You have helped me in ways I didn't realize we're possible anymore. Though I cannot change things that have happened. I understand now, I didn't have the tools I needed then to stop the effects from my codependency that made a toxic family unit with my convert narcissist. I forgive myself and I understand that he is working full throttle on his childhood programming. Today I focus on my mental and physical health and wellness of my children. You're a true life changer for us all. Thank you Lisa. ☀️
Same, ex narc is full throttle too. He wont accept no. I am grey rocking. I will not be leaned into again for him to cause me to defend then he can claim defending too. A sick game he played my last as I was leaving to safety. They will do anything if they think they lost at whatever game he was playing. I was not playing but he didnt notice. Stay safe. Ps, i never once argued in four years. I have no idea why he wont let go. The world is his and he can have anything he wants.
@@skilodge4224 Stay safe. Some narssissest truly feel in titled to your very existence as if you were there's. It is very delusional and create a toxic house hold no matter the different forms of narssissest disfunshion they are still asleep and not knowing why trying to control or contain any person's energy and light will remain consistent as long as your their key player.. Insulting to the targeted person no doubt but it's not our journey to help those who only want to hide their own darkness within your light. Always live what's true to your own soul and what feels right for you and if the narssissest takes without replenishing then just let them burn out on their own wile moving onto their own life creation and remember without your light and warmth the narssissest will feel the loss of light. Let them.... 💯❤️💯
@@elizabethsmith643 💯💞Thank you. I am away but he's on this sight. A few months back he mentioned Lisa's name so Im scared he's playing and trolling. And I dont hear her mentioning safety issues anymore. That should be the number one thing mentioned.
@@skilodge4224 if you're located in an area that has a women's shelter and domestic support system please research your area's Domestic Support Services they can directly send you a place to escape to staftey for yourself and your children/young adults if you have as well. You have to get to a safe place first and foremost. Please may you find a safe place for yourself and those you love and I pray to for your safety, guidance to a great support system for you today. ☀️❤️☀️
You are so right, i thought my marriege was happy until i did Set one bounderie, i was married for 17 years, and after that one bounderie he showed his real face, and i started realising how my entire marriege was about him and no one else did matter. I am so glad that i did set that one bounderie, it was a Financial one i thought that he would wake up and Change for his family, i was so wrong, he showed his real face, good because now i am free. Love from Switzerland
That’s exactly what happened to me.Then when his masked started slipping And I stood up for myself he started straggling me.I never say it coming and I had no idea what hit me..
@@corinnedruso6802 yes, that is the way they act. I know how hard it is at first, but consider your self as lucky. It only gets better the more you heal. Love from Switzerland
They have too much fun duping adults and even children. They hunt. They hunt for easy prey. Someone nice. Someone honest. Someone raised healthy. They seek to destroy that by mocking you infront of others snd behind you. They live for this. Some have this for their main supply. Truly sick.
I didn’t realise at the time but up until nearly two months ago, I was in what I now know as a narcissistic relationship with a man. It lasted 7 months and we even took a 10 night trip to Turkey. I asked at 3 months, 5 months (while on holiday) what are we to each other. He seemed quite the joking type so he said “well I’d say friends with benefits” to which I said that’s an insult and I never agreed to this. He then said “I can wind you up can’t I”. So I just thought he was joking. Since this all ended I have spoken with his ex (he actually showed me her fb profile from day one, through a fake account he’d set up to see his child’s pics, some of which were public like profile pic. I believed his side of the story of why he wasn’t seeing the child, thinking it sounds believable and why would he tell me if he was the bad guy. I never contacted her in the 7 months as he could have been a good guy for all I knew and I could potentially ruin it for myself!) who says it’s not him joking, he’s been serious and that’s how he is, he was same with her. (She is now married to someone else). He told me from the start he wants a relationship and can’t understand people who go on these date sites who don’t want a relationship. He was all about himself, money. He clearly manipulated me and told me lies about everything, from what he wanted to the reasons he wasn’t seeing his two year old!. I had no idea but I’ve since found out he was supposed to be in court (family court) in September while in Turkey with me. He didn’t even seem nervous on the day this would have been!. He even took all the spending money off me on holiday to put it all together with his!...over £800 of my money (I’ve found out he did same to exes). I guess at the time I darent say other than ok we’ll do that then. I saw it as I guess some sort of positive/commitment type of thing and I remember saying to him well yes I guess you’d do that in the future and say if you had a family etc. He told me in the end he didn’t want a relationship, it was too much for him right now and he didn’t want a sexual relationship! And that it’s less complicated being friends and to come round for coffee when he moves house (nearer to where I live too). A few of us including his ex think things have come up for him re tax, other crimes on police records, failed police check etc. He changed his mobile number and came off Instagram (he came off Facebook in March the month before he and I met...and I’ve since heard he was due in court in March, but instead went to Thailand with a male friend) and his self employed job that requires a police check to prove he is safe etc, had gone bust, he got a delivery job shortly after and suddenly wasn’t in the job still he’d only a week before started, all within a week!. He sent me his new number having not mentioned before he was doing it, and when I died why has he changed it, he texted back “because I wanted to, why all the question” and said “you’re the only person who’s asked why”. I felt anxious getting this reply, even though he still put two kisses at the end of the text and I said forget I asked, just don’t usually get messages from people saying new number!. He lived 35 miles away and apart from when I parked my car at his 11 nights while on holiday, I’d not been to his house since July, he always came to me. He told me it was because I live near the town centre and it’s a 5 min walk to the town centre, bars etc. He lived further out of the city he lived in, in the suburbs and that last time at his, we’d been out during the day into York city centre. Now I and others can’t help but think, having heard things about him that he didn’t want to be seen with me out and about in his home town because maybe that last time, someone of people had seen him with a woman and know his past etc and perhaps threatened to approach me and tell me what he really is. Maybe someone had seen us and contacted him after. I’ve since heard he has a lot of enemies in his city and people know about him!. That or there was another more local woman in his life, though I’m thinking more what I mentioned before. He made such a scene in Turkey in a restaurant when the meal wasn’t quite how he wanted it, arms waving about etc, also got nasty towards a man in a kebab takeaway place because he’d been charged about 10 lira too much!. Before the holiday, sat in a restaurant, a waiter took our photo and I said oh jeez, I look bad. He was sat thinking I felt, and then told me he’d like me to loose some weight, but then changed it and said but do it for yourself. I replied well I would do it for myself but at least he’s been honest as I could do to loose some (I have since it all ended with stress and anxiety I now seem to have). He seemed so charming at first. He also seemed to think not contacting me in hours on end, 12 plus often was ok and I’d get so anxious and be sat thinking do I or don’t I text!. His ex said he was the same with her re contact and texting etc. Looking back now, I can see red flags that I guess I didn’t totally or see at all at the time. I look back now and he was clearly belittling me in front of others, but at the time I thought he was joking about etc. I even have video evidence of things like this!. It’s just awful how it leaves you feeling. I’ve also since found out he’s not only mentally and emotionally abusing but physically and had done things to others in the past. He also was all about himself in the bedroom and would do it still if I said I need a little warming up first. He always from what I can see and have been told, seems to get away with things. Feeling low, anxious etc now still.
I just wanted to add that I have not only attracted narcissists not only when I had low self esteem or issues..but actually a few instances they preyed on me when I was doing amazing and at great and higher vibrations, because they wanted that aspect of me and ciphened whatever that was as fuel..
Same here. As I’ve gotten stronger, I still get preyed on by narcissists, but now I can see them and set boundaries until they prey on someone else. My covert narcissist boss recently freaked out on me when he lost his power to control during Covid lockdown. He subconsciously realized I saw his vulnerability, so he RAGED on me. This was something my narcissist ex-husband would do. This time, however, I knew this was about him, not me, and threw up my boundaries. I also owned my part by seeing where I had been fawning, which gave him the ok to abuse me. I now realize I am a narcissist magnet when I play the codependent part.
I will try to describe “fawning” as I understand it: some therapists use this word to describe how a codependent gets their own validation by shamelessly admiring, over-helping & heaping adoration on a narcissist. This behavior is fuel to a narcissist, of course, bc he is getting his insatiable need for attention, and the “people pleaser” validates their own need of wanting to help others to be seen, heard & known. Fawning is disgusting when you finally realize that you may have done this in your relationship with a narcissist, and by owning your part, you can stop yourself from participating by going “grey rock” (another antidotal term that just means-show no emotion and give no response to a narcissist so they will become bored and find another source).
@@deena3003 I’m nervous about that, bc I’ve done soooo much work and really deserve to be in a healthy relationship. I just don’t know if I’d see it when it happens. Or even worse, be attracted to normal 😳
I had to stop this video half-way, because it just reminded me of all the narcissist and bullies I had to deal with over the years. It's half the reason why I gave up on dating. The other half is that dating is hard anyway.
@@miapdx503 It will only take place if you get the courage to look at yourself first and get to know yourself better and how your conditioning operates. It took me a year of intense work with a therapist. It is so worth it! It gave me peace and understanding of myself, and it was an opportunity for me to fall in love with myself and accept my choices that I was often doing subconsciously.I wish you well! Life is beautiful if we understand it better!
