As an atheist and secular humanist, I really want to the leave world better than I found it for my having been here. Your empathy and consideration is really inspiring. Thank you for sharing your story to help others.
I was married for 26 years to a sometimes-pastor, evangelical “I am the tree and my branches protect my family”, conservative, fundamental, charismatic man. Your story about ‘Bridget’ reminded me of how he used to yell/raise his voice and actually say “I’m not yelling AT you. I’m just yelling.” WTF?!? Now when my 2nd husband raises his voice, it’s a HUGE trigger. I totally shut down and stop communicating. The last time he raised his voice to stop me from saying what he THOUGHT I was going to say, I told him “Please don’t talk over me. I was only going to suggest/say …” It works much better for both of us. I’m so glad YOU didn’t stay in your 1st marriage 26 years!
Thanks for sharing! I think the difficult thing is, what many Christians view as "Good" is very different from what non-Christians view as "Good". Like holding "faith" as the most important virtue, and "apostasy" as the worst sin. They can do a lot of harm when trying to "save" us, and call it "good".
As a mainstream Christian, I have witnessed, and been subject to, thus kind of spiritual abuse in my own life. Several of my family members rejected my parents' belief systems and joined the fundie movement. Rather than affirming others' views, they forced theirs on us. Their children suffered under restrictive and sometimes abusive rules and as adults have not fared well in the "real world". I can't imagine the level of fear and pain you suffered as a child. So glad that you made it out and are finding your own path. May you find peace and joy in the journey.
I grew up in a church that really emphasized that its interpretation of the bible was the only real one and that other denominations were twisting the bible's words to serve their own earthly needs... and for me, honestly, that teaching stuck much deeper than my faith itself, so my deconstruction could only lead to a loss of faith- i remember distinctly hearing the head pastor in a sermon saying 'if you point to one verse and say that's not true, why believe in the bible at all' as a way to criticize liberal churches the thing is, I'd already accepted my own homosexuality and that it was okay. If I thought god's word through paul was wrong there, I decided, I guess he's right, why should I be christian? So it was a huge part in me actually taking the step to letting go of faith entirely but that teaching was so ingrained in me and they'd taken such pains to discount or hide the history of the bible as a flawed, changed text that it took me a long time to stop thinking that liberal christians were essentially athiests who failed to commit. luckily i recognized that this was a super rude thing to say and never really expressed it to such christians, but it took me a long, long time to process through (and honestly what's helped the most is learning about non-orthodox early churches and apocryphal texts, being able to view christianity as a historical process instead of the abusive monolith i grew up with is really helpful), and i think the way you talked about the different ways and levels individuals deconstruct really helps put light on that difficult topic
Thank you for sharing your thought process! That is very kind of you to try and understand progressive christians instead of dismissing them based on your own experiences.
Virtually EVERY church is like that. Every church believes it's the one true church, its interpretation is the only true one, its strictures are direct from God and adhering to them is the only way to please God. It has always been difficult for me to believe that Christ came to destroy one restrictive and impossible set of rules with another equally restrictive and impossible set of rules. If he came to set us free, something terrible happened to that concept along the way.
@@nohjuan3048 Every church is searching for the one and true truth. But there are theological debates inside every church, and sometimes they shape the hegemonic beliefs to shift to some direction. There is probably differences to how this happens. Some churches that are very hierarchical, only the leader can make changes in leaning, like the changing of the pope. In churches where there is no patriarch, it must be happening in the theological universities. Yeah, I was taught by my confirmation school teacher (a priest) that only christians can have life after death - so essentially I took it to mean 'everyone else except us are in the wrong'. But I was also taught by my highschool Religion professor (a theology teacher, in response to my question) that no-one can be sure that their own interpretation is the same as others or correct. In this way, we can't know if we are 'right' and therefore we must assume that we are in the wrong in some way and seek forgiveness - and only asking for forgiveness can grant us forgiveness, because being perfect is impossible. This, I think, is more humble and wise (and sympathetic) way to go about your own beliefs. It goes with the enlightenment/humanist view that "an ignorant man thinks he knows everything, wise man knows he knows nothing" or along those lines. If I remember correctly, protestant thinking came from that enlightenment thinking applied to christianity.
@@raapyna8544 I can't imagine how human beings could possibly think debates, traditions, commentaries, rituals, and rationalizations can contribute more to the teachings of Christ. Get a "red letter" edition of the Bible and tell me what more needs to be added to the words of Christ. NO interpretation is needed for the plain and simple teachings of Christ. None.
I can relate to this story in the sense that when I (at the time a believing mainline protestant) encountered campus evangelicals and felt so betrayed when I figured out that they weren't spending time with me to actually be friends but were hoping to recruit me into their group. Like, really, you agreeing to go thrifting and out to Indian food was to minister to me???? Am I not worth just being a friend to?
REALLY late to the party here, but I had to thank you for this episode. It spoke to me on such a deep level. I was raised similarly to you, and was always made to believe that my inquisitiveness and thirst for knowledge was somehow an “enemy” of my faith and that I didn’t “trust God enough.” I had a very traumatic experience in the church at age 14, and that was the beginning of the end of my belief. I have since deconstructed and continue therapy, and your videos help me further process my upbringing and indoctrination and the aftermath of my deconstruction in a very helpful way. THANK YOU for your courage and your content!
I really appreciate your sharing this…I have experienced similar things in my life too. Nobody should ever tell someone their intelligence is a roadblock. How ludicrous. I am a Christian, but I have learned to let go of deferring to perspectives that deliberately block out reason and individual thought. We are all on journeys. Nobody has the right to tell someone what to think.
I just want to say thank you for making your channel. Thank you for your calm and empathetic demeanor. I’ve found your videos so therapeutic. I am 28 and grew up in and around fundamentalism in the late 90s and early 2000s as a child. I grew up in private Christian school that taught Abeka, a baptist Bible church, and AWANA every Wednesday. It’s interesting because though my school was fundie, there were a lot of kids there that came from secular homes, so I was not quite as sheltered at school. My church was the same. I had a lot of friends from public school at my AWANA program. I think, at my school, we had a lot of kids from secular homes because the local public school was massive and not that great, so wealthier families opted for one of the only private schools in the area at that time and at my church, that parents used it as a babysitter. Even so, the adults in my life were extremely fundamentalist and toxic. I have trauma from purity culture. Being a girl that got my period very young (10), I developed much quicker than my friends. I was sexualized and scorned at school and church for the clothes I wore. At ages like 10-15. I had and still do have so many body issues from that. My parents acted so taboo about everything and I learned all sex education from my friends which is definitely not the healthiest education. This is a long comment lol, but I just want to say I really appreciate you.
I'm so sorry that happened to you. Im one of those Christians who want to hold on to those beliefs, love God beleif that He sent Jesus to die on the cross for us, and to love my neighbors, unconidationally as myself. But I have had exfriends and mentors shame me through my deconstrusting journey for realzing Im queer and suppoerting our communtiy, for not supporting Trump, for being autistic, for being prochoice, for just changing my worldview compltley. That's why Im so thankful for people like you, and Dani Calliero, and Grace and Elizbeth Baldridge, because it gives me the strength to coutinue with my journey and not give up even though it's hard, so thank you.
It's okay to believe in christianity and other things. Your beliefs are yours alone and spirituality is a journey. I suffered from psychotic episodes as a kid and instead of getting me treatment my parents tried to "cast out my demons" 🙄 ....so I know what that is like when people judge you instead of try to actually get you some help.....the christian bible is a collection of different books.....there is some truth and historical relevance in it.....if you want to read it and learn then more power to you. It's okay to change your beliefs and opinions 😊 I know a lot of people will say it isn't okay (they're just afraid of change and that the truth may damage their fragile ego) but learning that's how we grow as people we learn more and more things. 🌱
First of, I hug you from afar, I watched some of your videos while researching homeschool stuff and I thank you for opening up, your honesty and vulnerability. I had a similar childhood only completely public school setting growing up as the only pentecostal child. I wasn't like the other kids and while I sat for 8 hours in classrooms full of kids the bullying from teachers and classmates I can say there's no perfect setting for healthy childhood and can be very isolating, I had a very controlling father similar to yours except for the cheating or hitting my mom, he did hit me until I was in high-school, not very often though. I see now he was just a broken human, and found forgiveness through Jesus. I left the church and God at 16 and embraced freedom to the full extend of the word until last year. It had been 27 as atheist until I came back to God on my knees, it was not something I did but He did and opened my spiritual eyes. I share my new life with everybody but never trying to shove down their throat something they are not ready for. Your videos are great reminder to be gentle and to really love everyone no matter where they're at or their beliefs, that's the true gospel, God is love but sadly throughout history many people have used it to manipulate and destroy. He says you will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29:13. It's a personal relationship with Him. I'll pray for you from now on ❤
When I expressed my doubts and sexual frustration to the messianic rabbi I had in my early 20s the rabbi held a finger up to my head like it was a pistol and said to me ‘’if someone told you to deny yeshua is the messiah or he would blow your brains out what would you do?’’ I told him honestly that I didn’t know. So he yelled at me and told me I was going to hell for being an apostate and ordered me to give him back the keys to the synagogue ( because I was the janitor for free) and he kicked me out
Wow 😬 What a crazy situation… and you were working there for free?! I don’t think religious leaders realize how many people they push away from faith by acting like this.
@@laurenconrad1799 we don't, but Messianic Jews aren't Jews. Messianics, or Jews for Jesus folks, are Christians appropriating Jewish cultural practices in order to "save us". It was a movement founded by Protestants and it shows. The joke is that Jews don't agree about anything, but we agree that Messianics aren't Jews 🤣
I’m a theist still despite my negative experiences with organized religion and atheistic communists scare me just as much as over zealous anti intellectual fundamentalist Protestant Christians do. The biggest reason why I’m a theist still is If there is no absolute standard moral law giver who determines right and wrong and justice and injustice then all morality and laws and standards of justice become merely based on the subjective opinions of individuals and the collective and it’s very scary for me as a Jew to realize that there is no way to objectively judge anti semitism and the holocaust as wrong without an absolute standard moral law giver whose standards transcend all time and cultures such as was revealed to my ancestors at Sinai in Torah. Indeed any judgments we make about G-d or Torah are merely subjective opinions without a firm basis to absolutely say anything is right or wrong so thus we can’t judge G-d as fair or unfair or right or wrong for allowing evil or the way the universe is imperfectly designed in any absolute sense. It’s merely our opinions which according to Darwinian evolution it’s the opinions of highly evolved swamp creatures that got on land so thus how can we really trust our own judgments?
