A Medical Professional Speaks: Ppl are Going "No Contact" with their Parents
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 7 มิ.ย. 2023
- A TT user stitched one of my videos to flesh out what she has seen from the perspective of a medical professional. The shift is here. People are guarding their peace.
"I clothed you, fed you, and housed you!"
Yeah, the states is obligated to do that for prisoners as well.
I hate it when people tell me that I owe my toxic verbally abusive mother forgiveness because she “took care of me.” That was her job, & I didn’t ask to be brought her. She was nice to everyone except me.
You don’t owe her sh*t,
Go be great girly! We are rooting for you, not her… ❤❤❤
So true. I completely agree with this.
@@BKATwigs Thanks sis! 🥰❤️❤️
Same I am the scapegoat of the family my sisters are treated better then me! I will never have a loving relationship with my mother and grandmother!
Hugs I can relate
I've been working in the medical field since I was 17 years old, as I started as a CNA. One thing I will always remember: The RN that trained us said," Do not be surprised if no one comes when a resident dies. The person we know is not the person the family members know."😌
So true!
True ! 💯
@ Danielle Scott - That is very true, however, bear in mind that being a toxic or absentee parents is not always the reason for an elderly person dying alone. There are people who did not have any children, or who were the black sheep of their family because they may have spoken out about incest, or abuse. Some people may have had The misfortune of Being Born Into families that have always been distant and cold with one another to begin with. So I think it's equally as important to be careful not to make assumptions about why an elderly person is in the situation that they're in.
Have you ever had any where you weren’t surprised nobody came afterwards?
FACTS
It irks me that people say to children who were abused: “…you only have one mother, one father….yadda yadda yadda…” When my parents were abusing me, they should have known there is only one ME. They chose to abuse, neglect and gaslight me. FCK them. They better call the children (my siblings) that they poured into, cause sure was not me. I spent the first 33 years of my life dazed and confused because of the severe abuse. I am in therapy and finally getting my life back. I moved to another state and I am never going back. Finally I am living my best life without these soul sucking leeches. Prayers to those abused by their parents, such a deep wound to heal.
YES, FCUK THEM 2 HELL! I will be going no contact later this year. I'm so excited.
@indigogirl5172 Thank you for your prayers! I am praying for you as well. I absolutely hate when people say that to abused individuals because I hated when they said it to me. When they said it, it made me feel guilty that I maybe misread the situation or was probably deserving of it. I am now 53, my mother died in 2017 and I was so relieved because I was her caretaker for 17 years and it continued up until the week before she passed. I am still healing and to be free now, it an unbelievable feeling. Everyone in our family loved her and praised her and so I can only speak to certain siblings about her because we know how she was for real. I didn't have a funeral and everyone (her first and second cousins, her friends, coworkers, etc.) had a fit. They just thought I had a break down. I still paid for the cremation but refused to have a funeral because I had spent so much money on her over the 17 years as her caretaker. When she was healthy, she gaslighted me every chance she got to get me to be her ATM. She had waterworks and all. No one understood my freedom that day that she passed. It is now 2023 and I am in a good place. It was a lot of therapy and crying and coming to terms with the truth that is helping me heal. My father was in his 80s when he passed about 15 years ago. He was living in Florida and not in touch with any of his children. The hospital somehow found us and wanted us to come and deal with him and take him. We went on with our lives and never got in touch with them again. We are not obligated to be there for them after they destroyed our lives. A lot of young adults are finding out now that they don't have to be there for horrible parents. I say Kudos to them. I am so happy that people are not pretending anymore and they are telling the truth about what has happened to them and making healthier and peaceful choices for themselves. God Bless you! Guard your mind, money, and your peace Sis!
Life will only get better from now on. Sending you love and light ❤️ 💛
@@luthorforpresident9353 I start Saturday and can't wait
@@tearajones1143 Thank you. You got your life back. Only those who go through this insidious abuse understand it. The outside world thinks my parents are saints and my siblings are in denial, stuck in delusion. I am happy you got out, I am happy I got out too. Many people live and die in misery because of their abusive families. God bless you too.
You don't owe shit to an abusive parent. That's it, That's all.
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽💯💯💯
Well said. That’s it in a nutshell
You need to forgive as Christ forgives us. Pray for those who wrong you with love and pity for them because they were or are not in Christ to have shown you love in the way you wanted or needed it but if you keep hate/unforgiveness you want be forgiven for unforgiveness is a deal breaker with God and no one is worth you losing out entering the kingdom of heaven. We must extend grace to other otherwise we can't expect grace to be extended to us. You can't be a tit for tat person with God. You must exemplify love. Repent of any hate or unforgiveness and ask for deliverance from it or you will surely die in that state the second death.
Ephesians 4:32 And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.”
1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
1 John 4:20 If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?
Facts
Right, you chose to have a child but that child didn’t choose you as a parent. If it was a stranger, you wouldn’t let them treat you the way they do. Why is it any different? In fact it’s worse cause they’re suppose to love you.
We really need to have an open and honest conversation about toxic parents in the black community as they are far too common.
Yes they are and a lot of the mothers are jealous of their daughters or any young woman that has joy and peace !
That's EXACTLY how my egg donor was and still is to this very day. And she is 72 now 🙄😒.
First, toxicity and abuse need to be defined. Lots of things nowadays are called abusive and toxic that are not.
Yes and we also need to stop giving credit for them “doing their best” when they never tried to do their best ever. I’ve seen some ppl best be not feeding the kids but cooking a 5 course meal for their man but since “it’s food in the house” that was them doing their best (ive even seen it where they wouldn’t even let the kids in the fridge even though it was food in there). Some of their best was absolutely the worse and they shouldn’t be able to walk away unaccountable from that. Especially when a lot of the time those parents weren’t teens just learning but grown adults with multiple children.
@@chinaking918 Whew, Chile! You said a mouthful right there! *FACTS UPON FACTS* ! 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
@@chinaking918 That is so true: I've seen too many women go above and beyond for their man, their family members, their friends, but when it comes to their kids, it's always "No" or "Go ask your dad". My mom wasn't a pick me when it came to men but she was a pick me when it came to her friends and family members. Rest assured when she fell on hard times, those people were nowhere to be found.
"i see more fathers die alone than mothers" ops, weren't we childfree and single women supposed to die alone? Nope, having kids is not a guarantee that you won't be alone in your old age. Also that's extremely selfish. If you treat your kids like s**t, don't expect them to come and take care of you. A great relationship is formed when there is compassion, understanding of one another, empathy and loving each other. They think they did a huge favour by ejaculating and that's all they think that they had to do, their kids will love them regardless, because he is their father... No, you're just a sperm donor. The narcissism and entitlement are insane.
So, you're admitting that "childfree" Western women will eventually die alone.
This!
I think they also depend on their child to have daddy issues and any slither of attention from said sperm donor will have them jumping for joy; Wanting to spend what little time they have left.
OOP!🤭🤣🤣 Exactly!
Over the years I have seen child free women have strong networks, they don't die alone. Anyway most people aren't terminally ill and pass in their sleep.
I worked in Healthcare for 15 years and I have lots of tea on this subject, one of my former clients was a "high value" doctor who DIED ALONE in a nursing home, his wife and children wanted nothing to do with him because he was an abusive a**hole.
Dayummm! People really think just because you have kids they’re supposed take of you in your later years, and hell no it doesn’t mean that! A lot of these “parents” truly get their karma when they die old and alone🤷🏽♀️
@@liastorm795 Yes !
Wow sis
Dyuuum!!! He did that to himself!!!
YOu reap what you so! AMEN
Someone told me I needed 2 work it out w/ my mom cuz "ain't nobody like mama." A few days ago I was shopping 4 groceries, and I realized there hasn't been anyone 2 hurt me like my mom. Not even a man, and men do terrible things 2 women. But I haven't always dated, and fortunately, an unknown man never harmed me. But mama was always here, condemning me 2 hell, using me, making excuses 4 putting me in danger as a child. I'm agnostic, but I pray there is no one like my mother ever in my life again. I pray no one has anyone like that in their lives.
I came to that realisation in my life too a few years ago. No one has ever hurt me like my mother has. No one has ever broken my heart like she did.
Wishing you lots of light and joy in your life 💗
So sorry to both of you ladies. Praying for healing.
Same... Its automatically assumed that mothers are inherently good because they are women who are supposed to be nurturing... So when I say I have a very problematic toxic mother... People assume that there's something wrong with me..
So thankful you still pray. God hears you and hopefully you're story will help someone else. ❤🙏🏾
I affirm it that no one has ever hurt me like my mother. I was broken to pieces by the person that birth me and left me to put back my broken pieces, which is very draining.
