What is "narcissistic ghosting"? (Glossary of Narcissistic Relationships)
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Ghosting is disrespect on the highest level.
@SeeNoEvilHearNoEvil Yes, if someone is not being good to you, or is toxic, then it may be the only way to extricate yourself. Just because they're boring....maybe not the best way, but you have to do what you feel is right for you. I can only say that when it's someone I've been in a relationship with for longer than a month (I'm talking 6 months), then it's just cowardly, cold, and rude. I see now why he did it, and what it says about him, and I'm positive this is how he handles all situations with women and it wasn't personal. It just took some time and distance to see that.
I agree. It's so cold and mechanical.
True but I DO ghost people because when I see red flags of bad behavior..I'm not gonna give them a chance to "mansplain".. I'm just gonna delete and block and move on with my life.
SeeNoEvilHearNoEvil that's what narcissists do, love.
They can't communicate clearly that they want to part ways.
How boring and toxic of you.
Senait Ashenafi ghosting is not the appropriate term to use with brand new casual relationships.
It's a term to use with someone who has said they wanted more. Someone with whom you had plans, usually plans that were THEIR idea.
If they ghost you, it’s a gift, grieve and forget about them.
I was ghosted and it locked me mentally in my grief and my unhapiness for several years. It might look as a gift now but if you dont know narcissism it can ruin you on many levels. I didnt understand it at that time so I was constantly trying to reach this person and it kept me suffering just longer.
I was ghosted by my dad when I was 5 years old. My parents got divorced, I saw him twice and then: nothing! I tried to call, send him self-drawn pictures and so on.. He never respondend. It crushed my heart and I totally blamed myself for it. This experience messed me up..
@@honeybunny1162 It is tragic that you suffered that pain. However, I hope you have forgiven him and moved on from the loss. It was NOT your fault and although no one deserves to be abandoned, you dodged years of close and personal abuse and the CPTSD that goes with it.
a gift yes...grieve no...forget yes ;)
Hon Bun, now THATS a world of hurt and a child will always blame themselves. I do hope you do some intensive therapy because abandonment issues will pop up over and over in your relationships. This wasn’t about you; I hope you go on to be happy and healthy 💪🏼💐🦋
What I don't like is when they ghost, and after you get over it, they come back. That is really tormenting.
Agree! And theyre impossible to get rid of!
Yes!!! Then they'll make you feel guilty when you keep ignoring them 😏 just... go away!
@Black Weirdo I no longer feel guilty. But she's still using the same old moves that used to make us feel that way. It's so tired now
@Vanessa Yes that's what piss me off. They come back like nothing happened, and don't even apologize. They just expect you to get over everything. They just don't value good people in their lives. They honestly see us like objects they store on a shelf until they need us. That is exactly how I feel now.
So true, its like game on for them. Your beautiful hang in there!
“You can’t lose something you never had” & if someone chooses to do this to you, whatever the relationship was, it was never real.
But these aren’t cases of Just Not Meant To Be.
It’s the love bombing and future faking lies that make you think otherwise. Once you see the pattern, overtime ... it hurts much less. Actually it gives you pity for the person.
EXACTLY.
Catapillarg
Well said, shame it takes so long to realise what’s going on.
These are cliches that hold no meaning.
That's a great point. Thank you for that. 🙏
Sometimes by “losing”, you actually WIN! Let ‘em go!
Exactly ! When The mouse is dead the cat stops playing with it. Surrender
Ghosting is a narcissist/ antisocial personality disorder psychological trap. Only a person who lacks empathy could ever use it, (the one exception is fear of imminent or perceived harm existing).
People ghosts for power, via psychological control, which is why it causes pain; they know this. Emotionally healthy, empathetic people are able to communicate even to toxic people (red flag relationships) that a break is needed, or that they are in fact cutting ties. Sometimes a rejected person still reaches out repeatedly. Wish them the best, offer forgiveness, and stop replying or block. That isn’t ghosting. You release the person and gave them closure.
Whatever excuse you )or anyone) gives for not doing that act of kindness, doesn’t hold water (except in harmful situations).
Reverse Uno Card the situation by forgiving them, letting go & moving on, for good. Do not allow them back into your life, ever, because they enjoy this mental torture control game, and will inflict more; they take pleasure from being vengeful.
As Coach Ken says, “No matter what you Feel, go by what you Know: Realizing, that pet rattlesnake that keeps biting you is ... a rattlesnake. It isn’t confused. It’s not that you haven’t shown it love or pet it enough, but that you’ve tried to pet a rattlesnake too many times.”
@the Hero truth
@@ENFPerspectives This is a BRILLIANT passage and advice ... thank you!
Isn’t it crazy how it seemed like the narcissist had so much power over us until we understood their games. The truth shall come to the light. The spell is broken. ☺️
Yeah the evil spell.
True
Yes, honey
As Coach Ken says, “No matter what you Feel, go by what you Know: Realizing, that pet rattlesnake that keeps biting you is ... a rattlesnake. It isn’t confused. It’s not that you haven’t shown it love or pet it enough, but that you’ve tried to pet a rattlesnake too many times.”
Let them go. They did you a favor. Don’t ever go back.
Beautifully said!
People do it as punishment. Also that we go nuts and chase after them. Give yourself a favor and run the opposite direction.
Run like your hair is on fire!
@@robynlund8317 lol
@@robynlund8317
Lmao😂😂
@delonix regia how can you get ghosted in a quarantine?
@Black Weirdo I'm sorry .I am anti social media. Anyway you allow yourself to feel your feels. He will be back.they always come back.so stay put don't ever reach out. When he returns it's your turn to crush his ego. I'm trusting you to do a good job.hugs☺
Ghosting is pretty much the silent treatment which is a a favorite controlling method of the narcissist, especially the covert ones.
I think it’s different. The silent treatment is when they’re still not done with you, and when they ghost you, they’re just not interested anymore. Either way, the best is to stay away from them!
@@lum3336 You’re right! When I wrote this comment two years ago, I didn’t understand as much about narcissism as I do now. It’s been a real eye opening couple of years!
@@Leafygreen123 same for me, these last years have been really intense and I’ve also been learning more and more about narcissism, after everything I experienced. I’m glad that more and more people are becoming aware of this. I wish you the best on your healing journey! ✨✨
As I get older, I get less hurt by things like being ghosted. If someone doesn't want to be in my life, I let them go. There are very few close friends or even family in life anyway, to be honest.
I agree, almost all relationships run there course except the very best of our friends and family. I don’t think there’s ever a good way, suddenly or fading out it’s up to them. I don’t beg for my friendships I don’t get outraged I just shift my attention to people who want my time.
I agree that it's best to let someone go that doesn't want to be in your life, you can't force someone to like/love you. However, if you've invested a lot in someone, it's normal to be hurt and upset if that person disappears without an explanation - in my opinion, it would be strange not to be. I had a very good friend of 25 years who ghosted me a few years ago. I've accepted it and do not try to contact her but I can't honestly say that it was easy or that I just shrugged my shoulders and moved on quickly. I still wonder what happened in her head, why she felt after so long, that she couldn't talk to me about the way she was feeling. And I wonder about myself because I never had a clue that anything was off...while I don't blame myself for her behaviour, it did (and still does) make me question my own judgement and perceptions about people.
Its going the other way for me. I feel sad about it. I feel my skin might have been tougher when I was younger.
Suzy I’m sorry I replied without reading your response properly. I think the worst part can feel like you don’t know. I had a very close friend cut me dead. It really hurt. Her Dad had come onto me and I rejected him. It made him feel awkward and she developed a hatred for me. She tried to overcome it but she really didn’t like me after that and there was no solution. I felt like it was my fault for a long time. Had I lead him on? embarrassed everyone? I’ll never know. She blocked me everywhere and didn’t answer my calls. My best friend.It was probably 16 years ago now. My gut feeling is it was more her problem than mine. Still so be it.
Same here @addison Steiner
If you get ghosted... consider yourself lucky! & if they ever try to come back, don’t let them lol
From what I've learned from my own experience and from reading other survivors, the silent treatment or ghosting is also used by a narcissist as a tool to control, manipulate and punish. And definitely, the love-bombers also do it. If you are rebelling against their abuse, if you are starting to see it, or simply if you do something they don't like, then they punish you, and narcissists use ghosting and play with your fear of abandonment so that you will act as they want. They disappear for days or weeks in order for you to be so desperate to hear from them that you'll not remember/bring up anymore their bad behaviour, and so that you will basically surrender. Also, when they cannot longer get a reaction from you or positive attention, they'll love to see you begging for them to talk to you. They will rejoice in the suffering they cause you, and, ultimately, it helps them with their smear campaigns. They get to portray you as the unstable one, as a stalker even. I agree that they also do it because they lack empathy and because in addition to that they cannot communicate and lack accountability and are full of shame. But for me, it is important to highlight that it is a punishment tool they use and a manipulative and controlling one as well.
