I loved this video so much! I've been doing this parenting style for nearly 30 years, and my youngest is 9 years old... my daughter was bullied a couple years ago so I put her in Jujitsu class and her Sensei demonstrated an opposing parenting style after nearly a year and a half and he was telling me that I should allow her to stay in an environment where she wasn't happy and being alienated by her peers in a situation he created because one child repeatedly said upsetting things to my child and she perfectly asked her to not do that in the nicest way. Then the following week the child did the same thing knowing this was upsetting to my child. My child asked her to stop again. Unfortunately the child didn't stop and then went to antagonize her more. Then my daughter, being a child, started to playfully grab her hands and ask her to stop begging her out of frustration. Obviously I told my daughter this wasn't the appropriate response, but now her Sensei has decided that she is no longer allowed to be around that child at all. I allowed this but has escalated to my daughter now being alienated by her peers involved with that peer group. I explained this to her Sensei and asked if we could come to a compromise, and he refused. Now she's no longer going there. I spoke with him for hours trying to reason with him to no avail. And also was exposed to his own passive-aggressive behavior, manipulation, and gaslighting. Of course, when you do things that shut that down, it doesn't usually go well. I believe he is more authoritarian parenting style with parentification towards his own kids... It's just disappointing to find he was unwilling to try and understand my daughters feelings as well as my own and told me they weren't valid. But also continued to seek validation for his own feelings, gaslighting me when I pointed out passive aggressive behavior. He wouldn't communicate his boundaries with me... like he would say not to do something and then say to do it... was very confusing. When he discovered I wasn't going to think he wasn't behaving inappropriately.. he then resorted to name calling, snide comments, etc. none which I engaged with. I'm actually pretty happy with myself because it was rather triggering!! It can be tempting to engage in behavior they are but I promise 2 wrongs don't make a right!! Anyways, I could really feel when you said that you had so many children in your home you wish could stay 😢 I'm so happy they were able to feel safe. Part of authoritative parenting style is taking your child's feelings and wants into consideration when making decisions. In this case I don't feel it would be appropriate to keep putting my daughter into a situation where she would be forced keep compromising her feelings and boundaries and teaching her that what she wants doesn't matter. I definitely didn't want her in a situation where her boundaries and her wasn't being respected. It can kind of set them up to be groomed by P€dos etc if you know what I mean. Definitely not down with that! But this video was comforting. Thank you for posting it and sharing your opinions and views!! So much gratitude right now 🙏🏻
73 here. My mother was one of those VERY strict parents...authoritarian. The problem with the 'don't do as I do, do as I say' and never, EVER explaining the why behind the no's was very hurtful and harmful. It was emotional neglect most of my childhood, and I left at 17 and half years to 'escape into a very brief marriage (to get away I realized years later). No wonder. I am sure my mother was also raised that way but I never recall her ever asking about my feelings about a situation. I was never respected but I was supposed to obey and 'respect' her. I am all for firm guidance ie: traditional parenting however, with a heart and an ear. Children of my generation were treated as second class citizens. Today, I am her full time carer and I can tell you I fulfil my obligation as a daughter, but I do resent it.
I'm sorry that happened. It sounds like you're breaking the cycle, though, and have some great analysis going on. Skills and principles of Self-Government can benefit anyone of any age at any phase of life. You and your mother both could learn more about them and grow together. teachingselfgovernment.com
@@TeachingSelfGovernment Thank you for your kind words. Years ago I did have a serious talk with her about the upbringing and other situations where she just was not there for me. She was either in denial, embarrassed or rationalized most things. I felt better afterwards and did not worry how her emotions were...afterall I never got that from her. However, now 4 years into me caring full time for her in my house, dementia has really taken over.. I am happy I was so blunt with her (after my stepfather died) years ago. I am enjoying your content...thank you for your work!
I am sorry that parents who have never parented this way are criticizing this style. You’re threading a needle trying to find the right balance and I applaud you for it. Great content. I get parent-shamed all of the time. Yet my kids are top of their class, extremely social and well-adjusted and definitely know how to function on their own. But the truth doesn’t matter to most people 😂. They love to hate.
