Yep, spent so much time feeling shame for cross dressing as a young child. Not to mention not understanding my own sexuality for so long. Before I go on too long. This video really speaks to me. Thank you:)
@@BabbleCacophony thank you, this is why I wanted to do this video, I used to be ashamed, but now I find them to be fond cute memories of a young person discovering themselves, thanks for watching ♡
This! I had almost the same experience as a child, just innocent stuff before puberty, but when it hit, oh boy, was I ashamed of my sexuality. Being born in a not accepting conservative family made the shame go deeper to the point of misogyny and so much hate, which really messed up my mind, and I'm so glad it's over now. I was convinced I was "a perv" for just expressing a feminine sexuality, and felt absolutely terrible every time I "was done". Then, after a couple of years I learned that it's not the clothes that made me feel this way, and that's when my egg cracked. I made a long way from where I was at that time, and learning to love and accept myself made me a better person. To all of you struggling, good luck and stay strong! ❤❤❤
great vid Tris, yeah the childhood/teen years "dressing" were a wild time, v relateable. It's something that is very interesting to reflect on as an out trans woman adult.
Excellent and honest self-awareness and worldly outlook. So lovely to see in our younger generation. My admonition for you, 'let no power or persuasion deter you from your true greatness'. Cheers from the Florida Keys
Personally I never had a seggual component to crossdressing. If anything it just made me dysphoric because my body wasn't the way I wanted it to be. I remember crying the first time I wore a dress, but it wasn't tears of joy. In that moment I hated my body more than I ever had before. It cracked my egg, but idk it seems like it was a different experience than most I heard. It wasn't exciting or heartwarming or anything else, it was an almost soul crushing experience. I'm not trying to like discredit your experiences or anything though, like you said this is a complicated subject.
That component would drive me to crossdress, but then I’d always end up similar to you as soon as I saw myself. I wasn’t even able to wear a dress for an extended period of time until I was 3yrs on HRT, when my body had finally changed enough that a dress could no longer make me dysphoric by highlighting my masculine features.
16:17 - 16:51 OMG TRIS WE LITERALLY HAD THE EXACT SAME EXPERIENCE. I had the exact same relationship with sexuality at that time. Afterwards I'd feel guilty, and just try to forget about it entirely, and was shockingly successful at suppressing it outside of those contexts. Eventually just the proximity of a close non-binary friend made me realise. Sexuality is often one of the only strong enough forces in the human spirit to force you to be honest with yourself.
Well done girl. I love meeting young queers taking advantage of the freedom we have been building for ourselves for generations. We have finally come close to living without shame and it is truly such a shame that fuckers b tryin' to put us all back in the closet and hopefully they will not win because of young individuals such as yourself living free out in the open for all of our benefit... Thank You for sharing the lit5tle bit of yourself that you have... You Rock!!!
soooo relatable even in the smallest details, especially about sexuality. the only big difference - i never dared to "cross"-dress. still boymoding now even. but the time will come) recently a friend of mine finally went fem in public - and i felt really encouraged to follow her example)
I had some very similar and also very different experiences in my journey coming out to myself. Thank you for making me feel less alone since you're closer to my age than any other person who's talked about this
I had a very similar experience growing up, I'm now almost a year into my transition and I just want to say thank you so much for sharing your experiences, I've never been less ashamed of myself than I am now
I feel you regarding crossdressing growing up, it was pretty much exactly like that except i liked to follow both roles from time to time haha. Going out dressed up as a young adult just felt euphoric though. Its unfortunate that the topic of transness has been so polarized. Like why cant we just exist and enjoy being who we are?!
Valued the skating onto thin ice. But goddamn those terfs make discussing this stuff difficult. I personally can't relate to transvestitism at all. I understand it but it seems so distinctively a kink for very binary straight cis men. So so alien to me as an ace enby. To me I perceive all trans people Inc enbys (once getting over fears) choosing to wear whatever represents themselves. That there is no such thing as cross dressing for us. Even before medical transitioning , it is not cross dressing. You wearing girly stuff as a child was not cross dressing. Gender is made up construct. For myself there is no concept of opposite gender. Well men and women are equally opposite. I am neither, never have been.
Thanks for the feedback ! Yes it makes you feel like there is no room for just being a teenager who is innocently exploring they're own sexuality, and I totally agree that the word "crossdressing" shouldn't even exist as we are just people and clothes are just clothes. However "we live in a society" so crossdressing is still (unfortunately) a real thing. It's also a somewhat nebulous term as its what lots of transwomen used to be called and even identify as and it wasn't a sexual thing (just an amab person who liked to present fem). So yes very large topic, and here I just wanted to focus on personal experience to try and start a conversation and maybe reclaim some of the innocence and joy that "crossdressing" can have. All in all I find it to be an endlessly interesting topic, and it has always been a form of gender transgression (which is obviously good hihi) Anyway thanks for a thought provoking comment and see you in the next one 💕
In my experience, before transitioning, I had times during puberty where I probably did present as occasionally having some “AGP” traits. Both being turned on by being the girl and being feminine, but sometimes even a secondary aspect that extended to being aroused by the theoretical image of my body as a woman. However, that last aspect (the arousal at the thought of looking at my own feminine body) went away after hormones. If you consider it from a physiological sense, it makes sense that male levels of testosterone could supercharge the sexuality of someone and make it more “male typical”, even for a trans woman who might have a female brain. Now, after having normal female hormone levels, I feel like I have a pretty typical female sexuality. As for the first aspect (being turned on by the psychological aspect of being in the female role), I agree that it’s very typical for cis female sexuality and female sexuality in general, like you touched upon. This is also supported by studies from cis women and tons of firsthand accounts from cis women. Lastly, being more comfortable with myself as a trans person and getting rid of any of the taboo and shame or secrecy has helped as well
I found this video at exactly the right time. Because today I'm visiting a friend and I'm presenting myself partly in women's clothing for the first time. The topic in this video was very relatable. I always secretly dressed up as a girl back in elementary school, but I didn't know anything about trans people back then. And because I've kept it a secret for so long, it's now difficult for me to live openly with it. I would even say that I've developed a real fear. I can only hope that things get better with time.