Thank you for sharing your story. I had a similar situation happen recently, only with a very close friend, in the conservative space. She was willing to have conversations and discuss questioning at the beginning of my deconstruction process, but once I came to conclusions that didn’t align with hers, she condemned me.
I think it's incredible the way you realised rationally how messed up all of this was and had the courage to face your own questions even while you were going through so much trauma and experiencing so many triggers and pressure to conform from all sides. Literally everything was against you taking your own path and you STILL were determined to figure out and do what you felt was right and made sense! Actually I find it bizarre you say you"weren't able" to go back to your faith as if it's a weakness! You did something incredible and I think this makes you a real role model and an encouragement for others seeking the courage to pursue what truly feels right for them despite the pressure from everyone around them! As an ex fundie who is also, like you, not cis and not het, I know how much you risked losing in terms of community and support and likely did lose in that decision. But I probably had more support than you did when I made that final decision to deconstruct my faith, I wasn't even in that community anymore and had a whole support system living in a whole other city for years, I didn't even have to come out to anyone who would care when I finally acknowledged that I was an atheist and I actually had properly supportive (atheist/agnostic) friends who were very patient about walking me through conversations about cognitive biases and basic science I hadn't been taught, answering my embarrassed questions with no judgement.
Wow, thank you for continuing to share about your experience. When she threw "the enemy" having some sort of hold on you in your face, gosh... I've heard that one too many times.
There is so much that could be said about this painful experience...but what stands out to me in particular is the part where your former mentor said that you were "putting conditions on God, demanding that he show you himself before committing... to him...." Quite frankly, this feels like the way we were blindly expected to put our faith in spiritual authority figures, our parents, our partners, and anyone in our religious communities with real or perceived power. Why is it antithetical to Christian faith to expect God to at least meet us halfway?! Why is there such a disconnect between ideas and actions?! I'm roughly fifteen years deconstructed, and I love that there are resources like this channel available now. Watching this video, I couldn't help nodding at certain points, and feeling frustrated on your behalf, and of course on behalf of my younger self. I remember a time when those verses from Job and other similar ones were used to silence my doubts of God by making me doubt myself. I cannot help wonder if that night Bridget was talking more to herself than to you anyway. That's not your responsibility to sort out. Whether consciously or not, she did mirror back to you patterns of spiritual abuse that had previously wounded you. She encouraged your questions only as far as she could control them. Such a sad situation, but as you pointed out, many of us former believers said and believed similar things make us feel ashamed now. We thought we were being helpful when we were just parroting what was acceptable for those situations. When we know better, we do better. It sounds like there wasn't anything left for you at that church except her. In the end, her failure as a Christian leader clearly communicated to you that she wasn't a safe place. A good friend of mine told me when I was on the verge of leaving Christianity: "Leave the church if you must...but don't leave Jesus." Because I loved this friend, I really tried to take his advice to heart. In the end, it just slowed down the inevitable descent. Forgive me if this sounds like I'm trying to find a silver lining here. It isn't that, it's just that there are limitations built into the framework of evangelical, fundamentalist Christianity. No matter how compassionate and how loving and how open-hearted a person may seem, the tenets of faith can only allow them to stretch themselves so far. These parting words are the only ways they know how to love us. It wasn't enough, but then again, neither was the Christian god.
Deconstruction, I believe, takes place in many layers over long periods of time. I can completely identify with everything that you are saying. I’m 70, and have been myself reconstructing, and mentoring others in their process for many years. I will believe that there isn’t anything else that could push my buttons, then out of the blue someone will be hyper critical or judgmental towards a segment of people, believing that they are doomed to hell, and I am possessed for being supportive of them. I think that I should be way past caring what any of these people had to say, but there I am being triggered, feeling vulnerable , filleted, struggling again with flashbacks and PTSD. I ground myself, knowing that I believe in a God who loves the cosmos of all humanity, and knowing that you can reside on the side of hate and dire,or you can choose to reach out to our fellow man with the, love, mercy, and inclusivity , Of God and who I am.
I just came across your channel and definitely digging your takes and thoughts. I’m a follower of Jesus but have been in serious questioning of the church and all. Upon doing research and what God has shown me, I have not returned to what’s marketed as churches and haven’t been in at least 2-3 years. I’m even at the point to where I do not want to listen to any preachers, pastors or the like that are from the church system. The reason being, as I’m certain you’ve seen yourself, is because the leaders typically preach their own interpretation of what the Bible actually says and what the verses mean as opposed to what’s actually in Scripture. The reason I don’t listen is because I see it is forms of mind control by these so called religious leaders. I’d rather deal with God directly and get Truth from Him as opposed to a third party who can play “telephone” with the Word. One of the other things I don’t like about the church setting is the infantilizing aspect in treating parishioners like children that can’t even tie their own shoe. I really hate that as it’s very condescending. I can understand your choosing to leave. I think that you brought up some good points. But for me, I understand there’s a difference between what people say about God and Who He actually Is. I do know that I won’t go back to these mausoleums that are marketed as churches. That’s for sure. God bless and peace.
I know this was about a year ago, but I wanted to share a story with you. I was raised Catholic. I say raised because while I am culturally Catholic, I do not practice the faith anymore and consider myself agnostic. When I went to High School, I attended a Catholic High School. This was actually good for me in a lot of ways, but this was not good for me spiritually. The school I went to before had a more Christo Pagan approach to religion, and because of that, I was able to overlook some of the more hurtful aspects of Catholicism. I was no longer able to do this when I was made to have religious classes and even though I had been to bible studies before, what I was hearing was very troubling. This was also the time I was attending Conformation classes, which is kind of like a rite of passage amongst the Catholic church and your final step into adulthood. My parents really wanted me to do this, but as I attended the classes and my new Catholic school, I was getting very upset about going through Confirmation. Part of the Confirmation process is swearing to God that you believe in him and will follow the Catholic faith, and it really bothered me to say that when I wasn't certain that I believed in the Catholic church or god. There would be nights I'd come home crying from Confirmation class, upset because I felt like to go through with it I was lying to God. I also felt like I was being put into a cage where I could never escape. My parents couldn't understand why I was so upset, and it felt like they were saying that I didn't have to really mean it, which felt very hypocritical to me. They had taught me all my life to never make a promise I couldn't keep and that lying was bad. Thankfully, they didn't make me go through with it, and while there are times I ask myself if I did the right thing, I don't regret it. In many ways, I do believe in God, but I consider myself agnostic. And while I still do talk to the priest at my parents church and still love parts of the Catholic faith, I don't regret my choice. I think the times I regret not going through Confirmation are the times I feel left out, like remembering everyone except me raising their hands when the teacher asked who was Confirmed. Even though I didn't go through the things you went through, I still think there are some issues with the Catholic faith that are very harmful to people, and I can't bring myself to believe that God would want that.
I am still a Christian, but grew up in the purity culture. I left the Baptist church last year after I went through a terrible breakup and everyone supported him. I definitely relate to much of what you have said, and there has definitely been Biblical things I have said that I regret. Honestly I can only keep going and keep living for the God that I serve, not the god of the church I grew up in. When I lived in Argentina, I was asked to talk to the sister of one of the leaders who was visiting and she wasn’t a Christian. I didn’t feel comfortable trying to “lead her to Christ”. We talked for hours, and the pastor allowed us to stay in the church while he and those waiting on us stood outside till midnight. Having that time, is something I greatly respect about the Argentines and the church I attended there. This girl opened up to me about things I will not repeat, and she was telling me that she was angry at God. Why would he allow bad things to happen to her? I opened up to her about my past that was similar to hers, and then told her something super controversial to the church. I told her if she wasn’t comfortable going to church, then she shouldn’t go. If she found a church she liked and wanted to attend, then absolutely! The pastor asked me on our walk back to the house (my ministry partner and I stayed in their guest room) if she had gotten saved. I told him no, and that wasn’t important at the moment (I’m not the typical Christian😂) I told him that before she can become a Christian, she needs to realize that God is not mean or angry at her. But how on earth should I expect someone to give their life to a God they hate? Also, if I’m going to do things biblically, I can’t do anything to change their lives, ONLY God can. I despise it when “Christians” think they can make others to be Christians. Only God can do that!! Anyway, I enjoy your videos, and as I said, I am a Christian, I’ve decided to watch them with a grain of salt. The purity culture ones though👍🏻😘💚🖤 I sent one to my sister and her only response was “F*ck purity culture!” 😂☺️
In 2008, I was a Christian college student, who very much wanted to keep believing in God, but I couldn't feel God's presence in my life. I was dealing with emotional numbness from financial and health issues, and complicated grief over my uncle. My parents and I had just come from a Bible Study and were openly discussing some heavier spiritual topics. So when I told my dad I was having trouble feeling God's presence, I expected understanding or at least sympathy. Especially since my late uncle was my dad's brother, who he also loved and missed very much. Instead, my dad went into a tirade for the rest of the ride home (10-15 min) basically accusing me of being a communist, because of the Marx quote "religion is the opiate of the people." I shut down and just let him keep going, then hid in my room when we got home. In hindsight, I can see that he wasn't just angry, but also fearful of my questioning. I've been an atheist since 2015 and still haven't told my dad.
I'm so sorry that happened to you. I can see a lot of parallels in my own experience (including being a bible college student in 2008 lol). I remember a lot of similar instances where my dad would blow up at me seemingly out of nowhere anytime I said something slightly outside of his fundie views. Years later when I came to see how fearful he is and how much it rules his life, it was incredibly freeing
It sounds like she encouraged you to ask questions because she thought you would eventually fall in line with her teachings and just accept blind faith as your answer. When you didn't, after a while she started getting impatient and began to pressure you in the direction she expected you to go in. I am glad you didn't, even if it was a difficult experience for you. You're better off without people like that who want you to be ignorant and passive.
