His book was life changing for me in about 2009. Funny enough I tried to pick it up last year and none of it was relevant for me, which means there's been a ton of progress. Being a "nice guy" can and will ruin your life. Manipulative people can sniff it out and will run you into the ground. Women with high self esteem can see through it and would never deal with someone who doesn't have a backbone.
Maybe they should create "nice weekend syndrome" instead nice man syndrome The nice man syndrome is good point, because he is forced to be diohonest or not trruthful to himself his actions but nice weekend syndrome is actaully about being honest to yourself and your values. Make idea once a week going to a nature, camping or hiking with a family, play silly games, with some ball, or do tenis, husband will bond more with wife, wife will bond more with husband, thanks to innocent silly games. I mean games like "who will" make the tent first etc or who will prepare food, or something little just for fun, bringing some mushroom, in such innocent moment wife and husband enjoy the moments of silence, and gentle loving touch, holding hands while walking in nature, or he helps making a camp fire, she will hand him the stuff from bag, without any silly analytical "thoughts" in head looking into each others eyes, without words, Actions speak louder than constantly anlyzing, In silence they actually create "bonding loving" atmposphere in their marriage. People dont practice this silent approach, just sitting looking in camp fire and enjoy family time, or riding a horse together, walking a dog silently, and enjoying the other person´s presence, they are taught by media, to just talk all the time, so they dont have time to fall in love over and over again. But usually you fall in love especially when your mouth are shut, when your mind isnt too rational in prefrontal cortex, and eyes open, not in times of constant analyzis. so ypou let your heart speak sometimes too. Its called brain heart coherence, in state of alpha, theta. Laughter is healling and laughter makes people bond together. Children may learn new hobbies. It is better than being constantly attacked by news and silly topics on social media, or being brainwashed to eat some pills to feel happier. Hobbies and laughter is good stimulation for brain, also it increases immunity of the body, so people feel healthier, happier.
The biggest issue is that Women and Men get traumatized by toxic romantic partners, and it is really hard to correctly discern what are the toxic parts of the relationship and what were the traits that are attractive to us minus the toxic parts. It takes A LOT of self reflection to recognize why a relationship was bad and which parts were positive/attractive and which parts are things we should avoid in future relationships. Also the idea of masculine and feminine traits is really deceptive. Any of those traits can be negative and positive traits depending on how they are used; not because of what GENDER is using them. Men need to have feminine traits and Women need to have masculine traits. The important part is to find a partner that has a good mix of opposite traits that mix well with your own AND make sure each person in the relationship understands their part without shaming the other for not having the trait they have or expect you to have regardless of each person's gender.
Thats exactly what sucks about dating as a man. We're "creepy and weird" if we want sex/romantic relationships with women yet we're also expected to lead and initiate everything from the first conversation to physical intimacy. WTF.
Youre not creepy and weird if you pay attention to her attraction level in the first 2 dates, and escalate when you see clear signals and feminine vibes from her. Low interest after a few dates means walk away.
@@heartandmindovercome3214 That shit is mostly an online thing though. The guys that are classified by women as creepy or weird in real life are generally guys I would also classify the same. Maybe it's different for younger generations (25 and under) but that could simply be the result of them spending much more time in front of screens. Even though interacting with people online is a form of socialization, it's far from the real deal.
Yeah. A lot of that toxic feminist propaganda affected some women. There’s still good ones out there, if you’re interested in engaging. Best of luck man.
I wish interviewers would stop asking him about the nice guy think, yes it’s his most popular book but he’s literally gone over this topic in almost every interview, it’d be nice to get some new insights from him.
@@user-yf4hv8vr3q he’s mentioned other interesting things before but rather than flesh it out usually the interviewer just moves back to the nice guy topic.
Yeah but everything else he said was dogshit and incorrect. Saying women are more emotional is misogynistic and a myth, he said men are but “positively” and used sports as an example…like no dude being emotional over pretend things that have no affect on your life is actually WORSE
This is a bold idea and hear me out, but what if it's smarter to seek self respect than the respect of women, or the respect of other men for that matter? Other people's respect can come and go if you behave in ways they like or don't like, but if you respect yourself that's worth more because first, you know yourself and your motives better than anyone else and second, it isn't subject to removal on a whim. Granted, women will sleep with men they "respect" but I don't believe even this validation will permanently substitute for a lack of self respect.
