At some point you'll move on to the next stage where you don't feel it as an affront to not be invited. When being invited/not being invited solicits exactly the same emotional response in you - you're good and grown.
when I asked this question I had no idea it would resonate with so many people - weird mixture of feeling seen & heard & sad that other people are facing the same struggle
I'm definitely an introvert but the magic pill for me is social partner dancing - it means interacting with only one person at a time. I'm also reminded of the idea that everyone wants to teach introverts how to be more outgoing but nobody wants to teach extroverts to sit down and shut up sometimes.
Thank you! I used, still do just do it by myself, dance. It makes me happy! I didn't want to go to "free" lessons. But private lessons would be the key to my getting out! Thank you for sharing that.❤
As a person who is an introvert but also suffers from poor mental health…you can’t believe just how relieved I was to see this video pop up. The worst part for me is well meaning friends and family members who think my necessary alone time is my illnesses spiraling out of control and immediately drag me to parties and events and social situations and I just get so freaking overwhelmed and stressed out that it exacerbates my already bad illnesses. Thank you so much Dr. Scott. It’s very much appreciated.
Dr. Scott, I’ve never heard anyone say it out loud that they don’t have active friendships and that there’s nothing wrong with that. I’ve been beating myself up for years for not having friends. Like you, I’m an introvert and I have a full life, yet I always thought everyone was supposed to have a stable of friends seeing each other every weekend, or you weren’t a normal adult. I’m going to stop beating myself up now. Thank you! Also, I recommend reading Quiet by Susan Cain, and better yet, lend it to all the extroverts in your life who don’t “get” you. 🙃
I've realised that, after years in an unhappy marriage, getting out, working multiple jobs, having our children every other weekend, having very little money and time to socialise etc, I've become extremely disconnected and alone. When people ask "How are you?" I go straight into overshare and honesty. I would honestly just be so happy with a handful of close frineds I saw on a regular basis.
Join a hobby or sport based club of some kind. It's the only way to have low-key interactions with a group of adults on a regular basis, people nowadays don't go out for any other reason than to drink/ party or socialise with immediate fam/ past friends
It's a bit of a culture thing, especially in the UK, don't know about US. The country I'm from originally, when we ask something like "how are you?" we don't expect a person to just be "good, and you?" which is a totally fine answer, but in western cultures, it seems if you actually start answering the question, people start getting almost annoyed with you. So basically the politeness is just a facade, and in my world, it's better to just say "hello" and be done with it, instead of "hi, how are you?" and then get frustrated when you actually get the question answered. regardless, you just need to find people who will listen, who you can share with, that's often extroverted people though, so it can be hard to be around them... finding solitude and being alone is literally only a matter of your perception though.
This is me to a TEE!!! I catch myself deep in thought feeling depressed that I have no friends.. what is wrong with me? What am I doing wrong etc but when I stop and really think about it,, do I want to go out with people to a gathering? Do I want to go to a person house to visit? Do I really want to meet up with people? And honestly the answer is NO! Is very weird.
Same! It can be conflicted sometimes and lonely but my favorite kind of day is going to the gym by myself, going home and watching a movie or serie, knowing that I don't have anything for at least a couple of days😅 always when something is coming up I feel restless and depressed a week in advance.. and I am allways relieved when I am home and can do my own thing again.
I also feel like alot of people talk soooo much about themselves, also a reason why I am barely on social media, I just need alot of time to reconnect with myself and alot of people drain me.
Ive had a similar experience ; its comes from past social conditioning that says, socializing is strength, success and "normal", but the point is that I just like being solo for much of the time.
I really enjoyed this episode. I am a homebody and always have been an introverted person. I prefer books, animals and nature to people. This is a hard sell for most of my friends and even my sister who is an extrovert and my first best friend. I was married to an extrovert who didn’t respect my boundaries when I needed my alone time even though I respected his right to go socialize without me. Anyway, this is getting too long. I don’t apologize for being a loner and I certainly don’t apologize for having mental issues.
@@jenr7766 Agree wholeheartedly, my loneliness is definitely worse since my girl passed - they bring life to the home. Will definitely be sharing my space with another when the time is right
I've just lost my beloved furbaby. He passed last week he was such a joy and a best friend to me. I am now totally alone and devastated don't want to carry on now
@@jenr7766 thank you. You're message wasn't finished. His name was Timothy and he was a ragdoll I rescued him a few years ago. He had to go to vets for help and they said they would ring me if anything changed and they didn't and I wasn't with him I'm absolutely broken about this as well I feel like I've let him down n he was everything too me x
@@victoriacritchlow9069 I'm so very sorry for your loss, it's so painful. I lost my girl last November aged 19 & still miss her dreadfully. Thinking of you, try to be kind to yourself
Ive always thought it was good to be an extrovert, but being an introvert was a personality failure. Now, I think I can limit the wide swings on my pendulum to a minimum, and accept this is me. Im an introverted cat lady, and that's perfectly acceptable. Thank you Dr Scott 🐈🌻
When it comes to extraversion / intraversion there is no right or wrong answer or a "best " type. There are actually even those of us who are ambiverts that have both introverted and extraverted tendancies . Just be your authentic self and you will find people who like you for you 👍.
Thank you - this was helpful, I've become really quite isolated due to physical & mental health & have been walled up in my castle of solitude(!). I am content in my own company but it has gone past being helpful & I no longer have really anybody in my life so no choice any more - that's when it can sometimes tip over into loneliness. Though I definitely need to be kinder to myself too...
I'm an introvert. Most people make no sense when they talk if you listen to them long enough. I've had a rough few days and miss a dear friend. This video by Dr. Scott came just in time. I feel better already! I went to ALDI and asked the cashier how much I owe. That was enough social interaction for the day.
Spent my life trying to "fit in" what a disappointment. I'm learning that life is more peaceful when people aren't involved. Telling yourself that you're lonely is the problem. Stop doing that it only reinforces those negative thoughts.
In order to find solitude, we must go through a lonely period, I think. The older a man gets, the better they feel alone. Look at many married men, with children. They see free time alone as some sort of luxury, which it actually is. EVERY married man likes to sit on the toilet for long, because that's their sanctuary, their escape.
You are making the comment I was supposed to write my friend. Im soon a 50 year old who suffered from panic attacks, depressions and anxiety. I lost my job when I refused the injection and now Im retired and have no friends left. I only have my dogs and a house on the countryside. I saw my life as a total failure and gave up on girlfriends and had no "life" with no strength of having relationships in any shape and form the last 10 years. But as I had contact with others who suffered from the same problems so I dont see my self as a massive failure like before but I have my "dark hours or days" still.
This is totally me he can read my mind I swear I feel very isolated but at the same time I don't feel isolated I feel lonely but I don't feel like being around other people at the same time I've suffered from severe depression and anxiety most of my life and life experiences have just exacerbated that😢
Depressed introvert here. Thankfully, after what felt like hundreds of years, Now am retired. Part of my job included instructing on-hour classes. After which I needed to isolate for a couple of hours, before I could drive away. So far, after 7 years of retirement, I am still profoundly grateful to not have to go back to the work world. Lonely is a cheap price to pay.
This resonates so much with me. I long to leave my job which relies on me being present for hourly sessions supporting people as a counsellor. It's draining and I just need to be on my own to recover
This is also why I love Fall and Winter more.. it's Summer here now and I always feel like I have to be this outgoing person (especially with a very extroverted sister) my life always feels boring and I feel more alone but I just don't have the energy to be around people all the time. Maybe it sounds weird, but in Fall somethings connects again, I feel less lonely, I am more creative and I feel more like myself. Besides that I really need to work on accepting who I am and what I need and not comparing with other people's busy lives.
