I'm often jealous of people with non abusive and neglectful parents who actually listen to them and care about their feelings... Going home is painful. Being punished for standing up for yourself is just... wrong. I know that, yet I still feel guilty. I crave affection.
Me too. And I always felt bad about being envious. My brain always floated to "why can't I be like that with MY mom?" or "why doesn't my mom want to be friends with ME?" or simply "HOW?". It sucks. :(
I usually always wait until someone asks me to be their friend because I feel like they will judge or make fun of me for asking them that which is why I literally only have 3 friends
I feel the same way. I feel scared and anxious about anything and everything of what people thing. The mother is a narcissist, and frankly, she is too selfish to understand that most of her children (myself and a sister, the other elder sister keeps ties for some odd reason) no longer want to be a part of her twisted dynamic. She’s latching onto things that she pushed away.
The worst part about it is that almost nobody will take you seriously if you open up about having narcissistic parents, since society seems to have this mentality that parents can do no wrong and can never be bad people
When you grow up, please please try to change this toxic culture we currently have. Which country you are from by the way, I really want to know. I am from Bangladesh.
@@oniruddhoalam2039 I'm American, where it probably isn't as extreme as it is over there. I do sense that people here have become slightly more self-aware about it though
The good thing is now that there is internet we’ve gotten them figured out COMPLETELY. People usually turn to their phones for answers when outsiders don’t understand enough. And lucky ya the web has numerous people, stories and education because that’s what helped me heal overall
Same here, I feel like since everyone over here in Nigeria thinks a parents opinion is always supreme, I should just go with the flow and keep dealing with the guilt, Am scared of being what I hate
Same here. I have high anxiety and people Don't understand I do. I told my parents and they didn't take me seriously They just was like " oh okay we'll just talk to your doctor " and I'm failing 2 classes by not asking for help
Same, they never let me go anywhere though usually my mom when she tells me to open up and tell her my problems I can't because I'm afraid that she will be furious and she'll be more protective than ever and being ao protective feels like choking you
Riko La'Sky My parents are like that but since I fail so much my parents kinda gave up on me. now I get anxious easy but I really like people alot and I care about my friend like they are my children because some of them don't have the best life. So I try my best to make up for my family by having my close friend family.
My step dad is always comparing me to his kids and calls me names hes even gets mad at me for something small he always blames me and makes my mom sad that im sad..
Bottom line: *narcissistic parents are hypocrites.* There are some things these parents wouldn't do or say to a complete stranger, but would to their own kids. That is what surprises me the most. Parents are human. Just because they are parents, their opinions don't matter more.
@@DeuceBiggerHo I used to have sympathy for them. But when I got a niece and a nephew I realized how absurd the way they relate to kids is (my dad was a narc and taught my empath mama weird strategies and behaviors over time) . My parents would act like victims of their kids. My old parents in their 50s for heaven sake. "I'm the one that should be crying" . Can;t they suppress their emotions as much as they expect little kids to? Instead of turning it around so that the old person is the one who needs emotional support from a four year old.
I touched back on that mentally to myself today. My dad will be miserable to me and exhibit the type of normal friendliness with strangers that is almost non existent or to be extremely generous a severely chseled down rarity with me and him.
Seriously, my parents think they are veterans of a horrible struggle and hold on to my shortcomings, even though I know mentally the relationship between us was always a driver in my thinking which contributed to my actions. I am responsible, but this whole thing that we affect them and they would NEVER affect us is another part of NP, and it is total bullshit.
I don’t see how that is hypocrisy. They wouldn’t abuse a stranger’s kid but it was their job to belittle and criticize us. How else were we gonna learn? I know that sounds daft and wrong, but it isn’t hypocritical thinking it is HYPER-critical. Why correct someone else’s child?
"You treat your family like dirt and your friends like gold" No, I don't, I just reward my friends with affection because they listen to my boundaries, my problems, my highs and my lows. I'm so clingy now that it isn't even funny because *you* couldn't give me the love and praise I needed *And another thing!* Whenever I try to bring up, even in the tiniest ways possible that she won't give me love as a *parent* would, she turns and says "I guess your ___ I bought for you doesn't count as love" I know, and I appreciate that, but you must understand that you spending money on me doesn't matter to me as much as 1 hug, 1 little hug
I thought my mother was making a valid point when she did that kind of thing. I grew up with anxiety, depression, and trichotillomania (I got so stressed I pulled out all of my hair. ALL of it.) But my mother always found someone else to blame, and when I tried standing up to her, I got the same response. Thank you so much for putting this out there... I know I'm not crazy, and I know I'm not selfish.
I have this kind of mom. It sucks, so so much. I got really, really messed up psychologically after endless years of abuse. I've had depression since I was nine years old, and am now almost fifteen. I still struggle with seeing her face every day of my life and remembering the horrors I faced when I was younger. I have moved out of her house but still have to deal with her via her taking me to school every day. When people say "aw, she's your mother, you should love her no matter what!" I want to spit in their faces. They have no idea what it's like to be rejected, ridiculed, and tortured by the person who is supposed to protect you, love you, and be your everything when you're a child. I hate Mother's Day and probably always will. Be grateful for what you have. I always try to, at least. It could be worse.
+Chanti Angrian It is EXTREMELY important that you know you are always allowed to reduce contact with your mother as much as you can. I am relieved to read that you recognise that those "She's your mother, so you have to ..." statements are wrong. They are wrong in to ways: They are factually incorrect and they are morally wrong. You owe your mother not more than you owe me. In fact, in relative terms you could even say that you owe me more than you owe her since all you know about me is that I want to help me and I assume you find this positive. But your mother's behaviour you view as negative, and rightfully so. I don't know how financially and "administratively" dependent you are on your mother but I strongly advise you to find out with the aid of people you can ACTUALLY trust how dependent on her you really are. There are two threats to be aware of: The first being not well enough informed and therefore thinking you are more dependent on her than you actually are and therefore staying in too much or too dangerous contact with her than is necessesary and the second being not being well enough informed and therefore thinking you are less dependent on her than you think and therefore taking risks you can't fully calculate correctly. Doing things like moving out and getting a job right after high school thinking you can support and pay for a post-highschool education yourself for example. It is possible that you are worse at estimating how much money you need for what kind of life because your mother kept you from getting this information, for example by actively misinforming you on this topic.
It's completely fine to cut off your connection with your family in the future when you grow up, everyone should cut off their toxic family member out of their life, just because someone is your family, doesn't mean that they are allowed to make your life a living hell, when you grow up later.. get your own life, and stop connecting with her
My mom always wants me to go somewhere with my friend. When I go, she gets so angry I go some where with my friends, and then she says I never go anywhere. She wants me to do things, when I do I do them wrong. Sometimes she's fun and laughs with me, but in no time she's just the same as before, some times even worse...
Now I always help my friends but don't know how, because I was never helped. I don't trust anyone, or I trust the wrong person and they start hating me when something goes wrong. I've likes the same guy for a year, I trusted him and he was important to me, but now we aren't in the same class anymore so he probably doesn't even notice me in school... I want to speak to him but he would probably just think I speak to him just because I like him😶 I had to deal with my 2 new classmates who are both anxious and now the other hates me because I couldn't take it anymore.
I feel the exact same way, they tell me to do things and when I do them I'm apparently doing them wrong. I also lose interest in things very quickly because there's the fear of my parents noticing my happiness and deciding to ruin it. I'm turning into one of them and I don't like it.
Mirya Layno omg, that is exactly like how my mom acts, i`m 18 now, and its honestly gotten to the point where i just dont do anything, i shut down around her, and straight up ignored her, if need be. I hope you find your way through this.
the narrator has a PERFECT voice... the drawing style is SO cute... its SO well presented... its SO easy to understand the info....... whats not to love about these videos... the narrators soft voice comforts me on a very deep level
My mom has never shown empathy towards my feelings and emotions in a genuine. She only acted as if she cared to gain control over my life. In a way, she kind of breathed through me until I realised it in my 20's. I'm very grateful to all the self help gurus, literatures, the authors of the therapy books that I read. If it wasn't for that, I would have lived my life in misery and might have become a narcissist myself. But now, I've learnt to know myself through meditation and this has made me emotionally healthy add intelligent. Thanks for the video. It helps. All the best to other victims. May God bless you. Remember, you're great lest anyone say anything about you, even your parents. Accept the present situation and gain self awareness through it. Meditation helps big time in this. Please give it a go. Good vibes...
I have found some peace in discovering that I am not the only person to experience this type of behavior from a parent. I'm sorry that any of us has had to go through our individual trials relating to our narcissistic parents, but grateful for a community of people who understand that this is real.
Sabra Wigfall we are grateful we could provide you with this community. It is a very unfortunate thing, but we're glad you're able to find some peace with this community :)
This is definitely my parents style. They are so protective, never letting me go out with out atleast 2 other people with me. Not only that, I excel at school, being part of the gifted and talentled group. And yet they only show interest when it's parents evening or I get my report. All my life I have loved drawing, and in resent years Ive started to use digital media. Whenever there is a piece I love or one that I think needs improvement; I go to my parents. And yet they glance at it and ignore it. Not only that, they constantly belittle me when I start to talk about something I enjoy for more than 10 seconds. The worst thing about this is that I have a little sister, and she's become a narcissist. So it's not only my parents but my sister constantly putting me down and thinking she is the best. The thing is I have become the warm loving type. But I can never show it. I use to be a loud kid but the belittling silenced me. I've always been a 'sensitive child', changing emotions at the flick of a switch. For this I am always teased and bullied for my gentle nature. Now current day, I am still very loving and caring but I'm am extremely reclusive. I get anxious in social situations with people I haven't met or speaking in front of a large crowd. Never speaking in class. Choosing to spend my time in my room drawing and watch TH-cam. Always being labelled as being antisocial (It's called asocial, most people dun know the difference).
You might enjoy watching danisnotonfire. I don't know much about his parents, but it seems like you could relate to him quite well. He and Thomas Sanders are good folks to subscribe to for relatable failings and positive attitudes (more TS than DH on that last bit).
@London Man, the only way to win with a helicopter parent / narcissist is to not play at all. I just celebrated my 1 year estrangement anniversary and am happier than ever!
I'm 40 I recently stood up to my narcissistic mother and now she trying anything to turn the family against me 😪but today she got caught out in about 4 lies 😊so now I'm done good luck to her 👍🏽
I have had PTSD since I was 9- I'm 15 now and still flinch when someone raises their voices or put their hands up in the air. The one who gave me this disorder is permanently out of my life... but it's dragging on with the narcissistic half of my childhood.
i'm so sorry, man. i had my first ptsd episode at 15... just had a "click" moment where i suddenly connected to physical and sexual abuses that were done to me throughout my childhood... and at the time i didn't know what a panic attack was, which only made it worse. i'm 20 now and it hasn't gotten any easier.
my parents jump to conclusions, yell at you if you make the slightest mistake, and are extremely hypocritical. and they wonder why if anything happens I just shut down, won't talk, won't move, I just sit there. now if I make the slightest mistake, it haunts me.
I also have a guilt problem, expseicialy with food, if you make me feel guilty about anything as in, one time I asked my brother to pickup a box of chocolate for me to sell(I payed him). when he got home and gave it to me i decided to eat one and sell the rest. my dad called me out for something then asked what I had in my mouth, I told him a chocolate and he said, "we are out here working our asses off and your in your room stuffing your face with chocolate!" they were cleaning the kitchen while I did the bathroom, needless to say, I felt horrible, the chocolates got put away and never sold cuz I didnt want to touch them. this has also made me extremely generous, in a bad way. if anyone asks no matter how much I want it I'll give them my food, and if I dont I'll feel bad and avoid that person cuz I believe that they'll hate me
well, you have to eat, so don't give absolutely everything to those who ask for it, although I appriciate your kindness edit: also, everyone makes mistakes. don't worry any more than you have to.
My mother told me to always tell her when something is wrong. She doesn't do anything about it and tells me "not to cry over spilled milk". In elementary, she drove away all my friends and accused them of hurting me.... even though she's the one who cut the first wound ever since my little sister is born. When people bully me in school, I shut down and I've had suicidal thoughts. It's okay to make mistakes, I'm in the same situation. I never grew up to be a healthy child (in more ways than one) because of my parents. All they ever care about is my physical appearance and my grades. My guilt problem happens to me at school when I don't do favors for others... God I'm so mentally unstable.
My favorite exaggeration was how I'd always end up in a trailer park with multiple baby daddies because I made ONE "B" in my entire grade school career.
There seem to be a lot of school-age people on here. Since I'm a middle-aged person with much experience dealing with narc. parents, let me help spare you much grief: whatever you do, it is NOT a good idea to call your parents out on their narc. or codependent behavior. Narcs want to be seen as perfect, so they could try to use that accusation against you to prove you wrong. They are capable of helping you for a long time, then doing something to really hurt or even destroy you. They like to 'teach you a lesson' and guilt-trip you and second-guess, doubt and question your own decisions. PROTECT YOUR INNER CORE SELF. Don't let their opinions cause you to doubt yourself! Take it from someone who has suffered for decades being offspring of TWO covert narcissists. I wish you all well.
Thank you, for my whole entire life (I'm 20) I have wondered if I should sometimes just burst everything out and call out my mother on this and ask why she treated me like she did, but I feel like your comment made the decision on me not to call her out on it, I never knew if I should or should not. Thank you!
One of the best comments. If I could go back in time I would have took the hit and left as early as physically possible. Now I have a beacon for people of this kind to latch on too.
im also middle-aged and in my opinion: whatever you do, its wrong, your fault, etc. The best you can do is having no contact and build up a new life.... I know, its not easy, but it makes you happy deep within you - without these crazy making creatures, good luck for all the younger ones, you are not alone and day after day it is going better...stay healthy
I always found it hard to form romantic relationships so I did some research. I came across the term "anxious attachment style" and dug deeper into the meaning. I knew it had something to do with the way I was raised but after watching this video, all of the pieces have come together. It's heartbreaking to learn your mother is and always will be a narcissist.
Mia, this is how I found out too. Before the internet came, it was very hard to find that sort of info so it wasn't until the professional psychologists starting publishing symptoms online I was able to diagnose my parents w narcissistic and dependent. After that, my life was suddenly my own. I'm not symptom free but my PTSD symptoms dropped right down and my parents were exposed for the sick, pathetic creatures they truly are.
My mother is an extreme narcissist and it has caused me to to become a very insecure and an emotionally unbalanced person. Some people shouldn't be allowed have kids. But at the same time I have a huge amount of empathy as well due to never having had my mother be empathic or compassionate.
I've had parents like this. I'm 18 and in university away from home...I did this on purpose. Relationship wise, I have a boyfriend who I love very much and loves me, but I'm afraid of being too clingy or feel numb to his affections at times. I also have severe anxiety and depression, as all my failiures as a kid resulted in stuff I don't want to talk about on here. Let's just say I hate myself as a person quite frequently and wish I was never born. However two symptoms you forgot is becoming an excellent liar and being afraid of authority. I'm usually an open book, until my parents ask me a question, as usually whenever I open my mouth, they like to twist my words into something they can find fault in, and I hide a lot of my life from them, as they have very conservative views. Also, I'm afraid of asking for help from professors and TAs because of experiences I had as a kid with my parents, that I won't talk about. The only reason I'm still in contact with them is they're paying for school. Oh look, a puddle.
