I have 35 years of experience having relationships with women, and everything he says in this video is CORRECT. I would add this: Give her a chance to explain herself regarding why she vanished: If you don’t like what you hear, don’t argue-immediately turn your attention to other women and don’t look back. DO NOT keep trying to pursue her or plead your case for why she should be with you; if you don’t like the dynamic, if it feels gross to you, just quit marketing yourself and instead look elsewhere.
You "men" are sick, pathetic b^#^#^ that's why she pulls away. Why would you try to reconcile that shit. IF SHE WANTS YOU A HE WONT PULL AWAY. PERIOD. LEAVE you p$&$&s. OMG. Low testosterone mf. Women play games and if you play with her she will be turned off. BE A MAN. GO GET A NEW ONE
I believe where I have gone wrong in the past was staying a relationship with someone who for whatever reason checked out because I thought commitment was an absolute principle. If someone cannot communicate or have the conversation when confronted, walk away. They have issues you can't help with.
If she’s a fearful avoidant (attachment theory) and pulls away…..you pull away twice as hard. Stay confident, stay mindful, and regulate your emotions. Under no circumstances do you put her on a pedestal. You have to think of yourself in a higher regard. I’m going through it right now.
@@igorgulco6608Seconded. Fearful avoidant women should be avoided (ironically) at all costs by men. They deprive and starve you of the benefits femininity is supposed to award you in the first place. Why bid on a sick horse?
A secure person is not going to pull away without trying to understand. If you already care more about your own needs than you have curiousity to understand what's happening with her, you display an avoidant behavior too, so both avoidants won't make it long since both are busy only with themselves. A secure person does care about the other person's feelings, so the one will look for ways to understand the reasons behind this pulling away behavior. But true though, avoidants would not care much and will be too scared to even address the issue
If your after a healthy long term relationship and she doesn’t have the ability to come to the table and discuss what’s wrong in the relationship or how you can fix things together, count your blessings you dodged a bullet.
As an ex-avoidant woman, what he's saying is 100% correct. To add: we feel doubt in the relationship or in ourselves when we pull away OR we're just busy and need a second to decompress and do our own thing. Being a stable foundation and reiterating and openly communicating with us to make us feel safe and secure is exactly what we need in that moment. Don't convince, remind that you care in a gentle way and that "everything is okay." That's it. Don't love bomb. If she's stressed out, do activities with her that allows her to chill out - which means, no sex, no high energy things... think like tv watching, movie, cuddling, talking... If she responds by pulling away more, she isn't that into you but she doesn't want to let you go because she has insecurities that are related to trauma like needing external approval, cannot respect herself, etc. If the latter, let her go, she has to work on herself and shouldn't be in a relationship.
Yeah, this is blatantly false. Avoidant types will keep pulling away precisely because you're a healthy attachment style and that makes them feel "unsafe". That has nothing to do with levels of attraction.
@@robertdeskoski9783 With all due kindness, I am not sure you read or understood my comment. Also, avoidants can be hypersensitive and notice things that are unbalanced in others even though those people "think" they are secure. I mentioned nothing about attraction.
@@og8425: 100% read and understood your comment. Avoidants are hypersensitive to things that aren't actually happening, by engaging in flaw finding and by misreading their own emotions (because they're not connected to them and lack good usage of their right brain cortical structures more associated with intuition, emotion, and bullshit detection). This is why avoidants are notoriously bad at making decisions and more severe avoidants find it very difficult to follow pursuits consistently outside of a work environment or an academic achievement environment (often, they were encouraged to achieve because their parents were otherwise cold). Because they lean heavily on the analytic side of their brain *without mitigating measures that people with good usage of both types of structures have*, their intuition in any sense is quite flawed. Source: 'Trauma and the Avoidant Client'. It's one the handbooks psychologists use to treat avoidant attachment: It's great read and offers interesting insights into how resistant this attachment style is to treat, as it's self-reinforcing. (I've read many books on the topic and am studying psychology, so please tell me more about what you know and list your sources, because I hear about this avoidant "sixth sense" from other people who are avoidantly attached online but who can't find their emotional proverbial ass with both hands.)
Ok what about if she flirts then goes cold then comes back again and try’s to be her self this girl she been like this one day she compliment my outfit the best she is serious then the next she seems to try to be the same as before I don’t chase her I’m not needy I hold my position 😮 but is annoying she switch fir example today she is acting normal but yesterday we were talking and was touching my arm n rub it 😅 but today she is normal n don’t talk like before I’m about to walk away I dint got times for games n I dint want to be rude
I resonated the most with the calling forward part. I'm going to play with this a bit. I have noticed if a woman after 2 or 3 dates isn't as engaged as she was before I tend to just chalk it up to a sign she is not interested and I should just move on. Now I am going to bring it up and ask what is going on and just invite her to communicate. Man, what an "easy" but difficult concept since it seems to go against a lot of what I have told myself about women for years. Well, time to grow.
Nooo just no calling. You call her only when things are going well, when it's all sweet and fun and all. When she pulls away she wants nth from you. Doing anything at this stage only serves to irritate her. I've learnt this the hard way.
@@rejectwokeness1314 I know this is an old comment, just wanted to put this here in case anyone reads it in the future. You don't lose anything by inviting more healthy communication. It cuts through mind reading. You potentially gain clarity by asking questions at the right time. Generally, the worst that could happen when you don't know what's going on and asking questions is you get ignored or a lashing out. Both provide data. By asking questions, you're choosing to turn to the other and seeing if they choose to turn to you as well. That's an essential thing for moving forward in a romantic relationship.
The one thing I am trying to teach my sons, is to be able to master yourself, and specifically stay calm when everything around you is trying to set you off. There are way too many instances of men going off to hurt their woman either emotionally or even physically, after a breakup, and sometimes even taking the woman's life and their own in the process. This is a glaring example of what NOT to do. A man is a mountain and a woman is like the weather. No matter how thunder and lightning bolts, floods and blizzards she might send your way, stay calm. As someone mentioned attachment styles, this goes for all three of the insecure ones AP, DA, FA. Leave them be, and they'll come back. Still talk to them from your inner calm about what you put up with and what you wont.
Girls pull away all the time, even from high value men. It's normal and usually a subconscious test. Sure, don't chase her but just cos she isn't texting you every day doesn't mean she doesn't like you.
Your entire 'Don't be needy' section are things those men need to take to therapy. Emotional instability (lack of self/responsibility) is a dangerous marker for any man above 25 and absolutely no place for a stable relationship to take place
As a woman the best advice I can give is this if you sense a woman pulling away send her 1 succinct message that says: I sense a distance between us, I’d like to talk about it and see where you are. Don’t text her a hundred times, but don't ghost her to “teach her a lesson”. Ask her for a mature conversation how she responds tells you everything you need to know.
IbuprofenPill you are a BOSS and I’m going to act exactly verbatim like you describe. The opposite of how I reacted in the past to her pulling away after an initially fun, stimulating, flirtatious and promising first few extended interactions. I can see now just how weak and pathetic I must have appeared in an attempt to stop her pulling away. I wish I had this information 12 months ago, I would probably have actually been able to be choosy about who I really wanted the most. Damn, what a loss of the opportunity to to bag multiple potential girlfriends. Not going to lose one more chance for a mutually beneficial romantic relationship to such amateur folly as prematurely freaking out or overreacting to a chick’s pullback. I ain’t going out like a needy simp even one more time.
Generally good advice but I don't agree with the calling part. When she pulls away, reaching out to her only irritates her. When you call her, even if you're not saying you want her back, she WILL see it as an attempt to chase her. I think no contact is the best, and don't even put a timeline to it. Just erase her from your life, and if she don't return, so be it. It's difficult, but doing anything including calling is a disaster.
If you call her asking her why she pulled away, that is needy. Do not do that, she’ll deny she’s pulled away and you’ll be left in the awkward area of coming across as needy and her telling you there’s nothing wrong.. This would only work with someone you’ve been in an actual relationship with not someone you are seeing or dating..
Good advice, but it also risks doing something very bad, that being swinging to another partner and repeating the same mistakes. Sometimes it's better to wait, sit with the experience, and learn from it through meditation and conversations with friends or a therapist. The most growth I ever did was when I was single.