There is something about autumn that makes me feel so alive and so comforted inside. I love going out in wooly jumpers hats and scarves that I've bought from Etsy and the sound of rain and puddles splashing as I walk through them. Summer on the other hand feels like somebody is shining an interrogation lamp on my face and demanding me to answer their question, which is why don't I go outside and try to make friends. Autumn just allows me to hide behind umbrellas and heavy hoods where I can watch but not be watched watched ❤❤❤
I am the person you just described.... I have an extroverted sister and I was always treated as if there was something wrong with me. Now I am 76 years old and not at all happy with myself....glad I found your channel....thank you for this video. 🙂
I too have an older extroverted sis. We are a little younger. There has always been something wrong w me. Or someone….hah!!! I feel optimistic about a new friendship. Maybe two. But I can’t abandon myself. God bless you. 😊
People are draining to me. I'm an introvert and I never feel lonely. I prefer to be alone and not involved in other peoples drama and nonsense. I'm an artist and this is what fills my soul in a way that people cannot. I never put pressure on myself to socialize because its something I do not want. I accept who I am and I don't worry what others think about my solitude life. I'm proud and happy to be a true introvert!😊
@@April19622 One of my best friends moved away, and I was in bed for about two weeks. I just couldn’t get over. It didn’t wanna get over it. So I laid there and my sister wrote to me and I’ll texted me. I said I’m not doing anything for two weeks. I can’t cope so I did nothing. I didn’t leave the house or anything for two weeks and then I put a plan together….. but there’s so many people that are so upset so mean so lonely so broke….. I usually don’t get bored because I’m crafty and I can sell a little get my hot glue gun out. I use old calendar pages and make my own greeting cards for people and I don’t do it perfectly. I just do it in a way that I think that particular friend would like it.
You're amazing Dr Scott. I have never in my entire life come across a psychologist who is so real and connected to the realm of your profession by understanding others so well and relating your experiences to help them understand themselves. Honestly, you're amazing - so very skilled and naturally talented in your field. I love your videos and they help me so much. Thank you.
This hits hard at the moment. I have always considered myself an introvert but lately I've been absolutely dreading being alone, even though I have no motivation to spend time with friends or pursue a relationship. Every day at work as the afternoon comes, I dread the end of the day because it means I'm going back home to nothing and nobody.
I’m a newly retired widow with 3 children, 6 grandchildren, 3 close sisters. Thank you for helping me feel less lonely. You helped me feel more normal in that I don’t have to go looking for a big friend, tight social group. I actually had to let 2 friends of 20 years go due to feeling my boundaries and theirs did not mesh well. Thank you for helping to free me ❤
I agree with you! Dr Scott is amazing and so generous with his wisdom! I get so much out of each and every episode! I’m 69, and this helps me a lot. Thank you Dr Scott !!!
@@angelenaboden 75. But it’s just been the last 15-30 yrs. I had my hands in every pie. When I found myself without family things changed. I’m not sure why?
This is great! My therapist told me to speak to myself the way I would my 19 year old daughter. That really helped me to be kinder and more understanding to myself! So grateful for the work you do!!
I am a 72 year old woman and also an HSP highly sensitive person I don't know if you would talk on a subject like this but this tends to make you feel more isolated to😢
I'm in my late 50s and only now understanding my introvert & HSP personality. When I wanted to end a conversation or an evening entertainment I thought it was because I didn't really like the person/ people enough! I've learned so much so late in life. Now I hide away from everyone.
My wife and I are both introverts and empaths, and I've realized a long time ago how our closeness has really healed a lot of the negative effects of me not having a social life prior to us meeting. We also have work colleagues, as well as feline and canine companions at home , but sometimes there is still a yearning for more human social interaction. What's worked for me is going to the store or a park as a way of non-committal socializing, as just that very act fosters more connection and engagement. I've also been the type to be very committed and loyal in friendships, and I'm not capable of being "polysocial" like extroverts in easily switching between multiple friends, so this is a happy medium for me.
Thank you for this video.Thank you! I couldn't live without having solitude. You and your book have really helped me.I have been battling ptsd, grief, depression, anhedonia and the freeze response.I found a therapist at great expense who was useless compared to you, so a big heartfelt thank you for your time and wisdom x
You nail it with every video. Wow, I needed this advice/support so badly. I work in academia. I am not social at work and as a result, they call me "quirky". It's like they don't know what to do with me. I see them as "quirky" because they have this constant need to be out there and network and speak at conferences. There's a lot of pressure to do that. This makes me retreat even more. I try to "force" being like them, but it drains me. This video gives me some coping skills that I will try to implement when I'm feeling pressured to meet their explectations.
I totally agree with what you said about being introverted and getting sufficient connections through everyday socialization. I have a couple of friends I only see every two to three months, and I'm fine with that.
This resonates a lot, I’m a natural introvert but also a counsellor and talking and listening and helping patients all day then helping and listening to my kids then my partner my social battery feels drained all the time. Normalizing these feelings was very helpful thank you.
I cultivated an extreme pattern of people-pleasing during my developmental years. I thought everyone would not become angry with me if everyone was happy. But, as I grow older, I've discovered this is untrue. Now I tend to isolate myself more often than not. But, this keeps me spending more time with my biggest critic: myself. However, I am partially retired with a part-time job, which I love. As I approach 68 years old, I'm so glad that I can still work outside of my home; so I won't be stuck at home with myself too often.
I have a friend and the rest are acquaintances or coworkers. That is enough for me. I always feltbad when therapist say I need to get out more and connect with others. Getting outside and connecting on a small scale is what I need. I don't need a bunch of big connections. I love how TH-cam has a take a break timer. I put mine for about 2 hours so I can leave after the time is up depending on if I'm watching a live or not. This was a good video and helpful in many ways.
I found out this morning at 9 that after 12+ years as a remote working software engineer with the same company and becoming a subject matter expert in multiple areas I have been declared “redundant” and was let go as a “cost savings measure”, so it’s easy to criticize myself and less so to interact positively with myself. However the past few months I have especially been kicking ass at my job (which makes this even more surprising) and have been learning not to take the stress of others upon myself as well as acknowledging my own skills and how I have acquired them. Ultimately this is a positive experience but it’s still something unexpected to navigate and a good sandbox for exactly what you’re talking about. Thanks for the support and encouragement!
Wanted say thank you for all these videos! Gives a perspective that other counselors I've had never addressed. Wanted to ask if you can do a video on this topic that I have found limited info about it: How heat affects depression and anxiety and how to cope with it better. I'm in Texas and every summer I get the summer version of SAD and don't know how to deal with this without making the depression symptoms worse. Appreciate any help on this.😊
"...where you're essentially trying to find a balance between these two relatively unpleasant scenarios, neither of which ever feels quite right to you" Doc, in this sentence you have described basically every aspect of my life. I feel like a cockroach scurrying toward dark places. I tend to overshare. People quickly tire of me. It has become much easier to be my own best friend than to bother with interpersonal relationships. I'm not a great friend though, so while I keep myself honest, I'm not really very supportive or understanding. Eight minutes in, you've nailed it. I am exhausted with interpersonal interaction. I'm trying to get out of a very unhealthy relationship after more than two decades. I've got health limitations and I'm moving to another country just to try to get some breathing room and find out what sort of a person I actually am without all of the bs drama. It's terrifying. I dread interactions. They don't often go bad, as long as I can keep them brief. I can deal with a medical visit or a trip to the store. But random phone calls? Nah. People showing up unannounced at my door? Are you kidding me? Or a party where I don't know anybody? I won't be found within five country miles of such a place. I am trying to do better, to do more (hence these posts), but man it is so easy and comforting to scurry back into the darkness. Sorry for oversharing 😬
Why do you feel like you have to do more? That's a society that neither knows nor appreciates your particular blend. Trying to do better? I hear the judgement of random others talking through you. Are you convinced you need to stretch yourself out to be able to perform? Why not just not perform?