You go girl. Love the video, the song, your personality, and I relate to so much of what you say. Looking forward to more videos from you in the future. Cheers girlfriend. :)
My dear Tris very cute and fun little video. It is great to see a young women define herself at her quarter of a century on this rock. I admire you as I am at well over half a century and still struggle between both the worlds. I look forward now to hearing your new song in its entire form. Stay beautiful and dreamy my dear!
Personally I only "crossdressed" for a short period of time in my early 20s. I did it for fun (in a sexual way) but also to explore gender in a way I haven't done before. However, in every day life I always preferred "gender neutral" or "slightly masculine" clothing. After starting HRT my interest in "feminine clothing" decreased more and more the more feminine my body became and now I'm at a point where I feel very uncomfortable in anything "too feminine". Apart from the fun stuff I basically just used skirts, dresses and corsets to mimic a feminine body shape which I didn't have at that time, to try and figure out if that's what I want. Now that I have it (very lucky!) sports bras are the most feminine type of clothing in my (every day) wardrobe. I do also have some fetish clothing (which has nothing to do with "crossdressing" or the like), but it's not super fem either (vinyl bra & hotpants, etc). And while I am quite kinky, my (trans)gender identity doesn't play a role in it. I'm just me, a gender-non-conforming woman, doing kinky stuff. This is also why male crossdressers, etc always made me feel uncomfortable. It's basically the exact opposite of what I feel comfortable with regarding myself. I want a fem body in not so fem clothing, not the other way round. One main reason why it took me quite some time to realise I'm trans, because for a long time I either didn't know anything about this topic or only knew about crossdressing men and fem-presenting non-passing trans women.
Just every thing that you have said i can relate ❤ I am in so many doubts (my egg has cracked just 1 month ago😢), but when I heard something that so close to my own feelings, it make me feel so warm and confident. Thank you!
This should be discussed more. I've been crossdressing my whole life and felt all the shame and fear of someone finding out. Have been dressing up alot for sex, however I realized that I was doing it in order to get my femininity confirmed, not very healthy and caused me to associate dressing up with sex. Now that I know I'm trans, the sexual part of getting dressed has vanished.
5:20 As you were talking and reading your poetry i thought "wow this reminds me so much of morrisey's lyrics" lol i clocked ur inspiration! Love ur music btw! and appreciate your documentation of the nuances of the trans experience.
i have many thoughts that cross my mind like i remember liking and wanting a girlfriend and that maybe because she never came, i decided to become her. omg this so spoke to me as this guilty self damaging thoughts and that it takes a lot to be brave and not having to explain and justify your existence
I used to be ashamed when i would cross dress during, uhhh, "me time", but it eventually became this secret that became harder and harder to keep. Eventually a part if me learned that there is no such thing as an unhealthy sexual adult (p3dos excluded for obv reasons) and that helped me a lot. Idk if im fully trans or nonbinary just yet but i know i didnt like putting it all back into the closet, it felt dishonest to myself. These kinda of conversations are important. I know the trans community in on thin ice and being called sexual perverts, but we and the rest of the LGBTQI community have been called this for centuries and maybe its time we stop humoring sad and isecure ppl.
I’m trans masc and had the same experience! Once puberty hit and esp when I started having sex there became a sexual element to my cross dressing. And that is also when the shame really set in to an unbearable degree. Now I’m an adult and have started medically transitioning it’s not erotic at all. That’s something I’ve never heard talked about by other trans ppl but I’m sure is a very common experience! Thanks for sharing :)
I find the stupid AyGeePee nonsense to be so insulting to cis women. Women feel sexy and get turned on when dressing sexy and imagining sex as the woman as well. There’s a whole genre of fiction around women’s sexuality imagining being the damsel, etc.