Thank you very much.
Well said ...all true, how sad they must be to not be able to express themselves self's. Being one of these Narc's seems more tragic than the victim in a very twisted way. Glad for their dysfunctional behaviour being exposed at last. Even if they have no empathy they need to take a look at their ugliness and realize that's who they are ...it's their nature it belongs to them and NOT to the victim.
I completely agree! This has been my experience also. She used the silent treatment like a world champion. It gets old after a while and when you finally stand up to them the gaslighting begins.
Soon as I got ghosted by a narcissist, because I didn’t want to go out drinking almost every day or at all anymore, I just cut her out my life and I know it annoys her because she can’t keep my name out her mouth behind my back, even though I cut her out my life at the very start of the year... She’s tried manipulating my friends, trying to make them hate me and used everything she learned about me, against me behind my back. I’ll let karma settle in for her, better then revenge yourself, as it’s got a sick sense of humour ;)
This comment literally describes my situation. She blocked me off everything and will hoover sooner or later because I haven’t caved in. Sigh.
I love when the trash takes itself out. Like I even care at this point. If you don't reach out, don't call, I know the supply is now elsewhere. No skin off my back.
Ghosting is a gift... be grateful and get on your life. 🌀❤️🌀
True 👍👍
I’m learning this!! It’s really a harsh gift, but a gift none the less
I just ghosted my ex. He wouldnt let me break up with him I had to do it.
It's really devastating. Grief definitely follows for me
FACTS!!!!
Narcs are "cowardly "... truer words were never spoken
I had a guy once say ‘I can’t wait for Sunday’s at home with you to be my new favourite day’ then the next day ghosted... like honestly, I find it quite funny the shit that comes out of their mouths. Stay WOKE ladies! 🤦🏻♀️😂 Actions over words, from day 1 🧐
Yes, it's called "cheap talk" when words do not match actions. I wasted too much time on a charmer who new exactly what to say & when to say it to keep me hooked, but then he would disappear for weeks & reappear and one time it was a 2 months disappearing act and when he reappeared, of course, he had a "reason" which was really flimsy...by this point he was losing his power over me, but I was still charmed by his words, but not for much longer...it was a really good learning lesson and was able to cut him out of my life after letting him know that I deserved to be treated SO much better...he tried a few times after that conversation to slither back into my life, but I just kept calling his bluff and eventually he stopped calling!! It felt very empowering!!
Just had the same thing happen from a girl, stay woke kings
It doesn't only happen to ladies.
It ain't just men that act these ways !
Yes, honey
"Go where you are wanted" This advice from a therapist has been a great simple guide to relationships. If you are ghosted, you have just received important information about this person. They are telling you that you are not wanted by THEM. Move on. Healthy people don't pursue people who don't want them. They grieve and let it go. Behave like a healthy person. If and when the ghoster comes back, don't take the bait. They are playing you. Don't allow yourself to be played.
One more thing that was not mentioned. A narcissist may ghost because you are getting too close to them and they don't want to reveal themselves. For example, if you ask personal, or somewhat personal questions. A narcissist doesn't want people, ANYONE, to know them intimately as this may expose their abusive behavior.
I also found out my ex bf who was a Narcissist was also, Bi-Polar. I asked him and He admitted To being Bi-Polar, but angry at Me when I called him a Narcissist! He didn't like that! So yes, I agree they don't want people that are getting close to them to know about them and their sick ways.
Ghosting me was the most compassionate thing my ex husband ever did for me. Thank goodness I am free.
Narcissistic ghosting sounds like not getting a call-back after an audition. While it probably feels awful, I think that maybe if a narcissist ghosts you, you've just dodged a bullet. it means you didn't get selected to be a longer term source of supply.
As Coach Ken says, “No matter what you Feel, go by what you Know: Realizing, that pet rattlesnake that keeps biting you is ... a rattlesnake. It isn’t confused. It’s not that you haven’t shown it love or pet it enough, but that you’ve tried to pet a rattlesnake too many times.”
You totally nailed it with your comment! No contact is the best way!
That’s exactly how it feels! But like you said I’ve just dodged a bullet 😮
Exactly. I got ghosted because I didn't make a move. I didn't give her what she wanted, so I couldn't be controlled and was not a reliable supply. I know one could argue healthy behavior is similar to this, but really not need to ghost.
My ex ghosted me after 8 year relationship. He apparently told all his friends that he wasn’t serious about me but failed to mention we were living together and was always around his family. I wish he would have ghosted me early on in the relationship. I later found out he was flying to Colorado to see his side chick now wife. I’ve been out two years but it still hurts so bad. I don’t wish this on anyone.
Praying God sends you your husband this year!
❤️
OMG, I feel you. something similar happened to me
I’m sorry you experienced this.
❤
Being ghosted-on can hurt like hell, but it is always a blessing in disguise. It’s good that the person took themselves out of your life, rather than letting things drag on.
In my experience the ghosting felt like it was being used to toy with me and test my dedication. She would draw me in close right before she ghosted me and then play it off like it was nothing. Almost like she enjoyed making me confused all the time. How can you talk to somebody every day for hours and then disappear for the weekend. I never wanted to look desperate or needy and reach out. Very painful. Almost like the pain made me fall deeper in love. I’m very thankful for this channel so that now I can make sense out of everything, be strong and move on.
That doesn’t sound like ghosting. Sounds like you and she are friends (at least to her). Ghosting is when you have an issue and instead of communicating it, like mature adults, to resolve it, they leave you ghosted to inflict pain.
If you don’t reach out and let her know you would like to have a deeper and more meaningful relationship, you’re not communicating. It’s not needy to let someone know you actually like them. She cannot read your mind. Women can have male friends (or they think they can anyway). If you want more, ask her on a date. If she keeps declining, she doesn’t like you romantically like you do her. That does happen for both sexes. Hard but solid fact of reality.
My “love interest” (I guess you could call him) did this to me. Only for me it’s been more than a week. He’s never done this before.
I can’t remember the last time I felt so shattered.
@@ENFPerspectives No, ghosting is also and even mostly disappearing when everything is fine and there is not problem at all .That is why it is so painful
Mine would do the same to me and she would laugh when I confronted her about it as if she enjoyed the sick games. Truly evil creatures
I know exactly what you mean! It's tough because they leave you in the grey area before you know it!
I can assure you they are calculated and know exactly what they are doing. When you see the pattern of inconsistency in your life it helps to sever the emotional ties. The people that are consistent need and deserve your attention. Hope youre doing well now.
Last time my ex ghosted me and hoovered back, I said "omg, so sorry I have not called I've been so busy." He was like what, did she ghost me?! LMAO
That's awesome I love that
I did the same lol last time when a narc friend disappeared for 6 months and hoovered back because of the lockdowns, she straight up told us that we were so hard to reach now and "tell me if I did something wrong". I said to her "well, we go months not talking to each other because I thought we all had that understanding that we're busy". Lmao tbh it went in one ear & out the other because at least once a week, she keeps hoovering us now 😂 as opposed to ignoring all our reach outs and contacting us once every 6 months whenever she needed someone to celebrate or mourn over a milestone for her
You guys are my heros lol
Andromeda, 😂
Too funny!
"they don't want to deal with you,
they've been dating multiple people and they chose the other people,
they may do it because they're bored,
they may feel that the relationship with you is too demanding,
they may not like you,
or you may not be bringing them the narcissistic supply the way THEY want you to bring it."
Ghosting is ultimately a good thing. It's so much easier when the trash takes itself out
When the ghost goes let them ,walk away, focus on yourself heal from the experience ,its a reflection on them not you ..
As Coach Ken said, “No matter what you Feel, go by what you Know: Realizing, that pet rattlesnake that keeps biting you is ... a rattlesnake. It isn’t confused. It’s not that you haven’t shown it love or pet it enough, but that you’ve tried to pet a rattlesnake too many times.”
@@ENFPerspectives Stop repeating yourself..
I have always been a loner and I could care less. I was always the family scapegoat...I resigned that position and have gone no contact. I am done.
Exactly.
That's me in a nutshell. 🍃🌸🍃
pretty much the same here! ;)
Same. Consider therapy for codependency as I keep going for narcs like my mom. Ok, they're not THAT bad but its still unhealthy and impossible.
Well, sounds like you tried and then stopped, but one should always communicate as a first resort because we never know what others think of we don’t try. Sometimes our own emotions even confuse us.