Rami Ayer Honestly, same. I moved out at 16 just to get away from my mom. I became homeless and had to be involved with social services just to be kept alive. My boyfriend helped me through everything that happened and I'm so grateful for it but.. There are times where I feel he is resentful of me because of how needy I am for his praise, affection, emotional support, etc. You're definitely right about becoming a great liar though, I had to lie at home all the time just to survive day-to-day life. My sisters... They aren't old enough to know to do that. I worry about them as my mom was also physically abusive and almost killed me and one of my sisters... I'm glad that you have moved on, for the most part, from your old life... have any advice?
The right friends can become your real family. You need more than one person you can rely on to keep you going. Also, you have to make do with what you have now. Your resources and your strengths. By the sound of it, you're hella strong, especially because you were on your own at 16. What's that like?
As much as I hate to admit it, I believe this is how I was raised. I am 28 and I still live with my mom. (To be fair though, we both live with my grandma, who needs us to help care for her). I feel like I have to help my mom be happy. My mom is a loving person and will do anything for me... except I can't talk to her about my emotional problems. She doesn't relate, and doesn't listen well. I was diagnosed with depression over 10 years ago. It was probably good that I was raised this way because I would have probably commuted suicide long ago if I had not feared how it would have affected my mom. I turned into the extremely nurturing type. My brother turned narcissistic.
Chelsey Joy | Music Hey I understand. I've been through a narcissistic dad who I was emotionally abused by. Understand that it's not your fault your mother is unhappy and it's not your responsibility to fix her. Yes you can give her love and support as well as advice to lead her to good decisions but you shouldn't be her stand hold. She shouldn't have to put your own life in jeopardy for only caring for her own happiness. I would encourage you to leave and do whatever you would like with you life, remember your mother is not you and you shouldn't have to think or act any way she wants you to because you are you not your mother.
Chelsey Joy | Music I think this is a sign to talk to her about you thinking it's time to leave the house, she needs to realize that her children can't live with her forever and that everyone needs to move on.
I used to feel like I was, in some way, responsible for how my mother felt, too. Her mother was a narcissist and I can remember a time when my mother wasn't. It was hard seeing her internalize the things that her mother pushed into her mind, to the point where, in her 50s, my mother is still afraid of her mother. I didn't think I could do anything about her situation or my own. At the end of the day, though, I could see that I'm not the one who refused to deal with the reality that she was in a bad place in her life; she was. She could've gotten therapy, moved away, put her foot down, anything other than take it. She didn't and she still doesn't. I got away because I didn't want my life to turn out like theirs.
Gaming Nicole it's weird, the more I learn about narcissistic parenting and it's effects the more I learn my life decisions were not my own. I.e not wanting children of my own.
I have a friend going through emotional abuse. He was avoidant when I first met him. Once he realized how much people cared about him, he started to look at his own life more closely. He has a hard time sharing his feelings. I didn't quite understand why because I had been raised in a loving family. We're almost opposites, but we're great friends. I'm worried about him though... His mom is trying to prevent him from communicating with his friends. She tries to convince him every day that he doesn't need friends. She tells him that she is the only one that cares about him. My friend gets confused about what to think because she tells him that he cares but then goes on to say that he is a failure for wanting to become an artist. He has dreams that she tries to crush. He wants to grow up to design characters for Pixar and he has wonderful ideas he always shares with me. His mom says he is retarded. She tells everyone he has mental health problems even though he doesn't. If he tries to say he doesn't she gets angry and yells at him when they get home. His dad doesn't do anything. He never talks about his dad because his dad isn't really present. I'm sorry for writing such a long comment. I'm just worried because he has tried to commit suicide 3 times already. If you read this whole comment, thank you so much for listening.
You should report this to someone. I know it may be hard because of certain reasons, but with evidence you can actually help your friend. He needs your help. - I hope he doesn't commit suicide. It breaks my heart to see so many people die because of an unfair life 💔 EDIT: I just realized this was 1 year ago :|
One year late but I'm glad he has a friend like you who cared enough to look more into it. I hope he's alright now and will live away from that monster when he's old enough.
omg #4 made me tear up, not because I can relate since im 16 but I do hope I can give my future kids the emotional support my mom never gave me. She wonders why I am always so emotionless and cold to her but she doesn't remember laughing at me everytime I opened up to her or was depressed and when I tried to kill myself when I was 11 she told everyone how selfish I was. I don't mean to give a sob story but my dad killed himself before I was born so all I ever had was her. I always wonder how much happier I would've been with a more emotionally and mentally stable parent in my life, but life isn't fair
Can we all agree that narcissism is bad? I wouldn't even call this true parenting. What this is is having a kid while the "parent" still has their own emotional problems to deal with and those problems bleed onto the kid/kids. Or the parents don't have emotional problems and they're just selfish... or both.
I got into a car accident last year....The kind that I got hit really hard by an inconsiderate driver....My first thought was to get home back fast and maybe seek console from my parents....it’s an adverse effects....my mom doesn’t even say a sentence of console or whatsoever...instead what she did was to blame me for the car accident that I encountered...she believed that it was my blame and my own fault that I got into an car accident...the most ridiculous part of all was that she assumed that it was me who used the phone while crossing the road or just me dashing across the road when it’s the red light. What she didn’t know was that I was only crossing the traffic when it’s on green light...goddamn...I was not even looking at my phone....she didn’t even try to understand me
danielsjohnson its called codependence. Love for the person that takes care of you, even if theyre like that. Narcissists may not care what you think, but its hard to remember it isn’t exactly they’re fault.
my parents were never narcissistic. just thinking about this, and from what I've been through in life, I'd probably be dead. saying that I sometimes get depressed, I could not see myself having narcistic parents. it makes me feel real sad for all the people that do have these types of parents, because I could not imagine what it would be like to live that life.
Alex Johns I can tell you from personal experience that it's horrible. It feels like they only love or care for you when you do something they can brag about to others. At least this was the case for me, I imagine it's not exactly the same for everyone.
My mom was abused by her family when she was growing up. Now, she’s so kind, she worked so hard for me (her special needs child). I love her so much, and I hope she’ll be around for a long time! She’s so nurturing! She’s a very good parent.
Oh God, I relate so much to the contents of this video that I have no idea how to feel. It's sad that narcissistic parenting can produce such detrimental results. While it resulted in extreme nurturing in my case, my twin brother is becoming as narcissistic as my father. :( What annoys me more is that my parents ask me questions that they should be asking themselves like "why do you have such low self-esteem" and "why won't you open up more", and it's frustrating because they don't even consider their parenting style as a factor. Sorry for this rant lol.
I hope u guys can make a video which can help us realize when are parents are being narcissistic. What we can do to avoid them and get over them . The constant self blame has led me to get manipulated a lot of times and I have not been able to help my self In such situations
There's a bunch of books on toxic parents and narcisisstic people as a whole. You might have to go through a few books and sites on the topic to see which fits your situation and, most importantly, how to heal from the damage.
The two that clued me in that I was raised by narcisissts are Emotional Vampires At Work: Dealing With Bosses and Co-Workers who Drain you dry by Albert Bernstein (he also wrote one just called Emotional Vampires: Dealing With People who drain you dry which is essentially the same content) and Will I Ever Be Good Enough?: Healing the Daughters of Narcissitic Mothers by Dr. Karyl McBride. The first book has little questionaires to fill out about the "emotional vampires" in your life to gauge how toxic they are to you. The latter has a lot of book recommendations at the end of it. While this book is written with women in mind, it has good advice for anyone reading through it. Someone also linked me this article on dealing with abusive parents years later: www.slate.com/articles/life/family/2013/02/abusive_parents_what_do_grown_children_owe_the_mothers_and_fathers_who_made.html I eventually had to read through PTSD resources when I learned that I had that, too. Some are simply called PTSD workbook. It can be a hard read if said information is relavent, but it can be important read, too. Hope any of that helps.
Hey, no problem. It's hard to be in that position, especially when it feels like no one really gets it or can even see the problem. I hope things go well for you. Have a good day.
Basically my parents. What's worse is that they also blame me for being 'antisocial'. They push me to be the best because they feel as if their childhood wasn't enough. My father always pulls the "My adult life is far worse than your childhood" card even though he doesn't know what it's like to feel social anxiety. Even typing out this comment makes me feel uneasy because I feel like there are going to be people judging me for saying I have anxiety in comparison to some edgy nine-year-old saying he wants to kill literally everybody. ........I forgot where I was going with this... XD (had to add that joke in for the same reason)
My mom is a narcissist. Her parenting messed me up in multiple ways. She took me to this doctor who took pleasure in giving me and my sister pain. She yelled at my sister for having anxiety. She was fine with my brother stealing my food, but never the other way around. She told me it was selfish to take your own life. She convinced me I was either asking too much, or receiving to little. She made so many accusations to me an my siblings. The effects; I find it nearly impossible to trust men, my depression isn't that serious, it's only okay for others to take, I feel selfish when I self harm (I'm getting better though), I'm constantly feeling I'm not good enough, and most things are my fault. I don't know if I'm being over dramatic, I just know I'm not half the person I once was.
My mother tortured me my whole life , I used to wonder why she treats my other siblings nice but when it came to me she would abuse me , and tell me I'm worthless. The torture that is still going on right now has caused me anxiety, depression and self harm. When I tried to talk to my siblings about this , they all said that "mom loves me and she wouldn't do all those things to me." It was so heart breaking to think that no one got my back and I will forever get abused by her. My siblings grew up being loved , and cared for but I grew up in misery . They've grown into confident and happy people but I grew to be a sad person and insecure girl. Since the death of my father who was the only person that loved me , things have gotten worse Guys be thankful if you have a loving mother because some of us don't.
jokha said i feel for you.express youself and voice ur feeling no matter what.try meditating and getting in touch with the core you..it will get better.You have to believe that!
Jokha, you will not be forever abused by her. After I left home, I minimised my parents abuse whem I was forced to see them by always having a normal relative or a friend with me. If you dont have normals in your family or friends, any random acquaintance will do.
Reading through all these comments, I feel like a lot of us have experienced this. I've developed into the caring type, because I was also someone who avoided the situations altogether. But avoiding people causes you to be lonely at home. So I've become extremely protective of my close friends because I want the best for them. This kind of interaction also enables me to get close to people, which is something I've been missing to the point where I feel like I know my close friends better than I know my own sisters.
My mother is a narcissistic parent and has caused me to develop depression and anxiety. I'm also paranoid and emotional and over-sensitive and I think nobody likes me. At least I turned out to be nurturing rather than putting up barriers, because I don't want anyone to feel the way I feel and I hope that if I'm kind to people they'll also be kind to me
Aaaayyy..look it's describing my Mom. I wish my brain could remember half the things she did to me when I was younger, she was worse then... I told myself after every 'flip out' that I would write the whole incident down, that never happened -_- . It makes me kind of frustrated because I still constantly ask myself if the anger I feel time to time is justified... since she honestly is a 'supportive' Mom....but she is emotionally abusive.
I totally wish I could remember all the poison my parents spewed on me in my youth. Fuck they were awful. But I’ve got BAD NEWS for you. The aging narcissists are WORSE. It’s documented. Lots of videos on that. They get WORSE. Can you even believe that?!?! Yes. I live with one. I’m in a nightmare situation. Starting to detach and NOT ENGAGE. AND planning my escape. I’m 49yo and ready to be free. I won’t miss her. I don’t miss my dad. That’s the truth.
I do love my mom but sometimes I get mad at her when she doesn't let me explain myself it makes me feel afraid to explain myself to others because I'm afraid of what other people would think of me
i think it effected me horribly. i go through life everyday feeling like i do a lot of things wrong and feel im just not worth much to live in this world if i just fail..
Jeez, my dad is like this. Basically at 12 I got fed up and became really cold, then started to find ways to use his own tactics against him and anger him.
I went through different phases throughout my childhood testing out different methods, trying to find something, ANYTHING that would make them treat me any better, make them understand how they were hurting me, but nothing worked. I tried being perfect and pretended to be a robot doing every little thing exactly the way they wanted me to, doing extra random favors for them just to try to make them love me and not treat me like shit. I tried what you said, with just throwing their behavior right back at them and pointing out that this was how they were treating me, but that only made things worse and they denied ever doing anything wrong. Even when I did everything perfectly, got straight A's, did all my chores just the way they wanted them done, there was always SOMETHING that wasn't good enough. Anytime they did say or do anything nice, it had some sort of string attached, or was a backhanded compliment. Once not too long before I finally moved out at 21, my dad said "your hair looks nice today...now just imagine if you washed it every day". This particularly stung for me because I'm chronically ill/disabled and bathing is something that's particularly difficult for me, aggravates my symptoms, and can even be dangerous, and I had very long hair back then so once a week was my limit. My parents always found it necessary to point out my subpar hygiene, exaggerate how bad I smelled (which wasn't that bad because I can't move around much thanks to my illnesses so it's not like I sweat), sniff me and tell me I needed to do my laundry, and act like I smelled bad even when I'd literally just taken a shower (so it obviously wasn't true). All while I literally didn't have a choice to shower more often, and they KNEW this, so they knew it was something they could use as a weapon against me to instantly make me feel shitty because it's something I can't change. They refused to even buy me a much-needed shower chair to make bathing easier (until then I had to sit on the hard floor of the shower to keep from passing out), so I had to ask my boyfriend to get me one for Christmas.
i'm sorry fam :( sounds familiar to me... my parents made fun of my medical condition too instead of getting me treatment. i have really bad scoliosis and while they should have gotten me a pediatric brace, instead they let it progress until i looked like a hunchback... then made fun of me for being a "hunchback." sigh. you on reddit? this sr might help... www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/ it's a great place to vent and the community is really supportive.
knight solaire I had a similar experience too...my mom would constantly make fun of my weight every single night...she would brag about how thin she is as compared to me...it’s not even true... she was a whole 10+ kg bigger than me...when I told her that she was fatter than me and I was an acceptable weight not like what she meant, she would brag about my other weaknesses...It’s just like she can’t even stand the sight of me being better than her
I actually feel hurt when I think on how my parents are narssisitic and how it sctually affected me in an emotional way making it impossible to even believe in myself and making me go seek warmness in others.
My mother was a verbal, emotional & physically abusive narc who scared the crap out of me for 17 years until I left home against her will. Now at age 63 I still suffer from PTSD, I'm overly sensitve to criticism & any kind of yelling & my whole career was nurturing: I was an elementary teacher. I learned to detach (& eventually from myself) from her in every way. I just ended an 8 year relationship with my 2nd narcissistic partner who was a full blown narc in every sense except for the cheating.
Oh good lord, embarrassed to be the first here and finding that this fits the dynamic between me and my recent ex. Both our mothers fit the narcissistic parent description and we were affected as the video describes, only he became pathologically narcissistic whereas I became over-nurturing. I particularly agree with the idea of vicariously experiencing nurture whilst giving nurture, thus I was able to 'accept' the fact that my ex showed none of the same to me. In a sickening way, we were the perfect match!