I never had the opportunity to wear fem stuff when I was a kid, but I was also dead set that I was a man and I was gonna man like a man should (didn't do a great job). The fem thoughts I had I thought all other boys and men had sometimes. Totally 100% cis to tuck it and check yourself out in the mirror because you like to see what you'd look like as a girl when you were a young "boy". So things got a little weird as I progressed through puberty. I knew about trans women for a very long time, and it kinda always made sense to me, but i never thought my fem feelings were enough to put me in that category, particularly because I was into a lot of "man" interests, and I had no feelings of wanting to be a full on super fem woman (I am happy to know I'm just a tomboy now lol). I remember quite a bit of *ehem* penetrative fantasy and experience. I didn't realize I was bi until I was maybe 16 or 17, and it was for a weird and technically not even actually bi reason, though I didn't understand that at the time. It was actually probably more a sign of gender stuff than sexuality. I struggled to make sense of my bi-ness for a long time. About 20 years actually, because my feelings in that regard didn't make sense until my trans egg cracked. I tried to force myself to like gay "corn" and sometimes thought it actually worked. I had some small experiences with men as an adult, and it just never felt quite right. It was like I liked it, but it felt really off for some reason. In any fantasy, in my mind I always struggled to envision myself, always more like just an entity, an idea of a man that had no body, even if it was with women. It confused me greatly that I felt a drive for being with men in the sexual sense, but I felt extremely neutral about physical attraction to masculinity and the male form, and I had (have) no romantic attraction to them. Realizing I am transfem made everything click, the gender feelings and the sexuality feelings. Understanding I want women in a lesbian/sapphic way, and that that is what I am 90-95% interested in, but it doesn't negate the bi either, because good googley moogley do I want to be, to put it nicely, manhandled to bejesus and back lol. It still doesn't make full sense to me why I feel that way, yet when I look at men, even ones I would consider "hot", I'm not turned on by their looks the way I am women. Some questions may never be answered I suppose ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ .
Interesting that your feelings toward men are this way too. My feelings about men are similar. Rarely I will have romantic feelings about a guy, but it's only about 5% of the time that I have romantic feelings about somebody that that person is a guy. I'm also a trans woman. I am a tomboy mostly too, and I also didn't realize I was bi until I was 16 for similar reasons of not ever imagining myself in a male role but not yet being ready to admit to myself that I was trans and therefore having trouble visualizing myself with guys I was attracted to and feeling a lot of confusion about what I was wanting from them exactly if it wasn't a gay relationship, which it really wasn't. I find with women though I have the exact opposite set of feelings too, in that I am romantically and aesthetically attracted to women much more often than to men, but I lack any sexual impulse towards women at all, and I exclusively have fantasies of that kind about men. Sometimes I will have a desire to kiss a woman I am romantically attracted to, but that is as far as the feelings ever go, and even that desire is really just a desire to express romantic feelings, with the actual kiss being appealing as a way to communicate my feelings of admiration and romantic attraction for a person, totally different from the reasons I usually find the idea of kissing a guy appealing, which are more about the feeling of the kiss itself and feeling his energy and desire for me. I wonder if there is a word for having a different romantic orientation from one's sexual orientation. It's been a confusing experience for me, I am a monogamous person, but it is difficult to know how to be monogamous when no one person can really appeal to both my romantic orientation and my sexual orientation at the same time. Come to think of it, maybe my feelings suggest I should date somebody who is gender fluid, since they would want to express both genders at different times, which I guess is what I probably need to be fully compatible with somebody in both ways. I just mean me personally, and I am just thinking out loud. I am still in my 20s and haven't dated very much or very successfully, so I am still getting to know myself. I'd be curious to know how you've found the best way of expressing all of your feelings at once in your life though, since it might help me figure myself out more to learn from someone with more experience (since you said it took 20 years to make sense of your bi-ness, which suggests you might be in your mid-30s now if you started that process at 16 or 17). I've had people tell me that maybe sexuality isn't so important as romantic compatibility, and I've had other people tell me the opposite lol. Perhaps it depends on the people involved what is most important to them, which may come down as much to their personalities and interests as to their orientations, at least to some extent. For me at least both are pretty equally important though, so it isn't as simple as prioritizing one or the other as some people have suggested to me. Still, it would be interesting to know how somebody else with a similar experience to me thinks about this, since I haven't met anybody in my position, as far as I know. I hope maybe some of what I've shared is helpful to you in some way too, although I know it might not be particularly.
