TIMESTAMPS The effect of toxic parenting on kids 0:53 Traits of toxic parents: 10. "Fear me yet love me." 2:01 9. "You need to deal with adult problems, but you still have no rights." 2:34 8. "Be the best but don't forget that you're not special." 3:14 7. "Open up to me but don't be surprised by ridicule." 3:54 6. "You're bad so don't even bother trying to become better." 4:31 5. "You can be successful but only if there’s something in it for me." 5:28 4. "Do exactly what I say, but it’s your fault if you fail." 6:15 3. "You’re such an inconvenience, but don't leave me alone." 6:38 2. "Accept our help but stop exploiting us." 7:11 1. "Trust me, but I’m still gonna go through your stuff." 7:58 How to handle a toxic parent? 8:44
BRIGHT SIDE Thank you so very very much for posting this video. I beilived my mother was a toxic person but I had no way to prove it to others. She checks out every. Single. Box. 100%. I plan to send this to my baby sister secretly so she can keep an eye out for the signs. Even though she is the “favorite” (according to my mother since her birth) I don’t want to risk her being hurt by our mother as well. Thank you thank you.
aw Jeez I hate that response the way I see is I'm coming to you and about an issue don't shrug off my statement otherwise I'll just stop coming to you about anything.
Fish Gilbert I’m 13 and I was stressed bc I had 2 essays to turn in, I have house chores, and i has to do it all the next day. Plus I got all these issues like anxiety and depression
The scariest thing is it's so subtle since childhood you never notice it. You just realise you hate them but don't exactly know why. And they guilt you for that because you can't pinpoint what's wrong.
This indeed! Im seeing a therapist now since march and slowly but surely my eyes are being opened that it is not normal and that i deserve better. Still got a long way to go, but for the first time in my life i have hope that i'll be happy some day
YES!! i always blamed myself because i thought that's how it was supposed to be even when i meet my friends nice parents i always convince myself that im ok my life's supposed to be this way
Anon Anon Yees!! For so long i knew there was something wrong but i couldn't put my finger on it. Now finally after so many years of getting mentally and physically abused i found it out. Now my mom hates me because i call her out on her nasty ways but i get no where because anything i tell her about her negative behavior she tries to flip back on my siblings and me. It's hard.
This is sadly very true. My mother is a narcissist and when I, her only fukken son gives her constructive criticism she throws a tantrum and gets butthurt about it.
Me too. My dad is disrespectful to me that I can't even go out with him without being uncomfortable or nervous. Actually, it's even uncomfortable for me to be near him.
@@chihabgm7796 I cant even talk to my parents, the only time I do is if they ask a question and I respond with the shortest response I can becuase there is always backlash and if they start a arguement about something
Same. I am forced to pretend like an entirely different person to suit my parents' rules of "the perfect child". I only do that whenever I'm around my parents. So when my close friend who ACTUALLY know me tells something about me to my parents, they get extremely surprised. Regardless of it being a good or a bad thing, they'd get shocked. Cuz I never show any of my true interests, hobbies or emotions to my parents as they'd ridicule me if it seems disapproving or funny to them. They'd also not mind telling every person on Earth about my personal details, under the reason "we only do that since we care about you". Despite all this, whenever I tell them that I'm settling down in a foreign country once I get a stable job, how I will only return once a year to visit them and how I won't ever come back to my country to stay for long periods of time, they'd get saddened/shocked. -.-
My dad is the same way! I don’t tell him anything because he will just ridicule me. The other day I told him I was depressed and he literally just told me to get over it!?
My mom expected me to stay home throughout my whole life and made me feel guilty for every single time I went out. Yet when I stayed home she wouldn't talk to me or interact in any way. She just didn't like the idea of an empty house. She would forbid me to do anything and go anywhere and even if she let me she would make me feel guilty for living my life. Moved out at 18, never looked back.
@@mewbao4744 I wasn't always strong. I'm still not because it hurts when you feel like you're the reason why you don't get along with your family. But what is more important, living in content with yourself or trying to please people who will never appreciate it?
Monika Wojciechowska if i were you, delete your mom from your contacts (as in EVERY contact) then maybe she will finally realize the psycholgical effect that keeping you at home had on you,
The only way to heal from narcissistic parents is to go no contact. Boundaries are never respected no matter what you try to put in place. I am in year 6 of going no contact with my narcissistic mother. I still have a long journey of healing in front of me, but it’s the best decision I’ve ever made for myself and my sanity.
Same here. When I tell people about my decision they are always shocked. They always ask me whether I feel like I lost something, but I had nothing to lose. It took me 27 years to realise that the "love" my mother gave me wasn't actually love, and I was finally starting to learn what love truly was. That was 3 years ago now. It was the best decision I ever made in my life.
Omg, yes, so true. Until recently, I talked to my dad, and it's unbelievable he is a master manipulator and makes me feel the bad person here, and says hurtful things to me and then I confront him and he says that he never said that. I was indeed losing my sanity. And I blocked my parents both, because no matter what I will do, I am always disappointing them anyway, but honestly they are the biggest disappointments themselves, they don't feel worthy themselves and they project it on the children. I am done, they are just people, and indeed I want to keep my sanity. :) It's just the guilt that I am dealing with, but perhaps I have healed the majority of it.
@@AngeliqueMerchant Don't feel guilty. If they didn't force you to cut contact then you never would have. Never tell yourself that this is your fault. You tried many times to heal the relationship with them, whereas it should have been them trying to repair the relationship since they were the adults in the situation. By feeling guilty and responsible you're feeling exactly what they want you to feel, because they always made you believe everything was your fault and your job, etc, instead of their own. Just accept that your parents have lost their chance to be in your life forever; it was not a decision that you made lightly.
Thank you for sharing your stories. I’m 41 now and it still hurts, but I have my own little family and a small circle of friends. I think of my mother every day, but there is honestly no event or experience that would ever make me go back to her. It’s sad that my dad and brother continue to be her flying monkeys and I cannot have a relationship with them. Take it day by day, and always know that you can carve out your own family with friends and other loved ones. And if any of you are or plan on being parents one day, just know that you can break that cycle of abuse. I have done that, and though I am far from a perfect mom, I’ll never be anything like my mother, and for that I’ll always be grateful.
oh and actually yells at you and slaps/punches for you to change clothes and clean your face and just smile and do all the chores and when there are guests they tell me to smile and then
I'm going to show this video to every single person who shames me for not "loving" my parents or when I describe their behavior says some variation of "but you know they do it because they love you" No! Stop!! Don't normalize this behavior! Not everyone has to love their blood family or choose to participate in it especially in cases of abuse like this
It's like if you put your parents in a care home and you separate them from you they would just go to relatives and say it and then the relatives and family members would attack you and try to degrade you. So you get stuck at what to do.
I always have panic attacks hearing the keys of my house unlock, I just fear he will catch me doing something I shouldn’t. Even if I did nothing wrong...
This makes me wonder why do people bother having children if they're just going to bring their emotional instability and drama into their children's lives.
Social pressure to have Children, from Parents, Grandparents, Sibs and other relations, society, Media, etc. I decided when i was 16 not to have Children, only Cats ( I love Cats, always have🧡). 42 years have passed ansd I have no regrets. There was a lot of external pressures to resist but one of the things that helped me was knowing that my toxic Mother would not have treated any Children I had any better than she treated me. In the end she was more sorry about my Childlessness than I was 😁
Miri Golden ...my parents didnt choose to have me. They adopted my sister and I but only wanted my sister. They only took me in because they didnt want to hurt my little sister by separating us. They are toxic people...but only to me. Yes, they told me they never wanted me when I was 16...so...yea...there are some situations where the toxic person doesn't want the child to begin with but are forced to have them because of social pressures or other reasons...
There are many reasons. Sometimes it happens on accident. Sometimes they are not bad people, just have way too many unresolved issues. They would like to change and feel like having children will help them with that and also fix relationship problems. And in most cases the act of child birth can have wondrous effects - even on "crazy people" (I know a lot of dysfunctional ppl with kids). What they don't know is that those effects are temporary and if they were really willing to confront their inner daemons and change, they would already be doing something... but more often than not these are the kind of people who dread visiting a psychologist for example, which means they are not actually serious about changing themselves. But then the child is born... they have even less time to confront their own psychological problems and they subconsciously take it out on the kid(s). And so the vicious cycle of dysfunction continues.
Most young people have no idea what kind of adults they will be, and have even less of an idea of what kind of parents they will be. They may not know they are bringing emotional instability or drama into the lives of their children. Also, what works well for one child may have the opposite result for another. So for one child, a parent is kind, patient, and stable, but for the other, the parent is a monster. Example: my sister and I agree that my mother was a wonderful person, by no means perfect, but she was a great mother. My brother, on the other hand, couldn't stand her. She was the same parent to him that she was to us, but he interpreted her attitudes, behaviors and actions as negative. We all tend to show different sides of ourselves to different people, depending on their own presentations of self. Yes, there are parents who damage their children (i.e., my sister-in-law kept telling her beautiful daughter that if she ever wanted a nose job, she would support her), but parents can make mistakes without realizing it. It doesn't mean they are emotionally unstable.
My parents, especially my mother even went as far as trying to turn my children against me. They tried to turn everyone against me. Yet when they needed something I was always there. CRAZY
Oh how I can relate! Still dealing with this right now! So tired of it! It has cost my kids and me and my husband so much pain! If it wasn’t for my family and them always starting drama over the years me and my husband would have a great marriage
I say "Mom, I'm stressed" or "Mom, I'm anxious" all she says is "YOU'RE TOO YOUNG TO BE STRESSED". Yea ok then, let's see how "stressed" I am when i'm not here.
I cried... I literally cried all throughout this video... Its not easy being in a toxic family... its not easy at all. Please never give up guys. You'll get through it. We all will.
i dont think your family have all of those, my family have 10,9,2 and a bit of 1 ( i have a key so i have privacy when i'm on my room ) . we re humans, no one perfect , but if that really hard for you , you better ask someone help . ( i have brother so i have someone to share some pain )
*hears garage door open* Me: *panics* For whatever reason when my mom comes in I fell like she’s gonna abuse me or mock/tease me Also my mom and dad have favorites and I’m none of them
Same it’s always my fault one time I was at a friends house and when I came home I got in trouble for something that happened when I wasn’t their my brother never get in trouble and if they do their is no consequences
So tired of my parents saying my depression is my fault and that I’m such a terrible child... thank you for making a clarifying relatable video... needed it. (Edit): the amount of positive comments on here is amazing! You all deserve an amazing day for being so thoughtful about others lives... thank you
Many parent don't understand that the purpose of parenting is to raise healthy, independent, well-adjusted adults. But don't forget that narcissistic parents are probably themselves a product of bad parenting.
I had a parent who mistreated me it was her own trauma of living in an abusive marriage where her needs weren't met that caused her to mistreat me to this day I find it hard to meet trustworthy people and I'm a kind and loving person
You are absolutely right and maybe I am naive but I believe in improvement for parents with narcissistic traits, because I have seen some improvements with the right therapy
No excuse! I have two narcissist parents and did not repeat any of the behaviors of my abusive parents. Everyone has a choice not to hurt an innocent child.
My therapist taught me a good trick. My parents call me to complain about each other. My therapist said to subtly redirect the conversation, such as if my mom screams about my dad not taking out the trash, I might say “I saw a beautiful sofa on the trash curb the other day” and start talking about furniture. Eventually the parents begin to realize they aren’t getting satisfaction from complaining to you. And they stop. It took nearly a year to retrain my parents, but it worked long term.
Diane W my mom says, I want to talk with you as if you are my best friend this is why I'm simply having a conversation with you... Yes , screaming judgement on other people in the family is a conversation... But I will try that although I am not sure if it will work all the time cause I can't just mention a sofa on the curb so nonchalantly. But I will try this like my sanity depends on it.
thank you. i have a dad who used to constantly insult my mom (they've been divorced for at least 6 years or more) in front of me. it always made me uncomfortable and depressed and i wish i knew this trick during the time when he would complain about her. i'll remember this if he ever starts doing it!
Three out of my five siblings have attempted suicide and one of them succeeded a few years ago. My parents (narcissist) still believe their children are the problem. They have done every single one of these things countless, countless times. This fits them to a T in every way. Respect is earned, and some parents do not deserve it at all. Some are evil.
Man this is scary because I just searched on youtube about toxic parenting and its accurate to the details of my "relationship" with my parents, I think I have narcissistic parents
That’s why it hurts. We grow up believing we can trust them but they stab us on the back making it hard for us to believe in others too & even ourselves. I still suffer from social anxiety from being told I’m not good enough & no one will ever like me. Both parents told me that. I’m the one that had it worse than all my sisters & it hurts to see they don’t have my back either on that.
its like one is bipolar or double sided and the one is abusive. the only way I cope is to distract myself with studies and internet. They usually bother me with the usual words "You're always on that phone" and starting to belittle me. Heck, they even tried to control almost everything about me, to my social privacy to even my emotions. Anxiety usually bothers me. Please help.
I ended up obsessively clinging to the non-narcissistic parent even though he literally abandoned me on a friend's doorstep, told me he'd be back in a few days and never came back... I delusionally made a million excuses for his behavior because it still didn't feel as bad as the way my mom treated me.
Toxic parents need to remember that when they are mean and critical of their children, 40 years later they are old and the child has built their own life which doesn't involve them. And that's just Karma.
In a way I agree with you, but in another way these parents do sometimes change when they get older or have grandchildren which means they have some level of understanding. I guess you cant ask for more than change whether they know what they've done or not.
OH YEAH! if I ever have kids (which I SERIOUSLY SERIOUSLY DOUBT) they will be warned to avoid "grandpa" as much as possible, save your love and attention for grandma instead, she's amazing, x3
I feel your pain. My mother was a bully and exceptionally mean and cruel to me when I was a child. The meanness and manipulation continued into my adulthood until two years ago when I cut her off with absolutely no contact at all. Even though I am estranged from her, she still tries to cause chaos in my life. Playing the victim, she has given my phone number to total strangers and asked them to harass and try to shame me (or guilt) me into having a relationship with her. I've had to have my phone number changed and I still have no desire to return to the toxic relationship I had with her.
