They’re going through the loss of their mother and only thing the dad wants to do is pawn them off on to someone whom they’ve only seen a couple of times. Even in the update, he’s testing the waters to see what he can get from OP.
No child should be afraid of not liking their parents dietary, political, religious, etc. choices. No parent should be infuriated by their child choosing something different for themselves. You should be able to have a calm, nonconfrontational talk about it and make compromises. Respect goes both ways. Your kids should be able to trust that you love them and want whats best for them and are willing to listen to them. This of course doesn't mean you let them do what will harm them.
Most vegetarians and vegans I have known are respectful and non-judgmental. OP's wife is horrible, but she'd probably be this way even if she wasn't a vegan. She'd just be controlling over something else.
@lynnw7155 , neither should the vegan be forced,, pressured or tricked into eating meat or other non-vegan food. Any non-vegan adult in a vegan family should learn to prepare his/her own food if he doesn't want to eat vegan food.
Brother literally stole the ring. I don't feel sure he ever has tended to return it, so if OP hadn't threatened what he did he might've never seen it again.
The stolen ring story: OP, come clean with your fiancée immediately after proposing. She will find out eventually and she will be very upset. Plus can you imagine how upset the brother’s fiancee is going to feel when she finds out that the ring on her finger was stolen and supposed to be for another woman. I agree with the advice of not telling the brother anything about future plans with OP’s fiancee. The brother will steal everything he can get away with.
I totally agree. I really really really really really really really want to be vegan but my body simply can't handle it. I have to have meat from time to time. I am vegan as much as possible but when my body craves it I feed it. But it's really hard to deal with the vigilant vegetarians and vegans. One thing I find interesting is that on a general basis the vegetarians were eating far more fish and chicken than I was eating beef and only beef. It was incredibly stressful getting hammered so much for it. I have a hard enough time myself eating the meat that my body is craving. Every body is different, everybody is different. People have to do what's best for their own overall health.
I agree Ppl should stop forching others to 'eat like them' Want to eat meat? go ahead! Don't want to eat meat? go ahead? NEITHER should force others to change!
The ring story had a few updates, The brother was jealous the his younger brother had achieved so many milestones ahead of him. The girlfriend found out he stole the ring and broke up with him. The op'sr girlfriend was understanding and they are engaged she has 2 rings cause the ex returned the stolen one.
Sounds like someone who wants to be the first at everything, coz he is the oldest... This is not usually normal, (In ANY generations, unless the parents are snobs, and thinks themselves close to royalty) unless the parents keeps on harboring about the oldest setting an example for the youngest, or the parents who keeps on comparing the youngest to the oldest Or keeps scores You know.. if it IS such a circumstance, I will NOT blame the brother, ONLY, if HE was/is so in depth of this mindset, that he feels like anything, that DOES NOT comes as a first for him, means, he would fail for the rest of his life, especially if the parents have always let him know that as the oldest child, what his duty was, etc etc etc... BUT If that is not the case, he had time, to get under, or over his parents' influences, some or a alot, then it's all on him I mean, for/from THAT kind of mindset (stealing your brother's ring) that is the best case scenario I could conjure
St. 1 - Girl, he had NO right to ask you to do any of this crap when he hasn't even committed to you in marriage. He told you to step up?? You're not even their step mom. This guy is a joke.
@@khendralibbey617 Why? SHE made her bounderies clear! He wasn't much of a dad to begin with and not much of a parent after that! There was not reason to assume that mom would die! And their relation was great before that And why is everybody saying "don't date a parent " and not to the parent "don\t dat ppl that don''t want to be a parent'? OP's ex is TA as these are HIS kids and OP was clear from the start
Child free people shouldn't date parents. Period. Full stop. This "vacation dad" nonsense is fine until it's not, it doesn't have to be someone dying, custodial parents flip out, go to jail, go out for cigarettes and never return. 🤷
Child free person here. 100% agree. But I also fail to understand how people don't see being a "vacation parent" as a red flag for a long term relationship. If that's not a sign of commitment avoidant people, I don't know what is.
Reddit has stories of parents of every sex and every sexuality ditching their kids. The mothers catch more grief for it, but that doesn't mean it doesn't happen. Regardless, child free people don't mesh with parents.
You missed the phrase "child free". That doesn't just mean "doesn't have kids at this time" it means "not down for being a parent". Single parents are fine to date whoever is down for parenthood, whether they're currently parents or not. That's not child free people.
S1: OP is a fool! Bad enough she dated a single parent given her history, but moving in "just to help"? What did she THINK was going to happen??? And she still can't cut the cord with finality even after the breakup. Her ex will absolutely use the kids to manipulate her in the future. She needs to check herself from the neck up, and cut ties for good.
Thanks, that's what I was thinking. And the little girl asking her to be her best friend? Others are calling that sweet. I'm calling it a red flag that OP agreed to it.
@@DrownedInExile Very possible, and it's gross to think of that actually being true. Ex BF wants the live in nanny. OP will be very unhappy for the next 10-15 yrs if she stays.
Hardly want a mom more like a full time nanny unpaid. They don’t want to parent the kids. It is truly different for most single moms and they are used to doing everything themselves and don’t expect a partner to take over every duty of being a parent.
@@bucknuts8198except single mothers don't have the luxury of getting into relationships with childfree men in the first place. It's always the fathers getting childfree girlfriends. They don't prioritise their kids
stop dating people with kids if you’re child free. the other parent dying or becoming incapacitated is a chance. they could have full custody at any time. stop dating parents if you don’t want to be one.
Engagement ring story, id be calling the police and reporting the theft. Brother is a thief. Period. Calling op childish and inconsiderate is maaasssiiivvveee gaslighting, entitlement and gaslighting.
I never understand people who "can't tell" people about things. I'd certainly tell my girlfriend about the ring because she'll hear all sorts of rumors. Everyone should know what the brother did.
@nancyomalley6286 , maybe, but my money is on the mother wanting to at least present the facade of a happy, "normal" family and looking good to people that only she cares about. My mother was like this, which meant that she swept all problems under the rug and they never got solved until someone else took action, much to her annoyance and resentment.
9:10 this here is why i've been ashamed of being vegetarian (with a few exceptions like fish once a week for the protiein) the absolute entitlement of people who think they can control other people's diets
So, the OP doesn't want to deal with kids due to her past, but yet dates a person with kids.....wtf? Yeah, what the guy did was horrible, and she isn't the AH for leaving in those circumstances. But if you dont want to deal with kids dont date someone with them
well i mean he had them on weekends so its not like she was expected to suddennly become a parent? so in other words what people are saying is dont date anyone with kids unless you yourself is a parent?
@@bl4ckhearts802yes, that is exactly what everyone is saying. Don’t date a parent if you don’t want to deal with kids. It’s like dating someone who’s passionate about a hobby you hate. Don’t set yourself up for failure. And don’t surprise Pikachu when the man who pushed parenting off on his ex pushes parenting off on you too.
'Vegan' story. Thag woman's not Vegan. She is Lacto-ovo vegetarian . Veganism is about sustainability and ethical nature of the food one eats. But that's a common misconception
Oh, this one is a whole epic, with the girlfriend finding out and dumping him, the brother running to grandma, grandma being all pissed off because OP was going to get married before the brother, it's a whole thing. You should really check out the full thing on Mark Narrations or Lost Genre.
Vegan MOM: You.Are.Wrong. I have been vegan for 50 years and DO NOT and WILL NOT demand that people around me do the same. It is MY CHOICE to be vegan and it is other people's right to choose their own path. Your son has every right to choose what he will eat. Instead be an example for him, tell him why you are doing it and allow him to make his own decision on his feelings. You are exactly the reason that people blast off at vegans all the time! 🤬
While I agree , there are still AHs out there who will blast you for being a vegan even if you keep that to yourself. They will tell you things like 'you will love meat, just try it ' or just let you have meat by claiming something is a vega meal .. Btw no, i'm not a vegan eventhough I have some vegan meals now and then
@@nancyomalley6286 No, more like "that's because ppl like to generalize and use the 'texas sharpshooter' narrative e.g. "see?? another story that proves I'm right' (while ignoring all the misses )_
I am a pescatarian BY CHOICE BUT I DO consume animal products, eggs, milk, cream etc, but not the meat I cook for the family... meats and all The reason for my choice of diet had nothing to do with my family, so why should I make them suffer for it, or harp on that they are doing something wrong, etc... i am alot of things, but selfish has yet to be one of them, or controlling I think that people who needs proteins (real proteins) real bad, suffers sometimes from the backlash of having a healthy mind/body
To be fair, I've known AH friends and relatives of vegans who are just as bad and who do everything they can to pressure or trick vegans into eating meat. I think it's more about being controlling.
