Top Reasons Women Pull Away
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 6 ก.ย. 2024
- Each & every one of us has experienced a woman pulling away emotionally & energetically. One day she was really into us, showering us with affection & attention, but the next day we're a very low priority. Why do women do this? Why do women pull away like this?
In this Attraction Tips video I'm going to be discussing the top reasons women pull away from a man emotionally & what you can do about it, so her distance from you is relatively short-lived.
#PullingAway #WhenShePullsAway #GirlfriendGoneCold #PullsAway
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I'm Erik Peterson, a men's relationship & dating coach, and at Skill of Attraction I provide dating tips & relationship advice, mainly for men, to help facilitate growing & maintaining attraction in their romantic relationships to where it's fun, loving & relatively effortless.
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.... Yes!!! Just let the girls come and go as they please, without being controlling or even thinking much about her because you're so dug on busy with your passions and side businesses!
Yup! Or you have other women who want your time as well.
Guys I am a 31 year old woman and this guys is right, I was extremely devoted to my boyfriend and I was super loving and warm with him but he was always aloof and cold, mean and a little rude sometimes and it hurt me. So, without even myself noticing I started to become more distant and cooler and cooler... (not voluntarily) and suddenly I really pulled away. Now he tells me why I am acting like this? And I told him what I told you guys here. Be wise guys, if you really love your girl don't waste the opportunity by behaving mean and bad with her. I love my boyfriend, but the way he has treated me pushed me to a state of non-care and aloofness which I never thought I could be at. This is proof that a girlfriend's behavior is the reflection of how her man treats her, maybe not in all cases but in most of them. I am not blaming guys for their girlfriends behavior but believe me, the way you treat her is decisive in how the relationship will evolve.
Yes, women will reflect how the man in her life is behaving.
Very true. Women like a man who is gentle and respectful.
Guys, we must listen to this man, he knows what he's talking about. I see too many comments of guys overreacting about when she pulls away. Almost as I'd the advice in the video goes through one ear and out the other.
At the end of the day, they will always pull away, I think it's natural for ppl in general to want space. It's healthy. Especially being an introvert, we tend to have a limiter, especially in person of hoe much tslking we csn do, before the body starts to tell you it's feeling low.
Thank you! Yes, most people want dating/relationships to be different than they are, but it works in a particular way. We must learn to accept & embrace that...dating will go much smoother this way. Go with the current rather than against it.
Hi Eric. Woman who I used to see earlier this year pulled away, came back, we used to have time of our lives, she was very warm, very affectionate, then, after coming back from travel, she never tells me. The last time she merely said “hi how are you” was 3 months ago. She moved back to her country, never even told me that either and everytime I post something on IG for fun (I post for general public of course) she just sends a like and nothing else…no meaningful communication. We never fought, we never argued, nothing. Having serious trouble moving on 😢
Key in ur last sentence.
U have to fight and argue. Woman need drama, emotional spikes ( fight then f**k).
Whitout problems its become bland and boring to them very, very fast.
Yep good video. Another reason is a woman can generally just be tired ect from a long shift. I won't hear from my wife usually when she's on a 14 hour shift on a Fri and Sat. And in all honesty, I'm usually too tired to bother with her after a late shift myself lol. Just a suggestion, a video on a make up break up relationship??
Oof! That IS a good topic! I was in one of those & it just completely drained me of all energy & emotion. I'll see what i can put together.
Great video 8:07 I made this mistake with a girl I was seeing recently. I over-validated/over-invested in her and she pulled away. I've since mirrored her by going radio silent (and arranging dates with other women ;-)
Good. That's all that you can do for the time being. Your only other option is to invest more & that never works in this situation...it only drives her away further.
@Nic777 - Exactly. They DO want that consciously, but it only hurts their attraction for a man. They often don't understand the emotional effect of investing so much has on their attraction.
@Nic777 Yes, they like it initially, but once the challenge & mystery is gone for them, they begin to lose interest.
Hello Conor,
What was the outcome with the girl you were seeing (and who pulled away)?
