The Samaritans told my friend “why don’t you just do it then” when going through their list of responses hadn’t changed her mind on ending her life. It’s gonna be 5 years without her this year, we’d been friends since we were 14 and I’ll never not be devastated by the loss of her. I’m totally unsurprised they hung up on you tbh.
The text crisis line my friend texted became automated so no actual people just an auto response based on your messages key words. He’s been gone for almost 5 months. We really need better support systems out there because these people are so loved.
I’m so sorry this keeps happening 🙁 I had a friend call the Crisis Team in an extremely distressed state, only to be told that 3 in the morning wasn’t a convenient time to be suicidal, and could she call back after 9am … she didn’t see the morning. And which ever one of them on that damned Crisis Team who said that? Never held accountable. I think for them, it’s easier to apologise for actively failing a patient to death, than it is to explain why they’re so utterly incompetent to begin with.
My best friend committed suicide during COVID. He was in a German mental institution but they couldn't help him I guess...his wife should have told me sooner, he was dead before I knew his problem had gotten that bad. Hung himself on a doorknob while his wife was home. I will always be haunted: did she know? Did she let him do it? Who the hell knows. Sorry you lost your friend. Not sure this is gonna be any comfort but when someone's mind is set on suicide nobody is going to stop them.
Yeah I was in the same boat, and when all my plugs ghosted me (I was underage, unable to get it on my own) I was forced to be sober, causing a ana relapse, and then I got hooked on nic and lost the munchie weight and more, but when I finally got some weed, I realized the things that help most with munchies for me is having a healthy, low Cal snack with me, bc im too lazy to go get junk and j eat the healthy thing. Also, drinking lots of water or whatever beverage you want, especially with a straw bc I usually end up gnawing on it. Number one thing that got rid of the munchies was nic, specifically vapes, bc it suppresses your appetite and tastes good, but I obvi don't recommend it bc I overall felt like utter shit on nic.
Yea same it was just like me reminiscing about being super ill and worked up on drugs for days and pretending to be fine, than bloody remembering how it must have been 1000% obvious, just not even placeable for the average person to witness. Cracked me up when they laughed! Also they're such blessing talking about this hell ride of a drug too, way too accurate. Big love.
Well, that and caffeine. I've had co-workers who would say things like "I just can't trust somebody who doesn't drink coffee". But yeah, it's annoying when you just want to chill and everyone else feels they need to hound you about it. Just another reason why weed is such a vastly better vice-substance.
I'm a bit Ignorant about eating disorder stuff, can you explain what you mean by this comment, like I'm five. I have a lot of experience with addiction, but not eating disorders. Just curious and wanting to understand thanks 👍
@@GiordanoBruno42 I think they meant the feeling of having skin/ fat rolls that touch. Like many people that are a normal weight or overweight have a varying degrees of rolls on ther stomach/ back etc. The more body fat you have the more of your body is constantly touching itself. (Like your legs rubbing together, your arms rubbing against your stomach, stomach folds etc) Someone that was underweight might not know this feeling as much. And just when you are sweating alot it can be uncomfortable. Like imagine in the summer just sweaty thighs always rubbing. It's not the nicest the feeling.
Currently struggling with this, the constant touching is the most massive body dysmorphia trigger I could ever imagine. The fucked up thing about it all is that being a healthy weight makes the dysmorphia worse, but being underweight turns into an obsessive ego-driven mania. Trying to figure out the balance right now!
I've been underweight for my whole life (mostly on purpose, sometimes because of sickness) but now I'm finally at the lower-end of healthy weight. I finally had to buy size 2 pants and a bigger cup size of bra last month. I feel so uncomfortable in my own skin, even though I'm happy to finally be at a healthy weight.
I’ve been watching her stories all day, it’s almost weirdly comforting to know no matter the different trauma we’ve been through, the emotions, the drive, and the end goal between us all connected us
You've described perfectly how I feel about pregnancy, there is no body horror quite like the idea of another living thing festering inside you, scythening off your nutrients.
im currently battling alcoholism as a teenager. having an eating disorder at the same time is absolutely killing me, being at the highest weight in my life. This really helps, thank you dorian !
Pregnancy is a straight phobia for me. My earliest memories was me at 5/6 my mom was brushing my hair and said something about “when you have kids..” I started crying so hard saying I HAVE TO? She said no, Oprah doesn’t have kids! I loved Oprah lmao. Starting around that time I remember going in the bathroom/closet every day to punch/squeeze my stomach to “kill it” 🤦🏻♀️ obv I wasn’t pregnant idk what was wrong w me. Anyways I’ve had 1 abortion at 19 and am now on BC and relapsed in my ED so there wouldn’t be a chance of it happening again. Hubby plans to get the snip. Once that happens maybe I can get better.
@@jn1211 therapy won’t make me infertile, so it won’t help. If I have to be underweight then so be it I’m not getting pregnant again. It won’t be an issue for much longer whether he gets the snip or not because I’ll need a hysterectomy due to cervical cancer soon anyways.
I'm so sorry that you've had to have that with you for so long and with your diagnosis. You deserve to feel at peace in your body and not have an unwanted pregnancy looking over your head. It sounds like your partner is supportive. And I really hope you get proper care and health with your hysterectomy.
Honestly same here. I've been TERRIFIED of pregnancy my whole life. I got an OBGYN to agree to plug my tubes up 9 years ago and have ZERO regrets (I will say I was lucky I got an OB to agree to do it the day before my 31st birthday but that's mainly because of some of my health issues (mental and physical due to my bipolar/addiction/alcoholism issues) I didn't have many birth control options other than the depo provera shot which made me gain weight like CRAZY (I gained over 100 pounds on that damn shot! That plus I got off hard drugs, was still drinking alcohol and got on psych meds.) or an IUD and F**K getting one of those! I've heard horror stories about IUD's! So my doctor talked to me about a procedure called "Essure" and it was a 30 ish minute outpatient procedure instead of getting the full tubal legation surgery which would have also been a bit dangerous for me due to some of my health conditions. Essure was taken off the market in 2018 for all the bad things it did to women sadly. I eventually developed PCOS but since getting off a certain psych med and quitting booze completely a little over 2 years ago, my period has become more regular than it has been in many years so the PCOS might have been a misdiagnosis. They wanted me to do a biopsy but I refused and I'm glad now. Sometimes these doctors make you take unnecessary tests just to make more money. My problem was I was an addict/alcoholic and I had to get sober or I was gonna die. But I've never had a "motherly bone" in my body. NEVER wanted kids. Been with the same guy for going on 13 years this July and we discussed early on we weren't gonna have kids/didn't want them and he doesn't have any of his own (thank god) so it worked out for us. We have a cat we love very much. The thought of being pregnant has always scared the living crap out of me and I'm SO glad I don't have to worry about it anymore!
"I doubt anyone's still here at this point" Of course we are! I love listening to your ramblings but this one opened my eyes to so many things, as I come from a family of alcoholics. Thank you.
"How could i get addicted to something so..shit". Man i feel that one... unfortunately i am there, and it is to control my depression and anxiety. I am going to hospital in a week or 2 now to get better. I am so scared, but i asked myself, "am i happy now, am i doing something useful right now?". The answer was obvious, absolutely not. The true wake-up call was to see that my liver was already suffering and i'm 27. I guess my life still matters to me after all. Can't wait to be off this toxic waste. Thanks for your stories Dorian. EDIT: wow, thank you so so much for the support. I did not think it would mean so much to me but it really does. You can see that this issue has touched so many lives. Again, thank you!
@@LadyDelSangue87 haha same happened to my friend she spat her drink out laughing when i tried to cheer her up about being pregnant (being frightened and stuff) referring to it continuously as an alien, doing a little standup, because everyone was so serious she loved me being a goose. But this description was even heavy for me lol I'm a big horror fan, also congrats!
This is the trashy addicts thread brought to life. I'm so glad you're doing better now, and I hope these reflections give hope to others in similar situations. I just lost my mom to liver failure, and it is not an easy way to die. Seek help NOW.
True. So true. I care for the elderly, an lemme tell you, if alcohol has been a feature in their lives its not pretty. It's usually responsible for kind of dementia that makes you go like wtf happened to MOM, and who is this monster?!
Thank you for sharing. Addiction runs deep in my family, and Alcoholism ended up killing my mother. I'm glad you were able to overcome and survive this. I've been a long time subscriber and I always appreciate how honest you are. Edit: As someone who had a kid and didn't actually really want one, the idea of a second skeleton inside of me was the WORST thing to me. Every time she moved I'd jolt in shock and horror. She's six now and I enjoy being a parent, but NEVER EVER am I doing it again. I will sob if I find out I'm pregnant again.
I got pregnant while battling a drug addiction and told myself I had did too much damage to it so I got rid of it. I regret that decision everyday because I feel like they could've saved me life 😪. I'm still here obviously and have kicked my drug habit, but I still battle with alcoholism, although not "that bad", it's enough to where I drink every day.
@@bsteph5019 As someone who was kinda "saved" by their child, I wanna say it's not something you should regret. Children aren't meant to save anyone, however your mental state completely shifts to "Protect and Serve" mode. The first five years are REALLY hard and I developed Postpartum Depression. (My ex helped nothing but that's neither here nor there) Not saying you would have been a bad mother, but it would have added a new unending stress which will possibly make everything worse. Sometimes the best thing you can do as a mother is chose to never have them in the first place. Also congrats on finding a healthy medium with alcohol!
@vvitch-mist20 I appreciate your kind words and further confirming the decisions I made for myself. I had 2 terminations with the same person, one at 18 and one at 25 and although I wish I kept the last one, I feel like it just wasn't in the works for me as I was in active addiction and had no plans of stopping at that point. My ex wasn't a supportive S.O. and my mom (my backbone) had just passed 4 years prior so I knew I'd be doing it all on my own. I so wish to have a child of my own eventually, I'm only 27 so I know it's still an option but I know I need to have the proper mindset to bring a child into this world.
