This video is particularly helpful to me, even as a cis gender female. I find myself entering a new layer of the onion of identity. A layer that I've been fertilising the soil for years in preparation before entering it. Lately I have found myself feeling really angry without having anyone to relate this energy to. So thank you Finn for this brilliant video. It has helped to centre me again and feel like there are people in the world who get it. And yes, you are right in what you say, there are certain feelings and emotions that relate to the 'human condition' even though each of our situations can be different.
Hey sweets, sorry you are having a tough time. Jealousy is one of those emotions that really isolate us and so we can easily slip into thinking ,,,,its only me or its ony becuse I have this but actually its just because we are alive and are human! All humans have it and whn we truly realise that it does then become easier. Each of us is totally perfect, when we close our eyes and feel I life energy, thats the real us and that is always completely perfect.
You would be a wonderful inspirational speaker, especially for young people and helping them accept themselves, and others, for who they are without judgment.
It's definitely something to consider. You are speaking from experience and from the heart and that makes a wonderful combination for encouraging others.
FinnTheInfinncible I'd go to a talk of yours Finn - hands down! And I know a lot of other people would too. You are very good at talking on Identity and Evolvement into who we are as our Authentic Selves.
Ive always been jealous of my little brother, I'm 10 years older than he is so I've seen him grow up with everything I ever wanted. Even just being on a football team that I didn't get the opportunity to do because there just wasn't any girls teams in the small area I'm from and I still get jealous that he's never going to have to go through all of the dysphoria to feel comfortable and be himself
Totally normal! I have a brother and feel similar things to you, I watch him so at ease with his male freinds and just being able to be in that world comfortably whereas I am still clunky and have no idea about the little nuances of the male world. However, I know that like myself, my brother has issues with social anxiety and self image and so being with people isnt as easy as it appears on the surface for him. Knowing that everyone has these problems....whether they are trans or not, does really help. Thanks for sharing your experience my friend
I'm so happy that I found you. You have so much wise words to say!!! I really need to here this. I need to love myself, I'm slowly doing it. I'm proud how far I have gotten so far. But there still a long road ahead. Thank you for being you Finn
+Esty bless you my friend. Learning to love ourselves takes time and patience. Treat yourself like you would a dear friend, pamper yourself, take yourself somewhere nice, spend quality time getting to know all aspects of yourself, the good and the not so Good! Most of all be gentle and remember to laugh!
does anyone ever feel jealous of cis people in general? I’m trans male, 15, 1 year on T, I’ll have surgery in a few months. I have lots of female friends that I’m jealous of as well. I’m jealous of the fact that they have body parts that match there mind. I don’t care if Im male or female. I just wish I didn’t have to go through a transition to feel a normalcy
Absolutely my friend, I completely relate, I have found myself often feeling envious of those whose bodies match and they dont need to go through this. For me personally, its been a process of coming to terms with that envy, of allowing myself to feel grief for a childhood lost and for a body that is now forever scarred. Its about finding the posivitves, which I know in early transition can be hard, but there are many. I find that I have so much love and gratitude for my life and for my body, for what I have managed to get through. I have strengths and traits that have been developed becuase I am trans, and these things I love about myself. Its hard but you do get to a place where you can feel that envy but also feel a much greater sense of pride and self accomplishment PS There is an updated vlog about this now, which may help! th-cam.com/video/At4jANJfhdY/w-d-xo.html
Thank you for this video, Finn. I've really been needing this. Ever since I've recognized my dysphoria, I've struggled with comparing myself constantly to cis men. It's changed over time as I've transitioned, but it still persists. Thank you for your words, they've really helped me develop some perspective on my own feelings of jealousy and envy.
Its common to us all, talking about it really helps to remove the shame of feeling it and thats half the battle I think. It will get better in time if you put the action of acceptance in place. All the best to you my friend!