As a pastor kid growing up... my fundamental draw to the opposite sex was shamed and i was trained that- "Men do not show any sensuality, godly men banish their physical needs for their godly purpose. Etc." So... im not a monk. I have human desire. I fucked up all my previous relationships. Thanks mom and dad. 10 years, from age 24-34... no gf, no f buddies... celebate... i WANT love but cannot find any woman whom i want to love and also loves me... Im an insell. But everyone says people like me are evil. So.... ok... thanks world.
Being nice person means you are pleasant to be around.Nothing wrong with that. You can be genuinely nice and be able to stand up for yourself. That's the answer. Live up to that.
How to be a man women respect? Be a man men respect, women are people just like men, works both ways and even then some will like you some wony thats life
He lost me when he basically said there are no studies about the gendered socialization of children at young ages, toys just being one example. It's literally one of the most studied topics in sociology.
I'm a huge fan of dr glover but I disagree with his mother analysis. ever since I was a young boy, girls/women were attracted to me so naturally I was an a-hole to them. I realized i need to find a woman whom I can be devoted to.
I know the ads on TH-cam are insane at this point. Not only do we have the ads that TH-cam runs but now every podcaster has to do an ad for their sponsor.
We are in a constant battle for survival, so 'universal moral principals' it's just a different way of saying we do what we have to do to survive and reproduce. Covert contract is a new concept, it's basically I'm going to be nice to you bc you will make me feel bad if I don't. It is based on feelings, so there is no real world application for it, and it is holding men back.
Validation. Robert said 'we seek validation because deep down we don't feel secure in ourselves.' and I resonate with this. When we don't feel secure in ourselves, that extends to our actions. We could clean the WHOLE HOUSE and then if your significant other comes home and says "man this looks great! Did you happen to do a load of laundry too?" And thats when the insecurity comes in, usually internally "wtf I just cleaned the whole house and she's asking about the laundry?? She doesn't see my efforts??" What the nice guy would want after cleaning the whole house (this is Roberts covert contract idea) is an abundance of love and support and praise. "oh wow you cleaned the whole house! Let me love you let me cherish you!" And this sounds arrogant and idk narcissistic or something. But the reason a nice guy wants that is because when you try to say those nice things to yourself you don't believe them. You don't believe them because you don't take yourself seriously. You don't take yourself seriously because you know there's this GAPING insecurity inside that we think no one else can see. Validation is what nice guys seek due to their inability to validate or invalidate their own thoughts and actions
"you don't take yourself seriously" I disagree. This is oversimplifying. I could say precisely I take my wants: (e.g. my sexual drive, my desire for power) seriously, that I want positive feedback from other people. From this point of view, it becomes the fact I OVERLY being serious, that the lack of feedback backfire to my emotion, or that I become too worried wondering what if the reciepient does not give back? "Nice guy is unable to validate or invalidate their emotion" and what if the reason they were hesitant to validate their emotion is because the action they took when they validate themselves used to BACKFIRE? For instance, if I felt angry when being rejected, I could become violent because I self validate my anger; or that I used to act softly, but it let the bully took more advantage, and that experience informed me I need to head to the opposite; which when we act hard to women as if they were bullies, we get ghosted, informed us we done wrong again. From this point of view, a guy is arrogant or narcissistic precisely he is confident in his emotion, thus refused to change his behaviour and disregards other people's reaction; a.k.a external validation. And a guy turns from a healthy person to an anxious "nice guy" is because he constantly faced mismatch between his self validation and external validation, and to avoid becoming an arrogant person, he became hyperaware of the later validation.
Being polite, courteous, descent & moral individual is not a nice guy. A nice guy is simply a man who pretends to do those characteristics to obtain benefits. They have ulterior motives disguised or even moreover deceptive. It is exposed when proving their agenda. The way to expose the agenda is to see if their behaviour is consistent, reliable & non benefiting in nature. Nice guys only selectively pick the people they want to be nice to. When they don’t get that they become resentful, evil, manipulative & deceptive (Lying).
This is nice to hear. The funny thing is if you're just a genuinely good person who treats everyone with respect regardless of who they are, you don't really need to bother with all this "how should I treat a woman if I'm not allowed to manipulate her into having sex??" stuff.. like women aren't some kind of alien species you can just treat them with the same basic respect you'd offer anyone.
People today, rarely use the phrase "nice guy" in the literal context. At least not in social media. It's pretty obvious they're not talking about actual nice people. "Nice guy" is a placeholder for people pleaser, doormat, scared to make intentions known or someone who does kind gestures only when they wants something.
