Hi everyone! Let me know in the comments below what's your biggest lesson from this episode! Also you can get my top three most powerful meditations FOR FREE here: ➡️ www.AaronDoughty.com/FREE
What I learned was that never do something out of your own comfort zone. That is to be authentic. Realize the inner child issues does not make who you are today.
I learned to let go and do own I don't care what other people think I started a TH-cam page to help people.. Sorry Aaron but you talk way to much about your ex step mom let me ask you are you ready to let it go of your inner child wounds? If you need a element healing I will offer you one free to help you let go
Knowing I need to set more boundaries. This is very difficult as a mother because you sacrifice so much. Do you have examples of different types of boundaries and when to use them?
Aaron when you said (paraphrased) “codependents say ‘ooh, I just love deeply’. You don’t, you just abandon yourself”. I felt my heart drop. I realized that I was telling myself I love a man deeply and I wanted him to accept my love. I started tearing up bc I realized I was giving him all the love that I wasn’t able to give to myself
Mmmm interesting why do we feel we can give rather than receive.. however I feel I’ll never receive the support n help I give or is that isn’t in the method or way I want it to be or is that I’m not able to receive it
Codependency is not needing other people's energy or being needy. Codependency is putting others feelings and desires before yours and compromising yourself.
Agreed! And trying to control outcomes in order to feel safe & secure. *Personally I think, we need to let go of being told or thinking that are needs, are not important or invalid- for most codependants that is the core of where codependancy was created. Shame. ❤🙏
If one looks to other people, alcohol, addictions, etc because they are using it to fill their voids and they feel the neeeeeed it, then there is codependency there. If you neeed someone else's energy then it is a form of dependence. Anytime you reach out of yourself to fill your voids that is a form of codependency. I'm not trying to argue with you at all. This topic is part of my work and I've studied it as a therapist, intuitive, and healer.
@@CaraHealBeFree I can appreciate that, but there is HEALTHY INTERDEPENDENCE. The Codependancy & Narcissism, as well as addictions and compulsion I refer to are clinical. Everything in moderation. After all the nature of our universe is duality. Everything is polarities, integration is the goal. Human Beings are not isolating individualists- connection and belonging are integral & embedded in our very essence. Ie:As such the dynamic of masculine & Feminine with an individual and the relationships we experience with reception & action. Too many spiritualists want to push the Everything is in us concept. Which is true, but we only evolve individually through the mirror of the external. ❤🙏 Blessings
“When you are unattached, you have inner freedom. You have no investment in a particular outcome, and so you do what is necessary in the moment. You explore every option and are receptive to all new information. You do all that you know to do, and then trust, because you have no attachment to either the result or how the result is produced.” - Charlene Belitz I’ve always loved this quote. It invokes that grounded, secure energy within me reminding me of what surrender can look like for us- in love, in work, in everything ❤️
*For a more realistic view on relationships you might like reading "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man: What Men Really Think About Love, Relationships, Intimacy, and Commitment" by Steve Harvey. I like having outcomes and I usually get them. It saddens me to look at people judging themselves badly for having a goal or wanting an outcome, or having an expectation, there's nothing wrong with it. Can you imagine a world where people have no expectations, no agreements at all and no promises kept? Well, here's the utopia that could unfold, let's say you go to the post office and you don't expect for the people serving you to be there, or you open the faucet and no water runs through because you shouldn't expect to have water services running perfectly, you go to catch a train at **8:00** and it doesn't show up because hey, it's wrong to have expectations. I think people delude themselves thinking they have no right to desire an outcome or expect something, since they are not sure if they'll get it they decide it's normal they should have no expectation. I call bullshit to this.* *You can have expectations, for instance if you want to get married you better be transparent and let another know you are dating with that intention in mind. You are not forcing it upon someone else, just that eventually this is what you're after, you can take your time to see if you guys like each other or not, and if not then you're free to spend your time dating someone who might be interested in wanting similar things to you. Being authentic is knowing what you want, it's not necessary to vent it out on the first date, just be sure you will get it and feel the fulfillment of it within yourself already so you don't have needy energy. But that's all to it, enjoy the ride towards the practical fulfillment, but don't be a person with no vision. The bible warns against it, it says "Where there is no vision, people perish". Sure, we can live even with no conveniences at all, out in the woods, with no modern shelter, heat, electricity, no attachments. Do you think this is what life is about? Life is interesting because we can define visions for ourselves and get it. But you can't get something that you can't even define.*
After my break-up, I was in deep depressed shit. I did all the meditation, the surrounding myself with community practice but I still felt terrible. But this REFRAMED MY MINDSET. No wonder I am miserable. I am needy and co-dependent. My self worth, my mood and everything depends on how many people loves me, whether I have a lover, whether I am needed, or someone values my existence. What I have is lack of boundaries and detachment from those that does not serve me. Thank you! This is like a blueprint to my problem now
Currently in this state as well, and I have now learned to reframed my mindset and go back to having a secure attachment, than becoming anxious throughout my previous relationship. I miss being single where I was independent and secure of myself, now I don't need a partner unless they're secure as well.
My mum and brother are narcissistic I had a terrible upbringing . Still wanted them to love me . Started watching you for about 8 months . And now I am orthentic . They don't like me anymore. But I am glad I am free from them . I am 67 took a long while but thanks to you l am happy now and free . Thank you .
Before my mom passed away the last profound thing she said was We have to take our power or energy back from our loss things we have poured our Love into. Build our energy back up and work on ourselves.
Damn great content man. I now realize that all the hate and resentment I may have felt toward someone rejecting me in the past is not worthy of hanging onto at all. I now look back and I see that no one owes me anything and I don't owe anyone anything. This shift alone has virtually vanished my social anxiety. It's still there at times but I view it and I channel it completely differently now.
I feel the exact same way! I now realize that no one has ever “abandon” or “reject” me! Is was only me projecting my wounds and fears and reacting to what was happening outside…that is changing completely how I’m seeing and feeling myself, I’m so grateful
My heart goes out to all human souls who had to go through pain growing up. You can and will heal. If you put in the work. I, too, didn't have a good relationship with my mother. She's no longer in my life. I wish her well. Not all mothers are mothers. Not all fathers are fathers.
This is really insane... How easy it is for us to repeat patterns.. when we think that we are over something but in reality the healing progress is mere illusion and we keep repeating the same cycle again and again..
Hey buddy, I'm a nice guy, people pleaser. I need to let go of a narcissist wife that has almost ruined my life. Your videos have been a source of strength and comfort in this awakening. Thank you brother.
I, a recovering anxious, just had a meeting with an avoidant woman who is also working on her shit. After listening to you Aaron, we had the easiest conversation ever. I'm like, just breath my energy back in, just breath it in. I didn't project, I didn't go after her. I said things I was always afraid to say in the past. After getting over the first whoa, I can't believe I just said that!, things just flowed along and she really enjoyed the conversation. I was being true to what I believed, speaking my truth. No idea what will happen. I am 72 years old, and learning faster than I ever have in my life. You are doing a good thing, Aaron.
I found a lot in common for myself. I am very self-critical...I constantly doubt myself...I always think I am worse than others, especially regarding work achievements. But at the same time, I am very empathetic towards others....always see the best in people and it often ends up hurting me. Why are we so critical and sometimes even cruel to ourselves, but we treat others with love and respect.
WHAT do you mean. if your inner code is off like in a narcassist he is sticking to creating pain, trauma, abuse and harm to everyone around him or her.
I’ve noticed too that being a people pleaser and a nice guy is cowardly. It takes courage to be authentic. I have found the Universe rewards me when I am courageous and authentic.
This resonates deeply with me. I was a nice girl, people pleaser, & very codependent specially with romantic relationships. Now that I am older I have understood that is ok to say no & also to have self love. Thank you Immensely Aaron for sharing your Amazing Words of Wisdom with us for that we are immensely grateful My Soul Embraces your Amazings Souls Divine Souls of Light Namaste 🙏 💝
What I love about this is that it is a lesson for ALL relationships (not just romantic) but also in business. I am always putting out music and music videos with the energy of NEEDING and almost begging people to like it and share it. That hasn't worked for me for the last 10 years LOL and hearing you talk about it really snaps me into reality. Posting and sharing with people because I simply love to make music and share it is the way to go! Thank you for sharing this
Thank you so much, Aaron. Ive been too nice, too needy for new friends since my darling husband passed 2 years ago. People prey on a widows vulnerability! Now, Im roaring back to my authentic, assertive, unique, self. I dont want to be popular. I want to be simply my true, free spirited, spiritual, non conformist self! Im loving finding my inner Tiger again! 💚💚💚
Aaron...yeah your energy has definitely shifted and i can literally see it and feel it in this video..i m recently going through that passive aggressiveness thing you talked about and when you explained it...it hit deep...I m literally feeling so calm right now..thanks for again being the catalyst to my yet another spiritual awakening.