I thought for sure there would be nothing for me to waffle about on this subject, but everything you said just sparked a whole line of reactions and feelings. I particularly loved your comment about meditation. You said it is like sitting under a motorway and hearing the cars run above you, but not getting into the cars. That is so perfect! I have also heard the comparison of looking at a stream of water, and watching the occasional leaf go by, but not focusing on the leaf. And what you said about jealousy being a human condition is spot on. I have a son with severe, non-verbal autism, and I had to work very hard at accepting what "is", and not wallowing in jealousy of families with no special needs children. The fact is, that we all have "something" that we are dealing with, and no one escapes totally unscathed. It all depends on how we decide to face what we are given, and how we reach out to others in a similar place. And, of course, for me, reaching out, and having a strong relationship with my Higher Power. "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." Peace and blessings Finn. You do have a wonderful gift for sharing your strength, experience and hope!
Yes there are lots of really good analogies for letting go of thoughts in meditation, I like the leaf one! Thank you for sharing your experience, severe autism is a cruel condition, it takes someone of great patience to handle it, hes very lucky to have you as I am sure, in the way you talk, you are a wonderful mum to him. We do all have "something" and I think, exactly like you say, how we view it and respond to it can completely change our experience with it. This is half the reason I started vlogging and blogging, I was so angry and devastated when I first realised I was trans but luckily, being in AA and beginning to feel my higher power in my life, I made the decision to look at the positives I could get from it and began to see it as a gift , that in dealing with it healthily, making it a journey I could share with others, it could be purposeful rather than a burden f that makes sense? You are such a wonderful kind soul, I do wish we could share these wonderful conversations face to face! America is calling!!!!
Oh yes, the black one is Tigger Sheep, they met a while back, about 8 months ago when my best friend introduced them. They recently adopted the little grey faced lamb called Sheepy wolf. Neither of them really like the camera but Lamby insisted.....
I am currently debating leaving next year to just one festival in order to allow me some spare cash so that I can possibly come over to the states for a little road trip!
Yes. I spent my whole life feeling this. Not so much now - 7 months in and I hope less and less, as my transition progresses further. Now I just think; omg, what a huge amount of energy have I used feeling all these things and carrying all that weight of resentment around for all those years. Onwards 😊🙌🏽✨
sometimes I ask myself why I couldn't practice self-love and acceptance pretransition. Maybe then I'd still have the friends I lost and have a body that still looked "natural ". I'm struggling today with my decision to transition. 17 months on T and I can't have top surgery --I think my body now looks like a freak with hairy b**bs.
Bless you my friend, it is difficult in the limbo stage when we have a mix of male and female attributes, I remember describing myself the same way. Remember though, you are not a freak, lots of men grow breast tissue, it is of course distressing but when you frame it like that, as gynaecomastia as another commentor said, it makes it a little easier to deal with. I really hope things get easier for you
Thanks for shouting out Trans Bare All, they are awesome, and it would be really cool to see you at one of their retreats. You do often have to book within hours of places being made available though, because they are very popular. But if you've never been before, you have a better chance of getting a place, because they reserve a big proportion of places for new people.
I am grateful that you are reasonable and logical person who wants to help others. I have struggled with accepting the point of view from people who are emotional and aggressive. Though the moment I saw comments were active it was obvious you have a real point to be made. Subbed and I wish you the best in all you do. Thank you so much. I am cis and I don't have a problem understanding how others can feel left out and uncomfortable, I just stop caring about individuals who are aggressive and unreasonable. You are awesome!
I can really relate to that. Throughout my adolescence I always felt anger towards my brother and I couldn't figure out why. Since I began to take hormones this anger has completely gone away allowing me to have a healthy relationship with him. Now I only feel jealousy towards (trans or cis) men who have more beard than me (like you :P) or are taller, but that, as you say in the video, is something everyone feels.
Hi my friend, yes in hindsight I can now see that a lot of my earlier feelings around men were due to the fact that i was jealous, it makes sense now I know Im male, no wonder I was jealous!!! I am glad its improved for you...apart from the beard envy!!!
Its incredibly distressing to feel this emotion as it carries with it so much shame. Just remember its normal and it will pass, you are perfect and dont you forget it.
