Am I An Empath?
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 30 พ.ค. 2024
- 4 Traits required to be an empath; 4 signs of an empath who has not yet done boundary work. AND 8 traits commonly mentioned as being signs of empaths, which I question! These last 8 "signs" can actually be shared by many types of people, including narcissists! Let me know your thoughts!
00:00 Introduction
01:15 Four Key Traits of an Empath
04:38 Four Traits of an Empath Before They Do Boundary Work
07:25 Signs That Do Not Necessarily Indicate You Are An Empath That You WIll Hear Frequently
14:54 Emotions Make Life Worth Living
_____________
Free Webinar: Rewiring Your Brain for Joy and Confidence: www.awakenjoy.life/rewire-you...
Free PDF: Transform your Negative Core Beliefs: awakenjoy.lpages.co/negative-...
Free Quiz: Your Boundary Personality Type: www.boundarypersonalityquiz.com
Ultimate Boundary Course: www.awakenjoy.life/boundary
Transformational Program: Roadmap to Joy and Authentic Confidence: www.awakenjoy.life/roadmap
BetterHelp 1:1 Counseling: betterhelp.com/awakenjoy
I have personally used their services and have recently become an affiliate. Using this link enables you to a discount of 10% off the first month. Betterhelp sponsors some of my videos, which does help to support this channel.
Sign up for a Free Trial on Virtual EMDR - bit.ly/bhvirtualemdr
Use Promo Code: AWAKENJOY20 for 20% off. The program code must be put into the promo code box when you checkout for the discount! This is an online service I have used and I support!
Say hi on social: Instagram: / awakenjoy.life
Facebook: / awakenjoy.life
My website: www.awakenjoy.life/
NOTE: This description contains affiliate links for the Virtual EMDR site, for betterhelp.com and for pridecounseling.com. While this channel may earn a minimal sum when the viewer using these affiliate links, the viewer is in NO WAY obligated to use these links; the viewer is not charged extra for these links and, in fact, receives a discount over the regular pricing of these programs. I have used both Virtual EMDR and betterhelp.com, and pridecounseling is connected to betterhelp.com.
Disclaimer:
This video was created by Barbara Heffernan, LCSW for educational purposes only. These videos are not diagnostic and provide no individual consultation. Consumption of these materials is for your own education and any medical, psychological, or professional care decisions should be made between you and your primary care doctor or another provider that you are engaged with. Barbara Heffernan is not available for individual consultation via TH-cam, social media, or email, and provides services only in the manner mentioned above
1. Feel the emotions of others.
2. People come to you for support.
3. Highly intuitive
4. You wish you could relieve others from suffering.
🙋🏽♀️
I’m NOT an empath.
1. No
2. Often
3. Sometimes
4. Occasionally
Unless I’ve learned how to set boundaries.
I was codependent for a lot of my life.
All and more
Also a feeling of anger towards injustice of others should be added
@@Desmondbrown73
Yeah, I definitely have that too, big-time. I get furious. I was assuming it had something to do with having my Mars in Libra (the planet of aggression in the sign of justice), but maybe it's empath-related too. That actually makes sense, so maybe it's both. My Irish-Italian temper probably doesn't help matters either. :o)
Those 4 to some degree. Plus 4, gives me guilt and regret if I feel I was in a position to do so but did not. Another quality which other family members did not have was an eye for hypocrisy and not liking it (i.e., fake people).
It was always difficult for me to understand that not everyone felt the same, noticed, cared. Took over 50 years. And oh boy, what a massive amount of damage I walked into or allowed in, damage I did to myself, I allowed others to do to me, my life, my loved ones, my agency, my life choices
I hear you
hey i need an empath friend. i have lots of freinds but no deep freinds. i dont need cash, i dont need anything other than a just someome that does not judge. xx
@@annieletmewin Empaths judge, but they also understand that sometimes you just need a helping hand and that is more important at the time.
That hot the nail I. The head!. The accountability with these people almost always falls on the victim!. Don’t we find that funny that being a good person and having a normal sense of trust makes US the bad people all because we want to be loved and feel special just like anyone else!. Having kids doesn’t change a thing accept the depth of wounds because we let them in!.
Amen brother!! Took 58 years to figure this weird vibration I've been walking around with! It ALL makes sense to me now. Glad to read other peoples stories, since we are all here, we have all been through something that has changed us! ✌️
Those boundaries are important. After being sucked dry by a narcissist, it is very difficult to heal from the emotional damage. Knowing about boundaries could have avoided the pain but yet I doubt if I could have learned my lesson without first hand experience.
I feel the same as you, and as I'm in the final stretches of healing I'm honestly grateful that I did. Unhealed me would have been disgusted at the thought.
💯. We're all here for the experiences that lead to growth. Rejecting those experiences only slows down the process.
Exactly
I learned to appreciate the situations that showed me where boundaries were needed.
I’m currently rehydrating from nearly a decade with someone who has a lot of narcissistic traits and tendencies due to early trauma exacerbated by combat related Cptsd. Holy moly do I need boundaries
You made a really good point about the fact that not all animal lovers are empathic. I have known a few people with narcissistic traits who are much nicer to animals than they are to people because animals can’t try to upstage them or disagree with them.
I started crying when you said, "Care." I have no idea why. I feel this way often and tend to take on others' worries as my own. It's like this gnawing, aching pain in the pit of my stomach to relieve whatever pain is ailing another person. I used to tell myself I was being dramatic or annoying because that's how my family would treat me just for showing empathy for someone else's suffering. It's a huge relief to know I'm not alone in feeling.
Solidarity my friend 🫶 Much love to you
I know that gut feeling really well, it hurts. If you live with abusers that that use your empathy to their advantage; it’s suffocating. I really hope you haven’t dealt with ppl like that though.
me too I simply am unable to stop these tears! I am crying for my own wounded younger self that sufferered immensely from caring for those who were hurting around me and who in turn hurt me when I tried to help! Now that am older, I am able to discern those who are in need of true help AND who are open to taking my help rather than just jumping in! I am also able to self reguilate and only give upto my 50% line and not ovber share my empathy andf compassion! Instead I have learnbed to lean into [the all pervading Spirit to help them.
