ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 10 มิ.ย. 2024
- In this video I talk about a horrifying vision I had of the loneliness of "oneness" or "source" as it is often referred to.
Why I Stopped Taking LSD:
• Why I Stopped Taking LSD
Are Psychedelics Satanic?:
• Are Psychedelics Satanic?
Marty Garza: UFOs, Government Disclosure, Angels, Demons & Beyond:
• Marty Garza: UFOs, Gov...
My Experience with Mephedrone:
• My Experience with Mep...
More Mephedrone Stories:
• More Mephedrone Stories
My music:
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I've never heard someone articulate this concept so well. I've had a similar experience myself, I found it terrifying for awhile but I now view it from a neutral perspective. You're a great storyteller man. Wish you all the best!
Thanks very much dude. Yeah, I would say I am neutral on it now as well. Not thrilled about it, but just kind of accepting. It would be cool to go beyond that into actually feeling positive about it, but I don't know if that will happen.
I really enjoyed your video. Thanks for sharing your experience.
Your description of reality as two forces locked in opposition resonated with me. I had an LSD trip in which I experienced reality as a battle between order and chaos, which, in a sense it is. We are beings that spend all our years on Earth battling entropy.
The whole order-chaos thing has been a background obsession for years--one I especially like to (need to?) explore in art. The art I love could be seen as controlled chaos or fractured order: order and chaos in a complex dance that is part war and part lovemaking. Lately, I've been exploring order and chaos in world mythology, and I've become especially interested in trickster characters, who are somehow part of both forces at once.
In the LSD trip, which was, of course, about the order and chaos that's been inside me all my life at least as much as it was about the Universe, I felt violently tugged back and forth between the two forces. Thinking of when you clasped your hands together to show the tangle, it was as if I was one hand, then the other, then the first again, then the second ... After a while, this became unbearable.
I remember thinking "Entropy always wins in the end, so I can stop this horrible back-and-forth by just letting go of order. I need to stop resisting chaos. It's the resistance that's making me suffer. I need to let go. I need to entropy it take me over entirely. I need to let it pull me apart." But I couldn't do that. I felt like a drowning animal that was always drowning but never drowned, eternally thrashing and kicking for a life that could neither be resumed nor ended. The instinct for chaos would not cease. The instinct for order would not cease.
The small part of me that was still aware of being at home in my bedroom turned to music for help. This will amaze me for the rest of my life, but some part of my mind knew what I needed was Aboriginal Australian didgeridoo music. The didgeridoo is in no way a part of my life. I live in Atlanta, Georgia. I have never been to Australia. I have never met an indigenous person from there. I don't own any didgeridoo music. I'd heard it now and then in movies, but not for years. Somehow, I 100% knew it was what I needed, so I found some on Apple music, and started playing it.
To my untrained, Western ears, the track that played didn't sound like music at all. It sounded like the chaos. But then it started throbbing and cohered into a steady primal beat. And it felt as if my breathing and heartbeat had aligned with it.
And, suddenly, I was no longer being yanked back and forth between order and chaos. I had stopped identifying with either of them and had become the gestalt of the battle itself. Like, imagine two armies, a red one and a yellow one, rushing towards each other on the battlefield, intermingling, and clashing with each other. But you are thousands of feet up in the air, so you just see a single, red-and-yellow swirly object. In your metaphor, I had ceased to be either hand and had become the pulsation both of them created together.
At this point, the trip ceased to be horrible. It wasn't peaceful, either. It was dynamic. I felt more alive than I'd ever felt before or since. I became aware of the entire system that is me, all the biology which, even when I'm asleep, is never still. It's always metabolizing, always dancing. And, whereas in the past, I'd thought of aging, death, and decay as something that was happening to me, something I was fighting against, I now saw it as something I was just as much as I am the resistance to it. I am the wholistic dance of decay and the fight against decay. I am not push. I am not pull. I am push-pull.
In sober life, I think a great deal now about the structures people put in place to fight entropy or chaos (and the ways they rebel against those structures, seeking anarchy.) It strikes me that the instinct for order (for fighting entropy, meaninglessness, chaos) will always be with us, and it will latch onto *anything.* Any sort of order at hand will do. Which means that, if it's what's available, we will latch onto the worst sort of Nazi authoritarianism or the kindest kind sort of charitable, spiritual practice. Knowing that hunger we have for ordering mechanisms, it behooves us to find the (ultimately arbitrary) ones that cause the least amount of suffering and the most amount of happiness. If we don't seek order mindfully, we will seek it unmindfully.
