I definitely needed to hear this, I think the reason I keep trying with my family is due to thinking I’m disappointing GOD not trying to reconcile or trying to extend myself more, but if your doing everything and getting no return or family is not extending themselves except when they want something then cut the cord… Invest more into your brothers and sisters in CHRIST, we’re you know you’ll get what you put in back 100 fold…
Quite on the contrary. "Blood is thicker than water" means family bonds are superior to brotherhood in Christ (baptism water). It's a proverb that people use as an excuse to not love their neighbor or to engage in corruption. As in "Greg was by far the best candidate for this well-paid job, but I let my brother do it. He' s way less qualified, but, you know, blood is thicker than water ". Or: "I could have donated to this charity but my daughter wants a nicer Car, Well, blood is thicker than water." - Which is Not a Christian Attitude, obviously.
I know this is an older video but it just popped up today, when I'm still absolutely heartbroken from having to step away from 2 close family members but it helps to know I'm not alone. God bless you sister 🙏💕
oh, my heart breaks for you...Im in that same place. For me its not only to get over all the hurtful things they did...but also the grief that the relationship (never) will heal or come back after all of this...that my life will move on without them...and that makes me more sad than anything. I so hope that God will work everything together for good in your life. //Bless from Sweden
@@liliandaven5380 it’s so sad dear sister, I pray God surround’s you with love and comfort, one day we won’t have all this pain, how lovely that the Lord himself will wipe away our tears, hugs to you from the uk 💗
"Better a meal of vegetables where there is love, than a fattened ox where there is hatred." - Proverbs 15:17 I try to resolve things peacefully and respectfully but when there is no repentance or no growth it is time to prune those branches.
❤Thank you.😊 I know now that although i have the Lord. His level of peace will be my reward in heaven. Life is worth all the death of my carnal flesh, so grateful to be a Child of God.🎉
God has shown me over the past nearly four years, that I needed to step back from narcissistic family members. It has been brutally painful, yet necessary. Choosing not to engage in the foolishness is wise. I pray for them from afar, but after nearly 40 years of trying to help and save these family members, I had to learn that I could not allow myself to be destroyed by them in the process. I owe it to myself, my husband, and my kids, to be the healthiest version of myself. I could not do that when I was always trying to appease people who were determined to cause strife. Jesus walked away from toxic people, many times. As His followers, we should be willing to, as well.
I’ve been no contact for 10 years and it’s been the best! I do still have work to do to overcome unforgiveness so please keep me lifted up in prayer. Thank you!
Visiting some families is like going into a hornets nest. I am so past getting stung by their toxic drunk energy and games. I now walk through the forest of life is peace and know that the Lord has always been with me through these trials. Toxic people do not apologize. They feel justified in their actions. Forgiveness is a process but absolutely necessary and God helps us through the process and it is in His hands. The most important thing is not allowing their actions to take free residence in our minds. Every time we think of their actions is like a toxic injection, so stop those thought by going for a walk, or blowing bubbles and releasing the poison.
Great tips Heidi. We have both sides that are VERY dysfunctional. We are the 1st Generation of Christians on both sides. We have walked though this for years. Those scriptures were the very ones we leaned on!
My husband and I as well, as far as we know. We have had Christian Catholic family but I don't think they asked for salvation, they didn't understand the Gospel. I believe they were saved on their death bed(s) or shortly before. But the rest of my family, most of it, and even one of the people that had said they were Catholic, started to treat us more poorly once we "came out" as Christians. I've heard of this happening to others as well. I wonder if it's happened with you? Many times it seems it doesn't take more than professing that Jesus is King, and in a gentle way, to expose what is guiding people. 😥 Many toxic people worked themselves out of our lives. But it's still not easy. ❤
Those points are so good. I heard a Christian psychologist from a seminary explain that “forgiveness” is simply giving up the right to see someone punished for what they did to you and does not require an apology. He also said that reconciliation, on the other hand, DOES require an apology. Blessed are the peacemakers- sometimes the best way to “make peace” is to not be around someone who is toxic. And there are MANY ways to honor your parents that don’t involve going into the middle of a mess. You can send a card, you can bring their favorite dessert, you can stop by with a little gift and not stay long, etc. And pray for them. We don’t have much family conflict, but if there is, my husband says not to defend myself but let God be my defender. And if you truly know how much God loves you (Ephes 3:14-19), what people say won’t have as much impact as it used to. Our worth is based on God sending Jesus to cover our sins, not peoples’ opinions of us. Happy Thanksgiving, sweet one. Just now subscribed.
Thank you, thank you, thank you! I really appreciate this advice and encouragement. As a believer, I have struggled with the fact that I have a broken relationship with an Uncle. I’ve had so many questions on how I should deal with him. This video has brought some clarity for me.
Absolutely. I do not have anything to do with my family anymore. I just worship God from my town and I pray for them and wish them well. My real family is God's family. My children and my husband are included. It hurts to walk away Sometimes but sometimes you have to be completely broken to be able to heal. With all the abuse on my side of the family I know that I am doing what's best for my children and myself. Thank you for sharing. I really appreciate the encouragement to keep on doing what I have to.
It was a help; but now Ive got to go to God in prayer for the forgiveness of my heart & mind (again) & forgive my mother who is awaiting judgment, so that MY sins will be forgiven. I can't be forgiven if I don't forgive her, even though she was proudly stating that she was "ready to go " 6-8 wks before she died. I ask forgiveness every time I pray, but this just drug up a TERRIBLE hurt that I've struggled to understand my whole life & just finally realized that it doesn't matter WHY, I can't bargain my forgiveness of HER with God; He's going to take care of it.