I cried while watching the video too. Also remind me too much of how my parents and other family members were treating me. As much as I moved away and cut all contacts, I can’t deny what they did certainly will have a lifelong impact on me... can’t even think of having a child of my own. I’m scared I’d turn into my parents because that’s all I ever know
My mom have this thing where she force me to be more open to her but then the next day THE WHOLE FAMILY KNOWS WHAT IM DEALING WITH, like how did you even-
Same I can't trust any one anymore I keep ot in the inside and when I tell my mom that she hurts me she says "I hurt you?no,you abuse me!you are just a selfish child" with my five years of deppression and cutting I don't know if I can take it anymore.
I hate it when they say “don’t cry.” I just think “gee, being yelled at to the point where criticism just feels like a personal attack stabbing into my heart and soul is fun!”
I didn't realize growing up that it was abuse, because whenever me and my brother called it that we were "dramatic" and "spoiled" because other kids were more 'disciplined' then us and we had it easy. So as a teenager I did believe that, but I'm 21 years old and I struggled to be emotionally connected or able to understand how to express myself in a correct social way for, literally my entire life. My mom wasn't cut out to be a parent and honestly if you have issues of your own you need to fix them before you bring a child into this world because I'm an adult now and I have no idea how to be a person lol
s Maybe this is a start? I mean, you connected emotionally when you wrote this. And you're aware. I believe that you are on the right track, and I support you! :) Rock on!
s You got some example of how not to be a person, from your parent. Thats a good place to start, the fact that you care enough shows you'll do fine though. :3 No ones perfect but trying is important.
IllisMoreo IllisMoreo it's okay to feel broken sometimes. Remember the days that were good? And the world felt expansive and bright? That world is still there, and it's just in your reach. Don't let bad expirences or feelings limit you ❤❤
"You don't talk to me about anything!!!" Me crying and talking about how my mom destroys me sometimes and how i feel My mom "you are destroying me!! Not the other way round" Like .... uhm...no... She also constantly compares me to my friends and makes awful comments about my grades and future 24/7
Best revenge is bring a box into ur room, fill it some unnecessary things then lock it, threw the keys away. Your mom will spend her entire life thinking about the box😂😂
Yup I get that. When I was younger I was in taekwondo, I constantly got compared to other kids in my class, my parents would taddle on me to my teachers, and I was made to be the bad guy most of the time. It stopped being fun and I ended up quitting for my robotics club in school, a place they didnt have influence. And it killed them, my dad would put me down for being overweight, even though I was thinner then what I am now. Saying that taekwondo made me thinner.
When I was 11 I was supposed to be circumcised but I wasn't ready, so my parents told everyone. In the Philippines if you're not cut by 6th grade you're gonna get bullied
Me and my ma always have that conversation. Everytime i try to communicate how some of her words and actions destroys me, she flips it around and refuse to acknowledge her faults. Heartbreaking asf
Lady Vape yesss. 100% agree. The video says not to “cut them off unfairly.” But that advice could lead to guilt (which they already gave us plenty of.) Fair or not, sometimes it is NECESSARY in order to get ourselves and our life back. {Was it “fair” the way they treated us? Do we owe them “fairness”?} Then we can see if a relationship with them is possible - once we are healthy.
Like with a tree. You got to cut off the dead and spoilt leaves. You have to get rid of the little bugs. That's what you gotta do with your family. Clean out your family tree.
Also what I find helps..is to go no contact but to allow some sort of contact. Like they have your email address or something. Maybe one you don’t regularly use. Because it’s like when you go on a diet and say you can’t have something,,it makes you want it more..sometimes going no contact 100 percent from my experience makes you want something you don’t even want. I found allowing a narrow form of contact..but ignoring 99 percent of time the best thing.
EXACTLY. No comfort from them afterwards. taken back like 8-10 years ago. i dont know what goes through their head when they yell at me just to seek short term happiness sacrificing my whole long term well being. i am emotionally broken till now like hahah thanks toxicity.
I live with my grandparents and my grandmother does the same thing like when i told her about a girl I like she went and told all her church friends and she has threatened me with punishment if I didn’t start wearing nicer clothes because her church friends don’t like the way I dress even though I dress that why for my anxiety because it helps me to be mentally comfortable
Just tell everyone about your mother *personal* information and if your mother protest just show the recording (you should have the recording of your mother talking about personal information infront of everyone) if your mother deny it then you deny that you talk thing about your mother. It simple. *narcist logic are handled by narcisit logic*
_"Sweetie you can tell me anything, I won't get mad I promise."_ *Child tells them what's wrong* _"Are you serious?! Get over it. I can't believe you're whining about that right now."_
There is no reasoning with these type of people. Because no matter what, they are always right. They will get downright defensive and snappy even if you try to point out these issues to them. They will make it seem you are delusional and/or ungrateful. Believe me, I know.
Rachael Hill I know exactly what you mean, Rachael; a few of my friends have parents like this. There will always be people who are "never wrong" and who will try to turn things around to blame you every time. This is very toxic behavior. When parents are like this, it often results in their child - or children - growing up with a very deep-set guilt complex.
I understand that. yesterday, I gave my mom a time that I had to babysit, and I told her the correct time, and she came to me later that day and said I gave her 20 minutes later than the correct time, and when I tried to correct her, she said, and I quote, "You knoe, it's ok for you to be wrong sometimes." well, you know, mom, it's ok for you to shut up sometimes. seriously. I'm wrong no matter what. she's never ever the one wrong, even if she is wrong, she doesn't admit it. I have mental issues, and she won't let me talk to someone about it because she's embarrassed, and when I bring it up, she threatens me.
My mom used to call me years ago, usually to gripe about my father or beg me for money. We could joke around for about 60 seconds, then suddenly she would take offense to something I said and go all "victim" on me. When I started healing, and stopped putting up with that game, she stopped calling. I think it was the day I said, "If you're not willing to do something to change your situation, then you have no business b****ing about it." She hung up immediately! It was pretty great.
These characteristics of toxic narcissistic parents fit mine 100%, in fact, my relationship with my parent's became worse once I graduated from the University, they never went to college, and moved out of the house. It's very sad when you realize your parents are crazy, verbally abusive, control freaks who treat you like garbage.
MandyMagnolia19, I have experienced the same thing Mandy both of my younger Sibs have accomplished nothing in their lives yet, the sun and the moon shines on them, according to my parents, it has always made me feel insignificant and completely flabbergasted me but, per this video now I know why. Plus, I am from a dysfunctional alcoholic family, my father is an alcoholic, where the alcoholic creates the roles each family members is assigned to from childhood, consequently my role is Scapegoat which gets blamed for everything even if you aren't around....the dysfunctional alcoholic family doesn't have any legitimate reasoning and the roles are set for a lifetime.
Moving out at 18 was the best decision I ever made. My mom is narcissistic and very controlling and has a habit of guilting me whenever she can. I just couldn't take it anymore
Yes! Me too, moved out at 18. Narcissistic mom who was very controlling and still guilts me today and I'm almost 30. We need to take care of ourselves. Stay far away from toxic people if we aren't able to cut them out completely. I was so afraid of my mother's control that I moved to another province. Good for you!
So did I. However, I am 30 now and I can still track much of my messed up behavior back to my toxic parents. I just don't know if I will ever get over this.
Sounds like my life growing up. Sadly, people tried to convince me that my guardian wasn't so bad and that I was being dramatic. They said "when your older you'll see things differently about how she parents. Your relationship will be different. You might even be closer." Lies. Only getting away from them will work.
Yeah. Its partially true, you DO see things after you get older naturally right? but in the end. You just draw your lines and get the EFF out lol. I think we were in the same boat!
me: *shows my mom drawings i drew that im proud of, talks about something i learned, shows my mom my good grades* my mom: k also me: *makes a C in math, which is something im not that good at* my mom: HOW COULD YOU MAKE A C IN MATH, NO INTERNET FOR A WEEK
Yeah, it's doesn't feel good when people seem to only notice our weaknesses and ignore our strengths. I noticed that many people commonly forget to show appreciation for the good things their loved ones do. I think it usually isn't just the parents that don't appreciate the kids though. I feel like most people take all types of family members for granted at times. I am guilty of this too sometimes; although I try to make a conscious effort to show thankfulness to others. I guess most parents expect their children to behave well and do good in school by default, so when they do these good things the parents don't make a fuss. But, we SHOULD male a fuss over the good kids do! But this goes both ways. Rarely do children make a fuss that their parents went to work and paid the rent, utilities, phone bills, and buy clothes and food. Rarely do children really show much thanks for their parents cooking their meals, cleaning the house, doing the laundry, doing the shopping, taking care of animals, helping them with their homework, driving them to where they need to go, etc. Kids usually don't realize all the things the parents don't buy for themselves just so they can afford to give the kids the things and access to activities they want. They assume that since their parents are supposed to do these things, they fail to appreciate it. So, I have this thing I do now. When I feel like someone is taking my good qualities and hard work for granted and being unappreciative for all the kindness and generosity I extend to them, before I allow myself to get upset I ask myself: "Have I shown appreciation today for everything I have to be thankful for?" Then I make a quick mental list of every single thing that was good that happened, or good thing I witnessed someone do, no matter how small. Then I ask myself, did I make an effort to show appreciation (at least say 'thank you"). Usually, I will end up remembering something good that very person I considered unappreciative did that was good (got a good grade, cheered up their sibling, etc.), and I realize that I didn't do much to show appreciating to them either. Then, I feel too hypocritical to call them out on not showing gratitude to me. So instead, I'll mention to them the nice thing they did earlier and tell them I really appreciated it. If after doing this I still feel like the person is being very ungrateful toward me, I will mention it to them later, when I am not as annoyed. I will give them a specific example of when they made me feel unappreciated, instead of making blacked statements like, "You NEVER appreciate anything good I do." If you use blanket statements, that will just make them defensive. Usually, they will automatically try to defend themselves by saying you are the unappreciative one. But, since you're making an effort to be thankful, you'll have plenty of examples of times when you specifically complimented them, or did a chore for them, etc., to show your appreciation for something nice they did. If they are a reasonable person, they will stop being defensive, and you'll notice that at least for the rest of the day, they'll attempt to be more polite. This is how my oldest daughter reacts. Although, if they aren't that reasonable, they will either call you a whinny, claim not to remember what you're talking about, or gaslight you and tell you a different version of events actually happened. Just to be fair, the unreasonable people that do this are usually teenagers doing this to an adult (my other two teenagers usually do this, unfortunately). But, I doubt a parent would do this to a child, unless they are evil.
@@jamesandchante I am beyond grateful for having a home and food. After each meal I thank my parents for giving me food. Sometimes they treat me like im way older than I am and expect me to do things on my own without any help. I help my mom with chores and sometimes I make my own food. My sister is the one who does most of the mess but I have to clean it. (she doesn't learn as fast as we do because she has something I forgot the name but she still understands my mom when she tells her to clean) My parents can be nice sometimes but they're sometimes mean to me. I'm always scared to ask my dad something because I feel like he's going to yell at me or hit me. I can tell you're a great parent to your kids. Thanks for reading this, I hope you have a great day :D
Or m, mom always telling me "im raising you! Be grateful!" Etc. And all. I Always Just say "i did NOT ask to be born, it was your decision to have kids, Not Mine!"
My parents show most of these traits and I don’t t wanna have kids cuz I’m afraid I’d carry on the traits my parents had so I don’t wanna put em in the position I’m in. Edit: thank you for all the support and likes
I used to feel this way too, but I eventually had a family (at almost age 40). Realise that you can cut the cloth to suit yourself. You are not doomed to repeat and perpetuate their traits, if you have realised that what happened to you was wrong. Keep your boundaries strong.
I also had parents just like this. When I became a mother I did everything I could to be the best mom. Although nobody is perfect, I did a pretty good morning judging by the results 😁. You can also. You are GOOD ENOUGH!!
Zara S (friends are fine but Cousins...like what no,no,no, they haven't seen their real side😑 and especially when they compare you with someone who is really older that you and someone who is really younger than you😑😂
Zara S when I get compared to anyone I lose it. I was learning to play the piano, keyword being _was_, and one day I was compared to someone (I forgot their name), when that was said I left the room and walked home from my grandparents, after that my effort and interest dropped significantly and now I don’t play at all
These comments are so sad. To anyone reading this, stay healthy. The best thing you can do in this world is take care of yourself. If you let narcissistic and toxic relationships distort you, then you’ll also project that into the world. If you need to get away, then get away - there is no shame in taking care of your own mental and emotional needs. Yes, they may be blood, but you are an important and valuable person who deserves to be respected in a loving way. Anyone who refuses to treat you that way should not get the privilege of having your time and attention.
Thank you for a very good post. It's so much more difficult to deal with toxic parents than any other people, since you still want the best for them, and unless they were like seriously abusive they still did good things as well. And then you sometimes feel guilty, there fore it always helps to hear things like you said. They reassure me that I'm on the right path.
That's beautiful. I love myself. There's nothing I want to change about myself. I am healthy. I have a toxic parent. I live with that toxic parent half the time. I have to wall myself off every time I'm with my parent though to keep myself safe.
İts just too hard. You know you want to be healty and you really try hard to heal but every time you try they ruin it. Especially when you still have to contact and live with them.
JJ Buckner Investing all the best sir ..my parents would always tell me to make a decision but would never listen to mine n go by their decision ..most of the time eventually they will go back to my idea .. so always listen to Ur kids opinion too . That's what I want every parents should do .even we children have an opinion which needs to be listened.
Also never pressurise Ur kids to choose a career just because it pays well..now am suffering .let them do what they enjoy ...that's it . I wish u to be the best for Ur kids
I've got a good one for you. My mother worked in a psychiatrist office. So I was a guinea pig for all her"new parenting techniques" as a child and teen. She would bully me into telling her my feeling and what was bothering me. When I did she told EVERYONE! Neighbors, family, and ALL her colleagues and friends!!!!! Talk about low self esteem and a huge sense of betrayal.
You are absolutely right. Once I figured it out about my mother....I'd never be emotionally healthy unless I cut that toxic parent out of my life. It hurt, but I'm happy and healthy with my husband now.
But how about your relationship with them especially when they're older? Isn't that also sad that you're cutting ties with your family and live a whole new life without them (no communications and all)?