Jealously really is a universal experience, no matter who we are or why we're jealous of someone else. Growing up, I was always jealous of my peers who had religions and weren't told they had to wait till age eighteen to join any religion. In my early years of living a Jewish life, I probably still had some jealously for people who grew up celebrating the holidays, had family to go home to for the holidays instead of staying on campus or going to a JCC or what have you for communal celebrations, had a bar or bat mitzvah at the normal age, weren't forced to participate in holidays they no longer celebrated, etc. After spending half of my life, 18 years, with this identity, I feel much more secure about it, and don't let myself get too bothered by what other people do, though I still can't fathom how people like my former roommate could be born into this identity and not do anything with it except for three holidays every year. I had to work so hard to join this community, even having two conversions, and wasn't at liberty to fully live the kind of religious lifestyle I wanted when I still lived at home, while a lot of people have no interest in actively engaging with it. I just figure it's their loss, and that quality is more important than quantity.
Thanks a lot for pointing out that being envious of resentful is part of the human condition. I don't tend to be jealous of people, but every once in a while I will get jealous of cisguys. I guess we all have issues of our own to deal with. It's good to realise that I'll never be cis, but that's okay. Thanks, mate!
I didn't think about this until I watched this video. When I look back, I do see myself looking at men (Cis or not) and thinking why I am not like them. I guess everyone is born differently. I see jealousy the main cause of depression and anxiety; whether you're trans or not, you need to be happy and not compare yourself to others . That's all I can say for now.
I think it's important not to compare yourself to others. I note down every thing that I do during the day, as well as my thoughts. Maybe for some people that' helps/could help with jealousy; it definitely has a positive effect on me. I just look into the future and know I will eventually be happy because of the progress, even though it is slow, I am making.
Hi Finn! Watching some older videos tonight, and noticed something. I think you look like Hugh Jackman in this video! Eyes in particular, just struck me and I had to share! I always dream that I am male (born that way) and it's always a bit sad to wake up and be in the wrong body. I'm working on that!
Hi Finn, thanks again for a great video! Personally, I find the issue of jealousy especially hard to navigate as before I started to pass as male I had a lot of jealousy of male privilege in general. I assume I share that with a lot of cis women. Additionally I felt and often still feel the 'trans male' jealousy of cis male bodies, lifes and socialisation. But I want to focus on the male privilege jealousy here. Now that I get more and more cis passing privilege, I find that the jealousy of male privilege lessens, mainly because I also begin to enjoy it myself. And I really enjoy it, but on the other hand I think this is problematic because I feel that it is unfair that male privilege even exists. I do not want to take it for granted, and above all I do not want to become somebody who one day enforces male privilege. But I also - even if I could - would not want to reject my own male privilege now I finally got it. Do I make sense? I find this really difficult.
Yes you do make total sense, this is something I too am noticing more and more and its a really double edged sword to both enjoy it and to know its not right that it exists. I think that as trans men, with our experience in both worlds, we can perhaps play a part in helping develop a more equal society
Oh come on really??? Women still have lowest pay, less respect, are overlooked for promotions in favour of men, are overly sexualised, objectified, judged...the list is endless!!