EXACTLY this happened to me. He was a friend of 20 years, who then told me he was in love with me but was never quite available. Looking back it’s easy to see he’s a textbook narcissist. What followed was 5 years of gaslighting and plans being made which culminated in ghosting. I felt abandoned, crushed, confused, lost, worthless and was finally diagnosed with anxiety and depression. He was a trusted fixture in my life. Fortunately I sought therapy, it took me 1.5 years to really be in a better place. I’ve done the work on myself but these videos really do help me understand what happened and I am so thankful to have dodged that bullet. Thank you Dr Ramini. I wish I’d had this knowledge years ago. X
*Ramani* apologies for spelling your name incorrectly. X
@@Nicola.Chapman oh man.. that sounds just horrible. I'm sorry that happened to you!
Mine did the same to me and it caused intense anxiety. I started to become afraid to look at my phone for fear there would be no messages from him, and then the fear that he would suddenly reappear. It was horrible.
This somewhat happened to me too... I still think of her, but I will get through this. Glad I have not contacted her since March. She will come back again for sure, but I will just be bland.
Same thing happening to me right now. A person I considered a friend for three years who has hinted romantic interest and future fakes constantly with no follow through ever just started giving me the silent treatment . Having been with a few narcissists in the past I recognize the devaluation and discard coming . We were in contact almost daily and then nothing for two weeks. I learned from the past relationships not to chase after. When several new names are being brought up that’s a sure sign of triangulation and new supply shopping . I have gracefully stepped back and am letting it die on its own. This week I cut contact with him on social media and he immediately noticed and texted after two weeks of silence to ask if he did something wrong . I responded that I’m taking a break from social media for a while and received no response . I’m sure he’s moved on. Hurts like hell to be led on for three years but I see through him now ..............
I’ve been ghosted for about 3 weeks now. This has been the biggest gift to me and my well-being.
Everyday I look back at how the relationship(5 months) made me feel. Today I realized I’m probably dealing with a narcissist.
I was vulnerable and naive, I fell for the love bombing then noticed the shift followed by hot and cold behaviour. After 3 ish months of being toyed with, I asked him for a clear answer as to where this was going. And poof, a ghost.
I can clearly see the pattern now and oh boy did I ever dodge a bullet. I only wish my codependent self didn’t try to chase after him when he left.
It’s not your fault x
I feel this so much. Same thing happened to me and it was one of the most painful things I have gone through. I hope you are doing well.
Same thing happened to me. He was a boyfriend for 6 months. His ex wife was plastering social media that he was an abusive narcissist. He took her to court, gave her a gag order and took the kids 100 percent. All the while I was trying to sort what the hell was happening. Lots of other strange things I am not going into detail on. But after he got his kids 100 percent he didn’t follow through with telling them about me, and became spotty in communication. When I asked him to figure out if he wanted me in his life “poof” he ghosted. It’s been 5 weeks now. I think he proved his ex right and sorted my confusion for me. It was very painful at first but the pain goes away and now I consider him a great teacher. He taught me a lot of important lessons that I can use to keep myself safe in the future.
"Sometimes in life, we don't get to know why something happened." Thank You!
So true and you can drive yourself nuts thinking about it
The "flow fade" is the younger sister of "ghosting." With the slow fade there is a breadcrumbing involved.
Wow, thats such a great way to describe it. Easy to understand.
This is worse than ghosting. If they don't want to be in my life, I'd rather they just go. It hurts, but breadcrumbing is so disrespectful and cruel.
Yes. The "chase me" game. If you love me you will chase me. So immature.
Joanna Payne I feel you! It happened to me and yeah it was very disrespectful
Tbh I hope karma will get him and make him suffer lol
@Black Weirdo Ghosting is always going to feel horrible if it was done by someone we cared about. It's happened to me and I spent countless hours, days even weeks wondering what I did wrong, or how he could do it, or why I deserved it. After time, the hurt went away and he came back (two years later!!!). I responded to a few texts, but it became clear he was between girlfriends and just looking for a placeholder. That's when I went ghost on him. He never tried again, so that told me everything I needed to know. It's okay for them to ghost, but it's a colossal insult if you do it to them. We don't need the negativity or the aggravation.
"narcissists do tend to be quite lazy in their relationships" (6:30). this statement is so helpful for me in understanding essentially the 'non-response' I would get whenever I tried (in writing) to confront my narc on his behavior, or to share my experience of the relationship. I put so much effort into these communication attempts! what I was hoping for was to impact him, to give him a feeling of 'conviction', to unsettle him to look at himself, and to break us out of the 'nice-nice' dynamic of our in-person exchanges.
Instead, what I would get back was no reaction, no response to what I was trying to address, and no acknowledgement of what I had said. I would then be left wondering "did I not communicate clearly enough?" "did I need to be more direct/ 'hard-hitting'?" I was left with confusion and a sense of futility, wondering whether there was anything I could do or say to 'break through' to him. Now I can see that by simply not addressing what I had written, he was able to bypass any discomfort for himself, and re-direct the exchange back to what was comfortable for him: light, superficial, and all about him. In this way he was able to (passively) exert control of the relationship, by only 'allowing' communication 'on his terms', while ignoring anything that he didn't want to hear.
@@katkatkat5 ah yes, 'emotionally immature' was something I never would have dared say about my narc in question, who was in his 80s, and held a position of high respect in the community! but when you say it, it feels good, and resonates - so thank you!
And at the early days they point at how they miss u when you just leave them alone during work days. They already want u to chase! Because the more invested u are the hardest it gets when they leave promptly. Thats kinda all about seeking attention at the end of the day.
thanks for joining in this collective sharing and reflecting on our experiences@@samxsara
Ghosting can be a lack of politeness or the person doesn't want to make the effort to explain themselves. It's not just narcissistic people that ghost. It's happened to me loads of time. Be polite and respectful and treat people the way you want to be treated.
As an advocate that works with survivors of domestic violence...these narcissistic glossary definition videos are priceless 🙌 👌
I've been sharing all the information with my clients. Thank you Dr. Ramani 🙌
Thank you too...
@@charity6372 👍...God bless 🙏
Wow great idea to share it with victims and bring them clarity. All the best to you.
@@sadiaq1693 👍...thanks, all the best to you as well 🙏
I’ve read that most Narcissist are well liked and put on a show hiding their real personalities. My ex was hated. After I saw him for the narcissist that he is I was shocked at the number of people who hated him and didn’t want to be around him. It was eye opening!!!! He is not well like or admired as he led me to believe and the amount of people who disassociated themselves from him is not really surprising now that I know who and what he is.
Same thing here. I thought he was so well liked, but after he left, I found out all his "friends" thought he was a self-absorbed faker.
Same here, although it was my narc ex who would say he hardly had any friends or close people due to HIS ex being abusive. now I wonder if they were both abusive towards each other. He started trying to get close to one of my friends (which I thought was sweet) but now I know his true nature, it really does make me question things
@@Bpdbryan I am glad that you are out of that relationship.... I just subscribed to your channel btw! I have BPD as well =) ❤️
@@mariahwalker4477 Same here. His popularity was a grand delusion.
He told me he didn't want to lose me, then the very next day was the last day I ever heard from him. He became distant overnight seemingly... two weeks of me asking what went wrong etc.. then nothing. I finally realized after 5 years of the hot and cold behavior I needed to move on with my life as I was never going to truly get a damn thing out of him... everything I put into it and got nothing in return.
I venture to say that you don't give them their desired narcissistic supply and SO they don't like you.
And sometimes narcassitic friends need to be ghosted as they are oblivious to their narcassism
I ghosted a narcissist friend because she just refused to understand how her behaviour was affecting everyone around her. She wouldn't get it, even though we tried to explain it to her. Boom, ghosted. Bye.
OR: you can "grey rock" them. The doctor explains this term in another video. Just another option that can be used if appropriate.
@@Kat-tr2ig especially when you try to hold them accountable its like talking to a wall.
@@Kat-tr2ig I am in the process of ghosting a "friend" after finding that I am a wonderful person in her eyes, only if I have no opinions of my own. Once I expressed opinions differing from hers, the belittling, devaluing, insult, projection, and gaslighting instantly began in in a rage. This happened in 2 phone calls, so I have been ghosting for about a month now. I don't miss her at all, as I have also realized that our long phone calls would be mainly monologues about her, anyway. And as I look back on thatrelationship, it was toxic and I really regret sharing anything personal and confidential with her....the red flags of narcissism were popping upall over, and ironically, I wouldn't be surprised if she was out smearing my name, calling me a narcissist.
Why ghosting someone when you can go no contact? My narcissist friend sent me an invitation in fb 4 times! Can you imagine? Also sending flying monkeys who are mutual friends. I unfriend them all. Best decision ever.😷
I ghosted my Narcissist during the Devaluation Stage. Am I bad?
She already had new supply; and my reaction after thinking about it was "see ya".