I agree that she’s not responsible and he absolutely needs to step up, but I agree shes an idiot if she didn’t think she might need to play a guardian role even if Mom didn’t pass.
I temporarily tried tinder for dates and specifically said no kids and don't want kids and so many with kids showed interest so I just left, not worth the hassle.
Story 1: This is simple, if you are child free, don't date people with children. Don't even be close friends with them. If it's family, you may not necessarily have a choice interacting with kids but for any other relationships where you choose, just don't put yourself in such a position. Don't help out the kids, don't agree to babysit, just be cordial and distant and oh, check on your contraception vigorously to ensure you aren't getting any 'miracles'.
It's a pity that there's no free clinics for both pets and people to get spayed and neutered. That way, there's no unwanted animals or kids. Too many oops, I guess we're stuck with this now and it's not fair to the kids or animals and I'm sick of seeing horrible stuff on the news about what happens to them.😢
@@heathermiller5765 yes, I was just being a bit tongue in cheek with the whole spay and neuter thing. I really do wish that those who are absolutely against having kids(nothing wrong with that) would get themselves that option, especially those that hate kids, have serious anger issues or medical conditions that they don't want to pass on so as to not cause more suffering. Adoption is always an option for those that want kids, but don't want to have biological ones for whatever reason.
@@nightigal isn't it absolutely insane that after all the strides made for women to have a say in their own health and about their own body, we still have to deal with nonsense like this? It makes no sense. It's just an extra burden.
And why would she be okay with a bf being a vacation dad? It shows where his priorities lie and he can be that way towards his own flesh and blood, there’s no telling how little regard he would have for a partner.
It's not binary. There's a difference between child free, a weekend bonus adult, a temporary carer, a full time parent and the main carer. I've been all of these in my time but never had it thrown on me.
The vegan story The person who knows some dietician’s and claims raising a child vegan is near impossible doesn’t know what he’s talking about But i do feel the kid should get a say in it , mum pushing her agenda will be counter productive and the kid is old enough to have an opinion about it
@@immortalsofar5314 The problem is that you never know if or when the custody arrangement will change like it did in this story. The other parent doesn't even have to die. Kids could get old enough to decide which parent they want to be with most of the time and pick "vacation dad." Or the parent with primary custody could get arrested. Or CPS decides that parent's home isn't safe. Or any number of things. Regardless, being in a relationship with a parent means being a step-parent. If you don't want that, *don't date parents.*
1 - Fellow child-free people, do NOT date people with baggage from other relationships. Sooner or later, this kind of thing always happens. Dad shouldn't have been a "vacation" dad to begin with, and him calling OP a mom shows his true intentions. Run and do not look back. Their father's the one who needs to step the hell up. His carefree vacation dad role is over. NTA
Engagement Ring placeholders arent entirely unheard of... one of my friends was given a $20 Drug Emporium ring as the Engagement question ring, then they shopped for what SHE wanted that weekend and announced the Engagement AFTER they bought the ring from a jewelry store she wanted. Also one of the guys I know told us how he proposed with a ring pop on April First and then they actually agreed they both DID want to actually be engaged, and then got married 2 years later on April first. The brother was an idiot to use a STOLEN ring to propose and then he'd have to explain to his GF, he could have used something cheap instead of being like, "Um, you know that ring I gave you? It's what my BROTHER picked out for HIS fiancée. I took it from him to give to you." I hope that the fiancée actually found out how much of a SCUMBAG this brother is.
Looks like I'm not alone in thinking this haha. I was thinking a $20 ring from Walmart, a cheap mood ring from the flea market, or even a Ring Pop for laughs. I mean honestly, how hard is that? 😕
My niece told her BF she would refuse his proposal if he did not use a ring pop (the proposal was not a surprise, as you might have guessed). They shopped for the real ring later.
The other thing is that the current idea is that when you propose, the answer to the question shouldn't be a surprise. The timing and method of asking can be, but the couple should have fully talked about and decided to move their relationship towards marriage before the question comes up.
She's a relatively new girlfriend, and telling her to step up and be a mother to two children that he refuses to parent himself is pretty off the chain. Even if she didn't mind children, he's asking too much. He needs to be a father to his children.
And even in the updates he’s trying to test the waters to see if he can get anything from OP. He should be thankful OP hasn’t completely shut herself out of the kids lives
Old fart here...While I couldn't care less what someone wants for themselves, it's far from OK to try to foist their beliefs on me or anyone else. If they just want to eat cucumbers ONLY for the rest of their lives, then God bless and go ahead. Late last year, a friend of my sister became a born-again vegan and we had a bit of a row about it. She espoused how cruel it was to animals. Soooooo, I asked her what her plan was for 60-70 MILLION cows, 25 Million pigs, over 20 MILLION sheep, not to mention almost a Billion chickens. Did she propose killing them all or perhaps letting them starve to death or sell them overseas???? She appeared quite flumuxed.
Last story: As someone who has been married for over 35 years, it truly is the little things that can upset a really nice balance. The spoon! OP knows in advance about the spoon. But OP decided that it just wasn’t important enough for her to make the effort. That’s the whole thing, “the effort.”
@@deborahdicesare9042sounds like OP sees her husband as an employed man servant with benefits. I hope he does nothing for her until he divorces her or she gets her head of her posterior and fix this
Looks like none of you comprehend that....If you have a meltdown over a spoon. You got MUCH BIGGER ISSUES. NO illness is an excuse to throw out that manipulative abusive crap.
Story 4: NTA, a spoon is a spoon, the one you use to stir your tea/coffee makes literally no difference. But you really need to learn to make breakfast, it literally takes less than month to get good at pretty much all normal breakfast options (with poached being the hardest taking a few days to learn to do right).
Her hubby sounds like a petulant child when something as inane as "the wrong spoon" sets him off like that. I do agree, however, that she really needs to get her act together as well and learn the basics of cooking. It's just not that difficult.
To some (authistic) ppl, 'a spoon is not just a spoon' and even if it was, how hard is it to follow that ONE little rule? OP is an AH for being too lazy! Just because WE would not mind which spoon we would get, don't judge others when they DO care (for some unknown reason)
@@robertx8020 He was extra as hell and perhaps should find a new coping mechanism other than acting like a 4 year old. He would definitely get his own spoon from then on autistic or not. When your problems start to affect others, then it's up to you to rectify it,he will survive,probably soon to be single because not many would deal with grown childish men like that
@@Procrastinator1948 He hubby is *autistic.* In many ways, we *are* children even as adults. More to the point, we rely on rituals to function. That spoon is *his* spoon that he *always* uses for tea and coffee. Using any other spoon breaks the ritual. It disrupts our ability to cope with the chaos going on in our brains. We also tend to be over-sensitive to things like touch and taste. That particular spoon probably feels just right in his hand while other spoons don't.
Yea, so you weren't actually listening at all. Or you would have heard OP say that her husband freaks out at every little single thing. She literally CAN'T make him food because it's NOT TO THE WITTLE BABIES SPECIAL STANDARDS!
If you have not read the story she was not at first until the boyfriends ex passed away. And he respected that, but things changed when his ex passed away
@@Symphonia30 Just because the kids didn't live with him full time, doesn't mean that he wasn't a PARENT and he DID have kids. I agree with the question, "Why date someone with kids if you're THAT child free?" OP was an idiot in the first place to date a PARENT if she's so against being in the lives of kids.
Those poor kids are grieving and going through one of the worst, hardest things people have to go through! He needs to step up and be the father his children need!!
because you dont have to be a pareent to the kids since they not yours? thats what the other parent is for? what people with kids should only date other people with kids? otherwisee they should stay single for ever?
@@bl4ckhearts802 Yes, if you don't want to be a parent, don't date people who are. That's sound advice. Plenty of single, child-free people are out there if you don't want to deal with kids. On the other hand, plenty of single, child-free people actually love children and wouldn't mind dating someone with kids. But if you do date a person with children, you must be prepared for the possibility that they will become part of your life.
@bl4ckhearts802 people who have kids, should date people willing to be a partner and take on a parental role. Whether they have kids or not is irrelevant. But seeing their children as a burden is a big no. If you do not want to take on a parental role, then stop wasting other people's time. If you don't want to be a parent, that's your choice, but no child deserves to be stuck with someone who sees them as a burden & the partner deserves someone who is an actual partner.
