My mom was raised with and believed a lot of these negative messages about men's sexuality and thank god she married a man whose faithfulness to her and moral compass never wavered but the damage it did... she had an immense fear of abandonment and would become so fearful and insecure if an even remotely attractive woman crossed my dad's path. It robbed my mom decades of peace. It took so long for God to heal those wounds in her. Thank you for all the work that you do to drag this kicking and screaming into the light. You are saving countless women the heartache women like my mom experienced and helping women like me make sure the cycle breaks.
Thank you both for speaking out so powerfully on this. I’m no longer a Christian but these teachings have impacted me throughout my live in so many harmful ways. This idea that a womens body is for mens pleasure is so harmful. Sexuality is so much more than a visual game. The church has driven this point so much that it’s patterned the way men think in our society. We as men need to grow up and mature in ourselves so that we don’t externalize our emotional regulation into the dopamine rush of sexual activity. Norm Wakefield had a teaching he gave me in the mid 90s that said men were like a stallion and our sexual desires needed to be corralled because they were so uncomfortable that we were always at risk of them taking over our lives. Your interview with Alyssa is a great example of where that teaching leads. That type of abuse is a normal result of this idea that sexuality is what rules our lives as men.
The one that made my blood boil the most was the husband saying his wife's period was a hard time for HIM!!!!! Not married, myself, but I can say I feel WROTTEN on my period. Excuse me for not wanting to do anything when I'm cramping and having a migraine.
My dad gave my fiance Every Man's Battle when we got engaged. I was furious. My fiance read it to avoid offending my dad, but he thought it was absolute trash. Now that I know more about the damage that book has caused, I am beyond horrified that my own father thought this book was going to be a good tool for us in our marriage. We are burning the book the next time his family has a bonfire.
I know multiple people who are compassionate towards women in individual conversations, but love the book and don’t seem to notice that the book hurts people. That is very officially confusing.
A friend of mine sent this to me and I'm so glad she did. She wanted me to get perspective on her perspective and it ended up helping me. Serendipitous:)
While some churches allow contraception with the obligation sex message, others add an obligation babies message. I can only imagine the confusion women feel when they both love their kids and resent that they didn’t have a choice. Or when they love their kids and are EXHAUSTED!!!! I feel tired just thinking about it.
I’ve noticed a lot of these authors are an accidentally following our culture in a bad way. Our culture has taken intimacy out of sex with the hook up culture. According to these evangelical books, the hook up culture should hurt women a lot more than men. Because sex is just release for men. But when I look at the comments from young people, I’m seeing both young men and women are feeling used from this new dating culture. Both are getting angry and suspicious at each other. Men’s hearts are connected to their sexual drive. Many just don’t have the self awareness to see it.
I think one of the reasons that yalls amazing message _isn't_ gaining attention or traction from the uppers who wrote all these marriage books that have caused so much harm is because they are comfortable in letting men off the hook and helping them be lazy. Your message is sharing that BOTH man & woman have work to do to come together~ and a lot of men want the messages that say: women, this is your fault, YOU need to do better 😓🤦🏻♀️ Ooooof. So many women are waking up to these false teachings, I appreciate you both! My husband, too! These old teachings helped perpetuate me into getting into an abusive marriage, perpetuating me feeling like it was ok that my ex used my body to masturbate with, perpetuated the guilt and shame heaped on me alone during our own sexual winter and then when I went to my ex, crying and distraught over our lack of intimacy, he claimed "sex isn't a big deal" (he was now completely sold out to porn) and told me I was like an animal because sex was so important to me. 😳🤯
Conservative religion, any conservative religion, in general lets men off the hook because they’re structured around and uphold male entitlement. That’s why they all attract narcissistic men and create narcissistic men.
Close to the methadone section said that you should understand that his eyes and heart aren’t connected like yours, so when his eyes wander, his heart is still with you, and that’s why you shouldn’t be angry. Wha???? The part about loving his wife was better, but also contradictory to all the bad parts. The book said that rape was wrong, but portrayed it as a normal mistake, instead of a deliberate, predatory act.
So odd that fundamentalists think men’s sexual desire is uncontrollable. In orthodoxy men are supposed to be monastics if not married 😅 aka sex isn’t important
Catholics too! Everyone is to be in control of their own “appetites”! No matter what they are……food, alcohol, sex, whatever. Also the Church teaches that porn is “using” people. Great job you guys!! Love this content!!