When you see a freight train coming down the tracks, you can step onto the tracks...… or step aside.
Yes, it was painful, but getting hit by a train would have killed me.
Vampire - very good analogy.
@@minimouse469, At the time, I did not even know that I was dealing with a Borderline with comorbid Covert Narcissism. I just knew that something was very wrong.
@@vampireslayer1989 my borderline adult step-daughter was doing this every year for the last 8 years. Each year it lasted longer and longer. She would unfriend on FB, block us and then she would want to talk to us again without any apology. She would constantly complain to me about her narcissistic mom who was really good at ghosting and then all of a sudden she would call her again without any mention of her last incident. When I finally realized I needed to be done with her, I took her behavior and ran! A year and a half of no contact and I'm finally able to breathe easy without her drama. It's sad.... but necessary!
@@vampireslayer1989 Mine was also covert. You did correctly and avoided worse. I did not avoid worse as I had no idea what was happening. After the smear campaign I spoke to a crisis worker and she said ,"You have been hit by a truck." so the train analogy isn't far off.
No, they never cared about you. I had a family and dated 2 Narc- paths they are the worst. Im still healing, it will take a long time, block them. Cause your head will play tricks on you.
Being ghosted after years of staying in contact hurts in a very similar way as being discarded by a narc.
A few years ago I was ghosted several times by the ex. Then would Hoover back in. The last ghost was the end, 2 days later he texted and said he knew it would end because he said I would leave eventually and then he said i wasn't serious. So he then projected what he was feeling onto me. 4 weeks later he friended me on fb. I blocked him and knew no contact was the best for me. I am in a great place now it took awhile, but got through it.
Renae G yeah these creeps think we’re going to leave them so they act like a$$holes and we do eventually leave! Because of their actions 🙄 pretty sick people
That's wonderful to hear.
good for you,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Renae G this happened to me almost verbatim as you told it. It was a 10 month relationship.. he did and said all those things. Narcissistic abuse wasn’t a very prevalent explanation about breakups so I was so traumatized by it. He would randomly send me elusive weird texts at random for the next year.. even sending me Valentines presents. I later found out that he never even technically broke up with his prior gf before me- our entire relationship, he was with her on and off behind my back. His family knew and so did she. It was crazy to see how his family knew the entire time and they planned with her to keep contact with him. Very hurtful. Thank you for sharing ♥️
@@aprildv6685 Wow!, some men are sooo messed up!
Three weeks ghosted and this week am so at peace with myself.made a decision to let him go and self love myself.i feel good!
Not Chantal did he ever come back?mine ghosted me 6 months then 2 months then two weeks the one week and now been 7days lol what a nightmare. Hoping this will be the last time...
Good for u.
@@tacobelle69 Drop that creep..
It's one of the most disrespectful cowardice lame things that can be done to someone
.
As Coach Ken says, “No matter what you Feel, go by what you Know: Realizing, that pet rattlesnake that keeps biting you is ... a rattlesnake. It isn’t confused. It’s not that you haven’t shown it love or pet it enough, but that you’ve tried to pet a rattlesnake too many times.”
Our generation has grown way too comfortable with ghosting as a means to ending a connection. I've been ghosted by exes since 2009, before the term was even a thing, and it still hurts to my core every time it happens. Be an adult and communicate. Stop pushing away people that genuinely care about you...
Right??
Then youre probably drawn towards abusive men due to your childhood and it not your fault at all. Im in therapy for it myself.
Exactly!
Heard this recently: "I have over calculated my significance to that person" - I have misunderstood their perspective of our relationship. So accept the feedback and move on. Let go of the thought of 'the other person is disrespectful or wrong'. If the other person is not willing to reciprocate (regardless how "reasonable" it should be that they do) and you try to cling on to the idea of how the relationship 'should be' instead of the reality of how it is; if you hold on to the idea that the other person 'should' respond or act in a certain way, that leads to sadness, aniexty, frustration, madness. You can't (should not) control how another person acts or thinks. So move on. Lick your wounds. Disengage. Ghost. And engage with others who are wanting to reciprocate in the same way as you. If you make the effort to find and engage with others who want the same thing; then you will stop ruminating over the one or the few. Yeah it hurts, but not accepting the reality of the situation will hurt more.
No contact isn’t ghosting. Agree with all of what you said accept that part. They have moved and and you should too.
There are of course, various reasons why we don’t. Generally it’s because we don’t really understand narcissistic or sociopathic behavior and keep thinking we can communicate enough, but that gives them joy to see you hurting and reaching out and then not responding. Makes them feel godlike. All it would take is, This is goodbye. We didn’t work out. I’m not interested and please move on. Harsh, but provides much needed closure. After you learn that this is a “thing” they do, it hurts much less. You can find your own peeps, eyes wide open.
Exactly. This is so me . Every last word. If that makes me a ghosting narcissist, oh well 🤷🏻
Ghosted after 18 year friendship/“intimate” relationship. Went directly to someone we both work with. He looks at me as there is no recognition of our past. No hoovering. That was over 2 years ago. I was devastated in the beginning but now I realized it was an absolute blessing. Thank you for your video ❤️
Online dating has really shown me a microcosm of narcissism. People get validated by their profile, go on a few dates to get more narcissistic supply, then cutoff all contact once they are expected to put some effort into the relationship. I learned to filter out these types so I rarely have to deal with them anymore. Unfortunately, narcissists tend to do well in online dating because they have no qualms about presenting a dishonest perfect version of themselves and of course lack the empathy to end the relationship properly.
Every word you said is true. As an immigrant in Italy, I find it hard to meet new people, and I decided to try some online dating. After some time, I was finally ghosted and I was in doubt if I was the problem or what I did wrong. Anyway, even if the ghoster is not a narcissist, they are at least a selfish and coward person. I think I'll try to engage on different social activities, as it can be too overwhelming filtering all these people.
@@JanainaColombini I stopped around the time I made this comment. In my case, I found women were much more receptive and warm to me in reality, so it was an easy decision. I also started focusing on developing platonic friendships with women. I wish there was an easy way women could meet well intentioned guys, but statistically speaking most of us have given up at this point. (63% of men between 18-29 are not interested in a relationship). All I can say with confidence is to resist the urge to return to online dating because it’s convenient and gives you an ego boost.
He did that to me. I did not see it coming. I was absolutely devastated, on the floor for three weeks. I'm still crying from it.
I know what this feels like. When we understand what's happened and why it's happened, we can do and feel better. Know this, it wasn't anything you did, so don't feel unworthy. I would highly recommend you watch a lot of Dr ramani's videos so that you can understand their modus operandi. Don't be sad, it's not good for your immune system, so give yourself the love you give to others. Listen to meditations, do and concentrate on what makes you feel good, and bask there instead. Love and light 🌹
Same happened to me 6 months ago sis
You will heal with time...sorry.
@@margomazzeo1680 Thank you so very much.
Wow, you explain this perfectly! My one got married to another woman after ghosting me for a few weeks, I didn't know I was dealing with a narcissist. He was hoping for me to take over his mortgage payments as he was out of work, I couldn't afford that as I live on my own with my own expenses, he was pushing for marriage and I wasn't ready, so he ghosted me and a few weeks later he got married to a lady I didn't even know existed! obviously one who could supply the money, nothing of his situation changed, he still get to keep his house and he doesn't have to work whilst this woman is looking after him financially. I felt so rattled, gutted by how he ghosted me, but after a while I realised I dodged a bullet. I actually feel sorry for the woman who married him
Exactly I was ghosted because I saw his con early on. But I didn’t know that he wasn’t willing to work on it. His ghosting caused me damages but it’s a well earned, hard lesson that has helped me wisen up and grow stronger. It would be ideal if it didn’t exist, but it does.
I called my dad out on sexual abuse. I was ghosted for a while by my two sisters who couldn't believe what he did. These are the phases.
1) smear campaign
2) condemned by family
3) hoovering
4) more abuse
5) finally giving up and going grey rock
6) dad suddenly develops dementia
7) the family pile guilt and shame on me for calling out a peodfile. Its horrible. Its taken me years to recognise the enablers. Stay strong. You really are better off without them.
God bless you. Keep fighting the good fight.
I just got Ghosted after a ten year relationship, and that's a good word for it - it feels Haunting, Dark and Off. Very Unsettling. It's very disrespectful and shows a total lack of Integrity. It's Cowardly and Selfish.
It's such a comfort when I realize when he ghosted me out of blue that was not my fault
I have had to let some people go recently. I know I do not like it and I am sad. I got tired of chasing after people, messaging them, suggesting fun things to do together being the one that is always investing. I think this ghosting phenomena has become a real world problem beyond narcissism as well. I feel somehow social media has helped create this. All that like this , swipe left swipe right. People do not invest or find meaning in one another it seems. People have turned each other into commodities and material things easily forgotten when the next bloop shows on your screen. It's like the slot machine in a way although in this case you have forgotten the pay off of long term investment in loyalty connection and meaning.
