I, the husband, have always cooked the holiday meals and any major meals in our home. My wife can do the basics, but not more than that. She can bake cakes out of a box and stuff like that. We always have family over for holiday dinners and I always do the turkey and most of the sides. My in-laws bring their favorite recipes and we all have a great time. My wife is a great host and entertains everyone with games while I cook. It's a great balance.
Last story-YTA. Not because you were in the toy section, nor because you let Hannah choose a Bluey doll as a gift for her sister. That's fine, and kinda cute. Where you went wrong is you decided that's the only gift she's getting from you and Hannah. So you put your name on a gift Hannah chose out of love for her sister, when you probably knew (or at least suspected) that your oldest liked other things. You should have got her something that came from you and your love for her. Instead, you shrugged and went "good enough" with Hannah's gift.
Yep. I’m sensing who the favorite is right away. “Oh Sarah you’re too old for that anyways, why not let Hannah have it? Oh and happy birthday I guess.”
Last Story: My own mother used this tactic with me and my older brother exactly once, and it went about as well. Children are not often as empathetic as adults, they tend to think their own tastes are universal. So, like Sarah, my own brother didn't really like my choice of gift for him. Moral of the Story? Do not use your children as Secret Santas for their siblings!
Well, well, well. Being chosen to bring the centerpiece means you have to cook it yourself. That's a new one on me. Besides, no one will ever expect to be told to bring the turkey when asked the common question of "Is there anything I can bring?"
If you pride yourself on providing a home cooked meal you can ensure that by, you know, cooking the meal. If you delegate don't get pissy about how delegates fix the problem.
My supervisor at work volunteered to bring the turkey for an office Thanksgiving dinner. She hadn't fixed a turkey before and when we started slicing it, we discovered the little bag in the cavity with the giblets and neck--fully cooked as it had been cooked inside the turkey. Can't believe she didn't discover it when she washed the bird--if she did wash it. 😂
My mother did that. The one and only time we ever tried turkey. It ruined the flavour of all the meat for us kids. I don't think she ever lived it down. Any whole chicken for roasting that she bought, we always asked The Question...lol.
S1: If Julia somehow had nailed the turkey, mommy would have whined that she was being shown up. If you can't win, don't play. And the sister can STFU. Julia and OP didn't ruin dinner, mom did that with her power-tripping nonsense. I hope OP keeps setting hard boundaries.
Juila should have researched and watched TH-cam videos which weren't around when I started. I've been doing it for 41 years since I was 18, and I made everything else as well.
Wonder if MIL complained to FIL, so he decided on the "family rule" suddenly? From all these "Thanksgiving" horror stories, it seems that people who utterly reject the tradition are the ones who will give thanks on that day for ever after.
Story 5: YTA, you should have gotten your own gift for her too. So she got a real gift from you and a child gift from your younger daughter. It would have been cute then instead of a huge and inappropriate disappointment. It isn't like the Bluey doll cost a lot either (maybe $20-$30 max), and would have broken the bank to get in addition to a real gift..
First story: NTA- Good one on you for standing up for Julia and not putting up with your mom and her internalized misogyny. It's fine mom embraces her identity as a trad wife/house frau, but that route isn't everybody's cup of tea and that's also okay. We stan shiny spines in this house.
How was it a trap. Their are books, the INTERNET, and etc. YTA. op did nothing to help her. Op should've helped her make the turkey.Since julia was bussy at work. Op should've been looking for tips, guides and etc. using some common sense #1 Op's wife and OP ( step 1 mom/MIL "can you please clean and season my turkey for me. do it 2-3 day's before. keep it in the refrigerator. keep the guide that show how to cook the trukey safely. IT COMES WITH THE TRUKEY. or geta turkey with a red pin. Step 2 cook the turkey. If it has the red pin. When the pin is popped, it's done. #2 Op could've made the turkey and went " my wife hard working wife not only made this turkey while still doing her job. She did it to impress you all. She is new to cooking ".
@@DrownedInExile A person has to want to learn. You act thereis no internet, cooks, video, PEOPLE TO ASK FOR HELP and more. people worked and cooked way before op's wife was born . thier is middle ground. No one was going " Op's wife should be a expert chef". Op has no right to act like, his wife worked hard on the turkey. How to safely cook a trukey comes with the turkey. Also a fail proof turkey is the one with a red pin in it. You can get a cleaned out turkey. COOKING A TURKEY IS NOT HARD.
@k70freeman, you sound just as bad as the mother. 1) You never ask someone to make a major dish on a holiday, especially when they don't know how to cook. 2) You then bitch and moan when they do something to not stress themselves out about ruining everything? You're an instant butthole. 3) If Op and His fiancé went to her family for Thanksgiving, how would you not think they were busy with work or planning their own meals out. I know for one, my family starts shopping and cooking 2-3 days beforehand, along with having full-time jobs. Ain't no body got time for that. 4) Those pop-up turkeys aren't even always accurate. I've had many times in my house where we bought turkeys with that piece in it, and the turkey wasn't cooked, and I come from a family of well seasoned cooks, and I'm personally a chef. They aren't always a good indicator for checking a turkey, so for someone who doesn't know how to cook one, that can still be a disaster. 5) As for the internet or books, yeah, they can be a great guide, but they don't tend to be when you haven't cooked before and are freaking out. As well as it's difficult to make a turkey IN WHICH YOU HAVE NEVER MADE BEFORE. 6) If Ops mom really cared about the fiancé's cooking skills she could have invited her over to help, or taught her how to make some dishes instead of jumping straight to bashing her and setting her up to fail. Lastly, if you can't use proper grammar, don't comment on whether someone can cook or not.
I think Hannah picking the doll for Sarah would be fine if that was Hannah's gift to Sarah but why didn't the mom get Sarah her own gift? That's where the mom dropped the ball
Yeah wth. The little kid picked out a gift for herself and the adult didn’t think my adult daughter probably won’t want a toy, I’ll give her something else small so she knows I actually remembered and cared about *her* not her younger daughter ffs.
It doesn't take a lot of effort to note what people like/mention/need. Last year I got a nephew music from one of my favorite bands. This year he mentioned that he would like to get more of their music. Done and done. His big brother is into home improvement, his mother likes dragons, another brother is an edgy IT specialist.
@@asmith8692 Even if you don't know, there's always the reliable safe methods! Directly asking and/or cash in a personalized envelope/card with a heartfelt message. P.S. I also love dragons. And plushies. My mother still often gets me plushies even though I'm almost 40. In return, I randomly get her certain salty candy which she loves that helps her with her low blood pressure. And sometimes dark chocolate treats. For birthdays in my family, it's more of an 'experiences' deal than actual objects lately. We gift each-other day-trips to an arboretum/zoo/themepark or into nature together and socialize during game-nights with lunch/dinner more than giving actual objects nowadays. But we also clearly communicate our wishes for those special events to ensure we can enjoy them more, since we're all adults.