@@bsteph5019 Of course. I had to make a similar decision, sometimes I wonder if I even made the right once since she's diabetic and at risk for schizophrenia when she's older. At the same time I don't regret my decision because I know that her being here DID change my life for the better and had given me a motivation to better my life. I didn't suffer from addictions, but I was deeply depressed and riddled with anxiety lol. So while she helped me it's not a path I recommend bc it make everything harder. I bet you'll be an amazing mom. But if you do end up having a kid stock up the whole pregnancy on diapers, and wipes. Don't have them back to back. Toddlers and young kids need your focus and you will need to get out of "Mommy Mode" from time to time.
SAME why is the idea of a skeleton just so unnerving?? i had a pregnancy scare that im still unsure if it was false or ended in a miscarriage, but the idea of something inside me, all those bones and skin, made me so anxious i wanted to claw out my uterus for the few weeks i was in that mindset.
@@dannyvalward1524 It's been years. Besides, there are other factors (mental illness and such). Furthermore, friends are not what I want (if you catch my drift).
@Nicholas #51 I can relate to the lack of motivation and to the fear, depression, mental illness, anxiety, etc. Unfortunately, my issues won't allow me to drink coffee, run, or smoke/vape anything. At least you have a good doctor, mine just lies to me and acts like she don't know how to help me correctly. I suppose I could drink tea, go for walks, and eat cbd gummies, but too much caffeine is bad for my anxiety, I've had a heart murmur since birth, and thc worsens my mental illness. Besides, I pretty much destroyed my lungs by smoking like a burning village since I was 18 (I'm now 37 and just recently quit) I'm glad that you could find something that works for you. If it's not already obvious, I am also a crazy person (welcome to the club). 🤪
i was born in 2000, i was used to the nostalgia project being mostly stuff that happened before and around the time i was born, so when you mentioned deadpool, which i saw at the cinema when it came out, it felt so weird lmao we're actually talking about a time i remember
oh boy I am ten years older, it gets even weirder when it becomes things that came out when you're an adult, or when generation alpha starts having nostalgia about a cartoon from their childhood you've never seen before because it came out when you were old enough to drink
The combo of being an alcoholic and suffering with an ED is brutal. But in the end of the day, they're just different symptoms of the same underlying problem. I'm glad you managed to get out of it! Congratulations on the 5 year sobriety!
Skin touching skin is the worst!! As an overweight autistic person myself, I have to sleep with the sleeve of a sweater under my chin. The feeling of my neck touching my double chin is torture. I am on my own weight loss journey though so hopefully I can get back to my “normal” later this year.
There's coolsculpting and other fat removal procedures that can be used on the underchin if it bothers you so much. It sucks to suffer autistic symptoms if they can be improved with noninvasive treatments. Hope you find something that helps (from a fellow autistic.)
Even tho some people hate how tight stretchy clothes exaggerate their fat, I find it much more comfortable to wear stuff like that because it keeps parts of my body quarantined from one another, lolol. The boobs aren't touching the belly & the belly doesn't touch the thighs if I bend over.
i was literally miserable at a higher weight omg i would be overstimulated and sm closer to the verge of a panic attack all the time just cause so much skin was folding over and touching 🫠
Alcohol IS my drug of choice. I love how it feels. I love coming home in the evening and pouring myself a nice cold beer with a nice meal and seeping into this fuzzy anxiety-free bliss. One beer turns into 6. I wake up the next morning hangover but still functioning after a shower and a good breakfast. I never drink in the daytime and can stay sober for a week or so, but in the end of the day I enjoy alcohol too much to stop. It's maddening. I'm still technically at a normal weight, but I've gained 15 kilos since I started drinking like this and it's awful. I love the idea of weaponizing your ED against your alcoholism. Thank you.
I´m pretty sure if alcohol wasn´t so socially accepted, most people wouldn´t even drink. Its effect is way worse than other drugs (at least on me) and alcohol hangover is by far the worst hangover in my opinion. I still managed to become addicted because I just love getting fucked up on anything and alcohol just was always available and accepted. 3 months into sobriety now.
@@moratolca I made it to almost 6 months without a single drink, then began slipping up a few times but never to a point above tipsiness. Trying not be too harsh on myself for that.
@Marguerite de Pompadour I hope you aren't hard on yourself, that accomplishment is amazing and I don't think you should blame yourself for being human. I agree with your original comment though, I'm a college student and I go out barhopping with friends, and it feels like none of us actually like drinking but we do it because we feel like we need to, to hang out with one another.
I'm so glad that I'm sober now "10 yrs of h and fentynol". It really sucks that I didn't get sober b4 my dad died though. I took really good care of him but i still severely regret he didn't get to see me sober.
I can relate, though not with drugs. I have been bulimic most of my life, and just got help a couple years ago. My teeth all fell out before i turned 29, im about to be 30, and i get my dentures next month!! Unfortunately my dad passed in december. He will never get to see me smile, free of that internal pain. But he is watching over me, as your dad is for you. And they are proud of us. We got this, one step at a time 💜
My father was alcoholic and he switched addictions multiple time (still does). There was ice cream, then a specific type of biscuit, then there was the garden, then the animals. Soooo much chickens and rabbits
My God that way MY dad too! It was saltwater fish tanks, then his sailboat, then his Jeep and off-roading, then collecting cuckoo clocks, then guitars etc... I'm so relieved it isn't just me!
I'm an autistic female with ADHD, with very similar issues to yours from the past (alcoholic, drug addict). I swear I'be watched this video ( other as well) at least 5 times because it's so comforting. Good to know I'm not alone in this stuff. Love you and thank you for sharing your story and still being with us. It's always ok in the end, and if it's not ok then it's not the end.
Dorian, I sincerely hope you’ll read this even though it’s probably just a long-winded waffle. I just wanted to say how amazed and grateful I am that you’re still here with us. The fact that you’ve survived and recovered from years, if not decades, of severe mental health issues, eating disorders, self-harm, drug abuse, alcoholism, and trauma, is a miracle. You’ve faced so many hardships and dangers and yet you’ve remained a compassionate, exceptional human being. Your decision to choose recovery and change your entire life for the better takes so much strength and courage, and I applaud you for it. The fact that you’re still here is a sign. I’m not particularly spiritual, but I fully believe that someone or something has been watching over you and protecting you all these years. You’re such an unique and extraordinary soul with so much to give to this world and I’m 100% sure the universe knows it. Thank you for existing and staying on this earth with us. I know I’m only a subscriber and I don’t actually know you, but your videos have helped me through so much. I’m autistic as well and I’m scared I’m falling into poly-addiction. I am terrified of where my future will lead, but your videos have been a sort of saviour to me. You remind me so much of myself sometimes and for some reason that helps my anxiety a great deal. I admire you so much, thank you for being here and telling us your stories and experiences. Sending you loving and calming vibes, you deserve all the peace you can get
I'm 4 days sober. Everything is a bit shit right now, but what you are saying speaks to me and you're so funny so I'll just keep listening to these and find a way through. ❤
my dad has suffered with drug addictions and alcoholism all his life, as much as i want to endulge in the things he has and you talk about, just being there to witness my dads addictions, and feel that hurt and seeing him get better and sober so he could to be a better father to me and my brother, and listening to your videos deter me from ever going down the same path my dad went down. while i do have a lot of trauma from my dads addictions, he will forever be one of my favorite people. knowing what hes gone through, and knowing im one of the sole reasons hes still here and alive to this day brings me so much joy, countless times hes told me how hes not worth my love and support and that its a bad idea to stick by him, but im his baby girl, he got better for me. hes here for me. i know i can always count on him to protect me and keep me safe no matter what. its people like you and my dad, and countless other recovered addicts that i havent gone down the same paths, knowing others experiences, as well as having been there witnessing what stuff does to people and loved ones. thank you dorian, your videos mean a lot to me
As an alcoholic I can say it’s weird to hear that other alcoholics do the screaming thing. Waking up with a hangover in so much pain you just scream ….
I am autistic and I struggle with binge drinking I have a hard time finding anyone who can relate to me, thank you for posting this and I would like to see or hear more. If that is not ok to ask I'm sorry.
You're definitely not alone, I struggled with binge drinking for years and was undiagnosed and wondering why I felt like I needed it to cope with life and stress
My bf went through the same thing, he just had to come to terms with the fact he could not drink at all or smoke weed either. Took a long time for that to be a long term commitment. He's really into CBD now and it ACTUALLY makes him feel better. I feel much safer.
Hi,just discovered this channel on the typical recovery youtube binge (iykyk) . This video had me listening on the edge of my seat, you're such a fantastic storyteller. I'm on day 2 today after my last violent relapse. It's been a long 20 years of crippling alcoholism and anxiety and sickness. Ruined my marriage and that caused the last relapse but I tapered as well and went to a doctor to get acamprosate, b complex vitamins and a couple valiums for the first days. I once again feel reborn,like a phoenix rising from the boozy ashes. Hope it lasts this time. All the best to you and other people in recovery who may be reading this. To the people still in the throes of addiction; I know how impossible it seems to get out of it but I promise if you search deep within yourself, we ALL have the power to kick addictions ass.
@@alexanderh8129 Still goin strong, doctors,circlejerk meetings and the whole shebang.oh well, whatever it takes. thanks for the kind reply. All the best to you.