FFS don't tell your girlfriend after you've proposed! She'll forever look at that 1st ring as the one you picked for her because you wanted her to have it, and instead because you had to replace it.
Story 3: NTA, a place holder ring is typically a cheap ring a guy buys if he can't decide on or can't afford the ring he wants to get. Then eventually is replaced by the "real ring". But it is never a ring borrowed from someone. Sounds like your brother has a sever case of FOBSTAGE (Fear of being Second to announce/get engaged).
Story 2: ESH, you for being sneaky about it, and your wife for forcing veganism on the family. Your son is not a vegan, therefore you both need to provide him with the appropriate diet for him. Forcing veganism on a child is a form of child abuse, if the child/person does not choose it (without being threatened or harassed) then it is not right for them.
It should be enough for her to accept that OP will be vegetarian at home. This is about power to her and is creating an unhealthy relationship with food for her son
What's the thing with childfree women getting into relationships with men with children? It's selfish. They shouldn't force a parent to chose between them or their kids.
whats the thing with people telling peopel who they can and cannot date just cos they have kids? so what you have to also be a paarent to date a person who has kids?
@@Swamp_Queen The 'father' was a vacation dad meaning he didn't have them all the time. Whenever he did have them, he was trying to palm them off to his new nanny bangmaid instead of actually parenting. It's the fault of lazy men, not childfree women.
Story 1- She needs to make a clean break. No middle ground, no helping out and no visiting. He'll try to dump them onto her again. He'll count on her sentimentality and try to trap her again.
@lorilancaster5917 These types always do. I was parentified, too, and I used to end up in situations like this from my family members and neighbors. I had to draw a hard line and tell people that if they tried to dump their kids on me, I would take their kids to wherever they were and leave, or I'd report them for abandonment. You have to be firm and harsh sometimes. People hear 'parentification' and just think 'oh look, a free babysitter for me.'
Last story: I guess my naivete and neurotypical-ness is showing, but how is OP TA? I mean, I know the "problem" is solved by just washing the dang spoon by hand real quick, but since hubby is autistic I wonder if he also has a thing about hand-washed utensils (not clean enough or he can taste the soap easier or something). And if this really was the "straw that broke the camel's back", why wasn't it addressed sooner? A lot of high-function autists have no problem directly telling you about a problem, especially a recurring one. I dunno, based on what I read, I'm leaning towards NTA. It's just a spoon. It's an important spoon, and if he's attached to it I get the sucky feeling, but the reaction of starving yourself because of it is childish. He knows better than that.
Engagement ring Story: Why TF is the mother "neutral"? Did she actually raise her children to be thieves? She should have been all over her son shaming his azz FOR STEALING HIS BROTHER'S PROPERTY! THIS is how she wants grown men to act like? THIS is how she wants to show the world just how she parented her sons?
Don't force your eating habits on your children Don't force your religion on your children Don't force your conspiracies on your children And most kids will turn out fine (at least they will have a good start)
Where as I would look at the other way, it is a tea spoon does it really matter what it looks like in the end, they both do the same thing, stir tea or coffee in this case, them being of a different design, means well nothing in the end.
@@jemase7931 Different people like different things, personally I drink everything during the same day from the same pint mug, coffee, tea, hot chocolate or whatever, it all goes in the same mug, rinsed out as needed of course, using the same spoon to stir it, also rinsed as needed.
Whaaat? The guy who pushed almost all parenting duties off on his previous partner is now pushing almost all parenting duties off on his current partner? I mean who could’ve seen that coming?
1st story Absolutely not the A hole OP You EX Thank God, is failing as a father. He is tossing all the parental responsibilities on you, not because they need a mother more now, but because he does not want to be the full time father he should be now. He is the one that needs to stop acting like a child stop pawing off HIS parental responsibilities and step up as the father they so desperately need now. It's not your job or your responsibility.
LAST STORY: The male partner is most likely ND, probably autism. I am autistic and we like certain size forks and spoons, plus we tend to be very picky about what food we eat and how it is prepared. It's a huge deal to us and he would feel very unloved if she didn't 1) notice and 2) try her best to follow his NEEDS. These are not just wants, they are NEEDS. A lot of normies just don't get it because it's "not a big deal" to them, and can't imagine how it IS a big deal to anyone else. Well it is. OP needs to step up and be a lot more thoughtful, because he is certainly quite thoughtful with her.
Last story: Really? You couldn't even take five seconds to hand wash a spoon? Wow. Talk about minimal effort. You pushed a button....after forgetting to the night before.
How about this: grow up butthurt snowflake. It’s one time, her husband can get over it. The world doesn’t revolve around op’s husband, he can deal with one time. Op did nothing wrong.
Story 3: NTA at all. To be honest, id STILL tell brothers fiancé. Thats theft. He was already worried she wouldnt say yes. I wonder why? He knows who he is deep down and questions whether his woman would wanna be with him. That said, i think OP you should tell YOUR fiancé too. Tell her what happened, so that you dont have this drama and stress built up in you over a secret. If she really loves you, and it sounds like she does, she'll understand. If she knows your brother, she wont think much of it.
As a man who looooooves his morning cup of java and loves to cook I can 100% empathize with the husband on the simple things. Wash him a damn spoon and put it on the saucer or in the cup. It's not that hard. She reminds me of my ex. Selfish, that's why she's my ex.
So the baby couldn't have his coffee or food without his special spoon. Should I prepare his bottle next time? Last story NTA, your husband can go one day without his special spoon. If he's that fixated on needing it, I kind of wonder why. And if it really is because OP just makes the coffee then he should use his big boy words and talk to her! Maybe help her learn to cook so they can trade off with cooking and he won't have to go pouting when he doesn't get his spoon for coffee.
No, your brother stole the better ring that you got a deal on and then bought OP another one at the discounted price. So no, if I was either of these women I would be *livid* and done with this family of fools.
If you don't want to deal with kids, don't date someone that has kids, even if it's only partial custody. Either you have to deal with the kids or you know you're dating a deadbeat with no accountability.
I was wondering that too. Didn’t the brother only propose because he couldn’t stand the thought of OP getting married first. The brothers fiancé caught on and the engagement was broken.
@@lorilancaster5917 yeah it something along those lines, the brother was the oldest and wanted to get that milestone first. The mom apologized for to OP for being "both sides" about it. OP's fiance liked the other ring but was happy with the final one she was given. I think a couple of other channels covered it.
@@lorilancaster5917 Oh, it got SO much worse. The grandma was the one that tried to push him to propose first and was pissed off at OP for getting engaged first and had been whispering lies to OP's girlfriend his entire time dating her, before she become his fiance.
Story 1: NTA for leaving, but you were for dating him in the first place. If you want to be child-free that is fine, but for the love of everything holy, DON'T DATE A PARENT (even if they are "Just a vacation parent").
There is nothing wrong of dating a single mom or dad, as long as the clear boundaries are met/don't mind being around kids. But most importantly you are still keeping the best interests of your child(ren) in mind.
Darlin’ how many bright red flags does he have to wave in your face before you’re going to realize, all you would be is a stay at home mom for “is” children. They are in no way your responsibility. And you did it the right way, but stick to it please
You don't even necessarily have to cook. Buy his favorite kind of pastry from a bakery he likes or make overnight oats/yogurt cups with ingredients he likes. No actual cooking required. It's the thought that counts.
Story 1 Update: Yeah. Damnit. I figured. And i gotta be honest, i cant say I LOVE OPs decision here. For me enough was said to where the BF knew he overstepped and knew how to fix it, was just asking for some help. Its your choice to leave him of course, its your right. But its one of those instances where if you're asking the internet "hey do i look like the mean one" im gonna answer: yeah, ya do.
Last Story: OP couldn't retrieve a single spoon from the utensil rack and handwash it for the man who's made *her favorite breakfast FOR her,* over and over?!? Bad wife...👎
Op needs therapy. She has way too much emotional damage to be a nurturer for anyone. She needs to date men without kids. Period. SO iscan AH for trying to dump his kids on OP. ESH.
Should have tried to wing it and said you'd already turned the dishwasher on before you realised his spoon wasn't clean 😂 you'd have got a lot less flack for it
He stole your engagement. Ring! He’s a thief! Do you know University? Is anybody being mean to him. I would’ve made him buy another ring, and I still would’ve told his fiancé. She deserves to know where the rain came from. Whatever happens is on him. What is wrong with people??? I can be friends with a person, but I just absolutely hate people as a group.