I needed to hear your story! Ex-vangelical here, but still identify as Christian. Your kindness blows me away. I love how you share your story void of bitterness. I thought you might get a chuckle if I said this in “Old Christian-ese” followed by what I really mean: 1. The Holy Spirit lead me right to your videos! (No, it was the TH-cam algorithm, but whatever…right?) 😊 2. You have such a “sweet and gentle spirit!” (Well, you speak with kindness and truth.) 3. I can feel “the Lord’s anointing” on you. (What you are saying is really hitting home in my heart and mind.) 4. You are moving in God’s calling for your life! (You are a great speaker! Please keep it up!) I think you get the idea, and hopefully, this put a smile on your face. Speak your truth; it is setting you free! Love and Peace!
My story is so similar to yours. Thank you for sharing and for creating this channel. Working my way through watching all of your videos! 💕💕 Much love to you!
I TOTALLY get what you are saying. But most of the time, I criticized myself. If I could only believe more... If I could only pray more... If I could only read more scripture... Then like all the others who left I thought, WHO was more committed than I was, yet the answers never came. If this faith takes more than all of the former pastors, elders and true believers here on TH-cam had, then no one is worthy. Why would God give us great intellect to ask questions and understand, only to call upon us to forego its use? This video is yet another brick in the path you are laying for others. Your work is important. When others see their story in yours, you will help save then from what you endured.
I've been called out at my childhood church I I went to...I was at another church as a adult and I was called out again .... pointing their finger and looking at me .... this time as a adult I dodnr feel shame like I did when I was a child I looked directly at that man....no body that I know of likes to be called out in a group
Im sorry you went through this. You said so yourself, “ as long as your faith makes the world a better place”. That was the whole point of God coming down in the form of a Jesus, to tell the world and show the world HOW TO MAKE THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE. Sadly, most “believers”, do not practice what they preach.
Most xians believe most xians aren’t real xians. They say it as if that is an argument or a factor that’s in their favor. It isn’t. It very much works against theism.
I totally understand and have experienced being disrespected and told my faith wasn’t genuine. Deconstruction can take us only as far as we are comfortable enough to go. It’s a journey. Thank you so much
Your videos are such a safe place in this world for me. Thank you so much for being so open and kind in your videos. Your bravery and determination are such inspirations for me. 💜
Your videos are super helpful for my own deconstruction. I wasn't raised as fundie as other people I knew, and I doubted the things I was being taught from an early age. The only reason I stayed into my 20's is choir and the fear of hell. I haven't been to a church service in a very long time, which I'm glad of bc sitting through a church service as a person with ADHD is torture.
Hello Ellie. I respect and admire your courage in sharing and challenging your beliefs you grew up with. This takes a lot of insight and strength of character. I like how you talked about accepting others on their own journey. Like you said, people can go various directions when deconstructing. They should all be respected as long as you are working to become a more just and compassionate person, and you are not shoving your viewpoint down anyone's throat, which to .e is a form of spiritual rape. As physical rape is about domination and control, so is insisting others must follow your path and beliefs. My journey took a different turn. I converted to reform Judaism. I find the people open and honest and willing to question. They don't claim to have all the answers. They are about justice and compassion. I just found this very refreshing after being told what I was to believe and being afraid to speak up and ask questions in the Lutheran Church I grew up in. Sometimes , to me, it isn't all about having the answers laid at my feet and given to me by religious leaders, but being free to question and having someone support me in that space. The search for answers , to me, helps me to grow. I enjoy the process.
@8:16 "no one can snatch me out of God's hand no matter how far I run" yet your family beliefs dictate that you must stay under the umbrella of protection from your father and he is the keeper of your salvation. I'm so glad you have journals from back then I wish I did because I had these contradictory thoughts as well as a teen.
Yeah I hate to say this but her father is an abusive asshole he is one of those people who should never have kids let alone be around them he most likely also needs anger management classes
I grew up much like you did. I identify sooo much. I also have gone through a decade long deconstruction of my faith. Thank you for your videos. BC Canada
I'm going through the same as well, and this makes me feel so heard and understood. And not just that, being raised in a conservative Christian home in India, it is hard not to be triggered almost all the time since I'm still living with my parents and am co - dependent. I want to move out as soon as possible and leave all the negative trauma behind me. Any tips on how to cope with your faith deconstruction when you're living with your family who is hardcore Christian?
This may sound strange, but the key to becoming unbothered is knowing yourself. Once you begin to explore, accept, and love yourself, the opinions and actions of others affect you less and less. Trust yourself and honor your feelings. I'd still move out asap. Good luck with everything!
@@filmcipher Omg thank you so much for this. I've been healing myself through reiki and therapy and that has helped a lot. Wish you the best as well. Have a good day! ❤️
@@filmcipher That's what ultimately helped me too: re-learning who I was (I had converted when I was an adult), learning about what I needed, and learning how to be true to myself. However, as an adult with a good job, I had the benefit of being able to do so without being surrounded by hardcore Christian culture. But in the meantime, Jenica, I hope you can still find ways to get in touch with yourself, and prepare for when you can get out.
@Jenica Dinakaran, thank you so much for sharing! I am so sorry you're going through that- my heart truly goes out to you. Being in a co-dependent environment and being triggered all the time is soooo hard. I definitely second what @LaShell Cole and @Jack Hesse have said about getting to know yourself, and that's totally something I am still working on! I would also suggest trying to save your energy. I used up a lot of energy trying to explain to deeply religious family members what I was going through, and it often ended in yelling and crying. In my experience, they are too entrenched in their beliefs and worldview to be able to listen to anything else. I hope that you are able to move out soon, and I wish you all the best on your journey!!
@@ExFundieDiaries Thank you so much for this. Yes, you are so right, I lose so much energy while explaining myself to them cause it always ends up in even more trauma and abuse. Your channel has helped me in so many ways and I am proud of every single upload of yours! keep 'em coming ❤️
I'm doing a faith deconstruction from the opposite side. I was really into new age spirituality and now im like looking at all the cultural appropriation and consumerism of it all ahh. It's hard work.
I'm so sorry that a religious leader wounded you. I've been through church abuse when I was a teenager. I was accused of being a witch after my friends mother visited our home. She asked me what a certain signal meant. I told her then she ran to the church to out me. I was questioned. I never left Christ but left that church and never returned. I became Catholic and put a wall between me and others in this Protestant churches. I'm at peace and in my experience never faced this kind of persecution from my Catholic brothers and sisters. I hope you find peace as well. ❤
When she ran to the church to out you she is like a child who is telling on authority figures for someone doing a bad thing it’s amazing how childlike these people really can be
Have you heard Evanescence - Far From Heaven? To me it's a song about spiritual trauma and losing one's faith. Curious what you think about it. Thanks for these videos, btw. I deconstructed a long time ago, but I've been coming back to that deconstruction again lately as I unpack other traumas and realize how my fundie upbringing shaped my responses to those traumas (and in some cases, made me a vulnerable target for those traumas in the first place).
I absolutely love your videos. Your humanity and intelligence really shine through. I have no connection to fundamentalism in my own past, although I've been exposed to many different forms of Christianity and other religions. My mother was a lapsed Catholic and my father was an atheist; they left me to my own devices, religion-wise. I started watching Mickey Atkins, which led me to Fundie Fridays, which led me to Gabs with Abigail, which led me to you. I want you to know that what you share doesn't only benefit previous or current fundamentalists, it benefits all of us and I thank you for putting so much good out into the universe. Keep up the good work!
Intuition and faith are innate abilities human have but organised religions have taken hold of human mind and have been putting blocks in our paths in order to obstruct us from connecting with what is inherently our birthright!
@ 5:00 True to form, a vast majority of Fundamentalists will accept you, yourself, as a fellow 'brother in Christ' *ONLY if you believe the same way doctrinally* that _they_ do, out of all the 4,900 plus versions, AND respective doctrines of Christianity, that allows each one to claim to be the " One True Religion ™ " Otherwise, this ONE and ONLY " inspired true religion " out of the 4,900 plus versions of Christianity, will claim that you're sending yourself to " Hell " -- that's a typical Fundamentalist "guilt trip"and manipulatory tactic ; it's them causing you to blame *ONLY yourself* for even questioning why Jesus failed to come back in his follower's lifetimes, as he promised. It's good that you have discovered freedom. It's good to hear that you are liberating yourself from the pre science bible author's falsehood.
OM-freakin-G!!!???!!!??!! You poor girl. My 1st experience with fundies was after moving to Virginia. Couldn't believe what I saw and heard in the work place from that brand of Christian. And this was The Pharmaceutical Industry where scientists work! I'd Never experienced anything like it before working in Virginia and I'd worked in 3 other states.
I always hear "humble yourself for the Lord" which I feel like you literally can't have any critical thinking which the bible literally says lean not on your own understandings . My own parents were like "God gave you this new job you have" even though it was my girlfriend's mom who literally helped set up an interview with the assistant principal (I work at an elementary school) and that's how I got my job. I was always left out by people at my old church and I got lectured about "no touch love" which even my parents thought was nonsense but still go to that church anyway. I have a girlfriend and yet I hear "what is that kissing stuff all about" from a person who literally never talks to me until then
It's overwhelming to me how painful fundamentalist patriarchal religions are for women. Whether it is Quiverfull, or FLDS or Islam or Hasidic Judaism -- it doesn't matter. All are so similar in their oppression of women, excused and justified with the Bible. Makes me wonder how much better the world could be without it. I am a firm believer there were human leaders like Jesus and Mohammad and Moses, etc., who said some great, inspired things, but human men came along and turned their words into corrupt institutions for their own benefit. It is heartbreaking how prevalent these stories are. Be strong, women and girls. Reject patriarchy. Live your life with love, and self-confidence, courage and resolve. No book should justify your oppression. Don't let anyone oppress you. NO ONE.
