Autistic adult here 👋🏻 I wasn’t diagnosed until I was 25 after being labelled “disruptive” through my whole schooling career. I often wonder how my life could have been different if I had had given access to accomodations, educational support and assistive technologies. While I was happy to be self diagnosed for a few years, when I finally got my official diagnosis I got access to disability insurance. I now have a cleaner, a support worker, an occupational therapist and a psychologist, all covered by the government and I AM THRIVING. Parents, please don’t be scared of diagnosis. It’s your child’s key to living their best life in this world that wasn’t build for them. Lucy, thank you for sharing all of these points, I’ve tucked them away in my brain for when my little life learner starts testing me ;)
Wow Beatrix thank you for sharing your story here, I’m so grateful. It’s sompowerful and I hope it helps others consider a diagnoses. I truly believe that diagnoses can save lives. 😭
I’m so glad I watched this. I’m pulling my soon to be “6th grader” out to unschool. He is VERY social and always gets in trouble for talking during class.
Hello Lucy 👋 we are a nurodiverse unschooling family and thank you so much for sharing those things. I can totally relate to some of those, particularly the guilt of not wanting to label children. Also I struggled for ages, and still do sometimes with that internal feeling of 'if I take time for myself am I letting my kids down if I'm not giving them my all'. This was such a wonderful video, thank you again for sharing X
So great to hear from you Kaylee, I think the labelling thing is real, as though the label represents a box we are putting them in - I don't find it to be this way at all in real life. There is no box! Thanks for being here and showing up for your kids! yay
I love your vulnerability here. My son is neuro divergent and went to mainstream school. He was diagnosed "later" around 10yrs old and there was a weird roller coaster of emotions from vindication, anger, grief, guilt and relief, then more anger when the diagnosis still didn't help him get support from some facets of school life! Your daughters will be - are - and will continue to be wild, independent, capable and fierce women. The world needs more women like these 😍 Love from the UK
I agree, I fully think that ND community is badly needed in all sorts of area of society, so many ND traits are important for the wellness, justice, truth, visioning!
Thank you! Recently diagnosed Autistic Mum here exploring options to take the next step of withdrawing my (ND) kids, 5 and 9, from school. All this so helpful, and really appreciate the ND referencing. All your content is super helpful x
Hi Lucy, what a lovely, honest video. Thank you for sharing. My son was diagnosed with Autism and dyslexia at 8 years old and I was so relieved to be told that my inner wisdom was correct. This was when we began home educating and we had the best time! My husband, we then realised, is also autistic and dyslexic and I am amazed at the incredible skills of both him and my son. He is an amazing artist (he’s just gone back to university at 42, and now has a first class honours degree in Fine Art!) and my son is a musician, equally talented at just 13. I struggled for a while after I realised that both of them were autistic, lots of guilt, but so proud of them. Thank you again. X
Wow you really hit the mark here with topic number 1 and the amount of friend time needed; is it less or is it more, is it big or small? We are fresh to the homeschool journey and my son loves staying home but he also adores having huge parties of friends. I would love to include him in more conversation about what kind and how much friend time he wants. I really enjoyed hearing about your situation being surrounded by school kids and the culture that comes with a small town. The perspective you have and share is phenomenal and such a ray of sunshine and inspiration.
thank you - for number 4 - we're an autistic family, primarily and the "no-labels" mindset is so prevalent, neurodivergent families can feel a lack of...support. and the extra chellenge then of how unschool may look/be different in their family life due to neurodivergence and different needs. if only we lived in a world where differences didnt matter...
I have watched your channel for years. I have been homeschooling for 12 years. You get a little wiser when you have the benefit of hindsight 😊 This video totally reflects how I feel- particularly your last point on neurodiversity and diagnosis. Thanks so much for your wisdom and kindness. You are a light in this community x
My wife and her sister realised a few years ago that they have ADHD and it has been a revelation. So much shame and guilt is being released. Another great video, I'm so stoked you're back on TH-cam 💓
Wow. Thank you for this. I needed the extra nudge reminder to more fully prioritize my child's social needs (everything's better with a friend!). And you really opened my eyes to honoring my own needs as essential to our journey. I needed your words, today especially. Thank you.