@@sechernbiw3321 hmmmm. That is quite an interesting situation. Have you already started transition, particularly have you been on hormones a while at least? I personally haven't been able to yet, but I've heard some people say their sexuality changed with hormones. That seems most likely more to do with finding clarity of their sexuality by feeling more connected between their body and mind, and how that relates to their sexuality than it does sexuality literally changing. Personally my romantic attraction is inline with my physical attraction, so I can't fully relate to your feelings, but I understand. The vast majority of people, including a lot of those who are LGBTQ, have a hard time understanding the idea that sexuality is separate from romantic attraction. You can definitely be romantically attracted towards one type of people, and sexually attracted to others. How you handle that, particularly as a monogamous person, I'm not sure. I am monogamous romantically, but sexually I am non-monogamous within certain limited circumstances, which is basically doing non-monogamous things together as a couple with a romantic partner. So that allows room to experience that 5-10% sexual interest in men. That said, I also can't say I have real world experience in that, as I have only had 2 long term relationships in my life, and they have taken up nearly my entire adult life put together, were/are quite toxic/abusive, lacking in true compatibility, and were built on a foundation of me having no clear understanding of who I am, my true needs, or how I fit into a romantic relationship. Also both women were/are straight. I have a very strong feeling when I come out to my wife she isn't going to want to be with me anymore, and while it hurts a great deal in some ways, I'm also OK with it because I need to really have time to figure out myself and who *I* am, because I NEVER got a chance to do that. I really want to reconnect with the parts I've had to sacrifice and bury in order to be "loved", and also be able to experience romantic and sexual compatibility with someone for the first time in my life. My sexual interests started quite early, so I've had a long time to figure out what I like, but things only now make full sense because the gender bit was missing. Even without direct experience of much of what I want romantically and sexually and stuff, I have done lots of internal processing and know what feels right. For me, I have a colorful sexual identity to say the least, but sex without romance is very hollow and not that satisfying. It can be fun and hot and stuff, but it pales in comparison to having someone I am in love with involved. Romance without sexual compatibility is equally hollow though, as I need that component for romance to work. I NEED to be my full self and completely open and honest, and be loved for it. I too have been told that "companionship and romance are the most important thing", "sexual interest fades over time, so it's more important to be compatible in non-sexual ways", etc. I'd truly rather be alone than to be in a relationship where I couldn't be my full true self and experience all the things I want to with a partner. Your situation is certainly a bit more complicated due to the sexuality-romance mismatch. I'm not sure if I have a great suggestion, least not anything better than what you said about finding a genderfluid partner. It may be best to take time to really think about what makes you feel attracted. What parts about men attract you, and what parts about women. There are also all sorts of enby people out there (I am technically enby, just mostly girl) and some possess mixes of both that aren't necessarily fluid, but might fill both needs. Perhaps the right woman could be both romantically and aesthetically attractive, while also providing a different kind of sexual dynamic that appeals to your sexual desires for men. Or perhaps one that is also into men and the two of you experience that together. Maybe you find the right sexual groove with them that works just the 2 of you, and you have a FWB guy that you both can get that need filled by. Your 20s are prime time for experimenting and learning about yourself :). I know what I have thought I wanted, needed, and enjoyed from a relationship has changed drastically from when my first relationship started at 19. Sometimes it takes a bit of time and experience to really understand. Don't rush it, because you will be far better off figuring things out first and then letting the right relationship happen when it does than to try to force it. I hope this was at least a little helpful, though I know it probably gives more questions than answers lol.
autogynephilic pseudobisexuality. you like men because they make you feel feminine/like a woman, as opposed to being aroused by their appearance. that’s why most bi (even some straight) trans women don’t like m/m porn.
I incarnated 1000's of lives as a girl. I no longer wish to to be girl in this realm. The angel (?) said it was not easy to change me into a man. So I'm here as a man. But all I can think about is being a girl. Its not easy. No one knows. Thank you for your video. It helps. LOVE
So long as women’s clothing, makeup, etc., felt (or still feels) transgressive to me, I had no real interest. But, then, I’m the kind of person who would dress up as a slightly-fictionalized version of myself for Halloween. I change internally, then reflect it externally. Other people work in the other direction, I guess. Humans are interesting
I fell into sex work in my early transition/crossdressing years because it felt like the only way to feel fem at the time. It's brought me a lot of good and a LOT of bad but also used to bring so much shame around other trans folks. Having to explain that im a big ol CD hoe that just never stopped and comparing that to the perfect trans girl that knew at 9 and transitioned as soon as she could always felt like i had done it wrong. After a while it just stopped mattering though so that's good
I found others also told me it suits me great as physique is somewhat girly so took most of the woman goth clothing wardrobe while men clothing mostly doesn't fits me dejavu?
the concept of autogynephilia is not inherently offensive-Blanchard has even said that AGPs can benefit from HRT/SRS. it’s unfortunate that TERFs are prejudiced against AGPs and have coopted the concept but that doesn’t mean it’s not legitimate. the fact that you’re no longer aroused by cross-dressing doesn’t rule out AGP. you just became numb to that stimuli over time and once you started living as a woman, you no longer felt the need to satisfy your urges via cross-dressing. also AGP doesn’t mean you want to f*** yourself. it just means you want to become what you love (a pretty girl).
I cannot imagine the courage and bravery required to be so transparent about your life for all to see. Thank you.
Yep, spent so much time feeling shame for cross dressing as a young child. Not to mention not understanding my own sexuality for so long. Before I go on too long. This video really speaks to me. Thank you:)
I was terrified of cross dressing because of the shame
@@BabbleCacophony thank you, this is why I wanted to do this video, I used to be ashamed, but now I find them to be fond cute memories of a young person discovering themselves, thanks for watching ♡
This! I had almost the same experience as a child, just innocent stuff before puberty, but when it hit, oh boy, was I ashamed of my sexuality.
Being born in a not accepting conservative family made the shame go deeper to the point of misogyny and so much hate, which really messed up my mind, and I'm so glad it's over now.
I was convinced I was "a perv" for just expressing a feminine sexuality, and felt absolutely terrible every time I "was done". Then, after a couple of years I learned that it's not the clothes that made me feel this way, and that's when my egg cracked.
I made a long way from where I was at that time, and learning to love and accept myself made me a better person.
To all of you struggling, good luck and stay strong! ❤❤❤
great vid Tris, yeah the childhood/teen years "dressing" were a wild time, v relateable. It's something that is very interesting to reflect on as an out trans woman adult.
@@peachesnscream hihi glad you liked the video ! 🧚♀️
Excellent and honest self-awareness and worldly outlook. So lovely to see in our younger generation. My admonition for you, 'let no power or persuasion deter you from your true greatness'.