@@batintheattic7293 I don't really know. I suspect because, societally speaking, it's expected? Toxicity aside, people that at least don't pretend to fit in seem to eventually go off the rails. That's scary too.
Years ago, I also got out of a bad relationship and moved temporarily to another country. Yes, it was scary, but also very freeing and fun! I found interesting new things to do and a new culture & language to immerse myself in. Don’t worry, you’ll do fine!
A word of caution with moving to a new place to try and escape--you can't run away from yourself. All of the inner things going on are going to follow you. Sometimes the change in scenery is enough to trigger a change inside but sometimes it's not. Just be aware.
Thank you so much Dr. Scott! I've always been told that I'm snobbish, standoffish and I need to make more friends. But I do have friends, just not as many. It feels validating to know that it's enough. And yes, I tried to make more friends, but it was too much for me to handle. I ended up pretending to be someone I'm not. From now, I can finally not feel guilty about needing solitude.
76 years old and still trying to figure it all out. Took me years to understand my introversion and still dealing with relationships vs. being alone struggles. I have just discovered your channel and am so grateful for it. Feeling better after only three videos! Thank you so much for all you are doing to help.
DR SCOTT I HAVE TO SAY THIS VIDEO AND YOUR DESCRIPTIONS OF YOUR FEELINGS HAS BEEN A LIFE SAVER FOR ME - I WAS CONVINCED I WAS THE ONLY ONE THAT FELT SO ALONe REGARDLESS OF WHO I AM AROUND- I was sliding into a very dark place of isolation- thank you for helping me see im not alone!!
This was validating to hear, thank you. I recently made a list of my happiest memories and realized most of them happened alone. But all of my worst memories involved other people.
Thank you! I needed this message 😊 I also work in a social job and its absolutely fine to me to have silence and alonetime, cook for myself and don't listen oder talk to another human for the rest of the day. ❤
Enjoy listening to you Dr Scott Recently got a big surprise from my DNA test that I’m an extrovert but I act & feel just like an introvert?! Love my alone time but the complete isolation is soul crushing since losing all my friends to Covid or cancer😢 Mostly enjoy each & every moment but it’s hard connecting today with potential new friends…it’s like I don’t know how anymore.
I am happiest when I'm alone. I feel 'rich' when I'm alone. I soak up the comfort of peace and quiet. It luxurious. I know what peace and quiet 'feels like'. At times, I can simply inhale happiness. The biggest lesson was to stop feeling guilty for my true nature. I am here. This is now. I am productive. I am creative. I accept it. I help others when I see openings to give something good (something that 'they want 'or need) and feel fortunate that I can help.
Dr. Scott. Your content is amazing! So much of your content resonates with my mind and heart. I spent so much of my life trying to be more extroverted. At 66 I have finally started accepting that I am truly an introvert. I would like to know if you have any content on estrangement from children? It is one of the most pressing issues that I have to seek help with. I have literally been paralyzed in seeking help on this issue. Thank you for any response on this very personal phenomenon.
Humans are exhausting to me. They suck the life force out of me, drain my batteries, as it were. My favorite quote is 'If you're loney when you're alone, then you are in bad company.' Jean-Paul Sarte. Excellent topic. Not all people who live alone are lonely. Many people choose to live alone. The worst form of torture (for me) would have to live with someone. I was married for a while to a good and kind man but married life isn't for me. Yes, I am a PROUD child free cat lady. Cats are far better company than most people. I had to add, I am comfortable eating at a sit down restaurant, alone, going to a concert, alone, when I went to movies at a theater, I went alone. I like doing things with other folks, occasionally, but I prefer to go in my own vehicle so I can leave when I need to and not inconvenience others.
I’m a total introvert. I do have a good husband, who I enjoy. If he dies before me I know I’ll be okay, because I love spending time with my dog. He’s a very satisfying companion. Something came up in this video that resonated with me. I hadn’t realized that being in a place of solitude makes me feel safe. Conversely being in social situations makes me feel unsafe. When I was in bed for three months with a major depression to self soothe I chanted , ‘’ You’re safe, you’re safe ‘’ over and over until I felt better ( not enough to get out of bed, but, still better. ). I can’t even begin to describe how much you’re helping me. I love it when you talk about our brains. I’m very gentle and kind with my brain . My brain is precious. I owe this respect and admiration for my brain to you. Thank-You !
I am an introvert. Even more so since my mother died over a year and a half ago. I go to the store and get overwhelmed halfway through my shopping. I get to a point that I just want to take a nap. All the stimulation of the environment drains me. I have felt disconnected from everything. As much as I need alone time I do hit my limit and get a little stir crazy. I have to get out and walk or at least a change of scenery to get out of my head. If I don't I'm prone to a panic attack. I have learned coping skills, but it's not fun when I know it's coming.
Thank you for posting this. It resonates with me. I do swing from one thing to another, I have social and GAD, that has worsened over time. Ive had CBT and practise it, some days it helps, other times not. I just wish I was how I was when i worried less and was more carefree. Every day is a challenge, which depends on the day its severity. Wishing well anyone who reads this and feels similarly. Bless you. 💕
Dr. Scott, could you make a video on regrets and obsessing over the 'could've beens'? A big part of suffering from depression and adhd comes from this knowledge that I have causes irreversible damage to many aspects of my life. And because I can almost visibly see this damage with my own eyes daily, it makes me extremely depressed and hopeless because I cannot stop thinking about how it could've not been this way if I fixed something sooner or something, which I know is a very foolish human thought process to believe you could've fixed something what you didn't fix at the time. By the way I always appreciate your content. I usually watch alot of mental health contents but none of them speaks to my soul the way yours do. So thank you.
I believe this is true. I have had an unfortunate amount of experience with that. Now I barely want to interact with people at all, unless I know them very well and consider them safe people for me to talk to.
Seriously...I absolutely love and adore your content! I'm 38 now and did all sorts of therapy one can imagine. I have 8 different mental health diagnosises(? - correct writing) and alot of them are very severe. So, I'd like to thank you from the bottom of my heart for putting your wisdom out there. It has been so nourishing to me for almost two years (which is the time span passing since I discovered you here on TH-cam) by now. So a huge THANK YOU! Just one thing Id like to point out, after watching this video: You talked about the two extremes of protection in terms of social interaction, that goes along with severe trauma and you said that (I cannot quote you word by word right now) something like: "Some people withdraw entirely from society after experiencing extreme trauma but some do not have the luxury to do that, because they have to take care of their children..." Again: I cannot quote you word by word but that's actually the essence I got out of it. And I'd like to say, that withdrawal from society or having no obligations or boundaries by outside sources, or no purpose like children to care for....that's not a luxury. That's hell on earth.
You have an amazing way of explaining things in a way we can understand. Im so sorry u went through such depression at times. But it lead u to what i consider, your true calling. Its what you are here to do. Thank u Dr. SCOTT
I really appreciate the depth of your understanding of this topic. The fact that you take what is formally taught and combine it with personal experiences is enlightening and inspiring. Keep it up.