Thank you, yes I have gone to the needy well way to much and finally learned to come from a respectful place and set standards, splitting with my wife of 17 years but looking forward to a new start!
Thankyou, you answered all my questions. She was a great girl and i fell in love with her . Unfortunately she messed me around after about 8 weeks. I have found out she was dating another guy . It really showed her true qualities. I said goodbye , it's hard but I know it the right decision.
Just found this on UTube, this is excellent advice and i have learned this the hard way. Having self control and respect for yourself is paramount. Women , just like men have many strengths and faults. Be true to yourself , polite, and dont over react.
It's still a very new relationship less than 2 months but all words expressed are that we're really feeling each other and things are progressing naturally. But she just got out of a relationship recently and is hesitant getting into another so soon. And it happened the other day that she is pulling back and I feel and sense that and notice the behavior change towards me. I know it's been 2yrs but this video really helped to calm my nerves and how I can go about the situation differently than I might have in the past. I have faith that things will work out for the best now. Thank you brother
"Act in respect". You are very good at boiling down the essence of your message into something easy to take with you into the real world of relationship challenges. Excellent video.
Just Stop over texting. Stop being needy! Stop being over-bearing! These are the top reasons why women pull away. Get a life! Get a hobby! Hang out with guy friends. Have a purpose outside of the woman! Then you won't encounter this pull away problem.
BS, I have a career in medical, I treat kids spines. I’m fit and have friends. I have a life and had to adjust time to fit this girl in, as soon as I was romantic she pulled away, I moved to doing what I do which is live my life. Normal people don’t mind being loved, the that’s on her. She needs a psychologist.
My god man, this has to be the best advice I’ve ever heard. I’m going to try some of this because I’m going through the exact things with my girl right now. Thank you so much for this!
If she’s a fearful avoidant (attachment theory) and pulls away…..you pull away twice as hard. Stay confident, stay mindful, and regulate their emotions. I’m going through it right now.
So resonate with this video. Im in a situation where i acted out of character and allowed my anxiousness to take over multiple times and that made her pull away multiple times. We decided to slow things down because it got serious really fast and heavy emotions were coming up every week. Great video!!!
Thank you, this is the sole healthy advice there can be. I am so greatful you are sharing this content here. So often, men "learn" from some "experts" that they have to manipulate the woman to make her obsess about him, that men who actually handle the situation in a healthy way become extremely rare. I mean, there is even nothing wrong about feeling needy in this situation, since you do need the person's engagement abd you do need to see their affection in a healthy relationship, so it's almost ok to feel the missing point and sort of shift to neediness. But nothing stops you from clearly communicating your feelings and asking the right questions. And you can only do it right when you act from the place of your authentic self. Expressing your feelings of discomfort is the only way to address the issue, certainly following by your willingness to understand her situation and her way of developing feeling for you. So, bravo, a clear, healthy and helpful advice aimed at finding the solution.
Great advice. I adore this woman who reached out to me. She spoke as if we were going to be together and she really admired and like me. I confessed how much I liked her and wanted a fair shot to make it work. She pulled away hard. Going to wait until she reaches out then ask for understanding about her behaviour
I didn't chase. I waited like 10 days and just said "Hey, I don't know if you're going through it, but I'm here if you need me". She responded with some big paragraph full of hearts and stuff. I was giving her space because she had recently gotten diagnosed with GAD and was put on anxiety meds, so didn't know if they had her messed up or whatever. I just made sure I gave her time and that I wasn't coming off needy when I did reach out.
Great advices, video and channel! Could you point out materials (books etc.) that helped you build this mindset in regard of the various things you approach here?
Pull away = Another rooster in the henhouse. Immediate No contact. Do that right and usually you'll hear back at some point. Could be a week. Could be 3 months. Could be longer. When you hear back, NEVER bring up the breakup. Just resume as if nothing happened. If you DO NOT hear back and it's been at least 4-6 months, you can text a quick 'Hey how's it going' and this is ONLY if you have absolutely nothing else going for yourself (which is bad). But essentially, the longer you do not contact, the better 🙂
I know you're not that fucking stupid. If you DO NOT hear back 4-6 months you never look back. No contact = no contact FOREVER. C'mon man! I thought you knew!
This is the only true answer, if she’s pulling away there is another guy in the picture. She is entertaining it and she may vaguely break up with you or say “should we take a break”, and then she will try the other guy out for awhile. It will usually end at some point or there will be some conflict after the honey moon phase ends and that is when you might hear back from her, as if nothing ever happened.
Dam wish I found this video before I text bombed a girl about all my anxiety when she pulled away 🤣 Truly speaks to the inner work I need to be doing to grow my confidence in myself and develop my own standards.
How to let go man , how to let go? When i still love her. When i still think i was good for her and she didnt wanted to give me more chance, she didnt wanted to work things with me. How to forget her, how to heal and how to put myself again to meet some better? When i dont rly think rlight now that i will be able, no matter how videos and information i look for the matter every day, to give myself courage. I wake up every morning with headache and with pain in chest hard to breed and in tantrum, putting enormous efforts to overcome that and try and go to work. And im patient guy , but im rly running out of patience man , rly running out of patience. And i know i need to improve, i know im a late guy and didnt done alot of things early in life, but i cant change the past man , and im a good guy , overwhelming by grief. I know i need to go forward , but how to overcome that? There are alot more things i want to say , but dont think here is the place. I dont know
The first time this happened to me, I did everything wrong. The 2nd time I already learned and behaved quite well. Neither of them came back, but the 1st one blocked me everywhere to this day and with the 2nd we still talk when by coincidence meet, which doesn´t happen too often. In the end I think there´s nothing to do. When there´s no interest, we better move on. That´s what I do even though swallowing the frustration is not so easy. Cheers !
My instinct says let her go. I take the mentality "yeah? Alright.... We'll see...." And I leave her alone. If it's important, she'll be back. If not? Oh well. Sometimes, it's real though and it's for the right reason(s), in which case alright, but can't there be middle ground? Can't we be friends and do hat we do? Do we need to be looking at things from that angle? I get it, I know from your and my perspective, personally, I am over THAT enough that it isn't important to me ome way or another, I don't avoid people because of it, I just don't talk about it or her. Really, I'm trying to escape that feeling. I have been surrounded by people who are potentially still connected for decades since, and have rarely if at all ever discussed it. I have been trying to break myself away from it over the last 14 months. But I don't see it as a conflict of interest. I don't and I would not judge, don't judge even though there is no ill will either. It isn't important to my being in 2024. It offered my nothing of substan I'm grateful for the entire experience and I also respect the path she is set on. But I'm okay and I'm not looking for or expecting things. Nothing, I don't know how to word it. Under the circumstances, I would understand being hated too. Or disliked. I just wish it wasn't one extreme or the other. Balance. Please come back and say hi, and don't buy us anything forget the donuts,. just say hi and let me say something stupid which might make you laugh. If someone I don't see has a problem with that, too bad.
I have my limits. This is the 3rd time she's played a major pull away tactic on me in our 3 month relationship. I overcame the first two, and yes, the relationship ended up stronger each time, but no more. I cannot stand the sleepless nights and bad health as a side effect. This will be her last. Everyone has their limits. What's even more frustrating about it is the first two pull away were bullshit, but this last one sounds more serious/real. My advice: Ladies, be careful when/how you use the pull away card. Good men, in the name of self-respect, only tolerate it sparingly. If you use it for a "shit test," you'll lose it when life presents a real test.
Hey I just wanted share some feedback. As a female, this video and some of the other videos I watched really hit the nail on the head. This is a great channel for any guy striving to be a high caliber man! I've read some of the comments as well; while some of the points are good, some of the other suggestions are the opposite of what you could be doing. In fact you're shooting yourselves in the foot. There's a lot of differences in how men and women are wired and take in the world differently so I think the best thing anyone can do is grow yourselves, understand yourself better, and understand the opposite gender better. Like reading books, educating yourselves. A few I've read have given me a lot of insight that maybe will interest you: Love and Respect by Emmerson Eggerichs The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman Wired That Way by Marita Littauer Wild at Heart by John Eldredge Also a general rule of thumb is the girl chooses the guy that fights for her. It may not apply to all women but from my own experience and hearing other women's stories, a big reason they pull away because the guy stops fighting. Fighting means, choosing her, good communication, respecting her as a woman the way you want to be respected as a man, listening, etc. I really hope this helps. There's lots of great women looking for great men and I know you're out there!