Hey Aron! I dont think people are only attracted to you and your old energies. I think what you do attracts men and women, and the thing is that not too many guys are spiritual, like you and I think girls have a tendency to be attacted to spiritual men. This is coming from another man! Also your explanation and videos about neediness helped me a lot. I used to add people to my facebook to have meaningful relationships with and I could not even meet up one of them. I let go of that neediness and boom, people started to add me on facebook and started talking to me. Phase 2 for me is, how not to be needy now :D
You may want to examine why you engage in Facebook. I was on for seeking approval and acceptance. How many friends did I have, how many likes did I get, who said I was pretty. I realized that I needed to work on self acceptance and self love. I have completely stopped Facebook. I don’t miss it. Start by deleting people you don’t talk to often or you barely know. It’s been freeing. Good luck.
Omg, you are so right! It's a good thing to know we're all connected BUT if you're co-dependent you actually need to feel the separation especially with people who are toxic. This makes perfect sense to me. Thank you.
Aaron, you have no idea how much your videos are helping me every day lately. I’ve been having a difficult time with a breakup and whenever the tears start to flow I put one of your videos on and get my wits about me. Thank you.
I recently found your channel and I’m having a whole personality change. Last year was so tough for me I’m so glad to have found your videos their so informing and helpful!
I feel much safer with nice guys. Guys who are helpers and kind and gentle and sweet. Also, my boyfriend that I’m in love with started as a friend who I wasn’t interested in at all, he broke through the friend zone and we’re talking about marriage now. So nice guys definitely finish first to me
I believe the nice guys Aaron is referring to is the codependent/people pleaser that do it out of unconscious programming. Some people are just temperamentally agreeable and it isn’t a programmed pattern that give off the neediness vibe.
I’m so happy to be on your live!! You have helped me so much I had Anxious attachment and you help me explain this to my friends and for myself!! I love it! I’m now looking to attract positive love 💕
We should stop suspecting everyone of bad intentions. People who treat us badly are not necessarily bad, they can also be sick. Think about people who have schizophrenia, depression, and other disorders. Before we judge someone as a monster, let's first make sure that our loved one has not developed a mental illness that could result in suicide.
They are some people that think that you are speaking only to them. It happens to celebrities as well. I do agree with him, you have to set boundaries and protect yourself. That's why celebrities have bodyguards.
YES! ONLY this past few days i realize my big sister has an infeareer disorder n that leads her to behave certain way. at last i break free bcos i hold her as my autority figure!!
😊 You seem calmer, more confident, and self-assured now. Your former energy in your earliest videos seemed more frantic and desperate. I’m happy that I could be a witness to your journey-it’s been authentic. Thank you for inspiring my own healing and growth! ❤️
Dude, I felt this so hard! Especially the part where you essentially said "you know when you're going through a transformation and you become angry at yourself for the past?" I connected to that because I've been working on inner work and manifestation for the past 2 years with a specific focus on building my confidence. I had become judgemental to others who didn't believe in themselves, and even my old self, because I felt impatient in wanting to help others or wanting to change my old self. It definitely takes a bit of time to adjust and shift into a more confident or non-people pleaser state in a humble and loving way - found it SOO easy to judge and stuff because of the Ego. Even started hating the fact that Egos exist! But they do exist for a reason for our protection as an organism on Earth. However, we do not need to judge what is or isn't. Great job at explaining that in this video. Thanks again for your videos Aaron, and hopefully people will be more respectful of you trying to just enjoy your present moment! Keep up the good work man :)
Love this about separating. It’s so selfless!!! - you’re so right. So disembodied to be all one! I know I’ve been there! I’m now on the other side ❤️.. that’s where the power is xx
I really appreciate your video's! I lost myself again because I went back to my ex and it's just horrible! I just started getting codependent again for no reason. I had to listen to this again. Detaching and going to move out. It's just so draining
What you said about empaths "feeling the separation" between them and others is so powerful. I feel it's totally what I needed to hear, as I usually feel "too connected" to other people to the point I am doing all the things you mentioned. THANK YOU!
I feel like this video was made for me!! Recently started a journey to become more independent and less co-dependant and never realised before how much damage I was doing to myself! Finally spending time to choose me bc at the end of the day, I’m with me for the rest of my life!!
I don’t find loving deeply wrong, i love intense people. However i do believe you better love someone deeply and intensely if they and only love you the same back. I have a friend who manifested her partner, and at the time i was very afraid i was codependent, i have certain needs in a relationship I haven’t felt have been met yet. She said people used to tell her she was too sensitive / emotional etc she needs to reduce that for her partner. i voiced my codependent concerns to her and she said, she thought she was codependent too, but then she said codependency happens when a partner lacks what you need, so you keep asking. But if you find your Match, the person who does what you want by nature, you are not codependent anymore. And that took me aback, because it is true. Imagine someone by nature giving you the love YOU WANT naturally, would you be begging? For example, i don’t find it weird to get validation from a partner, we want someone to lift us up in times we are struggling. We want compliments and someone to be proud of us. Imagine you’re a guy who loves praise, but ends up with a partner who isn’t verbal, just loves to joke and compliments aren’t part of their way of being. The guy becomes 🥁 needy for what they love, they’ll seek ways to get the compliment or praise out of their partner, going into a rabbit hole of now doing something that the person likes because maybe only then they’ll be complimented. Hence, codependency. You put yourself last, seeking a characteristic someone doesn’t have. Now let’s say the guy ends up with a partner that is by nature the type to PRAISE the living hell outta him, does he seek praise anymore? Is he needy for it? Does he change himself to please? No, because he is with his perfect match. If you are in a relationship with someone who doesn’t have nor give what you need, you either manifest them to change, or leave and find someone who by nature already has what you’re looking for. Do not settle, opposites DO NOT attract, and you shouldn’t fall for anyone just because they’re NICE. Find someone who matches your love language and is able to provide you with things you naturally love. There is no harm wanting to be loved by someone else. I compliment myself too but i still want it from a partner to be the only one in their eyes. Choose your life partner wisely and you won’t have to be codependent ever again.
I will tap into my logic to make important decisions at this time and not be swayed by my emotions. And I will remain flexible in my thinking so I can learn from others who may have valuable knowledge I need at this time.
I’ve been doing your candle technique and I’m also focusing more on being in my body. It’s been helping a lot. I had this weird connection with someone and basically he has very bad ptsd. He was emotionally unavailable and I was anxiously attached. I was thinking of him all the time. He had a lot of stuff going on in his life and became barely responsive. He did something that really hurt me, not thinking to tell me at all. He then called me selfish for only thinking of myself when I got angry at him. The funny part is that as a codependent, I was always thinking of him and self abandoning. Interesting how my self abandoning and putting all the attention to him was selfishness to him. Lesson learned!
It feels to me like you are talking about my SP. Same situation, same response I've got from him when I felt ignored. It was terrible I spent thinking of him for almost 4 yrs 24 s/day in the end I felt scared because it felt he was manipulating my energy.
@Carla Beatriz it's a terrible feeling. Hope you're over him and nurturing yourself. Six months later, I rarely think of him. I'm still releasing some resentments in general about relationships, but I'm feeling much more whole. Best wishes! 🩷
Do you watch a real candle or do I need to close my eyes and imagine the flame. This is my first couple of days of trying it and also I can not find a way to feel or bring the energy back to me. Please help me anyway you can. I want to be myself again
@jasonlewis6926 a real candle. Ask your guardian angel or anyone you pray to to help you clear your energy and restore, return, and integrate your energy that you left outside of yourself. Ask for healing.
I'm here bc I am dating someone who I am realizing is codependent. It's very unattractive and you hit it spot on with the masculine feminine dynamics. It's repelling and on a primative level we don't trust the man to provide. Women can say they an earn and take care of themselves, etc, but as a woman, you will be 'out of commission' in that way when pregnant and you do want a partner you can trust to handle things, make decisions, protect, and provide which codependent men do not display. Also someone intelligent can sense the manipulation which I will admit here is very very subtle, but it communicates mistrust and disrespect. I actually really liked this guy, but when I noticed he mirorred everything thing I did, and he couldnt answer a direct questions, I became so unattracted to him that I felt nauseous when he tried to kiss me.
Hey Aaron, love & appreciation from India, I’ve been watching your videos for more than a year now. I need to be honest with this, your videos and ideas/opinions have helped me outgrow low-vibrations & many more other things. Do continue making videos & spreading your experiences. Just a tip, you should actually write a book consisting of all the topics you’ve covered. I’m sure it will be a great help for people all over the globe. Your vibe is amazing! Keep on
Thank you Aaron,this was powerful ❤️ I’ve been doing your frame technique and yes it does make a difference on how I feel within myself. And also I am able to observe other peoples shadow aspects a lot easier,I’m able to understand them and be more compassionate. Much love to you,thank you for everything that you do. 😊🙏🏼❤️
You're my soulmate dude BAHAHA! My mom has 1.8M followers across all her platforms and we've experienced this a lot. Sorry you dealt with this with people following you around places.