Absolutely helpful. Was betrayed again and did not see it coming. Holed up. Job and self worth shaken and I am a therapist. Narcissist laid the devalue discard textbook. Now to define what I need as I heal from something I did not deserve, yet happened. Thank you for this gift of defining socialization.
I don't have any friends, I spend majority of my time alone. But I feel better and less depressed when I am out in society doing something. But when I am home, I feel extremely alone and often feel like I'm on the verge of crying. I don't have any connections, I never really connected with anyone. Everyone has social media, I don't. I used to be really addicted to social media but since deleted pretty much everything. I've always assumed I'm an introvert because I'm shy, I have a hard time striking a conversion with someone I don't know. I used to be ok with being alone but now that I've gotten older, I feel left out and jealous of others who have friends and relationships, I feel like I don't matter to anybody. Loneliness affects everyone differently I guess.
I hear what you're saying here. Though its not easy its still worth trying to strike up those connections, especially if you're noticing the feeling of loneliness as you age (understandable but it doesn't shut off your ability to be social). It might take more time but its worth trying.
It is so vindicating to hear someone else say that your social needs can be met by the day-to-day and the over-connectedness of today's society also fulfills some of that social need.
Así como hago dieta de alimentos,hace ya mucho tiempo que práctico la dieta de amistades y me ha servido mucho para identificar la toxicidad de las personas,y las que aportan a mi salud mental .Gracias a esto disfruto mi soledad y ya no me agoto socialmente.
I'd feel very content if I had a family too. Sadly I don't. When I was younger I often felt FOMO but today I know that I can feel fine with just 1-3 people and work in my life.
As a nurse, I would come home exhausted and tired of people. But then there is my husband who wants to go hang out with friends and ask me if I wanna go. Uh no. I am over talking for the day or week for that matter. I have no desire to socialize outside of work. Now, I did quit my job and currently unemployed but still I do not want to socialize outside my home or my extended family. I am fine without people. Unless it is my children coming over for a visit.
This is very accurate description. about introverts …. I am lonely at times. Have PTSD anxiety depression etc. its hard to find the balance between having some company but not with annoying ppl. You cant change introversion and I dont think i would given the opportunity
Wow, another one of your videos that describes exactly how I feel, and so many people in the comments who feel the same. I have about 4 friends who I see regularly-ish, but it's becoming less frequent and I find if we make arrangements to meet I dread it and so relieved when it's done and I can relax again for a while 🙂 I don't think I could call on any of them in an emergency and I do worry sometimes that I have no-one close who would be there if I really need them.
I am alone most of the time. To buy groceries and reg doctor visits keeps me stressed if frequently. I go to church regularly 3 times a week. That is my socialization I have major depression with a couple relaxes due to extremely painful events. Not trusting except for my church family.
It’s as if this was meant for myself.Thank you, Dr Scott. You may never know the extent to which you have helped me with the sound of your voice, your understanding, and the way you articulate your thoughts. Sometimes I feel like everything is over for me I’m just waiting around to die. Those times make me feel sad then I beat myself up for having them.
I just discovered your channel today, and the advice you give is just so helpful! As an introvert, I find this topic something I have to consider a lot, so thanks for making this.
This is me I don't wanna be alone but if it comes down to being with someone I don't wanna spend most of my time with or loneliness i choose loneliness That was a hard lesson to learn
This video had more helpful information than literally 2 years of therapy and made me feel really valid So much of it makes sense My old therapist was just get out more get out more get out more and not understanding that that made me feel worse off. I spent the last year forcing a friend group and realizing I was just never recharging how I need to
Introvert don’t want loudness, they are board listening to same stories. Silence meditates the beauty of aloneness, in my point of view. Thanks for your medicinal video Doc.
TY so much for sharing your knowledge and experience. Your videos really hit home. It makes me feel better just understanding my “different” self in this social world. My dilemma is feeling guilt for NOT socializing. I try and contribute to society, and I want to be a good person, but I don’t care for socializing. I think that is one of the main things that aggravates my being content. It’s like I am on the fence and being pulled from each side.
I've spent the majority of my life on my own, in one way or another, but since I reached 40, it has really started to bother me. I feel like I am cut out of the human experience everyone else has, and it is too late to start over. Normal things, like hanging out with friends outside of work, just seems like an unattainable experience.
Les mandé este video a los de mi grupo de Whatsapp. Personas que tiene diagnóstico o creen que son autistas, Asperger. Yo tengo diagnóstico, aunque también de trastorno depresivo mayor. Y ya no importa mucho tener un título de esos. Simplemente experimentamos estas cuestiones que nos hacen sentir "afuera". Y lo has descripto tan bien, que realmente sería bueno que llegue a muchas personas. Sos una luz en el camino
Always so helpful for me! I get to see all sides of your examples, and can understand myself better. Way better. Thank you SO much Dr Scott for your super intuitive intelligence and explanation!
Yes I always say…I want to be invited, I just don’t want to have to go 🤷♀️
At some point you'll move on to the next stage where you don't feel it as an affront to not be invited. When being invited/not being invited solicits exactly the same emotional response in you - you're good and grown.
You just summed up the introverts dillema ...lol great point 👍
This👍
Exactly!! I want to be invited too but don’t want to go! 😂 crazy!
Ha ha ha! I can relate to that! 😅
I feel so normal listening to you.
when I asked this question I had no idea it would resonate with so many people - weird mixture of feeling seen & heard & sad that other people are facing the same struggle
So glad you asked it!
Thank you for asking!❤
Great question
I'm definitely an introvert but the magic pill for me is social partner dancing - it means interacting with only one person at a time.
I'm also reminded of the idea that everyone wants to teach introverts how to be more outgoing but nobody wants to teach extroverts to sit down and shut up sometimes.
😂 gold comment!
😂😂😂Hit the nail on the head!
Thank you! I used, still do just do it by myself, dance. It makes me happy! I didn't want to go to "free" lessons. But private lessons would be the key to my getting out! Thank you for sharing that.❤
HA!
At least you're not an extravert/ambivert who has been so dejected that you live like a severe introvert and hate every second
As a person who is an introvert but also suffers from poor mental health…you can’t believe just how relieved I was to see this video pop up.
The worst part for me is well meaning friends and family members who think my necessary alone time is my illnesses spiraling out of control and immediately drag me to parties and events and social situations and I just get so freaking overwhelmed and stressed out that it exacerbates my already bad illnesses.
Thank you so much Dr. Scott. It’s very much appreciated.
Dr. Scott, I’ve never heard anyone say it out loud that they don’t have active friendships and that there’s nothing wrong with that. I’ve been beating myself up for years for not having friends. Like you, I’m an introvert and I have a full life, yet I always thought everyone was supposed to have a stable of friends seeing each other every weekend, or you weren’t a normal adult. I’m going to stop beating myself up now. Thank you!
Also, I recommend reading Quiet by Susan Cain, and better yet, lend it to all the extroverts in your life who don’t “get” you. 🙃
I've realised that, after years in an unhappy marriage, getting out, working multiple jobs, having our children every other weekend, having very little money and time to socialise etc, I've become extremely disconnected and alone. When people ask "How are you?" I go straight into overshare and honesty. I would honestly just be so happy with a handful of close frineds I saw on a regular basis.
Damn. I bottle everything up cause ppl tend to avoid you when you overshare
Join a hobby or sport based club of some kind. It's the only way to have low-key interactions with a group of adults on a regular basis, people nowadays don't go out for any other reason than to drink/ party or socialise with immediate fam/ past friends
I love oversharers lol. Tired of hearing "I'm fine" all the time.
