do you wait all day just to comment on financial channels lol
That's not what happened tho
Sounds like Christmas presents that were video games and parents tried to tell their kids they can play it only if you get good grades and do your homework.
Way too many red flags... Too good to be true. He was right to question.
Like Dave said: "If it has a 'funny feeling'......don't do it. A gift with strings isn't a gift.
He should buy his own car..with his own money.
Marvin Mcmiller Sounds like he already has his own car and didn't want the new car to begin with and deal with inlaws controlling the way he maintains the car. I don't blame the guy at all for declining the offer. He's a man and want's to do things on his own. Doesn't need some charity hand out from the inlaws.
absolutely! I would be proud of my son in law for doing it himself if i had millions. shows strength.
I don't think he's opposed to that.
👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍
Yes.
Nicely done Dave. Solid advice.
Yes, great advice in the way he told them to gently turn down the offer.
Sounds like a controling factor. Sounds like a good deal, but in the end its being held over their head.
Hey, they want to pay the insurance and pay for all the maintenance and repairs? Yes, I’ll take the “gift”.
I'm glad Dave said a gift with strings attached is not a gift. That was the first thing that went to my mind when he said that.
that's not a gift, thats a rental
If they come back and say “no strings attached”, don’t believe it. If they buy you the vehicle and you don’t maintain it like they do and want you to, there will be friction. Not worth the stress.
A gift with strings makes you a puppet. 🤷♀️
Years ago, when we were having fertility issues, my MIL offered to give us $10,000 for testing and possible treatments. I learned the hard way with her honeymoon gift (European cruise) that everything comes with strings. I thanked her politely and assured her I already had money for it in savings. She was so mad! She actually said "why wont you take it? It's not like I'm trying to control you with it"! THEN my FIL gave the money to my husband saying they sold one of the work vans. He proceeded to buy a huge flat screen TV and entertainment center to put it on. He should've had $8000 left but didn't and said he used it to pay bills. So she made sure the money was given to us whether we liked it or not. She's so manipulative and controlling, we have gone no contact with her.
Multi-millionaires and they can’t just give a gift out of the goodness of their hearts.
ROI ..... always gotta have that!
In my experience some relatives do not have a problem taking a gift. My own mom bought a restored 57 Chevy for my brother. The only thing she wanted was for him to take her out every once in awhile since she could no longer drive. He took her out once and that was it.
The one exception I can think of to the "a gift with strings isn't a gift" rule is when the ONLY string is "if you ever decide you no longer want it, I'd like to have it (back)"
Watching this video and reading the comments lets me know that I have been truly blessed by both my parents and my inlaws - there are gifts from time to time but they truly have no strings attached.
They just got a glimpse of how they want to conduct themselves in regards to their kids in the future. Set the boundaries NOW!
Follow ups to calls would be awesome
My guess is they will be telling you how to raise your kid too
Wife:,”We appreciate the generous offer and are so touched by your generosity but we are working on our own financial goals. It is important to us to build our future independently- especially since we want to be a good example to our child. We wouldn’t feel right about accepting a gift of that magnitude.”
He should say we would only accept a new house at this time 😂
"We appreciate the offer but we think it would really be more responsible in the long term for that car money to be put into a college fund for kid #1. On a related note, we just bought a two year old Toyota Corolla which should do us just fine".
Not a gift ...
"Uhh..yeeeeeah... about that gift..yeeeaaah.. we're not going to be able to accept that." [ Dave from OfficeSpace ]
Musa I of Mali so if you could go ahead and reconsider the terms, that would be greaaaat
Great advise here. Take the car and Thanksgiving Dinner will taste weird.
Nope! Set them boundaries now! This can turn messy real quick. Trust me.
I wouldn’t buy my son a car for this exact reason. I know I would not be able to mind my own business 🤣
The dealership would make more off the services than the vehicle. Dealerships are super cash vaccuums.
Where do people get it in their head that the only vehicle safe to carry their special snowflake around is a brand new car?
you're my best friend for that comment
This guy should just get a monster truck to appease the in-laws lol
Go Bucks
Idiots that watch commercials for the new shiny van and hear the narrator say “Best in Class Safety.” Only the safest car available for MY child
Yeah, that's really what's going on here. There is a percentage of the population that thinks you NEED a new car because a used one is somehow less safe. Just not true if you do your research.
this man must be a lawyer.........he loves to hear his own voice
What do you mean
Don't accept gifts from people like that. Seems like they just want more power over their lives, whether they realize it or not.
Aside from that, getting a new car doesn't always mean more reliability. There could be manufacturing defects in new cars that haven't been discovered yet, then you need to replace a tranny 3 times. All of that recommend maintenance is to scare you into spending more money at shady dealer mechanics. Buying a used car with a good reputation on reliability will be cheaper and better guarantee for reliability imo.
Exactly, someone that is going to hold stuff over you is not a good thing. I had someone doing my oil changes for me at no charge until I refused to buy a new vehicle because the rotors needed to be replaced (yes - spend 20k+ to save $300!!) then it was an all out tantrum over not doing things the "right way"
@Billy Boren woman*
@Ferrari Red So you wouldn't mind them calling you to "make sure' you'd had the oil changed, the tired rotated, the insurance up to date? And if they came to visit, they would surely want to inspect it for any dents, scratches, dirt on mats. I don't want anyone in my life that can do that to me.