God DAMN, what an interesting read.
I'm glad that you were able to find some kind of perspective, or at least maybe something resembling clarity with it.
Honestly, I find all the yin yang shit a bit mind numbing. But I don't think I really engage with it correctly, or at all. There's always been some religiously superstitious part of me that kind of fights it or just avoids it. But nowadays, I have a different view of all this stuff which is kind of hard to explain, but much easier to maintain. Above all, I think that whatever we "know" about the universe and the nature of reality is subject to change at any moment, so I don't put too much stock in it either way. Lately I'm just really enjoying real life, and the whacky stuff is kind of more of an interesting sideshow that I occasionally look at. It doesn't grip me like it used to, which is nice.
I also kind of want to listen to some didgeridoo music now 😳
Just the title gives me goosebumps I had an intense experience exactly like what you guys are taking about and now 13 years later I am still not stressed about anymore but haunted by the sheer infinitely edged majesty of infinity
@@Battery33 ha! Yeah, it's a pretty intense feeling. Glad to hear you're no longer stressed, although being haunted doesn't sound much better. Could you elaborate on the difference a bit more?
Haunted because I now know I/we are all there ever was and all there will ever be we shapeshift on thru eternity one form to the next it’s just regaining the memories is a little difficult but that horrible solipsism I will never forget like you said that despair of being a lonely god trapped in eternity
@@Battery33 Honestly, I'm completely over it now and actually feel pretty optimistic about life. You might like my latest video on it! I share what helped me.
th-cam.com/video/M_AdNqw0zDI/w-d-xo.html
I think the fear is that our whole lives have been unreal, that our entire experience wasn’t real, and all that is real is the infinite. I think it’s why god decided to do the world, too not feel alone.
I think you're right!!! The funny thing is though...what do we even mean when we say real in this context? Is this "actually" happening? What does that even mean? Would we be satisfied if it was all being recorded so we could play it back later from our universal iPhone?
There is *this/now*
What more could you ask for?!
th-cam.com/video/Dc3PCWhPQLc/w-d-xo.htmlsi=UgDHqcv5mluiKsY7
Love that you've uploaded again ❤️
Cheers Danny 👍
Tbh I agree with the resistance hypothesis that you posited in the last part of the video; our minds are finite by nature, and can only attempt to grasp the infinite (or God, as it may be) by bringing it down to our level, because that's how our minds are made to understand things, by delimiting them, by saying "no, this thing is not this other thing because it has different properties, a different form, etc." That's what empiricism is about, what science is about, but these objects cannot be fully understood by our mind, because we are not like them and cannot be like them, even though we carry bits of the infinite within us, being part of this world and everything else.
Well, even if so, the resistance hypothesis wouldn't even make much sense, would it? Maybe we're just trying to piece something that is inherently unable to be pieced by us, because that's our nature, and that's okay; we can't change that. Nevertheless, I still find these experiences... maybe useful, in a sense, but it kinda goes beyond usefulness; it's about keeping us humble, and reminding us that we are as much a part of this Universe, that we are as much a cutout of the infinite essence of God as everything else.
Sorry, this was one of my recent topics of interest as well; I'm finishing up my postgrad in history of philosophy
Yeah, it does feel like something that we fight. A bit like a trip in itself: often our natural inclination is to fight it, which makes it so much harder.
And yeah I like the idea that it's something that keeps us humble. And as you say, "beyond usefulness", it's more like it's just something there for us to see but not really be involved with. Something to remind us that we are human and limited by that. But some people seem to take it the wrong way, and take it to mean that they are all powerful.
Have had v similar experiences exploring psychs and meditation - it is the ultimate fucking around and finding out regarding one's consciousness, seeing the void/emptiness that transcends that apparent duality between life and death. It can seem nihilistic, esp w all the suffering that exists and maybe our minds just cant comprehend such things. For me I find my curiosity forces me towards these questions, even when it can become psychologically and physically debilitating. But then other times life just is, and its fine.
Is it something you've made progress with over time? I'm checking out your channel and it seems you get pretty deep into this stuff, has doing so actually been beneficial in that regard or has it left you with more doubts/discomfort than you had before?
