I wish people could comprehend how incredibly damaging this particular message is! Meaning, the obligation sex message. I am currently in trauma therapy because I dealt with 14 years of this within a supposedly Christian marriage.😢
Most of these men are selfish narcissistic p*rn-addicts. Mine was and he abused me in all manner of ways - almost 14 years of abuse, like yourself! It was a must for me that he be Christian - but that didn't mean a d*rn thing to him. He did ONLY what he wanted to do, which was anything and everything to please HIMSELF. While I'm getting therapy, I can't seem to find the betrayal trauma kind that I need (not online). Don't know how I'd every trust another man again, as many, many other men I've met throughout my life were into the p*rn and such and defended it. They don't even DESIRE their partners, but to use them to play out fantasies of others in their heads. It's completely devoid of love. It's sick and sad and nothing more. Hope your therapy has been helpful and wishing you Healing & Happiness! Blessings
I wish I could like this video an infinite amount of time. What is so threatening about the biblical, data-driven, and healthy message of sex you are working so hard to spread? What is so threatening about a husband and wife having mutual, intimate, pleasurable sex and not obligation sex? What is so threatening about not cheapening wives to be receptacles and cheapening men too!? Thank you for your work Sheila!!!!!
I am a part of a church that teaches everything that woman you spoke about does. It has brought SO MANY issues with my libido and our marriage after 9 years. It's no wonder now, my mind processed it as trauma. We are still working through it and I am trying to get out of the mindset of obligation sex. I genuinely want to enjoy that time with my husband, and he does make my pleasure a priority, but it's hard when my physical pleasure is more of a priority than my emotional needs being met (which makes me still feel used in a sense). Thanks for spreading light into the darkness, and for helping me during this process
I should warn you though, that the book I recommended is not by a Christian author (at least it didn’t seem so)...but still had powerful information, that the majority of could help women, young and old see that their desire for emotional intimacy is every bit as important as the man’s for physical intimacy.
This is excellent! Your explanation of 1 For. 7 is so powerful. It's very telling that the transformed wife compares sex to going to work every day. She refuses to see that you are definitely pro sex! But you're talking about solutions and the big picture, which she has no interest in.
I just watched Transformed Wife's original video and read some of the comments. First of all, Lori admits that she doesn't know the details of the engagement (whether it was foreplay, etc.) yet she simply proceeds to tell the woman (and all of the internet world) that it is definitely NOT rape. She says this is a perfectly normal occurance, which really only means that it must be normal within her own marriage. Secondly, her definition of rape, and her understanding of trauma is SOOO stunted. For it to be rape it has to be a stranger- really?? Honestly, rape might actually be LESS traumatic when it involves a stranger. I'm not trying to minimize anyone's experience, but just consider: the emotional coercive confusion that occurs when it is someone that you know. And then, (very important) the definition that trauma occurs in the absence of a sympathetic witness. Very often, when one is attacked by a stranger in the park, the victim will more likely be supported by community. However, when the rape is not a stranger, it is more often, hidden, excused, and diminished. Lori's gaslighting here is only laying more trauma on victims that are already experiencing great trauma.
Sex should mean any sexual contact. Intercourse is just one of the many options a couple can use to achieve sexual pleasure. Using hands, mouths, toys etc are all perfectly fine to use as long as both are in agreement. On the flipside, using sexual contact as a weapon to control a spouse, that is abuse. It happens too often in marriages.
This is one of many reasons I don't like religion. Even though there's the Christian message that men should honor their wives and care for them, a lot of men don't do that and Christian women still feel obligated to serve them. And can't leave horrible men because divorce is considered a sin. The pain and misery I've seen in my family because of this is unfathomable. I love that you're putting this new way of seeing things out there; a lot of women, especially young ones, need to hear it.
