Time Boundaries - Terri Cole
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 25 เม.ย. 2022
- How do you relate to time?
Are you someone who’s always late or meticulously early? Do you schedule yourself within an inch of your life? Do discrepancies in your relationship with time ever create conflict with others?
If you’re nodding your head, then this episode is for you, my friend. I’m breaking down time boundaries and how they can become disordered. You’ll also learn how to better negotiate time boundaries with yourself and others for a more harmonious relationship with time (seeing as how it IS just a construct in our minds!)
Inside this week’s downloadable guide, I’m giving you some steps you can take to create a more balanced relationship with time plus some questions to help you get more clarity about underlying causes. We all have our own reasons to relate to time the way we do and understanding them makes it so much easier to change for the better. You can grab your free guide right here www.terricole.com/time-bounda...
Terri Cole is a licensed psychotherapist, global relationship and empowerment expert, and the author of Boundary Boss-The Essential Guide to Talk True, Be Seen and (Finally) Live Free.
For over two decades, Terri has worked with a diverse group of clients that includes everyone from stay-at-home moms to celebrities and Fortune 500 CEOs.
She has a gift for making complex psychological concepts accessible and actionable so that clients and students achieve sustainable change.
She inspires over 450,000 people weekly through her blog, social media platform, signature courses, and her popular podcast, The Terri Cole Show. For more, see terricole.com
Instagram: / terricole
Twitter: / terri_cole
FB Page: / terricolelcsw
TH-cam: / terricoleny
Podcast: itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/t... - บันเทิง
I found that the greatest factor that affected my ability to be on time in my past was that I was not being true to myself… In other words I was in a career where I was very talented, but I was incredibly burned out and after a while I hated it and I would not admit that to myself so I was always late… I had unprocessed past trauma issues with my family so every time there was a get together I was late.
I basically figured out that if I had any form of resentment towards the thing I had to do, I would procrastinate getting ready, or perhaps not prepare the night before etc. and every single time I would be late.
I started learning to honor myself & say no. I started learning to listen to my own heart and committed myself only to the things that resonated with me & I really wanted to do.
I also shifted my perspective to realize that some of the things I might not want to do, for example let’s say a gynecologist appointment LOL… I started to realize that those were acts of self-love, not “I have to do this crap” and it was a pain in my ass or somewhere else lol
I do still struggle with at times staying up too late, and I have learned recently that it is a type of protest behavior to claim my “free time “, because in the late night no one can call me and no one can disturb me so I have my freedom. What this made me realize was that I needed to find other places in my life where I was claiming my freedom. I also needed to view my sleep as another precious form of self love.
It has taken me many years to discover these things. I believe that learning to emotionally regulate myself through therapy and self-help has also allowed me to understand it all & to also see that all these times I was late I was also throwing my body into panic mode and of course I was not showing up as my best self.
Now I am amazed in all the times that I am slightly early and have time to check my make up have a few sips of coffee, send off a few text messages, check my email… Or really just sit and meditate and have a moment to breathe! I feel so good every time I do this and I pat myself on the back and tell myself good job!
I see it all as a form of self love.
I truly hope this can help anyone else who is struggling with time management in their life. 🙏💝✌️
Thank you so much for sharing this Theresa Marie. You've articulated my same behaviors and I appreciate you sharing the changes you made.
Yes thank you for sharing your experience and thoughts. I felt like you'd read my mind.
I absolutely love this. I've been wondering why I've been having a hard time going to bed early, too. Such good realisations!
Yes you put into words exactly how I feel and act. I’ve been in my profession for 21 years and I’m really good at it but I’m not succeeding at it and I think it’s become more and more obvious that I’m not as passionate about it anymore. I do feel more motivated when I’m doing it and I am always late. Thank you for sharing 😊
ADHDer here. I get hyperfocused on stuff that's engaging (cough, social media, cough) and lose track of time. One of my big battles at the moment is staying up too late. I let my interests and desire for dopamine keep me up way later than my body deserves. (Insomnia is not the issue -- I can fall asleep immediately, just don't want to.)
Oddly enough, I don't have a problem being late, because I worry about other people's judgment, and I've observed that the person who is late in most professional situations is the person with the most power/status. Doctors are late for their patients. Managers are late for their direct reports. I don't want to make another person feel less than, so I try to leave early so I'll get there on time.
thank God I'm not alone. 100%saaaaame here thanks for posting
I am tearing up listening to this because I am living this right now. This has helped so much...thank you
Sending you lots of love 💕
I am time blind. No internal clock -- it does not exist and have to use Time Timer app and alarms and calendar alerts to stay anywhere on track.
Yes yes it's time for boundaries absolutely !!!!!!!!!!
Like a lot of the others I am ADHD, working on my time blindness!
I relate to this so much!! In my last relationship I ended up expressing both of our anger and it was detrimental. I couldn’t understand why I changed so much and became such an angry person. Thank you Terri!!
Yes! I'm determined to be an awesome wife in your example. I'm shutting down the drama patterns before they start.
You got this!