It’s not just women but kids also kids are often looked down on by these extremists they are little more than something to be molded and controlled by these people
Although I do not nor have I actually ever been a part of a fundie church, I do have a similar experience with a nondenominational church camp. It’s one of them holiness church camps with the Wesleyan-arminian traditions. They are no different fundie churches really. Anyway, I went there for about 16 years with my maternal grandfather and I was treated unfairly by the people there. They did not like me very much and they never wanted me around. Those jerks in the young adult program were the worst especially the blond skank that’s in charge. She really didn’t want me around. One night, I was falsely accused of doing something that I would never think of doing which involved her. Her father came to me and blew up at me and berated me. I was even threatened with legal actions. The accusation in question was stalking which I would never do something like that because I know it’s wrong. For that I got kicked out. My grandfather didn’t even defend me. He took their side instead. They put me through so much trauma. I was angry and upset for weeks because of it. What they did to me was very sinful. It really hurt too. That was four and a half years ago when that all happened. Because of that, I decided to have nothing to do with those people ever again. I don’t even want anything to do with that camp ever again although there are a few exceptions. I have so many damaged relationships from all of that too. I purged a bunch of them from my social media and I even blocked a bunch of them. I even unsubscribed from their newsletters and blocked them in my email too. I never forgave them for it. In fact, a few months ago, I replied to one of their emails they sent telling them to stop sending me emails or they will be faced with a restraining order. I threw their four year old threat back at them. I will do it too if I ever see even one more email from them. Also the camp president there is cold, greedy, and unwelcoming. He is also a price gouger and runs the camp like a business. It doesn’t end there. The food in mess hall was also terrible. It always gave me food poisoning. They are a pathetic excuse of a church camp. They more more like a cult because in the Bible, Jesus never treated anyone that way. He would never ban anyone from his ministries nor would he kick anyone out of his flock. He included everyone in his ministry. He welcomed the stranger, healed the sick, helped the poor, and fed the hungry. That is why I will never attend any church with holiness in it’s name especially one of their church camps as well as using holiness unto the Lord as it’s creed or motto. I certainly will never attend a nondenominational church. Also, I cannot believe that those fundamental churches would treat their members the way they do. This kind of behaviour is unacceptable. No other church I have been to has ever treated me the way I was treated at that camp I used to go to non even in a Seventh Day Adventist Church. I was raised Adventist and I have a heritage in the Lutheran Church on my Dad’s side. He grew up Lutheran and joined the Adventist Church during his first time in the Army back during the Persian Gulf War. I left the Adventist Church because I didn’t like the things they believe in the church and I joined the Lutheran Church where I am a member today. I belong to the Missouri Synod which is theologically conservative but definitely not fundamental. I don’t like any of the conservative stuff we have in our church especially their stances with the LGBT issue and the abortion issue. The LCMS does not accept homosexuality or even approve of abortion both which I believe is wrong since I’m a supporter of the LGBT community and I believe in abortion which is in defiance of my church’s doctrine. I also don’t agree with closed communion which is also present in our church. In fact I’m in more agreement with the ELCA than I am with the Missouri Synod. The Missouri Synod is the Lutheran Church body that I have roots in
Thank you for sharing. I have two comments: 1) you talking about needing permission is like the colonized mind. The colonizers were better than the colonized, 'member? Having been raised in Latin America, I had to struggle with decolonizing my mind in order to be at peace with my decisions, and to give myself permission rather than seek it from others. 2) don't you find it funny that Bible thumpers know so well God's wishes, yet at the same time they like to say the God works in mysterious ways? If God behaves in mysterious ways, then how can anyone know what he wants? Hypocrites.
Smart, inquisitive people are great to have in bible study in very small doses. They make the group seem interesting and edgy so that less brave people feel like they are participating in a robust discussion. But, if you ask too many questions, or don't just shut up and obey enough, you become inconvenient to controlling people in leadership positions. Questions are acceptable at first, but you need to follow that up pretty fast with unquestioning obedience and placid smiles if you want to stay in the group.
I love your videos!! I would live to hear your thoughts on god. As a philosophical concept seperat from the Christian deity God. Dies that make sense? I'm involved in AA and perhaps you've hear the phrase higher power? Idk. Is there a god video?
I figure God gave us a mind so that we would in fact ask the hardest questions. I too am an intellectual type, and I cringed as my former church's pastor over the past few years began to speak increasingly in a manner that was against intellectualism and viewed higher education with suspicion. I am currently on my second Master's program and trying to eventually get a PhD! In the end your former mentor probably just has her own deep insecurities going on I am guessing. Still, one should always pursue knowledge, wisdom, and understanding, that is in the Bible, for example Proverbs 4:7 "The beginning of wisdom is this: Get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding."
I am still very much a Christian, but I never trust anyone who tells me to check my brain at the door. I figure God made us to think and ask questions and even though I don't always find the answers right away I figure it's a process. Also I think your mentor was misusing the quote from Job, yes God is so much bigger than us and our own understanding of existence is limited as human beings with a life span of mere decades, but I don't think it was a condemnation of Job for asking God why, or for expressing his own feelings about what had happened to him, so much as a reminder from God about how much there is beyond Job's vantage point. That being said, I never ever saw Jesus fail to answer a sincere question.
Job is an absolutely horrible book that reveals the character of a petty and narcissistic diety. God makes a bet (gambles?!?!) with Satan that Job would still worship God even if Satan tortures the sh*t out of Job. Then later when Job questions God, God never owns up to the bet he made. Instead, God is like "who tf are you to ask me why, Job? I'm busy. Don't you know I have a universe to run?" ...which isn't much of an excuse, considering that God is supposed to be all powerful, and running the universe shouldn't take even the slightest effort... Then God gives Job new everything, as if that was supposed to make up for the suffering and deaths of those who were taken from Job at God's approval in the first place. Yeah...great book.
I think many Christians go through doubts at some point. I am sorry you were yelled at. People think being a Christian is easy. Lifecan be hard sometimes....but as a Christian you have hope.
@@hannahbrennan2131 The only certainty you have if you aren't a Christian is that you will spend Eternity in Hell, separated from God. The hope you have is that you receive Christ as your Savior before it is too late.
So sorry you endured a toxic friendship like that. No one especially those like you who suffer religious trauma(and by extension me to a lesser degree) needs a friend like that, because with a friend like that who needs enemies?
I love it when people yell and scream and abuse others to make a point about anything, particularly the Bible. Not exactly a good way to attract converts.
@@PokemonRules333 True. But fear has a pretty short shelf life and once you're out of the crazy clutches you learn to think for yourself. I am actually of the opinion that any adult who exploits a vulnerable young population that way is guilty of criminal assault and should be arrested. Instead they're ordained and paid to continue their behavior.
Maybe a religious leader is not the right person to seek support from when one is deconstructing ones faith? Isn't it kind of setting oneself up for disappointment?
The "encouragement" of your questions is always bait. Once you're vulnerable and invested and reliant on the community and "ready to listen" the tactic is to strongarm you with God's"conviction ". She was trying to manifest a Holy Spirit conviction of your sin of doubt and have you be overwhelmed with emotions from Him convicting you. 🙄 In her mind she was fighting spiritual warfare for your soul driving out a demon preventing you from seeing God. Unfortunately that's where you're always going to get with cult indoctrinees because the person can only "help" you so much (in reality it's a ploy to get you to trust them though they themselves have often been programmed to believe that they're truly helping save you) before they have to choose between the cult values and you: the value is obedience without question, that's how faith is defined by evangelicalism. If your questions don't immediately lead you back to God you're not self-policing enough which means you need to be "disciplined" or "held accountable", or that a demon needs to be driven out. Whatever the problem, the only allowed solution is you need to end up submitting to God's leadership. If you don't, they'll be watching you like a vulture waiting for you to be vulnerable again and say you feel lost and need direction. In her mind if you said you're willing to hear from God but aren't hearing from God there must be something not right with you. The kindest interpretation she's allowed to have is that you're not disobeying deliberately but are being besieged and possibly deceived by a demon. The only times you're not explicitly bullied are when A) they think it's unnecessary ie you're already self-policing or B) they don't think they'll get away with it and will "drive you away" so they still need to "draw you in". But enough self-righteousness and bigotry can make people disregard either of those and nobody who gets held up by the Evangelical movement as a "true" Christian who "doesn't waver" is kind, the more toxic masculinity and bigotry the better your faith must be, any sign of doubt is considered weakness and being gentle if it hasn't been "earned" by the other person's submission is associated with being feminine and considered weak and not a good leader. Forgiveness and love is the carrot, fire and brimstone and hell is the stick. The evangelical movement is all about attributing your emotions and crowd energy to "the holy spirit" so the more frenzy the more is attributed to God. I think you'd be really interested in following Genetically Modified Skeptic and The Antibot as they talk a lot about their past evangelical fundie experiences and relate them to their experiences on how spiritual indoctrination and manipulation happens, and they're also kind and gentle people (based on their channel content) whom I think you'd really relate to. In fact I really hope to see you do a collab with them one day!
The truthful implication of "the enemy" is that you are the enemy as Satan doesn't exist outside of mythology as an independant spiritual being. To be fair, you are placing conditions on God in the form of questions and possibly prayers not being answered. That's not to say your questions aren't useful and valid.
No wonder you have left Christianity. More Christians should listen to you. Not to lose faith, but I think many are blind of how different kids absorb information. Christians’ approaches need some help!
I think you were expecting too much of Bridgit. She was a leader. She's only going to go so far with you then she'll have to let you go, which she did. Now it's your journey. If you're to remain friends it'll have to be with different common ground than before. Good luck.
We aren't God. No human being will ever have all the answers this side of heaven and hell. That doesn't prohibit you from asking God for some answers, however. Don't be surprised or disappointed if you never get them, though. After what I've been through in religious circles I'm pretty skeptical of "following" anyone. I think you need to learn to think for yourself. I don't agree with you just forgetting God, however. But, that is your decision, ofcourse. I would say think about coming back at some point. The world has no answers except earning your worth. That's the devil's way. And yeah, Satan is a real being. There are evil spirits. Have you ever watched any of Dan Wallace's videos on the reliability of New Testament manuscripts? I'd give that a look see if I were you. Also Joel Kramer, an archeologist who lives in Jordan, I think it is. And Sean McDowell, a teacher at Biola U. All reliable sources for discovering truths about the Bible that you won't get from non-believing sources. You want to hear both sides before making up your mind I hope. What you've gotten so far is mostly spiritual abuse it sounds like. Tune in to some knowledgeable folks that won't beat you up.
Jesus was abused by the religious establishment of his time…..it may have been similar to your “church” (cult really!) …. He was more then abused….they killed him!……. His followers thought it was over….but he completed his purpose in life as the perfect sacrifice and the Father brought him to life with another purpose to be above everything at the end of time….. he’s not done and neither are you Elly!