Sis bought her oneway ticket to shady pines when I was a small child. Same thing for the sperm donor.
shady pines LMAO
LOL I am sending my to Sunny Pastures. That's worse than Shady Pines according to Sophia Petrillo
Nahhhhhh let the state do it because you can be responsible for the bill when they die and we know in the USA medical bills can be the end of you
😂👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
Thank you for referencing one of the most comforting and beloved shows, The Golden Girls. I had a wonderful Mother I cared for for seven years until the end. The Golden Girls was my refuge when times were particularly hard caring for her on my own. 😢
My dad , He was abusive, rageful, treated us horrible as kids. We felt like inferior second class citizens living in his prison of a home. Me and my siblings are no contact, they've also moved far away. He is now getting mad that I am moving to another city. In his mind he's afraid who's going to take care of him when he's old!! Selfish to the end!
Same my family won't know where we're going here the weekend ...I'm here for it 0 contact with them after Saturday
Girl yes same I told him there's a nursing home and hospice care they get paid to do it. Enjoy adios! Never been happier.
This woman only eat processed food like noodles and fried meats everyday. She probably iodine deficient time to crack some walnuts and eat some fish.
What a POS. I’m so sorry :(
My father abused me SO BAD. And even still, I was conditioned to try to reconcile. He would not take any accountability for the pain. So now, I live my life like I have no father. Blessings to those working through the hurt and pain. ❤
I can relate to this like I wrote it myself. Shame on the society that demands we ask for no atonement but take all responsibility for how our relationship with our parent works. I’m happier without his gaslighting ass and now, anyone that tries to guilt me about him, I tell them some truths about who he really is. Nobody wants that kind of truth and they drop the subject fast. Highly effective if you ever need it.
Relatable. Please continue living your life on your terms as if he's dead and buried even though he's physically alive 🤗🤗🤗.
@@ExquisiteKinkyCoils I see mines as dead and buried he tried to prostitute me as a teenager because " it's not like she's a virgin" I forgave him and was putting money in his pocket through paying childcare for twins and rent 1700. He repays me by telling my husband to cheat because it's not like she can leave and if she tries I'll kick her out because she can't pay rent . Then goes around telling strangers I'm a whore causing me to not even want to live someday s. So I posted him ranting and throwing a short man tantrum talking shit about his friends now he has a lot less friends 😂😂😂 biatch
Same. He never apologized or took any accountability. He said he is beyond that and his abuse of me is my problem. He asked me if I think I’m God. My Father is a demonic, narcissistic person, like text book. Yet people want me to unite. I explain to them once and raise my voice if I have to. After that, if you bring it up I will not speak on it and will remove you from my life if, I must. I won’t speak on it three times. Peace is priceless.
Good for you! They ignore you like you don't exist. So he might as well be 💀
These horrible parents are reaping what they have sown. I don’t feel sorry any of these horrible parents being left to die alone without any visits from their children or friends. Children should not be brought into this world to be hospice care adult children and a retirement plan for abusive, toxic and evil parents. No child has ever asked to be born.
Yes sis ! I told my abusive mom you shouldn't have had me - she hates me and resents me wish she never birthed me !
I’m actually quite amused at the idea or horrible abusive parents dying alone. Sweet, sweet justice 😊
@@niax782 karma to me ! My parents are lucky I don't want to abuse them they way they did me
@@77kc_77 🎯
@@77kc_77 nahhhhhh throw them to the nursing home
I'm 24, my mom is 45 now and like this. I read somewhere that once parents health starts declining, they often try to make amends with their kids so that someone will take care of them. I will not forget all of the things my mother did to me and my brother-- throwing us out on the street at 15 in Ohio winter so her husband would be happy. I have forgiven her, but will never go out of my way to support her with my time, energy, or money.
what was yalls behavior like..srange she threw yall outy...its always two sides to a story
@@valeriecoleman6480I’m getting sick of seeing your trifling ass in this comment section gaslighting these peoples experiences, your probably the type to do what her mother did.
@username your doing what’s best for you and if she wanted help at the end of her life, she should’ve treat you better at the beginning of yours. Whatever you decide let it be b/c you want to 🫶🏽❤. I’m glad you’ve healed and I hope your better off in life hon 🥂.
@@valeriecoleman6480 I'm curious what a mother could say about her own underage child that would not directly reflect her own parenting. Her husband spit in my face, threw me up against walls, and I acted out. I was shown nothing but aggression so I acted aggressively too. Was I in the wrong? Yes I had my role in those situations. But a grown adult has no business treating any child that way. Again I'm genuinely curious what a minor could do that wouldn't directly reflect the parenting they received. ACTUAL Good parents don't raise bad kids period.
@@valeriecoleman6480 and I never put hands on a person, I punched holes in the wall. I was on probation from skipping school, and my probation officer had the papers to send me to a group home because she was disgusted about how my mother let her husband treat me and my brother. Oh, and let me say that he locked us out in the Ohio winter without shoes and my brother had no shirt on. Thankfully our grandma lived 2 streets away. Believe it or not, not every parent deserves children.
@@valeriecoleman6480 I am a mother to a 4 year old as well. So I am not just an angry kid with no experience as a parent. My son will never go through what I did. Anger issues do not come out of nowhere.
Thank you for this . Our community pretends parents need to be idolized no matter how m.i.a. they can be. Facts are neutral. Let's stop the fantasy of what lives are like.
CHILE
💯 support this comment
My family had a lot of childless aunties and uncles that were WONDERFUL and had all kinds of support from siblings, niblings and cousins because they were lovely supportive people all the time. They had a family because they nurtured it all their lives. I've had patients with no children have an outpouring of support from former pupils, coworkers, neighbors, etc. Good people will find other good people and support one another.
My uncle is a child free widower and me along with my mom are pampering him in his old days. He has a beginning of dementia. He's a good human being and will never go without care and support as long as his nieces and nephews are alive ❤
I LOVE this. Most people pity us childless folks not knowing we’ve fostered meaningful relationships with an abundance of people!
@@thatbemefool Exactly! That’s why I’m breaking free from my mother’s abuse to cultivate my own relationships. Any person she’s around will turn on me so I have to move away where she won’t have any influence at all.
Yes, putting effort into friendships and family relationships, tend to yield more support/connection than having children and doing the bare minimum
What is a nibling?
Amen. One of the most twisted social messages, is that we're "supposed" to leave an abusive partner or spouse (in fact, we're shamed if we stay with an abusive partner - 'why does she stay' & 'why doesn't she just leave him') but we're paradoxically expected to stay with an abusive parent, and we're shamed for being bad daughters (and sons) if we leave. Choose a lane, society! Don't expect me to leave my abusive spouse but then turn around and expect me to stay with an abusive parent.
Factsss 💯!!!
parents don't own their kids
pathological altruism
thank you for your comment it really puts into perspective my situation if a boyfriend did anything close to what my parents did to me i will run for my life and dont look back, i have moved out but i still somehow still look back and questioning if i should try to reconect. it has been 3 years so maybe it will get easier soon.
One of the most fascinating contradictions in humanity. I cannot believe it myself.
Also, that thing where if you engage in clearly abusive behaviors with another adult you are immediately seen as the bad guy. However, if you do it to a kid, it's "a-ok/tough love/a teaching moment"... That kid is watching you and if you don't teach them how they are supposed to be treated, and if you don't model how to handle adversity in a healthy way, they won't magically wake up and know how to do it as an adult... Even animals are more protected than kids and this has to stop. A society can't treat kids like garbage and force them to take all of that harassment then wonder why they "can't act right" as adults.
God states that children are gifts.
He also says not to anger your children.
A lot of these parents have TRAMPLED, ABUSED, NEGLECTED, AND VIOLATED their very own, custom made GIFTS.
These type of parents deserve NOTHING GOOD from their children. Their children are exhausted and broken and need healing due to their mess.
Dying alone and without support? Sounds like an appropriate punishment indeed. Get someone else to do it sums it up accurately.
I remember years ago a woman was talking to me at Trader Joe's. Just started talking randomly about how she felt her kids didn't want her to come to live with them. She said anything she needed they would get it but when she hinted around about not being able to live alone, crickets. She said she didn't understand why. I usually sugar coat situations like this by saying something like, Don't feel like that. Or That's not true. I don't know where my response came from, but I said to her very matter-of-factly, "Yeah, you know why." The expression on her face said it all. She knew.
Morgan Freeman voice: “As it turns out, she did, in fact, know.” 😂
I had an older friend, in her 60s or 70s(??) I always forget because she looked younger than her age and was very active. Well, she had a friend her age who’s kids never came to see her and barely called. She was empathizing with her friend. But when she said the kids don’t even speak to EACH OTHER. I knew her friend was leaving something out. I’m sorry but that doesn’t just happen. There’s got to be some “untouchable” event or a generally fucked up childhood. For them to not even socialize with each other says a lot. That household was probably toxic af.
She used that as evidence that you can have kids and still be alone. She is childfree. Tbh I’ve never seen a parent that was truly good to their kids, die alone.
@@brioche8123 I always ask what did you do?
Not one ever said nothing.
@@seabreeze4559 yup. she should have grilled her. That is not normal at all. If you want me to feel bad for you and villainize your kids, you’re gonna have to prove your innocence.