Whats a date? Lol. I'm finally fighting my co-defendant tendency, and moving forward alone yet surprisingly happy. Its not so bad after all. Take care of YOU first!
Wow me too!! I’ve spent 54 years like this, grew up with toxic parents, married the first jerk who pretended to love me, I couldn’t take the relentless cheating so I divorced, then what did I do, I got involved with my assumed knight in shining armor, got married and figured out I married satan...
It’s because you think they are more valuable than you are. You will get the same relationship over and over until you do self work and become happy on your own and know your self worth, love your self. Takes work. Then you’ll attract what you are. A narc can’t go near you. You’ll vibrate on a different level.
@@queenofhearts1138 keep speaking for yourself.only...stop trying to help others..there is a wee queen inside that needs to hear your voice..turn inward make that choice
I will not be silenced anymore. I have a voice. I am being threatened bc I do not want to go back to narc. If something happens to me I protected the little girl inside me💞🙏I love her/myself so much. I have grey rocked. He knows I know. Im no one"s doormat. No one's enabler. No one's scapegoat. I do not ingage in 3-ring circuses. Enough! I love myself more than anyone.💝
@@debretristin4679 Hi Debre I will and you too. Wishing everyone stays safe. Im scared but these sights help when Im grey rocking. He's contacting people he doesn't even know.
I've regained who I am. The bitterness is what I'm working on. I get triggered by everything having to have an angle to please or benefit them and snap with foul words. Then I feel horrible and apologize, but feel duped because when I snap verbally, it feels like that's their 'gotcha' moment and know they haven't apologized ever for anything.
When You Have Courage To Keep it Real When You Care When You Can Appreciate Something As Simple As A Sunflower When You Can Love Unconditionally When You Can Breath in And Breath Out And Be Happy For Others And Not Take Anything For Granted Then You Are Successful Own The Path You Walk With Love❤
Unconditional love? that was the mantra I used to excuse abuse!! Put conditions on the behavior you accept, including from yourself. Boundaries ARE Conditions!
Good morning Lisa, You have no idea how valuable these videos are and how they completely changed my views. Not only in my past relationships, but awakened the light in myself. Thank you for making your knowledge accessible for those like myself.
I'm so frustrated right now. I don't want to be alone, but if I have to be alone, I just wish people would accept the fact that for the time being I don't have a lot of free time on my hands. I'm trying to stay strong and accomplish things I can't accomplish if I constantly have someone in my life who wants to suck me into a negative vortex. I need more happy people in my life. I always feel like I'm drowning. I don't feel strong enough to help anyone else right now. I have one friend who I think expects too much from me. I hope she enlarges her circle because I don't have the time.
I love when the "New York Italian" personality comes out during Lisa's transmissions!!! Thank you Lisa for sharing your knowledge that has lifted the veil from my eyes.
I think the whole experience with a Narc is a hoover..Went in with no sense of self as I was raised by one.. Coming out with boundaries and knowing /becoming who I am..Your videos have helped in this journey..
The comment section is really where the rubber meets the road, I appreciate the sharing and it shows me that I have a lot of work to do .... thank you 🙏
Thank you Lisa for your help. Before I came across your channel I was a complete human doing. Life was happening to me like it did when I was a child. I had no idea my thought created my reality. I had no idea my thought we’re not mine, that they were my narcissist fathers thoughts and lies he told us. I’m so grateful now I’ve gone no contact and I’m learning to heal my inner child and have a positive view on life. I actually see myself as much as the next person now. I had no idea my childhood made this way. This is what I think grade school should be like. Teaching kids to love themselves and help others.
Yes, yes. Whats really amazing, how a narc can make you believe you are something your not. I listened and after I became that way. Wow, I realized how sick the relationship was.
She is the real deal a lot of people can’t Handel what’s she’s saying but she mastered this I know a man that’s fits everything she speaks of when he hears me listing to her he gets so upset 😂
She is one of my secret weapons. I would never let him hear me listening, as he would know that I know. And I don’t need nitpicking or arguing. As I am working on the long run plan to free myself, I will not let him find ways to continue to sidetrack me.
Omg! We had booked a trip down south and before we left because we were in constant conflict he said to me ok you better not nag and you better behave, and when we came back he said, ok you did good. At that point I went because I wanted to get some sun during the winter. Lisa’s comment of a pat on the head brought back that memory.
@@dermlover1 I became more and more indifferent towards him, I had understood almost from the beginning that something was off but we had two kids and staying was the lesser of two evils. He finally left 7 months ago, for me it’s peace, quiet and no more having to put up with a 5 year old. I’m learning to love myself. Best wishes to all, everyone deserves happiness 😔
It can be so hard to describe a narc and how they abuse. I truly believe they know what they are doing and that there are alot, men and women in society. Thanks for the vid.
My heart aches for your mother. Bless her heart and yours. And also mine because I can relate to a lot of these things your mom and you went through. 21 years I’ve been married and just found out he was cheating instead of saying I’m sorry he denies and attacks me. It’s the worst feeling in the world to have so much empathy but not given any
Wow- you have given me good a-ha moments today. When I was married to a narcissist, and then dating narcissists afterwards (trying to fix my childhood trauma), other ppl would tell me how much my husband or boyfriend raved about me when I wasn’t around. They would say, “he really loves you”, but I didn’t hear it from them. I was love-bombed at the beginning of each (which I devoured), then emotionally starved until I had to just end it or die. I left each relationship emaciated and lost. My anxiety levels would freak out afterwards. I thought I was strong surviving these relationships-gone-wrong, but I was really imprisoning myself to my trauma, over and over again. Actual thoughts I had while in a narcissistic relationship: imprisoned, thrown under the bus, living in a snake pit, not worthy of love or being cared for, disgusting human, mocked. Physical manifestations: depression, weight loss, extreme anxiety, fear, anger, sleeplessness, stuttering, distrust of everyone. I never, ever want to discard and devalue myself again. Right now, I have no idea how I will behave or feel in a healthy relationship, but I will do my best to become a whole, loved person for myself. That is my goal-to fully know and appreciate who I am.
Sounds like we had the same narcissist. Because of anxiety, I lost 70 lbs in a year -- went from a size 20-22 to a size 4. At the abandonment/jilting, I felt like someone had cut the cable that held me to the spaceship and I was floating out in space --- no self, no meaning, no purpose, no life --- because I had wrapped my entire life around his and when he removed his life, there was nothing left to hold onto.
Thanks for sharing your comment 🙏💖 It sounds like my ex, every one telling me how much he was saying that he loved me, etc... and at home he was treating me like crap. My self esteem went to the floor, I never had a shoulder where to cry, never an authentic hug, never a care for my well-being. Always was about him and me supporting him, saving him from his reckless behavior and addictions. I didn’t know at the time, I learned about the prostitutes and heavy drugs later, but he was into alcohol and smoking, he got everything he wanted so he started discarding me, more rude and on my face his deceptions... I broke up, I had enough... in a matter of a week all done, I kicked him out of my place, police involved and days later a temporal protection order.... it was just a month and a half ago. I am still trying to serve him my papers because he is in the run and became homeless but leaving the fancy hotel life. He trashed my reputation, many believe him, many not. I hate, him resent him, and I can’t let that go... yet!! I am emotional and trying to be strong as this scumbag left me with so many car tickets that I have to contest, pieces of debts that I incurred for him, a reputation that now I have to isolate so his minions don’t damage my career and life. I changed phone numbers, bank accounts and everything that I could, because his minions started putting my info online and that is doxing!... but I am still living in the same place, same city... that now, I hate as everything remains me of this piece of human trash! And while I am cleaning the mess he created in my life, and my own mess as I realized that my issues also come from childhood as I felt never been loved, highly disfunctional family.... he is free, basking his praises in social media (as an influencer and piece of crap), scamming people online for money, living his mediocre celebrity status with thousands of people “loving” him... and still oblivious of what he did... to me and more women before me. He is a Malignant Narcissistic 💯 criminal mind that only rest when is high on drugs or alcohol... and that is when he does mistakes. He has a criminal record, now his driver license got suspended so another loser friend living on his car is driving for him... the authorities and other people that have come to my help are telling me... it’s a matter of time, he is falling by his own weight... he is... but yet not quick enough for my open wounds! I hate him, and I still struggle with my own rejection towards myself for not seeing the signs, the clear script that he followed... that ALL narcissistic follow. I still remember how much unconditional love and caring I gave him and I hate that I did that... I am the one that now needs the hugs and the comfort! But in a short time, as intense as this breakup that involves social media is, my friends and family are drained and many have moved on... I remain here with few people that are supporting me, but the hugs and the wanted to speak with someone... only come from me and with me. It’s the reality, I am aware I can’t drain people around with my stories or problems that I need to take care of because he left me with those to resolve or because I still need to submit evidence to the authorities, I am aware that if I could I will be running away, this is the beginning of a journey... I am aware that I have never felt comfortable in this life... that the 6 year old girl wanted to leave and be picked up by God because she knew she didn’t belong here... she is still so much here. I wish I could blink and finally wake up from this cruel hologram that we call life. I am aware that I love more nature and animals than I love myself and that I carry a lot of load that it is not mine. So it’s overwhelming and I wish I could take a vacation out of life, but the Divine is so much a tangible thing in my heart that even with pain, I remain here... hiding in nature and isolated from most humans... only wishing for what we will never get here, that unconditional divine love that I may have remembered and broke my heart when I realized at very early age that it was never going to exist while I was incarnated. Now I need to heal... and remain strong, I want to get to my future ME fast so I can meet the knew one that I have become. I only have glimpses now... of who she is... I wish I could be her 20 years ago... but never it is too late.