You're a great speaker in the way you carry and present yourself, you connect with your audience even if they don't agree with. I, for example, dont agree with you, now to be clear I hear see and understand your point of view but I just don't agree with it. First, on the fact that cisgender is a thing, I'm sorry but why. Second, as a person with crippling depression, your thoughts on the need to tell "cisgender" men that they should be grateful is in my opinion stupid. The reason I brought up depression is for a comparison, I don't think happy people should be grateful that they are happy. This comparison is flawed in the points that even happy people struggle with happiness sometimes and no one is happy at all times. But I feel like this is one of those things that people blow into a proportion that isn't even a big deal compared to some other stuff. If your wondering I have a pretty "left" (don't like to use this term) view on social equality but I feel that this just isn't a problem that needs so much attention. If you're going to say I don't understand how people feel well then you never had crippling depression cause that shit is bad. And when I mean blow to proportion is the fact that people care more about gender issues that affect such a small proportion of the population the fact that people even need to fight for it blows my mind (i realize this sounds weird I'm tired). But for example, depression is a much bigger issue but we toss in the hat by saying we spend money and have awareness of depression but we get legislation for the gender "issue". I understand people's concern about this but there are way more pressing and crushing matters in today's society. btw I use depression as an example since I have a first person account. (i probably sound like a hypocrite in here somewhere but meh whatever you get my point and if you don't then you're just close minded)
Hi my friend. This video is not at all about telling cisgendered people to be grateful, its an honest reflection of the jealously one feels as a trans man, in having to fight for the body that reflects who we truly are. I make it clear that my issue is not with cis people at all. As for depression, my whole channel is about my own ongoing recovery from a lifetime of depression so i do completely understand how it feels. You say that one issue is bigger and in more need than the other and I dont think that is the case at all, mental health services are needed just as much as gender services, the two are very intertwined, most trans folk have mental health issues due to the distress of gender dysphoria. Gender issues are pressing matters, not more or less so than mental health issues, one isnt in competition with the other. The fact is that transgender people exist and it is a pressing matter that trans peoples needs, safety and rights are addressed. This need not be an either/or matter. Everyone deserves the right to access help for whatever their particular difficulty or challenge is.
Did you watch the whole video? What the person was expressing was that it is so hard for them to be seen as a man, and how much that upsets them and then due to that, seeing a natal male take being a man for granted really upsets them. They are not having a go at cis gender men themselves, its not their fault and we realise that! Everyone takes an aspect of themselves for granted and gender is a huge one for people born with their gender matching their assigned sex, they do not know any different. It would be the same for a person who cant see for example, they would be blaming people with full sight, but at the same time may have to work through feeling of resentment and jealousy at not being able to see for themselves. Does that make it clearer?
As I said in my last reply to you, if you dont know any differnt, ie your assigned gender conforms to your felt gender, then you just take your gender for granted. Wheras in comparison, trans people have to fight for their identity and so we enjoy everyday living in our post transitionbodies and never take our gender for granted
FinnTheInfinncible "assigned gender" im sorry but no one "assigns" your gender they "describe" your gender, thats like saying i dont identify with my assigned height. . Its non sensical
My friend that comparison is not even in the least bit similar! At birth, based on appearance of genitals alone, you are assigned a sex. This usually then corresponds with ones own experience of their gender as they mature, but in a lot of cases it does not, as in the case for trans people.
Thank you, I think its so important to clarify this because so many people, on hearing the "think positively" message, think they have to be all Pollyanna and thats not the case. Sometimes things are truly awful and unfair and denying that is not positive at all! Much better to recognise it and then the positive bit is in us CHOOSING how to respond to it
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This video is particularly helpful to me, even as a cis gender female. I find myself entering a new layer of the onion of identity. A layer that I've been fertilising the soil for years in preparation before entering it. Lately I have found myself feeling really angry without having anyone to relate this energy to. So thank you Finn for this brilliant video. It has helped to centre me again and feel like there are people in the world who get it. And yes, you are right in what you say, there are certain feelings and emotions that relate to the 'human condition' even though each of our situations can be different.
Hey sweets, sorry you are having a tough time. Jealousy is one of those emotions that really isolate us and so we can easily slip into thinking ,,,,its only me or its ony becuse I have this but actually its just because we are alive and are human! All humans have it and whn we truly realise that it does then become easier. Each of us is totally perfect, when we close our eyes and feel I life energy, thats the real us and that is always completely perfect.
You would be a wonderful inspirational speaker, especially for young people and helping them accept themselves, and others, for who they are without judgment.
Thats so kind, thank you. I have done a couple of talks and loved it, its something I would like to do more of
I totally agree!
you are both so kind. There is a little voice that says to me.....just hire a small venue...sell some tickets....see what happens.....maybe I should?!
