Learning to Forgive Ourselves
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 3 ส.ค. 2021
- Learning to forgive is always difficult, but never more so than when the transgressor is ourselves. Here are some thoughts to help us begin to practice the neglected art of self-compassion.
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"No one's been crueler to me than me"
Or "I am my own worst enemy" which I've said many times over, as often enough it's far too true.
That's ok. Now you're in the right place.
And that's ok
@@DogofLilith Is that ok, though?
"An inner voice was always an outer voice."
Sometimes forgiving others simply means learning to forgive ourselves.
Exactly this.
I love that these channels are somewhat connected I love both your content.
@@joshualuna8999 the only two channels I follow on TH-cam.
Oh my gosh, my favorite channel is here as well
Hello Psych2
It's scary how easily I forgive others and have neverending arguments and disappointment towards myself.
😭😭
It really shows how your view on yourself is probably a lot harder than the view others have onto you.
As you said you forgive others rather easily, this may possibly also be the case to others forgiving you.
We tend to think of ourselves worse than others think of ourselves. We must realize this is most usually not the case.
Me too. I obsess over my faults. I seriously do not know how to forgive myself.
:’) THIS IS ME WHYYY
Same 😓
Whoever is reading this, once you’ve accepted your flaws, no one can use them against you.
So true!
@@amapeeps1253 ^^
I accept my flaws, it’s just that I need to hold myself accountable for my actions.
@@Aries_Superstar_Army sometimes you need a confidant to hold you accountable. It used to be a struggle for me to eat breakfast and workout consistently. Then I gave a friend of mine $200 to hold for a period of two months. Any morning I fail to send a picture of my breakfast and workout session to him, he could spend $50 of the money. I was consistent for the two month period. Till date, I am mostly consistent.
Fuck this, why would I accept my flaws instead working on them. Lazy people who want easy way out would do that
We sometimes associate our mistakes with us being ‘bad people’, yet when someone do us wrong, we tend to find excuses for their actions.. that they’re human, they make mistakes or that they suffered a lot.. we forget that we need that same level of understanding and compassion towards ourselves in order to avoid repeating some mistakes.
You're saying its okay to tolerate and condone bad behavior when someone wrongs us such as if a child misbehaves like biting you or throw a tantrum when they don't get their way. You're implying as if they are allowed to get away with their behavior.
You are so stupid and naive.
well said..
Thats so naive to forgive others.
@@lovedlavender3266 it’s easier to forgive people when we don’t know their real intentions than to forgive ourselves when we know exactly everything that’s going on inside our heads.
"Be kind to yourself, you're doing your best"
Am I?
Thanks
@@coolpfpbut9505 I definitely haven't been
@@trador8190 Same, and that is the worst part. I didn’t struggle; I was just an completely idiot. I stayed in a comfort zone and refused to step out of it. But I will change that now.
No I’m not. I just wanna stay in my comfort zone forever. Everything we do, everything we achieve will be no use after we die. So what’s the point of trying?
"No amount of guilt can change the past, and no amount of worrying can change the future. Go easy on yourself, for the outcome of all affairs is determined by God’s decree.
If something is meant to go elsewhere, it will never come your way, but if it is yours by destiny, from it you cannot flee."
- Umar Ibn Al-Khattaab
Thanks for this quote, I shed a tears even when I resist it
❤
If you forgive yourself you'll accept yourself, and only then you will be able to live in peace...
Easier said than done. None of this is really new info for me. I like to say I forgive myself but I really am not doing so. It is easier to forgive others than yourself yet I don't think everyone deserves my forgiveness and "limitless compassion and sympathy". My problem is I can't think about the past without remembering some cringey behavior on my part.
@@AnEvolvingApe I don't think that its particularly hard; You need the drive to forgive yourself, and this drive goes hand in hand with the determination to improve as a person. It's difficult to forgive your past if you do not vow to learn from it and act better in the future. Thoughts of a brighter future undermine the vices of a worse past. Your future is forever plagued by the long-gone past; Only if you let it so.
@@hamzakhusro5970 Have you led a life where your fuckups have been minimal? It is hard for me and I'm sure it is for many more. This drive you speak of doesn't make sense to me. I am determined to be a better person and even when I was a young man I was about self improvement but focussing on my intellect and physical strength and not so much my character.