He ghosted me and just threw me away it hurts really bad, been 5 months waiting and hoping he’ll call but nothing . I got mad at him after being mentally abused and he said he can’t get past I got really mad at him ! I hear you and yes I should be glad I got out of my relationship you are so right !!!!!thank you, I encourage you to run
This has bren my life and I hadn't realized it until I jumped ship. This helped me to identify that Ive been in survival mode for a while. Thanks love!
My problem wasn't feeling "unworthy" as much as it was just thinking that if I could just do things "right" or "better" then they wouldn't have anything left to complain about. But not even that would help. I would do something spectacularly well, and they would still find something to nitpick about (or just ignore that any effort had been made at all). It was crazy-making.
I have a narcissistic relative and it feels so great having boundaries, my own peace and no longer allow anyone to minimise or mentally abuse me with their words or actions any longer.
I was raised by three narcissists. I felt like I couldn't catch a break. But I always believed that one day I'll be able to stop surviving and start living. I haven't had a single healthy relationship yet. But I'm confident that i can start with me. I acknowledge my own narcissistic traits. I am working on me. Your videos are invaluable
Amazing how these people who spend their entire lives ‘getting away with...whatever they can get away with’, are the same people who FULLY EXPECT a ‘parade and a trophy’ for every little fricking thing they ARE ‘willing’ to do...because the only things they are WILLING to do, HAS to be associated with an audience...because that’s where the applause exists. 🤮
I'm listening to your video a third time and Lisa your lessons are like choose your own adventure book from the 1980's. Your stories explain the childhood programing and in this you begin your magic of clarity and healing. You can choose to continue ignoring the toxic behavior and live unconscious and stay sick then this, this, this can happen or you can confront the truth about your reality and own your behaviours and consequences and what was created from being asleep mentally. Now this can happen and this, this, this too. Or you can choose to wake up take charge though un fortunately you have been miss treated, you chose self love which creates forgiveness for yourself. Now you can create this and this is created from that because you choose to love self here and walk away strong here and not react there and it made you feel powerful and self reliant. This is exciting I am so thankful for the work you have created that has related deep with me. I have known nothing but dysfunctional family patterns that go back generation's from all sides of my mom's and dad's families. I know where I want to be, I see it feel it and I'm working my hardest to create what's in my heart. Thank you Lisa 💯❤️💯
@@lisaaromano1 this had been about 9 years in the making. Without your guidance and support without ever even meeting, you have changed my life and the future of my children and our family unit. I know your only living your truth and purpose but Lisa A Romono you are changing the world and it's all tipping the world's energy into light and love. Amen and namaste you beautiful soul. ☀️
I’m still in a relationship where I feel like I’m drowning. These videos help me understand what is going on, I love this man but now it’s everyday yelling in my face and being told I’m ruining his life and I’m destroying our life, and I walk away we are done forever, I really wish I had the courage to deal with the heart break from walking away, I wish I have the courage to start doing things for myself by myself
Stop seeking approval Mother yourself Accept yourself (no comparison) Rewrite/rewire your inner narrative Train your brain (logic and facts; meditating, journaling, fact-checking!) Speak up for yourself (tell your truth, "shutty shutty," don't apologize for no reason, say nothing)
I am definitely a better person with him gone. The hole in me comes from a childhood trauma that had nothing to do with my parents...it had everything to do with my cousin being molested by his father and me knowing but not knowing how to tell the adults because I was about 2 or 3 years old and we had our own language (my cousin and I) I still carry guilt to this day. Thank you for your videos ❤
I had a huge portrait of myself made by an artist the narc was doing work for. It’s an embarrassment, I always felt uncomfortable about it and kept it in the bedroom. Now we are divorcing, selling the house, wtf do I do with it? Love everything you do Lisa, keeping me sane, I so appreciate all you do xx
@@teresagonzalez9314 I’m not sure I’m allowed to because I signed a document in court saying I wouldn’t damage or sell any of his belongings, I would love to burn it, I burnt my wedding dress and it felt incredibly healing. I can’t get any legal advice easily because of cost and ....... out of work blah........ thanks though x
@@taniaspence4879 pack it up with his name on it and put it out of your eyesight, only if safe to do. Is he in the house? If so, keep in same place undisturbed till he leaves with a set day legally. 24 hours after legal set day in ink then burn it. You can have him evicted for abuse with PFA of imment danger. Then change your locks immediately the day he is evicted. Make sure locksmith is on standby. It worked for me. Do not be in house alone with him! There can be a free appointed attorney available just ask they will have one for you.
Wow been there. One thing I've realized is that I feel out of control of my world and over react to get some level of stability around me. So that's one thing I'm working on now that she's gone.
I can’t express how much truth you spoke. A for 20 years. I was miserable. Divorced last year never recovered. Just don’t want to be around people anymore. I expected much more from life. God bless you
I’m going thru the end of a 7 year relationship with a narcissistic sociopath and just came across your channel. So much of what you say, rings true for me. I love you already and thank you ❤️
This is great information! I didn’t realize that it’s best to rewatch videos like this because it registers differently based on the area of healing in life. Thank you 🙏🏽
I had the pleasure of being introduced to one narc that helped me rid the narc that I had recently unfortunately gotten married too ……. 🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾 now I’m free from all. Pregnant by his child and telling me that I couldn’t keep her because I didn’t have a child to me begging him and thinking that this was an ok situation 🤦🏾♀️ to him constantly pinpointing flaws on my body and what I need to have surgically fixed, to him treating my son like he is/was a disease and playing mind game making me feel like I was imagining it the whole 10 years ……… I proud that I didn’t make it to 11 years. The process hurt like hell but my tomorrow is looking a lot brighter
Oh wow, I am passive aggressive. My dad always called me nice nasty. Didn't understand what he meant. My person is also. Showed me the silent treatment. I learned well after 44 years. And I can't stand being around them now. I just want out. Don't know when I will let myself out. 😔
Been watching/listening to your videos for a good while now. This has been a huge help to me..so I wanted to thank you for what you're doing here. Many of the things I've learned here help me get through the days...especially these past few months with literally every part of life being so crazy. Just want you to know I really appreciate your help. I didn't realize until about 4 years ago what the problem actually is. Healing is a long journey.
I asked my mom what were my first two years like as a baby and she said that for the first 7 months she couldn't give me much as she was taking care of my sick grandmother and my 5 year old sister. She said that I didn't need much anyway and they as a family never cuddled much so she wasn't comfortable with much physical touch. I remember we didn't touch or hug at all as I was a child, but I needed to know what was it like in my infant years as I suffer from developmental trauma. I had two romantic relationship until now and in both I suffered separation anxiety, I couldn't get enough of the cuddles but more in a mother/child style an not adult/adult one. I also found out that the good old love languages don't really hit home with me, yeah it's nice to get presents and get your dishes done but the way I feel love goes because of this developmental trauma rather like this: being nurtured when sick, being asked about my thoughts/day/interests.., being held like a baby when watching tv on the sofa, incouraging me to pursue my interests, even better when paying for them.. you get the point:) Of course I attracted avoidants both times who first gave me everything I needed and love bombed me, and then made a bait and switch leaving me scratching for crumbs, zero interest in me, just kept on enjoying my neediness as it fed their ego and validated their sense of control.
Totally my storie in an other impact... I was bought op to don’t exist, so it has been a long loony past and journey back, and I am still on my way back home to self ❤️ yours and other videos had been a big help the last many years 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
Thank you so much for this video…at 45 years old and only just figuring out my issues that have affected all of my personal relationships, this video has helped me (along with therapy) to start to stop blaming myself and start building my self worth and esteem. Sometimes you feel so alone with the pain and fear you feel that you won’t ever be loved for who you are that it’s a real battle to try and gain and keep some self worth and control /deal with the emotions that brings. Feeling like you were a bad or difficult kid and having an emotionally shut down mother is more damaging than I ever imagined or realised…at this age now i have to learn how to deal with my emotions, trust myself, build my self esteem and try to forgive myself and the narcissists that have taken advantage of it. It feels like a big mountain to climb!
Lisa this is so incredibly helpful 💖 this identification is healing itself. Being a fully grown adult and feeling so incapacitated and not able to escape from the ‘dysfunctional program’ is another way that my self esteem has shattered again and again. So many bits of this talk resonate: trying to stop the boat sinking trying to survive - rather than learning how to steer the boat. not knowing who I was or what I was good at as a child- finally starting to realise nearly 40 yrs old... I can feel the healing coming through your work. you are such a blessing thank you xxx
Thank you so much for this video. Many years ago a friend I had suggested reparenting myself. I forgot all about it until watching this video. I also remembered the times in my life was when I focused on parenting my children not focusing on my narcissistic mate were when I had a healthy relationship with myself. I remember how it feels and what it looks like and believe I can be there again. So much gratitude.