Amen.....it seem like they are making videos to cause people to turn away. I am needing Jesus and wish to God I had paid attention Spiritually and not move so fast and focus On GOD AND NOT GET CUT OFF into sins and flesh and anger..... Playing
@@TriciaRP The lord is coming back soon would you be ready so get right with him today Joshua 1:8 may the lord jesus christ bless you sister trisha perry I pray one day I will meet you in heaven
@@TriciaRP No one is forcing you to watch these videos. People who don't believe have a right to share their experiences and to be heard just as christians do. If you are "needing Jesus," don't watch. It's just that simple. Then your precious faith won't be affected.
She was right in rebuking you. You were trying to change a Bible believing church. If your point of view is so great then you should be able to find a group of like minded people, right? Good luck.
U gave up cause your feelings and are letting the devil win and now trying to convince or make it seem that it’s ok u will regret ur decision u need accountable friends to keep in line it’s not all flowers and clouds it’s a battle TRUST IN THE LORD WITH YOUR WHOLE HEART AND MIND !!u know it’s wrong that’s y u ignore all the truth comments
if you sit back and realize something that there are religious denominations out there who fit into their own little bubbles and if you do not agree with their truth or their version of the bible,you get kicked out rejected and basically shunned for not believing in their God,shes not letting the devil win,shes merely expressing herself and letting out her true feelings,emotions of how she feels about it,and somehow it seems like that you feel threatened or offended that the fact of someone expressing themselves in their own way bothers you,and you are telling her " she needs accountable friends to keep her in line?" no one needs to keep her in line,you are not her boss or her master,you need to quit telling her what to do,I am proud of this girl for coming out and exposing the hypocrisy,at least she has the guts to do it and say it.and doesn't sit there and just take it anymore like a slave,shes not going to regret her decision,that almost seems like a threat to me when you walk away from things that do not make sense.
As an atheist and secular humanist, I really want to the leave world better than I found it for my having been here. Your empathy and consideration is really inspiring. Thank you for sharing your story to help others.
Thank you so much, and thanks for watching!
I was married for 26 years to a sometimes-pastor, evangelical “I am the tree and my branches protect my family”, conservative, fundamental, charismatic man. Your story about ‘Bridget’ reminded me of how he used to yell/raise his voice and actually say “I’m not yelling AT you. I’m just yelling.” WTF?!? Now when my 2nd husband raises his voice, it’s a HUGE trigger. I totally shut down and stop communicating. The last time he raised his voice to stop me from saying what he THOUGHT I was going to say, I told him “Please don’t talk over me. I was only going to suggest/say …” It works much better for both of us. I’m so glad YOU didn’t stay in your 1st marriage 26 years!
Thanks for sharing! I think the difficult thing is, what many Christians view as "Good" is very different from what non-Christians view as "Good". Like holding "faith" as the most important virtue, and "apostasy" as the worst sin. They can do a lot of harm when trying to "save" us, and call it "good".
I agree, it can be very hard to find common ground. Thanks for adding this perspective!
As a mainstream Christian, I have witnessed, and been subject to, thus kind of spiritual abuse in my own life. Several of my family members rejected my parents' belief systems and joined the fundie movement. Rather than affirming others' views, they forced theirs on us. Their children suffered under restrictive and sometimes abusive rules and as adults have not fared well in the "real world". I can't imagine the level of fear and pain you suffered as a child. So glad that you made it out and are finding your own path. May you find peace and joy in the journey.
I grew up in a church that really emphasized that its interpretation of the bible was the only real one and that other denominations were twisting the bible's words to serve their own earthly needs... and for me, honestly, that teaching stuck much deeper than my faith itself, so my deconstruction could only lead to a loss of faith- i remember distinctly hearing the head pastor in a sermon saying 'if you point to one verse and say that's not true, why believe in the bible at all' as a way to criticize liberal churches
the thing is, I'd already accepted my own homosexuality and that it was okay. If I thought god's word through paul was wrong there, I decided, I guess he's right, why should I be christian? So it was a huge part in me actually taking the step to letting go of faith entirely
but that teaching was so ingrained in me and they'd taken such pains to discount or hide the history of the bible as a flawed, changed text that it took me a long time to stop thinking that liberal christians were essentially athiests who failed to commit. luckily i recognized that this was a super rude thing to say and never really expressed it to such christians, but it took me a long, long time to process through (and honestly what's helped the most is learning about non-orthodox early churches and apocryphal texts, being able to view christianity as a historical process instead of the abusive monolith i grew up with is really helpful), and i think the way you talked about the different ways and levels individuals deconstruct really helps put light on that difficult topic
Thank you for sharing your thought process! That is very kind of you to try and understand progressive christians instead of dismissing them based on your own experiences.
Virtually EVERY church is like that. Every church believes it's the one true church, its interpretation is the only true one, its strictures are direct from God and adhering to them is the only way to please God. It has always been difficult for me to believe that Christ came to destroy one restrictive and impossible set of rules with another equally restrictive and impossible set of rules. If he came to set us free, something terrible happened to that concept along the way.
@@nohjuan3048 Every church is searching for the one and true truth. But there are theological debates inside every church, and sometimes they shape the hegemonic beliefs to shift to some direction. There is probably differences to how this happens. Some churches that are very hierarchical, only the leader can make changes in leaning, like the changing of the pope. In churches where there is no patriarch, it must be happening in the theological universities.
Yeah, I was taught by my confirmation school teacher (a priest) that only christians can have life after death - so essentially I took it to mean 'everyone else except us are in the wrong'. But I was also taught by my highschool Religion professor (a theology teacher, in response to my question) that no-one can be sure that their own interpretation is the same as others or correct. In this way, we can't know if we are 'right' and therefore we must assume that we are in the wrong in some way and seek forgiveness - and only asking for forgiveness can grant us forgiveness, because being perfect is impossible. This, I think, is more humble and wise (and sympathetic) way to go about your own beliefs. It goes with the enlightenment/humanist view that "an ignorant man thinks he knows everything, wise man knows he knows nothing" or along those lines. If I remember correctly, protestant thinking came from that enlightenment thinking applied to christianity.
@@raapyna8544 I can't imagine how human beings could possibly think debates, traditions, commentaries, rituals, and rationalizations can contribute more to the teachings of Christ. Get a "red letter" edition of the Bible and tell me what more needs to be added to the words of Christ. NO interpretation is needed for the plain and simple teachings of Christ. None.
I think it was awesome you stood up to her and called out that idea of God as a "dirty trick". Damn straight!
Greetings from Russia. You are not alone. I’ve passed the way You’ve passed and I know how painful it is.
Thank you so much!
I'm sorry that happened to you regarding your former deconstruction mentor. Deconstruction is a hard road to travel. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you, I appreciate you saying that!
I can relate to this story in the sense that when I (at the time a believing mainline protestant) encountered campus evangelicals and felt so betrayed when I figured out that they weren't spending time with me to actually be friends but were hoping to recruit me into their group. Like, really, you agreeing to go thrifting and out to Indian food was to minister to me???? Am I not worth just being a friend to?
REALLY late to the party here, but I had to thank you for this episode. It spoke to me on such a deep level. I was raised similarly to you, and was always made to believe that my inquisitiveness and thirst for knowledge was somehow an “enemy” of my faith and that I didn’t “trust God enough.” I had a very traumatic experience in the church at age 14, and that was the beginning of the end of my belief. I have since deconstructed and continue therapy, and your videos help me further process my upbringing and indoctrination and the aftermath of my deconstruction in a very helpful way. THANK YOU for your courage and your content!
I hope you feel love from your community. I am an atheist, and I love you!
I really appreciate your sharing this…I have experienced similar things in my life too. Nobody should ever tell someone their intelligence is a roadblock. How ludicrous. I am a Christian, but I have learned to let go of deferring to perspectives that deliberately block out reason and individual thought. We are all on journeys. Nobody has the right to tell someone what to think.
I just want to say thank you for making your channel. Thank you for your calm and empathetic demeanor. I’ve found your videos so therapeutic. I am 28 and grew up in and around fundamentalism in the late 90s and early 2000s as a child. I grew up in private Christian school that taught Abeka, a baptist Bible church, and AWANA every Wednesday. It’s interesting because though my school was fundie, there were a lot of kids there that came from secular homes, so I was not quite as sheltered at school. My church was the same. I had a lot of friends from public school at my AWANA program. I think, at my school, we had a lot of kids from secular homes because the local public school was massive and not that great, so wealthier families opted for one of the only private schools in the area at that time and at my church, that parents used it as a babysitter. Even so, the adults in my life were extremely fundamentalist and toxic. I have trauma from purity culture. Being a girl that got my period very young (10), I developed much quicker than my friends. I was sexualized and scorned at school and church for the clothes I wore. At ages like 10-15. I had and still do have so many body issues from that. My parents acted so taboo about everything and I learned all sex education from my friends which is definitely not the healthiest education. This is a long comment lol, but I just want to say I really appreciate you.
I'm so sorry that happened to you. Im one of those Christians who want to hold on to those beliefs, love God beleif that He sent Jesus to die on the cross for us, and to love my neighbors, unconidationally as myself. But I have had exfriends and mentors shame me through my deconstrusting journey for realzing Im queer and suppoerting our communtiy, for not supporting Trump, for being autistic, for being prochoice, for just changing my worldview compltley. That's why Im so thankful for people like you, and Dani Calliero, and Grace and Elizbeth Baldridge, because it gives me the strength to coutinue with my journey and not give up even though it's hard, so thank you.