I've been a people pleaser and a "nice guy" for so long, it's kinda hard to act differently, cause I don't know how not to exactly, cause being blunt a lot times borders on being rude, or at least in my mind trying not "hurt" people - cause tensions and also constantly thinking other people think you're somehow weird and off, is a terrible way to live but I am and will be working on that vigorously
Aaron this information is game changing!! Within this last year, I've been really into energy work, understanding chakras and meditation. But your breakdown of shadow work, being authentic and what it means to be in your own frame is POWERFUL!! It allows for the meditation to be transformational not just relaxing. I just learned I am an empath and as strong as I appear, I have not been very good at holding my own frame. It has caused me emotional exhaustion to the point of wanting to leave my entire family (I'm married with 4 children, 28, 17, 15,13) 28yro is out of the house living her life. I have terrific kids, I just learned I don't have boundaries and it's most likely due to having an alcoholic mother. I have been pouring and pouring out at a higher rate than pouring in! I am exhausted!! My mother is still alive and nothing about her has changed. I'm not slamming her because although she was/is an alcoholic, she was a loving and present mother. However there was (and remains) an undercurrent of "It never being enough" of her being a victim and my sister and I to this day, despise a victim mentality. I am now 55 and feel like I'm out of gas and it is 100% related to all of what you're saying! Not having boundaries, people pleasing, being an empath. FUCK THAT!! I stopped doing a lot of things!! I've got work to do!! IT'S A NEW DAY! THANK YOU
Hey Aaron, it's interesting hearing you say you're into UFC and Muay Thai. That's awesome! I've had this question for a long time. Do you think some of us who grew up training in martial arts became people pleasers in part because of what we learned in training? Martial arts really mold young people as they grow up and search for their place in the world. A lot of self-defense lessons are grouped with character development lessons, with a big focus on being humble, respectful, kind, and one is taught to avoid fighting as much as possible. Sometimes I find that people try to take advantage of me in my adult life because they know I'm a really nice person with strong morals, so I won't retaliate and do anything horrible to anyone who does me wrong. They may or may not know that I'm a black belt, so even though I do exude confidence, I still have a very overwhelming "nice girl" and "humble" vibe that seems to be a narcissist magnet. Do you think (for some of us) being raised by an emotionally unavailable parent + growing up immersed in martial arts training that hammers in the importance of being honest, humble, and kind may have unintentionally caused some of us to become people pleasers?
Be proud of yourself that you've become such an inspiration to so many people! You are helping others discover their authentic selves as well. I struggle with social anxiety too, but can't really make my mark on the world and help the human race expand, in isolation with no connection.. I struggle with that stuff too. You are SAFE you are LOVED you are PROTECTED 🙏
I dont believe in twin flames anymore,I DID...but after years,I dont get it...its codepended relationship,you depend on someone WHO ran the fuck away 🤣its not working for my awakened mind anymore
Aaron!!! We had almost an identical upbringing. What you are talking about caused me to have intimate relationship problems for over 30 years. Only after my dad passed did I address this issue because I needed to know why I couldn't sustain a romantic relationship. Thank you for all you do. You have helped me and so many others!!!
I was very needy in my last relationship. Everything you talked about,Aaron,I did it. I always seemed to want to be in his frame,and not in my open frame. Fast forward 22 months and I still struggle with how I behaved in my relationship with him
Forgive yourself. You did the best at the time with what you knew and with what you had. Look at it this way, you can now see where your mistakes were made and more than likely will never repeat it! You've grown- woohoo 🙌🏻❤️✅
To the *worthwhile person* 🌟 seeing this, I know life is hard. It’s hard living, filled with struggles and challenges. The constant pressure to overcome and become. However you can overcome and make it better, all the seeds and keys of greatness are within you. Get up and press on. I wish you all the best in life ❤️. You can do it.
Aaron please read this: The person you described the first minutes of your video, had a psychotic disorder - called erotomania. Everything described seems like this psychotic disorder. That's stated as a disease that can become very psychotic and in the end schizophrenic
Thank you. This was the most helpful tip I have heard to breaking codependency, to see the flame and others as separate! What a freaking relief!! Thank you!
You’re so kind because you still are trying to say you met a stage four clinger that literally stalked you and crossed your boundaries. You definitely are allowed to feel safe and I’m glad you realize this.
This year I learned about Limerence. I had an extremely imbalanced and lost friend who was suffering from this. I was a bit startled because to me it strongly resembled the delusions of fantasy in the mind of a narcissist. Healthy people don’t fall in love with strangers online they have never even talked to. 🙏 Namaste
Aaron-I know this sounds funny but I am an elementary school teacher and I feel the same way about being out in public! I’ve taught in the same town for over a decade and a trip to Wal-Mart means running into 10 people I know-lol! Luckily, most people are respectful of my time but I can’t imagine how awkward that would be for you for someone to want to stop and have a long conversation. Boundaries are absolutely important. But you know what I thought as you were talking about people thinking you’re their soulmate or twin flame?! There’s a good chance that many of your subscribers are in your soul group! That’s why we resonate with you! It doesn’t mean that boundaries should be crossed of course. That’s part of our human experience-learning to be in our own frame (as you so eloquently explain). Thank you for being vulnerable and always sharing the real you and your own circumstances. It makes you SO much more relatable than those who don’t share who they are. You are a great teacher, Aaron!
I just heard your latest podcast snd I just want to say that I like the repetition and the various ways you reinforce the same idea so that I can get it in my subconscious mind and I also enjoy hearing about your ex step moms stories. It helps me to understand your back story so that I can better understand you now. She needs to be put on blast anyways and it helped me out a lot deal with my toxic family! I’m glad you always follow your instinct and are always true to yourself! Ugh haters are irrelevant. You do not have to explain why you do what you do if they were intelligent they would already understand 🙏🏾
Soul mates are rare if at all. Everyone I"ve ever met personally and claimed they were with the soul mate were over no longer after....It's wild. There is no such thing if so it is rare....
Wow! Amazing! This is such a great and very, very helpful video, cause I recognize myself in it and I'm going though the same process of changing my vibration and energy, thus recognizing all these patterns. Thank you Aaron for your honesty and openess. 🙏❤️👌🙂
I will never be with a “nice guy” again. They’re not really so nice because their codependency actually means they care more about being validated and needing you to make them feel good rather than genuinely caring about you. They care about you only to the extent that they keep you happy enough to stay so you show them the validation they crave. They’re not bad people but it’s not conducive to a good relationship and leaves the partner actually feeling lonely.
There are some good aspects of what you said….. the Need to help is focused on being validated. ( what is actually pretty usual ) - real help means not to expect anything for it - this is actually one of the best attitudes someone can have.
@@christiandreblow8458 true. I actually think empathy is still good. I don’t think empathy are narcissistic. It’s only narcissistic when someone cares only about their own needs at the expense of another. And both narcs and empathy can do that. All narcs do it but not all empathy do it so discerning can be tricky
I resonate with this heavy!!! When I was growing up, especially as a little girl, I was outspoken, vocal and felt free to be me, but I let the formative years of bullying get to me and it followed me well into my early 20's and mid 20's. But as a more confident, whole woman in her late 20's, I have had awakening and in the healing phase. Thank you for this!
I think I understand what you mean to communicate and it's a powerful message. But I think though two consepts are being confused. There's a big difference between being nice and pleasing. You are nice to others because that balances your energy and make you feel good about your self. You please other people to make them feel good and make them like you. A lot of people including myself spend a lifetime working on our niceness. I actually have a lot of temper and aggesion in my wich I am learning to transform into niceness because it makes my social life so much better and I feel so much better about myself. You can be honest and authentic in many different ways. But being it in a nice way has for a lot of people proven to be the best way. I also know how codependency can make you loose yourself. That you are so afraid to loose an other person that you bend over backwards to keep them. And I think you are right that this strategy was developed early on. And I think it is very hard to change when you are in the pain of being scared of loosing someone. I will try your candle technique. Thanks for sharing ❤️❤️❤️❤️
@@Soneelicious No. I mean when you are in peace and good spirit your energies are balanced. Being nice and speaking your mind is not a contradiction. Everyone chooses in which way they speak their mind. You can be honest in a kind way. You can be honest in a detached way but you can also be brutally honest. It's a choice.
The only time I’ve felt safe in a relationship is when I’m on not in love with the other person… I didn’t love someone who deeply cared and adored me, and then I finally let myself have feelings and I got deeply hurt. Not being in love I had control and there was no risk of being hurt or feeling attached.