@@lorilancaster5917 she was caught by OP with 2 different high school boyfriends and 1 college boyfriend. Sister doesn't care about the lesson. She likes the drama. As for mom saying OP needs to get over it, she has. Problem for mom and so many others is that when they say "Get over it" that means forgiveness and go back to being family or friends again. Well unfortunately for mom and sister OP is in a position were she doesn't have to tolerate toxic betraying siblings in her life anymore. That's how OP has "got over it" by cutting her out and moving on.
There is NO power un being the other woman. When someone cheats on their spouse, that does not speak about the spouse, that speaks on the cheater. If they will cheat woth you, they will cheat on you. You're not special. You aren't better than the spouse. You are actually human trash and should be treated appropriately.
Story 1: It was definitely a control move on the mom’s part. There was going to be no way for Julia to win, and OP’s mom knew it. Good on OP for having a wonderfully polished shiny titanium spine. NTA.
Story 1: NTA, for finally standing up for your fiancee to the proper degree. Your mom is an AH and will never accept her as you wife, so you need to decide, if you marry her you will have to go very low contact with your mother, probably forever. Oh and PS, you never ask someone to "Bring the turkey", it is large takes forever to make, and unless it is cooked overnight by the time it arrives will be dryer than the Sahara (especially if you have to travel hours to get there). Guests should only be bringing sides and deserts that at most need to be reheated for 10-15 minutes.
I'm also jumping in about the first story. I'm an accomplished cook, and have a very broad repertoire, I've never made a turkey (I'm not American), and I wouldn't give it to a first time cook. I'm not sure I'd cook it myself. Kudos on OP and his fiance for handling it like they did. I think that the mom was out of line. If I'm hosting, I expect to make the main dishes, with people contributing what they can, unless they specifically ask to contribute, and I know that they can do it (aunty Susan makes a great turkey, so she does it as her contribution).
There’s nothing wrong with giving the doll as part of the gift-it’s a sweet gesture that shows the younger sister’s love. However, it might have been better if the mom had added something more appropriate for Sarah’s age or interests alongside it. That way, the doll could still be a meaningful keepsake from her sister without leaving Sarah feeling overlooked. This could have been an opportunity to make both daughters feel valued but OP really dropped the ball.
OMG I'm certain that a turkey purchased from Whole Foods would have been wonderful. I've had rotisserie chicken before and it was delicious. That mom was being a "B".
Many of the bigger grocery stores offer fully cooked turkeys or turkey breast and there should be no shame in bringing one to a holiday event. If my brother and SIL are given desserts again for Christmas no one cares if they made homemade pies and cookies or got them from a bakery as long as they taste good.
Story 4: NTA, you husband should have put his foot down with his family the first time they insulted you. And if it continued he should have gone less and less contact with them over time till they behaved or he was no contact.
My sis & I are 17 yrs apart & our Mom never did that when I was Hannah’s age. She either added to the gift or figured out how to move me towards a gift sis would actually like. Why didn’t OP do that?
@ Yes, that’s exactly what she should have done. The little girl thought that because her older sister watched a kid’s TV show with her, that meant that her older sister loved the character. I get why she thought that. However, mom should have known that that wasn’t the case. Maybe if her older daughter were to give her the same kind of gift for her birthday, her only gift, then mom would understand😏
And seriously... _"I want you to cook the turkey this year!"_ "I'm not comfortable doing that, soooo... no." Like, what's so hard about simply declining, and if escalated, refusing?
Both sides suck. The Op for bringing a store bought Turkey when he knows mom likes to cook. Why not DECLINE cooking the turkey? The mom sucks too, but it is true that the Op's fiance saying "she can't cook" is a red flag. She can't cook ANYTHING? All adults should know how to cook
@@lalvarez5151Not everyone is a great cook and there’s no shame in that. Knowing that the girlfriend was no Julia Child, the mom was definitely trying to humiliate her son’s girlfriend😠
Story 1. I know tons of people that can cook and still buy the whole meal because it's too much work. I love to cook and I vowed to myself never to make more than 2 side dishes and dessert is always store-bought.
Story one: do not apologize. Your mother was trying to set your fiancé up to look bad and embarrass her. Your mom‘s hissy fit was because your fiancé did not fall into her trap. Good for you for standing up for the woman you love. Keep doing that. Your mother will just have to deal. In time when she realizes that her little games won’t work. She’ll either fall into line or back way off. Either one works.
1) Kudos to OP for supporting his partner and telling mom she was out of line. OP is right, they are the ones owed an apology not his mom. It's good they took the turkey and left and ended up having a nice time with the fiancee's family. NTA. 2) I can't blame OP for not giving a F*** about what happened to her trashy sister. NTA. 3) Oh hell no, OP and husband did not agree to subsidize all the other stuff his family showed up with that was unrequested, unwanted, and mostly unused. NTA. Say no and never host again. Has FIL always acted like this or has he recently lost his marble? 4) What a shame to be treated like this by her husband's family. Why, when it is so obvious, does he not defend her ... shame on him. OP NTA. Now he is married OP is his family and if he will not defend her and their relationship and put his family in their place he is a crap husband. If he refused to do better and support her, OP should get out of this marriage. 5) I think it was nice to let the little sister pick out a gift for her sister, but unless OP was broke and couldn't afford anything more, this should not have been the only gift because it was obviously what the little sister liked and not what the elder sister would want or could use. YTA.
Second story. OP is right to go completely nc with the trashy sister. Given her track record, she absolutely would be trying to get her hooks into any future bf's or spouse that op ends up with. Should tell mom as well that if she continues to sweep the sisters past offenses under the rug, she'll go nc on her also.
Doesn't mean much for those men though for her to be able to lure them all away. She makes me think of the spider who invited all the flies into her parlor.
Just wait until she moves on to mom's friends, neighbors and anyone else close to her and spreads what she catches. I don't think mom is going to be thrilled to have to extra clean the silverware, toilets and stuff when sis has oozing mouth sores and other nasty stuff.
S1: One of my best friends loves cooking and he does all the family cooking. This despite that she grew up in her family’s restaurant and can’t boil water. They both work and have a small child.
*laughing at the so called mother of the lest story* Oh wait you're serious let me laugh ever harder! You have be this girl "mother" for 20 YEARS! and you think a dog plushy as a gift would work? You didn't think for one second that "Hey I should get my kids a gift". But no you let the little one get a gift for her and then never wanted to spent more money then you had too. I hope you are so proud of all the money you saved.
Story 3: He was packing up all the ingredients? Uhhh...is there a chance that FIL did personal shopping for himself and disguised it as expenses for hosting? It would account for the stuff that was bought and wasn't used, because he was going to personally us them himself.
If OP's MIL had told her that she had married beneath her (referring to her own son) then it would be a joke, but not when she is referring to OP, the woman her son chose. Do not go back to that house unless some apologies are made.
Story 1: NTA. Even if mom's love language is cooking good meals, she STILL set Julia up for failure right from the getgo because she looks down on her. It's so disrespectful.