It's okay to believe in christianity and other things. Your beliefs are yours alone and spirituality is a journey. I suffered from psychotic episodes as a kid and instead of getting me treatment my parents tried to "cast out my demons" 🙄 ....so I know what that is like when people judge you instead of try to actually get you some help.....the christian bible is a collection of different books.....there is some truth and historical relevance in it.....if you want to read it and learn then more power to you. It's okay to change your beliefs and opinions 😊 I know a lot of people will say it isn't okay (they're just afraid of change and that the truth may damage their fragile ego) but learning that's how we grow as people we learn more and more things. 🌱
First of, I hug you from afar, I watched some of your videos while researching homeschool stuff and I thank you for opening up, your honesty and vulnerability. I had a similar childhood only completely public school setting growing up as the only pentecostal child. I wasn't like the other kids and while I sat for 8 hours in classrooms full of kids the bullying from teachers and classmates I can say there's no perfect setting for healthy childhood and can be very isolating, I had a very controlling father similar to yours except for the cheating or hitting my mom, he did hit me until I was in high-school, not very often though. I see now he was just a broken human, and found forgiveness through Jesus. I left the church and God at 16 and embraced freedom to the full extend of the word until last year. It had been 27 as atheist until I came back to God on my knees, it was not something I did but He did and opened my spiritual eyes. I share my new life with everybody but never trying to shove down their throat something they are not ready for. Your videos are great reminder to be gentle and to really love everyone no matter where they're at or their beliefs, that's the true gospel, God is love but sadly throughout history many people have used it to manipulate and destroy. He says you will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29:13. It's a personal relationship with Him. I'll pray for you from now on ❤
When I expressed my doubts and sexual frustration to the messianic rabbi I had in my early 20s the rabbi held a finger up to my head like it was a pistol and said to me ‘’if someone told you to deny yeshua is the messiah or he would blow your brains out what would you do?’’ I told him honestly that I didn’t know. So he yelled at me and told me I was going to hell for being an apostate and ordered me to give him back the keys to the synagogue ( because I was the janitor for free) and he kicked me out
Wow 😬
What a crazy situation… and you were working there for free?!
I don’t think religious leaders realize how many people they push away from faith by acting like this.
@@kendrajones9708 Sadly, it's almost a qualification for the job.
I didn’t even know Jews believed in hell.
@@laurenconrad1799 we don't, but Messianic Jews aren't Jews. Messianics, or Jews for Jesus folks, are Christians appropriating Jewish cultural practices in order to "save us". It was a movement founded by Protestants and it shows.
The joke is that Jews don't agree about anything, but we agree that Messianics aren't Jews 🤣
I’m a theist still despite my negative experiences with organized religion and atheistic communists scare me just as much as over zealous anti intellectual fundamentalist Protestant Christians do. The biggest reason why I’m a theist still is If there is no absolute standard moral law giver who determines right and wrong and justice and injustice then all morality and laws and standards of justice become merely based on the subjective opinions of individuals and the collective and it’s very scary for me as a Jew to realize that there is no way to objectively judge anti semitism and the holocaust as wrong without an absolute standard moral law giver whose standards transcend all time and cultures such as was revealed to my ancestors at Sinai in Torah. Indeed any judgments we make about G-d or Torah are merely subjective opinions without a firm basis to absolutely say anything is right or wrong so thus we can’t judge G-d as fair or unfair or right or wrong for allowing evil or the way the universe is imperfectly designed in any absolute sense. It’s merely our opinions which according to Darwinian evolution it’s the opinions of highly evolved swamp creatures that got on land so thus how can we really trust our own judgments?
Thank you for sharing your story. I had a similar situation happen recently, only with a very close friend, in the conservative space. She was willing to have conversations and discuss questioning at the beginning of my deconstruction process, but once I came to conclusions that didn’t align with hers, she condemned me.
I think it's incredible the way you realised rationally how messed up all of this was and had the courage to face your own questions even while you were going through so much trauma and experiencing so many triggers and pressure to conform from all sides.
Literally everything was against you taking your own path and you STILL were determined to figure out and do what you felt was right and made sense!
Actually I find it bizarre you say you"weren't able" to go back to your faith as if it's a weakness! You did something incredible and I think this makes you a real role model and an encouragement for others seeking the courage to pursue what truly feels right for them despite the pressure from everyone around them!
As an ex fundie who is also, like you, not cis and not het, I know how much you risked losing in terms of community and support and likely did lose in that decision.
But I probably had more support than you did when I made that final decision to deconstruct my faith, I wasn't even in that community anymore and had a whole support system living in a whole other city for years, I didn't even have to come out to anyone who would care when I finally acknowledged that I was an atheist and I actually had properly supportive (atheist/agnostic) friends who were very patient about walking me through conversations about cognitive biases and basic science I hadn't been taught, answering my embarrassed questions with no judgement.
Wow, thank you for continuing to share about your experience. When she threw "the enemy" having some sort of hold on you in your face, gosh... I've heard that one too many times.
There is so much that could be said about this painful experience...but what stands out to me in particular is the part where your former mentor said that you were "putting conditions on God, demanding that he show you himself before committing... to him...." Quite frankly, this feels like the way we were blindly expected to put our faith in spiritual authority figures, our parents, our partners, and anyone in our religious communities with real or perceived power. Why is it antithetical to Christian faith to expect God to at least meet us halfway?! Why is there such a disconnect between ideas and actions?!
I'm roughly fifteen years deconstructed, and I love that there are resources like this channel available now. Watching this video, I couldn't help nodding at certain points, and feeling frustrated on your behalf, and of course on behalf of my younger self. I remember a time when those verses from Job and other similar ones were used to silence my doubts of God by making me doubt myself. I cannot help wonder if that night Bridget was talking more to herself than to you anyway. That's not your responsibility to sort out. Whether consciously or not, she did mirror back to you patterns of spiritual abuse that had previously wounded you. She encouraged your questions only as far as she could control them.
Such a sad situation, but as you pointed out, many of us former believers said and believed similar things make us feel ashamed now. We thought we were being helpful when we were just parroting what was acceptable for those situations. When we know better, we do better. It sounds like there wasn't anything left for you at that church except her. In the end, her failure as a Christian leader clearly communicated to you that she wasn't a safe place. A good friend of mine told me when I was on the verge of leaving Christianity: "Leave the church if you must...but don't leave Jesus." Because I loved this friend, I really tried to take his advice to heart. In the end, it just slowed down the inevitable descent. Forgive me if this sounds like I'm trying to find a silver lining here. It isn't that, it's just that there are limitations built into the framework of evangelical, fundamentalist Christianity. No matter how compassionate and how loving and how open-hearted a person may seem, the tenets of faith can only allow them to stretch themselves so far. These parting words are the only ways they know how to love us. It wasn't enough, but then again, neither was the Christian god.
Deconstruction, I believe, takes place in many layers over long periods of time. I can completely identify with everything that you are saying. I’m 70, and have been myself reconstructing, and mentoring others in their process for many years. I will believe that there isn’t anything else that could push my buttons, then out of the blue someone will be hyper critical or judgmental towards a segment of people, believing that they are doomed to hell, and I am possessed for being supportive of them. I think that I should be way past caring what any of these people had to say, but there I am being triggered, feeling vulnerable , filleted, struggling again with flashbacks and PTSD. I ground myself, knowing that I believe in a God who loves the cosmos of all humanity, and knowing that you can reside on the side of hate and dire,or you can choose to reach out to our fellow man with the, love, mercy, and inclusivity , Of God and who I am.
I just came across your channel and definitely digging your takes and thoughts. I’m a follower of Jesus but have been in serious questioning of the church and all. Upon doing research and what God has shown me, I have not returned to what’s marketed as churches and haven’t been in at least 2-3 years. I’m even at the point to where I do not want to listen to any preachers, pastors or the like that are from the church system. The reason being, as I’m certain you’ve seen yourself, is because the leaders typically preach their own interpretation of what the Bible actually says and what the verses mean as opposed to what’s actually in Scripture.
The reason I don’t listen is because I see it is forms of mind control by these so called religious leaders. I’d rather deal with God directly and get Truth from Him as opposed to a third party who can play “telephone” with the Word.
One of the other things I don’t like about the church setting is the infantilizing aspect in treating parishioners like children that can’t even tie their own shoe. I really hate that as it’s very condescending.
I can understand your choosing to leave. I think that you brought up some good points. But for me, I understand there’s a difference between what people say about God and Who He actually Is. I do know that I won’t go back to these mausoleums that are marketed as churches. That’s for sure. God bless and peace.
I know this was about a year ago, but I wanted to share a story with you. I was raised Catholic. I say raised because while I am culturally Catholic, I do not practice the faith anymore and consider myself agnostic. When I went to High School, I attended a Catholic High School. This was actually good for me in a lot of ways, but this was not good for me spiritually. The school I went to before had a more Christo Pagan approach to religion, and because of that, I was able to overlook some of the more hurtful aspects of Catholicism. I was no longer able to do this when I was made to have religious classes and even though I had been to bible studies before, what I was hearing was very troubling. This was also the time I was attending Conformation classes, which is kind of like a rite of passage amongst the Catholic church and your final step into adulthood.
My parents really wanted me to do this, but as I attended the classes and my new Catholic school, I was getting very upset about going through Confirmation. Part of the Confirmation process is swearing to God that you believe in him and will follow the Catholic faith, and it really bothered me to say that when I wasn't certain that I believed in the Catholic church or god. There would be nights I'd come home crying from Confirmation class, upset because I felt like to go through with it I was lying to God. I also felt like I was being put into a cage where I could never escape. My parents couldn't understand why I was so upset, and it felt like they were saying that I didn't have to really mean it, which felt very hypocritical to me. They had taught me all my life to never make a promise I couldn't keep and that lying was bad.
Thankfully, they didn't make me go through with it, and while there are times I ask myself if I did the right thing, I don't regret it. In many ways, I do believe in God, but I consider myself agnostic. And while I still do talk to the priest at my parents church and still love parts of the Catholic faith, I don't regret my choice. I think the times I regret not going through Confirmation are the times I feel left out, like remembering everyone except me raising their hands when the teacher asked who was Confirmed. Even though I didn't go through the things you went through, I still think there are some issues with the Catholic faith that are very harmful to people, and I can't bring myself to believe that God would want that.
I am still a Christian, but grew up in the purity culture. I left the Baptist church last year after I went through a terrible breakup and everyone supported him. I definitely relate to much of what you have said, and there has definitely been Biblical things I have said that I regret. Honestly I can only keep going and keep living for the God that I serve, not the god of the church I grew up in.
