The Problem With Monk Mode
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 18 พ.ย. 2023
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Everyday I get more comfortable being alone. It scares me because once I become ok with it I'll never go back.
Being alone is a superpower. It means your comfortable being by yourself and your emotionally independent. Embrace it but still connect with people
@@DanielCrossBoss Not really once you enjoy it to much you lose the urge to connect with anyone.
It's a cycle of connecting with people and being with oneself. Sometimes one is more other is less. If you self isolate a lot then it's gets harder to connect with people anyway. It's not one or the other, it's both.
That's fine. There's no right or wrong way to live life one should prioritize peace of mind above all.
@@Wattz1124You can still choose to connect with other people. And I think you're underestimating how social humans are by nature. We are healthier and happier when we have strong social connections and that's true regardless of how introverted you are.
Great advice. I’m definitely one who has tendencies to retreat from life. I’m just now learning to reconnect and this is a good reminder to keep trying.
been monk mode for 15 years best years of my life
@Finnhungambar
How about a turtle? 🐢
With a name like that I'm starting to wonder whether this is an intentional choice 😉
I would say that you've learned how to enjoy the simple things in life more than I can say for this tiktok era
24 years for me. 🎉
Longer than I've been alive bro
Peace of mind is everything!!!
I socialize a lot at work already and I go to the gym 6x a week. No more time for dating and going out that much.
I'm an introverted hermit, and I've always preferred living this way. This "monk mode" terminology is a new way for extroverted folks to larp about doing what I do naturally, but getting it wrong by not understanding the balance of when to integrate and when to be solitary.
Yep. I genuinely don't enjoy being around the average person. And it has nothing to do with me being great or special. I'm totally content living mostly in isolation. Why the hell should I change that? I'm still capable of engaging and being outgoing and social when I need to.
That gnawing, all-consuming ambition is imo, a byproduct of a maladaptive society which is currently running itself into the ground. If we can learn to be content with less the world will be a better place. Try arguing against that...
I'm all for people doing what they feel they need to do, but there isn't a one size fits all and the metrics by which most westerners measure success is, imo, extremely warped.
@bravingbrivatebrian There's nothing inherently wrong the the desire to aspire for more and become more. The problem emerges when one fails to identify the underlying aim of their desire.
For instance, some seek to accomplish much in life because they enjoy the pursuit which is fine.
Others aspire to be ambitious because subconsciously they have insecurities they compensate for through external accolades and acknowledgement.
The first is a healthy frame of reference while the second is inherently detrimental so long as that individual utilizes success as a vehicle for escapism.
The pursuit rarely matters so much as the why behind it.
Now that being typed success is relative and deeply internal depending on one's value system. The problem with Western society is that most have allowed external influences to define their value structure instead of developing one for themselves.
Yup this is not that much of a deviation from the normal for an introvert. I have no clue how extroverts can even put themselves through this, ever hour must be hell
In our extrovert culture introversion has always been portrayed as some sort of malfunction, or that an introvert is actually an extrovert who just needs to "come out of his shell". The only accurate thing he said was that it can leave us without much of a support system when we need it.
And good for you
Can't monks have other monks as a support system?
Yeah, but Monks (in this context) become so self-absorbed with their own growth, there may only be one other they allow to spend any time on. And it better be someone who lifts you just as much as you them or it’s still like being alone.
I’ll be a monk support! 🙋🏼♀️😁
Indeed
Lucky they have elders.... More than I can see about the west 😊
Yes they do have other monks as a support system. Plus being a monk doesn't mean they completely isolate themselves. They just learn not to be dependent on social interactions or have attachments to worldly things. This is what I would view as monk mode. The idea of monks being absolutely isolated is outlandish
Monk Mode for me turned into isolation, I used to be this very social and confident guy who made friends very easily, I wanted to get comfortable with being alone aswell which lead to the point of losing my ability to start conversations, look them directly into their eyes and be genuinely interested instead of seeing the conversation as something of a challenge and kinda waiting it to be over. Now im trying to find the right balance, I know I can be alone with myself and I pick the moments when I am and I still love it. But the best part is that now I have people who I also actually open up to and can have a long conversation with without any negative thoughts or the tendency to get out of that situation.
Be confident and comfortable alone but also with other people and in social situations, both are a part of life.
understanding its downside i.e. encouraging isolation is a thing to be considered.