I do as well often so much pain causes by Ignorance and disbelief unnecessary wasted life. We also don't value money over people or material things.
Yes, I used to work in retail and I burnt out because I would literally take on the problems of the customers. I would prioritise everyone because of course their problems are big to them no matter how small they are compared to the problems of others
Even if I couldn't help them it would be my job to find someone who could help. Like, once they told me their problem I wouldn't share it, I'd absorb it and make it my problem alone
I love how you distinguish the empathic traits with and without boundaries, and empathic introverts. This breakdown is so helpful in discovering where the work needs to be done. Someone who is truly empathic does not resort to manipulating people. It never even occurs to us. We are too busy caring and trying to fix things in order to alleviate suffering.
I am very interested in learning how empaths are either born this way or made. My therapist has often said to me I just had too much empathy even as a very young child. My life got better with boundaries. It is a super power knowing what is going on with people but knowing is also a lonely place to be , sometimes I wish I didn’t know.
Yes, I do feel it often comes from early childhood experiences where the child had to figure out what was going on emotionally with others... I do plan a video on this soon!
My doctor explained that all children are born empaths, but after age 7 children are supposed to lose the ability, unless they grow up to an emotionally safe family, in which case they retain the ability. He says empaths have to learn how to attune to their own emotional states instead of tuning into the emotional states of others.
I believe we never have "too much" empathy. Like you said, it is a superpower. Could anyone say Superman has too much of his superpower? It's just that empathy (and kindness, for that matter), are not highly valued skills these days in our cultures. When it becomes so, nobody will ever say "too much empathy" again, because it won't make sense anymore.
@@le-coeur-et-l-esprit Too much of anything is usually not good. According to my doctor, there is a difference between having empathy and being an "empath".
I agree. Totally
I've gotten better with not taking on others' emotions, and I don't try to fix other's problems anymore. I've been working on myself more.
1 , 2, 3 and YES 4TH!
It has taken me years to try and protect myself with boundaries... Need to work in this. I'm m 63 and exhausted!
I can imagine! I think the work for empaths is learning one can be empathetic while also taking care of oneself (truly!) and then also learning to viscerally create protective boundaries...
I so know how you feel! I’m 56 and exhausted as well. We need to keep building our boundaries!
I’m 68 and exhausted too🥺
Well, I always knew I was an empath, and #4 is the one that really gets to me, because I feel way too much, more than is good for me. I've always been extremely sensitive, my parents knew that, it made my dad mad at me because I would get hurt easily, and the 4th one is the one that always got to me the most, always feeling others feelings, always knowing there is something wrong, and it drained me. Everything you say is me to a 't'!
I think that the term "empath" has a reframed term which is "HSP" or highly sensitive person/people. I was told by someone in a meeting and thought I'd share!
I see HSP as a different designation from empath. In my video last week, I do talk about some of the origins of the word empath and Dr Orloff, who wrote a book on empaths:
th-cam.com/video/_F52pu8djzA/w-d-xo.html
In her framework, she combines HSP and empath. But HSP is really becoming its own designation, separate from empath. I hope that makes sense. But again, these words are being used in common parlance to mean different things and there is no "official" designation!
I appreciate your comment and I think this could be a topic for another video!
I actually wonder if I'm both an empath and an hsp.
Some doctors call it empathetic, others hsp.
I follow a lot of mental health officials, and that's what I've found.
I satisfy the criteria but I would not come across as sensitive. In fact being empathetic means you get a sense of what people are like, their intentions . Especially narcissists .
What about an empaths erroneous perception, or over exaggeration and running with that?
I became an introvert because of the overwhelming and negative emotions of other's. Especially now with the way thing's are in the world today.
Boundary work has been HUGE in allowing me to move through the world without so much emotional contagion! It makes being an empathetic person more of the gift that it is, than an overwhelmingly exhausting experience. This video is so helpful!
Yes! Thank you for sharing how your boundary work has helped! Wishing you the best :)
Thanks- @jenniekotoff6772, yours is exactly the comment I was going to post. Before developing healthy boundaries, I spent a lot of time overwhelmed emotionally and relationally. Boundary work is, of course, an ongoing area for growth, but the last 10 years of my 64 year life have been SO much healthier & productive, and I am more satisfied and less over-used in most of my relationships (as well as in my much-cherished and fiercely guarded alone time) as I have cultivated healthy boundaries, and learned how to establish them. My community is benefitting far more from my empathic gift, so my life also has more meaning overall. Boundaries are as important as love is! Wishing you well! 🌹
As a 64 year old man I have had a great life so far and am very thankful to be alive. 🙏My era of time didn't look to highly on a empathetic man. Often viewed as weak, BPD girlfriends think you must be gay. Literally have to be the therapist's therapist. Viewed as too SCARY for some because of the power of your insight of others. Although physically in very good shape, viewed as weak. Have dreams that come up with unbelievable "knowledge" but not able to act on these things because there is no way for people to accept what you "know".
I am a "true empath" and I feel you got it spot on. Great job! When I was younger, b4 I knew that I was an empath, absorbing others emotions really confused me. Sometimes I would be like..... wait a min ..... I was in a wonderful mood like 30 sec ago...... why am I freaking out and crying now???
I thought I was crazy...... then my mom told me I was an empath.
I agree overall. I’m turning 65 and it took me yrs to realize who I am and part of that is that I’m an empath. It also took yrs to learn what that truly meant and how to set boundaries. What a relief and freedom I’ve experienced once I did. I still struggle at time but I more quickly recognize that what I feeling isn’t coming from me and it helps so much. I love being an empath especially as I’ve grown to love who I am.