"While he yet talked to the people, behold, his mother and his brethren stood without, desiring to speak with him. Then one said unto him, Behold, thy mother and thy brethren stand without, desiring to speak with thee. But he answered and said unto him that told him, Who is my mother? and who are my brethren? And he stretched forth his hand toward his disciples, and said, Behold my mother and my brethren! For whosoever shall do the will of my Father which is in heaven, the same is my brother, and sister, and mother. ( Matthew 12:46-50) Our true family is the house of God.
Great video I have found the hardest things to deal with is when you realize .. I was that difficult family member… and the guilt and shame you feel as you remember how I have heart my family.
I stopped trying to defend myself and prove my innocence for the things I'm accused of. I know what happened. I can admit my faults and apologize. I did. Now, I'm at peace with myself, and I trust that the people around us don't buy into that person's lies. I understand why she acts the way she does, and I hope that soon, she makes peace with what happened to her and start embracing all the good in her life.
WOW, it seems like you are telling my story, but in code. I pray for her and ask the Lord to heal her brokenness. She has everything people think they need, but she does not have Jesus in her life. So Sad to see this.
@@jojow8416 we were raised the same way, given the same opportunities, but took different paths. It led her to be deeply betrayed by 2 men in her life. Now, she's projecting on me because I didn't experience the same hardship as she did. She seems unable to tell her story in a way where she's not only a '"victim". She's not capable of taking her share of the responsabilities in our troubled relationship. It's easier to blame me. I have face hardship, my life has not been smooth sailing all the time. But I can recognize my mistakes, I clean up the messes I make, and I learn my lessons. But to her, all the good in my life was handed to me. She doesn't acknowledge all my work, my efforts and the deep differences in our personnalities that may explain the different paths we chose. That being said, I know she's in pain, I know she's carrying trauma that she's not ready to face right now and most importantly, I know that in her heart, she's a good person. so I'm willing to let her regurgitate on me until she's healed. I'm capable to protect my heart from it.
Oh my goodness. Thank you so much for this video! Over the last few years my husband and I have started having Thanksgiving and Christmas with only our adult children and grandchild. We have a very toxic family member that every year we actually started dreading the holidays because of this one person. We enjoy the holidays so much more now. We wish her well and we r kind to her when we run into her at the mall or grocery store but this video has helped me not to feel so guilty about it. A peaceful holiday season with my little family and spiritual time with Lord and all the Lord has done for us is truly a blessing. Thank you so much for your inspiration.
I recently told someone who has the blood is thicker than water mentality, that sometimes that blood is diseased. If the blood is diseaded cleanse it from you and keep them in your prayers but not in your life.
2023 thanksgiving is far more different and much more intimate. We decided to just keep to ourselves where there is no drinking no cursing no speaking about others. Just planning a thanksgiving where all around our environment is thanking God. Thanking him for another year. We’ve been Christians for more then 5 years and even got married through our church back in 2019 but I’ve recently settled down, slowed down and have only been comforted by My Lord Jesus Christ and he’s bringing my family closer. What I mean my family I mean literally just my children and my husband. We understood that when we started hanging around our family we started becoming like those around us because we are family and we did have a lot in common so it was easy to go back. So there for we had to come to a conclusion that we can’t change them by sticking around bcus we tried that and failed miserably bcus we became tempted and gave in. We let go and began to realize none of this would benefit our children for the next generation. We’re more aware of what we want for our children to be around. So for us is church and our at home routine. That is our peace and there’s nothing more important to us now that we have and are living it 🥰❤️ thank you God for letting us be able to let go because now we are holding on to you and I pray in Jesus Christ’s name that we never let go of you Lord🙏
"Understanding where true justice comes from is such a huge piece in the path of healing....". This is a statement that is deep in wisdom. Thank you, Sister. I have written this in my Bible. Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family. You have given me another layer in my spiritual armor.🙏
Amein! Finally a actual biblical take on these situations 😊 I am neurodivergent so I already struggle with relationships and social cues as it is ( I am very blunt ASD and ADHD which can make them react even though in my mind I am trying to be honest and kind) and then throw the people whom act toxic all the time.. I realize you have to let them go... cause one you can't fullfill the law with them while interacting with them and two it is a waste of energy and time to try..Best thing is to let go and pray for them...and try not to take it personally...if they can't be direct in constructive feedback... Then unfortunately they are sent by the enemy to only cause problems.. Oh also side note simetimes rhe person is having a hard time dealing with their grief... But it should be overall a temporary thing to where it shouldn't be you mistreat orhers for ten, twenty years and longer..Of course grief doesnt go away but it should transform into a greater love.. That is what I pray that The Most High does for me.. make beauty out of ashes and to know my son's life mattered and will help his friends and family come to Messiah....Let not bitterness and anger take root in my heart but transform it to Yahuah's love😊❤it says in matthew and Micah...A man's enemy will be of his own household...
This video came RIGHT ON TIME! I thank you for discussing this biblically. *Praying to make this a very long story short* I have a middle sister who is the golden child of my family of five. We are all adults. She does not like anyone in our family, she has spent years not coming around. But when she does come around she is the most rudest and disrespectful person to be around. I used to argue with her back but my mother would come in and scream at me instead of her although she started. So I call her the accuser, she would do the dirty deed but run to my parents when she felt she wasn't winning the fight. So, I stopped talking to her. Her husband, who is just if not even worse then her, threaten to call the cops on my little sister when he felt like his wife (the golden child) wasn't winning the argument. A text thread was started with our family thinking our father would deescalate the situation and the golden child text the entire family that my little sister should not have been born. (I cannot say what she actually said because it is THAT BAD). Father did nothing. So now my little sister and I kept our distance. Thanksgiving is coming, and my mother did not tell us that our sister and her husband (who also cant stand my parents) are coming. I told them, my sister and I will say hello but we will not hold a conversation. She will not change and we will no longer put up with the disrespect from her or her husband. And I made it appoint to say Biblically, we will be kind to them, but we will not be fools. My parents hate the fact that we will not go the extra mile but how many times do I have to be shown disrespect before I say I don't deserve this. I pray I said the right thing and I pray I am doing the right thing. Again, thanks for the video.