Yes. They were there. They were the active participants of breaking the strongest emotional bond - between a child and a mother/father. They know exact reasons why their children ignore them.
Yup! If parents don't nurture and respect their children, then they shouldn't expect that in return.
Totally agree
Right, respect is earned 👊🏽.
People that have children just for them to take care of them when they get old should not have children because it's going to cause their children so much anxiety and resentment towards their parents.
My dad admitted to deceiving my mother into having me before vanashing because he needed children for when he was older, he admitted this to me when he got in touch with me when I was in my mid 20s, he asked me to care for him multiple times, has asked for money and has asked for me to move nearby (I live in the UK, he lives in the US). I feel no resentment towards him, it truly irritates him that I don't do as I'm expected and don't care to impress him, he's a stranger who's little different from a begger or hobosexual wanting my resources.
@@LilLadyAy My father met me when I was 16 and I force that- he's a dead beat and my mother resents me for birthing me when she chose her life. I haven't seen him and he hasn't met his grandkids- kids my kids .
Something happens to my mom and dad I won't make visitations/ any plans - I won't be visiting them - let my uncle and his wife deal with my grandmother- not my problem
I’ve been saying this for years!!!! Also people who are in poverty, shouldn’t either. If you can’t provide and live comfortably yourself, you have no business having children until you get out of that situation.
this is why people had large families in the past to take care of the elders and the weak in the family. people only rail against this because we live in modern times and dont really need to lean on family.
My dad was abusive and then abandoned our family for another woman. He’s going to die without my brother and me by his bedside. Peace out, Pops! Don’t let the door hit ya where the hood Lord split ya.
😂
Be careful of the seeds you scatter. You've got to reap just what you sow.
- B.B. King
Goodness! This hits home cause my momma just got out the hospital yesterday and I wanted to go see her but my resources are limited to drop everything and go 6 hours to see her laid up when she is in there giving my little brother money. He is the reason she has heart failure. My toxic ex used to always ask me, you talked to your mom, and I would be like why? She doesn't talk to me, she talks at me, complaining about everything around her and when you try to tell her something, she gets mad and hangs up on you. She has a nasty evil spirit around her pointing out the failures of others knowing her life is the exact same as those she's pointing at. Talks about hoarders when she is one herself. Please don't wish that on me. I strive to live my life in peace. It hurts me to my core that we don't have that mother/daughter bond that I long for. My brother is her favorite child and she made it known when I showed up at her house while I was TDY at Leadership training at my last Air Force assignment and she wouldn't let me in her house. Nahh no thanks. Let my brother do it.
❤❤❤ keep your head up! You’re doing great
Ha! “Get somebody else to do it” 😏
Bless you. You Spirit is stronger than the one she has hovering around her and it makes her uncomfortable.
Keep living your beautiful life and let those whom she has chosen to love properly take care of her.
❤
Let your mother's Golden Child son deal with her. You pour your energy into yourself and those people who reciprocate the care and energy you give to them. ❤
We're in an era of forcing accountability and I'm SO HERE FOR IT. Karma's a B!
Facts
Me Too👑💐💪🏾❤️
💯
You need to forgive as Christ forgives us. Pray for those who wrong you with love and pity for them because they were or are not in Christ to have shown you love in the way you wanted or needed it but if you keep hate/unforgiveness you want be forgiven for unforgiveness is a deal breaker with God and no one is worth you losing out entering the kingdom of heaven. We must extend grace to other otherwise we can't expect grace to be extended to us. You can't be a tit for tat person with God. You must exemplify love. Repent of any hate or unforgiveness and ask for deliverance from it or you will surely die in that state the second death.
Ephesians 4:32 And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.”
1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
1 John 4:20 If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?
@@endtimewarrioress people who are not narcissistic abuse survivors will never understand.
My grandmother promised she would drive my cat when we moved so he wouldn't have to go on the plane. She swore up and down she would do it and it and that it was no problem.
Then on the day of the move right when i have to leave she tells me with so much satisfaction on her face, that she's not going to drive my cat.
Long story short a friend took my cat but i was separated from him and i figured it out he died not long after.
Forgiving these kinds of people, or having them in your life at all is asking for knives plunged into your back. I know you mean well but you have no idea what you're talking about.
This reminds me of that XY that said men were impregnating goal oriented women and waiting (seemingly enthusiastically) for their seed to find them when they got older.
Apparently that game plan isn’t gonna work.
Exactly what happened to my mother, young student with a decent job, big close knit family, never had a boyfriend, never went to parties or nightclubs. He got in touch when I was in my mid 20s and immediately told me he needed children for his future, asked for money, asked for hospice care when he's older, asked me to move nearby with plans of us living together and told me there are plenty of job opportunities, he was that upfront. I'm doing fine but I'm not rich and my family have always been poor, I've refused all his requests, he called me cold and stinging.😊
that's a stupid a** plan
@@LilLadyAy I absolutely love the smiley face at the end of your comment 😅
@@duchylocs it pleased me along with him disowning me for never doing anything for him, it meant that hopefully he would leave me alone but that wasn't the case, he went back to begging like nothing happened.
@@LilLadyAy tell him your broke just like he was you entire life or better yet tell him you want to put life insurance on him he'll disappear real quick
I'm just getting my life together because of a toxic parent. I'm 27.. shits not okay. I'll never speak to my mother again.
Same I wish I never met mines
@LogoRise You are not the only one going through this hang in there it sucks to realize this later on but honestly the sooner u realize and fix it the closer u get to being peacefully free
Yes there’s a lot of Tokyo Toni’s in the word. Praying for your healing and success. 🙏🏽❤
@@dee8842 saying stuff like "you're not alone, other people are going through it too," is not helpful in the slightest. I do not need to be reminded that other people are suffering as much or worse than me. Most of us are well aware of it in this comment section. Provides no empathetic solace.
You need to forgive as Christ forgives us. Pray for those who wrong you with love and pity for them because they were or are not in Christ to have shown you love in the way you wanted or needed it but if you keep hate/unforgiveness you want be forgiven for unforgiveness is a deal breaker with God and no one is worth you losing out entering the kingdom of heaven. We must extend grace to other otherwise we can't expect grace to be extended to us. You can't be a tit for tat person with God. You must exemplify love. Repent of any hate or unforgiveness and ask for deliverance from it or you will surely die in that state the second death.
Ephesians 4:32 And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.”
1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
1 John 4:20 If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?
When my grandma passed away in hospice, my father and I were both holding her hands. I put soft music on her ears so she could feel more peaceful. I read her a poem by Rumi. She couldn’t speak but tried to make a kiss gesture. I told her “I love you and don’t worry you can’t say you love me too because you told me all the time so I know”. That’s the way people treat a kind person when they die. My grandma was a sweetie.
💜💜💜
Beautiful
❤❤❤❤
I love seeing women speak out on the issue! Generational curses are being broken! Protect your peace and do all you can to move away from toxic parents people. Keep your plans to yourself in doing so. The clip is more proof that "No Contact" with parents is the way to go. Live the meaning of pouring into people who pour into you.
I couldn’t agree more. When it comes to escaping them, moving away or getting police/lawyer involved, do it in secret. Your life depends on it.
Where are all these NON toxic people located 👀👀
Or are we advocating for perpetual solitude??
@@motophone8794 It’s better to be alone than in bad company.
@@motophone8794 There is a difference between being a work in progress and not working at all. Toxic people don't want to do no work on themselves, pass around their tramua, and expect others to take it. While people who are works in progress (we all are), understand that they make mistakes and apologize. Self-awareness, humility, and apologizing are important.
@@sweetluvgurl I would agree. I've been alone for a long time now.
At some point I thought I should be a part of a community.
Its good seeing more people talk about this. The shame people used to give us with the whole "honor your parents," and "you only get one mom/dad" stuff really sucked. I'm seeing less of that now.
I'm happy for people with good relationships with their parents, I'm trying to give that experience to my own children. However, I need people to understand that a lot of people do not have a great parent relationship. One person's experience does not need to be projected onto another. We all lived different lives.
Beautifully well stated!!!
I know. That’s gaslighting and “flying monkey” type stuff that stems from dealing with narcissistic abuse. The whole guilting and shaming people for wanting to get away from harmful family members, and often, religion was used in with it.
Wow! Yes! I was shamed so badly when I would express the toxicity of my parents. Now everyone is open about narcisstic parents
Parents also aren't supposed to "provoke their children to anger", yet they do & even take joy in being horrible. My mother got hers early at 54 when I was 29. She died alone in the house & she earned it.
Absolutely.