If you guys pull away first, severely, or frequently, don't be surprised if we get discouraged about trying or stop putting in effort. *I'm not talking to the guys who genuinely tried, so no one jump me for that if so, but low effort guys need to take ownership or move aside for her to find someone who gives equally in a relationship.*
My gf of 9 years broke up with me came back and broke up with me again and then broke up 3rd time and came back and this 4th time she pull away again saying she love me ...what should I do ?
Yea, but if we pull away because we aren't the number one priority in her life, then tough. No man wants to be 3rd or 4th to a girl. I dated a mom with 2 kids, who she put miles above me. That's not how it works. If you want a relationship, you make the person feel number 1 all the time. If you have kids, then you balance it. But no one in their right mind would be treated 3rd place to kids that aren't his and not pull back. It's nature. For men to accept a woman's way of life or family dynamic without any compromise at all is what is causing the downfall of traditional families. Men and women think differently, but only men can think logically.
big red flag not really mentioned here when she acts differently or pulls away: shes conflicted because theres another guy in the picture or shes plain and simple cheating and feels guilty. However, if she pulls away and cant discuss whats on her mind im out of there. im sorry but im not staying in a situation for games where im going to start overthinking or having doubts about her
@marcleroux3426 Thanks. I noticed that the girls I've dated who were approaching age 30 (25 - 28) started to apply pressure to have kids, and I don't respond well to pressure. I actually start moving slower. One ghosted me after 2 years, and the other one left and had a kid with someone else. I was the reason they went cold, but I'm okay with that. Things should feel natural, especially to have kids. But, if they have a recurring topic they bring up that you're not feeling, there is definitely an end date to the relationship no matter the age. 🤣
Hello, i just jumped into your youtube channel and it’s so helpful and I understand a lot from your video. And i would like to ask about ‘how to understand partner and how to read her?’
As a woman, of course I want a man who I can respect and who has a lot of self respect. But that is only 50% of the story: i also want a man who respects me 100% ! Treat women with respect, treat them as an equal. No game playing, no weird strategies and a..hole moves (like making her jealous by flirting with another woman). Just be very respectful and step away if required. That separetes you from 98% of men. It would be so great if these tips for men would also focus a bit on safety issues. Men who cannot respect a woman fully quickly become a very real threat to her. Men who do not respect boundaries or that a woman simply lost interest in them, quickly become dangerous, stalkers, abusers.
Just came across this video. I think you might be the first person i've heard that talks about pulling away as a nervousness about liking someone A LOT. I'm seeing a girl, i know she likes me, she knows i like her, a massive amount as well. And we're in this kinda of freaky, nervous moment where we need to tell each other and be more serious. I text her a week ago, haven't heard back but i will open up dialogue again next week and ask her whats going on.
Am going through this right now, I put her above me and she plays with my feelings so am done! I put all her things she left in my apartment into a bag and into storage room, might through them away. But my self respect is more important and it's time to move on
What do I do when she's a friend, we haven't spoken in a while and she's not responding to me but her friend knows she's alive and texting each other 💀💀
What a great video this hits the nail with me in so many ways in my relationship I'm in ive been such an ass to her and ino I've screwed up hardest part for me now will be to regain her trust and show her im not the ass she thinks I am cuz of my behaviour
I'm gonna take a shot at this (despite not knowing your situation, this might be more appropriate if you've had a fair bit of contact), it might not be what you are looking for or from whom, but here we go: I would apologise, and here's the key part, *without* expecting them to get back to you, respect you more, come back and start something up again, etc. Assuming that the bridge is burned and owning up to your actions for You, that is a strong place to be. That is a place where we start feeling respect for ourselves and can start forgiving ourselves for what we're ultimately upset or disappointed in ourselves for. And move forward. I would have appreciated a message that said something similar to this: "Hi. I want to apologise to you. I've been doing a lot of self reflection lately and I've realised that I became needy, over reacted and that I messed things up with us. I'm sorry about that. I liked you and I apologise that I let my fear get the better of me. In hindsight I can see that I could have communicated this with you differently. I could have just talked to you about it. I want you to know that I'm working hard to make some changes, to get better tools, in order to make sure this doesn't happen again in a different situation. I really appreciated the time we spent together and I hope you're well. I think you're awesome. Take care,... " And then you Let Them Go. And remember that even if they respond with kindness, that does not equal a romantic future, so if you're not sure what a response means you can always ask for clarification. This cannot be used (and this is going to sound harsh) as a manipulation tactic. If you do, the other person will feel it, it will become incredibly clear and instead it will feel icky and creepy. You actually have to mean what you say and stand by it. So you go into it with no expectations, despite your hopes. That is the best advice I have on this. I hope it helps. (And if you are dealing with a person that sees vulnerability in the form of sincerity and owning up to our crap as weakness, then you deserve better. You are clearly here working on things.) Cheers!
Stop all contact. Let her contact you! If she still has attraction for you, she will reach out. When she does, make a date! If she never contacts you, you have your answer. No amount of stalking her will change her mind
Work on healing your attachment style (anxious preoccupied, attachment theory). Then you pull back and give her a ton of space. Don’t react to your urge to reach out and regulate your emotions. Got to give these women space so they can recalibrate
No. Just no. Learn from it and manage it better next time. Once respect is gone, it's gone, unless you become some rich cool dude and she comes to know of it, and initiates contact. Otherwise, no, just no.
I don't know the full context. However you chasing her never ends well if she wants her space and you're not allowing her to have that. Whatever reason she has for disliking or not wanting to speak with you, it doesn't matter. No apologies or anything, just drop the train of thought and move on with yourself, you can leave the door open for them to contact you. Allow them to reclaim their space and peace. If she is sentimental about the qualities you have or time you had together, she can reach out if she wants to reconnect/reconcile. Otherwise again, just forget about it and move on. If you are habitually/obsessively attached to looking if she is online or looking at her social media, cut out that habit. In time and while pursuing other things you will have passions for something else, and/or someone else. Biggest thing you can learn is that you should be content/motivated on other things in life other than a girl (even if biologically we are programmed for that). There are billions of things to do and billions of girls, don't get hung up over one that doesn't want/appreciate you, it's a waste of time.
I wonder…I’ve been out of the dating scene for 15 yrs bcuz I got married but is “pulling away” a recent behavior women on the dating scene have picked up. Looks like women have way more ‘power’ in dating than they used to
I acted in that anxious way once and we kept talking but I felt she was losing interest so I ended up pulling away. Now I'm secretly hoping she will reach out.
Trying to reconcile with the wife. 20 years together and 2 kids. Had a big fight and separated. She moved back in after 6 months but for the last year I’ve given space and continued to work on me and the family. She’s pulled away hard a couple months ago after a trip to her parents and reconciling seems dead. I see her work harder to stop reconciling than I see her being apathetic. Not sure what to do at this point
What does “pieces out” mean? I messed up my last relationship by not being able to communicate exactly this thing properly, so I’m curious what exactly it means if she “pieces out” :) thanks ❤
she usually pulls away bc the man has ignored her, invalidated her, not held themselves accountable. If people would actually communicate in a healthy way and show appreciation for the person and simply say: look I did x wrong, can we work on being better at communicating what we need? I’m not perfect but I want to put effort in as long as you can do the same.
I followed this guidance. She came back but then disappeared for a week. I pulled her back in and got the “I have a lot of stuff going on and super busy” So? What would the correct response be in this situation?
According to my own research and some testing my own attachment style is secure with some anxious traits (maybe it would be more accurate to say a mix secure and anxious traits). Therefore this push-pull game is like a poison for me. I know myself well enough to let that woman go if she shows this kind of avoidant tendencies. Besides, I am not interested of women with avoidant attachment style in the first place so letting them go makes the most sense. Chasing these women make me feel that I am the woman in the relationship lol.