Boundary issues, feeling what others are feeling. Even feeling things about people not around me. I felt when my daughter died. I can see energy if others. Not just feel it but see it. I get a headache if some one says they have one. I take on everything. I have to keep my circle small. I get exhausted from being around many people and seeing and feeling all the energy in the room both good and bad. It’s a curse and a blessing.
So sorry for your loss of your daughter.
Boundaries are like going against your very nature
wow! I'm an empath! I never knew, but i've always known I have great empathy, and worked in Social Services, and in psychiatric hospitals all my life, and LOVED IT!
the 4th can be numbed off when people make you tired. people can and will push you to a point where you are so burned out you just do not or can not care any more.
to empaths getting to this point. do you and others around you a favour, if you are getting to that point, WALK AWAY, its ok to say no, it's ok to take time for yourself, its ok to not be ok.
Totally agree!
I did. I set a boundary. And to this day, I haven't stepped over the set boundary with a long time "friend." I am certainly surprised that I haven't caved. My care button is not there anymore for them.
I've never felt so understood in all my life till this video!
❤
Holy crap, spot on. I have someone in my life who states they are an empath, and I truly believe they have undiagnosed BPD. I believe they think they are empathetic because they emotionally disregulate and think having big emotions is what empathy is. The issue is that they are only feeling their feels, not others. My therapist describes this as self-referential and I think that's really good term and would love to hear other's perspective on that.
I definitely relate to this :)! In fact, I think a video on emotional "contagion" is called for!
Agreed
This really spoke to me! I’m an empath according to this (with boundary work to do) along with being introverted at my core. I’ve learned to be more extroverted, but that is not my normal state! Nice to see the difference between the empath and introverted parts of myself!
Yes I see a lot of this in me as I am highly sensitive too but at 62 I've noticed I am with ppl I love as I was with my mother the Covert Narcissist. In public I'm an extravert who needs my alone time as ppl will have exhausted me too. And when it has to do with public I also love to be able to do Advocacy work etc. But interesting what you said about having a high altitude to pick up on cues of behaviors, actions, non verbal communication. My mother use to say I missed my calling in life I SHOULD HAVE BEEN A DETECTIVE. Interestingly is I use to say my mother gave me those skills. Well my mother was a Covert Narcissist.
Yeah, I know what you mean. I'm actually extroverted, but I'll get very overwhelmed by other people's thoughts and feelings, their vibration, so I need to retreat and decompress, regain my equilibrium, which may appear to be introverted. Even just going to the grocery store can knock me out for a bit. Definitely need to work more on my boundaries too.
Being out in public literally exhausts me😖😴
100% spot on!
My husband and i have a friend who talks and acts like he's had 100 cups of coffee. I always get on edge when he's in my house because he makes feel the same 😒. I can also feel the calm and serenity of a new baby. They bring on such a beautiful light into the world and i can feel that too 😊
When you spoke about connecting to and valuing emotions and needing to heal, I almost started to cry. I've shut so much of myself away from an early age because of people in my life devaluing my emotions and needs and perspectives.
@4:56 - I used to be the person that everyone in my soul tribe vented to. The problem was before I even knew what boundaries were....taking on the energies of others was a huge problem.
I have the first 3, not the 4th. Not an empath, doesn't make me a ''bad'' or ''toxic'' person; there are a few people who I truly care about, but just a few
I resonate with just about everything your saying…I’m still not sure if I’m an empath… I just came out of a narcissist relationship. I’fell into something about narcissist and studied more. My ex was all of this… Then I listened to something on empaths and felt as though they were explaining me..Definitely going through a very hard time..Didn’t want to believe my ex was a narcissist but it’s so very true.
You are not alone. I feel the same way. They say being with a narcissist, that the emotional abuse actually changes your brain!! I know I used to be Much more of an empath, in some ways. Maybe I'm just tired of dealing with the reality of what a narcissist really is. It's Not love, and after 33 years with him, I'm STILL having a problem accepting that reality.
Description of a normal human being with "carer" traits, sometimes a healthy "carer type" person, but sometimes with boundary- and codependency issues, or even trauma.
The emotional contagion aspect, as I’ve learned now, was the cause of my severe social anxiety.
Crying with stranger’s distress in the ER.
“My mother in law shot herself this morning.” I sit and she sit’s too. My question, “Do you feel you should have done something different?, ending with “It puts your kids in a higher risk category. You have to watch them closely. She felt relief. I’ve never done that before but it was natural.
I get the feeling that I have the qualities of an empath, but without the boundaries to protect myself (thanks to my parents).
Especially because I highly value intimacy and closeness, but get very easily overwhelmed by the emotions of other people :(
Thank you for yor work Barbara! There´s a lot of confusion about terminology these days, so clarification is much appreciated!
When I was younger, my grandma and mother always tell me to always help people who are in needs. As I growing older I realised that I have done all the 4 traits you mentioned.. All my family and friends problems has always become my problem as I tend to solve almost everything for them.. Now as I grow older, I felt so exhausted as my own problems I do it alone and helping other peoples problems..there was a time I think I a person who loves problems.. So last few years is how I started feeling really exhausted whenever people are coming to me and expecting me to help them actually how I help is by listening and giving them advices or sometime involved in their problems.. So last 2 years, I was avoiding from almost everyone I knew and always making an excuses just now to have them around.. I kept my self away as every time I was out there and meet even somebody new, I always drawn people to me and make them opened up and share their problems to me.. My mom also don't understand how I can make friends with new people so easily but for me it's exhausting because every time I meet someone new, they will immediate open up their problems and it makes me exhausted.. When my feeling are exhausted, It took many days for me to recover..
You are part of the people. Your mum and grandma weren't wrong. You might just have forgotten to include yourself in the equation;) never too late.
Thank you for clearing this up for me. I now understand I'm an Empath who needs to do more work on my boundaries and heal my past. This is by far the best educational video on Empaths. Thank you again.