Good content good subject I’ve dated some real wackos over the last 7 yrs I don’teven tty to figure them out it just gets to the point where I give up on them to preserve my own being thanks👍
Probably best...but just keep in mind that women tend to reflect the energy we put out there.
I'm going through this nonsense right now. We've been together for 1 year 8 months. She started this just after ther first of the year, 2024. She did say she was busy with her kids and job but that's what she's been doing since I met her. SMH
She tells me how much she loves me then day then two to three days later she reaches out to me.
Thanks Erik.
Just match her energy, investment & enthusiasm.
Great video as always. For some reason I find them extremely /comfy/ to watch even when I'm not having any issues. Thanks Eric :)
It can't hurt to learn as much as you can so you can avoid issues in the future! Thanks for watching!
Great explanation Eric I'm glad yourself and some other good coaches are explaining to the younger generation how to handle these situation with women.
You younger guys are SO lucky you're learning this at a young age. That's why most coaches are in their 40s/50s...not only do we have the experience, but it took us this long to figure it out. I WISH I understood this in my 20s. So happy for you guys!
@@SkillofAttraction can you give me advice on how to choose right books to read or what type of books to read and do u know any Other place where I can find great info like urs? I am in my 20s and I am from Nepal.
@@lovelliferelationship7635 Have you seen my list of recommended reading? (FYI - they link to the US Amazon): www.skillofattraction.com/books/
Here are a few other great channels teaching similar info...
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From my experience and understanding - Why Women Pull Away??
1) To Test you!! - If you're really serious about her or not/if you really want a serious relationship or just time pass(just sex main goal - not long term relationship)
2) If you're needy/emotional/weak/dependent on others - especially women for survival
3) Hard to get - Mind games - Likes to mess with your head - It's fun for her. You becoming - Sad & depressed makes her happy and satisfied.
4) Wants to explore - date around - not I interested in any serious relationship with any men - work load/studies pressure/career pressure or just her individual choice of not wanting any kind of commitment.
5) Has other options/many options - wants to explore them to find out her perfect choice/mate.
** Basically if a girl pulls away and for a long time ghosts you/gives you the cold shoulder/silent treatment - breadcrumbs you to keep you around - shows interests when she realizes you're losing interest in her - She probably wants to date around/is testing you/has commitment issues/mentally unstable/narcissistic.
Trust me if a girl/woman loves you she will never leave you. Long distance? Then she will still be in touch with you. If she pulls away mainly it's because she wants to explore and not settle. But if you have been ignoring her/not loyal to her/neglecting her/taking her for granted - then she will pull away because she feels unloved and unappreciated. But if you have been a good person and is a normal/loyal partner yourself then she is not the right person for you. Don't take her back if she comes or contacts you after many years.
1 - women will typically do this in the very early stages of dating, but there's no emotional connection yet. So she can't pull away emotionally.
2 - I talk about that in this video (over-invested, too available, etc)
3 - They usually won't do this unless you're needy/over-invested...unless she's not right mentally.
4 - I talk about this too...but this happens in much rarer cases. I also talk about pressure/stress outside the relationship.
5 - This is the same as number 4.
It sounds like you're talking about a different topic here. Most of what you're talking about is a woman losing interest, which I cover in other videos.
I also talk about if she's feeling neglected in this video. Did you watch the video?
I have a situation where I am unclear whether a woman is interested in me or not. She does not make plans with me but only if I make plans with her. She originally was super interested and we went on a date but she says she is trying to be there for herself. Later I found her on bumble where she says she, “just wants to meet new people”. We stopped talking and she will randomly text me. I’m lost with what to do and just want the truth.