Juris Immanuel what about when they're older? Should you sacrifice you're own happiness because they're "getting older". If you have anxiety and depression, don't you deserve to be happy? Or are their needs more important than yours?
kh critical player : This is so sad to hear. I’m sure you are not useless becauSe we are all precious and God made us with unique potencial. It’s those people in your family that don’t know what they are saying. If you have feelings. You have more than what they have. You are more of a human than they are. You are precious and you do have potencial. Work on improving yourself spiritually, emotionally and phisically. Even if you are just being. Feel proud of yourself that you are not like them.
my dad was declared certifiably useless by his mom, and she complained about the fact that there wasn't anything to complain about him cuz he got all good grades in school. So my father never learned how to be useful at anything and it was my mom that figured out how stuff was fixed and car stuff and house problem stuff. when he was 22 gramma expected him to know how to carve a turkey even up to that point he wasn't even allowed to touch knives.
My family has called me weak. I'm so sorry you're life has been this bad... but maybe.... if you get good moral support.... we can both tough it out together.
One time my sister punched her twice bc I disagreed with her and I fought back and she got dad and dad puncher me knowing i defending myself I’m 13 and my sisters 20
The Mudpit I don’t think that matters, what they were trying to point out was that parents are terrible because they wont try to better their actions to the point where their own children are desperate enough to look on youtube for help
The Mudpit Also legally they are no longer children at 18, but for arguments sake in this case lets be generous and say their opinion no longer counts when their first child is born
I went through all of this and more and let me tell you kids out there: your life is going to be a million times better once you have your own place and steady income. I never thought I would experience this much freedom. I just felt trapped and hopeless. But you just have to keep swimming until you're free.
Guruthosa I’m 13 and rn I hate my life on my sisters phone my dad calls me a midget and my mom calls me the dumbest kid in my class and I do have bad grads probably the worst but how could someone say that
I disagree with the suggestion to not cut your parents out of your life. I have cut my parents out of my life and I haven't been this happy in..... a long time. I dont think it is unfair in the slightest. They do nothing but cut me down, degrade me, neglect me, and emotionally abuse me. I am still dealing with the scars and open wounds of years ago and it would be downright idiotic to go back for seconds. This is not a matter of unfairness, it's a matter of protecting myself from those horrible people.
@meep meep Bravo! Good for you 👌 Sometimes one just has to walk away to maintain one's Sanity. I walked away from my Mother and Older Sibs. No regrets.
I keep "jokingly" bringing up emancipation to my parents once I get a steady job, and they laugh at me. I have severe anxiety and depression, as well as terribly low self esteem because of them.
Man, between the two of my parents I’ve been living through all of this for 31 years. When I tried to leave and start my own life once, my mum emotionally blackmailed me and then I was trapped here. I have never met people as selfish as my parents. It’s crazy that they tick every single point made here.
My mother was lazy as sin, wouldn't feed me lunch. Would tell me I should of been in there when it was ready. I was glad when school started, I'd get to eat lunch. She burned me with a cigarette to break me from getting into the ashtrays. I was a toddler, she bragged to me about it when I was older. It made her proud that it worked. I'm 62 & still have the scar. Haven't seen or spoke to her in over 40 yrs. I don't even know if she's alive or dead. My life has been so peaceful with her not in it. I did it cold turkey, just had enough! But, along with that, you have to cut ties with your dad & siblings. I haven't missed much > parents divorced, then remarried, then filed bankruptcy. Brother went to prison for drug/alcohol driving many times. Sister ended up arrested for disorderly conduct, public intoxication, fired from a job for stealing from the office petty cash. Oh, I don't regret missing out on all that. I worked, son went to college, I bought a place in the country, retired & have 8 rescue pets, 4 dogs & 4 cats. Life is goooood!
I, a 16 y/o trying to deal with my narcissistic mum, hope that I can have my life and up like yours. Thank you for sharing, it was really inspiring and hope inducing... Thank you
Pineapple Pizza112 find someone who does truly support you! Even if it's a friend's parent or a teacher and let them know about the issue. Get out as soon as financially/physically possible! Remember that everything can get better if you're willing to put in the work. Sorry, you didn't ask for advice but I truly feel for you.
Me too. Once I get a job and leave after a few years I will never ever return. But my mother is forcing me to study the subject that I don't like and to get the job that I don't want to get.
my coworker's mom used to hit him, until he was 16, where she once again started hitting him and he said "If you touch me one more time I will beat you up so badly that you'll need an ambulance" and then he took her to court
I got hit until I was 14. Then I cought her arm when she tried to slap me. I was already kinda large back then and muscle grow just started a couple of months earlier. I didn't even need to say anything, she was genuinely afraid of me turning tides that she only mumbeled she was sorry. Never touched me (or my brother) again. She suddenly realized I wasn't a helpless child anymore.
Thanks for the Reply. However she wasn't always like that. Her behaviour was (and is) rather bipolar. However she got her revenge by dragging me to a therapist telling her I would hit her without any reason and as I was growing stronger she'd fear for her life. Well, it didn't even take an hour to dig out the truth. We live in relative peace since then. Occasional cases of verbal abuse aside.
My dad used to lose his temper and whip me with the dog’s lead. When I was 9 I decided I’d had enough. Not being big enough to make a threat or defend myself, the next time it happened, I made myself not cry and looked him in the eye the whole time and after that he never did it again. But he was cold toward me from then on.
My mom does hat too. My parents don't really I've any effort to show any interest in what I enjoy and then they ask me why I never share anything with them
I have a hard time dealing with my mom...who I think is pretty toxic, but sometimes i'm paranoid that I'm actually the toxic one. I'm trying to do some research and gain some understanding before my sanity slips away completely.
I know exactly what you mean.... I have actually broken free from her, no contact. It's weird because friends and family just don't understand the implications toxic people can have on your life. Plus also all of my friends don't know the first thing about parents who don't act like parents, it is an alien subject for them.
Me too. Sometimes our relationship is full of unsaid words and silent manipulation and other times its perfect and I just can't tell if this is normal or not, and drawing that line between her human mistakes that everybody makes and just plain old toxicity is so, so hard. I don't know when to forgive and when to draw the line
Elesha Pimentel - I want to laugh but only because my mum did the exact same thing to me. I could smell a trap and hesitated when she asked me for my honest opinion but she repeatedly told me, "no, it's okay. I just want to know what you think". I tell her and I never f***ing hear the end if it. 😂😂🙄
One time I got a bad mark, and my mom kicked me out of the house for several minutes and I wanted to runaway.... But I realized it would be a bad idea, but I think yours is worst
I was once did not get the first class and my mom told me that I should commit suicide and she would not even care if I did... I was crying the whole night because of that... And when I finally get to the first class she was like suddenly praise me and be sooo nice to me... and when I remind her on what she did say at the past she was just laughing like it was nothing and saying that it was JUST A JOKE... Well... F@
My mom is like: " Go save money, so you can buy what you want." But when I have money, I use it to buy thing I want. And she will go through my things and ask, " why did you buy this useless things?!" "Where did you get money?" " Don't use what you saved for useless things like this". I'm annoyed. I don't know where to place myself anymore ughh
when I save money my mom has to approve what I buy. For example I have been playing the piano for 6 years and I wanted to start playing the guitar (for the ladies) and she wouldn't let me buy a guitar with my own money because she thinks I don't need it.
Yesterday my mom and I got into an argument so bad, because my mom refused to go to group therapy because she was afraid I’d “lie and bad mouth her” the only time I “bad mouthed her” is when my nurse practitioner asked if there was any child abuse and my mom said no. That I’ve had a great life. The arguing caused my friend to have a panic attack In the back seat of the car. My mom started yelling at me “look what you did” over and over. Later, she twisted the story and when I told her how I felt she called me a liar. Plugged her ears and said “you’re lying” about 15 times before I snapped. She then calls me an abuser. The abuse has never stopped since I was little. She used to let my sister abuse me then blame me when I’d get upset. Yesterday after the argument she said I was not allowed in her house. I’m 14 and she said it’s “my house because I pay the rent.” She then compared this to the time where she wouldn’t let me home until I listened to her side of the story about her lying to me for 7 months about my medicine. I called my dad and he picked me up. When I left she was crying and saying how her “heart hurts” because I was leaving, when a few minutes before she was slamming doors and yelling. I’m so sick and tired of being her puppet.
This is literally what I grew up with, spoiler alert she never changes. But it does get easier with age, being able to drive and having a car makes it so much easier to stay out of the house. My best tip is just get hella involved in school clubs or sports do you're almost never home, you don't have to attend every club meeting and it is kinda hard to work out time for hw but the key is just staying away from her while striving for your own success
honey almost 100% of people go throw parents abuse my mom told me that her parents used to abuse their kids and it repeats with them and so on i was pulled by my hair and hit with a slipper until i had bruises and cuts it went on for more than an hour and why because i traveled alone without her permission at22 to ask about some collage and it didn't even work and i still get abused by my brother some times he'd hit me but i'm doing my best to get a job so i'd leave the whole city don't let yourself go into depression every thing will pass the only thing i couldn't deal with was my feeling of laziness when i want to quit everything and just watch some netflix
My mom always twists my words and accuses me of lecturing her and I always end up feeling guilty even if I did nothing to feel guilty about And when I try to tell her that I’m feeling like trash. She will just automatically tell me how she feels instead of listening to me. It’s not like I don’t care about her feelings, it’s just that I don’t know what to say half the time. I love her but it’s hard when a lot of what I say in conversation with her, she takes as an attack or lecture or criticism. Edit: I mean I love her, but she makes it hard because she is so insecure
dizzy cake I’m so sorry, because I know exactly how it feels. It’s an endless cycle of frustration and leads to feelings of not being heard or cared for. Sometimes you just gotta put your foot down and make space for yourself and try to stay as calm as possible
dizzy cake Oh my God that is my mom exactly! Everything is an attack, I must hate her, I apologize, she accepts my apology but says something really self-pitying or rude about me before leaving the room. I feel you 😮
My parents had an issue with constantly using things on me. If I disclosed Information to them that they did not agree with, they would ridicule and constantly use it on me if I ever did anything else wrong. They would also not let me do the things that normal teenagers do like socialize and go out. I am now 20 and have severe anxiety and panic disorder, no self esteem, and no backbone. It is so hard for me to do anything in life including work because of my own insecurities and phobias that have progressed over the years...
I can somewhat relate, although I just have mild anxiety. I think a strange recent example of this kind of ‘holding things against me’ came when my parents kind of found out that me and my boyfriend are planning on getting married and starting a family. I didn’t even want to tell my parents that we were dating because I knew my mom’s reaction would be “But you always said you were a lesbian and never wanted to get married or have children!” and scoff at it. And I was right. Of course moments later, she denied that this was her initial reaction and assured me that she was happy for me, but... I just never really believe that my mom actually just “wants me to be happy” like she claims when she makes fun of everything that I enjoy and is never satisfied by my life choices. I have little doubt that most of my anxiety was directly caused by how my mother raised me. It makes it really hard to get that nice ‘career job with benefits’ that my parents want for me because no one will hire someone as outwardly nervous as I am during interviews.
I am so, so sorry :( I was lucky enough to only have one parent who was emotionally abusive (the other was nice but absent, and lived across the country). What saved me was building relationships with people outside of my home. I still struggle with social anxiety and self-doubt but I have actively trained myself and get better with every passing year! Forcing myself to socialize with people I like makes a HUGE difference. People always like you far more than you realize, and the more time you practice socializing, the better it all becomes. It really is something to be practiced (and something you can definitely get rusty out without practice). The best tactic I learned was from my first roommate. She had crippling social anxiety as a teen, but when I met her, she was the most socially outgoing and friendly person I had met. She told me that a year prior, she had decided to give herself one social challenge. Any time she entered a social setting, she forced herself to introduce herself and shake every single person's hand. It was incredibly difficult at first, but she got better and eventually stopped taking her anxiety meds. She's now the most lovely social butterfly I know ❤️
PS- If you want to meet new people to hang out with, try checking out some PSAs (positive structured activities) that you like doing or want to try out. For example, several locations near me have "game nights" where folks can show up to play board games, video games, etc. It's perfect because you can socialize without having to talk to/entertain someone the whole time. You can just have fun doing something together! You could also try craft meetups, pet meetups, hiking meetups, book clubs, etc.!
@@Sleipnirseight you are right about that. I think I'd like to hangout without having to hold conversations. It sometimes feels like I have to respond when I have no idea what to say
I can relate to this so much. I know EXACTLY what you're talking about - I'm 29 now, but back when I was 20 I was in the same, undiagnosed with anything but definitely a wreck. I found friends through school who would help me go out, and eventually I escaped my parents' vortex, but my younger sibling is still living with them. I did wind up gravitating towards people who would use things against my like my parents sometimes, but over the years, I've learned a lot about myself, and my family, and how I may be behind in some things, but that's okay. I'm building my self-esteem up bit by bit, as well as boundaries. Space and time help growth and healing, and I hope you get all of the above. You have worth, and you deserve dignity and respect, as a fellow human being. If someone causes you harm, it's simply wrong, on a human-to-human level. That's where I go when I feel like I have no backbone. I zoom out to the golden rule, zoom out to how people should be treated, and say so. When I can't believe in myself, I BELIEVE IN THE ME THAT BELIEVES IN ME, or something, lol. Old reference is old, but basically, that. :)
Things my parents routinely say: "Why aren't your grades higher" "Well that's not good enough is it" "Because I say so!" "You never go outside!" *proceeds to go try and go out* "Where are you going? How long will you be? Who will you be with? What will you do? When will you be back? How will you get back? Ugh I had dinner planned for you! I have to change my plans now!" And if the answer to any of those is not 100% clear or just "We'll hang out" then nope ya ain't going out. "Don't hurt yourself when you're outside" "What are you doing?" "What are you watching?" "Shouldn't you be doing xyz?" "Why did you buy xyz?" "You don't need that" "I don't understand xyz hobby" "Maybe you should stop playing so many video games, go read a book" *reads book* "You're always inside reading" (loop back up to previous statement" Things my parents rarely say: "How are you?" "What's wrong?" "I love you" "Hey your xyz whatever is cool!" "It's great that that xyz makes you happy!" "I'm proud of you" And somehow I never thought of my parents as toxic.... I just thought that we just somehow missed the mark in connecting as a family, that we're too different or something.