I cannot underscore enough his steps! 1) untether from it emotionally. before addressing it, you should do as much work as possible to move on from the hurt you feel without an apology from her. It helps me to see myself as small and finite. My life and it's experiences are such a small blip of insignificance set against the backdrop of all time and the entire universe. Your pain was very real. Your life is also very short. 2) dont start the conversation with the word "you". Instant fail. Instead, start the conversation with the word "I". E.g. I felt very ________ when I didn't hear from you regarding this important thing we are facing 3) frame the episode as a moment in time, not a judgement of her character or worth to you. I still love you and want you its just that I felt _______ when ________ happened. Patriarchy is real. respect it. If you're honest, you also face the dark side of patriarchy as a man. think about the times you've heard the phrase "I'm just a cog in the machine". As men, we are programed to be accountable to the patriarchal system. We've also been programmed to see it as good and normal. If we are accountable, we get raises and promotions, etc. Women in deep in traditional gender roles? Not so much.
Why do men have to care if she pull away ? If she pull away do the same and go on with your life because that's a woman that can not communicate. Do chase her and keep bring kind but stop focusing on woman. My girl does that I keep pushing getting successful and planning my next move in life.
I hope this works because I just put it into practice by framing the situation as a feel statement and not a you did this you did that kind of thing so I hope it works out for me guys! and then to end off my statement I said my expectations and then told what I'm going to do for the rest of the day until I'm ready to deal with it tomorrow.
My ex began pulling away after 6 years. But she refused to acknowledge she was pulling away and made excuses for her lack of presence. I think this was very different to the normal case of pulling away because she was manipulative about this and had done other things including weird testing. I think when it's done deliberately and especially when they're trying to provoke a response and the react to that response, it's generally coming from a very insecure place and should be a red flag to the guy. But like I say my ex had been doing some other strange and unexplained things alongside this. So it was quite exceptional. Unfortunately there was a gaslighting element to this and it would have been very hard to respond in a healthy way because of the confusion and cognative dissonance it created. I can only conclude that either way I did not need this toxic person in my life.
i was talking to a chick she was messing with a few other guys and she knew that I liked her and she also liked me, I asked her if we were going to call us bf gf she said she was confused atm and she wasn’t ready to date, I disappeared completely, no communication, 6months later she had spent a few weeks talking to my sister about me and she was getting my sister to ask me questions about y I left and now we are are dating and official
If she didnt want to be with you at that time it means nothing more that she was with other guy. You was her option B thats why she has come back to you. If women is not investing her time to you, she do it for other guy- always. Women are never alone and lonely.
this i such good adfice i get the pullback a lot dating after being in relationships fora while and being slightly older 3 5 I find the pullback happens a lot almost as a test, gotta do these things in this video is great advice
@@walkertranger5746 I called her out, pretending nothing is happening. She accepted and at at some point she was the one that addressed the issue behind everything. That she is feeling me as a closed person and I do not communicate, I do not offer to the "flow" of the conversation in general etc. She feels that I'm seeing her with a schedule, and she does not know what I am thinking at all. More or less, she wants to know me but feels a wall around me
Absolutely let her go. What's the point of trying to figure it out? There's no good side. She didn't pull away because of anything that's good for you. She didn't secretly love bass fishing and pulled away because she thought you'd not like her for that. There are so many women in the world. A guy has to work to get respect. A 18 year old guy generally has none. I suggest working on building your respect and then in your late 30's and later get serious about finding a female partner. You'll have some relationship capital. Consider other markets when the amount of capital required is a lot less. I'm 65 and moving to SE Asia. I don't have enough relationship capital to pull in attractive US women in their 20's but no problem in SE Asia. It's a plane ride away. Nice climate, reasonable cost of living. A lot of pluses. The concept of any US man wanting a relationship with any US woman seems nuts to me now that I know about women other countries. Even if I could pull in a 20's American woman she still wouldn't up in any way to an Asian woman. It's not even close. I haven't been in a huge hurry to move...loving my US solo life. Getting real estate ready to sell and/or rent. No rush. But nice to know it's there. It's kept me off dating sites which saves me a lot of time too. No interest in US women when I can have what SE Asia, Brazil, Columbia, etc... offers.
Your not taking into account that said person could have hurt the other person and because they have wounded someone the absolutely worst thing to do is take a prideful or egotistical approach to the situation. Being gentle, honest and open is the better approach and be soulful and communicate about “the issue” without getting sensitive when you may have been at fault for the reaction.
She is into me but she has something in future that she is not want me fall for her ... and if she I'll be with me then she thinks she's gonna hurt in future... that's why she don't want to be with me....i don't how to react... should I get her or should I let her go
If she doesn't respond, then you have to take a step back and let her come back to you. Stop texting, stop viewing her stories, all that. Don't post crap to get her attention. They see through all that.
I have 35 years of experience having relationships with women, and everything he says in this video is CORRECT. I would add this: Give her a chance to explain herself regarding why she vanished: If you don’t like what you hear, don’t argue-immediately turn your attention to other women and don’t look back. DO NOT keep trying to pursue her or plead your case for why she should be with you; if you don’t like the dynamic, if it feels gross to you, just quit marketing yourself and instead look elsewhere.
What about long term relationship she start pull away, do we let her go ?
Iì
@@fj4731 Yes.
@@fj4731yes
You "men" are sick, pathetic b^#^#^ that's why she pulls away. Why would you try to reconcile that shit. IF SHE WANTS YOU A HE WONT PULL AWAY. PERIOD. LEAVE you p$&$&s. OMG. Low testosterone mf. Women play games and if you play with her she will be turned off. BE A MAN. GO GET A NEW ONE
I believe where I have gone wrong in the past was staying a relationship with someone who for whatever reason checked out because I thought commitment was an absolute principle. If someone cannot communicate or have the conversation when confronted, walk away. They have issues you can't help with.
If she’s a fearful avoidant (attachment theory) and pulls away…..you pull away twice as hard. Stay confident, stay mindful, and regulate your emotions. Under no circumstances do you put her on a pedestal. You have to think of yourself in a higher regard. I’m going through it right now.
Good info, how long have you been going through it?
Find a different one. Fearful avoidant is not worth it.
@@igorgulco6608Seconded. Fearful avoidant women should be avoided (ironically) at all costs by men. They deprive and starve you of the benefits femininity is supposed to award you in the first place. Why bid on a sick horse?
A secure person is not going to pull away without trying to understand. If you already care more about your own needs than you have curiousity to understand what's happening with her, you display an avoidant behavior too, so both avoidants won't make it long since both are busy only with themselves. A secure person does care about the other person's feelings, so the one will look for ways to understand the reasons behind this pulling away behavior. But true though, avoidants would not care much and will be too scared to even address the issue
I feel insecure and pull away from an avoidant because he comes across as not wanting me.
I have never chase a woman after she pulls away or reject me from the start. Im an average guy but no woman is more valuable to me than myself.
Spoken like a straight BOSS, phantomvox951. That is just what I needed to hear at this moment. I appreciate your comment.
Cheers mate
Right on my brother
💯💯
1000%
If your after a healthy long term relationship and she doesn’t have the ability to come to the table and discuss what’s wrong in the relationship or how you can fix things together, count your blessings you dodged a bullet.
As an ex-avoidant woman, what he's saying is 100% correct. To add: we feel doubt in the relationship or in ourselves when we pull away OR we're just busy and need a second to decompress and do our own thing. Being a stable foundation and reiterating and openly communicating with us to make us feel safe and secure is exactly what we need in that moment. Don't convince, remind that you care in a gentle way and that "everything is okay." That's it. Don't love bomb. If she's stressed out, do activities with her that allows her to chill out - which means, no sex, no high energy things... think like tv watching, movie, cuddling, talking...
If she responds by pulling away more, she isn't that into you but she doesn't want to let you go because she has insecurities that are related to trauma like needing external approval, cannot respect herself, etc. If the latter, let her go, she has to work on herself and shouldn't be in a relationship.