A gift with strings is just was tool used to control someone.
I love the "everything is fine, were all doing fine" attitude.
I agree with Dave half the time. This is one of them.
Right...a gift with strings attached is their (the in law's) first attempt at manipulation. They'll start with that and escalate from there. If the in laws just want to be generous, and gift them with one of their 'gently used' cars, without strings, I could see that 'maybe' working. But I'm sure it would still have some manipulation tactic. Ugh. Some people 😒😒😒
Yeah, I've seen this with a friend that has wealthy in-laws. The in-laws bought them things to hook them, and now try to control them.
I'm sorry your parents are manipulating people... doens't mean all of them are.
My question would be how would they know if they had the maintenance done and what upkeep they decided to do? The other thing is what's the monthly costs of a car vs a car upkeep fund for a FREE car? I think there's a way to take emotions and ego out of this and navigate the waters a little more gently.
@@HermannTheGreat exactly!! that is why I would say no thank you, unless I was planning on moving 3 thousand miles away. But wait, they own an RV so that wouldn't work either!!
Some people, even though they'd likely be able to skirt the stipulations and not keep up with the car as the inlaws required, would feel morally bound to keep up their end of the deal, because because gave their word.
It's called integrity
Because they *
My mom was just like this. It always turned into uncomfortable situations. Mind your own business has never let me down.
Nope! How much will insurance and maintenance be? Why does it have to be a brand new vehicle?
Do I understand a paid for new car. The requirement is only to maintain the car and keep it insured? Think I would be in for that offer!
maybe, but it sounds like they want him to Overinsure it, and Overmaintain it. And even if he does, they sound like they would find fault somewhere, somehow. One dent by a grocery cart, and they would be screaming.
@@anniesshenanigans3815 Yep. It's not "free". It is clearly going to increase expenses to keep a car in pristine condition.
They won't even be able to afford the insurance lol
Today its a car. Next the inlaws will be telling them how to live their lives.
Exactly. I heard about this girl who was going to move in with her Korean boyfriend. His mom offered to pay the security deposit for the apartment, but only if she agreed give up her 3 cats. She didn't want the cats around her precious plumsicle. First, don't shack up. Second, I would have said stick your deposit up your craphole People told her, if you agree to this, what will it be next. Some Korean parents are known for having a key to your place and letting themselves in to do stuff while you are gone...no freaking way.
Controlling people count on your greed to outweigh your sense. They like to package traps as shiny, kind offers...with strings, of course.
A gift🎁 isn't really a gift🎁 if there's string attached to it. It's more of a control issue. If I do this for you, you need to do this for me, It's something you hear that they do in prison.
So, basically, manipulate the manipulators
I mean he's getting a free car he can pay to maintain it like the parents wish, they are just asking for maintain it well not trash it, I don't see what's the issue. You should want to keep a car well and full insurance etc
I think you missed the forest for the trees here. The upkeep on the car is a symptom of a bigger issue, which was a huge gift with strings attached
Not seeing the issue, they want him to have full coverage insurance on a brand new paid for vehicle and keep it maintained. .. what's wrong with that?
So how are they going to ensure you are following their rules? Will they be questioning you routinely like a child?
Nice way to respond, Dave. Good advice!
They really aren’t asking for much they want them to keep the car in good condition and have insurance that will cover the car that’s what everyone should do.
So what even if you take care of the car you’re still coming out with a good car that you didn’t pay for at the end
A gift doesnt come with conditions. A contract has conditions. A gift is given freely.
Can someone correct me if I am wrong: This guy is refusing this car/gift because he doesn't want to carry full coverage insurance and take care of his car to keep it up to top running condition?
I think it sounded like they are demanding take the car for maintenance to the dealership (which is more expensive) rather then doing it himself or hiring the mechanic of their choice they get the most expensive insurance from the company they want. At least that is what I got.
charles0322mrsdani It really sounds more like he just doesn't want to take care of what they gift him.
Missing the point. If they control this now, lots more down the road. It’s all about control. Next it will be how they think child rearing should go, on and on. Not worth it.
All they are saying is they are giving him this car with the condition that he follow all maintenance requirements and that if any problems should arise with the car that he take care of them in a timely manner. I take care of all of my cars this way. So to me it doesn't matter much. I guess to someone else it might seem like it's control.
Do you know how expensive all that bs is over the lifetime of the car? My car was 10k and I've had it for 6 years and just change the oil lol
He literally only have to pay for full coverage. He should have that on it without his in laws telling him. It's a brand new car that could get totaled tomorrow. Why wouldn't you want insurance
And the maintenance issues (demand synthetic instead of regular oil?), which I'm sure include other items such a professional detailing, etc. They want the car maintained in "pristine" condition. Insurance was just an added issue.
