Primary Emotions vs. Secondary Emotions - Skill 7/30 How to Process Emotions
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 6 ก.ค. 2024
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In the 7th skill in my How to Process your Emotions course you're going to learn about Primary and Secondary Emotions.
Sometimes the emotion you're feeling isn't what you're really upset about. Sometimes what you're feeling is actually covering up real emotions. You can gain much better emotional control if you learn to identify the feelings underneath your feelings.
Primary vs. Secondary Emotions
One of the reasons we have a difficult time knowing how to act on our emotions is that many of the emotions we feel are “secondary emotions”. They are an emotion about an emotion, instead of an emotion about an event, and usually they’re used to cover up your primary emotion.
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About Me:
I’m Emma McAdam. I’m a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, and I have worked in various settings of change and growth since 2004. My experience includes juvenile corrections, adventure therapy programs, wilderness therapy programs, an eating disorder treatment center, a residential treatment center, and I currently work in an outpatient therapy clinic.
In therapy I use a combination of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Systems Theory, positive psychology, and a bio-psycho-social approach to treating mental illness and other challenges we all face in life. The ideas from my videos are frequently adapted from multiple sources. Many of them come from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, especially the work of Steven Hayes, Jason Luoma, and Russ Harris. The sections on stress and the mind-body connection derive from the work of Stephen Porges (the Polyvagal theory), Peter Levine (Somatic Experiencing) Francine Shapiro (EMDR), and Bessel Van Der Kolk. I also rely heavily on the work of the Arbinger institute for my overall understanding of our ability to choose our life's direction.
And deeper than all of that, the Gospel of Jesus Christ orients my personal worldview and sense of security, peace, hope, and love www.churchofjesuschrist.org/c...
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This lady helps me every day to rediscover my true feelings after 76 years of not truly understanding why I have suffered from depression all my life. Words cannot express the gratitude I feel thank you E.
Thank you Eve, it helps to know I'm not the only mid seventies soul still working through and trying to be happy.
Eve and Grace, Thank you so much for your comments. I'm 66 and been feeling negative about my own delay in coming to these videos and the steps they are leading me to make. Like you, each video I watch makes me feel a little better, a little more at peace. I've been berating myself and shaming myself about the dysfunctional relationship I struggled in and held on to for 9 years after being widowed twice in 12 years. If anyone else brought me concerns of their own along these lines, I wouldn't let them going unchallenged with support. So why can't I release this shame. In some ways, shame is a step forward from the sorrow, despair, fear, and brokenness, helplessness.
Thank you, my septugenarian sisters. Let us not criticize ourselves for our delay, but rather rejoice that we are making progress from a life time, in reality, of depression and shame and give thanks for these videos. 💕💕💕
I recommend you seed mel grand video on meditation for depression. His channel name is goldraytwinflames
You are encouraging Eve. Be well. ❤️
That's when Internet does good things ❤ happy that you can finally work on something to find peace!
If only you knew how many people you are helping through your channel and podcast, Dr Mcadam.The gratitude I feel for you is inexplicable.From India.
Thanks Paromita
Gratitude is a foundation of Joy and a gateway to becoming a channel or conduit to your understanding of spirituality imo - let your gratitude fill your whole system, body mind and emotions. It's the best.
Thank you, I did not know she had a podcast.
@@zqxwcevr23456 i listen to her podcasts before going to bed. 😊
YES YESSSSS. I second this immensely. Big hugs and much love.
I wish your videos could be shown in schools around the world. ❤️
She has stolen, plagiarized, a copyrighted title "Therapy In A Nutshell",
from a well known psychologist, Dr. Patricia L. Bay, LMFT, that came up with this name and the
therapy behind it, over 20 years ago with her first book, tv show, live radio show, national tour and
Spotify podcast! Dr. Patricia Bay, LMFT, has been a psychologist for over 30 years. This woman is misrepresenting the name Therapy In A Nutshell as her own creation when it is not. If you want to follow
the real psychologist that came up with the name and helpful guidance behind Therapy In A
Nutshell, go to Dr. Patricia Bay's website. Here is the link for it patriciabay.com/. You can
also follow the real Therapy In A Nutshell podcast on Spotify.
open.spotify.com/show/6RlpicHXBXtcXxi0nbYkRK?si=mLAvJCNwRimTkPWmgmeoag. This person needs to change the name of her business and stop using the title and creation of someone else.