Thanks for this insight
Yeah, this is blatantly false. Avoidant types will keep pulling away precisely because you're a healthy attachment style and that makes them feel "unsafe". That has nothing to do with levels of attraction.
@@robertdeskoski9783 With all due kindness, I am not sure you read or understood my comment. Also, avoidants can be hypersensitive and notice things that are unbalanced in others even though those people "think" they are secure. I mentioned nothing about attraction.
@@og8425: 100% read and understood your comment. Avoidants are hypersensitive to things that aren't actually happening, by engaging in flaw finding and by misreading their own emotions (because they're not connected to them and lack good usage of their right brain cortical structures more associated with intuition, emotion, and bullshit detection). This is why avoidants are notoriously bad at making decisions and more severe avoidants find it very difficult to follow pursuits consistently outside of a work environment or an academic achievement environment (often, they were encouraged to achieve because their parents were otherwise cold).
Because they lean heavily on the analytic side of their brain *without mitigating measures that people with good usage of both types of structures have*, their intuition in any sense is quite flawed.
Source: 'Trauma and the Avoidant Client'. It's one the handbooks psychologists use to treat avoidant attachment: It's great read and offers interesting insights into how resistant this attachment style is to treat, as it's self-reinforcing.
(I've read many books on the topic and am studying psychology, so please tell me more about what you know and list your sources, because I hear about this avoidant "sixth sense" from other people who are avoidantly attached online but who can't find their emotional proverbial ass with both hands.)
Ok what about if she flirts then goes cold then comes back again and try’s to be her self this girl she been like this one day she compliment my outfit the best she is serious then the next she seems to try to be the same as before I don’t chase her I’m not needy I hold my position 😮 but is annoying she switch fir example today she is acting normal but yesterday we were talking and was touching my arm n rub it 😅 but today she is normal n don’t talk like before I’m about to walk away I dint got times for games n I dint want to be rude
If she pulls away because of another man you should move on and never look back. She lost respect for you and you need to lose attachment to her.
I resonated the most with the calling forward part. I'm going to play with this a bit. I have noticed if a woman after 2 or 3 dates isn't as engaged as she was before I tend to just chalk it up to a sign she is not interested and I should just move on. Now I am going to bring it up and ask what is going on and just invite her to communicate. Man, what an "easy" but difficult concept since it seems to go against a lot of what I have told myself about women for years.
Well, time to grow.
Sometimes we love to tell ourselves stories about women, which can really cloud our judgement and world view.
Nooo just no calling. You call her only when things are going well, when it's all sweet and fun and all. When she pulls away she wants nth from you. Doing anything at this stage only serves to irritate her. I've learnt this the hard way.
@@rejectwokeness1314 I know this is an old comment, just wanted to put this here in case anyone reads it in the future. You don't lose anything by inviting more healthy communication. It cuts through mind reading. You potentially gain clarity by asking questions at the right time. Generally, the worst that could happen when you don't know what's going on and asking questions is you get ignored or a lashing out. Both provide data. By asking questions, you're choosing to turn to the other and seeing if they choose to turn to you as well. That's an essential thing for moving forward in a romantic relationship.
Sounds healthy and mature @@Joshneedsnature
Push her away, go on with your life. Dont waste your time and emotions. Will cost you your peace.
What if its my wife who us avoiding me? She is in a different country...she wanted to seperate with me twice after marriage..
If someone ghosts you or pulls away they don't deserve the value you bring to them.
"Neediness goes away when your needs are met."
When she pulls away, count your blessings.
And watch her apartment from your car with binoculars.
@@jimdandy8996 i was pretty bummed with my situation until I saw this 😂
@@jimdandy8996exactly lol
@@jimdandy8996cheating 😊
@@jimdandy8996 Nah that's stalker shit. Get help man.
The one thing I am trying to teach my sons, is to be able to master yourself, and specifically stay calm when everything around you is trying to set you off. There are way too many instances of men going off to hurt their woman either emotionally or even physically, after a breakup, and sometimes even taking the woman's life and their own in the process. This is a glaring example of what NOT to do. A man is a mountain and a woman is like the weather. No matter how thunder and lightning bolts, floods and blizzards she might send your way, stay calm. As someone mentioned attachment styles, this goes for all three of the insecure ones AP, DA, FA. Leave them be, and they'll come back. Still talk to them from your inner calm about what you put up with and what you wont.
If she pulls away, leave her.
Especially if she has never done anything of value for you.
A person that pulls away does not respect you.
Good one. I wish I understood that earlier
Yep wish I had done this to begin with
Did you watch the video? Lmao
Girls pull away all the time, even from high value men. It's normal and usually a subconscious test. Sure, don't chase her but just cos she isn't texting you every day doesn't mean she doesn't like you.
Your entire 'Don't be needy' section are things those men need to take to therapy. Emotional instability (lack of self/responsibility) is a dangerous marker for any man above 25 and absolutely no place for a stable relationship to take place
She is my crush, but she dropped the attention all at once. I can't help but do the same.
Some sage advice, this is definitely a video I'm going to come back to whenever I feel I'm being ignored.
As a woman the best advice I can give is this if you sense a woman pulling away send her 1 succinct message that says: I sense a distance between us, I’d like to talk about it and see where you are.
Don’t text her a hundred times, but don't ghost her to “teach her a lesson”. Ask her for a mature conversation how she responds tells you everything you need to know.
That's what women may say to friends or online. But what they actually want and do is not this at all .
And then be in the friend zone. FOH
F that. I had no issues showing her how fast I could stop caring. Some of them didn’t know I had it in me. If she starts that pull-away crap, see ya.
Oh boy. I definitely would not say that unless you want to get ghosted. Head up boys none of that ish
IbuprofenPill you are a BOSS and I’m going to act exactly verbatim like you describe. The opposite of how I reacted in the past to her pulling away after an initially fun, stimulating, flirtatious and promising first few extended interactions. I can see now just how weak and pathetic I must have appeared in an attempt to stop her pulling away. I wish I had this information 12 months ago, I would probably have actually been able to be choosy about who I really wanted the most. Damn, what a loss of the opportunity to to bag multiple potential girlfriends. Not going to lose one more chance for a mutually beneficial romantic relationship to such amateur folly as prematurely freaking out or overreacting to a chick’s pullback. I ain’t going out like a needy simp even one more time.
Generally good advice but I don't agree with the calling part. When she pulls away, reaching out to her only irritates her. When you call her, even if you're not saying you want her back, she WILL see it as an attempt to chase her. I think no contact is the best, and don't even put a timeline to it. Just erase her from your life, and if she don't return, so be it. It's difficult, but doing anything including calling is a disaster.
I disagree, I think what this guy said it was a pretty good approach
I agree with you...disengage, let her come to you but be mindful...it's a power game between wills...yours & hers
Have her see you out on the town with a hot escort - she'll have no idea who that chick is.
This, as the video said, is a perfect example of a catastrophic thinking.
If you call her asking her why she pulled away, that is needy. Do not do that, she’ll deny she’s pulled away and you’ll be left in the awkward area of coming across as needy and her telling you there’s nothing wrong.. This would only work with someone you’ve been in an actual relationship with not someone you are seeing or dating..
This is unbelievably good advice and articulated in such a calm and practical way.
When she pulls away, just move on and find someone new.
Good advice, but it also risks doing something very bad, that being swinging to another partner and repeating the same mistakes. Sometimes it's better to wait, sit with the experience, and learn from it through meditation and conversations with friends or a therapist. The most growth I ever did was when I was single.
Thank you, yes I have gone to the needy well way to much and finally learned to come from a respectful place and set standards, splitting with my wife of 17 years but looking forward to a new start!
Wow. These videos are all such solid gold. I'm struck, wondering how you became so wise and articulate on this subject.
Thankyou, you answered all my questions. She was a great girl and i fell in love with her . Unfortunately she messed me around after about 8 weeks. I have found out she was dating another guy . It really showed her true qualities. I said goodbye , it's hard but I know it the right decision.
It's like when you see a layoff coming, get your resume ready and find a new job quick.
When she pulls away, pack your bags and run
Just found this on UTube,
this is excellent advice and i have learned this the hard way.