My father was never ever there for me growing up. I was his first born. The first of seven girls. He only raised 3 of his daughters by marriage. When he became extremely sick. His family had gotten tired of him. So they decided to reach out to the 4 other daughters he thought nothing about. Hell they think about us either. They started from the bottom up. My other sisters had no kind words towards him. They were angry and pissed off. When my turn came I as well was very pissed off. But still gave him respect and didn't call him out his name. I spoke my mind. His family tried to be sneaky. Want to come visit and bring . He's in a wheelchair can't even wipe his own🤬 I never gave my address. I said I'm sick as well. But I take care of myself. I told him your a great grandfather to 1. And a grandfather to 2. And now you give a dam about me. I'm not taking care of you. Not once did you care about how my mother. The young girl you used who had me. Would take care of me. If you want to see me look in the mirror. I am your carbon copy. I look just like you. I smile and frown like you. Now I know why I'm not as close as I should be to my own mother. Because I look like you. She took her hate for you out on me. But I survived. That conversation was 4yrs ago. He passed months later. I was asked to attend the funeral I was his first born. I said why would I come to his funeral and he didn't even remember the day I was born. And I don't regret not going.
You're absolutely blameless
Sounds just like my situation
I cut my malignant narc mom off at 16, ignored the gaslighting and guilt tripping from the black community and never looked back. Narcs never look far into the future. After decades of hoovering when I was in my 40s I went to see her. She looked old, haggard and pitiful. I’ll never regret my decision. My life without her has been peaceful.
You need to forgive as Christ forgives us. Pray for those who wrong you with love and pity for them because they were or are not in Christ to have shown you love in the way you wanted or needed it but if you keep hate/unforgiveness you want be forgiven for unforgiveness is a deal breaker with God and no one is worth you losing out entering the kingdom of heaven. We must extend grace to other otherwise we can't expect grace to be extended to us. You can't be a tit for tat person with God. You must exemplify love. Repent of any hate or unforgiveness and ask for deliverance from it or you will surely die in that state the second death.
Ephesians 4:32 And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.”
1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
1 John 4:20 If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?
Dang my grandmother is at deaths door now my mom and her are always sick it's sad af
@@endtimewarrioress This religious guilt tripping and gaslighting is very triggering. Please delete from under my post.
@@nopereradicator im simply saying what the Bible says, your guilt as you call it upon someone writing about forgiveness because they dont support the justification of ill treatment towards others, thats call conviction.
You support these hateful videos but want me to delete words of love and forgiveness. This is why many are lost and will suffer the judgement. And no I want delete my post.
@@endtimewarrioress I don’t care what the bible says. I asked you politely to delete the post and you want to argue. Now you’re being disrespectful. I reported you for harassment.
I opted out of having contact with my 90 year-old gaslighting, narcissistic father as of June, 2022. Chances are very, very high that my father will die alone. In the three years when I stayed with my father, he never missed an opportunity to mentally, emotionally and verbally abuse me! I offered my dad 3 choices: A part-time HHA, a nursing home or stay at his place and die. My dad chose Option 3. My dad gets no sympathy from me as he nears the end of his life. My dad knew exactly what he was doing when he did it. My dad is alone today because my sisters and I want nothing to do with him!!! GOOD RIDDANCE TO VERY BAD RUBBISH!!! To those who say, "Well, your father brought you into this world. And he does love you", MY FATHER STOPPED LOVING ME AND MY SISTERS WHEN HE ABUSED MY MOTHER!!!!! Don't you ever pass judgment on me and other daughter/caregivers if you haven't walked a mile in our shoes!! AND THAT'S THE NAME OF THAT TUNE!!!!
He didn't bring you into this world though. Laugh at people who say stuff like this.😂
My grandmother/ mother told me she wishes I move so they can stop looking in my face
Let him die alone. He deserves it.
@@77kc_77
OMG!!! That is disgusting to say and horrid. I am so sorry for your experiences. 💐
@@LilLadyAy Mothers bring children into this world. All men do is bust a nut.
I love everything that this wonderful woman just said and did not guilt/pressure any of the victims of the abusive ADULT parents. This is how you respect a victim who is not you.
FACTS , she seems like a very wonderful accepting woman & caretaker.
@@lwkee7143 yes age understands and I appericate her so much 💕💜🤗 her response made me cry 😢
I agree. I’ve had conflicting emotions regarding both parents. Both died in the last 5 years. Both loved themselves, were extremely selfish and unbelievably toxic. I believe the fact they were educated and worked in tech is the only reason people over looked or blinded by their behavior. I’ve been in therapy for too long because I didn’t walk away. Toxic parents are destructive. Period. Theirs No relationship possible. Save yourself. The emotional pain is endless.
I hate when people gaslight victims of childhood trauma at the hands of their own family. The whole “…. But family” argument. I’m glad to see times are changing more with that outlook. Just because someone is family doesn’t mean they are a good person and don’t cause you extreme harm.
Yes so do I. She is a great person. She will get her kindness back from God. Such a lovely person.
I was told the following by this wise older women. “Sweetheart children don’t owe anything to their parents” and I got to thinking and she was right. No one chooses to be born but our parents make that decision for us. Yes they might have fed us, given us clothes and provided a roof over our heads. However, if under that roof we had to experience trauma and heartache as children then why would we need to do them a favor when it’s convenient for them.
You dont owe your parents a dam thing even if they were good to you and provided everything. You didnt ask to be born and nobody got your permission. If they didnt want to raise kids or provide for them then that was a good reason to use birth control and/or abort. They aint did u no favors bringing u into this shytshow world. Many of them very well know a person needs untold amounts of money and resources to have a good life and they know they dont have that for u. So they know they are giving whatever kid they have. a shyt life but yet they still force it on em but they love u though. 🙄 FOH! Many parents are frauds!
Pour into those who poured into you. Family or not. You reap what you sow. Karma is real
Right!
You need to forgive as Christ forgives us. Pray for those who wrong you with love and pity for them because they were or are not in Christ to have shown you love in the way you wanted or needed it but if you keep hate/unforgiveness you want be forgiven for unforgiveness is a deal breaker with God and no one is worth you losing out entering the kingdom of heaven. We must extend grace to other otherwise we can't expect grace to be extended to us. You can't be a tit for tat person with God. You must exemplify love. Repent of any hate or unforgiveness and ask for deliverance from it or you will surely die in that state the second death.
Ephesians 4:32 And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.”
1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
1 John 4:20 If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?
Facts my family can deal with their karma 💯
I’m no contact with both parents and many family members as well. She is 100% right. I have boundaries now and people don’t like that but you are not entitled to me. My people pleasing phase is done. I have peace in my life and the cycles of drama are gone. Anyone can get blocked at this point tbh I have a low tolerance for bs now. I’d rather be alone and able to have joy in my life than have toxic people connected to me. I remember when I was a kid my mom told me she was gonna make my life hell and look now she doesn’t have access to me. Idc who you are I’m not playing anymore✂️
Felt 💯. And stand 10 toes down on that 💪🏽. It's really unfortunate the cards some of us are dealt forcing us to come to such terms. Ain't even fair but it is what it is. Period. Gotta protect your peace by any means necessary these days 🤷🏽♀️
#fukem
👏👏👏 right on
@@ambera.perkins6625 Thats a word right there! You really have to grieve this kind of upbringing. It builds character growing up like this but sometimes I just wish it could’ve been built in a less traumatic way. Everything works for our good in the end. I’m proud of you for choosing self preservation too ❤️
@@scottsummersreloaded4618 🫶🏾❤️👏🏾
@@itsyagirlashleytv likewise 🖤
My mother was abusive and kicked out all of her childen as her graduation present or 18th birthday present to us.
Didn't want anything to do with us.
She passed in isolation because she had COVID. NO ONE was allowed to be by her side.
I found her ending so fitting.
Im a nurse who was working Fathers Day yesterday. A 70 year old man was telling me how he’s been married 50 years, has 3 children, and 7 grandchildren. And in the back of my head I was thinking why is no one here visiting him on Fathers Day. He seemed like a nice guy. But then I remember I read he has a history of alcohol abuse in his chart. The man I was looking at is probably not the same person they know.
I wouldn’t blame anyone if they did not want to go and see their parents at the end of their life. My father sexually abused his daughter and his 2 sons, while our mother stood by and denied everything. She stood up for him more and cause our sister to have mental delay issues as she got older. My siblings were also, beaten and we barely had food in the house. Every Sunday i go and see my mother and she always cried and wondered why her other children don’t come to see her…….I don’t blame them at all.
Jesus louisus how heedless😮
Does she have dementia or something?
I don't have to take care of the person who didn't care for me. ❤
Succinct. Simple.
I made the decision a long time ago to get somebody else to do it. Pappa was a rolling stone, absent for most of my life& a narcissist. I am at peace with it.
Same there's no please the narcissistic parents they will find fault , blame , and never take accountability.
@@77kc_77 they smear you to the rest of the family also. Come back around wanting you to forget & ask for favors when they are old & sick
@Sun and Sunflowers yes I'm not doing it- it's terrible
You need to forgive as Christ forgives us. Pray for those who wrong you with love and pity for them because they were or are not in Christ to have shown you love in the way you wanted or needed it but if you keep hate/unforgiveness you want be forgiven for unforgiveness is a deal breaker with God and no one is worth you losing out entering the kingdom of heaven. We must extend grace to other otherwise we can't expect grace to be extended to us. You can't be a tit for tat person with God. You must exemplify love. Repent of any hate or unforgiveness and ask for deliverance from it or you will surely die in that state the second death.