@@sidcurtin This is the answer. The only way to find friends is through shared interests / hobbies
It's a bit of a culture thing, especially in the UK, don't know about US. The country I'm from originally, when we ask something like "how are you?" we don't expect a person to just be "good, and you?" which is a totally fine answer, but in western cultures, it seems if you actually start answering the question, people start getting almost annoyed with you. So basically the politeness is just a facade, and in my world, it's better to just say "hello" and be done with it, instead of "hi, how are you?" and then get frustrated when you actually get the question answered.
regardless, you just need to find people who will listen, who you can share with, that's often extroverted people though, so it can be hard to be around them...
finding solitude and being alone is literally only a matter of your perception though.
This is me to a TEE!!! I catch myself deep in thought feeling depressed that I have no friends.. what is wrong with me? What am I doing wrong etc but when I stop and really think about it,, do I want to go out with people to a gathering? Do I want to go to a person house to visit? Do I really want to meet up with people? And honestly the answer is NO! Is very weird.
totally relate to you ❤
Same! It can be conflicted sometimes and lonely but my favorite kind of day is going to the gym by myself, going home and watching a movie or serie, knowing that I don't have anything for at least a couple of days😅 always when something is coming up I feel restless and depressed a week in advance.. and I am allways relieved when I am home and can do my own thing again.
I also feel like alot of people talk soooo much about themselves, also a reason why I am barely on social media, I just need alot of time to reconnect with myself and alot of people drain me.
Ive had a similar experience ; its comes from past social conditioning that says, socializing is strength, success and "normal", but the point is that I just like being solo for much of the time.
@@marieke.80 lots of people I know talk AT me rather than with me. This makes me run for the hills...
I really enjoyed this episode. I am a homebody and always have been an introverted person. I prefer books, animals and nature to people. This is a hard sell for most of my friends and even my sister who is an extrovert and my first best friend. I was married to an extrovert who didn’t respect my boundaries when I needed my alone time even though I respected his right to go socialize without me. Anyway, this is getting too long. I don’t apologize for being a loner and I certainly don’t apologize for having mental issues.
My pets help me so much!! They're my family,I enjoy their company, it doesn't drain me and I don't feel lonely with them
@@jenr7766 Agree wholeheartedly, my loneliness is definitely worse since my girl passed - they bring life to the home. Will definitely be sharing my space with another when the time is right
I've just lost my beloved furbaby. He passed last week he was such a joy and a best friend to me. I am now totally alone and devastated don't want to carry on now
@@victoriacritchlow9069 I'm so sorry to hear this. It's the worst thing ever. What was h
@@jenr7766 thank you. You're message wasn't finished. His name was Timothy and he was a ragdoll I rescued him a few years ago. He had to go to vets for help and they said they would ring me if anything changed and they didn't and I wasn't with him I'm absolutely broken about this as well I feel like I've let him down n he was everything too me x
@@victoriacritchlow9069 I'm so very sorry for your loss, it's so painful. I lost my girl last November aged 19 & still miss her dreadfully. Thinking of you, try to be kind to yourself
Ive always thought it was good to be an extrovert, but being an introvert was a personality failure. Now, I think I can limit the wide swings on my pendulum to a minimum, and accept this is me. Im an introverted cat lady, and that's perfectly acceptable.
Thank you Dr Scott 🐈🌻
When it comes to extraversion / intraversion there is no right or wrong answer or a "best " type. There are actually even those of us who are ambiverts that have both introverted and extraverted tendancies . Just be your authentic self and you will find people who like you for you 👍.
Me, too! That's just fine.
Dr. Scott is always so comforting and nonjudgmental. Keep up the great work and thank you for the content
Thank you - this was helpful, I've become really quite isolated due to physical & mental health & have been walled up in my castle of solitude(!). I am content in my own company but it has gone past being helpful & I no longer have really anybody in my life so no choice any more - that's when it can sometimes tip over into loneliness. Though I definitely need to be kinder to myself too...
I'm an introvert. Most people make no sense when they talk if you listen to them long enough. I've had a rough few days and miss a dear friend. This video by Dr. Scott came just in time. I feel better already! I went to ALDI and asked the cashier how much I owe. That was enough social interaction for the day.
You've taken away my shame of being lonely and introverted
Spent my life trying to "fit in" what a disappointment. I'm learning that life is more peaceful when people aren't involved. Telling yourself that you're lonely is the problem. Stop doing that it only reinforces those negative thoughts.
In order to find solitude, we must go through a lonely period, I think. The older a man gets, the better they feel alone. Look at many married men, with children. They see free time alone as some sort of luxury, which it actually is. EVERY married man likes to sit on the toilet for long, because that's their sanctuary, their escape.
You are making the comment I was supposed to write my friend. Im soon a 50 year old who suffered from panic attacks, depressions and anxiety. I lost my job when I refused the injection and now Im retired and have no friends left. I only have my dogs and a house on the countryside. I saw my life as a total failure and gave up on girlfriends and had no "life" with no strength of having relationships in any shape and form the last 10 years. But as I had contact with others who suffered from the same problems so I dont see my self as a massive failure like before but I have my "dark hours or days" still.
@@Melchersson well done for refusing the jab!
This is totally me he can read my mind I swear I feel very isolated but at the same time I don't feel isolated I feel lonely but I don't feel like being around other people at the same time I've suffered from severe depression and anxiety most of my life and life experiences have just exacerbated that😢
Depressed introvert here. Thankfully, after what felt like hundreds of years, Now am retired. Part of my job included instructing on-hour classes. After which I needed to isolate for a couple of hours, before I could drive away. So far, after 7 years of retirement, I am still profoundly grateful to not have to go back to the work world. Lonely is a cheap price to pay.
This resonates so much with me. I long to leave my job which relies on me being present for hourly sessions supporting people as a counsellor. It's draining and I just need to be on my own to recover
This is also why I love Fall and Winter more.. it's Summer here now and I always feel like I have to be this outgoing person (especially with a very extroverted sister) my life always feels boring and I feel more alone but I just don't have the energy to be around people all the time. Maybe it sounds weird, but in Fall somethings connects again, I feel less lonely, I am more creative and I feel more like myself. Besides that I really need to work on accepting who I am and what I need and not comparing with other people's busy lives.
It’s winter where I am and it’s been colder than normal. It’s felt like an ‘allowed’ hibernation. Very restorative.
There is something about autumn that makes me feel so alive and so comforted inside. I love going out in wooly jumpers hats and scarves that I've bought from Etsy and the sound of rain and puddles splashing as I walk through them. Summer on the other hand feels like somebody is shining an interrogation lamp on my face and demanding me to answer their question, which is why don't I go outside and try to make friends. Autumn just allows me to hide behind umbrellas and heavy hoods where I can watch but not be watched watched ❤❤❤
@@KM-wv2og OMG - 💯!
@@KM-wv2og Yes!
I am the person you just described.... I have an extroverted sister and I was always treated as if there was something wrong with me. Now I am 76 years old and not at all happy with myself....glad I found your channel....thank you for this video. 🙂
I too have an older extroverted sis. We are a little younger. There has always been something wrong w me. Or someone….hah!!!
