"I really didn't have a destination." I want you to know that your story and other amab non-binary stories are finally giving me a destination in my transition. Thank you so much
Born AMAB . I've come to the realization well into adulthood - late 40s! - that I don't want to be a guy, don't want to be a woman... I can look back over my life to see many little indicators of my journey that I either didn't realize or outright denied. So for this video, thank you so much!
You can maybe be a giraffe. Thing about how cool this would be having such a long neck to eat leaves direct from trees without having to climb one like a MONKEY. 😑
"My body had to become me before I could see me as me." Super helpful video, really put into words some things I've been experiencing. Thanks for making it!
u lowkey just smashed thru a massive mental block i had with accepting the fact that I'm not on one extreme or the other of the binary. I relate to you so much, more than anyone I've ever talked to irl, thank uuuuuuuuuu ily
Bryn Avery: thank you so much for opening up about this journey! I feel so seen, as a trans non-binary (signed female at birth). Had top surgery, started testosterone and stopped testosterone. Always trying to find fluid stories of trans non-binary people and sometimes I still feel weird and alone in my feelings. You said: ‘You can want things and not know that you want them.’ I have wished to die and to be reborn as a boy years, but I doubted taking testosterone extremely much. When I was on testosterone, the body become a pleasure to live in. My bodydysphoria dissapeared. I had suddenly felt great fun dressing up, where as before, clothing would feel like a shield that took away all of my breathingair. Once, I was having sex, and I still remember that I had this moment of realisation: I am enjoying sex, I am not feeling awful in myself, I want to be touched. As well as I felt so much calmness in walking on the street: it felt so good to walk in me. But I got so much genderdysphoria of people seeing me as a boy. Especially if I was seen by that by men. I always felt wrong in saying I was a trans boy. In this time, I figured out what identity name fitted me: non-binary. And I was finding it so hard to deal with the extreme feelings of puberty. Also I cried a lot when my face really started to harden up, when I got a beard and my hairline was crawling back; I didn’t recognise this face and it frightened me, I sort of got homesick. Another interesting part is: using testosterone made me super muscled; testosterone changed my muscled and thereby touched a lot of traumas. I got to relive a lot of traumas, had intense panick attacks. Therefore I decided to quit testosterone, thinking I could never get calm in changing while there are so much traumas - which also made me doubt: is going on testosterone a coping mechanism for my traumas? What touches me, is your sentence: 'I feel like my body had to become me before I could see me as me.' I still feel so uncomfortable and dysphoric and sad with a lot of body which is how I grew up in it ("female" for society), and I have such a deep jealously and longing to have the body of "a dude", but then I get so scared because I'm like: But I'm not a man / I don't want to grow old as a grandpa / I don't want hair all over my body / I don't want to be perceived as one or the other / What if I will feel it is wrong and regret going further on testosterone / I can sport the hardest I can and eat clean and low my fat and gain muscle as much as possible / I will not have love if I'm perceived as a (trans)guy / I will not be successful in theater and performance art and film / Et cetera. But then the feelings of dysphoria and longing never leaves. Every now and then, it completely breaks me. But I can't see a fitting future. So, out of fear, I just try to keep myself in the place I am. But in there, maybe there is no space for growth, or perhaps finding a place that would feel so much better... Does anyone recognize something of this? I am curious for other stories. I am also curious for people their thoughts on mine. Sending a lot of love!
That makes a lot of sense and sounds so frustrating. Have you ever thought about doing low dose testosterone? There’s non-binary people who do that where it kind of defeminizes them but doesn’t masculinity them. As much as your feelings obviously aren’t “good,” but I do want to say that they are valid and normal. I’m sorry that you’re experiencing that though. Lots of love and luck to you 💛💛💛
Your voice is goals! Also shoutout to Bargain Outlet (I can hear the jingle in my head just typing it out lol) I'm there every week. The trans narrative in the media is I guess "better" than no representation at all but also hella confusing for us trans folks. There is so much uncertainty in the process of coming out and so much mental, physical, social, religious, and cultural baggage to unpack before being able to even half-confidently say "I'm trans!". It is so difficult especially for those of us that transition to non-binary medically. I'm only a couple months into HRT and its completely unfamiliar territory. It's like telling friends you are going on a trip and they want to know what you've seen and your thoughts on it before you've even left.
Thank you for the comment about my voice. I get insecure about my voice a lot (I feel like it’s too deep) so that comments means a lot. I totally understand that. And I love your analogy of people asking about the trip. That’s a perfect way to describe it. Best of luck to you, and thank you for your comments 💛
yayy thanks for talking about this in more detail. as you know there arent many first hand accounts of nb amab transition so its been really hard to figure out what I may want for myself, and in particular figuring out this anxiety around chest growth. Itll still be a while before I know for sure if I want hormones but your story has been really important for showing me how nuanced the feelings around this can be. You also just look so amazing and glowy and happy here ^-^ I hope you're doing really well !!
Aww I’m glad my story is helping you figure things out about yourself! I wish I would’ve seen other non-binary AMAB people talk about transitioning. All this stuff I basically learned on my own. And I’m happy to be where I am but I wish it would’ve been an easier journey! So I’m happy to share my story and I’m glad it’s helping you (and hopefully others as well!). And thank you!!! I’ve been feeling so much betted these past few months. Partially because things in my life are aligning but also because I found the right medication to combat my bipolar disorder. It’s been 6 months since I’ve had a depressive episode. This is first time in my life I can recall not being depressed, and it feels wonderful!! Best of luck and wishes to you and your journey, and thank you for sharing your story with me!! 💛
@@brynnavery May i ask hard questions: The being loved because of and coolness of being trans will be there for 1st weeks mouths years. Then the regretting comes in? Realization of truth? Females bring on themselves an early menopause as they became FTMs? And males turned themselves into eunuchs as they became MTFs?
I think this is my favourite video on trans topics because I connect with so much of what you say. I'm MtX non binary and about half a year on hormones and still figuring myself out so it's super reassuring to see someone else who's talking about the exact same kinds of situations I find myself in rather than the usual "I always knew who I was" dialogue. I'm taking the medical steps to transition but I'm not aiming towards a specific idea of what I want to look like and that gave me a lot of self-doubt. Can I just also say how amazing you look and sound! If I have one aim it's to look and sound as androgynous as you, I'm definitely feeling the gender envy rn
Omg that makes me so happy! I’m glad my videos can give you some reassurance, and omg telling me you’re feeling gender envy: one of the best compliments I’ve ever gotten, thank you! Best of luck with your transition and I’m glad my videos can help 💛
As an intersex person who was AMAB, but went through an incredibly weird puberty where my body developed female fat distribution and I didn't look like a boy through early middle school, I had to constantly tell people I was a boy. My genitals look weird (hypospadias+klinefelters) but luckily I was never medicalized as a kid, unlike many intersex kids my parents were completely against the idea and I never went on testosterone. I have pectus excavatum because my entire body is basically non-functional and I had surgery to fix it because it was life threatening. The surgery fixed the hole on my chest and also flattened my chest making my breasts less noticable. After that in 8th grade I finally was just naturally read as male. It was incredibly uncomfortable in the locker room so I always undressed in a stall, and especially when I was running I would always wear baggy so it would cover my body, but when I ran in gym you could clearly see my waist and my chest visible to everyone and it was incredibly uncomfortable I remember my friends would laugh about it. Running with that weird body felt like a marathon everyone was looking at how strange your body was, after a while you just get use to it, and no one cared that much. It was so weird, and my pectus didn't help it made by breasts look a million times bigger. I could always run well but I literally could not do anything other physical. After I got pectus surgery, my chest looked like a man's and like I can't explain how weird this is for like a 14 year old kid, you don't understand your body, and you don't understand the category that put onto you, the surgery also hurt like hell. After that with my chest flat I was read as a boy, a very weird looking boy but a boy none the less, I wore baggy clothing, my voice lowered a little bit. I felt like before I was fighting the world I would need to constantly explain myself to people, hours being asked on my medical history. I never understood why boys were so sexually active, it was just gross and confusing. I never really felt anything, I guess that's just from not having enough testosterone in my body. For a while in high school I kinda developed like a lanky soft-boy aesthetic and I thought it was kinda cool, kinda apathetic to the world but only slightly. I began to question my gender, am I guy or a girl? I didn't understand because I didn't like women's clothing, but also liked parts of my body. I liked the fact that my body was shaped like a woman, I didn't like a masculine shaped body I thought the idea of that was gross, it's not beautiful to me. My chest made me uncomfortable but only because I was supposed to be a boy. The world put me into that category and my body refused to develop in that way. I actually never was against having breasts I thought they caused a nice silhouette. I also didn't want any facial or body hair, I didn't grow pretty much any facial hair, and no chest hair but I did have leg and arm hair and both were very light. At the same time I wanted to wear jeans, sweat pants, t-shirts, and I liked some masculine things. I was incredibly into school and I got incredibly good grades (3.8 GPA :D). I didn't like sports, but I did like to goof off with my friends in a more masculine way I think. I began thinking and like yea I didn't relate to being a man at all, but I didn't fully think I wanted to be a woman either, and I also didn't really relate to nonbinary people as much. Eventually I would come to the conclusion to transition from male to female, but as a masculine woman. After coming to that conclusion I began medically transitioning, not entirely with any goal in mind. My chest began to grow, they were not entirely flat after pectus but the nipples are much farther apart then they use to be and they weren't that noticeable. They began to grow incredibly quickly and I am currently at a C-cup, I began wearing androgynous clothing just in a women's fit and it felt liberating. I had always wanted to show my body shape, but because it my body didn't fit into the binary category of "male" I always hesitated to. I began to pass very early on (4 months), and that's my current identity, I wear masculine/andro clothing and ironically transitioning just feels easier then before, if nothing else because I can wear clothes that fit me. I am no longer in this weird middle zone. That middle zone is wonderful but it's weird to have a body which many people consider "female" while having "male" genitals and moreover being ok with that body, loving that body in a unique way (I want bottom surgery however, that's just my choice). In an alternative world I might have gone on testosterone. I don't identify as either a "man" or a "woman," when I go out the word sees me as the latter, and I medically transitioned because of it, but I am non-binary transfem that's how I identify. I guess the conclusion I am trying to make with this, is that no matter what intersex, trans, gay, non-binary, or whatever all of our bodies are unique, all of us can be put on some spectrum between "M" and "F" and that those categories themselves aren't rigidly. There is no correct way of being and I struggled a lot with that, not understanding I could be two things at once.
Thank you for sharing your story. I know very little about intersex people and their experiences, so I really appreciate your openness. (There’s actually a movie I saw in theaters a few months ago called Every Body which is about intersex people. It was very eye opening). When you described your experience with changing your body to fit the mold of “malehood,” that really makes a lot of sense. Feeling discomfort with the way other people react to your body, but not discomfort in your body itself. I’m glad you’ve been able to find the language that feels like home, and the healthcare that allows you to live your life the way you see fit. Thank you again for sharing. And also, my apologies on taking so long to respond. I’ve read your comment many times but kept forgetting to respond. Keep being you 💛
"My body had to become me before I could see me as me." Super true. That was one of my "wait this applies to me but... what? how?" issues, because I just couldn't picture myself at all. And yeah learning how many people don't have it figured out, don't have certainty, and there's a point where you just try and see, really helped. And hormones (or any number of things) feel like a big step, like "oh this is REAL". And if you can't really picture yourself, you just automatically resist and don't know why. I used to have zero ability to even just consider, like, trying a random job for the hell of it, cause that basic internal self-concept just wasn't really there. To paraphrase someone, for a lot of us, before realizing what's going on, dysphoria is experienced as disconnect rather than distress. And the fun of something that "should" be affirming but isn't, well oh no, must not be... oh wait, it just looks wrong on current physical configuration, it IS something I want. Similarly, pre or early transition, it's so easy to get caught up in how you feel, in looking for validation and every little sign, because... well, nothing is reflected in you yet. But cis people don't sit there actively "feeling" their gender, or doing affirming things after work to relax wouldn't be a thing. So "oh no I don't feel like a woman ALL THE TIME" just... isn't something to worry about. Maybe binary, maybe not, but the big thing is just "there's something that keeps coming back, let's see". Couple articles that I found helpful (for reference since you're kinda past this point). medium.com/gender-from-the-trenches/gender-dysphoria-isnt-what-you-think-6fdc7ae3ac85 cassielabelle.medium.com/repersonalization-the-thing-we-dont-talk-about-66e1a0ec97c1 The threads on her twitter about these had a lot of "oh wait that makes sense" responses.