Ephesians 4:32 And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.”
1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
1 John 4:20 If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?
💖💖
Yeah my mother is a NPC at this point, she did everything she could to tear me down as a kid then would make comments about my low self esteem, from telling me I looked like a beach wale at 10 years old because she never fed me anything but fast food, to physically trying to fight me at 20, she put more effort into her boyfriends then she ever did being a mom and would leave us alone for days and even weeks at a time to spend time with him at his house, when I was 30 she finally admitted she was jealous of me, a little girl who did not ask to be here. I will not be taking care of her at the end of her life, I raised myself, when my father died I couldn’t even cry because I didn’t know him, and that made me more sad then his actual death.
Black elders… count your days
You need to forgive as Christ forgives us. Pray for those who wrong you with love and pity for them because they were or are not in Christ to have shown you love in the way you wanted or needed it but if you keep hate/unforgiveness you want be forgiven for unforgiveness is a deal breaker with God and no one is worth you losing out entering the kingdom of heaven. We must extend grace to other otherwise we can't expect grace to be extended to us. You can't be a tit for tat person with God. You must exemplify love. Repent of any hate or unforgiveness and ask for deliverance from it or you will surely die in that state the second death.
Ephesians 4:32 And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.”
1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
1 John 4:20 If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?
👏👏👏
@@endtimewarrioressthere are actual people who believe in all this bullshit? Damn.
I felt every word in this video. I don’t judge people for not interacting with their parents. They know why.
You need to forgive as Christ forgives us. Pray for those who wrong you with love and pity for them because they were or are not in Christ to have shown you love in the way you wanted or needed it but if you keep hate/unforgiveness you want be forgiven for unforgiveness is a deal breaker with God and no one is worth you losing out entering the kingdom of heaven. We must extend grace to other otherwise we can't expect grace to be extended to us. You can't be a tit for tat person with God. You must exemplify love. Repent of any hate or unforgiveness and ask for deliverance from it or you will surely die in that state the second death.
Ephesians 4:32 And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.”
1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
1 John 4:20 If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?
Agreed no contact is best for your emotional /mental health cut off toxic ppl asap
@@endtimewarrioress you forgot to mention this bible verse as well… I’ll leave it here for you to read…
Ephesians 6:4 says, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord”
@@eheheh3263 Thank you for adding Ephesians but yeah even if parents raised their children up to provoke you, your hate and anger is still not justified and you want be better than their horrible selves. That verse teaches how to raise our kids but at the end of the day hate is spiritual murder of the heart it can manifest quickly into unforgiveness and no matter how evil your parent is if you carry unforgiveness for them you're not ok with God nor will be forgiven.
Luke 6:27-28
But I say unto you which hear, Love your enemies, do good to them which hate you, bless them that curse you, and pray for them which despitefully use you. And unto him that smiteth thee on the one cheek offer also the other; and him that taketh away thy cloke forbid not to take thy coat also.
Ask God for a forgiving loving hearts towards those who wrong you and acknowledge confess and repent of any hate or unforgiveness to be delivered from it before its too late
@@endtimewarrioress why is it that there are standards for children like “honor your mother and father” but no standards at all for parents regarding their children… parents can treat their children like crap all they want and then children are always gaslighted with the same old played out phrases like… “but they’re your parents” “they did the best they could” “they had a bad childhood” where are the basic standards for parents towards their kids??? I’m sure it should be honor and respect your children like you would like them to honor and respect you… abusive parents and religious people are full of BS and just keep perpetuating the abusive cycles without holding these savage parents accountable at all… it doesn’t make any sense… children are expected to have more humanity and compassion towards their parents by default than their “mature” adult parents who chose to have them… what a bunch of bullsh*t 😂😂😂
The Boomers really used and abused the idea of familial loyalty. These are also the same people that used and abused the loyalty of their underlings at their workplaces as well.
Loyalty is not blindly given. It is earned.
Wrong!
People demanding children be loyal to their parents is a worldwide phenomenon that has existed for as long as there have been families.
It's even encoded into the 10 Commandments under "Honor thy mother and thy father."
Ever notice how children aren't mentioned anywhere?
So don't blame one particular generation when this has been happening for thousands - if not 10s or 100s of thousands - of years.
@@monicasalyer8875 ephesians 6:4 Parents do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them.
In today's words that means if a parent mistreats or talks smack about their child, the children owe them NOTHING. Just because the 10 commandments say to honor your parents doesn't mean we can treat our kids any way we want to. Sorry. No.
@@prestonsaidno - wrong again.
I did. My mother passed away an addict and constantly calling me to care for her. Yet she forgot the many days she left me in the hospital while I was 12 years old for almost 2 months. The heffa was living her best life with her friends... I left her to rot.
Absolutely fair
I can't imagine what chaos she exposed you to growing up
Am always astounded by women who are still all about going out and friends and squad and fun when they got kids
My aunty is 1 such lady and her young kids already got a grudge against her at such young age😮
For the people in the comments. I'm so sorry that your parents were abusive, toxic or didn't parent with integrity and compassion
It is my hope all of you are healing from the damage that was done.
No amount of theraphy can heal childhood wounds and chronic abuse
People are finally reaping what they sewed. It's about time
the wheats are being separated from the tares and the universe gone burn that wicked asz up
Thank you, this video needs to be shown to everyone who is too overprivileged to understand that not everyone was born to loving parents
I’ll say this and be done with it: a child will never ignore or avoid their parents/guardian for NO REASON. Something happened, whether you’re aware of it or not, acknowledge that there’s a reason the child did what they did.
💯💯💯💯
Well said.
Not true. My narcissistic, alcoholic husband of 40+ years has been feeding breadcrumbs to our three daughters for decades that I’m difficult to live with, that I’m a bitch, that I’m controlling. .Now, he is divorcing me because he’s “tired of MY crap”! What??? I’ve loved my daughters and grandchildren far more than my husband EVER has. I’ve never abused, neglected or mistreated my children. But they are all estranged from me due to my husband’s blatant lies. How is that ok? I don’t deserve this. His abuse has been the most toxic part for our family. So do not preach to me on how our children are justified in being estranged from a parent. If I were guilty, I’ll take the punishment. But it’s heartless otherwise.
@@andi879 40 years of tolerating abuse? That's sad, and it's sad you dont have your kids no more, but damn you shouldve taken initiative sooner. Maybe there's more you're not saying, or your kids take after their dad. I hope you find peace and love elsewhere cause you got conned into motherhood
I had to go no contact with my family who was very toxic and it’s one of best thing the universe has done for me.
Just remember you have as much power as the universe in how your life turns out. Foster an internal locus of control.
Namaste ✌️💖
@@audreydoyle5268 loved this 🙌🏽😍
@@Findmy_Way-Home thank you, kind stranger ☺️💖
Amen. I refused to get involved in the family drama and set boundarires, which ticked them off. The final straw was when mother left a really vile message on my voice mail and told me that she didn't want anything from me. OK. Wish granted. I cancelled my cell phone and got a new number that no one has. My punishment from mother was her running to the relatives telling them how I didn't even send them a Christmas card and was so selfish. My other punishment was her not letting me know when my Father died, so of course , I didn't get to attend the funeral. Another opportunity for mother to go tell the relatives what an a hole I am.
I have since moved 2500 miles away. I am hearing from relatives that she is now whining about who is going to take care of her. Sorry, it won't be me.
@@Onemoretime-qu6sf As it shouldn’t 👏🏽, live your life. She should’ve did right by you when you were there. Something similar happened with my fam, me and my cousin cut them off. Last time I went to a reunion barely anyone was there, I was like 14 🤷🏽♀️.
There was a huge difference in the deaths of my mother verses my father.
Mom, who was always there for us, who loved us and brought us up, who helped me finish college when I was in my late 20s, who lent me and my husband money during a period of unemployment, who was their for our child... when she had her final illness, I was there day and night for her through the whole thing. Any moment I wasn't asleep or at work, I was with her. When her final day came we were all at her side, holding her hands and talking to her, comforting her as best we could.
My dad, who left and mostly did nothing because alcohol mattered more than us? He died alone.
You don’t have to tolerate toxic people or parents. You can love them from afar.
Then comes the empty statement "But that's your Mother/Father"
There are children that went through pure hell on earth dealing with some of these "so called" parents. The most honest thing they can do is to get away from the hurt. I can.only imagine how they feel but I do empathize with them. KEEP IT REAL.
It is refreshing to see that people are waking up to the fact that they do not owe people that were toxic or worse yet downright abusive to them anything. People get back the energy that they put out, if parents were an A-hole, abusive, nasty and toxic to their kids when they were coming up they should not act surprised when those same kids want NOTHING to do with them in adulthood.