@@BigDome1 going deep into this stuff can definitely desensitise u to many of the conventional matrices of meaning that society has to offer (money, status, power, external validation etc.). I don’t personally consume psychedelics at the moment, nor do I engage in a regular ‘meditative practice’ (beyond just general attention/awareness) - mainly because these techniques as I practiced them more just started getting stranger and more trance-like. In general, I had the sense that I was flirting with experiential energies that I seriously didn’t understand at all and considering I’m only 22 at this pt I don’t wanna completely compromise my ability to participate in consensus reality by becoming too dissociated 😂
@@marvellousmindpodcast Interesting. Good for you for having that level of initiative and taking control of your own life. I'm at such an early stage with mediation that on the rare occasions I actually bother doing it it's really just a way of helping me focus. I'm not into the weirder/more esoteric side of it at all. I really just want to use things like meditation and psychedelics as tools to be a better person and have a better life.
@@BigDome1 Yea I was very much the same early on, mainly doing it for improved focus and stress regulation. Attending to attention is def a muscle that strengthens over time and does increase the clarity of one's experience. The weirder stuff comes usually when u combine psychedelics/ dissociatives, or even when you do yoga nidra (sleep yoga) which is where you are essentially meditating in this liminal space between wakefulness and sleep. But generally I feel like lifestyle factors such as social connection, diet and exercise are more important to wellbeing than any kind of meditative practice, at least for the vast majority of people.
I think the closer you come to truth/love the more you will fear it. The ego slowly starts to notice that love is truth so it will create a fear so that you wont go closer to love.
It's a tricky f*ker yeah? 😂😂😂
Every single time you take your eye off of it, it finds a way to get all of your attention back
Please upload more!! I keep rewatching all your vids
Thanks! It's great to be asked that. I'm going to have more stuff to talk about soon.
@@BigDome1 gotta love bigdome
my advice for u! acceptance is key because, (and i know this but i also will say i could totally be wrong although i am 100% sure) that what you expirienced is actually what you are. That oneness is what we entered from and its unchangable, it is God, which we are seperate from for this life. But its important to remember the temporary nature of human existence, and to accept where you are going after. !
Thank you dude. I partially agree with this, but I think there's an important distinction. Which is that I, as Ciaran, am not the oneness, perhaps that's what I come from, perhaps that who/what created me (I truly don't know.) But regardless, I know that I am who I am. And I think to think otherwise is to miss the point of the miracle of creation, and the miracle of separation. If I identify as that which I come from then I'm caught between two concepts of being, and it can seem horrifying. It's shouldering a burden that is just too much for my human brain. No matter how I was formed, I am a human.
If you slice a pizza into 8 slices, a slice of that pizza is not the pizza. It's just a slice. But sometimes people confuse being a slice with being the pizza. That's the way I've begun to think about it, and it makes so much more sense now. I think one of the pitfalls of new age/spiritual thought is identifying too directly with things that we as humans can potentially bear witness to.
And now, I feel better able to appreciate this miracle for what it is.
I saw the movie 'Samsara' yesterday, i think it would touch you in the most beautiful way ever
I've seen it, I can't remember anything about it though to be honest! What do you like about it?
@@BigDome1About reincarnation
‘Beauty is truth, truth beauty,-that is all
Ye know on earth, and all ye need to know.’ - Keats
I hope to be able to understand/appreciate this quote eventually.
Hey dude love your videos. You should do an interview with Aaron Berry he has a channel called the Awakened Brave. He hits alot of similar themes IE altered states, god, psychedelics. Nice one and thanks for sharing your vids.
I'll have a look, thanks dude 🙏
i think its that you saw what was really going on from your ego perspective , but i dident have this expirience so i dont wanna act like i know your business, but i hope u are able to work through this bro also i love your videos man
Thank you dude! I appreciate it. Yknow, before making the video I was already feeling much better about the experience. And then since releasing the video I've thought about it a lot more and made so much more sense of it. I feel like in general I have a lot more clarity, and I feel good. I'm going to make more videos about it in future. Thanks for watching btw 🙏
Being isn't the wrong word just used in the wrong way. It is Being but as a verb. If that makes sense.
Do you know Leo Guras videos? God realization.
I've seen a couple, honestly I'm not into it. I have some more thoughts on my issues with that side of the spiritual community which I'll share in another video.
Rebbe Winkler taught us the Elohim loosely translates to Group of Developers aka GoD.
Who's Rebbe Winkler?