Aaron What about a scenario - not a payoff situation, just an incident where someone is so shockingly rude to you, ie disrespectful, belittling etc (narc) that u freeze up, & any comebacks allude u (empath)? How do u become authentic when u don’t have it in you to assert yourself in the moment? When you’re stuck in your “bullied child” beliefs & u just freeze up as if you were 10 again!!! You’re aware of the pattern; there’s no payoff; you hate it. But fear of confrontation stops u. Or you’re so shocked & wounded, you can’t think quick enough to make a comment to redeem your own self-respect. How do you change that?
That authentic was on point. People think being vulnerable is bad..but I think it depends...but we also need to stay aware of ourselves too cuz we can slip and make our boundaries weak
I discovered your channel today and watched some videos and I really appreciate them. But there's something I don't understand. You often say "heal your inner child" but what is if you don't had trauma in your childhood?
Watching your vids Are always a very emotional time for me because you’re so open and vulnerable about everything that Has happened in your life that it just gives me the strength to be that person I want to be and not be scared about being vulnerable my mother is narcissistic the father of my youngest child is narcissistic my younger sister is narcissistic and she’s my half-sister she’s not my mothers daughter she’s my father‘s daughter but I’ve noticed that my mother always deflects things onto my fathers side of the family as though they are what’s wrong with me MEOWING she being a narcissist and narcissistically abusing me mentally my entire life is what has caused problems within my mentality and then as a result I always sought out Narcissis so that I could help them but it backfired on me so now I’ve decided that I DFC about anyone but me!!! I have to make sure that I am happy, healthy, wealthy, and wise. I am the only person I am responsible for on this planet besides my children until they are of legal age.
Groupie... you have fans. Elvis, Sinatra, Cash, Prince, Beiber, Swift, Timberlake, sing directly to each and every person directly as if they were the only person in the room... Be Proud Ma'an. LOL
Codependents shouldn't be afraid to make mistakes. When they do make mistakes the people who will forgive or not make it such a big deal are the people they should keep. That's it!
So powerful!!! Beyond grateful- I can’t even begin to explain how synchronistic this is for me to come across this message at this time- THANKYOU SO MUCH!!! 🎇🎇🎇💜🙏
noun co·de·pen·den·cy | \ ˌkō-di-ˈpen-dən(t)-sē \ Definition : a psychological condition or a relationship in which a person manifesting low self-esteem and a strong desire for approval has an unhealthy attachment to another often controlling or manipulative person (such as a person with an addiction to alcohol or drugs) broadly : dependence on the needs of or on control by another
I watched this over and over as I suspected I was being needy in a New 3 1/2 month relationship and it’s so painful to see the truth in videos like this . So I watched this around lunch time yesterday for the last time as I was driving to my partners house . Then this morning she confirmed my suspicions that I was pushing her away by being needy . I’m a little scared that I’ve arrived at this place at 54 years old I’m certainly going to be making the effort to better myself love and peace to you all x
Okay old ass video I get it, but dog I’m a nice dude because I want to, however if I don’t like something I won’t fucking do it. I understand the nice guy shit, I get we are surrounded by a vast society and sometimes them folks don’t mesh up well with the nicer ones. But I am confused, I enjoy helping others (as much as my capabilities allow me) but after watching your video I kinda felt bad for being nice, I can’t be a douchebag sir, my brain before bed would eat me alive. So in conclusion be a nice guy loving yourself first? Our society is evolving I believe (not in a bad way, it’s just evolution) unfortunately the history repeats itself, and whoever is not willing to adapt winds up alone (nature is beautiful), there are extracts from students in 1910 that read about Greek society, and in those writings they describe how the youth is lost; myself got trapped into this fallacy also. I think the more we resist the change the more we isolate ourselves. I have a hard time adopting the new stereotype of man, I personally dislike it and I do my hardest to make them see themselves (yeah I’m a twat, gotta be honest I bully them) How can I be a nice guy without being a loser? Also congrats in Muay Thai sir, beautiful sport, taught me a lot of humbleness and after my training I was a helluva lot less aggro, I miss getting my ass kicked for some reason it was fun. Cheers mate
Thanks so much Aaron for this video, its literally helped me heal a big part of myself that i never loved. Ive now realized that i over extended myself and i often seeked the love externally instead of giving it to myself. I think for the first time i can explain the strange knots in my stomach and how to get rid of them entirely.
Being nice is not a defect nor a form of manipulation. Nice is a positive character whom others take advantage of. Nice is Nice, same as polite is polite. Being nice is taught, programed same as being a jerk. I choose nice over being a jerk. At the same time, I understand nice as related to co-dependancy. Native American Indians were nice to the Pilgrims and then were taken advantage of. They were not savages, they were nice. Sounds like ya didn't heal the negative disappointment you have towards your father... Can't wait for that video.
This is what exactly I was looking for. Thank you for bringing up codependency issues in such an easy and simple form👌👌. I have started to realise my codependent patterns and working on it.✌️
Don't worry anymore my friend, I know of a man who can help you bring your ex back within 3 days. He helped me a few days ago He does a perfect work I'm assuring you, you gonna testify ....
Omg! I used to be such a “People Pleaser”! I took on that persona, because some of my siblings were failing in Life and I felt I had to take over and try to over please my Parents. This way they wouldn’t be too disappointed or sad. I think I also picked it up from my Mom. She would over extended herself by helping everyone. I did the same. Until, I felt like a fool. I felt no one appreciates me, because they thought it was normal practice for me to do for them. Not anymore. I assist people to help themselves… But, they have to assist me when I need help. I delegate now. I never over-extended myself anymore. I’m 50 now… No more! The rest of my Life is mine. ❤❤❤
Just recently subscribed to you. Co-dependency for me wS a result of child abandonment, only recently at the age of 37 am I now making boundaries with toxic relationships and letting go of him and I becoming self aware. I am now starting to feel like my true self. Great videos Thank you 👍
Start at 8:19 Needy people may be people pleasers which means they give up a piece of themselves in exchange for other peoples’ validation. Nice guys are not necessarily authentic, they just want to not cause tension. 36:36
Hi everyone! Let me know in the comments below what's your biggest lesson from this episode! Also you can get my top three most powerful meditations FOR FREE here: ➡️ www.AaronDoughty.com/FREE
What I learned was that never do something out of your own comfort zone. That is to be authentic. Realize the inner child issues does not make who you are today.
I learned to let go and do own I don't care what other people think I started a TH-cam page to help people.. Sorry Aaron but you talk way to much about your ex step mom let me ask you are you ready to let it go of your inner child wounds? If you need a element healing I will offer you one free to help you let go
That happens when you become a public person. Fans you perhaps dont want!
THE BEST video you ever made!!! Period
Knowing I need to set more boundaries. This is very difficult as a mother because you sacrifice so much. Do you have examples of different types of boundaries and when to use them?
Aaron when you said (paraphrased) “codependents say ‘ooh, I just love deeply’. You don’t, you just abandon yourself”. I felt my heart drop. I realized that I was telling myself I love a man deeply and I wanted him to accept my love. I started tearing up bc I realized I was giving him all the love that I wasn’t able to give to myself
Ooof. Accurate.
Mmmm interesting why do we feel we can give rather than receive.. however I feel I’ll never receive the support n help I give or is that isn’t in the method or way I want it to be or is that I’m not able to receive it
100% me
same here :/
"He's scared, She's scared" I would recommend reading this book. It helped me a lot. I hope you soon start to love yourself as you deserve!
Codependency is not needing other people's energy or being needy. Codependency is putting others feelings and desires before yours and compromising yourself.
Agreed! And trying to control outcomes in order to feel safe & secure. *Personally I think, we need to let go of being told or thinking that are needs, are not important or invalid- for most codependants that is the core of where codependancy was created. Shame. ❤🙏
If one looks to other people, alcohol, addictions, etc because they are using it to fill their voids and they feel the neeeeeed it, then there is codependency there. If you neeed someone else's energy then it is a form of dependence. Anytime you reach out of yourself to fill your voids that is a form of codependency. I'm not trying to argue with you at all. This topic is part of my work and I've studied it as a therapist, intuitive, and healer.
@@CaraHealBeFree I can appreciate that, but there is HEALTHY INTERDEPENDENCE. The Codependancy & Narcissism, as well as addictions and compulsion I refer to are clinical. Everything in moderation. After all the nature of our universe is duality. Everything is polarities, integration is the goal. Human Beings are not isolating individualists- connection and belonging are integral & embedded in our very essence. Ie:As such the dynamic of masculine & Feminine with an individual and the relationships we experience with reception & action. Too many spiritualists want to push the Everything is in us concept. Which is true, but we only evolve individually through the mirror of the external. ❤🙏 Blessings
Codependency is all of those things: needing someones energy, being needy, putting others before you, not putting up boundaries.