Back when I was a little kid my mom would always beat me for the smallest things. When my dad left she pushed all of that anger on to me and my little brother. She would go the extra mile and go past what most adults would see as discipline. It came out as mindless acts of violence to me that only strengthened my resolve instead of breaking it. She would try and manipulate me into seeing things her way and would tell me my dad was a horrible person. Those nights she would argue with my dad over complete bs and she thought I was asleep I was listening. I had grown too smart for her mindless antics and so I danced around them by staying out of trouble and becoming the perfect little boy she always wanted me to be. Although sometimes I would have vivid dreams about what would happen if I slipped up just once and the were too brutal to think about. I now know that was PTSD after watching this video. I also started becoming emotionally unattached to people (especially my mom and little brother) but this branched out to include some close friends who I began seeing as inferior to me. Then I started getting extreme anxiety most likely as a result of puberty and my invincible shell began to break. I started dancing circles around myself and I started becoming introverted. Now I'm 13 and despite the fact that I still live with my mom I've learned to cope and adjust to it, and although my shell isn't as strong as it once was I've now realized that I don't need it anymore. I've become a bit narcissistic but I still have room for empathy and compassion which is something my mom never taught me. I learned it myself.
This is me. My crazy "mother" is a narcissist. My uncle just died. His wake is today and his funeral is tomorrow. My "mom" is going and she is bringing my grandparents. Only way I can go too is if I carpool with her and my grandparents. I don't want to go cause I don't want to deal with her. I want to go to the funeral but I can't deal with her. I have severe PTSD, depression and anxiety from dealing with her growing up. The less contact I have with her the better. It's sad but true. Parents are supposed to all about loving their kids. I never had that. My childhood was robbed from me. Along with the low self esteem and anxiety I feel like I'm still 5 years old in some ways if that makes sense? I worry about the future cause I never had a sense of security before.
leonkennedy1259 Oh, it makes sense to me. I still act like a child to repress my childhood memories... I remember my mother forcing me to do chores when I was 4 and she'd hit me if I didn't do it right. I love my little sister so much but I'm afraid she gonna turn out to be one of them... I won't let that happen.
MissKIAngela-101 same. It's almost like I'm scared of being an adult. I never had the childhood I was supposed to. My mother tried ruining me. But I swear I won't let it
leonkennedy1259 I had a mother exactly like yours. I thought she was the only one in the world like this & nobody would ever understand how bad it was growing up with her. I think you understand. I've stumbled through my life for 63 years hating & fearing her behind a mask of being a 'normal' person.
This is how my parents raised me but had caused me to be more mature than anyone and had been determined in life and become independent but they've gotten looser with my recently now that I've learned from all of their lessons
My mom always dictates what I do. She gets angry once I decide for myself. I often tear up when I see parents being open with their children without any control or judgement.
The part where she said kids of these parents get emotional over something little is so me. I was bullied and I was blamed for it. This was all my mom. Even to this day she says that I was too nice or sensitive. Basically saying I was the one to blame. And she then wonders why I don't make friends as easily. Even when I do, it's just never good enough for her. She even makes fun of me when I point out her insentivity. Saying that I'm a teenager, that I'm on my period, etc. I honestly think I need to get far far away from her because I don't want her to see me grow. She doesn't deserve that one bit
My dad was like this. After three years of being away from him, I can tell those who are still with their abuser: things get better. Once they're out of your life (it takes a LOT to get them out, but it will happen if you make it happen), once you identify the problem, once you let go. It takes a lot to get away from these behaviors, but just keep moving forwards. It does get better. Even if you can't leave the situation yet. Sooner or later, an opportunity will arise and you can live freely.
I'm no professional, but are you able to talk to the cops on your own and explain? You can tell them that she is manipulative and that's why she's saying so, and the cops should know that manipulative people will put the blame on the victim (which no parent should be doing, which in itself implies abuse, so hopefully they'll notice that). What I did was I made a secret document (or journal, whichever you can hide easier) and recorded every instance that my dad did something bad, from small things (i.e "I'm sorry you feel that way") to larger things (i.e breaking furniture, threats), including the time, date, other witnesses, as much detail as possible, and if possible a recording (perhaps a tape recorder to hide in your pockets and record when necessary). If explaining to the cops that she's trying to manipulate them doesn't work, perhaps try to record everything possible and show the police when you have enough stuff? I don't know your specific situation though, so please be careful if any of this is too dangerous to try. Stay safe. You can do this, man! Maybe not what I suggested, but you can always do something.
Bunny I've tried to call the cops but i live in one of those bad cities where they always believe that the mother is always right and your supposed to do what the mother says no matter what. But i know what to do if i have to. She can't get me to go to jail for no reason so next time im not gonna say anything to the police, and if it goes to far well then we would have to go to court and i would show them some of the recordings i have and ask to be under my grandma's custody.
That's rough, but your plan sounds good. If they won't believe you, since the "mother is always right", I think gathering evidence would be a good bet, if she is to try anything again. For now though, while you're under her custody, I used to just distance myself, and perhaps that will help you, too? I'd always try to immerse myself through writing, watching television, daydreaming and the like. This isn't the best thing you can do, but if you don't have an option just yet, maybe it can help you make it through each day.
My dad was like this. He abused me and my mother with violence (mostly verbal but sometimes also physically). He always only cared about his problems and when things haven't went his way he became angry and blamed us for his bad situation. He was a bit more kind as I was very young (though he always had his aggression and blame-others issues) but that changed for the worse as I became older, voiced my opinion more often and did things my way. The saddest thing is I became like him a bit towards my mother. I always load my anger up on her. Towards other people I mostly appear emotionally cold and reserved. It's very hard for me to build strong emotional bonds with other people nowadays. I'm very loyal and caring to the few people who made it through my shell though.
I can relate bro. Having nearly exact the same story. And i alaways thought i could deal with this pain on my own with learning how to handle my life. Well, turned out it doenst go away, even if you have control. Im going to take some Therapy hoping to beat that shit out of my head soon.
It's quite ludicrous how my parents deal with discipline. For example with my grades, if I didn't get at least a B in any of my exams then they'd blame me for my faults and tell me to revise more without looking at the bigger picture. I'm actually a naturally bright child and the only thing that stopped me from getting that B in that one exam was my speed of doing it, but of course I told them and they still didn't understand and pressured me to work harder for their own success. A fact is that I actually got very good grades on my other 10+ exams I did, yet they lectured me that I must pass at everything. I also used to have a boyfriend who was suicidal and I was there to help him with his needs, but my parents were reluctant that I was talking to such a nice guy and even called the police to our house because he was a 'paedophile' apparently, which he showed absolutely no signs of. I was forced to leave him without an explanation and didn't talk with him for 6 or 7 months, to which I thought that he committed suicide because he just disappeared from this world. Luckily he's still alive but I don't talk to him anymore because I'm afraid that my parents would hurt me like they did when I was younger. Looking back at our messages we sent each other showed the happy and giddy side of me, to which I find extremely upsetting as to why I can't go back to that stage because I'm afraid that someone would judge me. My parents also diagnosed me with Asperger's and this other thing which I can't remember but it has something to do with fidgeting. Even though I don't fidget, I can concentrate completely well, and none of the sings of anything that I've been diagnosed in relate to me. It's giving me a label that apparently my mother has to mention to everyone in public or around my friends or haters, embarrassing me even more. I didn't really have any friends until a year ago, and they're not that good either but it's probably because I'm doubting them because my parents doubted me. It's causing me to lose interest in things that I previous enjoyed such as gaming. Surprisingly enough I can know if someone's feeling upset yet my family can't even notice anything out of the obvious when my eyes are really red and full of water. It makes me feel like the hospitals are trying to use me as some kind of test monkey or just going with what my parents say, to which my parents lie when the doctors ask questions about me. Now here comes the worst part which luckily doesn't happen anymore. Whenever I did something that was not up to their high standards I would get my arm twisted in a Chinese burn and kicked outside of the house no matter if I had no clothing on or not. There was even this one time that I felt so tired and could barely move and my parents told me that we were going out and that I had to get changed within less than 5 minutes even though I felt sick and exhausted. Of course, I was basically walking around the streets in my dressing gown because I was 'too slow' and my parents were impatient with that. I remember whenever they used to kick me out of the house I was barely wearing anything if anything and I used to scream and cry outside in the cold rain which it normally rained when I got kicked out and got colds frequently. I used to try and drown myself in my tears, not to die, just because I felt terrible and I'm pretty sure that something related to that has caused me to find it hard to breathe nowadays or it was related to them smoking so regularly. Nowadays I feel so uncommitted in things I used to enjoy and I find jobs or relationships can get quite boring because I end up judging them more than I want to because of my parents also judging them. Everything that I used to love such as gaming doesn't really entertain me anymore because I just feel so dull. I regret writing diaries or even trying to be committed to things because my family always, especially my dad, ends up judging them. For example I am writing this novel and I'm just not committed to that as much as I was either because I'm afraid of them seeing it and judging me for something that's unfinished. I'm one of the nicest people someone will ever meet, but there's still the fear of myself losing interest. And of course, this is only a section of all the terrible things that I feel. I'm surprised that I'm not even suicidal. Nobody will probably ever read this.
hey I know this is hard my parents were rough on me and my sisters as well they were emotionally abusive and sometimes physical abusive it took years before I could tell any of my friends about it, but I'm really happy that your still around and that I hope you can make it through this and move out of that hell hole so you can become the awesome person that is inside you *hugs*
I have just read it. And I can tell that you are bright - you express yourself very well. I know it has been 3 months since you left your comment, I hope you are doing ok? Don't know how, maybe research more on how to but make it your life goal that you genuinely don't anymore care about your parents opinion, or anyone else's for that matter because you must accept that your parents will NEVER change, but you can change about how you feel or react to them. May I ask do you still live at home? Am hoping you are old enough to be on your own. You have to make yourself stop needing approval from them - it seems an impossible task I know but it can be done, although it may take a long time to achieve. But get on it right away. Learn to love yourself, even with the flaws that you have been told all your life that you have. Look at everyone else around you, look at your parents. Are they really perfect themselves? Would you like to turn out like them? I will guess definitely not. Why should they demand perfection from you then? They have no right, repeat that to yourself like a mantra. Minimise contact with them don't share anything that you are up to...like who you are dating, your friends, your novel, which I think you should continue to work on, even though it will be a major struggle. You owe no explanations to anyone what you do. Fall in love with your novel, and don't allow anyone else's feelings about it make you see it differently. If your parents find out about your novel, let them find out like the general public - after it gets released and it is in the stores. In which case it won't matter about their criticism, there may be a lot of people who will see the beauty in your writing, your stories. Friends who will see the beauty in you that they have chosen not to see all your life. And it will be easier to deal with their negativity when you know for a fact that other people see you differently to them - and more importantly, you see yourself differently. Stopp looking at yourself through their mean eyes. I hope I make sense. And I hope you read this. I am rooting for you to survive this, and build a new life that is happy and healthy. If you are religious, pray regularly about this, meditate to try and keep your spirit peaceful.
My mother is a narcissist,I've faced many failures in life because of her controlling nature,she has made some important decisions of my life which have resulted in disasters.She also used to abuse me physically,the last time she hit me was 2years back(I was 18 then). Being a kid I tried to commit suicide but failed it,since the age of 5 I get suicidal thoughts because nobody in my family cared about me and when my mother used to get frustrated of anything she used to beat me a lot,my father also used to beat me but at heart he is a better person than my mother.He has his own problems in his life,one of his biggest problem is that my mother is his wife.. I've turned out to be an extremely nurturing person,I even used to love my mother and care for her but now I've realised that no matter what I do she will never love me,so now I've stoped caring about her. But thank God that now I've a really loving and caring boy friend,whose mother also loves me and treats me like her daughter 😇
I'm really happy that you have a caring boyfriend and family who loves you, and I thank you for sharing your story. Just remember that you are amazing and that people care about you.
when your mom was emotionally abusive and narcissistically parenting you and you can't explain how anxious it makes you to even say something like "yeah i'm really proud of my self for doing [thing]" in fear of sounding narcissistic and becoming narcissistic
Only at 2:27, and I am astounded at the way my parents truly are. They always say they are protecting me, but everything is my fault. Hell, my mom won't let me hang out with a girl unless she knows her parents from highschool or something. Which, has made me clingy to whatever good looking girl decides to befriend me. It has also made me think about the future. I constantly think "We could all die, at this very second. Too much can go wrong. There is a volcano 40,000 years overdue in Yellowstone National Park." and so on, I have no self esteem, and I can't even tell them what TV Shows I like. I am 14, and I should be a "Big Boy", yet I cry, get angry, etc. at the flick of a switch, the push of a button. I have 2 female friends, and I am afraid of being too clingy. I want to love something, but I am "too young to date" and I can't have a personal pet (like a hamster, mouse, bird, etc.) because we have 2 dogs and 2 cats. Even my 3 younger siblings constantly put me down. Not to mention (as you have probably noticed) my brain is a mess because of them, I get so stressed out, I lose my thoughts and end up repeating myself, or looking like an idiot.
This makes me cry inside, thanks for my parents crying out loud isn't easy. Had 2 beautiful children with narc and they seem to have attachment problems etc. mentioned in this video... Not all have surfaced yet if there's even more to come. Hoping and praying they make better in life, moment the light bulb lit I packed everything and we got out of the house.. Children were 5years and 3years at the time. And I asked socials to take them to good loving home after couple years fighting to get by with my own problems caused by severe abuse. Now it's co-parenting with this lovely and understanding beautiful family, I'm so grateful I can't even describe it with words. ❤ Nowadays, 3years after, I got back to work, wich I had to quit due to depression mostly not to mention panic attacks randomly showing up during a day. Wouldn't be rising without all the help; intence therapy, couple dear loving friends, and support from foster family. It's hard but it's worth it, with all the love for everyone. ❤ I keep hoping some day I'm strong enough to take care of my children on my own. 🌈☀🌸
I have narcissistic parents... let's just say it caused me deppression, social anxiety and I always think that all my movements will be judged... Its sucks
My parents never gave a shit lol, I'd swear in front of them and they wouldn't say anything. They had their boundaries and I respected that, mutual respect and freedom go a long way in parenting.
One of my beast friends has a parent like this. My friend is a very caring person but they struggle to form emotional relationships and don't seem to care about their own health. She studies like crazy and thinks that if she doesn't get top marks her mother will hate her. She thinks she's over weight and keeps dieting because her mom tells her too even though she's not over weight in the slightest. She's afraid to tell her mom about the stress she's under at school because she doesn't want to bother her and says "her mom has her own problems to deal with", which is like, wtf she's your mom, you're not supposed to deals with her problems she's supposed to deal with yours! I don't know what I did but she told me her mother hates me and my family and that she's not allowed over my house anymore, even though we are both adults. But the worst part is that my friend told me I wasn't allowed to hate her mom because she wouldn't know what to do if I did, even though her mom clearly stated that she hates me. It feels like she values the options of her mom more than that of her friends, which I think is pretty normal for most situations. But her mom doesn't even know me or my family and is blindly hating us from assumptions, and you'd expect my friend who actually knows me and knows my family to back us up right? Idk maybe I'm just a bitch who know nothing.
Miyumi Takamoto-Usagi You are "not a bitch that knows nothing" you are a very intelligent girl who acurately analysed her friend. Is there anyway you can get her away from her mother?
Carbon Ghetto Queen thanks and I don't really think so, she values her moms options above most other people's and she gets really defensive and angry if I try to bring it up.