Thank you for your wisdom. I’m just getting started here with 3.5yr old and 1yr old but tuning into my natural maternal instinct has always been key to my parenting. It’s great to here you’re thoughts on the utopian unschooling situations as I think I’ve got those ideals in my head too…always trying to move away from any expectations/conditioning held in my brain! It’s great to have attention brought to those thoughts, thank you so much 😀
Awesome, welcome to the unschooling world! So cool! Yeah, being super aware of what's incoming that really isn't serving your kids well is just such a liberation :D
Hi Lucy, I have watched you since the first days of your yurt adventure. I'm so pleased you have come to this. My boy is autistic and I have had to parent in such a different way to my daughter. It was obvious early on that your daughter was on the same wave length as some of us in my family. Always watched you for great tips and insights but also not always relevant to my son but can see how it works for other children. I am so pleased you got a diagnosis. It made a big difference to how people understand them as well as how they understand themselves. I didn't always agree with some of your points but you seem more open to different ways of existing. It's different for each and especially different if there are any special needs that may look so wrong to some unschoolers but works for that particular child. It changes even more when teenage hormones kick in. Good luck and impressed you made these realisations. It's hard when your surrounded with people doing it a certain way. Xx
Lucy I was so nervous about watching this video as you had said on Instagram you were going to talk about labels and whether we should use them. It’s been a busy week for me and I wasn’t sure I had the energy. However you’ve echoed my thoughts on it exactly. I was diagnosed as autistic a couple of years ago and I’m now 44, we have now recognised that most (if not all) of our 6 children are autistic too. I wish I’d been diagnosed as a child, the label helps me cope better with life, I manage my time better, I understand when we all need quiet days. I am more forgiving to myself about the meltdowns I have, though these are far less frequent since my diagnosis as I recognise when it’s all becoming a bit too much. It helps us knowing and like you we have really open conversations with our children about it and there is no shame about our brains being wired a little differently.
Ah that's so amazing to here! Yeah, the forgiveness bit is massive isnt it? Absolutely massive. Thanks for sharing your story with me / us Corinne, I'm grateful :)
Thank-you so much for this video. I am unschooling a 5 and 2 year old and my heart burst open when i watched this because i too have been limited by the belief that its only schools that would label, and therefore restrict her. If she were unschooled, she is label-less but actually she IS different. Each day i am battling guilt because i feel i am doing something wrong, but i already feel empowered at the thought of learning more about her brain wiring and what STRENGHTS she has. aaah what a breath of fresh air. thank you! :-)
Such interesting and thought provoking points. I have no doubts my eldest is ND and have taken it upon myself to research what I can, I’ve never been a fan of labels on people especially children but I am a bigger fan of doing what feels right and if using the terms to help others or the child understand themselves better is what a parent feels is right they should totally listen to their heart. Xx
I love this!! I had such a bumpy start with homeschooling - sending my 1st grader to a hybrid Classical Education program. We struggled soooooo much to keep up with the program. After a lot more studying I realize this was the complete WRONG direction for me or my kids. My eldest is so social and I told myself the same thing that he needs to be ok to play on his own and now I realize I need to follow his needs and his interests instead of forcing him to be someone he is not. So going into next year we are completely restructuring what homeschooling looks like for us, doing our own "program" and putting him in lots of extracurricular sports and clubs 😂
My boys are teens now and neurodivergent. One thing I didn’t anticipate fully is that most days I didn’t feel fully up to learning and exploring together because I have a health condition that wipes me out sometimes. I felt like i had to take the lead instead of letting them self-direct and that lead to a lot of guilt. I think it is so important to create that learning environment. We have tons of books and art supplies. But, the struggle is not allowing technology to be a big distraction instead of a useful tool. Also one is very social and has need to be with people outside of the family and the other is more introverted. I appreciate you sharing your journey. Homeschooling and especially unschooling can feel lonely.
Thank you for this insight Lucy. I had a little cry during this video. I felt very anxious this weekend about leaving my kids (age 3 and 5) to stay with 2 girl mates for 3 nights. The anxiety leading up was triggering all sorts in me. I had an amazing time, I literally got into a 3 day giggling fit (probably stemming from some anxiety relief!) because I'd forgotten how it feels to take care of myself. My mind suddenly became empty and I was left to find some of the smaller, sillier stuff - funny! I deregistered my daughter this summer and I've been used to being very self protective and ready for a 'battle' with people, as I've done for many years whilst we live (as a family), slightly outside of the social norms. This has made me a more serious person and is ageing me. I'm going to check out that book recommendation. I'm also beginning to forgive myself for us living in a town. We've previously lived rural, in a static caravan for a few years, and it was the best time of our lives. Minimal living, chickens, land etc. We moved to the town and while my kids have a blast, I have a dream of getting back to semi rural, minimal, self sustaining etc but I've noticed that the dream has been beating me over the head everyday and distracting me from our journey. I love to keep up with you, because you are ever adapting and evolving, as we all are, and I do find you reassuring and insightful. Thank you.
I think your absolutely amazing women , I’m on my healing journey currently and planning for my 8 months only unschooling future and the soul I’m growing in my belly 🥰🥰
I am so SO grateful that you are some years ahead of me in your parenting journey, I get to benefit from the things you had wished you had known earlier. As always, you are so graceful and poignant. You always seem to say just what I need to hear, as it seems from the comments like you do for a lot of people. Thank you for creating this content when you have the time. So curious what you're up to these days- not living in the yurts for now...etc
Thank you! We have also been on a path of discovery related to neurodiversity. I’d love to hear more details from you about how embracing the label affected your unschooling journey. What kind of supports did you use? How did you make shifts?