Dang that story was creepy. I'd be tripped out too. super weird. sorry that happened to you man.
“When you are unattached, you have inner freedom. You have no investment in a particular outcome, and so you do what is necessary in the moment. You explore every option and are receptive to all new information. You do all that you know to do, and then trust, because you have no attachment to either the result or how the result is produced.” - Charlene Belitz
I’ve always loved this quote. It invokes that grounded, secure energy within me reminding me of what surrender can look like for us- in love, in work, in everything ❤️
Love this! 💕
*For a more realistic view on relationships you might like reading "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man: What Men Really Think About Love, Relationships, Intimacy, and Commitment" by Steve Harvey. I like having outcomes and I usually get them. It saddens me to look at people judging themselves badly for having a goal or wanting an outcome, or having an expectation, there's nothing wrong with it. Can you imagine a world where people have no expectations, no agreements at all and no promises kept? Well, here's the utopia that could unfold, let's say you go to the post office and you don't expect for the people serving you to be there, or you open the faucet and no water runs through because you shouldn't expect to have water services running perfectly, you go to catch a train at **8:00** and it doesn't show up because hey, it's wrong to have expectations. I think people delude themselves thinking they have no right to desire an outcome or expect something, since they are not sure if they'll get it they decide it's normal they should have no expectation. I call bullshit to this.*
*You can have expectations, for instance if you want to get married you better be transparent and let another know you are dating with that intention in mind. You are not forcing it upon someone else, just that eventually this is what you're after, you can take your time to see if you guys like each other or not, and if not then you're free to spend your time dating someone who might be interested in wanting similar things to you. Being authentic is knowing what you want, it's not necessary to vent it out on the first date, just be sure you will get it and feel the fulfillment of it within yourself already so you don't have needy energy. But that's all to it, enjoy the ride towards the practical fulfillment, but don't be a person with no vision. The bible warns against it, it says "Where there is no vision, people perish". Sure, we can live even with no conveniences at all, out in the woods, with no modern shelter, heat, electricity, no attachments. Do you think this is what life is about? Life is interesting because we can define visions for ourselves and get it. But you can't get something that you can't even define.*
Wow! What great quote! Thanks for sharing 😊
Beautiful quote ❤️❤️❤️❤️✌️
Well said! 🦋
Wake up with gratitude in your heart and count your blessings instead of worrying over everything that can go wrong 🕊️✨💕
This has transformed my life
Amen
Yes
I'm s0 ready!!! & listening
I’m “like” number 666!
Angel number meaning: related to self-love, balance and refocusing
After my break-up, I was in deep depressed shit. I did all the meditation, the surrounding myself with community practice but I still felt terrible. But this REFRAMED MY MINDSET. No wonder I am miserable. I am needy and co-dependent. My self worth, my mood and everything depends on how many people loves me, whether I have a lover, whether I am needed, or someone values my existence. What I have is lack of boundaries and detachment from those that does not serve me. Thank you! This is like a blueprint to my problem now
we love you yannie
I feel you… thankfully to this channel and therapy I am getting better 🙌
Currently in this state as well, and I have now learned to reframed my mindset and go back to having a secure attachment, than becoming anxious throughout my previous relationship. I miss being single where I was independent and secure of myself, now I don't need a partner unless they're secure as well.
My mum and brother are narcissistic I had a terrible upbringing . Still wanted them to love me . Started watching you for about 8 months . And now I am orthentic . They don't like me anymore. But I am glad I am free from them . I am 67 took a long while but thanks to you l am happy now and free . Thank you .
Never too late to heal and change ❤️
Fantastic well done
Much love to you gail. How awesome. ❤
Hell yeahhh
I loved reading your post!!! I’m sooo happy for you that they don’t like you anymore. Enjoy your freedom babe! You rock
Before my mom passed away the last profound thing she said was We have to take our power or energy back from our loss things we have poured our Love into. Build our energy back up and work on ourselves.
Live alone until you can take care of yourself.
Damn great content man. I now realize that all the hate and resentment I may have felt toward someone rejecting me in the past is not worthy of hanging onto at all. I now look back and I see that no one owes me anything and I don't owe anyone anything. This shift alone has virtually vanished my social anxiety. It's still there at times but I view it and I channel it completely differently now.
Amazing
I feel the exact same way! I now realize that no one has ever “abandon” or “reject” me! Is was only me projecting my wounds and fears and reacting to what was happening outside…that is changing completely how I’m seeing and feeling myself, I’m so grateful
*If you are reading this, never ever give up. We will succeed. I'm cheering for you!*
Have a great day! 🖤
You too. 💝
thank you, same to you..
❤❤
My heart goes out to all human souls who had to go through pain growing up. You can and will heal. If you put in the work. I, too, didn't have a good relationship with my mother. She's no longer in my life. I wish her well. Not all mothers are mothers. Not all fathers are fathers.
This is really insane... How easy it is for us to repeat patterns.. when we think that we are over something but in reality the healing progress is mere illusion and we keep repeating the same cycle again and again..
Hey buddy, I'm a nice guy, people pleaser. I need to let go of a narcissist wife that has almost ruined my life. Your videos have been a source of strength and comfort in this awakening. Thank you brother.
How are u now
@@zoomrud999 stronger with the clearest vision I've ever had. I see things for what they are and no longer give the benefit of the doubt.
I, a recovering anxious, just had a meeting with an avoidant woman who is also working on her shit. After listening to you Aaron, we had the easiest conversation ever. I'm like, just breath my energy back in, just breath it in. I didn't project, I didn't go after her. I said things I was always afraid to say in the past. After getting over the first whoa, I can't believe I just said that!, things just flowed along and she really enjoyed the conversation. I was being true to what I believed, speaking my truth. No idea what will happen. I am 72 years old, and learning faster than I ever have in my life. You are doing a good thing, Aaron.
Thank you, great In spirition from a young 60yr old
That's so awesome!!!
I found a lot in common for myself. I am very self-critical...I constantly doubt myself...I always think I am worse than others, especially regarding work achievements. But at the same time, I am very empathetic towards others....always see the best in people and it often ends up hurting me. Why are we so critical and sometimes even cruel to ourselves, but we treat others with love and respect.
Same here
Dr. Ramani ( she is on you tube too), says that if you survive a narcissistic relationship and get free of it you are a super hero!
Understatement of the century
Agreed
Thank you for sharing ‼️
Your energy is much calmer these days and less hyper. Thank you for all that you do 🙏🏼
What a weird comment who cares
@@devonwick2004 Different people notice different things. I like random stuff like this.
“Though Many May Move With No Principles, Stick To Your Inner Code”
Love this!!
WHAT do you mean. if your inner code is off like in a narcassist he is sticking to creating pain, trauma, abuse and harm to everyone around him or her.
@@ptk51 CODE is formulated conducted to act and proceed unnatural to the appeasement of self. Narraciscism takes no code just baseline human desire.
I’ve noticed too that being a people pleaser and a nice guy is cowardly. It takes courage to be authentic. I have found the Universe rewards me when I am courageous and authentic.
This resonates deeply with me. I was a nice girl, people pleaser, & very codependent specially with romantic relationships. Now that I am older I have understood that is ok to say no & also to have self love. Thank you Immensely Aaron for sharing your Amazing Words of Wisdom with us for that we are immensely grateful My Soul Embraces your Amazings Souls Divine Souls of Light Namaste 🙏 💝
💜💜💜
What I love about this is that it is a lesson for ALL relationships (not just romantic) but also in business. I am always putting out music and music videos with the energy of NEEDING and almost begging people to like it and share it. That hasn't worked for me for the last 10 years LOL and hearing you talk about it really snaps me into reality. Posting and sharing with people because I simply love to make music and share it is the way to go! Thank you for sharing this
Ohhh thank you this resonated so much!!
nice try, not clicking your channel
Good vibes you got this!
Yasssss mamas! Love this
Thank you so much, Aaron. Ive been too nice, too needy for new friends since my darling husband passed 2 years ago. People prey on a widows vulnerability! Now, Im roaring back to my authentic, assertive, unique, self. I dont want to be popular. I want to be simply my true, free spirited, spiritual, non conformist self! Im loving finding my inner Tiger again! 💚💚💚
Aaron...yeah your energy has definitely shifted and i can literally see it and feel it in this video..i m recently going through that passive aggressiveness thing you talked about and when you explained it...it hit deep...I m literally feeling so calm right now..thanks for again being the catalyst to my yet another spiritual awakening.