Wow 👏 ,I've gotten so much Help mentally helping me understand what the hell has been going on in my life for so Long .... but it is hard rewiring your brain constantly for the past 41 yrs and turned 51 December 10 ,Thank You 🙏
I really really needed This.. I even felt sad he didn’t text me anymore. What’s wrong with me :(... is this a sign of Low or no self esteem? I know I should be happy but I don’t feel that happy.. this came in the timely manner thanks a lot Lisa. I hope I can pull through without him..
You will get through it, I promise!!! I've been through it, keep pushing, if I wasn't feeling right, I will look for a video that can make me understand why I am feeling a certain way l, cos your body doesn't know whats happening, it will take some time, some days will be awful but it won't be like that forever, you will get out it it!
Hey beautiful people, I wanted to share as as I come from a family of narcissists! My father and brother in particular! I have cut them off emotionally and don't tolerate there games what so ever! I stand my ground and don't waver! To repair myself I watch videos like these and listened to vortex success on a regular basis....still do! I became happy with who I am and..... I'm proud of who i am. There is always room for improvement but my emotional state is much more regulated than ever before🙂. We can't change them! we can however move on emotionally and feel whole again.
Don't laugh! But seriously, my narcissist is taking me to court tomorrow and I am really struggling so I turn on my Lisa with her absolute perfect message to be inspired AND she is wearing the exact outfit I chose for court. 🕊💙🕊
When I watched Paris H. documentary, I was like '' If she could only listen to Lisa A Romano'' lol. The movie was so painful to watch, that I was not able to watch it all.
Omg girl, I have cried with this one. I was asking the universe for signs, been praying and educating myself, and then You pop up on my Insta. Been following you forever now, I'm your biggest fan. You're one of the strongest woman I know, and I'm so proud of you and so thankful for you sharing your gift. You're a blessing, love u sista 🌻🙏 Namasté
Lisa, I recently found you on TH-cam. You're spot on describing Narcissists and exactly what I lived with for 35yrs. I was devastated when he found new supply and divorced me. Thank god, I realize now it was the best thing that could have happened to me. I am healing and finding happiness again! Thank you, you have helped me tremendously!
So right on target WOW messages... Realization and understanding becoming even clearer to me. Thank you, Lisa! Puzzle pieces are continuing to drop into place listening to you and your very helpful guidance.
I've hit like dear Lisa before watching as since 2018 finding you having left a 10year narcissistic relationship and parents - I just know it's gonna be fab. Thank you for sharing all your knowledge wisdom and growth to help us all become our more healed greatest versions 🥰
You ladies are super heroes I'm so encouraged by toft strength and love and even forgiveness, your desire for a better life, it's a journey and I am so grateful I stumbled upon lisa and she's amazing and I get to learn from all your stories too. Thank you so much for sharing.
I want to thank you. You are an 😇, survivor, a warrior, who has helped me beyond what I can say. Im going to order your books and continue to follow your coaching. Ive survived, and have experienced all of what you have discussed. I wish i had found you 20 years ago. Blessings to you and your family ❤
Wow powerful statement....." The relationship I had with my Mother became the mirror/ relationship that I had with myself" That hit a cord with me! A huge light bulb went off! Makes complete sense. Very true words! Thank you Lisa for sharing your knowledge!
Lisa I returned to my solid loving understanding self . After 18 yrs of marriage. 43 yrs. later I'm a happy happy person but he still try's to come back . Lol. My 4 children love me dearly . ! I love myself today too ! I,m so so happy without his sadistic abuse ❤
Omgggg yesss exactly thats what i felt...i ended it a few weeks ago but im in so much despair its paralyzing i dont even function right now ....getting up is a huge task ...its terrible i cant even work from the depression paralysis ....my whole life is falling apart but i cannot go back
What you have come from as far as your family history has shaped you into a hero for us. Thank you for breaking the cycle in your life and then helping so many people. It's truly amazing. I'm so impressed by your care and knowledge for others safety. This video helped me gain so much insight. 💕
Dr Lisa!!!🥰 Again!... I am SO utterly grateful to you for having the wherewithal to share this much valuable information to ALL people! This is TRULY a pandemic (amongst others!) that has obviously been in it’s inception since the beginning of time, and we are just NOW beginning to chip away at what it TRULY is! Thank you SO very much!!! Love & Blessings to you, your family, and EVERYONE! 🙏🏽💙❤️💜😘
You are the best !! You saved my life !!! You have the rare ability to share high level psycho educational material to everyone- better .. yes way better than any and all mental health professionals I have ever met . Your intelligent insights- combined with scientific evidence is pure gold !!!!!!! And you are so real and totally relatable.. I grew up in a German family system..but now I think my family was closer to Italian and Irish system than German .. now I finally know where my problems came from . You made me me feel more normal .. you changed my world ..,I thank you for all the work you do !! You rock !!!!
My situation is a little different. I’m sure you’ll spot who I am. My Narc is my son. After being my Moms caregiver for 8 years until she died from Alzheimer’s. He asked me to come and work for him in his office. Since he has the only 2 grands I have, I jumped on it. I’ve worked so hard for him and he has backed out of everything he said he would do...crumbs is what I got. The things he has said to me hurt so bad they felt like a physical punch in the stomach. I didn’t know what a Narc was until a few years ago when I was doing some research to help me deal with our relationship which was going South quickly. Your videos have helped me immensely and I thank you!!
I soak up your teaching & dont usually comment but Lisa I wish you an abundance of Love & Light. Thank you for raising my awareness, knowledge & understanding of the insanity that was my life. Thank you for holding my hand on my journey out & facing the complexities & pain of rebuilding me. I have some way to go yet but I simply cannot thank you enough. All the very best wishes & prayers to all survivors. Stay strong, stay safe. With this lady in your life, all will be well.
He went and bought a new wedding ring for me and him for our 27th anniversary....consequently, after several porn and dating sites after another affair andc13 months of silent treatment......and when I didn't jump up and down? "See??? NOTHING is EVER GOOD ENOUGH for you!!" **did I mention I just cared for him 5 months w a broke leg ?**
Lisa, I have listened to many of your amazing sessions yet this one touched a hurt place that I didn't know was so broken, may be the turning point back to me.... Thank you dear friend
Thank you for sharing about your family's background. So many of us, if not all, have similar stories in our families' backgrounds. I love that you are blossoming by offering help and healing. You used that background of manure as fertilizer to grow and become someone beautiful; giving, loving, and offering wisdom. ❤
You have helped me in ways I didn't realize we're possible anymore. Though I cannot change things that have happened. I understand now, I didn't have the tools I needed then to stop the effects from my codependency that made a toxic family unit with my convert narcissist. I forgive myself and I understand that he is working full throttle on his childhood programming. Today I focus on my mental and physical health and wellness of my children. You're a true life changer for us all. Thank you Lisa. ☀️
We’re healing thanks to healers like Lisa 😁
Same, ex narc is full throttle too. He wont accept no. I am grey rocking. I will not be leaned into again for him to cause me to defend then he can claim defending too. A sick game he played my last as I was leaving to safety. They will do anything if they think they lost at whatever game he was playing. I was not playing but he didnt notice. Stay safe. Ps, i never once argued in four years. I have no idea why he wont let go. The world is his and he can have anything he wants.
@@skilodge4224 Stay safe. Some narssissest truly feel in titled to your very existence as if you were there's. It is very delusional and create a toxic house hold no matter the different forms of narssissest disfunshion they are still asleep and not knowing why trying to control or contain any person's energy and light will remain consistent as long as your their key player.. Insulting to the targeted person no doubt but it's not our journey to help those who only want to hide their own darkness within your light. Always live what's true to your own soul and what feels right for you and if the narssissest takes without replenishing then just let them burn out on their own wile moving onto their own life creation and remember without your light and warmth the narssissest will feel the loss of light.
Let them....
💯❤️💯
@@elizabethsmith643 💯💞Thank you. I am away but he's on this sight. A few months back he mentioned Lisa's name so Im scared he's playing and trolling. And I dont hear her mentioning safety issues anymore. That should be the number one thing mentioned.
@@skilodge4224 if you're located in an area that has a women's shelter and domestic support system please research your area's Domestic Support Services they can directly send you a place to escape to staftey for yourself and your children/young adults if you have as well.
You have to get to a safe place first and foremost. Please may you find a safe place for yourself and those you love and I pray to for your safety, guidance to a great support system for you today. ☀️❤️☀️
"Two people worried about one person" relationship.
It never gets better. They NEVER change.
OMG, exactly!
You are so right, i thought my marriege was happy until i did Set one bounderie, i was married for 17 years, and after that one bounderie he showed his real face, and i started realising how my entire marriege was about him and no one else did matter. I am so glad that i did set that one bounderie, it was a Financial one i thought that he would wake up and Change for his family, i was so wrong, he showed his real face, good because now i am free. Love from Switzerland
Good for you Karen. You are awesome and much better without a narc. Love yourself first.
That’s exactly what happened to me.Then when his masked started slipping
And I stood up for myself he started straggling me.I never say it coming and I had no idea what hit me..
@@corinnedruso6802 yes, that is the way they act. I know how hard it is at first, but consider your self as lucky. It only gets better the more you heal. Love from Switzerland
So happy for you that you could and did get away!