The husband says OP is disrespecting his family just for not being involved in that drama anymore? He’s disrespecting his wife by not defending her and doing much. Seriously what is the point of getting married if he’s not gonna stand up for his wife or is he one of those idiots that just say “that’s just how they are” he’s either a people pleaser or a mama’s boy. When will these idiots know that respect is not a one-way street it goes both ways
The fiance not being able to cook because she is "career oriented" is a red flag. Can she cook anything? How does she feed herself? If they have kids can she help feed them? Him mom has a point there
@@lalvarez5151The woman managed to feed herself before she met OP. Anyway, just because she’s a woman doesn’t mean she has to do the cooking. OP isn’t bothered by her lack of cooking skills and his is the only opinion that counts🙂
I thought we'd got past the stage of The Wife Must Cook, especially if both are working full time. I'm sure the household chores can be divided other ways!
@@lalvarez5151 You're getting the stories mixed up. This is Story 4 with the snobs saying the husband 'married down', not the first story with the turkey
girl tell your father-in-lawnext year because the cost of food is so high and he feels as though you should split the bill after planting his feet under your table and insisting on all these casseroleshe can have it at his houseand that you and your husband will celebrate the holiday and your home with family and friends where it doesn't come down to Dollars and cents and paybacks!!and I also tell him I don't owe you anything!!😅😅
That last story is wild. I’m 22 and I would’ve loved a little Bluey dog from my little sister if that’s something she thought we found joy in together.
You don't have in-law from you have a husband problem because he's not standing up for you. He's not shutting down the remarks. First I would try 5th therapy and if not go find somebody who's going to give you the love and respect you want. And his family respect your worth because anybody that's not respecting your worth is not worth having in your life.
don't let him give you the cold shoulder his family has been mistreating you and he said there like a mommy and never said nothing at any time you said you're not going to attend any more of his family functions I hope and pray you have family that you can go to or good friends I wouldn't care you gave me the cold shoulderyou don't have to keep subjecting yourself to them mistreatment that slurs and anda passive aggression towards you!!you would be the idiot if you continue to put yourself through that and if he doesn't like it I talked to a damn good lawyerfamily is everything to him then what does he think you are you are his wife he took vows with youyou supposed to stand up for you when his mother said he married down and he misses his freedom maybe he does and I give him his freedomthat way he can return to his motherhe came from her he can go back to her that's the way you should look at that situation Dear HeartGod bless😢😢😢
Surprise bill for Thanksgiving dinner: Tacky, but it happens. When I was a kid, my aunt, by far the most solvent in our very blue collar family, volunteered to host a Thanksgiving potluck. As we were leaving, she announced the total everyone owed her for her contribution and hosting. It was pretty shocking and unexpected. Kind of sad thinking about everyone (all with young kids) digging out their last dollars until payday, that close to Christmas, to pay for a meal they'd already contributed to, didn't get leftovers from, and handing that out-of-budget money to the "richest" person in our entire family. Never again. They've always lived modestly and both always had great jobs, in case anyone wondered if they weren't doing as well as they seemed.
lol-I’m 61 years old and have never made a turkey in my life. Oh, I can cook. I just have never cared for Thanksgiving dinner, and have always gone to someone else’s house, even after I had a kid. My pumpkin pie rocks, though. 😎
"Shouldn't let boys come between you." Boys didn't come between us, her actions did. She has shown herself to be completely untrustworthy and morally bankrupt and that is not somebody I want in my life. If you keep pushing me to have somebody in my life like that, I will start to question your morals and trustworthiness and need to decide if I need to make the same decision
#1 I thought for sure MIL would have a perfect turkey ready to pull out when the fiancee "failed." What an AH though. Not only is the turkey the centerpiece of Thanksgiving, as everyone said, but it's also massively intimidating for someone who doesn't cook. MIL wanted to gloat or b*tch. Glad she got _something_ she wanted, since OP snatched the main dish away. 🤣🦃
If OP has to pay for a part of the grocery bill, then FIL/MIL should chip in for the electricity (fridge/stove) & water usage (food prep & washing up). Maybe also for the gas/heat/AC bill, while they were staying at the house.
Story 1.. cooking turkey isnt that hard. it's mostly prep work.. i cooked two turkeys for Thanksgiving at my brother in laws since im the only one with a smoker So i have no issue with a "guest" bringing the "main course" We also had a snowstorm that day (about 7 inches of snow) So i got to stand out in the snow quite a bit while the food cooked.. (I even shoveled and plowed snow while the turkeys cooked) 😂 then my wife and i had a joyful ride to his house in the next town at 15 mph cause the roads weren't even plowed.. My mother used to cook the turkey/turkeys but she passed away in august.. And these were the first turkeys I've cooked on the smoker, so it's not like i have a bunch of experience either... Id give her an F for her lack of effort.. Id be more understanding if she tried cooking one and failed then got the store turkey as a backup.. With that being said.. atleast she came with a turkey!
The turkey story has to do with the mother-in-law wanting her son's 1-week-old fiance to fail. The girl is a career woman. She's very young. She's probably used to her own mother making the turkey giving her really the pivotal part of the meal as her responsibility was done on purpose so the girl would fail. As I stated before. Think of it like a person who is in contracting and all they do is small purchases. And then one day the contracting officer who is the supervisor boss of all contract specialists slaps a multifaceted major contract on this person's desk and tells them to perform. It's not going to happen. It's like telling somebody who on an assembly line does one little thing and then you expect them to assemble the whole product. If you're the person who sews the buttons on garments, you're not the person who cuts the pattern. Sews it together, puts all the adornments on. You're only responsible for the buttons if the garment has buttons to ask anything more of a novice or in this respect. Sort of an intern as asking too much and the person is going to fail. And that's what good old mother-in-law wanted. And then she wanted to sit back and do the oh. Sorry May. You don't like my store-bought turkey fine. I'll take it back and we'll go have dinner at my fiance's house where everybody will be Super-Duper Freakin Happy to see us!!!
Story 1 - Good that the GF bought the turkey instead of ruining it. On the otherhand, when they have kids who will cook for the kids? Dad? If or a cook. Can OP/wife afford to hire a cook or they'll just have to eat whatever she cooks. MIL could have created situations where she taught her DIL instead of creating a trap and whining at the results
first story ... NO ONE asks or should expect someone to cook/prepare a meal's main dish when they don't reside in the home in which it is to be served. I can't imagine roasting a turkey and then hauling it to another location ... let alone expecting said turkey to hold up during transport. The turkey arrives in less than ideal condition ... which would have been frowned upon. OP's fiance/future wife will never be accepted/approved by his mother and should go low/no contact. Yeah, OP's mother rides a broom with dual exhaust.
After 18 your parents aren’t obligated to give you a gift. So to me it’s silly, but I also think it’s awful to buy something for someone they don’t want. It’s a waste of money and hurtful. Give your grown child a card with sweet words and cash.
My parents were great with the unneeded and unwanted gifts. They always meant well and we learned not to get excited about it. After a certain age I had my son make a wish list every time. There were no promises made but I'd try to get him at least one or two of the top picks, depending on finances. Thankfully he was never the sort to ask for outrageous things.
OP NTA good for you for standing up to your mom and family. I bet your mom gave Julia a hard task for a reason cuz she thought Julia would fail. I think Julia was smart. Op's mom and family complained so I think OP did the right thing by taking the turkey away when Julia and OP left. The ones who ruined Thanksgiving were mom & those who complained with her and agreed with her. OP did the right thing by leaving with Julia and the turkey. Julia and OP are owed apologies. But truly I don't think I would want to subject my significant other to OP'S mom'e abuse either. dinner with family is great but not when they are being mean.