When I lived in Argentina, I was asked to talk to the sister of one of the leaders who was visiting and she wasn’t a Christian. I didn’t feel comfortable trying to “lead her to Christ”. We talked for hours, and the pastor allowed us to stay in the church while he and those waiting on us stood outside till midnight. Having that time, is something I greatly respect about the Argentines and the church I attended there. This girl opened up to me about things I will not repeat, and she was telling me that she was angry at God. Why would he allow bad things to happen to her? I opened up to her about my past that was similar to hers, and then told her something super controversial to the church. I told her if she wasn’t comfortable going to church, then she shouldn’t go. If she found a church she liked and wanted to attend, then absolutely!
The pastor asked me on our walk back to the house (my ministry partner and I stayed in their guest room) if she had gotten saved. I told him no, and that wasn’t important at the moment (I’m not the typical Christian😂) I told him that before she can become a Christian, she needs to realize that God is not mean or angry at her. But how on earth should I expect someone to give their life to a God they hate? Also, if I’m going to do things biblically, I can’t do anything to change their lives, ONLY God can.
I despise it when “Christians” think they can make others to be Christians. Only God can do that!!
Anyway, I enjoy your videos, and as I said, I am a Christian, I’ve decided to watch them with a grain of salt. The purity culture ones though👍🏻😘💚🖤 I sent one to my sister and her only response was “F*ck purity culture!” 😂☺️
I’m very grateful for you, Elly
In 2008, I was a Christian college student, who very much wanted to keep believing in God, but I couldn't feel God's presence in my life. I was dealing with emotional numbness from financial and health issues, and complicated grief over my uncle. My parents and I had just come from a Bible Study and were openly discussing some heavier spiritual topics. So when I told my dad I was having trouble feeling God's presence, I expected understanding or at least sympathy. Especially since my late uncle was my dad's brother, who he also loved and missed very much.
Instead, my dad went into a tirade for the rest of the ride home (10-15 min) basically accusing me of being a communist, because of the Marx quote "religion is the opiate of the people." I shut down and just let him keep going, then hid in my room when we got home. In hindsight, I can see that he wasn't just angry, but also fearful of my questioning.
I've been an atheist since 2015 and still haven't told my dad.
I'm so sorry that happened to you. I can see a lot of parallels in my own experience (including being a bible college student in 2008 lol). I remember a lot of similar instances where my dad would blow up at me seemingly out of nowhere anytime I said something slightly outside of his fundie views. Years later when I came to see how fearful he is and how much it rules his life, it was incredibly freeing
It sounds like she encouraged you to ask questions because she thought you would eventually fall in line with her teachings and just accept blind faith as your answer. When you didn't, after a while she started getting impatient and began to pressure you in the direction she expected you to go in. I am glad you didn't, even if it was a difficult experience for you. You're better off without people like that who want you to be ignorant and passive.
I needed to hear your story! Ex-vangelical here, but still identify as Christian. Your kindness blows me away. I love how you share your story void of bitterness. I thought you might get a chuckle if I said this in “Old Christian-ese” followed by what I really mean:
1. The Holy Spirit lead me right to your videos!
(No, it was the TH-cam algorithm, but whatever…right?) 😊
2. You have such a “sweet and gentle spirit!”
(Well, you speak with kindness and truth.)
3. I can feel “the Lord’s anointing” on you.
(What you are saying is really hitting home in my heart and mind.)
4. You are moving in God’s calling for your life!
(You are a great speaker! Please keep it up!)
I think you get the idea, and hopefully, this put a smile on your face. Speak your truth; it is setting you free!
Love and Peace!
My story is so similar to yours. Thank you for sharing and for creating this channel. Working my way through watching all of your videos!
💕💕 Much love to you!
I TOTALLY get what you are saying. But most of the time, I criticized myself.
If I could only believe more...
If I could only pray more...
If I could only read more scripture...
Then like all the others who left I thought, WHO was more committed than I was, yet the answers never came.
If this faith takes more than all of the former pastors, elders and true believers here on TH-cam had, then no one is worthy.
Why would God give us great intellect to ask questions and understand, only to call upon us to forego its use?
This video is yet another brick in the path you are laying for others. Your work is important. When others see their story in yours, you will help save then from what you endured.
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts, and for your kind words!!
I've been called out at my childhood church I I went to...I was at another church as a adult and I was called out again .... pointing their finger and looking at me .... this time as a adult I dodnr feel shame like I did when I was a child I looked directly at that man....no body that I know of likes to be called out in a group
I'm so sorry you went through that at two different churches!
Try a store parking lot!
Im sorry you went through this. You said so yourself, “ as long as your faith makes the world a better place”.
That was the whole point of God coming down in the form of a Jesus, to tell the world and show the world HOW TO MAKE THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE.
Sadly, most “believers”, do not practice what they preach.
Wrong! Jesus primarily came to die for all humanity and to offer free salvation, in the process he also taught us how to liven our lives though…
Most xians believe most xians aren’t real xians. They say it as if that is an argument or a factor that’s in their favor.
It isn’t. It very much works against theism.
I totally understand and have experienced being disrespected and told my faith wasn’t genuine. Deconstruction can take us only as far as we are comfortable enough to go. It’s a journey. Thank you so much
Thank you so much for this video! What you said in the end really resonate with me
Your videos are such a safe place in this world for me. Thank you so much for being so open and kind in your videos. Your bravery and determination are such inspirations for me. 💜
You are very brave to speak your truth. Keep learning, and keep spreading the love. ❤
Your videos are super helpful for my own deconstruction. I wasn't raised as fundie as other people I knew, and I doubted the things I was being taught from an early age. The only reason I stayed into my 20's is choir and the fear of hell. I haven't been to a church service in a very long time, which I'm glad of bc sitting through a church service as a person with ADHD is torture.
I sat through church services before and as a person who gets bored really easily it’s as boring as hell
Hello Ellie. I respect and admire your courage in sharing and challenging your beliefs you grew up with. This takes a lot of insight and strength of character. I like how you talked about accepting others on their own journey. Like you said, people can go various directions when deconstructing. They should all be respected as long as you are working to become a more just and compassionate person, and you are not shoving your viewpoint down anyone's throat, which to .e is a form of spiritual rape. As physical rape is about domination and control, so is insisting others must follow your path and beliefs. My journey took a different turn. I converted to reform Judaism. I find the people open and honest and willing to question. They don't claim to have all the answers. They are about justice and compassion. I just found this very refreshing after being told what I was to believe and being afraid to speak up and ask questions in the Lutheran Church I grew up in. Sometimes , to me, it isn't all about having the answers laid at my feet and given to me by religious leaders, but being free to question and having someone support me in that space. The search for answers , to me, helps me to grow. I enjoy the process.
@8:16 "no one can snatch me out of God's hand no matter how far I run" yet your family beliefs dictate that you must stay under the umbrella of protection from your father and he is the keeper of your salvation. I'm so glad you have journals from back then I wish I did because I had these contradictory thoughts as well as a teen.
Yeah I hate to say this but her father is an abusive asshole he is one of those people who should never have kids let alone be around them he most likely also needs anger management classes
I love these!!
I grew up much like you did. I identify sooo much. I also have gone through a decade long deconstruction of my faith. Thank you for your videos. BC Canada
Thank you and thank you to Ms. Charlotte whom you quoted! 🤗
I'm going through the same as well, and this makes me feel so heard and understood. And not just that, being raised in a conservative Christian home in India, it is hard not to be triggered almost all the time since I'm still living with my parents and am co - dependent. I want to move out as soon as possible and leave all the negative trauma behind me. Any tips on how to cope with your faith deconstruction when you're living with your family who is hardcore Christian?
This may sound strange, but the key to becoming unbothered is knowing yourself. Once you begin to explore, accept, and love yourself, the opinions and actions of others affect you less and less. Trust yourself and honor your feelings. I'd still move out asap. Good luck with everything!
@@filmcipher Omg thank you so much for this. I've been healing myself through reiki and therapy and that has helped a lot. Wish you the best as well. Have a good day! ❤️
@@filmcipher That's what ultimately helped me too: re-learning who I was (I had converted when I was an adult), learning about what I needed, and learning how to be true to myself.
However, as an adult with a good job, I had the benefit of being able to do so without being surrounded by hardcore Christian culture. But in the meantime, Jenica, I hope you can still find ways to get in touch with yourself, and prepare for when you can get out.
@Jenica Dinakaran, thank you so much for sharing! I am so sorry you're going through that- my heart truly goes out to you. Being in a co-dependent environment and being triggered all the time is soooo hard. I definitely second what @LaShell Cole and @Jack Hesse have said about getting to know yourself, and that's totally something I am still working on! I would also suggest trying to save your energy. I used up a lot of energy trying to explain to deeply religious family members what I was going through, and it often ended in yelling and crying. In my experience, they are too entrenched in their beliefs and worldview to be able to listen to anything else. I hope that you are able to move out soon, and I wish you all the best on your journey!!
@@ExFundieDiaries Thank you so much for this. Yes, you are so right, I lose so much energy while explaining myself to them cause it always ends up in even more trauma and abuse. Your channel has helped me in so many ways and I am proud of every single upload of yours! keep 'em coming ❤️
I'm doing a faith deconstruction from the opposite side. I was really into new age spirituality and now im like looking at all the cultural appropriation and consumerism of it all ahh. It's hard work.
Powerful video. Thank you for sharing your journey.
I'm so sorry that a religious leader wounded you. I've been through church abuse when I was a teenager. I was accused of being a witch after my friends mother visited our home. She asked me what a certain signal meant. I told her then she ran to the church to out me. I was questioned. I never left Christ but left that church and never returned. I became Catholic and put a wall between me and others in this Protestant churches. I'm at peace and in my experience never faced this kind of persecution from my Catholic brothers and sisters. I hope you find peace as well. ❤
When she ran to the church to out you she is like a child who is telling on authority figures for someone doing a bad thing it’s amazing how childlike these people really can be
Have you heard Evanescence - Far From Heaven? To me it's a song about spiritual trauma and losing one's faith. Curious what you think about it.
Thanks for these videos, btw. I deconstructed a long time ago, but I've been coming back to that deconstruction again lately as I unpack other traumas and realize how my fundie upbringing shaped my responses to those traumas (and in some cases, made me a vulnerable target for those traumas in the first place).