They have too much fun duping adults and even children. They hunt. They hunt for easy prey. Someone nice. Someone honest. Someone raised healthy. They seek to destroy that by mocking you infront of others snd behind you. They live for this. Some have this for their main supply. Truly sick.
Can so relate to this dynamic with my ex
@Rose Jenny Yes, once a cheat always a cheat. Track their patterns first. I never said anything to the narc. I just backed out slowly.
@@skilodge4224 smart move I never thought of it this way. I’m going to do this I’ve never seen nythinf like it
I didn’t realise at the time but up until nearly two months ago, I was in what I now know as a narcissistic relationship with a man. It lasted 7 months and we even took a 10 night trip to Turkey. I asked at 3 months, 5 months (while on holiday) what are we to each other. He seemed quite the joking type so he said “well I’d say friends with benefits” to which I said that’s an insult and I never agreed to this. He then said “I can wind you up can’t I”. So I just thought he was joking. Since this all ended I have spoken with his ex (he actually showed me her fb profile from day one, through a fake account he’d set up to see his child’s pics, some of which were public like profile pic. I believed his side of the story of why he wasn’t seeing the child, thinking it sounds believable and why would he tell me if he was the bad guy. I never contacted her in the 7 months as he could have been a good guy for all I knew and I could potentially ruin it for myself!) who says it’s not him joking, he’s been serious and that’s how he is, he was same with her. (She is now married to someone else). He told me from the start he wants a relationship and can’t understand people who go on these date sites who don’t want a relationship. He was all about himself, money. He clearly manipulated me and told me lies about everything, from what he wanted to the reasons he wasn’t seeing his two year old!. I had no idea but I’ve since found out he was supposed to be in court (family court) in September while in Turkey with me. He didn’t even seem nervous on the day this would have been!. He even took all the spending money off me on holiday to put it all together with his!...over £800 of my money (I’ve found out he did same to exes). I guess at the time I darent say other than ok we’ll do that then. I saw it as I guess some sort of positive/commitment type of thing and I remember saying to him well yes I guess you’d do that in the future and say if you had a family etc. He told me in the end he didn’t want a relationship, it was too much for him right now and he didn’t want a sexual relationship! And that it’s less complicated being friends and to come round for coffee when he moves house (nearer to where I live too). A few of us including his ex think things have come up for him re tax, other crimes on police records, failed police check etc. He changed his mobile number and came off Instagram (he came off Facebook in March the month before he and I met...and I’ve since heard he was due in court in March, but instead went to Thailand with a male friend) and his self employed job that requires a police check to prove he is safe etc, had gone bust, he got a delivery job shortly after and suddenly wasn’t in the job still he’d only a week before started, all within a week!. He sent me his new number having not mentioned before he was doing it, and when I died why has he changed it, he texted back “because I wanted to, why all the question” and said “you’re the only person who’s asked why”. I felt anxious getting this reply, even though he still put two kisses at the end of the text and I said forget I asked, just don’t usually get messages from people saying new number!. He lived 35 miles away and apart from when I parked my car at his 11 nights while on holiday, I’d not been to his house since July, he always came to me. He told me it was because I live near the town centre and it’s a 5 min walk to the town centre, bars etc. He lived further out of the city he lived in, in the suburbs and that last time at his, we’d been out during the day into York city centre. Now I and others can’t help but think, having heard things about him that he didn’t want to be seen with me out and about in his home town because maybe that last time, someone of people had seen him with a woman and know his past etc and perhaps threatened to approach me and tell me what he really is. Maybe someone had seen us and contacted him after. I’ve since heard he has a lot of enemies in his city and people know about him!. That or there was another more local woman in his life, though I’m thinking more what I mentioned before. He made such a scene in Turkey in a restaurant when the meal wasn’t quite how he wanted it, arms waving about etc, also got nasty towards a man in a kebab takeaway place because he’d been charged about 10 lira too much!. Before the holiday, sat in a restaurant, a waiter took our photo and I said oh jeez, I look bad. He was sat thinking I felt, and then told me he’d like me to loose some weight, but then changed it and said but do it for yourself. I replied well I would do it for myself but at least he’s been honest as I could do to loose some (I have since it all ended with stress and anxiety I now seem to have). He seemed so charming at first. He also seemed to think not contacting me in hours on end, 12 plus often was ok and I’d get so anxious and be sat thinking do I or don’t I text!. His ex said he was the same with her re contact and texting etc. Looking back now, I can see red flags that I guess I didn’t totally or see at all at the time. I look back now and he was clearly belittling me in front of others, but at the time I thought he was joking about etc. I even have video evidence of things like this!. It’s just awful how it leaves you feeling. I’ve also since found out he’s not only mentally and emotionally abusing but physically and had done things to others in the past. He also was all about himself in the bedroom and would do it still if I said I need a little warming up first. He always from what I can see and have been told, seems to get away with things. Feeling low, anxious etc now still.
@@lauramarchant8167 I'm
I just wanted to add that I have not only attracted narcissists not only when I had low self esteem or issues..but actually a few instances they preyed on me when I was doing amazing and at great and higher vibrations, because they wanted that aspect of me and ciphened whatever that was as fuel..
Same here. As I’ve gotten stronger, I still get preyed on by narcissists, but now I can see them and set boundaries until they prey on someone else. My covert narcissist boss recently freaked out on me when he lost his power to control during Covid lockdown. He subconsciously realized I saw his vulnerability, so he RAGED on me. This was something my narcissist ex-husband would do. This time, however, I knew this was about him, not me, and threw up my boundaries. I also owned my part by seeing where I had been fawning, which gave him the ok to abuse me. I now realize I am a narcissist magnet when I play the codependent part.
Hey what do you mean by fawning?
I will try to describe “fawning” as I understand it: some therapists use this word to describe how a codependent gets their own validation by shamelessly admiring, over-helping & heaping adoration on a narcissist. This behavior is fuel to a narcissist, of course, bc he is getting his insatiable need for attention, and the “people pleaser” validates their own need of wanting to help others to be seen, heard & known. Fawning is disgusting when you finally realize that you may have done this in your relationship with a narcissist, and by owning your part, you can stop yourself from participating by going “grey rock” (another antidotal term that just means-show no emotion and give no response to a narcissist so they will become bored and find another source).
Same happened to me during the dating phase...he crept in when i was doing great. And he dismantled my growth in myself.
@@deena3003 I’m nervous about that, bc I’ve done soooo much work and really deserve to be in a healthy relationship. I just don’t know if I’d see it when it happens. Or even worse, be attracted to normal 😳
This! “Self-esteem? Lady, I didn’t have a self”
I had to stop this video half-way, because it just reminded me of all the narcissist and bullies I had to deal with over the years. It's half the reason why I gave up on dating. The other half is that dating is hard anyway.
I'm done with dating until I can figure out how and why I attract narcissistic men! A mistake I do not want to repeat. 😞
@@miapdx503 It will only take place if you get the courage to look at yourself first and get to know yourself better and how your conditioning operates. It took me a year of intense work with a therapist. It is so worth it! It gave me peace and understanding of myself, and it was an opportunity for me to fall in love with myself and accept my choices that I was often doing subconsciously.I wish you well! Life is beautiful if we understand it better!
I bet you’re an empath. I am too! Dating being an Empath is the hardest you see through the person immediately.
Whats a date? Lol. I'm finally fighting my co-defendant tendency, and moving forward alone yet surprisingly happy. Its not so bad after all. Take care of YOU first!
Wow me too!! I’ve spent 54 years like this, grew up with toxic parents, married the first jerk who pretended to love me, I couldn’t take the relentless cheating so I divorced, then what did I do, I got involved with my assumed knight in shining armor, got married and figured out I married satan...
Since I split with my ex narc, I have lost all self esteem but listening to your podcast have helped tremendously. ❤️
Same here
Same!!!! Thank you so much Lisa. God has led me to you I feel it in my bones. I don’t even remember why I looked up Narcissist videos.. Gods hand!
@Rose Jenny yep
It’s because you think they are more valuable than you are. You will get the same relationship over and over until you do self work and become happy on your own and know your self worth, love your self. Takes work. Then you’ll attract what you are. A narc can’t go near you. You’ll vibrate on a different level.
@@Smith-Machiner 👍👍
Being stuck with a narcissistic person for so long feels like I'm living in Hell I'm tired
Me too 😞
Gosh...me too...draining
wait till your thyroid plays up..fluid weight gain
@@queenofhearts1138 keep speaking for yourself.only...stop trying to help others..there is a wee queen inside that needs to hear your voice..turn inward make that choice
Me too....exhausted.
I will not be silenced anymore. I have a voice. I am being threatened bc I do not want to go back to narc. If something happens to me I protected the little girl inside me💞🙏I love her/myself so much. I have grey rocked. He knows I know. Im no one"s doormat. No one's enabler. No one's scapegoat. I do not ingage in 3-ring circuses. Enough! I love myself more than anyone.💝
I'm going through a lot right now too But please be safe and stay Blessed always 😊
@@debretristin4679 Hi Debre I will and you too. Wishing everyone stays safe. Im scared but these sights help when Im grey rocking. He's contacting people he doesn't even know.