Well, if it's rather early stages of dating (you've only been on one or couple dates), it's still on you to pursue the courtship. Women typically don't start chasing a man, at least more overtly, until her emotions are engaged, which takes a bit before that happens...usually not until you've slept with her at least twice. So, as long as she's making herself available for dates, I'd recommend that you continue arranging dates. These two videos may help...
th-cam.com/video/xUGi3YfTlK8/w-d-xo.html
th-cam.com/video/81IlyQHEFTg/w-d-xo.html
@@SkillofAttraction so it’s kind of complicated I asked you awhile back. She wanted time for herself and to work on her other relationships so she wasn’t ready. We haven’t hung out in a long time and it seems like she only reaches out to me when she needs attention. Biggest example is randomly asking me what I think of her and when I ask why she says everyone needs encouragement. I am not settling for second best.
@@dmac5678 Next time she does this, tell her, "I'll tell you what I think when we get together. When are you free to meetup?" When women want something out of you, it's always best to make them work for it. if she refuses, then playfully tell her that she'll just have to wait for your opinion when yoiu do finally get together...then tell her to get in touch when she knows that she's free.
On my case Im aware of the reason why she pulls away, she told me that she was affected with her failed nursing exam and made her felt to shutdown everyone including her mom and me, shes hot and cold and also now questioning of getting married to me because she felt all the insecuries and anxities after failing the exam.
what should i do with this? it feels like i cant do anything with her emotions right now, but to listen to her.
she’s a bit burden with her career path which resulted to pull away with me
she seldom text and late to respond to my messages and she gets irritated quick with random stuff
Yes, things like this do happen sometimes. Whatever you do, don't panic...anxiety from her pulling away can cause you to do/say things you wish you didn't. The best thing that you can do is just give her some space & listen to her without giving advice unless she asks...you could also ask her if she wants your advice. Women hate when they just want to vent & their man to listen, but he gives her advice. Women sort through their emotions by talking about it.
Can you make a video on how to avoid being an option / used for attention and how to have an authentic connection ?
Yes, I can. But for now, these videos may help you in that department...
Being kept in limbo: th-cam.com/video/GhU-KglTD2c/w-d-xo.html
When she stops putting in effort: th-cam.com/video/aDW0Enxro4U/w-d-xo.html
@@SkillofAttraction Should you ‘bail’ a girl out emotionally? Let’s say she has caused a problem against you and is over reacting, do you calm her down and fix it or do you call her out for her bullshit?
@@personastilldabes Hmmm...I think that would depend on the situation. If she's overreacting, it's typically your job to guide her to calmer waters. But I'd think if this is the first time she messed up with whatever she did, you could help her...but if it continues, sometimes tough love is the best way to help her.
Wow, Im a woman who listened to this because I have been pulling away a long time and thinking to break up. You couldnt be more wrong for my situation... I told him over and over his anger is a problem. He is chronically angry about every little thing. Its making me lose atttration because it seems like a toddler unable or unwilling to be strong. It would be like if you spent all day with a woman and she cried every single time anything slightly annoying happened... Not hot and eventually it would just look dumb and weak no? Okay, and theres lack of ambition. Dude doesnt even want to get his own car. At first I would be helpful but I am tired of his anger and entitlement so I try not to help much. I have to actively be hard or he will guilt trip resources out of me. Also, he never wants to talk about anything deap or interesting so I am getting lonely and bored. I have tried everything I could find to appeal to males on yt even offering regular blowies to be a decent person but I am thinking he just isnt capable or willing to try and this is exausting so I am pulling away because I am losing interest. I also see no future since I always have to be the strong one.
The topic for this video is "top reasons", not all reasons. However, everything you're saying are all things I try to guide men away from & become strong, masculine men with purpose & emotional self control. If this is what you're dealing with, then you're not the problem...he is. And most men don't make the necessary changes until they experience one too many heartbreaks & realize they need to make some changes.
@@SkillofAttraction I get you, but this video makes it sound like women just pull away because they're emotional and not legit serious issues in a relationship. I have always pulled away as a last resort before I am resigned to the fact we are incompatible not for any of the reasons in your vid... Well yes I suppose I am "emotional" in the sense I feel tired of his anger (also an emotion) and feeling used. I love him but I don't know that it's a good idea to keep trying unless he changes quick. I feel like the next time he flips out over something really dumb Im gonna bail because life is hard enough.
