It's sad to know better and watch it play out under another view flawed with no explanation of credible possibility.no one cares but me in the last one ever . .what a waste of effort
@Fizzyx13 I would have to disagree man. Realistic thinking is when you are aware that you are broken, but you try to fix it. Pessimistic is that the broken man cannot be fixed, but we can fix the children. While fixing children is correct, the main problem is a society with broken adults that influence children to be broken.
HUGS to everyone that likes them. Maybe there is a special kind of hug that will be acceptable to those who dont? I know I will send you all a special box of virtual crayons. When you close your eyes you can see these special crayons. These are magic crayons. They include all the colours you want. They glow. They can be iridescent, they can shimmer like light on water, dance like flames. Just shut your eyes to see the crayons & whatever pictures you like.
What's worse is when you went through various traumas as a child but still to this day you are denied the fact you were abused cuz they refuse to accept it was abuse and even deny some of the things happening.
@Hayden..: Expecting " them" to accept that they've abused you is another type of self torture. This I've found out. It will never happen. I let go of " them" emotionally and mentally after years of struggle because I came to understand that expecting " them" to understand me is another form of dependence on " them".
It's one thing to realize it was undeserved, but what is worse, is still being left with the question of "Why?". Why was it done in the first place? Never being able to find out the answer to "Why?", just eats away at you inside like acid.
@@show_me_your_kittiesUsually the person is too busy dealing with the repercussions of their toxic childhood to realize they've been harboring self-loathing and it can take even longer to realize they don't have to feel that way.
My therapist says that with my childhood I did not stand much of a chance for a “normal” outcome. I have been abused, molested, and raped. While I try not to let these things define me, I know they have had major affect on who I turned out to be. I dream of a life without the constant battle of anxiety, depression, and PTSD. I try to remember that everyone has some inner battle, and to be grateful that I live in a time and place where I can get resources to combat these issues. It saddens me to think there are still places in this world where these things are hidden away (I come from an emotionally unavailable family, so in some sense I can relate) or the trauma survivor is to blame, and even cast from society, or killed. I pray to find some balance and stability in this lifetime so I can use my experiences to relate to and empathize with other hurting people. I strive to be the person who wears their sorrows like jewels and comes out stronger. Blessings to all.
I feel your pain thats my child hood right there, never got the proper help when young now im 25 and feel that its pointless i cant trust any one and i struggle with anxiety everyday sometimes its far less other days i might aswell be fighting for my life it really depresses me to know that at some point when im much older ill find peace within myself but far after all my good years are gone and i can no longer make influential moves on my life when all i have is all ill get thats when i feel better and healthy enough to pursuit and do things i cant now
4 years ago when I started getting therapy for my trauma, I heard a quote and it clicked for me. "Kill the boy, to create the man". Although I am a woman it reminded me that you have to let go of that identity to grow into who you are. Don't let the doubt and negativity stop you from leaving the abuse cocoon and spreading your wings
It gaves me an idea, a tool about how to act to get my life better, i aknowledge the fact i'm being stuck somewhere i don't want to be anymore with this sentence. I don't care about the fact it might be called home, because i don't want to be stuck anymore, i need my life to be the adventure i always wondered it could be while watching the world trough the windows. Fuck This Home.
I remember being so happy to be leaving home when I got married 25 yrs ago. I lived with a toxic mom & 2 sisters who were bullies, causing people in our neighborhood to bully me too.
“All parents damage their children. It cannot be helped. Youth, like pristine glass, absorbs the prints of its handlers. Some parents smudge, others crack, a few shatter childhoods completely into jagged little pieces, beyond repair.” - Mitch Albom
Funny though how balanced love, religious faith bonding the family with joy and warmth, nurturing talents and passions, and deep and helpful advices are what my father and mother gave me and my 2 brothers. We are now full grown me full of love. One getting married next year, me single but happy the other divorced but happily with his girlfriend for some time now longer than the ex wife. No damage, nor breaks, nor cracks. We might have faults and we are not perfect but we love as how we have been love. Unconditionally.
Here Kitty, Kitty Took me ages to come to terms with this. My family seemed perfect, but I developed an eating disorder and that started the process of introspection. My family wasn't so perfect after all, but I'm still grateful for them
I used to think that I'm a messed up adult and (most of) everyone else are normal people. And then I looked at my workplace : an overly-submissive manager, an overly-dominating manager, no-opinion-allowed manager, a toxic positivity colleague, an overly competitive colleague, you name it. That got me to believe that EVERYONE is messed up, there's no such thing as normal people.
Yes I have to scrutinize everything especially at the job I have my interest in psychology demands it I wish I could ignore their behaviours being in the public just 15 years now after retirement from farming and I couldn't believe these people had not matured as adults and I thought highschool was bad some had excepted their fate but others are grossly in denial and disillusion I find it best to just get through the day without much involvement in the nonsense and untruths I guess I'm the one whos crazy
Everyone has demons, few people in the world are blissfully happy. That being said don’t assume every person you meet is miserable, more often than not we’re projecting our own negative feelings.
Hugs to everyone who was abused as a child. It took me more than 20 years after leaving my parents' house to get over my fear of life, of people, of everything, to get over my constant depression. I have been in therapy for 5 years now, and am happier than ever before. Unfortunately, life is almost finished, too, and I feel like I never really lived.
This made me cry. I feel this much. Feeling like your life was wasted. I've been in therapy since 2016 and back then i didn't believe I'd still be alive years later. My depression is at its worst and I'm now more isolated. But it's not finished yet. Please take care of yourself and try to stay healthy and enjoy life as much as you can. I hope you'll always be happy
Never give up! Screw years that are gone - you weren’t in control of that. You did your best and still doing your best, and in cases like that every minute counts... every minute counts of returning to ourselves. Wish you many-many more happy years!!! Take care of YOURSELF. Amen to that.
I'm 27 years old and met this old man, who i'm working for as a part time gardener. He is 93 years old and we often chat about life and its difficulties. Im at a state in life where i have to study very much to become a lawyer and one day, i told him that i feel bad because of all the fun times i'm missing out on. He told me that the best time of his life began when he was 60 years old and that i should never assume, that you can only have fun and joy when you are young. So i really dont think its to late for you to enjoy life.
Id like to hear your story, I have two little girls and I want to kill myself before they see life the way I do I feel trapped and my father is to blame sadly
Broken homes make broken kids, broken kids make broken adults, broken adults make a broken world. Vicious Circle. Just by researching this topic , we are a million steps ahead of our broken parents. Rewire your brain, feed the good wolf, and pass on the knowledge and wisdom .
Thats right but its up to you to break that vicious circle i am from a broken home i refused to.let my kids be from a broken home or or be broken in life like me. Yes im struggling but im going to make sure that by all means my kids get the best outnof thier life with the little support i have which is there dad if it wasnt for thier dad i tell you i dont know hw i wud do it...
It can always be worse. Our descendants will still be discussing their messed up psychology at a point where Earth isn't even the "centre" for the human species anymore.
More parents need to admit their wrong doings, acknowledge their destructive actions, change their behavior and apologize to their children sooner than later. We could lift the burden of shame and confusion for so many kids by letting them know from our own mouths that they aren't the reason for our poor parenting choices. This will not undo the damage, but it just may start the process of helping the wounds to heal.
For them to admit, means they have to feel/acknowledge the hurt they were avoiding the whole time that caused the suffering for their child. I know what you mean, it can be salt to an already sore wound when people deny and even blame the 'victim'. Ultimately it's nobodys fault. The saying "truth hurts" is very apt.
LittleLulubee Yes, if assuming there is free will and the abuser chose their own trauma. I wasn't necessarily talking about obvious abuse. Even more subtle emotional neglect is absolutely devastating. But it really isn't anyones fault. Not really. This is actually a key thing to realise and acknowlwdge as part of the healing process. If we are still blaming, we are still avoiding the pain. We are staying in the comfort zone of the blame game and not turning inside to heal ourselves. The truth is the parent was acting out their own conditioned patterns due to their own trauma and if we are merely blaming them we are just doing as they did, refusing to face the pain. You think people who cause their kids emotional trauma aren't deeply suffering themselves? Really this is about fully feeling and accepting our deepest pains. Accepting what is. Blaming takes you away from accepting what is. It prevents you from transforming your life. Although, look, from a limited perspective relative to how conventional culture thinks yes it's the parents "fault". That's the way the justice system operates to great success!!! Ignoring the roots. Consider this. A mother recreates how her own mother couldn't show emotion with her child. She didn't choose to recreate that scenario but had to as she did not know how to relate to her own child due to her relationship with her own mother. This type of scenario can be devastating for a child. We need love. (All our misguided wordly pursuits are actually a confused search for love) Is this the womans mothers fault? But what happened to her? She picked that up from somewhere too. The way this moment is right now is nobodys fault. Even a man who rapes a child has certainly been seriously abused to the point where that is his reality. That he is a child rapist. That was his response to his experience. Yes we moralise but people are what they are because of their experience. This inter-generational trauma is like a constant passing of the torch until someone is forced to turn inside and feel the pain.
LittleLulubee i did not display any sympathy for child rapists, I merely looked the bigger picture. I actually stayed neutral purposefully. As for free will, even modern science is now confirming what ancient sages and enlightened masters have been saying for millenia, there is no free will. It's the ultimate illusion. I recommend Sam Harris' book Free Will. I am sorry you have suffered at the hand of an abuser. I have actually worked with a few people like you and have suffered trauma myself so I by no means want to belittle your experience. But there is a bigger picture going on in the human condition outside our own stories. Utter insanity is widespread and considered normal. People are abusing each other everywhere in socially accepted 'normal' ways. And just with regards to free will again, nobody chooses anything, you do not choose your next thought you do not know when your hand will move next. You say you would not abuse and you have been abused, that has been your reaction. You actually didn't choose to react that way anymore than someone who was abused "chooses" to abuse. We are ignoring the wider issues here, that this kind of behaviour is in our nature as part of the sickness of the human condition at this time. Please dont be emotive and be open minded. Often, clinging to blame and hatred of people who have wronged us prevents healing. It actually hurts us to blame others. It only effects us to hold those strong feelings of hatred in our heart. We need to let go. No matter what has happened.
I disagree with you, it's not about an abuser choosing their trauma; as it is obvious that, this isn't the case. No one chooses the trauma there receive from, parents; siblings, other family, etc.What we can and must do is hold people responsible for the actions they take, and yes we do take into consideration their life experiences; but we likewise take into consideration any impact they themselves have had upon the lives of others. So that, if someone was abused as a child, we might feel compasion for theml yet hold them responsible for abusing their children possibly causing the cycle to repeat again What many people don't undertsand is, there are two definitions for the word forgive, and we all to often think of the definition that means removing responsability for one's actions, when we think of forgive. The more healthy definition for survivors of any traumatic experience be it, abuse, loosing a loved one, the wages of war, overcoming some life threatening injury or disease, etc, letting go of the, anger, hurt, emotional pain; and even chronic and severe depression to the point of contemplating and attempting suicide, which all to often can keep us trapped in the past, tied to our experiences upable to move forward with our lives. It is only through accepting that we have this struggle, and then seeking out help can we hope ro free ourselves of this burdon to become free, possible for the first time we can recolect. It is from where that we can begin to take the baby steps, which lead to the progress, which often can lead to huge progress in our lives. Such steps can be scary, we just need to keep in mind that, we are not on this journey alone, and that those ahead of us will reach down a hand to help lift us up; on this road to self empowerment.
But those parents are just the messed-up kids of their own parents, and on it goes back to the beginning of time. I think the point he is trying to make is that everyone gets damaged in some way, but we need to move past it to really be happy. Blaming the parents is just shifting the responsibility for our happiness outside of ourselves, and does not actually set us free. By "daring to leave home", we are daring to be responsible for ourselves in spite of the wrongs done to us by family/society/nature/etc.
Dear people who suffered emotional neglect in childhood and also everyone else, You in no way were responsible for the fallacies of your parents. When we are abused as children we tend to think we don't deserve love and kindness from people around us and end up sabotaging their efforts. Remember that you are unique, you are beautiful, you are lovable. Love yourself unconditionally, shower yourself with love for being you. See you will make mistakes but if you love yourself you will find the strength to say "It's okay, its human nature to be like this". The assurance from yourself will give you joy even when things go very wrong. You will be your own lover, friend and parent, glowing with inner warmth, helping people discover their own glow and helping them love themselves. This will give you zeal to live, and even in darkest times, you will be grateful for your existence. Love yourself the way you want people to love you and never once will you feel that life is not worth living. Keep glowing, Love, Human, Earth, 2019
,i try to be happy and kind but i always feel like a time bomb , every one tells me im fine or just a faze cause im 16 but dam its so hard to have relationships with people. So i try to be outgoing and happy but at the end of the day i feel like crying to sleep but i just sit here. Im uncofortable around the friends i have and even more uncomfortable around their familys. And when people ask about my family and childhood. Its either lie and be slightly weird but normal or a fucked up beaten broke kid with tons of issues and get avoided
My sister ran away from our abusive father aged 16 (I was 10). When I was 11 my parents divorced and at 12 I was our fathers next victim. A year later I fell into foster care and on my 14th birthday my uncle committed suicide. When I was 15 I was severely underweight (50kg). About a year later I saved my mother's life who in a psychosis tried to kill herself. I finally decided to run away from my parents age 17. Between that time and my 21st birthday I would move 8 times. In two weeks I'm going to 'celebrate' my 22nd birthday. My life is a struggle every single day, but I'm now finally strong enough to stop thinking about suicide or even have depressive thoughts.
@@e.kadriev7907 not exactly toxic, people in this case feel that they are not worthy of love, that's why they avoid genuine lovers. It has to do with low self worth
@@healingnow9964 not toxic ? Really? When they land in a Nice relationship and suddenly out of the blue when everything is going perfectly wel, they leave u. Leave u with the Hurt and everything. Ghost u like u never existed and choose the Bad Guy over you who mistreat Them. That's not toxic?
@@e.kadriev7907 their behaviors are toxic yes, but not them us persons because it's changable. I know it's hard when someone leaves you because of this, at least you know that the problem stems from them not you, but blaming them will not help you get over it, adding to that the fact that they are harming themselves too by leaving without knowing it. So both parts are hurted.
We inherit our parents' trauma, but never fully understand it. And as we navigate through this existential labyrinth that is life, we unwittingly become the heroes our parents needed.
If we ever become willing to do what they failed to do. 95% don't. Often, it's the most deeply hurt, most traumatised of us that actually end up healing and living a sane life.
It takes a little bit of self-awareness. As is the case with everyone else, I'm also "tainted" with my parents' issues. Somewhat emotionally stunted. But I realize my mother's inability to comfort me and let me cry as a child was a reflection of her own upbringing. As I try to become a strong person, I also strive to become more in touch with my emotions and the emotions of others. I'm becoming, almost by accident, the comforter I wanted in my childhood and, even more surprising, the one she needed in hers. My mother's mother also suffered from insecurities, paranoia, demons. But my mother, as she grew older and as emotionally-stunted as she is, became my grandmother's rock. In her final days, my mother never left my grandmother's side, and let her know every day she would always love her and never leave her.
AbsurdExistentialist self-awareness absolutely. And most of us dont even acknowledge emotion. Glad things have improved for you. Many parallels with my own life.
I wish it would be a law around the world to have a license to be a parent so they could go through scrutinizing tests to have a child/children because some people are not competent enough, by neither being intelligent enough or having enough financial resources, to have any children.
same. my mom, loving. but overbearing. and kind of two sided. her mom is a narcissist.. I'm almost sure. my dad is emotionally distant borderline. I'm borderline and became narcissists. but it's cause of school teachers. and kids at school. and my secret sin.. touching a girl... from 4th to 7th.. grew up with her. saw her naked at 2nd grader thought I had to marry her. had no clue about sexuality until.. it was too late and hated myself. abandonment fear. that someone would find out
@@she_wizzdom4410 I had the same. My father could not handle my mother and therefore did not have the support he needed to be a father. I don't blame him at all anymore. Now that I know what it's like to deal with a partner who's that much of a handful. And I hate her even more.