@@skilodge4224 that's so sad he's contacting people that's a narc for u always need other people involved shame 😐
I've regained who I am. The bitterness is what I'm working on. I get triggered by everything having to have an angle to please or benefit them and snap with foul words. Then I feel horrible and apologize, but feel duped because when I snap verbally, it feels like that's their 'gotcha' moment and know they haven't apologized ever for anything.
When You Have Courage To Keep it Real
When You Care
When You Can Appreciate Something As Simple As A Sunflower
When You Can Love Unconditionally
When You Can Breath in
And Breath Out
And Be Happy For Others
And Not Take Anything For Granted
Then You Are Successful
Own The Path You Walk With Love❤
Beautiful!!!!
Unconditional love? that was the mantra I used to excuse abuse!!
Put conditions on the behavior you accept, including from yourself.
Boundaries ARE Conditions!
@@sz4179 Hope You Are Alright🌻
Good morning Lisa,
You have no idea how valuable these videos are and how they completely changed my views. Not only in my past relationships, but awakened the light in myself. Thank you for making your knowledge accessible for those like myself.
Yes..I watch your videos every day and I thank God for u
I'm so frustrated right now. I don't want to be alone, but if I have to be alone, I just wish people would accept the fact that for the time being I don't have a lot of free time on my hands. I'm trying to stay strong and accomplish things I can't accomplish if I constantly have someone in my life who wants to suck me into a negative vortex. I need more happy people in my life. I always feel like I'm drowning. I don't feel strong enough to help anyone else right now. I have one friend who I think expects too much from me. I hope she enlarges her circle because I don't have the time.
I love when the "New York Italian" personality comes out during Lisa's transmissions!!! Thank you Lisa for sharing your knowledge that has lifted the veil from my eyes.
Lisa is gold, Love and Light. Graphic description of my past experiences to the letter. Wishing Lisa and everyone here to stay safe, well and sane🙏
I think the whole experience with a Narc is a hoover..Went in with no sense of self as I was raised by one.. Coming out with boundaries and knowing /becoming who I am..Your videos have helped in this journey..
The comment section is really where the rubber meets the road, I appreciate the sharing and it shows me that I have a lot of work to do .... thank you 🙏
Thank you Lisa for your help. Before I came across your channel I was a complete human doing. Life was happening to me like it did when I was a child. I had no idea my thought created my reality. I had no idea my thought we’re not mine, that they were my narcissist fathers thoughts and lies he told us. I’m so grateful now I’ve gone no contact and I’m learning to heal my inner child and have a positive view on life. I actually see myself as much as the next person now. I had no idea my childhood made this way. This is what I think grade school should be like. Teaching kids to love themselves and help others.
Yes, yes. Whats really amazing, how a narc can make you believe you are something your not. I listened and after I became that way. Wow, I realized how sick the relationship was.
You are on point with this 🎯
It does not matter my race or status... I am part of a glorious existence. I am worthy of love & respect... Absolutely impacting words Lisa & tanks.
She is the real deal a lot of people can’t Handel what’s she’s saying but she mastered this I know a man that’s fits everything she speaks of when he hears me listing to her he gets so upset 😂
She is one of my secret weapons. I would never let him hear me listening, as he would know that I know. And I don’t need nitpicking or arguing. As I am working on the long run plan to free myself, I will not let him find ways to continue to sidetrack me.
This is definitely going to be a video I listen to everyday for a while to serve as my reminder......thank you Lisa😌
Omg! We had booked a trip down south and before we left because we were in constant conflict he said to me ok you better not nag and you better behave, and when we came back he said, ok you did good. At that point I went because I wanted to get some sun during the winter. Lisa’s comment of a pat on the head brought back that memory.
Are you still with this person?
@@dermlover1 I became more and more indifferent towards him, I had understood almost from the beginning that something was off but we had two kids and staying was the lesser of two evils. He finally left 7 months ago, for me it’s peace, quiet and no more having to put up with a 5 year old. I’m learning to love myself. Best wishes to all, everyone deserves happiness 😔
It can be so hard to describe a narc and how they abuse. I truly believe they know what they are doing and that there are alot, men and women in society. Thanks for the vid.
My heart aches for your mother. Bless her heart and yours. And also mine because I can relate to a lot of these things your mom and you went through. 21 years I’ve been married and just found out he was cheating instead of saying I’m sorry he denies and attacks me. It’s the worst feeling in the world to have so much empathy but not given any
Wow- you have given me good a-ha moments today. When I was married to a narcissist, and then dating narcissists afterwards (trying to fix my childhood trauma), other ppl would tell me how much my husband or boyfriend raved about me when I wasn’t around. They would say, “he really loves you”, but I didn’t hear it from them. I was love-bombed at the beginning of each (which I devoured), then emotionally starved until I had to just end it or die. I left each relationship emaciated and lost. My anxiety levels would freak out afterwards. I thought I was strong surviving these relationships-gone-wrong, but I was really imprisoning myself to my trauma, over and over again.
Actual thoughts I had while in a narcissistic relationship: imprisoned, thrown under the bus, living in a snake pit, not worthy of love or being cared for, disgusting human, mocked. Physical manifestations: depression, weight loss, extreme anxiety, fear, anger, sleeplessness, stuttering, distrust of everyone.
I never, ever want to discard and devalue myself again. Right now, I have no idea how I will behave or feel in a healthy relationship, but I will do my best to become a whole, loved person for myself. That is my goal-to fully know and appreciate who I am.
Sounds like we had the same narcissist. Because of anxiety, I lost 70 lbs in a year -- went from a size 20-22 to a size 4. At the abandonment/jilting, I felt like someone had cut the cable that held me to the spaceship and I was floating out in space --- no self, no meaning, no purpose, no life --- because I had wrapped my entire life around his and when he removed his life, there was nothing left to hold onto.
Thanks for sharing your comment 🙏💖 It sounds like my ex, every one telling me how much he was saying that he loved me, etc... and at home he was treating me like crap. My self esteem went to the floor, I never had a shoulder where to cry, never an authentic hug, never a care for my well-being. Always was about him and me supporting him, saving him from his reckless behavior and addictions. I didn’t know at the time, I learned about the prostitutes and heavy drugs later, but he was into alcohol and smoking, he got everything he wanted so he started discarding me, more rude and on my face his deceptions... I broke up, I had enough... in a matter of a week all done, I kicked him out of my place, police involved and days later a temporal protection order.... it was just a month and a half ago. I am still trying to serve him my papers because he is in the run and became homeless but leaving the fancy hotel life. He trashed my reputation, many believe him, many not. I hate, him resent him, and I can’t let that go... yet!! I am emotional and trying to be strong as this scumbag left me with so many car tickets that I have to contest, pieces of debts that I incurred for him, a reputation that now I have to isolate so his minions don’t damage my career and life. I changed phone numbers, bank accounts and everything that I could, because his minions started putting my info online and that is doxing!... but I am still living in the same place, same city... that now, I hate as everything remains me of this piece of human trash! And while I am cleaning the mess he created in my life, and my own mess as I realized that my issues also come from childhood as I felt never been loved, highly disfunctional family.... he is free, basking his praises in social media (as an influencer and piece of crap), scamming people online for money, living his mediocre celebrity status with thousands of people “loving” him... and still oblivious of what he did... to me and more women before me. He is a Malignant Narcissistic 💯 criminal mind that only rest when is high on drugs or alcohol... and that is when he does mistakes. He has a criminal record, now his driver license got suspended so another loser friend living on his car is driving for him... the authorities and other people that have come to my help are telling me... it’s a matter of time, he is falling by his own weight... he is... but yet not quick enough for my open wounds! I hate him, and I still struggle with my own rejection towards myself for not seeing the signs, the clear script that he followed... that ALL narcissistic follow. I still remember how much unconditional love and caring I gave him and I hate that I did that... I am the one that now needs the hugs and the comfort! But in a short time, as intense as this breakup that involves social media is, my friends and family are drained and many have moved on... I remain here with few people that are supporting me, but the hugs and the wanted to speak with someone... only come from me and with me. It’s the reality, I am aware I can’t drain people around with my stories or problems that I need to take care of because he left me with those to resolve or because I still need to submit evidence to the authorities, I am aware that if I could I will be running away, this is the beginning of a journey... I am aware that I have never felt comfortable in this life... that the 6 year old girl wanted to leave and be picked up by God because she knew she didn’t belong here... she is still so much here. I wish I could blink and finally wake up from this cruel hologram that we call life. I am aware that I love more nature and animals than I love myself and that I carry a lot of load that it is not mine. So it’s overwhelming and I wish I could take a vacation out of life, but the Divine is so much a tangible thing in my heart that even with pain, I remain here... hiding in nature and isolated from most humans... only wishing for what we will never get here, that unconditional divine love that I may have remembered and broke my heart when I realized at very early age that it was never going to exist while I was incarnated. Now I need to heal... and remain strong, I want to get to my future ME fast so I can meet the knew one that I have become. I only have glimpses now... of who she is... I wish I could be her 20 years ago... but never it is too late.
This is what’s happened to me…. Been 2 and a half years of hell… now I need to build myself back up and get out!
Wishing you well, same for me!