The last story, that commenter is wrong, being in the toy aisle isn't the problem, it's the gift. OP could have just got that toy from Hanna and then OP could have bought a gift from herself that she knows Sarah would have wanted.
Story 2: she stole her sisters boyfriends multiple times. Yeah, those guys suck. But her sister owes her loyalty. She can't betray her several times and expect her to come running out of family loyalty.
S1. After letting emotions cool down, Talk to Julia & ask her if she would like having your mom teach her how to cook. Make sure Julia wants to try this before you talk to your mom. Maybe Julia can show up with a turkey & say "I'd like to learn how to cook this, will you teach me so I can make the turkey for next year?" Maybe they can make a connection with each other cooking together. And maybe your mom is getting old enough that she is having trouble doing everything for Thanksgiving & is hoping for a little help. Good luck
Yeah, mom is not interested in having a bonding moment with her son’s partner. Julia doesn’t need to know how to cook in order to be treated well by mom😒
Julia has no interest in cooking and should have said no to the turkey in the first place. All this drama for nothing. Mother would still have done her thing but they didn't have to dive in.
Re: The Turkey. NTA. Your mom was playing mean girl games and there was no right answer for Julia. That said, given that YOU did not step and proclaim that you were going to make the dinner, I'm a little concerned as an outside observer that neither you nor your fiancee know how to cook for yourselves. But you can fix that.
@@chinavaughan6383Mom's 'standards' are impossible to meet because she'll deliberately move the goalposts to make sure they lose! She plays a rigged game!
I do question what Sarah meant by "real gift". I mean, I'm perfectly happy to get a plushie, so what would Sarah think is a "real gift"? Makeup? A car? Clothes? What does she even want? Her being 20 doesn't mean anything.
1-NTA but your mom is. 2-NTA. 3-NTA. 4-NTA If hubby can't defend you from his family you need to be looking for the exit. 5-I was originally going with NTA but after reading/hearing the commenters op YTA.
If what the MIL says is not an insult, you should comment next time she says it. Well we should stick together then as both out husbands married down!!
S3) Isn't it obvious the husband didn't say anything after the mom insulted Op cause he agrees with her .. grow a back bone and stop letting that man manipulate you.
😂 the comments about giving her something hard to do! Making a turkey may take a few hours, but it IS NOT HARD. Go watch a TH-cam video about it, you don’t have to be intimidated by your turkey, you can do a great job.
I mean I personally see any actual adult who sucks at cooking as lazy unless they make enough money to afford a personal chef. Either way good on him for backing up his fiancé.
If you have experience with cooking it's not that hard, but for someone who doesn't have that experience, it must be nerve wracking, hell, I love to cook, but I'd be a bit worried about cooking a turkey for Thanksgiving, and I'm not even American.
All Julia had to do was put EFFORT. But it seems like she clearly does not carei can't cook either, but at least try. So Julia can't make food? How does she feed herself? Does this grown up adult woman know how to adult? Right now it might not affect Op, but when he is doing all the cooking he will remember what his mom pointed out
The first time I cooked a turkey back in 1992, I remember how shocked I was at how easy it was to cook. It's just BIG, and that makes it daunting. Don't do any of the ridiculous fancy prep, like brining.
A person standing up to their own family for their partner, we love to see it.
S1: best is that they took the turkey with them hahaha.
That was a good power move it showed his family that he isn’t willing to play games with his relationship
I, the husband, have always cooked the holiday meals and any major meals in our home. My wife can do the basics, but not more than that. She can bake cakes out of a box and stuff like that. We always have family over for holiday dinners and I always do the turkey and most of the sides. My in-laws bring their favorite recipes and we all have a great time. My wife is a great host and entertains everyone with games while I cook. It's a great balance.
Last story-YTA. Not because you were in the toy section, nor because you let Hannah choose a Bluey doll as a gift for her sister. That's fine, and kinda cute. Where you went wrong is you decided that's the only gift she's getting from you and Hannah. So you put your name on a gift Hannah chose out of love for her sister, when you probably knew (or at least suspected) that your oldest liked other things. You should have got her something that came from you and your love for her. Instead, you shrugged and went "good enough" with Hannah's gift.
Yep. I’m sensing who the favorite is right away. “Oh Sarah you’re too old for that anyways, why not let Hannah have it? Oh and happy birthday I guess.”
Yeah she showed Sarah how little of an afterthought she sees her
I beginning to understand why she is divorced.
Agreed. That was a wonderful present... from Hannah. Her mom didn't actually get her anything.
Not everyone has a lot of money and can't pay two gifts.
Last Story: My own mother used this tactic with me and my older brother exactly once, and it went about as well. Children are not often as empathetic as adults, they tend to think their own tastes are universal. So, like Sarah, my own brother didn't really like my choice of gift for him. Moral of the Story? Do not use your children as Secret Santas for their siblings!
S1 has me in shambles. OOP really took the turkey with them. 😂
I would have, for sure. Whole Foods is apparently quite expensive.
I wish he'd left while yelling YOU GET NOTHING. YOU LOSE. GOOD DAY SIR.
Well, well, well. Being chosen to bring the centerpiece means you have to cook it yourself. That's a new one on me. Besides, no one will ever expect to be told to bring the turkey when asked the common question of "Is there anything I can bring?"
The mom is insane really. I cant imagine asking asking someone to bring a cake to my own birthday party that im hosting 😂😂😂
@@Alice15210can you imagine it?
- What would you like as a wedding gift?
- Oh, the wedding cake is fine. Bring the wedding cake.
@@Alice15210 And on top of that, YOU must be the one that makes it. No fair hiring a bakery.
Story 1: OP is NTA. We all know it was a setup. You don’t have an inexperienced person cook an entire turkey on their own.
"It's a trap!"
If you pride yourself on providing a home cooked meal you can ensure that by, you know, cooking the meal. If you delegate don't get pissy about how delegates fix the problem.
Also, guests may be asked to bring sides, but I have never heard of the host not providing the main dish.
i cooked 2 turkeys for Thanksgiving at my brother in laws house... 😂
My supervisor at work volunteered to bring the turkey for an office Thanksgiving dinner. She hadn't fixed a turkey before and when we started slicing it, we discovered the little bag in the cavity with the giblets and neck--fully cooked as it had been cooked inside the turkey. Can't believe she didn't discover it when she washed the bird--if she did wash it. 😂
My mother did that. The one and only time we ever tried turkey. It ruined the flavour of all the meat for us kids. I don't think she ever lived it down. Any whole chicken for roasting that she bought, we always asked The Question...lol.
S1: If Julia somehow had nailed the turkey, mommy would have whined that she was being shown up. If you can't win, don't play. And the sister can STFU. Julia and OP didn't ruin dinner, mom did that with her power-tripping nonsense. I hope OP keeps setting hard boundaries.