Amazing! TYSMFS! My, challenge, is being, constantly, interrupted, talked over, sentences finished, by my husband. Please, consider, sharing on this topic on line 😎
I do cover being interrupted in a few places! Try this vid: th-cam.com/video/HX5zWu_uJvk/w-d-xo.html
Mind-BLOWN!
So good!!...So many unconscious behaviors that I believe are derived from fear....
Reminds me of how much I've learned about myself all whilst being completely clueless 🙃
All the answers are truly deep within...
Thanks for the insightful sharing❤Glad to know I wasn’t the only one. Have you ever been late because of social anxiety or procrastination? Anyway, i look forward to trying your method. Your video and story has inspired me and giving me hope to be better😊
thank you.you are always so claiming.Love your book.Listen I can't stand to be late makes me nervous and totally upset.I was in the Airlines and Casino Business so time management was imperative.I am always early unless something bad happens.I literally cants handle the stress of being late,it's a really odd for me to be late,If I am and there is no problem,it's because I really don't care about the person or the happening ,whatever that might be.I guess that's a passive move but few people deserved it! Thank you again for these on line lessons
I love all your advice on boundaries. I bought your book and am just starting chapter 4. I have so much to learn and so much growth is needed and wanted by me. Feeling anxious as I begin to work through this material but I am very confident that is will reshape my life and empower me. Thank you Terri!
I struggle with over scheduling and then feeling bad that I didn’t get everything completed. I also struggle with saying I’ll be at work at a certain time and then not hitting the time 🤦🏾♀️😱 and feeling bad about to too.
Hey Terri. Love your videos and emails, thank you so much. Could you talk more about this "disavowing your anger and shoving it into the other person's throat" bit, please? Lol. I'm in a relationship where it seems like we both have to learn how to express, or even admit to, anger. Thanks and all the best to you.
Mind Blown. Thanks so much this changing my way of thinking about some of my relational issues with my partner, not necessarily about time but about how I seem to be expressing the anger for us both. I could not understand why I was getting so much passive aggressive behavior directed towards me and now I know some of the reason. I can now address my own contribution. Working on myself and hopefully to resolve it for the two of us. Thanks so much!
Glad it was helpful!
Hi Terri!! Thanks for the great insights!!
You are so welcome!
I love your content- from Australia.
I would love for you to interview Clare Lane (Come Back Brighter).
My mom and dad were always early. I acted out and was always late.
I am good with time in general~ in terms of creating spaciousness and punctuality. However I am similar in that I am at times hyper punctual... and if someone is running late and they don't alert me, my nervous system can go haywire.... if they keep me in the loop, I am much less annoyed (though somewhat lol) I resent waiting with no communication and find I have a hard time understanding people who run perpetually late. I am actively working on resolving the anxiety I do have around running late or the extreme upset I can feel if someone is really late and doesn't update me. Also, if I have too many things or too many *perceived* things in my day, then I am anxious. something I am playing with as well... though I prefer to be on the spacious "do more by doing less" end rather than trying to be someone who finds self value in doing 27 things in a day :-))
Also what you said about expressing someone's disavowed feelings... I learned this some years ago and it is a life changing insight as I saw how it played out with anger in a relationship in my late 20's... it's a wonderful thing to be aware of in relationships, especially as an empath type, in general now, I stay aware of it not happening even in friendships.
I also used to be so good at anticipating others needs based on being highly intuitive and avoiding discomfort by doing extra work on their behalf... Can't and won't now as I've done tremendous healing around that (I also took your boundaries course!) but it can still be challenging when someone isn't saying something and I can feel their unexpressed emotion!
I think it is a sign of respect to be on time and let others know when you are running a bit late. I will not compromise on those needs.
Hi Terry I love this example my question is why is it controlling to want to leave on time? To me that seems like a reasonable request it seems like he was aware and acknowledged it I ask because I am struggling with this in my own marriage of 20 years and I know I can compromise but then I feel like that’s denying my own request to set a boundary and say what I need as well do those two issues conflict for you or does simply letting go changing your mindset mean that you’re willing to except when someone else makes you late
I’m new like what I’m hearing so far, 80 years old and I will buy boundary boss hope you can give me some answers that I’m seeking to make what ever life I have left I want to be happy, at present time I’m not getting what I need. I will listen to more of your videos and then call on you thank you
Welcome aboard!
I really think these things are more nature than nuture. I have OCD. The checking kind which is really an anxiety based disorder. I have to be early to things..nothing to do with my
Childhood. I love your podcast and gain some great insight. I am however a proponent of Psychologist Albert Ellis.
We are all born with certain disturbabilities that affect how we deal or perceive things. Thats why two children in same household with same experiences can come out totally different.
Thats my 2 cents simply because it tends to constantly be said its your upbringing, your childhood...hmmm.
It impacts but it has in my opinion more to do with our own inate being.
We are not born clean slates.
Anyway..thank you and I always look forward to your next episode.
I’m a terrible procrastinator. Is that self sabotage or lack of self esteem.
❤️🙏🏼❤️