Well we always bought into the idea that a child does well if they can. I’m so grateful that we were parenting respectfully as at least we didn’t ever punish our daughter for her way of being. But sometimes that idea of her “doing the best she can” didn’t bloody feel like it 😬 Enter ND and it’s suddenly very very very easy to believe 😭 So t helped us truly truly believe that truth. That was the biggest thing. It allowed for the ceiling to come off our ability to empathise with her and support her. Also, I get way more info and resources from adhd specific places- so many NT resources just do not apply Hope that helps!
Gah! Thanks Lucy you’re giving exactly what I need right now. It was suggested that I be assessed for ADHD as a kid (it was pretty uncommon for girls to actually be diagnosed back then😅) but my mother chose not to. My eldest had an educational assessment a few years ago and was considered ‘2E’ (dyslexia with the suggestion of having an assessment for ADHD and autistic traits) and I haven’t explored that further but as he gets older I think more knowledge and tools for our kit is definitely something we need. He also needs so much social stimulation and I have to work on helping him access that. Wish you guys lived closer, I’d love to have you guys as part of our (in person) unschooling circle
I didn't have nurturing home. God bless to you and your fam, life is all about dealing with imperfection and the kids are developing understanding of that through you.
Hi Lucy! I was so nervous to watch this video when you mentioned you were going to speak about labeling and neurodiversity so I put it off until I could ask friends if you were nd and in support of diagnosis. As an autistic/adhd adult with autistic and ADHD children I’m really glad you didn’t continue to follow in the footsteps of so many other well known unschoolers and got your child a diagnosis. The supports they can receive will be so helpful in becoming the best version of themselves. ❤️
Wow within the first minute you hit exactly where I’ve been recently… I feel like I’m constantly playing catch up (and looking back on where I could have applied what I’m learning 😬) as I learn new things then feel so behind because there are so many things to learn. The books lining my shelves I feel like I won’t get through in this lifetime never mind their childhood
Hi! Do you have a video about the changes you made since realizing that ADHD is a part of your family? Going through the same thing here and looking for advice/resources. Thank you so much for this channel! Your content is such a help!
Thanks for talking about this! People are often reluctant to label neurodiverse kids but in a way that just pushes neurodiversity away… it’s not a thing to be ashamed about being neurodivergent ♥️ I found out more about adhd in my thirties but suspected it for a long time. I think my 6yr old daughter is possibly dyslexic, maybe has adhd too. Think I’m about to make the leap into unschooling! She is really not enjoying school at all and I think doing things our own way would suit us both. A huge step but exciting at the same time..Wish me luck! X
Hi..I'm brand new to unschooling, have been semi following you as I'm beginning learning about unschooling while I awaited the home exemption for my 6 year son (just got it..woohoo!). I'll admit...I was hesitant if you'd work for me, as a diagnosed and proudly aware ADHD mum to a diagnosed and proudly aware autistic child (undiagnosed as yet but pretty sure PDA/ADHD too), I had seen you dance around the topic of your whanaus neurodiversity, mention it but not be concise, I had wondered why....because I can tell you.. we spot eachother in a room, online, and in all places as soon as we're fully tuned in...and their is no greater a thing than to be surrounded by those that aren't afraid to learn about their neurodiversity and call it what it is...be that ADHD, autism, anxiety....and seek the correct identification for yourself and your children...because then you begin to learn so so so much more. Welcome aboard ..I look forward to following you more closely now 😉🤗
Haha oh yeah it’s so true isn’t it? Spotting the Nd folk across the room 🤣 Also.. yeah it interesting because I haven’t spoken about it much over the years and I don’t know if I will do more because it’s not actually my story, it’s my daughters, and I don’t think I’ll tell any more of it. I might talk about my own though 🥰❤️
Thank you for this! I have also been working through common unschooling beliefs, and have found knowing more about ADHD so so so helpful in understanding myself and my 7 year old. What resources have you found that have been helpful for you?
Hi Lucy, thank you for addressing this issue. One of my daughters is autistic and we were told NOT to get a diagnosis by the educational psychologist because it would only make things harder for her!! 🤦♀️🤷♀️ We ignored her and pursued a diagnosis because we felt she needed to understand herself and how her brain is wired. I’m so glad we did, she’s taken a while to accept her unique talents and struggles, but at least she understands why she sees and thinks so differently from many others. Xx
I was diagnosed as ADHD in my mid 30s and it was life changing! I wish I had been diagnosed as a child, so I could have learned how to work with my brain instead of feeling so much shame for not meeting the expectations of people who treated me like I had a moral issue.
I love love love this video and all the brilliant insights you share in it! I feel such a kindred spirit sense about you, like if you lived near me we would totally have to hang and be friends. 💖💥✨
Also, how did you go about learning about neurodiversity and adhd and how did you go about getting diagnoses?? Not in public school systems, I don’t know how. I’m in the US.