‘You reap what you sow’ is a saying that exists in multiple languages all over the world for a reason!
And the modern version is "fck around and find out"
So when their tree of life is dying and rotting, that's when they wanna give their fruits.
Yeap my narc Father had a stroke during C19 and guess who he called when he couldn't get any provisions... me, the daughter he abandoned and neglected. I gave him the number of a food shelter and wished him good luck. 💅🏾 Karma will come for you....
Love it - I seriously doubt my sisters will aide to my mother - I actually helped mom - caretaker 5 years for her only to abuse me- I'm a foster child
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 The audacity of him. Good on you giving him a taste of his own medicine 💊.
😂😂😂Good job
You need to forgive as Christ forgives us. Pray for those who wrong you with love and pity for them because they were or are not in Christ to have shown you love in the way you wanted or needed it but if you keep hate/unforgiveness you want be forgiven for unforgiveness is a deal breaker with God and no one is worth you losing out entering the kingdom of heaven. We must extend grace to other otherwise we can't expect grace to be extended to us. You can't be a tit for tat person with God. You must exemplify love. Repent of any hate or unforgiveness and ask for deliverance from it or you will surely die in that state the second death.
Ephesians 4:32 And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.”
1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
1 John 4:20 If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?
@endtimewarrioress Don't preach to me about forgiveness. Only GOD can judge and your opinion means nothing. I am good over here. Go and sort out your own life and whilst you're there. Here is a bible verse for you to go away and study.
John 8.7 But Jesus stooped down, and with his finger wrote on the ground, as though he heard them not. [7] So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her. [8] And again he stooped down, and wrote on the ground.
Then people with normal happy families judge you for your situation.
Yup. Ppl really can't understand why traumatized ppl move the way they do. Some ppl refuse to walk a mile in someone's shoes
Yep my intermediate family knows I'm being abused and sat back and did nothing
Yes acting as if since they themselves didn’t go through it then no way it could be that bad. They’re also the ones that always preach about you only have one set of parents and how you should try to get along/ help them out even though they never done anything for you. Even though I don’t have the toxicity in my life I would never downplay another’s experiences.
True, my mom always wished bad on me,her sisters 2 for no reason, but just being nasty, you have to be careful what you wish on someone else, cause she had a early death unfortunately at 48.
I'm sorry that she passed, not glad she passed, just saying people have to be careful with the words they say,I really think she would be alive today if she wasn't wishing bad on me.
The problem with toxic people who are sucking the life out of others is that when they have a need those people are sucked dry. even if they have the heart to give they may not have the emotional strength. It's like a vampire draining it's victim and then later expecting to be able to draw more blood. It really isn't complicated
🎯🎯🎯🎯
I love this for people with CPTSD. My grandfather met me twice his whole life and completely abandoned his kids when his first wife, my grandmother, was dying of cancer. When he was dying all these family members started asking people he wronged to go make peace. I laughed in their faces, took bereavement at work and never went to the funeral. Far as I'm concerned the only thing that ahole ever gave me was 4 days off paid when he died. PEACE ✌️
I’m a hospital housekeeper and I had to throw away an elderly man’s belongings because no one wanted any of his stuff or had come to visit. When I brought the stuff out to the nurses station, all in a patient belonging bag, she looked kinda sad when she said “it’s ok honey you can just throw that away.” I was kinda shocked but whatever he did in life he must’ve reaped what he sowed
This is a great topic! I cut off my toxic parents. They treated me like they owned me. I was their child not their possession.
This happened with my maternal grandmother. She was horrible to my mother. My mom has a chronic life threatening illness and was hooked up to an ECMO (lung bypass) machine for several weeks to overcome a debilitating infection that made it impossible for her lungs to function. Garden hose sized tube of blood coming out of her neck, the machine would occasionally destroy the blood (very early on in adult use of ECMO) and she would need like 2 bags of blood super fast to stay okay. I called my grandmother every day to let her know her daughter was still alive (she lived 45 minutes from the hospital and only came 2 times, I lived 30 minutes and only missed 6 of 93 days she was in the hospital, and working full time, she was retired) after a week of calling her to tell her mom was still kicking, but in a coma with all kinds of terrifying shiz happening to her, my grandmother told me all about her day, then asked me to only catch her up on my mother once a week. We were maybe 7 or 8 days into it. Every hour was still a gift at that point. Something in me snapped, I just said "okay, I have to go" and never gave her an update again, she didn't ask. I had never understood my mom's issues with my grandmother as she had obviously always been a better grandma than a mom, but I fully understood in that moment how upsetting every interaction must have been for my mother. I only talked to her one more time after that, it was when she came to my mother's house shortly after being released from the hospital. She told my mother I called her every day of her coma for comfort. I couldn't tell my mother what actually happened, she was so fragile I didn't think she could handle it, I thought it could be the straw that broke her, as she was really struggling mentally with everything that was going on. But I did tell my grandma to leave my name out of her lies when we left the room. I told her to stop trying to make it look better, that she failed to be there for her daughter when her daughter was dying and it would come back to her. We never spoke again. And my mother cut contact shortly after due to her ongoing behavior. She left me a voicemail asking me to call her a few weeks before she died. In some ways I wish I would have. People are rarely purely anything, good or evil, but in other ways I know I am weak, that I loved her and the role she played in my childhood, but I loved my mother too, and she took every opportunity to break her heart. If I allowed her back in it would be opening up the possibility of her hurting my mother again. I loved them both, but my mom was the child in their relationship, and even as an adult, a child needs some more support. Being jealous of your daughter is petty, being a pushover for a mother you desperately want to love you is vulnerable and dangerous.
I still hope she had kindness from the people around her in her final weeks, she wasn't a monster, she was just a woefully ill equipped and damaging mother.
Your grandmother was a witch! Sorry to say.
Thank you for writing about what you experienced as the adult child of a person who was abused/neglected by their parent. Thank you for describing what led you to your decision. The reasons behind your decision were incredibly helpful to me, in that I had a healing epiphany of sorts. I must make a similar decision about my parents, but haven't found enough supportive info that makes me feel like my reasons are valid enough, healthy, and that I am no longer obliged to them, or no being selfish or emotional. I hate myself, but want to treat myself as loving and protective as you treat your mom. I want my kids to be proud of me and to always feel loved no matter what.
YOU are such a mature and caring person. I applaud you and your mom. I applaud you.
@@angelam.4859 if being in your life causes you pain more often than not I think it's a perfectly valid reason, and I'm sorry you're in this position. People are so complicated, it can be difficult to make black and white choices when your feelings are gray. Just as I hated what my grandmother was doing to my mother, I loved the things she did for me. She fostered a love of reading and animals and plants, we used to have fun watching Ru Paul's drag race together, when I was small and obsessed with Dr Seuss she made me green eggs and ham. But she also made my mother feel small and powerless. She withheld my mother's father's identity from her, told her for years she had no photos of him when she did. She would borrow thousands from my parents and never pay it back. She once took my brother and I (under the age 5 at the time) to clean her literal horder house and told us not to tell our parents. I still have issues with mess, haha. Like I said, people are rarely purely anything. It's difficult to separate green eggs and ham from the terror of a pile of roach eaten newspaper falling over on you sometimes. And it's difficult to make the decision to walk away. I still struggle with knowing if I did the "right" thing, but I know what I did, I did for my mother. I hope you can carry some kind of grounding thought like that with you through the process of no contact. It can be helpful, having a mantra like "I'm doing this for mom(or my kids)" when the calls and texts start to come. Stay strong.
💯. I've been in healthcare for about 29 years. I've SEEN it. Many of them are dying alone. Not taking care of your children, mistreating and abusing your children has negative effects. Being good parents, fighting for your children will have lasting positive effects on them. You have a better chance of having a lifelong positive connection. I have no judgement of these children who are choosing this. I don't blame them. Love, light, and strength sent to all the children who were neglected, manipulated, silenced, disregarded, and disrespected by their "parents". ❤️❤️❤️❤️☀️☀️
My younger sister's father did not take care of her or his other children and for many years he was no contact. He was abusive to my mother when they were married and she took care of the household, while he laid on his butt. Thankfully, she left that relationship in the 90's and has been doing well ever since. My stepfather drained several other women's resources and youth and those women are a shell of what they used to be. In his final years he attempted to reconnect with my sister, but I believe he was trying to get money out of her. She's a successful CPA. My sister and I were leaving a wedding a few years back and we received a call from his former girlfriend that he was found dead in a junk yard. He died of a heart attack.
Dang!! Not a room in a boarding house, but a JUNKYARD.😮😮😬😬
@Southern Nappiness Right talk about karma
Karma go crazy
My lord
I TOLD MY PARENTS, REVENGE IS A DISH BEST SERVED COLD!! 🤷♀️
BOTH OF THEM WILL DIE ALONE.