It's just so hard to let go of the bitterness and hurt when I don't really have the tools to navigate in this life because my parents were people who shouldn't had children. I'm left with the weight while they didn't get any of it. "Move on, it's in the past" yeah tell that to my debilitating mental illness that hinders my everyday life, my relationships, everything.
I hear ya. I actually made forward progress thanks to years of therapy, only to be hit by a ridiculous set of circumstances that unravelled all that therapy and left me in the dirt. I've tried so many times to get back up from things like that, my subconscious is really only learning one lesson: don't get back up, it'll only happen again.
@@tirsden I fee3l this. So much. Eveyrone tells me it will get better, but everytime I pick myself back up and put 100% effort into making somethign work I just even dup even more disappointent, exhausted and burnt out. My fuse is getting shorter and shorter. What doesn't kill you often doesn;t make you stronger. It just chips away at you until nothing is left.
hi i know how u feeling but if anything's worth, something that has helped me living a happier and calm life is learning about self work, self love, self respect and put it in practice. Also to be self aware and radically self honest to see and understand our behavior and how it relates to our traumas and heal from trauma by working on loving ourselves and getting happiness and confidence from ourselves. An example I realized is that my depression was fed with negative self talk and negative thoughts but just know that one thing is "reality" and another our negative distorted perception of reality which leads to sadness, hopelessness and anxiety. If we make a habit to see the negative is lying and we can control out perception, we have less sadness and such that is pointless and a joy theft. hope I made sense but this has helped me so i wanted to share. if u wanna ask anything, dont hesitate. hope ur day/night is good.
Always improve i like to think the same. i try to improve but i have a big problem with dealing with outbursts and stress. I'm extremely self-destructive and a big part of it was watching my parents react to their issues. they drank it all away, fought and took it out on me. i do the same now but I'm trying to deal with it. it's difficult but I'm improving!
green tea Yes indeed. Always remember this. If it was easy, everyone would do it. It all takes work, trial and error. It's in our loses that we figure out what works best for us in life. Keep struggling, because eventually you will have your "Aha" moment and the past will be just that.
green tea - Exercise to be nice to you and love yourself in good times. Exercise it over and over and over again. The new programm will override old, destructive programms in time. It may take years to establish new programms, but it's worth it.
Our whole conventional society is inherently broken and delusional in nature. Inadequate parenting is one tentacle on the madness of the human condition. We must wake up!
I grew up with my parents constantly tearing down what little confidence I had in the first place. They also were very critical, negative, and gave me advice that was plain wrong, teaching me to be judgmental and selfish. I grew up sad, confused, and lonely. Now, I can’t even let this go because it affects my life in every aspect. I was never given the emotions environment to develop my personality or become my true self. I have basically no true friends and no real connections with people.
Hello there, i had similiar experience from your story here...how do you do right now iris? Are there s a clue about your true self or feelings? Now i get it why we cant make real true connection with people, it's probably because we disconected from ourselve cuz of the trauma..and those who disconected from themselve is imposible to build true connection with someone
Right now i feel dont have personality too, my sense of self is almost zero, i dont know which is my true self..i lost my soul ,and i dont have or never have intimacy with anyone
My parents always used to punish me for being too emotional or ignore me when I wanted comfort which turned into me, whenever I was being yelled at or scolded, to shut down and not emote at all. Still struggling with letting myself feel negatively to this day.
My siblings and myself have paranoia and anxiety because our parents didn't let us go outside by ourselves. Everyone was an enemy, everyone was trying to use us. Their way of living was exhausting. Im an adult now and I have moved out. I still struggle with social anxiety and agaraphobia but I'm working on it and I can't blame them.
Holy hell. Mom was the same to us as kids. We could go outside, but usually only in the yard for a little while. Then once my older brother turned 16, he bought a little 22 revolver, so dad let us go explore and goof off on the farm since one of us had some protection. Mom was always hatefully against dad letting us go do stuff like that. But then again, she was abusive, and our eldest brother was horribly abusive and she protected him. So my brother, sister & i left home very often, especially when dad was gone at work. He'd be gone for 5 days of every week, and the oldest brother hit us and beat us almost daily. (I'm the youngest of 4, i have 2 brothers and 1 sister) the eldest brother was horrid, and mom always protected him, and punished us. Made up lies to tell dad, and made us out as liars constantly. The only justice or happiness we got was when dad was home, or we were out in the woods on the farm exploring and being goofy.
@@farengarsecret-fire9597 your mother sound like mine and I bet to this day if she is alive she probably doesn’t see the error of her ways . Think yourself lucky your dad was there at times to bring some normality to your childhood .
I used to be incredibly social, exceptionally so, but then I became sick, lost all my hair, moved to another town because my father's business bankrupted and became bullied at school and instead derived my fun from playing alone, and my father was desperate to fix me but didn't know how to, instead lashing out at me verbally and phisically, taking away my means of entertainment and leaving me with nothing but textbooks to read for weeks on end. I grew up expecting rejection, harm and judgement, and as a result became too detached and never relied on anyone, and looking for company even less, instead preffering to do everything by myself. Now I spend all my free time alone because I just cannot *enjoy* company.
I can relate to that. There are few people who I really like being with. I suppose that most people have built up methods of dealing with others who are not very sensitive or empathetic; some are just downright rude and abusive. The funny thing is that they are actually just acting out habits, conditioning they have developed in their early years, perhaps modelled on their parents. In turn, you must develop methods of dealing with them. It is very hard for a child to escape from abusive parents, but as teens or adults, after becoming aware of the problems, you have the power to change your way of perceiving life and make it what you want it to be. At least, there are organisations which are there to help. Definitely, reaching out to others is the way, because others can see you as you are more clearly than you can yourself. Ignore those who are of no use and engage with those who are useful.
I am crying while watching this, i feel i am such messed up, I am 21 now, it is really hard to take time for me to change myself, it is such pain to see how much i want to be a good person.
Cai Dan, there are plenty of great free mental health services that can help you. That is by no means a judgement. I am trying to hear what you have said. Please know that your pain and your emotions are valid. You can heal, even though it's hard. Here are some instagram accounts I have found very helpful: bunnymichael, notesfrommytherapist, good_mind_psychology and risingwoman
@@estrellarouge , hey there, I'm very happy and grateful for your reply, and I can feel how much you care. I would like you to know that after these months I have been doing great! So don't need to worry about me no more, I'm very grateful seeing people helping others across the internet,thank you so much! You have such sweet heart!
If there is such a thing as "an afterlife" then you'd come back to learn the lesson you didn't learn this time. That's what it's supposed to be about, dealing with your karma from this life! Now that's thought provoking! I can say I'm happy being me now, I'd never wish to go back to my childhood or even 5 years ago, I've finally found my happy place.
Took me 19 years to shed off past abuse and neglect from my mom, before that I almost swore I’d never see 30 simply because that’s how depressed I always was. I managed to get out of the funk through Buddhism and some philosophical studies, but anyone can let go of the past and see their real potential! Can’t let that hold our minds back when our bodies have escaped it! Much love School of Life, this channel always brightens my days, rain or shine!
That's awesome Jake. I gave a thumbs up because people like you give me hope. Ty for that. I am so glad that you found a light at the end of the tunnel.
I agree on the other side it gives us the opportunity to male right choices and change patterns and heal generational karma and teach it to our children. I grew up really broken and it was really difficult to undo or to heal what my parents have done but now i totally comprehend besides God cant use the broken if we are not broken after all. Love and light to you my dear. Peace🏹❣️
The same for my family. Worry and busy workaholics (gambatte), without improving their quality of life. They didn't know how to love, care, hug and understanding me. Just study and we are OK with you little girl, if not, we are not going to "love you".
@@keyboarding5593 so he doesn't play life on hard mode cause he have a computer or phone with internet access. I guess then you will blame him for having clothes and have food to eat, making feel guilty or that his statement is wrong, or that he is overeacting. You can't know how his life is going and what he bears inside. Shut your mouth... please
sometimes life could be really enjoyable but our abusive parents made it all about competition and narcissims and selfishness and insecurities and fear.... The no pain no gain style. They left love, peace, compassion (in moderate way) out and thus we lost the beauty of life. The ''life is about survival'', ''life is a jungle'', ''push yourself (beyond logical measure)'' style. No, there are relatively good people out there, our abusive parents were in place that most people would call jungle, threating and about survival!
A good way to overcome the sufferings of youth is to express them through art. To create something beautiful, tragic and unique, then to share it with others is a phenomenal healing experience.
Me too. Like I paint, draw, was a touring dancer, sing, make jewelry, and on a whim decided to try to remix music. I am no professional by any means and my channel is completely experimentation lol but it helps me. It sure takes the edge off of PTSD for sure.
I agree; I can't imagine how I would've coped with my past without creating music and books. It helps a lot, although it doesn't blot out the memories completely.
mephistopheles the silent chief : I don’t agree! Because I think, it’s the best thing is communicating with someone who care you! Take it out every frustration by communicating! It works to me.
Having a turbulent childhood has always made it hard to be like those who did not have a turbulent one. I struggled with this around a dinner table yesterday. Everyone were sharing past stories, academic success through creating creative writing prompts, and all their accomplishments. I felt very lack luster it comes up so much this feeling, but I was so aware of it in this very moment. I experienced it so much my entire life, and at the age of 20 I’m just now able to articulate parts of this complicated feeling I have in these circumstances. I am Not to say that these people did not have struggles or tragedies happen, but they did have stability, love, enthusiasm for their child to become something from all the potential they are filled with, and showered with love,compliments, constructive criticism, and encouragement to figure out and to do things they enjoy. I was all aware of all the things I had missed out on in this moment, it was a loving and supportive family. I always knew this, but it finally sank in. Now I’m trying to learn how to become someone who can have conversations at the dinner table or anywhere in life without being a drain on everyone. I hide my past so I am not a ball of darkness with my friends, I just listen to their stories and all that they have been through and am left speechless when they ask me about my past experiences, I want to reflect on positive moments but I can’t remember them. If anyone can relate to this and had read all the way through, first thank you, but second if you have gotten to a point to where I desire, how did you do it? Thank you, I hope life treats you all well. We all have been hurt.
I can relate to everything you've said and then some. When I tell people about just a fraction of the things I've experienced they say right away I should write a book. I've managed to overcome a lot of the obstacles by meditating every morning and sometimes throughout the day. In my meditation I clear out my subconscious and conscious minds like deleting the hard drive of a computer. Once my mind is CLEAR I bring myself in to the present. So I am fully engaged in the NOW. I let go of the past and future. I am immersed in the moment and greatfull that the creator has allowed me the privilege of experiencing a new day. I also ground myself in to the HERE, so wherever I'm meditating I allow myself to appreciate every aspect of that particular place. It could be a park, the shower or practically anywhere. It usually takes all of about 10 minutes but it's worth it because if I do it correctly I have total peace of mind. I incorporate deep breathing as I do this because it allows me to relax. The key to making this a habit is to do it every day until it becomes automatic like brushing your teeth. You eventually don't have to think about it, YOU JUST DO IT. Hope this helps.
Well, it may sound ridiculous but it worked for me. When i was 15 i heard this song that said "I'd rather be causing the chaos than laying at the sharp end of this knife" and since then my main goal transformed to create the life with friends i can call home, and in order to get there you have to live so many new experiences with your chosen family, so I did that and now im able to share those new memories instead. (Now im 25 years old)
Yeah, i can't really remember the positive experiences, either. I know they happened, and often, i can feel that they're there, but i just can't picture them at all beyond about 3 experiences. So i have no clue at all, on how to handle or recall good things. Most of what I can remember is really bad stuff from when I was a kid, and work that I've done. I work odd jobs, so it's not even anything monumental, done by me. other than extremely precise chainsaw work done by my brother, which brought some close calls.
I read your comment to the end. Sending a big hug , I'm sorry you went through a bad childhood. I am 69 years old & still working at getting healthier. I pray you have a good life , you deserve it.
Maybe when we were children we couldn't do anything about it, but as our awareness grows, we have the power to change. Introspection, meditation, and learning from wiser people have all helped me overcome the issues scripted in me when I was a kid. Don't ever believe that people can't change for the better.
My parents never encouraged or supported me, what I want never mattered. Any dreams I had, they crushed, especially my mother. "That's not for you, you dream too much". My mother was verbally and physically abusive. As an adult, I became the classic underachiever, smart enough to be an engineer but lacking the desire to follow through. Success scared me, still does despite my knowledge of why I'm broken. I was aware enough to break that chain with my kids. But how do I fix myself?
LittleLulubee it's like programming. My parents are gone but that program they installed is like getting a virus out of your laptop. I have to be willing 24-7 to honestly self assess and listen to others to beat it.
Same here. I remember once telling my mom about college and becoming a teacher. Her response was “you’ll be lucky if you finish high school.” It still hurts to this day.
Daniela Castro it's amazing, it's as though they were oblivious to us looking to them for the courage to take on the world. But instead, they served us our first and thorough defeat, with more to come in time. The ever present bully.
April Sunshine yes, I have had years of therapy, that's how I finally realized why I'm wounded. How to heal, now that's a bit more complex. I am healing, not as quickly as I would like, but everyday, there's movement. I find the key to be fortunate enough to have people in my life who are self aware, because most people are not.
This comment is way late, but I'm gonna say it anyway. I am very proud of you. And i hope to God that you stay happy and healthy. That's a pretty incredible achievement to get free of something like what may have happened to you. And I'm very very proud of you, for doing that. You're a decent, strong person. And may God bless you.
Hamza Saleem No our parents apply puritanical methods in order to create dictators in ourselves to cope with the unbearable challenges of life that are surrounding us now and awaiting us next. You question the purpose of the harsh treatment or overprotective worry of our parents not the motive. All I can say thanks to my restrict parents, now I understand why they were like that as an adult.
That's why we have to learn about Resource Based Economy and stop living with obsolete values such as money, individualism and ownership. Only then children can grow up in a healthy environment with compassion and real values. We have to change our obsolete corrupt culture.
alex mercer There are unanswerable questions and life matters are relative. I talk from my own experience. People should be aware of the difference between a restrict parent and a sadist one who lives on abuse for the sake of abuse. Hitting with a cricket bat is not a method of punishment but a total torture. Child alienation could be the epiphany that shapes the personality of a child and promotes his sense of individualism and at the same time builds his responsibility. Although my parents were punitive, they were supportive and easy going. Children are rebellious and chaotic by nature. I used to break the ice escaping from my house hanging out with my friends, but at the same time the fear of my parents helps me feel the importance of what I do. Some parents I agree are unqualified, and others are overqualified, but there are the types that are concerned and they break out the limits of that concern with their children. I know I couldn't answer you, but the point is that we are mortal and children need to be ready for that. So the idea of a God that we seek for when we are lost and no one ever could help us is effective. You either accept my opinion or not. Allah is the only God.
I realized emotional intelligence is really the foundation of all intelligence. This video hit home for me. I learn so much from you, School of Life! :)
We can be. But it will be painful. As a child you invented ways of coping which formed your dysfunctions. You did this because facing the emotion in its raw form at that time was absolutely terrifying. You learned that this is just what you do. From your family, from culture. As an adult you have assumed that this core hurt is still too painful to examine. (ie, going deeply into the trauama through meditation) the truth is it will not kill you. It will be extremely uncomfortable yes, but it can only kill you once it rises into your mind and makes you act. Almost nobody is facing this, and EVERYBODY is traumatised to a significant degree. Often it's just the ones who suffer the most end up turning inwards and healing. I wish you all the best. You do not have to follow the same pattern until death. You have the seeds of change within yourself but the seeds are the trauma! It needs loving attention with a new adult perspective. But we are all petrified to go there. That's the tragedy. That we never explore our pain when it has the potential to be our greatest teacher. I recommend you get the book "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk. He is a psychiatrist who specializes in formative trauma. The book details how we hold our trauma in the body (the chest and belly area) and approaches we can take to healing. DO NOT TOUCH PILLS. THEY CANNOT TOUCH THE REASONS WHY DEPRESSION MANIFESTS.
guys, i had a amessed up childhood also. i'm coach for kids now. If u really want to be free, please have try with EMDR-Therapy (best, fastest and modern therapy-model) and some leaded meditation for inner healing with ur parents. look also to come into ur female oder male power. google will help u to find. helped me a lot. best wishes for u. inner peace and love!