You are so welcome and thank you for letting me know it was helpful! Wishing you health and healing!
I feel the same! I got so much smarter by this video ❣️
I totally agree…you’ve got me down perfectly…so that is why life has been so filled with time-consuming obstacles…hmmm
The body language cues is why so many Empaths can be manipulated by narcissists. Self
Awareness and self respect will help you recognize when your boundaries are being violated, but you need to have boundaries first.
I’ve always been the type of person that total strangers will tell me what I call their whole life’s story while we’re waiting in line to check out at a store. I try to encourage people to see the bright side or stretch themselves in a new direction when in a challenging situation but as you say, if one doesn’t have firm boundaries, that helpful nature can be a double edged sword when encountering someone who wants to take advantage, & I can do it to myself as well. For instance if I have a daunting task that needs to be tackled it’s very easy to accept an invitation to help someone else instead of taking care of that task & getting it behind me. As much as I love problem solving I have learned over the years to tell myself “not my circus, not my monkeys.” Most women just need me to listen & they will talk themselves into their answer with just a couple of clarifying questions here & there from me. Most men just need to blow off steam & want to be heard & then they’re good because they pretty much know what needs to be done in the end. The narcissists are just looking to dump all their emotional baggage on someone so they don’t have to carry it & I was their bellhop for too many years til I learned better.
Very interesting. I don't feel qualified to throw out that I'm an empath, but I'm starting to review my life and see a lot of similarities. I don't want to self define myself. Thank you very much for sharing!
Try random strangers in casual settings, in small talk conversation, say, at the supermarket, suddenly telling you something very personal, somthing that thay are struggling with. Hurtful things. It happens to me almost every time I go out. It is uncanny how often it happens. To tell the truth, I am always a little taken back by it, but something about me seem to trigger something in them that causes them to feel free to tell me their troubles. Sometimes I just Listen other times I try to encourage, but i am always exhausted afterwards. I care about these strangers in a deep way. I can read between the lines, and feel what they are feeling. I sense what they need to hear or if they just need to tell someone who cares, I feel it. My Therapist once told me she always knows when I am in the waiting room, because when she comes down the hall to get me, everyone else in the waiting room is talking and laughing with me and one another. She said it only happens when I'm in there. This was news to me, but she was right, I get people to open up. It is a gift, I guess, but one that can be hard on the one who has it. I have been told such heartbreaking things by people i will never see again. 😢 I can only hope I help them in some way.
Can you talk about CPTSD and how it’s not being empathic? Therapists have said that it’s not feeling energy that trauma sufferers experience it’s the fact that they scan the room and people because they need to make sure it’s safe. It’s not from a place of empathy but a place of fear due to the brains wiring
hmmm... Yes, many empaths or highly empathetic people came from trauma or dysfunctional families where they learned to pick up on others emotions to protect themselves... this doesn't mean it isn't empathy. A child does that instinctually, and if their focus is to care for others so they can be ok, it becomes very ingrained. I would not say that it causes them to not be empathetic. Some people with CPTSD have very high degrees of empathy. Others have shut empathy off.
I’m crying as I watched your whole video.
Your number 4…. Nearly bawled when you explained it. I once told my psychologist who was trying to help me build healthy boundaries that I’m worried that if I change…I might not like who I am because what if I then no longer care about other people’s feelings? What if I no longer understand other people’s true feelings about what they share with me. (Yes I know I really didn’t understand what the psychologist wanted to do at the time). I hear very often phrases like, “no one’s ever understood that. Thank you for understanding.” Or “you are so spot on”, and that understanding really helped people around me, and I thought that if I set boundaries, I would be turning that intuition and concern off.
I feel as if this is debilitating in that I am psychologically AND physically so affected by all this.
I can add to sign #2 "People come to you for support." I've had Many occasions while traveling nationally and internationally when non family and friends have come to me for emotional support and advice. I enjoy lending a supportive ear...
My boundaries have led to Agoraphobia. I’m really struggling lately. I’m so afraid of losing the ability to go outside. I’m so overwhelmed and it’s to the point that I have to censor myself from things as simple as TV shows (especially reality television). I have to leave the house the day after tomorrow and my anxiety is so high about it that I didn’t sleep last night. My flight reaction is HUGE. Iam incapable of dealing with confrontation and I’m getting worse.
With much respect that's not having healthy boundaries if you're developing agoraphobia. You might be like me where I lived in extreme opposites for awhile. Where I would learn something and then sit on the extreme end on if it's right or wrong. To me, it sounds like you got to the place of learning boundaries and red flags, which you see and feel everywhere now and you said peace, everyone. I myself sat in that space for more than a year. Omg, I just realized that I found an old fortune while cleaning today that fits perfectly. It said "efforts and courage are not enough without purpose and direction."
You're halfway there to healing so don't give up. This comment was left 5 months ago so I'm probably late to the party but when I get that spiritual itch to help I just can't help it, I'll feel bad if I don't, lol.
@@jenniyum You're not late to the party. Your comment came at just the right time. Thank you dear. ♥
@@gypsyjengypsydogs9320 I'm so happy to hear that! Wishing you the very best. Take care.💛✨
I am an ampath, i am 45. I am suffering from it, I cannot define what is my feeling or from whom I pick them up. I feel emotion that people are not yet aware of there own state. It’s is nothings like a gift. I learn slowly to live with it as I just discovered it was actually a thing to be a sponge. I am permanently wine out
I qualify and I am taking a counseling practitioner class. But always try to direct the person to the help they need. I cannot fix it but help them get the help they need.
I'm in total agreement. I'm in touch with my feelings n emotions. It's tough for me to come to a gathering without enough rest can be overwhelmingly draining
I like this video. I am 40 & just starting to learn, heal & understand.
As a child I was always criticized & told that my sensitivity was a downfall.
I cried too much, & was not brave or smart bc I avoided confrontation.