I really enjoy your videos. Your information is so valuable. I would’ve loved to have this information, and your approach, years and years ago. I’m not a Christian, i was raised Christian, but am still enthralled with the character of Jesus. You’re one of the few Christians I look up to, and can believe that you truly care and that you reflect the love of Jesus. You make a difference.
So good! Love it! Yes! I have felt like my husband's prostitute for many years!!! And he does not get it! And so many churches are teaching obligation or making it the woman's fault! Thank you so much for speaking these truths out!! YES!!!
Love you girl and your family you guys are a light. I attend SECC . A resent sermon on marriage fired me up. I heard the same sermon years ago from Bob Russel and I could not put a finger on what disturbed me. Divorced sister in my church gave me Leslie Vernick blog, and someone directed me to you from there, about 3 years ago. Now I can’t listen to sermons like his without fuming. It’s amazing how you guys stay so composed on your podcast. I listen on my morning walks and I am cussing.
This is beautiful. I am Catholic and although not married sounds like alot of the beautiful married Catholic you tubers I watch. This was informative, Biblical and showed great love and humanity.
Starfish sex : i had argument with some guy online about this very topic ,and his belief was that women/wife was obligated to give him/ their husbands sex when he wanted it, he went on 4 page tirade on why they are obligated to perform and that starfish sex was better than adultery, really? ( weak argument ) i all i could say was I felt sorry for his wife, and to have to live with someone with this belief ( maybe she knew what she was signing up for going into this marriage idk) - you can't reason with moron! - I like how they'll throw scripture and twist it to solidify their argument
Could you point me to the history of roman law in the time St. Paul was writing or theology that spells out the point you made about the radical point was that it was mutual?
this woman and most of the commenters are so confused. I listened to the transformed wife. she is referring to Biblical love. husbands that cherish their wife and wife that respect their husband. Paul was speaking to Christians.
@@PB-dq9gi She's repeating what she's been taught her whole life. That's all she knows. That doesn't make her "sick and horrible" but it does make her sadly misinformed.
Actually I don’t believe it is completely what she was taught. But I thought before going deeper into her videos that, that was the case. She actually talks a lot about how important her father thought going to college and getting an education was. I also though before delving deeper into her videos that being a fully stay at home mother might have been her husbands choice and part of her transformativeness (not against stay at home mothers by the way just how certain Christian circles make it seem that, that’s the only way) but her husband wanted her to work out of the house as well he said that they would talk about her almost solely working from home once their third kid was born and that he wanted to wait a while before that happened, so instead of continuing the work/ non work conversation she decides to poke a whole in her diaphragm- their only form of protection at the time so she could have their third kid and not have to work. Sooooo… yah, though I presume their were other aspects of her life she was misinformed about growing up, not all the negative things she does were things that were expected or taught to her.
Give us a break. Most men do not care about their wives sexual pleasure. Most men will not change to accommodate the woman. After 10,20 years of this abuse they will not change. This is ridiculous. Oh goo goo ga ga now husband guy you need to stop being selfish, right! Sure uh huh. Load of crap.
The Bible doesn't differentiate sex and intercourse. The Bible says don't deny each other sex The Bible forgot to say if you don't feel like it then deny your spouse. You clearly don't understand Biblical sex. Biblical isn't primary for fun, fun is the added benefit. Its meant to avoid fornication and bearing children. Fun is the spice not the actual food
I wish people could comprehend how incredibly damaging this particular message is! Meaning, the obligation sex message. I am currently in trauma therapy because I dealt with 14 years of this within a supposedly Christian marriage.😢
Most of these men are selfish narcissistic p*rn-addicts. Mine was and he abused me in all manner of ways - almost 14 years of abuse, like yourself! It was a must for me that he be Christian - but that didn't mean a d*rn thing to him. He did ONLY what he wanted to do, which was anything and everything to please HIMSELF. While I'm getting therapy, I can't seem to find the betrayal trauma kind that I need (not online). Don't know how I'd every trust another man again, as many, many other men I've met throughout my life were into the p*rn and such and defended it. They don't even DESIRE their partners, but to use them to play out fantasies of others in their heads. It's completely devoid of love. It's sick and sad and nothing more.