@@AnEvolvingApe The word minimal is a vague term to properly explain someone's mistakes. You wrote in your initial comment that you recall your cringey behavior. Cringey behavior sounds like actions that lead to minimalistic fuckups - fuckups that aren't very consequential. In my opinion, cringe is in no way something that you cant let go; It is a strong feeling indeed but the drive to move past it indeed exists. I move past it with a laugh and maybe even an apology. And if it would result in public embarrassment, I think I would try my best to not let it get to me. There are certain terms in our implied collective social contract that I would remember if I was in a situation that resulted in public embarrassment, such as no one should make fun of or ridicule me because that's simply rude, and even traumatizing. So if someone does do it you say that to their face, because you have a right to defend your dignity. Overall, I think that most people, including you, already know what is right or wrong, you just haven't found the drive to explore who you are wholly, what your essence is, what makes you fully you. When you do find that drive, you instinctively invoke the terms of this social contract as a means of achieving a best possible version of yourself. I think we call this self-actualisation and every single person on the planet is trying to achieve and maintain a state of self-actualisation till they die. Maybe try this: Take some time to brainstorm some of your society's implied rules when it comes to cringey behavior, then promise yourself to invoke them when you enact cringey behavior. The example of ridicule I gave up above is the same thing. And you shouldn't lack confidence using this technique because this is precisely what society is; this is exactly what everyone does without thinking back.
@@AnEvolvingApe I'm so ashamed of how much I didn't contain my suffering over the years and it spilled out as weird and cringy to others. The only way I'm waking up to myself is I've been laying on acupressure mats daily for years now. It's do hard. We deserved a lot more help.
My ex girlfriend told me once when we were still dating “don’t be mean to my boyfriend” when I was self-hating and that just hit me right in the feels because it made me see how an oppressive part of me was beating down on vulnerable part of me
Sometimes we forget that we are flawed and imperfect. We all are. We are all deserving of our self-forgiveness.
True
Nope
I dont think you will say that if someone’s hurt you deeply
do you gonna still love them and say that? And forgive them? You will never
I woke up this morning feeling guilty about something I did when I was about 10 years old. I often feel guilty, in part because I come from a family that shamed/shames me often. But I also feel guilty and remorseful when I realize my action may have hurt someone. It’s worse when I’m unable to reach the person to apologize and make things right. Glad this video was uploaded today.
I relate to this a lot. Been replaying regret of misdoings for over a decade now. Stupid things I did when I was 7, making me feel like I've contaminated my whole life? The mind is dangerous if you feed it the wrong narratives.
But if it makes you feel any better, the fact you keep thinking about it shows your willingness to have done good instead. Sadly, out of your control with what you had avaliable at the time. Hope this isn't coming across as weird but honestly just wanna say ~ please don't beat yourself up, because you don't deserve it. You're a good person and deserve to live without guilt. Blessings and love ❤️
@@Whoisasking91 Thank you.
Oh shit you guys are worried about things you did even before you were adolescents!??? I'm in my 50s and I still cringe when I think about things I did in my 40s and of course in the years prior but I don't worry about stupid shit when I was really young.
What should you do if you can't apologize to them? I feel somewhat the same way (so you're not alone homie), and I feel guilty when I can't get in touch
@@dershdersh6578 Hi. Just wanna say I feel for you. That must be really tough if you can't reach them to say an apology. I think a large part of relieving guilt comes from self forgiveness. You are human and every human is flawed (making mistakes and wrong turns of varying degrees) and that's okay. 🙏🏼 Remember that forgiveness is also a letting go, so it can feel like a "loss" of some barrier (personally struggling with this right now. The harsh treatment of wrongdoings is a barrier for me to overcome). That said, some losses have to be made to live a present focused life.
Best wishes 🙏🏼❤️
This channel is very important. Not just for me, but for the world. I'm from Brazil and you inspire me to be a better person and to create content focused on philosophy and mental health. Thanks for sharing so much knowledge!
i am from germany and deeply agree with you.
i recommend this channel a lot. :)
Digo o mesmo, e a partir do seu comentário fui conhecer um pouco mais do seu conteúdo. Coisa boa, vou começar à acompanhar.
Grande Ludo! amo esse canal, e o seu aswell
oi ludo!! amo seu canal, ótimo te ver por aqui
Nice, now play some football
I was sexually abused when i was a kid and i was denied any help when i reached out and now i've become a self hating person and i'm learning to let go, this video has helped alot.