@@mysurfing3550 I gave the top reasons, that's why i said that. Any exceptions to the rule are just that...exceptions. You may not realize consciously you pull away emotionally like that, because it's visceral, but it's all a response to how the man's showing up & personal issues.
I think shes confused and her family is not ok with our relationship . I don't know . She not block me in social media. And she seems happy in social media
I explain the reasons women pull away in this video. Don't overthink it.
Hey Eric Love your content, have seen al of your videos. Wtf does it mean when she ask if we could meet eacother and then ghosting me when i suggest a day and activity?
It's most likely either a test to see if you react emotionally or another guy popped into the picture. Either way, don't react or call her out...nor chase her. If she comes back looking for another chance, act unaffected, but also be sure that she comes to you this time. Do not go out of your way for her until she earns your trust again.
@@SkillofAttraction thanks for answer coach
She is avoiding me for couple of days before that she said. She has family issues and she need financial . But at that time im not there for her . Now she is not responding to my call and text i ask her why she say that her mind is not ok she need relaxation what i do bro😞😞
Perhaps this video will help: th-cam.com/video/E-67XwQqEBA/w-d-xo.html
Coach I confronted this girl, she took it badly and then basically accused me of going on an anonymous account and threatening her and said she isn't feeling trustworthy so she doesn't want to talk. What should I do? It feels unfair for her to do, especially when she was in the wrong and then accusing me of that is ridiculous,.
Well, if you denied what she's accusing you of, that's really all that you can do. So, now just tell her to bet in touch when she figures out that it's not you threatening her & than back off & give her space...if she cares, she'll reach out soon. But you have to be strong & not chase after her or try to convince her any more than you already have. It's when it takes longer than a couple days that it becomes difficult. That's the hard part...staying strong, calm & patient.
@@SkillofAttraction i said to her that it's not logical to make that connection and that i want to move on and that we should be honest with each other and agree to disagree if things get bad and that if she doesn't like honesty then i'm not the guy for her....... threat seemed fake and she shouldn't sulk, it's immature. I think she has bpd.
@@personastilldabes You handled it perfectly....sounded like it came from a true leader, which is your role. That's all that you can do. Yes, there's a very good chance that it's just an empty threat used to manipulate you into submission. Women do this sort of thing all the time. So, just give her some space & do not initiate with her...let her come to you. If you haven't heard from her yet, you probably will in a few days.
@@SkillofAttraction I have a feeling that she expects me to sort things out and check on her. So what should I do if she doesn’t reach out within 2 weeks? I see she’s posting about being depressed. I’ve only known for 2 months…
@@personastilldabes Of course she expects you to do that...women often expect men to carry all the weight, but this is really her responsibility since she was the one who started this. But, if she matters to you, if you don't hear from her within 1-2 weeks, it's okay to reach out one time & ask her if everything is okay...& maybe even suggest that she open up to you about whatever's bothering her. Getting a woman talking about what's on her mind will help significantly.
Hey Eric my ex-girlfriend just called me at 10:30 at night telling me that one of her sisters materials are missing I was trying to listen to her but then she kept saying that I'm not listening and I tried to explain to her calmly that everything is going to be okay and then she just hung up on me
In cases such as this, it's usually that she's trying to communicate something other than the words coming out of her mouth. With women you often have to read between the lines. As men, we communicate with logic...women typically tend to communicate with feelings.
What should you do if a girl takes a week or two to respond to you but acts like she is interested? I find it annoying and I wouldn't even begin to casually date a girl who can't let me get to know them first.
If it's in the really early stages, most likely she's doing it intentionally to see just how much you like her. in other words, she's doing it so you chase her a bit, which is completely fine & often necessary in the earl stages. See this video: th-cam.com/video/xUGi3YfTlK8/w-d-xo.html
@@SkillofAttraction So how can I chase her exactly? What questions should I ask her?
Can you do a video on what to do when you have hurt her?