Cheers from the Florida Keys
Personally I never had a seggual component to crossdressing. If anything it just made me dysphoric because my body wasn't the way I wanted it to be. I remember crying the first time I wore a dress, but it wasn't tears of joy. In that moment I hated my body more than I ever had before. It cracked my egg, but idk it seems like it was a different experience than most I heard. It wasn't exciting or heartwarming or anything else, it was an almost soul crushing experience. I'm not trying to like discredit your experiences or anything though, like you said this is a complicated subject.
That component would drive me to crossdress, but then I’d always end up similar to you as soon as I saw myself. I wasn’t even able to wear a dress for an extended period of time until I was 3yrs on HRT, when my body had finally changed enough that a dress could no longer make me dysphoric by highlighting my masculine features.
I completely relate to this, my dysphoria was so bad and sometimes still is when wearing feminine clothes
16:17 - 16:51 OMG TRIS WE LITERALLY HAD THE EXACT SAME EXPERIENCE.
I had the exact same relationship with sexuality at that time. Afterwards I'd feel guilty, and just try to forget about it entirely, and was shockingly successful at suppressing it outside of those contexts. Eventually just the proximity of a close non-binary friend made me realise.
Sexuality is often one of the only strong enough forces in the human spirit to force you to be honest with yourself.
Well done girl. I love meeting young queers taking advantage of the freedom we have been building for ourselves for generations. We have finally come close to living without shame and it is truly such a shame that fuckers b tryin' to put us all back in the closet and hopefully they will not win because of young individuals such as yourself living free out in the open for all of our benefit... Thank You for sharing the lit5tle bit of yourself that you have... You Rock!!!
soooo relatable even in the smallest details, especially about sexuality. the only big difference - i never dared to "cross"-dress. still boymoding now even. but the time will come) recently a friend of mine finally went fem in public - and i felt really encouraged to follow her example)
This video destabilised my otherwise in tact mental state and the song made me cry. 😓👍
I had some very similar and also very different experiences in my journey coming out to myself. Thank you for making me feel less alone since you're closer to my age than any other person who's talked about this
That first entry into your diary is poetry.
I'm in tears right now...
I had a very similar experience growing up, I'm now almost a year into my transition and I just want to say thank you so much for sharing your experiences, I've never been less ashamed of myself than I am now
I feel you regarding crossdressing growing up, it was pretty much exactly like that except i liked to follow both roles from time to time haha. Going out dressed up as a young adult just felt euphoric though. Its unfortunate that the topic of transness has been so polarized. Like why cant we just exist and enjoy being who we are?!
Valued the skating onto thin ice. But goddamn those terfs make discussing this stuff difficult. I personally can't relate to transvestitism at all. I understand it but it seems so distinctively a kink for very binary straight cis men. So so alien to me as an ace enby. To me I perceive all trans people Inc enbys (once getting over fears) choosing to wear whatever represents themselves. That there is no such thing as cross dressing for us. Even before medical transitioning , it is not cross dressing. You wearing girly stuff as a child was not cross dressing. Gender is made up construct. For myself there is no concept of opposite gender. Well men and women are equally opposite. I am neither, never have been.
Thanks for the feedback ! Yes it makes you feel like there is no room for just being a teenager who is innocently exploring they're own sexuality, and I totally agree that the word "crossdressing" shouldn't even exist as we are just people and clothes are just clothes. However "we live in a society" so crossdressing is still (unfortunately) a real thing. It's also a somewhat nebulous term as its what lots of transwomen used to be called and even identify as and it wasn't a sexual thing (just an amab person who liked to present fem). So yes very large topic, and here I just wanted to focus on personal experience to try and start a conversation and maybe reclaim some of the innocence and joy that "crossdressing" can have.
All in all I find it to be an endlessly interesting topic, and it has always been a form of gender transgression (which is obviously good hihi)
Anyway thanks for a thought provoking comment and see you in the next one 💕
In my experience, before transitioning, I had times during puberty where I probably did present as occasionally having some “AGP” traits. Both being turned on by being the girl and being feminine, but sometimes even a secondary aspect that extended to being aroused by the theoretical image of my body as a woman.
However, that last aspect (the arousal at the thought of looking at my own feminine body) went away after hormones. If you consider it from a physiological sense, it makes sense that male levels of testosterone could supercharge the sexuality of someone and make it more “male typical”, even for a trans woman who might have a female brain. Now, after having normal female hormone levels, I feel like I have a pretty typical female sexuality.
As for the first aspect (being turned on by the psychological aspect of being in the female role), I agree that it’s very typical for cis female sexuality and female sexuality in general, like you touched upon. This is also supported by studies from cis women and tons of firsthand accounts from cis women.
Lastly, being more comfortable with myself as a trans person and getting rid of any of the taboo and shame or secrecy has helped as well
This was a joy to watch! Really fascinating to hear you talk of your experiences, and to listen to the song at the end. :3
I found this video at exactly the right time.
Because today I'm visiting a friend and I'm presenting myself partly in women's clothing for the first time.
The topic in this video was very relatable. I always secretly dressed up as a girl back in elementary school, but I didn't know anything about trans people back then.
And because I've kept it a secret for so long, it's now difficult for me to live openly with it. I would even say that I've developed a real fear.
I can only hope that things get better with time.