Oh yes, the struggle is real. It's really hard to deal with those people in the own family - even more I am grateful to YOU for this Video 🌷 Thank you so much 🙏❤ I needed to hear this today ❤❤
I just wanna thank you for this video. Its such a blessing to get biblical advice in struggles like this, when Im sorrounded by worldly thoughts and influences....You´re like that wise sister to turn to. That will understand and tell you Biblical truths to guide you further..Thank you so much for all you do!!
Thank you for this!! And the reassurance that just because they’re blood doesn’t mean we need to keep getting ourselves stressed because they’re toxic.
Thank you, Heidi, for a very timely and helpful video. It came as more confirmation from the Lord. Absolutely true, that He meant us to love, forgive and pray for those who willfully hurt us, but the Lord never meant for us to be whipping posts and doormats. Jesus Himself practiced healthy boundaries. It is easier to forgive from a distance sometimes ❤
Thank Heidi ❤this is very helpful and I really appreciate how calming and lovely you speak very softly it shows the true love of God is working through you.. like a mentor of a Christian big sister ❤ thank you for your videos they are a blessing to my life
Great tips. The lord has been working on me with this all year. Last year my husband and i felt like whipping posts and were blindsided by family members. This year, we are laying down traditions and roots for when God blesses us with children. So far its been working and we are having a fantastic time with these changes
remember most of us came from difficult things in our lives that brought us to the the lord and the ones he chooses is the one. who have had more difficulty than others to his strength that he can save when we come together to help each other when two or more pray he answers 🙏 prayers
I just came across your channel. You would not believe how much I needed this and was able to share with other family members who are going through this very thing right now. Thank you so much for sharing this very important information. I call it a God thing when I run across things that Jesus is sharing with us at a time when you are dealing with these very issues. I subbed to your channel. I know you'll share more of the heart of God! May God bless you and keep you in all His ways!🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼
My mother went to be with Jesus on Christmas Day 2021 and my dad 2/4/23 and I am dealing with my dad's estate from hell with my brother. He has called me every cuss word and told me to rot in hell. We are not speaking. I forgive him and don't want anything bad to happen to him, but I refuse to have a relationship with him. He is full of rage and a narcissist. I look forward to eternity where everyone can get along. I pray that he has truly accepted Jesus as his Savior.
There are some people that are addicted to drama......it makes them feel alive in a sick way. Usually, if you look at their lives they are not happy at all and usually being have many friends at all. It is exhausting to feel like you have to always defend yourself with these people not to mention how bad it is for our overall health.
keep praying for them keep forgiving someday something might change jesus 7x 77 sometimes people go a lifetime then one day it changes l seen in myself why can't hope others
Thank you so much, my eyes are opened to these types of situations, not only in toxic relationships, but in myself. Jesus help me. So so grateful I listened to your video, blessings. God bless you and yours…
God is using you Sister! The last couple videos I have watched of yours where good guidance for a tough time my friend just came to me about! I pray for her and then get to share your video with her for great encouragement. Thank you for being a faithful servant.
Set boundaries, boundaries, boundaries, but not in the heat of the moment. Be clear, be kind, be loving, be firm, and always reevaluate that you might be wrong. Stages of life may change some boundaries. Above all-pray. If you are not praying for that person or situation, then you are limiting your own effectiveness.
Thank you so much for this 😭 my mama has many mental issues and has been in the pysch facility 3 times since August and since my Dad's death its been my burden/responsibility to care for her (from a distance bc she lives in another state). But its been so exhausting and heartbreaking that no matter what I try and do to help is not enough and considered me turning my back/abandoning her according to her bc I have placed the boundary that she can not live with us. Bless you for posting this, most christians I have run experience with dont understand toxicity and think I should just let her live with us no matter what because the Bible says to care for the widows
Thank you for this video, it comes at the perfect time in our lives. My husband and I are currently dealing with a toxic person and this information has helped me tremendously. Happy Thanksgiving
Greetings and Maranatha, 🙏 this is such strong Biblical advice. It's nice to know that Jesus was surrounded by many people who loved Him, and at the same time He was surrounded by many toxic people. Many of those were the "religious people" I have a much easier time handling toxic worldly people than I do the toxic "religious" ones. Thank you for this timely advice. 🙏🙏♥
You addressed “going and not going.” But there are those of us who do the family hosting and some of the people who come to us are the toxic ones. Even our own adult children. That’s what’s so hard.
Mic drop. I thank you for all that you said today. Humbly accept the fact that I am faulty too and perhaps cause too much drama as much as my certain family member does....Working through this month by month. Had a part apology but I still find there are strings. Thanks for reminding us all it may be on the other side of this earth we get peace.
Yup, the struggle is real. Thanks SO MUCH for this validating message, especially "Neglecting your Own Wellbeing." I wish someone had shared this, like this, decades ago; I found my way through this process with God's help, and very few people understand. It is also a lifelong process. Thx.
I have learn that honnoring a parent is by praying for them and thier salvation. My whole family aren't christians. To aviod fights since fight belong to the kingdom of darkness . I kept silent and pray.
Thank you for sharing this. It’s very hard when you have those boundaries with extended family. And a different perspective is my mom is that toxic person for other family members. My sister and I stay in contact with everyone but we’ve been very honest with others that we know that they need to have boundaries with her- which means us too by default. But, we make it a point to have relationships with those people outside of holidays because they are still important to us. It’s a balance of respect. And we have established boundaries with our mom too. We will not engage in family drama and have in the past left the room or even the house to make sure that boundary is known. We will not be in the middle and you will not use us for information.