@@tarabedford8329 There are other authors with the same title also when I google. I don't think this is a copyrighted word. "Therapy" is what the contents are about, and "in a nutshell" simply means "fewest words possible-aka in summary" , it's not copyrighted and exclusively owned by specific people. Emma is helping people around the world with these content. I am grateful for her work and willingness to share them for FREE. Thank you for sharing Dr Patricia's work too, will check it out. Both of them are helping people to heal. God bless them.
Yes absolutely
If only 😮
This was super helpful! As a male, it is tough to accept what we initially think is weakness. Once we move past that then we understand growth is the greatest strength that we as humans have
Love it! Yes! for so long "Being Sensitive" or having emotions has been seen as weak, but it can be a true strength when harnessed
AHA moment when Emma described a secondary emotion! "... a habitual or learned response to cover up sensitive emotions with a less sensitive emotion." I've been struggling with anxiety and overwhelm ... trying to understand and move past what I was feeling, not realizing they were secondary emotions. What I actually need to work on / heal are the more sensitive emotions sitting deeper within. This series is gold Emma ... thank you so much for your generosity and style of therapy!
This woman is so awesome thank you
And ✓✓✓Beautiful!
She's truly amazing
@@markgrebbell1218 A gift from God
classy, real and intelligent - she is awesome xx
I’ve been going through a really tough time since lockdown. I’ve always struggled with anxiety but it has gotten to the point that I have had many panic attacks and even tried to self harm a few times because the emotions were so overwhelming. Where I live therapy is 400$ an hour and free services have crazy wait lists. I was beginning to feel hopeless. I have been watching your videos for a week and your content is seriously amazing! I already feel like I have so many more tools to handle the scary things in life. This is the first time I’ve felt ‘normal’ in a while. Thank you for everything you do!!
Bless you for putting this up for free. I've been struggling so much with social anxiety and my self-worth/self-esteem (and I suspect social isolation in this pandemic would tend to worsen those kinds of symptoms), and I can only afford to see my therapist once a month. This series has been providing so much information for me to keep working on changing the way I think about my emotions and myself, core beliefs, etc. These are really well-made and well-explained. Thank you.
Thank you for your comment. I've been struggling with self-worth and self-esteem, and there is something massively helpful about knowing it's not just me!
I was wondering why my go to emotion was anger. i just watched this and did eft tapping on my anger and realized growing up with brothers if i wanted to be heard i had to be tough meaning .. get angry! Wow! So the underlying issue is not feeling heard and being trained this was the most effective way to communicate. Loving this series so much!!
Your wisdom, skill, and experiences is saving my life. You are a conduit that God can do it in my life. You are a blessing that will render a profuse harvest, for you are sowing your skill into a world wide field, helping many people.
Today, I thought my primary emotion was resentment/annoyance and my secondary emotion was guilt/shame. After some research, it turns out my primary emotion was helplessness/hopelessness due to caregiver fatigue, leading to resentment/annoyance, leading to the tertiary emotion of guilt/shame. @_@
I understand caregiver fatigue, I feel for you 🌸
I was successfully able to regulate my emotions today with my view of the world. I used to have feelings of the world being evil. And this made me have a lot of emotions of hate, and bitterness. But However, I counteracted these emotions by stating to myself that my LinkedIn online presence "sanitizes" the world from being evil. Thus now my view of the world is more positive and now I no longer think the world is evil anymore.
My therapist was doing this with me when I was in a better place a few months back. I think I am ready to repeat this process to get more consistent with moving pass resistance of changes and fears. Thank you so so so much for this friendly reminder to process emotions and feelings!
Wonderful!
Wow, this is an incredible channel. TH-cam is the perfect format for this. Making basic information about therapy free right now during the pandemic is just so helpful. I hope the sponsors are paying you well. I would love it if therapy in general worked based on sponsors and made money like Linustechtips does instead so it's more available to everyone and I actually like this format better too. It's passive and you can go at your own pace. Keep it up!
Thanks :)
Best video ever..thank you ..now learning to practice feeling my emotions. I keep reminding myself everytime I feel vunerable that its just a feeling and not to deny it rather than trying to supress it. So empowering! God bless you and I always pray to The Holy Spirit who im now sure is working through you.
This is excellent. I watch one or two every week. It is very difficult to find content of this nature without extraordinary and outlandish claims. A lot of us don’t have the financial stability or time, from necessary overworking (meaning it’s highly likely you will sink financially if you don’t keep doing 12 hour work days) to research resources that are reasonable, well balanced and with a high level of expertise. A thousand thanks and more.