I'm sorry for your difficulties. I hope you learn to see yourself for the things you have chosen rather than the things you did not.
Hating or getting angry is a waste of energy. I try to use my energy on making myself better everyday.
It was NOT your fault.
I'm sorry you had to go through something so horrific. 😔
But don't be harsh on urself. Now u r at the right place.
@@elinope4745 That's Good Advice. That's the kinda thing a true Friend would say. 👍
I needed this. I've been so hard on myself
Likewise, we're often our own harshest critic, and the one we have a hard time forgiving.
Be a best friend to yourself.
Another thing this video didn’t go in depth in is that hindsight really is 20/20. Looking back is easy to judge ourselves with the knowledge we have today, knowledge we didn’t have back then
@@MrHappy3feet when we live in the past it typically brings us emotions of depression, especially if we focus on things that didn’t work out or things we could have done differently. When we live for the future it often causes anxiety, fearful that events from the past will replay themselves or that we won’t achieve our dreams. The only place we need to be mindfully living in is the now. We can only take positive actions IN THE NOW to ensure we have a fulfilling future. Mindfulness is an extremely important practice we all need to be doing.
@@Prettymapleleaf yes this is true. Thank you
Anxiety has been creeping in on me in the past weeks thinking that something bad will happen in the future because of the big mistake I’ve done last year, hurting someone
"The more you know who you are and what you want, the less you let things upset you." Lost in Translation
That's so poignant and true, we mature with age, and with growth, comes forgiveness.
Thank you for this:)
I think people mature thru experience and wisdom. That whole “ age comes wisdom “ is a thing of the past
One reason I can see of why some people can't acknowledge their past hardships as the reason behind their weaknesses and sometimes failure, which cause self-hatred in them, is because they accuse themselves of playing the victim game by doing that. And that further leads them to hate themselves even more.
It's like a vicious circle.
Very well articulated. The idea that an explanation for somebody’s behaviors is immediately labeled an excuse or victimhood has always puzzled me. In my opinion, it speaks broadly to how we dehumanize ourselves collectively or apply impossible standards to ourselves, when in reality, every human has folly.
@@Bugattis11395 exactly! I agree on that.
that's exactly how i feel, i don't want to blame anyone even if they wronged me coz I should've known better. i have me to blame
@@abby-ux7br don’t blame yourself either. some things are neither good or bad, they just are.
Yes, it’s the fear that by truly accepting it’s not all our fault, we will be confirming the suspicions of others that we cannot accept blame for our failings, even as we punish ourselves inordinately.
I love that this video isn’t afraid to address our tendencies towards suicide directly and without skirting around the issue.
What I find most commendable about this channel is the nonchalance in their narrative on:
1. Suicide, death anxiety and dark despair.
2. Childhood difficulties and fears.
3. Ownership of one’s life by taking the dialectic approach.
And most important of all, putting up statements out there that all of us are outright terrified of acknowledging on our own.
You all are a gift to the entire community supporting mental health. Much love and respect!
I got tears in my eyes and lump in my throat, for years I had made myself accountable for all the bad decisions I ever made and not being able to get out of mess created by myself, so much that now I hate the being I see in mirror and wish that I didn't exist.
It gets better. You are not alone. I'm glad that you left this comment because I also feel this way sometimes; and I forget that I'm not the only one who feels this way, I'm not wrong I'm just human. And so you are, mate.
Confide in Jesus and He will show you the way. Many saints were sinners,even murderers but God forgave them and they transformed through the Holy Spirit.Nothing is impossible to God and to those who walk with Him🙏💕
@@Bianca-ib9zu Thanks for positive words :)
I don’t know you but I’m glad you exist and left this comment. As Bianca said, you are human. Our past is long gone. We can do absolutely nothing about it, but learn the lesson from any said “bad decisions “ and do better. We can’t hold on to those negative ideas about ourselves. Learn the lesson and move on doing better things. Our past does not define us. I think what we seek most over any shame or guilt is knowing that we would be forgiven, accepted, and worthy of love. And no matter what, we are all worthy of those things simply because we exist. I’m speaking to myself as well. Im having a hard time letting go out some bad decisions too.
I heard Maya Angelou video in which she shared a quote by Terence: “I am a human being and nothing human can be alien to me.”