OP’s husband needs to grow up and understand it’s not a big deal. It’s one time, he can grow up and use a different spoon once in a while. The world doesn’t revolve around him. Op did nothing wrong. If her husband is so anal about it, he can wash the damn spoons from now on.
Story 1 is ESH. BF shouldn't be dumping his responsibilities on OP, but childfree people should *not* date parents, period. This was a foreseeable possibility.
The story about the couple where the ex-wife died leaving two young children is terribly sad but on due reflection I think OP did the right thing. She might have ended up resenting the children if she had been coerced into being a full-time carer.
It's always a risk. Op needs to get out. It's sad they can't care for the kids but they have been thru a lot as a child and they just can't. But they should have ended the relationship sooner. This easily could have happened at any time. Both are the idiots.
Story 1: People that don't want to be parents: DON'T. DATE. PEOPLE. WITH. KIDS. Not removing responsibility from the ex, he sucks too. She needs to break up with him for real and don't lead him and those kids on.
I dont get why childfree people date people with children and then say "i dont want anything to do with the kids when they know kids are apart of the deal! I Think it was smart of op to leave and i hope op breaks up with the dad cuz those kids deserve someone who loves them. But dad needs to step up and start reading books on how to parent and then be there for his children. He shouldnt throw his responsibility onto someone else. Op find someone who is also childfree.
I'm vegan ,and though I agree it shouldn't be forced on anyone, I disagree with the commentor who thinks a plant based diet is not healthy for growing children. It can be perfectly healthy, if done right.
I am ths similar in autism. I have certain silverware I prefer. I have to keep them in my room and wash them by hand because our grown man sons don't pay attention and if I don't my husnand will find them on a dirty plate in a bedroom. For interests sake. I am mostly bedridden and do not cook or do most house work. I have liver cirrrhosis, diabetes and pancreatitis as well as severe arthritis. I have very few things I am allowed to eat combined with what I am willing to eat. I cannot aford the enzyme replacements which makes it harder. I buy one months supply and make it last for 6 months to ward off constant diarriah.I lost 80 pounds and that's how I found that my pancreas was not functioning. Iust 2 capsuls as opposed to 12 a day is not enough for the energy to live a decent life but so be it.
Story 2: I love how that “YTA” commentor calls Op TA for lying to his crazy wife…then admits he wiuld have done the same. No Op is NTA, his wife is a MASSIVE one though.
i’m sorry what? how was everyone not only forgiving OP for being childfree while dating a guy with kids, but ALSO trashing on the guy??? jesus, his entire life just changed and permanently and he’s struggling, maybe he’s not behaving great but to call him the things they did seems insane
It's not insane, he's telling his girlfriend (bangmaid) to 'step up' as though she's the parent and not him. They've barely been together and he's dumping all the responsibility on her because he refuses to parent his own damn kids.
So, you completely gloss over the part where op had to raise her sibling most of her young life and how it affected her. And also the part where she's his GF and not even engaged to him, much less his wife. He was straight up trying to pass the buck and pressure her into being the mom. Struggling doesn't mean you get to do exactly nothing to help with your own kids.
A dietary preference/choice, should never affect those in your immediate circle, if you care about them at all i.e Your dietary needs on the other hand is a totally different matter Want and need to have completely different meanings I'd called that attitude way over the top controlling And get out of dodge while the kid is still young But the OP is a doormat, so the poor son, would have to suffer for a few more years, before he can take control of his own life, unless, there are family members willing to step in
Story 1: OP is NTA specifically For the situation with the kids and the ex. However, why the fuck is she dating people with kids if she doesn't wanna be a parent? That's setting herself up for failure
Last story: it's a sensory issue. I have ADHD and have a few "preferences" with daily use items. I prefer using dessert forks instead of full size ones cause it feels better, no idea why or how. That being said I'm an adult in my 30s and I can eat with a big fork if the small ones are dirty. Preferences in cutlery does not give you a good reason to blow up on anybody, Grow up dude.
Vegan story: NTA that ESH commenter is a huge hypocrite he just admitted he would have don’t something similar to what OP then continues to shame OP lol
"His daughter asked if I would be her best friend" was so sweet though.Those poor kids
They’re going through the loss of their mother and only thing the dad wants to do is pawn them off on to someone whom they’ve only seen a couple of times. Even in the update, he’s testing the waters to see what he can get from OP.
@@lorilancaster5917he's disgusting
That father is such a jerk. He had 2 kids but is terrified at the thought of being a dad? Someone needs to 'grow up' and it's NOT OP.
No child should be afraid of not liking their parents dietary, political, religious, etc. choices. No parent should be infuriated by their child choosing something different for themselves. You should be able to have a calm, nonconfrontational talk about it and make compromises. Respect goes both ways. Your kids should be able to trust that you love them and want whats best for them and are willing to listen to them. This of course doesn't mean you let them do what will harm them.
Most vegetarians and vegans I have known are respectful and non-judgmental. OP's wife is horrible, but she'd probably be this way even if she wasn't a vegan. She'd just be controlling over something else.
No one should be forced to be vegan.
@lynnw7155 , neither should the vegan be forced,, pressured or tricked into eating meat or other non-vegan food. Any non-vegan adult in a vegan family should learn to prepare his/her own food if he doesn't want to eat vegan food.
How was telling the truth a threat. If his brother hadn't stolen the ring, there wouldn't have been anything to tell.
mom's logic aka how do I keep everybody happy
Brother literally stole the ring. I don't feel sure he ever has tended to return it, so if OP hadn't threatened what he did he might've never seen it again.
Ring
Your brother is a thief. He asked, you said no, he took it anyway. He owes you a ring. This was all his own fault.
The stolen ring story:
OP, come clean with your fiancée immediately after proposing. She will find out eventually and she will be very upset. Plus can you imagine how upset the brother’s fiancee is going to feel when she finds out that the ring on her finger was stolen and supposed to be for another woman. I agree with the advice of not telling the brother anything about future plans with OP’s fiancee. The brother will steal everything he can get away with.
Food nazis are the worst. That poor kid. Now he thinks a burger is as evil as meth, and he's hiding his life from his parents.
I totally agree. I really really really really really really really want to be vegan but my body simply can't handle it. I have to have meat from time to time. I am vegan as much as possible but when my body craves it I feed it.
But it's really hard to deal with the vigilant vegetarians and vegans. One thing I find interesting is that on a general basis the vegetarians were eating far more fish and chicken than I was eating beef and only beef.
It was incredibly stressful getting hammered so much for it. I have a hard enough time myself eating the meat that my body is craving.
Every body is different, everybody is different. People have to do what's best for their own overall health.
I agree
Ppl should stop forching others to 'eat like them'
Want to eat meat? go ahead!
Don't want to eat meat? go ahead?
NEITHER should force others to change!
Poor kid is on the path to an eating disorder
Yep and will leave as soon as he can. The mother is being very foolish.
She has turned being vegan into a religion
Story with the ring. He should have just reported it as stolen and let the chips fall where they may
but familyyyyyyyy /s
The ring story had a few updates, The brother was jealous the his younger brother had achieved so many milestones ahead of him. The girlfriend found out he stole the ring and broke up with him. The op'sr girlfriend was understanding and they are engaged she has 2 rings cause the ex returned the stolen one.
Sounds like someone who wants to be the first at everything, coz he is the oldest...
This is not usually normal, (In ANY generations, unless the parents are snobs, and thinks themselves close to royalty) unless the parents keeps on harboring about the oldest setting an example for the youngest, or the parents who keeps on comparing the youngest to the oldest
Or keeps scores
You know.. if it IS such a circumstance, I will NOT blame the brother, ONLY, if HE was/is so in depth of this mindset, that he feels like anything, that DOES NOT comes as a first for him, means, he would fail for the rest of his life, especially if the parents have always let him know that as the oldest child, what his duty was, etc etc etc...
BUT
If that is not the case, he had time, to get under, or over his parents' influences, some or a alot, then it's all on him
I mean, for/from THAT kind of mindset (stealing your brother's ring) that is the best case scenario I could conjure
St. 1 - Girl, he had NO right to ask you to do any of this crap when he hasn't even committed to you in marriage. He told you to step up?? You're not even their step mom. This guy is a joke.
She is a joke for being child free and dating someone with kids. The dad is absolutely an asshole, but she’s definitely one as well
@@khendralibbey617 Why? SHE made her bounderies clear! He wasn't much of a dad to begin with and not much of a parent after that!