Hey Aron! I dont think people are only attracted to you and your old energies. I think what you do attracts men and women, and the thing is that not too many guys are spiritual, like you and I think girls have a tendency to be attacted to spiritual men. This is coming from another man! Also your explanation and videos about neediness helped me a lot. I used to add people to my facebook to have meaningful relationships with and I could not even meet up one of them. I let go of that neediness and boom, people started to add me on facebook and started talking to me. Phase 2 for me is, how not to be needy now :D
You may want to examine why you engage in Facebook. I was on for seeking approval and acceptance. How many friends did I have, how many likes did I get, who said I was pretty. I realized that I needed to work on self acceptance and self love. I have completely stopped Facebook. I don’t miss it. Start by deleting people you don’t talk to often or you barely know. It’s been freeing. Good luck.
Omg, you are so right! It's a good thing to know we're all connected BUT if you're co-dependent you actually need to feel the separation especially with people who are toxic. This makes perfect sense to me. Thank you.
Aaron, you have no idea how much your videos are helping me every day lately. I’ve been having a difficult time with a breakup and whenever the tears start to flow I put one of your videos on and get my wits about me. Thank you.
I recently found your channel and I’m having a whole personality change. Last year was so tough for me I’m so glad to have found your videos their so informing and helpful!
"they're" (they are) ... not "their"
@@pattyray4841 okay
I feel much safer with nice guys. Guys who are helpers and kind and gentle and sweet. Also, my boyfriend that I’m in love with started as a friend who I wasn’t interested in at all, he broke through the friend zone and we’re talking about marriage now. So nice guys definitely finish first to me
So there is hope! TFS 💞
At what point did you notice your feelings change toward him? Did he perhaps detach himself from the outcome and thus attract you?
This is how your father was, nice guy who respect women?
I believe the nice guys Aaron is referring to is the codependent/people pleaser that do it out of unconscious programming. Some people are just temperamentally agreeable and it isn’t a programmed pattern that give off the neediness vibe.
He wasn't your 1st choice, its not gonna end well for him..you will be fine though
I’m so happy to be on your live!! You have helped me so much I had Anxious attachment and you help me explain this to my friends and for myself!! I love it! I’m now looking to attract positive love 💕
@Joy Guidry I wish the best for you and your family. Be easy on yourself. You are awesome!
Same here!! I'm hoping to heal from being an anxious attachment to a secure attachment style.
Hearing you speak about being authentic gives me permission to be authentic too. To be myself and not care what other people think about me.
Me too! I’m trying…. Not there though
Codependent
We should stop suspecting everyone of bad intentions. People who treat us badly are not necessarily bad, they can also be sick.
Think about people who have schizophrenia, depression, and other disorders. Before we judge someone as a monster, let's first make sure that our loved one has not developed a mental illness that could result in suicide.
If a grown adult has a pattern of mistreating people they should seek help and develope better patterns.
They are some people that think that you are speaking only to them. It happens to celebrities as well. I do agree with him, you have to set boundaries and protect yourself. That's why celebrities have bodyguards.
YES! ONLY this past few days i realize my big sister has an infeareer disorder n that leads her to behave certain way. at last i break free bcos i hold her as my autority figure!!
No to the narcissistic ppl
😊 You seem calmer, more confident, and self-assured now. Your former energy in your earliest videos seemed more frantic and desperate. I’m happy that I could be a witness to your journey-it’s been authentic. Thank you for inspiring my own healing and growth! ❤️
Dude, I felt this so hard! Especially the part where you essentially said "you know when you're going through a transformation and you become angry at yourself for the past?" I connected to that because I've been working on inner work and manifestation for the past 2 years with a specific focus on building my confidence. I had become judgemental to others who didn't believe in themselves, and even my old self, because I felt impatient in wanting to help others or wanting to change my old self. It definitely takes a bit of time to adjust and shift into a more confident or non-people pleaser state in a humble and loving way - found it SOO easy to judge and stuff because of the Ego. Even started hating the fact that Egos exist! But they do exist for a reason for our protection as an organism on Earth. However, we do not need to judge what is or isn't. Great job at explaining that in this video. Thanks again for your videos Aaron, and hopefully people will be more respectful of you trying to just enjoy your present moment! Keep up the good work man :)
Love this about separating. It’s so selfless!!! - you’re so right. So disembodied to be all one! I know I’ve been there! I’m now on the other side ❤️.. that’s where the power is xx
My mom is a narcissist she would and still does punish me for anything I do to better my life it’s insane . I have to cut cords from her asap
I really appreciate your video's! I lost myself again because I went back to my ex and it's just horrible! I just started getting codependent again for no reason. I had to listen to this again. Detaching and going to move out. It's just so draining
Becoming your most authentic self. Leaning into tension causes growth. Being fully you weeds out people who actually do not love you.
What you said about empaths "feeling the separation" between them and others is so powerful. I feel it's totally what I needed to hear, as I usually feel "too connected" to other people to the point I am doing all the things you mentioned. THANK YOU!
I feel like this video was made for me!! Recently started a journey to become more independent and less co-dependant and never realised before how much damage I was doing to myself! Finally spending time to choose me bc at the end of the day, I’m with me for the rest of my life!!
I don’t find loving deeply wrong, i love intense people. However i do believe you better love someone deeply and intensely if they and only love you the same back.
I have a friend who manifested her partner, and at the time i was very afraid i was codependent, i have certain needs in a relationship I haven’t felt have been met yet. She said people used to tell her she was too sensitive / emotional etc she needs to reduce that for her partner. i voiced my codependent concerns to her and she said, she thought she was codependent too, but then she said codependency happens when a partner lacks what you need, so you keep asking. But if you find your Match, the person who does what you want by nature, you are not codependent anymore. And that took me aback, because it is true. Imagine someone by nature giving you the love YOU WANT naturally, would you be begging?
For example, i don’t find it weird to get validation from a partner, we want someone to lift us up in times we are struggling. We want compliments and someone to be proud of us.
Imagine you’re a guy who loves praise, but ends up with a partner who isn’t verbal, just loves to joke and compliments aren’t part of their way of being. The guy becomes 🥁 needy for what they love, they’ll seek ways to get the compliment or praise out of their partner, going into a rabbit hole of now doing something that the person likes because maybe only then they’ll be complimented. Hence, codependency. You put yourself last, seeking a characteristic someone doesn’t have.
Now let’s say the guy ends up with a partner that is by nature the type to PRAISE the living hell outta him, does he seek praise anymore? Is he needy for it? Does he change himself to please? No, because he is with his perfect match.
If you are in a relationship with someone who doesn’t have nor give what you need, you either manifest them to change, or leave and find someone who by nature already has what you’re looking for. Do not settle, opposites DO NOT attract, and you shouldn’t fall for anyone just because they’re NICE. Find someone who matches your love language and is able to provide you with things you naturally love. There is no harm wanting to be loved by someone else. I compliment myself too but i still want it from a partner to be the only one in their eyes. Choose your life partner wisely and you won’t have to be codependent ever again.
I will tap into my logic to make important decisions at this time and not be swayed by my emotions. And I will remain flexible in my thinking so I can learn from others who may have valuable knowledge I need at this time.
I’ve been doing your candle technique and I’m also focusing more on being in my body. It’s been helping a lot. I had this weird connection with someone and basically he has very bad ptsd. He was emotionally unavailable and I was anxiously attached. I was thinking of him all the time. He had a lot of stuff going on in his life and became barely responsive. He did something that really hurt me, not thinking to tell me at all. He then called me selfish for only thinking of myself when I got angry at him. The funny part is that as a codependent, I was always thinking of him and self abandoning. Interesting how my self abandoning and putting all the attention to him was selfishness to him. Lesson learned!
It feels to me like you are talking about my SP. Same situation, same response I've got from him when I felt ignored. It was terrible I spent thinking of him for almost 4 yrs 24 s/day in the end I felt scared because it felt he was manipulating my energy.
@Carla Beatriz it's a terrible feeling. Hope you're over him and nurturing yourself. Six months later, I rarely think of him. I'm still releasing some resentments in general about relationships, but I'm feeling much more whole. Best wishes! 🩷
Do you watch a real candle or do I need to close my eyes and imagine the flame. This is my first couple of days of trying it and also I can not find a way to feel or bring the energy back to me. Please help me anyway you can. I want to be myself again
@jasonlewis6926 a real candle. Ask your guardian angel or anyone you pray to to help you clear your energy and restore, return, and integrate your energy that you left outside of yourself. Ask for healing.
Does he comes from Índia? The very same Situation 😔
I'm here bc I am dating someone who I am realizing is codependent. It's very unattractive and you hit it spot on with the masculine feminine dynamics. It's repelling and on a primative level we don't trust the man to provide. Women can say they an earn and take care of themselves, etc, but as a woman, you will be 'out of commission' in that way when pregnant and you do want a partner you can trust to handle things, make decisions, protect, and provide which codependent men do not display. Also someone intelligent can sense the manipulation which I will admit here is very very subtle, but it communicates mistrust and disrespect. I actually really liked this guy, but when I noticed he mirorred everything thing I did, and he couldnt answer a direct questions, I became so unattracted to him that I felt nauseous when he tried to kiss me.