That makes total sense. It’s actually been really refreshing reading the comments on this video because the part that you quoted, a lot of other people have said resonated with them as well. It can definitely be scary to take steps, especially when you’re not really able to plan the outcome, or you don’t know exactly what you want the outcome to be. Oh yeah definitely, my dysphoria was much more of a disconnect than distress. It made life really lonely because I felt emotionally out of touch with myself, other people, and nature and basically everything Love how you described that (about cis people not sitting around thinking about their gender). That’s a super valid point. I didn’t read the articles yet but I copied and pasted them to my notes and I’ll read them in a bit! Thank you for sharing 💛
I'm an AMAB enby who's still on the fence about hormones after trying them for 4 months and stopping. The biggest factor for me deciding to stop was definitely breast growth, because even though I liked everything else I felt like I couldn't control that one thing which made me very scared. If you could do a video focusing on that and the potential of top surgery I'd really like it. Thanks for this video too, providing a much-needed AMAB enby perspective on transition :)
I totally get that! I began filming a video on chest development actually! Hopefully I’ll have it out by this Friday but I’m not quite sure yet. But I do plan on uploading it some point soon! I’m glad my video is able to help you! 💛
I'm also questioning my gender pretty heavily and want to try hrt. I think four months would be good experience of the opposite genders hormones. I'm also scared of growing tits.
I didn't know of trans people until my mid 20's I didn't understand trans people or even know about non-binary people until I was about 27. I know that my past growing up as a man felt like a person I was supposed to be but never wanted to be.. I joined the military, I worked in male-dominated industries, I grew out my beard and tried to present as masc as possible.. I hated it all. I'm 30 now, non-binary, planning on starting HRT and I'm excited, I feel like I am finally aware of why I felt like an impostor my whole life, but I am still scarred. Thank you for sharing your experience, it has helped me
I’m so glad you’re able to figure things out and move forward in the direction that feels right for you. I hope HRT is everything you hope for! Best of luck 💛
Being also an AMAB enby, I totally relate with the fact that being called he/sir all the time annoyed you. Also thank you so much for sharing your experience and the fact that things are complicated and we sometimes have doubts along the way.
I’m glad my stories are helpful and something people can relate to. I like to be as honest as I can, it’s something I know I’ve always sought after. Much love 💛
I've been searching through videos of trans people talking about getting on hormones and what to expect. As a non-binary person this one has been the most helpful and encouraging. I really love your vibe and when I see how you look and how you speak I'm like "that's who I want to be." You're the only person I've seen talking about estrogen who hasn't been a woman (besides F1nn5ter). Thank you so much for making this!
this is why i respect trans people immensely, the challenging thoughts and feelings they have while enduring a hostile non accepting world AND choose to be themselves regardless. that shit takes the strongest kind of person.
Heya Bryn, I've stumbled upon your content and this video in particular and I just wanted to say that thank you for talking about your experience so openly. I have very similar experiences to you and it's becoming increasingly difficult to live a "normal" life just going around without taking care of them in general. Hearing you talk about a life that feels so like mine (although I'm still at the "starting point" of figuring this shit out) gives me assurance that I'm not just making everything up and that my experience IS real and that I can live in/with it. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart
This is (and you are) so well articulated. Androgynous, but from the "female perspective" was how I relayed the message to my therapist. And it was so difficult to even get to that description. I imagine people who just cannot find the words to articulate this and don't even get to something like that. Thanks for posting this video. Yes, I know it's years later, but this still helps those who come now and after 🥰❤️
Holy shit this is relatable. I'm so scared, haha. The common narrative makes me feel isolated, especially since most prominent trans voices aren't non-binary amabs like us. So, thank you so much, really.
I’m in my early 50s, AFAB, and identity as non binary since about three years ago. I am very late coming into my queer identity. I’m still figuring things out, but feel more accepting of myself than I ever have. Being a Gen-Xer, I also had a ton of internalized homophobia and transphobia. I do identify as trans/non-binary. I dont feel like a man and was deeply uncomfortable with female body functions and actively avoided any activities that were considered feminine for much of my life. It’s weird to me that now in these last couple of years, I finally feel comfortable exploring and expressing my feminine side while still not feeling like a woman. It’s like my discovery and understanding of the non-binary gender identity has helped me come to terms with how disconnected I felt in my assigned female body and gender expectations while growing up and has freed me in a way. First video of yours I’ve seen. I will definitely check out more. Take care, and thank you for sharing your journey. It’s very courageous.
this is the first time in my life in which - I think - I'm resembling to someone. It' s the first time in which I see someone and I think: I'd love to look and be perceived like this. I am a biological male who's going through a whole ''gender discovery'' lately and this, and you in general, was so incredibly helpful. Thank you from the bottom of my heart
That makes me so happy to hear. I know how impactful that can be, to find someone who resembles you, especially in a world where we rarely experience that. Much love 💛
Thank you for your authenticity and for speaking your truth! YOU ARE THE FIRST PERSON THAT VALIDATED THE WAY I FELT AS I WALKED INTO THE DOCTORS' OFFICE TO ASK ABOUT HRT... Full of emotions that I just couldn't explain or put into words. My endocrinologist told me that I "should," be counting the minutes until I take my first dose, after scaring the hell out of me with talks about irreversible side effects, blood clots (which also happen to cis women & can be avoided), since all her normal patients run to her on bended knees. Honestly, I felt like I was in line to terminate a pregnancy, so I sat off in a corner and wiped my eyes pretending like I had allergies. The guilt was fucking awful... I tried to block it out until you brought up internalized transphobia, and the fact I cut my parents off due to their own extreme beliefs that I internalized. I'm sorry, but I'm NOT rushing in line to break down a door for some sore ass nipples and large breasts when I already wear binders. (I already have gynecomastia and breast growth is a BITCH.) I'd kill for large hips, soft skin, & no facial hair to look completely neutrois...(ANYTHING but boobs...hahaha!) Thank you so much for sharing your feelings. Now I don't feel so alone about the journey I'm taking to feminize myself to become who I'm supposed to be.
I’m so glad my experiences are able to help you! And I’m sorry you had such an awful experience with your endocrinologist, that sounds horrible. You are not alone! Thank you for reaching out 💛
I'm afab nonbinary and I experienced a very similar issue when coming out. I first came out as a trans man at 14 because "I'm not a girl so I must be a guy" and it caused a lot of problems. I'm only just now starting to come out as Nonbinary to my friends and family but it's hard. Everyone has gone 4 years now seeing me as a guy and I even started T for awhile before going off it because of the panic being seen strictly as male caused. Thanks for talking about this, it really helps❤️
That makes perfect sense. I wish we lived in a world where non-binary was fully accepted and understood, so that people knew that they don’t have to be “a guy or a girl” and that there are other identities. I think that’s awesome that you’re finding yourself and that you have some friends and family you feel comfortable enough telling. It took a while for everyone to come around for me too (I even have some friends who still call me she instead of they or refer to me as female, because they don’t quite understand non binary and think I’m an androgynous trans woman). I hope your friends and family and everyone else will come around soon, stay strong, and you’re valid even if the people around you don’t quite understand you 💛
I know exactly what you mean about your body needing to be more in alignment before you really felt like you could figure yourself out! I've been having the same thing happen lately, like I'm revealing more aspects of my personality that need to be reinforced and explored now, and once my voice is more where I want it to be I'm definitely going to be more expressive than I ever used to be. Also, that hair looks really nice on you, it seems different than what you've shown in previous videos but it looks great :3
I wish more people talked about it!! I feel like I always hear that people see themselves as their identity and transition to get their body to match. But for me it’s switched, and or caused a lot of doubt in myself because my experience wasn’t like other people’s. And now of course I know that my experience is valid but I wish it was discussed more often! Thank you!! I recently cut it, and I switched the part as well. I’m really enjoying my hair as wel😊
It's only been 7 months since my last comment, but since then, watching this now, I can relate to even more of your experience. Almost a year on HRT and it's been really stressful coming to terms with what I can change, what has changed, and what I can't change. Your video and videos like it have been such a great tool to ground myself and validate how I feel. Especially when I also deal with lots of older people in my work, and they often don't lmao
Congrats on coming up on a year!! Thats so exciting! I’m so glad my videos can help you ground yourself, I know how important it is to feel grounded, especially in times of change and transition (no pun intended lol). I’m so glad my experience can help ground you. I hope you’re able to feel less stressed, gender is very complex, and can often take a long time to fully understand for ourselves. I wish you the best moving forward 💛 just a reminder: your feelings & experiences are valid even if other people don’t understand them 💛
I’m so glad I could be a source of inspiration for you! Sorry I didn’t reply sooner, I must’ve missed it when you posted this!!best of luck, and I hope HRT is going well for you 💛
I’m late to the party, but this video comforts me. I’m on the precipice of deciding whether to do HRT, and it’s reassuring to hear that sometimes people suspect it’s the right thing but don’t *feel* it until they’ve already taken the plunge. I’m excited to watch the rest of your videos!
As a newly transitioning non-binary person, I have had a hard time feeling "allowed" to call myself trans. The feeling is kind of similar to being a bi/pansexual and feeling accepted by the LGBTQIA+ community. I am feeling much more comfortable as claiming my Trans title thanks to people like you but I still feel guilt with this since I feel that so many Trans people who are going from one side of the binary to the opposite side seem to have to face so much more distain and disrespect while just trying to be themselves out in the world... like they deserve the title so much more than I do. I know this isn't inclusive thinking and it's not true to the reality of it but its an old pattern of thinking I'm working through. anyway, thank you for your story.
That makes a lot of sense, and I totally get that. Something that may help though-trans-ness isn’t defined through the struggles we face. Tho struggles and opposition are something that a lot of trans people encounter, it’s not what makes us trans. I’m glad my experience and others like mine are helping you feel comfortable in your identity. There are non binary people who don’t resonate with the term “trans” and that’s ok too. Whatever feels comfortable to you is what matters most. Much love 💛
I know you made this a while ago, but I just found it and it's been so helpful and affirming! I'm afab non-binary and this felt like it spoke directly to a lot of my anxieties (not being sure, feeling like I have to be within the gender binary to be "trans enough" to transition) and put words to things I am still trying to untangle. Super appreciate you for making this!
I really appreciate your advice. I've been questioning my gender for about a year now, and one of my main worries is that I won't end up feeling truly in my skin after fully committing to who I am. This video takes a good amount of weight off my shoulders and makes the way I feel more clear. Thank you
Felt kinda similar but a little different. amab and I was like "well I'm not a girl, so I guess I'm a boy" until I learned about nb. It feels much better this way and I'm glad nb is more well known
Genderfluid trans person here! I've seen so many videos from trans people who are apparently binary, and while they were helpful in their own way, the videos still left me feeling like "well... what if you're trans and non-binary?" It's kind of a different beast. Just wanted to say I really appreciate that you've shared your experience here; it offers a much-needed perspective (and validation tbh, lol). I want HRT but also feel some apprehension about the permanence of the changes... but I still wanna go for it! Been thinking about this for a long-ass time. Things are starting to move now, with booking appointments with the right kinds of healthcare professionals and whatnot, and I'm feeling positive overall. One small step at a time. 👌
I hope you’re able to get the HRT/surgeries you want/need! I’m glad my video(s) are helpful to you. I came out as trans 10 years ago and my understanding was very binary and very traditional (with an emphasis on passing and appearing “straight” or gender conforming). It left me feeling confused and trapped. But over the years I found out about non binary people, and that even binary trans people who could be gender non conforming (butch trans women, feminine trans men, etc.). I’m glad to hear you’re feeling seen and are able to take steps to feel more at home in your body and identity. Best of luck to you 💛
i’m figuring out now that i think i want to start hormones but i’m still scared about it. this video is one of the first ones i’ve seen that actually sums up exactly how i feel so well! thank you sm for sharing
I’m glad my experience has helped to bring you some comfort. It makes sense to be scared. As long as you follow your heart and your intuition, you’ll figure everything out. Much love 💛
I'm non-binary about to be 34 and I've been exploring my female side and I'm enjoying this experience. I've been back and forth about hrt for quite sometime now because those doubts of what if doesn't work out for me or struggle with it but also the possibility of the relief and weight lifted off my shoulders. This video made me feel not alone anymore. I've been waiting to hear from someone's prospective about this specific topic. Thank you for speaking out your experience. Much love ❤
I am so glad I came across this video. AFAB here. I figured out I was non-binary pretty quickly thanks to my generation's (Gen Z) openness, but there is still that massive barrier there in terms of fear and decision making! And I totally relate to the "risky" decision making: I'm getting a radical chest reduction soon, and while it started out as a weird, toe-dipping, people pleasing decision to go about top surgery slowly, it actually turned into "actually yeah, I'd like a chest, I just want to be able to hide it too." I get your point on "you can know you want something without knowing you want it." And this video has now opened my brain a little more into what physical transition can actually look like for me as a non-binary person: it *can* be androgynous and it doesn't have to skew toward maleness or femaleness to be considered valid transition. Thank you so, so much for this video.