I feel like this guy talks out of both sides of his mouth. On one hand he correctly laments society suppressing masculine energy in boys and men, and enhancing it in girls and women; and correctly defines masculine energy as penetration and female energy as being penetrated both physically and metaphorically, and that both genders have some of both in them, and the guy cannot totally supress all of his feminine, and gives a very good suggestion of opening doors as a small but powerful step in exercising masculine leadership. But then he goes on and talks ad nauseum about the nice guy needing to get in touch with and completely comfortable with his feminine side and spends most of his time talk about that instead of more examples of exercising the muscles of his masculinity.
True. In another interview he said his same message ie men should stop being wimps and be strong men that can lead protect etc…… Then he started saying how masculine energy (patriarchy) is weak, needy, jealous and overall a mistake for ‘mama nature’.
Have to admit that as a woman this a bit hard to listen to.. "women need emotional tension to experience attraction... Watch them with their girlfriends watch the drama, constant hierarchies, back fighting.. and MEN, we don't like drama.." he goes so far as to say women want their parthers to play with their emotions, that they LIKE to wonder "does he really like me, will he even text me back," and says that women will literally falsely accuse their partner of cheating just to stir up "drama?" Because their partner cheating is preferable to a boring relationship? This is some pickup artist bs and just kind of misogynistic?? I don't think this kind of casual and dated sexism is a great look for a guest on the show :/ Some more examples as I'm watching: --Charlie says the women he picks are often very feminine, and guest jokes "why don't they pay their bills, why don't they balance their check book, why don't they pay for their own food?" As though feminine women/people don't/can't do these things?? --"despite my feminine side, do I like to sit around listening to women gossip? No, I like to be on my computer getting WORK done.." he literally just got done saying how everyone has a masculine and feminine side, but still it's only WOMEN who gossip! --calls feminism in the 60s, the feminism that literally secured the right for women to not be discriminated against in the workplace with the equal rights amendment, "angry feminism," and characterizes it as "anything a man does you don't like is toxic masculinity, every man is a rapist, the best man for the job is a woman.." this is gross. Feminism is not anti-man and characterizing it as such is a red flag for someone who clearly has no care for women's rights. --not even touching on the anti-trans stuff. If you think gender isn't a social construct you don't know what a social construct is. --the classic MRA myth that women have somehow been pushed from a young age to take on masculine roles and become a girl boss?? And there's me over here who has always been expected to grow up have kids and be family-oriented? --"#metoo: if a guy does ANYTHING a girl doesn't like, it must have been abusive." What a horrible way to discredit and shame the many women who have come out and bravely talked about their abuse. Is that really what you think of women. That they accuse men of rape just because they don't like them. This is what discourages women from coming forward. Knowing this is the reception I would get for coming forward makes me terrified for if something was to ever happen to me. And he has the nerve to say "I'm not trying to be dismissive" after that.. and to put the focus on little boys who might be called out for doing something wrong. THEN he goes on to describe a guy ACTUALLY sexually assaulting his date by touching her breast without her consent and saying he would hate for a guy to get in trouble over that... Horrifying. Charlie, you didn't feel the need to push back on that like.. at all? How would your GF feel about that? --"if I'm not tryna have sex with a woman, I don't need to fucking be nice to her.. but I don't mean that in an abusive way." ...uh-huh. "she can be in a bad mood and I don't care because we're not even having sex for 6 months ." Wow. So the possibility of sex was the only reason you were being nice to your partner. Other than that her mood has no impact on you. Okay. --he wants his wife to have more sex with him so instead of breaking up with her because they're not sexually compatible, he just decides he's going to go cheat, but not before politely informing her AND their therapist. And he calls that owning his sexuality. --he casually lets slip that he controls all the money in his partnership as he says "you need a little money to buy this, come here gimme a little kiss first."
i was involved till the "we all have masculine and feminine energy" and this person saying "there are no proofs to gender being a social contruct". my man doesn't know how to google i see cause there are plenty of studies, data collected across cultures and gender expectations around the globe. i do however agree that hormones affect some priorities, needs, actions and reactions but this view that this man has is severely outdated and filled with bs like "women are told not to have children". tf?? where do they say that? they just say that child birth is extremely dangerous and shouldn't be taken lightly. way to go twisting facts in your favour. Charlie, i hope as a fellow philosophy major you also see that it's terrible what he bases his views on.
Glad to see at least one other person who was also like wtf?? Listening to this guy. Not that every single thing he said was bad, but the way he talks about women is so gross--like all the trash "women love drama" takes--and there was absolutely no challenging whatsoever from Charlie, which is rather disappointing. Not that I expect him to argue with guests but when someone says something bigoted I feel like something is warranted.