My son has come to live with me due to these exact traits of his mother. I'm giving emotional first aid now. I hope I can be good enough as a dad but one thing I do know is he is everything to me, my best contribution to the world
My parents are toxic. They said that I was a 'test' to see if they actually wanted kids. Clearly not. I can't tell my parents anything about my anxiety and depression because they'll make fun of me or worse. I never feel loved at all and I'm counting down the days that I can move out and go to university.
No child should be treated as a "test". I am so sorry. It will all turn out okay. Keep fighting in. Try to talk to your counseler at school about the anxiety. They could probably help. Be safe, I hope everything turns out okay.
Because parents these days lack common sense when it comes to teaching kids, I’m a kid and when it comes to taking care of kids I have more knowledge than they do.
Such a shame that you are damaged by it. I don't even talk to my own family anymore because of things like that. As for socialising. If you can find just a couple people to interact with that's still good. Even if u just text them
You are not them - you are capable of doing anything you want! If you would like to socialise more, start with baby steps...try it online, go out more, just be nice with people and you will find yourself making new friends all the time:) You don't deserve to suffer from what they did to you. It's over, now it's your chance to shine! I wish you a happy life filled with love!
Heartbreaking 😢 The struggle is real, so painful! Please talk to a trusted friend, teacher, school counselor, anyone. There is help - no matter how "stuck" or trapped you might feel. There's always HOPE. Someone cares. I care.♥️ I was in my 20's before I got a real doctor (psychiatrist) & counselor. Felt like so much time wasted but I was a new, happier person with Rx treatment. Still dealing with a lot in 40's yet I'm hopeful now that I'm aware of the root of the problem. Narcissistic, emotionally immature parents. It's a form of abuse - likely passed on from their parents. Very sad & vicious cycle. Stay strong & surround yourself with positive people, work hard and do your best... Never give up!!! ♥️♥️♥️
Nope, I have been diagnosed with depression, but I physically will beat myself. Hit my head, hit my chest. Talking to people help a bit, but if you live with them still, it's not gonna end. It doesn't even stop on campus.
it's scary how 90% of this describes my mom. The very same person who let me starve for 4 months when I was 20, and when I talk to her about it says "I don't wanna hear you say that I let you starve because I fed you when you were 5".
Core I had just had all of my money stolen by the university of winchester in england that deceived me and did everything it could to rob me. Ontop of that I entered the worst health state of my life, battling 10 medical conditions all at once. I returned home from the university just to be met with no access to food out of nowhere even though she knew I had 0 money and was starving. To top it off the amount of time it took me to get sleepy, sleep, wake up, be paralyzed for hours on end from seizures and the hours I had to spend exhausted in bed resting every day, added up to more than 24h and left me with maybe 4 hours where I was able bodied each day. With 3 different medical conditions all eating away at how much time and energy I had there was no way I could function or get a job or even be physically able to move during the hours when the stores were open. Also just in the first 2 months of starving I lost 27kg and went down to 50kg, which is critically low for a 180cm tall man. I was too weak and frail to do anything. Even when I managed to buy *some* food it often took 5 days for my muscles to recover from that 1 trip to the store.
You won't feed your kids until they will be old and retire either. Any "kid" in his 20s should be able to feed himself. rogantu's situation was only an exception, not the rule!
I think the "Children shouldn't cut their parents out of their lives unfairly" should have been flushed out more. "Unfairly" is the key word here. After growing up being controlled and abused in several ways by my entire family, including sexually, I completely cut them off once I realized it was abuse. I haven't spoken to any of them in close to six years. I don't feel this is unfair for what they did to me. I have PTSD, severe generalized anxiety, and chronic depression that are barely manageable thanks to my upbringing.
if she's positively responsive to a video like this, you don't have a toxic parent. If they were, they wouldn't believe a single word of the video and likely start verbally attacking you for even suggesting they were wrong.
Break the Cycle; Your parents only know what they experienced growing up. Their behavior goes back generations. Love your children encourage them and be there for them emotionally
TIMESTAMPS
The effect of toxic parenting on kids 0:53
Traits of toxic parents:
10. "Fear me yet love me." 2:01
9. "You need to deal with adult problems, but you still have no rights." 2:34
8. "Be the best but don't forget that you're not special." 3:14
7. "Open up to me but don't be surprised by ridicule." 3:54
6. "You're bad so don't even bother trying to become better." 4:31
5. "You can be successful but only if there’s something in it for me." 5:28
4. "Do exactly what I say, but it’s your fault if you fail." 6:15
3. "You’re such an inconvenience, but don't leave me alone." 6:38
2. "Accept our help but stop exploiting us." 7:11
1. "Trust me, but I’m still gonna go through your stuff." 7:58
How to handle a toxic parent? 8:44
BRIGHT SIDE Thank you so very very much for posting this video.
I beilived my mother was a toxic person but I had no way to prove it to others.
She checks out every. Single. Box. 100%.
I plan to send this to my baby sister secretly so she can keep an eye out for the signs. Even though she is the “favorite” (according to my mother since her birth) I don’t want to risk her being hurt by our mother as well.
Thank you thank you.
My mom dose almost every one of these it makes me depressed a lot
my mon always compare me to my cousin and i am a filipino.so i dont have those problems except no. 6.
BRIGHT SIDE thanks bro
#8 isn’t really wrong. Remember, if everyone’s special, nobody is.
Once I tried to open up to my mom and I told her I was stressed. She said “you’re too young to know what real stress is”
aw Jeez I hate that response the way I see is I'm coming to you and about an issue don't shrug off my statement otherwise I'll just stop coming to you about anything.
True
ɐɐɐʌǝssǝɔuıɹd same mine says what would I have to stress about.
I hate for this to sound insensitive, But what were you stressed about? Also how old are you
Fish Gilbert I’m 13 and I was stressed bc I had 2 essays to turn in, I have house chores, and i has to do it all the next day. Plus I got all these issues like anxiety and depression
The scariest thing is it's so subtle since childhood you never notice it. You just realise you hate them but don't exactly know why. And they guilt you for that because you can't pinpoint what's wrong.
Anon Anon
Yes!!!!
OH MY GOD THIS
This indeed! Im seeing a therapist now since march and slowly but surely my eyes are being opened that it is not normal and that i deserve better. Still got a long way to go, but for the first time in my life i have hope that i'll be happy some day
YES!! i always blamed myself because i thought that's how it was supposed to be even when i meet my friends nice parents i always convince myself that im ok my life's supposed to be this way
Anon Anon Yees!! For so long i knew there was something wrong but i couldn't put my finger on it. Now finally after so many years of getting mentally and physically abused i found it out. Now my mom hates me because i call her out on her nasty ways but i get no where because anything i tell her about her negative behavior she tries to flip back on my siblings and me. It's hard.
Narcissistic parents often dish out plenty of criticism towards others yet become enraged if they are on the receiving end of criticism
charles Receski I know, right?
charles Receski preach!!!
charles Receski ✅my mother to a T.
This is sadly very true. My mother is a narcissist and when I, her only fukken son gives her constructive criticism she throws a tantrum and gets butthurt about it.
That was my mother as well.
Me: opening up about my depression
Mom: Goes and tells my entire extended family aunts,cousins,etc...
Stephanie Ruiz judgemental mother got nothing else to talk about she shouldnt share that if u wasnt comfortabe with that oml
Bruh my mom does that when i have anger problems
Oh gosh 😂
One of the many reasons I’ll never tell my parents
I feel u
i come to the point where im uncomfortable with my parents
Me too. My dad is disrespectful to me that I can't even go out with him without being uncomfortable or nervous. Actually, it's even uncomfortable for me to be near him.
@@chihabgm7796 I cant even talk to my parents, the only time I do is if they ask a question and I respond with the shortest response I can becuase there is always backlash and if they start a arguement about something
Me too I'm uncomfortable with my parents all the time.
@@chihabgm7796 Same, I feel you. 😭😭😭😭😭😭
Same.
I am forced to pretend like an entirely different person to suit my parents' rules of "the perfect child". I only do that whenever I'm around my parents.
So when my close friend who ACTUALLY know me tells something about me to my parents, they get extremely surprised.
Regardless of it being a good or a bad thing, they'd get shocked.
Cuz I never show any of my true interests, hobbies or emotions to my parents as they'd ridicule me if it seems disapproving or funny to them. They'd also not mind telling every person on Earth about my personal details, under the reason "we only do that since we care about you".
Despite all this, whenever I tell them that I'm settling down in a foreign country once I get a stable job, how I will only return once a year to visit them and how I won't ever come back to my country to stay for long periods of time, they'd get saddened/shocked. -.-
Parents: "You can tell me anything and I won't get mad"
Child: *Opens* *up* *and* *tells* *them*
Also parents: *Gets* *mad*
Highly relate to this
Truth
IKR?
yep
Same on everything
parents: * yell at you for 20 minutes *
parents: why are you crying?
for 2 / 4 hours..
@Carson Adamczyk yea same but they yell for about like 2 hours or even more 💁
my mom actually told me I'd never do anything in my life
@@ichi2759 ohhh i'm so sorry to hear this ❤ don't worry everything will be fine !!
Oh wait the infamous response of stop feeling sorry for yourself
'act like an adult' yet she treats me like a child!
Thank you
I feel this
Yess 😂
John Taylor are you a parent don’t think a kid would say this
Ughhhh😩😩😩😩😩 it’s like they never want me to grow they put me in bad position make me feel insecure!! Compare me a lot it’s crazy😢😤
My dad: **mad I don't open up to him**
Me: tell him about my problems in school
My dad : blames me for everything
We're same dudeee im asian actually but im not Chinese
Same ;-;
Literallyyyy 🥺❗️
My dad is the same way! I don’t tell him anything because he will just ridicule me. The other day I told him I was depressed and he literally just told me to get over it!?
@@cotyroberts2871 lol wow. That helped.
My mom expected me to stay home throughout my whole life and made me feel guilty for every single time I went out. Yet when I stayed home she wouldn't talk to me or interact in any way. She just didn't like the idea of an empty house. She would forbid me to do anything and go anywhere and even if she let me she would make me feel guilty for living my life. Moved out at 18, never looked back.
i aspire to be like you- a strong, courageous independent woman. maybe some day..
@@mewbao4744 I wasn't always strong. I'm still not because it hurts when you feel like you're the reason why you don't get along with your family. But what is more important, living in content with yourself or trying to please people who will never appreciate it?
Monika Wojciechowska if i were you, delete your mom from your contacts (as in EVERY contact) then maybe she will finally realize the psycholgical effect that keeping you at home had on you,
this is my life too
Good decision 🤘
The only way to heal from narcissistic parents is to go no contact. Boundaries are never respected no matter what you try to put in place. I am in year 6 of going no contact with my narcissistic mother. I still have a long journey of healing in front of me, but it’s the best decision I’ve ever made for myself and my sanity.
Same here. When I tell people about my decision they are always shocked. They always ask me whether I feel like I lost something, but I had nothing to lose. It took me 27 years to realise that the "love" my mother gave me wasn't actually love, and I was finally starting to learn what love truly was. That was 3 years ago now. It was the best decision I ever made in my life.
Omg, yes, so true. Until recently, I talked to my dad, and it's unbelievable he is a master manipulator and makes me feel the bad person here, and says hurtful things to me and then I confront him and he says that he never said that. I was indeed losing my sanity. And I blocked my parents both, because no matter what I will do, I am always disappointing them anyway, but honestly they are the biggest disappointments themselves, they don't feel worthy themselves and they project it on the children. I am done, they are just people, and indeed I want to keep my sanity. :) It's just the guilt that I am dealing with, but perhaps I have healed the majority of it.
@@AngeliqueMerchant Don't feel guilty. If they didn't force you to cut contact then you never would have. Never tell yourself that this is your fault. You tried many times to heal the relationship with them, whereas it should have been them trying to repair the relationship since they were the adults in the situation. By feeling guilty and responsible you're feeling exactly what they want you to feel, because they always made you believe everything was your fault and your job, etc, instead of their own. Just accept that your parents have lost their chance to be in your life forever; it was not a decision that you made lightly.
Thank you for sharing your stories. I’m 41 now and it still hurts, but I have my own little family and a small circle of friends. I think of my mother every day, but there is honestly no event or experience that would ever make me go back to her. It’s sad that my dad and brother continue to be her flying monkeys and I cannot have a relationship with them.
Take it day by day, and always know that you can carve out your own family with friends and other loved ones. And if any of you are or plan on being parents one day, just know that you can break that cycle of abuse. I have done that, and though I am far from a perfect mom, I’ll never be anything like my mother, and for that I’ll always be grateful.
how to remove negative influences from your life: minimize exposure. yall all need to see 'nonviolent communication' -you want to watch the 3hr one.
Parents: yelling and threating me
Me: has a panic attack
Parents: keep yelling while Im having a panic attack
Then tells you to stop shaking.
Panic attacks have become a regular companion now
oh and actually yells at you and slaps/punches for you to change clothes and clean your face and just smile and do all the chores and when there are guests they tell me to smile and then
I'm going to show this video to every single person who shames me for not "loving" my parents or when I describe their behavior says some variation of "but you know they do it because they love you"
No!
Stop!!
Don't normalize this behavior! Not everyone has to love their blood family or choose to participate in it especially in cases of abuse like this
yees exactly!
It's like if you put your parents in a care home and you separate them from you they would just go to relatives and say it and then the relatives and family members would attack you and try to degrade you. So you get stuck at what to do.
Eden Thaw: Why even bother explaining? Cut them off also...
Why is it so hard for people to understand ''I never chose to live, to have the parents i have, but they chose me''
Eden Thaw omg I got that too people tell me your parents are like that because they love u so much
I always have panic attacks hearing the keys of my house unlock, I just fear he will catch me doing something I shouldn’t. Even if I did nothing wrong...
I hope you can navigate you way out of this toxic, well more than toxic relationship. I wish you the best of luck.
He will catch you listening to BTS.