Just came across this video and it was SO validating! I haven't heard other stories like this that seem so similar to mine! I am AMAB and am also transitioning as a non-binary transfemme person. Thank you SO much for sharing your perspective. I too hate being adressed as a 'he' but dont quite feel like a 'she' all the time nor do I want to have al the surgeries to become a trans woman. I like being more in the middle/feminine than anything else. I'm still navigating how I want to express myself and I am getting closer to being 'me' every day. I also feel that one my body marches what I feel than I can truly come in to myself. Thank you again for sharing 💜
Thank you ! I feel exactly the same when you talk about not having a destination. I like to say that i know the direction i'm going is right, i feel i must go that way and it's the right way. But I have no destination, I don't know how exactly I want to look or even be like. And it scares me. To be unsure scares me. Your video is actually helping, thank you :)
Glad my video helped you!! To me, it’s all about the journey and very little about the destination. You’ll find yourself, more and more every day. Just listen to what you feel and what you know to be true for you 💛
Thank you so much for this video. It helps so much to here someone talk about the doubt, rather then just being super sure and going a head. I love your level of androgyny and your vibe.
I’m glad my experience helps you feel validated. I wish there were more people who speak about being unsure or struggling with parts of transition (and learning their identity in general). 💛
I SO relate to this. Especially the Christian stuff, I grew up thinking I was evil and “bad” because I felt fem but you know “god doesn’t make mistakes” 🙄🙄🙄
I mean is one is still religious one can say that this was what god planned, god would want us to live happy and fullfiling lives, if transitioning does that, then it was planned, it was your boulder. And they would be proud of you overcoming it.
Thank you so much for this. I'm non-binary and I've never seen something I resonated with so much. It's really encouraging to see someone who has been able to find who they are, and also reached such androgyny, which is something I'm working towards. I've been worried to take hormones, but I think this video has reassured me that I don't need to know where I'm going, but I can figure it out as I go. It's hard to find other non-binary people who talk about this stuff, and I really appreciate you for uploading this video. Have a good day.
OMG Sorry for my English i'm happi that i found this Video. You're awsome. So i came out as a Trans Women somthing like 8 months ago. Before i came out as nonbinary litle bit more than 1 year ago. But for 1 Month ago i realize that nonbinary dosen't mean i'm a guy and a girl. I'm defntliy not a man i think i'm litlle bit fluid between girl and nonbinary. Your Video makes me happy and help me on my way:) i raised as a christian too and i was fucking transphobic for years but now i'm here and proud:) you're just super cool:) thank you thank you thank you:)
That makes me happy to hear, congrats on coming out and figuring things out! I’m not sure if you’ve seen my newer videos but I recently had bottom surgery, and I’ve actually been connecting to a female part of me (as well as my neutral side), so we are in the same boat with having both female & non binary as a part of us 😊 so glad for the progress you’ve made in accepting yourself and putting yourself first, that can be hard after enduring a Christian childhood. Best of luck with everything 💛
@@brynnavery you're super cool! Yes i saw your newer videos. Defenetly afe we in tje same boat. It was tje right time to find yoir videos they helped me a lot. To figuring out that i can be very free in my Gender. I want to make the bottom surgery too:)
It's so inspiring to listen to someone with very similar feelings to me. I hope one day I'll be brave and bold enough to become authentic just as you have!
Just found you. Thank you for sharing, it helps me as afab but big time questioning myself for so long but I'm over 40, I never wanted to be a man, but never been comfortable with being a woman either. I grew up not even being aware of non binary being a possible choice. I even thought you might be afab. You're an example of pure androgyny. You are an inspiration i know now i needed to see and helped to solidify a realistic goal for myself.
Its good to see someone who actually talks about how confusing this is.... It also helps that you're AMAB so I can relate a bit more.... I've only recently started questioning if I'm non binary and its terrifying and confusing. The only thing that I know for sure is I've never really identified with "man"
I definitely wish there were more people who talked about how scary & confusing it can be.. I didn’t see people expressing that part of their transition and so it always made me feel like I “wasn’t trans enough” or that there was something wrong with me. So I’m really happy I’m able to share my honest experience and help people like you, and many others. You deserve to feel at peace, even when you’re not quite sure who you are. So if no one has told you yet, you are enough and you are valid! It’s ok to be confused or scared, and that doesn’t make you any less valid. Best of wishes to you, and thank you for reaching out 💛
Yeah, I think people are fine with people who are different until that difference revolves around anything sexual whether it is sexuality or gender. For a lot of people that is the line...wrongly. We have the right ro say "Hey, this is MY world!"
When I realised I was a transgender woman I was a bit worried if I’d be taken seriously because I didn’t want to dress super feminine. So many people on TH-cam have helped me, you too, thanks 💖
This has been very insightful. I’m a bit of a late bloomer and only came out as non-binary a couple of weeks ago, and I’m in my 30’s. I’m still trying to figure things out and dress and present myself in a more feminine an androgynous way, as I was never taught how to do that growing up. I’m considering HRT, as I’m on the more feminine side, and my main issues of dysphoria came from dominant masculine sex characteristics during puberty (hair growth, deep voice, etc). I think making my body in a more feminine presenting way would really make feel more at home in my body, but I need to spent more time researching it all. Anyways you got a new follower. I’d love it if I could someday have something like your look/style. Feels a long way off as I’m still very masculine presenting but you give me hope. 😊
That’s awesome that you came out! I know that can be tough, and I’m sure even tougher as someone in their thirties (my ex came out as a lesbian at 34 and her experience was much different than me coming out as any of my lgbt labels as a teen/young adult). I think that’s really great that you can identify what traits have made you dysphoric and a possible solution to feeling better. I know sometimes figuring out your gender can be really confusing or stressful or plenty of other things, but you’ve already made some great progress in being able to identify the feelings you have. I’m glad you like my style! It makes me feel good because A) who doesn’t love getting complimented lol and B) I’m happy that you can have somewhat of an image of what “looks like you.” I really didn’t see myself in the people around me growing up (or honestly even now), and that made it difficult to figure out who I was and how I wanted to present. So I’m glad I can do that for you. Best of luck to you on your journey 💛
Thank you so much for sharing, I related to a lot of what your saying. I've always identified as a trans guy (came out when I was 12). But since starting testosterone I've been seriously reflecting on that. I definitely don't want to be perceived as a cis guy by others, but internally I definitely want a more 'masculine' body. I've enjoyed the freedom that comes with having a more ambiguous gender presentation, and I don't know if that's something I want to give up. I know there's low dose T and other options, but I do want all the changes that come with T, I just wish it wouldn't make others perceive me as a man (in the strict sense of the word). This video has been incredibly reassuring, as my transition experience has come with so much uncertainty and exploration. I think there's a different factor as well, as an AFAB person, because when I'm treated as a cis woman I don't really get weird looks for dressing in non normative ways, but when being treated as a cis man, I definitely get treated differently when wearing a skirt/dress. I'm still figuring out how to navigate this, but at the same time I know it was the right choice to start T.
That makes so much sense. Gender and gender expression can be so complicated. Because to be perceived as a man or a woman, often comes with being perceived as cis. And so while you can feel seen in your gender somewhat, it can still feel funky/uncomfortable. For myself, I don’t necessarily want people to see me as trans, but there’s a part of me that feels seen when people understand that I have a complicated relationship with my body and my self-expression. I’m on the flip side of you, where me dressing “nonconformingly” is seen as acceptable and “normal.” I hope you’re able to find what makes you most comfortable. Exploration can sometimes be stressful or anxiety-ridden, but overtime it can help you find answers. 💛
This video has been so hugely helpful for what I'm going through right now. I'm grappling with that decision over whether or not to start HRT. It's so incredibly easy to make ancillary reasons of why I shouldn't start or should at least delay starting.
I’m so glad my video could help you. HRT is a big (and possibly scary!) step. It’s ok to be nervous or to wait, etc. it can be easy to find excuses to not take the leap towards something new. Going out of your comfort zone can be really hard. But if HRT is something you think will help, then I definitely think you should do it. I hope my video was able to give you a little bit of clarity. And remember there’s no rush! Work with your own time table. Best of luck to you, and let me know if/when you start HRT! 💛
@@brynnavery Thanks. I start in just over a month unless my bloodwork comes back all weird or I get cold feet again. That second part is a me problem, though. I need to stop standing in the way of my own happiness.
@@DJMightyChip much easier said than done. I totally understand. Don’t beat yourself up over it. But also remember you deserve a life of happiness. Even when it doesn’t feel that way. You deserve to give yourself a life that will bring you joy 💛
Hey thanks for this video! It really helped me understand why i feel quite certain I want HRT despite not being sure exactly what my gender is, I feel like I need my body's help leading on this one! Also thanks in general it is really helpful seeing other people transition into something more androgynous. I really relate to your stories about idolizing GNC women growing up!
It's the same for me as far as I feel disphoric about parts of the male and female body. Neither seems exactly right for me and I like being androgynous. I'm older and never had any surgery or hurt and dont know that I ever will but then again maybe I will. I will say that the first time I heard the term non binary I felt alot of relief because finally something sounded closer to what I feel like because she and he do not feel right for me. But enough about me. I'm glad I found ur videos and I think your a beautiful person!!! Thanks it takes gu5s to be so open to the whole world especially considering the modern day witch hunt were experiencing!!! You rock!!!
Thanks for this video. I am currently trying to decide if I want to go on hormones as a non-binary person. I was afab, so I would be taking testosterone. I did already have top surgery. Anyways, thanks for posting this!
hmm what I've found rly difficult to separate, regarding the discomfort with (the thought of) growing breasts as a questioning enby, is the possible innate feeling of dysphoria it can cause, and internalised transphobia; the fear of a "ruined" body. the permanent aspect of it can be scary. an altered "frankenstein" body that goes against the binary and its norms. usually we don't project these insecurities on other trans people, but with low self-esteem this internalised rhetoric can be used against ourselves. working through that transphobia is not easy but is vital, confronting it in our subconscious, and unlearning it. seeing (nb) trans women thrive and celebrate their bodies and themselves definitely helped me with this. the importance of representation rly cannot be overstated imo! (quickly wanna mention artists and producers such as Arca and SOPHIE, but also the actress Hunter Schafer) in my case I have changed my opinion and lost that discomfort, which was probably rooted in fear and thus transphobia. finally being open to the changes a hormonal transition could bring without judgement gives me so much peace. I would welcome a lovely pair lol, but it is not something I stress over. of course think a transition through, but it cannot hurt remembering that nothing *really* is permanent, and surgeries and revisions are always possible too! we gotta trust ourselves, trust the process and truly just do what feels good to us 💜
OHH and to add to the importance of representation: thank you, thank you, thANK you! for sharing your stories, your life, but also just sharing the way you choose to exist as a trans nb person Bryn! I remember seeing an older vid of yours where I could just see a part of myself reflected in you, admiring this specific beauty you have found and cultivated that reflects your true self. it honestly inspired me to look within myself to find mine, which is such an exciting process to be involved in! sending you all the love Bryn 💜
That’s a really valid/interesting point! I used to have a lot of internalized transphobia for sure, a lot of feeling like I “ruined” my body because I decided to transition. The fear that my transness was invalid or a phase or all of that kind of stuff. I’m really happy you brought that point up. I plan on making a video regarding chest dysphoria, and I’ll definitely be sure to include the internalized stuff in that video! I don’t hi n I ever thought of it that way but now that you mention it, that was a big part of it. Thank you for sharing that with me! Also, I’m so happy I can help you by sharing my experience and living my life as me. I know how that feels to see someone living the life you want/could have. It can feel so freeing, to know that it’s possible. I’m really glad I can do that for you. Thank you so much for watching my videos and sharing how you feel 💛💛💛
@@brynnavery Your videos have helped me understand my own search in understanding my gender identity in my transition...your in depth and personal videos makes me feel like I'm not alone and I find myself nodding my head and laughing and being like' holy shit! what they said is like exactly how I feel and have felt like...wow'
@@brynnavery Especially this that you said: ‘..I feel like my body had to become me before I could see me as me..” I felt this very thing today and even before watching this video.. where you put this feeling into words in such a perfect way.