It's definitely something to consider. You are speaking from experience and from the heart and that makes a wonderful combination for encouraging others.
FinnTheInfinncible I'd go to a talk of yours Finn - hands down! And I know a lot of other people would too. You are very good at talking on Identity and Evolvement into who we are as our Authentic Selves.
It finally feels like someone understands me. This really felt like a warm hug. Thank you
What a lovely thing to say! I'm glad this video made you feel this way
Ive always been jealous of my little brother, I'm 10 years older than he is so I've seen him grow up with everything I ever wanted. Even just being on a football team that I didn't get the opportunity to do because there just wasn't any girls teams in the small area I'm from and I still get jealous that he's never going to have to go through all of the dysphoria to feel comfortable and be himself
Totally normal! I have a brother and feel similar things to you, I watch him so at ease with his male freinds and just being able to be in that world comfortably whereas I am still clunky and have no idea about the little nuances of the male world. However, I know that like myself, my brother has issues with social anxiety and self image and so being with people isnt as easy as it appears on the surface for him. Knowing that everyone has these problems....whether they are trans or not, does really help. Thanks for sharing your experience my friend
This video was so relatable. Thank you.
Glad you enjoyed it, thanks for watching!
I'm so happy that I found you. You have so much wise words to say!!! I really need to here this. I need to love myself, I'm slowly doing it. I'm proud how far I have gotten so far. But there still a long road ahead. Thank you for being you Finn
+Esty bless you my friend. Learning to love ourselves takes time and patience. Treat yourself like you would a dear friend, pamper yourself, take yourself somewhere nice, spend quality time getting to know all aspects of yourself, the good and the not so Good! Most of all be gentle and remember to laugh!
does anyone ever feel jealous of cis people in general? I’m trans male, 15, 1 year on T, I’ll have surgery in a few months. I have lots of female friends that I’m jealous of as well. I’m jealous of the fact that they have body parts that match there mind. I don’t care if Im male or female. I just wish I didn’t have to go through a transition to feel a normalcy
Absolutely my friend, I completely relate, I have found myself often feeling envious of those whose bodies match and they dont need to go through this. For me personally, its been a process of coming to terms with that envy, of allowing myself to feel grief for a childhood lost and for a body that is now forever scarred. Its about finding the posivitves, which I know in early transition can be hard, but there are many. I find that I have so much love and gratitude for my life and for my body, for what I have managed to get through. I have strengths and traits that have been developed becuase I am trans, and these things I love about myself. Its hard but you do get to a place where you can feel that envy but also feel a much greater sense of pride and self accomplishment PS There is an updated vlog about this now, which may help! th-cam.com/video/At4jANJfhdY/w-d-xo.html
Thank you for this video, Finn. I've really been needing this. Ever since I've recognized my dysphoria, I've struggled with comparing myself constantly to cis men. It's changed over time as I've transitioned, but it still persists. Thank you for your words, they've really helped me develop some perspective on my own feelings of jealousy and envy.
Its common to us all, talking about it really helps to remove the shame of feeling it and thats half the battle I think. It will get better in time if you put the action of acceptance in place. All the best to you my friend!
They are called men
I thought for sure there would be nothing for me to waffle about on this subject, but everything you said just sparked a whole line of reactions and feelings. I particularly loved your comment about meditation. You said it is like sitting under a motorway and hearing the cars run above you, but not getting into the cars. That is so perfect! I have also heard the comparison of looking at a stream of water, and watching the occasional leaf go by, but not focusing on the leaf. And what you said about jealousy being a human condition is spot on. I have a son with severe, non-verbal autism, and I had to work very hard at accepting what "is", and not wallowing in jealousy of families with no special needs children. The fact is, that we all have "something" that we are dealing with, and no one escapes totally unscathed. It all depends on how we decide to face what we are given, and how we reach out to others in a similar place. And, of course, for me, reaching out, and having a strong relationship with my Higher Power. "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." Peace and blessings Finn. You do have a wonderful gift for sharing your strength, experience and hope!