I quit the sauce 3 months ago and never felt better. I learned to accept the things that happened to me and that I can't control the past, but I can control the future.
can i just say you are SUCH A GOOD STORYTELLER. because why the hell did i actually gasp when it got to the part where it turned out u were actually pregnant. like the way you paced out the hints at being pregnant throughout the chapter in a way that felt minor and insignificant in the moment, before the reveal where you're like "OH DAMN, HOW DID I MISS THAT??".. it actually feels like i'm living through the experience. and then the description of all the thoughts regarding being pregnant without knowing, and then the fear and disgust as you realize you'd been battling alcoholism the whole time a fetus was inside you, feels so visceral and real while still being so beautifully written and appealing????? like holy shit omg and i'm only halfway thru so far but i just had to make this comment bc i had to let you know LMAO
I remember this time. I was so worried about you. I don't think I understood the extent, but I figured that was what was happening. As you know, you can't get rid of me! FWIW I didn't think you were embarrassing at the memorial. I think everyone was wrapped up in their own shit that day. I'm so immensely proud of you, every day. I hope you know that! Maybe it helps that the Mr and I don't drink either :) It's been 15 years since we've had alcohol! I'm so proud of you, really. xx
You mentioned finding a drink you really enjoy upon stopping alcohol in your life and as chance would have it this past weekend I found an odd drink that I fancy very much. Odyssey Sparkling Mushroom Elixir blackberry lemon twist. Today marks one month alcohol free for me.
LOVED this one. I bought Millennium Goth! It was SO magical reading it after I had heard every single one of them on TH-cam! You are life changing. I am a recovering alcoholic, trying to heal bulimic. Your stories have been a life line at times for me. Keep sharing friend🧡🧡🧡
I thankfully could not relate LESS to the part about hating being "fat". In my early teens I was very thin and I truly HATED being skinny for the same but very different way. I couldnt stand the feeling of my ribcage pushing out and rubbing against the inside of my skin. I'm chubby and comfortable now
Really glad you told your story, I’m deep in alcoholism now after the hurricane destroyed my home and I used it to cope with the crippling anxiety and fear. Just went on a week long bender and it feels impossible to moderate at the moment, but you heavily inspire me
You’re the only person who genuinely gives me hope for my sobriety, the only person who’s opinion isn’t extreme and scary. Thank u for continuing to share 💕
I can't thank you enough for your honesty, I'm also an addict, shackled to a methadone prescription, it's shocking how much your story mirrors mine, I'm glad you got through it.. Keep going mate
So very very close to my own experience. It's an awful addiction. Drank for about 12 years and withdrew 3 times alone Which speaks to that power of addiction. Tapered myself off by drinking a beer when the shaking was getting too bad to stand.. June 30 1994.
Thank you for 'waffling' on at the end, it's helped me understand my own addiction issues and my post-menopausal mother who had an alcoholism issue throughout that majority of my adolescence.
My sober birthday is January 5th, 2023. I know it's recent, but I believe in it. I was a high-functioning alcoholic in deep denial. I could never do benders, I was always too queasy and tired to drink when hungover, but I used to get shitfaced 2-3 times a week for 4-5 years. The first wake-up call came in September 2020, when a blood test revealed my liver inflammation levels were over three times the norm. I've scaled back since and gone couple times 2-3 months sober, but always slipped back to my old habits. But I finally am sick enough the damage drinking has been doing to my physical and mental health. I have not had physical withdrawals, but even then quitting requires sort of overhauling the alcoholic mentality. I keep having dreams where I buy alcohol and drink it while also registering that I shouldn't Be drinking anymore and wake up baffled but also relieved that I did not relapse in real life. Honestly I just love the fact that I am now able to talk about alcohol in past tense. Much love to any other recovering alcoholics reading this and also people who have considered quitting.
have been struggling with this recently myself. Terrified of withdrawals, but struggling to taper without bingeing. So far I've only managed cold turkey years ago (wouldnt recommend (seizures and hallucinations are scary af), and detoxing in hospital. Physical dependence on alcohol is a weird and tricky thing to manage
@@bubblebrainbow thanks! I've done a bit of AA, but not sure its for me. I'm in treatment from other sources too tho, have a counsellor and go to a weekly group for it. Slowly getting there! ♥
@@We_Are_All_Vultures I got some benzos during detox at hospital just for the couple days to dodge seizing over new years, but I wouldn't want a longer script tbh. I'd get hooked on benzos harder than drink I think
@@ayembic7933 yeah, I was just thinking one script. Your local gp will usually hook you up with 15 or 20 if you tell them you're coming off alcohol. They won't keep handing them out. It's one shot.
congratulations on your determination and sobriety, Dorian! You are an inspiration for even thinking back then that you wanted to stop. I hope your family can express more curiosity about your journey
You've been the most realest most relatable most calming TH-cam creator I'll always replay videos at night and when there's a new one it's like Christmas and it gives me hope that im not the only one who's think and done a hell of a time. I never comment but if you ever go private I'd die but I'd love to hear your mental process to start TH-cam and opening up to others. Thank you for all your work.
Hey 🖤 loving the headgear today ! As I've listened to your story I've learnt about myself, only a fellow autie could have give me the words I was lacking . I'd love to be able to share some of my experiences, maybe one day . Thank you 🖤
Listening to your life story and reflections is so oddly comforting and familiar. You remind me of me and my best friend and how we sit and talk with each other. Congratulations to you and the many others in this chat who have made it through the traumas of our youth. It's such an odd thing to sit back and think about, the way life changes as we get older and analyze how things changed, for those of us who make it out. I enjoy listening to your perspective.
I had a bit of a problem with alcohol and like you also tried my best to get over it on my own, and as I did amazing improvement, my family just said, oh well mustnt have been a problem then, and now they get offended if I turn down a drink and tell me to stop acting as if I had a problem. so I really feel it when you said that bit about your family, I know how that hurts
Never been a drinker but I am tapering off Xanax. your story reminds me why I have to do this. even though it’s awful and scary, but I only got addicted to it becuse a job was causing me daily panic attacks. The job is long gone now and I am left with this highly addictive drug I don’t even get any pleasure out of anymore.
You've got this! I was addicted to Xanax for many years, I know the struggle. You are gunna feel.so much better without them! Good luck! You can do it!!🤟❤️😊
in almost the exact same situation right now. job is long gone, the chore of taking my daily dose is still there. I miss the relief it used to give me but I can’t stand how the withdrawals are influencing my life. We got this 🫶🏼🎉
Congrats. I got clean by myself as well. My sober bday just happened, Feb 1, 2019. Nothing but Mary Jane and some alcohol since then. It’s hard but possible.
I don't know how I didn't die or go thru withdrawals. I was drinking nearly 175ml of vodka a day as my medication then other drinks for fun. Been sober for eight months cold turkey. Getting on Prozac and taking it regularly killed my need for alcohol to get by. I love yall, anything is possible.
thank you dorian for sharing Currently struggling with alcohol addiction for about a good 4 years I’m cut out from most of my family and in laws Hearing others stories however makes me feel less hopeless
From what you said towards the end I truly feel like your dog knew you would be okay, he held on and waited for you to be in a better place, and made sure you had your birthday too. I’m sorry for your loss the loss of a pet it’s such a painful complicated thing because you feel the same loss you feel for any friend or family but a lot other people can’t sympathise for animals :( I lost mine just before some of the worst times in my life in around 2020, I could have really done with him to be there with me and for me, I’m so so glad you got to have yours. Also thank you for speaking on this alcoholism is a problem for my family and friends it runs deep and I resonate with a lot of this story but looking in as an outsider on what I’ve seen people I love go through. It’s helpful to have your perspective and such a beautifully well described experience to draw from. Thanks again as always Dorian 🖤🖤
The way you articulate the trap of 'magical' drunken writing that oh so quickly flashes your story into a vortex of shity mess is just... too close to home. And writing hangover is utterly unreal as you detest everything from the night before with the guilt-ridden passion... Was just so... comforting to hear your story, to hear that someone understands these messy connections between writing and alcohol. Thank you ❤
Your story just reinforces that if you want something bad enough, you will do anything to get it - even if it involves overcoming an addiction. Of course it’s harder, but it’s not impossible. Alcohol is definitely a bit trickier to kick on your own because of how dangerous the withdrawals can be. But, you always have a choice: a choice to stay in active addiction or get sober. Speaking as a former addict who kicked a 5 year addiction on my own because I wanted to prove to myself I could do it and I never wanted to go to rehab. Also, your channel is such a joy. I first discovered you through your End of the Road video on Eugenia Cooney and I’ve been watching your videos ever since. So glad to have found your channel and this video, in particular. ❤
To be honest, I could listen to you ramble on for hours. I enjoy listening to you talk about anything and everything that you’re thinking about. Your voice is calming and the way that you write things and script videos, or even just think makes me visualize what you’re talking about clearly. ❤
The way you talked about what it physically FEELS like to gain weight when you’re used to be super skinny makes so much more sense now. As a fellow autistic, I’m very sensitive to the way clothes feel, the way things feel on my skin, etc. And as someone who’s also struggled with body issues and ED’s since I was like… 12, I would (and still do) always feel so incredibly uncomfortable when I’d gain weight again. Like PHYSICALLY uncomfortable and I never knew how to describe that to anyone. So thank you for putting that into words!!
@@absolutetrash8118yes I agree. I've always been a bigger person so the feeling of my thighs touching or my boobs touching each other, or worse, the skin of my stomach under them, it's disgusting feeling. I've had body issues for as long as I can remember too though
Oh Dorian I love you. I’ve just finished Millennium gothic and I just want to read it again. The way that you write is so beautiful it make me feel such an overwhelming sense of emotion and nostalgia for a life that isn’t mine. Loved loved loved it!
I've been watching you for years and never experienced your giggle!! Sweetest giggle ever!! It made me instantly smile!!! As always, I'm so glad you're still here with us ❤️
It's kinda wild to hear your description of being in a bigger body and how sensoriallly horrifying it was, because I've always had big thighs that touch and big hips and I've never even thought about it, this is just how I am. But I understand why a sudden change to that when you've never experienced it before would be incredibly uncomfortable, especially if you didn't particularly notice the change happening. Lots of love to you Dorian xxxxx thank you for this story
I can relate heavily to alcoholism as I and my sister both suffer with it but her more so than me. Because of that the topic can be rather triggering. I use to drink way more back in the day but when I found my husband he really helped turn my life around. I went from drinking a 40oz of beer or a load a wine from a huge jug every night. Now days I drink no more than 3x a week and only a 24oz can of beer. It does make me rather chubby and I feel it, it's so so hard to quit to lose the weight. I honestly don't know if I will ever quit because I like to drink here and there but oh the weight, I'd love to be a stick again. Been trying to drink just one a week, it does make a difference but it's hard to keep up esp with all the stress. I'm so glad to hear you conquered your drinking, it means a lot to hear others make it out of that. Thank you for sharing your story.