I just found your video, more like "tripped" over your video. You said so many things that hit me so hard, it is like having a migraine on top of a migraine. You answered so many questions in a way that not only did I understand but made me want to run into the woods screaming because my hair was on fire! You gave me more understanding in 18:35 minutes of your video that I've been looking for my whole life and I'm 54yrs! You gave me an "out" where I saw none. I have taken screenshots of your links in your description, and will be happily and greatfully use this info for the relief it's and you have offered! Thank You. My life is now more bearable.
She is special as she is so clear. Id say non judgemental, but i am not sure about that.
❤ I have been physically held back. several times by friends and family running towards dangerous situations to HELP someone.
Well, this explains a lot for me. I've wondered about being an empath because I feel a physical sensation when someone else gets hurt, but crowds have never bothered me. I'm definitely an introvert to some extent, but do like being around others as well. What I do feel is a physical sensation when I see someone hurt. It is hard to explain but a physical sensation rushes through my body (not adrenalin) when I witness someone getting cut or break a bone etc. I was married to an extreme narcissist so I'm very familiar with that as well. Thank you for this clear description. 🙏 ❤😊
Thank you for this.. The main and important differentiating factor is an Empath truly cares for ppl even a stranger, you will never see again or can do anything for you. It is so annoying that a lot of ppl are categorizing ppl who are hyper-vigilant due to trauma and or HSP as empaths. A lot of them are selfish and have a lot of victim mentality over any real care for others. After the TikTok Narc diagnosis, this is the next over-falsified term wherein ppl take a lot of delight in calling themselves with they clearly aren't or even worse, Narcs who are using it to disguise themselves.
I work in health and social care, and being an empath helps me do my job. I can feel how the others are feeling and alter my approach based on how they're feeling.
Everything you said is exactly 💯 percent describing me. I have experience covert narcissist my sister who didn't grew up with us and my father is grandiose narcissist and my best friend too. I just know why.
Absolutely everything you said resonated with me thank you so much for this For this video God bless you 🙏 ❤️
I could write several books on this, based on my life and experiences, especially as an RN who had no boundary work, no time to recuperate, etc. 63 now, retired disabled. I still struggle, especially with adrenal fatigue. Better balance with more peace and quiet, especially with work on my own spirituality.
The point about picking up subtle cues really got me thinking. It seems to me that at least in my life, in order to survive being surrounded by so much narcissism, I actually have an 'autopilot' that forces me to IGNORE subtle cues. I am actually have to work very hard at better observation. I think many empaths grow up being taught to only listen to what people say and ignore what they do...at least I did. I also think that one of my biggest stumbling blocks as a-reluctant-to-define myself empath is that I tend to project positive motives and attributes where there is nothing or minimal at best. Often even in the face of what is malignant. I also love how you differentiate between introverts and empaths. I know many a covert narcissist who really loves his/her time alone to recharge...at least for brief periods. The extreme video gamer/incel could be an example of the introverted narcissist. I think your definitions of empath really make sense to me---I have had times when I was quite social in my life, public speaking, succeeding in the work world, yet would come home after a great day and still feel like five people were inhabiting my skin. Even positive energy from others can be disturbing...I used to call it being 'wired and tired' at the same time. Oh and one more thing regarding the required signs...I believe that the empathy can be so strong that you can put yourself in the shoes of people you don't even like or strongly disagree with...it can be quite confusing to know what emotions and views are yours and what belong to them. Sorry for the long post, but wow, great video.
I’ve always had the urge to put my hands on others who are suffering. If they have a sprained ankle to hold their ankle, wrist, etc. I’ve always held myself back. I know I can help heal their injury. It’s weird. I do care and it doesn’t matter if I know the person or not.
Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves.
We've all been wrong badly one way or the other, maybe by the people we love, family, friends, acquaintances, etc.
But then seeking revenge against these people can lead to your doom. Yes, they might deserve it, but then, it will come back around to you.
Try to take your mind off the situation and forgive the person. Remember, you have also done something terrible to someone. Nobody is perfect.
If someone does something terrible to you, the best thing to do is to reward them with a good deed. This might be challenging, but remember you are also saving yourself in the long run.
Don't pay evil with evil, as this will make you an evil person too. So, don't seek revenge; you will just hurt yourself more. Leave the battle for God to fight.
Totally agree that revenge is not healthy... wondering how that applies to today's video?
Thank you! Suddenly everyone is either an empath or a narcissist and that's just not the case. People need to have a certain number of the required traits for a proper diagnosis or to qualify for a certain personality type. It's a little annoying but I realize not everyone have the ability of insight. I am working on myself. It's been over two years now and I'm learning a lot about honing my craft so to speak. I'm working on realizing my gifts rather than seeing it as a negative quality to be who I am.
Yes. I am absolutely an empath; so much that prior to hearing this, it was almost scarry because I wasn't sure why I so deeply felt the emotions of others. The problem is when you do internalize the emotions of others. It becomes truly exhausting and draining and eventually will depress you. So be very careful if you are like this. Because many people don't identify with this. They think you are overly sensitive. So be careful being an empath. You have to be a cautious empath. This is a fabulous video.
Caring, actually caring about the well being of others including strangers is critical.
It’s interesting to hear you talk about healing the” parts that have been put away. “ This resonates deeply. This is exactly what I did. I remember when I locked away part of my soul, in a high tower of my brain. 43 years later I only experience that delight in flashes.
Your words describe me as an Empath. People have said it to me before didn’t know, just thought I have empathy as aNurse. Number 4 I knew I have besides the other 3, but I am trying to stop having number 4 if I can! 😢
I think what said is odd, but I am burnt out. I am a Mental Health Practitioner and found this video brilliant and I agree with all you have said. Didn’t realise you were working on Wall Street too- hope you have some crypto too 😂😂❤
Thank you
Hi: Nursing and mental health is a challenging arena, and burn-out is easy. However, I hope you don't get rid of #4, maybe just incorporate the knowledge that it doesn't need to be your job... Idk if that makes sense (maybe I need to do a video on it!) We can wish and want others to be relieved of suffering while knowing our ability to help is limited... And self-care so important to heal burn-out...