There was not reason to assume that mom would die!
And their relation was great before that
And why is everybody saying "don't date a parent " and not to the parent "don\t dat ppl that don''t want to be a parent'?
OP's ex is TA as these are HIS kids and OP was clear from the start
Wow..the kids sound more mature than the dad.
Child free people shouldn't date parents. Period. Full stop. This "vacation dad" nonsense is fine until it's not, it doesn't have to be someone dying, custodial parents flip out, go to jail, go out for cigarettes and never return. 🤷
Child free person here. 100% agree. But I also fail to understand how people don't see being a "vacation parent" as a red flag for a long term relationship. If that's not a sign of commitment avoidant people, I don't know what is.
Goes both ways. It seems to always be fathers getting with childfree women. Single mothers don't get that luxury
Reddit has stories of parents of every sex and every sexuality ditching their kids. The mothers catch more grief for it, but that doesn't mean it doesn't happen. Regardless, child free people don't mesh with parents.
so what your saying is people with kids should remain single unless they find another single parent?
You missed the phrase "child free". That doesn't just mean "doesn't have kids at this time" it means "not down for being a parent". Single parents are fine to date whoever is down for parenthood, whether they're currently parents or not. That's not child free people.
S1: OP is a fool! Bad enough she dated a single parent given her history, but moving in "just to help"? What did she THINK was going to happen??? And she still can't cut the cord with finality even after the breakup. Her ex will absolutely use the kids to manipulate her in the future. She needs to check herself from the neck up, and cut ties for good.
Thanks, that's what I was thinking. And the little girl asking her to be her best friend? Others are calling that sweet. I'm calling it a red flag that OP agreed to it.
@@eywine.7762 The little girl was coached to say that.
@@DrownedInExile Very possible, and it's gross to think of that actually being true. Ex BF wants the live in nanny. OP will be very unhappy for the next 10-15 yrs if she stays.
That's why child free women need to avoid single dads. They don't want partners. They want a new mom for the child(ren)
Just as men should avoid single moms because they want the same thing.
Hardly want a mom more like a full time nanny unpaid. They don’t want to parent the kids. It is truly different for most single moms and they are used to doing everything themselves and don’t expect a partner to take over every duty of being a parent.
If you don't want kids you don't date people with kids. Its very simple.
@@bucknuts8198except single mothers don't have the luxury of getting into relationships with childfree men in the first place. It's always the fathers getting childfree girlfriends. They don't prioritise their kids
@@Vasilia4why are you acting like that moms don’t do the exact same thing they’ll stay with a guy who makes it obvious he doesn’t care about her kids
stop dating people with kids if you’re child free. the other parent dying or becoming incapacitated is a chance. they could have full custody at any time.
stop dating parents if you don’t want to be one.
Engagement ring story, id be calling the police and reporting the theft. Brother is a thief. Period. Calling op childish and inconsiderate is maaasssiiivvveee gaslighting, entitlement and gaslighting.
And mom of course is no help. Is brother the Golden child?
@@nancyomalley6286 I was thinking the same
I never understand people who "can't tell" people about things. I'd certainly tell my girlfriend about the ring because she'll hear all sorts of rumors. Everyone should know what the brother did.
@nancyomalley6286 , maybe, but my money is on the mother wanting to at least present the facade of a happy, "normal" family and looking good to people that only she cares about. My mother was like this, which meant that she swept all problems under the rug and they never got solved until someone else took action, much to her annoyance and resentment.
9:10 this here is why i've been ashamed of being vegetarian (with a few exceptions like fish once a week for the protiein) the absolute entitlement of people who think they can control other people's diets
I believe it's called pesketarian (if I'm not mistaken.
Btw not sure if you're aware, but nuts and beans also contain protein
@@heathermiller5765 They do but too many nuts make me sick.
So, the OP doesn't want to deal with kids due to her past, but yet dates a person with kids.....wtf? Yeah, what the guy did was horrible, and she isn't the AH for leaving in those circumstances. But if you dont want to deal with kids dont date someone with them
well i mean he had them on weekends so its not like she was expected to suddennly become a parent? so in other words what people are saying is dont date anyone with kids unless you yourself is a parent?
@@bl4ckhearts802people are saying don’t date people with kids unless you’re ready to deal with kids and the problems that comes with them.
@@bl4ckhearts802yes, that is exactly what everyone is saying. Don’t date a parent if you don’t want to deal with kids. It’s like dating someone who’s passionate about a hobby you hate. Don’t set yourself up for failure. And don’t surprise Pikachu when the man who pushed parenting off on his ex pushes parenting off on you too.
@chantelguinn7517 Exactly why I will never date a hunter.
'Vegan' story. Thag woman's not Vegan. She is Lacto-ovo vegetarian . Veganism is about sustainability and ethical nature of the food one eats. But that's a common misconception
If you don't want kids, don't date someone with kids. It's that simple.
Engagement ring story: OP should tell brother he's lucky OP didn't report the theft to the police.
Exactly what I thought too!
Or call his fiancé as soon as he saw the pictures. OP has receipts to prove it.
Oh, this one is a whole epic, with the girlfriend finding out and dumping him, the brother running to grandma, grandma being all pissed off because OP was going to get married before the brother, it's a whole thing. You should really check out the full thing on Mark Narrations or Lost Genre.
Story 1: BF (aka DAD) knew her history and was hoping to capitalize on it. OP should get therapy and learn to avoid dating parents.
Vegan MOM: You.Are.Wrong.
I have been vegan for 50 years and DO NOT and WILL NOT demand that people around me do the same. It is MY CHOICE to be vegan and it is other people's right to choose their own path. Your son has every right to choose what he will eat. Instead be an example for him, tell him why you are doing it and allow him to make his own decision on his feelings. You are exactly the reason that people blast off at vegans all the time! 🤬
While I agree , there are still AHs out there who will blast you for being a vegan even if you keep that to yourself. They will tell you things like 'you will love meat, just try it ' or just let you have meat by claiming something is a vega meal ..
Btw no, i'm not a vegan eventhough I have some vegan meals now and then
@@robertx8020That's because of people like the wife
@@nancyomalley6286 No, more like "that's because ppl like to generalize and use the 'texas sharpshooter' narrative
e.g. "see?? another story that proves I'm right' (while ignoring all the misses )_
I am a pescatarian BY CHOICE
BUT
I DO consume animal products, eggs, milk, cream etc, but not the meat
I cook for the family... meats and all
The reason for my choice of diet had nothing to do with my family, so why should I make them suffer for it, or harp on that they are doing something wrong, etc... i am alot of things, but selfish has yet to be one of them, or controlling
I think that people who needs proteins (real proteins) real bad, suffers sometimes from the backlash of having a healthy mind/body
To be fair, I've known AH friends and relatives of vegans who are just as bad and who do everything they can to pressure or trick vegans into eating meat. I think it's more about being controlling.
I dont understand why ppl who are child free get into relationships with ppl who have kids. It just doesn't make any sense to me.
I agree that she’s not responsible and he absolutely needs to step up, but I agree shes an idiot if she didn’t think she might need to play a guardian role even if Mom didn’t pass.
I temporarily tried tinder for dates and specifically said no kids and don't want kids and so many with kids showed interest so I just left, not worth the hassle.
@@Heddrick the actual odds that the custodial parent was going to die while the kids were little is pretty low.
Story 1: This is simple, if you are child free, don't date people with children. Don't even be close friends with them. If it's family, you may not necessarily have a choice interacting with kids but for any other relationships where you choose, just don't put yourself in such a position. Don't help out the kids, don't agree to babysit, just be cordial and distant and oh, check on your contraception vigorously to ensure you aren't getting any 'miracles'.
It's a pity that there's no free clinics for both pets and people to get spayed and neutered. That way, there's no unwanted animals or kids. Too many oops, I guess we're stuck with this now and it's not fair to the kids or animals and I'm sick of seeing horrible stuff on the news about what happens to them.😢
Same! Some awful people out there 😯
I think there is an equivalent though. Sterilization is a thing
@@heathermiller5765 yes, I was just being a bit tongue in cheek with the whole spay and neuter thing. I really do wish that those who are absolutely against having kids(nothing wrong with that) would get themselves that option, especially those that hate kids, have serious anger issues or medical conditions that they don't want to pass on so as to not cause more suffering. Adoption is always an option for those that want kids, but don't want to have biological ones for whatever reason.