Haven't finished the whole video yet; just wanted to say that this look is absolutely gorgeous! the colour combo, the make-up, the wig, the red top with the cloak. Real nice!
I've been alcohol free for 6 years. Alcoholism was the worst thing I've ever been through. Thanks for sharing. I'm proud of you for overcoming all that you have. ❤️ I was a private, at home drinker too.
Drinking by myself always feels miserable, yet idk why I feel the urge to go back to it. I've been struggling on and off for about 8 years at this point. The only reason why I haven't completely indulged in it is bc I live with my mom. And I'm grateful I never got to a point of physical dependency. But drinking daily for extended periods of time truly feels like hell. Your body suffers so much idk how I even managed to go to work or uni when I was going through these phases. Thank you for sharing all these life experiences for the lonely ones out there lacking human interaction and connection.
You have such a unique and entrancing way of telling a story. I am mesmerized by you whenever you share these parts of your life, not because I relish your pain but purely because of how talented you are at immersing me in your world. When i click on your videos, I feel completely consumed, hanging on to every beautifully constructed sentence, eager for the next.
If anyone knows a way of quitting cigarettes... I'm all ears. I tried so much, from Allan Carr to E cigs, and while battling a number of way harsher addictions, these small suckers seem the hardest to come clean of... As always, Dorian, your talent with words paired with a life so bumpy and interesting it feels voyeuristic to listen and watch... amazing talent!
can you use weed? pure weed can take the edge off the want for tabacco. the weed use will even itself out after some time (which means you will go back to smoking occasionally or not at all). at least that was the case for me, i had smoked cigs daily for 9 years.
@@theobscenekiwi unfortunately not, but thanks for the suggestion :) Was horribly addicted to that and wrecked my life for some years... For others it might work although I personally would never recommend anyone weed unless you fancy psychotic episodes ^^
I'm here a year late, just found this video, but it was so, so relatable. I've never heard anyone share a similar addition story to myself. Not the same drugs exactly, but the same patterns and recovery method. Thanks for sharing. Glad you're still here.
i'm so happy you're still around dorian. the world's better for it. and for the record i totally get what you mean about being glad you were sober when your dog passed. losing a pet when you're not clear-headed fucking blows. i recently ended up unwillingly having to go off my adhd medication (which im on quite a high dosage of and have been taking since i was 6) for a month because i fucked up my schedule, and then losing my 15 year old yorkie mix just a few days later in the middle of the brain-foggy slog that is vyvanse withdrawal. she was old and sick and it wasn't a surprise but it still fucked me up worse than it would've had i been more right in the head when it happened.
Girl I feel you. As a guy with former eating disorders (briefly anorexia, mostly bulimia) I’ve gained weight a couple times. Usually after quitting drugs at first. And I just couldn’t handle it. I remember it caused bulimia to rear its ugly head for the first time in forever. Cuz on heroin i just didn’t eat. And while most people when you think of heroin look bad, me and my friends looked hot. We were all effortlessly thin and still functional enough to take care of ourselves and get our hair done. So I’m with you girl when I’d gained weight and gotten a bit pudgy I couldn’t handle it.
I’m going through a tough time and while your writings about your harrowing life experiences are riveting I find your voice very soothing. Your speaking voice is wonderful🌈.
your inner will to live and inner strenght must be insane for you to still be alive after all the various things you've been through my deep respect and may you live as long and healthy as you still can and want
As a recovering alcoholic your story and writing style was so creatively descriptive and kept me so engaged. I love the brutal and beautiful honesty. I resonate with plenty of what you said.
Your sober date is a day before my bee day! I went through yet another similar experience in my alcoholism, I’ve been clean from it since 29th of July, 2015. What a fucking mess I was 😮💨 funnily enough, I replaced it with heroin, though. Still trying to fully recover from that, although I doubt I ever will be *fully* recovered. Haven’t touched booze in over 7 years, though! Highly, highly recommend it to ANYBODY stuck in that whirlwind of a rut. Congratulations, Dorian! 🖤
i'm currently in this stage- 20 units a day, im a beer drinker you can imagine the calories. I look 9 months pregnant- inflamed stomach lining i think. The weight gain omg, im currently tryin to live on 500 calories of food a day to counteract the alcohol cals. I feel so weak the 10minute uphill walk to the chemist to get my Methadone takes all day to build up for. Dorian i relate so much to- I was diagnosed with Autism 6months ago (the waiting list for the support group is 12months😂. Opiate addict from self medicating. Nearly dying from CWE and sooo many other stories. Sorry this message is rambling...i just wanted to say thank you for sharing these stories and seeing/hearing you genuinely gives me hope, if you can achieve and overcome like you have so can I. thank you xxxx
I never got as bad as a “true alcoholic”, I only drank obsessively for years as a coping mechanism in the later afternoon though the evening until i go to bed. My drug of choice was never hard liquor, it was always beer and wine, in some ways i think it is a worse drug of choice than harder liquor. Because every social outing with alcohol involved is always beer or wine. What made me want to change my ways was a real bad drunk driving dream and I had the kids in the car. Not 100% sober yet or don’t still have urges when I’m stressed, but it only could go up hill from here.
Congrats on 5 years!!! Love your perspective and thank you for sharing yet another well told story. I wonder if dealing with an ed previously it's like you have more personal knowledge and experience on having to overcome something you HAVE to deal with on a regular basis in a healthy way (to survive or not, but both drinking and ed can feel that way in my opinion idk I'm loco). Tapering down is such a good rule in general if cold turkey is not a (safe) option. Love the waffles. Keep thriving and blessed be.
I love how you say you are waffling when really your stories are quite entertaining in a weird way, and I love how articulate you are with your storytelling!
![🔴 ฟุตบอลแชมป์กีฬา 7HD แชมเปียน คัพ 2024 [รอบรองชนะเลิศ]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/zPm8ClLVhoE/mqdefault.jpg)
"People treat you like the most precious egg in the world when you arent just you anymore" this made me feel a lot
The Samaritans told my friend “why don’t you just do it then” when going through their list of responses hadn’t changed her mind on ending her life. It’s gonna be 5 years without her this year, we’d been friends since we were 14 and I’ll never not be devastated by the loss of her. I’m totally unsurprised they hung up on you tbh.
The text crisis line my friend texted became automated so no actual people just an auto response based on your messages key words. He’s been gone for almost 5 months. We really need better support systems out there because these people are so loved.
You’re also so loved by those around you and I hope your friends memory drives your forward as my friends has so far in my grieving process
Therapist when the credit card declines:
I’m so sorry this keeps happening 🙁
I had a friend call the Crisis Team in an extremely distressed state, only to be told that 3 in the morning wasn’t a convenient time to be suicidal, and could she call back after 9am … she didn’t see the morning. And which ever one of them on that damned Crisis Team who said that? Never held accountable.
I think for them, it’s easier to apologise for actively failing a patient to death, than it is to explain why they’re so utterly incompetent to begin with.
My best friend committed suicide during COVID. He was in a German mental institution but they couldn't help him I guess...his wife should have told me sooner, he was dead before I knew his problem had gotten that bad. Hung himself on a doorknob while his wife was home. I will always be haunted: did she know? Did she let him do it? Who the hell knows. Sorry you lost your friend. Not sure this is gonna be any comfort but when someone's mind is set on suicide nobody is going to stop them.
post-anorexia i was dependant on weed, and when i realized i was gaining weight from the muchies i was terrified. i feel you. love you endlessly.
Would you like advice for munchies from someone in the post-bulimia-corner?
@@theobscenekiwi YES
@@theobscenekiwi Yes!🙋🏻♀️
Yeah I was in the same boat, and when all my plugs ghosted me (I was underage, unable to get it on my own) I was forced to be sober, causing a ana relapse, and then I got hooked on nic and lost the munchie weight and more, but when I finally got some weed, I realized the things that help most with munchies for me is having a healthy, low Cal snack with me, bc im too lazy to go get junk and j eat the healthy thing. Also, drinking lots of water or whatever beverage you want, especially with a straw bc I usually end up gnawing on it. Number one thing that got rid of the munchies was nic, specifically vapes, bc it suppresses your appetite and tastes good, but I obvi don't recommend it bc I overall felt like utter shit on nic.
I get munchies that make me vomit I need advice on that bad lol 😅
Listening to Dorian proper laugh about half an hour in was such a joy to listen to and watch Omg
Omg, right? I rewound to watch it again, it was infectious 🤣
It was amazing, hahah
Yeh, dude, alcohol is horrible. Unliveable.
33:54
Yea same it was just like me reminiscing about being super ill and worked up on drugs for days and pretending to be fine, than bloody remembering how it must have been 1000% obvious, just not even placeable for the average person to witness. Cracked me up when they laughed! Also they're such blessing talking about this hell ride of a drug too, way too accurate. Big love.
Alcohol is the only drug you have to justify NOT using.
Well not the only one but one of the scarier ones yes
Caffeine as well tbh
Well, that and caffeine. I've had co-workers who would say things like "I just can't trust somebody who doesn't drink coffee". But yeah, it's annoying when you just want to chill and everyone else feels they need to hound you about it. Just another reason why weed is such a vastly better vice-substance.
2 months sober dealing with this HARD rn
The feeling of your skin touching skin after being underweight your whole life is horrific. Always appreciate your candidness.