Three of my five sisters are bullies. I used to put up with it because "they're family". Then I realized that God doesn't bully us, so why am I going to let someone else get away with it? I lovingly, but firmly (love and patience) put my foot down. They didn't receive it well at all. We no longer have a close relationship. My life is a lot more peaceful now. It's sad. It's heartbreaking. But it was necessary. I pray for their salvation.
I haven't spoken yo my older sister for over two years now.....she's an emotional bully. And, we are both in our sixties......when does it stop?..... When I stop it by removing myself.
This did help. Went to a Thanksgiving yesterday and one of the couples who came go to a different church that proclaims Jesus but their attitude said otherwise. It was just very awkward being there. It is when you realize that people try to act different around you. I don’t know whether to feel respected or persecuted lol I pray it was the Holy Spirit. It was just very quiet gathering. It wasn’t bad. Just awkward…..
God bless you Heidi! Very helpful advice and at a perfect 'timing '😊. We pray that our family members meet the Lord and gain peace and a soft heart❤. In Jesus name amen 🙏
Thank you God, that I've got and watched this video! This question bothers me a lot and praied God to give me an answer for this question! Thank you so much for this video!
This was incredibly timely! I was just discussing this topic this morning with my husband! Wow! God is so good ❤ Thank you for sharing these tips 🙂 Blessings and prayers, Sarah
Thank you. Ive been feeling so guilty for wanting my oldest (i didnt raise, so i didnt know) out when she kept ping poning back and forth. Im in a duplex with parents on other side and my father ler her back in 3 times, into MY side of the house. The 3rd time she wasnt on any medications. It was terrible. She's satanic too. It didn't matter to my Dad cuz he wanted to step up, only she lived in my downstairs bedroom and ate next door. I spent 5 months the 2nd time, hiding in the attic and the 3rd time, when sge was off her meds, she threatened to stab me. I put my foot down and finally dad opened his eyes. It took 9 days after that and i wasnt "allowed" to get a restraining order. She's been in psych hospital/assisted living for about 10.5 months. Turns out shes schizophrenic. No one saw it. My grandmother was abd brother, both schizophrenic as well. Sorry about the life stoty here. But i JUST heard the scriptures about how we must take care of people in our household. So i felt like i let God down, then this. Thank you God. And thank you. I pray she goes to state hospital or back across country to her dads once the year is up. I have so much. PTSD from her being here, please pray that things work out that my dad doesn't go back on his word again, get tricked and her back in. Thank you!! I just wanna feek safe in my own house!
I used to believe this...and I want to. We live in such confusing times that I have to pray but I want to ask you to provide scripture to support that we don't have to continue to deal with it. What if Jesus stopped dealing with us when we were being toxic? Bc we were often toxic towards Him. And we are to forgive 70x70 and treat them as if nothing happened each time because that is how Jesus treats us, our mercies are made new each morning... So please pray on it and let me know your thoughts because I have been really great at cutting family off but as I've drawn closer, I am learning to carry one another's burdens, to be patient and continue to try to be an example, keep pointing them to scripture and when they reject that, keep being love like Christ is love. Which could be a lot of what you're saying. I'm just in love with God right now and our relationship is deepening and I want to do what is most pleasing to Him. I want to be sure that vengeance is really left as His portion, as He asks. Making sure I don't seek it even in the smallest of ways.
What about those of us that have grown children that are married and just have little to do with you, if at the last minute they invite you should you go having been neglected the rest of the year !!!!!! Breaks my heart 😢...
“Blood is thicker than water” is actually: The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb. Powerful.
Thank you..That makes way more logical sense and lines up with scriptures..😊❤
I definitely needed to hear this, I think the reason I keep trying with my family is due to thinking I’m disappointing GOD not trying to reconcile or trying to extend myself more, but if your doing everything and getting no return or family is not extending themselves except when they want something then cut the cord… Invest more into your brothers and sisters in CHRIST, we’re you know you’ll get what you put in back 100 fold…
What if those family members already part of Christ family as well and they are so-called just “baby Christians “? What should you do?
Quite on the contrary. "Blood is thicker than water" means family bonds are superior to brotherhood in Christ (baptism water). It's a proverb that people use as an excuse to not love their neighbor or to engage in corruption. As in "Greg was by far the best candidate for this well-paid job, but I let my brother do it. He' s way less qualified, but, you know, blood is thicker than water ". Or: "I could have donated to this charity but my daughter wants a nicer Car, Well, blood is thicker than water." - Which is Not a Christian Attitude, obviously.
Thank you!
I know this is an older video but it just popped up today, when I'm still absolutely heartbroken from having to step away from 2 close family members but it helps to know I'm not alone. God bless you sister 🙏💕
oh, my heart breaks for you...Im in that same place. For me its not only to get over all the hurtful things they did...but also the grief that the relationship (never) will heal or come back after all of this...that my life will move on without them...and that makes me more sad than anything. I so hope that God will work everything together for good in your life. //Bless from Sweden
@@liliandaven5380 it’s so sad dear sister, I pray God surround’s you with love and comfort, one day we won’t have all this pain, how lovely that the Lord himself will wipe away our tears, hugs to you from the uk 💗
"Better a meal of vegetables where there is love, than a fattened ox where there is hatred." - Proverbs 15:17
I try to resolve things peacefully and respectfully but when there is no repentance or no growth it is time to prune those branches.
❤Thank you.😊 I know now that although i have the Lord. His level of peace will be my reward in heaven. Life is worth all the death of my carnal flesh, so grateful to be a Child of God.🎉
God has shown me over the past nearly four years, that I needed to step back from narcissistic family members. It has been brutally painful, yet necessary. Choosing not to engage in the foolishness is wise. I pray for them from afar, but after nearly 40 years of trying to help and save these family members, I had to learn that I could not allow myself to be destroyed by them in the process. I owe it to myself, my husband, and my kids, to be the healthiest version of myself. I could not do that when I was always trying to appease people who were determined to cause strife. Jesus walked away from toxic people, many times. As His followers, we should be willing to, as well.