Hope your therapy has been helpful and wishing you Healing & Happiness! Blessings
I wish I could like this video an infinite amount of time. What is so threatening about the biblical, data-driven, and healthy message of sex you are working so hard to spread? What is so threatening about a husband and wife having mutual, intimate, pleasurable sex and not obligation sex? What is so threatening about not cheapening wives to be receptacles and cheapening men too!? Thank you for your work Sheila!!!!!
"and cheapening men too..." ? 🤔
@@Mojo32 reducing them to creatures who just need "release" and not intimacy or love.
Brilliantly said!!!
I am a part of a church that teaches everything that woman you spoke about does. It has brought SO MANY issues with my libido and our marriage after 9 years. It's no wonder now, my mind processed it as trauma. We are still working through it and I am trying to get out of the mindset of obligation sex. I genuinely want to enjoy that time with my husband, and he does make my pleasure a priority, but it's hard when my physical pleasure is more of a priority than my emotional needs being met (which makes me still feel used in a sense). Thanks for spreading light into the darkness, and for helping me during this process
I should warn you though, that the book I recommended is not by a Christian author (at least it didn’t seem so)...but still had powerful information, that the majority of could help women, young and old see that their desire for emotional intimacy is every bit as important as the man’s for physical intimacy.
This is excellent! Your explanation of 1 For. 7 is so powerful. It's very telling that the transformed wife compares sex to going to work every day. She refuses to see that you are definitely pro sex! But you're talking about solutions and the big picture, which she has no interest in.
I just watched Transformed Wife's original video and read some of the comments. First of all, Lori admits that she doesn't know the details of the engagement (whether it was foreplay, etc.) yet she simply proceeds to tell the woman (and all of the internet world) that it is definitely NOT rape. She says this is a perfectly normal occurance, which really only means that it must be normal within her own marriage. Secondly, her definition of rape, and her understanding of trauma is SOOO stunted. For it to be rape it has to be a stranger- really?? Honestly, rape might actually be LESS traumatic when it involves a stranger. I'm not trying to minimize anyone's experience, but just consider: the emotional coercive confusion that occurs when it is someone that you know. And then, (very important) the definition that trauma occurs in the absence of a sympathetic witness. Very often, when one is attacked by a stranger in the park, the victim will more likely be supported by community. However, when the rape is not a stranger, it is more often, hidden, excused, and diminished. Lori's gaslighting here is only laying more trauma on victims that are already experiencing great trauma.
Sex should mean any sexual contact. Intercourse is just one of the many options a couple can use to achieve sexual pleasure. Using hands, mouths, toys etc are all perfectly fine to use as long as both are in agreement. On the flipside, using sexual contact as a weapon to control a spouse, that is abuse. It happens too often in marriages.
This is one of many reasons I don't like religion. Even though there's the Christian message that men should honor their wives and care for them, a lot of men don't do that and Christian women still feel obligated to serve them. And can't leave horrible men because divorce is considered a sin. The pain and misery I've seen in my family because of this is unfathomable.
I love that you're putting this new way of seeing things out there; a lot of women, especially young ones, need to hear it.
Women, SPEAK UP! I can't believe I was on this train, but because of ignorance, not knowledge.
I really enjoy your videos. Your information is so valuable. I would’ve loved to have this information, and your approach, years and years ago. I’m not a Christian, i was raised Christian, but am still enthralled with the character of Jesus.
You’re one of the few Christians I look up to, and can believe that you truly care and that you reflect the love of Jesus.
You make a difference.
So good! Love it! Yes! I have felt like my husband's prostitute for many years!!! And he does not get it! And so many churches are teaching obligation or making it the woman's fault! Thank you so much for speaking these truths out!! YES!!!