I'm a bit Ignorant about eating disorder stuff, can you explain what you mean by this comment, like I'm five.
I have a lot of experience with addiction, but not eating disorders.
Just curious and wanting to understand thanks 👍
@@GiordanoBruno42 I think they meant the feeling of having skin/ fat rolls that touch. Like many people that are a normal weight or overweight have a varying degrees of rolls on ther stomach/ back etc. The more body fat you have the more of your body is constantly touching itself. (Like your legs rubbing together, your arms rubbing against your stomach, stomach folds etc)
Someone that was underweight might not know this feeling as much.
And just when you are sweating alot it can be uncomfortable. Like imagine in the summer just sweaty thighs always rubbing. It's not the nicest the feeling.
Currently struggling with this, the constant touching is the most massive body dysmorphia trigger I could ever imagine. The fucked up thing about it all is that being a healthy weight makes the dysmorphia worse, but being underweight turns into an obsessive ego-driven mania. Trying to figure out the balance right now!
I've been underweight for my whole life (mostly on purpose, sometimes because of sickness) but now I'm finally at the lower-end of healthy weight. I finally had to buy size 2 pants and a bigger cup size of bra last month. I feel so uncomfortable in my own skin, even though I'm happy to finally be at a healthy weight.
I found it extremely fatphobic and triggering, ngl.
Your writing is KILLER, and your narration is just as fabulous.
I’ve been watching her stories all day, it’s almost weirdly comforting to know no matter the different trauma we’ve been through, the emotions, the drive, and the end goal between us all connected us
You've described perfectly how I feel about pregnancy, there is no body horror quite like the idea of another living thing festering inside you, scythening off your nutrients.
As someone who just had a baby, can confirm, pregnancy is AWFUL 😆
Not how you'd feel when you were actually pregnant! You love them and want them to keep growing, you get attached. They are part of you
there has GOT to be a link between autism and disgust of pregnancy and childbirth, because that is how it works in my brain. i could write an essay...
I don’t mean to be rude, but I think the word you’re looking for is “siphoning”, not “scythening”.
@@SM-yz4hi oh shit, you're right I didn't notice that haha
im currently battling alcoholism as a teenager. having an eating disorder at the same time is absolutely killing me, being at the highest weight in my life. This really helps, thank you dorian !
sending you love
stay strong, sending you love as well
Man, being an alcoholic and having an eating disorder at the same time is awful. I wish you the best of luck
Hang in there 💕
im in the same boat, hun. we both got this! sending you all my love
Pregnancy is a straight phobia for me. My earliest memories was me at 5/6 my mom was brushing my hair and said something about “when you have kids..” I started crying so hard saying I HAVE TO? She said no, Oprah doesn’t have kids! I loved Oprah lmao.
Starting around that time I remember going in the bathroom/closet every day to punch/squeeze my stomach to “kill it” 🤦🏻♀️ obv I wasn’t pregnant idk what was wrong w me.
Anyways I’ve had 1 abortion at 19 and am now on BC and relapsed in my ED so there wouldn’t be a chance of it happening again. Hubby plans to get the snip. Once that happens maybe I can get better.
I hope you're seeing a professional therapist too rather than pinning your hopes on someone else getting a procedure that's not a 100% guarantee.
@@jn1211 therapy won’t make me infertile, so it won’t help. If I have to be underweight then so be it I’m not getting pregnant again. It won’t be an issue for much longer whether he gets the snip or not because I’ll need a hysterectomy due to cervical cancer soon anyways.
I'm so sorry that you've had to have that with you for so long and with your diagnosis. You deserve to feel at peace in your body and not have an unwanted pregnancy looking over your head.
It sounds like your partner is supportive. And I really hope you get proper care and health with your hysterectomy.
@@raversfantasynexplanon is incredibly effective. A miracle you’re effectively sterile for years.
@@raversfantasyhave you considered getting a copper or hormonal IUD?
"If your stomach feels hard, you're probably poking a human skull." 🤢 The thought of being pregnant has always disgusted me.😖
reminds me of this tumblr post that's like "i don't want to be pregnant because i can't stand the idea of growing bones that i can't keep"
ngl based on this quote all of my cis male uncles must be pregnant
@@ZaraBizara alcoholism
Honestly same here. I've been TERRIFIED of pregnancy my whole life. I got an OBGYN to agree to plug my tubes up 9 years ago and have ZERO regrets (I will say I was lucky I got an OB to agree to do it the day before my 31st birthday but that's mainly because of some of my health issues (mental and physical due to my bipolar/addiction/alcoholism issues) I didn't have many birth control options other than the depo provera shot which made me gain weight like CRAZY (I gained over 100 pounds on that damn shot! That plus I got off hard drugs, was still drinking alcohol and got on psych meds.) or an IUD and F**K getting one of those! I've heard horror stories about IUD's! So my doctor talked to me about a procedure called "Essure" and it was a 30 ish minute outpatient procedure instead of getting the full tubal legation surgery which would have also been a bit dangerous for me due to some of my health conditions. Essure was taken off the market in 2018 for all the bad things it did to women sadly. I eventually developed PCOS but since getting off a certain psych med and quitting booze completely a little over 2 years ago, my period has become more regular than it has been in many years so the PCOS might have been a misdiagnosis. They wanted me to do a biopsy but I refused and I'm glad now. Sometimes these doctors make you take unnecessary tests just to make more money. My problem was I was an addict/alcoholic and I had to get sober or I was gonna die. But I've never had a "motherly bone" in my body. NEVER wanted kids. Been with the same guy for going on 13 years this July and we discussed early on we weren't gonna have kids/didn't want them and he doesn't have any of his own (thank god) so it worked out for us. We have a cat we love very much. The thought of being pregnant has always scared the living crap out of me and I'm SO glad I don't have to worry about it anymore!
Same here.
"I doubt anyone's still here at this point" Of course we are!
I love listening to your ramblings but this one opened my eyes to so many things, as I come from a family of alcoholics. Thank you.
Yea I live for these while doing chores, my ipl treatment atm or other things. Who would not love this.
"How could i get addicted to something so..shit". Man i feel that one... unfortunately i am there, and it is to control my depression and anxiety. I am going to hospital in a week or 2 now to get better. I am so scared, but i asked myself, "am i happy now, am i doing something useful right now?". The answer was obvious, absolutely not. The true wake-up call was to see that my liver was already suffering and i'm 27. I guess my life still matters to me after all. Can't wait to be off this toxic waste. Thanks for your stories Dorian.
EDIT: wow, thank you so so much for the support. I did not think it would mean so much to me but it really does. You can see that this issue has touched so many lives. Again, thank you!
I hope you have a great recovery and don't be too hard on yourself. You've already gotten through the hardest part.
Good luck you can do it !
Thank you so much
Sending you all our best wishes, vibes, whatever works. Sober 27 years now but still remember when one day seemed impossible. You can do it
All the best to you! That's such a big step!
49:02 “Self hatred only begets self-destruction”
I felt that.
The pregnancy part of the story made me physically unwell!! You should write horror!! 😂
Try listening to it pregnant! lol good thing I actually want this baby and I am happy about it or I would have been freaked out too lol
@@LadyDelSangue87 haha same happened to my friend she spat her drink out laughing when i tried to cheer her up about being pregnant (being frightened and stuff) referring to it continuously as an alien, doing a little standup, because everyone was so serious she loved me being a goose. But this description was even heavy for me lol I'm a big horror fan, also congrats!
And he does
If you describe it like that, yeah it definitely sounds scary.
Dorian’s a horror writer by trade!
My alcoholic arse needed to hear this video… it’s created more problems in my life than anything else… thank you Dorian!
Hi, I hope you’re doing ok 7 months later. Xxx
I can relate. Quitting alcohol would literally solve 99 out of 100 of my problems haha
@@kkoplyer4176same bestie currently going through the consequences of my 4 day blacked out bender. Hungover and can't keep anything down.
This is the trashy addicts thread brought to life. I'm so glad you're doing better now, and I hope these reflections give hope to others in similar situations. I just lost my mom to liver failure, and it is not an easy way to die. Seek help NOW.
I love that thread so much
True. So true. I care for the elderly, an lemme tell you, if alcohol has been a feature in their lives its not pretty. It's usually responsible for kind of dementia that makes you go like wtf happened to MOM, and who is this monster?!
Ugh. Love that thread so much,,
Thank you for sharing. Addiction runs deep in my family, and Alcoholism ended up killing my mother. I'm glad you were able to overcome and survive this. I've been a long time subscriber and I always appreciate how honest you are.
Edit: As someone who had a kid and didn't actually really want one, the idea of a second skeleton inside of me was the WORST thing to me. Every time she moved I'd jolt in shock and horror. She's six now and I enjoy being a parent, but NEVER EVER am I doing it again. I will sob if I find out I'm pregnant again.
I got pregnant while battling a drug addiction and told myself I had did too much damage to it so I got rid of it. I regret that decision everyday because I feel like they could've saved me life 😪. I'm still here obviously and have kicked my drug habit, but I still battle with alcoholism, although not "that bad", it's enough to where I drink every day.
@@bsteph5019 As someone who was kinda "saved" by their child, I wanna say it's not something you should regret. Children aren't meant to save anyone, however your mental state completely shifts to "Protect and Serve" mode. The first five years are REALLY hard and I developed Postpartum Depression. (My ex helped nothing but that's neither here nor there)
Not saying you would have been a bad mother, but it would have added a new unending stress which will possibly make everything worse. Sometimes the best thing you can do as a mother is chose to never have them in the first place.
Also congrats on finding a healthy medium with alcohol!
@vvitch-mist20 I appreciate your kind words and further confirming the decisions I made for myself. I had 2 terminations with the same person, one at 18 and one at 25 and although I wish I kept the last one, I feel like it just wasn't in the works for me as I was in active addiction and had no plans of stopping at that point. My ex wasn't a supportive S.O. and my mom (my backbone) had just passed 4 years prior so I knew I'd be doing it all on my own. I so wish to have a child of my own eventually, I'm only 27 so I know it's still an option but I know I need to have the proper mindset to bring a child into this world.