Find one person who hasn’t made at least one bad decision; if you find them you’ll find a liar. No judgment, just a fact. I hope you’re in a much better place and living in the present. 💞
@@MP-gw5kw Thanks for your kind words. I'm slowly healing, I'm in much better place than where I was when I dropped this comment but still long way to go.
Being grateful for what you do have is a cure to despair.
So very well said!
I just don't think I have the right to "forgive" myself because of the things I did to hurt the people I care about. Inside me I believe I deserve the pain that comes with guilt and it's a sort of atonement for my mistakes. A burden that must be carried around to avoid repeating the same mistake.
You’re somewhat right and so far wrong too. You should forgive but don’t forget so that you don’t make the same mistake again but with the emotions that are involved we shouldn’t carry around the guilt and shake in the form of an emotional burden as it can be detrimental to your health both mentally and physically!
Hello, I came across this and I thought I would share my thoughts about this. Firstly, when you are kind to yourself and forgive yourself, you are in a more loving state which allows you to be the best version of yourself. You cant be the kindest version of yourself if you keep punishing yourself. Also, that stems from the belief that In order to forgive we must punish which inst the case. You may not feel worthy of forgiveness but still start to work towards it regardless of how you feel.
Also everyone hurt someone in there life. You deserve to be free from the guilt.
My biggest flaw is the fact that I'm prone to misunderstandings, which leads to ruined relationships. My head agonizes over the assumptions of what that person really thinks of me, which often leads down a slope of miscommunications and arguments. Often over the pettiest reason too.
And that barely only scratches the surface of my fragile character.
Thanks to this channel, I've learned how to confront these confounding flaws of mine, and try to make myself a better person.
my life since childhood has been riddled with guilt and i'm only now getting to address that. a life of guilt is draining. i needed this video :)
I needed this lesson. Sometimes we aim too high on unrealistic standards.
Agreed
Mee too suffer from it. But glad that I found it
There's a good healthy kind of "I love myself" attitude and then there's a bad kind. I choose the good healthy kind every single day
What's the bad like?
@@loopingdope From my experience, it’s the people who love themselves and pride themselves so much to the point of smug superiority over others and looking down on those who don’t live to your expectations/standards.
@@loopingdope overbearing narcissism and selfishness
Reading the comments of others here comforted me.
Thank you for this, ive used people in my life for my own personal gain and hunt for happiness, ive cheated on someone who genuinely loved me and used someone to escape a fear of loneliness, im still currently going through the guilt of my actions and all i do is tell myself im disgusting and vile. ive hurt myself all in a hope to know that i am awful, everyone says i made a mistake and that im young but it all feels like so much more, thank you for showing me that i am just a human in a world with people who have felt the same and more, im currently trying to get help from both doctors and therapists to help work on my flaws and i know that once im better i can truly love and appreciate the next person who enters my life.
Totally relatable for basically every human being. It's all about learning. When we watch movies and see others (particularly on social media) we fail to recognise that beneath each facade, each person lies a complete river of failure, self doubt and many other things that are integral for each of us to face as we go through life in order to learn and become greater versions of ourselves. Now we can take the experiences either way. Either, we learn and grow from our experiences or we become fearful of them. Our choice and we've got our lives ahead of us to make many more.
Again, thank you Alain de Botton for creating this staggering body of extremely helpful, utterly relevant, wise work.
This channel has helped me get through some very dark times in my life. I'm currently working through residual ptsd from early childhood, causing me to relive the very things which I have suppressed for decades. Thank you for making this content, I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels as I do.
My dark childhood has tormented me my entire life, and I'm 46. I feel you.
I’m currently facing my C-PTSD from my childhood too (I’m 31). These videos have made me feel better. You definitely are not alone.
wishing you healing and love
I love and care about other people so much that I'd forgive a sorry person instantly no matter how extreme their mistakes were but I somehow can't even start to forgive myself for the slightest mistake
For many many years now I've been eaten up by guilt and envy. In the last year I have come to understand I must realize my own worth and forgive myself for all my past mistakes. They were all based on intense fear and confusion.
But still, easier said than done. What was lost is so big, forgiveness seems a long way from where I stand. Sometimes I wish I'd stop existing so I wouldn't feel this crushing guilt and disappointment in myself.