Well damn
The most motivating feeling in the world is spite.
I’m an empath so it sucks to ignore my mom, but she’s put me through some shit! I’m 27 and finally taking steps to move out her house for good because I just can’t take it anymore. She’s literally doesn’t need me but knows how to act like she would shrivel up and melt without me.
She’s so narcissistic 😖. She’s already moping around about who’s going to “take care of her when she gets old”. SHE’S NOT EVEN 50 YET and way more physically able than most people her age. I’ve been “taking care” of her since I was able to walk/talk.
If you’ve dealt with an emotionally abusive, financial abusive, and/or narcissistic parent, I seriously hope you do what you can to heal. A lot of us don’t heal completely but those who do move on to do amazing things. 💫✨🕉️🦋
Leave and never look back.
@@maipai101 💖💖 that’s the plan
You'll be better off sis! I've done the same and it was hard at first. The first two or three years that I was really on my own, I went to bed crying at times. It wasn't until a woman from my class told me that her parents watched her brother punch her in the face and do nothing, it's like something switched inside of me. I began seeing my parents as just human beings with titles that they didn't deserve. My mom spent my childhood and teen years lying to me in order to maintain her image. She was dismissive and nonexistent in a lot of the abuse that I endured and or worse would try and make it about herself. She really showed me who she was when she started talking about her funeral and why I needed to make sure she looked good etc. That's when I finally knew that this malignant womanchild didn't deserve me as her daughter. I walked away for good and haven't looked back, best decision that I ever made.
She's crying cuz she knows what's gonna happen to her .....she knows
Agreed! I’m not taking care of my father. His golden child can. People forget life is a cycle. My parents treated me horribly. While I forgive me, he left me to be homeless knowing I was sick while bragging about purchasing new cars & bragging about new Italian leather shoes. Nope lol 😂. I’m not going to the funeral either 🤷🏾♀️. I don’t care what anyone has to say either.
I’ve shared my story so many times about how I was mistreated. Many people expect you to go back, forgive and keep getting abused. They say, “but that’s your family”. I went back home for 10 years and d*mn near lost my mind. My mental health worsened and I’m just now, in 2023, beginning to love myself. God made a way for me to leave and I went back, like a fool. Stay away! And, NO, God (for all the church kids) is not going to punish you for leaving that mess behind!!
Sometimes blood is not family...
You're absolutely right about leaving and walking away. As for me, it was R.U.N! Every time i go away, they all follow me and pull me right back... So i had to learn to fight Familiar Spirits!!!!!
that aint your family. Its just a group of peopel u share dna with. Just sharing dna with someone alone does not equal to them being family if u know what im sayin.
Some parents dogged us out, but now expect us to drop all, to come running. It don’t work this way
Not for me !
I'm not doing it neither parent poured into me
I remember being scolded by family members after my father passed away because I didn’t stay with him at the hospital and didn’t cry at his funeral. I wasn’t trying to be cruel. I just didn’t know how to feel about it. He was a drug addict and physically abusive. I don’t have any good memories of him. Hearing everyone tell me how much he loved me was bizarre. For some of these children opting out, it may not even be resentment. Like me, it could just be similar to the passing of a stranger.
Both of my parents died alone. 1 in ICU other at home unexpectedly and I'm grateful I never had to care for either one of them. They were horrible to me. My dad did apologize so he and I were on slightly better terms. My mother on the other hand was far too stubborn and ornery to admit her savage crimes against me. As she laid dying in the hospital I realized that I WAS FINALLY BEING CALLED TO PEACE! The trauma was ending. I had to fight for myself and sanity but I did it on my terms. My fellow survivors, you can heal from it. It doesn't have to define you. Do not guilt trip yourself. Be well, please be well💗🤗
I recently had a discussion with a co-worker that went through this. Her dad was absent for the last 8 years, then when he came up terminally ill he called her and her sisters to help him. She was furious. I told her whatever you decide, I support your decision, expecially since my dad died and then I got a call from someone asking me to pay his hospital bills. Ironically, the caller said he was like a father to me so I told him to handle it like a son. I had zero contact for the last 20 years, and found out he had remarried when I got a copy of the death certificate.
What I have learned...I came into world alone and I will die alone...but actually I will die with my comforter the Holy Spirit .... Amen.
I'm going to take such good care of my Mom when she gets up there. My Father on the other hand i dont even know if that negro is still alive. He has 3 daughters instead of sons and WE believe thats why hes estranged. Ironically all 3 of us had a son. He could have made up for everything by being a good grandfather. Now I pay him dust, because hes dusty.
I'm moving this week and going no contact with my mom and grandma the whole toxic unit ! I don't tolerate abuse and mistreatment! I suffered emotional, verbal, mental, and psychological abuse since I was a kid and I'm 34. I have went no contact with my family and going no contact after we move physically. I've requested that my sisters aid to my mom and grandma as I don't want to be present when they die. My father is also absentee - I will not be attending his funeral either. My entire childhood was robbed and now that I have my kids they will not suffer like I did. My grandmother and mother will only have memories of my kids in their phone and toys they bought them. They will never change-ever !
I use to have good relationships with other family members, but my narcissistic mother turned everyone against me through a smear campaign. I told my ex if him and wife gets involved I will be filing for full custody of the kids, and a po would be filed against him for child endangerment. Narcissistics love creating drama and smear campaigns they are manipulative sob with no empathy. He won't be knowing where we're moving due to engaging with my toxic family and overstepping boundaries. My family uses any and everyone against me. I'm the scapegoat and my sisters are the flying 🐒 . The same behavior in BM who hate BW - I study narcissistic and dealt with NPD abuse most of my life. Narcissistics never change ever their job is to destroy your life. Run 🏃♀️ from them ladies it took me 15 yeas to understand what NPD is.
I’m right with you! And really, did they think they could treat folks any kind of way and still get respect and reverence?
Eff THAT noise 😂😂😂
@@niax782 THIS ! I will be free of my family here soon and can't wait !
@@77kc_77 🙏🏽💙🦋
@@niax782 thanks again sis big transition 💕💜🙏🏽🫂
@@77kc_77 💖😘
My mother was abusive in almost every way and let my brother molest me. She was dying of cancer and asked me to forgive her and be with her for the last little bit of her life but i told her “i didnt care” then blocked her. She died two months later and i dont miss her nor am i sad she’s gone, not even for a second.
Can't imagine the chaos and anxiety are careless would expose a young mind to
Hope you recover fully and find peace
Mom physically & emotionally abused me until I left home at 18. Dad was a drunk and beat her as a sport. He loved alcohol more than his family. They fought like cats & dogs. I suspect she took her frustration & sadness out on me based on all the senseless beatings I got. I was scared of her. Point blank. No one protected or nurtured my siblings and I. My entire childhood was a complete mess. I freed myself at 18. Never to go back. I haven't seen my parents in 30+ years and that's not something I take lightly. Neither one of them will take accountability for their actions. So, any chance of reconciling was near impossible. As a result, I decided that I (and my kids) was better off w/o them. That was my decision and I'm proud of it. I AM both fatherless & motherless. A double whammy.
Deadass fuck them!! I’m proud of you! Be the best version of what they never taught you. You’re winning sis 😘
@PI - Good on you for making a decision that is best for the peace and well-being of you and your family! Sometimes completely severing your ties with a toxic parent is the only way that you can heal and not continue to be re-traumatized everytime you are in their presence.
My narcissistic mother recently told me that her children should be taking her on vacations....lol. This woman was horrible to my sisters and I growing up because of issues she hadn't dealt with from her childhood. I'm not taking that chick anywhere!
Sounds like you’re the one that needs the vacation!
@@59564 lol
I haven’t seen or spoken to my father for 35 years. He made choices so now he’s living with them. You can’t hurt people all your life and expect them to be there for you when you need them.
The problem is that the abuse keeps coming at you even when theyre 90. They don't abuse the nurses, they abuse their whipping boy.
When my Mom was dying in ICU I was SHOCKED by how many people died alone. We were in there for 5 months straight, 24/7 sleeping over and taking shifts, traveling 10 hours each way every single weekend so we were able to observe a lot. One husband was there for his wife, one family was there for their 21 year old son, and THAT WAS IT! We didn't see any other children there consistently for their parents 😬😩
Years later my Dad had appendicitis and there was this super friendly White guy staying in the room with him. It was us 3 girls and my fiance showing up, but for the roommate only his wife showed up briefly. He then said how good we were and that his 21 and 24 year old sons didn't show up at all even though he was there for surgery. 1 son DIDN'T EVEN CALL!
I can't judge the why because I don't know the parents, but it's interesting to observe how many parents die alone. A friend of mine with an abusive Mom helped me completely understand no contact though, and I applaud anyone who had to make that choice.