As a former Marine I am appalled that the teaching tell men to mistreat women We may be different but definitely equal Simply put is treat your woman like a queen in the day and she will will treat you like a king at night. If you don't why should she? Make your home a heaven cause angels do not live in he'll Does it take a Marine to tell you immature men how to make a woman feel like a woman
I read every man’s battle years ago to understand men. I remember the jogger story and I think there was one about an elevator. I felt hopeless as a wife after reading them. I thought how could their wives be ok with them and stay with them?
Isn't it sad that so many Fundamentalists/Conservative Evangelicals preach that gay people can change their sexualities (or, if they're being more realistic, that they can practice restraint and remain celibate), yet when men cause their wives pain and grief with unbridled demands for sex, these same people say, "They're just born that way, and you need to learn to embrace it"? Talk about putting heavy burdens on others' shoulders but not lifting a finger oneself to carry it.
You guys are AWESOME - I am a fan and watching so many of your videos! So sad though how this view of s*x in our society, the objectification of women and their consequential self-objectification, as well bad experiences with men & p*rn can damage them to the point of feeling unable to trust, unable to feel attractive, etc, etc, and to wind up staying single for life just to be FREE from it all. That's where I am. And I don't know what "book" could possibly help me.. I disagree that it's an "intimacy disorder" issue on the part of men. It's LUST, pure and simple. It's the p*rn itself that CAUSES the "intimacy disorder".
I actually have noticed that the evangelical church in general has a very low opinion of human ability. We are saved by substitutionary atonement and it therefore doesn't matter if we follow God's laws or break them. These toxic teachings are really good examples of the results you can expect when people live by this doctrine. At best you get a lukewarm Christian that is just trying to get through life without making bad enough mistakes to hurt them here on earth.
Even worse they seek to undermine human goodness, effort, ability in order to elevate God’s power, as if an omnipotent god would require that. They celebrate “brokenness” and despair for the same reasons. As someone brought up in this environment it really messes with your head, especially when god seems consistently absent and silent.
Hi, I hope they answer your question. I do know that this author’s book, “The Great Sex Rescue” lists “For Women Only” as one of seven unhelpful books.
I miss having sex with my former wife Melanie were no longer together anymore, I went down that porn road several times and I would rather wait until I get remarried for the woman that God has in mind for me and I believe that section enjoyed inside of marriage because that is the way God has planned.
My husband and I agree with your teaching, and I've read and mostly agree with your book, "The Great Sex Rescue", and thankfully, we were not polluted by the books you talk about. But when I hear you say things like, "Doctrine is just opinions..." I see that you are good at reporting on data, but I won't be able to know I'm getting the Truth from you. Doctrine is the truth of Jesus, as revealed on his Word, his teachings. Maybe some people make it their opinions instead of what Jesus did and said, but it is not opinions. Blessings as you aim to encourage and help women.
What she means by “doctrine is just opinion “ is that the vast amount of interpretations of the same Bible created many different denominations of those that call themselves “Christian” yet may believe so differently. Do you understand? Each of these churches (Evangelical, Methodist, Catholic, Episcopalian, Babtist) have different doctrines (interpretations) of the same Bible. There is not ONE Christian doctrine, there are many. Even those within the same denomination differ in their personal interpretation of the Bible.
I was uncomfortable with that too. But then I noticed Sheila jumped in and clarified. What she really meant was doctrine is abstract. And we need to look at how it incarnates itself in the real world. Because bad doctrine bears bad fruit. And also the “doctrine” she is calling out is pop doctrine, not historical chirch doctrine. For example, “Women must have sex daily or he will cheat on you and can’t help it” has become accepted “doctrine” but is only an opinion. She could have used better wording for sure. But I do believe that was what she meant. Because when Sheila clarified, she nodded in agreement.
My mom was raised with and believed a lot of these negative messages about men's sexuality and thank god she married a man whose faithfulness to her and moral compass never wavered but the damage it did... she had an immense fear of abandonment and would become so fearful and insecure if an even remotely attractive woman crossed my dad's path. It robbed my mom decades of peace. It took so long for God to heal those wounds in her.
Thank you for all the work that you do to drag this kicking and screaming into the light. You are saving countless women the heartache women like my mom experienced and helping women like me make sure the cycle breaks.
Thank you both for speaking out so powerfully on this. I’m no longer a Christian but these teachings have impacted me throughout my live in so many harmful ways. This idea that a womens body is for mens pleasure is so harmful. Sexuality is so much more than a visual game. The church has driven this point so much that it’s patterned the way men think in our society.