Lisa just poured the footing, and foundation to positive, strong, and mature growth for emotional heaing, health, confidence and peace. Thank You.
I have found myself miserable. I'm giving the abuse back and I hate myself for it. I just want out of this relationship.
He ghosted me and just threw me away it hurts really bad, been 5 months waiting and hoping he’ll call but nothing . I got mad at him after being mentally abused and he said he can’t get past I got really mad at him ! I hear you and yes I should be glad I got out of my relationship you are so right !!!!!thank you, I encourage you to run
This has bren my life and I hadn't realized it until I jumped ship. This helped me to identify that Ive been in survival mode for a while. Thanks love!
My problem wasn't feeling "unworthy" as much as it was just thinking that if I could just do things "right" or "better" then they wouldn't have anything left to complain about. But not even that would help. I would do something spectacularly well, and they would still find something to nitpick about (or just ignore that any effort had been made at all). It was crazy-making.
Oh my, Oh My, Oh my
Sounds like my boyfriend 🙁
I love the line Dr Laura uses about self esteem ‘better than some not as good as others’
I have a narcissistic relative and it feels so great having boundaries, my own peace and no longer allow anyone to minimise or mentally abuse me with their words or actions any longer.
I was raised by three narcissists. I felt like I couldn't catch a break. But I always believed that one day I'll be able to stop surviving and start living. I haven't had a single healthy relationship yet. But I'm confident that i can start with me. I acknowledge my own narcissistic traits. I am working on me. Your videos are invaluable
That thing you said about how you feel so protective of those you love when someone uses exposed vulnerabilities against them is my life!
Dear Lisa. I love the way you talk about the narcisists. I laugh ouloud and I Thank you for this moments! You are an Angel!
Amazing how these people who spend their entire lives ‘getting away with...whatever they can get away with’, are the same people who FULLY EXPECT a ‘parade and a trophy’ for every little fricking thing they ARE ‘willing’ to do...because the only things they are WILLING to do, HAS to be associated with an audience...because that’s where the applause exists. 🤮
Lisa you've been a blessing to so many people! After so much suffering you're still motivated to help save people from these hurts ! Much love to you!
You are an EXCELLENT teacher! This video was so eye opening!!! God has given you a gift!!! Sharing this! God bless!
Yes they do not know the word "good"
I've been left with depression & anxiety from abusive 10 yr relationship he broke me now I'm lost xx
Bless you, you are not alone, keep listening and reading, you will be better:)
I'm listening to your video a third time and Lisa your lessons are like choose your own adventure book from the 1980's. Your stories explain the childhood programing and in this you begin your magic of clarity and healing.
You can choose to continue ignoring the toxic behavior and live unconscious and stay sick then this, this, this can happen or you can confront the truth about your reality and own your behaviours and consequences and what was created from being asleep mentally. Now this can happen and this, this, this too. Or you can choose to wake up take charge though un fortunately you have been miss treated, you chose self love which creates forgiveness for yourself. Now you can create this and this is created from that because you choose to love self here and walk away strong here and not react there and it made you feel powerful and self reliant. This is exciting I am so thankful for the work you have created that has related deep with me. I have known nothing but dysfunctional family patterns that go back generation's from all sides of my mom's and dad's families. I know where I want to be, I see it feel it and I'm working my hardest to create what's in my heart. Thank you Lisa 💯❤️💯
YAY!!!!!!! Whoo hooo!!!!!! The message has been received and deciphered~
@@lisaaromano1 this had been about 9 years in the making. Without your guidance and support without ever even meeting, you have changed my life and the future of my children and our family unit. I know your only living your truth and purpose but Lisa A Romono you are changing the world and it's all tipping the world's energy into light and love. Amen and namaste you beautiful soul. ☀️
I have gained so much knowledge from your videos Lisa.
I love how your videos are long, comprehensive and validating and that way feel like a daily affirmation/meditation
It's hard to believe that someone could take advantage of you!
I’m still in a relationship where I feel like I’m drowning. These videos help me understand what is going on, I love this man but now it’s everyday yelling in my face and being told I’m ruining his life and I’m destroying our life, and I walk away we are done forever, I really wish I had the courage to deal with the heart break from walking away, I wish I have the courage to start doing things for myself by myself
Stop seeking approval
Mother yourself
Accept yourself (no comparison)
Rewrite/rewire your inner narrative
Train your brain (logic and facts; meditating, journaling, fact-checking!)
Speak up for yourself (tell your truth, "shutty shutty," don't apologize for no reason, say nothing)
I am definitely a better person with him gone.
The hole in me comes from a childhood trauma that had nothing to do with my parents...it had everything to do with my cousin being molested by his father and me knowing but not knowing how to tell the adults because I was about 2 or 3 years old and we had our own language (my cousin and I) I still carry guilt to this day.
Thank you for your videos ❤
I had a huge portrait of myself made by an artist the narc was doing work for. It’s an embarrassment, I always felt uncomfortable about it and kept it in the bedroom. Now we are divorcing, selling the house, wtf do I do with it? Love everything you do Lisa, keeping me sane, I so appreciate all you do xx
I didn’t have it made, the narc insisted it be done 😂😂
If you are not happy with it, burn it.
@@teresagonzalez9314 I’m not sure I’m allowed to because I signed a document in court saying I wouldn’t damage or sell any of his belongings, I would love to burn it, I burnt my wedding dress and it felt incredibly healing. I can’t get any legal advice easily because of cost and ....... out of work blah........ thanks though x
@@taniaspence4879 💙
@@taniaspence4879 pack it up with his name on it and put it out of your eyesight, only if safe to do. Is he in the house? If so, keep in same place undisturbed till he leaves with a set day legally. 24 hours after legal set day in ink then burn it. You can have him evicted for abuse with PFA of imment danger. Then change your locks immediately the day he is evicted. Make sure locksmith is on standby. It worked for me. Do not be in house alone with him! There can be a free appointed attorney available just ask they will have one for you.
Wow been there. One thing I've realized is that I feel out of control of my world and over react to get some level of stability around me. So that's one thing I'm working on now that she's gone.
I can’t express how much truth you spoke. A for 20 years. I was miserable. Divorced last year never recovered. Just don’t want to be around people anymore. I expected much more from life. God bless you
I didn't know i was an artist. Not until I was in my late forties.
I’m going thru the end of a 7 year relationship with a narcissistic sociopath and just came across your channel. So much of what you say, rings true for me. I love you already and thank you ❤️
Its the same here. 7 years gone.
This is great information! I didn’t realize that it’s best to rewatch videos like this because it registers differently based on the area of healing in life. Thank you 🙏🏽
I had the pleasure of being introduced to one narc that helped me rid the narc that I had recently unfortunately gotten married too …….
🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾 now I’m free from all. Pregnant by his child and telling me that I couldn’t keep her because I didn’t have a child to me begging him and thinking that this was an ok situation 🤦🏾♀️ to him constantly pinpointing flaws on my body and what I need to have surgically fixed, to him treating my son like he is/was a disease and playing mind game making me feel like I was imagining it the whole 10 years ……… I proud that I didn’t make it to 11 years. The process hurt like hell but my tomorrow is looking a lot brighter
Yes exploitation of pain!
Oh wow, I am passive aggressive. My dad always called me nice nasty. Didn't understand what he meant. My person is also. Showed me the silent treatment. I learned well after 44 years. And I can't stand being around them now. I just want out. Don't know when I will let myself out. 😔
You have risen above your childhood Lisa. It’s a hard childhood to come up from , I know as I see similarities, but you’ve done it. 🤗👏🏽🌺
Been watching/listening to your videos for a good while now. This has been a huge help to me..so I wanted to thank you for what you're doing here. Many of the things I've learned here help me get through the days...especially these past few months with literally every part of life being so crazy. Just want you to know I really appreciate your help. I didn't realize until about 4 years ago what the problem actually is. Healing is a long journey.
I asked my mom what were my first two years like as a baby and she said that for the first 7 months she couldn't give me much as she was taking care of my sick grandmother and my 5 year old sister. She said that I didn't need much anyway and they as a family never cuddled much so she wasn't comfortable with much physical touch. I remember we didn't touch or hug at all as I was a child, but I needed to know what was it like in my infant years as I suffer from developmental trauma. I had two romantic relationship until now and in both I suffered separation anxiety, I couldn't get enough of the cuddles but more in a mother/child style an not adult/adult one. I also found out that the good old love languages don't really hit home with me, yeah it's nice to get presents and get your dishes done but the way I feel love goes because of this developmental trauma rather like this: being nurtured when sick, being asked about my thoughts/day/interests.., being held like a baby when watching tv on the sofa, incouraging me to pursue my interests, even better when paying for them.. you get the point:) Of course I attracted avoidants both times who first gave me everything I needed and love bombed me, and then made a bait and switch leaving me scratching for crumbs, zero interest in me, just kept on enjoying my neediness as it fed their ego and validated their sense of control.