Wow. Thank-you so much for this. People don't understand why I dream of suicide when my life isn't awful, but the self-hatred is so hard to live with. I'm wracked with regrets and guilt and "should have done"s and "I messed this up", and I'm always comparing to others who got it "right' and I'm like, "you dumbf***. It's too late for you." It's like being haunted and constantly mocked. Thank-you for giving me hope and reminding me that it's okay to be human, and that being human is hard and screwing up isn't a sign that I'm godawful and hopeless. You guys did a beautiful job here
Same is the problem with me. I can relate to your comment on so many levels.
Its like life on hard mode or against us. But instead of other people understanding our situation they ridicule or mocked us instead then our mind will be traumatized and doubts ourselves even more. I think the only solution is hoping for the best what we can do in this life may it big or small. Just go on and live our lives the best we can.
This comment is scary because it describes EXACTLY how I feel...all day, everyday.
Be kind to yourself. Be on your own side. Hugs to you!
Every mind is its own world. I too have felt as if my mess ups were incomprehensible and unforgivable. And they may be but to the wrong person or people. Those that we need in our lives will forgive and love us and know that doing so doesn’t justify our behaviors; It just confirms that they understand we are human and worth of all the goodness. It take great maturity to forgive people who have harmed us. So we can’t expect everyone to forgive us. But we can forgive ourselves. Hugs and love to you. I hope you are in a better place now. 💞
Nicely done.
All humans with any moral compass will find themselves in this situation.
The bottom line is that we are all doing our best and we cannot compare ourselves with others.
"...limitless sympathy and compassion." - This is the key to our species moving forward. 😊
Only a zen master can offer limitless sympathy and compassion and personally I don't want to. I think some people deserve my scorn. I think you're right though about it being key for us but not just in moving forward, simply it will be required for our species to survive.
And we can find those in Jesus Christ 🙏🙂
@@AnEvolvingApe why do you think some people deserve your scorn? Wouldn’t it be better to not deal with such people instead? That would make you pretty self righteous to think you deserve to punish anyone. Perhaps things from your past wouldn’t make you “cringe” if you had a different mindset. We are all human. If someone continues to harm you, simply remove yourself from their presence. Being around them to simply punish them- obviously with the intention of seeing change or repentance in them, neither of which you will get- would suggest you believe you are worthier and more superior than those who have been exposed of some wrongdoing(s). Those folks usually have their share of skeletons but project rather than accept. 💞
@@MP-gw5kw Your advice is a bit woo woo is what I'm thinking. Great idea everyone gets flowers instead of bombs but... no way too many assholes out there. We had the orange shitgibbon as POTUSA which justifies my ridiculing and scorn which is mostly for my benefit yes I have a sense pf humor that must be satisfied.
@@AnEvolvingApe Whatever floats your boat! there certainly are a lot of assholes out there. And I can’t entirely disagree that there are some that make it pretty easy to be ridiculed, as in your example. I like to see folks for possibly being a better person than what they present. However, my thinking doesn’t mean it’s true. And though we all need to be responsible for our behaviors, some may not all have the proper life or coping skills to do so; we see it all the time.
Wouldn’t it prove better to just ignore a person who’s main motive for acting out is to get attention?
I do like to believe I live in utopia and people are fundamentally nice, just hurt (except for legitimately mentally imbalanced individuals), and want to do good. Hey, it’s my utopia and it’s perfectly woo woo here. 😆
if we're too busy thinking about the past we miss the present in front of us 💗
Can't change the past. If I erred, I own my error, learn from it, and make the necessary adjustments going forward. I try not to beat myself up for an error, but never deny or excuse it. And if something can be done to prevent, halt or limit any harmful effects of my error, I do it to the extent it is practicable. But, I've got a strong, well-tuned moral compass. And it never goes to sleep on me while I'm awake, which is why I can sleep.
Good Vid.
i messed up because i am human, not because i am bad and lazy. i dont deserve to fail and be sad. it was just my mind didnt have enough matter to get to my destination faultlessly, offcourse i hv learnt my lessons, but there no need to be constantly be agitated by one
thanks school of life for this insight
It is scary as to how relatable this video is
This channel is so sympathetic to human suffering, and it's value comes from its acknowledgement at how harsh life can be. Our modern world overemphasizes happiness and positivity.
We should forgive ourselves but we should also learn how to forgive others. People let themselves go away with very grave things in life, but once a friend or a stranger says something even a little bit odd they are being labeled as freaks or disrespectful and never being given the chance of redemption.