My father was a narcissistic, loud, domineering control freak who messed me up emotionally. Thanks to him I grew up with low self-confidence and fear/anxiety around authority figures. I can only hope to grow past it someday.
If only it had been just my parents who messed me up, but it was everyone around me except for my grandmother. I learned before I was 10 that my body didn't belong to me. I existed for the pleasure of others. I was beaten, molested, harassed and emotionally abused and finally raped. I only learned in my 30's that this is in fact my body and no has the right to touch me unless I want them to. I still flinch when my brother's kids hug me or when my boyfriend grabs my hand so there's still a lot of work to be done. As a child I was sensitive and shy and always did what was asked of me. Nowadays I'm overly aggressive and even violent. I have received therapy, but it did little to nothing. Every day I try to let go of my past and every day I fail.
Hamm Hamm Do not give up. Every day can be better. Love yourself. Forgive yourself. Study. Learn. Its ok that it takes a lifetime. There will be days when you see the beauty in what you learn, what you achieve, what you are. You are creation and not perfect. You are responsible for your actions and choices, not your childhood. We are each a work in progress, you are just putting in more effort than some. Blessings to you.
I know how you feel, I'm 46 this year and was the same in my 30's, angry and aggressive because of bullying kids that picked on me it made me TOUGH and I'd be defensive as your past haunts you, it's hard to let go of, I'd argue and fight with people when I'd shy away or run off as a kid but I learned to be calmer and fighting doesn't help, I'm a different person to how I was 15 or so years ago but you'll still never let anybody walk all over you, but dwell on good people you meet life does heal in the end!! 👍🔚🙂
You can, and will become better as long as you keep trying. In my life there's 1 good thing that I've managed to figure out. "You're no better than most people around you, and they are no better than you. You can't base yourself in that past, horrifying as it was. That past is not truly YOU, that's a product of horrible people. The best thing you can do to achieve better, is not to be better than anyone around you. It's to be better than yourself yesterday." Incremental as it will seem, every bit of change for a better happier life, is a monument to be proud. In the end it's completely okay to be better than the ones who've hurt you in the past. As they're the ones who relegated themselves to evil, and to temptations, even the devil in living. But do not ever compare yourself to those awful cretins. As that's extremely toxic for your own well-being. You can't stoop to the point of even picturing yourself on scale with those people. Just be better than you were yesterday. That anger? That frustration? It's so temporary and menial, compared to the damage it can do to your relationships and mind. Just let things go. There is no right, in aggressive rights. There is only destruction in relationships, and things to be sought afterwards. Just keep in mind, next time you feel that anger, or your blood to start boiling. it's okay to be wrong, and it's fantastic to be better than you once were. Much love from a dilapidated country boy. God bless
"We are living the wide open present through the narrow drama of the past" - Great way to say it. I owe a great deal to existentialism for helping me realize this fact and for its hopeful view on our ability to get free of these bounds.
This particular video is extraordinarily profound. In my own life, I've contemplated my youth/adolescence, essentially "auditing" my early life. There were 3 cataclysmic "life events" in adolescence from which I have never recovered, and which I never will. -- Those events "locked" me into my life. I suspect many others have similar stories to tell...
I can see where my issues are coming from, especially when I’m dealing with my emotions. Because I went through lots of traumatic experiences when I was younger, I used to kept my feelings inside of my heart rather than speak up and let people know. I am 24 years old and still having a tough time when it comes to sharing my feelings/opinions with people. Hopefully one day, I can forgive all the trauma that has ruined my personality so that I will be able to show people who I really am.
I keep my feelings concealed too,i don’t think anybody would understand how I am or how I feel.I’ve never talked to anyone about my emotions so I feel so misunderstood.
This video really got me thinking and remembering stuff about my past. My parents always had a lot of fights, and they both had a lot of traumas that they passed on to me (especially my father), and now I understand that such things had a big effect on me, I became insecure, shy, sad, angry, etc. I'm 23 now, and sometimes I react badly with them and other people because I have so much anger and sadness in myself, and because their actions remind me of stuff that happened when I was little and bring back bad memories, but now I'm slowly understanding that those things that happened don't have to define how I am, I can change if I want to. It's been a slow and painful process, but hopefully someday I'll get to a point where I fully love myself, accept me as I am, and not letting traumas from my childhood and my past define me.
That's a pretty beautiful way of thinking, and putting it. Basically the only thing that i have managed to figure out, and help myself do better is this, (and bear with me here, it might get a bit long) "You're no better than the people around you, as are they no better than you. Do not strive to make yourself better than anyone else, but instead become better than yourself yesterday." That past, is past. It's gone. But YOU on the other hand, are not gone. You're here, in the present. Live it. Try not to compare yourself to people, as many may have gone through traumas, and are wearing those scars, as are you. But instead just do better each day than the previous one. Don't let evil people get the better of you. Instead, give your true better to good folks who need it, and do the same for you. Just try not pay credence to the evil, remain that pillar standing proud over your past. Because that pillar is holding your future from falling down to where the evil still lies. Be your own inspiration, and inspire the good people around you. Yes, being a good person is hard, and the evil people hate it wholeheartedly when they see you're doing well, and will try to call you back to misery. But remain as your own person, and come out a taller stronger pillar for others to be inspired. Carry your past, but don't let it's weight be a bother. As your future will be infinitely heavier if evil prevails over you. Sorry if that was overbearing or long winded. Much love, from a dilapidated country boy. and God bless you.
My dear friend, don't worry there are many like you who have gone through this. I'm also one of them. I'm 31 years now, I have studied in hostel for 12 long years but whenever I came back home to my hometown to visit my parents me and my brother and sister we cried a lot when we saw our parents fight and abuse each other and that made us angry shy and depressed and put a lot of pressure on me. Whenever I used to be around people I used to go away in lonely places and be alone spending time thinking how miserable and bad my life is, but after so many years I have healed a lot and I think there are ways through which we can heal and become better person to be a blessing for the people around us. Now I work in company and everyone likes me a lot because in spite of having a worst childhood I spread happiness and good vibes among my friends and colleagues.
We've emerged into adult life determined never to rely on anyone or desperate to find someone to complete us. Damn this hit me hard, I've always had a huge sense of independence just because relying on others for anyone has only resulted in hurt and disappointment. Still learning to open up more thanks to my best friend.
Why bother with opening up this video is stupid it acts as if this so called trauma can't make you a better stronger person. Nobody has ever done great things by being average.
My parents were not fit to be parents. My mom wanted kids at least according to my dad. But my dad didnt think my mom was ready to be a parent because she wasn't domesticated enough to be a mom. But what my dad never realized was that it takes two parents to raise a kid. Now he blames my mom for everything thats ever happened to me and my sister. But he was no better at being a parent. He would beat us. We used to go to school with bruises from leather belts, whips, coat hanger wires and frozen meat that was thrown at our heads. He beat my mother sometimes. And my mom was no better. She never finished elementary school and she went with my dad to get away from her family. I was honestly a real cunt growing up. I cursed, hated bathing, hit others, and didn't want to go to school. I never failed school but I came close at times. No one wanted to be my friend and at some point in time I got bullied so hard I had to switch class schedules so I wouldn't have to be around them anymore. I kept feeling for a very long time, that I had to act that way to prove myself to anyone. I knew no one liked me, I was a disappointment to my parents and to myself and there was nothing or no one to help guide me. I didn't understand social concepts and struggled to trust people who were either too kind or too mean. I saw social workers, psychiatrists, therapists and all did nothing. I would get unreasonably mad at everyone. Especially at my parents if they had to go to work because I felt neglected. I still wanted them to love me because I wanted to look up to them. I believed that if I felt they loved me, maybe my life would have more meaning. I had no way of expressing myself and even if I could've, I doubt my parents would shape up. They both took parenting classes as part of some program but nothing came of it. Then I would wonder why I had no friends and if I was born as cold and mean as I was. But then I realized monkey see monkey do. I learned from my parents. After some time I got taken out of the care of my parents, I was placed into foster care for two months along with my little sister. We still have a case worker though I am almost 21 now. For a while I had to live with an elderly woman who lived on the south side of Chicago. Her son was a security guard at a mall and got shot and then DCFS placed us in the care of our aunt. Living with my aunt was hell and it was either that or back in the system. She always threatened to put us back there and a part of me never understood why she took us in but never tried to be an aunt. She restricted us on so many academic opportunities at school and we weren't allowed to go outside. and both the way my parents raised me and the way my aunt raised me really messed up my outlook on my future for a very long time. I left the day I turned 18. I took nothing and thats where my life began. Believe me when I say that no matter where you come from, no matter where you've been, the storm will always have an end. once I left, I graduated High school and went to Uni. I already speak three languages and now I am learning a fourth. I met the love of my life there who has been nothing but supportive and understanding. And now I am about to complete my second year. I have great friends and good grades and I don't think there's anywhere I would rather be than here and now. There are many times when I look back and sometimes I do cry at memories and regrets but then I remember how far I have come. And I remember all those times I was contemplating my suicide in silence. I think of all that I would have missed out on if I had done that. All that I wanted that I now have. My personal adversities have shaped the way I am today and have only made me stronger. I've learned so much from my trauma. It's taught me to forgive and keep moving. It's taught me to be patient and understanding. It has taught me to be a friend to all and to understand first before deciding how to react. It's taught me to have compassion and never put others down because they have suffered less than you have. Pain is pain no matter what. I hope maybe someday in the future I can become an advocate for those who feel they are suffering from trauma. And I hope whoever is reading this right , I hope you stand up and take charge of your life. Do not let your past define who you are as a person. You are a human being with unique skills, talents, and flaws but that doesn't mean you aren't worthy of love, kindness, or compassion. Your greatest enemy will always be your own self only if you let it.
Main reason l don't have kids of my own. Continuing the legacy of our morally corrupt species, just seems waaaayyy too sadistic for my concience to withstand.
@Nishita kunder No one is saying that you need to have a child now. This goes for anyone thinking that we all are doomed to fail them, your inadequacies are your perfect imperfections but that being said it shouldn't define you and we should learn to be content with the burdens of our past and dare to be courageous when confronted with them. Also if you fall into the view point that the original comment states then you are ignoring to see the capacity of good and bad that humans can tap into, we are not all destined to be "morally corrupt"
I guess I had a messed up childhood to some extent too, but my parents did as well and their parents also. The chain goes on all the way back. The only thing I can do is forgive them and try to break it and do my own mistakes when raising my children if I ever have any.
Awareness is key. Explore your emotions. Turn toward suffering. At the heart of it is the seeds of your transformation. You're deepest pains will be your best teacher.
I T Thanks. Going to therapy for several years now. Psychoanalysis currently. And (so) I'm that kind of person who needs to remind himself he has to go outside his head for a few minutes per day at least.
I have a narcissist mom and had a very affectionate father. Can't thank God enough to be able to have some parts of my father's love inside my heart to keep me sane.
This video in short hit the nail right on the head. I’m going through therapy now because of what happened in my childhood. Yeah I agree, once you become an adult you have the power to change and fix your problems, but the question is How? And just like what the video mentioned, we might be in our middle age before we realize what’s going on before we could do something about it. It’s terrible to know that by the time you’re old it might be too late and you’ve already wasted so much of time.
My grandmothers father abused her emotionally and drained her of the ability to truly express her love for someone. This shredded two of her marriages and continued in her two sons, of which one is my father. He always struggled with the need to feel loved on one side, and the disability to express his love on the other side. I only became aware now, how utterly important it was for him to meet my mother. She is like the sun in her warmth and shows love to nearly everyone she just knows for a couple of hours She ended this spiral of unexpressed love that ran in my fathers line from generation to generation. Although my father always had a hard time to express his feelings towards me and my brother, my mother made up for it. I inherited my fathers nature in being hard to show my feelings but was able to turn it around with all the love my mother gave me and her reassuring my feeling that my father loved me too. Now being an adult my father still has a hard time to tell us he is proud, but never before am I so aware of all his little gestures in which he expresses his love. I truly believe now that love can be the ultimate cure.
“We suffer because we are, at huge cost, too loyal to the early difficult years. We should, where we can, dare to leave home.” I’m in so much pain. I want to break free from this terrible burdening belief that I cause others pain with my feelings/thoughts/being. It’s been 25 years and I still suck myself dry of the self compassion I desperately need. I’m far beyond my limit giving love to others and not to myself. My heart hurts. And I’m extremely angry with how lonely I always have been in this.
Turn inside Expore your trauma Give the loving attention needed By doing this, our pain can Be the every source of healing. It may take time, And it will be painful. But you deserve to be free!
I’ve never been able to trust anyone enough to talk about my childhood, I’ve bottled it up for so long now but I’m making sure I never cave into sadness. I will ignore my brain and try as hard as I can to think logically.
Neuroplasticity takes constant training. Nobody waves a wand over you at age 18 or 21 and magically cures a trauma filled childhood. Working in Special Education, I see all sorts of reason for children acting out and only a sliver of them are genuinely biological. So often environmental factors, such as absent, incarcerated, or addicted parents lay the foundation of who the students will be for the remainder of life. I am eternally grateful to the team of counselors and social workers who toil endlessly to unearth the root causes of abhorrent behavior in these teens and help turn their lives around.
Grateful to hear this you beautiful person. My nephew who is 7 years old is on the Austism spectrum. His dad, my brother has been in prison and mainly in out and of his sons life. I'm so glad people like you and your team are out there. I know we had a horrible childhood but I have hope that we can stop cycles of abuse and neglect one person at a time.
Abuse happens in more affluent areas and by highly regarded people too. People just never know what really goes on behind closed doors. Similarly, there are some remarkable parents on low incomes in deprived places. I have a very similar job to you 😉 Trying to turn my bad past into someone else's good future.
Whoever reads this that grew up from abusive home and have a traumatic past, you deserve to let go and you deserve better... dont be like them, end the cycle, wish for the best to your family that caused you pain, forgive them, there's no other way. Let go, you deserve better. You don't live in the past anymore.
I like how the problems are identified, but the solutions are always ineffective or long lasting. I really gave it a good try for 12 years, and when I told people I felt better, I was lying. Filling out the questionnaires for a new therapist became tedious and very banal to me. So then I just learned to answer questions that I know would rate me as depressed, ADHD, OCD, or whatever lie I wove. After running D&D games for 25 years and writing stories for 35, I learned how to make whatever I say believable and true. It's like George Constanza said on Seinfeld. It's not a lie, if you believe it. So what's the point of it all? Glad you didn't ask (I know no one will see this on a 4 year old video). Because I just want to be heard, accepted, and feel genuine. There, I said what I said.
I dont think I have the answer for you but it sounds to me like you have been too so many different therapists that you even know how to game the questionaire system they have. I am not a pro and maybe this is bad advise but would that mean that the therapy isnt helping you? Maybe you have not found a good therapist and also I do not believe that therapy will just provide you with solutions to your life. I think it will provide you with methods with which to deal with your situation in life and make you more aware of yourself so that you can take proper care of your physical and mental health. I am writing this because I really hope you can get better. I am a random person from South Africa who read and heard your message, friend
@@w0ngky hello there. The point of my diatribe, was to point out my expectation of a therapist. I already work for a company and live under a government where I am a number. So I didn't want the therapist treating me as another score, that supposedly means this and that. Thank you caring and reaching out.
Bob my belief in God's word tells me that only He can restore my brokenness because God knows me. It took me years to realize this but having now confidence in His good character gives me peace and hope. I see life differently, hear people differently. We are all broken crayons but we still have color! I hope you find healing. I hear you.
My father was a sociopath, my mother was a covert narcissist. I was born autistic and developed depression at age 15, and Schizophrenia at age 18. Despite all of this I have no addictions, and compared to a lot of people I'm extremely fortunate. I am not a victim, I am a survivor.
I came from a broken family and I always keep in mind to be a better parent. Just because you came from something broken you can't change the cycle. It takes a person to break the chain. I recognized the problem and I'm willing to do better. With the support from my husband, I feel like I can be better. If you're willing to be better and with support, you can break the cycle. Find a partner who will lead you to the right path. My husband and I agreed to only have one child because we want a comfortable life. The more kids you have, the more stressful it is, funancially, emotionally and mentally.