Totally my storie in an other impact... I was bought op to don’t exist, so it has been a long loony past and journey back, and I am still on my way back home to self ❤️ yours and other videos had been a big help the last many years 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
Thank you so much for this video…at 45 years old and only just figuring out my issues that have affected all of my personal relationships, this video has helped me (along with therapy) to start to stop blaming myself and start building my self worth and esteem. Sometimes you feel so alone with the pain and fear you feel that you won’t ever be loved for who you are that it’s a real battle to try and gain and keep some self worth and control /deal with the emotions that brings. Feeling like you were a bad or difficult kid and having an emotionally shut down mother is more damaging than I ever imagined or realised…at this age now i have to learn how to deal with my emotions, trust myself, build my self esteem and try to forgive myself and the narcissists that have taken advantage of it. It feels like a big mountain to climb!
Lisa this is so incredibly helpful 💖 this identification is healing itself. Being a fully grown adult and feeling so incapacitated and not able to escape from the ‘dysfunctional program’ is another way that my self esteem has shattered again and again. So many bits of this talk resonate: trying to stop the boat sinking trying to survive - rather than learning how to steer the boat. not knowing who I was or what I was good at as a child- finally starting to realise nearly 40 yrs old... I can feel the healing coming through your work. you are such a blessing thank you xxx
Thank you so much for this video. Many years ago a friend I had suggested reparenting myself. I forgot all about it until watching this video. I also remembered the times in my life was when I focused on parenting my children not focusing on my narcissistic mate were when I had a healthy relationship with myself. I remember how it feels and what it looks like and believe I can be there again. So much gratitude.
Wow 👏 ,I've gotten so much Help mentally helping me understand what the hell has been going on in my life for so Long .... but it is hard rewiring your brain constantly for the past 41 yrs and turned 51 December 10 ,Thank You 🙏
39:30
I really really needed This.. I even felt sad he didn’t text me anymore. What’s wrong with me :(... is this a sign of Low or no self esteem? I know I should be happy but I don’t feel that happy.. this came in the timely manner thanks a lot Lisa. I hope I can pull through without him..
I so can relate....I feel stuck
Try to always tell yourself, when I pull through, not if or maybe, best wishes, been there, and not going back.
You will get through it, I promise!!! I've been through it, keep pushing, if I wasn't feeling right, I will look for a video that can make me understand why I am feeling a certain way l, cos your body doesn't know whats happening, it will take some time, some days will be awful but it won't be like that forever, you will get out it it!
I've left too, it's affected me more than I thought it would, I feel so stupid and weak that I let it happen, what an "eye opener"
Hey beautiful people,
I wanted to share as as I come from a family of narcissists!
My father and brother in particular!
I have cut them off emotionally and don't tolerate there games what so ever!
I stand my ground and don't waver!
To repair myself I watch videos like these and listened to vortex success on a regular basis....still do!
I became happy with who I am and..... I'm proud of who i am.
There is always room for improvement but my emotional state is much more regulated than ever before🙂.
We can't change them!
we can however move on emotionally and feel whole again.
Don't laugh! But seriously, my narcissist is taking me to court tomorrow and I am really struggling so I turn on my Lisa with her absolute perfect message to be inspired AND she is wearing the exact outfit I chose for court. 🕊💙🕊
When I watched Paris H. documentary, I was like '' If she could only listen to Lisa A Romano'' lol. The movie was so painful to watch, that I was not able to watch it all.
Lisa you are above any compliment❤️kisses from Brasil. God bless you so so much
Omg girl, I have cried with this one. I was asking the universe for signs, been praying and educating myself, and then You pop up on my Insta. Been following you forever now, I'm your biggest fan. You're one of the strongest woman I know, and I'm so proud of you and so thankful for you sharing your gift. You're a blessing, love u sista 🌻🙏 Namasté
Lisa, I recently found you on TH-cam. You're spot on describing Narcissists and exactly what I lived with for 35yrs. I was devastated when he found new supply and divorced me. Thank god, I realize now it was the best thing that could have happened to me. I am healing and finding happiness again! Thank you, you have helped me tremendously!
So right on target WOW messages... Realization and understanding becoming even clearer to me. Thank you, Lisa! Puzzle pieces are continuing to drop into place listening to you and your very helpful guidance.
I've hit like dear Lisa before watching as since 2018 finding you having left a 10year narcissistic relationship and parents - I just know it's gonna be fab. Thank you for sharing all your knowledge wisdom and growth to help us all become our more healed greatest versions 🥰
You are so on-point it's jolting! Word for word they must be using the same playbook.
My heart fell to my stomach as your explaining these issues 💔
My narc is just like Paris Hilton in that sense . I’m sorry but if u can’t be happy in this moment, money WILL NOT help....
You ladies are super heroes I'm so encouraged by toft strength and love and even forgiveness, your desire for a better life, it's a journey and I am so grateful I stumbled upon lisa and she's amazing and I get to learn from all your stories too. Thank you so much for sharing.
I want to thank you. You are an 😇, survivor, a warrior, who has helped me beyond what I can say. Im going to order your books and continue to follow your coaching. Ive survived, and have experienced all of what you have discussed. I wish i had found you 20 years ago. Blessings to you and your family ❤
I love your delivery dear woman, Loving it being so bada bing
Wow powerful statement....." The relationship I had with my Mother became the mirror/ relationship that I had with myself" That hit a cord with me! A huge light bulb went off! Makes complete sense. Very true words! Thank you Lisa for sharing your knowledge!
Lisa I returned to my solid loving understanding self . After 18 yrs of marriage. 43 yrs. later I'm a happy happy person but he still try's to come back . Lol. My 4 children love me dearly . ! I love myself today too ! I,m so so happy without his sadistic abuse ❤
Omgggg yesss exactly thats what i felt...i ended it a few weeks ago but im in so much despair its paralyzing i dont even function right now ....getting up is a huge task ...its terrible i cant even work from the depression paralysis ....my whole life is falling apart but i cannot go back
What you have come from as far as your family history has shaped you into a hero for us. Thank you for breaking the cycle in your life and then helping so many people. It's truly amazing. I'm so impressed by your care and knowledge for others safety. This video helped me gain so much insight. 💕
Dr Lisa!!!🥰
Again!... I am SO utterly grateful to you for having the wherewithal to share this much valuable information to ALL people! This is TRULY a pandemic (amongst others!) that has obviously been in it’s inception since the beginning of time, and we are just NOW beginning to chip away at what it TRULY is!
Thank you SO very much!!!
Love & Blessings to you, your family, and EVERYONE!
🙏🏽💙❤️💜😘
I wish that words could capture how much I relate to this... We Are Enough... We Are Worthy... We can heal... 💕
You are the best !! You saved my life !!! You have the rare ability to share high level psycho educational material to everyone- better .. yes way better than any and all mental health professionals I have ever met . Your intelligent insights- combined with scientific evidence is pure gold !!!!!!! And you are so real and totally relatable.. I grew up in a German family system..but now I think my family was closer to Italian and Irish system than German .. now I finally know where my problems came from . You made me me feel more normal .. you changed my world ..,I thank you for all the work you do !! You rock !!!!
My situation is a little different. I’m sure you’ll spot who I am. My Narc is my son. After being my Moms caregiver for 8 years until she died from Alzheimer’s. He asked me to come and work for him in his office. Since he has the only 2 grands I have, I jumped on it. I’ve worked so hard for him and he has backed out of everything he said he would do...crumbs is what I got. The things he has said to me hurt so bad they felt like a physical punch in the stomach. I didn’t know what a Narc was until a few years ago when I was doing some research to help me deal with our relationship which was going South quickly. Your videos have helped me immensely and I thank you!!
Powerful tips! " Shuty,, shuty" lol! Love it!
I soak up your teaching & dont usually comment but Lisa I wish you an abundance of Love & Light. Thank you for raising my awareness, knowledge & understanding of the insanity that was my life. Thank you for holding my hand on my journey out & facing the complexities & pain of rebuilding me. I have some way to go yet but I simply cannot thank you enough.
All the very best wishes & prayers to all survivors. Stay strong, stay safe. With this lady in your life, all will be well.
Wow, two people living to take care of one...soooo true!
He went and bought a new wedding ring for me and him for our 27th anniversary....consequently, after several porn and dating sites after another affair andc13 months of silent treatment......and when I didn't jump up and down? "See??? NOTHING is EVER GOOD ENOUGH for you!!"
**did I mention I just cared for him 5 months w a broke leg ?**
Wow
Reminds me when i broke my leg my narc “ looked “ after me. It was the worst two months of my life.
The "gifts" are bribes, supposed to pay for their abuse. I got to where "cash and prizes" weren't worth it anymore...
These people are sick.
Lisa dear you’ve made my life easier thank you. ❤️❤️🙏🙏
Lisa, I have listened to many of your amazing sessions yet this one touched a hurt place that I didn't know was so broken, may be the turning point back to me.... Thank you dear friend
And it touches my heart to know this❤️
Awesome Lisa - love acronyms as handy reminders and easy tools to etch it in our brains.
Sitting here in complete breakdown - really fresh. He had to ruin the holidays.
You are so right on. My self esteem ( that I worked hard at getting better) is now beginning to erode away everyday little by little.
Thank you for sharing about your family's background. So many of us, if not all, have similar stories in our families' backgrounds. I love that you are blossoming by offering help and healing. You used that background of manure as fertilizer to grow and become someone beautiful; giving, loving, and offering wisdom. ❤
Hi Lisa. Very well put. Childhood dysfunction is key to healing. Love your take on social media.