“Traditional strict parenting”sounds more like authoritarian. I thought Authoritative is a balance of understanding your child, giving them freedom and privacy while also giving them some discipline to get them ready for adulthood. Authoritarian is controlling, strict, high expectations for kids and obedience.
Sorry for the late response. Traditional Strict is the same as Authoritative style of parenting, just a different name. It sounds like it would be for Authoritarian, but that is what I call the "Fear-Based/Bullying" style.
The benefit of calling it 'traditional strict parenting' as a gen x is that you get less judgment from the authoritarian boomers and others who are the 'spare the rod spoil the child' types. I think I'm going to start having to call it this now lol
I like learning the nuances of healthy and beneficial parenting. I appreciated hearing this etymological gloss on the word liberty. The way traditional is being used does not feel connected to the common meanings of that word and the idea of being a family that looks at possibities and choices and then makes a plan. Yes, those choices may align with traditional values and activities and methods and roles but I don't hear that aligning with traditional values is the point. I hear the pount being a considerate and thoughtful and deliberate family will take time to create a wise plan and then commit to a strict respect for that plan. I can imagine though that even then if the plan really wasn't working that well that the family could reconsider things. I can also imagine that of course not that many major choices or principles in the plan are left up to small children. Maybe a family decides that, no, it doesn't want to spank their children even though traditionally that was seen as reasonable and beneficial. Does that make them one of the negligent 'modern progressive' families?
I am 25 with a nine year old and after analyzing my parenting I’d say authoritative is most likely my way of currently parenting. Sometimes I do feel that I may be too harsh but I want to set strong bones now so that my child can finish building her own path positively later on. This doesn’t mean disrespecting my child. Keep in mind.
Authoritative isn't about disrespecting your child. It's about respecting the roles in the family. I love that you are analyzing your parenting and making the changes you need to reach your goal!
Obedience breeds dependence, compliance, rebelliousness, and powerlessness. So yes, authoritarian parenting is good if you're trying to raise a child who is unable to think or act for themselves.
It's easy to confuse Authoritative parenting with Authoritarian parenting. Obedience and respect are part of our roles, parents being the teachers and children being the learners. Learning how to follow instructions, accept "no" answers, accept consequences, and disagree appropriately (all of which would be taught with love and understanding) are skills that set people up for success and teach cause and effect. These are part of the Authoritative (or what I call Traditional Strict) parenting style. If you'd like to know more about the effect different parenting styles have on children, families, and society, I have a lot more information on it. Here's the link: teachingselfgovernment.com/store/popular-parenting-methods-are-they-really-working/ Hopefully this helps!
Diana Baumrind coined the term "authoritative" to distinguish it from "authoritarian." The authoritarian style is what you're thinking of. Authoritative parenting is gentler, includes more love and empathy, and allows the child more room to think and act for themselves.
This video spent 8 minutes of just going over dictionary definitions and word origins and no time explaining what this parenting style entails. Traditional strict parenting? That can mean many things to many people.....
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. In order to understand something on deeper levels, it's important to know where the term/thing came from. As far as your question goes, "Traditional Strict" is my title for the Authoritative parenting style, with a little more depth.
Too much of a slippery slope for most parents. Authoritative parenting will quickly devolve into becoming your child's friend. You cannot be both a parent and a friend.
Yes, you can't be a friend and a parent at the same time, but authoritative parenting is all about consistently using calm and effective skills to communicate effectively and uphold the roles that are needed to have healthy relationships. It's not lazy or passive at all. It is very deliberate and involved.
Did you mean authoritarian or authoritative parenting style? I think that this is a connotation to an authoritarian parenting style (which is, of course, bad, because it puts priority on a blind obedience and following a lot of rules (without explaining reasons behind them)). The authoritative parenting style is the best, since, while parents have the rules for the children and high expectations, they explain why there are that rules + they support their children. Authoritarian and authoritative parenting styles are not the same, and people should make difference between these two styles. The difference is big.