Silent Grove Hi I enjoyed everything you said I would like to add
it’s not good to invest in a bad relationship (bad friend)unless you are told to do so by the Holy Ghost.
I like the scripture about don’t worry about tomorrow for tomorrow has enough problems.
How do you spot a narcissistic?
Thanks 🙏
Blessed are the peacemakers and peacekeepers
@@jaredsherman7056 I was in one relationship for a year and a half only because G-d told me to be. In fact when He first showed me who it was I said "okay, never seen him before, but sure, if it's Your will then I'll see this person again."
We were nominated for the same award for our charity work 6 months later, and I saw him again at the awards ceremony. Immediately when I saw him I introduced myself.
Everything I did and said in that entire relationship was scripted by the Holy Spirit as you call Him, via meditation and prayer. I knew one day my man would see this and be amazed. A year later he took a bath in lavender and we meditated together, and he described "a light piercing the monochromatic gray" and I knew that my love had transferred Him into him. Immediately he had a vision that healed his inner child from childhood trauma that had ensnared him his whole life.
The next day (our relationship had otherwise run its course) was the last time I saw him. We met at a park and I gave him the birthday cake I had a wedding cake maker create for him. And as I walked away for the last time, he said to me, after a year and a half together, "are you a spiritual figment of my imagination?" I said "I knew a year ago that you would ask me that one day." He replied, as I turned back to walk away, "I'm being serious." To which I said "you figure it out."
That was the last time we ever spoke in person. My mission had been completed; there was no reason to linger further.
Edit: the relationship was abusive to me. He was avoidant, and he used push pull tactics to push me away when I'd get close, then pull tactics including suicide threats to draw me back when I respected his intentions in pushing me away. I had to end it after op success because it was destroying me. But I have no regrets, I served HaShem in a powerful way, not just following one instruction but hundreds for a prolonged period, acting to a standard of spiritual perfection that was truly divine. It was intense unlike anything before or since. In fact since then I've been almost lost without having so much direction from Him, like a puppet whose strings have been cut, a puppet who Loves his Puppeteer more than all the world. His last instruction to me was "go live your life" or "go play" (the instructions are never verbal so they can be hard to interpret).
Since then I've been in two relationships, one filled with love but also doubts that I had to let go, and the most recent one where I was horribly abused. It's been hard to keep the faith, but when I doubt I look back and remember that G-d is real, that He does work in my life, and that for a year and a half He was so real to me that He showed me the future a year out and gave me detailed instructions on how to bring it to pass, and it all came true to the last detail.
The love bombing, future faking, then ghosting or even blocking (right in the middle of an online conversation as I was holding that person accountable and they couldn’t stand it) is exactly what happened to me. Thank you Dr Ramani for rationalizing it all. And I did feel lucky even though I was deeply hurt by such a cowardly, careless behavior at the time. I talked to psychologist a bit about that experience but what I got was: aww, that person was just scared. So I never brought it up again. Dr Ramani is also right about that: some psychologists are clueless and we need to find one that does understand narcissism if we need help to heal the specific wounds inflicted by a narcissist. Also, what’s been great is that I had the occasion to see that I can recognize (at least some of) them now. I warned a friend who had met someone similar, and that helped her a lot. I hope I can recognize them all and not fall back into that kind of trap again. I didn’t lose much, thank God!
Right! It’s not the case of Just Not Being The Right Person so move on. It’s a cycle employed on multiple people because they need all that attention. The truth is, they get worse and end up alienating most people eventually, unless they find a clan of narcissistic that use them also, and they consider this love. They also may get a whole new group and start over. Most end up chemical dependent of some kind. They really deserve our prayer and pity, but not a close relationship.
@@TejubescDM yep. But we ourself are the most clueless because we fall for them repeatedly until the pain of changing becomes greater than the pain of remaining the same.
FACTS
Finding this piece today after he ghosted about 2weeks ago without reason.
Tried to reach out after a week and asked if he'd given up on us and just said he's been so busy with work since it's high season at his job. Thought it'd be wise to let him concentrate on work..
Fast foward, he just updated a photo of him with his new girl. I just didn't see it coming..
Experienced love bombing at it best, all the fake future plans, then sudden decrease in communication, then the ghosting...
If only I had seen this video earlier, but I'm grateful because I understand it's not about me, and I've been saved from a potential greater disappointment and longterm instability..
Manifesting inner peace and healing for myself and anyone who might be going through this..
My psychologist actually suggested that it was MY fault because I probably was too clingy and that would scare men away, even though I really wasn‘t, I was just trying to get closure at the end and my self-esteem was very low while my paranoia skyrocketed because of the constant gaslighting, blame shifting and, ,,mini-silent-treatments“ and hot-cold behaviour.
Yeah, and him saying that he wants kids and has feelings for me and stuff or triangulating me by saying a female friend would sleep over (which wasn’t even true) and asking if this would bother me before even meeting me wasn‘t clingy or what?
I was only involved with this person for 6 weeks and the devaluation actually started after 3 weeks bc i probably inflicted a narc-injury bc he wanted me to come over and i said no and actually said that him being so over the top (lovebombing) is strange and asked if he does this with every woman. he then started the „pull-back“ because he was soooo depressed and then all the other things that i mentioned earlier (gaslighting etc) started bc my codependant borderline ass got attached and wanted to „save“ him after he pulled back.
it‘s been 3 months since he ghosted me mid conversation while having an argument over text (bc he didn‘t wanna meet), we actually talked again then for 3-4 weeks without meeting and then he ghosted me again six weeks ago. I‘m still sad, confused and blaming myself for not moving on after only such a short time being involved with him and i‘m STILL not over it although i deleted him everywhere and there hasn’t been any contact since 6 weeks.
i feel like i‘m the crazy one and nobody seems to understand that it feels DIFFERENT than just a „normal“ rejection…
Recently got ghosted by my ex who I dated for 7 months. She never told me we were done, never hinted that she was unhappy or wanted out, she just straight blocked me after a small argument (that she caused) and immediately got on dating apps that same week. I saved my dignity and never once begged/pleaded, never tried going around the block or anything like that.
I was desperate for answers for weeks, I kept asking myself "why", "how could she do this", "did I mean nothing to her" etc. I've realized I will never get closure from her but these videos have really helped me see the light of her narcissistic behaviors.
Each week that goes by I'm healing and seeing more red flags that I hadn't noticed before.
Sometimes this happens when you've spent months together with plans for the future. The person disappears and you ring hospitals etc when they don't return home tocheck if they've been in an accident. It's MUCH more debiliatating than just 'unsettling'. It can haunt you for years as you wonder if you said or did something wrong. After this phase you wonder if they left you for someone else. You work through if/how they could have sustained a secret relationship as well as yours. It can leave a person unable to trust the promises of future partners. [Not my experience, but a friend went through this].
Exactly!!
@@Andromeda_M31 I personally feel it's much more painful than a face to face rejection and break up as it haunts you long after the heart has healed.
@Tiayra Exactly this xx
This! I got ghosted after a 1.5-year official relationship where we knew each other's friends and families and were planning on moving in together. He had been acting distant for a couple of weeks before that. One day we had a disagreement about when our next date should be. I was snowed under at work and could only do Tuesday that week, which was the night he wanted to go out with a friend. I got upset because he had been so absent lately and I really missed him and wanted some quality time. We didn't get into a fight or anything, we just both called it a day and I imagined we would talk later. He never responded any of my texts after that. After a week or so of calling him with no answer, I finally got the message. A couple of weeks later he mailed me back my things. I never talked to him again, never got any closure. He dropped me like I was nothing. I was shocked and devastated. It took me a really long time to get over it.
All my narcissists ghosted me but then Hoovered. I finally learnt how to cope by ghosting them permanently
This series is awesome! Keep'm coming! Do the term RUN! RUN - what a person should do when then encounter a narcissist! LOL
As far as I'm concerned she's doing god's work. People really need to be educated on this stuff.
I ran from the narc I was with after he ghosted me during the TX winter storm. He has called a few times since , but I will never go back to a con artist. Thankfully we were together for only 6 months, but had been friends for 8 yrs
If someone ghosts you - celebrate being rid of someone that immature....
You are saving lives. Thank You for your knowledge, great job and time for us all.
I had a couple of "friends" who would ghost me. They haven't been in my life for years!
Pathetic losers is what they are.
Ghosting by a narcissist we always
called it ''THE SILENT TREATMENT''.