I don't work on Wall St any longer and I quit way before crypto was a thing!
Wishing you the best!
I have been an empath all my life, it seems. Ppl used to come to me even as a kid and tell me all their troubles. I always knew how others were feeling somehow. Never really understood why I knew until the last few years. And caring about others and wanting to help has been a lifelong trait. Intuition, too. There is no question that I am an empath. It is sometimes very, very difficult. And sometimes it is such a blessing.
I reached a point I didn't want to walk through the mall or carnivals, or any busy place because I would feel all the different emotions around me. I just couldn't handle it anymore. I needed a break from it. About 90% of the deaths in my family and friends, I knew before they happened. I just didn't know which person it was going to be. I am very good at reading people and picking up on feelers. Sometimes I feel it is a curse.
It is terrible when you feel how sad and maybe abused and there isn't anything you can do. But you know what you know. I want to give these kids my phone number. Or an abused woman and you are helpless to help.
Last year, we took a vacation with our two grown children to Nashville. It's crowded and noisy. I did it for my husband and kids because they thought it was great. I disliked most of the trip. Except for the small outings of history touring stuff. The car ride was enjoyable, too. Crowds were almost intolerable for me. But I did it.
Totally agree…. All my life…. All 4 and have been judged and criticized for this gift. I learned at a young age that these people hurt me because they were jealous…. I was very co-dependent to keep people happy. They expect me to take care of them only
Yes 👏 ma'am 👏. Omg I needed to hear this. I'm recovering from a narcissistic mother and discovering my codependency. Throw being an empath on top of it and you run the risk of being eaten alive.
I detest when folks tell me to ignore others and say "Why do you care," as if caring were a negative trait, until I recall that non-empaths find caring draining. For me NOT caring is a much heavier burden, b/c curiosity about others, and wanting to relieve suffering is my natural state. I am fortunate that I grew up practicing Buddhism, which literally studies empathy, and relieving suffering is the central tenant.
You described me perfectly! Especially the last one that you said is not true. I crave intimacy for deep connections. I am extremely intuitive and I'm the person people come to with all their problems. I also can tell when someone is lying. I am married to a BPD individual and he just discarded our relationship. I'm learning about love bombing and trauma bonding and I realized I was so ready to take on my bpd spouse because of my empathic traits. I am awful with boundaries and now he is in therapy and setting all sorts of boundaries that are almost paralyzing me as I feel cut off from my emotional deep connection with him. He attempted suicide 1.5 years ago and I have been in a DEEP DEPRESSION ever since. I didn't realize it was because he never healed from that event and was resenting me the whole time.
I am 60ish and realizing why things go down hill when I am with too many people. I have had no boundaries and as a result I would take in a lot of energy in. I thought a Buddhist temple might be the way to go. No significant change. My reclusive nature is calling for me. When I was young I did love to sit at busy bus stop, and watch all the people coming and going. I was not in the same flow.
This is me all the first 4 it’s so scary 😢sometimes it’s a gift and sometimes it’s a curse ❤
I think that I might have been a true empath if I hadn’t had such a traumatic childhood, but while I’m able to pick up on subtle body language and facial expressions, I’m lacking an ability to respond dispassionately to perceived manipulative behaviors.
I now know that I am an empath, I know this because I care, especially when it comes to the broken-hearted. I have had my heart broken 💔 so when I know of a broken heart I can’t help but give all the comfort I can muster ❤
What I've realized about the fundamental reality of being an intuitive empath is that when someone has a feeling, thought, desire, etc., they have those things in two places: within themselves and within me. When I was younger and I got around others it would confuse me because I would be in my own emotional/mental state then when around them their emotions,thoughts,etc would get jumbled in with my own - in fact I didn't even realize I was picking up and taking in others emotions, etc. (needed boundary work) Then once I figured out I was taking in the emotions, thoughts, desires and intentions of others I began to separate and quarantine those emotions, etc. so they would not effect or interfere with my own emotional and mental state. This way I could observe and identify what I was receiving and taking into myself then release it. I also realized around this time that I could control how receptive I was to the emotions, thoughts, etc of others (unless they are overpoweringly strong then I receive them whether I want to or not). If you want your life to be less chaotic as an empath you MUST master these skills to have peace and not constantly get overwhelmed. Being an empath is an amazing gift once you master it but what sucks is when you sense the suffering of others and cant help them - thats the empath's agony.
Interesting that number 4 is wanting to relieve others suffering! If I had a dollar for all the times I've been asked, "Why do you care?", I would definitely be rich!
Omg….SPOT ON!!!
I call it my blessing and my curse.
I am most def 100% an Empath!
And yes I take on other emotions all the time. It’s exhausting!!
I know I am spot on when I ask my boyfriend what’s up, you okay? And he lies every time and I know he is lying every time.
I also pick up on when his energy is telling me there is something up I shouldn’t trust him!!
I also try to fix everyone and def ignore my own stuff.
I never knew what was wrong with me. I thought I was from another world. I kept going through my head asking what is wrong with you??
I am extremely empathetic!!
For humans and animals. Actually a lot more for animals!!!
Sometimes I wish I wasn’t so sympathetic. I’m extremely sensitive too,
with my feelings, touch, hearing, taste, you name it. Ugh.
I aslo watch how people react to things. Il know how to tell if someone is fake too. I will not have anything to do with anyone who is fake.
I def do too much for ppl. I have no boundaries and I always always get hurt and taken advantage of.
I have had so much happen to me in the last year and it’s made me not want to go out anymore or be around people There are a lot of manipulative and fake ppl out there now a days. I don’t trust anyone anymore! Just from all of the things I’ve been through in the last 3 years. It’s really opened my eyes to how selfish ppl are.