Miyumi Takamoto-Usagi Good lord that's the worst! Does she have a boyfriend that can divert her from her mother? Does she even have a boyfriend (or husband)?
Carbon Ghetto Queen No she doesn't and she's not interested in getting one because she wants to focus on studying. I just really hate it because I know what a great person she is and how perfect she can be but when I try to tell her it seems the only words she'll believe from anyone are criticism. I just want her to know that she's a worth while person and that she deserves to be happy but whenever I compliment her she either finds a way to put herself down or just changes the subject and ignores me.
I'm bawling right now watching this. I'm 20 and this hits my current situation. I need to move out but I feel stuck where I'm at because my father refuses to let me go and be my own person. I can't even make my own decisions without going to him about everything first.
I have a narcissistic mother and the first 2 hit me deeply. Also, I do have quite a bit of C-PTSD or Complex-PTSD. I think that my bf said something, when he never did in the first place. It doesn't happen with him, I'm always being told, "I didn't say that...." "you heard that wrong.." or even "where did that come from? I wasn't even on that subject.." My whole world is messed up, and it's all because my mom was way overbearing. She hated the fact that I was thinking about moving out at 18, and made sure I had no money so I couldn't move out. It worked because at that point, I was already weak. I have no self-worth, and I love making other people happy. Even if it costs my own happiness. I'm now 30, and I'm barely hanging on by my fingernails. But I at least have my own place.
My mum use to say if I hadn't have been so demanding as a child, her and my dad probably would have still been together. I was 10 when they split, very shy and had A grades at school. If I ever mention it now I'm branded as bitter, unforgiving and living in the past.
My parents are narcissistic. Especially my father who wants me to be the perfect daughter, yet is a terrible person and dad who in a way gladly was is not part of my life most of the time. But my mom always bugged me about school. Blames me for someone else's mistake, expects so much from me, compare me to my terrible father for anything I do even slightly wrong, she used to hit me, verbally abuse me calling me and everyone worthless, and Everytime I said I wanted to do something she said no. Even when I told her I don't want to go to college because I'm traumatized by school but I want to be a writer. She finds whatever reason to convince me why school is more important than my happiness. Sometimes I think she got the wrong baby in the hospital because I never imagined as a child a mom can be that way. She's not like that anymore, but... because of my awful family who couldn't care less about anyone but themselves ive became depressed, hopeless, crying everyday, and what people call a very clingy girl. I've always wanted to be a mom since I was 6 years old. Maybe before. The idea of having a cute mini me always made me happy. And I wouldn't wish my life on her of having no love or support from anyone. Not even friends or family. One of my main dreams is to be the best mom I could be. I would never want her to hate me because I have no love for my family. They never taught me what family love is. But I'm sure I know how to treat a human. With respect. Honesty. And for the people you care about. Loyalty and devotion. And that's what I'll give to my kids. I get so angry to see such horrible parents knowing there's people who wish they can be parents and have someone to love but they don't. People are not objects that you can take for granted whether you opened your legs to make them or not.
Out of all the comments I've read and the video itself, this is the one that made me emotional because it is the most relatable by far. Thank you for this comment, it's very consoling.
Silvus Canciliante This is really late but thanks for ur comment. im in tears rn cus i been bothering my lil sister but i cant stop and im scared of losing her. Were not actually related but i fell in love with her bout a year ago while she didnt feel the same. moved home a few times and my dog died and im 22 years old still cant keep a job so i tried killing myself a few times but Sis was there to help me. im nothing but a burdon for her. shes tryna live her life and im holding her back cus shes kind hearted and wont hurt me. i grew up with bad parents too. my mom was blinded by love to believe when i told her what my step dad did so she became abusive too. i always dreamed to b a good daddy. its all i cared about and i grew up to b very gentle. i give or donate every chance i get cus i dont like seeing other people suffer. i would give up everything i have just to have somebody to hold me. im still a child but i need to b stronger cus i wouldnt survive homeless. i get really clingy too. my life would b complete if only i had a baby girl to care for but nobody would love me that way. im a failure and i dont take care of myself cus im depressed alot. i believed in fairy tales about true love. i give my lil sister as much i can but im empty. sometimes i think only bad people get money or kids and nice people let ourselves get stepped on. im just thankful for ur comment cus u made me feel less alone. i hope ur doing alright
my parents literally screamed at me as to why i had an extremely failing grade when the reason was too fcking obvious: we were on a vacation, so i was practically absent in school for one month. not my decision, it was theirs. that's only one of the proofs that my parents are fcking narcissistic.
4# touched me and I started tearing up. I have a hidden side to me where I always think of the day where I will adopt a child to love and nurture. It warms my heart just thinking about children.
I have and it's affected me in pretty much every single way explained in this video. If you even THINK you're going through a narcissist relationship you need to JUMP SHIP IMMEDIATELY FOR YOUR OWN SAKE. YOU AREN'T THE CRAZY ONE BUT YOU WILL BE LEFT CRAZY THE LONGER YOU ENDURE LEAVE. NOW. FIND YOURSELF AND HEAL. WE ALL GOT THIS.
With my direct parents i didnt entirely get treated like this, but with my stepmom this kind of behavior has happened to me and my dad sorta let it happen and agreed with her(he rarely like "stood up" for me but never exactly did these actions directly) and im not entirely sure what affect its had on me....
Yes, I have/am currently dealing with narcissistic parenting. Personally, how I cope with this is to surround myself with good people and always be kind to others.
My parents are neglectful narcissists, I know what that does to a kid and how much it fucks you up inside. If I do have kids I will never do what my parents did, I will help them and love them, I will let them know how much I care about them, I will always have time for them, and never demean them. I will give my children the love, affection, and care I never got from my parents.
Parents think that being narcissistic is an essentially effective way of disciplining their children but it's not. That's practically child neglection, which takes a huge role in child abuse. I showed this video to my father and he told be to *never* be a narcissistic and that he loves me. I just hope that no one is going through this type of thing.
Alicia is an Otaku I am going through it and it makes me want to die i have uploaded a video of us in an argument and i would really like some feed back on it.
my parents are like this. im maybe biased, but i could never tell them that "you are very narcistic to me" because they are my parents. but im 19 now, im not independent, im socially weird and i always blame myself and i am never enough and i am insecure. and the worst is that i cant talk to them because they dont listen to me and theyx think i overreact it. but i cant blame them.
I remember I used to stand up to my step-dad all the time, calling him a "liar" when he lied and a "bully" when he bullied us. As a result he hated me for calling him out.
This is making me teary. I just recently realized that my mom's a narc. And I almost became a narc too, but good thing I separated from my mother. I was emotionallu detached for a time and cold, but when I went away for college, I became nurturing.
My parents tend to make everything im interested in feel like a bad thing, make my problem completly invalid, and blame me for everything that happens to them or anyone around me that i influenced or im influenced by. Im the oldest child and they completely stoped caring about my little sister and they make my 4 year old brother emotionaly unstable by mostly beating him and arguing and im afraid that that might develop into ptsd ...im almost independ now (i shoud be) but they dont belive that im capable of doing anything on my own and that puts my self esteem way below where it should be, but im concerned about my sibling how are they going to grow up
One of my younger sisters already is numb. My brother used to be so vibrant and caring. My mother put a stop to that... I'm scared of what's going to happen to our youngest sister.
My father is a narcissist... It has severely damaged my self-worth, as he adeptly came off as very admirable, but was always very emotionally cold toward me, making me feel low and unworthy of his love. Also, he would be prone to fits of anger, making me feel like I deserved to be treated harshly, especially if I had done something "wrong" in his eyes. As a child, it was very easy to feel like who I was was unacceptable since I constantly was yelled at for the things I chose to do and for what I wanted. I quickly learned to construct a fake persona who pleased him and achieved things, and I came to believe that it was who I was. But very far from it, in reality I was a scared, self-hating child who felt wrong all the time. Now I am 27 years old and I am still trying to figure out who I am, as the person I have identified as for almost my entire life has turned out to be a lie, and I still struggle to feel my true emotions and feel worthy of love, and feel like life has a purpose.
I can’t keep friends, or make friends. Sometimes I guard my feelings from others because I feel like a burden, or I’m convinced that other people won’t like me so I won’t try. If someone is nice to me, I wait to see what they want from me, because I mistrust that people could be nice without wanting something in return. I also became a nurse because all I want to do is help people, it’s the only thing that gives me a sense of fulfillment. I’m so insecure, and if any mistakes come up I always know it is my fault and that I need to change. I’m always trying to change for other people. I used to feel sad all the time but now I’m just numb and living day to day. I’ve been trying to be more positive but life seems to just pass by and nothing changes. Sometimes I close my eyes and wish that I don’t wake up. I wouldn’t hurt myself but I would sacrifice anything for the pain to go away. Yes I’m in therapy too. I am also super needy in relationships. Like I crave affection all the time. I need to be told that I’m worthy or loved every day or I’m convinced I’m not loved anymore. It’s insanity.
Yup. I'm 53 and still dealing with all this but I'd say in a positive way and I'm generally doing well. The biggest problems is self-blame and extreme anxiety. But making loads of progress.
I cried watching this video Bc so much became clear to me. I myself try to be the best at everything I do, and I do blame myself for a lot of things and after watching this video I realized it must have be from how my dad only focused on everything I did wrong. I also have a problem avoiding attachment and I try to care for others more than myself. With the ptsd, I notice it when I hear something loud I’ll jump even if it’s something small, and I flinch every time my dad ever moves his arms up...
My mom was like that ever since I was little, every time I asked for her help or was concerned she would always say "who cares" or "It's not my problem" so now I'm extremely anxious and have alot of anxiety when asking ppl for help or talking to them in general...
Thank God for this. I wish I had been armed with this knowledge when I was able to get out. Thank you for helping other people with this information. Everything is spot on, even the PTSD. I am the extreme nurturer to my dogs, I won't have kids out of fear I will not break the evil cycle. My brother is the narcissist.
Yes, I have experienced this. My narcissist parents had a major impact on my life and that too negative. I ruined almost 6 years of my life struggling with myself. But finally, here I am healing and learning to be a better person. Thanks to platforms like you.
I'm often jealous of people with non abusive and neglectful parents who actually listen to them and care about their feelings... Going home is painful. Being punished for standing up for yourself is just... wrong. I know that, yet I still feel guilty.
I crave affection.
cried when I read this btw , it's too relatable
Same here
JaninasSolar_system I HEAR YOU.LOUD AND CLEAR..IT GETS BETTER.ALWAYS STAY IN TOUCH WITH YOUR FEELINGS...BE BLESSED.
Me too. And I always felt bad about being envious. My brain always floated to "why can't I be like that with MY mom?" or "why doesn't my mom want to be friends with ME?" or simply "HOW?". It sucks. :(
:( I get really jealous too
I now have social anxiety because of this and i am afraid that people are constantly judging me.
is it like the one where you think people are judging you behind your back? because i feel that all the time.
I usually always wait until someone asks me to be their friend because I feel like they will judge or make fun of me for asking them that which is why I literally only have 3 friends
exotic butters OMG SAME!!! I always honk people are looking at me and judging me and...will never accept me
I feel the same way. I feel scared and anxious about anything and everything of what people thing. The mother is a narcissist, and frankly, she is too selfish to understand that most of her children (myself and a sister, the other elder sister keeps ties for some odd reason) no longer want to be a part of her twisted dynamic. She’s latching onto things that she pushed away.
Lonely Diamond I have about 4 friends not very many as you can tell...
The worst part about it is that almost nobody will take you seriously if you open up about having narcissistic parents, since society seems to have this mentality that parents can do no wrong and can never be bad people
When you grow up, please please try to change this toxic culture we currently have. Which country you are from by the way, I really want to know. I am from Bangladesh.
@@oniruddhoalam2039 I'm American, where it probably isn't as extreme as it is over there. I do sense that people here have become slightly more self-aware about it though
@@Garfeef here in the Philippines culture worships family (more inclined to parents)
The good thing is now that there is internet we’ve gotten them figured out COMPLETELY. People usually turn to their phones for answers when outsiders don’t understand enough. And lucky ya the web has numerous people, stories and education because that’s what helped me heal overall
Facts.
My worst fear is to become a narcissist when I'm a parent.
Same here, I feel like since everyone over here in Nigeria thinks a parents opinion is always supreme, I should just go with the flow and keep dealing with the guilt, Am scared of being what I hate
You dont have to become a parent. Its not mandatory
Well I want to, I still love my parents tho
LMAO
DereMemo Wise guy
I went through narcissistic parents, the result was anxiety, depression and panic attacks
Clara The Totally Normal Human you're not the only one
Same
and while having a breakdown, they look at you and call you crazy and mock you
Same here. I have high anxiety and people Don't understand I do. I told my parents and they didn't take me seriously They just was like " oh okay we'll just talk to your doctor " and I'm failing 2 classes by not asking for help
Same, they never let me go anywhere though usually my mom when she tells me to open up and tell her my problems I can't because I'm afraid that she will be furious and she'll be more protective than ever and being ao protective feels like choking you
My parents are extremely like this and it makes me wonder; is it also because of them that I've grown to become so anxious towards the world?
Riko La'Sky My parents are like that but since I fail so much my parents kinda gave up on me. now I get anxious easy but I really like people alot and I care about my friend like they are my children because some of them don't have the best life. So I try my best to make up for my family by having my close friend family.
多田翔子 give up on them and don't become a disappointment to yourself
Pallet - they just call me a brat ;~;
aw i'm sorry for you..cheer up i can be your friend if you want :D
:3
This hurts while watching. My mother has always blamed me for everything wrong that happens to her.
Omg 😔
Same.....she always blame me, my brother and my father....she never see her mistakes.... nobody is perfect in this World
My step dad is always comparing me to his kids and calls me names hes even gets mad at me for something small he always blames me and makes my mom sad that im sad..
Me it's my dad
Bottom line: *narcissistic parents are hypocrites.* There are some things these parents wouldn't do or say to a complete stranger, but would to their own kids. That is what surprises me the most.
Parents are human. Just because they are parents, their opinions don't matter more.
Exactly....you hit the nail on the head!
@@DeuceBiggerHo I used to have sympathy for them. But when I got a niece and a nephew I realized how absurd the way they relate to kids is (my dad was a narc and taught my empath mama weird strategies and behaviors over time) . My parents would act like victims of their kids. My old parents in their 50s for heaven sake. "I'm the one that should be crying" . Can;t they suppress their emotions as much as they expect little kids to? Instead of turning it around so that the old person is the one who needs emotional support from a four year old.
I touched back on that mentally to myself today. My dad will be miserable to me and exhibit the type of normal friendliness with strangers that is almost non existent or to be extremely generous a severely chseled down rarity with me and him.
Seriously, my parents think they are veterans of a horrible struggle and hold on to my shortcomings, even though I know mentally the relationship between us was always a driver in my thinking which contributed to my actions. I am responsible, but this whole thing that we affect them and they would NEVER affect us is another part of NP, and it is total bullshit.
I don’t see how that is hypocrisy. They wouldn’t abuse a stranger’s kid but it was their job to belittle and criticize us. How else were we gonna learn? I know that sounds daft and wrong, but it isn’t hypocritical thinking it is HYPER-critical. Why correct someone else’s child?