Yep!!! Ops mom wanted her to fail so she could talk bad about Julia
Juila should have researched and watched TH-cam videos which weren't around when I started. I've been doing it for 41 years since I was 18, and I made everything else as well.
@@ew4932 Then you should know turkey is not a good recipe for a beginner, YT videos or not.
@@DrownedInExile It's not exactly rocket science. Even Butterball has a 800 number now to call for questions.
I am wondering if mom wants op to come home with a Martha Steward girl so she can shove all the cooking and hosting onto them
In the last story, I thought that OP was going to buy 2 presents, one from herself, and one from Hannah, for Sarah. That would have made more sense.
Story 3: NTA, that is nuts, especially with him going and buying all kinds of stuff that was 100% unneeded.
Wonder if MIL complained to FIL, so he decided on the "family rule" suddenly? From all these "Thanksgiving" horror stories, it seems that people who utterly reject the tradition are the ones who will give thanks on that day for ever after.
And the next day all neighbors of FIL and MIL got a nice casserole 'left over'. OP's husband is an idiot to have not stepped in.
Okay what you should have done. Was you let her sister give her that gift. And then you have a second real gift for her.
Her mom doesn’t love her enough to buy a second gift she actually wants. 🙄
Exactly, as I was reading the comment I was like "yep, that's the obvious route of action"
Story 5: YTA, you should have gotten your own gift for her too. So she got a real gift from you and a child gift from your younger daughter. It would have been cute then instead of a huge and inappropriate disappointment. It isn't like the Bluey doll cost a lot either (maybe $20-$30 max), and would have broken the bank to get in addition to a real gift..
First story: NTA- Good one on you for standing up for Julia and not putting up with your mom and her internalized misogyny. It's fine mom embraces her identity as a trad wife/house frau, but that route isn't everybody's cup of tea and that's also okay. We stan shiny spines in this house.
How was it a trap. Their are books, the INTERNET, and etc. YTA. op did nothing to help her. Op should've helped her make the turkey.Since julia was bussy at work. Op should've been looking for tips, guides and etc. using some common sense #1 Op's wife and OP ( step 1 mom/MIL "can you please clean and season my turkey for me. do it 2-3 day's before. keep it in the refrigerator. keep the guide that show how to cook the trukey safely. IT COMES WITH THE TRUKEY. or geta turkey with a red pin. Step 2 cook the turkey. If it has the red pin. When the pin is popped, it's done. #2 Op could've made the turkey and went " my wife hard working wife not only made this turkey while still doing her job. She did it to impress you all. She is new to cooking ".
I hope OP sent them pics of them enjoying the turkey 🦃
@@k70freeman You think someone new to cooking should start with turkey??? Oh you sweet summer child!
@@DrownedInExile A person has to want to learn. You act thereis no internet, cooks, video, PEOPLE TO ASK FOR HELP and more. people worked and cooked way before op's wife was born . thier is middle ground. No one was going " Op's wife should be a expert chef". Op has no right to act like, his wife worked hard on the turkey. How to safely cook a trukey comes with the turkey. Also a fail proof turkey is the one with a red pin in it. You can get a cleaned out turkey. COOKING A TURKEY IS NOT HARD.
@k70freeman, you sound just as bad as the mother. 1) You never ask someone to make a major dish on a holiday, especially when they don't know how to cook. 2) You then bitch and moan when they do something to not stress themselves out about ruining everything? You're an instant butthole. 3) If Op and His fiancé went to her family for Thanksgiving, how would you not think they were busy with work or planning their own meals out. I know for one, my family starts shopping and cooking 2-3 days beforehand, along with having full-time jobs. Ain't no body got time for that. 4) Those pop-up turkeys aren't even always accurate. I've had many times in my house where we bought turkeys with that piece in it, and the turkey wasn't cooked, and I come from a family of well seasoned cooks, and I'm personally a chef. They aren't always a good indicator for checking a turkey, so for someone who doesn't know how to cook one, that can still be a disaster. 5) As for the internet or books, yeah, they can be a great guide, but they don't tend to be when you haven't cooked before and are freaking out. As well as it's difficult to make a turkey IN WHICH YOU HAVE NEVER MADE BEFORE. 6) If Ops mom really cared about the fiancé's cooking skills she could have invited her over to help, or taught her how to make some dishes instead of jumping straight to bashing her and setting her up to fail. Lastly, if you can't use proper grammar, don't comment on whether someone can cook or not.
How can anyone with even an ounce of self respect love a man who continuously lets his family disrespect her and thinks it’s ok?
I think Hannah picking the doll for Sarah would be fine if that was Hannah's gift to Sarah but why didn't the mom get Sarah her own gift? That's where the mom dropped the ball
Yeah wth. The little kid picked out a gift for herself and the adult didn’t think my adult daughter probably won’t want a toy, I’ll give her something else small so she knows I actually remembered and cared about *her* not her younger daughter ffs.
It doesn't take a lot of effort to note what people like/mention/need. Last year I got a nephew music from one of my favorite bands. This year he mentioned that he would like to get more of their music. Done and done. His big brother is into home improvement, his mother likes dragons, another brother is an edgy IT specialist.
@@asmith8692 If your can get your sister a dragon she will lose her mind.
@@asmith8692 Even if you don't know, there's always the reliable safe methods! Directly asking and/or cash in a personalized envelope/card with a heartfelt message.
P.S. I also love dragons. And plushies. My mother still often gets me plushies even though I'm almost 40. In return, I randomly get her certain salty candy which she loves that helps her with her low blood pressure. And sometimes dark chocolate treats.
For birthdays in my family, it's more of an 'experiences' deal than actual objects lately. We gift each-other day-trips to an arboretum/zoo/themepark or into nature together and socialize during game-nights with lunch/dinner more than giving actual objects nowadays. But we also clearly communicate our wishes for those special events to ensure we can enjoy them more, since we're all adults.
ME, TOO-A DRAGON FOR ME, TOO, PLEASE!
Story 4: NTA. He either agrees with them or he's too much of a coward to do something about it. The net result is the same, work on an exit strategy.
Story 2. Nta. Wow the sister litterly after round and found out what happens when you pick the wrong man to mess with.
I don’t think she learned her lesson though
@@lorilancaster5917 she was caught by OP with 2 different high school boyfriends and 1 college boyfriend. Sister doesn't care about the lesson. She likes the drama. As for mom saying OP needs to get over it, she has. Problem for mom and so many others is that when they say "Get over it" that means forgiveness and go back to being family or friends again. Well unfortunately for mom and sister OP is in a position were she doesn't have to tolerate toxic betraying siblings in her life anymore. That's how OP has "got over it" by cutting her out and moving on.
Maybe Sis should duck next time. 😂
@@lorilancaster5917 Op should ask how ofter mom or dad has cheated since they are so okay with the sister doing that
There is NO power un being the other woman. When someone cheats on their spouse, that does not speak about the spouse, that speaks on the cheater. If they will cheat woth you, they will cheat on you. You're not special. You aren't better than the spouse. You are actually human trash and should be treated appropriately.
Story 1: It was definitely a control move on the mom’s part. There was going to be no way for Julia to win, and OP’s mom knew it.
Good on OP for having a wonderfully polished shiny titanium spine. NTA.