This transformed wife gives the most ungodly advice
Love you girl and your family you guys are a light. I attend SECC . A resent sermon on marriage fired me up. I heard the same sermon years ago from Bob Russel and I could not put a finger on what disturbed me. Divorced sister in my church gave me Leslie Vernick blog, and someone directed me to you from there, about 3 years ago. Now I can’t listen to sermons like his without fuming. It’s amazing how you guys stay so composed on your podcast. I listen on my morning walks and I am cussing.
so how can we wake up the church about this serious issue in the patriarrchal church?
This is beautiful. I am Catholic and although not married sounds like alot of the beautiful married Catholic you tubers I watch. This was informative, Biblical and showed great love and humanity.
Yes. This is what the Church teaches.
Starfish sex : i had argument with some guy online about this very topic ,and his belief was that women/wife was obligated to give him/ their husbands sex when he wanted it, he went on 4 page tirade on why they are obligated to perform and that starfish sex was better than adultery, really? ( weak argument ) i all i could say was I felt sorry for his wife, and to have to live with someone with this belief ( maybe she knew what she was signing up for going into this marriage idk) - you can't reason with moron! - I like how they'll throw scripture and twist it to solidify their argument
that is a sort of a person who should be behind the bars, and anyone like him too
Might've been just me and my phone, but the audio was very quiet. I had to use headphones..
Mine was very quiet as well. Great video but I hope they can make it louder :-)
I just want to know why intercourse/sex is considered the pinnacle of a healthy/happy marriage???
Can you repost with improved audio? It's too quiet to hear. Thank you.
too bad that TW and those who promote patriarchy will have no underrstanding of this video.
'Because, of course, I am blocked'😂😂😂 No wonder, she cannot handle a grown-up conversation.
Could you point me to the history of roman law in the time St. Paul was writing or theology that spells out the point you made about the radical point was that it was mutual?
I don't know why but the audio doesn't work for me.
this woman and most of the commenters are so confused. I listened to the transformed wife. she is referring to Biblical love. husbands that cherish their wife and wife that respect their husband. Paul was speaking to Christians.
Thank you for explaining God's true intention. Lori is a horrible woman.
She is sick and horrible. What she says is so damaging to women!
@@PB-dq9gi She's repeating what she's been taught her whole life. That's all she knows. That doesn't make her "sick and horrible" but it does make her sadly misinformed.
Actually I don’t believe it is completely what she was taught. But I thought before going deeper into her videos that, that was the case. She actually talks a lot about how important her father thought going to college and getting an education was. I also though before delving deeper into her videos that being a fully stay at home mother might have been her husbands choice and part of her transformativeness (not against stay at home mothers by the way just how certain Christian circles make it seem that, that’s the only way) but her husband wanted her to work out of the house as well he said that they would talk about her almost solely working from home once their third kid was born and that he wanted to wait a while before that happened, so instead of continuing the work/ non work conversation she decides to poke a whole in her diaphragm- their only form of protection at the time so she could have their third kid and not have to work. Sooooo… yah, though I presume their were other aspects of her life she was misinformed about growing up, not all the negative things she does were things that were expected or taught to her.
Amen!
Great video! Thanks!
Give us a break. Most men do not care about their wives sexual pleasure. Most men will not change to accommodate the woman. After 10,20 years of this abuse they will not change. This is ridiculous. Oh goo goo ga ga now husband guy you need to stop being selfish, right! Sure uh huh. Load of crap.
The Bible doesn't differentiate sex and intercourse. The Bible says don't deny each other sex
The Bible forgot to say if you don't feel like it then deny your spouse. You clearly don't understand Biblical sex. Biblical isn't primary for fun, fun is the added benefit. Its meant to avoid fornication and bearing children. Fun is the spice not the actual food
Couples will get each other in the mood. That's how it works with adults.
Ok... if fornication isn't an issue/problem and you're no longer bearing children, then what's the point???