What places does your daughter go to where there's kids to play with? I now the park is an option but where else? My daughter yearns for this too, thanks.
Having autistic son, with ADHD, I can say he's really amazing, loving, wonderful, creative 5 years old person. He needs lots and lots of attention but his truth-seeing eyes, loving heart, great emotions, are much needed traits in our society.
Hi Lucy thanks for another great video. It was really interesting and thought provoking. I just wanted to ask you have you read the new unschooling book by Naomi Fisher called Changing our Minds. She does a whole section on neuro divergence and she discusses that when diagnosing they only have behavioural traits to go on and that they have no physiological evidence. She then goes onto discuss how one doctors diagnosis can vary from another. For myself I do have a bit of an issue with the word disorder in the terms of Adhd because the word disorder in the medical world means 'pathology'. I also wonder what your thoughts are on medication for adhd?? I have seen quite a lot of American unschooling literature that say that children are being medicated when they don't need to be for Adhd.
Hi Hayley, thanks for your super thoughtful comment :D I haven't read Changing our Minds by Naomi, though I've heard really good things about her work from people in my membership. I had a quick look at something she'd written online about ND, and from what i can see the point she is making is that a lot of ordinary childlike behaviour is being pathologised by the schooling system. I do think this is true! It is absolutely true. Except that it is then extrapolated to mean "if you take away the school environment, ND doesn't exist" that's the belief alive and well in home ed circles, and the one i believed for many years. And it is not true. That would suggest that school is the only neurotypical system in our society - which it obviously isn't, shops, banking, workplaces, health systems, pavements (lol) all are made to NT standards, not withstanding all the intangible structures that make up society. Without recognising ND we will keep building whole environments that are problematic for the good 20% of folks with ND. Hehe, sorry this is turning into a gigantic comment! It's just such an important and fizzing topic for me :D The small thing I read of Naomi's gave me the impression that she is sure of the first, but also makes room for diagnoses when useful. I shall seek out her book! Oh, I hate the name ADHD. Disorder. Gah. We call it the "Hunter Gene" after Thom Haartman's work if you are interested :D
@@LucyatLifeWithoutSchool Hi thanks for your response. This all makes sense to me. In your line of work I would definetly read the Naomi Fisher book as she is a Clinical Psychologist and her book is all based on scientific research. It is as good as or maybe better than Peter Grays Free to Learn. Just one little point that if people are going to label I think it should be done by a professional because as parents we can bring in our own biases. I for example am an introvert and I have had friends say that I am autistic which I am not. I may appear that way on first meeting me but really I am just an introvert with some anxiety thrown in to the mix.
Oh Lucy, you got me questioning, how the fuck am I going to make our future plans work best for my 10yr old adhd son. What I'd living our best life is not my sons best life, is that possible. Will living our dreams inspire and create our best children, maybe fulfilling our dreams and visions actually won't be best for my 10yr old adhd son. I have to return to the thought that nothing is permanent and that I it doesn't work best for everyone then we can change direction. So I guess I have a question, after you confess you don't always see what's in front of you, how can we best identify if something/action/lifestyle is not working for your children even if for yourself it's a dream.
Love to you, my own life is aided by seeing everything as a bit of an experiment to be honest! I love this question Rowan, I will maybe do a vid about it!
Hi dear Lucy, I am s happy I found your different channels 😊 Thank you! Do you have any recommendations for reading about neurodivergent kids? (Better on the web, to begin with).
Autistic adult here 👋🏻 I wasn’t diagnosed until I was 25 after being labelled “disruptive” through my whole schooling career. I often wonder how my life could have been different if I had had given access to accomodations, educational support and assistive technologies.
While I was happy to be self diagnosed for a few years, when I finally got my official diagnosis I got access to disability insurance. I now have a cleaner, a support worker, an occupational therapist and a psychologist, all covered by the government and I AM THRIVING.
Parents, please don’t be scared of diagnosis. It’s your child’s key to living their best life in this world that wasn’t build for them.
Lucy, thank you for sharing all of these points, I’ve tucked them away in my brain for when my little life learner starts testing me ;)
Wow Beatrix thank you for sharing your story here, I’m so grateful. It’s sompowerful and I hope it helps others consider a diagnoses. I truly believe that diagnoses can save lives.
😭
I’m so glad I watched this. I’m pulling my soon to be “6th grader” out to unschool. He is VERY social and always gets in trouble for talking during class.
Hello Lucy 👋 we are a nurodiverse unschooling family and thank you so much for sharing those things. I can totally relate to some of those, particularly the guilt of not wanting to label children.
Also I struggled for ages, and still do sometimes with that internal feeling of 'if I take time for myself am I letting my kids down if I'm not giving them my all'.