We as men need to grow up and mature in ourselves so that we don’t externalize our emotional regulation into the dopamine rush of sexual activity.
Norm Wakefield had a teaching he gave me in the mid 90s that said men were like a stallion and our sexual desires needed to be corralled because they were so uncomfortable that we were always at risk of them taking over our lives. Your interview with Alyssa is a great example of where that teaching leads. That type of abuse is a normal result of this idea that sexuality is what rules our lives as men.
As a man I really appreciate the both of you sharing the woman’s perspective.❤ It makes sense. Thank you! 😇
The one that made my blood boil the most was the husband saying his wife's period was a hard time for HIM!!!!! Not married, myself, but I can say I feel WROTTEN on my period. Excuse me for not wanting to do anything when I'm cramping and having a migraine.
My dad gave my fiance Every Man's Battle when we got engaged. I was furious. My fiance read it to avoid offending my dad, but he thought it was absolute trash. Now that I know more about the damage that book has caused, I am beyond horrified that my own father thought this book was going to be a good tool for us in our marriage. We are burning the book the next time his family has a bonfire.
I know multiple people who are compassionate towards women in individual conversations, but love the book and don’t seem to notice that the book hurts people. That is very officially confusing.
I'm glad to your fiancé didn't believe that stuff the book said.
Hey Jenna one year later! 😀 did you burn the book at your dad's bonfire?
@@angelr9096 hello! We ended up moving before the next bonfire, so I had a book ripping ceremony
@@jennaimgrund lol aww man. I hope you at least videotaped it 😆🔥
A friend of mine sent this to me and I'm so glad she did. She wanted me to get perspective on her perspective and it ended up helping me. Serendipitous:)
While some churches allow contraception with the obligation sex message, others add an obligation babies message. I can only imagine the confusion women feel when they both love their kids and resent that they didn’t have a choice. Or when they love their kids and are EXHAUSTED!!!! I feel tired just thinking about it.
I’ve noticed a lot of these authors are an accidentally following our culture in a bad way. Our culture has taken intimacy out of sex with the hook up culture.
According to these evangelical books, the hook up culture should hurt women a lot more than men. Because sex is just release for men. But when I look at the comments from young people, I’m seeing both young men and women are feeling used from this new dating culture. Both are getting angry and suspicious at each other.
Men’s hearts are connected to their sexual drive. Many just don’t have the self awareness to see it.
I think one of the reasons that yalls amazing message _isn't_ gaining attention or traction from the uppers who wrote all these marriage books that have caused so much harm is because they are comfortable in letting men off the hook and helping them be lazy. Your message is sharing that BOTH man & woman have work to do to come together~ and a lot of men want the messages that say: women, this is your fault, YOU need to do better 😓🤦🏻♀️
Ooooof. So many women are waking up to these false teachings, I appreciate you both! My husband, too!
These old teachings helped perpetuate me into getting into an abusive marriage, perpetuating me feeling like it was ok that my ex used my body to masturbate with, perpetuated the guilt and shame heaped on me alone during our own sexual winter and then when I went to my ex, crying and distraught over our lack of intimacy, he claimed "sex isn't a big deal" (he was now completely sold out to porn) and told me I was like an animal because sex was so important to me. 😳🤯
Conservative religion, any conservative religion, in general lets men off the hook because they’re structured around and uphold male entitlement. That’s why they all attract narcissistic men and create narcissistic men.
As a Nurse who works at a Methadone Clinic- I fully support this message
That this even has to be a conversation is so messed up.
It really speaks to people’s heart posture today.
Close to the methadone section said that you should understand that his eyes and heart aren’t connected like yours, so when his eyes wander, his heart is still with you, and that’s why you shouldn’t be angry. Wha????
The part about loving his wife was better, but also contradictory to all the bad parts.
The book said that rape was wrong, but portrayed it as a normal mistake, instead of a deliberate, predatory act.
So odd that fundamentalists think men’s sexual desire is uncontrollable. In orthodoxy men are supposed to be monastics if not married 😅 aka sex isn’t important
Catholics too! Everyone is to be in control of their own “appetites”! No matter what they are……food, alcohol, sex, whatever. Also the Church teaches that porn is “using” people. Great job you guys!! Love this content!!
Freud is still running our culture.
do these books ever put ANY responsibility on men for controlling their own libido?
As a former Marine I am appalled that the teaching tell men to mistreat women
We may be different but definitely equal
Simply put is treat your woman like a queen in the day and she will will treat you like a king at night. If you don't why should she?