LILBROKEBOY I don’t listen to BTS... I think it’s because of my icon eh ? 😂
@@thegloriousmorious9755 why do you have a BTS icon if you ain't a fan tho 😂😆😁
LILBROKEBOY that is Yoo Kihyun from Monsta X
This makes me wonder why do people bother having children if they're just going to bring their emotional instability and drama into their children's lives.
Social pressure to have Children, from Parents, Grandparents, Sibs and other relations, society, Media, etc.
I decided when i was 16 not to have Children, only Cats ( I love Cats, always have🧡).
42 years have passed ansd I have no regrets.
There was a lot of external pressures to resist but one of the things that helped me was knowing that my toxic Mother would not have treated any Children I had any better than she treated me.
In the end she was more sorry about my Childlessness than I was 😁
Miri Golden ...my parents didnt choose to have me. They adopted my sister and I but only wanted my sister. They only took me in because they didnt want to hurt my little sister by separating us. They are toxic people...but only to me. Yes, they told me they never wanted me when I was 16...so...yea...there are some situations where the toxic person doesn't want the child to begin with but are forced to have them because of social pressures or other reasons...
Miri Golden .. Lots of times its only to fix the broken relationships they are either in or trying to fix. They think babies fix relationships.
There are many reasons. Sometimes it happens on accident. Sometimes they are not bad people, just have way too many unresolved issues. They would like to change and feel like having children will help them with that and also fix relationship problems. And in most cases the act of child birth can have wondrous effects - even on "crazy people" (I know a lot of dysfunctional ppl with kids). What they don't know is that those effects are temporary and if they were really willing to confront their inner daemons and change, they would already be doing something... but more often than not these are the kind of people who dread visiting a psychologist for example, which means they are not actually serious about changing themselves.
But then the child is born... they have even less time to confront their own psychological problems and they subconsciously take it out on the kid(s). And so the vicious cycle of dysfunction continues.
Most young people have no idea what kind of adults they will be, and have even less of an idea of what kind of parents they will be. They may not know they are bringing emotional instability or drama into the lives of their children. Also, what works well for one child may have the opposite result for another. So for one child, a parent is kind, patient, and stable, but for the other, the parent is a monster. Example: my sister and I agree that my mother was a wonderful person, by no means perfect, but she was a great mother. My brother, on the other hand, couldn't stand her. She was the same parent to him that she was to us, but he interpreted her attitudes, behaviors and actions as negative. We all tend to show different sides of ourselves to different people, depending on their own presentations of self.
Yes, there are parents who damage their children (i.e., my sister-in-law kept telling her beautiful daughter that if she ever wanted a nose job, she would support her), but parents can make mistakes without realizing it. It doesn't mean they are emotionally unstable.
My parents, especially my mother even went as far as trying to turn my children against me. They tried to turn everyone against me. Yet when they needed something I was always there. CRAZY
i would of got a restraining order
Oh how I can relate! Still dealing with this right now! So tired of it! It has cost my kids and me and my husband so much pain! If it wasn’t for my family and them always starting drama over the years me and my husband would have a great marriage
My grandmother did that to my mom too abd she is the reason why my mom islike her
The thing that I really hate is that they think I'm too young to feel stressed🤦🙁🤷
You must be an early ambryo then
Yeah word, they laugh at me when I say i am stressed
Yes
@John Taylor ignorant troll 🖕🏻
I say "Mom, I'm stressed" or "Mom, I'm anxious" all she says is "YOU'RE TOO YOUNG TO BE STRESSED". Yea ok then, let's see how "stressed" I am when i'm not here.
I cried... I literally cried all throughout this video...
Its not easy being in a toxic family... its not easy at all.
Please never give up guys. You'll get through it. We all will.
rainer miriarilkie Thank you.. thank you.
Savage Jesus Are you feeling okay Jesus?
Savage Jesus thats the kind if mindset that will ensure u wont get through it. And that means they won. I refuse to let them win
i dont think your family have all of those, my family have 10,9,2 and a bit of 1 ( i have a key so i have privacy when i'm on my room ) .
we re humans, no one perfect , but if that really hard for you , you better ask someone help . ( i have brother so i have someone to share some pain )
Darkizer my family has every single one of those traits but anyway
I feel that my friends are more family than my real family
Omg ikr 😂😂sameee
You’re lucky to have friends
Same except for my older brother, he's the only reason I haven't ran yet
You're not alone
Once your friends are taken away, nothing is left. Even though there are people who want to be alone, no one can take it.
*hears garage door open*
Me: *panics*
For whatever reason when my mom comes in I fell like she’s gonna abuse me or mock/tease me
Also my mom and dad have favorites and I’m none of them
You're not the only one 😥
Same it’s always my fault one time I was at a friends house and when I came home I got in trouble for something that happened when I wasn’t their my brother never get in trouble and if they do their is no consequences
My dad also loves my brother more than me D:
Same here people I can never be editing youtube videos in front of my Mom or do anything that's just different according to them
Oh I relate sooo much😔
So tired of my parents saying my depression is my fault and that I’m such a terrible child... thank you for making a clarifying relatable video... needed it.
(Edit): the amount of positive comments on here is amazing! You all deserve an amazing day for being so thoughtful about others lives... thank you
@@Zaza.88 same
One day you will be free. Concentrate on it!
Alec Lorentus I can relate I got yelled at for trying to better my health and talking ( sharing my opinion)
haha mine keeps saying that i’m not depressed even after i’m diagnosed with it and taking meds for it🤔
You're not a terrible child. You're a beautiful person.
Many parent don't understand that the purpose of parenting is to raise healthy, independent, well-adjusted adults. But don't forget that narcissistic parents are probably themselves a product of bad parenting.
It's true I was just saying in my comment that my grandma treated my mom the same as the way my mom had treated me.
So you just popped in with an excuse. At this point we hear than more if not in place of help with every interaction.
I had a parent who mistreated me it was her own trauma of living in an abusive marriage where her needs weren't met that caused her to mistreat me to this day I find it hard to meet trustworthy people and I'm a kind and loving person
You are absolutely right and maybe I am naive but I believe in improvement for parents with narcissistic traits, because I have seen some improvements with the right therapy
No excuse! I have two narcissist parents and did not repeat any of the behaviors of my abusive parents. Everyone has a choice not to hurt an innocent child.
My therapist taught me a good trick. My parents call me to complain about each other. My therapist said to subtly redirect the conversation, such as if my mom screams about my dad not taking out the trash, I might say “I saw a beautiful sofa on the trash curb the other day” and start talking about furniture. Eventually the parents begin to realize they aren’t getting satisfaction from complaining to you. And they stop. It took nearly a year to retrain my parents, but it worked long term.
Wow thank you ... I should start doing that too
Diane W my mom says, I want to talk with you as if you are my best friend this is why I'm simply having a conversation with you... Yes , screaming judgement on other people in the family is a conversation... But I will try that although I am not sure if it will work all the time cause I can't just mention a sofa on the curb so nonchalantly. But I will try this like my sanity depends on it.
To add to this, look up "gray rocking" too. Teach your parents that they won't easily get their narcissistic supply from you, and make this a habit.
I might actually start using this trick. Thank you!
thank you. i have a dad who used to constantly insult my mom (they've been divorced for at least 6 years or more) in front of me. it always made me uncomfortable and depressed and i wish i knew this trick during the time when he would complain about her. i'll remember this if he ever starts doing it!
Three out of my five siblings have attempted suicide and one of them succeeded a few years ago.
My parents (narcissist) still believe their children are the problem.
They have done every single one of these things countless, countless times. This fits them to a T in every way.
Respect is earned, and some parents do not deserve it at all. Some are evil.
I'm really sorry to hear that you are going through that. even more your siblings, condolences.. how are you coping with it now..?
R u better now.?
Update ussssssss
Can I please meet them
I'm sorry for your loss, you and your siblings. I have hope that you and your siblings can cope with this pain and get better. My condolences 🙏.
You cant change how you were raised but you can decide your future
and fight for that future!
L Felly like a freaking dawg!!!! 🐶💪
Beat parents up
Big facts
Not always 😂😂
parent logic:
*tells teenager to act like an adult*
*treats them like a child*
Cameron Gentry same here! it’s hard but I deal with it lol
Also toxic parents: "Take care of my problems for me! (parentification) Waaah!"
I was 14 had to help out with a kid all the time but didn’t get money barely got freedom
Confussing right? Im constantly confussed
Man this is scary because I just searched on youtube about toxic parenting and its accurate to the details of my "relationship" with my parents, I think I have narcissistic parents
*Having one or both toxic parents are one of the worst.*
The ones whom you can rely the most can also be the ones to mess up your life.
Literally an 'inside' job - messing up your children without any regard to them.
I only have one. My other one is at the store.
That’s why it hurts. We grow up believing we can trust them but they stab us on the back making it hard for us to believe in others too & even ourselves. I still suffer from social anxiety from being told I’m not good enough & no one will ever like me. Both parents told me that. I’m the one that had it worse than all my sisters & it hurts to see they don’t have my back either on that.
its like one is bipolar or double sided and the one is abusive. the only way I cope is to distract myself with studies and internet. They usually bother me with the usual words "You're always on that phone" and starting to belittle me. Heck, they even tried to control almost everything about me, to my social privacy to even my emotions. Anxiety usually bothers me. Please help.
I ended up obsessively clinging to the non-narcissistic parent even though he literally abandoned me on a friend's doorstep, told me he'd be back in a few days and never came back... I delusionally made a million excuses for his behavior because it still didn't feel as bad as the way my mom treated me.
Me: Crying for 4 hours straight because of smth they did to me
Parents: making jokes of me and ignoring me feelings
It's exactly the same with me.😔😔😔😢
i am in the same situation bro...
Same...
Same
yeah that happens to me so many times so uh plese help me
Toxic parents need to remember that when they are mean and critical of their children, 40 years later they are old and the child has built their own life which doesn't involve them. And that's just Karma.
Thing is, they don't see their behaviour as mean or critical...
In a way I agree with you, but in another way these parents do sometimes change when they get older or have grandchildren which means they have some level of understanding. I guess you cant ask for more than change whether they know what they've done or not.
That's the thing is we reap what we sow in life and they can't have things both ways.
Bluetabbycat no they don't do they but where there's no sense there's no feeling.
OH YEAH! if I ever have kids (which I SERIOUSLY SERIOUSLY DOUBT) they will be warned to avoid "grandpa" as much as possible, save your love and attention for grandma instead, she's amazing, x3
"We fed you, clothed you, and put a roof over your head and THIS is how you repay us?"
Anyone else?
same here
My reply " your parents also did that for you , did they say that".
Rishabh Attar they more likely did
Same!
Like I wanted them to do that. I never asked for clothes, food or a roof.
Blood and Genes make you related. Loyalty and Love makes you family. -Sky Williams
exactly
I like that......
Very well said
You're wise.
My parents say they trust me but they go through my self and blame me for the mistakes they never help me improve
**mum screams at me**
Me: **cries**
Her: Those tears won’t work on me, dont even bother
Me: **confused hyperventilating**
I know, it feels like no matter what you do they are gonna feel like you are faking or guilt-tripping or literally anything
Literally my life
story of my life
@@zoe-sn6jk Because most of gen z do
I get beaten up for crying lol
“Those who bring you down are already below you.” -author unknown
Hey, many people should hear this !!! - thanks for saying that :D
Well said, Kristen.
Nice! 🤗
Preach baby preach
Kristen McCarthy o
You can try advicing them but they will tell you "I am older than you, I know better"
Good luck 💪
There is some things a child knows better than a adult y'know but not all
Naw.. I never heard that before.. lol.. yes I was being sarcastic.
Or they pull "we're the parents"
@John Taylor It is their duty to do so they don't have a choice. When they decided to keep me they must provide for me according to law.
Mr. Monkey or they be like
Who do you think I’m talking to
BRUH
I cried watching this... a reminder how my parents and aunt were really cruel to me growing up.
Hey... But you have to stay strong. Don't end up like the kids in the video. You just have to move on. I punch them internally for you.
Same. But hopefully things are/ will get better!!
I feel your pain. My mother was a bully and exceptionally mean and cruel to me when I was a child. The meanness and manipulation continued into my adulthood until two years ago when I cut her off with absolutely no contact at all. Even though I am estranged from her, she still tries to cause chaos in my life. Playing the victim, she has given my phone number to total strangers and asked them to harass and try to shame me (or guilt) me into having a relationship with her. I've had to have my phone number changed and I still have no desire to return to the toxic relationship I had with her.
same. i didn't even realize right away that i cried
I cried while watching the video too. Also remind me too much of how my parents and other family members were treating me. As much as I moved away and cut all contacts, I can’t deny what they did certainly will have a lifelong impact on me... can’t even think of having a child of my own. I’m scared I’d turn into my parents because that’s all I ever know
Even if I didn’t do anything I get scared when I hear my parents footsteps
Same
same
Same here
Same cause my mom always has something to complain about
Same
My mom have this thing where she force me to be more open to her but then the next day THE WHOLE FAMILY KNOWS WHAT IM DEALING WITH, like how did you even-
True
Same I can't trust any one anymore I keep ot in the inside and when I tell my mom that she hurts me she says "I hurt you?no,you abuse me!you are just a selfish child" with my five years of deppression and cutting I don't know if I can take it anymore.
@@bambamishot317 DONT GIVE UP
I'm sorry you have to go through this
Are you me? My mother tells EVERYONE everything!
My life🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️
parents: *yelling,screaming at me*
me: *almost crying*
parents: why are you crying?
me: *force to smile*
parents: why are you smiling?
I hate it when they say “don’t cry.” I just think “gee, being yelled at to the point where criticism just feels like a personal attack stabbing into my heart and soul is fun!”
@@meaux7274 i agree...
Y G 💔
🤦
@@meaux7274 totally feel you. Been there a gazillion times!!
I didn't realize growing up that it was abuse, because whenever me and my brother called it that we were "dramatic" and "spoiled" because other kids were more 'disciplined' then us and we had it easy. So as a teenager I did believe that, but I'm 21 years old and I struggled to be emotionally connected or able to understand how to express myself in a correct social way for, literally my entire life. My mom wasn't cut out to be a parent and honestly if you have issues of your own you need to fix them before you bring a child into this world because I'm an adult now and I have no idea how to be a person lol
s Maybe this is a start? I mean, you connected emotionally when you wrote this. And you're aware. I believe that you are on the right track, and I support you! :) Rock on!