This was such a wonderful video, thank you again for sharing X
So great to hear from you Kaylee, I think the labelling thing is real, as though the label represents a box we are putting them in - I don't find it to be this way at all in real life. There is no box! Thanks for being here and showing up for your kids! yay
I love your vulnerability here. My son is neuro divergent and went to mainstream school. He was diagnosed "later" around 10yrs old and there was a weird roller coaster of emotions from vindication, anger, grief, guilt and relief, then more anger when the diagnosis still didn't help him get support from some facets of school life!
Your daughters will be - are - and will continue to be wild, independent, capable and fierce women. The world needs more women like these 😍
Love from the UK
I agree, I fully think that ND community is badly needed in all sorts of area of society, so many ND traits are important for the wellness, justice, truth, visioning!
Thank you! Recently diagnosed Autistic Mum here exploring options to take the next step of withdrawing my (ND) kids, 5 and 9, from school. All this so helpful, and really appreciate the ND referencing. All your content is super helpful x
Hi Lucy, what a lovely, honest video. Thank you for sharing. My son was diagnosed with Autism and dyslexia at 8 years old and I was so relieved to be told that my inner wisdom was correct. This was when we began home educating and we had the best time!
My husband, we then realised, is also autistic and dyslexic and I am amazed at the incredible skills of both him and my son. He is an amazing artist (he’s just gone back to university at 42, and now has a first class honours degree in Fine Art!) and my son is a musician, equally talented at just 13.
I struggled for a while after I realised that both of them were autistic, lots of guilt, but so proud of them. Thank you again. X
Wow that’s incredible. I’m so glad you were all open and willing to go there. What a brave adventure you are all on 🙏😍
@@LucyatLifeWithoutSchool thank you. X
Wow you really hit the mark here with topic number 1 and the amount of friend time needed; is it less or is it more, is it big or small? We are fresh to the homeschool journey and my son loves staying home but he also adores having huge parties of friends. I would love to include him in more conversation about what kind and how much friend time he wants. I really enjoyed hearing about your situation being surrounded by school kids and the culture that comes with a small town. The perspective you have and share is phenomenal and such a ray of sunshine and inspiration.
thank you - for number 4 - we're an autistic family, primarily and the "no-labels" mindset is so prevalent, neurodivergent families can feel a lack of...support. and the extra chellenge then of how unschool may look/be different in their family life due to neurodivergence and different needs. if only we lived in a world where differences didnt matter...
Yes, things do often need to be a different for ND kids huh? Thanks for watching!
I have watched your channel for years. I have been homeschooling for 12 years. You get a little wiser when you have the benefit of hindsight 😊 This video totally reflects how I feel- particularly your last point on neurodiversity and diagnosis. Thanks so much for your wisdom and kindness. You are a light in this community x
Oh wow. Thanks for being here for the whoooole journey!!!
These are all great points! Thank you for sharing these beautiful insights.
Thanks for watching!
My wife and her sister realised a few years ago that they have ADHD and it has been a revelation. So much shame and guilt is being released.
Another great video, I'm so stoked you're back on TH-cam 💓
beautiful :D
Wow. Thank you for this. I needed the extra nudge reminder to more fully prioritize my child's social needs (everything's better with a friend!). And you really opened my eyes to honoring my own needs as essential to our journey. I needed your words, today especially. Thank you.
Yay beautiful!
Thank you for your wisdom. I’m just getting started here with 3.5yr old and 1yr old but tuning into my natural maternal instinct has always been key to my parenting. It’s great to here you’re thoughts on the utopian unschooling situations as I think I’ve got those ideals in my head too…always trying to move away from any expectations/conditioning held in my brain! It’s great to have attention brought to those thoughts, thank you so much 😀
Awesome, welcome to the unschooling world! So cool! Yeah, being super aware of what's incoming that really isn't serving your kids well is just such a liberation :D
@@LucyatLifeWithoutSchool thank you! Your channel is an awesome resource 💚
What a lovely video. All four points resonate and apply to my own unschooling family. Thank you, Lucy.
Thanks for watching!
Hi Lucy, I have watched you since the first days of your yurt adventure. I'm so pleased you have come to this. My boy is autistic and I have had to parent in such a different way to my daughter. It was obvious early on that your daughter was on the same wave length as some of us in my family. Always watched you for great tips and insights but also not always relevant to my son but can see how it works for other children. I am so pleased you got a diagnosis. It made a big difference to how people understand them as well as how they understand themselves. I didn't always agree with some of your points but you seem more open to different ways of existing. It's different for each and especially different if there are any special needs that may look so wrong to some unschoolers but works for that particular child. It changes even more when teenage hormones kick in. Good luck and impressed you made these realisations. It's hard when your surrounded with people doing it a certain way. Xx
Great to hear from you 🥰
Lucy I was so nervous about watching this video as you had said on Instagram you were going to talk about labels and whether we should use them. It’s been a busy week for me and I wasn’t sure I had the energy. However you’ve echoed my thoughts on it exactly. I was diagnosed as autistic a couple of years ago and I’m now 44, we have now recognised that most (if not all) of our 6 children are autistic too. I wish I’d been diagnosed as a child, the label helps me cope better with life, I manage my time better, I understand when we all need quiet days. I am more forgiving to myself about the meltdowns I have, though these are far less frequent since my diagnosis as I recognise when it’s all becoming a bit too much. It helps us knowing and like you we have really open conversations with our children about it and there is no shame about our brains being wired a little differently.