That’s your gut telling you there was something really wrong with this dude! Trust it!!
Hey Aaron, love & appreciation from India, I’ve been watching your videos for more than a year now. I need to be honest with this, your videos and ideas/opinions have helped me outgrow low-vibrations & many more other things. Do continue making videos & spreading your experiences. Just a tip, you should actually write a book consisting of all the topics you’ve covered. I’m sure it will be a great help for people all over the globe.
Your vibe is amazing! Keep on
Thank you Aaron,this was powerful ❤️
I’ve been doing your frame technique and yes it does make a difference on how I feel within myself.
And also I am able to observe other peoples shadow aspects a lot easier,I’m able to understand them and be more compassionate.
Much love to you,thank you for everything that you do. 😊🙏🏼❤️
You're my soulmate dude BAHAHA! My mom has 1.8M followers across all her platforms and we've experienced this a lot. Sorry you dealt with this with people following you around places.
I've been a people pleaser and a "nice guy" for so long, it's kinda hard to act differently, cause I don't know how not to exactly, cause being blunt a lot times borders on being rude, or at least in my mind
trying not "hurt" people - cause tensions and also constantly thinking other people think you're somehow weird and off, is a terrible way to live
but I am and will be working on that vigorously
Aaron this information is game changing!! Within this last year, I've been really into energy work, understanding chakras and meditation. But your breakdown of shadow work, being authentic and what it means to be in your own frame is POWERFUL!! It allows for the meditation to be transformational not just relaxing. I just learned I am an empath and as strong as I appear, I have not been very good at holding my own frame. It has caused me emotional exhaustion to the point of wanting to leave my entire family (I'm married with 4 children, 28, 17, 15,13) 28yro is out of the house living her life. I have terrific kids, I just learned I don't have boundaries and it's most likely due to having an alcoholic mother. I have been pouring and pouring out at a higher rate than pouring in! I am exhausted!! My mother is still alive and nothing about her has changed. I'm not slamming her because although she was/is an alcoholic, she was a loving and present mother. However there was (and remains) an undercurrent of "It never being enough" of her being a victim and my sister and I to this day, despise a victim mentality. I am now 55 and feel like I'm out of gas and it is 100% related to all of what you're saying! Not having boundaries, people pleasing, being an empath. FUCK THAT!! I stopped doing a lot of things!! I've got work to do!! IT'S A NEW DAY! THANK YOU
Hey Aaron, it's interesting hearing you say you're into UFC and Muay Thai. That's awesome! I've had this question for a long time. Do you think some of us who grew up training in martial arts became people pleasers in part because of what we learned in training? Martial arts really mold young people as they grow up and search for their place in the world. A lot of self-defense lessons are grouped with character development lessons, with a big focus on being humble, respectful, kind, and one is taught to avoid fighting as much as possible. Sometimes I find that people try to take advantage of me in my adult life because they know I'm a really nice person with strong morals, so I won't retaliate and do anything horrible to anyone who does me wrong. They may or may not know that I'm a black belt, so even though I do exude confidence, I still have a very overwhelming "nice girl" and "humble" vibe that seems to be a narcissist magnet. Do you think (for some of us) being raised by an emotionally unavailable parent + growing up immersed in martial arts training that hammers in the importance of being honest, humble, and kind may have unintentionally caused some of us to become people pleasers?
Be proud of yourself that you've become such an inspiration to so many people! You are helping others discover their authentic selves as well. I struggle with social anxiety too, but can't really make my mark on the world and help the human race expand, in isolation with no connection.. I struggle with that stuff too. You are SAFE you are LOVED you are PROTECTED 🙏
Very true!
I have laughed my ass off.
I have learned to say no.
It feels good to fill up my cup. It’s all about me.
I dont believe in twin flames anymore,I DID...but after years,I dont get it...its codepended relationship,you depend on someone WHO ran the fuck away 🤣its not working for my awakened mind anymore
Aaron!!! We had almost an identical upbringing. What you are talking about caused me to have intimate relationship problems for over 30 years. Only after my dad passed did I address this issue because I needed to know why I couldn't sustain a romantic relationship. Thank you for all you do. You have helped me and so many others!!!
I was very needy in my last relationship. Everything you talked about,Aaron,I did it. I always seemed to want to be in his frame,and not in my open frame. Fast forward 22 months and I still struggle with how I behaved in my relationship with him
Forgive yourself. You did the best at the time with what you knew and with what you had.
Look at it this way, you can now see where your mistakes were made and more than likely will never repeat it!
You've grown- woohoo 🙌🏻❤️✅
So forgive and get back together.
@@philosopherprince339 I know that won’t be happening .
To the *worthwhile person* 🌟 seeing this, I know life is hard. It’s hard living, filled with struggles and challenges. The constant pressure to overcome and become. However you can overcome and make it better, all the seeds and keys of greatness are within you. Get up and press on. I wish you all the best in life ❤️. You can do it.
💝
This was sooooo helpful. I can feel your changes from this side. Hopefully I can utilize the same tools!
Aaron please read this: The person you described the first minutes of your video, had a psychotic disorder - called erotomania. Everything described seems like this psychotic disorder. That's stated as a disease that can become very psychotic and in the end schizophrenic
Thank you. This was the most helpful tip I have heard to breaking codependency, to see the flame and others as separate! What a freaking relief!! Thank you!
You’re so kind because you still are trying to say you met a stage four clinger that literally stalked you and crossed your boundaries. You definitely are allowed to feel safe and I’m glad you realize this.
This year I learned about Limerence. I had an extremely imbalanced and lost friend who was suffering from this. I was a bit startled because to me it strongly resembled the delusions of fantasy in the mind of a narcissist.
Healthy people don’t fall in love with strangers online they have never even talked to.
🙏 Namaste
Aaron-I know this sounds funny but I am an elementary school teacher and I feel the same way about being out in public! I’ve taught in the same town for over a decade and a trip to Wal-Mart means running into 10 people I know-lol! Luckily, most people are respectful of my time but I can’t imagine how awkward that would be for you for someone to want to stop and have a long conversation. Boundaries are absolutely important. But you know what I thought as you were talking about people thinking you’re their soulmate or twin flame?! There’s a good chance that many of your subscribers are in your soul group! That’s why we resonate with you! It doesn’t mean that boundaries should be crossed of course. That’s part of our human experience-learning to be in our own frame (as you so eloquently explain). Thank you for being vulnerable and always sharing the real you and your own circumstances. It makes you SO much more relatable than those who don’t share who they are. You are a great teacher, Aaron!
It's time to change the way I see myself, overcome my programming and become authentic 💝🕊️
I just heard your latest podcast snd I just want to say that I like the repetition and the various ways you reinforce the same idea so that I can get it in my subconscious mind and I also enjoy hearing about your ex step moms stories. It helps me to understand your back story so that I can better understand you now. She needs to be put on blast anyways and it helped me out a lot deal with my toxic family! I’m glad you always follow your instinct and are always true to yourself! Ugh haters are irrelevant. You do not have to explain why you do what you do if they were intelligent they would already understand 🙏🏾
Soul mates are rare if at all. Everyone I"ve ever met personally and claimed they were with the soul mate were over no longer after....It's wild. There is no such thing if so it is rare....
Wow! Amazing! This is such a great and very, very helpful video, cause I recognize myself in it and I'm going though the same process of changing my vibration and energy, thus recognizing all these patterns. Thank you Aaron for your honesty and openess. 🙏❤️👌🙂
I will never be with a “nice guy” again. They’re not really so nice because their codependency actually means they care more about being validated and needing you to make them feel good rather than genuinely caring about you. They care about you only to the extent that they keep you happy enough to stay so you show them the validation they crave. They’re not bad people but it’s not conducive to a good relationship and leaves the partner actually feeling lonely.
I agree, in a way the "empath" is a narcissist too. & Aaron mentioned it too in another video.
There are some good aspects of what you said….. the Need to help is focused on being validated. ( what is actually pretty usual ) - real help means not to expect anything for it - this is actually one of the best attitudes someone can have.
@@christiandreblow8458 true. I actually think empathy is still good. I don’t think empathy are narcissistic. It’s only narcissistic when someone cares only about their own needs at the expense of another. And both narcs and empathy can do that. All narcs do it but not all empathy do it so discerning can be tricky
Ooof this
I resonate with this heavy!!! When I was growing up, especially as a little girl, I was outspoken, vocal and felt free to be me, but I let the formative years of bullying get to me and it followed me well into my early 20's and mid 20's. But as a more confident, whole woman in her late 20's, I have had awakening and in the healing phase. Thank you for this!