By the way, did Lamby get a partner, and did they have a wee little lamb of their own?
Yes there are lots of really good analogies for letting go of thoughts in meditation, I like the leaf one!
Thank you for sharing your experience, severe autism is a cruel condition, it takes someone of great patience to handle it, hes very lucky to have you as I am sure, in the way you talk, you are a wonderful mum to him.
We do all have "something" and I think, exactly like you say, how we view it and respond to it can completely change our experience with it. This is half the reason I started vlogging and blogging, I was so angry and devastated when I first realised I was trans but luckily, being in AA and beginning to feel my higher power in my life, I made the decision to look at the positives I could get from it and began to see it as a gift , that in dealing with it healthily, making it a journey I could share with others, it could be purposeful rather than a burden f that makes sense?
You are such a wonderful kind soul, I do wish we could share these wonderful conversations face to face!
America is calling!!!!
Oh yes, the black one is Tigger Sheep, they met a while back, about 8 months ago when my best friend introduced them. They recently adopted the little grey faced lamb called Sheepy wolf. Neither of them really like the camera but Lamby insisted.....
Oh Yes! Come on over! We have lots of extra room!!
I am currently debating leaving next year to just one festival in order to allow me some spare cash so that I can possibly come over to the states for a little road trip!
Yes. I spent my whole life feeling this. Not so much now - 7 months in and I hope less and less, as my transition progresses further. Now I just think; omg, what a huge amount of energy have I used feeling all these things and carrying all that weight of resentment around for all those years. Onwards 😊🙌🏽✨
Oh absolutely, its exhausting isnt it!!! Onwards indeed!!
sometimes I ask myself why I couldn't practice self-love and acceptance pretransition. Maybe then I'd still have the friends I lost and have a body that still looked "natural ". I'm struggling today with my decision to transition. 17 months on T and I can't have top surgery --I think my body now looks like a freak with hairy b**bs.
Bless you my friend, it is difficult in the limbo stage when we have a mix of male and female attributes, I remember describing myself the same way. Remember though, you are not a freak, lots of men grow breast tissue, it is of course distressing but when you frame it like that, as gynaecomastia as another commentor said, it makes it a little easier to deal with. I really hope things get easier for you
Thanks for shouting out Trans Bare All, they are awesome, and it would be really cool to see you at one of their retreats. You do often have to book within hours of places being made available though, because they are very popular. But if you've never been before, you have a better chance of getting a place, because they reserve a big proportion of places for new people.
Thanks my friend, yes I plan to do one next year, people tell me they get so much from them
I am grateful that you are reasonable and logical person who wants to help others. I have struggled with accepting the point of view from people who are emotional and aggressive. Though the moment I saw comments were active it was obvious you have a real point to be made. Subbed and I wish you the best in all you do. Thank you so much. I am cis and I don't have a problem understanding how others can feel left out and uncomfortable, I just stop caring about individuals who are aggressive and unreasonable. You are awesome!
Aggression serves no purpose except to alienate and harm people. Thanks for popping in and for your kind comments my friend
Finally someone actually talking about this
It's not an easy thing to talk about but l think it's a common and understandable feeling to experience for us
I can really relate to that. Throughout my adolescence I always felt anger towards my brother and I couldn't figure out why. Since I began to take hormones this anger has completely gone away allowing me to have a healthy relationship with him. Now I only feel jealousy towards (trans or cis) men who have more beard than me (like you :P) or are taller, but that, as you say in the video, is something everyone feels.
Hi my friend, yes in hindsight I can now see that a lot of my earlier feelings around men were due to the fact that i was jealous, it makes sense now I know Im male, no wonder I was jealous!!! I am glad its improved for you...apart from the beard envy!!!
Relatable. Will try meditation soon, I had a panic attack yesterday bc of this jealousy. Thank u for this video, Finn❤️
Its incredibly distressing to feel this emotion as it carries with it so much shame. Just remember its normal and it will pass, you are perfect and dont you forget it.