@@jennyprivat9676 they will & good luck, you've got this ♡
great vid! I found the lyrics of "Dream Girl" very relatable.
You go girl. Love the video, the song, your personality, and I relate to so much of what you say. Looking forward to more videos from you in the future. Cheers girlfriend. :)
i just watched both of your video essays and now im listening to your music and i have to say i love everything you do!!!
My dear Tris very cute and fun little video. It is great to see a young women define herself at her quarter of a century on this rock. I admire you as I am at well over half a century and still struggle between both the worlds. I look forward now to hearing your new song in its entire form. Stay beautiful and dreamy my dear!
Personally I only "crossdressed" for a short period of time in my early 20s. I did it for fun (in a sexual way) but also to explore gender in a way I haven't done before. However, in every day life I always preferred "gender neutral" or "slightly masculine" clothing. After starting HRT my interest in "feminine clothing" decreased more and more the more feminine my body became and now I'm at a point where I feel very uncomfortable in anything "too feminine". Apart from the fun stuff I basically just used skirts, dresses and corsets to mimic a feminine body shape which I didn't have at that time, to try and figure out if that's what I want.
Now that I have it (very lucky!) sports bras are the most feminine type of clothing in my (every day) wardrobe. I do also have some fetish clothing (which has nothing to do with "crossdressing" or the like), but it's not super fem either (vinyl bra & hotpants, etc). And while I am quite kinky, my (trans)gender identity doesn't play a role in it.
I'm just me, a gender-non-conforming woman, doing kinky stuff.
This is also why male crossdressers, etc always made me feel uncomfortable. It's basically the exact opposite of what I feel comfortable with regarding myself. I want a fem body in not so fem clothing, not the other way round. One main reason why it took me quite some time to realise I'm trans, because for a long time I either didn't know anything about this topic or only knew about crossdressing men and fem-presenting non-passing trans women.
before i noticed you were ACTUALLY impersonating morrissey i thought ''she sounds exactly like Morrissey!?!?'' IMAGINE MY SHOCK LMAO
Very relatable. Keep going and love the music and vibe ❤
Just every thing that you have said i can relate ❤ I am in so many doubts (my egg has cracked just 1 month ago😢), but when I heard something that so close to my own feelings, it make me feel so warm and confident. Thank you!
@@QuiltyVal ohh that's so nice thank you ! Good luck, you got this 💕
I honestly haven't come across any videos describing it so well. Thanks;]
This should be discussed more.
I've been crossdressing my whole life and felt all the shame and fear of someone finding out. Have been dressing up alot for sex, however I realized that I was doing it in order to get my femininity confirmed, not very healthy and caused me to associate dressing up with sex. Now that I know I'm trans, the sexual part of getting dressed has vanished.
This was a transparency master piece. Thank you so much for being you and posting your song. 😜😜😜😜
You are something so incredibly special. Inspirational. Thank you. I do hope you make many more such videos ❤
5:20 As you were talking and reading your poetry i thought "wow this reminds me so much of morrisey's lyrics" lol i clocked ur inspiration! Love ur music btw! and appreciate your documentation of the nuances of the trans experience.
Tris, you are beautiful and sing like an angel. Good luck on your transition journey. ❤😊❤
i have many thoughts that cross my mind like i remember liking and wanting a girlfriend and that maybe because she never came, i decided to become her. omg this so spoke to me as this guilty self damaging thoughts and that it takes a lot to be brave and not having to explain and justify your existence
I love you so much. Thank you. Before i watched i was feeling a tad depressed but you help a lot. Thank you♡
I used to be ashamed when i would cross dress during, uhhh, "me time", but it eventually became this secret that became harder and harder to keep. Eventually a part if me learned that there is no such thing as an unhealthy sexual adult (p3dos excluded for obv reasons) and that helped me a lot. Idk if im fully trans or nonbinary just yet but i know i didnt like putting it all back into the closet, it felt dishonest to myself. These kinda of conversations are important. I know the trans community in on thin ice and being called sexual perverts, but we and the rest of the LGBTQI community have been called this for centuries and maybe its time we stop humoring sad and isecure ppl.
I’m trans masc and had the same experience! Once puberty hit and esp when I started having sex there became a sexual element to my cross dressing. And that is also when the shame really set in to an unbearable degree. Now I’m an adult and have started medically transitioning it’s not erotic at all. That’s something I’ve never heard talked about by other trans ppl but I’m sure is a very common experience! Thanks for sharing :)
The song’s a bob and the video’s a mood
I love this 😭😭 This was a great video 💜
21:38 I nearly did a spit take. I also agree 😆! Your song is sooo catchy, and I love your energy!
Thanks ! Yes I even surprised myself ahah
I love this! Thank yoooouuuuuu algorithm!
I’ve got an answer to what’s the consequence of transitioning… Being happy!☺️
Great video and really catchy song ❤
Also you're so pretty!
Hello Tris ❤ thank you for being you
GIRL you know the target demo of this video cannot handle a fucking INTRO SNAP are you KIDDING ME I’m fucking sinking into a cloud
Now that you mention it. I also remember wearing lingerie and stockings secretly under my school uniform
I find the stupid AyGeePee nonsense to be so insulting to cis women. Women feel sexy and get turned on when dressing sexy and imagining sex as the woman as well. There’s a whole genre of fiction around women’s sexuality imagining being the damsel, etc.