I know I need to heal from from a lot of abuse in my entire life. I am 55 now, I don’t want to be in pain anymore. I don’t want ppl to hurt me anymore. I just don’t know how to no hurt anymore.
Nevertheles, every bad thing that I have been through will never change my compassion and empathy. I will always be that person that ppl/strangers/family and friends turn to for a caring ear. It’s like I’m a magnet for ppl that need healing. Ans I have the ability to always make them feel better just by talking to them. And I always end up making them feel better. They say just by being around my energy makes them feel better.
That is an unremarkable feeling and I know I am truly truly blessed!! 😇
❤✌️😊
What I like about this video Barabara, if I can call you Babara, is that my ex Mrs is a covert narcissist and she is training to be a counsellor and she always says she loves helping people but never helps anyone. She is the one who always needs help. When you said about protesting for animal rights, I have done research these last 18 years and I know how to change our system giving the people power and I have a way to eradicate narcissism too. I have a flight response when it comes to conflict but not when it comes to help us bring real change because I have all the facts and know what we have to do. In a relationship, you are always searching and the narcissist gives us no facts in their imagination so we can't build on top of a solid foundation, you end up with scattered brains.
Facial expressions you mentioned too. It is like they have watched videos like these and forced themselves to think that they are that person in their imagination. I invent things, I'm an engineer, love helping people, take on others' problems because I am a good problem solver, however my boundaries were terrible. Letting them walk all over me because I moved in with them and I was forced out the house multiple times so I had to suck it up for a while but I recently left her.
Now I can work on my boundaries and it involves taking drugs to escape the trauma and also to get some peace in my mind. All of this educational information you share is amazing and helps us understand a lot of what we are going through and what to avoid by recognising it in others. This video makes it quite clear and I'm making a playlist with the best videos to wake people up so they can become stronger and recognise how not to be with a narcissist.
Thank you for sharing
I am empath , i am surgeon dentist, and i agree with your four rules …i am curing o lot of phobics patients, because of that . All my life people had come to me to tell me about his/ her doubt of the life, in a party , often unknow people came at me to fell my support. One important think too, his why we are empath, because of our lack of emotional connection and stzbility when we were a child , in a toxic family… I am extraverti and disrptif , i am also HPI /HPE with TDHA …
It’s the fourth trait that makes the gift hurt. Even with right boundaries, it hurts to turn away… my rule, if I can lead the person to the understanding they can help and heal, I know I did my job.
Wow! I think I am one. People will tell me their deepest feelings. I can also change their energy a lot of the time.
My husband would say, "How do you know that?" About a person I don't really know, and often it's because they just tell me stuff.
NORTHERN ITALY experience #2 for 1965.
"THE ANGELIC ENCOUNTER: A LIFE-CHANGING LESSON IN EMPATHY FROM A BEING OF LIGHT" .
I was a rambunctious child to say the least . I was trying to manage something that i had no explanation for , my realization that something powerful was trying to guide me , so my thought was to try to put it out of my mind by just running around..and around..(naturally disturbing all around me)
Now I'm going to call this particular experience religious , only because it happened in a church during service , and the being I faced was nothing less than what i would describe as Angelic in nature.
Again the place is Italy , and my family was in church. This event happened I would say about 6 months after the first red sphere event,on my grandmothers balcony , and my ganglion tumor behind my knee was already showing itself..
Service was being performed and , I as usual was running around,, and even though several people including my parents tried to calm me down ,i continued on my personal rampage of running around...
Something extraordinary happened to me at this point ... and this is the actual account as I most closely remember it..
A beam of light ,from the stained glass windows , a brilliant beam , shone upon me and froze me in place,, I could not speak nor move .
A brilliant looking being ,,,,,, carrying a blue flaming sword in one hand and , what appeared to be a parchment of paper, in his other hand , appeared at the top of the beam of light next to a stained glass window , it effortlessly glided down the beam of light and stood right before me,, as all this was going on the only thing everyone could see was that I was as still as a statue , and had a brilliant glow on my face like someone was shining a flashlight at my face, and gazing at what appeared to them as nothing .
At the same time , from my perspective everyone was frozen in place , as if they were paralyzed , including the priest giving the sermon.....
The being never opened it's mouth , but its thoughts penetrated my mind , and I was taught for the first time in my life the most important lesson that makes up my entire being today , and that is.... Empathy .
His presence alone in front of me made me realize that my significance was indeed insignificant.
Others , their feelings, hopes, dreams, and everything that culminates a lifetime ,had to and always would come first...
I remember crying,,,, the same bouts of crying I get today,, bouts that remind me of my insignificance on this planet we call Earth , and all that really matters is others, and the kindness one can show to others in their lifetime , yes including our enemies, and I learned that the only thing that really counts in the end of our mortal lives is kindness,, I know now that on the day I am going to be judged , I will be judged by my actions ,, not my words .
This is a perfect video that 100% nails it for what an empath is!!! Im not only an empath but, im so tuned in I work for pretty well known psychic networks as an Empathic Clairseitent! I always quit my job because it drains me after a few hours!!! You’re great! I just subscribed 😊
Thank you, Barbara, this was very helpful info!
Thank you.
I have strong self doubts. And I find I'm constantly questioning myself. I also don't have a lot of self confidence.
I can feel horrible for plants and I have bought plants just ro save them.
I also had a reptile rescue for a decade. I worked for a vet and people would bring in their pet reptiles to be put down because they didn't want to deal with their medical needs. So I took in a badly burned ball python, she's been with me 20 years.
Working for a vet actually caused me to have a breakdown. I couldn't take all the animal abuse. Then I took a job with a pediatrician and got exposed to child abuse. I had to end that job when I developed a nervous tick and had a nervous breakdown. Seeing all the animal and child abuse and neglect made me want to run off and hide in a cave. I became a shut in after my last job.