I think I understand what you mean to communicate and it's a powerful message. But I think though two consepts are being confused. There's a big difference between being nice and pleasing. You are nice to others because that balances your energy and make you feel good about your self. You please other people to make them feel good and make them like you. A lot of people including myself spend a lifetime working on our niceness. I actually have a lot of temper and aggesion in my wich I am learning to transform into niceness because it makes my social life so much better and I feel so much better about myself. You can be honest and authentic in many different ways. But being it in a nice way has for a lot of people proven to be the best way. I also know how codependency can make you loose yourself. That you are so afraid to loose an other person that you bend over backwards to keep them. And I think you are right that this strategy was developed early on. And I think it is very hard to change when you are in the pain of being scared of loosing someone. I will try your candle technique. Thanks for sharing ❤️❤️❤️❤️
You mean being kind balancing out energy cause being a “nice girl/guy” ain’t good
@@Soneelicious No. I mean when you are in peace and good spirit your energies are balanced. Being nice and speaking your mind is not a contradiction. Everyone chooses in which way they speak their mind. You can be honest in a kind way. You can be honest in a detached way but you can also be brutally honest. It's a choice.
I think these women were having a moment of limerence.
The only time I’ve felt safe in a relationship is when I’m on not in love with the other person… I didn’t love someone who deeply cared and adored me, and then I finally let myself have feelings and I got deeply hurt. Not being in love I had control and there was no risk of being hurt or feeling attached.
MY GOODNESS 😞😞😞
I just discovered your videos recently - absolutely love them! You have such a gift of making this concepts relatable.
Aaron
What about a scenario - not a payoff situation, just an incident where someone is so shockingly rude to you, ie disrespectful, belittling etc (narc) that u freeze up, & any comebacks allude u (empath)? How do u become authentic when u don’t have it in you to assert yourself in the moment? When you’re stuck in your “bullied child” beliefs & u just freeze up as if you were 10 again!!! You’re aware of the pattern; there’s no payoff; you hate it. But fear of confrontation stops u. Or you’re so shocked & wounded, you can’t think quick enough to make a comment to redeem your own self-respect. How do you change that?
That authentic was on point. People think being vulnerable is bad..but I think it depends...but we also need to stay aware of ourselves too cuz we can slip and make our boundaries weak
I discovered your channel today and watched some videos and I really appreciate them. But there's something I don't understand.
You often say "heal your inner child" but what is if you don't had trauma in your childhood?
I needed today. I keep getting turned down for all of these jobs. And I really want to build my own business
I don't believe in Soul mate or twin flame.
Watching your vids Are always a very emotional time for me because you’re so open and vulnerable about everything that Has happened in your life that it just gives me the strength to be that person I want to be and not be scared about being vulnerable my mother is narcissistic the father of my youngest child is narcissistic my younger sister is narcissistic and she’s my half-sister she’s not my mothers daughter she’s my father‘s daughter but I’ve noticed that my mother always deflects things onto my fathers side of the family as though they are what’s wrong with me MEOWING she being a narcissist and narcissistically abusing me mentally my entire life is what has caused problems within my mentality and then as a result I always sought out Narcissis so that I could help them but it backfired on me so now I’ve decided that I DFC about anyone but me!!! I have to make sure that I am happy, healthy, wealthy, and wise. I am the only person I am responsible for on this planet besides my children until they are of legal age.
Groupie... you have fans. Elvis, Sinatra, Cash, Prince, Beiber, Swift, Timberlake, sing directly to each and every person directly as if they were the only person in the room... Be Proud Ma'an. LOL
Codependents shouldn't be afraid to make mistakes. When they do make mistakes the people who will forgive or not make it such a big deal are the people they should keep. That's it!
Holy shit this video was a game changer, thankyou so much ❤️
I'm glad i opened my mind to healing and fell into one of your videos. I just appreciate how real you are. Thank you.
Could you please make a video about how to forget something
32:29 Candle Detachment Meditative Exercise ❤
I attract people who need a mom
All the time...it's bizarre
So powerful!!! Beyond grateful- I can’t even begin to explain how synchronistic this is for me to come across this message at this time- THANKYOU SO MUCH!!! 🎇🎇🎇💜🙏
noun
co·de·pen·den·cy | \ ˌkō-di-ˈpen-dən(t)-sē \
Definition
: a psychological condition or a relationship in which a person manifesting low self-esteem and a strong desire for approval has an unhealthy attachment to another often controlling or manipulative person (such as a person with an addiction to alcohol or drugs)
broadly : dependence on the needs of or on control by another
I watched this over and over as I suspected I was being needy in a
New 3 1/2 month relationship and it’s so painful to see the truth in videos like this . So I watched this around lunch time yesterday for the last time as I was driving to my partners house . Then this morning she confirmed my suspicions that I was pushing her away by being needy . I’m a little scared that I’ve arrived at this place at 54 years old I’m certainly going to be making the effort to better myself love and peace to you all x
Okay old ass video I get it, but dog I’m a nice dude because I want to, however if I don’t like something I won’t fucking do it. I understand the nice guy shit, I get we are surrounded by a vast society and sometimes them folks don’t mesh up well with the nicer ones. But I am confused, I enjoy helping others (as much as my capabilities allow me) but after watching your video I kinda felt bad for being nice, I can’t be a douchebag sir, my brain before bed would eat me alive.
So in conclusion be a nice guy loving yourself first? Our society is evolving I believe (not in a bad way, it’s just evolution) unfortunately the history repeats itself, and whoever is not willing to adapt winds up alone (nature is beautiful), there are extracts from students in 1910 that read about Greek society, and in those writings they describe how the youth is lost; myself got trapped into this fallacy also. I think the more we resist the change the more we isolate ourselves. I have a hard time adopting the new stereotype of man, I personally dislike it and I do my hardest to make them see themselves (yeah I’m a twat, gotta be honest I bully them)
How can I be a nice guy without being a loser?
Also congrats in Muay Thai sir, beautiful sport, taught me a lot of humbleness and after my training I was a helluva lot less aggro, I miss getting my ass kicked for some reason it was fun.
Cheers mate
Thanks so much Aaron for this video, its literally helped me heal a big part of myself that i never loved. Ive now realized that i over extended myself and i often seeked the love externally instead of giving it to myself. I think for the first time i can explain the strange knots in my stomach and how to get rid of them entirely.
Being nice is not a defect nor a form of manipulation. Nice is a positive character whom others take advantage of. Nice is Nice, same as polite is polite. Being nice is taught, programed same as being a jerk. I choose nice over being a jerk. At the same time, I understand nice as related to co-dependancy.
Native American Indians were nice to the Pilgrims and then were taken advantage of. They were not savages, they were nice.
Sounds like ya didn't heal the negative disappointment you have towards your father... Can't wait for that video.
I just really love deeply, but you don't love yourself, you abandoned yourself, This is the problem with me in all relationships,
This is what exactly I was looking for. Thank you for bringing up codependency issues in such an easy and simple form👌👌. I have started to realise my codependent patterns and working on it.✌️
Don't worry anymore my friend, I know of a man who can help you bring your ex back within 3 days. He helped me a few days ago He does a perfect work I'm assuring you, you gonna testify ....
Wha'tsapp him for help
Omg! I used to be such a “People Pleaser”! I took on that persona, because some of my siblings were failing in Life and I felt I had to take over and try to over please my Parents. This way they wouldn’t be too disappointed or sad. I think I also picked it up from my Mom. She would over extended herself by helping everyone. I did the same. Until, I felt like a fool. I felt no one appreciates me, because they thought it was normal practice for me to do for them. Not anymore. I assist people to help themselves… But, they have to assist me when I need help. I delegate now. I never over-extended myself anymore. I’m 50 now… No more! The rest of my Life is mine. ❤❤❤
Great information thank you, exactly what I needed to hear, I am so grateful for all the healing that has been done in my life from codependency 🙌🏻🌞
i think its absolutely insane that people you dont know are coming up to you calling you their twin flame. what is wrong with people?
Just recently subscribed to you.
Co-dependency for me wS a result of child abandonment, only recently at the age of 37 am I now making boundaries with toxic relationships and letting go of him and I becoming self aware. I am now starting
to feel like my true self.
Great videos
Thank you 👍
not needy. but still find this society narc as hell, very egoistic, avoidant, can’t communicate, think people can be substituted
I haven’t even started this yet but I’m going to say thank you! I know this was divine timing to come across my recommended videos ✨💛
Start at 8:19
Needy people may be people pleasers which means they give up a piece of themselves in exchange for other peoples’ validation. Nice guys are not necessarily authentic, they just want to not cause tension. 36:36