@@bsteph5019 Of course. I had to make a similar decision, sometimes I wonder if I even made the right once since she's diabetic and at risk for schizophrenia when she's older.
At the same time I don't regret my decision because I know that her being here DID change my life for the better and had given me a motivation to better my life. I didn't suffer from addictions, but I was deeply depressed and riddled with anxiety lol. So while she helped me it's not a path I recommend bc it make everything harder.
I bet you'll be an amazing mom. But if you do end up having a kid stock up the whole pregnancy on diapers, and wipes. Don't have them back to back. Toddlers and young kids need your focus and you will need to get out of "Mommy Mode" from time to time.
SAME why is the idea of a skeleton just so unnerving??
i had a pregnancy scare that im still unsure if it was false or ended in a miscarriage, but the idea of something inside me, all those bones and skin, made me so anxious i wanted to claw out my uterus for the few weeks i was in that mindset.
When I quit drinking alcohol and smoking weed, I lost all of my "friends" because those were the only things we truly had in common.
Same. Now I’ve been a proud sober loner for 3 years
@@rrrrrrrrrrr7554 Sure, I'm glad I quit and left those enablers in my past, but I'm not so happy to be alone.
@@travismorse4762 I'm sure ou have so much more to offer. It can just take some time and try and error to find people who cherish that.
@@dannyvalward1524 It's been years. Besides, there are other factors (mental illness and such). Furthermore, friends are not what I want (if you catch my drift).
@Nicholas #51 I can relate to the lack of motivation and to the fear, depression, mental illness, anxiety, etc. Unfortunately, my issues won't allow me to drink coffee, run, or smoke/vape anything. At least you have a good doctor, mine just lies to me and acts like she don't know how to help me correctly. I suppose I could drink tea, go for walks, and eat cbd gummies, but too much caffeine is bad for my anxiety, I've had a heart murmur since birth, and thc worsens my mental illness. Besides, I pretty much destroyed my lungs by smoking like a burning village since I was 18 (I'm now 37 and just recently quit) I'm glad that you could find something that works for you. If it's not already obvious, I am also a crazy person (welcome to the club). 🤪
i was born in 2000, i was used to the nostalgia project being mostly stuff that happened before and around the time i was born, so when you mentioned deadpool, which i saw at the cinema when it came out, it felt so weird lmao we're actually talking about a time i remember
😳
oh boy I am ten years older, it gets even weirder when it becomes things that came out when you're an adult, or when generation alpha starts having nostalgia about a cartoon from their childhood you've never seen before because it came out when you were old enough to drink
The combo of being an alcoholic and suffering with an ED is brutal. But in the end of the day, they're just different symptoms of the same underlying problem. I'm glad you managed to get out of it! Congratulations on the 5 year sobriety!
Skin touching skin is the worst!! As an overweight autistic person myself, I have to sleep with the sleeve of a sweater under my chin. The feeling of my neck touching my double chin is torture. I am on my own weight loss journey though so hopefully I can get back to my “normal” later this year.
There's coolsculpting and other fat removal procedures that can be used on the underchin if it bothers you so much. It sucks to suffer autistic symptoms if they can be improved with noninvasive treatments. Hope you find something that helps (from a fellow autistic.)
omg i used to be overweight and forgot i used to do this too 😭
Even tho some people hate how tight stretchy clothes exaggerate their fat, I find it much more comfortable to wear stuff like that because it keeps parts of my body quarantined from one another, lolol. The boobs aren't touching the belly & the belly doesn't touch the thighs if I bend over.
i was literally miserable at a higher weight omg i would be overstimulated and sm closer to the verge of a panic attack all the time just cause so much skin was folding over and touching 🫠
I’m not overweight and this bothers me too
when you mentioned " August it ends "tears welled up. my spouse took his life 8/26/19 and he was an alcoholic.
I’m so sorry for your loss 💔
I'm so sorry
Alcohol IS my drug of choice. I love how it feels. I love coming home in the evening and pouring myself a nice cold beer with a nice meal and seeping into this fuzzy anxiety-free bliss. One beer turns into 6. I wake up the next morning hangover but still functioning after a shower and a good breakfast. I never drink in the daytime and can stay sober for a week or so, but in the end of the day I enjoy alcohol too much to stop. It's maddening. I'm still technically at a normal weight, but I've gained 15 kilos since I started drinking like this and it's awful. I love the idea of weaponizing your ED against your alcoholism. Thank you.
I´m pretty sure if alcohol wasn´t so socially accepted, most people wouldn´t even drink. Its effect is way worse than other drugs (at least on me) and alcohol hangover is by far the worst hangover in my opinion. I still managed to become addicted because I just love getting fucked up on anything and alcohol just was always available and accepted. 3 months into sobriety now.
Just saying congratulation!
congratulations! hope you're still going strong
@@moratolca I made it to almost 6 months without a single drink, then began slipping up a few times but never to a point above tipsiness. Trying not be too harsh on myself for that.
@Marguerite de Pompadour I hope you aren't hard on yourself, that accomplishment is amazing and I don't think you should blame yourself for being human. I agree with your original comment though, I'm a college student and I go out barhopping with friends, and it feels like none of us actually like drinking but we do it because we feel like we need to, to hang out with one another.
I'm so glad that I'm sober now "10 yrs of h and fentynol". It really sucks that I didn't get sober b4 my dad died though. I took really good care of him but i still severely regret he didn't get to see me sober.
He sees you sober don’t worry. He’s very proud of you.😊
I can relate, though not with drugs. I have been bulimic most of my life, and just got help a couple years ago. My teeth all fell out before i turned 29, im about to be 30, and i get my dentures next month!! Unfortunately my dad passed in december. He will never get to see me smile, free of that internal pain. But he is watching over me, as your dad is for you. And they are proud of us. We got this, one step at a time 💜
My father was alcoholic and he switched addictions multiple time (still does). There was ice cream, then a specific type of biscuit, then there was the garden, then the animals. Soooo much chickens and rabbits
My God that way MY dad too! It was saltwater fish tanks, then his sailboat, then his Jeep and off-roading, then collecting cuckoo clocks, then guitars etc...
I'm so relieved it isn't just me!
I'm an autistic female with ADHD, with very similar issues to yours from the past (alcoholic, drug addict). I swear I'be watched this video ( other as well) at least 5 times because it's so comforting. Good to know I'm not alone in this stuff. Love you and thank you for sharing your story and still being with us. It's always ok in the end, and if it's not ok then it's not the end.
Dorian, I sincerely hope you’ll read this even though it’s probably just a long-winded waffle. I just wanted to say how amazed and grateful I am that you’re still here with us. The fact that you’ve survived and recovered from years, if not decades, of severe mental health issues, eating disorders, self-harm, drug abuse, alcoholism, and trauma, is a miracle. You’ve faced so many hardships and dangers and yet you’ve remained a compassionate, exceptional human being. Your decision to choose recovery and change your entire life for the better takes so much strength and courage, and I applaud you for it.
The fact that you’re still here is a sign. I’m not particularly spiritual, but I fully believe that someone or something has been watching over you and protecting you all these years. You’re such an unique and extraordinary soul with so much to give to this world and I’m 100% sure the universe knows it. Thank you for existing and staying on this earth with us. I know I’m only a subscriber and I don’t actually know you, but your videos have helped me through so much. I’m autistic as well and I’m scared I’m falling into poly-addiction. I am terrified of where my future will lead, but your videos have been a sort of saviour to me. You remind me so much of myself sometimes and for some reason that helps my anxiety a great deal. I admire you so much, thank you for being here and telling us your stories and experiences. Sending you loving and calming vibes, you deserve all the peace you can get
I'm 4 days sober. Everything is a bit shit right now, but what you are saying speaks to me and you're so funny so I'll just keep listening to these and find a way through. ❤
Hey how are you now?
Same relapsed hard... And it's only been 3 days..
As an addict, i adore your substance videos. They literallyhelp so much. I RELATE so much. Love you dude ❤️
my dad has suffered with drug addictions and alcoholism all his life, as much as i want to endulge in the things he has and you talk about, just being there to witness my dads addictions, and feel that hurt and seeing him get better and sober so he could to be a better father to me and my brother, and listening to your videos deter me from ever going down the same path my dad went down. while i do have a lot of trauma from my dads addictions, he will forever be one of my favorite people. knowing what hes gone through, and knowing im one of the sole reasons hes still here and alive to this day brings me so much joy, countless times hes told me how hes not worth my love and support and that its a bad idea to stick by him, but im his baby girl, he got better for me. hes here for me. i know i can always count on him to protect me and keep me safe no matter what. its people like you and my dad, and countless other recovered addicts that i havent gone down the same paths, knowing others experiences, as well as having been there witnessing what stuff does to people and loved ones. thank you dorian, your videos mean a lot to me
id also like to add that my birthday is march 1st :)
go you and your dad
As an alcoholic I can say it’s weird to hear that other alcoholics do the screaming thing. Waking up with a hangover in so much pain you just scream ….
I am autistic and I struggle with binge drinking I have a hard time finding anyone who can relate to me, thank you for posting this and I would like to see or hear more. If that is not ok to ask I'm sorry.
I can truly relate! You are not alone!
You're definitely not alone, I struggled with binge drinking for years and was undiagnosed and wondering why I felt like I needed it to cope with life and stress
My bf went through the same thing, he just had to come to terms with the fact he could not drink at all or smoke weed either. Took a long time for that to be a long term commitment. He's really into CBD now and it ACTUALLY makes him feel better. I feel much safer.
I'm also autistic and was an alcoholic. I've been alcohol free for 5 years now. You aren't alone :)
Hi,just discovered this channel on the typical recovery youtube binge (iykyk) .