Having self control and respect for yourself is paramount.
Women , just like men have many strengths and faults.
Be true to yourself , polite, and dont over react.
It's still a very new relationship less than 2 months but all words expressed are that we're really feeling each other and things are progressing naturally. But she just got out of a relationship recently and is hesitant getting into another so soon. And it happened the other day that she is pulling back and I feel and sense that and notice the behavior change towards me. I know it's been 2yrs but this video really helped to calm my nerves and how I can go about the situation differently than I might have in the past. I have faith that things will work out for the best now. Thank you brother
Wow, I thought I was going to encounter some alpha content here but this sounds like actually good advice
Give the choice to stay or go. Find another one. In fact Find more than 1 and keep your skills sharp.
"Act in respect". You are very good at boiling down the essence of your message into something easy to take with you into the real world of relationship challenges. Excellent video.
Just Stop over texting. Stop being needy! Stop being over-bearing! These are the top reasons why women pull away. Get a life! Get a hobby! Hang out with guy friends. Have a purpose outside of the woman! Then you won't encounter this pull away problem.
BS, I have a career in medical, I treat kids spines.
I’m fit and have friends.
I have a life and had to adjust time to fit this girl in, as soon as I was romantic she pulled away, I moved to doing what I do which is live my life.
Normal people don’t mind being loved, the that’s on her. She needs a psychologist.
I agree@@TaiopS
I did all 3 of these lol. She was an avoidant which was tough, every time we got close or things felt nice she would disappear on me
My god man, this has to be the best advice I’ve ever heard. I’m going to try some of this because I’m going through the exact things with my girl right now. Thank you so much for this!
Been married 7 years and together 14 now and I feel this. I’ve just been trying to go with it. It’s very hard but I’m doin it so far
My wife and I have also been together around the same time and married for 6 years. I feel ya we should have separated 4 months ago
If she’s a fearful avoidant (attachment theory) and pulls away…..you pull away twice as hard. Stay confident, stay mindful, and regulate their emotions. I’m going through it right now.
My interest disappears when she pulls away.
Great video. I wish I had listened to this advice before I started panicking and ruined everything by becoming very needy.
So resonate with this video. Im in a situation where i acted out of character and allowed my anxiousness to take over multiple times and that made her pull away multiple times. We decided to slow things down because it got serious really fast and heavy emotions were coming up every week. Great video!!!
This just happened to me as well.
In this now. Curious how things turned out for you
Thank you, this is the sole healthy advice there can be. I am so greatful you are sharing this content here. So often, men "learn" from some "experts" that they have to manipulate the woman to make her obsess about him, that men who actually handle the situation in a healthy way become extremely rare.
I mean, there is even nothing wrong about feeling needy in this situation, since you do need the person's engagement abd you do need to see their affection in a healthy relationship, so it's almost ok to feel the missing point and sort of shift to neediness. But nothing stops you from clearly communicating your feelings and asking the right questions. And you can only do it right when you act from the place of your authentic self. Expressing your feelings of discomfort is the only way to address the issue, certainly following by your willingness to understand her situation and her way of developing feeling for you. So, bravo, a clear, healthy and helpful advice aimed at finding the solution.
Great advice. I adore this woman who reached out to me. She spoke as if we were going to be together and she really admired and like me. I confessed how much I liked her and wanted a fair shot to make it work. She pulled away hard. Going to wait until she reaches out then ask for understanding about her behaviour
I didn't chase. I waited like 10 days and just said "Hey, I don't know if you're going through it, but I'm here if you need me". She responded with some big paragraph full of hearts and stuff. I was giving her space because she had recently gotten diagnosed with GAD and was put on anxiety meds, so didn't know if they had her messed up or whatever. I just made sure I gave her time and that I wasn't coming off needy when I did reach out.
What happened now? Are you still pursuing her?
I’m this case it’s totally understandable that she was distant
Great advices, video and channel! Could you point out materials (books etc.) that helped you build this mindset in regard of the various things you approach here?
Pull away = Another rooster in the henhouse.
Immediate No contact.
Do that right and usually you'll hear back at some point. Could be a week. Could be 3 months. Could be longer.
When you hear back, NEVER bring up the breakup. Just resume as if nothing happened.
If you DO NOT hear back and it's been at least 4-6 months, you can text a quick 'Hey how's it going' and this is ONLY if you have absolutely nothing else going for yourself (which is bad). But essentially, the longer you do not contact, the better 🙂
I know you're not that fucking stupid. If you DO NOT hear back 4-6 months you never look back. No contact = no contact FOREVER. C'mon man! I thought you knew!
This is the only true answer, if she’s pulling away there is another guy in the picture. She is entertaining it and she may vaguely break up with you or say “should we take a break”, and then she will try the other guy out for awhile. It will usually end at some point or there will be some conflict after the honey moon phase ends and that is when you might hear back from her, as if nothing ever happened.
Dam wish I found this video before I text bombed a girl about all my anxiety when she pulled away 🤣 Truly speaks to the inner work I need to be doing to grow my confidence in myself and develop my own standards.
Hey, at least it sounds like you learned your lesson :-)
Thank you, watching your videos has been a great journey into a broader understanding of myself and my SO. ❤
Really appreciate your support, thank you!
How to let go man , how to let go? When i still love her. When i still think i was good for her and she didnt wanted to give me more chance, she didnt wanted to work things with me. How to forget her, how to heal and how to put myself again to meet some better? When i dont rly think rlight now that i will be able, no matter how videos and information i look for the matter every day, to give myself courage. I wake up every morning with headache and with pain in chest hard to breed and in tantrum, putting enormous efforts to overcome that and try and go to work. And im patient guy , but im rly running out of patience man , rly running out of patience. And i know i need to improve, i know im a late guy and didnt done alot of things early in life, but i cant change the past man , and im a good guy , overwhelming by grief. I know i need to go forward , but how to overcome that? There are alot more things i want to say , but dont think here is the place. I dont know
The first time this happened to me, I did everything wrong. The 2nd time I already learned and behaved quite well. Neither of them came back, but the 1st one blocked me everywhere to this day and with the 2nd we still talk when by coincidence meet, which doesn´t happen too often. In the end I think there´s nothing to do. When there´s no interest, we better move on. That´s what I do even though swallowing the frustration is not so easy. Cheers !
Such a wise man! Happy I came across your page
My instinct says let her go. I take the mentality "yeah? Alright.... We'll see...." And I leave her alone. If it's important, she'll be back. If not? Oh well.
Sometimes, it's real though and it's for the right reason(s), in which case alright, but can't there be middle ground? Can't we be friends and do hat we do? Do we need to be looking at things from that angle? I get it, I know from your and my perspective, personally, I am over THAT enough that it isn't important to me ome way or another, I don't avoid people because of it, I just don't talk about it or her. Really, I'm trying to escape that feeling. I have been surrounded by people who are potentially still connected for decades since, and have rarely if at all ever discussed it. I have been trying to break myself away from it over the last 14 months. But I don't see it as a conflict of interest. I don't and I would not judge, don't judge even though there is no ill will either. It isn't important to my being in 2024. It offered my nothing of substan I'm grateful for the entire experience and I also respect the path she is set on.
But I'm okay and I'm not looking for or expecting things. Nothing, I don't know how to word it. Under the circumstances, I would understand being hated too. Or disliked. I just wish it wasn't one extreme or the other. Balance. Please come back and say hi, and don't buy us anything forget the donuts,. just say hi and let me say something stupid which might make you laugh. If someone I don't see has a problem with that, too bad.
I have my limits. This is the 3rd time she's played a major pull away tactic on me in our 3 month relationship. I overcame the first two, and yes, the relationship ended up stronger each time, but no more. I cannot stand the sleepless nights and bad health as a side effect. This will be her last. Everyone has their limits.
What's even more frustrating about it is the first two pull away were bullshit, but this last one sounds more serious/real. My advice: Ladies, be careful when/how you use the pull away card. Good men, in the name of self-respect, only tolerate it sparingly. If you use it for a "shit test," you'll lose it when life presents a real test.
So this only works with someone you are dating or can it be used with someone you are talking to?