True. But, lots of kids were the norm once. I'd say we are just a weaker generation. Not a critique, observation. I do think only children benefit from a sibling. Opinion.
How ever good or bad it was I was always grateful, thankful to my parents for the most precious thing in life....life itself. That was helpful in moving on in my life.
Im 27 now. Currently healing from YEARS of verbal abuse from my father who, non-surprisingly, suffered the same with his father. I want to get married and have kids, because I have so much love to give. There is just a lot of healing I have to do beforehand.
As a child with Aspergers, I struggled to understand right from wrong in school. Thus, I got myself and others into trouble often. I struggled to make any close friends and would usually just hide out somewhere. My father passed away when I was 2 and my mother had to work 6-7 days a week, sometimes until 10 pm. We lived with my grandparents, who owned a small clothing store (where my mother worked). Unfortunately, my grandparents paid her minimum wage even though she was the manager and did most of the work. I would either be left alone for hours after school with no siblings or adult supervision, or I would go to work with my family and stay in the back of the store warehouse. We were isolated by thousands of miles from our nearest relatives. I made some friends in high school but kept only a few to this day. I do crave more social interaction but most people seem to misunderstand me. Over the years I’ve learned to understand others much better yet I still struggle to communicate in a way where people understand my point of view. My facial expressions and verbiage seem off putting to people who end up thinking, mistakenly, that I’m being disingenuous. For those of you who feel lonely, don’t focus on having a plethora of friends. Having only a handful of friends is fine as long as you can form a meaningful relationship with each one.
Greatly explained. Too focused on others, grew up not accepting myself and that can certainly lead to suicide. The pain is huge. Learning to depend and reparent myself has not been easy nor fun. I'm trying , everyday. I did not grew up with my Mom and Dad but my Mom even though she cared about me she has always been stone, super cold unable to express her emotions due her own trauma as a kid.
My dad's dad died when he was young and his mother abandoned him, leaving him to be raised by his abusive granddad. It's so easy to say I was the most messed up result of his parenting after being exposed to his abuse early on. I was the most angelic child but grew up to stone cold. My siblings hate me for it and so does my mom. So I spent nights crying out of frustration, constantly asking "why am I such a stubborn monster?"
Why does your mother think she has a place to judge you if she never stepped in and stopped the abuse from your father? Try not to feel bad about yourself. Life will get better. Read books and expand your knowledge about the world. It will help you have a different perspective about life.
So sorry to hear that; hope everything will be fine in the end and you will overcome all of your difficulties. Try to remember that nothing of what happened was your fault, and that you deserve to be loved. I'm saying that to you but I'm trying to convince myself as well. Best wishes from Italy.
Loom Geek It’s never too late to change for the better buddy. Safeguard yourself from negativity but don’t close your heart off completely, if you do you could be robbing yourself of great experiences in life. Much aloha from a friendly stranger in Hawaii who can relate 🤙🏽
What many people in the comments section don't realize (and that's also the point of this video) is that you can't put the blame on your parents for a lifetime; you now truly do have powers you didn't have as a kid and you can therefore put more effort into overcoming bad characteristics and behavior motives that were once instilled in you during childhood. It can be done. No one said that it's easy but if you just keep on blaming the past as an excuse for not being willing to move on...you'll eventually indeed never move on
LittleLulubee yes I agree with you. However some people sadly are so absorbed in their criticisms of a long gone past that they get in their own way and just refuse to move on. You have to accept the past for what it was and just do your best from now on to create a life that you are glad to have.
LittleLulubee What the dude (or girl) is trying to say there is a difference between thinking it was ur fault for being hurt by ur parents and thinking that they are responsible for ur bad actions as an adult. U know the bad parent who had a bad parent? The parent who got abused and then takes it on his own child? Ye this guy has the same mindset as he thinks that his parents are to blame for his inability to control his rage (cos he got beaten up badly as a kid). People need to grow balls and take responsibility as adults for their own lives:/
My dad always told me how much of a failure i am constantly. If i would mess up on anything, and my mom abandoned me so now i really am a failure. Dont think i have achieved anything since i left the house to live on my own and now i am watching self help videos wish my parents would have taught me something about the world instead of distrust. Thanks dad!
electronicbits Completely understand you but you don’t need to have children to validate your life. Having a messed up upbringing can be seen as a bonus...you can foster a child and understand their troubles, being totally empathetic.
@Baby Boris in life you can choose to be a victim or a victor. You can either choose to go into the hole that bad people create for you, or you can stand above it, and create a good life for yourself in spite of those who tried to break you
Recently I've realized that my childhood trauma affects me so much. I've never fit in with others, was always afraid of physical contact and was scared to voice my own opinion because I'd be rejected. I started reading self-help books but it's so hard to break through the broken identity and fix my terrible mental health. I want to love myself more but the intrusive thoughts that I'm useless and the comparisons always come to mind, it's so draining.
@@jacklannom5155 It seems like I lost the true good person I am, from insult, doubt ,ridicule, rejection, critical, always critical, anger, hostile, attack, attack, attack, belitlement, evil and on and on, till something broke. I wound up replaying those patterns on myself, like bad training. But there was also trauma, anxiety and I lost one of a person's most valuable possessions... feeling good about themself. It was a triple bad effect of harm. 1. Bad treatment. 2. Replaying that as unresolved bad treatment toward myself. 3. Trauma, anxiety, not feeling good about myself, feeling unacceptable. Devoting my life to my callings and work, is a path I can keep. It keeps me on my good track amidst all the error, folly and corruption in the world.
I used to be a really gifted child. My parents took pride in my intelligence and the intellectual advantages I had over my brother and over my peers in school. Despite being continuously sexually abused by my grandfather figure, physical and emotional abuse from my mother, father, and brother, being excluded by my peers, seeing my parents abuse each other and get into physical fights, and being treated like a financial burden, I excelled in my academics until my freshman year. Since then, I dropped out of high school and got my GED, had and left several job opportunities, and have continued to live at my mother’s house. I feel like my life is on hold, or that I’m just doomed to be stuck in the state I live in until I die. It’s so hard to move on when the pieces of my broken childhood still linger around in my head. I’m trying so hard but I feel like I’m getting nowhere. I know why I’m messed up, but I don’t know what to do with that information except try to learn from it.
It sounds impossible, but you have to learn how to love yourself. Once you love yourself for you, you will have the confidence to say f**k them. and then you will move on. Good luck. you are worth it.
I feel you there Bobby and Man. Seems like you guys lived my childhood. Like when I got PTSD it literally felt like I was being electrocuted and I haven't been the same. I feel like there is no way I can repair myself. I will keep trying though.
Ya'll need to start reading philosophical stuff and acquire more knowledge. Understanding things of the past, reading biographies of successful people, watching movies with high emotions involved, meditating, listen to good music. It all supports your journey into healing.
Same. More of a neglect from parents and bullying in school. I was very young and very angry. Maybe I should have been mentally tougher but that's the past.
It doesn't have to be that parents did something you'd usually define as abusive. It can be more subtle, such as them expecting you to do things the way they did, or what they envision for you. That leads to being invalidated when you step up to do your own thing. Powerful to realize that this can happen even when your parents did good things for you. They didn't realize the impact, but it absolutely had a big one!....This is one of the most powerful and succinct things I've ever heard about this!
I have a certain reputation because I cut my parents out of my life. People have no idea what it is like having violent, abusive, narcissistic parents that continually sabotage your life. I gave them decades of patience and forgiveness but then it dried up and I realized I had to live my life and not be a caretaker to black holes of want and toxicity. It was one of my best decisions. I am not a good, obedient child. The idea that one must be good and loving to those that sabotaged your life is insane. If your parents were very bad you owe them nothing. Abandon the idea of being proper in order to begin living.
This is a very well-articulated presentation of how childhood can affect you as an adult. Some of it doesn't hold water for my own personal experience (for example, I had an emotionally abusive parent but I never once thought their behavior was my fault, I knew that parent was just a psycho), but it's still overall a good glimpse of developmental issues carrying over into adulthood. My takeaway from it is -- don't have kids, because no matter what you do you're going to affect the trajectory of their life in a negative way. First, by forcing them to exist, and second, by raising them to deal with and react to all of your (and your partner's) personal flaws.
I had a rough childhood I was abused and told many times to drop head was abandoned at age 8 thanks to that I like to be alone right now as an adult don’t like to be touched and get near people and when people are around me feel uncomfortable
I have the same..I am 35 and still single because I have difficulties to connect with people, social anxiety, and avoidant behaviour. I hope, you're doing better.
@@MsLovication same bro, how are you right now? And the thing that make me empty the most is i cant connect with anyone even with my own self..im lost in touch with myselg
@@MsLovication it's difficult for me to stay at my job....i m still thinking what is the best way to make money alone without having contact with people
Excuse my language, but fucking bloody hell... You have no idea how amazing your timing is right now. All last week I was reminded of a memory I repressed for years and have been an anxious mess since then. I cannot even begin to explain how this video relates to me. I am in tears... I'm definitely gonna rewatch this and meditate on it, cause I can really see where the past me still lingers today. Just... thank you so much for these videos. They're really helping me think differently and grow as a person.
I grew up in a toxic environment. I left when i was 19 , and im not saying it was easy ( bless my friends i had along the way) but i found a big family of friends who made me feel that "home" feeling . And 5 years later i found my partner and now i have everything I lacked in my childhood. The wounds are still here and sometimes are painful, but I discovered that if you address them one by one , you will statt to heal them . Try to write every single horrible moment from your childhood. I was in a rage when i was writing, but the when I finished I suddenly felt lighter. Was very good .
“It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.”
-Fredrick Douglass
It's sad to know better and watch it play out under another view flawed with no explanation of credible possibility.no one cares but me in the last one ever . .what a waste of effort
Respect ✊🏽💯
That is a pessimistic quote... As an adult, you are free to choose to improve
@Fizzyx13 I would have to disagree man. Realistic thinking is when you are aware that you are broken, but you try to fix it. Pessimistic is that the broken man cannot be fixed, but we can fix the children. While fixing children is correct, the main problem is a society with broken adults that influence children to be broken.
Agreed!!!
Hugs to everyone who's misunderstood, misguided and mistreated
* *group virtual hug* *
caplin thanks :)
I hate hugs.
caplin thank-you **hugggggs**
fiona oh :( **sends virtual butterfly**
HUGS to everyone that likes them. Maybe there is a special kind of hug that will be acceptable to those who dont? I know I will send you all a special box of virtual crayons. When you close your eyes you can see these special crayons. These are magic crayons. They include all the colours you want. They glow. They can be iridescent, they can shimmer like light on water, dance like flames. Just shut your eyes to see the crayons & whatever pictures you like.
What's worse is when you went through various traumas as a child but still to this day you are denied the fact you were abused cuz they refuse to accept it was abuse and even deny some of the things happening.
Let the past go I get
Im messed up andc cant can't see a way out I feel broken
That's their guilt showing
@@kunntakentay word
I’m there buddy, but who says they have to accept it too?
@Hayden..: Expecting " them" to accept that they've abused you is another type of self torture. This I've found out. It will never happen. I let go of " them" emotionally and mentally after years of struggle because I came to understand that expecting " them" to understand me is another form of dependence on " them".
"That the hurt was essentially undeserved." I've needed that sentence for decades.
Amen to THAT.
It's one thing to realize it was undeserved, but what is worse, is still being left with the question of "Why?".
Why was it done in the first place? Never being able to find out the answer to "Why?", just eats away at you inside like acid.
The healing seems neverending I always ask my therapist will I make it sometime?😢it makes me sad.
Are you serious? You couldn't say that to yourself?
@@show_me_your_kittiesUsually the person is too busy dealing with the repercussions of their toxic childhood to realize they've been harboring self-loathing and it can take even longer to realize they don't have to feel that way.
My therapist says that with my childhood I did not stand much of a chance for a “normal” outcome. I have been abused, molested, and raped. While I try not to let these things define me, I know they have had major affect on who I turned out to be. I dream of a life without the constant battle of anxiety, depression, and PTSD. I try to remember that everyone has some inner battle, and to be grateful that I live in a time and place where I can get resources to combat these issues. It saddens me to think there are still places in this world where these things are hidden away (I come from an emotionally unavailable family, so in some sense I can relate) or the trauma survivor is to blame, and even cast from society, or killed. I pray to find some balance and stability in this lifetime so I can use my experiences to relate to and empathize with other hurting people. I strive to be the person who wears their sorrows like jewels and comes out stronger. Blessings to all.
You're not the only one who has been robbed of a real life- lol
I feel your pain thats my child hood right there, never got the proper help when young now im 25 and feel that its pointless i cant trust any one and i struggle with anxiety everyday sometimes its far less other days i might aswell be fighting for my life it really depresses me to know that at some point when im much older ill find peace within myself but far after all my good years are gone and i can no longer make influential moves on my life when all i have is all ill get thats when i feel better and healthy enough to pursuit and do things i cant now
A very heavy statement. How on earth do we get past it ? I hope its not too late. We want to have a life....
Incredibly Lucid I am sorry for your suffering and the struggle you’ve endured .. I am not unfamiliar thru personal experience how it feels
I look to my God and yet it stills hurt
"We should, where we can, dare to leave home." That really hit me.
4 years ago when I started getting therapy for my trauma, I heard a quote and it clicked for me. "Kill the boy, to create the man". Although I am a woman it reminded me that you have to let go of that identity to grow into who you are.
Don't let the doubt and negativity stop you from leaving the abuse cocoon and spreading your wings
It gaves me an idea, a tool about how to act to get my life better, i aknowledge the fact i'm being stuck somewhere i don't want to be anymore with this sentence. I don't care about the fact it might be called home, because i don't want to be stuck anymore, i need my life to be the adventure i always wondered it could be while watching the world trough the windows. Fuck This Home.
Me too.
Same
I remember being so happy to be leaving home when I got married 25 yrs ago. I lived with a toxic mom & 2 sisters who were bullies, causing people in our neighborhood to bully me too.
“All parents damage their children. It cannot be helped. Youth, like pristine glass, absorbs the prints of its handlers. Some parents smudge, others crack, a few shatter childhoods completely into jagged little pieces, beyond repair.”
- Mitch Albom
Funny though how balanced love, religious faith bonding the family with joy and warmth, nurturing talents and passions, and deep and helpful advices are what my father and mother gave me and my 2 brothers. We are now full grown me full of love. One getting married next year, me single but happy the other divorced but happily with his girlfriend for some time now longer than the ex wife.
No damage, nor breaks, nor cracks.
We might have faults and we are not perfect but we love as how we have been love. Unconditionally.
Here Kitty, Kitty Took me ages to come to terms with this. My family seemed perfect, but I developed an eating disorder and that started the process of introspection. My family wasn't so perfect after all, but I'm still grateful for them
Itd be nice if you explained who mitch albom is. Never heard of him nor do i care to study him. But thanks for the insightful comment.
Rainbow Lion: Thanks for your insightful comment...
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mitch_Albom
Abram Rex Joaquin congrats to you , some people are born lucky.
I used to think that I'm a messed up adult and (most of) everyone else are normal people.
And then I looked at my workplace : an overly-submissive manager, an overly-dominating manager, no-opinion-allowed manager, a toxic positivity colleague, an overly competitive colleague, you name it. That got me to believe that EVERYONE is messed up, there's no such thing as normal people.
Normal is not fearing life normal is being happy and ot wanting to die there is normal its just mostly subjective
Yes I have to scrutinize everything especially at the job I have my interest in psychology demands it I wish I could ignore their behaviours being in the public just 15 years now after retirement from farming and I couldn't believe these people had not matured as adults and I thought highschool was bad some had excepted their fate but others are grossly in denial and disillusion I find it best to just get through the day without much involvement in the nonsense and untruths I guess I'm the one whos crazy
Literally
Everyone has demons, few people in the world are blissfully happy. That being said don’t assume every person you meet is miserable, more often than not we’re projecting our own negative feelings.