"You treat your family like dirt and your friends like gold"
No, I don't, I just reward my friends with affection because they listen to my boundaries, my problems, my highs and my lows.
I'm so clingy now that it isn't even funny because *you* couldn't give me the love and praise I needed
*And another thing!*
Whenever I try to bring up, even in the tiniest ways possible that she won't give me love as a *parent* would, she turns and says
"I guess your ___ I bought for you doesn't count as love"
I know, and I appreciate that, but you must understand that you spending money on me doesn't matter to me as much as 1 hug, 1 little hug
I thought my mother was making a valid point when she did that kind of thing. I grew up with anxiety, depression, and trichotillomania (I got so stressed I pulled out all of my hair. ALL of it.) But my mother always found someone else to blame, and when I tried standing up to her, I got the same response. Thank you so much for putting this out there... I know I'm not crazy, and I know I'm not selfish.
@@MMumbles Just in case no one else says it, I will: I love you, and I know damn well someone else does too
Julia Krueger Also, it is YOU, dear parents, whom treat YOUR friends like gold and YOUR family like dirt.
@@queenofcute72 Exactlyyyy
Amen!!!
I have this kind of mom. It sucks, so so much. I got really, really messed up psychologically after endless years of abuse. I've had depression since I was nine years old, and am now almost fifteen. I still struggle with seeing her face every day of my life and remembering the horrors I faced when I was younger. I have moved out of her house but still have to deal with her via her taking me to school every day.
When people say "aw, she's your mother, you should love her no matter what!" I want to spit in their faces. They have no idea what it's like to be rejected, ridiculed, and tortured by the person who is supposed to protect you, love you, and be your everything when you're a child. I hate Mother's Day and probably always will. Be grateful for what you have. I always try to, at least. It could be worse.
Chanti Angrian Same!!
+Chanti Angrian It is EXTREMELY important that you know you are always allowed to reduce contact with your mother as much as you can. I am relieved to read that you recognise that those "She's your mother, so you have to ..." statements are wrong. They are wrong in to ways: They are factually incorrect and they are morally wrong. You owe your mother not more than you owe me. In fact, in relative terms you could even say that you owe me more than you owe her since all you know about me is that I want to help me and I assume you find this positive. But your mother's behaviour you view as negative, and rightfully so. I don't know how financially and "administratively" dependent you are on your mother but I strongly advise you to find out with the aid of people you can ACTUALLY trust how dependent on her you really are. There are two threats to be aware of: The first being not well enough informed and therefore thinking you are more dependent on her than you actually are and therefore staying in too much or too dangerous contact with her than is necessesary and the second being not being well enough informed and therefore thinking you are less dependent on her than you think and therefore taking risks you can't fully calculate correctly. Doing things like moving out and getting a job right after high school thinking you can support and pay for a post-highschool education yourself for example. It is possible that you are worse at estimating how much money you need for what kind of life because your mother kept you from getting this information, for example by actively misinforming you on this topic.
It's completely fine to cut off your connection with your family in the future when you grow up, everyone should cut off their toxic family member out of their life, just because someone is your family, doesn't mean that they are allowed to make your life a living hell, when you grow up later.. get your own life, and stop connecting with her
I have the same kind of mom. I am actually homeless; life is good and peaceful.
you described my entire life. I feel the exact same way
My mom always wants me to go somewhere with my friend. When I go, she gets so angry I go some where with my friends, and then she says I never go anywhere. She wants me to do things, when I do I do them wrong. Sometimes she's fun and laughs with me, but in no time she's just the same as before, some times even worse...
Now I always help my friends but don't know how, because I was never helped. I don't trust anyone, or I trust the wrong person and they start hating me when something goes wrong. I've likes the same guy for a year, I trusted him and he was important to me, but now we aren't in the same class anymore so he probably doesn't even notice me in school... I want to speak to him but he would probably just think I speak to him just because I like him😶 I had to deal with my 2 new classmates who are both anxious and now the other hates me because I couldn't take it anymore.
And school starts in less than a week
I feel the exact same way, they tell me to do things and when I do them I'm apparently doing them wrong. I also lose interest in things very quickly because there's the fear of my parents noticing my happiness and deciding to ruin it. I'm turning into one of them and I don't like it.
It’s the same with me
Mirya Layno omg, that is exactly like how my mom acts, i`m 18 now, and its honestly gotten to the point where i just dont do anything, i shut down around her, and straight up ignored her, if need be. I hope you find your way through this.
the narrator has a PERFECT voice...
the drawing style is SO cute...
its SO well presented...
its SO easy to understand the info.......
whats not to love about these videos...
the narrators soft voice comforts me on a very deep level
Is it just me or does the woman who does the voiceovers for this channel have a very calming voice
nope, I agree
I really like her voice
Duck 13 x7 don't we all?
My mom has never shown empathy towards my feelings and emotions in a genuine. She only acted as if she cared to gain control over my life. In a way, she kind of breathed through me until I realised it in my 20's. I'm very grateful to all the self help gurus, literatures, the authors of the therapy books that I read. If it wasn't for that, I would have lived my life in misery and might have become a narcissist myself. But now, I've learnt to know myself through meditation and this has made me emotionally healthy add intelligent. Thanks for the video. It helps. All the best to other victims. May God bless you. Remember, you're great lest anyone say anything about you, even your parents. Accept the present situation and gain self awareness through it. Meditation helps big time in this. Please give it a go. Good vibes...
Ninad Naik yes it does u are so right
🤗😇
I have found some peace in discovering that I am not the only person to experience this type of behavior from a parent.
I'm sorry that any of us has had to go through our individual trials relating to our narcissistic parents, but grateful for a community of people who understand that this is real.
Sabra Wigfall we are grateful we could provide you with this community. It is a very unfortunate thing, but we're glad you're able to find some peace with this community :)
I think I need to move out a fast as possible... I feel that I'm slowly becoming more and more emotionally crippled.
Weirdchicken04 just don't pay attention to the unnecisarily mean bulls*it you are told, it may help :3
This is definitely my parents style. They are so protective, never letting me go out with out atleast 2 other people with me. Not only that, I excel at school, being part of the gifted and talentled group. And yet they only show interest when it's parents evening or I get my report. All my life I have loved drawing, and in resent years Ive started to use digital media. Whenever there is a piece I love or one that I think needs improvement; I go to my parents. And yet they glance at it and ignore it. Not only that, they constantly belittle me when I start to talk about something I enjoy for more than 10 seconds.
The worst thing about this is that I have a little sister, and she's become a narcissist. So it's not only my parents but my sister constantly putting me down and thinking she is the best.
The thing is I have become the warm loving type. But I can never show it. I use to be a loud kid but the belittling silenced me. I've always been a 'sensitive child', changing emotions at the flick of a switch. For this I am always teased and bullied for my gentle nature.
Now current day, I am still very loving and caring but I'm am extremely reclusive. I get anxious in social situations with people I haven't met or speaking in front of a large crowd. Never speaking in class. Choosing to spend my time in my room drawing and watch TH-cam. Always being labelled as being antisocial (It's called asocial, most people dun know the difference).
Forever Phoenix Wow you basically described my life down to a T :v Except I'm not an honors student, did enough to keep me afloat :)
i feel you. i like to draw too and I'm kinda shy
You might enjoy watching danisnotonfire. I don't know much about his parents, but it seems like you could relate to him quite well. He and Thomas Sanders are good folks to subscribe to for relatable failings and positive attitudes (more TS than DH on that last bit).
Forever Phoenix I feel your pain all the way through :((
I'm about the same. Except, somehow, I have no stage fright and have a TON of friends. Don't know how.
thanks parents for makeing my childhood the worst part of my life
just thanks dad
The worst part is as they are narcissistic trying to simply say "of course I'm not perfect cos you are not perfect" is enough to set them off.
London Man lol pretty sure my mom ( the narcissist ) would say 'I don't want you to be perfect, I am JUST asking YOU to do *this or that*
@London Man, the only way to win with a helicopter parent / narcissist is to not play at all. I just celebrated my 1 year estrangement anniversary and am happier than ever!
Mine too. But I forgive and love them regardless. I remembered their human and at least they taught me what not to do when I have children.
I'm 40 I recently stood up to my narcissistic mother and now she trying anything to turn the family against me 😪but today she got caught out in about 4 lies 😊so now I'm done good luck to her 👍🏽
I bet she didn’t stop. They never stop unless they’re dead or behind bars.
good for u
Zero Percent so true, narcisists can never stop arguing until they feel like they have won the argument
Skip that sicko like she done to you.
Narcissistic parents ruined my life, growing up feels like being a bird with no wings
Omg your comment is the best description I’ve ever heard..Made me tear up..
Same. I wish I was never put on this planet
Yep.
@@Feber2001 I am sorry you feel that way I am glad you are here
I feel u on such a deep level
I have had PTSD since I was 9- I'm 15 now and still flinch when someone raises their voices or put their hands up in the air. The one who gave me this disorder is permanently out of my life... but it's dragging on with the narcissistic half of my childhood.
i'm so sorry, man. i had my first ptsd episode at 15... just had a "click" moment where i suddenly connected to physical and sexual abuses that were done to me throughout my childhood... and at the time i didn't know what a panic attack was, which only made it worse. i'm 20 now and it hasn't gotten any easier.
my parents jump to conclusions, yell at you if you make the slightest mistake, and are extremely hypocritical.
and they wonder why if anything happens I just shut down, won't talk, won't move, I just sit there.
now if I make the slightest mistake, it haunts me.
I also have a guilt problem, expseicialy with food, if you make me feel guilty about anything as in, one time I asked my brother to pickup a box of chocolate for me to sell(I payed him). when he got home and gave it to me i decided to eat one and sell the rest. my dad called me out for something then asked what I had in my mouth, I told him a chocolate and he said, "we are out here working our asses off and your in your room stuffing your face with chocolate!" they were cleaning the kitchen while I did the bathroom, needless to say, I felt horrible, the chocolates got put away and never sold cuz I didnt want to touch them. this has also made me extremely generous, in a bad way. if anyone asks no matter how much I want it I'll give them my food, and if I dont I'll feel bad and avoid that person cuz I believe that they'll hate me
also why I'm an introvert and have social anxiety
well, you have to eat, so don't give absolutely everything to those who ask for it, although I appriciate your kindness
edit: also, everyone makes mistakes. don't worry any more than you have to.
My mother told me to always tell her when something is wrong. She doesn't do anything about it and tells me "not to cry over spilled milk". In elementary, she drove away all my friends and accused them of hurting me.... even though she's the one who cut the first wound ever since my little sister is born. When people bully me in school, I shut down and I've had suicidal thoughts.
It's okay to make mistakes, I'm in the same situation. I never grew up to be a healthy child (in more ways than one) because of my parents. All they ever care about is my physical appearance and my grades. My guilt problem happens to me at school when I don't do favors for others... God I'm so mentally unstable.
My favorite exaggeration was how I'd always end up in a trailer park with multiple baby daddies because I made ONE "B" in my entire grade school career.
There seem to be a lot of school-age people on here. Since I'm a middle-aged person with much experience dealing with narc. parents, let me help spare you much grief: whatever you do, it is NOT a good idea to call your parents out on their narc. or codependent behavior. Narcs want to be seen as perfect, so they could try to use that accusation against you to prove you wrong. They are capable of helping you for a long time, then doing something to really hurt or even destroy you. They like to 'teach you a lesson' and guilt-trip you and second-guess, doubt and question your own decisions. PROTECT YOUR INNER CORE SELF. Don't let their opinions cause you to doubt yourself! Take it from someone who has suffered for decades being offspring of TWO covert narcissists. I wish you all well.
Anna Wins Thank you so much!
Thank you, for my whole entire life (I'm 20) I have wondered if I should sometimes just burst everything out and call out my mother on this and ask why she treated me like she did, but I feel like your comment made the decision on me not to call her out on it, I never knew if I should or should not. Thank you!
One of the best comments. If I could go back in time I would have took the hit and left as early as physically possible. Now I have a beacon for people of this kind to latch on too.
This is so true.... Just get out of the house as soon as you can.
im also middle-aged and in my opinion: whatever you do, its wrong, your fault, etc. The best you can do is having no contact and build up a new life.... I know, its not easy, but it makes you happy deep within you - without these crazy making creatures, good luck for all the younger ones, you are not alone and day after day it is going better...stay healthy
I always found it hard to form romantic relationships so I did some research. I came across the term "anxious attachment style" and dug deeper into the meaning. I knew it had something to do with the way I was raised but after watching this video, all of the pieces have come together. It's heartbreaking to learn your mother is and always will be a narcissist.
Same.. I can only Give love not receive Which sucks if you suffer from Narssastic Parenting or suffering from anxiety
😨😢
Mia, this is how I found out too. Before the internet came, it was very hard to find that sort of info so it wasn't until the professional psychologists starting publishing symptoms online I was able to diagnose my parents w narcissistic and dependent. After that, my life was suddenly my own. I'm not symptom free but my PTSD symptoms dropped right down and my parents were exposed for the sick, pathetic creatures they truly are.
My mother is an extreme narcissist and it has caused me to to become a very insecure and an emotionally unbalanced person. Some people shouldn't be allowed have kids. But at the same time I have a huge amount of empathy as well due to never having had my mother be empathic or compassionate.
I've had parents like this. I'm 18 and in university away from home...I did this on purpose. Relationship wise, I have a boyfriend who I love very much and loves me, but I'm afraid of being too clingy or feel numb to his affections at times. I also have severe anxiety and depression, as all my failiures as a kid resulted in stuff I don't want to talk about on here. Let's just say I hate myself as a person quite frequently and wish I was never born.
However two symptoms you forgot is becoming an excellent liar and being afraid of authority. I'm usually an open book, until my parents ask me a question, as usually whenever I open my mouth, they like to twist my words into something they can find fault in, and I hide a lot of my life from them, as they have very conservative views. Also, I'm afraid of asking for help from professors and TAs because of experiences I had as a kid with my parents, that I won't talk about.
The only reason I'm still in contact with them is they're paying for school.
Oh look, a puddle.
Rami Ayer Honestly, same. I moved out at 16 just to get away from my mom. I became homeless and had to be involved with social services just to be kept alive. My boyfriend helped me through everything that happened and I'm so grateful for it but.. There are times where I feel he is resentful of me because of how needy I am for his praise, affection, emotional support, etc.
You're definitely right about becoming a great liar though, I had to lie at home all the time just to survive day-to-day life. My sisters... They aren't old enough to know to do that. I worry about them as my mom was also physically abusive and almost killed me and one of my sisters... I'm glad that you have moved on, for the most part, from your old life... have any advice?
You just described my life...
Rami Ayer I relate to this a lot
The right friends can become your real family. You need more than one person you can rely on to keep you going. Also, you have to make do with what you have now. Your resources and your strengths. By the sound of it, you're hella strong, especially because you were on your own at 16. What's that like?
Why didn't you call 9-1-1 @madnessof sacha
As much as I hate to admit it, I believe this is how I was raised. I am 28 and I still live with my mom. (To be fair though, we both live with my grandma, who needs us to help care for her). I feel like I have to help my mom be happy. My mom is a loving person and will do anything for me... except I can't talk to her about my emotional problems. She doesn't relate, and doesn't listen well. I was diagnosed with depression over 10 years ago. It was probably good that I was raised this way because I would have probably commuted suicide long ago if I had not feared how it would have affected my mom. I turned into the extremely nurturing type. My brother turned narcissistic.