This changed my life! Thank you! God bless you sister! I’m done being a punching bag. I loved this: Christ’s blood!!! A-men!
I’ve been no contact for 10 years and it’s been the best! I do still have work to do to overcome unforgiveness so please keep me lifted up in prayer. Thank you!
Same. All of my 69 yrs. This was a "Christian" woman.
Visiting some families is like going into a hornets nest. I am so past getting stung by their toxic drunk energy and games. I now walk through the forest of life is peace and know that the Lord has always been with me through these trials.
Toxic people do not apologize. They feel justified in their actions. Forgiveness is a process but absolutely necessary and God helps us through the process and it is in His hands. The most important thing is not allowing their actions to take free residence in our minds. Every time we think of their actions is like a toxic injection, so stop those thought by going for a walk, or blowing bubbles and releasing the poison.
Amen! 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
Amen sister! Our true and eternal family are our brothers and sisters in Christ. ❤
Amen! 🙌🏼🥰
Thank you for the reminder to not take it personally; it’s a spiritual warfare.
Amen- we do not wrestle against flesh and blood. 🙏🏼📖
Great tips Heidi. We have both sides that are VERY dysfunctional. We are the 1st Generation of Christians on both sides. We have walked though this for years. Those scriptures were the very ones we leaned on!
Amen- it can be so difficult! Lifting you both up! Xo
My husband and I as well, as far as we know. We have had Christian Catholic family but I don't think they asked for salvation, they didn't understand the Gospel. I believe they were saved on their death bed(s) or shortly before.
But the rest of my family, most of it, and even one of the people that had said they were Catholic, started to treat us more poorly once we "came out" as Christians. I've heard of this happening to others as well. I wonder if it's happened with you?
Many times it seems it doesn't take more than professing that Jesus is King, and in a gentle way, to expose what is guiding people. 😥 Many toxic people worked themselves out of our lives. But it's still not easy. ❤
Same here! 🙏🏻
Those points are so good. I heard a Christian psychologist from a seminary explain that “forgiveness” is simply giving up the right to see someone punished for what they did to you and does not require an apology. He also said that reconciliation, on the other hand, DOES require an apology. Blessed are the peacemakers- sometimes the best way to “make peace” is to not be around someone who is toxic. And there are MANY ways to honor your parents that don’t involve going into the middle of a mess. You can send a card, you can bring their favorite dessert, you can stop by with a little gift and not stay long, etc. And pray for them. We don’t have much family conflict, but if there is, my husband says not to defend myself but let God be my defender. And if you truly know how much God loves you (Ephes 3:14-19), what people say won’t have as much impact as it used to. Our worth is based on God sending Jesus to cover our sins, not peoples’ opinions of us. Happy Thanksgiving, sweet one. Just now subscribed.
Thank you for this reminder ,❤
Thank you, thank you, thank you! I really appreciate this advice and encouragement. As a believer, I have struggled with the fact that I have a broken relationship with an Uncle. I’ve had so many questions on how I should deal with him. This video has brought some clarity for me.
"And a man's foes shall be they of his own household." Matthew 10:36
Absolutely. I do not have anything to do with my family anymore. I just worship God from my town and I pray for them and wish them well. My real family is God's family. My children and my husband are included. It hurts to walk away Sometimes but sometimes you have to be completely broken to be able to heal. With all the abuse on my side of the family I know that I am doing what's best for my children and myself. Thank you for sharing. I really appreciate the encouragement to keep on doing what I have to.
It was a help; but now Ive got to go to God in prayer for the forgiveness of my heart & mind (again) & forgive my mother who is awaiting judgment, so that MY sins will be forgiven. I can't be forgiven if I don't forgive her, even though she was proudly stating that she was "ready to go " 6-8 wks before she died. I ask forgiveness every time I pray, but this just drug up a TERRIBLE hurt that I've struggled to understand my whole life & just finally realized that it doesn't matter WHY, I can't bargain my forgiveness of HER with God; He's going to take care of it.
"While he yet talked to the people, behold, his mother and his brethren stood without, desiring to speak with him.
Then one said unto him, Behold, thy mother and thy brethren stand without, desiring to speak with thee.
But he answered and said unto him that told him, Who is my mother? and who are my brethren?
And he stretched forth his hand toward his disciples, and said, Behold my mother and my brethren!
For whosoever shall do the will of my Father which is in heaven, the same is my brother, and sister, and mother. ( Matthew 12:46-50)
Our true family is the house of God.
Amen!
Thank you! I really needed to hear this today. God bless.
I’m so glad I clicked on this video this morning. I really needed to hear all of this!
All glory to God! Thank you all for joining me! Xoxo
My family is coming to town for Christmas. I am expected to be there, BUT I’m sending this video as my RSVP!!!
Great video I have found the hardest things to deal with is when you realize .. I was that difficult family member… and the guilt and shame you feel as you remember how I have heart my family.
Awh bless you, what courage that is and humility to admit that! I’m so proud of you 🙏🏻
My mom, brother, and I have had to break off all contact with my dad and his family. Hardest thing we ever did, but it was for the best.
I stopped trying to defend myself and prove my innocence for the things I'm accused of. I know what happened. I can admit my faults and apologize. I did. Now, I'm at peace with myself, and I trust that the people around us don't buy into that person's lies. I understand why she acts the way she does, and I hope that soon, she makes peace with what happened to her and start embracing all the good in her life.
Amen
WOW, it seems like you are telling my story, but in code. I pray for her and ask the Lord to heal her brokenness. She has everything people think they need, but she does not have Jesus in her life. So Sad to see this.