@@littlewickedone i am a biological woman and i do enjoy drama :D and in my experience, women are more social in this aspect overall. but gossip, for instance, has been demonized. it is a tool of regulation in the society and commune, it is not bad, it is needed especially for women for safety. males also like drama but for a different reason which is to establish some social status instead of defense. it's just human, i think. weird he kinda makes this distinguish between sexes without mentioning the other side - very biased and uneducated in my opinion. clearly shows this man has no idea what he's talking about and all his theories are based on "it is what it is" and not actual data or facts
@@littlewickedone male friendship is very superficial in most cases. they don't share intimacy and go seek it in their partners not understanding intimacy =/= sex. this is why there is visibly "less" drama in male communities. cause they don't even know what their friends feel! i've seen a young community of male gamers and they have drama all the time. and it's the healthiest bunch of young men i've ever encountered. they share their feelings with each other, they apologise and solve issues together. it's actually amazing i am so happy this exists.
@@littlewickedone i'm autistic so it's hard for me to read faces but at some point when this man was talking i could swear Charlie's face was filled with disgust. i also watched a lot of Charisma on Command and all the Improv and Dragons and i can somewhat tell when he is applying his knowledge in action. his face is completely different when he's in I&D, you could see the real spark of joy and sense of community in his eyes. here the smile looks so forced.
@@littlewickedone i am also personally offended by guest's remark about creativity. this is the biggest lie ever told. objectively more women are creative and do creative things all the damn time. the reason why there's less famous female writers, poets, scientists, artists is literally patriarchy and the fact that women have been denied education till very recently. and even with education, when you try to pursue a career in arts, you get shut down because of your sex by this very day. it is easier for sure but there are still many things that hold you back simply because you were born a woman. i even have a personal example(not arts). i was 11 and i wanted to play chess. so i joined a chess club and got constantly made fun of with every mistake i've made(it wasn't even many, they just applied different standards on me) and the teacher was making uncomfortable comments about my body and looked at me in a way an adult man shouldn't look at a young girl. obviously i left after few months of this shit. "pretty privilege" strikes again. in university a professor told me "a young pretty lady like yourself should probably go for something else and not philosophy" when i refused to write an essay about a book i couldn't understand when i knew for a fact no one in my class could, they all just cheated or wrote a bunch of water. this professor however said nothing to two guys who just didn't write it with no explanation.
A kind man and a nice guy are not the same. I believe you respect a man that is kind, "niceness" is fake. I'm a nice guy, I'm working towards becoming a genuinely kind man.
I got my answer. If he calls himself a christian its a cold one. He said hes a minister but doesnt know why uts a sin. Why relationships fail is based on not following gods plan forsex. This guy looks like the definiyion of a nice guy if you look it up in the dictionary his face ould be there. Sex is designed by god for marriage. Feminine and masculine roles are outlined in the bible.
His book was life changing for me in about 2009. Funny enough I tried to pick it up last year and none of it was relevant for me, which means there's been a ton of progress.
Being a "nice guy" can and will ruin your life. Manipulative people can sniff it out and will run you into the ground. Women with high self esteem can see through it and would never deal with someone who doesn't have a backbone.
"We're trying to be nice because we don't feel like we're good enough deep inside"
Exactly!
Maybe they should create "nice weekend syndrome" instead nice man syndrome
The nice man syndrome is good point, because he is forced to be diohonest or not trruthful to himself his actions
but nice weekend syndrome is actaully about being honest to yourself and your values.
Make idea once a week going to a nature, camping or hiking with a family, play silly games, with some ball, or do tenis,
husband will bond more with wife, wife will bond more with husband, thanks to innocent silly games.
I mean games like "who will" make the tent first etc
or who will prepare food, or something little just for fun,
bringing some mushroom,
in such innocent moment wife and husband enjoy the moments of silence, and gentle loving touch, holding hands while walking in nature,
or he helps making a camp fire, she will hand him the stuff from bag, without any silly analytical "thoughts" in head
looking into each others eyes, without words,
Actions speak louder than constantly anlyzing,
In silence they actually create "bonding loving" atmposphere in their marriage.
People dont practice this silent approach,
just sitting looking in camp fire and enjoy family time, or riding a horse together, walking a dog silently, and enjoying the other person´s presence,
they are taught by media, to just talk all the time,
so they dont have time to fall in love over and over again.
But usually you fall in love especially when your mouth are shut, when your mind isnt too rational in prefrontal cortex,
and eyes open, not in times of constant analyzis.
so ypou let your heart speak sometimes too. Its called brain heart coherence, in state of alpha, theta.
Laughter is healling and laughter makes people bond together.