Coming back to this series is really helping me de-escalate things internally before i explode outward. Thank you for making these available freely here, it's helping me be the person I want to be
As a boy, I feared my dad and that fear turned into hate, BUT, I already hated him because he was abusive and I was his targeted victim. He was unemployed and I was homeschooled, so there was no escape. He used me as his personal work slave and he saw no interest in helping me grow for my future. He never saw a future for me. He was my master and I was his dog. I have guilt and shame from the awful things he made me do to myself and the people around me. Im moved out, independently on my own now, but I still have to deal with my mom being the victim of abuse, because shes too scared to leave him, so now I feel guilty for leaving my mom all alone with him. So now as an adult, I have a tornado of Fear, Hate, Guilt, Shame, and everything else when it comes to trauma.
I hope you are doing better today.
Anyone would be lucky to have you as their therapist ❤️ thank you for these videos
Aww...thanks
Very informative and helpful. This gives me more hope that my Depression can improve! Thank you for making your you-tube videos and for sharing them with us! Words can not truly express the gratitude I feel.
Thank you for the essential and life changing, loving kindness shown through this channel. We appreciate your gift to us and we bless those on this path. Team helping the being in the human emerge and flourish.
Thanks so much for making these available, Emma. This is one of my favorite videos you've released. The following passage was very poignant and really touched a nerve:
"Secondary emotions are all about self-protection, but in the long run they tend to hurt us much more by ruining relationships, keeping our guard up, keeping our heart walled off, and that often leads to people feeling angry, numb, exhausted, and lonely. Secondary emotions lead to more pain and suffering."
Being given tools that enable you to be able to identify and label toxic thinking patterns & habits is invaluable. It helps to shine a light on things you never really realized were there inside you.
"get fired, run out of food and die" you just hit on my life's biggest fear...funny...but not really joking.
If your not already start to build a nest egg. Save as little as $10 per check or more that is ONLY for emergency. You can create several funds like house payment/car payment, medical emergency, food, ECT or one large savings.
Long story long if you know you have money tucked away for a rainy day you will feel less stuck and know you can cover 3 months without a job and pay for needed things. Then you will be more willing to push harder with that safety net.
Sending you love and peace. You’re doing great. Keep healing
Get fired and pushing a shopping cart down Dixie Hwy homeless. Biggest fear 😨
You deserve so much for posting this series. Majority of us are clueless about our life and things happening to us! You showed us a way. Thank you ❤
I took a break from this course after recently going through an extended period of various stress. I feel like I'm ready to take this leap into action more than any other time in my life. I'm tired of the constant anxiety stomach ache, thinking I'm not good enough. Here's to meaningful change!
Again, I love her. I am a therapist in my intern, and these videos have been so great when working with my clients.
Some years ago I went trough a very difficult break up for me. I read on the internet about meditation so I started practicing it. I remember going trough some very painful feelings. Starting with hate, a lot of hate because of the pain she caused me, after that I felt:
Shame and embarrashment for giving her for granted and letting her go.
It was like peeling an onion with more and more layers of different emotions. One sitting meditation could last a long time and used to leave me emotionally exhausted. It took me such a long time to get over the break up.
Thank you for this series. As someone who is in therapy, but chronically stressed and a compulsive overeater, this is truly a life saver. I thank you for your generosity.
You're amazing at what you do & breaking these topics down, I appreciate you, thank you.
💕
She has stolen, plagiarized, a copyrighted title "Therapy In A Nutshell",
from a well known psychologist, Dr. Patricia L. Bay, LMFT, that came up with this name and the
therapy behind it, over 20 years ago with her first book, tv show, live radio show, national tour and
Spotify podcast! Dr. Patricia Bay, LMFT, has been a psychologist for over 30 years. This woman is misrepresenting the name Therapy In A Nutshell as her own creation when it is not. If you want to follow
the real psychologist that came up with the name and helpful guidance behind Therapy In A
Nutshell, go to Dr. Patricia Bay's website. Here is the link for it patriciabay.com/. You can
also follow the real Therapy In A Nutshell podcast on Spotify.
open.spotify.com/show/6RlpicHXBXtcXxi0nbYkRK?si=mLAvJCNwRimTkPWmgmeoag. This person needs to change the name of her business and stop using the title and creation of someone else.