About twelve years ago, I had a friend ghost me after I told her I could not help her that very minute as I had another commitment. I said I could do it another time. This was very painful for me as I felt I had been a good friend to her.
Mary Holton I’m so sorry. That hurts a lot. My closest friend of 24 years ghosted me after I helped her financially so that she and her family wouldn’t be homeless. I have never received a cent in payment from her. Very cowardly IMO.
So sorry that you went through that. It's painful when a person that you have known as a friend takes umbrage that you couldn't be there that one time. It's their loss. But it is also a loss for you. Wishing you well.
Thank you SO much for the clarification between ghosting and no-contact! After several years of therapy, something shifted in me and I saw the narcissists in my life for who they are. I no longer felt the need to help or fix them. In fact I felt an aversion to their drama. So grateful for your work it’s a lifesaver!
Melissa, we should get some kind of an award for coming out of this crap in one piece 💐💪🏼
Loretta Nericcio-Bohlman absolutely! Life is so different and better now 😊❣️
I totally did this when I went no contact with my family. I covertly tried adding boundaries and watched reactions to these boundaries.I knew an explanation of what I was doing would lead to attack and a huge amount of guilt landing on my head so I just observed for a while. I got to a point that I just wrote the whole lot of them a text saying I am going no contact for at least a year to work on myself. I reached that year just this month and frankly I’m just never going back.
Update it will be two years this April... the first anniversary went by and I decided this should be permanent. I still go through periods where I want to make my grand stand.... I want to put it all out there ... I have to every time remember who I am talking to... the fantasy of making my point and being received is just that a fantasy... my family does not have the capacity of getting the point so I am not going to aggravate myself with presenting it...
You didn't ghost them. You told them what you were doing and why, and you did it to protect yourself. No contact is not the same thing as ghosting.
Geneva Lawrence I suppose you’re right, the guilt works even when they aren’t around. I still feel like I owe a bigger explanation . But I really don’t... it is enough that it was toxic and an abusive environment and I owe it to myself to stay safe and treat myself well.
It's ok to have boundaries and if the people who say they love you don't respect them, they are not acting in a loving way toward you. Love is and action. My guess is your boundaries were things like common courtesy they would extend to a stranger, things you shouldn't have to say. :)
1234constantine ya know all I had to do was say “No” the amount of backlash received for this little word is amazingly sad.
@@char8095 Yes. I know. Like you don't deserve to be a person; and they give the dog more choices. It's like you are not allowed to exist accept to serve them. Your existence is inconvenient and unnecessary. It is dehumanizing.
Thanks for making a difference between regular ghosting and ghosting someone because you feel it's the only safe way to save yourself.
Once, I met a guy for coffee. There was just something off with him, but I couldn't put my finger on it. It was like he was missing something- his eyes were dead and cold, and his tone of voice had a mean tint to it. The conversation came to the topic of money and making an honest living. He scoffed at me, made a disgusted face and said "Yeah, right. Everyone has their price, y'know. I'd kill both of my parents if I got paid enough".
I nope'd out right then and there. Made some excuse, left, blocked him on everything and ghosted tf out of him. There's no way I'm even going to explain myself to someone with that level of crazy
😳 holy shit. You got out easy. Think of his parents! Congrats 💐
Are they trying to create an abandonment wound in someone that they are afraid will abandon them? It seems like, "I'll discard you before you inevitably discard me" kind of move.
New round of grieving starts. Brutal. Ghosting is harder than grieving death.
As Coach Ken said, “No matter what you Feel, go by what you Know: Realizing, that pet rattlesnake that keeps biting you is ... a rattlesnake. It isn’t confused. It’s not that you haven’t shown it love or pet it enough, but that you’ve tried to pet a rattlesnake too many times.”
I agree, I'm going through it now with my boyfriend.. he's ghosting me yet again and it's like a slow painful death😭😭
My soon to be ex Narc husband quit the relationship long before the final discard. He shut me out with silent treatment and stone walling and was emotionally unavailable. In a way, that felt pretty much like ghosting too. Just that he was physically there but missing from the picture. He checked in only when he was devaluing and gaslighting me or when he had some self serving agenda for me to execute. This was the ongoing pattern for 23 years. Interestingly, long before I was familiar with Narc glossary of ‘ghosting’, I used to refer to him as an evil being which materialised only to inflict fear, pain and jumpscares!
My narc ghosted me on and off for 10 years. Initially, I dated him 3 or 4 months, and things seemed incredible. Then, he disappeared, quit calling, wouldn't answer his phone. I was very young, and ended up so broken and moved out of state (it's a long story), only to have him call two months later and he begged me to come back. I did immediately, and thus began 9 years of descending into hell, as I lived with him when I came back. I eventually moved out, but he played this game for years, and I put up with it. He has been out of my life over 25 years after I left and went no contact, , but just made a surprising and shocking re entry and it has been painful to sort out. I had none of this knowledge before.
Susan 1771, I’m watching how you’re going to deal with this man. I can see you’re tempted to return. Big mistake. Using your mothers funeral to talk about him?? HUGE RED FLAG. By the way, I’m sorry about your mom. 💐
@@lorettanericcio-bohlman567 You are wise, and I have two traumas I have been dealing with unexpectedly. This makes me both angry that he thoughtlessly showed up to take advantage of the situation, and so sad and confused about feelings I haven't had for two decades. This is so insidious and shocking, the strength of the bond. That is why I am just trying to learn about what I may be dealing with. Thank you so much for reaching out with your perspective. It is helpful and kind.
I remember this one time when my ex-narc & I had an "argument" (bc he always think that everything is an argument for him 😒). He was Telling me how horrible I was , blaming me for the "fight", blah blah blahhhh. And As a typical woman, I normally don't initiate the convo when I'm pissed or when I'm not in the wrong, which is what I did. I did not message nor call him... Days had passed, I did not hear from him, no apologies or anything. I really did not put my pride aside, I was really waiting for him to txt/call me. And 2weeks gone by, I thought to myself "wtf just happened, this is freaking weird. Are we broken up." I was crying for dayssss bc I was so confused, and thought someone broke up with me w/o any explanation. I even spoke to a guy friend of mine on what his thoughts about it, and he told me that he prolly found someone else & ofcourse I told him that that's not like him , I don't think he's a cheater. Smh
After 3weeks of not hearing from him he just suddenly txtd me & emailed me as if nothing happened, as if everything was just normal!!! Uuuggghhh, I can't!!!
Ugghhh, you shouldn’t
Loretta Nericcio-Bohlman that time I didn't know what I was dealing with, I didn't know that time the REAL him. So ofcourse as an empath, I kind of gave it another chance & alil bit of me took the blame for it & felt alil guilt. Thinking I was wrong & crazy. But lil did I know when I kept going with the relationship, I didn't really see the pattern on what he kept doing. I just wonder why kept creating a fight with me all the time whenever I think everything was good between us. And I actually found out 3months ago on his phone that time when he ghosted next for 3weeks, he was seeing & going out on dates!! Uuugghh, fuck him! Sorry , memories start to come back again!
Remember if a narcs lips are moving, they’re lying
Email him this back: I cannot give my time and life to someone who can disappear out of my life that easily and have no consideration for my feelings and for me overall. I deserve someone who would at minimum give me an explanation for their absence. Goodbye and do not bother writing back.
I know it's super hard but you deserve way better. A friend who I thought was like a sister ghosted me out of nowhere, the last thing she even wrote me was that she "loved me" and I felt so hurt and like it was my fault but looking back there were red flags everywhere that I ignored because I was happy to have someone I could share my life with that I just made excuses for her bad behaviour. I blocked and unfollowed her from all my social media and I have just accepted things as they are and have moved on. I don't think I will ever hear back and we shouldn't waste our energy and time for people who don't care about us. It's time to move on and heal and then open our hearts to people deserving of it :)
Exact same
This happened to me. Narc opened up with EXTREME love bombing. We were soul mates, in love within weeks. Within months, he turned in me. He was contemptuous, stonewalling and psychologically abusive for months (devaluation). I was so broken mentally and confused by his insane behavior - so of course he was the one who needed a "break" from me due to my mental health struggles (gaslighting). We agreed to talk weekly. Instead, he ghosted and then his mother (triangulation) sent me a stream of texts explaining that I was "a distraction he could no longer afford" after he had some financial losses due to his own mistakes (discard).
I feel your pain. May God bless you. 🙏💜
Your level of insight is unmatched. The ghost I was seeing was so hard to pin down, always busy and made inconsistent plans, things were always moving around, coupled with future faking with trips and activities. Until one day after dinner with her, I sent a text that was never returned. You would think, 9 months of knowing someone they would at least tell you to get lost. But no, I never heard from her again. The amazing thing was, I was fine. It really showed me how much I’ve grown.