Children may learn new hobbies. It is better than being constantly attacked by news and silly topics on social media,
or being brainwashed to eat some pills to feel happier.
Hobbies and laughter is good stimulation for brain, also it increases immunity of the body, so people feel healthier, happier.
I appreciate you actually addressing early childhood issues first.
The biggest issue is that Women and Men get traumatized by toxic romantic partners, and it is really hard to correctly discern what are the toxic parts of the relationship and what were the traits that are attractive to us minus the toxic parts.
It takes A LOT of self reflection to recognize why a relationship was bad and which parts were positive/attractive and which parts are things we should avoid in future relationships.
Also the idea of masculine and feminine traits is really deceptive. Any of those traits can be negative and positive traits depending on how they are used; not because of what GENDER is using them. Men need to have feminine traits and Women need to have masculine traits. The important part is to find a partner that has a good mix of opposite traits that mix well with your own AND make sure each person in the relationship understands their part without shaming the other for not having the trait they have or expect you to have regardless of each person's gender.
You nailed it !
Thats exactly what sucks about dating as a man. We're "creepy and weird" if we want sex/romantic relationships with women yet we're also expected to lead and initiate everything from the first conversation to physical intimacy. WTF.
Youre not creepy and weird if you pay attention to her attraction level in the first 2 dates, and escalate when you see clear signals and feminine vibes from her. Low interest after a few dates means walk away.
@@GUITARTIME2024 Great advice 👍. I think he's talking about the overall climate on how men are viewed in regards to dating.
@@heartandmindovercome3214 That shit is mostly an online thing though. The guys that are classified by women as creepy or weird in real life are generally guys I would also classify the same. Maybe it's different for younger generations (25 and under) but that could simply be the result of them spending much more time in front of screens. Even though interacting with people online is a form of socialization, it's far from the real deal.
Yeah. A lot of that toxic feminist propaganda affected some women. There’s still good ones out there, if you’re interested in engaging. Best of luck man.
Respect is earned. NOT DEMANDED,
If you are 2 nice you come out as Fake.And people dont like fake.
Does this mean you recommend being disrespectful to those whom you do not already know or you just met?
I wish interviewers would stop asking him about the nice guy think, yes it’s his most popular book but he’s literally gone over this topic in almost every interview, it’d be nice to get some new insights from him.
You probably have to pay for it
@@user-yf4hv8vr3q he’s mentioned other interesting things before but rather than flesh it out usually the interviewer just moves back to the nice guy topic.
Was thinking this! It’s amazing how he can continue talking about it with the same enthusiasm/rigour. I’m sure he’s got a tonne more to talk about.
Dude, this needs to be talked about on every podcast and channel that men consume. I'm glad I saw it here. ✌️
Yeah but everything else he said was dogshit and incorrect. Saying women are more emotional is misogynistic and a myth, he said men are but “positively” and used sports as an example…like no dude being emotional over pretend things that have no affect on your life is actually WORSE
Start being a good man and someone you respect. The rest will solve itself.
This is a bold idea and hear me out, but what if it's smarter to seek self respect than the respect of women, or the respect of other men for that matter? Other people's respect can come and go if you behave in ways they like or don't like, but if you respect yourself that's worth more because first, you know yourself and your motives better than anyone else and second, it isn't subject to removal on a whim.
Granted, women will sleep with men they "respect" but I don't believe even this validation will permanently substitute for a lack of self respect.
Absolutely
This is exactly what Dr. Glover is about. Watch the interview.
Great to see Dr. Glover helping nice-guys to recover from the syndrome
Sex isn't evil, sexual degeneracy is evil.
“on our honeymoon, she said: aren’t you glad that we don’t have to pretend to like sex anymore?”
What a killer right in the honeymoon 💣 58:48
As a pastor kid growing up... my fundamental draw to the opposite sex was shamed and i was trained that-
"Men do not show any sensuality, godly men banish their physical needs for their godly purpose. Etc."
So... im not a monk. I have human desire. I fucked up all my previous relationships. Thanks mom and dad.
10 years, from age 24-34... no gf, no f buddies... celebate... i WANT love but cannot find any woman whom i want to love and also loves me...
Im an insell. But everyone says people like me are evil. So.... ok... thanks world.
Exactly same here. I hate playing games. I want a real love
35:18 A great point is made here by the host, I 100% agree. Thanks champ
Being nice person means you are pleasant to be around.Nothing wrong with that. You can be genuinely nice and be able to stand up for yourself. That's the answer. Live up to that.