Thank you ❤ for your honesty around your doubts and questions in your process. I related to a hundred different points in your story and was deeply encouraged by your perspective that transitioning towards androgeny is just as acceptable as towards femininity :):) many thanks!! (amab, NB-ish?..transfemdrogenous? lol, considering hrt)
Always glad to help. I wish there were more people (especially non binary amab enbies) who spoke about their transition, but I’m glad I can share my voice and help 💛
I appreciate this. I have also struggled with definitelt not feeling like a guy, but also not wanting to look like a stereotypical woman. I have been struggling a lot with the decision of taking hormones off. This takes some pressure off. Thanks ! And I also feel androgynous.
I’m glad my video resonates with you. You can be whomever you’d like to be. And there’s no shame in starting and/or stopping HRT. There’s tons of trans people who go on and off it for various reasons. People change all the time, and it’s ok to change your body as well. Much love 💛
First off-thank you, that’s so sweet 💛 I didn’t do any official voice training, but I did practice some. My “natural” voice is a little deeper than the voice I normally use, but they’re relatively similar sounding. I was fortunate to not have too deep of a voice to begin with.
So glad I found this - I can relate to you in so many ways. I am non-binary amab but I feel like my body is the wrong gender. I’m hoping to start taking hrt soon. I get a feeling that once I start I might start feeling like a woman rather than non-binary. Right now I’m pretty darn confused.
That’s ok to be confused, some things just take time (honestly there’s *still* stuff I’m figuring out.) it took me probably 3 or 4 years after questioning my gender to feel solid in being non binary (originally I came out as a trans woman). If I can offer any clarity to you or anything, don’t hesitate to ask. Best of luck, wishing you the best! 💛
Very good video, in a similar headspace to the one described, it's scary and I doubt myself, but the alternative is to not move and stagnate and be guaranteed unhappyness. I prefer a shot to do it and be a mess doing it. Tbh worse case scenario masectomy or breasts reduction even if it can be expensive if not insured is a posibility. Thanks so much for publishing this
I'm trying to work through my gender and I really relate to what you said because I really really don't want to be a binary woman but I'm uncomfortable with being perceived as a man... (AMAB). I'm only 17 and I'm allowed to "be gay" as far as like I don't dress like average guys and I do "gay" things like hobbies interests whatever but as far as real gender nonconformity goes my first step is right now trying to grow my hair out, with much resistance. I'm trying to just make room so that I can experiment and see how I feel; I really feel like my desire is obscured by my environment. I also feel a lot of social gender dysphoria in a way i guess, or maybe just more general disconnect but like I feel like family and general people don't see ME how I am really and like even when I'm "accepted" the person doesn't really get it. Lol lots of turmoil. I don't think I'm a binary trans woman and I do like being perceived as male/masculine at times but feeling only ever perceived as that and the heteronormativity that people are able to throw onto me because of my cis presentation really makes me feel like giving up my masculinity entirely, and the fact that Idk how to reconcile wanting to be male leaning with also wanting to be female leaning. Anyway, sorry for dumping all that here it was more for myself haha gender overload rn. Thank you so much for sharing ur story it's really helpful
That makes total sense. While I don’t have a masculine bone in my body, I struggled (and sometimes still do from time to time) very similar with androgynous presentation vs feminine presentation. I gave up everything that could be considered masculine in order to get as far away from being perceived as male, but in doing so I abandoned a huge part of my identity (my androgyny). But over time I figured it out and allowed myself the freedom to express myself, without t feeling tied down by my assigned sex at birth. And some day you’ll get to that point too, being able to just be yourself. It may take a while to figure yourself out but you’ll get there. And if for the time being you have to reject masculinity, only to find it again later in the future, that’s totally ok. I hope you’re able to grow out your hair and play around with presentation until you find something that feels like *you*. It can be difficult when those around you don’t understand, so I’m sorry you’re dealing with that. I wish you the best of luck 💛
Honestly, alot of what you've said sounds similar to me. I've been on HRT for about 17 months and suddenly had a wave of doubts, what if I made a mistake, am I just a man, and so on. But when I started hormones, I still had doubts, wasn't a 100% sure, but I knew it was something I had to do, because if I didn't I'd regret it. I said to myself, If I wait till I'm 100% sure I'll never do it. I think I am more non-binary then a binary trans woman, I don't hate he/him - more tolerate - but she/her makes me happy. Not sure what kinda non-binary I am, maybe genderfluid or bi-gendered I don't know. But what you said about androgeny speaks to me. Hey, I'd like to be able to do both. Look stunning in a suit and dapper in a dress
First off, I love how you mentioned that you’d regret not transitioning. That’s a perspective that really isn’t touched upon much when it comes to transition. We hear so much (disinformation) about people regretting transition, but the convo rarely centers regret of not transitioning. I’m glad you’re figuring things out, and I’m glad my videos have been able to help with that 💛
Thank you. I am struggling with how many voices from the community have similar stories and experiences, that do not align with mine. I feel seen and represented with your experience. Though the trans community is not cookie cutter, it can feel that way with the narrative that's most publicly known.
I’m really glad you feel seen/represented. That’s such an important factor in identity, and especially when coming to terms/understanding your own gender identity. I definitely understand the feeling of being “out of the box” even in the trans community. I’m really glad I can help. Best of luck to you 💛
Yeah, I didn't know if I wanted bottom surgery or not initially. It's really complicated. It was like, what kind've sacrifice are you willing to make? And why?
Its so freeing to realize androginy is a real choice for transitioning!! I think so many people suffer from the pressure of conforming to one presentation or the other
I’m a non-binary trans woman as well, I’m feminine, feel most comfortable in female roles, and the best way to express my gender identity is to appear as a woman, or trans woman in my case. But my gender identity is agender with a large feminine lean. So the gendered feelings I do feel are primarily female. And to complicate things more I’m starting to think I’m gray asexual and perhaps gray romantic which kinda saddens me, but there are other ways to find love, and culture probably had me internalize so many things. Oh, and I’m straight, I like men. xD
That makes a lot of sense! And I can understand why being gray romantic may feel lonely or sad, but I’m sure in time you will find whatever type of love you’re looking for. Whether that be romantic or friendship or chosen family. Friendship is underrated honestly. I wouldn’t have the joy I have today without my friends. 💛
That was one of the hardest things-feeling like I didn’t fit the typical narrative of what being trans is “supposed to be.” But doesn’t make me (or anyone else) any less trans 💛
That's really amazing. Trikafta has changed all our lives 😍 I was watching some of your first videos and you look ill and cough a lot, but these recent videos you look so good!!
I was surprised and initially didn't want to be Trans. But I finally surrendered myself when I felt strong dysphoria. (chest pain on place where there was supposed to be breasts)
Now, I primarily identity as Genderfluid, Non-binary, Transwoman/Transfeminine. My other genders are Trans Neutral, Genderqueer, Pangender, Bigender, Agender, Demigender, Neurodivergent and Ponygender
We all have a little testosterone, we actually need a little bit. Even women have a little testosterone but from a medical standpoint we have to be aware of the complications with medical issues and are assigned sex at birth. Unless you get a gender marker change and even then you may have to tell the doctors that you were assigned male at birth its frustrating but its what we have to go through to be comfortable in our own skin. At least this is what I have learned so far in my transitioning. I am only 3 months into my transition.
Yeah I know everyone has a little testosterone, (although I’m actually not sure if that applies to people who get bottom surgery. I’ve never looked into it). And yeah being trans is something I will always have to carry with me, even being post op and changing my documents etc. and it can definitely be frustrating at times (I’m currently sitting at the social security office to update my sec on my SS card actually lol), but I’m ok with that. Being trans is a part of me, and I wouldn’t change it even if I could 💛
@@brynnavery I totally agree with you, I am who I am and I would not change that for the world. This is our journey and having only been out fir a couple years and really going through a lot of different things I knew I had to. Its cost me a lot in many ways, family barely speak to me, few friends to really count on. I am glad I am on this journey and thank you for responding and sharing part of your life with us!
Been a year since the first 💊 experiment. Practice at home and pushing the envelope a little under my work uniform. Trying to get my hair to grow out from male baldness.
"I really didn't have a destination."
I want you to know that your story and other amab non-binary stories are finally giving me a destination in my transition. Thank you so much
That makes my heart so happy. I’m glad I can be that for you 💛
Born AMAB . I've come to the realization well into adulthood - late 40s! - that I don't want to be a guy, don't want to be a woman... I can look back over my life to see many little indicators of my journey that I either didn't realize or outright denied. So for this video, thank you so much!
So glad my video could help, and I’m so glad you’re able to figure out who you are! That can be such a relief 💛
You can maybe be a giraffe. Thing about how cool this would be having such a long neck to eat leaves direct from trees without having to climb one like a MONKEY. 😑
"My body had to become me before I could see me as me."
Super helpful video, really put into words some things I've been experiencing. Thanks for making it!
So glad to help 💛 thank you for watching!
Yea
u lowkey just smashed thru a massive mental block i had with accepting the fact that I'm not on one extreme or the other of the binary. I relate to you so much, more than anyone I've ever talked to irl, thank uuuuuuuuuu ily
Aww I’m so glad my videos have been able to help you! 💛💛💛
I absolutely get u aaaa!! Me too!
Yeah that's taking me a bit to
Bryn Avery: thank you so much for opening up about this journey! I feel so seen, as a trans non-binary (signed female at birth). Had top surgery, started testosterone and stopped testosterone. Always trying to find fluid stories of trans non-binary people and sometimes I still feel weird and alone in my feelings. You said: ‘You can want things and not know that you want them.’ I have wished to die and to be reborn as a boy years, but I doubted taking testosterone extremely much. When I was on testosterone, the body become a pleasure to live in. My bodydysphoria dissapeared. I had suddenly felt great fun dressing up, where as before, clothing would feel like a shield that took away all of my breathingair. Once, I was having sex, and I still remember that I had this moment of realisation: I am enjoying sex, I am not feeling awful in myself, I want to be touched. As well as I felt so much calmness in walking on the street: it felt so good to walk in me. But I got so much genderdysphoria of people seeing me as a boy. Especially if I was seen by that by men. I always felt wrong in saying I was a trans boy. In this time, I figured out what identity name fitted me: non-binary. And I was finding it so hard to deal with the extreme feelings of puberty. Also I cried a lot when my face really started to harden up, when I got a beard and my hairline was crawling back; I didn’t recognise this face and it frightened me, I sort of got homesick. Another interesting part is: using testosterone made me super muscled; testosterone changed my muscled and thereby touched a lot of traumas. I got to relive a lot of traumas, had intense panick attacks. Therefore I decided to quit testosterone, thinking I could never get calm in changing while there are so much traumas - which also made me doubt: is going on testosterone a coping mechanism for my traumas? What touches me, is your sentence: 'I feel like my body had to become me before I could see me as me.' I still feel so uncomfortable and dysphoric and sad with a lot of body which is how I grew up in it ("female" for society), and I have such a deep jealously and longing to have the body of "a dude", but then I get so scared because I'm like: But I'm not a man / I don't want to grow old as a grandpa / I don't want hair all over my body / I don't want to be perceived as one or the other / What if I will feel it is wrong and regret going further on testosterone / I can sport the hardest I can and eat clean and low my fat and gain muscle as much as possible / I will not have love if I'm perceived as a (trans)guy / I will not be successful in theater and performance art and film / Et cetera. But then the feelings of dysphoria and longing never leaves. Every now and then, it completely breaks me. But I can't see a fitting future. So, out of fear, I just try to keep myself in the place I am. But in there, maybe there is no space for growth, or perhaps finding a place that would feel so much better... Does anyone recognize something of this? I am curious for other stories. I am also curious for people their thoughts on mine. Sending a lot of love!