@@jojow8416 we were raised the same way, given the same opportunities, but took different paths. It led her to be deeply betrayed by 2 men in her life. Now, she's projecting on me because I didn't experience the same hardship as she did. She seems unable to tell her story in a way where she's not only a '"victim". She's not capable of taking her share of the responsabilities in our troubled relationship. It's easier to blame me. I have face hardship, my life has not been smooth sailing all the time. But I can recognize my mistakes, I clean up the messes I make, and I learn my lessons. But to her, all the good in my life was handed to me. She doesn't acknowledge all my work, my efforts and the deep differences in our personnalities that may explain the different paths we chose. That being said, I know she's in pain, I know she's carrying trauma that she's not ready to face right now and most importantly, I know that in her heart, she's a good person. so I'm willing to let her regurgitate on me until she's healed. I'm capable to protect my heart from it.
Amen!
Oh my goodness. Thank you so much for this video! Over the last few years my husband and I have started having Thanksgiving and Christmas with only our adult children and grandchild. We have a very toxic family member that every year we actually started dreading the holidays because of this one person. We enjoy the holidays so much more now. We wish her well and we r kind to her when we run into her at the mall or grocery store but this video has helped me not to feel so guilty about it. A peaceful holiday season with my little family and spiritual time with Lord and all the Lord has done for us is truly a blessing. Thank you so much for your inspiration.
Amen- I think it’s important to say that. It’s ok to not include people who bring division and strife. 🙏🏼💕
I recently told someone who has the blood is thicker than water mentality, that sometimes that blood is diseased. If the blood is diseaded cleanse it from you and keep them in your prayers but not in your life.
Thank you for this topic. It is such a hard thing when we have toxic family members.
2023 thanksgiving is far more different and much more intimate. We decided to just keep to ourselves where there is no drinking no cursing no speaking about others. Just planning a thanksgiving where all around our environment is thanking God. Thanking him for another year. We’ve been Christians for more then 5 years and even got married through our church back in 2019 but I’ve recently settled down, slowed down and have only been comforted by My Lord Jesus Christ and he’s bringing my family closer. What I mean my family I mean literally just my children and my husband. We understood that when we started hanging around our family we started becoming like those around us because we are family and we did have a lot in common so it was easy to go back. So there for we had to come to a conclusion that we can’t change them by sticking around bcus we tried that and failed miserably bcus we became tempted and gave in. We let go and began to realize none of this would benefit our children for the next generation. We’re more aware of what we want for our children to be around. So for us is church and our at home routine. That is our peace and there’s nothing more important to us now that we have and are living it 🥰❤️ thank you God for letting us be able to let go because now we are holding on to you and I pray in Jesus Christ’s name that we never let go of you Lord🙏
Yes!!
"Understanding where true justice comes from is such a huge piece in the path of healing....". This is a statement that is deep in wisdom. Thank you, Sister. I have written this in my Bible. Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family. You have given me another layer in my spiritual armor.🙏
Amein! Finally a actual biblical take on these situations 😊 I am neurodivergent so I already struggle with relationships and social cues as it is ( I am very blunt ASD and ADHD which can make them react even though in my mind I am trying to be honest and kind) and then throw the people whom act toxic all the time.. I realize you have to let them go... cause one you can't fullfill the law with them while interacting with them and two it is a waste of energy and time to try..Best thing is to let go and pray for them...and try not to take it personally...if they can't be direct in constructive feedback... Then unfortunately they are sent by the enemy to only cause problems.. Oh also side note simetimes rhe person is having a hard time dealing with their grief... But it should be overall a temporary thing to where it shouldn't be you mistreat orhers for ten, twenty years and longer..Of course grief doesnt go away but it should transform into a greater love.. That is what I pray that The Most High does for me.. make beauty out of ashes and to know my son's life mattered and will help his friends and family come to Messiah....Let not bitterness and anger take root in my heart but transform it to Yahuah's love😊❤it says in matthew and Micah...A man's enemy will be of his own household...
This video came RIGHT ON TIME! I thank you for discussing this biblically. *Praying to make this a very long story short* I have a middle sister who is the golden child of my family of five. We are all adults. She does not like anyone in our family, she has spent years not coming around. But when she does come around she is the most rudest and disrespectful person to be around. I used to argue with her back but my mother would come in and scream at me instead of her although she started. So I call her the accuser, she would do the dirty deed but run to my parents when she felt she wasn't winning the fight. So, I stopped talking to her. Her husband, who is just if not even worse then her, threaten to call the cops on my little sister when he felt like his wife (the golden child) wasn't winning the argument. A text thread was started with our family thinking our father would deescalate the situation and the golden child text the entire family that my little sister should not have been born. (I cannot say what she actually said because it is THAT BAD). Father did nothing. So now my little sister and I kept our distance. Thanksgiving is coming, and my mother did not tell us that our sister and her husband (who also cant stand my parents) are coming. I told them, my sister and I will say hello but we will not hold a conversation. She will not change and we will no longer put up with the disrespect from her or her husband. And I made it appoint to say Biblically, we will be kind to them, but we will not be fools. My parents hate the fact that we will not go the extra mile but how many times do I have to be shown disrespect before I say I don't deserve this. I pray I said the right thing and I pray I am doing the right thing. Again, thanks for the video.
Oh yes, the struggle is real. It's really hard to deal with those people in the own family - even more I am grateful to YOU for this Video 🌷 Thank you so much 🙏❤ I needed to hear this today ❤❤
Woo! Needed to hear this today! Thanks for the soothing balm Heidi.
You are so welcome! All glory to God!!!! 💕💕💕
Super necessary video!!!!! God bless you ❤❤❤
I just wanna thank you for this video. Its such a blessing to get biblical advice in struggles like this, when Im sorrounded by worldly thoughts and influences....You´re like that wise sister to turn to. That will understand and tell you Biblical truths to guide you further..Thank you so much for all you do!!