Eve Kopsolias thank you ♥♥ that genuinely means so much to hear (:
s You got some example of how not to be a person, from your parent. Thats a good place to start, the fact that you care enough shows you'll do fine though. :3 No ones perfect but trying is important.
i understand you, because of how broken i feel i am, i will never be ready to be a parent myself.
IllisMoreo IllisMoreo it's okay to feel broken sometimes. Remember the days that were good? And the world felt expansive and bright? That world is still there, and it's just in your reach. Don't let bad expirences or feelings limit you ❤❤
“Ive done everything for you, yet you’re still so ungrateful”
Me: yet you’re one who’s all mad and attacking me, don’t be surprised if I’m suspicious.
You just summarized my whole childhood in one video
Mine too
Same.
same
Nocturno same
pretty much
"You don't talk to me about anything!!!"
Me crying and talking about how my mom destroys me sometimes and how i feel
My mom "you are destroying me!! Not the other way round"
Like .... uhm...no...
She also constantly compares me to my friends and makes awful comments about my grades and future 24/7
Best revenge is bring a box into ur room, fill it some unnecessary things then lock it, threw the keys away. Your mom will spend her entire life thinking about the box😂😂
Yup I get that. When I was younger I was in taekwondo, I constantly got compared to other kids in my class, my parents would taddle on me to my teachers, and I was made to be the bad guy most of the time. It stopped being fun and I ended up quitting for my robotics club in school, a place they didnt have influence. And it killed them, my dad would put me down for being overweight, even though I was thinner then what I am now. Saying that taekwondo made me thinner.
When I was 11 I was supposed to be circumcised but I wasn't ready, so my parents told everyone. In the Philippines if you're not cut by 6th grade you're gonna get bullied
Me and my ma always have that conversation. Everytime i try to communicate how some of her words and actions destroys me, she flips it around and refuse to acknowledge her faults. Heartbreaking asf
Daniella Jade ikr
Sometimes you have to go no contact to get a better life
Lady Vape yesss. 100% agree. The video says not to “cut them off unfairly.” But that advice could lead to guilt (which they already gave us plenty of.) Fair or not, sometimes it is NECESSARY in order to get ourselves and our life back. {Was it “fair” the way they treated us? Do we owe them “fairness”?} Then we can see if a relationship with them is possible - once we are healthy.
Like with a tree. You got to cut off the dead and spoilt leaves. You have to get rid of the little bugs. That's what you gotta do with your family. Clean out your family tree.
Yep 😀
I'm doing this when I turn 18, I'm going off the grid for a few years,then I'll get a new number where ill start over.
Also what I find helps..is to go no contact but to allow some sort of contact. Like they have your email address or something. Maybe one you don’t regularly use. Because it’s like when you go on a diet and say you can’t have something,,it makes you want it more..sometimes going no contact 100 percent from my experience makes you want something you don’t even want. I found allowing a narrow form of contact..but ignoring 99 percent of time the best thing.
Parent : *yelling for a long time*
Me : literally crying
Parent : STOP CRYING OR I WILL HAVE TO TAKE YOUR ELECTRONICS FOR A WEEK
EXACTLY. No comfort from them afterwards. taken back like 8-10 years ago. i dont know what goes through their head when they yell at me just to seek short term happiness sacrificing my whole long term well being. i am emotionally broken till now like hahah thanks toxicity.
Ikr :'(
i thought i was the only one
Kataraaaaa :D
Same
My mom talks about everyone. She always tells people about me, and my personal information
I live with my grandparents and my grandmother does the same thing like when i told her about a girl I like she went and told all her church friends and she has threatened me with punishment if I didn’t start wearing nicer clothes because her church friends don’t like the way I dress even though I dress that why for my anxiety because it helps me to be mentally comfortable
Same
Same here
And even things that she knows I don’t want people knowing about me she tells right to my crushes face
Just tell everyone about your mother *personal* information and if your mother protest just show the recording (you should have the recording of your mother talking about personal information infront of everyone) if your mother deny it then you deny that you talk thing about your mother. It simple. *narcist logic are handled by narcisit logic*
_"Sweetie you can tell me anything, I won't get mad I promise."_
*Child tells them what's wrong*
_"Are you serious?! Get over it. I can't believe you're whining about that right now."_
"Why are you sad/angry about this?! What are you, MENTAL?!"
The biggest lie you ever hear
the android sent by cyberlife OMG THAT IS MY MOM EVERY DANG TIME IT IS SO ANNOYING! THIS IS WHY I DONT TELL HER ANYTHING
the android sent by cyberlife yup sounds like my mom 😒
the android sent by cyberlife just gonna leave the fact that I love DBH right here *walks off*
There is no reasoning with these type of people. Because no matter what, they are always right. They will get downright defensive and snappy even if you try to point out these issues to them. They will make it seem you are delusional and/or ungrateful. Believe me, I know.
Rachael Hill
I know exactly what you mean, Rachael; a few of my friends have parents like this. There will always be people who are "never wrong" and who will try to turn things around to blame you every time. This is very toxic behavior. When parents are like this, it often results in their child - or children - growing up with a very deep-set guilt complex.
I understand that. yesterday, I gave my mom a time that I had to babysit, and I told her the correct time, and she came to me later that day and said I gave her 20 minutes later than the correct time, and when I tried to correct her, she said, and I quote, "You knoe, it's ok for you to be wrong sometimes." well, you know, mom, it's ok for you to shut up sometimes. seriously. I'm wrong no matter what. she's never ever the one wrong, even if she is wrong, she doesn't admit it. I have mental issues, and she won't let me talk to someone about it because she's embarrassed, and when I bring it up, she threatens me.
Hope you eventually get the help you need. I'm sorry you have to deal with a person like that.
100%
My mom used to call me years ago, usually to gripe about my father or beg me for money. We could joke around for about 60 seconds, then suddenly she would take offense to something I said and go all "victim" on me. When I started healing, and stopped putting up with that game, she stopped calling. I think it was the day I said, "If you're not willing to do something to change your situation, then you have no business b****ing about it." She hung up immediately! It was pretty great.
so basically bc of this my sister and I suffer from severe depression and anxiety and we’re both hospitalized for it...
😓 that's sad
These characteristics of toxic narcissistic parents fit mine 100%, in fact, my relationship with my parent's became worse once I graduated from the University, they never went to college, and moved out of the house. It's very sad when you realize your parents are crazy, verbally abusive, control freaks who treat you like garbage.
even worse if u have younger siblings
Matilda Barlow yes so true Matilda I have two younger Sibs.
tresssalog Yeah, I've got a younger brother and he can do no wrong
MandyMagnolia19, I have experienced the same thing Mandy both of my younger Sibs have accomplished nothing in their lives yet, the sun and the moon shines on them, according to my parents, it has always made me feel insignificant and completely flabbergasted me but, per this video now I know why. Plus, I am from a dysfunctional alcoholic family, my father is an alcoholic, where the alcoholic creates the roles each family members is assigned to from childhood, consequently my role is Scapegoat which gets blamed for everything even if you aren't around....the dysfunctional alcoholic family doesn't have any legitimate reasoning and the roles are set for a lifetime.
Very much so Amen!
Moving out at 18 was the best decision I ever made. My mom is narcissistic and very controlling and has a habit of guilting me whenever she can. I just couldn't take it anymore
Good for you. :)
I hope you have a great and wonderful life.
@@iammewhoelse9430 thank you! I wish the same to you
You're welcome and thank you too. I mean it.
Yes! Me too, moved out at 18. Narcissistic mom who was very controlling and still guilts me today and I'm almost 30. We need to take care of ourselves. Stay far away from toxic people if we aren't able to cut them out completely. I was so afraid of my mother's control that I moved to another province. Good for you!
So did I. However, I am 30 now and I can still track much of my messed up behavior back to my toxic parents. I just don't know if I will ever get over this.
Sounds like my life growing up. Sadly, people tried to convince me that my guardian wasn't so bad and that I was being dramatic. They said "when your older you'll see things differently about how she parents. Your relationship will be different. You might even be closer." Lies. Only getting away from them will work.
Yeah. Its partially true, you DO see things after you get older naturally right? but in the end. You just draw your lines and get the EFF out lol. I think we were in the same boat!
Victim....
@@alkinboo Who?
Me too. That's how I know that they will never change. @@nisem0no
Kinda similar for me... funny thing
me: *shows my mom drawings i drew that im proud of, talks about something i learned, shows my mom my good grades*
my mom: k
also
me: *makes a C in math, which is something im not that good at*
my mom: HOW COULD YOU MAKE A C IN MATH, NO INTERNET FOR A WEEK
Yeah, it's doesn't feel good when people seem to only notice our weaknesses and ignore our strengths.
I noticed that many people commonly forget to show appreciation for the good things their loved ones do. I think it usually isn't just the parents that don't appreciate the kids though. I feel like most people take all types of family members for granted at times. I am guilty of this too sometimes; although I try to make a conscious effort to show thankfulness to others.
I guess most parents expect their children to behave well and do good in school by default, so when they do these good things the parents don't make a fuss. But, we SHOULD male a fuss over the good kids do!
But this goes both ways. Rarely do children make a fuss that their parents went to work and paid the rent, utilities, phone bills, and buy clothes and food. Rarely do children really show much thanks for their parents cooking their meals, cleaning the house, doing the laundry, doing the shopping, taking care of animals, helping them with their homework, driving them to where they need to go, etc. Kids usually don't realize all the things the parents don't buy for themselves just so they can afford to give the kids the things and access to activities they want. They assume that since their parents are supposed to do these things, they fail to appreciate it.
So, I have this thing I do now. When I feel like someone is taking my good qualities and hard work for granted and being unappreciative for all the kindness and generosity I extend to them, before I allow myself to get upset I ask myself: "Have I shown appreciation today for everything I have to be thankful for?" Then I make a quick mental list of every single thing that was good that happened, or good thing I witnessed someone do, no matter how small. Then I ask myself, did I make an effort to show appreciation (at least say 'thank you"). Usually, I will end up remembering something good that very person I considered unappreciative did that was good (got a good grade, cheered up their sibling, etc.), and I realize that I didn't do much to show appreciating to them either. Then, I feel too hypocritical to call them out on not showing gratitude to me. So instead, I'll mention to them the nice thing they did earlier and tell them I really appreciated it.
If after doing this I still feel like the person is being very ungrateful toward me, I will mention it to them later, when I am not as annoyed. I will give them a specific example of when they made me feel unappreciated, instead of making blacked statements like, "You NEVER appreciate anything good I do." If you use blanket statements, that will just make them defensive. Usually, they will automatically try to defend themselves by saying you are the unappreciative one. But, since you're making an effort to be thankful, you'll have plenty of examples of times when you specifically complimented them, or did a chore for them, etc., to show your appreciation for something nice they did. If they are a reasonable person, they will stop being defensive, and you'll notice that at least for the rest of the day, they'll attempt to be more polite. This is how my oldest daughter reacts.
Although, if they aren't that reasonable, they will either call you a whinny, claim not to remember what you're talking about, or gaslight you and tell you a different version of events actually happened. Just to be fair, the unreasonable people that do this are usually teenagers doing this to an adult (my other two teenagers usually do this, unfortunately). But, I doubt a parent would do this to a child, unless they are evil.
I get no internet for about 3 years
@@jamesandchante I am beyond grateful for having a home and food. After each meal I thank my parents for giving me food. Sometimes they treat me like im way older than I am and expect me to do things on my own without any help. I help my mom with chores and sometimes I make my own food. My sister is the one who does most of the mess but I have to clean it. (she doesn't learn as fast as we do because she has something I forgot the name but she still understands my mom when she tells her to clean) My parents can be nice sometimes but they're sometimes mean to me. I'm always scared to ask my dad something because I feel like he's going to yell at me or hit me. I can tell you're a great parent to your kids. Thanks for reading this, I hope you have a great day :D
Yep
I wish I got a c in math:(
Or m, mom always telling me "im raising you! Be grateful!" Etc. And all.
I Always Just say "i did NOT ask to be born, it was your decision to have kids, Not Mine!"
you're lucky you can talk back. if i ever said that i would get slapped and something else worse :(
Izumi Ayato sorry-
I say that every time hahahahaha
@@yeongii1986 same...
ちゃんりゅこ I do the same thing!! :D haha
My parents show most of these traits and I don’t t wanna have kids cuz I’m afraid I’d carry on the traits my parents had so I don’t wanna put em in the position I’m in.
Edit: thank you for all the support and likes
I used to feel this way too, but I eventually had a family (at almost age 40). Realise that you can cut the cloth to suit yourself. You are not doomed to repeat and perpetuate their traits, if you have realised that what happened to you was wrong. Keep your boundaries strong.
kats555 thank you for the advice :)
I also had parents just like this. When I became a mother I did everything I could to be the best mom. Although nobody is perfect, I did a pretty good morning judging by the results 😁.
You can also. You are GOOD ENOUGH!!
kats555 thank you
Anna Guerreiro thank you
The worst part is when they compare you with someone that’s like 10 times worse than you
Zara S (friends are fine but Cousins...like what no,no,no, they haven't seen their real side😑 and especially when they compare you with someone who is really older that you and someone who is really younger than you😑😂
Zara S when I get compared to anyone I lose it. I was learning to play the piano, keyword being _was_, and one day I was compared to someone (I forgot their name), when that was said I left the room and walked home from my grandparents, after that my effort and interest dropped significantly and now I don’t play at all
" no one has the right to judge someone's particular parenting style"*
*proceeds to gut-laughing uncontrollably, ...followed by crying.
My parents do just about all of these things and yet, If I showed the video to them, they would disagree with the entire thing.
true
Renee I wouldn’t even bother
that is how my parents would be
It doesn't serve their purpose or they have really bad cognitive dissonance
TRUE
These comments are so sad.
To anyone reading this, stay healthy. The best thing you can do in this world is take care of yourself. If you let narcissistic and toxic relationships distort you, then you’ll also project that into the world.
If you need to get away, then get away - there is no shame in taking care of your own mental and emotional needs.