Jealously really is a universal experience, no matter who we are or why we're jealous of someone else. Growing up, I was always jealous of my peers who had religions and weren't told they had to wait till age eighteen to join any religion. In my early years of living a Jewish life, I probably still had some jealously for people who grew up celebrating the holidays, had family to go home to for the holidays instead of staying on campus or going to a JCC or what have you for communal celebrations, had a bar or bat mitzvah at the normal age, weren't forced to participate in holidays they no longer celebrated, etc.
After spending half of my life, 18 years, with this identity, I feel much more secure about it, and don't let myself get too bothered by what other people do, though I still can't fathom how people like my former roommate could be born into this identity and not do anything with it except for three holidays every year. I had to work so hard to join this community, even having two conversions, and wasn't at liberty to fully live the kind of religious lifestyle I wanted when I still lived at home, while a lot of people have no interest in actively engaging with it. I just figure it's their loss, and that quality is more important than quantity.
Thank you for sharing that, really does show that this stuff is human issue!
i did have alot of jealousy and i used to be a very angry person.
I hope things are better now?
yes it is alot better.
Thanks a lot for pointing out that being envious of resentful is part of the human condition. I don't tend to be jealous of people, but every once in a while I will get jealous of cisguys. I guess we all have issues of our own to deal with. It's good to realise that I'll never be cis, but that's okay. Thanks, mate!
It really is ok, we can each reach a place of inner contentment, it just takes a bit of work. Thanks my friend
I didn't think about this until I watched this video. When I look back, I do see myself looking at men (Cis or not) and thinking why I am not like them. I guess everyone is born differently. I see jealousy the main cause of depression and anxiety; whether you're trans or not, you need to be happy and not compare yourself to others . That's all I can say for now.
you are completely right my wise friend
I think it's important not to compare yourself to others. I note down every thing that I do during the day, as well as my thoughts. Maybe for some people that' helps/could help with jealousy; it definitely has a positive effect on me.
I just look into the future and know I will eventually be happy because of the progress, even though it is slow, I am making.
Hi Finn! Watching some older videos tonight, and noticed something. I think you look like Hugh Jackman in this video! Eyes in particular, just struck me and I had to share!
I always dream that I am male (born that way) and it's always a bit sad to wake up and be in the wrong body. I'm working on that!
Another great video. :) I completely agree with everything you said. And yeah, meditation does definitely help.
Cheers my friend, yes meditation really is such a great multi use tool!
FinnTheInfinncible It definitely is!
Finn!! Mah boii!!! This was very inspirational. :)
Ah! Thanks so much!!!
Hi Finn, thanks again for a great video! Personally, I find the issue of jealousy especially hard to navigate as before I started to pass as male I had a lot of jealousy of male privilege in general. I assume I share that with a lot of cis women. Additionally I felt and often still feel the 'trans male' jealousy of cis male bodies, lifes and socialisation. But I want to focus on the male privilege jealousy here.
Now that I get more and more cis passing privilege, I find that the jealousy of male privilege lessens, mainly because I also begin to enjoy it myself. And I really enjoy it, but on the other hand I think this is problematic because I feel that it is unfair that male privilege even exists. I do not want to take it for granted, and above all I do not want to become somebody who one day enforces male privilege. But I also - even if I could - would not want to reject my own male privilege now I finally got it.
Do I make sense? I find this really difficult.
Yes you do make total sense, this is something I too am noticing more and more and its a really double edged sword to both enjoy it and to know its not right that it exists. I think that as trans men, with our experience in both worlds, we can perhaps play a part in helping develop a more equal society
what privillages do men have over women in the western world?
They still have plenty my friend!
FinnTheInfinncible like?
Oh come on really??? Women still have lowest pay, less respect, are overlooked for promotions in favour of men, are overly sexualised, objectified, judged...the list is endless!!
As you say its not about trans Im cis and Im jealous of thousands of cis guys
Exactly, it's a human issue!
You always have the best shirts. :)
EriktheBrave thank you so much! I have a small * cough* obsession with t shirts!!!!