Story 1: NTA, for finally standing up for your fiancee to the proper degree. Your mom is an AH and will never accept her as you wife, so you need to decide, if you marry her you will have to go very low contact with your mother, probably forever.
Oh and PS, you never ask someone to "Bring the turkey", it is large takes forever to make, and unless it is cooked overnight by the time it arrives will be dryer than the Sahara (especially if you have to travel hours to get there). Guests should only be bringing sides and deserts that at most need to be reheated for 10-15 minutes.
Story 1: OP wins. Flawless victory. Momtality.
And don't you dare apologize. She was trying to set Julia up yo fail.
Me, sitting here in New Zealand, wishing there was somewhere here that did cooked turkeys...
I'm also jumping in about the first story. I'm an accomplished cook, and have a very broad repertoire, I've never made a turkey (I'm not American), and I wouldn't give it to a first time cook. I'm not sure I'd cook it myself. Kudos on OP and his fiance for handling it like they did. I think that the mom was out of line. If I'm hosting, I expect to make the main dishes, with people contributing what they can, unless they specifically ask to contribute, and I know that they can do it (aunty Susan makes a great turkey, so she does it as her contribution).
There’s nothing wrong with giving the doll as part of the gift-it’s a sweet gesture that shows the younger sister’s love. However, it might have been better if the mom had added something more appropriate for Sarah’s age or interests alongside it. That way, the doll could still be a meaningful keepsake from her sister without leaving Sarah feeling overlooked. This could have been an opportunity to make both daughters feel valued but OP really dropped the ball.
😂😂😂 op took the turkey! W fiance 😂😂😂
OMG I'm certain that a turkey purchased from Whole Foods would have been wonderful. I've had rotisserie chicken before and it was delicious. That mom was being a "B".
Many of the bigger grocery stores offer fully cooked turkeys or turkey breast and there should be no shame in bringing one to a holiday event. If my brother and SIL are given desserts again for Christmas no one cares if they made homemade pies and cookies or got them from a bakery as long as they taste good.
Story 2: NTA, she intentionally make herself an affair partner, sh is going to get herself ended eventually if she doesn't grow up.
4: I let my husband & MIL treat me like ISH...AITA!? You need to grow a backbone ma'am!! 5: YTA...why does my older hate me!? We all know why!!
Story 4: NTA, you husband should have put his foot down with his family the first time they insulted you. And if it continued he should have gone less and less contact with them over time till they behaved or he was no contact.
My sis & I are 17 yrs apart & our Mom never did that when I was Hannah’s age. She either added to the gift or figured out how to move me towards a gift sis would actually like. Why didn’t OP do that?
Because she was more interested in making her younger daughter happy😒
@chinavaughan6383 She could have also bought another gift and the Bluey doll be exclusively from Hannah
@ Yes, that’s exactly what she should have done. The little girl thought that because her older sister watched a kid’s TV show with her, that meant that her older sister loved the character. I get why she thought that. However, mom should have known that that wasn’t the case. Maybe if her older daughter were to give her the same kind of gift for her birthday, her only gift, then mom would understand😏
And seriously...
_"I want you to cook the turkey this year!"_
"I'm not comfortable doing that, soooo... no."
Like, what's so hard about simply declining, and if escalated, refusing?
Both sides suck. The Op for bringing a store bought Turkey when he knows mom likes to cook. Why not DECLINE cooking the turkey?
The mom sucks too, but it is true that the Op's fiance saying "she can't cook" is a red flag. She can't cook ANYTHING?
All adults should know how to cook
@@lalvarez5151Not everyone is a great cook and there’s no shame in that. Knowing that the girlfriend was no Julia Child, the mom was definitely trying to humiliate her son’s girlfriend😠
Story 1. I know tons of people that can cook and still buy the whole meal because it's too much work. I love to cook and I vowed to myself never to make more than 2 side dishes and dessert is always store-bought.
Story one: do not apologize. Your mother was trying to set your fiancé up to look bad and embarrass her. Your mom‘s hissy fit was because your fiancé did not fall into her trap. Good for you for standing up for the woman you love. Keep doing that. Your mother will just have to deal. In time when she realizes that her little games won’t work. She’ll either fall into line or back way off. Either one works.
1) Kudos to OP for supporting his partner and telling mom she was out of line. OP is right, they are the ones owed an apology not his mom. It's good they took the turkey and left and ended up having a nice time with the fiancee's family. NTA.
2) I can't blame OP for not giving a F*** about what happened to her trashy sister. NTA.
3) Oh hell no, OP and husband did not agree to subsidize all the other stuff his family showed up with that was unrequested, unwanted, and mostly unused. NTA. Say no and never host again. Has FIL always acted like this or has he recently lost his marble?
4) What a shame to be treated like this by her husband's family. Why, when it is so obvious, does he not defend her ... shame on him. OP NTA. Now he is married OP is his family and if he will not defend her and their relationship and put his family in their place he is a crap husband. If he refused to do better and support her, OP should get out of this marriage.
5) I think it was nice to let the little sister pick out a gift for her sister, but unless OP was broke and couldn't afford anything more, this should not have been the only gift because it was obviously what the little sister liked and not what the elder sister would want or could use. YTA.
The husband in the other story needs to take notes from OP on how to defend his wife from his bullying relatives!
Second story. OP is right to go completely nc with the trashy sister. Given her track record, she absolutely would be trying to get her hooks into any future bf's or spouse that op ends up with. Should tell mom as well that if she continues to sweep the sisters past offenses under the rug, she'll go nc on her also.
Doesn't mean much for those men though for her to be able to lure them all away. She makes me think of the spider who invited all the flies into her parlor.
Just wait until she moves on to mom's friends, neighbors and anyone else close to her and spreads what she catches. I don't think mom is going to be thrilled to have to extra clean the silverware, toilets and stuff when sis has oozing mouth sores and other nasty stuff.
The parents need to stop infantilizing the sister. She’s a fully grown adult who can make her own decisions. She had to learn the hard way.
Makes you wonder if mommy dearest is a 304. I would be like So mommy dearest who did you steal dad from?
Story 1. Nta. That woman set poor Julia up.
It was a really dirty trick to make her feel guilty and look bad in front of everyone else.
S1: One of my best friends loves cooking and he does all the family cooking. This despite that she grew up in her family’s restaurant and can’t boil water. They both work and have a small child.
*laughing at the so called mother of the lest story* Oh wait you're serious let me laugh ever harder! You have be this girl "mother" for 20 YEARS! and you think a dog plushy as a gift would work? You didn't think for one second that "Hey I should get my kids a gift". But no you let the little one get a gift for her and then never wanted to spent more money then you had too. I hope you are so proud of all the money you saved.
She clearly doesn’t love her older daughter.
So its fine the family disrespect op for years but not ok she 'disrespect' them by removing herself from their bullying? Leave him.
YTA, you should have also gotten your daughter a gift.
Not a good gift idea.
OP made the gift about the little sister.
Mom is old enough to know better. This may cause the daughter to go low contact with her 🙄
Story 3: He was packing up all the ingredients? Uhhh...is there a chance that FIL did personal shopping for himself and disguised it as expenses for hosting? It would account for the stuff that was bought and wasn't used, because he was going to personally us them himself.