Yes, they may be blood, but you are an important and valuable person who deserves to be respected in a loving way. Anyone who refuses to treat you that way should not get the privilege of having your time and attention.
Thank you for a very good post. It's so much more difficult to deal with toxic parents than any other people, since you still want the best for them, and unless they were like seriously abusive they still did good things as well. And then you sometimes feel guilty, there fore it always helps to hear things like you said. They reassure me that I'm on the right path.
That's beautiful.
I love myself.
There's nothing I want to change about myself.
I am healthy.
I have a toxic parent.
I live with that toxic parent half the time.
I have to wall myself off every time I'm with my parent though to keep myself safe.
İts just too hard. You know you want to be healty and you really try hard to heal but every time you try they ruin it. Especially when you still have to contact and live with them.
I agree with you, but can you please explain what “they may be blood” means??
Hair Jordan Thanks 💓
As a new parent, I am working on being the best parent I can be to my son. Great video!
Nice job man
JJ Buckner Investing all the best sir ..my parents would always tell me to make a decision but would never listen to mine n go by their decision ..most of the time eventually they will go back to my idea .. so always listen to Ur kids opinion too . That's what I want every parents should do .even we children have an opinion which needs to be listened.
Also never pressurise Ur kids to choose a career just because it pays well..now am suffering .let them do what they enjoy ...that's it . I wish u to be the best for Ur kids
Great man anybody can be a father it takes a real man to be a daddy
JJ Buckner Investing I wish you luck
My mom: You can trust me I’ll give you some space
Also my mom: WHO ARE YOU TEXTING
She asked me this question right now.
I feel bad for you. When my mother asks me, I answer and she goes like oh.
I've got a good one for you. My mother worked in a psychiatrist office. So I was a guinea pig for all her"new parenting techniques" as a child and teen. She would bully me into telling her my feeling and what was bothering me. When I did she told EVERYONE! Neighbors, family, and ALL her colleagues and friends!!!!!
Talk about low self esteem and a huge sense of betrayal.
...ouch. Sorry that happened/happens. My parents are toxic as well, but mostly my dad.
expose that horrible mother until she feels awful
Same here, but in my case my step dad was giving me Heroine since 14 years old.
my relatives blame it on me.
Michele BATES just wanted to show, ❤❤❤❤ and you aren't alone
Elijah Rivera I'm sorry that happened to you also. My heart goes out to you.
The only way to stop the Narcissistic abuse is going no contact because Narcissists never change
You are absolutely right. Once I figured it out about my mother....I'd never be emotionally healthy unless I cut that toxic parent out of my life. It hurt, but I'm happy and healthy with my husband now.
Same! It’s self preservation
Amen to that sister. I did it last summer, i should have done it 10 years ago.
But how about your relationship with them especially when they're older? Isn't that also sad that you're cutting ties with your family and live a whole new life without them (no communications and all)?
Juris Immanuel what about when they're older? Should you sacrifice you're own happiness because they're "getting older". If you have anxiety and depression, don't you deserve to be happy? Or are their needs more important than yours?
Anyone else ever have a whole family who has called you useless...
kh critical player : This is so sad to hear. I’m sure you are not useless becauSe we are all precious and God made us with unique potencial. It’s those people in your family that don’t know what they are saying. If you have feelings. You have more than what they have. You are more of a human than they are. You are precious and you do have potencial. Work on improving yourself spiritually, emotionally and phisically. Even if you are just being. Feel proud of yourself that you are not like them.
my dad was declared certifiably useless by his mom, and she complained about the fact that there wasn't anything to complain about him cuz he got all good grades in school. So my father never learned how to be useful at anything and it was my mom that figured out how stuff was fixed and car stuff and house problem stuff. when he was 22 gramma expected him to know how to carve a turkey even up to that point he wasn't even allowed to touch knives.
Use that energy to prove them wrong by becoming the next Steve Jobs or Jeff besos. Then do you.
Yeah
My family has called me weak. I'm so sorry you're life has been this bad... but maybe.... if you get good moral support.... we can both tough it out together.
I’m growing up with a dad that will beat me for my mistakes, yell a lot, very high temper, and never proud of me. ☹️😭
Connect with a childline immediately my dear Friend :(
We're PROUD of you buddy
I really feel your pain because it's the same as mine
One time my sister punched her twice bc I disagreed with her and I fought back and she got dad and dad puncher me knowing i defending myself I’m 13 and my sisters 20
@@snipercow861 That must hurt.
It's funny how there are more children watching these than actual parents
parents were children too...
The Mudpit they aren't children now
So who cares. They had the chances and will to change, but they didn't.
really Angell? interesting. At what age should we stop caring about people? Is it 10? 15? 20? 50? 80? At what age do people no longer matter?
The Mudpit I don’t think that matters, what they were trying to point out was that parents are terrible because they wont try to better their actions to the point where their own children are desperate enough to look on youtube for help
The Mudpit Also legally they are no longer children at 18, but for arguments sake in this case lets be generous and say their opinion no longer counts when their first child is born
I went through all of this and more and let me tell you kids out there: your life is going to be a million times better once you have your own place and steady income. I never thought I would experience this much freedom. I just felt trapped and hopeless. But you just have to keep swimming until you're free.
Guruthosa Love
💕💕💕
Thank you, I needed this @Guruthosa
tell me what you said and done to be able to get away
Guruthosa I’m 13 and rn I hate my life on my sisters phone my dad calls me a midget and my mom calls me the dumbest kid in my class and I do have bad grads probably the worst but how could someone say that
I disagree with the suggestion to not cut your parents out of your life. I have cut my parents out of my life and I haven't been this happy in..... a long time. I dont think it is unfair in the slightest. They do nothing but cut me down, degrade me, neglect me, and emotionally abuse me. I am still dealing with the scars and open wounds of years ago and it would be downright idiotic to go back for seconds. This is not a matter of unfairness, it's a matter of protecting myself from those horrible people.
Oh good for you I'm going to do the same when I get a job after becoming financially sustainable
@meep meep
Bravo!
Good for you 👌
Sometimes one just has to walk away to maintain one's Sanity.
I walked away from my Mother and Older Sibs.
No regrets.
I keep "jokingly" bringing up emancipation to my parents once I get a steady job, and they laugh at me. I have severe anxiety and depression, as well as terribly low self esteem because of them.
The 22nd Pilot Me too, once U graduate high school I’m going to try to get out of my house
You did the right, difficult, and brave thing.
Man, between the two of my parents I’ve been living through all of this for 31 years. When I tried to leave and start my own life once, my mum emotionally blackmailed me and then I was trapped here. I have never met people as selfish as my parents. It’s crazy that they tick every single point made here.
My mother was lazy as sin, wouldn't feed me lunch. Would tell me I should of been in there when it was ready. I was glad when school started, I'd get to eat lunch. She burned me with a cigarette to break me from getting into the ashtrays. I was a toddler, she bragged to me about it when I was older. It made her proud that it worked. I'm 62 & still have the scar. Haven't seen or spoke to her in over 40 yrs. I don't even know if she's alive or dead. My life has been so peaceful with her not in it. I did it cold turkey, just had enough! But, along with that, you have to cut ties with your dad & siblings. I haven't missed much > parents divorced, then remarried, then filed bankruptcy. Brother went to prison for drug/alcohol driving many times. Sister ended up arrested for disorderly conduct, public intoxication, fired from a job for stealing from the office petty cash. Oh, I don't regret missing out on all that. I worked, son went to college, I bought a place in the country, retired & have 8 rescue pets, 4 dogs & 4 cats. Life is goooood!
im speachless :(
I, a 16 y/o trying to deal with my narcissistic mum, hope that I can have my life and up like yours. Thank you for sharing, it was really inspiring and hope inducing... Thank you
Thank you. Your story is an inspiration.
Pineapple Pizza112 find someone who does truly support you! Even if it's a friend's parent or a teacher and let them know about the issue. Get out as soon as financially/physically possible! Remember that everything can get better if you're willing to put in the work. Sorry, you didn't ask for advice but I truly feel for you.
tortilla1soup so incredibly happy for you ❤️
I can’t wait to finally buy my house and never see my parents again.
Buying it in secrecy is important since theyll end up moving to your house and making there own rules
Me too. Once I get a job and leave after a few years I will never ever return. But my mother is forcing me to study the subject that I don't like and to get the job that I don't want to get.
Adam Trew ikr
@@pauljerome01 kick em out
@@kribbli4417 That wont stop them from having a pity party or emotional outrage
my coworker's mom used to hit him, until he was 16, where she once again started hitting him and he said "If you touch me one more time I will beat you up so badly that you'll need an ambulance" and then he took her to court
Good on him, and so brave to stand up like that.
I got hit until I was 14. Then I cought her arm when she tried to slap me. I was already kinda large back then and muscle grow just started a couple of months earlier. I didn't even need to say anything, she was genuinely afraid of me turning tides that she only mumbeled she was sorry. Never touched me (or my brother) again. She suddenly realized I wasn't a helpless child anymore.
Wernher von Kerman brave of you!
Also to protect your brother
I respect you guys very much, having to go through this torment
Thanks for the Reply. However she wasn't always like that. Her behaviour was (and is) rather bipolar. However she got her revenge by dragging me to a therapist telling her I would hit her without any reason and as I was growing stronger she'd fear for her life. Well, it didn't even take an hour to dig out the truth. We live in relative peace since then. Occasional cases of verbal abuse aside.
My dad used to lose his temper and whip me with the dog’s lead. When I was 9 I decided I’d had enough. Not being big enough to make a threat or defend myself, the next time it happened, I made myself not cry and looked him in the eye the whole time and after that he never did it again. But he was cold toward me from then on.
Mom: *constantly belittles me and neglects my individuality*
Also mom: *why are you so distant*
My mom does hat too. My parents don't really I've any effort to show any interest in what I enjoy and then they ask me why I never share anything with them
I have a hard time dealing with my mom...who I think is pretty toxic, but sometimes i'm paranoid that I'm actually the toxic one. I'm trying to do some research and gain some understanding before my sanity slips away completely.
I know exactly what you mean.... I have actually broken free from her, no contact. It's weird because friends and family just don't understand the implications toxic people can have on your life. Plus also all of my friends don't know the first thing about parents who don't act like parents, it is an alien subject for them.
I can relate 😘
I have q very toxic parent. She sold my Xbox 1
Me too. Sometimes our relationship is full of unsaid words and silent manipulation and other times its perfect and I just can't tell if this is normal or not, and drawing that line between her human mistakes that everybody makes and just plain old toxicity is so, so hard. I don't know when to forgive and when to draw the line
Chance Maness I’m sorry
One time my mom asked for my opinion and then kicked me out of the house and made me walk to school because she didn’t like what I told her.
Elesha Pimentel - I want to laugh but only because my mum did the exact same thing to me. I could smell a trap and hesitated when she asked me for my honest opinion but she repeatedly told me, "no, it's okay. I just want to know what you think". I tell her and I never f***ing hear the end if it. 😂😂🙄
One time I got a bad mark, and my mom kicked me out of the house for several minutes and I wanted to runaway.... But I realized it would be a bad idea, but I think yours is worst
if you don't like someone's answer don't even ask
I was once did not get the first class and my mom told me that I should commit suicide and she would not even care if I did... I was crying the whole night because of that... And when I finally get to the first class she was like suddenly praise me and be sooo nice to me... and when I remind her on what she did say at the past she was just laughing like it was nothing and saying that it was JUST A JOKE...
Well... F@
@@DyingNakama how can someone be like that to their child? I don't get it.
Some parents are incapable of loving their children. I always thought I was the problem till I was old enough to understand why.
i relate a 100%
😪 I'm starting to slowly understand. It's hard. Soo soo so hard.
@@zainonechiamanell964 Can I have your number?
@@CybertronGangsta excuse me what
x. .x its becaise they most likely were abused as childern as well.
I get happy when my dad leaves the house
And when he comes home I lose all joy in whatever I was doing.
Bruh!
Yup same
I'm happy when I have the house to myself. When my parents come home I go down to my bedroom to avoid them as they are killjoys
I avoid toxic people
Same
My mom is like: " Go save money, so you can buy what you want." But when I have money, I use it to buy thing I want. And she will go through my things and ask, " why did you buy this useless things?!" "Where did you get money?" " Don't use what you saved for useless things like this".
I'm annoyed. I don't know where to place myself anymore ughh
*Spent all of their money on V-Bucks*
Wow mine actually didn't care how I spent my money. She needs to back off. She did say you can but what YOU want. It's YOUR money
Makayla Cunning it's not really her money if she saved it from her mom unless she got it from her job
when I save money my mom has to approve what I buy. For example I have been playing the piano for 6 years and I wanted to start playing the guitar (for the ladies) and she wouldn't let me buy a guitar with my own money because she thinks I don't need it.
hammyburger charm she didn't say it was from her mom though did she?
Parents: why are u always so stressed and paranoid
Me: you guys.
Parents: *screams* US! No ur the one who is insane!
And who brought me up to be insane and paranoid?
Blaze Bortles facts
Facts
Dude... We're same especially my mom
this is exactly what happens to me! except my dad is normal but my mom isnt.
Yesterday my mom and I got into an argument so bad, because my mom refused to go to group therapy because she was afraid I’d “lie and bad mouth her” the only time I “bad mouthed her” is when my nurse practitioner asked if there was any child abuse and my mom said no. That I’ve had a great life. The arguing caused my friend to have a panic attack In the back seat of the car. My mom started yelling at me “look what you did” over and over. Later, she twisted the story and when I told her how I felt she called me a liar. Plugged her ears and said “you’re lying” about 15 times before I snapped. She then calls me an abuser. The abuse has never stopped since I was little. She used to let my sister abuse me then blame me when I’d get upset. Yesterday after the argument she said I was not allowed in her house. I’m 14 and she said it’s “my house because I pay the rent.” She then compared this to the time where she wouldn’t let me home until I listened to her side of the story about her lying to me for 7 months about my medicine. I called my dad and he picked me up. When I left she was crying and saying how her “heart hurts” because I was leaving, when a few minutes before she was slamming doors and yelling. I’m so sick and tired of being her puppet.
This is literally what happened to me last week. We really need to talk about this.