Yeah even if someone seems normal and very well adjusted, do not be fooled. They might just be very good at hiding their issues.
Hugs to everyone who was abused as a child. It took me more than 20 years after leaving my parents' house to get over my fear of life, of people, of everything, to get over my constant depression. I have been in therapy for 5 years now, and am happier than ever before. Unfortunately, life is almost finished, too, and I feel like I never really lived.
Me too. Just cant seem to get it together...Sad
This made me cry. I feel this much. Feeling like your life was wasted. I've been in therapy since 2016 and back then i didn't believe I'd still be alive years later. My depression is at its worst and I'm now more isolated. But it's not finished yet. Please take care of yourself and try to stay healthy and enjoy life as much as you can. I hope you'll always be happy
Never give up! Screw years that are gone - you weren’t in control of that. You did your best and still doing your best, and in cases like that every minute counts... every minute counts of returning to ourselves. Wish you many-many more happy years!!! Take care of YOURSELF. Amen to that.
I'm 27 years old and met this old man, who i'm working for as a part time gardener. He is 93 years old and we often chat about life and its difficulties. Im at a state in life where i have to study very much to become a lawyer and one day, i told him that i feel bad because of all the fun times i'm missing out on. He told me that the best time of his life began when he was 60 years old and that i should never assume, that you can only have fun and joy when you are young. So i really dont think its to late for you to enjoy life.
Id like to hear your story, I have two little girls and I want to kill myself before they see life the way I do I feel trapped and my father is to blame sadly
Broken homes make broken kids, broken kids make broken adults, broken adults make a broken world. Vicious Circle.
Just by researching this topic , we are a million steps ahead of our broken parents. Rewire your brain, feed the good wolf, and pass on the knowledge and wisdom .
Right on man.
Thats right but its up to you to break that vicious circle i am from a broken home i refused to.let my kids be from a broken home or or be broken in life like me. Yes im struggling but im going to make sure that by all means my kids get the best outnof thier life with the little support i have which is there dad if it wasnt for thier dad i tell you i dont know hw i wud do it...
Preach brother!
It can always be worse. Our descendants will still be discussing their messed up psychology at a point where Earth isn't even the "centre" for the human species anymore.
@@Cotac_Rastic President Kennedy was the only president not in SECRET SOCIETIES! 🐪🗽🕍🤝👁🌧✈🚀🛰🤒😷🧠😤😵🤒
I cried seeing this. Especially on the part of thinking that there is something inherently wrong with us, and trying to save our parents.
I'm not trying to save my parents. I hope they burn in hell. lol
cristian moreno ❤️💔❤️
@@tashaallen9809 I’m trying to fix but at the same time I wish they burn in hell
More parents need to admit their wrong doings, acknowledge their destructive actions, change their behavior and apologize to their children sooner than later. We could lift the burden of shame and confusion for so many kids by letting them know from our own mouths that they aren't the reason for our poor parenting choices. This will not undo the damage, but it just may start the process of helping the wounds to heal.
For them to admit, means they have to feel/acknowledge the hurt they were avoiding the whole time that caused the suffering for their child. I know what you mean, it can be salt to an already sore wound when people deny and even blame the 'victim'. Ultimately it's nobodys fault. The saying "truth hurts" is very apt.
LittleLulubee Yes, if assuming there is free will and the abuser chose their own trauma. I wasn't necessarily talking about obvious abuse. Even more subtle emotional neglect is absolutely devastating. But it really isn't anyones fault. Not really. This is actually a key thing to realise and acknowlwdge as part of the healing process. If we are still blaming, we are still avoiding the pain. We are staying in the comfort zone of the blame game and not turning inside to heal ourselves. The truth is the parent was acting out their own conditioned patterns due to their own trauma and if we are merely blaming them we are just doing as they did, refusing to face the pain. You think people who cause their kids emotional trauma aren't deeply suffering themselves?
Really this is about fully feeling and accepting our deepest pains. Accepting what is. Blaming takes you away from accepting what is. It prevents you from transforming your life.
Although, look, from a limited perspective relative to how conventional culture thinks yes it's the parents "fault". That's the way the justice system operates to great success!!! Ignoring the roots.
Consider this. A mother recreates how her own mother couldn't show emotion with her child. She didn't choose to recreate that scenario but had to as she did not know how to relate to her own child due to her relationship with her own mother. This type of scenario can be devastating for a child. We need love. (All our misguided wordly pursuits are actually a confused search for love)
Is this the womans mothers fault? But what happened to her? She picked that up from somewhere too.
The way this moment is right now is nobodys fault.
Even a man who rapes a child has certainly been seriously abused to the point where that is his reality. That he is a child rapist. That was his response to his experience. Yes we moralise but people are what they are because of their experience.
This inter-generational trauma is like a constant passing of the torch until someone is forced to turn inside and feel the pain.
LittleLulubee i did not display any sympathy for child rapists, I merely looked the bigger picture. I actually stayed neutral purposefully.
As for free will, even modern science is now confirming what ancient sages and enlightened masters have been saying for millenia, there is no free will. It's the ultimate illusion. I recommend Sam Harris' book Free Will.
I am sorry you have suffered at the hand of an abuser. I have actually worked with a few people like you and have suffered trauma myself so I by no means want to belittle your experience.
But there is a bigger picture going on in the human condition outside our own stories. Utter insanity is widespread and considered normal. People are abusing each other everywhere in socially accepted 'normal' ways.
And just with regards to free will again, nobody chooses anything, you do not choose your next thought you do not know when your hand will move next. You say you would not abuse and you have been abused, that has been your reaction. You actually didn't choose to react that way anymore than someone who was abused "chooses" to abuse.
We are ignoring the wider issues here, that this kind of behaviour is in our nature as part of the sickness of the human condition at this time.
Please dont be emotive and be open minded.
Often, clinging to blame and hatred of people who have wronged us prevents healing.
It actually hurts us to blame others. It only effects us to hold those strong feelings of hatred in our heart. We need to let go.
No matter what has happened.
I disagree with you, it's not about an abuser choosing their trauma; as it is obvious that, this isn't the case. No one chooses the trauma there receive from, parents; siblings, other family, etc.What we can and must do is hold people responsible for the actions they take, and yes we do take into consideration their life experiences; but we likewise take into consideration any impact they themselves have had upon the lives of others. So that, if someone was abused as a child, we might feel compasion for theml yet hold them responsible for abusing their children possibly causing the cycle to repeat again
What many people don't undertsand is, there are two definitions for the word forgive, and we all to often think of the definition that means removing responsability for one's actions, when we think of forgive. The more healthy definition for survivors of any traumatic experience be it, abuse, loosing a loved one, the wages of war, overcoming some life threatening injury or disease, etc, letting go of the, anger, hurt, emotional pain; and even chronic and severe depression to the point of contemplating and attempting suicide, which all to often can keep us trapped in the past, tied to our experiences upable to move forward with our lives. It is only through accepting that we have this struggle, and then seeking out help can we hope ro free ourselves of this burdon to become free, possible for the first time we can recolect. It is from where that we can begin to take the baby steps, which lead to the progress, which often can lead to huge progress in our lives. Such steps can be scary, we just need to keep in mind that, we are not on this journey alone, and that those ahead of us will reach down a hand to help lift us up; on this road to self empowerment.
But those parents are just the messed-up kids of their own parents, and on it goes back to the beginning of time. I think the point he is trying to make is that everyone gets damaged in some way, but we need to move past it to really be happy. Blaming the parents is just shifting the responsibility for our happiness outside of ourselves, and does not actually set us free. By "daring to leave home", we are daring to be responsible for ourselves in spite of the wrongs done to us by family/society/nature/etc.
Childhood trauma is probably one of the hardest things to get get over.
And it’s seemed to come to light more and more since I’ve had my first child.
Dear people who suffered emotional neglect in childhood and also everyone else,
You in no way were responsible for the fallacies of your parents. When we are abused as children we tend to think we don't deserve love and kindness from people around us and end up sabotaging their efforts. Remember that you are unique, you are beautiful, you are lovable. Love yourself unconditionally, shower yourself with love for being you. See you will make mistakes but if you love yourself you will find the strength to say "It's okay, its human nature to be like this". The assurance from yourself will give you joy even when things go very wrong. You will be your own lover, friend and parent, glowing with inner warmth, helping people discover their own glow and helping them love themselves. This will give you zeal to live, and even in darkest times, you will be grateful for your existence.
Love yourself the way you want people to love you and never once will you feel that life is not worth living.
Keep glowing,
Love,
Human,
Earth,
2019
Thanks for those wise words, I needed to hear that.
,i try to be happy and kind but i always feel like a time bomb , every one tells me im fine or just a faze cause im 16 but dam its so hard to have relationships with people. So i try to be outgoing and happy but at the end of the day i feel like crying to sleep but i just sit here. Im uncofortable around the friends i have and even more uncomfortable around their familys. And when people ask about my family and childhood. Its either lie and be slightly weird but normal or a fucked up beaten broke kid with tons of issues and get avoided
Thank you
Nicely Written.
Thank you. I really needed to hear that.
My sister ran away from our abusive father aged 16 (I was 10). When I was 11 my parents divorced and at 12 I was our fathers next victim. A year later I fell into foster care and on my 14th birthday my uncle committed suicide. When I was 15 I was severely underweight (50kg). About a year later I saved my mother's life who in a psychosis tried to kill herself. I finally decided to run away from my parents age 17. Between that time and my 21st birthday I would move 8 times. In two weeks I'm going to 'celebrate' my 22nd birthday. My life is a struggle every single day, but I'm now finally strong enough to stop thinking about suicide or even have depressive thoughts.
Rody Teulings Good Luck Man!
I’m proud of you, you’re doing great!
get in touch with your sister!
Keep walking!
keep the hope, keep the faith.. great things are coming your way.. sending my love and support.
"We run away from lovers that love us too much", that hits too close to home.
Sounds like the problem is u in that case. There is a word for people like that. TOXIC
@@e.kadriev7907 not exactly toxic, people in this case feel that they are not worthy of love, that's why they avoid genuine lovers. It has to do with low self worth
@@healingnow9964 not toxic ? Really? When they land in a Nice relationship and suddenly out of the blue when everything is going perfectly wel, they leave u. Leave u with the Hurt and everything. Ghost u like u never existed and choose the Bad Guy over you who mistreat Them. That's not toxic?
@@e.kadriev7907 their behaviors are toxic yes, but not them us persons because it's changable. I know it's hard when someone leaves you because of this, at least you know that the problem stems from them not you, but blaming them will not help you get over it, adding to that the fact that they are harming themselves too by leaving without knowing it. So both parts are hurted.
@@e.kadriev7907 I'd say that's not necessarily toxic behavior, as explained fully above.
a moment of silence for our horrible childhoods where we got hurt and abused instead of being innocent and unbothered
We inherit our parents' trauma, but never fully understand it. And as we navigate through this existential labyrinth that is life, we unwittingly become the heroes our parents needed.
AbsurdExistentialist knowledge!!
deep stuff
If we ever become willing to do what they failed to do. 95% don't. Often, it's the most deeply hurt, most traumatised of us that actually end up healing and living a sane life.
It takes a little bit of self-awareness. As is the case with everyone else, I'm also "tainted" with my parents' issues. Somewhat emotionally stunted. But I realize my mother's inability to comfort me and let me cry as a child was a reflection of her own upbringing. As I try to become a strong person, I also strive to become more in touch with my emotions and the emotions of others. I'm becoming, almost by accident, the comforter I wanted in my childhood and, even more surprising, the one she needed in hers.
My mother's mother also suffered from insecurities, paranoia, demons. But my mother, as she grew older and as emotionally-stunted as she is, became my grandmother's rock. In her final days, my mother never left my grandmother's side, and let her know every day she would always love her and never leave her.
AbsurdExistentialist self-awareness absolutely. And most of us dont even acknowledge emotion. Glad things have improved for you. Many parallels with my own life.
I wish it would be a law around the world to have a license to be a parent so they could go through scrutinizing tests to have a child/children because some people are not competent enough, by neither being intelligent enough or having enough financial resources, to have any children.
Same
@Alex Jay Yeah just what the government needs the power to say who can and can't reproduce. There is know way that can go wrong cough *Nazis* cough.
Good point! 👍
@Alex Jay wow...that's so heartbreaking. Do you have a link to this TedTalk by chance??
Y E S-
that idea right there probably could stop thousands of kids from ever being hurt by their parents.
I am the product of an abusive mother and an emotionally distant father. Consequently, I have had a life of struggle. Thanks for this video.
Abusive mothers seem to pair up with distant fathers quite often, I wonder why these people end up together and destroy their children
same.
my mom, loving. but overbearing. and kind of two sided.
her mom is a narcissist.. I'm almost sure.
my dad is emotionally distant borderline.
I'm borderline and became narcissists. but it's cause of school teachers. and kids at school.
and my secret sin.. touching a girl... from 4th to 7th..
grew up with her. saw her naked at 2nd grader thought I had to marry her. had no clue about sexuality until.. it was too late and hated myself. abandonment fear. that someone would find out
I hear that
@@she_wizzdom4410 I had the same. My father could not handle my mother and therefore did not have the support he needed to be a father. I don't blame him at all anymore. Now that I know what it's like to deal with a partner who's that much of a handful. And I hate her even more.
It's just so hard to let go of the bitterness and hurt when I don't really have the tools to navigate in this life because my parents were people who shouldn't had children. I'm left with the weight while they didn't get any of it. "Move on, it's in the past" yeah tell that to my debilitating mental illness that hinders my everyday life, my relationships, everything.
I hear ya. I actually made forward progress thanks to years of therapy, only to be hit by a ridiculous set of circumstances that unravelled all that therapy and left me in the dirt. I've tried so many times to get back up from things like that, my subconscious is really only learning one lesson: don't get back up, it'll only happen again.
@@tirsden I fee3l this. So much. Eveyrone tells me it will get better, but everytime I pick myself back up and put 100% effort into making somethign work I just even dup even more disappointent, exhausted and burnt out. My fuse is getting shorter and shorter. What doesn't kill you often doesn;t make you stronger. It just chips away at you until nothing is left.
@@SobrietyandSolace i feel ya :((
Same :( I only work 50% because of my debilitating depression and anxiety :(
hi i know how u feeling but if anything's worth, something that has helped me living a happier and calm life is learning about self work, self love, self respect and put it in practice. Also to be self aware and radically self honest to see and understand our behavior and how it relates to our traumas and heal from trauma by working on loving ourselves and getting happiness and confidence from ourselves. An example I realized is that my depression was fed with negative self talk and negative thoughts but just know that one thing is "reality" and another our negative distorted perception of reality which leads to sadness, hopelessness and anxiety. If we make a habit to see the negative is lying and we can control out perception, we have less sadness and such that is pointless and a joy theft. hope I made sense but this has helped me so i wanted to share. if u wanna ask anything, dont hesitate. hope ur day/night is good.
I had a MESSED up childhood. But I do my best to change my own life through action.
Always improve i like to think the same. i try to improve but i have a big problem with dealing with outbursts and stress. I'm extremely self-destructive and a big part of it was watching my parents react to their issues. they drank it all away, fought and took it out on me. i do the same now but I'm trying to deal with it. it's difficult but I'm improving!
green tea Yes indeed. Always remember this. If it was easy, everyone would do it. It all takes work, trial and error. It's in our loses that we figure out what works best for us in life. Keep struggling, because eventually you will have your "Aha" moment and the past will be just that.
green tea - Exercise to be nice to you and love yourself in good times.
Exercise it over and over and over again. The new programm will override old, destructive programms in time.
It may take years to establish new programms, but it's worth it.
When I was perusing the comments, I thought they had said that you should always try to improve and ought to drink green tea. Hahaa
alex mercer - Their names are proof they are already on the right path :-D.
@ Night Shade, haha :-)).
Parenting is the hardest most important job in the world that shapes the members of our society yet we dismiss it as trivial.
The worst part is with social norms and laws like how Fathers arent even allowed to spend time with their own kids because "he didnt carry them".
And not everyone is fit to do that job.
No training , test or license required.
Our whole conventional society is inherently broken and delusional in nature. Inadequate parenting is one tentacle on the madness of the human condition. We must wake up!