That makes a lot of sense and sounds so frustrating. Have you ever thought about doing low dose testosterone? There’s non-binary people who do that where it kind of defeminizes them but doesn’t masculinity them. As much as your feelings obviously aren’t “good,” but I do want to say that they are valid and normal. I’m sorry that you’re experiencing that though. Lots of love and luck to you 💛💛💛
As a AMAB trans androgynous, this was amazing for me! Thank you so much
So glad I could help 💛
I've never read "trans androgynou" before, I loved it. Thats me
Your voice is goals! Also shoutout to Bargain Outlet (I can hear the jingle in my head just typing it out lol) I'm there every week. The trans narrative in the media is I guess "better" than no representation at all but also hella confusing for us trans folks. There is so much uncertainty in the process of coming out and so much mental, physical, social, religious, and cultural baggage to unpack before being able to even half-confidently say "I'm trans!". It is so difficult especially for those of us that transition to non-binary medically. I'm only a couple months into HRT and its completely unfamiliar territory. It's like telling friends you are going on a trip and they want to know what you've seen and your thoughts on it before you've even left.
Thank you for the comment about my voice. I get insecure about my voice a lot (I feel like it’s too deep) so that comments means a lot. I totally understand that. And I love your analogy of people asking about the trip. That’s a perfect way to describe it. Best of luck to you, and thank you for your comments 💛
yayy thanks for talking about this in more detail. as you know there arent many first hand accounts of nb amab transition so its been really hard to figure out what I may want for myself, and in particular figuring out this anxiety around chest growth. Itll still be a while before I know for sure if I want hormones but your story has been really important for showing me how nuanced the feelings around this can be. You also just look so amazing and glowy and happy here ^-^ I hope you're doing really well !!
Aww I’m glad my story is helping you figure things out about yourself! I wish I would’ve seen other non-binary AMAB people talk about transitioning. All this stuff I basically learned on my own. And I’m happy to be where I am but I wish it would’ve been an easier journey! So I’m happy to share my story and I’m glad it’s helping you (and hopefully others as well!). And thank you!!! I’ve been feeling so much betted these past few months. Partially because things in my life are aligning but also because I found the right medication to combat my bipolar disorder. It’s been 6 months since I’ve had a depressive episode. This is first time in my life I can recall not being depressed, and it feels wonderful!! Best of luck and wishes to you and your journey, and thank you for sharing your story with me!! 💛
@@brynnavery May i ask hard questions:
The being loved because of and coolness of being trans will be there for 1st
weeks
mouths
years.
Then the regretting comes in? Realization of truth?
Females bring on themselves an early menopause as they became FTMs?
And males turned themselves into eunuchs as they became MTFs?
I think this is my favourite video on trans topics because I connect with so much of what you say. I'm MtX non binary and about half a year on hormones and still figuring myself out so it's super reassuring to see someone else who's talking about the exact same kinds of situations I find myself in rather than the usual "I always knew who I was" dialogue. I'm taking the medical steps to transition but I'm not aiming towards a specific idea of what I want to look like and that gave me a lot of self-doubt. Can I just also say how amazing you look and sound! If I have one aim it's to look and sound as androgynous as you, I'm definitely feeling the gender envy rn
Omg that makes me so happy! I’m glad my videos can give you some reassurance, and omg telling me you’re feeling gender envy: one of the best compliments I’ve ever gotten, thank you! Best of luck with your transition and I’m glad my videos can help 💛
As an intersex person who was AMAB, but went through an incredibly weird puberty where my body developed female fat distribution and I didn't look like a boy through early middle school, I had to constantly tell people I was a boy.
My genitals look weird (hypospadias+klinefelters) but luckily I was never medicalized as a kid, unlike many intersex kids my parents were completely against the idea and I never went on testosterone. I have pectus excavatum because my entire body is basically non-functional and I had surgery to fix it because it was life threatening. The surgery fixed the hole on my chest and also flattened my chest making my breasts less noticable.
After that in 8th grade I finally was just naturally read as male. It was incredibly uncomfortable in the locker room so I always undressed in a stall, and especially when I was running I would always wear baggy so it would cover my body, but when I ran in gym you could clearly see my waist and my chest visible to everyone and it was incredibly uncomfortable I remember my friends would laugh about it. Running with that weird body felt like a marathon everyone was looking at how strange your body was, after a while you just get use to it, and no one cared that much.
It was so weird, and my pectus didn't help it made by breasts look a million times bigger. I could always run well but I literally could not do anything other physical. After I got pectus surgery, my chest looked like a man's and like I can't explain how weird this is for like a 14 year old kid, you don't understand your body, and you don't understand the category that put onto you, the surgery also hurt like hell.
After that with my chest flat I was read as a boy, a very weird looking boy but a boy none the less, I wore baggy clothing, my voice lowered a little bit. I felt like before I was fighting the world I would need to constantly explain myself to people, hours being asked on my medical history. I never understood why boys were so sexually active, it was just gross and confusing. I never really felt anything, I guess that's just from not having enough testosterone in my body. For a while in high school I kinda developed like a lanky soft-boy aesthetic and I thought it was kinda cool, kinda apathetic to the world but only slightly. I began to question my gender, am I guy or a girl?
I didn't understand because I didn't like women's clothing, but also liked parts of my body. I liked the fact that my body was shaped like a woman, I didn't like a masculine shaped body I thought the idea of that was gross, it's not beautiful to me. My chest made me uncomfortable but only because I was supposed to be a boy. The world put me into that category and my body refused to develop in that way. I actually never was against having breasts I thought they caused a nice silhouette. I also didn't want any facial or body hair, I didn't grow pretty much any facial hair, and no chest hair but I did have leg and arm hair and both were very light. At the same time I wanted to wear jeans, sweat pants, t-shirts, and I liked some masculine things. I was incredibly into school and I got incredibly good grades (3.8 GPA :D). I didn't like sports, but I did like to goof off with my friends in a more masculine way I think.
I began thinking and like yea I didn't relate to being a man at all, but I didn't fully think I wanted to be a woman either, and I also didn't really relate to nonbinary people as much. Eventually I would come to the conclusion to transition from male to female, but as a masculine woman. After coming to that conclusion I began medically transitioning, not entirely with any goal in mind. My chest began to grow, they were not entirely flat after pectus but the nipples are much farther apart then they use to be and they weren't that noticeable. They began to grow incredibly quickly and I am currently at a C-cup, I began wearing androgynous clothing just in a women's fit and it felt liberating. I had always wanted to show my body shape, but because it my body didn't fit into the binary category of "male" I always hesitated to. I began to pass very early on (4 months), and that's my current identity, I wear masculine/andro clothing and ironically transitioning just feels easier then before, if nothing else because I can wear clothes that fit me. I am no longer in this weird middle zone. That middle zone is wonderful but it's weird to have a body which many people consider "female" while having "male" genitals and moreover being ok with that body, loving that body in a unique way (I want bottom surgery however, that's just my choice). In an alternative world I might have gone on testosterone. I don't identify as either a "man" or a "woman," when I go out the word sees me as the latter, and I medically transitioned because of it, but I am non-binary transfem that's how I identify.
I guess the conclusion I am trying to make with this, is that no matter what intersex, trans, gay, non-binary, or whatever all of our bodies are unique, all of us can be put on some spectrum between "M" and "F" and that those categories themselves aren't rigidly. There is no correct way of being and I struggled a lot with that, not understanding I could be two things at once.
Thank you for sharing your story. I know very little about intersex people and their experiences, so I really appreciate your openness. (There’s actually a movie I saw in theaters a few months ago called Every Body which is about intersex people. It was very eye opening). When you described your experience with changing your body to fit the mold of “malehood,” that really makes a lot of sense. Feeling discomfort with the way other people react to your body, but not discomfort in your body itself. I’m glad you’ve been able to find the language that feels like home, and the healthcare that allows you to live your life the way you see fit. Thank you again for sharing. And also, my apologies on taking so long to respond. I’ve read your comment many times but kept forgetting to respond. Keep being you 💛
@@brynnavery Thanks! :>
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"My body had to become me before I could see me as me."
Super true. That was one of my "wait this applies to me but... what? how?" issues, because I just couldn't picture myself at all.
And yeah learning how many people don't have it figured out, don't have certainty, and there's a point where you just try and see, really helped. And hormones (or any number of things) feel like a big step, like "oh this is REAL". And if you can't really picture yourself, you just automatically resist and don't know why.
I used to have zero ability to even just consider, like, trying a random job for the hell of it, cause that basic internal self-concept just wasn't really there.
To paraphrase someone, for a lot of us, before realizing what's going on, dysphoria is experienced as disconnect rather than distress.
And the fun of something that "should" be affirming but isn't, well oh no, must not be... oh wait, it just looks wrong on current physical configuration, it IS something I want.
Similarly, pre or early transition, it's so easy to get caught up in how you feel, in looking for validation and every little sign, because... well, nothing is reflected in you yet. But cis people don't sit there actively "feeling" their gender, or doing affirming things after work to relax wouldn't be a thing. So "oh no I don't feel like a woman ALL THE TIME" just... isn't something to worry about. Maybe binary, maybe not, but the big thing is just "there's something that keeps coming back, let's see".
Couple articles that I found helpful (for reference since you're kinda past this point). medium.com/gender-from-the-trenches/gender-dysphoria-isnt-what-you-think-6fdc7ae3ac85
cassielabelle.medium.com/repersonalization-the-thing-we-dont-talk-about-66e1a0ec97c1
The threads on her twitter about these had a lot of "oh wait that makes sense" responses.
That makes total sense. It’s actually been really refreshing reading the comments on this video because the part that you quoted, a lot of other people have said resonated with them as well. It can definitely be scary to take steps, especially when you’re not really able to plan the outcome, or you don’t know exactly what you want the outcome to be.
Oh yeah definitely, my dysphoria was much more of a disconnect than distress. It made life really lonely because I felt emotionally out of touch with myself, other people, and nature and basically everything
Love how you described that (about cis people not sitting around thinking about their gender). That’s a super valid point.
I didn’t read the articles yet but I copied and pasted them to my notes and I’ll read them in a bit! Thank you for sharing 💛
I'm an AMAB enby who's still on the fence about hormones after trying them for 4 months and stopping. The biggest factor for me deciding to stop was definitely breast growth, because even though I liked everything else I felt like I couldn't control that one thing which made me very scared. If you could do a video focusing on that and the potential of top surgery I'd really like it.
Thanks for this video too, providing a much-needed AMAB enby perspective on transition :)
I totally get that! I began filming a video on chest development actually! Hopefully I’ll have it out by this Friday but I’m not quite sure yet. But I do plan on uploading it some point soon! I’m glad my video is able to help you! 💛
I'm also questioning my gender pretty heavily and want to try hrt. I think four months would be good experience of the opposite genders hormones. I'm also scared of growing tits.
I didn't know of trans people until my mid 20's I didn't understand trans people or even know about non-binary people until I was about 27. I know that my past growing up as a man felt like a person I was supposed to be but never wanted to be.. I joined the military, I worked in male-dominated industries, I grew out my beard and tried to present as masc as possible.. I hated it all. I'm 30 now, non-binary, planning on starting HRT and I'm excited, I feel like I am finally aware of why I felt like an impostor my whole life, but I am still scarred. Thank you for sharing your experience, it has helped me
I’m so glad you’re able to figure things out and move forward in the direction that feels right for you. I hope HRT is everything you hope for! Best of luck 💛
Being also an AMAB enby, I totally relate with the fact that being called he/sir all the time annoyed you. Also thank you so much for sharing your experience and the fact that things are complicated and we sometimes have doubts along the way.