If OP's MIL had told her that she had married beneath her (referring to her own son) then it would be a joke, but not when she is referring to OP, the woman her son chose. Do not go back to that house unless some apologies are made.
if he goes alone though mom might introduce him to a 'appropriate' woman
Story 1: NTA. Even if mom's love language is cooking good meals, she STILL set Julia up for failure right from the getgo because she looks down on her. It's so disrespectful.
The husband says OP is disrespecting his family just for not being involved in that drama anymore? He’s disrespecting his wife by not defending her and doing much. Seriously what is the point of getting married if he’s not gonna stand up for his wife or is he one of those idiots that just say “that’s just how they are” he’s either a people pleaser or a mama’s boy. When will these idiots know that respect is not a one-way street it goes both ways
He agrees with them. That's why he doesn't say anything.
The fiance not being able to cook because she is "career oriented" is a red flag. Can she cook anything? How does she feed herself?
If they have kids can she help feed them?
Him mom has a point there
@@lalvarez5151The woman managed to feed herself before she met OP. Anyway, just because she’s a woman doesn’t mean she has to do the cooking. OP isn’t bothered by her lack of cooking skills and his is the only opinion that counts🙂
I thought we'd got past the stage of The Wife Must Cook, especially if both are working full time. I'm sure the household chores can be divided other ways!
@@lalvarez5151 You're getting the stories mixed up. This is Story 4 with the snobs saying the husband 'married down', not the first story with the turkey
girl tell your father-in-lawnext year because the cost of food is so high and he feels as though you should split the bill after planting his feet under your table and insisting on all these casseroleshe can have it at his houseand that you and your husband will celebrate the holiday and your home with family and friends where it doesn't come down to Dollars and cents and paybacks!!and I also tell him I don't owe you anything!!😅😅
That last story is wild. I’m 22 and I would’ve loved a little Bluey dog from my little sister if that’s something she thought we found joy in together.
You don't have in-law from you have a husband problem because he's not standing up for you. He's not shutting down the remarks. First I would try 5th therapy and if not go find somebody who's going to give you the love and respect you want. And his family respect your worth because anybody that's not respecting your worth is not worth having in your life.
I would not give a dime to the people who overspent.
don't let him give you the cold shoulder his family has been mistreating you and he said there like a mommy and never said nothing at any time you said you're not going to attend any more of his family functions I hope and pray you have family that you can go to or good friends I wouldn't care you gave me the cold shoulderyou don't have to keep subjecting yourself to them mistreatment that slurs and anda passive aggression towards you!!you would be the idiot if you continue to put yourself through that and if he doesn't like it I talked to a damn good lawyerfamily is everything to him then what does he think you are you are his wife he took vows with youyou supposed to stand up for you when his mother said he married down and he misses his freedom maybe he does and I give him his freedomthat way he can return to his motherhe came from her he can go back to her that's the way you should look at that situation Dear HeartGod bless😢😢😢
Surprise bill for Thanksgiving dinner: Tacky, but it happens. When I was a kid, my aunt, by far the most solvent in our very blue collar family, volunteered to host a Thanksgiving potluck. As we were leaving, she announced the total everyone owed her for her contribution and hosting. It was pretty shocking and unexpected. Kind of sad thinking about everyone (all with young kids) digging out their last dollars until payday, that close to Christmas, to pay for a meal they'd already contributed to, didn't get leftovers from, and handing that out-of-budget money to the "richest" person in our entire family. Never again. They've always lived modestly and both always had great jobs, in case anyone wondered if they weren't doing as well as they seemed.
I was always taught that it's the thought that counts when giving presents.
There was no thought on the mother’s part for her oldest daughter’s birthday gift 😒
lol-I’m 61 years old and have never made a turkey in my life.
Oh, I can cook. I just have never cared for Thanksgiving dinner, and have always gone to someone else’s house, even after I had a kid.
My pumpkin pie rocks, though. 😎
"Shouldn't let boys come between you."
Boys didn't come between us, her actions did. She has shown herself to be completely untrustworthy and morally bankrupt and that is not somebody I want in my life. If you keep pushing me to have somebody in my life like that, I will start to question your morals and trustworthiness and need to decide if I need to make the same decision
#1 I thought for sure MIL would have a perfect turkey ready to pull out when the fiancee "failed." What an AH though. Not only is the turkey the centerpiece of Thanksgiving, as everyone said, but it's also massively intimidating for someone who doesn't cook. MIL wanted to gloat or b*tch. Glad she got _something_ she wanted, since OP snatched the main dish away. 🤣🦃
OP in the hosting story should counter by sending a bill to FIL for what they paid for. Fair is fair.
While I think everyone should know how to cook a few basic meals, I'd never ask someone who isn’t good at cooking to make something so big.
If OP has to pay for a part of the grocery bill, then FIL/MIL should chip in for the electricity (fridge/stove) & water usage (food prep & washing up). Maybe also for the gas/heat/AC bill, while they were staying at the house.
It's important to learn how to cook. But it's also equally important to not be a jackass to your sons fiancée.
Story 1.. cooking turkey isnt that hard. it's mostly prep work..
i cooked two turkeys for Thanksgiving at my brother in laws since im the only one with a smoker
So i have no issue with a "guest" bringing the "main course"
We also had a snowstorm that day (about 7 inches of snow)
So i got to stand out in the snow quite a bit while the food cooked..
(I even shoveled and plowed snow while the turkeys cooked) 😂
then my wife and i had a joyful ride to his house in the next town at 15 mph cause the roads weren't even plowed..
My mother used to cook the turkey/turkeys but she passed away in august..
And these were the first turkeys I've cooked on the smoker, so it's not like i have a bunch of experience either...
Id give her an F for her lack of effort..
Id be more understanding if she tried cooking one and failed then got the store turkey as a backup..
With that being said.. atleast she came with a turkey!
When she said she “rolled over and went back to sleep” my first thought was how many of her sister’s boyfriends had she slept with.
The turkey story has to do with the mother-in-law wanting her son's 1-week-old fiance to fail. The girl is a career woman. She's very young. She's probably used to her own mother making the turkey giving her really the pivotal part of the meal as her responsibility was done on purpose so the girl would fail. As I stated before. Think of it like a person who is in contracting and all they do is small purchases. And then one day the contracting officer who is the supervisor boss of all contract specialists slaps a multifaceted major contract on this person's desk and tells them to perform. It's not going to happen. It's like telling somebody who on an assembly line does one little thing and then you expect them to assemble the whole product. If you're the person who sews the buttons on garments, you're not the person who cuts the pattern. Sews it together, puts all the adornments on. You're only responsible for the buttons if the garment has buttons to ask anything more of a novice or in this respect. Sort of an intern as asking too much and the person is going to fail. And that's what good old mother-in-law wanted. And then she wanted to sit back and do the oh. Sorry May. You don't like my store-bought turkey fine. I'll take it back and we'll go have dinner at my fiance's house where everybody will be Super-Duper Freakin Happy to see us!!!