Thank you for helping me with my major anxiety issues, sorting out my emotions, I listen to you almost every day. I lost my son just for five months ago, and I am processing grief over him… But we’re going to the counselor we’re bringing up other things that have been plaguing me for years… The good Will hunting really hit home… Because I have a lot of abuse in my past… Just thank you and God bless you as you serve God, they serving others!❤😊
I didn't know all of this during my worst phases. It is a miracle to see therapy like this. I really want a friend like you who actually soothes you down instead of exhausting and draining you. Thank you so much for this ❤
I am SOOO LUCKY to be able to watch this video .... Thank You .. Great Info Madam.. You are helping me transform my life .. Regulating Emotions are such an important part of our life .. Thank You for teaching me probably one of the most important lessons of my life .. We are sooo lucky to have you with us .. Your kids are so lucky to have you as their mother .... Arjun .. ..
I just want to say thank you because you are an angel for helping millions of people.
Thank you for following your vocational calling and helping people across the world. You are making a difference!
I wanted to pause here for a moment to express my appreciation for what you are providing here. I especially appreciate your calm, measured, matter of fact and kind style and delivery. Thank you. ❤
Since I've been, watching videos of this channel I haven't suffered, one panic attack and my life as changed thank you for brining joy? Too the community.
Thank you for sharing your desire to heal openly, making healing accessible to so many 🙏🏽💟☮️
I just don't know how to thank you, it isn't even a paid course but you cleaned half of my head in them, I really feel cleaner and quieter than before after watching them, practising the exercises and implementing them in my life, they are simply amazing ❤️ thankyouu so much!
I’ve been learning so much about myself watching you videos! I watch one every morning; it’s part of my routine now. You explain everything so well and it’s helped me learn to process my emotions.
You have no idea how much this is helping me I can't wait to actually watch the full playlist on my off day thank you so much for saving the world honestly
Thank you so much for this series, your help and guidance are helping with much needed healing.
You are absolutely incredible. You have already changed my life by video 7, and Iove your altruism in making these available for free. Your style of speech and natural flow is remarkable. Bravo
you're changing lives❤️❤️❤️
As a certified Gestalt practitioner, specializing in inner child trauma, your videos truly resonate. Much of what you discuss are tools I use in my work groups. Thank you for these videos.
Thank you ,this is so timely for me I’m in the house by myself 99% of the time because of this Covid thing and everything’s been intensified this is so helpful .
There's is so much information, I'm trying to soak it all in. I've even signed up for better help. I've realized I've been putting off my mental health for a very long time. I can't thank you enough for helping me through this obstacle.
Thank you!! So helpful. I love your delivery style and like the sponsorships you choose
I’m learning so much from this channel actually put this into my life situations and I can honestly say I felt better. Of course it’s one day at a time. Hope others get better.
-Vet with PTSD
Great channel, you are a very good person, thank you.
I love this therapist, she's amazing and Christian too, fabulous!
Emma, you are an angel! I can't thank you enough for these videos. Truly life changing. Thank you ❤️
I feel this. Thank you for your videos, very helpful. Always thought I was being strong by shoving emotions under the proverbial carpet, but it's definitely brought me to some deep dark and lonely places and ultimately to weakness. Cheers to living and learning and feeling!
I pay for TH-cam Premium so I don't have to listen to ads....this is the first video EVER where not only did I listen to it - i came back to my computer and sat down to listen, i teared up and I clicked the link. Thank you!
I love the clarity and depth of how you convey wonderful ideas .thank u
Yes your videos are so warm down to earth and empowering !
These videos have been more helpful and educational for me than the last two years of graduate school. THANK YOU!
Im buying the course as soon as i can. This is real skills that i can use. Its even helping me to understand others better.
This video got me out of a spiral. Thank you
:)
I've been listening her great advice before my bed time and first thing in the morning and it's been wonderful journey to understand myself better specially how to handle irrational emotion that I've been carrying on many many years.
Thank you and can't wait to try her online courses!
I appreciate what youre doing here. Thank you for giving me the tools to improve my quality of life.
Thank you for organizing these videos and creating a playlist.
You are so helpful and calming. Thank you!
You are a gift to this world. Thank you also for caring about this beautiful 🌎!
Wow, thank you
Your videos a such a blessing! Thank you!
Thank you so much for these quality videos. These have already been so helpful, and I appreciate it so much.
Glad you like them!