This video had me listening on the edge of my seat, you're such a fantastic storyteller.
I'm on day 2 today after my last violent relapse. It's been a long 20 years of crippling alcoholism and anxiety and sickness. Ruined my marriage and that caused the last relapse but I tapered as well and went to a doctor to get acamprosate, b complex vitamins and a couple valiums for the first days.
I once again feel reborn,like a phoenix rising from the boozy ashes. Hope it lasts this time.
All the best to you and other people in recovery who may be reading this. To the people still in the throes of addiction; I know how impossible it seems to get out of it but I promise if you search deep within yourself, we ALL have the power to kick addictions ass.
wow goodluck ❤❤
@@alexanderh8129 Still goin strong, doctors,circlejerk meetings and the whole shebang.oh well, whatever it takes. thanks for the kind reply. All the best to you.
I quit the sauce 3 months ago and never felt better. I learned to accept the things that happened to me and that I can't control the past, but I can control the future.
can i just say you are SUCH A GOOD STORYTELLER. because why the hell did i actually gasp when it got to the part where it turned out u were actually pregnant. like the way you paced out the hints at being pregnant throughout the chapter in a way that felt minor and insignificant in the moment, before the reveal where you're like "OH DAMN, HOW DID I MISS THAT??".. it actually feels like i'm living through the experience. and then the description of all the thoughts regarding being pregnant without knowing, and then the fear and disgust as you realize you'd been battling alcoholism the whole time a fetus was inside you, feels so visceral and real while still being so beautifully written and appealing????? like holy shit omg and i'm only halfway thru so far but i just had to make this comment bc i had to let you know LMAO
I remember this time. I was so worried about you. I don't think I understood the extent, but I figured that was what was happening. As you know, you can't get rid of me! FWIW I didn't think you were embarrassing at the memorial. I think everyone was wrapped up in their own shit that day. I'm so immensely proud of you, every day. I hope you know that! Maybe it helps that the Mr and I don't drink either :) It's been 15 years since we've had alcohol! I'm so proud of you, really. xx
You mentioned finding a drink you really enjoy upon stopping alcohol in your life and as chance would have it this past weekend I found an odd drink that I fancy very much. Odyssey Sparkling Mushroom Elixir blackberry lemon twist. Today marks one month alcohol free for me.
Congrats on one month and great job🎉🎉
Hope you're doing well :)
@@alexandramaclachlan7597 I am doing very well. Thank you, dear.
LOVED this one. I bought Millennium Goth! It was SO magical reading it after I had heard every single one of them on TH-cam! You are life changing. I am a recovering alcoholic, trying to heal bulimic. Your stories have been a life line at times for me. Keep sharing friend🧡🧡🧡
I thankfully could not relate LESS to the part about hating being "fat". In my early teens I was very thin and I truly HATED being skinny for the same but very different way. I couldnt stand the feeling of my ribcage pushing out and rubbing against the inside of my skin. I'm chubby and comfortable now
Really glad you told your story, I’m deep in alcoholism now after the hurricane destroyed my home and I used it to cope with the crippling anxiety and fear. Just went on a week long bender and it feels impossible to moderate at the moment, but you heavily inspire me
You’re the only person who genuinely gives me hope for my sobriety, the only person who’s opinion isn’t extreme and scary. Thank u for continuing to share 💕
Love your voice-in a writing sense, and in the podcast type of way ( if that makes sense )
I can't thank you enough for your honesty, I'm also an addict, shackled to a methadone prescription, it's shocking how much your story mirrors mine, I'm glad you got through it.. Keep going mate
So very very close to my own experience. It's an awful addiction. Drank for about 12 years and withdrew 3 times alone Which speaks to that power of addiction. Tapered myself off by drinking a beer when the shaking was getting too bad to stand.. June 30 1994.
Thank you for 'waffling' on at the end, it's helped me understand my own addiction issues and my post-menopausal mother who had an alcoholism issue throughout that majority of my adolescence.
My sober birthday is January 5th, 2023. I know it's recent, but I believe in it. I was a high-functioning alcoholic in deep denial. I could never do benders, I was always too queasy and tired to drink when hungover, but I used to get shitfaced 2-3 times a week for 4-5 years. The first wake-up call came in September 2020, when a blood test revealed my liver inflammation levels were over three times the norm. I've scaled back since and gone couple times 2-3 months sober, but always slipped back to my old habits. But I finally am sick enough the damage drinking has been doing to my physical and mental health. I have not had physical withdrawals, but even then quitting requires sort of overhauling the alcoholic mentality. I keep having dreams where I buy alcohol and drink it while also registering that I shouldn't Be drinking anymore and wake up baffled but also relieved that I did not relapse in real life. Honestly I just love the fact that I am now able to talk about alcohol in past tense.
Much love to any other recovering alcoholics reading this and also people who have considered quitting.
This is definitely one of my favorite videos of yours, lost count of how many times I've rewatched it
have been struggling with this recently myself. Terrified of withdrawals, but struggling to taper without bingeing. So far I've only managed cold turkey years ago (wouldnt recommend (seizures and hallucinations are scary af), and detoxing in hospital. Physical dependence on alcohol is a weird and tricky thing to manage
Don't be afraid to ask for help, no one finds success in life all on their own. we thrive through community.
@@bubblebrainbow thanks! I've done a bit of AA, but not sure its for me. I'm in treatment from other sources too tho, have a counsellor and go to a weekly group for it. Slowly getting there! ♥
Ask the doctor for some valium to get you through withdrawal.
@@We_Are_All_Vultures I got some benzos during detox at hospital just for the couple days to dodge seizing over new years, but I wouldn't want a longer script tbh. I'd get hooked on benzos harder than drink I think
@@ayembic7933 yeah, I was just thinking one script. Your local gp will usually hook you up with 15 or 20 if you tell them you're coming off alcohol. They won't keep handing them out. It's one shot.
You are such a talented writer! Like really really good. Your underrated honestly
congratulations on your determination and sobriety, Dorian! You are an inspiration for even thinking back then that you wanted to stop. I hope your family can express more curiosity about your journey
You've been the most realest most relatable most calming TH-cam creator I'll always replay videos at night and when there's a new one it's like Christmas and it gives me hope that im not the only one who's think and done a hell of a time. I never comment but if you ever go private I'd die but I'd love to hear your mental process to start TH-cam and opening up to others. Thank you for all your work.
Hey 🖤 loving the headgear today ! As I've listened to your story I've learnt about myself, only a fellow autie could have give me the words I was lacking . I'd love to be able to share some of my experiences, maybe one day . Thank you 🖤
Listening to your life story and reflections is so oddly comforting and familiar. You remind me of me and my best friend and how we sit and talk with each other. Congratulations to you and the many others in this chat who have made it through the traumas of our youth. It's such an odd thing to sit back and think about, the way life changes as we get older and analyze how things changed, for those of us who make it out. I enjoy listening to your perspective.
I had a bit of a problem with alcohol and like you also tried my best to get over it on my own, and as I did amazing improvement, my family just said, oh well mustnt have been a problem then, and now they get offended if I turn down a drink and tell me to stop acting as if I had a problem.
so I really feel it when you said that bit about your family, I know how that hurts
s2
Never been a drinker but I am tapering off Xanax. your story reminds me why I have to do this. even though it’s awful and scary, but I only got addicted to it becuse a job was causing me daily panic attacks. The job is long gone now and I am left with this highly addictive drug I don’t even get any pleasure out of anymore.
hey bud, i just want to wish you luck. i've been there.
You've got this! I was addicted to Xanax for many years, I know the struggle. You are gunna feel.so much better without them! Good luck! You can do it!!🤟❤️😊
Stay strong and more importantly, please stay safe!
I had to endure 5 whole years of terrible withdrawal symptoms after I quit benzos, it was awful but my life is 1000% better now.
in almost the exact same situation right now. job is long gone, the chore of taking my daily dose is still there. I miss the relief it used to give me but I can’t stand how the withdrawals are influencing my life. We got this 🫶🏼🎉
Happy belated Sober Birthday Dorian! Sorry I’m a little over a month late! Fucking proud of you! 💙
At the risk of sounding like a creepy super fan here but the intros to your videos get me so excited 😊
Congrats. I got clean by myself as well. My sober bday just happened, Feb 1, 2019. Nothing but Mary Jane and some alcohol since then. It’s hard but possible.
Dude did you just tell the story of my last 2 years of life? My fizzy peach is sparkling cherry limeade. 👍
I don't know how I didn't die or go thru withdrawals. I was drinking nearly 175ml of vodka a day as my medication then other drinks for fun. Been sober for eight months cold turkey. Getting on Prozac and taking it regularly killed my need for alcohol to get by. I love yall, anything is possible.
thank you dorian for sharing
Currently struggling with alcohol addiction for about a good 4 years
I’m cut out from most of my family and in laws
Hearing others stories however makes me feel less hopeless
From what you said towards the end I truly feel like your dog knew you would be okay, he held on and waited for you to be in a better place, and made sure you had your birthday too. I’m sorry for your loss the loss of a pet it’s such a painful complicated thing because you feel the same loss you feel for any friend or family but a lot other people can’t sympathise for animals :( I lost mine just before some of the worst times in my life in around 2020, I could have really done with him to be there with me and for me, I’m so so glad you got to have yours.
Also thank you for speaking on this alcoholism is a problem for my family and friends it runs deep and I resonate with a lot of this story but looking in as an outsider on what I’ve seen people I love go through. It’s helpful to have your perspective and such a beautifully well described experience to draw from. Thanks again as always Dorian 🖤🖤
Proud of you. As someone dealing with mental health, autism and addiction you’re videos bring me hope and a sense that I have a friend.