Another trans Tris who sings... no way you are GOALS now, congrats
I never had the opportunity to wear fem stuff when I was a kid, but I was also dead set that I was a man and I was gonna man like a man should (didn't do a great job). The fem thoughts I had I thought all other boys and men had sometimes. Totally 100% cis to tuck it and check yourself out in the mirror because you like to see what you'd look like as a girl when you were a young "boy". So things got a little weird as I progressed through puberty. I knew about trans women for a very long time, and it kinda always made sense to me, but i never thought my fem feelings were enough to put me in that category, particularly because I was into a lot of "man" interests, and I had no feelings of wanting to be a full on super fem woman (I am happy to know I'm just a tomboy now lol).
I remember quite a bit of *ehem* penetrative fantasy and experience. I didn't realize I was bi until I was maybe 16 or 17, and it was for a weird and technically not even actually bi reason, though I didn't understand that at the time. It was actually probably more a sign of gender stuff than sexuality. I struggled to make sense of my bi-ness for a long time. About 20 years actually, because my feelings in that regard didn't make sense until my trans egg cracked. I tried to force myself to like gay "corn" and sometimes thought it actually worked. I had some small experiences with men as an adult, and it just never felt quite right. It was like I liked it, but it felt really off for some reason. In any fantasy, in my mind I always struggled to envision myself, always more like just an entity, an idea of a man that had no body, even if it was with women. It confused me greatly that I felt a drive for being with men in the sexual sense, but I felt extremely neutral about physical attraction to masculinity and the male form, and I had (have) no romantic attraction to them.
Realizing I am transfem made everything click, the gender feelings and the sexuality feelings. Understanding I want women in a lesbian/sapphic way, and that that is what I am 90-95% interested in, but it doesn't negate the bi either, because good googley moogley do I want to be, to put it nicely, manhandled to bejesus and back lol. It still doesn't make full sense to me why I feel that way, yet when I look at men, even ones I would consider "hot", I'm not turned on by their looks the way I am women. Some questions may never be answered I suppose ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ .
Interesting that your feelings toward men are this way too. My feelings about men are similar. Rarely I will have romantic feelings about a guy, but it's only about 5% of the time that I have romantic feelings about somebody that that person is a guy. I'm also a trans woman. I am a tomboy mostly too, and I also didn't realize I was bi until I was 16 for similar reasons of not ever imagining myself in a male role but not yet being ready to admit to myself that I was trans and therefore having trouble visualizing myself with guys I was attracted to and feeling a lot of confusion about what I was wanting from them exactly if it wasn't a gay relationship, which it really wasn't. I find with women though I have the exact opposite set of feelings too, in that I am romantically and aesthetically attracted to women much more often than to men, but I lack any sexual impulse towards women at all, and I exclusively have fantasies of that kind about men. Sometimes I will have a desire to kiss a woman I am romantically attracted to, but that is as far as the feelings ever go, and even that desire is really just a desire to express romantic feelings, with the actual kiss being appealing as a way to communicate my feelings of admiration and romantic attraction for a person, totally different from the reasons I usually find the idea of kissing a guy appealing, which are more about the feeling of the kiss itself and feeling his energy and desire for me.
I wonder if there is a word for having a different romantic orientation from one's sexual orientation.
It's been a confusing experience for me, I am a monogamous person, but it is difficult to know how to be monogamous when no one person can really appeal to both my romantic orientation and my sexual orientation at the same time. Come to think of it, maybe my feelings suggest I should date somebody who is gender fluid, since they would want to express both genders at different times, which I guess is what I probably need to be fully compatible with somebody in both ways. I just mean me personally, and I am just thinking out loud. I am still in my 20s and haven't dated very much or very successfully, so I am still getting to know myself.
I'd be curious to know how you've found the best way of expressing all of your feelings at once in your life though, since it might help me figure myself out more to learn from someone with more experience (since you said it took 20 years to make sense of your bi-ness, which suggests you might be in your mid-30s now if you started that process at 16 or 17). I've had people tell me that maybe sexuality isn't so important as romantic compatibility, and I've had other people tell me the opposite lol. Perhaps it depends on the people involved what is most important to them, which may come down as much to their personalities and interests as to their orientations, at least to some extent. For me at least both are pretty equally important though, so it isn't as simple as prioritizing one or the other as some people have suggested to me. Still, it would be interesting to know how somebody else with a similar experience to me thinks about this, since I haven't met anybody in my position, as far as I know.
I hope maybe some of what I've shared is helpful to you in some way too, although I know it might not be particularly.
@@sechernbiw3321 hmmmm. That is quite an interesting situation. Have you already started transition, particularly have you been on hormones a while at least? I personally haven't been able to yet, but I've heard some people say their sexuality changed with hormones. That seems most likely more to do with finding clarity of their sexuality by feeling more connected between their body and mind, and how that relates to their sexuality than it does sexuality literally changing.
Personally my romantic attraction is inline with my physical attraction, so I can't fully relate to your feelings, but I understand. The vast majority of people, including a lot of those who are LGBTQ, have a hard time understanding the idea that sexuality is separate from romantic attraction. You can definitely be romantically attracted towards one type of people, and sexually attracted to others. How you handle that, particularly as a monogamous person, I'm not sure. I am monogamous romantically, but sexually I am non-monogamous within certain limited circumstances, which is basically doing non-monogamous things together as a couple with a romantic partner. So that allows room to experience that 5-10% sexual interest in men.