You're a great speaker in the way you carry and present yourself, you connect with your audience even if they don't agree with. I, for example, dont agree with you, now to be clear I hear see and understand your point of view but I just don't agree with it. First, on the fact that cisgender is a thing, I'm sorry but why. Second, as a person with crippling depression, your thoughts on the need to tell "cisgender" men that they should be grateful is in my opinion stupid. The reason I brought up depression is for a comparison, I don't think happy people should be grateful that they are happy. This comparison is flawed in the points that even happy people struggle with happiness sometimes and no one is happy at all times. But I feel like this is one of those things that people blow into a proportion that isn't even a big deal compared to some other stuff. If your wondering I have a pretty "left" (don't like to use this term) view on social equality but I feel that this just isn't a problem that needs so much attention. If you're going to say I don't understand how people feel well then you never had crippling depression cause that shit is bad. And when I mean blow to proportion is the fact that people care more about gender issues that affect such a small proportion of the population the fact that people even need to fight for it blows my mind (i realize this sounds weird I'm tired). But for example, depression is a much bigger issue but we toss in the hat by saying we spend money and have awareness of depression but we get legislation for the gender "issue". I understand people's concern about this but there are way more pressing and crushing matters in today's society. btw I use depression as an example since I have a first person account. (i probably sound like a hypocrite in here somewhere but meh whatever you get my point and if you don't then you're just close minded)
Hi my friend. This video is not at all about telling cisgendered people to be grateful, its an honest reflection of the jealously one feels as a trans man, in having to fight for the body that reflects who we truly are. I make it clear that my issue is not with cis people at all.
As for depression, my whole channel is about my own ongoing recovery from a lifetime of depression so i do completely understand how it feels.
You say that one issue is bigger and in more need than the other and I dont think that is the case at all, mental health services are needed just as much as gender services, the two are very intertwined, most trans folk have mental health issues due to the distress of gender dysphoria.
Gender issues are pressing matters, not more or less so than mental health issues, one isnt in competition with the other. The fact is that transgender people exist and it is a pressing matter that trans peoples needs, safety and rights are addressed.
This need not be an either/or matter. Everyone deserves the right to access help for whatever their particular difficulty or challenge is.
what does "dont deserve to be cis mean"
seems like that 1st question was implying that if men dont act a certain way they are unworthy of being men?
Did you watch the whole video? What the person was expressing was that it is so hard for them to be seen as a man, and how much that upsets them and then due to that, seeing a natal male take being a man for granted really upsets them. They are not having a go at cis gender men themselves, its not their fault and we realise that! Everyone takes an aspect of themselves for granted and gender is a huge one for people born with their gender matching their assigned sex, they do not know any different. It would be the same for a person who cant see for example, they would be blaming people with full sight, but at the same time may have to work through feeling of resentment and jealousy at not being able to see for themselves. Does that make it clearer?
FinnTheInfinncible but how exactly does someone "take being a man for granted"
As I said in my last reply to you, if you dont know any differnt, ie your assigned gender conforms to your felt gender, then you just take your gender for granted. Wheras in comparison, trans people have to fight for their identity and so we enjoy everyday living in our post transitionbodies and never take our gender for granted
FinnTheInfinncible "assigned gender" im sorry but no one "assigns" your gender they "describe" your gender, thats like saying i dont identify with my assigned height. . Its non sensical
My friend that comparison is not even in the least bit similar! At birth, based on appearance of genitals alone, you are assigned a sex. This usually then corresponds with ones own experience of their gender as they mature, but in a lot of cases it does not, as in the case for trans people.
Omg i have that shirt
Great minds obviously think alike!!!
I love the way you describe healthy positive thinking
Thank you, I think its so important to clarify this because so many people, on hearing the "think positively" message, think they have to be all Pollyanna and thats not the case. Sometimes things are truly awful and unfair and denying that is not positive at all! Much better to recognise it and then the positive bit is in us CHOOSING how to respond to it