Ah that's so amazing to here! Yeah, the forgiveness bit is massive isnt it? Absolutely massive. Thanks for sharing your story with me / us Corinne, I'm grateful :)
Thank-you so much for this video. I am unschooling a 5 and 2 year old and my heart burst open when i watched this because i too have been limited by the belief that its only schools that would label, and therefore restrict her. If she were unschooled, she is label-less but actually she IS different. Each day i am battling guilt because i feel i am doing something wrong, but i already feel empowered at the thought of learning more about her brain wiring and what STRENGHTS she has. aaah what a breath of fresh air. thank you! :-)
Love to you nicola! x x 💛
Yes yes yes! All of this. Same journey. Thank you for putting your experience out there ❤️
Thanks so much for watching Alicia!
Such interesting and thought provoking points. I have no doubts my eldest is ND and have taken it upon myself to research what I can, I’ve never been a fan of labels on people especially children but I am a bigger fan of doing what feels right and if using the terms to help others or the child understand themselves better is what a parent feels is right they should totally listen to their heart.
Xx
Yeah thats what it was about for us, for sure :D Helping family members understand a bit more about how her brain works :D
Inner wisdom XX we have our appointment scheduled for a month's time, based on my ND hunch XX Thanks as always Lucy for your openness XX
Ah thats amazing Jennifer, I honour you tuning in and bringing that intention. I hope it all goes smoothly. x x x
I love this!! I had such a bumpy start with homeschooling - sending my 1st grader to a hybrid Classical Education program. We struggled soooooo much to keep up with the program. After a lot more studying I realize this was the complete WRONG direction for me or my kids. My eldest is so social and I told myself the same thing that he needs to be ok to play on his own and now I realize I need to follow his needs and his interests instead of forcing him to be someone he is not. So going into next year we are completely restructuring what homeschooling looks like for us, doing our own "program" and putting him in lots of extracurricular sports and clubs 😂
Thank you so much for this video.
My boys are teens now and neurodivergent. One thing I didn’t anticipate fully is that most days I didn’t feel fully up to learning and exploring together because I have a health condition that wipes me out sometimes. I felt like i had to take the lead instead of letting them self-direct and that lead to a lot of guilt. I think it is so important to create that learning environment. We have tons of books and art supplies. But, the struggle is not allowing technology to be a big distraction instead of a useful tool. Also one is very social and has need to be with people outside of the family and the other is more introverted.
I appreciate you sharing your journey. Homeschooling and especially unschooling can feel lonely.
Thank you for this insight Lucy.
I had a little cry during this video. I felt very anxious this weekend about leaving my kids (age 3 and 5) to stay with 2 girl mates for 3 nights. The anxiety leading up was triggering all sorts in me. I had an amazing time, I literally got into a 3 day giggling fit (probably stemming from some anxiety relief!) because I'd forgotten how it feels to take care of myself. My mind suddenly became empty and I was left to find some of the smaller, sillier stuff - funny!
I deregistered my daughter this summer and I've been used to being very self protective and ready for a 'battle' with people, as I've done for many years whilst we live (as a family), slightly outside of the social norms. This has made me a more serious person and is ageing me. I'm going to check out that book recommendation.
I'm also beginning to forgive myself for us living in a town. We've previously lived rural, in a static caravan for a few years, and it was the best time of our lives. Minimal living, chickens, land etc. We moved to the town and while my kids have a blast, I have a dream of getting back to semi rural, minimal, self sustaining etc but I've noticed that the dream has been beating me over the head everyday and distracting me from our journey.
I love to keep up with you, because you are ever adapting and evolving, as we all are, and I do find you reassuring and insightful. Thank you.
I'm just seeing your comment Abigail, I'm so sorry. I just want to say that I see you! Love to you you are doing brill.
I think your absolutely amazing women , I’m on my healing journey currently and planning for my 8 months only unschooling future and the soul I’m growing in my belly 🥰🥰
oh, amazing!!!
This was a great video !! Always love your content and topics
Thanks for watching!
Oh my goodness felt like you were speaking directly to me and to everything that is going on for our family
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I am so SO grateful that you are some years ahead of me in your parenting journey, I get to benefit from the things you had wished you had known earlier. As always, you are so graceful and poignant. You always seem to say just what I need to hear, as it seems from the comments like you do for a lot of people.
Thank you for creating this content when you have the time.
So curious what you're up to these days- not living in the yurts for now...etc
I hear you! I’m so grateful for those people that were further along the journey for me too 🥰😭❤️
@@LucyatLifeWithoutSchool Please share who are they :) I just love your insights!