Thank you for this!! And the reassurance that just because they’re blood doesn’t mean we need to keep getting ourselves stressed because they’re toxic.
Thank you, Heidi, for a very timely and helpful video. It came as more confirmation from the Lord. Absolutely true, that He meant us to love, forgive and pray for those who willfully hurt us, but the Lord never meant for us to be whipping posts and doormats. Jesus Himself practiced healthy boundaries. It is easier to forgive from a distance sometimes ❤
This video helped me more than 3 years in therapy. Thank you❤
Thank Heidi ❤this is very helpful and I really appreciate how calming and lovely you speak very softly it shows the true love of God is working through you.. like a mentor of a Christian big sister ❤ thank you for your videos they are a blessing to my life
This is great even to deal with toxic co workers and people in general. Thank you for posting this ❤️
Great tips. The lord has been working on me with this all year. Last year my husband and i felt like whipping posts and were blindsided by family members. This year, we are laying down traditions and roots for when God blesses us with children. So far its been working and we are having a fantastic time with these changes
Celebrations are not the time to solve problems. It is a time to set them aside...and remember that there are things about them that you love.
Great timing for this video! Thank you ❤
So glad! I know this time of year can be especially difficult!
remember most of us came from difficult things in our lives that brought us to the the lord and the ones he chooses is the one. who have had more difficulty than others to his strength that he can save when we come together to help each other when two or more pray he answers 🙏 prayers
I just came across your channel. You would not believe how much I needed this and was able to share with other family members who are going through this very thing right now. Thank you so much for sharing this very important information. I call it a God thing when I run across things that Jesus is sharing with us at a time when you are dealing with these very issues.
I subbed to your channel. I know you'll share more of the heart of God!
May God bless you and keep you in all His ways!🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼
Amen! Me too!
Thank you for this video! Sometimes we have to be reminded that blood isn’t thicker than water in some cases.
My mother went to be with Jesus on Christmas Day 2021 and my dad 2/4/23 and I am dealing with my dad's estate from hell with my brother. He has called me every cuss word and told me to rot in hell. We are not speaking. I forgive him and don't want anything bad to happen to him, but I refuse to have a relationship with him. He is full of rage and a narcissist. I look forward to eternity where everyone can get along. I pray that he has truly accepted Jesus as his Savior.
There are some people that are addicted to drama......it makes them feel alive in a sick way. Usually, if you look at their lives they are not happy at all and usually being have many friends at all. It is exhausting to feel like you have to always defend yourself with these people not to mention how bad it is for our overall health.
Oh so timely!...you have no idea how much I needed to hear this right now! Praise the Lord and thank you, sister!
You are so welcome! ALL glory to God!
Thank you so much for this!
Heidi you are such a blessing ❤
Aw, you’re too kind! Thank you! 🥰🙏🏼💕
keep praying for them keep forgiving someday something might change jesus 7x 77 sometimes people go a lifetime then one day it changes l seen in myself why can't hope others
Thank you so much, my eyes are opened to these types of situations, not only in toxic relationships, but in myself. Jesus help me. So so grateful I listened to your video, blessings. God bless you and yours…
I loved all of what you shared! You spoke to my heart and it was the kind words I needed to hear about toxic family.
God is using you Sister! The last couple videos I have watched of yours where good guidance for a tough time my friend just came to me about! I pray for her and then get to share your video with her for great encouragement. Thank you for being a faithful servant.
Set boundaries, boundaries, boundaries, but not in the heat of the moment. Be clear, be kind, be loving, be firm, and always reevaluate that you might be wrong. Stages of life may change some boundaries. Above all-pray. If you are not praying for that person or situation, then you are limiting your own effectiveness.
Thank you so much for this 😭 my mama has many mental issues and has been in the pysch facility 3 times since August and since my Dad's death its been my burden/responsibility to care for her (from a distance bc she lives in another state). But its been so exhausting and heartbreaking that no matter what I try and do to help is not enough and considered me turning my back/abandoning her according to her bc I have placed the boundary that she can not live with us. Bless you for posting this, most christians I have run experience with dont understand toxicity and think I should just let her live with us no matter what because the Bible says to care for the widows
Thank you Heidi. You couldn't have posted this video at a more needed time. I appreciate your words of Biblical wisdom. ❤️
Thanks for sharing this! So good!
Thanks for joining me! 🥰
Thanks! This helped me in my relationship with a family member we've had a struggle with.
This was so timely and encouraging. Thank you so much for this video. It has truly blessed me.
I’m so glad you did this video! Big help!!!
Very sound advice ❤
Thank you for this video, it comes at the perfect time in our lives. My husband and I are currently dealing with a toxic person and this information has helped me tremendously. Happy Thanksgiving
Greetings and Maranatha, 🙏 this is such strong Biblical advice. It's nice to know that Jesus was surrounded by many people who loved Him, and at the same time He was surrounded by many toxic people. Many of those were the "religious people" I have a much easier time handling toxic worldly people than I do the toxic "religious" ones. Thank you for this timely advice. 🙏🙏♥
just because your family doesn't believe in Jesus doesnt mean to stop believe because only jesus can save us he the way
pray for each other helps l will 🙏 pray for you to help reach others
You addressed “going and not going.” But there are those of us who do the family hosting and some of the people who come to us are the toxic ones. Even our own adult children. That’s what’s so hard.
Mic drop. I thank you for all that you said today. Humbly accept the fact that I am faulty too and perhaps cause too much drama as much as my certain family member does....Working through this month by month. Had a part apology but I still find there are strings. Thanks for reminding us all it may be on the other side of this earth we get peace.
Yup, the struggle is real. Thanks SO MUCH for this validating message, especially "Neglecting your Own Wellbeing." I wish someone had shared this, like this, decades ago; I found my way through this process with God's help, and very few people understand. It is also a lifelong process. Thx.