@@paulagoeringer9466I want to, but no doctor will perform the surgery on a single woman with no kids who has no medical issues.
@@nightigal isn't it absolutely insane that after all the strides made for women to have a say in their own health and about their own body, we still have to deal with nonsense like this? It makes no sense. It's just an extra burden.
Childfree people STOP DATING PEOPLE WITH KIDS!
People with kids stop dating childfree people and manipulating them into taking care of your kids through weaponized incompetence.
And why would she be okay with a bf being a vacation dad? It shows where his priorities lie and he can be that way towards his own flesh and blood, there’s no telling how little regard he would have for a partner.
It's not binary. There's a difference between child free, a weekend bonus adult, a temporary carer, a full time parent and the main carer. I've been all of these in my time but never had it thrown on me.
The vegan story
The person who knows some dietician’s and claims raising a child vegan is near impossible doesn’t know what he’s talking about
But i do feel the kid should get a say in it , mum pushing her agenda will be counter productive and the kid is old enough to have an opinion about it
@@immortalsofar5314 The problem is that you never know if or when the custody arrangement will change like it did in this story. The other parent doesn't even have to die. Kids could get old enough to decide which parent they want to be with most of the time and pick "vacation dad." Or the parent with primary custody could get arrested. Or CPS decides that parent's home isn't safe. Or any number of things.
Regardless, being in a relationship with a parent means being a step-parent. If you don't want that, *don't date parents.*
1 - Fellow child-free people, do NOT date people with baggage from other relationships. Sooner or later, this kind of thing always happens. Dad shouldn't have been a "vacation" dad to begin with, and him calling OP a mom shows his true intentions. Run and do not look back. Their father's the one who needs to step the hell up. His carefree vacation dad role is over. NTA
Agree and when people have children they need to learn they are the parents not other people
Please dont refer to children as baggage.we get it, you don't like children but they aren't suitcases.
Engagement Ring placeholders arent entirely unheard of... one of my friends was given a $20 Drug Emporium ring as the Engagement question ring, then they shopped for what SHE wanted that weekend and announced the Engagement AFTER they bought the ring from a jewelry store she wanted.
Also one of the guys I know told us how he proposed with a ring pop on April First and then they actually agreed they both DID want to actually be engaged, and then got married 2 years later on April first.
The brother was an idiot to use a STOLEN ring to propose and then he'd have to explain to his GF, he could have used something cheap instead of being like, "Um, you know that ring I gave you? It's what my BROTHER picked out for HIS fiancée. I took it from him to give to you." I hope that the fiancée actually found out how much of a SCUMBAG this brother is.
Looks like I'm not alone in thinking this haha. I was thinking a $20 ring from Walmart, a cheap mood ring from the flea market, or even a Ring Pop for laughs. I mean honestly, how hard is that? 😕
My niece told her BF she would refuse his proposal if he did not use a ring pop (the proposal was not a surprise, as you might have guessed). They shopped for the real ring later.
@@hrobinson9701 Sounds like she has a great sense of humor.
The difference is, that man got the ring himself and didn't steal a ring from a family member they were going to use to propose with themselves.
The other thing is that the current idea is that when you propose, the answer to the question shouldn't be a surprise. The timing and method of asking can be, but the couple should have fully talked about and decided to move their relationship towards marriage before the question comes up.
She's a relatively new girlfriend, and telling her to step up and be a mother to two children that he refuses to parent himself is pretty off the chain.
Even if she didn't mind children, he's asking too much. He needs to be a father to his children.
And even in the updates he’s trying to test the waters to see if he can get anything from OP. He should be thankful OP hasn’t completely shut herself out of the kids lives
Old fart here...While I couldn't care less what someone wants for themselves, it's far from OK to try to foist their beliefs on me or anyone else. If they just want to eat cucumbers ONLY for the rest of their lives, then God bless and go ahead. Late last year, a friend of my sister became a born-again vegan and we had a bit of a row about it. She espoused how cruel it was to animals. Soooooo, I asked her what her plan was for 60-70 MILLION cows, 25 Million pigs, over 20 MILLION sheep, not to mention almost a Billion chickens. Did she propose killing them all or perhaps letting them starve to death or sell them overseas???? She appeared quite flumuxed.
Good one. I may use that argument.
Last story:
As someone who has been married for over 35 years, it truly is the little things that can upset a really nice balance. The spoon! OP knows in advance about the spoon. But OP decided that it just wasn’t important enough for her to make the effort. That’s the whole thing, “the effort.”
And she could’ve easily gotten it out of the dishwasher and finish washing it by hand.
@@lorilancaster5917
Exactly, it’s the effort! She just couldn’t be bothered.😕
@@deborahdicesare9042sounds like OP sees her husband as an employed man servant with benefits. I hope he does nothing for her until he divorces her or she gets her head of her posterior and fix this
Looks like none of you comprehend that....If you have a meltdown over a spoon.
You got MUCH BIGGER ISSUES.
NO illness is an excuse to throw out that manipulative abusive crap.
@@lorilancaster5917 And? So could he?
What is he broken?
Vegetarian is a diet.
Vegan is a lifestyle CHOICE.
Vegans are militant vegetarians.
And Op wife the worst type of Vegans
OP needs to leave her and get full custody of the son before she starves him and/or causes eating issues
The wife makes it seem more like a religion, with the evangelism and fervor that only the "truly righteous" deserve /s
@@user-wr3vt8uq4s With "truly righteous" being synonymous with "zealot".
Story 4: NTA, a spoon is a spoon, the one you use to stir your tea/coffee makes literally no difference. But you really need to learn to make breakfast, it literally takes less than month to get good at pretty much all normal breakfast options (with poached being the hardest taking a few days to learn to do right).
Her hubby sounds like a petulant child when something as inane as "the wrong spoon" sets him off like that. I do agree, however, that she really needs to get her act together as well and learn the basics of cooking. It's just not that difficult.
To some (authistic) ppl, 'a spoon is not just a spoon' and even if it was, how hard is it to follow that ONE little rule?
OP is an AH for being too lazy!
Just because WE would not mind which spoon we would get, don't judge others when they DO care (for some unknown reason)
@@robertx8020 He was extra as hell and perhaps should find a new coping mechanism other than acting like a 4 year old. He would definitely get his own spoon from then on autistic or not. When your problems start to affect others, then it's up to you to rectify it,he will survive,probably soon to be single because not many would deal with grown childish men like that
@@Procrastinator1948 He hubby is *autistic.* In many ways, we *are* children even as adults. More to the point, we rely on rituals to function. That spoon is *his* spoon that he *always* uses for tea and coffee. Using any other spoon breaks the ritual. It disrupts our ability to cope with the chaos going on in our brains.
We also tend to be over-sensitive to things like touch and taste. That particular spoon probably feels just right in his hand while other spoons don't.
Yea, so you weren't actually listening at all.
Or you would have heard OP say that her husband freaks out at every little single thing.
She literally CAN'T make him food because it's NOT TO THE WITTLE BABIES SPECIAL STANDARDS!
story 3 have you considered having your brother tested for - please pick an option
Drugs
Mental heath issues
Drugs
perhaps drugs
recent head injuries
Is there an actual, medically recognized test for abject stupidity?
@@crichtonbruce4329 I think they play kid rock and if you enjoy it.............😋😋😋
@@crichtonbruce4329 they play Kid Rock and and if you enjoy it.........😜😜😜
@@crichtonbruce4329 To quote Ron White, "You can't fix stupid."
#1. Why is she dating people with kids?
Not a bright person.
If you have not read the story she was not at first until the boyfriends ex passed away. And he respected that, but things changed when his ex passed away
@@Symphonia30 Just because the kids didn't live with him full time, doesn't mean that he wasn't a PARENT and he DID have kids. I agree with the question, "Why date someone with kids if you're THAT child free?" OP was an idiot in the first place to date a PARENT if she's so against being in the lives of kids.
@@evavocative6975 she didn't have to look after them at that time
@@evavocative6975Why are you mad at OP the BR clearly didn’t see himself as a parent before or after the mother died
Those poor kids are grieving and going through one of the worst, hardest things people have to go through! He needs to step up and be the father his children need!!
Story 1: Why date someone who has children if you want nothing to do with children?
because you dont have to be a pareent to the kids since they not yours? thats what the other parent is for? what people with kids should only date other people with kids? otherwisee they should stay single for ever?
@@bl4ckhearts802 Yes, if you don't want to be a parent, don't date people who are. That's sound advice.