Every word 🙏 Thanks Lucy!
thanks for watching!
Thank you! We have also been on a path of discovery related to neurodiversity. I’d love to hear more details from you about how embracing the label affected your unschooling journey. What kind of supports did you use? How did you make shifts?
Well we always bought into the idea that a child does well if they can.
I’m so grateful that we were parenting respectfully as at least we didn’t ever punish our daughter for her way of being.
But sometimes that idea of her “doing the best she can” didn’t bloody feel like it 😬
Enter ND and it’s suddenly very very very easy to believe
😭
So t helped us truly truly believe that truth.
That was the biggest thing.
It allowed for the ceiling to come off our ability to empathise with her and support her.
Also, I get way more info and resources from adhd specific places- so many NT resources just do not apply
Hope that helps!
Gah! Thanks Lucy you’re giving exactly what I need right now.
It was suggested that I be assessed for ADHD as a kid (it was pretty uncommon for girls to actually be diagnosed back then😅) but my mother chose not to.
My eldest had an educational assessment a few years ago and was considered ‘2E’ (dyslexia with the suggestion of having an assessment for ADHD and autistic traits) and I haven’t explored that further but as he gets older I think more knowledge and tools for our kit is definitely something we need.
He also needs so much social stimulation and I have to work on helping him access that. Wish you guys lived closer, I’d love to have you guys as part of our (in person) unschooling circle
Wow. Have you looked into an adult dx for yourself? V liberating!
I didn't have nurturing home. God bless to you and your fam, life is all about dealing with imperfection and the kids are developing understanding of that through you.
thanks JohN!
I love youuuuu!!!! You are like a breath of fresh air 😊
:D
Hi Lucy! I was so nervous to watch this video when you mentioned you were going to speak about labeling and neurodiversity so I put it off until I could ask friends if you were nd and in support of diagnosis. As an autistic/adhd adult with autistic and ADHD children I’m really glad you didn’t continue to follow in the footsteps of so many other well known unschoolers and got your child a diagnosis. The supports they can receive will be so helpful in becoming the best version of themselves. ❤️
I agree completely. x
Wow within the first minute you hit exactly where I’ve been recently… I feel like I’m constantly playing catch up (and looking back on where I could have applied what I’m learning 😬) as I learn new things then feel so behind because there are so many things to learn. The books lining my shelves I feel like I won’t get through in this lifetime never mind their childhood
There is SO much to learn isn't there!
I needed to hear this 💞
Yay!
Hi! Do you have a video about the changes you made since realizing that ADHD is a part of your family? Going through the same thing here and looking for advice/resources. Thank you so much for this channel! Your content is such a help!
i don't but that's an amazing idea for a video! Thank you!
omggg I am so glad I found you!!
Thanks for talking about this! People are often reluctant to label neurodiverse kids but in a way that just pushes neurodiversity away… it’s not a thing to be ashamed about being neurodivergent ♥️ I found out more about adhd in my thirties but suspected it for a long time. I think my 6yr old daughter is possibly dyslexic, maybe has adhd too. Think I’m about to make the leap into unschooling! She is really not enjoying school at all and I think doing things our own way would suit us both. A huge step but exciting at the same time..Wish me luck! X
100% yay!
Hi..I'm brand new to unschooling, have been semi following you as I'm beginning learning about unschooling while I awaited the home exemption for my 6 year son (just got it..woohoo!). I'll admit...I was hesitant if you'd work for me, as a diagnosed and proudly aware ADHD mum to a diagnosed and proudly aware autistic child (undiagnosed as yet but pretty sure PDA/ADHD too), I had seen you dance around the topic of your whanaus neurodiversity, mention it but not be concise, I had wondered why....because I can tell you.. we spot eachother in a room, online, and in all places as soon as we're fully tuned in...and their is no greater a thing than to be surrounded by those that aren't afraid to learn about their neurodiversity and call it what it is...be that ADHD, autism, anxiety....and seek the correct identification for yourself and your children...because then you begin to learn so so so much more.
Welcome aboard ..I look forward to following you more closely now 😉🤗
Haha oh yeah it’s so true isn’t it? Spotting the Nd folk across the room 🤣
Also.. yeah it interesting because I haven’t spoken about it much over the years and I don’t know if I will do more because it’s not actually my story, it’s my daughters, and I don’t think I’ll tell any more of it.
I might talk about my own though 🥰❤️
Thank you for this! I have also been working through common unschooling beliefs, and have found knowing more about ADHD so so so helpful in understanding myself and my 7 year old. What resources have you found that have been helpful for you?