Thank you
You're welcome! All glory to God!
I have learn that honnoring a parent is by praying for them and thier salvation. My whole family aren't christians. To aviod fights since fight belong to the kingdom of darkness . I kept silent and pray.
Thank you I needed this
All glory to God! 🤗
Excellent video that can be applied with family, friends, and acquaintances. Thank you for sharing. 🙏🏼
Thank you for sharing this. It’s very hard when you have those boundaries with extended family. And a different perspective is my mom is that toxic person for other family members. My sister and I stay in contact with everyone but we’ve been very honest with others that we know that they need to have boundaries with her- which means us too by default. But, we make it a point to have relationships with those people outside of holidays because they are still important to us. It’s a balance of respect. And we have established boundaries with our mom too. We will not engage in family drama and have in the past left the room or even the house to make sure that boundary is known. We will not be in the middle and you will not use us for information.
I appreciate your words!
Three of my five sisters are bullies. I used to put up with it because "they're family". Then I realized that God doesn't bully us, so why am I going to let someone else get away with it? I lovingly, but firmly (love and patience) put my foot down. They didn't receive it well at all. We no longer have a close relationship. My life is a lot more peaceful now. It's sad. It's heartbreaking. But it was necessary. I pray for their salvation.
I haven't spoken yo my older sister for over two years now.....she's an emotional bully. And, we are both in our sixties......when does it stop?..... When I stop it by removing myself.
I watched the entire video.....awesome!!!
Good stuff!
This was great ! Ty so much. I needed this.
This is SO good, so needed! I’m not surprised; you are the one to handle this topic! Thanks for addressing it 💞
This did help. Went to a Thanksgiving yesterday and one of the couples who came go to a different church that proclaims Jesus but their attitude said otherwise.
It was just very awkward being there. It is when you realize that people try to act different around you. I don’t know whether to feel respected or persecuted lol
I pray it was the Holy Spirit. It was just very quiet gathering. It wasn’t bad. Just awkward…..
Thank you Heidi, for such wonderful content that you make. God bless ❤
Aw, thank you so much! Praying daily over you all! Xo
God bless you Heidi! Very helpful advice and at a perfect 'timing '😊. We pray that our family members meet the Lord and gain peace and a soft heart❤. In Jesus name amen 🙏
Perfectly timed video! Thank you for this message ❤
Thank you God, that I've got and watched this video! This question bothers me a lot and praied God to give me an answer for this question! Thank you so much for this video!
BOUNDARIES🎉❤
Amen❤..thanks for sharing
So timely! Thank you for sharing!
Thank you for these much-needed reminders!
Great tips!
This time of year can be so 🫣🫣🫣!
Such good advice/suggestions - they work well not just with family but various personalities we come in contact with.
Amen, 100%!
I totally agree. This comes from the Holy Spirit. We need to learn how to be and how to act harmless and wise. Thank you sister.
Amen!
Thank you for this video. Your advice makes a lot of sense
Glad it was helpful! May the Lord be glorified through us all! 📖🙌🏼
This was incredibly timely! I was just discussing this topic this morning with my husband! Wow! God is so good ❤
Thank you for sharing these tips 🙂
Blessings and prayers,
Sarah
All glory to God! I know it can be so difficult to navigate, especially this time of year. 🙏🏼💕
Thank you. Ive been feeling so guilty for wanting my oldest (i didnt raise, so i didnt know) out when she kept ping poning back and forth. Im in a duplex with parents on other side and my father ler her back in 3 times, into MY side of the house. The 3rd time she wasnt on any medications. It was terrible. She's satanic too. It didn't matter to my Dad cuz he wanted to step up, only she lived in my downstairs bedroom and ate next door. I spent 5 months the 2nd time, hiding in the attic and the 3rd time, when sge was off her meds, she threatened to stab me. I put my foot down and finally dad opened his eyes. It took 9 days after that and i wasnt "allowed" to get a restraining order.
She's been in psych hospital/assisted living for about 10.5 months. Turns out shes schizophrenic. No one saw it. My grandmother was abd brother, both schizophrenic as well. Sorry about the life stoty here. But i JUST heard the scriptures about how we must take care of people in our household. So i felt like i let God down, then this. Thank you God. And thank you. I pray she goes to state hospital or back across country to her dads once the year is up. I have so much. PTSD from her being here, please pray that things work out that my dad doesn't go back on his word again, get tricked and her back in. Thank you!! I just wanna feek safe in my own house!
Praying, friend! That’s a lot to try and navigate- may the Lord continue to guide you! Xoxo
@@HeavenlyMindedHome it's not even the 1/2 of it. Prayers very much appreciated.
Ty totally take it to 💜
Thank you so much for this 💕
You're so welcome! Xoxo
All true...great message
I used to believe this...and I want to. We live in such confusing times that I have to pray but I want to ask you to provide scripture to support that we don't have to continue to deal with it. What if Jesus stopped dealing with us when we were being toxic? Bc we were often toxic towards Him.
And we are to forgive 70x70 and treat them as if nothing happened each time because that is how Jesus treats us, our mercies are made new each morning...
So please pray on it and let me know your thoughts because I have been really great at cutting family off but as I've drawn closer, I am learning to carry one another's burdens, to be patient and continue to try to be an example, keep pointing them to scripture and when they reject that, keep being love like Christ is love. Which could be a lot of what you're saying.
I'm just in love with God right now and our relationship is deepening and I want to do what is most pleasing to Him. I want to be sure that vengeance is really left as His portion, as He asks. Making sure I don't seek it even in the smallest of ways.
This was so helpful thank you so much Heidi Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours
You are so welcome! All glory to God! 🙌🏼💕
What about those of us that have grown children that are married and just have little to do with you, if at the last minute they invite you should you go having been neglected the rest of the year !!!!!! Breaks my heart 😢...