Get your sister out of your mom's care too cause she will not have a good life with your mom, you and your sister don't deserve a mom like her.
Natalee Larson call the authorities bc that is illegal
This is literally what I grew up with, spoiler alert she never changes. But it does get easier with age, being able to drive and having a car makes it so much easier to stay out of the house. My best tip is just get hella involved in school clubs or sports do you're almost never home, you don't have to attend every club meeting and it is kinda hard to work out time for hw but the key is just staying away from her while striving for your own success
honey almost 100% of people go throw parents abuse my mom told me that her parents used to abuse their kids and it repeats with them and so on i was pulled by my hair and hit with a slipper until i had bruises and cuts it went on for more than an hour and why because i traveled alone without her permission at22 to ask about some collage and it didn't even work and i still get abused by my brother some times he'd hit me but i'm doing my best to get a job so i'd leave the whole city don't let yourself go into depression every thing will pass the only thing i couldn't deal with was my feeling of laziness when i want to quit everything and just watch some netflix
My parents have done this on a subtle, almost undetectable level, my whole life; yet, they still did ALL of these things more than once.
My mom always twists my words and accuses me of lecturing her and I always end up feeling guilty even if I did nothing to feel guilty about
And when I try to tell her that I’m feeling like trash. She will just automatically tell me how she feels instead of listening to me.
It’s not like I don’t care about her feelings, it’s just that I don’t know what to say half the time. I love her but it’s hard when a lot of what I say in conversation with her, she takes as an attack or lecture or criticism.
Edit: I mean I love her, but she makes it hard because she is so insecure
Omg. I feel you. It's the same with my mom.
dizzy cake I’m so sorry, because I know exactly how it feels. It’s an endless cycle of frustration and leads to feelings of not being heard or cared for. Sometimes you just gotta put your foot down and make space for yourself and try to stay as calm as possible
dizzy cake Oh my God that is my mom exactly! Everything is an attack, I must hate her, I apologize, she accepts my apology but says something really self-pitying or rude about me before leaving the room.
I feel you 😮
Same. I don't tell her anything about myself or how I feel no more. Just quiet. I'm slowly learning to just keep it to myself.
I know it's not good lol oh well
My parents got all 10 traits. What a jackpot!
So lucky ah?
Ikr
lucky boi
You must be living the dream.
Same here. Lucky us 🙄🙃
My parents had an issue with constantly using things on me. If I disclosed Information to them that they did not agree with, they would ridicule and constantly use it on me if I ever did anything else wrong. They would also not let me do the things that normal teenagers do like socialize and go out. I am now 20 and have severe anxiety and panic disorder, no self esteem, and no backbone. It is so hard for me to do anything in life including work because of my own insecurities and phobias that have progressed over the years...
I can somewhat relate, although I just have mild anxiety. I think a strange recent example of this kind of ‘holding things against me’ came when my parents kind of found out that me and my boyfriend are planning on getting married and starting a family. I didn’t even want to tell my parents that we were dating because I knew my mom’s reaction would be “But you always said you were a lesbian and never wanted to get married or have children!” and scoff at it. And I was right. Of course moments later, she denied that this was her initial reaction and assured me that she was happy for me, but... I just never really believe that my mom actually just “wants me to be happy” like she claims when she makes fun of everything that I enjoy and is never satisfied by my life choices.
I have little doubt that most of my anxiety was directly caused by how my mother raised me. It makes it really hard to get that nice ‘career job with benefits’ that my parents want for me because no one will hire someone as outwardly nervous as I am during interviews.
I am so, so sorry :( I was lucky enough to only have one parent who was emotionally abusive (the other was nice but absent, and lived across the country). What saved me was building relationships with people outside of my home. I still struggle with social anxiety and self-doubt but I have actively trained myself and get better with every passing year! Forcing myself to socialize with people I like makes a HUGE difference. People always like you far more than you realize, and the more time you practice socializing, the better it all becomes. It really is something to be practiced (and something you can definitely get rusty out without practice).
The best tactic I learned was from my first roommate. She had crippling social anxiety as a teen, but when I met her, she was the most socially outgoing and friendly person I had met. She told me that a year prior, she had decided to give herself one social challenge. Any time she entered a social setting, she forced herself to introduce herself and shake every single person's hand. It was incredibly difficult at first, but she got better and eventually stopped taking her anxiety meds. She's now the most lovely social butterfly I know ❤️
PS- If you want to meet new people to hang out with, try checking out some PSAs (positive structured activities) that you like doing or want to try out. For example, several locations near me have "game nights" where folks can show up to play board games, video games, etc. It's perfect because you can socialize without having to talk to/entertain someone the whole time. You can just have fun doing something together! You could also try craft meetups, pet meetups, hiking meetups, book clubs, etc.!
@@Sleipnirseight you are right about that. I think I'd like to hangout without having to hold conversations. It sometimes feels like I have to respond when I have no idea what to say
I can relate to this so much. I know EXACTLY what you're talking about - I'm 29 now, but back when I was 20 I was in the same, undiagnosed with anything but definitely a wreck. I found friends through school who would help me go out, and eventually I escaped my parents' vortex, but my younger sibling is still living with them. I did wind up gravitating towards people who would use things against my like my parents sometimes, but over the years, I've learned a lot about myself, and my family, and how I may be behind in some things, but that's okay. I'm building my self-esteem up bit by bit, as well as boundaries. Space and time help growth and healing, and I hope you get all of the above.
You have worth, and you deserve dignity and respect, as a fellow human being. If someone causes you harm, it's simply wrong, on a human-to-human level. That's where I go when I feel like I have no backbone. I zoom out to the golden rule, zoom out to how people should be treated, and say so. When I can't believe in myself, I BELIEVE IN THE ME THAT BELIEVES IN ME, or something, lol. Old reference is old, but basically, that. :)
But this video is just describing every “strict” Asian.
😂 so true
nitya m yeah my parents like have all things in this video
Im an asian and its very true
Mexican family here.
Ikr
New title. "My Dad Explained in 10 Minutes."
Amen to that. Same here
Mine too.
JS841 for me it’s my mom
JS841 Me but for my mom. My dad abandoned me :,)
my mom*
Things my parents routinely say:
"Why aren't your grades higher"
"Well that's not good enough is it"
"Because I say so!"
"You never go outside!" *proceeds to go try and go out* "Where are you going? How long will you be? Who will you be with? What will you do? When will you be back? How will you get back? Ugh I had dinner planned for you! I have to change my plans now!" And if the answer to any of those is not 100% clear or just "We'll hang out" then nope ya ain't going out.
"Don't hurt yourself when you're outside"
"What are you doing?"
"What are you watching?"
"Shouldn't you be doing xyz?"
"Why did you buy xyz?"
"You don't need that"
"I don't understand xyz hobby"
"Maybe you should stop playing so many video games, go read a book" *reads book* "You're always inside reading" (loop back up to previous statement"
Things my parents rarely say:
"How are you?"
"What's wrong?"
"I love you"
"Hey your xyz whatever is cool!"
"It's great that that xyz makes you happy!"
"I'm proud of you"
And somehow I never thought of my parents as toxic.... I just thought that we just somehow missed the mark in connecting as a family, that we're too different or something.
_ _ very relatable
_ _ same dude
The last bit hits hard
_ _ I know how you feel... Worst is you can't talk to them about it if you don't want another fight
_ _ I unfortunately relate too :/
My son has come to live with me due to these exact traits of his mother. I'm giving emotional first aid now. I hope I can be good enough as a dad but one thing I do know is he is everything to me, my best contribution to the world
You sound like an amazing father that really cares for his son. Have a good day and take care!
You must be one in a million father
Kudos, for doing the work necessary to help heal and restore your child.
Jj
I wish my dad was like u😧
Mom: Who all are your friends now?
Me: No one. Everyone hates me at school
Mom: Pfft! What a loser!
no freaking way did she just say that. wow
And then they yell when we DO have friends...hypocrites...
My parents are toxic. They said that I was a 'test' to see if they actually wanted kids. Clearly not. I can't tell my parents anything about my anxiety and depression because they'll make fun of me or worse. I never feel loved at all and I'm counting down the days that I can move out and go to university.
im sorry for you and when you do get to go to university cut them out and never look back.
good luck to you, Summer.
They said you were a test? Well leave them and never look back, better yet, cut ties with them if they treated you as a 'test'
No child should be treated as a "test". I am so sorry. It will all turn out okay. Keep fighting in. Try to talk to your counseler at school about the anxiety. They could probably help. Be safe, I hope everything turns out okay.
See? Honesty IS NOT always the best way to go!
Parents: You need to be independent!
Me: *makes a decision myself*
Parents: HOW DARE YOU
Me: wut the fu-
So true like my dad say don’t ask them questions I don’t and I finish and they are like “WHY DIDNT YOU TELL ME?!?!”
-ck
Lol yess 😂
I feel u~~~ just learn to earn ur self and leave them... then they will understand what they lose...
Because parents these days lack common sense when it comes to teaching kids, I’m a kid and when it comes to taking care of kids I have more knowledge than they do.
All 10 traits my parents have
My parents ruined my life nd now i have fear of socialising,i am scared of going in between many people.
Such a shame that you are damaged by it. I don't even talk to my own family anymore because of things like that. As for socialising. If you can find just a couple people to interact with that's still good. Even if u just text them
My parents have most of those traits and I hardly socialize now too.
gurl you can make it through
There are MANY Awesome people out there who welcome you, need you :)
You born to Live Your life and be happy. :)
Thanks for your concern 🙏😊
I appreciate it
You are not them - you are capable of doing anything you want! If you would like to socialise more, start with baby steps...try it online, go out more, just be nice with people and you will find yourself making new friends all the time:) You don't deserve to suffer from what they did to you. It's over, now it's your chance to shine! I wish you a happy life filled with love!
“ build up your own experience, instead of going off your parents I know better”
Yea he’s a god
That's my parents.....I now have depression and attempted suicide....don't guys if you get abused talk to somebody immediately or else it won't stop.
@@propane8659 same..because I also felt that I couldn't live without my mom..I then complaint to a social clinique and they took me away I'm happy now
Heartbreaking 😢 The struggle is real, so painful! Please talk to a trusted friend, teacher, school counselor, anyone. There is help - no matter how "stuck" or trapped you might feel. There's always HOPE. Someone cares. I care.♥️
I was in my 20's before I got a real doctor (psychiatrist) & counselor. Felt like so much time wasted but I was a new, happier person with Rx treatment. Still dealing with a lot in 40's yet I'm hopeful now that I'm aware of the root of the problem.
Narcissistic, emotionally immature parents. It's a form of abuse - likely passed on from their parents. Very sad & vicious cycle. Stay strong & surround yourself with positive people, work hard and do your best... Never give up!!! ♥️♥️♥️
Nope, I have been diagnosed with depression, but I physically will beat myself. Hit my head, hit my chest.
Talking to people help a bit, but if you live with them still, it's not gonna end. It doesn't even stop on campus.
@@SaraEumehFranks Atleast you didnt get abused
@@theyhatekath my mom said I got lucky she doesn't physically abuse me as to what her father did to her. I get it, but verbal isn't any better
1800+ toxic parents disliked this video.
Yeah they do. Coz they either the toxic people or the good ones that haven't experience it.
That would make sense, because they want to use their child as servants, they don't want them to find out how to break free.
Dave Don't forget their obedient children too
tru
Dave lmafo my mom disliked this video and I only have my mom
it's scary how 90% of this describes my mom. The very same person who let me starve for 4 months when I was 20, and when I talk to her about it says "I don't wanna hear you say that I let you starve because I fed you when you were 5".
rogantu dude cut her off.... That's actual abuse.... Take her to court
How could she let you starve for 4 months when you were 20??? With 20 you are an adult, no one can "starve" you, you can feed yourself, can't you?
Core I had just had all of my money stolen by the university of winchester in england that deceived me and did everything it could to rob me. Ontop of that I entered the worst health state of my life, battling 10 medical conditions all at once. I returned home from the university just to be met with no access to food out of nowhere even though she knew I had 0 money and was starving. To top it off the amount of time it took me to get sleepy, sleep, wake up, be paralyzed for hours on end from seizures and the hours I had to spend exhausted in bed resting every day, added up to more than 24h and left me with maybe 4 hours where I was able bodied each day. With 3 different medical conditions all eating away at how much time and energy I had there was no way I could function or get a job or even be physically able to move during the hours when the stores were open. Also just in the first 2 months of starving I lost 27kg and went down to 50kg, which is critically low for a 180cm tall man. I was too weak and frail to do anything. Even when I managed to buy *some* food it often took 5 days for my muscles to recover from that 1 trip to the store.
I thought parents were SUPPOSED to feed their kids. They act like it was optional.
You won't feed your kids until they will be old and retire either. Any "kid" in his 20s should be able to feed himself. rogantu's situation was only an exception, not the rule!
Parents: "you're bad so don't even bother trying to become"
Also parents: *Forcing to do school whether do you like it or not*
I think the "Children shouldn't cut their parents out of their lives unfairly" should have been flushed out more. "Unfairly" is the key word here. After growing up being controlled and abused in several ways by my entire family, including sexually, I completely cut them off once I realized it was abuse. I haven't spoken to any of them in close to six years. I don't feel this is unfair for what they did to me. I have PTSD, severe generalized anxiety, and chronic depression that are barely manageable thanks to my upbringing.
Stay strong, okay? I'm so glad you were able to cut them off! Maybe in time, healing can begin?
I'm so sorry for your struggle!
stay strong
High five
Wrote by an 8 year old that hates getting a hair cut 😂
@@tu.chiquitobombon confused/10.
Welp,
*time to send this to my mom*
Oh hey Swiftpaw XD
Im doing the same now
If I’d send this to my mom she would complain about me not living her and accusing her of being all 10 things in this vid
Same lel
if she's positively responsive to a video like this, you don't have a toxic parent. If they were, they wouldn't believe a single word of the video and likely start verbally attacking you for even suggesting they were wrong.
Break the Cycle; Your parents only know what they experienced growing up. Their behavior goes back generations. Love your children encourage them and be there for them emotionally
True, that's why I'm not having kids. I'm not risking it unless I have to. I'll just have a cat. The cat will be my kid.