Make your home a heaven cause angels do not live in he'll
Does it take a Marine to tell you immature men how to make a woman feel like a woman
I read every man’s battle years ago to understand men. I remember the jogger story and I think there was one about an elevator. I felt hopeless as a wife after reading them. I thought how could their wives be ok with them and stay with them?
Right?? I felt so uncomfortable around all men after reading that book. I felt so disgusted and insecure
Thank you for speaking out about this issue in a positive and biblical way!!! Both hubby and i agree with your points! Xx
Isn't it sad that so many Fundamentalists/Conservative Evangelicals preach that gay people can change their sexualities (or, if they're being more realistic, that they can practice restraint and remain celibate), yet when men cause their wives pain and grief with unbridled demands for sex, these same people say, "They're just born that way, and you need to learn to embrace it"?
Talk about putting heavy burdens on others' shoulders but not lifting a finger oneself to carry it.
Excellent point
You guys are AWESOME - I am a fan and watching so many of your videos! So sad though how this view of s*x in our society, the objectification of women and their consequential self-objectification, as well bad experiences with men & p*rn can damage them to the point of feeling unable to trust, unable to feel attractive, etc, etc, and to wind up staying single for life just to be FREE from it all. That's where I am. And I don't know what "book" could possibly help me..
I disagree that it's an "intimacy disorder" issue on the part of men. It's LUST, pure and simple. It's the p*rn itself that CAUSES the "intimacy disorder".
I actually have noticed that the evangelical church in general has a very low opinion of human ability. We are saved by substitutionary atonement and it therefore doesn't matter if we follow God's laws or break them. These toxic teachings are really good examples of the results you can expect when people live by this doctrine. At best you get a lukewarm Christian that is just trying to get through life without making bad enough mistakes to hurt them here on earth.
Even worse they seek to undermine human goodness, effort, ability in order to elevate God’s power, as if an omnipotent god would require that. They celebrate “brokenness” and despair for the same reasons. As someone brought up in this environment it really messes with your head, especially when god seems consistently absent and silent.
have you ever heard of the books " For Men Only " and " For Women Only " by Shaunti and Jeff feldham ? If so, what do you think of those two books?
Hi, I hope they answer your question. I do know that this author’s book, “The Great Sex Rescue” lists “For Women Only” as one of seven unhelpful books.
Saddened to see John Eldridge teaching on your guests webpage
Look into orthodoxy, the respect for the theotokos/Mary
Means that the women’s position is respected
Sheet music advocates marital rape doesn’t it? I read it as a virgin and wondered what the word “vanquish” meant. Now I think I know….🙄
I can see the selfishness of this husband, and I'm a single !
I miss having sex with my former wife Melanie were no longer together anymore, I went down that porn road several times and I would rather wait until I get remarried for the woman that God has in mind for me and I believe that section enjoyed inside of marriage because that is the way God has planned.
🎯🎯🎯👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
My husband and I agree with your teaching, and I've read and mostly agree with your book, "The Great Sex Rescue", and thankfully, we were not polluted by the books you talk about. But when I hear you say things like, "Doctrine is just opinions..." I see that you are good at reporting on data, but I won't be able to know I'm getting the Truth from you. Doctrine is the truth of Jesus, as revealed on his Word, his teachings. Maybe some people make it their opinions instead of what Jesus did and said, but it is not opinions. Blessings as you aim to encourage and help women.
What she means by “doctrine is just opinion “ is that the vast amount of interpretations of the same Bible created many different denominations of those that call themselves “Christian” yet may believe so differently. Do you understand? Each of these churches (Evangelical, Methodist, Catholic, Episcopalian, Babtist) have different doctrines (interpretations) of the same Bible. There is not ONE Christian doctrine, there are many. Even those within the same denomination differ in their personal interpretation of the Bible.
I was uncomfortable with that too. But then I noticed Sheila jumped in and clarified. What she really meant was doctrine is abstract. And we need to look at how it incarnates itself in the real world. Because bad doctrine bears bad fruit.
And also the “doctrine” she is calling out is pop doctrine, not historical chirch doctrine. For example, “Women must have sex daily or he will cheat on you and can’t help it” has become accepted “doctrine” but is only an opinion.
She could have used better wording for sure. But I do believe that was what she meant. Because when Sheila clarified, she nodded in agreement.
Lustful instinct? Makes God sound responsible
Makes me think...🤔 I agreed with a good deal of this.