Imagine going onto something very big, u are self-destructing and the one and only person who understand and care for u. You ended up hurting them to the point of giving up.
I may not recover to this feeling of guilt, because I deserve this.
You can recover I promise. If you need to know how reach out no problem at all
I’m happy this channel has almost 7 million subscribers. It gives me hope for humanity lol
Almost 8 million now in 2022 😮! Helping a lot of people❤😊
This resonates with me alot, Thank you for every bit.
I am going through a rough phase, its difficult to talk to people, even to those who offer help, because they end up feeling pity and that's even worse. At a time like this, listening to this video gave me a lot of strength and I hope many more people find the same. Endless sympathy and compassion to everyone 🤗
i cried at how accurate this was at understanding my situation, i really demonized myself in such a way that i thought no one would understand, thanks so much for making these :)
I realize my regrets constantly creeped into my heart, but looking back, I don't see the other way because of who I am
We do ourselves injuries by envying those above us!
I embrace envy daily.
Your comment has NO relevance to the topic!
@@elizabethk3238 I dunno, there might be some relevance. The vid has a secrion that shows a lack of forgiveness and self-disappointment can also come from comparing yourself to others who have done better.
I want her voice to be my inner voice: soft, calm and non-judgemental.
I have made a huge mistake that has had massive consequences on my physical health. I cancelled some treatment and now my condition has worsened. I had multiple reasons for doing it, and I was completely overwhelmed and stressed from being so caught up in them. I have rebooked the treatment but I can't stop bashing myself for cancelling the first time because I believe by delaying the treatment I've made my health worse. I don't know if I'll ever forgive myself :(
With my life experiences, I can honestly say that the best way to forgive ourselves and what really helps is to ask God for forgiveness and to learn to than forgive ourselves and to love ourselves, I know it's hard but it's possible to learn to focus on God which makes everything else, especially the bad memories, mistakes, regrets, kinda fade away and not bother as much.. and also I try to remind myself that this whole life is just a human experience, we are not this body, we are our souls, be kind to yourselves and others, God bless
No, instead of asking God to forgive us, we should ask us to forgive us. Because remember some people aren't religious.
@@dragonempress8367 God and religion are 2 different things
Knowing that literally we are hugely controlled by our genes (nature) ,our environment (narture), with exceptionally little free will if at all...puts a huge relief in my heart not self sabotaging myself..
True. We often forget the role of biology and environment.
Wow - just what I needed. Thank you so much for posting this.
This video couldn't have come at a better time. I most recently have been experiencing overwhelming feelings of regret and I am constantly punishing myself. To simply include my errors as being part of the human experience is incredibly helpful and lifts a great weight off of my shoulders. I rarely think of anyone other than myself making mistakes or experiencing lapses in judgement.
I'm crying out while watching this. I hope I can forgive myself one day. Atleast I'm trying...
Thank you. Having grown up as an abused and neglected child, I lean on insight like this for help, where my parents badly failed me.
“A degree of regret may sometimes be helpful: it can help us to take stock of errors and to avoid the worst of the pitfalls next times. But runaway self-hatred serves no useful purpose whatsoever it is in is masochistic way an indulgence we can’t afford. We may be foolish, but this doesn’t single us out as particularly awful or unusual, it only confirms that we belong to the human race, a fact for which we deserve limitless sympathy and compassion. Sometimes forgiving others simply means to forgive ourselves.” Thank you for this education.
Everyone accept that everyone has done bad things so glad that you are good persons because you are feeling guilty
Thats it !!
This video has started to make me feel empathetic towards myself. Feels like a burden has been lifted. 😊
Really like that:, forgiving yourself is one of the steps of healing thy self .🤗💯
One of the biggest mistakes I made while young was comparing myself to others. Thank you for this video.
I had multiple extremely stressful situations happening all in 1 month,.. i then thought i should retire, though i never wanted to,.... I realized I how much i loved my career job, and desperately tried to get back, stop the prosses!!.. but, .. it was over. I went into horrible depression, anxiety, insomnia.... and self loafing, with guilt and regret...... how? How is it Possible!!! When your mistake has ruined your life. I lost everything!... im on a bench, in the park... suffering from depression 🙏help
This uploaded on my birthday: the day of the year I need forgiveness the most. To everyone at the School of Life, and everyone reading this: thank you.