Plenty of single, child-free people are out there if you don't want to deal with kids. On the other hand, plenty of single, child-free people actually love children and wouldn't mind dating someone with kids. But if you do date a person with children, you must be prepared for the possibility that they will become part of your life.
@bl4ckhearts802 people who have kids, should date people willing to be a partner and take on a parental role. Whether they have kids or not is irrelevant. But seeing their children as a burden is a big no. If you do not want to take on a parental role, then stop wasting other people's time. If you don't want to be a parent, that's your choice, but no child deserves to be stuck with someone who sees them as a burden & the partner deserves someone who is an actual partner.
@@miss_mish Especially in the case of emergencies like this where the dad ended up getting full custody after the mom died.
Because the other parent has primary custody.
FFS don't tell your girlfriend after you've proposed! She'll forever look at that 1st ring as the one you picked for her because you wanted her to have it, and instead because you had to replace it.
Story 3: NTA, a place holder ring is typically a cheap ring a guy buys if he can't decide on or can't afford the ring he wants to get. Then eventually is replaced by the "real ring". But it is never a ring borrowed from someone.
Sounds like your brother has a sever case of FOBSTAGE (Fear of being Second to announce/get engaged).
Story 2: So your wife is a bully and abusing your child. She needs to stop dictating what he eats and allow him to make his own choices.
Story 2: ESH, you for being sneaky about it, and your wife for forcing veganism on the family. Your son is not a vegan, therefore you both need to provide him with the appropriate diet for him. Forcing veganism on a child is a form of child abuse, if the child/person does not choose it (without being threatened or harassed) then it is not right for them.
And whatever quack she found for a pediatrician is also the AH for allowing such a diet for the son
@@nancyomalley6286 Yeah, Vegan misinformation about feeding children is rampant.
It should be enough for her to accept that OP will be vegetarian at home. This is about power to her and is creating an unhealthy relationship with food for her son
*What's the thing with men with children getting into relationships with childfree women? It's beyond selfish. Your kids should be a priority*
Or you know childfree adults shouldn't date parents.
What's the thing with childfree women getting into relationships with men with children? It's selfish. They shouldn't force a parent to chose between them or their kids.
whats the thing with people telling peopel who they can and cannot date just cos they have kids? so what you have to also be a paarent to date a person who has kids?
@bl4ckhearts802 child free does not mean a person who doesn't have kids. It means you do not have children and do not want them.
@@Swamp_Queen The 'father' was a vacation dad meaning he didn't have them all the time. Whenever he did have them, he was trying to palm them off to his new nanny bangmaid instead of actually parenting. It's the fault of lazy men, not childfree women.
Story 1- She needs to make a clean break. No middle ground, no helping out and no visiting. He'll try to dump them onto her again. He'll count on her sentimentality and try to trap her again.
I definitely see him trying to get a mile from her inch. He just knows to try a different strategy.
@lorilancaster5917 These types always do. I was parentified, too, and I used to end up in situations like this from my family members and neighbors. I had to draw a hard line and tell people that if they tried to dump their kids on me, I would take their kids to wherever they were and leave, or I'd report them for abandonment. You have to be firm and harsh sometimes. People hear 'parentification' and just think 'oh look, a free babysitter for me.'
Last story: I guess my naivete and neurotypical-ness is showing, but how is OP TA? I mean, I know the "problem" is solved by just washing the dang spoon by hand real quick, but since hubby is autistic I wonder if he also has a thing about hand-washed utensils (not clean enough or he can taste the soap easier or something). And if this really was the "straw that broke the camel's back", why wasn't it addressed sooner? A lot of high-function autists have no problem directly telling you about a problem, especially a recurring one. I dunno, based on what I read, I'm leaning towards NTA. It's just a spoon. It's an important spoon, and if he's attached to it I get the sucky feeling, but the reaction of starving yourself because of it is childish. He knows better than that.
Rule 1 of dating: if you don't want kids dont date people with kids ...😑
Story 4 "my brother won't talk to me" I say two birds one stone OP got a new ring and he doesn't have to communicate with a thief.
Hey! Don’t threaten me with a good time! I hope the bother sulks are home while OP has a wonderful wedding
Don’t date people with kids if you don’t like kids or want to be a parent.
Story 1: NTA … He shouldn’t have tried to force the children on her. She did as much communication as she could about the situation.
And now he’ll continue to push the children more on OP but make it their idea instead of his.
Engagement ring Story: Why TF is the mother "neutral"? Did she actually raise her children to be thieves? She should have been all over her son shaming his azz FOR STEALING HIS BROTHER'S PROPERTY! THIS is how she wants grown men to act like? THIS is how she wants to show the world just how she parented her sons?
Sounds like she’s trying to lawyer her words to hide that she has a favorite.
Don't force your eating habits on your children
Don't force your religion on your children
Don't force your conspiracies on your children
And most kids will turn out fine (at least they will have a good start)
The spoon and the lazy wife. How much effort is it to wash one frigging spoon?
Where as I would look at the other way, it is a tea spoon does it really matter what it looks like in the end, they both do the same thing, stir tea or coffee in this case, them being of a different design, means well nothing in the end.
@Varick76551 Yes, it matters. My morning coffee is what it is. But I enjoy it much more in a pretty bone china cup and saucer than in a paper cup.
@@jemase7931 Different people like different things, personally I drink everything during the same day from the same pint mug, coffee, tea, hot chocolate or whatever, it all goes in the same mug, rinsed out as needed of course, using the same spoon to stir it, also rinsed as needed.
Whaaat? The guy who pushed almost all parenting duties off on his previous partner is now pushing almost all parenting duties off on his current partner? I mean who could’ve seen that coming?
1st story Absolutely not the A hole OP You EX Thank God, is failing as a father. He is tossing all the parental responsibilities on you, not because they need a mother more now, but because he does not want to be the full time father he should be now. He is the one that needs to stop acting like a child stop pawing off HIS parental responsibilities and step up as the father they so desperately need now. It's not your job or your responsibility.
LAST STORY: The male partner is most likely ND, probably autism. I am autistic and we like certain size forks and spoons, plus we tend to be very picky about what food we eat and how it is prepared. It's a huge deal to us and he would feel very unloved if she didn't 1) notice and 2) try her best to follow his NEEDS. These are not just wants, they are NEEDS. A lot of normies just don't get it because it's "not a big deal" to them, and can't imagine how it IS a big deal to anyone else. Well it is. OP needs to step up and be a lot more thoughtful, because he is certainly quite thoughtful with her.
Then he can wash his own damn spoon it it matters so much.
Stop using mental health problems as excuses for being asses!!!!
Last story: Really? You couldn't even take five seconds to hand wash a spoon? Wow. Talk about minimal effort. You pushed a button....after forgetting to the night before.
How about this: grow up butthurt snowflake. It’s one time, her husband can get over it. The world doesn’t revolve around op’s husband, he can deal with one time. Op did nothing wrong.
Story 3: NTA at all. To be honest, id STILL tell brothers fiancé. Thats theft. He was already worried she wouldnt say yes. I wonder why? He knows who he is deep down and questions whether his woman would wanna be with him. That said, i think OP you should tell YOUR fiancé too. Tell her what happened, so that you dont have this drama and stress built up in you over a secret. If she really loves you, and it sounds like she does, she'll understand. If she knows your brother, she wont think much of it.
As a man who looooooves his morning cup of java and loves to cook I can 100% empathize with the husband on the simple things. Wash him a damn spoon and put it on the saucer or in the cup. It's not that hard. She reminds me of my ex. Selfish, that's why she's my ex.
So the baby couldn't have his coffee or food without his special spoon. Should I prepare his bottle next time? Last story NTA, your husband can go one day without his special spoon. If he's that fixated on needing it, I kind of wonder why. And if it really is because OP just makes the coffee then he should use his big boy words and talk to her! Maybe help her learn to cook so they can trade off with cooking and he won't have to go pouting when he doesn't get his spoon for coffee.
No, your brother stole the better ring that you got a deal on and then bought OP another one at the discounted price. So no, if I was either of these women I would be *livid* and done with this family of fools.
Don’t date ran through single fathers
If you don't want to deal with kids, don't date someone that has kids, even if it's only partial custody. Either you have to deal with the kids or you know you're dating a deadbeat with no accountability.
There was an update for the engagement ring story, where is it?
Yup there was.
I was wondering that too. Didn’t the brother only propose because he couldn’t stand the thought of OP getting married first. The brothers fiancé caught on and the engagement was broken.
