This topic is so important!! I have been struggling with this. Not knowing how to accept No's can make us bitter even if we are active in Codependency healing. Ahh, this is beautiful and enlightening! Thank you, Mrs.Terri Cole!! 💕💕💕💕
Would you like to share more about that here? Is your teacher clearly communicating their boundaries, or are they just expecting you to know them? I mention that as it is unfair to expect people to "just know" a boundary- they need to be clearly communicated. ❤️
@@terri_cole Mrs. Z does it non verbally first by signaling a social cue. If I don’t pick up the social cue then she would tell me bluntly. She does most of the time by communicating and the other time non verbally through social cues. Most of the time she would say I’m setting a boundary with you if I ask something that was between me and her. I did ask her about the boundaries she said the elbows and fist bumps, which I’m doing good in and the picture taking with her, still working on it, it’s just sucks when she says no, but I got to understand
Thank you for sharing 💕 It sounds like you are trying your best. Not everyone is capable of picking up on social cues right away. If you find it easier when she talks to you, you might let her know that, which also shows a willingness to work with her.
thank goodness! so many videos on setting boundaries for ourselves and not so many about how to navigate emotions that may come up in response to another person's boundary and esp how to handle being told "no" which has been a major trigger for me.
This really speaks to me… my older sister and I are not speaking right now, I think she has a pattern of not respecting or accepting my boundaries. I was let go my job last year, didn’t tell her (or many others), she was offended when our mom who she doesn’t speak to told her. Then she started sending me unsolicited advice about finding a new job. I called her talk about the situation, she was very rude and condescending and critical, and said, “this may be unsolicited advice, but…” and went on to give to kinda mean advice on my LinkedIn profile. We got into a fight, I told her to stop giving me unsolicited advice, she was emailing me telling me about TH-cam channels to watch on finding a job, saying, “I know you don’t want my advice but I’m giving it anyway,” after sending me several long and very harsh emails telling me how I’ve wronged her and disrespected her over the years. She shuts out my take, saying her friends are happy to receive her unsolicited advice, and I should be too. Which is part of the reason this relationship is so difficult for me.
Wonderful video, Terri. I can accept "No" and others' boundaries without a problem. I respect that. The problem I have is the discomfort my family has when I set boundaries and say "No" to them. They poke, prod, manipulate, and ask a million questions until they get their way. It's intrusive, exhausting, and exasperating, which is why I am reading your book for the 2nd time!
I am learning about boundaries in relationships for the first time, especially since I myself have been a huge boundary bully as you mentioned. Everything you’ve expressed one feels when they are not used to having boundaries set against them, is something I experience every time. I feel like I’m trying to prevent something from happening that may have occurred in the past, so I keep pushing to understand why said boundary is being set. Of course it never ends well. I’ve struggled with this tremendously in my relationship, and much of it has to do with me not setting boundaries with people because I feel like there shouldn’t be any if you are in a relationship.The lack of boundary setting and really understanding it shows up in friendships as well. I just purchased your book Boundary Boss, and should be coming in the mail tomorrow. Thank you ❤️
Thank you for being here, Rome ❤️ I hope Boundary Boss helps! I am a big believer that boundaries are a bridge to greater intimacy in our relationships, and that healthy love is boundaried love. ❤️ I did a video on it here, in case it helps: th-cam.com/video/UMLSyVIm5SU/w-d-xo.html
Respecting boundaries has never been my issue, setting them for myself I'm learning well over these past few years. I thought I had an anger problem, nope. I grew up around anger but not boundaries, so there's been alot of "rewiring" if you will.
We love you our/my sister. I have written a book regarding my challenges in learning to overcome self doubt, lack of self respect, and ultimately liberating myself through the wisdom of learning self love...a big one! Absolutely loved your recent interview with Lee Harris and equally LOVe! LOVE! LOVE! your book boundary boss. Thank you for your loving wisdom.
A very useful video. Thanks. In BDSM there is a lot of discussion at the beginning of the relationship about limits (boundaries). There are soft limits (negotiable and can change) and hard limits (non-negotiable). There are also agreed upon safe words which you or your partner can use to let each other know you are at your limit and need them to stop. I think all romantic and close relationships could benefit from this type of discussion about limits/boundaries.
Hi Terri, I read your book, did the course and have to say that learn to set boundaries has changed my life! I have a question and maybe a suggestion for an upcoming video. Even though we learn to set boundaries and communicate them to partners, friends, family, sometimes we still judge the other person for their attitudes. How can we avoid this? I feel that deep down, we still want to change/control others, even if on a rational level we know we can't. Any thoughts? Thanks!