I’m glad my stories are helpful and something people can relate to. I like to be as honest as I can, it’s something I know I’ve always sought after. Much love 💛
I've been searching through videos of trans people talking about getting on hormones and what to expect. As a non-binary person this one has been the most helpful and encouraging. I really love your vibe and when I see how you look and how you speak I'm like "that's who I want to be." You're the only person I've seen talking about estrogen who hasn't been a woman (besides F1nn5ter). Thank you so much for making this!
That makes me really happy. Navigating a non binary journey can be challenging, but I’m glad you find comfort in my experience 💕
this is why i respect trans people immensely, the challenging thoughts and feelings they have while enduring a hostile non accepting world AND choose to be themselves regardless. that shit takes the strongest kind of person.
Oh my god thank you so much. I’ve been getting a lot of hate comments recently so this means so much to me 💛
Heya Bryn, I've stumbled upon your content and this video in particular and I just wanted to say that thank you for talking about your experience so openly. I have very similar experiences to you and it's becoming increasingly difficult to live a "normal" life just going around without taking care of them in general. Hearing you talk about a life that feels so like mine (although I'm still at the "starting point" of figuring this shit out) gives me assurance that I'm not just making everything up and that my experience IS real and that I can live in/with it.
Thank you, from the bottom of my heart
I’m so glad my visibility is helpful, and that my story feels relatable. Best of luck with your transition/journey 💛
This is (and you are) so well articulated. Androgynous, but from the "female perspective" was how I relayed the message to my therapist. And it was so difficult to even get to that description. I imagine people who just cannot find the words to articulate this and don't even get to something like that. Thanks for posting this video. Yes, I know it's years later, but this still helps those who come now and after 🥰❤️
Holy shit this is relatable. I'm so scared, haha. The common narrative makes me feel isolated, especially since most prominent trans voices aren't non-binary amabs like us. So, thank you so much, really.
Always glad to help 💛💛💛
Yea
I’m in my early 50s, AFAB, and identity as non binary since about three years ago. I am very late coming into my queer identity. I’m still figuring things out, but feel more accepting of myself than I ever have. Being a Gen-Xer, I also had a ton of internalized homophobia and transphobia. I do identify as trans/non-binary. I dont feel like a man and was deeply uncomfortable with female body functions and actively avoided any activities that were considered feminine for much of my life. It’s weird to me that now in these last couple of years, I finally feel comfortable exploring and expressing my feminine side while still not feeling like a woman. It’s like my discovery and understanding of the non-binary gender identity has helped me come to terms with how disconnected I felt in my assigned female body and gender expectations while growing up and has freed me in a way. First video of yours I’ve seen. I will definitely check out more. Take care, and thank you for sharing your journey. It’s very courageous.
I was looking for this, I needed it, thanks for making me feel like I'm not alone
Always happy to be a place of solace for those like me 💛
this is the first time in my life in which - I think - I'm resembling to someone. It' s the first time in which I see someone and I think: I'd love to look and be perceived like this. I am a biological male who's going through a whole ''gender discovery'' lately and this, and you in general, was so incredibly helpful. Thank you from the bottom of my heart
That makes me so happy to hear. I know how impactful that can be, to find someone who resembles you, especially in a world where we rarely experience that. Much love 💛
Thank you for your authenticity and for speaking your truth! YOU ARE THE FIRST PERSON THAT VALIDATED THE WAY I FELT AS I WALKED INTO THE DOCTORS' OFFICE TO ASK ABOUT HRT... Full of emotions that I just couldn't explain or put into words. My endocrinologist told me that I "should," be counting the minutes until I take my first dose, after scaring the hell out of me with talks about irreversible side effects, blood clots (which also happen to cis women & can be avoided), since all her normal patients run to her on bended knees. Honestly, I felt like I was in line to terminate a pregnancy, so I sat off in a corner and wiped my eyes pretending like I had allergies. The guilt was fucking awful... I tried to block it out until you brought up internalized transphobia, and the fact I cut my parents off due to their own extreme beliefs that I internalized. I'm sorry, but I'm NOT rushing in line to break down a door for some sore ass nipples and large breasts when I already wear binders. (I already have gynecomastia and breast growth is a BITCH.) I'd kill for large hips, soft skin, & no facial hair to look completely neutrois...(ANYTHING but boobs...hahaha!) Thank you so much for sharing your feelings. Now I don't feel so alone about the journey I'm taking to feminize myself to become who I'm supposed to be.
I’m so glad my experiences are able to help you! And I’m sorry you had such an awful experience with your endocrinologist, that sounds horrible. You are not alone! Thank you for reaching out 💛
I'm afab nonbinary and I experienced a very similar issue when coming out. I first came out as a trans man at 14 because "I'm not a girl so I must be a guy" and it caused a lot of problems. I'm only just now starting to come out as Nonbinary to my friends and family but it's hard. Everyone has gone 4 years now seeing me as a guy and I even started T for awhile before going off it because of the panic being seen strictly as male caused. Thanks for talking about this, it really helps❤️
That makes perfect sense. I wish we lived in a world where non-binary was fully accepted and understood, so that people knew that they don’t have to be “a guy or a girl” and that there are other identities. I think that’s awesome that you’re finding yourself and that you have some friends and family you feel comfortable enough telling. It took a while for everyone to come around for me too (I even have some friends who still call me she instead of they or refer to me as female, because they don’t quite understand non binary and think I’m an androgynous trans woman). I hope your friends and family and everyone else will come around soon, stay strong, and you’re valid even if the people around you don’t quite understand you 💛
I know exactly what you mean about your body needing to be more in alignment before you really felt like you could figure yourself out! I've been having the same thing happen lately, like I'm revealing more aspects of my personality that need to be reinforced and explored now, and once my voice is more where I want it to be I'm definitely going to be more expressive than I ever used to be.
Also, that hair looks really nice on you, it seems different than what you've shown in previous videos but it looks great :3
I wish more people talked about it!! I feel like I always hear that people see themselves as their identity and transition to get their body to match. But for me it’s switched, and or caused a lot of doubt in myself because my experience wasn’t like other people’s. And now of course I know that my experience is valid but I wish it was discussed more often!
Thank you!! I recently cut it, and I switched the part as well. I’m really enjoying my hair as wel😊
It's only been 7 months since my last comment, but since then, watching this now, I can relate to even more of your experience. Almost a year on HRT and it's been really stressful coming to terms with what I can change, what has changed, and what I can't change. Your video and videos like it have been such a great tool to ground myself and validate how I feel. Especially when I also deal with lots of older people in my work, and they often don't lmao
Congrats on coming up on a year!! Thats so exciting! I’m so glad my videos can help you ground yourself, I know how important it is to feel grounded, especially in times of change and transition (no pun intended lol). I’m so glad my experience can help ground you. I hope you’re able to feel less stressed, gender is very complex, and can often take a long time to fully understand for ourselves. I wish you the best moving forward 💛 just a reminder: your feelings & experiences are valid even if other people don’t understand them 💛
Going through a bit of a mental confusion at the moment. Thank you for this, it’s just what I needed. 💜
Glad I could help. Best of luck 💛
This video is the reason I’m taking the jump to do HRT. AMAB NBY people are so valid and you give me so much hope💕🥺
I’m so glad I could be a source of inspiration for you! Sorry I didn’t reply sooner, I must’ve missed it when you posted this!!best of luck, and I hope HRT is going well for you 💛
I’m late to the party, but this video comforts me. I’m on the precipice of deciding whether to do HRT, and it’s reassuring to hear that sometimes people suspect it’s the right thing but don’t *feel* it until they’ve already taken the plunge. I’m excited to watch the rest of your videos!
As a newly transitioning non-binary person, I have had a hard time feeling "allowed" to call myself trans. The feeling is kind of similar to being a bi/pansexual and feeling accepted by the LGBTQIA+ community. I am feeling much more comfortable as claiming my Trans title thanks to people like you but I still feel guilt with this since I feel that so many Trans people who are going from one side of the binary to the opposite side seem to have to face so much more distain and disrespect while just trying to be themselves out in the world... like they deserve the title so much more than I do. I know this isn't inclusive thinking and it's not true to the reality of it but its an old pattern of thinking I'm working through. anyway, thank you for your story.
That makes a lot of sense, and I totally get that. Something that may help though-trans-ness isn’t defined through the struggles we face. Tho struggles and opposition are something that a lot of trans people encounter, it’s not what makes us trans. I’m glad my experience and others like mine are helping you feel comfortable in your identity. There are non binary people who don’t resonate with the term “trans” and that’s ok too. Whatever feels comfortable to you is what matters most. Much love 💛
I know you made this a while ago, but I just found it and it's been so helpful and affirming! I'm afab non-binary and this felt like it spoke directly to a lot of my anxieties (not being sure, feeling like I have to be within the gender binary to be "trans enough" to transition) and put words to things I am still trying to untangle. Super appreciate you for making this!
frick the haters period
Glad to see how far you’ve come! 💛
Thank you Shayna 💛
I really appreciate your advice. I've been questioning my gender for about a year now, and one of my main worries is that I won't end up feeling truly in my skin after fully committing to who I am. This video takes a good amount of weight off my shoulders and makes the way I feel more clear. Thank you
Felt kinda similar but a little different. amab and I was like "well I'm not a girl, so I guess I'm a boy" until I learned about nb. It feels much better this way and I'm glad nb is more well known
I’m glad you’ve been able to find yourself and figure out who you are 💛
Genderfluid trans person here! I've seen so many videos from trans people who are apparently binary, and while they were helpful in their own way, the videos still left me feeling like "well... what if you're trans and non-binary?" It's kind of a different beast.
Just wanted to say I really appreciate that you've shared your experience here; it offers a much-needed perspective (and validation tbh, lol).
I want HRT but also feel some apprehension about the permanence of the changes... but I still wanna go for it! Been thinking about this for a long-ass time. Things are starting to move now, with booking appointments with the right kinds of healthcare professionals and whatnot, and I'm feeling positive overall. One small step at a time. 👌
I hope you’re able to get the HRT/surgeries you want/need! I’m glad my video(s) are helpful to you. I came out as trans 10 years ago and my understanding was very binary and very traditional (with an emphasis on passing and appearing “straight” or gender conforming). It left me feeling confused and trapped. But over the years I found out about non binary people, and that even binary trans people who could be gender non conforming (butch trans women, feminine trans men, etc.). I’m glad to hear you’re feeling seen and are able to take steps to feel more at home in your body and identity. Best of luck to you 💛
i’m figuring out now that i think i want to start hormones but i’m still scared about it. this video is one of the first ones i’ve seen that actually sums up exactly how i feel so well! thank you sm for sharing
I’m glad my experience has helped to bring you some comfort. It makes sense to be scared. As long as you follow your heart and your intuition, you’ll figure everything out. Much love 💛
This is the video I NEEDED to see today
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I'm non-binary about to be 34 and I've been exploring my female side and I'm enjoying this experience.
I've been back and forth about hrt for quite sometime now because those doubts of what if doesn't work out for me or struggle with it but also the possibility of the relief and weight lifted off my shoulders.
This video made me feel not alone anymore. I've been waiting to hear from someone's prospective about this specific topic.
Thank you for speaking out your experience.
Much love ❤
I am so glad I came across this video. AFAB here. I figured out I was non-binary pretty quickly thanks to my generation's (Gen Z) openness, but there is still that massive barrier there in terms of fear and decision making! And I totally relate to the "risky" decision making: I'm getting a radical chest reduction soon, and while it started out as a weird, toe-dipping, people pleasing decision to go about top surgery slowly, it actually turned into "actually yeah, I'd like a chest, I just want to be able to hide it too." I get your point on "you can know you want something without knowing you want it." And this video has now opened my brain a little more into what physical transition can actually look like for me as a non-binary person: it *can* be androgynous and it doesn't have to skew toward maleness or femaleness to be considered valid transition. Thank you so, so much for this video.