Of everything I've read, my favourite book is The Edison Gene - the gift of a hunter child, by Thom Haartman :D
@@LucyatLifeWithoutSchool oh, I even thought about my son, he's born to be a hunter, running in the forest, not sitting in classroom :)
Hi Lucy, thank you for addressing this issue. One of my daughters is autistic and we were told NOT to get a diagnosis by the educational psychologist because it would only make things harder for her!! 🤦♀️🤷♀️ We ignored her and pursued a diagnosis because we felt she needed to understand herself and how her brain is wired. I’m so glad we did, she’s taken a while to accept her unique talents and struggles, but at least she understands why she sees and thinks so differently from many others. Xx
Ah you are doing brill, keep listening to your intuition.
I was diagnosed as ADHD in my mid 30s and it was life changing! I wish I had been diagnosed as a child, so I could have learned how to work with my brain instead of feeling so much shame for not meeting the expectations of people who treated me like I had a moral issue.
I love love love this video and all the brilliant insights you share in it! I feel such a kindred spirit sense about you, like if you lived near me we would totally have to hang and be friends. 💖💥✨
naw thanks for watching
In regards to number 1 you listed, how old is your daughter now? When you’ve “just now found your balance” of social time and alone/family time?
I’m curious because my daughter is 6 and very similar!!
Also, how did you go about learning about neurodiversity and adhd and how did you go about getting diagnoses?? Not in public school systems, I don’t know how. I’m in the US.
Thank you so much for your video!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️🥰🥰🥰🥰
What places does your daughter go to where there's kids to play with? I now the park is an option but where else? My daughter yearns for this too, thanks.
GoodQ! I organise a lot of play dates with friends. Soft play places. The Beach. Skate park. City Farms x
@@LucyatLifeWithoutSchool thanks
Having autistic son, with ADHD, I can say he's really amazing, loving, wonderful, creative 5 years old person.
He needs lots and lots of attention but his truth-seeing eyes, loving heart, great emotions, are much needed traits in our society.
So lovely to hear about your son!
Hi Lucy thanks for another great video. It was really interesting and thought provoking. I just wanted to ask you have you read the new unschooling book by Naomi Fisher called Changing our Minds. She does a whole section on neuro divergence and she discusses that when diagnosing they only have behavioural traits to go on and that they have no physiological evidence. She then goes onto discuss how one doctors diagnosis can vary from another. For myself I do have a bit of an issue with the word disorder in the terms of Adhd because the word disorder in the medical world means 'pathology'. I also wonder what your thoughts are on medication for adhd?? I have seen quite a lot of American unschooling literature that say that children are being medicated when they don't need to be for Adhd.
Hi Hayley, thanks for your super thoughtful comment :D
I haven't read Changing our Minds by Naomi, though I've heard really good things about her work from people in my membership. I had a quick look at something she'd written online about ND, and from what i can see the point she is making is that a lot of ordinary childlike behaviour is being pathologised by the schooling system. I do think this is true!
It is absolutely true.
Except that it is then extrapolated to mean "if you take away the school environment, ND doesn't exist"
that's the belief alive and well in home ed circles, and the one i believed for many years.
And it is not true.
That would suggest that school is the only neurotypical system in our society - which it obviously isn't, shops, banking, workplaces, health systems, pavements (lol) all are made to NT standards, not withstanding all the intangible structures that make up society. Without recognising ND we will keep building whole environments that are problematic for the good 20% of folks with ND.
Hehe, sorry this is turning into a gigantic comment! It's just such an important and fizzing topic for me :D
The small thing I read of Naomi's gave me the impression that she is sure of the first, but also makes room for diagnoses when useful. I shall seek out her book!
Oh, I hate the name ADHD. Disorder. Gah. We call it the "Hunter Gene" after Thom Haartman's work if you are interested :D
@@LucyatLifeWithoutSchool Hi thanks for your response. This all makes sense to me. In your line of work I would definetly read the Naomi Fisher book as she is a Clinical Psychologist and her book is all based on scientific research. It is as good as or maybe better than Peter Grays Free to Learn. Just one little point that if people are going to label I think it should be done by a professional because as parents we can bring in our own biases. I for example am an introvert and I have had friends say that I am autistic which I am not. I may appear that way on first meeting me but really I am just an introvert with some anxiety thrown in to the mix.
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Oh Lucy, you got me questioning, how the fuck am I going to make our future plans work best for my 10yr old adhd son. What I'd living our best life is not my sons best life, is that possible. Will living our dreams inspire and create our best children, maybe fulfilling our dreams and visions actually won't be best for my 10yr old adhd son.
I have to return to the thought that nothing is permanent and that I it doesn't work best for everyone then we can change direction.
So I guess I have a question, after you confess you don't always see what's in front of you, how can we best identify if something/action/lifestyle is not working for your children even if for yourself it's a dream.
Love to you, my own life is aided by seeing everything as a bit of an experiment to be honest! I love this question Rowan, I will maybe do a vid about it!
Hi dear Lucy,
I am s happy I found your different channels 😊
Thank you!
Do you have any recommendations for reading about neurodivergent kids? (Better on the web, to begin with).
me too!
Advanced🧨🧨 💖😗