I'm so happy to hear that Boundary Boss was transformative for you! I think we can only stick to our side of the street. If you feel yourself judging someone or wanting to control them, try to go back to your side and remember that you can't control others, and focus on your own growth ❤️
recently a coworker of mine set a boundary of only having professional conversations as she's not interested in friendship. Of course I said ok and thanked her for telling me. I wasn't mad that she set the boundary but i was hurt that i offended her. I went and apologized but don't intend to dishonor her. I'm just wondering if my getting hurt and letting her see that hurt was a bad reaction that could make her feel guilty. I will say I've known her for two years and am just now getting this boundary. It felt more like a way to get rid of me. perhaps its the guilt on my part of violating boundaries when it wasn't your intention
I am witnessing you with compassion 💕 What you're saying makes so much sense. First, "making her feel guilty" isn't really on your side of the street. We cannot control how people feel or take the things we say. We can be polite, kind, and compassionate, and some people may still take it badly. So you don't need to take that on, and likewise, she doesn't need to take your feelings on. (Of course you can still be considerate, but no guilt is needed.) Second, it is possible she decided she wants something different at work and there is a reason for this, but when we set boundaries, we're not obligated to explain why we're setting them. It does make it difficult to move forward, and it's normal to be hurt by this sudden change. 💕 You might want to ask yourself the 3 Qs to see what else this is bringing up for you: 1. Where have I felt like this before? 2. Who does this person remind me of? 3. Why is this behavioral dynamic familiar to me? For example, it's possible this is a type of rejection that you experienced in the past or that your coworker reminds you of a relative with whom you've had this type of experience with. Meaning, whatever is happening with your coworker is soaked in the past, so you're dealing with what actually happened at work and what has happened in the past at the same time. I hope that made sense. 💕
This topic is so important!! I have been struggling with this. Not knowing how to accept No's can make us bitter even if we are active in Codependency healing. Ahh, this is beautiful and enlightening! Thank you, Mrs.Terri Cole!! 💕💕💕💕
I just had 2 people cut me off mid convo. Never talking to them again.
I have been struggling with boundaries with my teacher. Especially because I cross her boundaries without realizing
Would you like to share more about that here? Is your teacher clearly communicating their boundaries, or are they just expecting you to know them? I mention that as it is unfair to expect people to "just know" a boundary- they need to be clearly communicated. ❤️
@@terri_cole Mrs. Z does it non verbally first by signaling a social cue. If I don’t pick up the social cue then she would tell me bluntly. She does most of the time by communicating and the other time non verbally through social cues. Most of the time she would say I’m setting a boundary with you if I ask something that was between me and her. I did ask her about the boundaries she said the elbows and fist bumps, which I’m doing good in and the picture taking with her, still working on it, it’s just sucks when she says no, but I got to understand
Thank you for sharing 💕 It sounds like you are trying your best. Not everyone is capable of picking up on social cues right away. If you find it easier when she talks to you, you might let her know that, which also shows a willingness to work with her.
thank goodness! so many videos on setting boundaries for ourselves and not so many about how to navigate emotions that may come up in response to another person's boundary and esp how to handle being told "no" which has been a major trigger for me.
This really speaks to me… my older sister and I are not speaking right now, I think she has a pattern of not respecting or accepting my boundaries. I was let go my job last year, didn’t tell her (or many others), she was offended when our mom who she doesn’t speak to told her. Then she started sending me unsolicited advice about finding a new job. I called her talk about the situation, she was very rude and condescending and critical, and said, “this may be unsolicited advice, but…” and went on to give to kinda mean advice on my LinkedIn profile. We got into a fight, I told her to stop giving me unsolicited advice, she was emailing me telling me about TH-cam channels to watch on finding a job, saying, “I know you don’t want my advice but I’m giving it anyway,” after sending me several long and very harsh emails telling me how I’ve wronged her and disrespected her over the years.
She shuts out my take, saying her friends are happy to receive her unsolicited advice, and I should be too. Which is part of the reason this relationship is so difficult for me.
Wonderful video, Terri. I can accept "No" and others' boundaries without a problem. I respect that. The problem I have is the discomfort my family has when I set boundaries and say "No" to them. They poke, prod, manipulate, and ask a million questions until they get their way. It's intrusive, exhausting, and exasperating, which is why I am reading your book for the 2nd time!
I'm so glad this resonated for you!