I feel optimistic about a new friendship. Maybe two. But I can’t abandon myself. God bless you. 😊
People are draining to me. I'm an introvert and I never feel lonely. I prefer to be alone and not involved in other peoples drama and nonsense. I'm an artist and this is what fills my soul in a way that people cannot. I never put pressure on myself to socialize because its something I do not want. I accept who I am and I don't worry what others think about my solitude life. I'm proud and happy to be a true introvert!😊
@@April19622 One of my best friends moved away, and I was in bed for about two weeks. I just couldn’t get over. It didn’t wanna get over it. So I laid there and my sister wrote to me and I’ll texted me. I said I’m not doing anything for two weeks. I can’t cope so I did nothing. I didn’t leave the house or anything for two weeks and then I put a plan together….. but there’s so many people that are so upset so mean so lonely so broke….. I usually don’t get bored because I’m crafty and I can sell a little get my hot glue gun out. I use old calendar pages and make my own greeting cards for people and I don’t do it perfectly. I just do it in a way that I think that particular friend would like it.
This is so helpful. I like being alone a lot. But then I think I should socialize. But I don't really want to.
DO MORE OF WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY!
Don't "should" on yourself-:)
I needed this video to remind myself that I am happy doing my own thing. Which is what I'm going to do right now. Peace
Sometimes I swear dr Scott can read my mind 😂
Haha, so true! 😅
Me, too! It's great.
You're amazing Dr Scott. I have never in my entire life come across a psychologist who is so real and connected to the realm of your profession by understanding others so well and relating your experiences to help them understand themselves. Honestly, you're amazing - so very skilled and naturally talented in your field. I love your videos and they help me so much. Thank you.
This hits hard at the moment. I have always considered myself an introvert but lately I've been absolutely dreading being alone, even though I have no motivation to spend time with friends or pursue a relationship. Every day at work as the afternoon comes, I dread the end of the day because it means I'm going back home to nothing and nobody.
I’m a newly retired widow with 3 children, 6 grandchildren, 3 close sisters.
Thank you for helping me feel less lonely. You helped me feel more normal in that I don’t have to go looking for a big friend, tight social group. I actually had to let 2 friends of 20 years go due to feeling my boundaries and theirs did not mesh well. Thank you for helping to free me ❤
Glad to hear time and time again that I’m not just the only weirdo , there are many of us! Thanks Besties !!❤😂
This is the first time I have felt really known and understood, and I am 69. Thank you for your videos ❤
So very amazing!!!❤❤❤
❤❤
I agree with you!
Dr Scott is amazing and so generous with his wisdom! I get so much out of each and every episode!
I’m 69, and this helps me a lot.
Thank you Dr Scott !!!
This has been my whole life and I'm 68.
69 here and the same for me ❤
Same 62😂 as far as the introvert style.
@@angelenaboden 75. But it’s just been the last 15-30 yrs. I had my hands in every pie. When I found myself without family things changed. I’m not sure why?
and me 😂
hugs 🤗
This is great! My therapist told me to speak to myself the way I would my 19 year old daughter. That really helped me to be kinder and more understanding to myself! So grateful for the work you do!!
I am a 72 year old woman and also an HSP highly sensitive person I don't know if you would talk on a subject like this but this tends to make you feel more isolated to😢
I'm in my late 50s and only now understanding my introvert & HSP personality. When I wanted to end a conversation or an evening entertainment I thought it was because I didn't really like the person/ people enough! I've learned so much so late in life. Now I hide away from everyone.
My wife and I are both introverts and empaths, and I've realized a long time ago how our closeness has really healed a lot of the negative effects of me not having a social life prior to us meeting. We also have work colleagues, as well as feline and canine companions at home , but sometimes there is still a yearning for more human social interaction. What's worked for me is going to the store or a park as a way of non-committal socializing, as just that very act fosters more connection and engagement. I've also been the type to be very committed and loyal in friendships, and I'm not capable of being "polysocial" like extroverts in easily switching between multiple friends, so this is a happy medium for me.
Thank you for this video.Thank you! I couldn't live without having solitude.
You and your book have really helped me.I have been battling ptsd, grief, depression, anhedonia and the freeze response.I found a therapist at great expense who was useless compared to you, so a big heartfelt thank you for your time and wisdom x
You nail it with every video. Wow, I needed this advice/support so badly. I work in academia. I am not social at work and as a result, they call me "quirky". It's like they don't know what to do with me. I see them as "quirky" because they have this constant need to be out there and network and speak at conferences. There's a lot of pressure to do that. This makes me retreat even more. I try to "force" being like them, but it drains me. This video gives me some coping skills that I will try to implement when I'm feeling pressured to meet their explectations.
I totally agree with what you said about being introverted and getting sufficient connections through everyday socialization. I have a couple of friends I only see every two to three months, and I'm fine with that.
This resonates a lot, I’m a natural introvert but also a counsellor and talking and listening and helping patients all day then helping and listening to my kids then my partner my social battery feels drained all the time. Normalizing these feelings was very helpful thank you.
I have a similar experience. I no longer live with my ex and son and am healthier for it but still drained after work
I cultivated an extreme pattern of people-pleasing during my developmental years. I thought everyone would not become angry with me if everyone was happy. But, as I grow older, I've discovered this is untrue. Now I tend to isolate myself more often than not. But, this keeps me spending more time with my biggest critic: myself. However, I am partially retired with a part-time job, which I love. As I approach 68 years old, I'm so glad that I can still work outside of my home; so I won't be stuck at home with myself too often.
I have a friend and the rest are acquaintances or coworkers. That is enough for me. I always feltbad when therapist say I need to get out more and connect with others. Getting outside and connecting on a small scale is what I need. I don't need a bunch of big connections. I love how TH-cam has a take a break timer. I put mine for about 2 hours so I can leave after the time is up depending on if I'm watching a live or not. This was a good video and helpful in many ways.
I found out this morning at 9 that after 12+ years as a remote working software engineer with the same company and becoming a subject matter expert in multiple areas I have been declared “redundant” and was let go as a “cost savings measure”, so it’s easy to criticize myself and less so to interact positively with myself. However the past few months I have especially been kicking ass at my job (which makes this even more surprising) and have been learning not to take the stress of others upon myself as well as acknowledging my own skills and how I have acquired them. Ultimately this is a positive experience but it’s still something unexpected to navigate and a good sandbox for exactly what you’re talking about. Thanks for the support and encouragement!
I hope you get a another job soon good luck you've got this 🙏
That’s a lot but you’ll eventually get through this
That's so hard...Best wishes for new work you enjoy!
Once you retire and friends and family disappear loneliness seems to be inevitable. At your age I too was busy and enjoyed alone time.
Wanted say thank you for all these videos! Gives a perspective that other counselors I've had never addressed. Wanted to ask if you can do a video on this topic that I have found limited info about it: How heat affects depression and anxiety and how to cope with it better. I'm in Texas and every summer I get the summer version of SAD and don't know how to deal with this without making the depression symptoms worse. Appreciate any help on this.😊
@@muzerhythm2242 I'd be interested in this too, as I've aged I can't tolerate heat as well as I once could & it impacts my mood negatively
"...where you're essentially trying to find a balance between these two relatively unpleasant scenarios, neither of which ever feels quite right to you"
Doc, in this sentence you have described basically every aspect of my life. I feel like a cockroach scurrying toward dark places.
I tend to overshare. People quickly tire of me. It has become much easier to be my own best friend than to bother with interpersonal relationships. I'm not a great friend though, so while I keep myself honest, I'm not really very supportive or understanding.
Eight minutes in, you've nailed it. I am exhausted with interpersonal interaction. I'm trying to get out of a very unhealthy relationship after more than two decades. I've got health limitations and I'm moving to another country just to try to get some breathing room and find out what sort of a person I actually am without all of the bs drama. It's terrifying.