Monk mode is like a bulk in bodybuilding. It yields great results but will destroy your health if done too long. It is temporary. But there is always a return to normal life at the end. That is the final goal
What kind of bodybuilding is bad for your health? Like intense bodybuilding or just actual exercising lifting weights?
@@lauraashley1bulking especially dirty bulking will definitely lead to fat gain in long run and there's a good chance you will form a eating disorder and gain a lot of unnecessary fat thereby be unhealthy
Horrible comparison. Monk mode is nothing like bodybuilding. Nice try, NPC.
Some people are just natural hermits. Just as others are natural social bugs.
This is where I have a problem with alot of "life teachers" is that they want everyone to live the same life.
Look, you need to be dissatisfied to consume life coach content. If you are content as is with no need for external objects or validation, OF COURSE the life coaches will try convincing you something is wrong with that 😅
They are just protecting their own interests. Very human thing to do. Life coaching is a very goofy thing to begin with. I just like this dudes interviews.
This is why I disagree largely with the "humans are social animals" theory, it rests on the assumption that because we need each other for survival, that we need each other socio-culturally.
Plenty of great intellectuals and philosophers were recluses or hermits while simultaneously giving some of the greatest information in history. I hardly see the necessity of clinging to people based on some preconceived notion of "social must mean right" , maybe the smarter you get the less you want to be around people, theres probably a correlation in there somewhere.
Though you’re both correct to some extent, we all have value to provide each other. I went through a decade long monk mode period and am realizing it is my duty to share what I’ve learned. The social network I have neglected are similar to those I would need to serve and help put me in touch with others who are looking for my services. Have I done myself a great favor keeping to myself? Absolutely. Have I also done myself (and others) a great disservice keeping to myself? Absolutely. The world needs your gifts and talents. Go monk mode to discover and hone them, but do not linger. ✨💖✨
Monk mode is itself a test and an adventure. It also doesn't preclude real life adventures such as travelling, hiking, learning new languages, sports, skills etc. And i think it's a given that a few people will stay totally isolated forever, but once you've gained independence and autonomy connections with others are largely on your terms.
Yes, I think there's possibly a slight misconception of what a an actual monk lives like here, but I get the point of the video.
I'm coming off a year of monk mode, and damn brotha you are speaking from my soul with this one! I figured out a lot of stuff, but found myself in this very isolated hole you're talking about. The last two months have been the return to social life for me - volunteering, sport clubs, church - and I've never been happier! 😊
When my partner gave up giving up alcohol, I was became single again at 36 , she was 37 . I had to reset- restart , move on . To do this I had a bucket list of things I wanted to accomplish and had not had the time . Monk mode , things done that I did for myself, not to impress women, the women I knew did not understand this , why do things that don’t impress women? . As it happens I met , while doing these activities, women. I married one of them. 😮😊
Men are retreating for a reason. Monk mode is how many men deal with society constantly calling them “toxic” by just being alive. The attitude is, “you don’t need me? Okay. I’ll keep to myself” which is ironic and not toxic at all. 🧐
Yup, monks are saying no to the dirty poon and the result is happiness. 😊
So I have been working on a career change to being an artist for about 4 years now and it takes up a hell of a lot of my weekends and free time. I used to resolve it by making my ‘solo’ activities as ‘group’ as possible - so taking an exercise class once a week at the gym rather than just working out alone. I also found an awesome spot in East London where other start-up minded people were getting work done on their laptops on the weekend. It was super cosy but always so crowded and this was great because inevitably one had to sit super close to someone or ask a favour. So conversations got struck up between interesting people. In the evening they would do a dj set and I would just continue working on my laptop - people would get curious as to what I was doing and ask questions - it was perfect for networking. All to say - you can have the best of both - just get smart about it and keep your eyes open for where your ‘tribe’ of other monks are 😊
One of the most important things in life is to build long lasting relationships.
I enjoy solitude. The alternative is a waste of my time. I have a lovely mother and two amazing friends. I don't need anything else.
Depends on whether you've gone and had your life's great adventure, I have, I know what is out there, and I have my close knit family forged in the fires of combat, I have no use for the rest of the world, I run my little homestead, keep up with my brothers and my many nieces and nephews, and I am not going to involve myself further, the rest of the time I have is for self development, finally learning how to go beyond party favorites on the guitar, finally getting serious about my painting, developing my archery shot to actually achieve a respectable score in tournament format...I have no use for further adventure involving the wider world
Moderation in everything, including moderation.