Not only did my mother abuse her 3 kids, but eveyone in the whole family. i legitimately only grew up around 3 family members because nobody could take my mothers crap. After my sister moved to another country, and my aunt died, i was the last one she had in her life. You know what she did? She blew it. The abuse got worse the older i got. It got to the point where she was snooping through my room and stealing my things when i wasnt around. She was so controlling that she wouldnt let me leave her side. I couldnt be in a room that she wasnt in and was scolded if i dare to relax in another part of the house. I could sit here all day and type all of the horrible things shes done but ive writtien a lot already. Right up untill i was able to move out, the abuse was unleashed times 10.
I remember seeing her twice after i moved. One time she was in rage mode, i just walked away from her and boom her rage instantly ceased. Another time was in a store. Both situations was her talking about herself while i was dead silent. There was never a, "Hello, how are you?" or asked me about my problems. She would attempt to dig for dirt because she loves drama. I always hid from her if i caught a glispe of her in a store. I always end up panicking if i did and made my shopping trips to end immediately. She seemed to have zero remorse for how she treated me. She comes up to me and just starts acting like we're long lost best friends and it makes me sick. I cut her out of my life and, avoid her like a virus at all times. She refuses to even acknowledge the abuse. Thats just how far shes gone. Shes almost 70 and shes definitely a lot cause from ever reciving redemption.
For me, it's always a telltale sign that a person wasnt the best parent, when they have living children, but do not ever get visits or sent personal effects, gifts, or sometimes even clothes
I had to have a very courageous conversation with my mother after I graduated college and let her know that I was probably the only one of her children who would be there and she needed to act right with me. She apologized for her treatment of me as a child and our relationship has been better.
Wow good for you that was very bold of you just curious did she ever ever explain why she behaves that way... Not that she has an excuse.
@@mytwosense5223I perceive my immigrant mother to be 'emotionally unavailable' (no hugs, no saying I love you, no interest in getting to know me as a person, etc). When I asked, she shared that it's how she was raised. Kids are perfunctory. If she wasn't raised in a patriarchy I honestly don't think she would have gotten married or had (as many) kids. She said she thought I was strong and responsible and independent as a child and thus needed less from her than my siblings (she's not affectionate with them either but she is more present). I was able to share the impact that had on me. I also had to understand that she expresses love through actions. We aren't super close but we are in a much better place. I appreciate you asking; this has helped me to see how far we've come.♥️
@@anebasammy my mom has passed, but we had to make similar leaps in our relationship. A lot of work, but I'm glad we were able to make strides. Now that I have a child, I realize it's a lot of work. The worry for your child's future and well being alone is taxing. It's great you and your mom were able to come this far. I'm sure she appreciates it, because honestly many just expect their moms to mother but don't get to know them as a human being. Be blessed
That’s good to hear happy things are improving.
@@anebasammyYour mom isn’t bad at all. Toxic parents are actually intentionally abusing their kids
The best thing that happened to me is when my adult kids started standing on their own two feet !!!! I came into this world alone and have no problem going out by myself. When it’s time to go, it doesn’t matter who else is there with you. You need to be prepared to meet your maker and not worry about people coming. Because they can’t help you.
❤ I hope to meet my end with half as much resolve as you've expressed.
Yes, my father molested me from the age of 10 to 15 and people still think I should "let it go" and just act like nothing happened. I did forgive him so I wouldn't be miserable throughout my life and I don't disrespect him, I just keep my distance and I celebrate my step father. The man that actually took care of me and loved me unconditionally since I was 2 months old is who I give my flowers to. My biological father never apologized or asked for forgiveness. As a matter of fact he doesn't think anything is wrong with what he did to me. He told me he was trying to show me how much he loved me. I know he is sick mentally just from that comment alone. Smh
Let it go? That's what folks tell you? Man folks are trash.
So sorry this happened to you. 😞
@@margaret8114 Thank you 💕
Holy shit. I'm sorry.
@@missbearlockholmes Thank you 💕
Im children. My father allowed his wife to drive a wedge between us. He was content just paying child support but not being apart of my life. Gag is... im his only child!!! So of his wife dies and he grows older alone guess who won't be there🙃🙃🙃 BUT MY MOM!!! She living with me and having a hospice nurse/aid in my 9000sqft mansion with her own "apt" styled suite.
Even if you're willing to put up with it for yourself, you can't let these dangerous people around your grandkids
Or children- my abusive parents don't deserve being around my children
I always struggled with two things:
1. Honour Thy Father & Thy Mother.
2. Forgive Us Our Trespasses As We Forgive Those...
NOPE & NO Way; If they are dishonouring you, NO.
If they trespass constantly & don't repent, NO.
NO NO NO NO NO - NO CONTACT. It's safer.
Went no contact with neglectful and narcissistic mother in 2009 and last spoke to her in 2020 during the pandemic. You'll be surprised how much your life and MH will improve once you cut toxicity out of your life.
As someone with TWO toxic parents but also loves old people, I'd just be wondering what the story was lol. Obviously that man did something to his daughter to deserve that. People don't just dump their parents like that if they were nurturing figures in their life...unless they're completely psychotic.
Yup despite a bunch of my aunties having the worst horror stories of how their mothers treated them and played favourites with their siblings, you see those same aunties doing the exact same thing to their own daughters while they coddle their sons yet those aunties are the ones taking care of their mothers who put them out the house when they became 'grown' while the sons/brothers are living their best lives still living at home in their 30s and 40s!!! They're carrying on that abuse because they're hoping they're daughters will just 'forgive and forget' like they did with their mothers yet they don't realise that they need to start getting their own ducks in a row before retirement because they're daughters are putting an end to the cycle abuse (often mysonistic favouritism) they experienced.
May we all heal from any trauma we endured and may we obtain mercy for any trauma we dished out. Hurt people, hurt people.
💕💕💕💕💜
Malicious evil people hurt people, people who have been through pain and been hurt/wronged who have good hearts wouldn’t wish pain and suffering on their worse enemy like the phrase says… because they know exactly how horrible it feels so stop spreading bs and call shitty humans out for the shitty humans they are…
Excuses my mother used.
I’m glad people are finally talking about this. Younger me feels beyond validated and better. It took me a long time to realize I had truly been a victim of pretty severe emotional, verbal, and mental abuse.
You need to forgive as Christ forgives us. Pray for those who wrong you with love and pity for them because they were or are not in Christ to have shown you love in the way you wanted or needed it but if you keep hate/unforgiveness you want be forgiven for unforgiveness is a deal breaker with God and no one is worth you losing out entering the kingdom of heaven. We must extend grace to other otherwise we can't expect grace to be extended to us. You can't be a tit for tat person with God. You must exemplify love. Repent of any hate or unforgiveness and ask for deliverance from it or you will surely die in that state the second death.
Ephesians 4:32 And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.”
1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
1 John 4:20 If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?
@@endtimewarrioressYou need to mind your business
@@dianaprince3176 warning people against unforgiveness is a believers in Christ business. I want that no one should perish because they rather hang on to sinful emotions that will get them condemned.
It's funny, that's EXACTLY what I'm going through this. My brother calls me out saying I'm bashing my mother whilst she's fighting for her life. Citing she's fighting for her life, now is not the time to be discussing "my feelings".
Not realizing, I made my peace with what I went through with her.
I wish people who preach "learn to forgive" knew the difference between forgiveness and letting go.
100% you didn't ask to be born, you don't "owe" them anything. They made a choice to have children, and knew what that legally required. People don't feel like they have to anymore. My mom got a call about a horrible step father, she said call some of his other 42 bio/step kids. They had called, not one would go.
Some people go for their own peace of mind. I know people that have done it to be petty, too.
I have to disagree with you partially because having children is the way of the world and not only that it’s a blessing to be here. Also having children is a sacrifice not everyone chooses to have and not everyone is capable of being a parent. We should all aim to respect them if nothing else. God tells us to show them love and pray for them. We are in the last days and if you know that, you know what was prophesied; a man’s enemy will be of his own household. We are here. This is coming from someone whose parents abandoned her and who borne a child from non consensual sex.
@@3tents93 That’s your choice if that’s what you do, but please don’t tell everyone else they’re wrong for what they choose to do. In my opinion, at the end of the day, it’s that person’s choice and no one else’s.
@@3tents93 God tell us to forgive but God also says do not provoke your kids to angry. Plus we don’t have to continue to deal with them. If you choose to continue to deal with your parents God bless you on your journey.
Wow that’s a LOT of kids to not show up. I don’t have 42 anything, 42 co-workers, cousins, friends, certainly not kids.
@@mermaid30019Not only that God won’t forgive you unless your repentant too, narc parents won’t apologize even while dying (I’ve seen it). It’s a choice to have a child but the child cannot choose their parents. If I could believe me, I would’ve been better off. These ppl defending their degeneracy is why kids today are so messed up and why there’s a lot of unhealed messed up adults. It ALL starts in the home.
My family was ultra abusive, sadistic really. When my mother was near the end of her life I tried to see her...she was still as hurtful as ever. I learned that she passed when the funeral home contacted me to sign off...I felt nothing. I couldn't shed a tear.