How to be a man women respect? Be a man men respect, women are people just like men, works both ways and even then some will like you some wony thats life
Thanks
Great insight
Very deep
Great video thanks
I am transgender and disabled and am working on integration to diminish the shame, self-judgement, and self-pity around those things.
He lost me when he basically said there are no studies about the gendered socialization of children at young ages, toys just being one example. It's literally one of the most studied topics in sociology.
Great content, too much advertising though 😨
This is a great video
I'm a huge fan of dr glover but I disagree with his mother analysis. ever since I was a young boy, girls/women were attracted to me so naturally I was an a-hole to them. I realized i need to find a woman whom I can be devoted to.
Bruh let's cut back on the adds 1:20 and adds popping up already 😢😢😢😢😢😢😢❤❤❤❤❤❤
I know the ads on TH-cam are insane at this point. Not only do we have the ads that TH-cam runs but now every podcaster has to do an ad for their sponsor.
Premium
What's the difference between covert contracts and something like Kantian ethics? I don't get it, aren't they universalizable?
We are in a constant battle for survival, so 'universal moral principals' it's just a different way of saying we do what we have to do to survive and reproduce. Covert contract is a new concept, it's basically I'm going to be nice to you bc you will make me feel bad if I don't. It is based on feelings, so there is no real world application for it, and it is holding men back.
ROBERT GLOVER OMG
What do 'Nice Guys" truly want?
Validation. Robert said 'we seek validation because deep down we don't feel secure in ourselves.' and I resonate with this.
When we don't feel secure in ourselves, that extends to our actions. We could clean the WHOLE HOUSE and then if your significant other comes home and says "man this looks great! Did you happen to do a load of laundry too?" And thats when the insecurity comes in, usually internally "wtf I just cleaned the whole house and she's asking about the laundry?? She doesn't see my efforts??"
What the nice guy would want after cleaning the whole house (this is Roberts covert contract idea) is an abundance of love and support and praise. "oh wow you cleaned the whole house! Let me love you let me cherish you!"
And this sounds arrogant and idk narcissistic or something. But the reason a nice guy wants that is because when you try to say those nice things to yourself you don't believe them. You don't believe them because you don't take yourself seriously. You don't take yourself seriously because you know there's this GAPING insecurity inside that we think no one else can see.
Validation is what nice guys seek due to their inability to validate or invalidate their own thoughts and actions
"you don't take yourself seriously"
I disagree. This is oversimplifying.
I could say precisely I take my wants: (e.g. my sexual drive, my desire for power) seriously, that I want positive feedback from other people. From this point of view, it becomes the fact I OVERLY being serious, that the lack of feedback backfire to my emotion, or that I become too worried wondering what if the reciepient does not give back?
"Nice guy is unable to validate or invalidate their emotion"
and what if the reason they were hesitant to validate their emotion is because the action they took when they validate themselves used to BACKFIRE?
For instance, if I felt angry when being rejected, I could become violent because I self validate my anger; or that I used to act softly, but it let the bully took more advantage, and that experience informed me I need to head to the opposite; which when we act hard to women as if they were bullies, we get ghosted, informed us we done wrong again.
From this point of view, a guy is arrogant or narcissistic precisely he is confident in his emotion, thus refused to change his behaviour and disregards other people's reaction; a.k.a external validation.
And a guy turns from a healthy person to an anxious "nice guy" is because he constantly faced mismatch between his self validation and external validation, and to avoid becoming an arrogant person, he became hyperaware of the later validation.
Way too many ads. Chill out bro on the ads
I just wanted to be the 69th comment because, you know.... asserting my sexuality & stuff.
As a true nice guy none of this makes sense to me. I don't care if I get sex in return. I just like having friends period, not sex partners.
Being polite, courteous, descent & moral individual is not a nice guy. A nice guy is simply a man who pretends to do those characteristics to obtain benefits. They have ulterior motives disguised or even moreover deceptive. It is exposed when proving their agenda.
The way to expose the agenda is to see if their behaviour is consistent, reliable & non benefiting in nature. Nice guys only selectively pick the people they want to be nice to. When they don’t get that they become resentful, evil, manipulative & deceptive (Lying).
You can be a good man without being a nice guy.
This is nice to hear. The funny thing is if you're just a genuinely good person who treats everyone with respect regardless of who they are, you don't really need to bother with all this "how should I treat a woman if I'm not allowed to manipulate her into having sex??" stuff.. like women aren't some kind of alien species you can just treat them with the same basic respect you'd offer anyone.
If you genuinely are being nice not to get anyone approval or validation, then you're fine. Just don't lie to yourself, that's a convert contract.