Their pain is contagious for me.
Or as I've been told, "I'm too much".
🌸🌼🌻🌺🌹💐❤🧡💛💚💙💜
I happened to stumble upon this in the TH-cam Rabbit Hole and I have to say, with all the "empath" stuff being bandied about elsewhere on the internet I've grown fairly skeptical of whether or not I actually am one. I am an HSP, of that there's no doubt, but evidently everyone's an empath these days (including people I know who are very clearly NOT but like to think of themselves this way), so I'm glad you touched on that and emphasized that without the fourth trait one may be very empathetic but not an actual empath. By possessing the fourth trait it would seem for the first time to me that I may, in fact, be an empath. Interesting...
I really appreciate your "straight talk" style Barbara, shining clarity through trendy pop psychology simplifications of complex behavioral patterns. Thank you!
I have been watching many videos on what is an empath and feel this one hits it on the nose! Thanky @Barbara for your wonderful intelligent insights :) One step closer to understanding my ways.
Another useful and clearly explained video.I suspect there are more than a few people with NPD who are able to convince others, and maybe even themselves, that they are empaths.
I completely agree! Thank you for the validation and clarity. I am now a subscriber.
I too am a recerched. Yours is the most comprehensive on emataths I’ve heard thx you. I’m anenpath go have been narcissitic tramatized my whole life just go out from under a nightmare narc who had a bunch of women in his clutches. When he shined me on these women freaked he broke my heart but I knew I could not be a parts his gaslighting manitipulatiins and saying all his fact compliments.
Great to see a talk like this where "being and empath" is viewed through a more academic lens. I related to all the various signs through the whole video. Number 4 surprised me - I didn't expect it - but it was an "Oh, yes. Of course" for me. And number 8; as soon as I saw "overwhelmed by closeness' that was a "no way!" Definitely on the introvert end of the scale, or maybe I'm just happy with my own company. My feeling for what makes an empath is that they don't have strong self-definition, like, they don't have a big ego, and so have a lot of free attention available for observation and emotional connection, and sensitivity for the internal states of others, and living things in general. I'm not as sensitive as I used to be but still get confused as to some feelings I feel. I always assume they're mine but suddenly feeling anxiety from a state of calm, or suddenly feeling two different emotions in conflict with each other - and feeling them in my body - while exchanging pleasantries with someone - gets my attention; but it's usually only when I reflect later that I think I might've been feeling the other person's stuff .....
9:37 I was going to say , this I’m not conflict adverse, I’m very Justice oriented so I will absolutely fight for what is right.
Number 4 is only if you are a service to other. Number 2 is if one doesn't isolate oneself due to empathetic sensitivity. Maybe my experiences are different.
You are absolutely right! I have all four!
Absolutely you are so right!
I am experience to listening this today.
Love&light
I am a Hairstylist. I am an empath. I have really great highs and low lows sometimes. I feel wonderful when I can help people feel and look awesome.
I had to learn how to stop giving away free work, bc I literally could.
And when I am working with young children who are scared of hair cutting tools, it tortures me. I now have to just put a very fine line in boundaries so I don't feel bad & continue to feel bad for them later.
Wow! I love the boundary work of the emotional contagion. So critical to emotional health. I love this.
When you create a list of this kind it obviously identifies the qualities that are necessary to carry the term "empath". However, for me it is the totality of all of those qualities working together that enables you to really experience being an empath and knowing the full weight of it.. To walk into a crowded room and feel chaotic energy is a real wallop to our senses. Then you meet someone who is in distress or being treated unfairly while someone else seeks out your consul or help with their current dilemma, then you feel the darkness or nefarious force of someone else in the room that you know is dangerous and you must avoid them or take them on, then you speak to those that need help and you gauge what it will mean for you to help them taking into consideration their personality, and what they are most likley to do, and how involved you need to be, and then you wage the battle with yourself because you know they need you and you know that you can and want to help but you have suspicions of their integrity - all of these things come at you at once all together. So for me being an empath is not simply the gift of compassion and empathy, it is the whole process of feeling and identifying the situation all at once while trying to protect yourself and not falling prey to someone who wants to take advantage of you. This is why I don't consider it a gift. For some reason I can see into the situation far enough to know how things will go or even turn out based on the personalities that I am dealing with. I find it exhausting and often thankless. I am also somewhat surprised at how many people sense that you are an empath and freely take advantage of you. I have created boundaries but the process still exists and it can eat you alive.
Great discussion. Wish I had been able to hear this information decades ago, but at least it validates what I learned through experience. The differentiation between characteristics of empathy vs other abilities, skills, and senses is especially thought provoking. Thank you.
I am definitely an Empath and it drives me nuts. I wish I wasn't. And yes I attract Narcissists and I have decided to stay very far away from them. I see every little facial movement of people, their eyes, their movements, actions and body movements. I have to set very strong boundaries. I get upset very easily by other people's issues because I can't understand why they don't fix their problems. I can't understand why it has to distract me so much. Luckily 10 years of counseling for my child abuse has helped me set boundaries. There are times I take too much of it on and it overwhelms me. I was told I was very emotional as a kid but I never saw it that way. I thought I just really saw people for who they really were.
So, I'm listening to your list and thinking of ways complex trauma has gotten in the way of some of those feelings. Then, you got to #4 and boom. I do genuinely care and wish I could relieve suffering. That is one of the strongest elements of my core Self.
This is an incredibly informative and relatable video. Thank you for clarifying empaths. Crystal. Well done.
5;;20, thus many of us find it easier to be on our own and avoid crowds and family 'crap'. It's just too tiring. So now I research housing issues as an output to help people I'll never meet, they'll never know, and that's fine. It's an outlet to use the motivational power of empathy, keeping it under control and not manipulated by feeling of guilt or inadequacy. My research may come to zero. On the other hand, maybe just a small cog, but I'm doing something and empaths action is the only way to find resolution; words are just the starting point.