Just came across this video and it was SO validating! I haven't heard other stories like this that seem so similar to mine! I am AMAB and am also transitioning as a non-binary transfemme person. Thank you SO much for sharing your perspective. I too hate being adressed as a 'he' but dont quite feel like a 'she' all the time nor do I want to have al the surgeries to become a trans woman. I like being more in the middle/feminine than anything else. I'm still navigating how I want to express myself and I am getting closer to being 'me' every day. I also feel that one my body marches what I feel than I can truly come in to myself. Thank you again for sharing 💜
I’m really glad my story helps you. You deserve to feel at home in your body, and to be represented 💛
Thank you ! I feel exactly the same when you talk about not having a destination. I like to say that i know the direction i'm going is right, i feel i must go that way and it's the right way. But I have no destination, I don't know how exactly I want to look or even be like. And it scares me. To be unsure scares me. Your video is actually helping, thank you :)
Glad my video helped you!! To me, it’s all about the journey and very little about the destination. You’ll find yourself, more and more every day. Just listen to what you feel and what you know to be true for you 💛
Thank you so much for this video. It helps so much to here someone talk about the doubt, rather then just being super sure and going a head. I love your level of androgyny and your vibe.
I’m glad my experience helps you feel validated. I wish there were more people who speak about being unsure or struggling with parts of transition (and learning their identity in general). 💛
I SO relate to this. Especially the Christian stuff, I grew up thinking I was evil and “bad” because I felt fem but you know “god doesn’t make mistakes” 🙄🙄🙄
I totally understand the struggle. I actually plan on making another video in regards to being raised religious-so keep your eyes peeled 👀 much love 💛
@@brynnavery that would be great! I love your content, keep it up
I mean is one is still religious one can say that this was what god planned, god would want us to live happy and fullfiling lives, if transitioning does that, then it was planned, it was your boulder.
And they would be proud of you overcoming it.
Bryn, i feel exactly you but opposite 😭 I'm finally happy I've found myself. Ty 🎉
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Thank you so much for this. I'm non-binary and I've never seen something I resonated with so much. It's really encouraging to see someone who has been able to find who they are, and also reached such androgyny, which is something I'm working towards. I've been worried to take hormones, but I think this video has reassured me that I don't need to know where I'm going, but I can figure it out as I go. It's hard to find other non-binary people who talk about this stuff, and I really appreciate you for uploading this video. Have a good day.
I’m really glad my video has been able to help you. I know how much that means. Best of luck with everything 💛
OMG Sorry for my English i'm happi that i found this Video. You're awsome. So i came out as a Trans Women somthing like 8 months ago. Before i came out as nonbinary litle bit more than 1 year ago. But for 1 Month ago i realize that nonbinary dosen't mean i'm a guy and a girl. I'm defntliy not a man i think i'm litlle bit fluid between girl and nonbinary. Your Video makes me happy and help me on my way:) i raised as a christian too and i was fucking transphobic for years but now i'm here and proud:) you're just super cool:) thank you thank you thank you:)
That makes me happy to hear, congrats on coming out and figuring things out! I’m not sure if you’ve seen my newer videos but I recently had bottom surgery, and I’ve actually been connecting to a female part of me (as well as my neutral side), so we are in the same boat with having both female & non binary as a part of us 😊 so glad for the progress you’ve made in accepting yourself and putting yourself first, that can be hard after enduring a Christian childhood. Best of luck with everything 💛
@@brynnavery you're super cool! Yes i saw your newer videos. Defenetly afe we in tje same boat. It was tje right time to find yoir videos they helped me a lot. To figuring out that i can be very free in my Gender. I want to make the bottom surgery too:)
It's so inspiring to listen to someone with very similar feelings to me. I hope one day I'll be brave and bold enough to become authentic just as you have!
You’re not alone!! You’ll get there, just take your time 💛
Just found you. Thank you for sharing, it helps me as afab but big time questioning myself for so long but I'm over 40, I never wanted to be a man, but never been comfortable with being a woman either. I grew up not even being aware of non binary being a possible choice.
I even thought you might be afab. You're an example of pure androgyny. You are an inspiration i know now i needed to see and helped to solidify a realistic goal for myself.
I sooo understand the not knowing where you are going but having to go anyway,
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Its good to see someone who actually talks about how confusing this is.... It also helps that you're AMAB so I can relate a bit more.... I've only recently started questioning if I'm non binary and its terrifying and confusing. The only thing that I know for sure is I've never really identified with "man"
I definitely wish there were more people who talked about how scary & confusing it can be.. I didn’t see people expressing that part of their transition and so it always made me feel like I “wasn’t trans enough” or that there was something wrong with me. So I’m really happy I’m able to share my honest experience and help people like you, and many others. You deserve to feel at peace, even when you’re not quite sure who you are. So if no one has told you yet, you are enough and you are valid! It’s ok to be confused or scared, and that doesn’t make you any less valid. Best of wishes to you, and thank you for reaching out 💛
@@brynnavery thank you for sharing your experiences. Its helpful to know others have been through it and survived
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Yeah, I think people are fine with people who are different until that difference revolves around anything sexual whether it is sexuality or gender. For a lot of people that is the line...wrongly. We have the right ro say "Hey, this is MY world!"
I 100% agree! 💛
When I realised I was a transgender woman I was a bit worried if I’d be taken seriously because I didn’t want to dress super feminine. So many people on TH-cam have helped me, you too, thanks 💖
You’re valid!! You don’t need to be feminine to be a woman, and I’m glad you’re being you! 💛💛💛
Yea wow this was the one. Wild. Thank you wish me luck
Best of luck 💛
OMG I relate to this soooo much! Thanks!! PS I love all your rings =)
Aw thank you!! 💛
Thank you for sharing your story! It was important for me to hear🔸
I’m glad I could help! 💛
I never comment but I just have to say youre so awesome! Beautiful personality.
Omg thank you so much 💕
This has been very insightful. I’m a bit of a late bloomer and only came out as non-binary a couple of weeks ago, and I’m in my 30’s.
I’m still trying to figure things out and dress and present myself in a more feminine an androgynous way, as I was never taught how to do that growing up. I’m considering HRT, as I’m on the more feminine side, and my main issues of dysphoria came from dominant masculine sex characteristics during puberty (hair growth, deep voice, etc). I think making my body in a more feminine presenting way would really make feel more at home in my body, but I need to spent more time researching it all.
Anyways you got a new follower. I’d love it if I could someday have something like your look/style. Feels a long way off as I’m still very masculine presenting but you give me hope. 😊
That’s awesome that you came out! I know that can be tough, and I’m sure even tougher as someone in their thirties (my ex came out as a lesbian at 34 and her experience was much different than me coming out as any of my lgbt labels as a teen/young adult).
I think that’s really great that you can identify what traits have made you dysphoric and a possible solution to feeling better. I know sometimes figuring out your gender can be really confusing or stressful or plenty of other things, but you’ve already made some great progress in being able to identify the feelings you have.
I’m glad you like my style! It makes me feel good because A) who doesn’t love getting complimented lol and B) I’m happy that you can have somewhat of an image of what “looks like you.” I really didn’t see myself in the people around me growing up (or honestly even now), and that made it difficult to figure out who I was and how I wanted to present. So I’m glad I can do that for you. Best of luck to you on your journey 💛
@@brynnavery Thank you. :) Appreciate the support.
@@TheKoopaBros of course! 😊
Thank you so much for sharing, I related to a lot of what your saying. I've always identified as a trans guy (came out when I was 12). But since starting testosterone I've been seriously reflecting on that. I definitely don't want to be perceived as a cis guy by others, but internally I definitely want a more 'masculine' body. I've enjoyed the freedom that comes with having a more ambiguous gender presentation, and I don't know if that's something I want to give up. I know there's low dose T and other options, but I do want all the changes that come with T, I just wish it wouldn't make others perceive me as a man (in the strict sense of the word). This video has been incredibly reassuring, as my transition experience has come with so much uncertainty and exploration. I think there's a different factor as well, as an AFAB person, because when I'm treated as a cis woman I don't really get weird looks for dressing in non normative ways, but when being treated as a cis man, I definitely get treated differently when wearing a skirt/dress. I'm still figuring out how to navigate this, but at the same time I know it was the right choice to start T.
That makes so much sense. Gender and gender expression can be so complicated. Because to be perceived as a man or a woman, often comes with being perceived as cis. And so while you can feel seen in your gender somewhat, it can still feel funky/uncomfortable. For myself, I don’t necessarily want people to see me as trans, but there’s a part of me that feels seen when people understand that I have a complicated relationship with my body and my self-expression. I’m on the flip side of you, where me dressing “nonconformingly” is seen as acceptable and “normal.” I hope you’re able to find what makes you most comfortable. Exploration can sometimes be stressful or anxiety-ridden, but overtime it can help you find answers. 💛
Thank you so much for this video! This has helped me feel so much more comfortable in my own skin ❤️
I’m so happy I could help 💛
This video has been so hugely helpful for what I'm going through right now. I'm grappling with that decision over whether or not to start HRT. It's so incredibly easy to make ancillary reasons of why I shouldn't start or should at least delay starting.
I’m so glad my video could help you. HRT is a big (and possibly scary!) step. It’s ok to be nervous or to wait, etc. it can be easy to find excuses to not take the leap towards something new. Going out of your comfort zone can be really hard. But if HRT is something you think will help, then I definitely think you should do it. I hope my video was able to give you a little bit of clarity. And remember there’s no rush! Work with your own time table. Best of luck to you, and let me know if/when you start HRT! 💛
@@brynnavery Thanks. I start in just over a month unless my bloodwork comes back all weird or I get cold feet again. That second part is a me problem, though. I need to stop standing in the way of my own happiness.
@@DJMightyChip much easier said than done. I totally understand. Don’t beat yourself up over it. But also remember you deserve a life of happiness. Even when it doesn’t feel that way. You deserve to give yourself a life that will bring you joy 💛
I finally feel vindicated about binding as an amab person on estrogennnn
You’re valid 💛💛💛
This helped me a lot! Thanks!
Aw good I’m glad! 😊
Hey thanks for this video! It really helped me understand why i feel quite certain I want HRT despite not being sure exactly what my gender is, I feel like I need my body's help leading on this one! Also thanks in general it is really helpful seeing other people transition into something more androgynous. I really relate to your stories about idolizing GNC women growing up!
Glad to help! Good luck with your transition/beginning HRT and figuring out your gender along the way! 💛💛💛
thanks for posting these, its really helping me a lot
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It's the same for me as far as I feel disphoric about parts of the male and female body. Neither seems exactly right for me and I like being androgynous. I'm older and never had any surgery or hurt and dont know that I ever will but then again maybe I will. I will say that the first time I heard the term non binary I felt alot of relief because finally something sounded closer to what I feel like because she and he do not feel right for me. But enough about me. I'm glad I found ur videos and I think your a beautiful person!!! Thanks it takes gu5s to be so open to the whole world especially considering the modern day witch hunt were experiencing!!! You rock!!!
I’m glad you’re able to find a word that resonates with you! And I’m glad my videos have been a place of comfort for you. Thank you so much 💛
very helpful. will watch again, just so i can relate to someone saying relatable things. thank you
Thanks for this video. I am currently trying to decide if I want to go on hormones as a non-binary person. I was afab, so I would be taking testosterone. I did already have top surgery. Anyways, thanks for posting this!