I loved this video so much! I've been doing this parenting style for nearly 30 years, and my youngest is 9 years old... my daughter was bullied a couple years ago so I put her in Jujitsu class and her Sensei demonstrated an opposing parenting style after nearly a year and a half and he was telling me that I should allow her to stay in an environment where she wasn't happy and being alienated by her peers in a situation he created because one child repeatedly said upsetting things to my child and she perfectly asked her to not do that in the nicest way. Then the following week the child did the same thing knowing this was upsetting to my child. My child asked her to stop again. Unfortunately the child didn't stop and then went to antagonize her more. Then my daughter, being a child, started to playfully grab her hands and ask her to stop begging her out of frustration. Obviously I told my daughter this wasn't the appropriate response, but now her Sensei has decided that she is no longer allowed to be around that child at all. I allowed this but has escalated to my daughter now being alienated by her peers involved with that peer group. I explained this to her Sensei and asked if we could come to a compromise, and he refused. Now she's no longer going there.
I spoke with him for hours trying to reason with him to no avail. And also was exposed to his own passive-aggressive behavior, manipulation, and gaslighting. Of course, when you do things that shut that down, it doesn't usually go well. I believe he is more authoritarian parenting style with parentification towards his own kids... It's just disappointing to find he was unwilling to try and understand my daughters feelings as well as my own and told me they weren't valid. But also continued to seek validation for his own feelings, gaslighting me when I pointed out passive aggressive behavior. He wouldn't communicate his boundaries with me... like he would say not to do something and then say to do it... was very confusing.
When he discovered I wasn't going to think he wasn't behaving inappropriately.. he then resorted to name calling, snide comments, etc. none which I engaged with. I'm actually pretty happy with myself because it was rather triggering!! It can be tempting to engage in behavior they are but I promise 2 wrongs don't make a right!!
Anyways, I could really feel when you said that you had so many children in your home you wish could stay 😢 I'm so happy they were able to feel safe. Part of authoritative parenting style is taking your child's feelings and wants into consideration when making decisions. In this case I don't feel it would be appropriate to keep putting my daughter into a situation where she would be forced keep compromising her feelings and boundaries and teaching her that what she wants doesn't matter.
I definitely didn't want her in a situation where her boundaries and her wasn't being respected. It can kind of set them up to be groomed by P€dos etc if you know what I mean. Definitely not down with that!
But this video was comforting. Thank you for posting it and sharing your opinions and views!! So much gratitude right now 🙏🏻
73 here. My mother was one of those VERY strict parents...authoritarian. The problem with the 'don't do as I do, do as I say' and never, EVER explaining the why behind the no's was very hurtful and harmful. It was emotional neglect most of my childhood, and I left at 17 and half years to 'escape into a very brief marriage (to get away I realized years later). No wonder. I am sure my mother was also raised that way but I never recall her ever asking about my feelings about a situation. I was never respected but I was supposed to obey and 'respect' her. I am all for firm guidance ie: traditional parenting however, with a heart and an ear. Children of my generation were treated as second class citizens. Today, I am her full time carer and I can tell you I fulfil my obligation as a daughter, but I do resent it.
I'm sorry that happened. It sounds like you're breaking the cycle, though, and have some great analysis going on. Skills and principles of Self-Government can benefit anyone of any age at any phase of life. You and your mother both could learn more about them and grow together.
teachingselfgovernment.com
@@TeachingSelfGovernment Thank you for your kind words. Years ago I did have a serious talk with her about the upbringing and other situations where she just was not there for me. She was either in denial, embarrassed or rationalized most things. I felt better afterwards and did not worry how her emotions were...afterall I never got that from her. However, now 4 years into me caring full time for her in my house, dementia has really taken over.. I am happy I was so blunt with her (after my stepfather died) years ago. I am enjoying your content...thank you for your work!
I am sorry that parents who have never parented this way are criticizing this style. You’re threading a needle trying to find the right balance and I applaud you for it. Great content.
I get parent-shamed all of the time. Yet my kids are top of their class, extremely social and well-adjusted and definitely know how to function on their own. But the truth doesn’t matter to most people 😂. They love to hate.
“Traditional strict parenting”sounds more like authoritarian. I thought Authoritative is a balance of understanding your child, giving them freedom and privacy while also giving them some discipline to get them ready for adulthood. Authoritarian is controlling, strict, high expectations for kids and obedience.
Sorry for the late response. Traditional Strict is the same as Authoritative style of parenting, just a different name. It sounds like it would be for Authoritarian, but that is what I call the "Fear-Based/Bullying" style.