If you want be truly strong. Then learn 2 fight alone. Of course their is that risk of going to far in 2 it ...
This!!! I spent the last two years isolating myself to money fitness and goal setting/chasing. I forsure have grown in all facets of life but I’m starting to feel it’s at the sacrifice of my sociability it’s almost like I remember when I used to have fun and make music and go out I gotta regain some of that part of self back to fully enjoy the life I’ve been building fr🙏
I fall into this trap sometimes. I'm naturally comfortable being a hermit so I gotta force myself to do the opposite
In this day and age people are looking for escapism from life’s harsh realities.
Some turn to substance abuse and other addictions. Monk mode is another form of escape. There’s always a negative to whatever lifestyle we choose to live.
Thoughtful advice. It shouldn't take more to convince. Sadly, too few will hear.
Would they but come in from the cold and tell us their stories. We could share ours with them, enriching the experience and appreciation of all. One grows larger in company, not smaller.
Not everyone depends on social interactions. We are social being but we shouldn't let it consume you. Attachment to worldly things brings suffering btw
Simple: never come back from Monk Mode.
Wow I really feel this. I feel like so many other who watch Chris have been subconsciously doing this for a while and only heard that there’s a name for it now too.
True words 🙌
I’m 67 and living the monk mode. Two marriages, many other long term relationships, and 50 years in the workforce . I’m good with monk mode now. Feel so free
It's a dilemma for sure, I lost all my friends and left social media, but gained peace.
This rests on the assumption that being social and "experiencing" life is the _ "right thing"_ to strive toward.
So the better question is, what makes you think _that_ is worth getting? Where's your data.
Been in monk mode since 2012 when I got ill. I've learned so much because of it. More books more lectures no distractions
Bruh Chris been saying stuff that's tailor made for me at times almost.
Love ya Chris❤
I ve said this many times "i may be alone but im far from lonely" monk mode at this point is simply a protective measure against potential false allegations.. if the law wielding fe fail was not so untrustworthy 75-80% of the time, things would be better until there are serious permanent changes in law its just not worth co habitation, marriage. Serogets if you want children.
Ok, I'm going have to come back to this and think over it in greater depth.
Hit the nail on the head
It's about purity not monk mode
Put in the effort to reinforce family relationships and solidify at least just 1 friend who is on the same ambitious path who you can call in times of need and you can diminish the unhealthy antisocial part of monk mode
Huge point. No one talks about this. You don't need to sacrifice everything to be successful. It's important to be social
I used to be an extreme extrovert and workaholic and after Covid and the death of a close friend I’ve become an absolute hermit and was unemployed for a while. Ive done a lot of therapy and am now trying to get back out there with work and my social life. It is SO hard to do it once you’ve stopped. I also have so many friends who preach feminine independence. I believe you should be able to live life on your own but that doesn’t mean you have too. That should only be an option if love isn’t being served at the table. Being in relationship and serving others is such an important part of the human connection. Thankfully I have some great examples in my life now of couples who love and honor each other and BOTH put in the work. All this human stuff works if everyone’s trying and putting in effort.
As someone who tries to embody "monk mode" these days, this is a valid criticism and concern to have. But, at the same time, I would argue that is a temporary phenomenon. Inaction leads to action, action leads to inaction. This is not only true in your day to day, but it's a fractal pattern embedded within our existence. Retreating inward and focusing on monk mode is the exact practice which leads to the most productive lifestyles. This is just one of the many paradoxical graces of Satori, enlightenment. When you stop trying, you start doing.
“The long run” is death. Isn’t this what monks are preparing for?
This is sooooooo true. Humans are not built to live in isolation. A spiritual journey should let us feel more connected, not justify our fear of connection
My monk mode includes spending best quality time with love ones
...or said distance gives you perspective on your past behaviors and the way you showed up and supplants it with the wisdom to choose your battles - the scenarios, and occasions where you actually only need to show up.
Sounds more like “Hermit Mode” to me. Monks live in very tight knit communities.
but if in monk mode a person becomes from 2 to a solid 7, doesnt it's being more profitable ?
any thoughts
It what sense 2 to 7 ?