I am learning about boundaries in relationships for the first time, especially since I myself have been a huge boundary bully as you mentioned. Everything you’ve expressed one feels when they are not used to having boundaries set against them, is something I experience every time. I feel like I’m trying to prevent something from happening that may have occurred in the past, so I keep pushing to understand why said boundary is being set. Of course it never ends well. I’ve struggled with this tremendously in my relationship, and much of it has to do with me not setting boundaries with people because I feel like there shouldn’t be any if you are in a relationship.The lack of boundary setting and really understanding it shows up in friendships as well. I just purchased your book Boundary Boss, and should be coming in the mail tomorrow. Thank you ❤️
Thank you for being here, Rome ❤️ I hope Boundary Boss helps! I am a big believer that boundaries are a bridge to greater intimacy in our relationships, and that healthy love is boundaried love. ❤️ I did a video on it here, in case it helps: th-cam.com/video/UMLSyVIm5SU/w-d-xo.html
Totally enjoying your book. Eye opener for sure. I am so excited to use these tools. Thank you so much
Glad you like them!
Respecting boundaries has never been my issue, setting them for myself I'm learning well over these past few years. I thought I had an anger problem, nope. I grew up around anger but not boundaries, so there's been alot of "rewiring" if you will.
We love you our/my sister. I have written a book regarding my challenges in learning to overcome self doubt, lack of self respect, and ultimately liberating myself through the wisdom of learning self love...a big one! Absolutely loved your recent interview with Lee Harris and equally LOVe! LOVE! LOVE! your book boundary boss. Thank you for your loving wisdom.
❤️❤️❤️
I just finished your book👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽✨It was amazing!!!
I'm so glad you enjoyed it, Amy!!
Yeah! We need this!
❤️
A very useful video. Thanks.
In BDSM there is a lot of discussion at the beginning of the relationship about limits (boundaries).
There are soft limits (negotiable and can change) and hard limits (non-negotiable).
There are also agreed upon safe words which you or your partner can use to let each other know you are at your limit and need them to stop.
I think all romantic and close relationships could benefit from this type of discussion about limits/boundaries.
I love this, thanks!
You're so welcome!
Hugs!!! Your AMAZING!!!!
🥰
So glad the Universe brought your amazing insight to me, right when I needed it the most, Thank you Terri ♥️🙌
❤️
Hello my name is Mederik and I have problems accepting my girlfriend boundaries
Hi Terri, I read your book, did the course and have to say that learn to set boundaries has changed my life! I have a question and maybe a suggestion for an upcoming video. Even though we learn to set boundaries and communicate them to partners, friends, family, sometimes we still judge the other person for their attitudes. How can we avoid this? I feel that deep down, we still want to change/control others, even if on a rational level we know we can't. Any thoughts? Thanks!
I'm so happy to hear that Boundary Boss was transformative for you! I think we can only stick to our side of the street. If you feel yourself judging someone or wanting to control them, try to go back to your side and remember that you can't control others, and focus on your own growth ❤️
recently a coworker of mine set a boundary of only having professional conversations as she's not interested in friendship. Of course I said ok and thanked her for telling me. I wasn't mad that she set the boundary but i was hurt that i offended her. I went and apologized but don't intend to dishonor her. I'm just wondering if my getting hurt and letting her see that hurt was a bad reaction that could make her feel guilty. I will say I've known her for two years and am just now getting this boundary. It felt more like a way to get rid of me. perhaps its the guilt on my part of violating boundaries when it wasn't your intention
I am witnessing you with compassion 💕 What you're saying makes so much sense.
First, "making her feel guilty" isn't really on your side of the street. We cannot control how people feel or take the things we say. We can be polite, kind, and compassionate, and some people may still take it badly. So you don't need to take that on, and likewise, she doesn't need to take your feelings on. (Of course you can still be considerate, but no guilt is needed.)
Second, it is possible she decided she wants something different at work and there is a reason for this, but when we set boundaries, we're not obligated to explain why we're setting them. It does make it difficult to move forward, and it's normal to be hurt by this sudden change. 💕
You might want to ask yourself the 3 Qs to see what else this is bringing up for you:
1. Where have I felt like this before?
2. Who does this person remind me of?
3. Why is this behavioral dynamic familiar to me?
For example, it's possible this is a type of rejection that you experienced in the past or that your coworker reminds you of a relative with whom you've had this type of experience with. Meaning, whatever is happening with your coworker is soaked in the past, so you're dealing with what actually happened at work and what has happened in the past at the same time. I hope that made sense. 💕
@@terri_cole thank you. Much appreciated. Yes. Definitely some past triggers coming up. That helps a lot.💕
So glad it was helpful ❤️
I try to respect others boundaries but I'm actually terrible at it and it makes me feel deep shame which I probably deserve to feel anyway
I am witnessing you with compassion and holding space for your shame ❤️
Hi I’m new….
Welcome to the TH-cam community, Breona ❤ happy you're here.