The Trumpian - or willingly give over much of the responsibility to teachers.
I grew up with my parents constantly tearing down what little confidence I had in the first place. They also were very critical, negative, and gave me advice that was plain wrong, teaching me to be judgmental and selfish. I grew up sad, confused, and lonely. Now, I can’t even let this go because it affects my life in every aspect. I was never given the emotions environment to develop my personality or become my true self. I have basically no true friends and no real connections with people.
Hello there, i had similiar experience from your story here...how do you do right now iris? Are there s a clue about your true self or feelings? Now i get it why we cant make real true connection with people, it's probably because we disconected from ourselve cuz of the trauma..and those who disconected from themselve is imposible to build true connection with someone
Right now i feel dont have personality too, my sense of self is almost zero, i dont know which is my true self..i lost my soul ,and i dont have or never have intimacy with anyone
You re not alone..we can talk about it?
@@jowyschwarz313you have a # bro? I’m in the same boat & would love to talk
My parents always used to punish me for being too emotional or ignore me when I wanted comfort which turned into me, whenever I was being yelled at or scolded, to shut down and not emote at all. Still struggling with letting myself feel negatively to this day.
"Perhaps in the face of a viciously competitive parent, we took refuge in underachievement."
Holy shit. Everything makes sense now.
My siblings and myself have paranoia and anxiety because our parents didn't let us go outside by ourselves. Everyone was an enemy, everyone was trying to use us. Their way of living was exhausting. Im an adult now and I have moved out. I still struggle with social anxiety and agaraphobia but I'm working on it and I can't blame them.
Holy hell. Mom was the same to us as kids. We could go outside, but usually only in the yard for a little while. Then once my older brother turned 16, he bought a little 22 revolver, so dad let us go explore and goof off on the farm since one of us had some protection. Mom was always hatefully against dad letting us go do stuff like that. But then again, she was abusive, and our eldest brother was horribly abusive and she protected him. So my brother, sister & i left home very often, especially when dad was gone at work. He'd be gone for 5 days of every week, and the oldest brother hit us and beat us almost daily. (I'm the youngest of 4, i have 2 brothers and 1 sister) the eldest brother was horrid, and mom always protected him, and punished us. Made up lies to tell dad, and made us out as liars constantly. The only justice or happiness we got was when dad was home, or we were out in the woods on the farm exploring and being goofy.
@@farengarsecret-fire9597 your mother sound like mine and I bet to this day if she is alive she probably doesn’t see the error of her ways . Think yourself lucky your dad was there at times to bring some normality to your childhood .
Yes you can blame them . They chose to parent the way they did and you had no choice but to follow .
I used to be incredibly social, exceptionally so, but then I became sick, lost all my hair, moved to another town because my father's business bankrupted and became bullied at school and instead derived my fun from playing alone, and my father was desperate to fix me but didn't know how to, instead lashing out at me verbally and phisically, taking away my means of entertainment and leaving me with nothing but textbooks to read for weeks on end. I grew up expecting rejection, harm and judgement, and as a result became too detached and never relied on anyone, and looking for company even less, instead preffering to do everything by myself.
Now I spend all my free time alone because I just cannot *enjoy* company.
Ze0nite sorry this world hurts I hope you get better, there good out there it’s hard too find but it’s there somewhere.
Me too
It seems that life gives us 50% bad, one way or another. Do I choose to be whole?
I can relate to that. There are few people who I really like being with. I suppose that most people have built up methods of dealing with others who are not very sensitive or empathetic; some are just downright rude and abusive. The funny thing is that they are actually just acting out habits, conditioning they have developed in their early years, perhaps modelled on their parents. In turn, you must develop methods of dealing with them. It is very hard for a child to escape from abusive parents, but as teens or adults, after becoming aware of the problems, you have the power to change your way of perceiving life and make it what you want it to be. At least, there are organisations which are there to help. Definitely, reaching out to others is the way, because others can see you as you are more clearly than you can yourself. Ignore those who are of no use and engage with those who are useful.
I am crying while watching this, i feel i am such messed up, I am 21 now, it is really hard to take time for me to change myself, it is such pain to see how much i want to be a good person.
Cai Dan, there are plenty of great free mental health services that can help you. That is by no means a judgement. I am trying to hear what you have said. Please know that your pain and your emotions are valid. You can heal, even though it's hard. Here are some instagram accounts I have found very helpful: bunnymichael, notesfrommytherapist, good_mind_psychology and risingwoman
@@estrellarouge , hey there, I'm very happy and grateful for your reply, and I can feel how much you care. I would like you to know that after these months I have been doing great! So don't need to worry about me no more, I'm very grateful seeing people helping others across the internet,thank you so much! You have such sweet heart!
@@caidan270 I am happy to hear you're doing better. You're an inspiration. I still recommend those instagram accounts :)
Try listening to Jordan Peterson , he has helped many
Stop crying now!!
Mine was horrible! If there is such thing "another life" please I don't want it. I never ever want to be a kid again!
Ursula. M I’m feeling it so-so much! Really happy to be grownup and separate from the past
Yuliia Kucherenko me too! I have no desire to relive the past. I’m quite content to be an adult. I’m in control and in the driver’s seat.
I just said the same thing to my sister the other day. Childhood was a torture for us.
If there is such a thing as "an afterlife" then you'd come back to learn the lesson you didn't learn this time. That's what it's supposed to be about, dealing with your karma from this life! Now that's thought provoking!
I can say I'm happy being me now, I'd never wish to go back to my childhood or even 5 years ago, I've finally found my happy place.
Amen to THAT.
It’s crazy. It took until age 35 to really begin to really peel through a lot of bullshit I experienced and was programmed with in childhood.
Mr. T3 and most never look, despite deep suffering going on for decades.
47 here and this the first time hearing any of this and it's like a moment of clarity.
40. This is when my second life started.
It's never too late :) Good work taking on something like that! It's not easy!
April Sunshine i guess im a little “ahead” then
Took me 19 years to shed off past abuse and neglect from my mom, before that I almost swore I’d never see 30 simply because that’s how depressed I always was. I managed to get out of the funk through Buddhism and some philosophical studies, but anyone can let go of the past and see their real potential! Can’t let that hold our minds back when our bodies have escaped it! Much love School of Life, this channel always brightens my days, rain or shine!
Buddhism and Daoism rock big time! I feel you, Bro...
I'm still working through the abuse from my mom but have found a home in Absurdist philosophy and self-reflection. Lots of hugs!
Jake Williams your missing the point . Every1 tries their best to get out of the situation , but not every1 suceeds in doing so.
UnluckyGamingYT Especially when your bodies a result of your parents mistakes.
That's awesome Jake. I gave a thumbs up because people like you give me hope. Ty for that. I am so glad that you found a light at the end of the tunnel.
growing up as an asian, parents just dont give a f about this kind of thing
Yeahh
I agree on the other side it gives us the opportunity to male right choices and change patterns and heal generational karma and teach it to our children. I grew up really broken and it was really difficult to undo or to heal what my parents have done but now i totally comprehend besides God cant use the broken if we are not broken after all. Love and light to you my dear. Peace🏹❣️
Emily C
Asian parents make sacrifices.
@@mandya6697 Yes because money is all we need to grow up into functioning human beings
The same for my family. Worry and busy workaholics (gambatte), without improving their quality of life. They didn't know how to love, care, hug and understanding me. Just study and we are OK with you little girl, if not, we are not going to "love you".
im playing life on hard mode
Yet you have a computer or phone with internet access?
@@keyboarding5593 so he doesn't play life on hard mode cause he have a computer or phone with internet access. I guess then you will blame him for having clothes and have food to eat, making feel guilty or that his statement is wrong, or that he is overeacting.
You can't know how his life is going and what he bears inside.
Shut your mouth... please
sometimes life could be really enjoyable but our abusive parents made it all about competition and narcissims and selfishness and insecurities and fear.... The no pain no gain style. They left love, peace, compassion (in moderate way) out and thus we lost the beauty of life. The ''life is about survival'', ''life is a jungle'', ''push yourself (beyond logical measure)'' style. No, there are relatively good people out there, our abusive parents were in place that most people would call jungle, threating and about survival!
So am I, you are not alone. I know others who also are living in hard mode.
Same!
A good way to overcome the sufferings of youth is to express them through art. To create something beautiful, tragic and unique, then to share it with others is a phenomenal healing experience.
mephistopheles the silent chief I completely agree, art has helped me so much
Me too. Like I paint, draw, was a touring dancer, sing, make jewelry, and on a whim decided to try to remix music. I am no professional by any means and my channel is completely experimentation lol but it helps me. It sure takes the edge off of PTSD for sure.
Well said !
I agree; I can't imagine how I would've coped with my past without creating music and books. It helps a lot, although it doesn't blot out the memories completely.
mephistopheles the silent chief : I don’t agree! Because I think, it’s the best thing is communicating with someone who care you!
Take it out every frustration by communicating! It works to me.
Having a turbulent childhood has always made it hard to be like those who did not have a turbulent one. I struggled with this around a dinner table yesterday. Everyone were sharing past stories, academic success through creating creative writing prompts, and all their accomplishments. I felt very lack luster it comes up so much this feeling, but I was so aware of it in this very moment. I experienced it so much my entire life, and at the age of 20 I’m just now able to articulate parts of this complicated feeling I have in these circumstances. I am Not to say that these people did not have struggles or tragedies happen, but they did have stability, love, enthusiasm for their child to become something from all the potential they are filled with, and showered with love,compliments, constructive criticism, and encouragement to figure out and to do things they enjoy. I was all aware of all the things I had missed out on in this moment, it was a loving and supportive family. I always knew this, but it finally sank in. Now I’m trying to learn how to become someone who can have conversations at the dinner table or anywhere in life without being a drain on everyone. I hide my past so I am not a ball of darkness with my friends, I just listen to their stories and all that they have been through and am left speechless when they ask me about my past experiences, I want to reflect on positive moments but I can’t remember them. If anyone can relate to this and had read all the way through, first thank you, but second if you have gotten to a point to where I desire, how did you do it? Thank you, I hope life treats you all well. We all have been hurt.
I can relate to everything you've said and then some. When I tell people about just a fraction of the things I've experienced they say right away I should write a book. I've managed to overcome a lot of the obstacles by meditating every morning and sometimes throughout the day. In my meditation I clear out my subconscious and conscious minds like deleting the hard drive of a computer. Once my mind is CLEAR I bring myself in to the present. So I am fully engaged in the NOW. I let go of the past and future. I am immersed in the moment and greatfull that the creator has allowed me the privilege of experiencing a new day. I also ground myself in to the HERE, so wherever I'm meditating I allow myself to appreciate every aspect of that particular place. It could be a park, the shower or practically anywhere. It usually takes all of about 10 minutes but it's worth it because if I do it correctly I have total peace of mind. I incorporate deep breathing as I do this because it allows me to relax. The key to making this a habit is to do it every day until it becomes automatic like brushing your teeth. You eventually don't have to think about it, YOU JUST DO IT. Hope this helps.
So you didn’t enjoy your past. You overcame it. No shame in saying that next time. Could end up a huge advantage in the long run. Good luck, brother.
Well, it may sound ridiculous but it worked for me. When i was 15 i heard this song that said "I'd rather be causing the chaos than laying at the sharp end of this knife" and since then my main goal transformed to create the life with friends i can call home, and in order to get there you have to live so many new experiences with your chosen family, so I did that and now im able to share those new memories instead. (Now im 25 years old)
Yeah, i can't really remember the positive experiences, either. I know they happened, and often, i can feel that they're there, but i just can't picture them at all beyond about 3 experiences. So i have no clue at all, on how to handle or recall good things. Most of what I can remember is really bad stuff from when I was a kid, and work that I've done. I work odd jobs, so it's not even anything monumental, done by me. other than extremely precise chainsaw work done by my brother, which brought some close calls.
I read your comment to the end. Sending a big hug , I'm sorry you went through a bad childhood. I am 69 years old & still working at getting healthier. I pray you have a good life , you deserve it.
Maybe when we were children we couldn't do anything about it, but as our awareness grows, we have the power to change. Introspection, meditation, and learning from wiser people have all helped me overcome the issues scripted in me when I was a kid. Don't ever believe that people can't change for the better.
thank you for this.
Boy did I need to hear that
good stuff
All of us have been messed up by that cult. Sad thing is, in these times of enlightenment there are people who still believe in it as the 'truth'.
Hey thankyou for this😊😖🤗🦋🙏🏻❤
My parents never encouraged or supported me, what I want never mattered. Any dreams I had, they crushed, especially my mother. "That's not for you, you dream too much". My mother was verbally and physically abusive.
As an adult, I became the classic underachiever, smart enough to be an engineer but lacking the desire to follow through. Success scared me, still does despite my knowledge of why I'm broken.
I was aware enough to break that chain with my kids. But how do I fix myself?
LittleLulubee it's like programming. My parents are gone but that program they installed is like getting a virus out of your laptop. I have to be willing 24-7 to honestly self assess and listen to others to beat it.
Same here. I remember once telling my mom about college and becoming a teacher. Her response was “you’ll be lucky if you finish high school.” It still hurts to this day.
Daniela Castro it's amazing, it's as though they were oblivious to us looking to them for the courage to take on the world. But instead, they served us our first and thorough defeat, with more to come in time. The ever present bully.
Have you tried asking your doctor? Mine gave me a good referral and a discount to see a good psychologist!
April Sunshine yes, I have had years of therapy, that's how I finally realized why I'm wounded. How to heal, now that's a bit more complex. I am healing, not as quickly as I would like, but everyday, there's movement. I find the key to be fortunate enough to have people in my life who are self aware, because most people are not.
The best explanation I’ve ever heard. Thank you. It’s taken 58 years to let go but I’ve finally let go. I’m free.
This comment is way late, but I'm gonna say it anyway.
I am very proud of you. And i hope to God that you stay happy and healthy. That's a pretty incredible achievement to get free of something like what may have happened to you. And I'm very very proud of you, for doing that. You're a decent, strong person. And may God bless you.
@@farengarsecret-fire9597 Wow. Thank you so much. What incredibly kind words from you.
Our parents screw us up for the first 16 years of our lives , and we spend the rest of it trying to fix the damage they've done 😂
Hamza Saleem صدقت هههههههه
Hamza Saleem No our parents apply puritanical methods in order to create dictators in ourselves to cope with the unbearable challenges of life that are surrounding us now and awaiting us next. You question the purpose of the harsh treatment or overprotective worry of our parents not the motive. All I can say thanks to my restrict parents, now I understand why they were like that as an adult.
That's why we have to learn about Resource Based Economy and stop living with obsolete values such as money, individualism and ownership. Only then children can grow up in a healthy environment with compassion and real values. We have to change our obsolete corrupt culture.
alex mercer There are unanswerable questions and life matters are relative. I talk from my own experience. People should be aware of the difference between a restrict parent and a sadist one who lives on abuse for the sake of abuse. Hitting with a cricket bat is not a method of punishment but a total torture. Child alienation could be the epiphany that shapes the personality of a child and promotes his sense of individualism and at the same time builds his responsibility. Although my parents were punitive, they were supportive and easy going. Children are rebellious and chaotic by nature. I used to break the ice escaping from my house hanging out with my friends, but at the same time the fear of my parents helps me feel the importance of what I do. Some parents I agree are unqualified, and others are overqualified, but there are the types that are concerned and they break out the limits of that concern with their children. I know I couldn't answer you, but the point is that we are mortal and children need to be ready for that. So the idea of a God that we seek for when we are lost and no one ever could help us is effective. You either accept my opinion or not. Allah is the only God.
You fuck up your child before they hit age 7 after that everything is damage control
I realized emotional intelligence is really the foundation of all intelligence. This video hit home for me. I learn so much from you, School of Life! :)
"We are living the wide open present through the narrow drama of the past" beautifully and succinctly put Mr De Botton
You had to play this song on repeat to get all the lyrics!
I cried over this, I wish I can be free.
Yeah at 32 and i still feel trapped by this trauma...