Gosh I reacted so angrily when she started pulling back and also lied
Hey I just wanted share some feedback. As a female, this video and some of the other videos I watched really hit the nail on the head. This is a great channel for any guy striving to be a high caliber man! I've read some of the comments as well; while some of the points are good, some of the other suggestions are the opposite of what you could be doing. In fact you're shooting yourselves in the foot. There's a lot of differences in how men and women are wired and take in the world differently so I think the best thing anyone can do is grow yourselves, understand yourself better, and understand the opposite gender better. Like reading books, educating yourselves. A few I've read have given me a lot of insight that maybe will interest you:
Love and Respect by Emmerson Eggerichs
The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman
Wired That Way by Marita Littauer
Wild at Heart by John Eldredge
Also a general rule of thumb is the girl chooses the guy that fights for her. It may not apply to all women but from my own experience and hearing other women's stories, a big reason they pull away because the guy stops fighting. Fighting means, choosing her, good communication, respecting her as a woman the way you want to be respected as a man, listening, etc.
I really hope this helps. There's lots of great women looking for great men and I know you're out there!
If you guys pull away first, severely, or frequently, don't be surprised if we get discouraged about trying or stop putting in effort. *I'm not talking to the guys who genuinely tried, so no one jump me for that if so, but low effort guys need to take ownership or move aside for her to find someone who gives equally in a relationship.*
My gf of 9 years broke up with me came back and broke up with me again and then broke up 3rd time and came back and this 4th time she pull away again saying she love me ...what should I do ?
@@fj4731what is wrong with you? I hope this is some kind of joke
Yea, but if we pull away because we aren't the number one priority in her life, then tough. No man wants to be 3rd or 4th to a girl. I dated a mom with 2 kids, who she put miles above me. That's not how it works. If you want a relationship, you make the person feel number 1 all the time. If you have kids, then you balance it. But no one in their right mind would be treated 3rd place to kids that aren't his and not pull back. It's nature. For men to accept a woman's way of life or family dynamic without any compromise at all is what is causing the downfall of traditional families. Men and women think differently, but only men can think logically.
big red flag not really mentioned here when she acts differently or pulls away: shes conflicted because theres another guy in the picture or shes plain and simple cheating and feels guilty. However, if she pulls away and cant discuss whats on her mind im out of there. im sorry but im not staying in a situation for games where im going to start overthinking or having doubts about her
What was her age, just curious?
25
@marcleroux3426
Thanks.
I noticed that the girls I've dated who were approaching age 30 (25 - 28) started to apply pressure to have kids, and I don't respond well to pressure. I actually start moving slower.
One ghosted me after 2 years, and the other one left and had a kid with someone else.
I was the reason they went cold, but I'm okay with that.
Things should feel natural, especially to have kids.
But, if they have a recurring topic they bring up that you're not feeling, there is definitely an end date to the relationship no matter the age. 🤣
Hello, i just jumped into your youtube channel and it’s so helpful and I understand a lot from your video. And i would like to ask about ‘how to understand partner and how to read her?’
As a woman, of course I want a man who I can respect and who has a lot of self respect. But that is only 50% of the story: i also want a man who respects me 100% ! Treat women with respect, treat them as an equal. No game playing, no weird strategies and a..hole moves (like making her jealous by flirting with another woman). Just be very respectful and step away if required. That separetes you from 98% of men.
It would be so great if these tips for men would also focus a bit on safety issues. Men who cannot respect a woman fully quickly become a very real threat to her. Men who do not respect boundaries or that a woman simply lost interest in them, quickly become dangerous, stalkers, abusers.
Just came across this video. I think you might be the first person i've heard that talks about pulling away as a nervousness about liking someone A LOT. I'm seeing a girl, i know she likes me, she knows i like her, a massive amount as well. And we're in this kinda of freaky, nervous moment where we need to tell each other and be more serious. I text her a week ago, haven't heard back but i will open up dialogue again next week and ask her whats going on.
How did it go? I'm in the same situation rn.
@@Csabberfej Went from strength to strength. She was waiting for me basically, she started hinting more frequently to tell her how i feel
Hey, hope you're good. In a similar situation myself now and just playing the waiting game. Hard to be at peace when I'm waiting for a yes or no 😅
@@mikek7660 Just think of it as a life story not a love story 😊
Short answer: She not interested anymore. Get rid of her.
I honestly think I didn't do anything wrong I just gave a broken woman my full undivided attention and thought I was going to get the same back.
Am going through this right now, I put her above me and she plays with my feelings so am done! I put all her things she left in my apartment into a bag and into storage room, might through them away. But my self respect is more important and it's time to move on
What did you mean at the end "call her in" i watched the whole video, but feels like i missed that part 😮
What do I do when she's a friend, we haven't spoken in a while and she's not responding to me but her friend knows she's alive and texting each other 💀💀
+no romantic feelings
Well it’s a little easier said than done when you’ve been together and you still have kids that aren’t grown.
What a great video this hits the nail with me in so many ways in my relationship I'm in ive been such an ass to her and ino I've screwed up hardest part for me now will be to regain her trust and show her im not the ass she thinks I am cuz of my behaviour
I have actually messed it up by becoming needy and to overreact. Is there a way to regain her respect?
I'm gonna take a shot at this (despite not knowing your situation, this might be more appropriate if you've had a fair bit of contact), it might not be what you are looking for or from whom, but here we go:
I would apologise, and here's the key part, *without* expecting them to get back to you, respect you more, come back and start something up again, etc. Assuming that the bridge is burned and owning up to your actions for You, that is a strong place to be. That is a place where we start feeling respect for ourselves and can start forgiving ourselves for what we're ultimately upset or disappointed in ourselves for. And move forward.
I would have appreciated a message that said something similar to this:
"Hi. I want to apologise to you. I've been doing a lot of self reflection lately and I've realised that I became needy, over reacted and that I messed things up with us. I'm sorry about that. I liked you and I apologise that I let my fear get the better of me. In hindsight I can see that I could have communicated this with you differently. I could have just talked to you about it. I want you to know that I'm working hard to make some changes, to get better tools, in order to make sure this doesn't happen again in a different situation. I really appreciated the time we spent together and I hope you're well. I think you're awesome. Take care,... "
And then you Let Them Go. And remember that even if they respond with kindness, that does not equal a romantic future, so if you're not sure what a response means you can always ask for clarification.
This cannot be used (and this is going to sound harsh) as a manipulation tactic. If you do, the other person will feel it, it will become incredibly clear and instead it will feel icky and creepy. You actually have to mean what you say and stand by it. So you go into it with no expectations, despite your hopes. That is the best advice I have on this. I hope it helps. (And if you are dealing with a person that sees vulnerability in the form of sincerity and owning up to our crap as weakness, then you deserve better. You are clearly here working on things.) Cheers!
Stop all contact. Let her contact you! If she still has attraction for you, she will reach out. When she does, make a date! If she never contacts you, you have your answer. No amount of stalking her will change her mind
Work on healing your attachment style (anxious preoccupied, attachment theory). Then you pull back and give her a ton of space. Don’t react to your urge to reach out and regulate your emotions. Got to give these women space so they can recalibrate
No. Just no. Learn from it and manage it better next time. Once respect is gone, it's gone, unless you become some rich cool dude and she comes to know of it, and initiates contact. Otherwise, no, just no.
I don't know the full context. However you chasing her never ends well if she wants her space and you're not allowing her to have that. Whatever reason she has for disliking or not wanting to speak with you, it doesn't matter. No apologies or anything, just drop the train of thought and move on with yourself, you can leave the door open for them to contact you. Allow them to reclaim their space and peace.
If she is sentimental about the qualities you have or time you had together, she can reach out if she wants to reconnect/reconcile. Otherwise again, just forget about it and move on. If you are habitually/obsessively attached to looking if she is online or looking at her social media, cut out that habit. In time and while pursuing other things you will have passions for something else, and/or someone else.
Biggest thing you can learn is that you should be content/motivated on other things in life other than a girl (even if biologically we are programmed for that). There are billions of things to do and billions of girls, don't get hung up over one that doesn't want/appreciate you, it's a waste of time.