Chelsey Joy | Music well this is your wakeupcall - time to put your shit together
Chelsey Joy | Music Hey I understand. I've been through a narcissistic dad who I was emotionally abused by. Understand that it's not your fault your mother is unhappy and it's not your responsibility to fix her. Yes you can give her love and support as well as advice to lead her to good decisions but you shouldn't be her stand hold. She shouldn't have to put your own life in jeopardy for only caring for her own happiness. I would encourage you to leave and do whatever you would like with you life, remember your mother is not you and you shouldn't have to think or act any way she wants you to because you are you not your mother.
Chelsey Joy | Music nurturing type too TT
Chelsey Joy | Music I think this is a sign to talk to her about you thinking it's time to leave the house, she needs to realize that her children can't live with her forever and that everyone needs to move on.
I used to feel like I was, in some way, responsible for how my mother felt, too. Her mother was a narcissist and I can remember a time when my mother wasn't. It was hard seeing her internalize the things that her mother pushed into her mind, to the point where, in her 50s, my mother is still afraid of her mother. I didn't think I could do anything about her situation or my own.
At the end of the day, though, I could see that I'm not the one who refused to deal with the reality that she was in a bad place in her life; she was. She could've gotten therapy, moved away, put her foot down, anything other than take it. She didn't and she still doesn't. I got away because I didn't want my life to turn out like theirs.
Wow...... I knew my dad was a narcissist but.... not my mom...... i also can't believe how bad this has effected me.....
Gaming Nicole it's weird, the more I learn about narcissistic parenting and it's effects the more I learn my life decisions were not my own. I.e not wanting children of my own.
Gaming Nicole That is not how it works hon, you can't diagnose your mother with a TH-cam video.
Do you mean your mom wasn't a narcissist or do you mean she was but you didn't realize it?
TimGMashups how
I always thought my mom was a control freak and my dad was super stubborn, but now I realize they're narcissistic!
I have a friend going through emotional abuse. He was avoidant when I first met him. Once he realized how much people cared about him, he started to look at his own life more closely. He has a hard time sharing his feelings. I didn't quite understand why because I had been raised in a loving family. We're almost opposites, but we're great friends. I'm worried about him though... His mom is trying to prevent him from communicating with his friends. She tries to convince him every day that he doesn't need friends. She tells him that she is the only one that cares about him. My friend gets confused about what to think because she tells him that he cares but then goes on to say that he is a failure for wanting to become an artist. He has dreams that she tries to crush. He wants to grow up to design characters for Pixar and he has wonderful ideas he always shares with me. His mom says he is retarded. She tells everyone he has mental health problems even though he doesn't. If he tries to say he doesn't she gets angry and yells at him when they get home. His dad doesn't do anything. He never talks about his dad because his dad isn't really present. I'm sorry for writing such a long comment. I'm just worried because he has tried to commit suicide 3 times already. If you read this whole comment, thank you so much for listening.
EeveeDragon If you guys are still minors then you have to report this to somebody. THIS IS SEVERE ABUSE.
EeveeDragon
This is pretty much emotional abuse. I think you should tell someone about this if you’re a minor, like what Anthony said.
You should report this to someone. I know it may be hard because of certain reasons, but with evidence you can actually help your friend. He needs your help.
-
I hope he doesn't commit suicide. It breaks my heart to see so many people die because of an unfair life 💔
EDIT: I just realized this was 1 year ago :|
I need a friend like you =(
One year late but I'm glad he has a friend like you who cared enough to look more into it. I hope he's alright now and will live away from that monster when he's old enough.
omg #4 made me tear up, not because I can relate since im 16 but I do hope I can give my future kids the emotional support my mom never gave me. She wonders why I am always so emotionless and cold to her but she doesn't remember laughing at me everytime I opened up to her or was depressed and when I tried to kill myself when I was 11 she told everyone how selfish I was. I don't mean to give a sob story but my dad killed himself before I was born so all I ever had was her. I always wonder how much happier I would've been with a more emotionally and mentally stable parent in my life, but life isn't fair
Yeah its pretty toxic
I just realised something I couldn't for all those years...
Same here..
Sonia Daniel same as me
Can we all agree that narcissism is bad? I wouldn't even call this true parenting. What this is is having a kid while the "parent" still has their own emotional problems to deal with and those problems bleed onto the kid/kids. Or the parents don't have emotional problems and they're just selfish... or both.
Every person has emotional problems to deal with.
My Mother is just like what you said
I got into a car accident last year....The kind that I got hit really hard by an inconsiderate driver....My first thought was to get home back fast and maybe seek console from my parents....it’s an adverse effects....my mom doesn’t even say a sentence of console or whatsoever...instead what she did was to blame me for the car accident that I encountered...she believed that it was my blame and my own fault that I got into an car accident...the most ridiculous part of all was that she assumed that it was me who used the phone while crossing the road or just me dashing across the road when it’s the red light. What she didn’t know was that I was only crossing the traffic when it’s on green light...goddamn...I was not even looking at my phone....she didn’t even try to understand me
All my love for her disappeared into thin air ....Hatred is the only thing I left behind for her
danielsjohnson its called codependence. Love for the person that takes care of you, even if theyre like that. Narcissists may not care what you think, but its hard to remember it isn’t exactly they’re fault.
my parents were never narcissistic. just thinking about this, and from what I've been through in life, I'd probably be dead. saying that I sometimes get depressed, I could not see myself having narcistic parents. it makes me feel real sad for all the people that do have these types of parents, because I could not imagine what it would be like to live that life.
Alex Johns I can tell you from personal experience that it's horrible. It feels like they only love or care for you when you do something they can brag about to others. At least this was the case for me, I imagine it's not exactly the same for everyone.
My mom was abused by her family when she was growing up. Now, she’s so kind, she worked so hard for me (her special needs child). I love her so much, and I hope she’ll be around for a long time! She’s so nurturing! She’s a very good parent.
That is so sweet :))
Me i growup with narcissist mother and father, i will make my children happy by not controlling them.
why do i relate to this and why am i crying
popuko WAIT U AN APHMAU FAN!!! YAS
This fits your situation with you and your 'rens obviously. ME as well.
popuko same
Your moms a covert narc and you’re realizing it was you but it was her the whole time?
same :(
Oh God, I relate so much to the contents of this video that I have no idea how to feel. It's sad that narcissistic parenting can produce such detrimental results. While it resulted in extreme nurturing in my case, my twin brother is becoming as narcissistic as my father. :( What annoys me more is that my parents ask me questions that they should be asking themselves like "why do you have such low self-esteem" and "why won't you open up more", and it's frustrating because they don't even consider their parenting style as a factor. Sorry for this rant lol.
Doris Lau It is not a rant. It is ok to express your thoughts and feelings because we are human beings
I hope u guys can make a video which can help us realize when are parents are being narcissistic. What we can do to avoid them and get over them . The constant self blame has led me to get manipulated a lot of times and I have not been able to help my self In such situations
There's a bunch of books on toxic parents and narcisisstic people as a whole. You might have to go through a few books and sites on the topic to see which fits your situation and, most importantly, how to heal from the damage.
Averey Nakama can u recommend me any books
The two that clued me in that I was raised by narcisissts are Emotional Vampires At Work: Dealing With Bosses and Co-Workers who Drain you dry by Albert Bernstein (he also wrote one just called Emotional Vampires: Dealing With People who drain you dry which is essentially the same content) and Will I Ever Be Good Enough?: Healing the Daughters of Narcissitic Mothers by Dr. Karyl McBride.
The first book has little questionaires to fill out about the "emotional vampires" in your life to gauge how toxic they are to you. The latter has a lot of book recommendations at the end of it. While this book is written with women in mind, it has good advice for anyone reading through it.
Someone also linked me this article on dealing with abusive parents years later:
www.slate.com/articles/life/family/2013/02/abusive_parents_what_do_grown_children_owe_the_mothers_and_fathers_who_made.html
I eventually had to read through PTSD resources when I learned that I had that, too. Some are simply called PTSD workbook. It can be a hard read if said information is relavent, but it can be important read, too.
Hope any of that helps.
Averey Nakama thank u so much Averey . I will read these books. Thank u for helping me out here And listening to my problem
Hey, no problem. It's hard to be in that position, especially when it feels like no one really gets it or can even see the problem. I hope things go well for you. Have a good day.
Basically my parents. What's worse is that they also blame me for being 'antisocial'. They push me to be the best because they feel as if their childhood wasn't enough. My father always pulls the "My adult life is far worse than your childhood" card even though he doesn't know what it's like to feel social anxiety. Even typing out this comment makes me feel uneasy because I feel like there are going to be people judging me for saying I have anxiety in comparison to some edgy nine-year-old saying he wants to kill literally everybody.
........I forgot where I was going with this... XD (had to add that joke in for the same reason)
That sucks. I can't relate, but I have friends who deal with this sort of parenting. I wish you the best of luck.
Charlieisntthere
I feel you
My mother does that all the time. It makes me feel like I have to live her childhood for her and that I can't enjoy mine
Charlieisntthere I'm sorry. Best of luck
My mom is a narcissist. Her parenting messed me up in multiple ways. She took me to this doctor who took pleasure in giving me and my sister pain. She yelled at my sister for having anxiety. She was fine with my brother stealing my food, but never the other way around. She told me it was selfish to take your own life. She convinced me I was either asking too much, or receiving to little. She made so many accusations to me an my siblings. The effects; I find it nearly impossible to trust men, my depression isn't that serious, it's only okay for others to take, I feel selfish when I self harm (I'm getting better though), I'm constantly feeling I'm not good enough, and most things are my fault. I don't know if I'm being over dramatic, I just know I'm not half the person I once was.
It’s been 3 years, I hope you’re doing better now. I was raised by a covert narc mother so I understand the pain they cause. Sending you love 💗
My mother tortured me my whole life , I used to wonder why she treats my other siblings nice but when it came to me she would abuse me , and tell me I'm worthless. The torture that is still going on right now has caused me anxiety, depression and self harm. When I tried to talk to my siblings about this , they all said that "mom loves me and she wouldn't do all those things to me." It was so heart breaking to think that no one got my back and I will forever get abused by her. My siblings grew up being loved , and cared for but I grew up in misery . They've grown into confident and happy people but I grew to be a sad person and insecure girl. Since the death of my father who was the only person that loved me , things have gotten worse
Guys be thankful if you have a loving mother because some of us don't.
jokha said i feel for you.express youself and voice ur feeling no matter what.try meditating and getting in touch with the core you..it will get better.You have to believe that!
Scapegoat here! Keep your mother away from your children. She will do the same thing to them!
If you don´t mind me asking, are you the one that looks like your mother the most among your siblings?
Jokha, you will not be forever abused by her. After I left home, I minimised my parents abuse whem I was forced to see them by always having a normal relative or a friend with me. If you dont have normals in your family or friends, any random acquaintance will do.
With the insecure attachment I relate to both the avoidant and anxious..
Shouldn't being anxious itself make you avoidant to some degree? I don't see why it's separated into two groups like that.
Yes!
ThePC007 i think she meant that the anxious people are needy and tend to crave more attention where as avoidant are the opposite.
youre not the only one..
Me too. 100 % both.It's pretty surreal how accurate they both are.
Reading through all these comments, I feel like a lot of us have experienced this. I've developed into the caring type, because I was also someone who avoided the situations altogether. But avoiding people causes you to be lonely at home. So I've become extremely protective of my close friends because I want the best for them. This kind of interaction also enables me to get close to people, which is something I've been missing to the point where I feel like I know my close friends better than I know my own sisters.
My mother is a narcissistic parent and has caused me to develop depression and anxiety. I'm also paranoid and emotional and over-sensitive and I think nobody likes me. At least I turned out to be nurturing rather than putting up barriers, because I don't want anyone to feel the way I feel and I hope that if I'm kind to people they'll also be kind to me
th-cam.com/video/ouzOB7_YDxc/w-d-xo.html FORGIVE THEM AN MOVE ON, THEY DO IT THE BEST THEY CAN.
Emily mcNamara It's not your fault. It's not your fault.
Do not over do being kind. U need to see that your needs are just as important as others
Emily McNamara We are literally the same, they shaped me into the insecure person I am today.
Beutiful being, you are! Hope it's getting better, it will be :)
Aaaayyy..look it's describing my Mom. I wish my brain could remember half the things she did to me when I was younger, she was worse then... I told myself after every 'flip out' that I would write the whole incident down, that never happened -_- . It makes me kind of frustrated because I still constantly ask myself if the anger I feel time to time is justified... since she honestly is a 'supportive' Mom....but she is emotionally abusive.
Widget that hits way to close to home
Right? Yes, I feel your pain when it comes to the supportiveness combined with the abusiveness. Really causes issues, guilt and self-doubt
I totally wish I could remember all the poison my parents spewed on me in my youth. Fuck they were awful. But I’ve got BAD NEWS for you. The aging narcissists are WORSE. It’s documented. Lots of videos on that. They get WORSE. Can you even believe that?!?! Yes. I live with one. I’m in a nightmare situation. Starting to detach and NOT ENGAGE. AND planning my escape. I’m 49yo and ready to be free. I won’t miss her. I don’t miss my dad. That’s the truth.
I do love my mom but sometimes I get mad at her when she doesn't let me explain myself it makes me feel afraid to explain myself to others because I'm afraid of what other people would think of me
My mother is more like a dictator.
Mad Dragon mine too :/
Mad Dragon she a bad parent
can't spell dictator without dic
The guys that mares those video game animations, what does that have to do with anything
Little Raindrop so I'm not the only one.
i think it effected me horribly. i go through life everyday feeling like i do a lot of things wrong and feel im just not worth much to live in this world if i just fail..
we have the same experience i feel you. Hope you okay.
Jeez, my dad is like this. Basically at 12 I got fed up and became really cold, then started to find ways to use his own tactics against him and anger him.
exactly the same thing happened with me... same age and everything... damn
I went through different phases throughout my childhood testing out different methods, trying to find something, ANYTHING that would make them treat me any better, make them understand how they were hurting me, but nothing worked. I tried being perfect and pretended to be a robot doing every little thing exactly the way they wanted me to, doing extra random favors for them just to try to make them love me and not treat me like shit. I tried what you said, with just throwing their behavior right back at them and pointing out that this was how they were treating me, but that only made things worse and they denied ever doing anything wrong. Even when I did everything perfectly, got straight A's, did all my chores just the way they wanted them done, there was always SOMETHING that wasn't good enough. Anytime they did say or do anything nice, it had some sort of string attached, or was a backhanded compliment. Once not too long before I finally moved out at 21, my dad said "your hair looks nice today...now just imagine if you washed it every day". This particularly stung for me because I'm chronically ill/disabled and bathing is something that's particularly difficult for me, aggravates my symptoms, and can even be dangerous, and I had very long hair back then so once a week was my limit. My parents always found it necessary to point out my subpar hygiene, exaggerate how bad I smelled (which wasn't that bad because I can't move around much thanks to my illnesses so it's not like I sweat), sniff me and tell me I needed to do my laundry, and act like I smelled bad even when I'd literally just taken a shower (so it obviously wasn't true). All while I literally didn't have a choice to shower more often, and they KNEW this, so they knew it was something they could use as a weapon against me to instantly make me feel shitty because it's something I can't change. They refused to even buy me a much-needed shower chair to make bathing easier (until then I had to sit on the hard floor of the shower to keep from passing out), so I had to ask my boyfriend to get me one for Christmas.
i'm sorry fam :( sounds familiar to me... my parents made fun of my medical condition too instead of getting me treatment. i have really bad scoliosis and while they should have gotten me a pediatric brace, instead they let it progress until i looked like a hunchback... then made fun of me for being a "hunchback." sigh.
you on reddit? this sr might help... www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/ it's a great place to vent and the community is really supportive.