@@lorilancaster5917 yes something like that
@@lorilancaster5917 yeah it something along those lines, the brother was the oldest and wanted to get that milestone first. The mom apologized for to OP for being "both sides" about it. OP's fiance liked the other ring but was happy with the final one she was given. I think a couple of other channels covered it.
@@lorilancaster5917 Oh, it got SO much worse. The grandma was the one that tried to push him to propose first and was pissed off at OP for getting engaged first and had been whispering lies to OP's girlfriend his entire time dating her, before she become his fiance.
Story 1: NTA for leaving, but you were for dating him in the first place. If you want to be child-free that is fine, but for the love of everything holy, DON'T DATE A PARENT (even if they are "Just a vacation parent").
There is nothing wrong of dating a single mom or dad, as long as the clear boundaries are met/don't mind being around kids. But most importantly you are still keeping the best interests of your child(ren) in mind.
The BF trapped her. I'm glad she stood up for herself.
Darlin’ how many bright red flags does he have to wave in your face before you’re going to realize, all you would be is a stay at home mom for “is” children. They are in no way your responsibility. And you did it the right way, but stick to it please
How hard is it to scramble and cook some eggs andmake toast? To throw a muffin on a plate? My goodness lady, put in some effort for your guy 😕
And what adult can’t simply do that? Sounds like OP got too comfortable in the relationship
You don't even necessarily have to cook. Buy his favorite kind of pastry from a bakery he likes or make overnight oats/yogurt cups with ingredients he likes. No actual cooking required. It's the thought that counts.
Story 1 Update: Yeah. Damnit. I figured. And i gotta be honest, i cant say I LOVE OPs decision here. For me enough was said to where the BF knew he overstepped and knew how to fix it, was just asking for some help. Its your choice to leave him of course, its your right. But its one of those instances where if you're asking the internet "hey do i look like the mean one" im gonna answer: yeah, ya do.
Last Story: OP couldn't retrieve a single spoon from the utensil rack and handwash it for the man who's made *her favorite breakfast FOR her,* over and over?!?
Bad wife...👎
Ring story: NTA.. his brother is lucky he's not in jail! Do NOT invite him to your wedding. He MIGHT swap fiancees.
Op needs therapy. She has way too much emotional damage to be a nurturer for anyone. She needs to date men without kids. Period. SO iscan AH for trying to dump his kids on OP. ESH.
Seconding that on all accounts. LOL. OP shouldn't be involved with ANYONE who had kids to begin with.
@@evavocative6975 She wasn't 'involved' as he was only a vacation dad ..until mom died ..but I guess she should have seen this comming? /s
He wanted a free nanny you where right to leave ASAP
Should have tried to wing it and said you'd already turned the dishwasher on before you realised his spoon wasn't clean 😂 you'd have got a lot less flack for it
He stole your engagement. Ring! He’s a thief! Do you know University? Is anybody being mean to him. I would’ve made him buy another ring, and I still would’ve told his fiancé. She deserves to know where the rain came from. Whatever happens is on him. What is wrong with people??? I can be friends with a person, but I just absolutely hate people as a group.
4: YTA...for leaving it laying around!! Dumb...not talk to you!? Don't threaten me with a good time!! 5: Just Divorce, simple...
Story 1: NTA. Stayed longer than she should have.
What the lady with the spoons can't even take out a spoon from the dish washer and wash it by hand. Wow that's really bad!
He could have too.
OP’s husband needs to grow up and understand it’s not a big deal. It’s one time, he can grow up and use a different spoon once in a while. The world doesn’t revolve around him. Op did nothing wrong. If her husband is so anal about it, he can wash the damn spoons from now on.
Story 1 is ESH. BF shouldn't be dumping his responsibilities on OP, but childfree people should *not* date parents, period. This was a foreseeable possibility.
The story about the couple where the ex-wife died leaving two young children is terribly sad but on due reflection I think OP did the right thing. She might have ended up resenting the children if she had been coerced into being a full-time carer.
The ring. Wow. A yhief ( possibly a felon) calls OP inconsiderate. Oh, the horror.
I dated a guy with a child. Didn't last that long.
Story 1-
Not the AH. Lol
Move around, the BF totally dumped his kids on OP. lol Talkin bout “Step up”, I woulda left too. lol
It's always a risk. Op needs to get out. It's sad they can't care for the kids but they have been thru a lot as a child and they just can't. But they should have ended the relationship sooner. This easily could have happened at any time. Both are the idiots.
Story 1: People that don't want to be parents: DON'T. DATE. PEOPLE. WITH. KIDS. Not removing responsibility from the ex, he sucks too. She needs to break up with him for real and don't lead him and those kids on.
I dont get why childfree people date people with children and then say "i dont want anything to do with the kids when they know kids are apart of the deal! I Think it was smart of op to leave and i hope op breaks up with the dad cuz those kids deserve someone who loves them. But dad needs to step up and start reading books on how to parent and then be there for his children. He shouldnt throw his responsibility onto someone else. Op find someone who is also childfree.
I'm vegan ,and though I agree it shouldn't be forced on anyone, I disagree with the commentor who thinks a plant based diet is not healthy for growing children. It can be perfectly healthy, if done right.
Hi XO, you have some bots in the comments
Thank you!!
And that's why people don't like vegans
Vegan story: OP is not an idiot, but he is a coward.
I am ths similar in autism. I have certain silverware I prefer. I have to keep them in my room and wash them by hand because our grown man sons don't pay attention and if I don't my husnand will find them on a dirty plate in a bedroom. For interests sake. I am mostly bedridden and do not cook or do most house work. I have liver cirrrhosis, diabetes and pancreatitis as well as severe arthritis. I have very few things I am allowed to eat combined with what I am willing to eat. I cannot aford the enzyme replacements which makes it harder. I buy one months supply and make it last for 6 months to ward off constant diarriah.I lost 80 pounds and that's how I found that my pancreas was not functioning. Iust 2 capsuls as opposed to 12 a day is not enough for the energy to live a decent life but so be it.
RE: The Spoon
Has OP NEVER heard of Hand Washing?
Story 2: I love how that “YTA” commentor calls Op TA for lying to his crazy wife…then admits he wiuld have done the same.
No Op is NTA, his wife is a MASSIVE one though.
i’m sorry what? how was everyone not only forgiving OP for being childfree while dating a guy with kids, but ALSO trashing on the guy??? jesus, his entire life just changed and permanently and he’s struggling, maybe he’s not behaving great but to call him the things they did seems insane
It's not insane, he's telling his girlfriend (bangmaid) to 'step up' as though she's the parent and not him. They've barely been together and he's dumping all the responsibility on her because he refuses to parent his own damn kids.
So, you completely gloss over the part where op had to raise her sibling most of her young life and how it affected her. And also the part where she's his GF and not even engaged to him, much less his wife. He was straight up trying to pass the buck and pressure her into being the mom. Struggling doesn't mean you get to do exactly nothing to help with your own kids.
A dietary preference/choice, should never affect those in your immediate circle, if you care about them at all i.e
Your dietary needs on the other hand is a totally different matter
Want and need to have completely different meanings
I'd called that attitude way over the top controlling
And get out of dodge while the kid is still young
But the OP is a doormat, so the poor son, would have to suffer for a few more years, before he can take control of his own life, unless, there are family members willing to step in
Story three
Absolutely no he cannot take your ring he stole your ring you didn't want a second hand ring he a thief
#1: You stated NO KIDS. OK, he got the kids through tragedy, but OP was open about her desires. Leaving is the only solution. No obligation.
Story 1: OP is NTA specifically For the situation with the kids and the ex. However, why the fuck is she dating people with kids if she doesn't wanna be a parent? That's setting herself up for failure
Last story: it's a sensory issue. I have ADHD and have a few "preferences" with daily use items. I prefer using dessert forks instead of full size ones cause it feels better, no idea why or how. That being said I'm an adult in my 30s and I can eat with a big fork if the small ones are dirty. Preferences in cutlery does not give you a good reason to blow up on anybody, Grow up dude.
Vegan story: NTA that ESH commenter is a huge hypocrite he just admitted he would have don’t something similar to what OP then continues to shame OP lol
Dudes always look for a woman to do all the work for children
Vegan
The kids in football? How old is he? He sounds like he is old enough to decide if he is vegan or not.
12. But Vegans don't care. It's 'their way-no highway' option
The engagement ring story is old and has an update.