Great video on how to communicate effectively and setting boundaries from the get go!
If she pulls away, let her go and see what she does... Assume you are getting dumped. Don't say much, let her go if too much time passes.
I wonder…I’ve been out of the dating scene for 15 yrs bcuz I got married but is “pulling away” a recent behavior women on the dating scene have picked up. Looks like women have way more ‘power’ in dating than they used to
yes they have. Too much men online hitting them up.
TL;DR: Have multiple women. If one of them goes cold, forget about her and focus on the others.
I acted in that anxious way once and we kept talking but I felt she was losing interest so I ended up pulling away. Now I'm secretly hoping she will reach out.
Did she reach out?
When she pulls away do this: NOTHING LET THEM GO!!!!!!!!!!!
Trying to reconcile with the wife. 20 years together and 2 kids. Had a big fight and separated. She moved back in after 6 months but for the last year I’ve given space and continued to work on me and the family. She’s pulled away hard a couple months ago after a trip to her parents and reconciling seems dead. I see her work harder to stop reconciling than I see her being apathetic. Not sure what to do at this point
Your health and the love of your kids take priority. Maybe it's time to hit the nail on the head and call it a day.
@@hamishpeeti3642 yeah when things get hard it’s best to just give up
What does “pieces out” mean? I messed up my last relationship by not being able to communicate exactly this thing properly, so I’m curious what exactly it means if she “pieces out” :) thanks ❤
she usually pulls away bc the man has ignored her, invalidated her, not held themselves accountable. If people would actually communicate in a healthy way and show appreciation for the person and simply say: look I did x wrong, can we work on being better at communicating what we need? I’m not perfect but I want to put effort in as long as you can do the same.
I followed this guidance. She came back but then disappeared for a week. I pulled her back in and got the “I have a lot of stuff going on and super busy”
So? What would the correct response be in this situation?
No one is that busy, most likely she is taking the vitamin D from some other dude. Go no contact and move on
According to my own research and some testing my own attachment style is secure with some anxious traits (maybe it would be more accurate to say a mix secure and anxious traits). Therefore this push-pull game is like a poison for me. I know myself well enough to let that woman go if she shows this kind of avoidant tendencies. Besides, I am not interested of women with avoidant attachment style in the first place so letting them go makes the most sense. Chasing these women make me feel that I am the woman in the relationship lol.
Man, relationships are tougher than TMNT on the nes
What if it’s more of a pull away because a boundary was crossed?! How does one proceed?
I cannot underscore enough his steps!
1) untether from it emotionally. before addressing it, you should do as much work as possible to move on from the hurt you feel without an apology from her. It helps me to see myself as small and finite. My life and it's experiences are such a small blip of insignificance set against the backdrop of all time and the entire universe. Your pain was very real. Your life is also very short.
2) dont start the conversation with the word "you". Instant fail. Instead, start the conversation with the word "I". E.g. I felt very ________ when I didn't hear from you regarding this important thing we are facing
3) frame the episode as a moment in time, not a judgement of her character or worth to you. I still love you and want you its just that I felt _______ when ________ happened.
Patriarchy is real. respect it. If you're honest, you also face the dark side of patriarchy as a man. think about the times you've heard the phrase "I'm just a cog in the machine". As men, we are programed to be accountable to the patriarchal system. We've also been programmed to see it as good and normal. If we are accountable, we get raises and promotions, etc. Women in deep in traditional gender roles? Not so much.
How can I restore respect, I lashed out.
Why do men have to care if she pull away ? If she pull away do the same and go on with your life because that's a woman that can not communicate. Do chase her and keep bring kind but stop focusing on woman. My girl does that I keep pushing getting successful and planning my next move in life.
I hope this works because I just put it into practice by framing the situation as a feel statement and not a you did this you did that kind of thing so I hope it works out for me guys! and then to end off my statement I said my expectations and then told what I'm going to do for the rest of the day until I'm ready to deal with it tomorrow.
My ex began pulling away after 6 years. But she refused to acknowledge she was pulling away and made excuses for her lack of presence. I think this was very different to the normal case of pulling away because she was manipulative about this and had done other things including weird testing. I think when it's done deliberately and especially when they're trying to provoke a response and the react to that response, it's generally coming from a very insecure place and should be a red flag to the guy. But like I say my ex had been doing some other strange and unexplained things alongside this. So it was quite exceptional. Unfortunately there was a gaslighting element to this and it would have been very hard to respond in a healthy way because of the confusion and cognative dissonance it created. I can only conclude that either way I did not need this toxic person in my life.
i was talking to a chick she was messing with a few other guys and she knew that I liked her and she also liked me, I asked her if we were going to call us bf gf she said she was confused atm and she wasn’t ready to date, I disappeared completely, no communication, 6months later she had spent a few weeks talking to my sister about me and she was getting my sister to ask me questions about y I left and now we are are dating and official
If she didnt want to be with you at that time it means nothing more that she was with other guy. You was her option B thats why she has come back to you. If women is not investing her time to you, she do it for other guy- always. Women are never alone and lonely.
this i such good adfice i get the pullback a lot dating after being in relationships fora while and being slightly older 3
5 I find the pullback happens a lot almost as a test, gotta do these things in this video is great advice
women want men that they respect and men should want women who have a consistent behaviour
We're dating for two months. She's pulling away the last 5 days. Should I call her and ask her the reason ?
Address the issue calmly and that you noticed her pulling away .
Open the door for communication
@@walkertranger5746 I called her out, pretending nothing is happening. She accepted and at at some point she was the one that addressed the issue behind everything. That she is feeling me as a closed person and I do not communicate, I do not offer to the "flow" of the conversation in general etc. She feels that I'm seeing her with a schedule, and she does not know what I am thinking at all. More or less, she wants to know me but feels a wall around me
She’s got low value “guy friends” lurking around in the shadows waiting to sabotage you. We all know this though.
Many reasons but the 90% reason - low interest level - not mentioned.
Absolutely let her go. What's the point of trying to figure it out? There's no good side. She didn't pull away because of anything that's good for you. She didn't secretly love bass fishing and pulled away because she thought you'd not like her for that. There are so many women in the world.
A guy has to work to get respect. A 18 year old guy generally has none. I suggest working on building your respect and then in your late 30's and later get serious about finding a female partner. You'll have some relationship capital. Consider other markets when the amount of capital required is a lot less. I'm 65 and moving to SE Asia. I don't have enough relationship capital to pull in attractive US women in their 20's but no problem in SE Asia. It's a plane ride away. Nice climate, reasonable cost of living. A lot of pluses. The concept of any US man wanting a relationship with any US woman seems nuts to me now that I know about women other countries. Even if I could pull in a 20's American woman she still wouldn't up in any way to an Asian woman. It's not even close.
I haven't been in a huge hurry to move...loving my US solo life. Getting real estate ready to sell and/or rent. No rush. But nice to know it's there. It's kept me off dating sites which saves me a lot of time too. No interest in US women when I can have what SE Asia, Brazil, Columbia, etc... offers.
Your not taking into account that said person could have hurt the other person and because they have wounded someone the absolutely worst thing to do is take a prideful or egotistical approach to the situation. Being gentle, honest and open is the better approach and be soulful and communicate about “the issue” without getting sensitive when you may have been at fault for the reaction.
Wish I could give 2 thumbs up... solid framework for men. I knew what not to do, but not what to do... torture 🤣... wish me 🤞.
This advice is way too sweet for my style 😈
There is always another guy.
She pulls away because he is the more interesting option at the moment.
She is into me but she has something in future that she is not want me fall for her ... and if she I'll be with me then she thinks she's gonna hurt in future... that's why she don't want to be with me....i don't how to react... should I get her or should I let her go
Could you please explain the difference between chasing and calling her in?
Excellent advice, thank u🙏
Unbelievable video, you NAILED IT!!!!
How do you 'call her in' if she doesn't even respond to my text messages? Today I just double texted her which was a mistake.
If she doesn't respond, then you have to take a step back and let her come back to you. Stop texting, stop viewing her stories, all that. Don't post crap to get her attention. They see through all that.