A mountain hermit has only Bah and Humbug to say at that.
Thoroughly agree.
Everyone should have a individual monk mode Everyone is different
Isolation isn't always a choice, and that's why it hurts so much. It could be life circumstances beyond our control. For example, would you rather stay at home and do something that is good for you or try to fit into a toxic environment at all costs?
Perhaps some people don't like people, perhaps they don't like society, perhaps they like peace and quiet, perhaps they like freedom.. What your doing is noble, however maybe people are just different.. love you dude!
I am an Indian. Monk mode for a few months to energize yourself is Great. Trust me, many Indians try to go Full on Monk mode by moving into an Hindu Ashram. No family, no job, no sex, no social life, no nothing. Just sit there meditate, clean the temple & work for the Main Guru. Years go by & then they regret not living their life.
Life is meant to be lived. Enjoy the journey.
My sentiments exactly.
The problem arises when a lifestyle is turned into a trend and taken to extremes. Meditation, working on internal issues, developing a good perception of the world, etc. is a life long practice and needs the tests of being in triggering situations in order to progress growth and general satisfaction in life. It's not a trend that you dive into. It's a lifestyle that you slowly immerse yourself into and stay in.
nothing wrong with monk mode... just remember that monks actually cultivate a tendency to avoid extremes... dont know why people keep forgetting the meaning of the middle way...
The pendulum swings.
I have lunch with an old friend and mentor of mine.
He is in his 90s his wife passed and none of the kids/grandkids want to have anything to do with him.
Not that he's obnoxious or anything it's just that old is not cool in the eyes of many these days.
A daughter moved back in with him because she likes living in a nice home rent-free.
He's a great guy I've known for the last 35 years and sitting down and breaking bread with him is like having lunch with Milton Berle.
You will never find a sure thing when dealing with people and counting on an extended family and a lot of kids and grandkids to be there when you're older is just rolling the dice.
You are better off taking the Benjamin Franklin advice of planning for the worst and hoping for the best.
I will say the kids are very clear on what they want of his estate when he passes that is for sure.
So at the end of the day the guy has been put into forced monk mode--
and it is ripping his heart and soul apart.
Nope. I am 24 lost both my best friends this past year and realized they weren't friends at all. Stopping drinking so much and going out every weekend. The thing about people my age is they just live for today without a care for the consequences of tomorrow. I am putting my head down and working for a while now. Plenty of time to go "socialize" and not make a difference....
Very very very very true. Couldn't agree more. For years I fell down the pit of the sigma male grindset, monkmode nonsense and it's a really negative way to look at life.
Sometimes you do need to make drastic changes and be disciplined but it's all about balance. Have fun, work hard, train hard, have rest days etc. Just live, enjoy life.
I 100% agree, too many men resort to monk mode as a cope when it should be a choice. Most guys do not have a friendship group/social circle. I think you should have those things or have the social skills to acquire those things before VOLUNTARILY entering monk mode.
💯💯💯 I have postured to people about how we didn’t come to live like monks. That’s another form of escapism! It sounds all altruistic but what good is wisdom if it’s not applied!? ❤
Deep convo
Oh it is very effective. No wonder monks in those temples and churches are so cool.
the problem of living alone is not being alone - its being able to compromise on things once someone else enters your life you might be interested being with
Thankyou
Reminds me of the beginning in Siddhartha. You must be a part of the world and embrace the suffering of the world voluntarily to become wise.
I think that's exactly why when Buddha reaches Nirvana, he still decides to go back into the world
Yeah I agree Monk Mode is reliable effectiveness it can change your life habit to be better
Monk mode doesn't mean total isolation. It only means I don't accept manipulative, toxic behavior in a relationship. I do have pretty good relationship with women, I just don't put up with emotional abuse. Which, let's be honest, is a far more developed ability in an average woman. Many men can be super abusive emotionally, but I have not yet met one single woman who was comfortable without a verbal fight. Either they win and in their eyes I get degraded or I win and in their eyes I become a bully. But they can't exist without fights and emotions. If everything is fine, and super chill, then they force themselves into thinking that something is wrong, then they start asking questions that no matter how I answer they'll get upset over and will just start blaming and shaming me. Monk mode is against this kind of attitude. It happens from 18 year old young women up to 50+ year old ladies. When I was younger I naively believed that women are these nice fairies. And I very early experienced that bullying from them. A few decades later ladies still try to emotionally abuse not only me, but most men. And they always spit acid on other women. In the years of my monk mode I had sooooo many s3xual offers but turned them down because I know they'll start shaming&blaming, the good ol' emotional abuse as soon as they feel comfortable enough.