Thank you, I just done something awful right before I saw this. This is so helpful to tend my emotions.
IT’S OKAY TO BE HUMAN!!!
the impact of your work on my life has already grown to quite a noticeable amount, TSoL with each of these videos you're helping me learn to get through my days with yet another little bit less misery
To a degree. Remember to take responsibility for your own ACTIONS however.
Listening to the advice in the video increases the responsibility you take for your actions, it doesn't decrease it.
There's no point in constant self-loathing. We can only make progress especially when we can forgive ourselves no matter how big our mistakes are.
Taking responsibility is indeed definitely important, but at the same time that can’t stop some from feeling sorry for themselves and the self-criticism/loathing.
@Futures True
I hate myself, all the things I’ve done. The pain I’ve caused. I beat myself up everyday, I see my mistakes constantly. I let those closest to me down and I have self destructed. I don’t know how to start to forgive myself I don’t believe I deserve forgiveness. My pain and my suffering that I carry as well as my hatred for myself makes it ever so difficult to even start to forgive myself.
I am trying to learn to forgive myself for chasing someone after they dumped me and people that have wronged me. This made me feel so better. Thank you ❤️
“We deserve endless sympathy and compassion’. Now to turn that inwards instead of giving it to those who rarely give it to us. Thank you. I needed this after a dark night or digging into my mistakes. Instead of self loathing we need to be kind to that inner child who got hurt too often and turn the self-bashing into love and forgiveness which will bring hope ❤
Lovely message. How has this helped you? Shaun
when there is no enemy within the enemy outside can do you no harm
My sister had to skip her exam because I had to give an interview . It happened today and I was feeling so awful and guilty about it but I saw this on my feed today . The universe's timing couldn't have been more better . Thank for the team and everyone who are making these videos . ❤️🌱
Brilliant video, my only issue is what is said at 5:32 :
"We should not compound our difficulties by refusing to consider all those who have wept every bit as much, and lost even more than us."
This essentially boils down to, "Look on the bright side, it could be worse."
ICBW is pretty generally considered to be terrible advice. Yes it can help to provide perspective in some cases, but in most situations it just comes off as trivializing and dismissive; you can always find someone in a worse situation than you, unless you are literally the most unfortunate soul on the planet.
“ there are land mines buried everywhere” 💙👏🏾🌏
I wish I could say this helped me like many here have, but while I understand everything that was said, I’m still unable to forgive myself. There is no better tomorrow for some of us.
Sometimes people are trying to forgive themselves for things they can’t just get the answer from a single video. It sounds like you’re really struggling with self forgiveness. What else have you tried?
Considering the one friend I had since high school who's been there through my entire adult life recently walked out on me?
This... Is a timely video.
felt man
hang in there.
Love, light, joy and this message to all. Dear school of life healing here washes over me, think you.
I am too hard on myself.. consequently, its caused me to hurt other people. People i loved. Ive never felt this much pain in making someone not want to be around me. I want to be better. I know it starts here.
Once you realise how little real control over your life, and that there's no reason everything should be centred on you, a lot of self-contempt disappears automatically.
I just made a video on apologizing to myself and I cannot emphasize how vital it is that we give ourselves this act of service. So many times the things that we have done we did from our brokenness. Many of us regret the relationships we allowed, the treatment we allowed, the situations we put ourselves in....we are not alone in regret. I hope everyone can feel inspired to forgive their younger selves ❤
Woww thank youu so much, this is what I needed right now. I never realized i’been so cruel with my self and set a high standarf for myself. I often punish myself and said something with selfhate in it. Thank you thank you so much for your words, it made me realized that I need to have more compassion and mercy to myself. And most importantly, I need to accept who I am with all my flaws and all my mistakes that i’ve been made. Thank you :)
Thank you, always ❤
I think a part of the problem is the fact that the people we might care about constantly remind us of our mistakes and shortcomings while we overlook their own mistakes and sympathize with them.
You know just yesterday I was googling about how to let go of pain. I think this video related to that by proxy and I'm glad you uploaded it.
There can be an added layer of difficulty in forgiving yourself if you have been a part of closed society that practices that practices shunning for any perceived error regardless of how background or circumstances may play a part. You can spend your whole life thinking you’re with companions who preach love and mercy until the rug gets yanked out from underneath you bc you made a mistake. In this case, when the going gets tough, the self righteous get tough by turning their back on you and spread hateful stories about you to ensure you feel crushed and left alone and unprotected because they think they are protecting others from you. Forgiving yourself is one thing but the extra crushing burden of being judged by imperfect humans whose wisdom is not very wise at all sometimes and is determined to crush your dream of forgiving yourself creating a double bind. I want to forgive myself but others want to make sure I’m reminded of my mistakes everyday.