#1 All Julia had to say was no. You don't bring store bought turkey when you said you'd cook.
Story 1 - Good that the GF bought the turkey instead of ruining it. On the otherhand, when they have kids who will cook for the kids? Dad? If or a cook. Can OP/wife afford to hire a cook or they'll just have to eat whatever she cooks. MIL could have created situations where she taught her DIL instead of creating a trap and whining at the results
she asked her to make that turkey knowing she couldn't cook just a humiliate her behind
first story ... NO ONE asks or should expect someone to cook/prepare a meal's main dish when they don't reside in the home in which it is to be served. I can't imagine roasting a turkey and then hauling it to another location ... let alone expecting said turkey to hold up during transport. The turkey arrives in less than ideal condition ... which would have been frowned upon. OP's fiance/future wife will never be accepted/approved by his mother and should go low/no contact.
Yeah, OP's mother rides a broom with dual exhaust.
After 18 your parents aren’t obligated to give you a gift. So to me it’s silly, but I also think it’s awful to buy something for someone they don’t want. It’s a waste of money and hurtful. Give your grown child a card with sweet words and cash.
My parents were great with the unneeded and unwanted gifts. They always meant well and we learned not to get excited about it. After a certain age I had my son make a wish list every time. There were no promises made but I'd try to get him at least one or two of the top picks, depending on finances. Thankfully he was never the sort to ask for outrageous things.
OP NTA good for you for standing up to your mom and family. I bet your mom gave Julia a hard task for a reason cuz she thought Julia would fail. I think Julia was smart. Op's mom and family complained so I think OP did the right thing by taking the turkey away when Julia and OP left. The ones who ruined Thanksgiving were mom & those who complained with her and agreed with her. OP did the right thing by leaving with Julia and the turkey. Julia and OP are owed apologies. But truly I don't think I would want to subject my significant other to OP'S mom'e abuse either. dinner with family is great but not when they are being mean.
The last story, that commenter is wrong, being in the toy aisle isn't the problem, it's the gift. OP could have just got that toy from Hanna and then OP could have bought a gift from herself that she knows Sarah would have wanted.
Story 2: she stole her sisters boyfriends multiple times. Yeah, those guys suck. But her sister owes her loyalty. She can't betray her several times and expect her to come running out of family loyalty.
S1. After letting emotions cool down, Talk to Julia & ask her if she would like having your mom teach her how to cook. Make sure Julia wants to try this before you talk to your mom. Maybe Julia can show up with a turkey & say "I'd like to learn how to cook this, will you teach me so I can make the turkey for next year?" Maybe they can make a connection with each other cooking together. And maybe your mom is getting old enough that she is having trouble doing everything for Thanksgiving & is hoping for a little help. Good luck
The only thing mother dearest has done to Julia is be mean or dismissive since she was his girlfriend, she's not going to teach her to cook
Yeah, mom is not interested in having a bonding moment with her son’s partner. Julia doesn’t need to know how to cook in order to be treated well by mom😒
Julia has no interest in cooking and should have said no to the turkey in the first place. All this drama for nothing. Mother would still have done her thing but they didn't have to dive in.
@@ruthsaunders9507 Mother would have complained then because she didn't accept. There's no winning with people like that
@@thestarwithinus Mother was going to complain not matter what. Pretending to play along only made things worse.
People are to nice at times
1 - OP 's mum is a POS who competes with her son's fiance by trying to set up a fixed test she knows the fiance doesn't have the experience to do.
Re: The Turkey. NTA. Your mom was playing mean girl games and there was no right answer for Julia.
That said, given that YOU did not step and proclaim that you were going to make the dinner, I'm a little concerned as an outside observer that neither you nor your fiancee know how to cook for yourselves. But you can fix that.
They probably can prepare food for themselves, just not the kind that’s up to mom’s standards🙄
@@chinavaughan6383Mom's 'standards' are impossible to meet because she'll deliberately move the goalposts to make sure they lose! She plays a rigged game!
I do question what Sarah meant by "real gift". I mean, I'm perfectly happy to get a plushie, so what would Sarah think is a "real gift"? Makeup? A car? Clothes? What does she even want? Her being 20 doesn't mean anything.
She meant a gift that a 20 year old would actually want!🙄
1-NTA but your mom is. 2-NTA. 3-NTA. 4-NTA If hubby can't defend you from his family you need to be looking for the exit. 5-I was originally going with NTA but after reading/hearing the commenters op YTA.
If what the MIL says is not an insult, you should comment next time she says it. Well we should stick together then as both out husbands married down!!
Story 1-ESH. You could have told your mom no to the turkey. So why accept it when you know she can't do it
Story 2: Okay so sister played with fire and OP is supposed to be all sad because she got burned. Eff no. Whooahs get nothing.
S3) Isn't it obvious the husband didn't say anything after the mom insulted Op cause he agrees with her .. grow a back bone and stop letting that man manipulate you.
😂 the comments about giving her something hard to do! Making a turkey may take a few hours, but it IS NOT HARD. Go watch a TH-cam video about it, you don’t have to be intimidated by your turkey, you can do a great job.
I have always found turkey to be easy. I think people on sitcoms screwing up is why society makes a big deal about turkey-cooking!
Turkey is incredibly easy-peasy to make. Seriously, it's just a big 'ol chicken. Find a simple recipe online.
God help Julia if she decides to be a working mother
Julia will do a great job as a working mother, just like the vast majority of working moms🙂
Story 3: Good fuvving lord. Rude. Presumptuous. Entitled.
Why can't op cook given the great example his mum set. Mum is awful. Go no contact. Julia has other skills and things to contribute.
Im first flops
I mean I personally see any actual adult who sucks at cooking as lazy unless they make enough money to afford a personal chef. Either way good on him for backing up his fiancé.
As if rich people aren’t lazy?
What does that even mean? How is being bad at cooking lazy?
It's not lazy be bad at cooking but you need to make up for it with store-bought stuff if it's time to contribute to a feast
Julia didn't even attempt to try.
Sounds like weaponized incompetence.
She will never cook because it is "hard" and Op will have to do every meal
The mother is petty as heck, but it's not that hard to cook a turkey. OP's wife should have told the mother no as soon as she requested the turkey.
If you have experience with cooking it's not that hard, but for someone who doesn't have that experience, it must be nerve wracking, hell, I love to cook, but I'd be a bit worried about cooking a turkey for Thanksgiving, and I'm not even American.
All Julia had to do was put EFFORT.
But it seems like she clearly does not carei can't cook either, but at least try.
So Julia can't make food? How does she feed herself?
Does this grown up adult woman know how to adult?
Right now it might not affect Op, but when he is doing all the cooking he will remember what his mom pointed out
@@Dusk.EighthLegion that's why she should have told her no.
The first time I cooked a turkey back in 1992, I remember how shocked I was at how easy it was to cook. It's just BIG, and that makes it daunting. Don't do any of the ridiculous fancy prep, like brining.
It's sexist, notice how she doesn't expect her son to make any food.
NTA, ESH, NTA, NTA, soft YTA.
Why ESH on story 2?
ESH in last story. Op should of gotten the dude one too.