Thank you for sharing this video, it just started off my healing process.
This is so great! What a wonderful resource, and course. Thank you for creating all of this! ❤
Thanks!
Your soul is amazing! I aspire to view my emotions they way you teach us. You’re making the world a better place 🌎 ♥️
Thanks Jill, that's my goal!
Thank you so much for all your awesome hard work and sharing your information ❤️ you definitely raise the vibrations of the world 🔮✨💕💚
You’re so amazing…thank you for these golden nuggets of knowledge ♥️
Thanks you so much for sharing these with us. You are a great teacher and human. I loved the "hate your boss" example and moving to the underlying emotions and options that can open up.
Fantastic!! 💗 I’m so happy I’ve found your channel - thank you!
So useful, thank you. Hope you are safe and well.
Thank you so much for your videos. You have no idea how helpful and amazing these videos are. I just wish I had watched these videos years ago, many things would have changed. Thank you. so much love
Wonderful stuff Emma. You're so articulate!
thank you! thank you! I am so thankful for your knowledge and wisdom your videos have helped me understand so much.
Hello. I am extremely grateful that you have made your videos available online. I have benefited so much from it. We learn new ways of coping everyday and your hints and tips are refreshing and new to me. Thank you so so much.
I'm new to this anxiety world and it has defeated me in many ways but I'm fighting back with learning and understanding my emotions. Driving triggers my attacks but I'm about to take off!! Realizing I'm safe.
Love watching your videos they calm my anxiety.
Thank you. Thank you for your wonderful, easy to digest, videos.
Seems like this is the whole reason for narcissism and other personality disorders... Basically completley failing to allow yourself to feel your primary emotions.
Very interesting insight. This makes so much sense.
Excellent video, and so practical and helpful! Thank you!
Thanks for your work and videos! Excellent content.
Excellent info. You are very generous with your knowledge.
Comment for the algorithm to try to help this reach more people. Thank you for what you do.
Thank you for making these videos!! 💖💖💖💖💖
More blessing to the creator of this channel it helps me a lot it save my life to become crazy..
I'm glad I found this channel ☺Thank you very much 😊🙏
Glad you enjoy it!
Great information that's helping so much. You are a gem. I need to get your workbook.
Emma, thank you so much. You are awesome!
Wonderful! Wonderful! I am so grateful to you!
This is excellent learning for people healing from Borderline personality traits. As Dr. Daniel Fox talks about, this 1st and 2nd emotional discernment touches on Core Content vs. Surface -- And I'm typing my comment and you just said the word, Surface! Yay! Exactly!
thank you for your support in my fight for sanity everyday
Everytime I watch the next video, i love you more! You are amazing. I appreciate all tbat you do for us!
Wow, this is an eyeopener! Thank you!
When I started this video I wasn't expecting to cry. I already know about primary and secondary emotions but for some reason this hit so hard. Ahhh and that scene...
Thank you so much for all of your content
Thank you so much for this incredible course. I'm only this far through, but I feel so proud of myself already for going through my notes from these videos and processing emotions that come up with the steps you shared.
We appreciate your efforts
Wow, this video was amazing! Saving it to rewatch
This is the first sponsor I have been genuinely thankful for on youtube. You are such a great human.
She has stolen, plagiarized, a copyrighted title "Therapy In A Nutshell",
from a well known psychologist, Dr. Patricia L. Bay, LMFT, that came up with this name and the
therapy behind it, over 20 years ago with her first book, tv show, live radio show, national tour and
Spotify podcast! Dr. Patricia Bay, LMFT, has been a psychologist for over 30 years. This woman is misrepresenting the name Therapy In A Nutshell as her own creation when it is not. If you want to follow
the real psychologist that came up with the name and helpful guidance behind Therapy In A
Nutshell, go to Dr. Patricia Bay's website. Here is the link for it patriciabay.com/. You can
also follow the real Therapy In A Nutshell podcast on Spotify.
open.spotify.com/show/6RlpicHXBXtcXxi0nbYkRK?si=mLAvJCNwRimTkPWmgmeoag. This person needs to change the name of her business and stop using the title and creation of someone else.
@@tarabedford8329 oh my god it's such a stereotypical title, there's probably 50 books with that name. "Misrepresenting the name" jesus christ she's literally changing people's lives by sharing her knowledge, and here you are spending your time sulking in the comments. I get very annoyed by comments like these^ they're such a fucking waste of both the writer and reader's time.