Sure, I can put it on the list. But really all you have to do is apologize & tell her you want to work things out. Then give her the space to come to you.
@@SkillofAttraction what if she started to heal herself from getting attention from another guy
Why my girlfriend pulled away, but still watching me from distance, she doesn't know that I caught her watching me because the place where we work is a big open area full of people.
Why does she do that, coach?
🙏 Thanks
It's difficult to say without knowing all the info, but if you're still a couple & she just pulled away, she's most likely watching you because you're not chasing after her & she's confused about why you're not chasing her, which is causing her to be focused on you.
We are committed relationship of 6 months. So do you think I need to chase her in this situation?
@@ysf6875 I think explained it in this video, but if she pulled away & you did nothing wrong, then no, don't chase her. Don't ignore her either...let her come to you. So, it's fine to wave or smile, but let her come to yoiu & initiate.
She pulled away and dumped me because she’s effing nuts and an alcoholic. She sees me at a restaurant watching football and then an hour and a half later text me glad your football team won. Like I said effing nuts.
Drugs & alcohol is going to have a serious effect on her ability to be authentic with you...as a result, she'll definitely come across as nuts. I like to party as much as the next guy, but if I'm dating a woman & she turns into an addict/alcoholic, I'm out of there.
Should spendings on her stop when she pulls away?
Yes. You should stop all investment in her when she pulls away. Just turn your attention elsewhere.
Hey Eric I have a situation so my ex-girlfriend just video Google me but she doesn't call me I don't know if it's a trap or not she says she wants to use video call what should I say to her
I can't see where a video call would be a trap. Give it a shot. Just be sure to focus on having fun & keeping the conversation rather light. If you want her back, the goal is to arrange a date or meetup of some sort. You can always use "let's catch up" as a reason to get together.
@@SkillofAttraction yeah I've been having lots of nice conversations I guess you're right Eric it doesn't hurt to get in touch with people that you haven't heard from a long time
Present sir
All the best
Hey Eric! I have a question, so I (21) have been dating this girl (19) for around 7 months now (Long distance relationship) and the first 4 months things were really amazing (as usual) and after 4 months at one point I started to get really needy, calling her many times and almost begging her to stay with me... big mistake I know. she then wanted a break. After we met again (in person) the first 7 days she has been really distant and slightly disrespectful, I told her that this is not a relationship in which a person is so distant and broke up, the next day she called me and begged me to come to her, which I did that exact day. it has been amazing like when we started dating, she told me she never wants to lose me and talked about a future, we started having sex again ect. We spent 8 days together which were great, then I started to feel that she is getting a little cold again... not interested to call, taking long to answer and not putting in any effort in the relationship (she texts me regularly, however rarely talks about us, just about some casual things) Is she stringing me along or did I just make a mistake of forgiving her immediately? Because one things I can say is that the first months we started dating her love and effort she put in this has been really genuine.
It sounds like you're being too easy. Women are typically sweet, affectionate, & invested when they feel that they have to win the man over. But, as soon as the guy makes it clear that she has him, she backs away...because now there's nothing for her to keep chasing & proving herself for. When you got back together after your break, she began testing you & you walked away. That caused her to chase you & win you back...her attraction rose significantly. However, as soon as you started focusing all your attention & time on her, she cooled off again. So, YOU get a little cold & distant now until she begins chasing you again...mirror the level of effort & enthusiasm that she invests into you until she's that sweet, affectionate girl again. Then make sure that she's investing a bit more in you, than you are in her.
@@SkillofAttraction Thank you so much! You are great.
@@perforce6292 It'll be really helpful for you to focus more of your attention on your goals & hobbies. You still want to make time for her where you can be completely present, but men should always put their purpose first. She'll complain about that, but it's also very attractive to a woman.
@@SkillofAttraction hey coach, so this girl posted a video on Instagram of a guy without a t shirt. I told her she crossed my border and if she doesnt apologise it's over. She apologised but was not genuine about it, what should I do?