Society also looks at men who don't want the PusPus so bad a whinning dog but uses corn to ease their needs but never looks bad at women who have a high body count because they can easily get the D, or even worse women in general aren't blamed for corn usage. But they use it as well, even their vibrat1ng accessories are used extensively and I have heard exactly zero times that is could be problematic. While us men are almost always blamed for using our hands. Try not to alienate men then bash them if you made us turn away. You cooked it, now you eat is.
This is not fact its someones preference, we all have our own
This is sound advice. But if you have seen the ugly side of a woman in divorce proceedings and in divorce courts, you have every right to stay in monk mode.
I don't think monk made is as black and white as you make it. I'm ten plus years in it and embrace risk & self adventure. That is a real life support network. Never been happier and I have more empathy and compassion than ever before. Peace
Been in isolation mode since 2012 but my health fell off and I CFS and don’t have enough energy to get out of bed let alone be social.
I think monk mode is how much of life should be
You need to connect and go out and talk to people, be social and still focus time and energy on what you want to build. Growth happens but you still have to engage in the world. I encourage you to take 10 days vippassana meditation course, it’s free. And a great tool once a year to do nothing but meditate.
Productivity is so rooted in materialism anyways. I’m trying to spend quality time with my loved ones.
Never heard the term monk mode, but I think I understand from the context of this short. It sounds like the kind of thing you should do on a retreat, for some periodic self reflection and healing. Not every day life.
What if you're going monk mode but on developing your social skills? Meaning going all in on developing your social skills
monk mode is only effective when you simply put away all social media and then do things that align with your purpose, putting away social media will force you to socialise and recognise the importance of society interactions.
monk mode + quitting social media = being social + advancing in your purpose.
It's true that it's addictive!
Not everybody needs/wants to be social H24
Some people need monk mode for a little time and some others need it as lifestyle
That's the beauty of being human
Who defines what a "real life" is? Everyone for themself i would say. So if you feel fine living like this there is absolutely no problem with monk mode.
I am an orthodox Christian ans trying to live a spiritual life, im started to live fir God and have a peaceful Life, one day i would live ti because an orthodox Monk
I notice that I have become more introverted as I get older, usually in the company of a loving dog. Don’t need anyone else, but what happens when I really can’t cope on my own?😊
Dang this is facts
Do we need it though? In this fucked up society?
"It is no sign of good health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society"
@@bravingbrivatebrian One of my favorites.
A moth goes into a cocoon before it turns into a butterfly I've done this at every important transitional stage in my life!
Currently on a monk mode 💀💀
Its sounds more hikikomorri rather than individuation of the self in a way thats productive and social. My two cents.
That has been my life
It’s soooo true. People are exhausting too… lol.
A result of Buddhism or a meditative, contemplative life experiencing a span from existential realms to manifestation realms is for transcending desire for hedonistic material existence. This opens the door to unknowns that materialism is afraid of as threat to the existence of power imbalance with material gain as bait into the capitalist system. In that realm you are meat.
If your local and global and culture is offering you nothing that’s tempting enough to engage in monk(e) mode makes sense in terms of trying to create that culture.
Why don’t people just live normal lives? Like drink water, exercise a little and rest. We seem to be obsessed with all these ‘productivity tools’ and new lifestyle philosophies. They’re like diets, unsustainable.
So true.
How many times was this chopped up and edited?
Monk mode is like to off yourself while still got the chance to live in your younger years.
It's yourvown life. Do what you want.
Monk Mode was "forced" upon us is 2020. It's my default tendency. But I saw how poor it made my mental health. I'm still bitter about it.
No. None of this is true. Monk mode is a way of bettering yourself outside of the equation. Too much of that sacred solitude is bad of course, but lets not throw the baby out with the bathwater. I'm making myself better. Forging who i am by achieving side goals. Better self perception is gained through actually bettering yourself.
Yeah but Chris is over 'monk mode' now so time to time to pull that ladder up behind him