I hope one day, you are
Same :'(
We can be. But it will be painful. As a child you invented ways of coping which formed your dysfunctions. You did this because facing the emotion in its raw form at that time was absolutely terrifying. You learned that this is just what you do. From your family, from culture. As an adult you have assumed that this core hurt is still too painful to examine. (ie, going deeply into the trauama through meditation) the truth is it will not kill you. It will be extremely uncomfortable yes, but it can only kill you once it rises into your mind and makes you act. Almost nobody is facing this, and EVERYBODY is traumatised to a significant degree. Often it's just the ones who suffer the most end up turning inwards and healing. I wish you all the best. You do not have to follow the same pattern until death. You have the seeds of change within yourself but the seeds are the trauma! It needs loving attention with a new adult perspective. But we are all petrified to go there. That's the tragedy. That we never explore our pain when it has the potential to be our greatest teacher.
I recommend you get the book "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk. He is a psychiatrist who specializes in formative trauma. The book details how we hold our trauma in the body (the chest and belly area) and approaches we can take to healing.
DO NOT TOUCH PILLS. THEY CANNOT TOUCH THE REASONS WHY DEPRESSION MANIFESTS.
guys, i had a amessed up childhood also. i'm coach for kids now.
If u really want to be free, please have try with EMDR-Therapy (best, fastest and modern therapy-model) and some leaded meditation for inner healing with ur parents. look also to come into ur female oder male power. google will help u to find. helped me a lot.
best wishes for u. inner peace and love!
I need amnesia to forget the past.
It would still be in your subconscious and will show through your actions and decisions. Best and the only way is to heal it.
That would help so we can get on with our life. I am glad at least my fucken parents are dead.
@@tanushree.222 scars dont heal....ever...
@@davecrupel2817 it's not easy but we can heal them, trust me.
@@tanushree.222 Give me one reason why i should discard the contrary evidence ive seen over the years, and trust _you?_ whoever you are?
My father was a narcissistic, loud, domineering control freak who messed me up emotionally. Thanks to him I grew up with low self-confidence and fear/anxiety around authority figures. I can only hope to grow past it someday.
The greatest favour you can do another and the people we love is the gift of knowing ourselves.. of self-knowledge.
100%
you cant mess up a childhood if you dont have kids
You can't mess up if you don't exist.
Uhhhh, yes u can, just cuz theyre not your own child doesnt mean u cant mess them up
@ِ yes, its true you're right, there are some messed up ppl out there:/
LmfaorozMinecraft idiot, the suffering has already been realized
@ mgtow = men afraid to deal with women (a childish response)
If only it had been just my parents who messed me up, but it was everyone around me except for my grandmother. I learned before I was 10 that my body didn't belong to me. I existed for the pleasure of others. I was beaten, molested, harassed and emotionally abused and finally raped. I only learned in my 30's that this is in fact my body and no has the right to touch me unless I want them to. I still flinch when my brother's kids hug me or when my boyfriend grabs my hand so there's still a lot of work to be done. As a child I was sensitive and shy and always did what was asked of me. Nowadays I'm overly aggressive and even violent. I have received therapy, but it did little to nothing. Every day I try to let go of my past and every day I fail.
Hamm Hamm Do not give up. Every day can be better. Love yourself. Forgive yourself. Study. Learn. Its ok that it takes a lifetime. There will be days when you see the beauty in what you learn, what you achieve, what you are. You are creation and not perfect. You are responsible for your actions and choices, not your childhood. We are each a work in progress, you are just putting in more effort than some. Blessings to you.
I know how you feel, I'm 46 this year and was the same in my 30's, angry and aggressive because of bullying kids that picked on me it made me TOUGH and I'd be defensive as your past haunts you, it's hard to let go of, I'd argue and fight with people when I'd shy away or run off as a kid but I learned to be calmer and fighting doesn't help, I'm a different person to how I was 15 or so years ago but you'll still never let anybody walk all over you, but dwell on good people you meet life does heal in the end!! 👍🔚🙂
You can, and will become better as long as you keep trying. In my life there's 1 good thing that I've managed to figure out. "You're no better than most people around you, and they are no better than you. You can't base yourself in that past, horrifying as it was. That past is not truly YOU, that's a product of horrible people. The best thing you can do to achieve better, is not to be better than anyone around you. It's to be better than yourself yesterday." Incremental as it will seem, every bit of change for a better happier life, is a monument to be proud.
In the end it's completely okay to be better than the ones who've hurt you in the past. As they're the ones who relegated themselves to evil, and to temptations, even the devil in living. But do not ever compare yourself to those awful cretins. As that's extremely toxic for your own well-being. You can't stoop to the point of even picturing yourself on scale with those people. Just be better than you were yesterday. That anger? That frustration? It's so temporary and menial, compared to the damage it can do to your relationships and mind. Just let things go. There is no right, in aggressive rights. There is only destruction in relationships, and things to be sought afterwards. Just keep in mind, next time you feel that anger, or your blood to start boiling. it's okay to be wrong, and it's fantastic to be better than you once were.
Much love from a dilapidated country boy. God bless
Meditation helps 💚
"We are living the wide open present through the narrow drama of the past" - Great way to say it. I owe a great deal to existentialism for helping me realize this fact and for its hopeful view on our ability to get free of these bounds.
Hmm...agreed...mrs Socrates😁
Showmik Chowdhury I think think you mean Kierkegaard eheh
James Côté That's the nicest compliment I received in a while. Thank you!
Georgiana Bere let’s just say I took a leap of faith :~}
Georgiana Bere but I too owe a great deal to existentialism. Reading Camus’ The Stranger changed my entire trajectory
This particular video is extraordinarily profound. In my own life, I've contemplated my youth/adolescence, essentially "auditing" my early life. There were 3 cataclysmic "life events" in adolescence from which I have never recovered, and which I never will. -- Those events "locked" me into my life. I suspect many others have similar stories to tell...
I can see where my issues are coming from, especially when I’m dealing with my emotions. Because I went through lots of traumatic experiences when I was younger, I used to kept my feelings inside of my heart rather than speak up and let people know.
I am 24 years old and still having a tough time when it comes to sharing my feelings/opinions with people.
Hopefully one day, I can forgive all the trauma that has ruined my personality so that I will be able to show people who I really am.
I keep my feelings concealed too,i don’t think anybody would understand how I am or how I feel.I’ve never talked to anyone about my emotions so I feel so misunderstood.
This video really got me thinking and remembering stuff about my past. My parents always had a lot of fights, and they both had a lot of traumas that they passed on to me (especially my father), and now I understand that such things had a big effect on me, I became insecure, shy, sad, angry, etc. I'm 23 now, and sometimes I react badly with them and other people because I have so much anger and sadness in myself, and because their actions remind me of stuff that happened when I was little and bring back bad memories, but now I'm slowly understanding that those things that happened don't have to define how I am, I can change if I want to. It's been a slow and painful process, but hopefully someday I'll get to a point where I fully love myself, accept me as I am, and not letting traumas from my childhood and my past define me.
That's a pretty beautiful way of thinking, and putting it.
Basically the only thing that i have managed to figure out, and help myself do better is this, (and bear with me here, it might get a bit long)
"You're no better than the people around you, as are they no better than you. Do not strive to make yourself better than anyone else, but instead become better than yourself yesterday." That past, is past. It's gone. But YOU on the other hand, are not gone. You're here, in the present. Live it. Try not to compare yourself to people, as many may have gone through traumas, and are wearing those scars, as are you. But instead just do better each day than the previous one. Don't let evil people get the better of you. Instead, give your true better to good folks who need it, and do the same for you. Just try not pay credence to the evil, remain that pillar standing proud over your past. Because that pillar is holding your future from falling down to where the evil still lies. Be your own inspiration, and inspire the good people around you. Yes, being a good person is hard, and the evil people hate it wholeheartedly when they see you're doing well, and will try to call you back to misery. But remain as your own person, and come out a taller stronger pillar for others to be inspired. Carry your past, but don't let it's weight be a bother. As your future will be infinitely heavier if evil prevails over you.
Sorry if that was overbearing or long winded.
Much love, from a dilapidated country boy. and God bless you.
My dear friend, don't worry there are many like you who have gone through this. I'm also one of them. I'm 31 years now, I have studied in hostel for 12 long years but whenever I came back home to my hometown to visit my parents me and my brother and sister we cried a lot when we saw our parents fight and abuse each other and that made us angry shy and depressed and put a lot of pressure on me. Whenever I used to be around people I used to go away in lonely places and be alone spending time thinking how miserable and bad my life is, but after so many years I have healed a lot and I think there are ways through which we can heal and become better person to be a blessing for the people around us. Now I work in company and everyone likes me a lot because in spite of having a worst childhood I spread happiness and good vibes among my friends and colleagues.
We've emerged into adult life determined never to rely on anyone or desperate to find someone to complete us. Damn this hit me hard, I've always had a huge sense of independence just because relying on others for anyone has only resulted in hurt and disappointment. Still learning to open up more thanks to my best friend.
I still find it hard to open up to my best friend. 😭😭
Why bother with opening up this video is stupid it acts as if this so called trauma can't make you a better stronger person. Nobody has ever done great things by being average.
Ah yes, the eternal question of "Is it ADHD or childhood ptsd?"
Ptsd for sure for me.
I got both :(
Why not both?
@@ena9188 ive both
@@cheyrosefontaine3432
I got both too. But they call my PTSD ~ C-PTSD..!! Plus Panic Disorder with a touch of ADHD..!! What a cocktail hey..!?
I am 64 years old and I still have nightmares almost every night due to childhood abuse. It is not logical but it is beyond my control.
🥲
Me too
Hope you recover soon .
My parents were not fit to be parents. My mom wanted kids at least according to my dad. But my dad didnt think my mom was ready to be a parent because she wasn't domesticated enough to be a mom. But what my dad never realized was that it takes two parents to raise a kid. Now he blames my mom for everything thats ever happened to me and my sister. But he was no better at being a parent. He would beat us. We used to go to school with bruises from leather belts, whips, coat hanger wires and frozen meat that was thrown at our heads. He beat my mother sometimes. And my mom was no better. She never finished elementary school and she went with my dad to get away from her family. I was honestly a real cunt growing up. I cursed, hated bathing, hit others, and didn't want to go to school. I never failed school but I came close at times. No one wanted to be my friend and at some point in time I got bullied so hard I had to switch class schedules so I wouldn't have to be around them anymore. I kept feeling for a very long time, that I had to act that way to prove myself to anyone. I knew no one liked me, I was a disappointment to my parents and to myself and there was nothing or no one to help guide me. I didn't understand social concepts and struggled to trust people who were either too kind or too mean. I saw social workers, psychiatrists, therapists and all did nothing. I would get unreasonably mad at everyone. Especially at my parents if they had to go to work because I felt neglected. I still wanted them to love me because I wanted to look up to them. I believed that if I felt they loved me, maybe my life would have more meaning. I had no way of expressing myself and even if I could've, I doubt my parents would shape up. They both took parenting classes as part of some program but nothing came of it. Then I would wonder why I had no friends and if I was born as cold and mean as I was. But then I realized monkey see monkey do. I learned from my parents. After some time I got taken out of the care of my parents, I was placed into foster care for two months along with my little sister. We still have a case worker though I am almost 21 now. For a while I had to live with an elderly woman who lived on the south side of Chicago. Her son was a security guard at a mall and got shot and then DCFS placed us in the care of our aunt. Living with my aunt was hell and it was either that or back in the system. She always threatened to put us back there and a part of me never understood why she took us in but never tried to be an aunt. She restricted us on so many academic opportunities at school and we weren't allowed to go outside. and both the way my parents raised me and the way my aunt raised me really messed up my outlook on my future for a very long time. I left the day I turned 18. I took nothing and thats where my life began. Believe me when I say that no matter where you come from, no matter where you've been, the storm will always have an end. once I left, I graduated High school and went to Uni. I already speak three languages and now I am learning a fourth. I met the love of my life there who has been nothing but supportive and understanding. And now I am about to complete my second year. I have great friends and good grades and I don't think there's anywhere I would rather be than here and now. There are many times when I look back and sometimes I do cry at memories and regrets but then I remember how far I have come. And I remember all those times I was contemplating my suicide in silence. I think of all that I would have missed out on if I had done that. All that I wanted that I now have. My personal adversities have shaped the way I am today and have only made me stronger. I've learned so much from my trauma. It's taught me to forgive and keep moving. It's taught me to be patient and understanding. It has taught me to be a friend to all and to understand first before deciding how to react. It's taught me to have compassion and never put others down because they have suffered less than you have. Pain is pain no matter what. I hope maybe someday in the future I can become an advocate for those who feel they are suffering from trauma. And I hope whoever is reading this right , I hope you stand up and take charge of your life. Do not let your past define who you are as a person. You are a human being with unique skills, talents, and flaws but that doesn't mean you aren't worthy of love, kindness, or compassion. Your greatest enemy will always be your own self only if you let it.
tiffany ponce just read your comment and I want to send love to you. You were dealt a particularly tough hand not unlike my own.
wow! God bless you.
I have nothing to add except to say thank you for sharing your experience.
you are a miracle. I am so glad you made it.
tiffany ponce this is so inspiring... thank you
Main reason l don't have kids of my own. Continuing the legacy of our morally corrupt species, just seems waaaayyy too sadistic for my concience to withstand.
Meanwhile, those with less morality than you are breeding like rabbits...
Same also because I’m afraid the dad will be a lying bitch, like mine
Can completely understand.
I will not see any child of mine brought up the way i was.
You can heal from your childhood. Don’t let it define you.
@Nishita kunder No one is saying that you need to have a child now. This goes for anyone thinking that we all are doomed to fail them, your inadequacies are your perfect imperfections but that being said it shouldn't define you and we should learn to be content with the burdens of our past and dare to be courageous when confronted with them.
Also if you fall into the view point that the original comment states then you are ignoring to see the capacity of good and bad that humans can tap into, we are not all destined to be "morally corrupt"
I guess I had a messed up childhood to some extent too, but my parents did as well and their parents also. The chain goes on all the way back. The only thing I can do is forgive them and try to break it and do my own mistakes when raising my children if I ever have any.
Exactly!
Awareness is key. Explore your emotions. Turn toward suffering. At the heart of it is the seeds of your transformation. You're deepest pains will be your best teacher.
I T Thanks. Going to therapy for several years now. Psychoanalysis currently. And (so) I'm that kind of person who needs to remind himself he has to go outside his head for a few minutes per day at least.
Yeah yeah carry on the fuck up
Avoiding your parents mistakes but doing your own original ones is inevitable. Read twice next time.
*"The encyclopedia of emotional imbalances is a volume without end."* -so true!
I have a narcissist mom and had a very affectionate father. Can't thank God enough to be able to have some parts of my father's love inside my heart to keep me sane.
This video in short hit the nail right on the head. I’m going through therapy now because of what happened in my childhood. Yeah I agree, once you become an adult you have the power to change and fix your problems, but the question is How? And just like what the video mentioned, we might be in our middle age before we realize what’s going on before we could do something about it. It’s terrible to know that by the time you’re old it might be too late and you’ve already wasted so much of time.
My grandmothers father abused her emotionally and drained her of the ability to truly express her love for someone. This shredded two of her marriages and continued in her two sons, of which one is my father. He always struggled with the need to feel loved on one side, and the disability to express his love on the other side. I only became aware now, how utterly important it was for him to meet my mother. She is like the sun in her warmth and shows love to nearly everyone she just knows for a couple of hours She ended this spiral of unexpressed love that ran in my fathers line from generation to generation. Although my father always had a hard time to express his feelings towards me and my brother, my mother made up for it. I inherited my fathers nature in being hard to show my feelings but was able to turn it around with all the love my mother gave me and her reassuring my feeling that my father loved me too. Now being an adult my father still has a hard time to tell us he is proud, but never before am I so aware of all his little gestures in which he expresses his love. I truly believe now that love can be the ultimate cure.
“We suffer because we are, at huge cost, too loyal to the early difficult years. We should, where we can, dare to leave home.”
I’m in so much pain. I want to break free from this terrible burdening belief that I cause others pain with my feelings/thoughts/being. It’s been 25 years and I still suck myself dry of the self compassion I desperately need. I’m far beyond my limit giving love to others and not to myself. My heart hurts. And I’m extremely angry with how lonely I always have been in this.