My girlfriend just did this to me after 13 months of dating her and letting her stay at my house for months etc. we didn’t fight or argue or anything. The last time I saw her, she woke up from napping in my bed, went to go back to her parents and told me “I’ll see you later” I called her the next morning and I was blocked on everything. No argument no break up, just an I’ll see you later and I haven’t heard from her since. Glad I just wasted a year of my energy on this
I ghost when a person that I have met and have been chatting with start to put out subtle abuse red flags.
They are testing to see what the reaction will be or if I will take it.
Nope-I am out of there!
This one guy was derogatory and put me down. Then said that he was an asshole. I said I do not like assholes or derogatory statements. Then I blocked him.
Blocking isn’t ghosting.... ghosting is leaving all their messages on read. It’s “ignoring” a person and pretending you don’t see them when they’re talking to you.
I was ghosted by my sister 2 years ago. It was shocking and heartbreaking. I had asked her many times if I did something to offend her, she replied that we are in different seasons (she has teenagers and I have younger children). After I moved to a new country, she stopped taking my calls or replying to messages and tells a victim story to other family members about our last few visits. I have been made out to be a villain and some people believe it. My healing journey is working through it though and these videos are helpful! Thank you.
Me too. It feels awful but you can't make people into who you want them to be. Even a sister can be toxic.
My sister too. Hoovers after about a year. She's done it three times. I'm over it. It hurts
My younger sister ghosted me (put me out of her life) 40 years ago. It was the nicest thing she ever did for me. She is a narcissist. So hateful. Growing up with her was pure hell. She was always, consistently mean to me. At one point in my life I honestly tried to come up with one good memory with her. I couldn't. It took me until I was 40 years old to finally accept that I would never have a sister, and stop feeling the pain it caused me. I am 63 years old now, and still have no clue why she has always hated me with a passion. But it is what it is. I'm am glad that she is completely non existent in my life because she would only cause me constant and consistent pain. I've really no idea what's wrong with her. Not being a professional, after learning about narcissism, it's the best only explanation I can come up with. She completely, absolutely lacks empathy for others. Including the 2 kids she had. Have often wondered how those 2 poor souls faired. My father was a malignant, overt, raging narcissist. My mother was a very loving, caring, empathetic mom who did her best to raise us into emotionally healthy, caring adults. She succeeded with me. I was the child in the family that Dr. Ramani described as the "seer." My mother supported it. I had an older brother who just wasn't strong enough emotionally and he died 20 years ago due to drug and alcohol abuse. I miss my mother so much. She is not dead but suffers from Alzheimer's. I took care of her for as long as I possibly could by myself and then finally had to put her in a memory care unit so that she could get the 24/7 care that she needed. I found Dr. Ramanis talk on the poor people who live with a narcissist all their lives and the possibility of it giving them dementia interesting but also it hurt my heart for her. She stayed with my bastard father for us kids. She knew she couldn't provide for us on her own. She feared we would be homeless. She did finally divorce him, but apparently too late for her own mental well being. I am so sad for her. She asked me many times how it was possible that she had a child like my sister. I always tried to comfort her about it. But geez. Sorry I got so long winded trying to respond to you about "sisters." It's just where I find myself today. Like I said, I've been no contact with my sister for 40 years. I'm no contact with my father now for 20 years. I had to wait to go no contact with him until my mom finally divorced him. I am disabled and live alone. I was hit by a semi that was speeding 19 years ago and he totally altered the course of my life. I spend a lot of my time listening to Dr. Ramani everyday. She is a saint. Don't know what I would do without her these days.
Even your own adult child is capable of abrupt "ghosting". Classy, isn't it?
@@sharidellar9471 Wow, you've really been through the wringer. I feel for you.
I feel like it’s so much easier to just have a clean break. That way no one is hurt or seeking closure. On the other hand there have been instances where my intuition led me to just stop dealing with someone.
🙏🏾
I call it "finally becoming self aware that victim does not want to tolerate you anymore" lol
Every time I watch your videos Dr. Ramani, even just seeing all these titles, it brings back so much memories. And it makes me soooo angry, so much resentment!!
Its natrual. We need legislation.
Sociopathy is the motherload cause of suffering in society.
I’m not so sure they generally don’t come back to hoover. Mine did. They got the nerve to do that.She ghosted me and 2 years later reemerged with a “long time no see - let’s hang out together again”. Actually it looked as if it was part of a very typical narc pattern.
Yep, once a narc has been in your life, there is always a chance they may hoover and come back. I read an article about narcissism where the narc came back after 10 years of no contact.
@@BooDotBoo I mean take ghosting from a normal person for instance (as described in the video). A normal person won't come back And if they do, they won't just reemerge as if nothing happened. No. They'll explain, they'll ask you how you've been, while narcissists, with their total dysfunctional empathy, wouldn't even consider doing that.
Same here! "Long time no see" two years later. Well, yeah, he hung up on me for no reason the last time we spoke, did not return my emails, and very unsubtly mocked me on social media ... I was also outraged that he would have the nerve to come back. I've never answered. Went no contact. Still a part of me feels bad that I've been *disrespectful to him* and I have to constantly remind myself that it was just necessary self-preservation. Good luck.
I get ghosted all the time by these narc types and I’m okay with it as I see it as a way of the trash taking itself out. However, I’ve been ghosted by my blood family and when I adopted a new family they ghosted me too. I know it isn’t me but getting ghosted by 2 families just hurts more than the narc ghosting. Thank you Dr Ramani for helping me to understand this type of people and for the wonderful advice.
I love this glossary. At 9 am I’m always checking if the video is already up. Thanks!!. I have noticed that there’s always one thumb down as soon as you publish the video. Jajaja it makes me laugh thinking that there’s one narcissist ready to blame you for pointing his missbehavior. 🤦🏽♀️
It's dr Ramani's ex? The thumb down;) Just a guess.
Narcissists use ghosting as a weapon. Do yourself a favor and cut them off-don’t look back!
Be the original ghost. Ghost the narc before they ghost you. It's for their own good. I also like to call this Cold Turkey.
I spent so much time during my three years with him playing hide-and-seek. The hurt of how things ended is all still so fresh and hurts so much. I know it's for the best, but it's the unanswered questions and the deceit that just plays and replays in my mind.
I'm five years out of that mess and it still hurts. Thank you for these videos Doctor Ramani, for years I didn't know whether I was crazy, overreacting but now I realize I wasn't myself when under the rule of my narcissist. I'm so glad I didn't marry them or have children with them. I was close though.
Honestly, I went no contact without warning. He's a friend from a singing class, I've known him for years, we've been each other's confidante, but we keep having unpleasant talks and unnecessary drama. I've seen him more and more take a pseudo-religious patronizing stance with me, he tries to make me feel bad about myself every time we meet, and he's not terrible all the time but we haven't had a drama free encounter in years. I keep forgiving and being sucked back in because we have a few things in common and I don't have many people to talk about these, and I keep making excuses for him because of his past and current tough situation. Our last talk was very unpleasant again, I identified clear abuse and manipulation patterns, but being me, my reaction to conflict is to want to save the peace at any cost. I wish I could have spoken my mind, but I was petrified of his reaction, and instead, it ended with a hug and me saying that I was glad we "worked it out"... and I guess I wanted to believe that, but it wasn't really the case. I was glad it was over and I guess I wanted to encourage him to be more constructive another time, but once I was home I felt horrible about how he treated me for a whole week, stomach ache and everything. I just couldn't speak to him any more without freaking out internally, especially not to tell him that I was gonna stop talking to him and why - which essentially means confronting him about his behaviour. I am pretty sure if I do, he won't be pleased and will argue and blame it on me, and I know I'd have the hardest time not defending, overexplaining and giving him lots of opportunities to go on for another lap. If I start talking, I will probably say too much. And I don't see how telling him could be helpful for either of us anyway - it won't help him accept it, quite the opposite, and I know it will certainly not help me to have yet another argument with him (or, if I somehow manage to refrain from justifying myself, to just sit there and hear his rage and/or manipulative arguments)... So I just went no contact. After a while he shared a bunch of things on social media that hinted at our last argument's topic (and suggesting his opinions would have done a sudden 180 turn, which I don't trust at all), then messaged me about my lack of reaction, so I gave him a gray rock response... but again, no clear statement that I don't want to talk to him or why, and I don't intend on having that talk with him if I can avoid it. I think simply drifting appart is the best scenario here.
La Sphynge Always trust and go with your gut instincts.
"Bad Relationship Hygiene" @ 8:40 ... excellent terminology! Also, it's helpful to know that narcs who 'Ghost' tend to be the ones who are not as skilled at Lovebombing. Or, put another way, Lovebomber's usually don't use Ghosting...instead, they Hoover after the breakup. Better to be Ghosted, than Hoovered!! Thank You Dr. Ramani for such important advice!