I dread interactions. They don't often go bad, as long as I can keep them brief. I can deal with a medical visit or a trip to the store. But random phone calls? Nah. People showing up unannounced at my door? Are you kidding me? Or a party where I don't know anybody? I won't be found within five country miles of such a place. I am trying to do better, to do more (hence these posts), but man it is so easy and comforting to scurry back into the darkness.
Sorry for oversharing
😬
Why do you feel like you have to do more? That's a society that neither knows nor appreciates your particular blend. Trying to do better? I hear the judgement of random others talking through you. Are you convinced you need to stretch yourself out to be able to perform? Why not just not perform?
@@batintheattic7293 I don't really know. I suspect because, societally speaking, it's expected? Toxicity aside, people that at least don't pretend to fit in seem to eventually go off the rails. That's scary too.
Years ago, I also got out of a bad relationship and moved temporarily to another country. Yes, it was scary, but also very freeing and fun! I found interesting new things to do and a new culture & language to immerse myself in. Don’t worry, you’ll do fine!
A word of caution with moving to a new place to try and escape--you can't run away from yourself. All of the inner things going on are going to follow you. Sometimes the change in scenery is enough to trigger a change inside but sometimes it's not. Just be aware.
@@thisismyyoutubeaccount3322 perhaps, but my abuser will not follow me there, and that is kind of the priority.
I'm not an introvert. I interact rarely and I live completely alone. Fortunately I spend all of my time in great company.
This sounds like confident wisdom-:)
I’m so excited for this one. Realizing my struggle is how to form enough connections so I don’t feel so solitary in the big wide world.
I think too much social contact is more injurious, psychologically, than not enough.
Thank you so much Dr. Scott! I've always been told that I'm snobbish, standoffish and I need to make more friends. But I do have friends, just not as many. It feels validating to know that it's enough. And yes, I tried to make more friends, but it was too much for me to handle. I ended up pretending to be someone I'm not. From now, I can finally not feel guilty about needing solitude.
76 years old and still trying to figure it all out. Took me years to understand my introversion and still dealing with relationships vs. being alone struggles. I have just discovered your channel and am so grateful for it. Feeling better after only three videos! Thank you so much for all you are doing to help.
So glad I found your channel. Listening to you cover these topics many of us face everyday, it’s good to know we’re not alone ❤😊
Dr. Eilers, you’re my favorite content producer on TH-cam and a wonderful Psycologist. Thank you for all you do.
DR SCOTT I HAVE TO SAY THIS VIDEO AND YOUR DESCRIPTIONS OF YOUR FEELINGS HAS BEEN A LIFE SAVER FOR ME - I WAS CONVINCED I WAS THE ONLY ONE THAT FELT SO ALONe REGARDLESS OF WHO I AM AROUND- I was sliding into a very dark place of isolation- thank you for helping me see im not alone!!
This was validating to hear, thank you. I recently made a list of my happiest memories and realized most of them happened alone. But all of my worst memories involved other people.
Im the same. I then self gaslight, wondering if Im to unforgiving and overly sensitive
@@SIERRATREES Nope! You are fine just the way you are!
Thank you! I needed this message 😊
I also work in a social job and its absolutely fine to me to have silence and alonetime, cook for myself and don't listen oder talk to another human for the rest of the day. ❤
Enjoy listening to you Dr Scott
Recently got a big surprise from my DNA test that I’m an extrovert but I act & feel just like an introvert?! Love my alone time but the complete isolation is soul crushing since losing all my friends to Covid or cancer😢
Mostly enjoy each & every moment but it’s hard connecting today with potential new friends…it’s like I don’t know how anymore.
Me too, don't know how to connect any more and don't really want to. But how can a DNA test tell whether your'e an introvert or an extrovert?
"I don't hate people. I just feel so much better when I am (not) around them." -Charles Bukowski
I am happiest when I'm alone. I feel 'rich' when I'm alone. I soak up the comfort of peace and quiet. It luxurious. I know what peace and quiet 'feels like'. At times, I can simply inhale happiness. The biggest lesson was to stop feeling guilty for my true nature. I am here. This is now. I am productive. I am creative. I accept it. I help others when I see openings to give something good (something that 'they want 'or need) and feel fortunate that I can help.
I love what you say and agree that my time alone can feel luxurious ❤
Dr. Scott. Your content is amazing! So much of your content resonates with my mind and heart. I spent so much of my life trying to be more extroverted. At 66 I have finally started accepting that I am truly an introvert. I would like to know if you have any content on estrangement from children? It is one of the most pressing issues that I have to seek help with. I have literally been paralyzed in seeking help on this issue. Thank you for any response on this very personal phenomenon.
Humans are exhausting to me. They suck the life force out of me, drain my batteries, as it were. My favorite quote is 'If you're loney when you're alone, then you are in bad company.' Jean-Paul Sarte.
Excellent topic. Not all people who live alone are lonely. Many people choose to live alone. The worst form of torture (for me) would have to live with someone. I was married for a while to a good and kind man but married life isn't for me. Yes, I am a PROUD child free cat lady. Cats are far better company than most people.
I had to add, I am comfortable eating at a sit down restaurant, alone, going to a concert, alone, when I went to movies at a theater, I went alone. I like doing things with other folks, occasionally, but I prefer to go in my own vehicle so I can leave when I need to and not inconvenience others.
@@nyxcin1 Couldn't agree more - far happier sharing my space with a feline than a human having done both. I'm a proud crazy cat lady! 😉
I’m a total introvert. I do have a good husband, who I enjoy. If he dies before me I know I’ll be okay, because I love spending time with my dog. He’s a very satisfying companion. Something came up in this video that resonated with me. I hadn’t realized that being in a place of solitude makes me feel safe. Conversely being in social situations makes me feel unsafe. When I was in bed for three months with a major depression to self soothe I chanted , ‘’ You’re safe, you’re safe ‘’ over and over until I felt better ( not enough to get out of bed, but, still better. ). I can’t even begin to describe how much you’re helping me. I love it when you talk about our brains. I’m very gentle and kind with my brain . My brain is precious. I owe this respect and admiration for my brain to you. Thank-You !
This one is very helpful to me . 😊😊 . Thank you .
I am an introvert. Even more so since my mother died over a year and a half ago. I go to the store and get overwhelmed halfway through my shopping. I get to a point that I just want to take a nap. All the stimulation of the environment drains me. I have felt disconnected from everything. As much as I need alone time I do hit my limit and get a little stir crazy. I have to get out and walk or at least a change of scenery to get out of my head. If I don't I'm prone to a panic attack. I have learned coping skills, but it's not fun when I know it's coming.
Thank you for posting this. It resonates with me. I do swing from one thing to another, I have social and GAD, that has worsened over time. Ive had CBT and practise it, some days it helps, other times not. I just wish I was how I was when i worried less and was more carefree. Every day is a challenge, which depends on the day its severity. Wishing well anyone who reads this and feels similarly. Bless you. 💕
Dr. Scott, could you make a video on regrets and obsessing over the 'could've beens'? A big part of suffering from depression and adhd comes from this knowledge that I have causes irreversible damage to many aspects of my life. And because I can almost visibly see this damage with my own eyes daily, it makes me extremely depressed and hopeless because I cannot stop thinking about how it could've not been this way if I fixed something sooner or something, which I know is a very foolish human thought process to believe you could've fixed something what you didn't fix at the time. By the way I always appreciate your content. I usually watch alot of mental health contents but none of them speaks to my soul the way yours do. So thank you.
Same. I think it’s a form of PTSD from being mistreated by narcissists.
I believe this is true. I have had an unfortunate amount of experience with that. Now I barely want to interact with people at all, unless I know them very well and consider them safe people for me to talk to.