The last scene is so heart warming.
Yet so unreal..
Turn inside
Expore your trauma
Give the loving attention needed
By doing this, our pain can
Be the every source of healing.
It may take time,
And it will be painful.
But you deserve to be free!
I T: Thanks for that!!!
I’ve never been able to trust anyone enough to talk about my childhood, I’ve bottled it up for so long now but I’m making sure I never cave into sadness. I will ignore my brain and try as hard as I can to think logically.
Heartbreaking realizations, when things become clear to us, as we mature.
Neuroplasticity takes constant training. Nobody waves a wand over you at age 18 or 21 and magically cures a trauma filled childhood. Working in Special Education, I see all sorts of reason for children acting out and only a sliver of them are genuinely biological. So often environmental factors, such as absent, incarcerated, or addicted parents lay the foundation of who the students will be for the remainder of life. I am eternally grateful to the team of counselors and social workers who toil endlessly to unearth the root causes of abhorrent behavior in these teens and help turn their lives around.
I am grateful for you all too :)
Grateful to hear this you beautiful person. My nephew who is 7 years old is on the Austism spectrum. His dad, my brother has been in prison and mainly in out and of his sons life. I'm so glad people like you and your team are out there. I know we had a horrible childhood but I have hope that we can stop cycles of abuse and neglect one person at a time.
Amen
Smart lady.
Abuse happens in more affluent areas and by highly regarded people too. People just never know what really goes on behind closed doors.
Similarly, there are some remarkable parents on low incomes in deprived places.
I have a very similar job to you 😉 Trying to turn my bad past into someone else's good future.
Whoever reads this that grew up from abusive home and have a traumatic past, you deserve to let go and you deserve better... dont be like them, end the cycle, wish for the best to your family that caused you pain, forgive them, there's no other way. Let go, you deserve better. You don't live in the past anymore.
I like how the problems are identified, but the solutions are always ineffective or long lasting. I really gave it a good try for 12 years, and when I told people I felt better, I was lying. Filling out the questionnaires for a new therapist became tedious and very banal to me. So then I just learned to answer questions that I know would rate me as depressed, ADHD, OCD, or whatever lie I wove. After running D&D games for 25 years and writing stories for 35, I learned how to make whatever I say believable and true. It's like George Constanza said on Seinfeld. It's not a lie, if you believe it. So what's the point of it all? Glad you didn't ask (I know no one will see this on a 4 year old video). Because I just want to be heard, accepted, and feel genuine. There, I said what I said.
I dont think I have the answer for you but it sounds to me like you have been too so many different therapists that you even know how to game the questionaire system they have.
I am not a pro and maybe this is bad advise but would that mean that the therapy isnt helping you? Maybe you have not found a good therapist and also I do not believe that therapy will just provide you with solutions to your life.
I think it will provide you with methods with which to deal with your situation in life and make you more aware of yourself so that you can take proper care of your physical and mental health.
I am writing this because I really hope you can get better. I am a random person from South Africa who read and heard your message, friend
@@w0ngky hello there. The point of my diatribe, was to point out my expectation of a therapist. I already work for a company and live under a government where I am a number. So I didn't want the therapist treating me as another score, that supposedly means this and that. Thank you caring and reaching out.
I see you my friend. There is no end to the work. We need to keep going. Things can get super tough and it sounds like you've put in a lot of work.
Your life is interesting. You must tell very good stories to yourself. Keep going. Stay healthy, by any means you need to.
Bob my belief in God's word tells me that only He can restore my brokenness because God knows me. It took me years to realize this but having now confidence in His good character gives me peace and hope. I see life differently, hear people differently. We are all broken crayons but we still have color! I hope you find healing. I hear you.
My father was a sociopath, my mother was a covert narcissist.
I was born autistic and developed depression at age 15, and Schizophrenia at age 18.
Despite all of this I have no addictions, and compared to a lot of people I'm extremely fortunate.
I am not a victim, I am a survivor.
Well done. How are you now? Greetings from a fellow autist with messed up childhood
I came from a broken family and I always keep in mind to be a better parent. Just because you came from something broken you can't change the cycle. It takes a person to break the chain. I recognized the problem and I'm willing to do better. With the support from my husband, I feel like I can be better. If you're willing to be better and with support, you can break the cycle. Find a partner who will lead you to the right path. My husband and I agreed to only have one child because we want a comfortable life. The more kids you have, the more stressful it is, funancially, emotionally and mentally.
True. But, lots of kids were the norm once. I'd say we are just a weaker generation. Not a critique, observation. I do think only children benefit from a sibling. Opinion.
How ever good or bad it was I was always grateful, thankful to my parents for the most precious thing in life....life itself. That was helpful in moving on in my life.
Im 27 now. Currently healing from YEARS of verbal abuse from my father who, non-surprisingly, suffered the same with his father. I want to get married and have kids, because I have so much love to give. There is just a lot of healing I have to do beforehand.
There’s nothing so broken that it cannot be fixed.
As a child with Aspergers, I struggled to understand right from wrong in school. Thus, I got myself and others into trouble often. I struggled to make any close friends and would usually just hide out somewhere. My father passed away when I was 2 and my mother had to work 6-7 days a week, sometimes until 10 pm. We lived with my grandparents, who owned a small clothing store (where my mother worked). Unfortunately, my grandparents paid her minimum wage even though she was the manager and did most of the work. I would either be left alone for hours after school with no siblings or adult supervision, or I would go to work with my family and stay in the back of the store warehouse. We were isolated by thousands of miles from our nearest relatives. I made some friends in high school but kept only a few to this day.
I do crave more social interaction but most people seem to misunderstand me. Over the years I’ve learned to understand others much better yet I still struggle to communicate in a way where people understand my point of view. My facial expressions and verbiage seem off putting to people who end up thinking, mistakenly, that I’m being disingenuous.
For those of you who feel lonely, don’t focus on having a plethora of friends. Having only a handful of friends is fine as long as you can form a meaningful relationship with each one.
True..close relationship, i dont understand that since kid
Greatly explained. Too focused on others, grew up not accepting myself and that can certainly lead to suicide. The pain is huge. Learning to depend and reparent myself has not been easy nor fun. I'm trying , everyday. I did not grew up with my Mom and Dad but my Mom even though she cared about me she has always been stone, super cold unable to express her emotions due her own trauma as a kid.
"Too focussed on others..." this hit home! Can you elaborate why u tink its related to bad childhood?
This spoke to me. Thank you for making this. “Dare to leave home” likely one of the toughest things to do when it’s what you’re aware of
My dad's dad died when he was young and his mother abandoned him, leaving him to be raised by his abusive granddad. It's so easy to say I was the most messed up result of his parenting after being exposed to his abuse early on. I was the most angelic child but grew up to stone cold. My siblings hate me for it and so does my mom. So I spent nights crying out of frustration, constantly asking "why am I such a stubborn monster?"
Why does your mother think she has a place to judge you if she never stepped in and stopped the abuse from your father? Try not to feel bad about yourself. Life will get better. Read books and expand your knowledge about the world. It will help you have a different perspective about life.
TOEDWY that's some constructive advice right there. Thanks for taking the time to offer your insight
So sorry to hear that; hope everything will be fine in the end and you will overcome all of your difficulties. Try to remember that nothing of what happened was your fault, and that you deserve to be loved. I'm saying that to you but I'm trying to convince myself as well. Best wishes from Italy.
Indro Gianicolo it means so much to hear hear advice, Thanks. I hope you also find your inner peace. Remember we're in this together
Loom Geek It’s never too late to change for the better buddy. Safeguard yourself from negativity but don’t close your heart off completely, if you do you could be robbing yourself of great experiences in life. Much aloha from a friendly stranger in Hawaii who can relate 🤙🏽
What many people in the comments section don't realize (and that's also the point of this video) is that you can't put the blame on your parents for a lifetime; you now truly do have powers you didn't have as a kid and you can therefore put more effort into overcoming bad characteristics and behavior motives that were once instilled in you during childhood. It can be done. No one said that it's easy but if you just keep on blaming the past as an excuse for not being willing to move on...you'll eventually indeed never move on
LittleLulubee yes I agree with you. However some people sadly are so absorbed in their criticisms of a long gone past that they get in their own way and just refuse to move on. You have to accept the past for what it was and just do your best from now on to create a life that you are glad to have.
Exactly. The blame game is just a trap. Its just another distraction from fully feeling the pain.
Larimar Sky finally a compassionate human being
LittleLulubee What the dude (or girl) is trying to say there is a difference between thinking it was ur fault for being hurt by ur parents and thinking that they are responsible for ur bad actions as an adult. U know the bad parent who had a bad parent? The parent who got abused and then takes it on his own child? Ye this guy has the same mindset as he thinks that his parents are to blame for his inability to control his rage (cos he got beaten up badly as a kid). People need to grow balls and take responsibility as adults for their own lives:/
Larimar Sky thank you kind soul
My dad always told me how much of a failure i am constantly. If i would mess up on anything, and my mom abandoned me so now i really am a failure. Dont think i have achieved anything since i left the house to live on my own and now i am watching self help videos wish my parents would have taught me something about the world instead of distrust. Thanks dad!
And here is why decided not to be a parent
How could I be one if I still haven't fixed the mess from my own parents ?
electronicbits Completely understand you but you don’t need to have children to validate your life. Having a messed up upbringing can be seen as a bonus...you can foster a child and understand their troubles, being totally empathetic.
To experience love. To understand the meaning of true love
@Baby Boris in life you can choose to be a victim or a victor. You can either choose to go into the hole that bad people create for you, or you can stand above it, and create a good life for yourself in spite of those who tried to break you
Recently I've realized that my childhood trauma affects me so much. I've never fit in with others, was always afraid of physical contact and was scared to voice my own opinion because I'd be rejected.
I started reading self-help books but it's so hard to break through the broken identity and fix my terrible mental health. I want to love myself more but the intrusive thoughts that I'm useless and the comparisons always come to mind, it's so draining.
I'm surprised I'm alive. These days my parents would have been incarcerated for child abuse.
Yep for sure
lol , ikr
Parents are also.abysed children, unhealed, and damaged and damaging.
@@jacklannom5155 It seems like I lost the true good person I am, from insult, doubt ,ridicule, rejection, critical, always critical, anger, hostile, attack, attack, attack, belitlement, evil and on and on, till something broke. I wound up replaying those patterns on myself, like bad training. But there was also trauma, anxiety and I lost one of a person's most valuable possessions... feeling good about themself. It was a triple bad effect of harm.
1. Bad treatment.
2. Replaying that as unresolved bad treatment toward myself.
3. Trauma, anxiety, not feeling good about myself, feeling unacceptable.
Devoting my life to my callings and work, is a path I can keep. It keeps me on my good track amidst all the error, folly and corruption in the world.
@@TheEarthandyou Then don't effing having kids and pass on the generational legacy!
With awareness comes change though... I will ackowledge it's really difficult to change the faults in the harddrive... you are loved
I used to be a really gifted child. My parents took pride in my intelligence and the intellectual advantages I had over my brother and over my peers in school. Despite being continuously sexually abused by my grandfather figure, physical and emotional abuse from my mother, father, and brother, being excluded by my peers, seeing my parents abuse each other and get into physical fights, and being treated like a financial burden, I excelled in my academics until my freshman year. Since then, I dropped out of high school and got my GED, had and left several job opportunities, and have continued to live at my mother’s house. I feel like my life is on hold, or that I’m just doomed to be stuck in the state I live in until I die.
It’s so hard to move on when the pieces of my broken childhood still linger around in my head. I’m trying so hard but I feel like I’m getting nowhere. I know why I’m messed up, but I don’t know what to do with that information except try to learn from it.
It sounds impossible, but you have to learn how to love yourself. Once you love yourself for you, you will have the confidence to say f**k them. and then you will move on. Good luck. you are worth it.
I feel you there Bobby and Man. Seems like you guys lived my childhood. Like when I got PTSD it literally felt like I was being electrocuted and I haven't been the same. I feel like there is no way I can repair myself. I will keep trying though.
Ya'll need to start reading philosophical stuff and acquire more knowledge. Understanding things of the past, reading biographies of successful people, watching movies with high emotions involved, meditating, listen to good music. It all supports your journey into healing.
This is so relatable. Damn 😔
I'm a child abuse survivor, by the time I was 20 I was full of rage! Numb emotional unattached, finally slowly I healed.
You will heal with time, but it can sometimes take longer than you anticipated. Be patient.
Same. More of a neglect from parents and bullying in school. I was very young and very angry. Maybe I should have been mentally tougher but that's the past.
I love this. Especially your closing line about having the courage to “leave home.”
It doesn't have to be that parents did something you'd usually define as abusive. It can be more subtle, such as them expecting you to do things the way they did, or what they envision for you. That leads to being invalidated when you step up to do your own thing. Powerful to realize that this can happen even when your parents did good things for you. They didn't realize the impact, but it absolutely had a big one!....This is one of the most powerful and succinct things I've ever heard about this!
It's all about choices. You can choose to repeat the cycle or create a life you deserve to live. So live !
My childhood made of me bipolar as an adulthood. Even through my happiest moments i feel deep inside a bitter sadness… and i can’t help myself.
This is so true on so many levels. Brings back chilling memories of my childhood. Damn... dont know what else to say about it...
Rainbow Lion explore it. Turn inside and give the hurt part of you your loving attention. Its the seed of transformation.
I have a certain reputation because I cut my parents out of my life. People have no idea what it is like having violent, abusive, narcissistic parents that continually sabotage your life. I gave them decades of patience and forgiveness but then it dried up and I realized I had to live my life and not be a caretaker to black holes of want and toxicity. It was one of my best decisions. I am not a good, obedient child. The idea that one must be good and loving to those that sabotaged your life is insane. If your parents were very bad you owe them nothing. Abandon the idea of being proper in order to begin living.
I know how you feel. It affected my sense of trust in others.
This is a very well-articulated presentation of how childhood can affect you as an adult. Some of it doesn't hold water for my own personal experience (for example, I had an emotionally abusive parent but I never once thought their behavior was my fault, I knew that parent was just a psycho), but it's still overall a good glimpse of developmental issues carrying over into adulthood.
My takeaway from it is -- don't have kids, because no matter what you do you're going to affect the trajectory of their life in a negative way. First, by forcing them to exist, and second, by raising them to deal with and react to all of your (and your partner's) personal flaws.
We should, where we can, dare to leave home.
I had a rough childhood I was abused and told many times to drop head was abandoned at age 8 thanks to that I like to be alone right now as an adult don’t like to be touched and get near people and when people are around me feel uncomfortable
I have the same..I am 35 and still single because I have difficulties to connect with people, social anxiety, and avoidant behaviour. I hope, you're doing better.
I know from the beginning that im not the only one who feel like this!!!
@@MsLovication same bro, how are you right now? And the thing that make me empty the most is i cant connect with anyone even with my own self..im lost in touch with myselg
@@MsLovication it's difficult for me to stay at my job....i m still thinking what is the best way to make money alone without having contact with people
Excuse my language, but fucking bloody hell... You have no idea how amazing your timing is right now. All last week I was reminded of a memory I repressed for years and have been an anxious mess since then. I cannot even begin to explain how this video relates to me. I am in tears...
I'm definitely gonna rewatch this and meditate on it, cause I can really see where the past me still lingers today. Just... thank you so much for these videos. They're really helping me think differently and grow as a person.
The School of Depression
Nicolás Bascuñán 😂😂😂
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
This video is not for depression, rather opposite. I think you are just depressed a little bit.
True dat
damn
I grew up in a toxic environment. I left when i was 19 , and im not saying it was easy ( bless my friends i had along the way) but i found a big family of friends who made me feel that "home" feeling . And 5 years later i found my partner and now i have everything I lacked in my childhood. The wounds are still here and sometimes are painful, but I discovered that if you address them one by one , you will statt to heal them . Try to write every single horrible moment from your childhood. I was in a rage when i was writing, but the when I finished I suddenly felt lighter. Was very good .
The damage is already done, when everything takes a toll you just gotta hope to make it less painful.