Thanks for the link, it'll be very helpful I'm sure. :)
knight solaire I had a similar experience too...my mom would constantly make fun of my weight every single night...she would brag about how thin she is as compared to me...it’s not even true... she was a whole 10+ kg bigger than me...when I told her that she was fatter than me and I was an acceptable weight not like what she meant, she would brag about my other weaknesses...It’s just like she can’t even stand the sight of me being better than her
I actually feel hurt when I think on how my parents are narssisitic and how it sctually affected me in an emotional way making it impossible to even believe in myself and making me go seek warmness in others.
My mother was a verbal, emotional & physically abusive narc who scared the crap out of me for 17 years until I left home against her will. Now at age 63 I still suffer from PTSD, I'm overly sensitve to criticism & any kind of yelling & my whole career was nurturing: I was an elementary teacher. I learned to detach (& eventually from myself) from her in every way. I just ended an 8 year relationship with my 2nd narcissistic partner who was a full blown narc in every sense except for the cheating.
Oh good lord, embarrassed to be the first here and finding that this fits the dynamic between me and my recent ex. Both our mothers fit the narcissistic parent description and we were affected as the video describes, only he became pathologically narcissistic whereas I became over-nurturing. I particularly agree with the idea of vicariously experiencing nurture whilst giving nurture, thus I was able to 'accept' the fact that my ex showed none of the same to me. In a sickening way, we were the perfect match!
Traci K You just described me and my ex husband. Such sad lives we live. It's almost tragic.
Traci hit the nail on the head there!!!
Same with me and my ex. He was a narcissist and I was extremely nurturing...I became so caring i stop taking care of myself...
Back when I was a little kid my mom would always beat me for the smallest things. When my dad left she pushed all of that anger on to me and my little brother. She would go the extra mile and go past what most adults would see as discipline. It came out as mindless acts of violence to me that only strengthened my resolve instead of breaking it. She would try and manipulate me into seeing things her way and would tell me my dad was a horrible person. Those nights she would argue with my dad over complete bs and she thought I was asleep I was listening. I had grown too smart for her mindless antics and so I danced around them by staying out of trouble and becoming the perfect little boy she always wanted me to be. Although sometimes I would have vivid dreams about what would happen if I slipped up just once and the were too brutal to think about. I now know that was PTSD after watching this video. I also started becoming emotionally unattached to people (especially my mom and little brother) but this branched out to include some close friends who I began seeing as inferior to me. Then I started getting extreme anxiety most likely as a result of puberty and my invincible shell began to break. I started dancing circles around myself and I started becoming introverted. Now I'm 13 and despite the fact that I still live with my mom I've learned to cope and adjust to it, and although my shell isn't as strong as it once was I've now realized that I don't need it anymore. I've become a bit narcissistic but I still have room for empathy and compassion which is something my mom never taught me. I learned it myself.
Sorry for not writing it in paragraphs dear reader. I just went on a massive tangent and stopped thinking
Apex Devil you write beautifully for your age
This is me. My crazy "mother" is a narcissist. My uncle just died. His wake is today and his funeral is tomorrow. My "mom" is going and she is bringing my grandparents. Only way I can go too is if I carpool with her and my grandparents. I don't want to go cause I don't want to deal with her. I want to go to the funeral but I can't deal with her. I have severe PTSD, depression and anxiety from dealing with her growing up. The less contact I have with her the better. It's sad but true. Parents are supposed to all about loving their kids. I never had that. My childhood was robbed from me. Along with the low self esteem and anxiety I feel like I'm still 5 years old in some ways if that makes sense? I worry about the future cause I never had a sense of security before.
leonkennedy1259 Can you watch my video and tell me if she is narcissistic i recorded her secretly.
She makes me feel worthless.
leonkennedy1259 Oh, it makes sense to me. I still act like a child to repress my childhood memories... I remember my mother forcing me to do chores when I was 4 and she'd hit me if I didn't do it right. I love my little sister so much but I'm afraid she gonna turn out to be one of them... I won't let that happen.
MissKIAngela-101 same. It's almost like I'm scared of being an adult. I never had the childhood I was supposed to. My mother tried ruining me. But I swear I won't let it
leonkennedy1259 I had a mother exactly like yours. I thought she was the only one in the world like this & nobody would ever understand how bad it was growing up with her. I think you understand. I've stumbled through my life for 63 years hating & fearing her behind a mask of being a 'normal' person.
Ummm, are we the same person?
This is how my parents raised me but had caused me to be more mature than anyone and had been determined in life and become independent but they've gotten looser with my recently now that I've learned from all of their lessons
My mom always dictates what I do. She gets angry once I decide for myself. I often tear up when I see parents being open with their children without any control or judgement.
The part where she said kids of these parents get emotional over something little is so me. I was bullied and I was blamed for it. This was all my mom. Even to this day she says that I was too nice or sensitive. Basically saying I was the one to blame. And she then wonders why I don't make friends as easily. Even when I do, it's just never good enough for her. She even makes fun of me when I point out her insentivity. Saying that I'm a teenager, that I'm on my period, etc. I honestly think I need to get far far away from her because I don't want her to see me grow. She doesn't deserve that one bit
My dad was like this. After three years of being away from him, I can tell those who are still with their abuser: things get better. Once they're out of your life (it takes a LOT to get them out, but it will happen if you make it happen), once you identify the problem, once you let go. It takes a lot to get away from these behaviors, but just keep moving forwards. It does get better. Even if you can't leave the situation yet. Sooner or later, an opportunity will arise and you can live freely.
Bunny What to do if your a kid and she has been talking to the cops behind my back convincing them im a bad child???
I'm no professional, but are you able to talk to the cops on your own and explain? You can tell them that she is manipulative and that's why she's saying so, and the cops should know that manipulative people will put the blame on the victim (which no parent should be doing, which in itself implies abuse, so hopefully they'll notice that). What I did was I made a secret document (or journal, whichever you can hide easier) and recorded every instance that my dad did something bad, from small things (i.e "I'm sorry you feel that way") to larger things (i.e breaking furniture, threats), including the time, date, other witnesses, as much detail as possible, and if possible a recording (perhaps a tape recorder to hide in your pockets and record when necessary). If explaining to the cops that she's trying to manipulate them doesn't work, perhaps try to record everything possible and show the police when you have enough stuff? I don't know your specific situation though, so please be careful if any of this is too dangerous to try. Stay safe. You can do this, man! Maybe not what I suggested, but you can always do something.
Bunny I've tried to call the cops but i live in one of those bad cities where they always believe that the mother is always right and your supposed to do what the mother says no matter what. But i know what to do if i have to. She can't get me to go to jail for no reason so next time im not gonna say anything to the police, and if it goes to far well then we would have to go to court and i would show them some of the recordings i have and ask to be under my grandma's custody.
That's rough, but your plan sounds good. If they won't believe you, since the "mother is always right", I think gathering evidence would be a good bet, if she is to try anything again. For now though, while you're under her custody, I used to just distance myself, and perhaps that will help you, too? I'd always try to immerse myself through writing, watching television, daydreaming and the like. This isn't the best thing you can do, but if you don't have an option just yet, maybe it can help you make it through each day.
My dad was like this. He abused me and my mother with violence (mostly verbal but sometimes also physically). He always only cared about his problems and when things haven't went his way he became angry and blamed us for his bad situation. He was a bit more kind as I was very young (though he always had his aggression and blame-others issues) but that changed for the worse as I became older, voiced my opinion more often and did things my way. The saddest thing is I became like him a bit towards my mother. I always load my anger up on her. Towards other people I mostly appear emotionally cold and reserved. It's very hard for me to build strong emotional bonds with other people nowadays. I'm very loyal and caring to the few people who made it through my shell though.
I can relate bro. Having nearly exact the same story. And i alaways thought i could deal with this pain on my own with learning how to handle my life. Well, turned out it doenst go away, even if you have control. Im going to take some Therapy hoping to beat that shit out of my head soon.
Yeah ...I am awfully familiar with that feeling...
It's quite ludicrous how my parents deal with discipline.
For example with my grades, if I didn't get at least a B in any of my exams then they'd blame me for my faults and tell me to revise more without looking at the bigger picture. I'm actually a naturally bright child and the only thing that stopped me from getting that B in that one exam was my speed of doing it, but of course I told them and they still didn't understand and pressured me to work harder for their own success. A fact is that I actually got very good grades on my other 10+ exams I did, yet they lectured me that I must pass at everything.
I also used to have a boyfriend who was suicidal and I was there to help him with his needs, but my parents were reluctant that I was talking to such a nice guy and even called the police to our house because he was a 'paedophile' apparently, which he showed absolutely no signs of. I was forced to leave him without an explanation and didn't talk with him for 6 or 7 months, to which I thought that he committed suicide because he just disappeared from this world. Luckily he's still alive but I don't talk to him anymore because I'm afraid that my parents would hurt me like they did when I was younger. Looking back at our messages we sent each other showed the happy and giddy side of me, to which I find extremely upsetting as to why I can't go back to that stage because I'm afraid that someone would judge me.
My parents also diagnosed me with Asperger's and this other thing which I can't remember but it has something to do with fidgeting. Even though I don't fidget, I can concentrate completely well, and none of the sings of anything that I've been diagnosed in relate to me. It's giving me a label that apparently my mother has to mention to everyone in public or around my friends or haters, embarrassing me even more. I didn't really have any friends until a year ago, and they're not that good either but it's probably because I'm doubting them because my parents doubted me. It's causing me to lose interest in things that I previous enjoyed such as gaming. Surprisingly enough I can know if someone's feeling upset yet my family can't even notice anything out of the obvious when my eyes are really red and full of water. It makes me feel like the hospitals are trying to use me as some kind of test monkey or just going with what my parents say, to which my parents lie when the doctors ask questions about me.
Now here comes the worst part which luckily doesn't happen anymore. Whenever I did something that was not up to their high standards I would get my arm twisted in a Chinese burn and kicked outside of the house no matter if I had no clothing on or not. There was even this one time that I felt so tired and could barely move and my parents told me that we were going out and that I had to get changed within less than 5 minutes even though I felt sick and exhausted. Of course, I was basically walking around the streets in my dressing gown because I was 'too slow' and my parents were impatient with that. I remember whenever they used to kick me out of the house I was barely wearing anything if anything and I used to scream and cry outside in the cold rain which it normally rained when I got kicked out and got colds frequently. I used to try and drown myself in my tears, not to die, just because I felt terrible and I'm pretty sure that something related to that has caused me to find it hard to breathe nowadays or it was related to them smoking so regularly.
Nowadays I feel so uncommitted in things I used to enjoy and I find jobs or relationships can get quite boring because I end up judging them more than I want to because of my parents also judging them. Everything that I used to love such as gaming doesn't really entertain me anymore because I just feel so dull. I regret writing diaries or even trying to be committed to things because my family always, especially my dad, ends up judging them. For example I am writing this novel and I'm just not committed to that as much as I was either because I'm afraid of them seeing it and judging me for something that's unfinished. I'm one of the nicest people someone will ever meet, but there's still the fear of myself losing interest.
And of course, this is only a section of all the terrible things that I feel. I'm surprised that I'm not even suicidal.
Nobody will probably ever read this.
hey I know this is hard my parents were rough on me and my sisters as well they were emotionally abusive and sometimes physical abusive it took years before I could tell any of my friends about it, but I'm really happy that your still around and that I hope you can make it through this and move out of that hell hole so you can become the awesome person that is inside you *hugs*
I have just read it. And I can tell that you are bright - you express yourself very well. I know it has been 3 months since you left your comment, I hope you are doing ok?
Don't know how, maybe research more on how to but make it your life goal that you genuinely don't anymore care about your parents opinion, or anyone else's for that matter because you must accept that your parents will NEVER change, but you can change about how you feel or react to them.
May I ask do you still live at home? Am hoping you are old enough to be on your own. You have to make yourself stop needing approval from them - it seems an impossible task I know but it can be done, although it may take a long time to achieve. But get on it right away.
Learn to love yourself, even with the flaws that you have been told all your life that you have. Look at everyone else around you, look at your parents. Are they really perfect themselves? Would you like to turn out like them? I will guess definitely not. Why should they demand perfection from you then? They have no right, repeat that to yourself like a mantra.
Minimise contact with them don't share anything that you are up to...like who you are dating, your friends, your novel, which I think you should continue to work on, even though it will be a major struggle. You owe no explanations to anyone what you do.
Fall in love with your novel, and don't allow anyone else's feelings about it make you see it differently. If your parents find out about your novel, let them find out like the general public - after it gets released and it is in the stores. In which case it won't matter about their criticism, there may be a lot of people who will see the beauty in your writing, your stories. Friends who will see the beauty in you that they have chosen not to see all your life. And it will be easier to deal with their negativity when you know for a fact that other people see you differently to them - and more importantly, you see yourself differently. Stopp looking at yourself through their mean eyes.
I hope I make sense. And I hope you read this. I am rooting for you to survive this, and build a new life that is happy and healthy. If you are religious, pray regularly about this, meditate to try and keep your spirit peaceful.
I read it. What happened to you was awful im sorry you went through that.
*hugs this beautiful person*
You’re an amazing person for living through that hell. The thing I have isn’t even comparable to yours... I do hope you have it better now
My mother is a narcissist,I've faced many failures in life because of her controlling nature,she has made some important decisions of my life which have resulted in disasters.She also used to abuse me physically,the last time she hit me was 2years back(I was 18 then). Being a kid I tried to commit suicide but failed it,since the age of 5 I get suicidal thoughts because nobody in my family cared about me and when my mother used to get frustrated of anything she used to beat me a lot,my father also used to beat me but at heart he is a better person than my mother.He has his own problems in his life,one of his biggest problem is that my mother is his wife..
I've turned out to be an extremely nurturing person,I even used to love my mother and care for her but now I've realised that no matter what I do she will never love me,so now I've stoped caring about her.
But thank God that now I've a really loving and caring boy friend,whose mother also loves me and treats me like her daughter 😇
I'm really happy that you have a caring boyfriend and family who loves you, and I thank you for sharing your story. Just remember that you are amazing and that people care about you.
when your mom was emotionally abusive and narcissistically parenting you and you can't explain how anxious it makes you to even say something like "yeah i'm really proud of my self for doing [thing]" in fear of sounding narcissistic and becoming narcissistic
Who else cried bc it was that relatable?