Seriously...I absolutely love and adore your content! I'm 38 now and did all sorts of therapy one can imagine. I have 8 different mental health diagnosises(? - correct writing) and alot of them are very severe. So, I'd like to thank you from the bottom of my heart for putting your wisdom out there. It has been so nourishing to me for almost two years (which is the time span passing since I discovered you here on TH-cam) by now. So a huge THANK YOU! Just one thing Id like to point out, after watching this video: You talked about the two extremes of protection in terms of social interaction, that goes along with severe trauma and you said that (I cannot quote you word by word right now) something like: "Some people withdraw entirely from society after experiencing extreme trauma but some do not have the luxury to do that, because they have to take care of their children..." Again: I cannot quote you word by word but that's actually the essence I got out of it. And I'd like to say, that withdrawal from society or having no obligations or boundaries by outside sources, or no purpose like children to care for....that's not a luxury. That's hell on earth.
Great topics
I'm not sure why, but this video helped me realize that social media interacting has the same sort of social energy drain as talking in person does.
You have an amazing way of explaining things in a way we can understand. Im so sorry u went through such depression at times. But it lead u to what i consider, your true calling. Its what you are here to do. Thank u Dr. SCOTT
I really appreciate the depth of your understanding of this topic. The fact that you take what is formally taught and combine it with personal experiences is enlightening and inspiring. Keep it up.
Absolutely helpful. Was betrayed again and did not see it coming. Holed up. Job and self worth shaken and I am a therapist. Narcissist laid the devalue discard textbook. Now to define what I need as I heal from something I did not deserve, yet happened. Thank you for this gift of defining socialization.
I don't have any friends, I spend majority of my time alone. But I feel better and less depressed when I am out in society doing something. But when I am home, I feel extremely alone and often feel like I'm on the verge of crying. I don't have any connections, I never really connected with anyone. Everyone has social media, I don't. I used to be really addicted to social media but since deleted pretty much everything. I've always assumed I'm an introvert because I'm shy, I have a hard time striking a conversion with someone I don't know. I used to be ok with being alone but now that I've gotten older, I feel left out and jealous of others who have friends and relationships, I feel like I don't matter to anybody. Loneliness affects everyone differently I guess.
I hear what you're saying here. Though its not easy its still worth trying to strike up those connections, especially if you're noticing the feeling of loneliness as you age (understandable but it doesn't shut off your ability to be social).
It might take more time but its worth trying.
It is so vindicating to hear someone else say that your social needs can be met by the day-to-day and the over-connectedness of today's society also fulfills some of that social need.
Así como hago dieta de alimentos,hace ya mucho tiempo que práctico la dieta de amistades y me ha servido mucho para identificar la toxicidad de las personas,y las que aportan a mi salud mental .Gracias a esto disfruto mi soledad y ya no me agoto socialmente.
I'd feel very content if I had a family too. Sadly I don't. When I was younger I often felt FOMO but today I know that I can feel fine with just 1-3 people and work in my life.
As a nurse, I would come home exhausted and tired of people. But then there is my husband who wants to go hang out with friends and ask me if I wanna go. Uh no. I am over talking for the day or week for that matter. I have no desire to socialize outside of work. Now, I did quit my job and currently unemployed but still I do not want to socialize outside my home or my extended family. I am fine without people. Unless it is my children coming over for a visit.
I would give that person a hug first thing that comes to mind
This channel and many of the comments are so relatable.
This is very accurate description. about introverts ….
I am lonely at times. Have PTSD anxiety depression etc. its hard to find the balance between having some company but not with annoying ppl. You cant change introversion and I dont think i would given the opportunity
Notifications ON for this!!! Can't wait
Wow, another one of your videos that describes exactly how I feel, and so many people in the comments who feel the same. I have about 4 friends who I see regularly-ish, but it's becoming less frequent and I find if we make arrangements to meet I dread it and so relieved when it's done and I can relax again for a while 🙂 I don't think I could call on any of them in an emergency and I do worry sometimes that I have no-one close who would be there if I really need them.
Dr. Scott....... you are just.....(what adjective do I choose now) ... well, ❤ would convey my feelings well, I guess. 😊
I am alone most of the time. To buy groceries and reg doctor visits keeps me stressed if frequently. I go to church regularly 3 times a week. That is my socialization I have major depression with a couple relaxes due to extremely painful events. Not trusting except for my church family.
Having a church family you can trust is a lot! And you are never alone because you have God!
I love ❤people!! They just exhaust me. 😖
I totally feel the same. About individuals and humanity as a whole.
@@elfymcelferton2187Me too. Let's have a club. Or not. 😂
@@klpuhelin2816 😋
This is great! Haha to " do i want to be with other people which is exhausting; or be with my self; my own worst critic" 🤭😅😆 spot on...
Thank you for this video!
I am an introvert, and an INFJ truly.
I just bought your book! I get it on Friday!
It’s as if this was meant for myself.Thank you, Dr Scott. You may never know the extent to which you have helped me with the sound of your voice, your understanding, and the way you articulate your thoughts. Sometimes I feel like everything is over for me I’m just waiting around to die. Those times make me feel sad then I beat myself up for having them.
I just discovered your channel today, and the advice you give is just so helpful! As an introvert, I find this topic something I have to consider a lot, so thanks for making this.
This is me
I don't wanna be alone but if it comes down to being with someone I don't wanna spend most of my time with or loneliness i choose loneliness
That was a hard lesson to learn
This video had more helpful information than literally 2 years of therapy and made me feel really valid So much of it makes sense My old therapist was just get out more get out more get out more and not understanding that that made me feel worse off. I spent the last year forcing a friend group and realizing I was just never recharging how I need to
Thank you for this heartfelt talk. You have reminded me it’s okay to be me.
Introvert don’t want loudness, they are board listening to same stories. Silence meditates the beauty of aloneness, in my point of view. Thanks for your medicinal video Doc.
I’m an introvert who gets this completely. Thank you❤️
I felt really calm and welcome watching this video. Thank you.
TY so much for sharing your knowledge and experience. Your videos really hit home. It makes me feel better just understanding my “different” self in this social world. My dilemma is feeling guilt for NOT socializing. I try and contribute to society, and I want to be a good person, but I don’t care for socializing. I think that is one of the main things that aggravates my being content. It’s like I am on the fence and being pulled from each side.
I love this massage! I wish i had a therapist like you 🙏🏽
you just lifted the burden of *always falling short* from me :) always striving for a way of being that was not me.
Do more of What makes you Happy! Happiness will be there for the next person to see or hear. Happiness will go forward, and it began inside of you.
Excellent video, Doc 👍 Totally identify.
I've spent the majority of my life on my own, in one way or another, but since I reached 40, it has really started to bother me. I feel like I am cut out of the human experience everyone else has, and it is too late to start over. Normal things, like hanging out with friends outside of work, just seems like an unattainable experience.
You are a God send my friend, I think I can heal now with this information I wish I had found your channel earlier but all well that you
Les mandé este video a los de mi grupo de Whatsapp. Personas que tiene diagnóstico o creen que son autistas, Asperger. Yo tengo diagnóstico, aunque también de trastorno depresivo mayor. Y ya no importa mucho tener un título de esos. Simplemente experimentamos estas cuestiones que nos hacen sentir "afuera". Y lo has descripto tan bien, que realmente sería bueno que llegue a muchas personas. Sos una luz en el camino
Always so helpful for me!
I get to see all sides of your examples, and can understand myself better. Way better.
Thank you SO much Dr Scott for your super intuitive intelligence and explanation!