Very simple. SAY NO
Great advice fantastic
Tell them thanks but no thanks, your current vehicles are just fine. If they're so looking to help be a blessing, they could take the money they would have spent on the car an add it to Baby's college fund (sounds like they have enough $$ they're likely to start one anyway).
K H-C they’re multi millionaires so a college fund is the least of their worries . Lol and they’re good with money
What were the strings? Have insurance and do maintenance? Those aren't exactly strings...
Are you aware you can do maintenance at non-dealerships for much cheaper, and not fix every little thing? It costs a ton of money to keep a new car in cherry condition at dealerships, maybe they dont want a 'gift' that is more money to maintain than a cheap used car just so the in laws can see their baby in an expensive new car
Do you pay $500 for your oil changes?
No... do you?
Jonathan, I think you need to turn the sound on and listen.
Comprehensive insurance on a brand new car (often with a used car you don't need to bother with it or the fee is a lot smaller) and the maintenance is to keep the vehicle pristine. It's possible to maintain a vehicle with oil changes and basic things without bringing it to the dealership for minor issues. The in-laws sound like they panic about anything that MIGHT be wrong.
Dave did give the guy good advice a gift with strings is not a gift.
Man I wish I could see him and his wife tell his in laws the conversation and declining the offer. They will more than likely be so shocked and say you can have it. Priceless response Frome Dave though.
a gift with string is manulations, WRONG,
it is a DEAL, or contract.
If you boss said here is a COMPANY CAR, but you have to pay full insue, and manitance, but you can you use it as your personal car, it he trying to control the person NO, he making a DEAL with that person
so is it a deal you can deal with . that it.
Full Coverage on a new car??? Preposterous!!
This is gonna end poorly
The strings are just taking a brand new car to the dealer for service according to factory specs and fully comp insurance, whats wrong with that? That guy sounds like the sort of person who buy a toyota and expect it will last forever without any maintenance.
give them holidays with they're grand kid... but with strings attached!!!!
Her parents want to buy us a new car... in return, we must pay for insurance. What's the problem here?
Love the way he speaks.
A gift with strings is a puppet
I would NOT take it under ANY circumstances. If you think they won’t hold that gift over your head for the next 30 years, you are a complete fool.
Even if the parents agreed to their terms the first time something goes wrong with the vehicle they will say I told you so. Don’t take it!
Don’t take it. A relative paid for a home remodel for me in the 90s, supposedly no strings attached, and recently when I reminded her that she promised to pay me back for selling my home to my sister for less than MV, she basically treated me like an ingrate and reminded me of the remodel (which I basically gave to my sister). Never take a “gift” from parents.
100% agree. If something is going to be a gift then by definition it can't have strings attached.
The only time strings are healthy is if you're say helping a sibling with a drug addiction history and you help them get an apartment in what their first three months of rent but you require that day attend programs and submit drug tests and proof that they are working. But that would not be a gift anyways.
Other than those types of things- strings and just pressure that is only going to cause problems.
No strings or no gift
Why didn't Dave advise them to say after declining the car, "we would prefer if you put the money that you were going to spend on the car into a account for the newborn child"?
Advice here is absolutely perfect!
A gift should just be a gift.....
No strings attached
That's why I have a hard time accepting gifts. It's hard...
My dad told me that he'd give me money to buy a car when i get my foreign driver's license ( I'm 19 and I'm studying in europe ). My first thought was "What the actual f**k? I'm like the least sensible child of all 4 of your kids and I've blown a gearbox, what makes you think it's a great idea to give me money for a car?" If he actually gives me the money I'd probably tell him that I'd buy something stupid that doesn't make sense or I'd turn down the offer.
NEVER take money from family because they will attach strings from it-unless it is your parents and they are leaving you an inheritance. But don't take money from non-immediate family members, and do not LOAN money out to other people, either. Any "loan" you give out should be an amount of money you are comfortable losing-because you will not get it paid back.
That's not a gift. It's manipulation and his in-laws are exceeding their boundaries.
So glad that I didn't get married.
"wonderful town" he says lol
I've heard good things about Charleston, SC. But it's probably not my style, in all honesty.
A gift with strings attached is more like an anchor
This is a bit like my mother in law. When my father in law died she gave me a lot of his clothes for my husband, with conditions attached.
I “must make sure” he keeps them good, no changing the oil in the car etc.
I was a bit incredulous because the above is a big impossibility and really, who wants to police their husbands clothes?
But I didn’t say anything except to ask what she wanted me to do with the clothes my husband didn’t want.
“Give them to charity” was her answer!
So charities can make them into rags if they want to but I’ve got to nag my husband about how he wears his clothes. No thanks!
Just because rich people can afford to pay the stupid high prices that come with latest model cars doesn't mean it's the best thing to do. It's a waste of money, whether you have 100k or 100mil, a new car is dumb MOST of the time. You have to have an interest in cars to know which ones to pick from which year.
I'd love an update on this one
I'd take the car and promise to maintain it, but the problem is who's paying new-car insurance? No thanks.
I've personally experienced these conditional "gift" offers from family as well. It is NOT worth it. Anything that creates undue tension and intrusion with you and your wife is not worth it, no matter how good it sounds.