The benefit of calling it 'traditional strict parenting' as a gen x is that you get less judgment from the authoritarian boomers and others who are the 'spare the rod spoil the child' types. I think I'm going to start having to call it this now lol
You’re right. This is how it is taught in psychology. “Strict” does not describe authoritative.
I like learning the nuances of healthy and beneficial parenting. I appreciated hearing this etymological gloss on the word liberty. The way traditional is being used does not feel connected to the common meanings of that word and the idea of being a family that looks at possibities and choices and then makes a plan. Yes, those choices may align with traditional values and activities and methods and roles but I don't hear that aligning with traditional values is the point. I hear the pount being a considerate and thoughtful and deliberate family will take time to create a wise plan and then commit to a strict respect for that plan. I can imagine though that even then if the plan really wasn't working that well that the family could reconsider things. I can also imagine that of course not that many major choices or principles in the plan are left up to small children. Maybe a family decides that, no, it doesn't want to spank their children even though traditionally that was seen as reasonable and beneficial. Does that make them one of the negligent 'modern progressive' families?
Thank you!! 🙏🏾🙏🏾🎉
whatever camera your using is so dope!
Thank you! I have a filming team that helps me out with my videos. :)
I am 25 with a nine year old and after analyzing my parenting I’d say authoritative is most likely my way of currently parenting. Sometimes I do feel that I may be too harsh but I want to set strong bones now so that my child can finish building her own path positively later on. This doesn’t mean disrespecting my child. Keep in mind.
Authoritative isn't about disrespecting your child. It's about respecting the roles in the family. I love that you are analyzing your parenting and making the changes you need to reach your goal!
My parents were definitely Traditional strict parenting (Authoritative).
That's fantastic! What a blessing!
Obedience breeds dependence, compliance, rebelliousness, and powerlessness. So yes, authoritarian parenting is good if you're trying to raise a child who is unable to think or act for themselves.
It's easy to confuse Authoritative parenting with Authoritarian parenting. Obedience and respect are part of our roles, parents being the teachers and children being the learners. Learning how to follow instructions, accept "no" answers, accept consequences, and disagree appropriately (all of which would be taught with love and understanding) are skills that set people up for success and teach cause and effect. These are part of the Authoritative (or what I call Traditional Strict) parenting style. If you'd like to know more about the effect different parenting styles have on children, families, and society, I have a lot more information on it. Here's the link:
teachingselfgovernment.com/store/popular-parenting-methods-are-they-really-working/
Hopefully this helps!
I’m not quite sure
Diana Baumrind coined the term "authoritative" to distinguish it from "authoritarian." The authoritarian style is what you're thinking of. Authoritative parenting is gentler, includes more love and empathy, and allows the child more room to think and act for themselves.
My mom was authoritative
That’s great. How are you?
Subscribed 🙏
Love it! You'll stay in the loop that way!
This video spent 8 minutes of just going over dictionary definitions and word origins and no time explaining what this parenting style entails. Traditional strict parenting? That can mean many things to many people.....
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. In order to understand something on deeper levels, it's important to know where the term/thing came from. As far as your question goes, "Traditional Strict" is my title for the Authoritative parenting style, with a little more depth.
👍🏻
Too much of a slippery slope for most parents. Authoritative parenting will quickly devolve into becoming your child's friend. You cannot be both a parent and a friend.
Yes, you can't be a friend and a parent at the same time, but authoritative parenting is all about consistently using calm and effective skills to communicate effectively and uphold the roles that are needed to have healthy relationships. It's not lazy or passive at all. It is very deliberate and involved.
I like traditional strict parenting
Did you mean authoritarian or authoritative parenting style? I think that this is a connotation to an authoritarian parenting style (which is, of course, bad, because it puts priority on a blind obedience and following a lot of rules (without explaining reasons behind them)). The authoritative parenting style is the best, since, while parents have the rules for the children and high expectations, they explain why there are that rules + they support their children. Authoritarian and authoritative parenting styles are not the same, and people should make difference between these two styles. The difference is big.
So do I.
Sounds very conservative
No hate but i didn't like this that much.
And that's okay. I know that my knowledge and insight isn't for everyone. Thanks for sharing!