Best of luck to you!! There’s a video I watched about non binary transition for afab folks, I’ll see if I can find it and post it to your comment!
th-cam.com/video/mKhO85ONjek/w-d-xo.html
@@brynnaverythanks :)
thank you so much for sharing, I’m really glad i found this video.
you put a lot of confusing and personally relatable feelings into words for me, wow
I’m glad I’m able to help 💛
hmm what I've found rly difficult to separate, regarding the discomfort with (the thought of) growing breasts as a questioning enby, is the possible innate feeling of dysphoria it can cause, and internalised transphobia; the fear of a "ruined" body. the permanent aspect of it can be scary. an altered "frankenstein" body that goes against the binary and its norms. usually we don't project these insecurities on other trans people, but with low self-esteem this internalised rhetoric can be used against ourselves. working through that transphobia is not easy but is vital, confronting it in our subconscious, and unlearning it. seeing (nb) trans women thrive and celebrate their bodies and themselves definitely helped me with this. the importance of representation rly cannot be overstated imo! (quickly wanna mention artists and producers such as Arca and SOPHIE, but also the actress Hunter Schafer) in my case I have changed my opinion and lost that discomfort, which was probably rooted in fear and thus transphobia. finally being open to the changes a hormonal transition could bring without judgement gives me so much peace. I would welcome a lovely pair lol, but it is not something I stress over. of course think a transition through, but it cannot hurt remembering that nothing *really* is permanent, and surgeries and revisions are always possible too! we gotta trust ourselves, trust the process and truly just do what feels good to us 💜
OHH and to add to the importance of representation: thank you, thank you, thANK you! for sharing your stories, your life, but also just sharing the way you choose to exist as a trans nb person Bryn! I remember seeing an older vid of yours where I could just see a part of myself reflected in you, admiring this specific beauty you have found and cultivated that reflects your true self. it honestly inspired me to look within myself to find mine, which is such an exciting process to be involved in! sending you all the love Bryn 💜
That’s a really valid/interesting point! I used to have a lot of internalized transphobia for sure, a lot of feeling like I “ruined” my body because I decided to transition. The fear that my transness was invalid or a phase or all of that kind of stuff. I’m really happy you brought that point up. I plan on making a video regarding chest dysphoria, and I’ll definitely be sure to include the internalized stuff in that video! I don’t hi n I ever thought of it that way but now that you mention it, that was a big part of it. Thank you for sharing that with me!
Also, I’m so happy I can help you by sharing my experience and living my life as me. I know how that feels to see someone living the life you want/could have. It can feel so freeing, to know that it’s possible. I’m really glad I can do that for you. Thank you so much for watching my videos and sharing how you feel 💛💛💛
Thank you so much for this video :)
Of course 💛💛💛
Yes beautiful hair 😍 thank you so much for your videos.. So helpful
Thank you!!!! I’m so glad my videos help you 💛
@@brynnavery Your videos have helped me understand my own search in understanding my gender identity in my transition...your in depth and personal videos makes me feel like I'm not alone and I find myself nodding my head and laughing and being like' holy shit! what they said is like exactly how I feel and have felt like...wow'
@@brynnavery Especially this that you said: ‘..I feel like my body had to become me before I could see me as me..” I felt this very thing today and even before watching this video.. where you put this feeling into words in such a perfect way.
Very authentic and informative, thank you for sharing!
Glad to hear it! 💛
Thank you ❤ for your honesty around your doubts and questions in your process. I related to a hundred different points in your story and was deeply encouraged by your perspective that transitioning towards androgeny is just as acceptable as towards femininity :):)
many thanks!!
(amab, NB-ish?..transfemdrogenous? lol, considering hrt)
Always glad to help. I wish there were more people (especially non binary amab enbies) who spoke about their transition, but I’m glad I can share my voice and help 💛
I appreciate this. I have also struggled with definitelt not feeling like a guy, but also not wanting to look like a stereotypical woman. I have been struggling a lot with the decision of taking hormones off. This takes some pressure off. Thanks ! And I also feel androgynous.
I’m glad my video resonates with you. You can be whomever you’d like to be. And there’s no shame in starting and/or stopping HRT. There’s tons of trans people who go on and off it for various reasons. People change all the time, and it’s ok to change your body as well. Much love 💛
@@brynnavery Thanks Bryn! I am still super confused. Going on an Ayahuasca retreat soon. Hopefully it will bring some clarity.
Thank you!! I'm 25 and I might start hormones in the future so this is really helpful.
Aw, I’m glad I could help! Good luck with your journey 💛
Did you do voice training at all? your voice is literally my goals
First off-thank you, that’s so sweet 💛 I didn’t do any official voice training, but I did practice some. My “natural” voice is a little deeper than the voice I normally use, but they’re relatively similar sounding. I was fortunate to not have too deep of a voice to begin with.
So glad I found this - I can relate to you in so many ways. I am non-binary amab but I feel like my body is the wrong gender. I’m hoping to start taking hrt soon. I get a feeling that once I start I might start feeling like a woman rather than non-binary. Right now I’m pretty darn confused.
That’s ok to be confused, some things just take time (honestly there’s *still* stuff I’m figuring out.) it took me probably 3 or 4 years after questioning my gender to feel solid in being non binary (originally I came out as a trans woman). If I can offer any clarity to you or anything, don’t hesitate to ask. Best of luck, wishing you the best! 💛
love your authenticity
Thank you 🥹
Thank you so much because I’m in the same situation where I don’t know if I want to take hormones, but I also kind of do
It can be a stressful/difficult decision for sure. I wish you the best 💛💛💛
Same. My prescribed medicines already sit in my drawers. Haven’t decided on when to start them.
Very good video, in a similar headspace to the one described, it's scary and I doubt myself, but the alternative is to not move and stagnate and be guaranteed unhappyness. I prefer a shot to do it and be a mess doing it. Tbh worse case scenario masectomy or breasts reduction even if it can be expensive if not insured is a posibility.
Thanks so much for publishing this
I’m really glad my experience is something that helps you feel understood. Best of luck with your transition 💛
I'm trying to work through my gender and I really relate to what you said because I really really don't want to be a binary woman but I'm uncomfortable with being perceived as a man... (AMAB). I'm only 17 and I'm allowed to "be gay" as far as like I don't dress like average guys and I do "gay" things like hobbies interests whatever but as far as real gender nonconformity goes my first step is right now trying to grow my hair out, with much resistance. I'm trying to just make room so that I can experiment and see how I feel; I really feel like my desire is obscured by my environment. I also feel a lot of social gender dysphoria in a way i guess, or maybe just more general disconnect but like I feel like family and general people don't see ME how I am really and like even when I'm "accepted" the person doesn't really get it. Lol lots of turmoil.
I don't think I'm a binary trans woman and I do like being perceived as male/masculine at times but feeling only ever perceived as that and the heteronormativity that people are able to throw onto me because of my cis presentation really makes me feel like giving up my masculinity entirely, and the fact that Idk how to reconcile wanting to be male leaning with also wanting to be female leaning.
Anyway, sorry for dumping all that here it was more for myself haha gender overload rn. Thank you so much for sharing ur story it's really helpful
That makes total sense. While I don’t have a masculine bone in my body, I struggled (and sometimes still do from time to time) very similar with androgynous presentation vs feminine presentation. I gave up everything that could be considered masculine in order to get as far away from being perceived as male, but in doing so I abandoned a huge part of my identity (my androgyny). But over time I figured it out and allowed myself the freedom to express myself, without t feeling tied down by my assigned sex at birth. And some day you’ll get to that point too, being able to just be yourself. It may take a while to figure yourself out but you’ll get there. And if for the time being you have to reject masculinity, only to find it again later in the future, that’s totally ok. I hope you’re able to grow out your hair and play around with presentation until you find something that feels like *you*. It can be difficult when those around you don’t understand, so I’m sorry you’re dealing with that. I wish you the best of luck 💛
def gonna share this with a friend who's doubting if they want to transition!
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Honestly, alot of what you've said sounds similar to me. I've been on HRT for about 17 months and suddenly had a wave of doubts, what if I made a mistake, am I just a man, and so on. But when I started hormones, I still had doubts, wasn't a 100% sure, but I knew it was something I had to do, because if I didn't I'd regret it. I said to myself, If I wait till I'm 100% sure I'll never do it. I think I am more non-binary then a binary trans woman, I don't hate he/him - more tolerate - but she/her makes me happy. Not sure what kinda non-binary I am, maybe genderfluid or bi-gendered I don't know. But what you said about androgeny speaks to me. Hey, I'd like to be able to do both. Look stunning in a suit and dapper in a dress
First off, I love how you mentioned that you’d regret not transitioning. That’s a perspective that really isn’t touched upon much when it comes to transition. We hear so much (disinformation) about people regretting transition, but the convo rarely centers regret of not transitioning. I’m glad you’re figuring things out, and I’m glad my videos have been able to help with that 💛
Thank you. I am struggling with how many voices from the community have similar stories and experiences, that do not align with mine. I feel seen and represented with your experience. Though the trans community is not cookie cutter, it can feel that way with the narrative that's most publicly known.
I’m really glad you feel seen/represented. That’s such an important factor in identity, and especially when coming to terms/understanding your own gender identity. I definitely understand the feeling of being “out of the box” even in the trans community. I’m really glad I can help. Best of luck to you 💛
Yeah, I didn't know if I wanted bottom surgery or not initially. It's really complicated. It was like, what kind've sacrifice are you willing to make? And why?
That makes a lot of sense. It definitely can be a difficult decision
Its so freeing to realize androginy is a real choice for transitioning!! I think so many people suffer from the pressure of conforming to one presentation or the other
I’m a non-binary trans woman as well, I’m feminine, feel most comfortable in female roles, and the best way to express my gender identity is to appear as a woman, or trans woman in my case. But my gender identity is agender with a large feminine lean. So the gendered feelings I do feel are primarily female. And to complicate things more I’m starting to think I’m gray asexual and perhaps gray romantic which kinda saddens me, but there are other ways to find love, and culture probably had me internalize so many things. Oh, and I’m straight, I like men. xD
That makes a lot of sense! And I can understand why being gray romantic may feel lonely or sad, but I’m sure in time you will find whatever type of love you’re looking for. Whether that be romantic or friendship or chosen family. Friendship is underrated honestly. I wouldn’t have the joy I have today without my friends. 💛
very helpful. will watch again, just so i can relate to someone saying relatable things. thank you
18:06 thank you for saying this!
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That was one of the hardest things-feeling like I didn’t fit the typical narrative of what being trans is “supposed to be.” But doesn’t make me (or anyone else) any less trans 💛
I relate SO MUCH to this!!
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Love your hair! Still want a cooking video ❤️❤️❤️ you looks so healthy
It’s on the list!! 💛 I feel very healthy. It’s been about 4 months since my last round of antibiotics and I still feel great!!
That's really amazing. Trikafta has changed all our lives 😍 I was watching some of your first videos and you look ill and cough a lot, but these recent videos you look so good!!
Amazing video and really helpful. Thanks for sharing 😀
Glad I could help! 💛
Finnaly someone I can relate to a lot
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I was surprised and initially didn't want to be Trans. But I finally surrendered myself when I felt strong dysphoria. (chest pain on place where there was supposed to be breasts)
Now, I primarily identity as Genderfluid, Non-binary, Transwoman/Transfeminine.
My other genders are Trans Neutral, Genderqueer, Pangender, Bigender, Agender, Demigender, Neurodivergent and Ponygender
I’m glad you’re able to figure yourself out and find labels that work for you. You deserve to feel at home in your skin and in your identity 💛
We all have a little testosterone, we actually need a little bit. Even women have a little testosterone but from a medical standpoint we have to be aware of the complications with medical issues and are assigned sex at birth. Unless you get a gender marker change and even then you may have to tell the doctors that you were assigned male at birth its frustrating but its what we have to go through to be comfortable in our own skin. At least this is what I have learned so far in my transitioning. I am only 3 months into my transition.
Yeah I know everyone has a little testosterone, (although I’m actually not sure if that applies to people who get bottom surgery. I’ve never looked into it). And yeah being trans is something I will always have to carry with me, even being post op and changing my documents etc. and it can definitely be frustrating at times (I’m currently sitting at the social security office to update my sec on my SS card actually lol), but I’m ok with that. Being trans is a part of me, and I wouldn’t change it even if I could 💛
@@brynnavery I totally agree with you, I am who I am and I would not change that for the world. This is our journey and having only been out fir a couple years and really going through a lot of different things I knew I had to. Its cost me a lot in many ways, family barely speak to me, few friends to really count on. I am glad I am on this journey and thank you for responding and sharing part of your life with us!
Been a year since the first 💊 experiment. Practice at home and pushing the envelope a little under my work uniform. Trying to get my hair to grow out from male baldness.
Aw that’s exciting! I hope you’re able to grow out your hair and see the results you want to see! 💛
Your hair is beautiful ❤
Omg thank you so much!
Thank you so much for this, it helps a ton !
Always glad to help 💛💛💛
Looking like I am telling all those things. It's my story. Thank you
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Your hair is beautiful i am kind of jealous
Aw thank you!! 💛🥺 youre so sweet