The way you articulate the trap of 'magical' drunken writing that oh so quickly flashes your story into a vortex of shity mess is just... too close to home. And writing hangover is utterly unreal as you detest everything from the night before with the guilt-ridden passion... Was just so... comforting to hear your story, to hear that someone understands these messy connections between writing and alcohol. Thank you ❤
Your story just reinforces that if you want something bad enough, you will do anything to get it - even if it involves overcoming an addiction. Of course it’s harder, but it’s not impossible. Alcohol is definitely a bit trickier to kick on your own because of how dangerous the withdrawals can be. But, you always have a choice: a choice to stay in active addiction or get sober. Speaking as a former addict who kicked a 5 year addiction on my own because I wanted to prove to myself I could do it and I never wanted to go to rehab. Also, your channel is such a joy. I first discovered you through your End of the Road video on Eugenia Cooney and I’ve been watching your videos ever since. So glad to have found your channel and this video, in particular. ❤
To be honest, I could listen to you ramble on for hours. I enjoy listening to you talk about anything and everything that you’re thinking about. Your voice is calming and the way that you write things and script videos, or even just think makes me visualize what you’re talking about clearly. ❤
hii:) hope youre having a good day. i'm currently going alcohol sober and my life has improved so much
The way you talked about what it physically FEELS like to gain weight when you’re used to be super skinny makes so much more sense now. As a fellow autistic, I’m very sensitive to the way clothes feel, the way things feel on my skin, etc. And as someone who’s also struggled with body issues and ED’s since I was like… 12, I would (and still do) always feel so incredibly uncomfortable when I’d gain weight again. Like PHYSICALLY uncomfortable and I never knew how to describe that to anyone. So thank you for putting that into words!!
SAME skin on skin feels like a crime
i can buy my fabrics but i cannot buy my way out of my flesh
@@absolutetrash8118yes I agree. I've always been a bigger person so the feeling of my thighs touching or my boobs touching each other, or worse, the skin of my stomach under them, it's disgusting feeling. I've had body issues for as long as I can remember too though
Oh Dorian I love you. I’ve just finished Millennium gothic and I just want to read it again. The way that you write is so beautiful it make me feel such an overwhelming sense of emotion and nostalgia for a life that isn’t mine. Loved loved loved it!
You're such a damn good story teller. I'm always captivated listening to you
I'm watching this on March 1st. Happy sobriety day, Dorian. You've done a fantastic job. I'm proud of ya!
I've been watching you for years and never experienced your giggle!! Sweetest giggle ever!! It made me instantly smile!!! As always, I'm so glad you're still here with us ❤️
It's kinda wild to hear your description of being in a bigger body and how sensoriallly horrifying it was, because I've always had big thighs that touch and big hips and I've never even thought about it, this is just how I am. But I understand why a sudden change to that when you've never experienced it before would be incredibly uncomfortable, especially if you didn't particularly notice the change happening.
Lots of love to you Dorian xxxxx thank you for this story
I can relate heavily to alcoholism as I and my sister both suffer with it but her more so than me. Because of that the topic can be rather triggering. I use to drink way more back in the day but when I found my husband he really helped turn my life around. I went from drinking a 40oz of beer or a load a wine from a huge jug every night. Now days I drink no more than 3x a week and only a 24oz can of beer. It does make me rather chubby and I feel it, it's so so hard to quit to lose the weight. I honestly don't know if I will ever quit because I like to drink here and there but oh the weight, I'd love to be a stick again. Been trying to drink just one a week, it does make a difference but it's hard to keep up esp with all the stress. I'm so glad to hear you conquered your drinking, it means a lot to hear others make it out of that. Thank you for sharing your story.
Haven't finished the whole video yet; just wanted to say that this look is absolutely gorgeous! the colour combo, the make-up, the wig, the red top with the cloak. Real nice!
I know you don’t really read these, or I guess engage with them, but I can’t thank you enough for this 🖤
I've been alcohol free for 6 years. Alcoholism was the worst thing I've ever been through. Thanks for sharing. I'm proud of you for overcoming all that you have. ❤️ I was a private, at home drinker too.
Drinking by myself always feels miserable, yet idk why I feel the urge to go back to it. I've been struggling on and off for about 8 years at this point. The only reason why I haven't completely indulged in it is bc I live with my mom. And I'm grateful I never got to a point of physical dependency. But drinking daily for extended periods of time truly feels like hell. Your body suffers so much idk how I even managed to go to work or uni when I was going through these phases. Thank you for sharing all these life experiences for the lonely ones out there lacking human interaction and connection.
You have such a unique and entrancing way of telling a story. I am mesmerized by you whenever you share these parts of your life, not because I relish your pain but purely because of how talented you are at immersing me in your world. When i click on your videos, I feel completely consumed, hanging on to every beautifully constructed sentence, eager for the next.
This video is definitely time well spent.
If anyone knows a way of quitting cigarettes... I'm all ears. I tried so much, from Allan Carr to E cigs, and while battling a number of way harsher addictions, these small suckers seem the hardest to come clean of...
As always, Dorian, your talent with words paired with a life so bumpy and interesting it feels voyeuristic to listen and watch... amazing talent!
can you use weed? pure weed can take the edge off the want for tabacco. the weed use will even itself out after some time (which means you will go back to smoking occasionally or not at all). at least that was the case for me, i had smoked cigs daily for 9 years.
@@theobscenekiwi unfortunately not, but thanks for the suggestion :)
Was horribly addicted to that and wrecked my life for some years...
For others it might work although I personally would never recommend anyone weed unless you fancy psychotic episodes ^^
@@tiffytattoo2450 I'm sorry to hear that! I wish you the best for a tabacco-free journey!
@@theobscenekiwi thanks :) I'm sure it will work out some day :)
Nicotine gum or patches??
You're literally the only person whose experience with alcohol addiction I can relate to. Thank you for sharing ❤️
I'm here a year late, just found this video, but it was so, so relatable. I've never heard anyone share a similar addition story to myself. Not the same drugs exactly, but the same patterns and recovery method. Thanks for sharing. Glad you're still here.
I'M LATE!! But happy 5 year sober birthday Dorian
i'm so happy you're still around dorian. the world's better for it.
and for the record i totally get what you mean about being glad you were sober when your dog passed. losing a pet when you're not clear-headed fucking blows. i recently ended up unwillingly having to go off my adhd medication (which im on quite a high dosage of and have been taking since i was 6) for a month because i fucked up my schedule, and then losing my 15 year old yorkie mix just a few days later in the middle of the brain-foggy slog that is vyvanse withdrawal. she was old and sick and it wasn't a surprise but it still fucked me up worse than it would've had i been more right in the head when it happened.
You and Adam from psyched substances are my fav story tellers
Girl I feel you. As a guy with former eating disorders (briefly anorexia, mostly bulimia) I’ve gained weight a couple times. Usually after quitting drugs at first. And I just couldn’t handle it. I remember it caused bulimia to rear its ugly head for the first time in forever. Cuz on heroin i just didn’t eat. And while most people when you think of heroin look bad, me and my friends looked hot. We were all effortlessly thin and still functional enough to take care of ourselves and get our hair done. So I’m with you girl when I’d gained weight and gotten a bit pudgy I couldn’t handle it.
Dorian is a boy (:
you uploaded at the perfect time, thank you for accompanying me through today's 1h long miserable commute ❤️
I’m going through a tough time and while your writings about your harrowing life experiences are riveting I find your voice very soothing. Your speaking voice is wonderful🌈.
Happy day after your sobriety date! I hope you’re deeply proud of yourself for overcoming it, that’s not an easy thing to accomplish especially alone.
your inner will to live and inner strenght must be insane for you to still be alive after all the various things you've been through
my deep respect and may you live as long and healthy as you still can and want
As a recovering alcoholic your story and writing style was so creatively descriptive and kept me so engaged. I love the brutal and beautiful honesty. I resonate with plenty of what you said.
Your sober date is a day before my bee day! I went through yet another similar experience in my alcoholism, I’ve been clean from it since 29th of July, 2015. What a fucking mess I was 😮💨 funnily enough, I replaced it with heroin, though. Still trying to fully recover from that, although I doubt I ever will be *fully* recovered. Haven’t touched booze in over 7 years, though! Highly, highly recommend it to ANYBODY stuck in that whirlwind of a rut. Congratulations, Dorian! 🖤
i'm currently in this stage- 20 units a day, im a beer drinker you can imagine the calories. I look 9 months pregnant- inflamed stomach lining i think. The weight gain omg, im currently tryin to live on 500 calories of food a day to counteract the alcohol cals. I feel so weak the 10minute uphill walk to the chemist to get my Methadone takes all day to build up for. Dorian i relate so much to- I was diagnosed with Autism 6months ago (the waiting list for the support group is 12months😂. Opiate addict from self medicating. Nearly dying from CWE and sooo many other stories. Sorry this message is rambling...i just wanted to say thank you for sharing these stories and seeing/hearing you genuinely gives me hope, if you can achieve and overcome like you have so can I.
thank you xxxx
I never got as bad as a “true alcoholic”, I only drank obsessively for years as a coping mechanism in the later afternoon though the evening until i go to bed. My drug of choice was never hard liquor, it was always beer and wine, in some ways i think it is a worse drug of choice than harder liquor. Because every social outing with alcohol involved is always beer or wine. What made me want to change my ways was a real bad drunk driving dream and I had the kids in the car. Not 100% sober yet or don’t still have urges when I’m stressed, but it only could go up hill from here.
Congrats on 5 years!!! Love your perspective and thank you for sharing yet another well told story. I wonder if dealing with an ed previously it's like you have more personal knowledge and experience on having to overcome something you HAVE to deal with on a regular basis in a healthy way (to survive or not, but both drinking and ed can feel that way in my opinion idk I'm loco). Tapering down is such a good rule in general if cold turkey is not a (safe) option. Love the waffles. Keep thriving and blessed be.
I love how you say you are waffling when really your stories are quite entertaining in a weird way, and I love how articulate you are with your storytelling!
i can't help but think you must be some deity's chosen one, to survive so many things against all the odds and be able to share your story