Sadly there is no age limit to those who Ghost. My Narc husband ghosted his "latest supply" after 3 month affair. I felt for her as she was a resent widow and the Narc was the first man who paid her attention after her husband of 35yrs died. What a horrendous experience to have on your return to dating. Leave it to a 65 yr old Narcissist to crush someone's soul.
I knew of this happening with a widow. You are so right the devastation is beyond belief when you are involved with someone who does this to you after you’ve lost your husband from a long time marriage.
There should be some type of punishment for people who do this.
Probably not 'politically correct' but slow, cold-blood revenge is the best way to find peace and preserve one's dignity. These snakes cannot stay unpunished, they must bite the dust as much as they obliged us to .
Someone jeopardized my safety for their own profit. When confronted with the issue, the person lied. At that point, there was nothing left for me to say, so I ghosted them. Not all ghosting stems from narcissism. Glad you mentioned this. Few people make this important point: safety over manners.
I'm grateful he didn't pick up the phone when I called to explain why I would not be in touch for a loooooong time. I left a detailed voicemail with a kind and gentle excuse about how our paths diverged, my priorities had changed, I wanted to focus on things he wasn't interested in, blah blah blah.
I wasn't interrupted! I didn't have to get into the specifics of his abuse of my and my family's time, effort, money and goodwill or his callous manipulations of others for his own convenience and profit over the decades he and his narcissistic mom were "friends" of our family.
I was hurting so badly over his latest manipulation and the great news of his newfound love (which he gushed to another family member about and I found out about secondhand) that I could not wait another day to end it. Ending by leaving a respectful, but not completely honest voicemail IS cowardly instead of playing phone tag till we made contact and telling the whole truth. But it was clean. Blocking his phone and email felt GREAT. It was the right thing to do.
Still reeling from grief. My family knows well his self-aggrandizing, inconsiderate behavior and lack of empathy. I am not turning them against him. He's doing the best he can; just being him. For my wellbeing I need to be apart from him. I will minimize the story for family members who are still in contact with him and enjoy drama.
So right that our safety is paramount. My poor manners in this health-saving act was minor compensation for his and his mother's toxic behaviors over the years.
My people-pleasing mother, a covert narcissist, wore herself down pleasing him and serving his mother -- and many, many other "friends" -- to the point that her immune system crashed; she got cancer and spent her final year saying goodbye to her admiring "friends" while we waited on her and waited for her to go to heaven.
Still ruminating, guiltily and resentfully. Time to ignore and block these unhelpful trains of thought. They don't serve or bless anyone.
Thank God Almighty, I'm free at last! He has already placed others in my life and in the life of my ex-"friend" to share and grow with. Love CAN be transformative. But I know from decades past that he will never change. Hopefully his new love will escape before she gets hurt too badly.
I recently ghosted somebody that I was just getting to know. The potential relationship seemed to have a lot to offer but there were some red flags too. It came to a head when he gaslighted me when attempting ( think he saw it coming) to share with him my experience not only of his lack of support when I specifically asked him for it, but his exploiting me to take care of his needs instead. I had never heard this term before, but when he did it something inside shattered. I thought " I can get angry and throw a big fit, or I can observe that this is so knee jerk a response, so well practiced that it is second nature, AND that he won't be able to handle the challenge of being seen through. I can calm down and use what I am seeing as a prelude to what is coming if this goes any further." I didn't talk a lot more, though his behavior continued to escalate and I finally asked him to please stop calling. No explanation or apology on my part, no second chances. This was a first for me, even without having seen this video before. I was raised with a narcissistic parent and married one. I did all the heavy emotional lifting for a decade that I will never get back, even after losing my trust and respect for him. I am so grateful for this series, it is life changing.
I’d like to hear your take on sadistic emotional abuse. I think that would be very informative to the public. Thanks and keep up the good work Doc. You rock!
For a moment there I was wondering if I was now a narcissist, but I ghost after I tell him that I can't take anymore of being in his dysfunction and it's time for me to go, good BYE, then I proceed to block him while he scrambles to get to my multiple medium before I get the block done, so that he can get his fight in before being blocked.
Melva Moodie You told him. It’s no contact. It’s great when WE do that.
@@sarahjohnson8514 oh yes he's told but will try in everyway to get to me, including contacting friends who follow me on Instagram
Melva Moodie He’s doing this for a reaction. Although it may hurt, don’t rise to the bait. People that genuinely love and care about you won’t either.
It's painful being ghosted by one's own family.
As always, thank you Dr. Ramani. The malignant Narc, Ex "Mr. Happy" would leave the house, not say wherer he was going and leave his cell phone at home for many hours. He did this countless times. I was a stay at home mom with 3 young children. He did what he wanted, when he wanted treated us as if we were invisible.
I secretly hoped he was having an affair and would ask for a divorce, but I don't know what he did. He was a social misfit. I am lucky to finally be divorced after 27 years.
I wasn’t ghosted that I can recall from my ex Narc. However I got the silent treatment a lot over 27 years. 🙄
Oh yes...that old chestnut!
I have a family member who does that on a regular basis.
It leaves you feeling very unsettled, as you don't know what they are planning, or the smear campaigns they are spreading, behind your back.
Very Soul-eroding process.
So sorry you experienced that.
Dr. RAMANI, I’d like to see a video on, ‘The Silent Treatment’ AND/OR on giving someone only ‘Minimal’ (seems like withholding?) information (via text/ e-message or phone call) so that you then have to ASK for clarification, or ask for more detail in order to understand - then, OMG do they GASLIGHT!! ‘I already told you that.. What do you mean you need more.. No one else had a problem with it.. It feels prickly and controlling.
@@dianegraber9333 If they give minimal, ask if they want No Contact. Some things aren’t ghosting or anything but someone else just having a busy and full life and not wanting to be tethered to a phone 24/7 of their life. Communicate is a two way street.
Lavena.. Perhaps you missed the point here. Chronic gas lighting as a demeaning response to a clarifying question, as is intentionally withholding important info.. as a control tactic, creates mega confusion. These are rude and habitual narcissistic behavior tactics.
Thank you for sharing this information. I was married to a narcissist for 15 years, unbeknownst to me. I now know that it wasn't me. While we were married he would punish me with ghosting for real or perceived slights. He would simply stop talking to me and pull into himself, this went on for days, weeks or sometime months, depending on the severity of my "misbehavior". When he was over it he would love bomb me and give me expensive gifts. Thank you for sharing this information! You are helping millions of people!
Old high school friends made a big deal of planning a party, included me in on the plans, but soon went silent about the party, so I assumed it had been canned or they would let me know …
They then suddenly texted they were having the party the next day … I don’t have a driver’s license, so I couldn’t drive myself to the party, and they knew this, and they also knew I was in a very vulnerable place, with almost unbearable, daily, physical pain and actual adrenal exhaustion from years of stress and abuse, and working on healing myself …
They texted about arriving in town and making dinner or going out to eat or whatever, but my communication about how to participate went unanswered … I was effectively uninvited. I was definitely left hanging.
They ghosted me that Friday night, then late Saturday night I got a text of a picture of my freaking window asking if I was home (triggered stress and fear, and feeling ambushed) and they left a sweet little note from only 3 of the 4 “friends,” and some kind of “gift” called “cat butt” in a trash bag on my doorknob, lol, no knock, no doorbell ring …
Teasing and ostracism was something I grew up with and believed was somehow love and normal attention - things like that were status quo and I usually responded just like a fawning scapegoat, sorry for being incompetent and worthy of abuse … but now I recognized the manipulation, realized they absolutely were acting as I suspected - flying monkeys for my narc, manipulative and mean, and I stopped communicating with them. Afterwards, they texted how much fun they had, how soothing to the soul it was to get together, and some other BS, acting like nothing was wrong, and talked about the next party being “mandatory” for all. 🙄 So, they tried to pile guilt and fault on me on top of the obvious ghosting and knife twisting.
WOW.
Now I got a letter from the one who had been communicating the most with me, and who didn’t answer my text on what the plans were and how I could be included. I haven’t opened the letter and I don’t want to. My narc is wondering why I haven’t mentioned what happened with my old high school friends, and I’m enjoying withholding that info as much as my narc likes to withhold info from me.
It hurt, but I am thankful I know exactly who not to trust with anything anymore. They showed me exactly who they are (again) and I want no part of people who behave that way towards anyone, not just me. And I owe them zero explanation. Right?
#NotFooled
Truly weird stuff there, good luck to you.
This happened to me a couple of years ago. They asked me to go out to things, but those plans never materialized. I haven't had much experience with relationships due to living chastely, so it's all very confusing when you haven't had a normal relationship experience.