Only at 2:27, and I am astounded at the way my parents truly are. They always say they are protecting me, but everything is my fault. Hell, my mom won't let me hang out with a girl unless she knows her parents from highschool or something. Which, has made me clingy to whatever good looking girl decides to befriend me. It has also made me think about the future. I constantly think "We could all die, at this very second. Too much can go wrong. There is a volcano 40,000 years overdue in Yellowstone National Park." and so on, I have no self esteem, and I can't even tell them what TV Shows I like. I am 14, and I should be a "Big Boy", yet I cry, get angry, etc. at the flick of a switch, the push of a button. I have 2 female friends, and I am afraid of being too clingy. I want to love something, but I am "too young to date" and I can't have a personal pet (like a hamster, mouse, bird, etc.) because we have 2 dogs and 2 cats. Even my 3 younger siblings constantly put me down. Not to mention (as you have probably noticed) my brain is a mess because of them, I get so stressed out, I lose my thoughts and end up repeating myself, or looking like an idiot.
Mega Minx Thank You. The world needs more people like you
im sorry, i know what its like.
This makes me cry inside, thanks for my parents crying out loud isn't easy. Had 2 beautiful children with narc and they seem to have attachment problems etc. mentioned in this video... Not all have surfaced yet if there's even more to come.
Hoping and praying they make better in life, moment the light bulb lit I packed everything and we got out of the house.. Children were 5years and 3years at the time.
And I asked socials to take them to good loving home after couple years fighting to get by with my own problems caused by severe abuse. Now it's co-parenting with this lovely and understanding beautiful family, I'm so grateful I can't even describe it with words. ❤
Nowadays, 3years after, I got back to work, wich I had to quit due to depression mostly not to mention panic attacks randomly showing up during a day. Wouldn't be rising without all the help; intence therapy, couple dear loving friends, and support from foster family.
It's hard but it's worth it, with all the love for everyone. ❤ I keep hoping some day I'm strong enough to take care of my children on my own. 🌈☀🌸
I have narcissistic parents... let's just say it caused me deppression, social anxiety and I always think that all my movements will be judged... Its sucks
Hypervigilance is an awful prison, I agree 😔
My parents never gave a shit lol, I'd swear in front of them and they wouldn't say anything. They had their boundaries and I respected that, mutual respect and freedom go a long way in parenting.
Rozaliya same here
Please do a video about the attachment theory!
Will do! :)
Please just make as much as you can I love your voice its so calming.!!!
Agreement!
Psych2Go yes please, it would help a lot if you do attachment theory and even cold and warm personality traits
i second that notion
One of my beast friends has a parent like this. My friend is a very caring person but they struggle to form emotional relationships and don't seem to care about their own health. She studies like crazy and thinks that if she doesn't get top marks her mother will hate her. She thinks she's over weight and keeps dieting because her mom tells her too even though she's not over weight in the slightest. She's afraid to tell her mom about the stress she's under at school because she doesn't want to bother her and says "her mom has her own problems to deal with", which is like, wtf she's your mom, you're not supposed to deals with her problems she's supposed to deal with yours! I don't know what I did but she told me her mother hates me and my family and that she's not allowed over my house anymore, even though we are both adults. But the worst part is that my friend told me I wasn't allowed to hate her mom because she wouldn't know what to do if I did, even though her mom clearly stated that she hates me. It feels like she values the options of her mom more than that of her friends, which I think is pretty normal for most situations. But her mom doesn't even know me or my family and is blindly hating us from assumptions, and you'd expect my friend who actually knows me and knows my family to back us up right? Idk maybe I'm just a bitch who know nothing.
Thats sad..
Miyumi Takamoto-Usagi You are "not a bitch that knows nothing" you are a very intelligent girl who acurately analysed her friend.
Is there anyway you can get her away from her mother?
Carbon Ghetto Queen thanks and I don't really think so, she values her moms options above most other people's and she gets really defensive and angry if I try to bring it up.
Miyumi Takamoto-Usagi Good lord that's the worst!
Does she have a boyfriend that can divert her from her mother?
Does she even have a boyfriend (or husband)?
Carbon Ghetto Queen No she doesn't and she's not interested in getting one because she wants to focus on studying. I just really hate it because I know what a great person she is and how perfect she can be but when I try to tell her it seems the only words she'll believe from anyone are criticism. I just want her to know that she's a worth while person and that she deserves to be happy but whenever I compliment her she either finds a way to put herself down or just changes the subject and ignores me.
I'm bawling right now watching this.
I'm 20 and this hits my current situation.
I need to move out but I feel stuck where I'm at because my father refuses to let me go and be my own person.
I can't even make my own decisions without going to him about everything first.
I have a narcissistic mother and the first 2 hit me deeply. Also, I do have quite a bit of C-PTSD or Complex-PTSD. I think that my bf said something, when he never did in the first place. It doesn't happen with him, I'm always being told, "I didn't say that...." "you heard that wrong.." or even "where did that come from? I wasn't even on that subject.."
My whole world is messed up, and it's all because my mom was way overbearing. She hated the fact that I was thinking about moving out at 18, and made sure I had no money so I couldn't move out. It worked because at that point, I was already weak.
I have no self-worth, and I love making other people happy. Even if it costs my own happiness.
I'm now 30, and I'm barely hanging on by my fingernails. But I at least have my own place.
Overbearing is a perfect word for it, and I can relate a lot
My mum use to say if I hadn't have been so demanding as a child, her and my dad probably would have still been together. I was 10 when they split, very shy and had A grades at school.
If I ever mention it now I'm branded as bitter, unforgiving and living in the past.
My parents are narcissistic. Especially my father who wants me to be the perfect daughter, yet is a terrible person and dad who in a way gladly was is not part of my life most of the time. But my mom always bugged me about school. Blames me for someone else's mistake, expects so much from me, compare me to my terrible father for anything I do even slightly wrong, she used to hit me, verbally abuse me calling me and everyone worthless, and Everytime I said I wanted to do something she said no. Even when I told her I don't want to go to college because I'm traumatized by school but I want to be a writer. She finds whatever reason to convince me why school is more important than my happiness. Sometimes I think she got the wrong baby in the hospital because I never imagined as a child a mom can be that way. She's not like that anymore, but... because of my awful family who couldn't care less about anyone but themselves ive became depressed, hopeless, crying everyday, and what people call a very clingy girl. I've always wanted to be a mom since I was 6 years old. Maybe before. The idea of having a cute mini me always made me happy. And I wouldn't wish my life on her of having no love or support from anyone. Not even friends or family. One of my main dreams is to be the best mom I could be. I would never want her to hate me because I have no love for my family. They never taught me what family love is. But I'm sure I know how to treat a human. With respect. Honesty. And for the people you care about. Loyalty and devotion. And that's what I'll give to my kids. I get so angry to see such horrible parents knowing there's people who wish they can be parents and have someone to love but they don't. People are not objects that you can take for granted whether you opened your legs to make them or not.
Out of all the comments I've read and the video itself, this is the one that made me emotional because it is the most relatable by far.
Thank you for this comment, it's very consoling.
I think you should still try be a writer. I'm sure there are people who would be interested in your books
Subatomic mule 3 Thank you so much, that means a lot.
Silvus Canciliante This is really late but thanks for ur comment. im in tears rn cus i been bothering my lil sister but i cant stop and im scared of losing her. Were not actually related but i fell in love with her bout a year ago while she didnt feel the same. moved home a few times and my dog died and im 22 years old still cant keep a job so i tried killing myself a few times but Sis was there to help me. im nothing but a burdon for her. shes tryna live her life and im holding her back cus shes kind hearted and wont hurt me.
i grew up with bad parents too. my mom was blinded by love to believe when i told her what my step dad did so she became abusive too. i always dreamed to b a good daddy. its all i cared about and i grew up to b very gentle. i give or donate every chance i get cus i dont like seeing other people suffer. i would give up everything i have just to have somebody to hold me. im still a child but i need to b stronger cus i wouldnt survive homeless. i get really clingy too. my life would b complete if only i had a baby girl to care for but nobody would love me that way. im a failure and i dont take care of myself cus im depressed alot. i believed in fairy tales about true love. i give my lil sister as much i can but im empty. sometimes i think only bad people get money or kids and nice people let ourselves get stepped on.
im just thankful for ur comment cus u made me feel less alone. i hope ur doing alright
my parents literally screamed at me as to why i had an extremely failing grade when the reason was too fcking obvious: we were on a vacation, so i was practically absent in school for one month. not my decision, it was theirs. that's only one of the proofs that my parents are fcking narcissistic.
Didnt you tell them that?
Imtheaura 666 been there, done that a gazillion times. still thought it was my fault for being "irresponsible".
Park Hyun Soo i feel you so much. Keep going, buddy.
4# touched me and I started tearing up. I have a hidden side to me where I always think of the day where I will adopt a child to love and nurture. It warms my heart just thinking about children.
I have and it's affected me in pretty much every single way explained in this video.
If you even THINK you're going through a narcissist relationship you need to JUMP SHIP IMMEDIATELY FOR YOUR OWN SAKE.
YOU AREN'T THE CRAZY ONE
BUT YOU WILL BE LEFT CRAZY THE LONGER YOU ENDURE
LEAVE. NOW. FIND YOURSELF AND HEAL. WE ALL GOT THIS.
I thought I was just sensitive..I do cry over the tiniest things. I do blame myself a lot, but after thinking about it I never did anything wrong.
With my direct parents i didnt entirely get treated like this, but with my stepmom this kind of behavior has happened to me and my dad sorta let it happen and agreed with her(he rarely like "stood up" for me but never exactly did these actions directly) and im not entirely sure what affect its had on me....
Yes, I have/am currently dealing with narcissistic parenting. Personally, how I cope with this is to surround myself with good people and always be kind to others.
My parents are neglectful narcissists, I know what that does to a kid and how much it fucks you up inside. If I do have kids I will never do what my parents did, I will help them and love them, I will let them know how much I care about them, I will always have time for them, and never demean them. I will give my children the love, affection, and care I never got from my parents.
Parents think that being narcissistic is an essentially effective way of disciplining their children but it's not. That's practically child neglection, which takes a huge role in child abuse. I showed this video to my father and he told be to *never* be a narcissistic and that he loves me. I just hope that no one is going through this type of thing.
Alicia is an Otaku I am going through it and it makes me want to die i have uploaded a video of us in an argument and i would really like some feed back on it.
my parents are like this. im maybe biased, but i could never tell them that "you are very narcistic to me" because they are my parents. but im 19 now, im not independent, im socially weird and i always blame myself and i am never enough and i am insecure. and the worst is that i cant talk to them because they dont listen to me and theyx think i overreact it.
but i cant blame them.
I am 23 years old and just realizing my mother is narcissistic, which explains my social anxiety and insecurity
I remember I used to stand up to my step-dad all the time, calling him a "liar" when he lied and a "bully" when he bullied us.
As a result he hated me for calling him out.
This is making me teary. I just recently realized that my mom's a narc. And I almost became a narc too, but good thing I separated from my mother. I was emotionallu detached for a time and cold, but when I went away for college, I became nurturing.
I just told myself don't hate yourself like in the past, it's not your fault.
What you can do is just to pull yourself up :)
I have extreme emotional independence.
My parents tend to make everything im interested in feel like a bad thing, make my problem completly invalid, and blame me for everything that happens to them or anyone around me that i influenced or im influenced by. Im the oldest child and they completely stoped caring about my little sister and they make my 4 year old brother emotionaly unstable by mostly beating him and arguing and im afraid that that might develop into ptsd ...im almost independ now (i shoud be) but they dont belive that im capable of doing anything on my own and that puts my self esteem way below where it should be, but im concerned about my sibling how are they going to grow up
ᅳᅳ 한치ᅳᅳ me 2 i have 2 brothers who are empath hopefullthey wont become numb and narcissist like my mom
One of my younger sisters already is numb. My brother used to be so vibrant and caring. My mother put a stop to that... I'm scared of what's going to happen to our youngest sister.
i am the ‘emotional independence’ type and its difficult because i literally cannot ever open up to people/deal with my own emotions.
My father is a narcissist... It has severely damaged my self-worth, as he adeptly came off as very admirable, but was always very emotionally cold toward me, making me feel low and unworthy of his love. Also, he would be prone to fits of anger, making me feel like I deserved to be treated harshly, especially if I had done something "wrong" in his eyes. As a child, it was very easy to feel like who I was was unacceptable since I constantly was yelled at for the things I chose to do and for what I wanted. I quickly learned to construct a fake persona who pleased him and achieved things, and I came to believe that it was who I was. But very far from it, in reality I was a scared, self-hating child who felt wrong all the time.
Now I am 27 years old and I am still trying to figure out who I am, as the person I have identified as for almost my entire life has turned out to be a lie, and I still struggle to feel my true emotions and feel worthy of love, and feel like life has a purpose.
That's my life. Even my older brother is a sicko. His wife, alot of my relatives, I feel like falling asleep naming all the people in my life
I can’t keep friends, or make friends. Sometimes I guard my feelings from others because I feel like a burden, or I’m convinced that other people won’t like me so I won’t try. If someone is nice to me, I wait to see what they want from me, because I mistrust that people could be nice without wanting something in return. I also became a nurse because all I want to do is help people, it’s the only thing that gives me a sense of fulfillment. I’m so insecure, and if any mistakes come up I always know it is my fault and that I need to change. I’m always trying to change for other people. I used to feel sad all the time but now I’m just numb and living day to day. I’ve been trying to be more positive but life seems to just pass by and nothing changes. Sometimes I close my eyes and wish that I don’t wake up. I wouldn’t hurt myself but I would sacrifice anything for the pain to go away. Yes I’m in therapy too. I am also super needy in relationships. Like I crave affection all the time. I need to be told that I’m worthy or loved every day or I’m convinced I’m not loved anymore. It’s insanity.
At least you’re self aware. That’s a head start.
Yup. I'm 53 and still dealing with all this but I'd say in a positive way and I'm generally doing well. The biggest problems is self-blame and extreme anxiety. But making loads of progress.
I cried watching this video Bc so much became clear to me. I myself try to be the best at everything I do, and I do blame myself for a lot of things and after watching this video I realized it must have be from how my dad only focused on everything I did wrong. I also have a problem avoiding attachment and I try to care for others more than myself. With the ptsd, I notice it when I hear something loud I’ll jump even if it’s something small, and I flinch every time my dad ever moves his arms up...
Also I’ve noticed as my little brother is getting older, I’m getting to where i try to keep his innocence Bc i don’t want him to grow up
My mom was like that ever since I was little, every time I asked for her help or was concerned she would always say "who cares" or "It's not my problem" so now I'm extremely anxious and have alot of anxiety when asking ppl for help or talking to them in general...
Thank God for this. I wish I had been armed with this knowledge when I was able to get out. Thank you for helping other people with this information. Everything is spot on, even the PTSD. I am the extreme nurturer to my dogs, I won't have kids out of fear I will not break the evil cycle. My brother is the narcissist.
Where would i even begin 😓😣
CovertMist0 At the start, probably :)
lol
PTSD has been the result for me and I've been disabled. Unfortunately the therapists and doctor's I've seen have never known anything about this.
Yes, I have experienced this. My narcissist parents had a major impact on my life and that too negative. I ruined almost 6 years of my life struggling with myself. But finally, here I am healing and learning to be a better person. Thanks to platforms like you.
i never knew what to label what my mom would do to me, this was it. i always thought these things were normal growing up.
Right?!?!?
No one covers extreme sexism in narc parenting.
GO OFF‼️‼️‼️‼️