That said, I also can't say I have real world experience in that, as I have only had 2 long term relationships in my life, and they have taken up nearly my entire adult life put together, were/are quite toxic/abusive, lacking in true compatibility, and were built on a foundation of me having no clear understanding of who I am, my true needs, or how I fit into a romantic relationship. Also both women were/are straight. I have a very strong feeling when I come out to my wife she isn't going to want to be with me anymore, and while it hurts a great deal in some ways, I'm also OK with it because I need to really have time to figure out myself and who *I* am, because I NEVER got a chance to do that. I really want to reconnect with the parts I've had to sacrifice and bury in order to be "loved", and also be able to experience romantic and sexual compatibility with someone for the first time in my life.
My sexual interests started quite early, so I've had a long time to figure out what I like, but things only now make full sense because the gender bit was missing. Even without direct experience of much of what I want romantically and sexually and stuff, I have done lots of internal processing and know what feels right. For me, I have a colorful sexual identity to say the least, but sex without romance is very hollow and not that satisfying. It can be fun and hot and stuff, but it pales in comparison to having someone I am in love with involved. Romance without sexual compatibility is equally hollow though, as I need that component for romance to work. I NEED to be my full self and completely open and honest, and be loved for it. I too have been told that "companionship and romance are the most important thing", "sexual interest fades over time, so it's more important to be compatible in non-sexual ways", etc. I'd truly rather be alone than to be in a relationship where I couldn't be my full true self and experience all the things I want to with a partner.
Your situation is certainly a bit more complicated due to the sexuality-romance mismatch. I'm not sure if I have a great suggestion, least not anything better than what you said about finding a genderfluid partner. It may be best to take time to really think about what makes you feel attracted. What parts about men attract you, and what parts about women. There are also all sorts of enby people out there (I am technically enby, just mostly girl) and some possess mixes of both that aren't necessarily fluid, but might fill both needs. Perhaps the right woman could be both romantically and aesthetically attractive, while also providing a different kind of sexual dynamic that appeals to your sexual desires for men. Or perhaps one that is also into men and the two of you experience that together. Maybe you find the right sexual groove with them that works just the 2 of you, and you have a FWB guy that you both can get that need filled by. Your 20s are prime time for experimenting and learning about yourself :). I know what I have thought I wanted, needed, and enjoyed from a relationship has changed drastically from when my first relationship started at 19. Sometimes it takes a bit of time and experience to really understand. Don't rush it, because you will be far better off figuring things out first and then letting the right relationship happen when it does than to try to force it.
I hope this was at least a little helpful, though I know it probably gives more questions than answers lol.
autogynephilic pseudobisexuality. you like men because they make you feel feminine/like a woman, as opposed to being aroused by their appearance. that’s why most bi (even some straight) trans women don’t like m/m porn.
I incarnated 1000's of lives as a girl. I no longer wish to to be girl in this realm. The angel (?) said it was not easy to change me into a man. So I'm here as a man. But all I can think about is being a girl. Its not easy. No one knows. Thank you for your video. It helps. LOVE
That was beautiful
@@belentom1 Its true. LOVE
@@freedomzvision I’ve had the same thing happen to me.
Morrishe
10:37 cool
+
I’m very nice voice
And cool singing
Playing the guitar 😎
So long as women’s clothing, makeup, etc., felt (or still feels) transgressive to me, I had no real interest. But, then, I’m the kind of person who would dress up as a slightly-fictionalized version of myself for Halloween.
I change internally, then reflect it externally. Other people work in the other direction, I guess. Humans are interesting
I fell into sex work in my early transition/crossdressing years because it felt like the only way to feel fem at the time. It's brought me a lot of good and a LOT of bad but also used to bring so much shame around other trans folks. Having to explain that im a big ol CD hoe that just never stopped and comparing that to the perfect trans girl that knew at 9 and transitioned as soon as she could always felt like i had done it wrong. After a while it just stopped mattering though so that's good
Thank you!
Arturia Minifreak spotted.
merci
love it
I found others also told me it suits me great as physique is somewhat girly so took most of the woman goth clothing wardrobe while men clothing mostly doesn't fits me dejavu?
great video Thank You ;). crossdressing is great if physique align with it
the concept of autogynephilia is not inherently offensive-Blanchard has even said that AGPs can benefit from HRT/SRS. it’s unfortunate that TERFs are prejudiced against AGPs and have coopted the concept but that doesn’t mean it’s not legitimate. the fact that you’re no longer aroused by cross-dressing doesn’t rule out AGP. you just became numb to that stimuli over time and once you started living as a woman, you no longer felt the need to satisfy your urges via cross-dressing. also AGP doesn’t mean you want to f*** yourself. it just means you want to become what you love (a pretty girl).
❤
Will I meet the girl of my dreams and be a caring and honest husband to her?
How can I make contact with a trans woman I think it would be nice to chat to one maybe in South Africa
❤ 🥰
Buravoooo
❤️🧡💛💚💙💅
🥰 you are such a pretty boy💗
Consequences of transition:
1. Being based.