You have no idea how much I needed this today. Thank you for this channel.
The timing of this video is just perfect. Thanks.
I've hurt someone dear to men who absolutely did NOT deserve it... I know she feels 1000 times worse than me... but I have no idea how I will ever live with myself. I hate every fiber of my own beeing, I feel so evil and on the bad side of the world... I really needed to see something like this.
I completely understand how you're feeling. It's like a heavy weight that drags you down and a rabid dog that eats away at your soul. A pain so heavy because you feel if you try to forgive yourself or understand why you did what you did, you're playing the victim and as such you don't deserve to feel the way you do because you were the one who harmed someone else. You tell yourself you're not even allowed to feel pain given your feelings don't matter and you're selfish as it is.
It hurts, man. Even if the person you hurt forgives you, you're still aware that despite their forgiveness, you still harmed them deeply, and you feel you are not deserving of their forgiveness.
All we can do is take it day by day. Some days you're gonna be dying inside, other days you're gonna feel a bit better... But take it as it comes. That's what I'm doing.
Beautifully spoken and worded, and so relevant in this time of great uncertainty
A timely lesson that should help when bad memories haunt me at night. Many thanks.
*I had and STILL have to it* 🙏❤️
( _hving experienced low self esteem in the past, it’s definitely an ongoing process_ 😊)
This is just perfect timing! Thank you for the upload, The School of life!
I needed to learn the hard way that life is not an exam, and there are no rights and wrongs. it's so difficult sometimes to remember that. thanks for the vid.
True. In trying to process guilt and incomprehensible mistake I try to realize many others suffer too. I am just one of many. Degree of Regret! Specific burdens. So many deep helpful concepts here. Forces of foul luck!
Just found this video, thought it was new. It's so hard to self-forgive, especially when you make a mistake that you still feel the effects of 3+ years later. It was a mistake I didn't need to make, and it was very deliberate and filled with resentment for myself, my partner at the time and my life generally.
I've since been on a hell of a recovery journey, and have considered suicide on so many occasions because life has changed more than I could've imagined, and "being human" isn't enough. I simply knew better but chose to ignore it.
The other day my ex married my ex best friend. I still can't even picture them together, yet it's now likely they'll be together for the rest of their lives. Me? I'm about to go on first date. Again. But at least I'm doing this with real purpose now: Because I want a life partner and to raise a family with someone, before it's too late.
I'm 100 times the person I was, but it's come at such a price.
I am ever so thankful about the content of this channel. Always kind and insightful, bringing in important questions on myself and my experiences; bringing a new light on past events. Thank you folks. (I also really dig the art part).
I am very thankful for this channel! I've watching some of the videos that pertain to my current difficulties; and it really helps!
If u only understood how life changing this channel is...My God
Please never stop these vids. Y'all are changing/transforming lives and u don't even know it
I really love and agree with your message of self-compassion here.
The only thing I take issue with is the fact that blaming our situation on luck, and believing that those more successful than us had better luck, is a slippery slope. It leads to a victim mindset where we can excuse all of our personal shortcomings on our perceived bad luck or bad situation.
This kind of mindset that we cannot control our own destinies leads to depression and a sense of defeat. This in turn discourages us from continuing to try.
We need to be compassionate with ourselves and realize that part of being human is messing up. It doesn’t mean we are deficient. It means, as you said, we are human. Then we can try to work on whatever goals we have set for ourselves knowing that we are doing the best we can with what we have to work with.
There will always be people better than or worse off than us. Truly, that’s none of our concern. As the old saying goes: Comparison is the thief of joy. 💖
I'm so glad you talked about luck, which might also be called chance or fate.
Self hating self destructive behavior has cost me too much already. It hurts. I try to forgive and do better but then it happens and it’s like a feedback loop from hell.
The problem for many is not shame and self-blame, but shamelessness and blaming others. Please address this and help to deprogram them from death cults.
why it’s hard for me to watch and listen to the videos is because the narrator resembles a bed time story dialogue. The titles are always relevant!