People today, rarely use the phrase "nice guy" in the literal context. At least not in social media. It's pretty obvious they're not talking about actual nice people. "Nice guy" is a placeholder for people pleaser, doormat, scared to make intentions known or someone who does kind gestures only when they wants something.
🖤
I feel like this guy talks out of both sides of his mouth. On one hand he correctly laments society suppressing masculine energy in boys and men, and enhancing it in girls and women; and correctly defines masculine energy as penetration and female energy as being penetrated both physically and metaphorically, and that both genders have some of both in them, and the guy cannot totally supress all of his feminine, and gives a very good suggestion of opening doors as a small but powerful step in exercising masculine leadership. But then he goes on and talks ad nauseum about the nice guy needing to get in touch with and completely comfortable with his feminine side and spends most of his time talk about that instead of more examples of exercising the muscles of his masculinity.
The contradiction only exists in your head.
Its called finding a balance?
True. In another interview he said his same message ie men should stop being wimps and be strong men that can lead protect etc……
Then he started saying how masculine energy (patriarchy) is weak, needy, jealous and overall a mistake for ‘mama nature’.
Have to admit that as a woman this a bit hard to listen to.. "women need emotional tension to experience attraction... Watch them with their girlfriends watch the drama, constant hierarchies, back fighting.. and MEN, we don't like drama.." he goes so far as to say women want their parthers to play with their emotions, that they LIKE to wonder "does he really like me, will he even text me back," and says that women will literally falsely accuse their partner of cheating just to stir up "drama?" Because their partner cheating is preferable to a boring relationship? This is some pickup artist bs and just kind of misogynistic?? I don't think this kind of casual and dated sexism is a great look for a guest on the show :/
Some more examples as I'm watching:
--Charlie says the women he picks are often very feminine, and guest jokes "why don't they pay their bills, why don't they balance their check book, why don't they pay for their own food?" As though feminine women/people don't/can't do these things??
--"despite my feminine side, do I like to sit around listening to women gossip? No, I like to be on my computer getting WORK done.." he literally just got done saying how everyone has a masculine and feminine side, but still it's only WOMEN who gossip!
--calls feminism in the 60s, the feminism that literally secured the right for women to not be discriminated against in the workplace with the equal rights amendment, "angry feminism," and characterizes it as "anything a man does you don't like is toxic masculinity, every man is a rapist, the best man for the job is a woman.." this is gross. Feminism is not anti-man and characterizing it as such is a red flag for someone who clearly has no care for women's rights.
--not even touching on the anti-trans stuff. If you think gender isn't a social construct you don't know what a social construct is.
--the classic MRA myth that women have somehow been pushed from a young age to take on masculine roles and become a girl boss?? And there's me over here who has always been expected to grow up have kids and be family-oriented?
--"#metoo: if a guy does ANYTHING a girl doesn't like, it must have been abusive." What a horrible way to discredit and shame the many women who have come out and bravely talked about their abuse. Is that really what you think of women. That they accuse men of rape just because they don't like them. This is what discourages women from coming forward. Knowing this is the reception I would get for coming forward makes me terrified for if something was to ever happen to me. And he has the nerve to say "I'm not trying to be dismissive" after that.. and to put the focus on little boys who might be called out for doing something wrong. THEN he goes on to describe a guy ACTUALLY sexually assaulting his date by touching her breast without her consent and saying he would hate for a guy to get in trouble over that... Horrifying. Charlie, you didn't feel the need to push back on that like.. at all? How would your GF feel about that?
--"if I'm not tryna have sex with a woman, I don't need to fucking be nice to her.. but I don't mean that in an abusive way." ...uh-huh. "she can be in a bad mood and I don't care because we're not even having sex for 6 months ." Wow. So the possibility of sex was the only reason you were being nice to your partner. Other than that her mood has no impact on you. Okay.
--he wants his wife to have more sex with him so instead of breaking up with her because they're not sexually compatible, he just decides he's going to go cheat, but not before politely informing her AND their therapist. And he calls that owning his sexuality.
--he casually lets slip that he controls all the money in his partnership as he says "you need a little money to buy this, come here gimme a little kiss first."
wahwah evil man misogynistic blabla i aint reading the rest
If the channel owner wouldn't delete my comment, I'd tell you what I really think of this comment.
@@jamin12342 😘
You're describing a nice guy.
@@user-yf4hv8vr3q makes the guy a bit of a hypocrite then huh
Naw. I think I'm going to keep being nice.
Good luck.