@@perforce6292 There's nothing more you can do...you can't force her to feel a particular way. So, I would just let it go. Her posting that MAY have been a test to see if you react emotionally. Keep in mind that when women test men, it's usually subconscious...testing men for internal strength & confidence is part of a woman's instinct. What I'm trying to say here is, you have to choose your battles with women. This video may help: th-cam.com/video/QmUk06vwNGk/w-d-xo.html
Another reason a woman pulls away.... repetitive disrespect by entertaining and financially helping the ex girlfriend but still glomming on to and smothering the new woman with constant love bombing
That seems to be a very specific scenario, but I'm pretty sure I cover smothering & being hurt.
Hey coach quick question . Most of my problems with women that I was dealing in the past came from jealousy. Of course when we were not in a ltr I didn’t care but once I found my self in a ltr that jealousy came out . All of the attention that they were getting and the offers from other men had in impact on me . Also seeing other women in marriages and in relationships cheat left me a scar on me . I don’t know if it was my way of thinking because I’m a men and if I was on her shoes I would had slept with all of opportunities that came my way . Any advice ??
I think most of this is just your perception of things. As an example, when I go out with an attractive woman & men start hitting on my girl anytime I turn around, I take it as a compliment to my taste in women. I also see it as, those men can drool, stare, & try to get her attention all they want, but she's going home with me. Yes, some women do cheat. In fact, statistically women cheat almost as much as men (around 50%). The good news is...knowing, understanding, & implementing what I teach will significantly lessen the chances of a woman cheating. Keep an eye out for red flags & don't think it's going to be different for you. As an example, if you find out a woman you're dating has cheated on the last three boyfriends, she's most likely going to cheat on you too. If she lies to others, she's probably lying to you too. If she cheats WITH you, she'll most likely cheat ON you. The chances it will be different for you are very slim. Also keep in mind that it's partly your energy...the more you believe someone will cheat on you, the more likely it will happen. It often becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. But the more confident you are in your value, the less likely that will happen...but of course you still want to keep your eyes open.
@@SkillofAttraction umm interesting however thanks for your advise
@@carlosdixan112 Not happy with my response?
It's best just to not even care to be honest. You're d@mned if you do. D@mned if you don't. Not my problem she can't communicate like an adult.
They won't, because they don't communicate like that...
Pushing guys away will kill your relationship and probably push him into bed with another Woman
She's not pushing you away, she's pulling away...usually because the guy was making her feel too comfortable or smothering her.
Hey Eric! I have question,
My LDR GF that I been dating 9months which I finally met her in person back in January, everything went good in there in person we held hands etc, but when we are in distance she dissapears on me time to time and says that she needed own time and is sorry and says she been busy and also claims that communication takes toll on her since she is a introvert and i'm extrovert, that part i can understand but still annoys me how she somtimes she dissapears on me for week, week and half, 3weeks or 2weeks like she did to me 2months ago, and then came back which is when i asked her if she was alright and she said she felt empty, sadness and melancholy and she thinks she has depression and i told her dissapearing wasn't nice, and told her that it makes me worry because i got trauma from past relationship were i got silent treatment and she said she understands and said i shouldn't worry about times when she doesn't reply, that there isn't much into it except that she doesn't always feel communicative.
Then last month came we chatted till 11th day of last month & then she dissapeared on me again and now I haven't heard of her for 6weeks now, 7th day of last month I told her about communication how we should chat more or rather better do calls and she replied how she doesn't feel like communicative since war started because of depressive situation in her location since she is from Russia & having constant arguing with her family and friends about war, i have sent her good night messages sparingly every now and then since she claimed back in old days that she likes it even though she doesn't always reply & she has 12msgs from me which she kept unread till last week, last week she started opening them slowly each day till she opened all of them eventually.
Now i'm not sure what to do, she hasn't deleted me anywhere, i haven't done anything, only good explanation is that she might still have depression but its hard to say since she isn't opening up, so idk what to do rn, so far i haven't sent her anything till last week's wednesday in case i don't annoy her.