You didn't understand anything if you believe that he's saying not to be a good man, all the contrary actually 😅
@@raphaelantoine7331 That's funny because you didn't read my comment if you think I said anything about being good :)
i was involved till the "we all have masculine and feminine energy" and this person saying "there are no proofs to gender being a social contruct". my man doesn't know how to google i see cause there are plenty of studies, data collected across cultures and gender expectations around the globe. i do however agree that hormones affect some priorities, needs, actions and reactions but this view that this man has is severely outdated and filled with bs like "women are told not to have children". tf?? where do they say that? they just say that child birth is extremely dangerous and shouldn't be taken lightly. way to go twisting facts in your favour.
Charlie, i hope as a fellow philosophy major you also see that it's terrible what he bases his views on.
Glad to see at least one other person who was also like wtf?? Listening to this guy. Not that every single thing he said was bad, but the way he talks about women is so gross--like all the trash "women love drama" takes--and there was absolutely no challenging whatsoever from Charlie, which is rather disappointing. Not that I expect him to argue with guests but when someone says something bigoted I feel like something is warranted.
@@littlewickedone i am a biological woman and i do enjoy drama :D and in my experience, women are more social in this aspect overall. but gossip, for instance, has been demonized. it is a tool of regulation in the society and commune, it is not bad, it is needed especially for women for safety.
males also like drama but for a different reason which is to establish some social status instead of defense. it's just human, i think. weird he kinda makes this distinguish between sexes without mentioning the other side - very biased and uneducated in my opinion. clearly shows this man has no idea what he's talking about and all his theories are based on "it is what it is" and not actual data or facts
@@littlewickedone male friendship is very superficial in most cases. they don't share intimacy and go seek it in their partners not understanding intimacy =/= sex. this is why there is visibly "less" drama in male communities. cause they don't even know what their friends feel! i've seen a young community of male gamers and they have drama all the time. and it's the healthiest bunch of young men i've ever encountered. they share their feelings with each other, they apologise and solve issues together. it's actually amazing i am so happy this exists.
@@littlewickedone i'm autistic so it's hard for me to read faces but at some point when this man was talking i could swear Charlie's face was filled with disgust. i also watched a lot of Charisma on Command and all the Improv and Dragons and i can somewhat tell when he is applying his knowledge in action. his face is completely different when he's in I&D, you could see the real spark of joy and sense of community in his eyes. here the smile looks so forced.
@@littlewickedone i am also personally offended by guest's remark about creativity. this is the biggest lie ever told. objectively more women are creative and do creative things all the damn time. the reason why there's less famous female writers, poets, scientists, artists is literally patriarchy and the fact that women have been denied education till very recently. and even with education, when you try to pursue a career in arts, you get shut down because of your sex by this very day. it is easier for sure but there are still many things that hold you back simply because you were born a woman.
i even have a personal example(not arts). i was 11 and i wanted to play chess. so i joined a chess club and got constantly made fun of with every mistake i've made(it wasn't even many, they just applied different standards on me) and the teacher was making uncomfortable comments about my body and looked at me in a way an adult man shouldn't look at a young girl. obviously i left after few months of this shit. "pretty privilege" strikes again.
in university a professor told me "a young pretty lady like yourself should probably go for something else and not philosophy" when i refused to write an essay about a book i couldn't understand when i knew for a fact no one in my class could, they all just cheated or wrote a bunch of water. this professor however said nothing to two guys who just didn't write it with no explanation.
Wgo the fk if q man WANTS the women to pay. To me that's disgusting and i would feel as such. Perhaps i need to understand the psychology behind it
Respect yourself the most
On his THIRD marriage… to a non monogamous wife. Follow his advice, just don’t follow his example.
30:39
33:38
Return of the king
Glad to see a new post
I do NOT respect any man who is NOT NICE 🤷🏻♀️
You're mistaking politeness and being a decent person with "niceness". Nice Guy is a very misunderstood concept.
@@GUITARTIME2024 I encourage everyone to sign up for forensic psychiatry/ psychology online classes .
and that’s why you will lose.Being nice and Kind will only lead to your death…..
A kind man and a nice guy are not the same. I believe you respect a man that is kind, "niceness" is fake. I'm a nice guy, I'm working towards becoming a genuinely kind man.
Princess treatment?
I got my answer. If he calls himself a christian its a cold one. He said hes a minister but doesnt know why uts a sin. Why relationships fail is based on not following gods plan forsex. This guy looks like the definiyion of a nice guy if you look it up in the dictionary his face ould be there. Sex is designed by god for marriage. Feminine and masculine roles are outlined in the bible.
How do you find men who are emotionally intelligent
There is no such thing as 'emotional intelligence.' There is only intelligence.