I absolutely love your videos. Your humanity and intelligence really shine through. I have no connection to fundamentalism in my own past, although I've been exposed to many different forms of Christianity and other religions. My mother was a lapsed Catholic and my father was an atheist; they left me to my own devices, religion-wise. I started watching Mickey Atkins, which led me to Fundie Fridays, which led me to Gabs with Abigail, which led me to you. I want you to know that what you share doesn't only benefit previous or current fundamentalists, it benefits all of us and I thank you for putting so much good out into the universe. Keep up the good work!
I didn't grow up fundie but some of the same overtones are there religious trauma is such a crazy thing.
You help me with your channel, thank you very much 😊
Love from here.
Im continuously fascinated by your videos friend keep it up. Learning a lot & hope to comment by own experience in more depth soon
Intuition and faith are innate abilities human have but organised religions have taken hold of human mind and have been putting blocks in our paths in order to obstruct us from connecting with what is inherently our birthright!
@ 5:00 True to form, a vast majority of Fundamentalists will accept you, yourself, as a fellow 'brother in Christ' *ONLY if you believe the same way doctrinally* that _they_ do, out of all the 4,900 plus versions, AND respective doctrines of Christianity, that allows each one to claim to be the " One True Religion ™ "
Otherwise, this ONE and ONLY " inspired true religion " out of the 4,900 plus versions of Christianity, will claim that you're sending yourself to " Hell "
-- that's a typical Fundamentalist "guilt trip"and manipulatory tactic ; it's them causing you to blame *ONLY yourself* for even questioning why Jesus failed to come back in his follower's lifetimes, as he promised.
It's good that you have discovered freedom.
It's good to hear that you are liberating yourself from the pre science bible author's falsehood.
OM-freakin-G!!!???!!!??!! You poor girl. My 1st experience with fundies was after moving to Virginia. Couldn't believe what I saw and heard in the work place from that brand of Christian. And this was The Pharmaceutical Industry where scientists work! I'd Never experienced anything like it before working in Virginia and I'd worked in 3 other states.
It sounds like that woman was definitely yelling at herself and feeling guilty for having those same questions.
I always hear "humble yourself for the Lord" which I feel like you literally can't have any critical thinking which the bible literally says lean not on your own understandings . My own parents were like "God gave you this new job you have" even though it was my girlfriend's mom who literally helped set up an interview with the assistant principal (I work at an elementary school) and that's how I got my job. I was always left out by people at my old church and I got lectured about "no touch love" which even my parents thought was nonsense but still go to that church anyway. I have a girlfriend and yet I hear "what is that kissing stuff all about" from a person who literally never talks to me until then
My grandma called me a brat cause I don’t believe in God or the Bible
I'm so sorry! That must have felt very hurtful.
@@ExFundieDiaries yeah it did
It's overwhelming to me how painful fundamentalist patriarchal religions are for women. Whether it is Quiverfull, or FLDS or Islam or Hasidic Judaism -- it doesn't matter. All are so similar in their oppression of women, excused and justified with the Bible. Makes me wonder how much better the world could be without it. I am a firm believer there were human leaders like Jesus and Mohammad and Moses, etc., who said some great, inspired things, but human men came along and turned their words into corrupt institutions for their own benefit. It is heartbreaking how prevalent these stories are. Be strong, women and girls. Reject patriarchy. Live your life with love, and self-confidence, courage and resolve. No book should justify your oppression. Don't let anyone oppress you. NO ONE.
It’s not just women but kids also kids are often looked down on by these extremists they are little more than something to be molded and controlled by these people
I love your pillowcases!! Where did you get them?
Although I do not nor have I actually ever been a part of a fundie church, I do have a similar experience with a nondenominational church camp. It’s one of them holiness church camps with the Wesleyan-arminian traditions. They are no different fundie churches really. Anyway, I went there for about 16 years with my maternal grandfather and I was treated unfairly by the people there. They did not like me very much and they never wanted me around. Those jerks in the young adult program were the worst especially the blond skank that’s in charge. She really didn’t want me around. One night, I was falsely accused of doing something that I would never think of doing which involved her. Her father came to me and blew up at me and berated me. I was even threatened with legal actions. The accusation in question was stalking which I would never do something like that because I know it’s wrong. For that I got kicked out. My grandfather didn’t even defend me. He took their side instead. They put me through so much trauma. I was angry and upset for weeks because of it. What they did to me was very sinful. It really hurt too. That was four and a half years ago when that all happened. Because of that, I decided to have nothing to do with those people ever again. I don’t even want anything to do with that camp ever again although there are a few exceptions. I have so many damaged relationships from all of that too. I purged a bunch of them from my social media and I even blocked a bunch of them. I even unsubscribed from their newsletters and blocked them in my email too. I never forgave them for it. In fact, a few months ago, I replied to one of their emails they sent telling them to stop sending me emails or they will be faced with a restraining order. I threw their four year old threat back at them. I will do it too if I ever see even one more email from them. Also the camp president there is cold, greedy, and unwelcoming. He is also a price gouger and runs the camp like a business. It doesn’t end there. The food in mess hall was also terrible. It always gave me food poisoning. They are a pathetic excuse of a church camp. They more more like a cult because in the Bible, Jesus never treated anyone that way. He would never ban anyone from his ministries nor would he kick anyone out of his flock. He included everyone in his ministry. He welcomed the stranger, healed the sick, helped the poor, and fed the hungry. That is why I will never attend any church with holiness in it’s name especially one of their church camps as well as using holiness unto the Lord as it’s creed or motto. I certainly will never attend a nondenominational church. Also, I cannot believe that those fundamental churches would treat their members the way they do. This kind of behaviour is unacceptable. No other church I have been to has ever treated me the way I was treated at that camp I used to go to non even in a Seventh Day Adventist Church. I was raised Adventist and I have a heritage in the Lutheran Church on my Dad’s side. He grew up Lutheran and joined the Adventist Church during his first time in the Army back during the Persian Gulf War. I left the Adventist Church because I didn’t like the things they believe in the church and I joined the Lutheran Church where I am a member today. I belong to the Missouri Synod which is theologically conservative but definitely not fundamental. I don’t like any of the conservative stuff we have in our church especially their stances with the LGBT issue and the abortion issue. The LCMS does not accept homosexuality or even approve of abortion both which I believe is wrong since I’m a supporter of the LGBT community and I believe in abortion which is in defiance of my church’s doctrine. I also don’t agree with closed communion which is also present in our church. In fact I’m in more agreement with the ELCA than I am with the Missouri Synod. The Missouri Synod is the Lutheran Church body that I have roots in
I had similar experiences
I'm Catholic same thing happened to me.
Yeah my family's reaction to my questions
Your doubts were deconstructing Bridget's faith, too. She was too afraid to continue your relationship because your doubts were becoming her doubts.
Thank you for sharing. I have two comments:
1) you talking about needing permission is like the colonized mind. The colonizers were better than the colonized, 'member? Having been raised in Latin America, I had to struggle with decolonizing my mind in order to be at peace with my decisions, and to give myself permission rather than seek it from others.
2) don't you find it funny that Bible thumpers know so well God's wishes, yet at the same time they like to say the God works in mysterious ways? If God behaves in mysterious ways, then how can anyone know what he wants? Hypocrites.
Smart, inquisitive people are great to have in bible study in very small doses. They make the group seem interesting and edgy so that less brave people feel like they are participating in a robust discussion. But, if you ask too many questions, or don't just shut up and obey enough, you become inconvenient to controlling people in leadership positions. Questions are acceptable at first, but you need to follow that up pretty fast with unquestioning obedience and placid smiles if you want to stay in the group.
Amazing how many of these extremist’s churches are led by people with control issues
I love your videos!! I would live to hear your thoughts on god. As a philosophical concept seperat from the Christian deity God. Dies that make sense? I'm involved in AA and perhaps you've hear the phrase higher power? Idk. Is there a god video?
I figure God gave us a mind so that we would in fact ask the hardest questions. I too am an intellectual type, and I cringed as my former church's pastor over the past few years began to speak increasingly in a manner that was against intellectualism and viewed higher education with suspicion. I am currently on my second Master's program and trying to eventually get a PhD! In the end your former mentor probably just has her own deep insecurities going on I am guessing. Still, one should always pursue knowledge, wisdom, and understanding, that is in the Bible, for example Proverbs 4:7 "The beginning of wisdom is this: Get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding."
I am still very much a Christian, but I never trust anyone who tells me to check my brain at the door. I figure God made us to think and ask questions and even though I don't always find the answers right away I figure it's a process. Also I think your mentor was misusing the quote from Job, yes God is so much bigger than us and our own understanding of existence is limited as human beings with a life span of mere decades, but I don't think it was a condemnation of Job for asking God why, or for expressing his own feelings about what had happened to him, so much as a reminder from God about how much there is beyond Job's vantage point. That being said, I never ever saw Jesus fail to answer a sincere question.
Job is an absolutely horrible book that reveals the character of a petty and narcissistic diety. God makes a bet (gambles?!?!) with Satan that Job would still worship God even if Satan tortures the sh*t out of Job. Then later when Job questions God, God never owns up to the bet he made. Instead, God is like "who tf are you to ask me why, Job? I'm busy. Don't you know I have a universe to run?" ...which isn't much of an excuse, considering that God is supposed to be all powerful, and running the universe shouldn't take even the slightest effort... Then God gives Job new everything, as if that was supposed to make up for the suffering and deaths of those who were taken from Job at God's approval in the first place. Yeah...great book.
I like your channel and you are ok in my 📚 book!
The enemy was her.
❤❤
I think many Christians go through doubts at some point. I am sorry you were yelled at. People think being a Christian is easy. Lifecan be hard sometimes....but as a Christian you have hope.
I'm not a Christian, but I still have hope.
@@hannahbrennan2131 The only certainty you have if you aren't a Christian is that you will spend Eternity in Hell, separated from God. The hope you have is that you receive Christ as your Savior before it is too late.
@@ashlieleavelle Good thing Hell isn't real then.
@@hannahbrennan2131 You are mistaken. I hope for your sake you will become a Christian. Hell is very real.....so is Heaven.
So sorry you endured a toxic friendship like that. No one especially those like you who suffer religious trauma(and by extension me to a lesser degree) needs a friend like that, because with a friend like that who needs enemies?
I love it when people yell and scream and abuse others to make a point about anything, particularly the Bible. Not exactly a good way to attract converts.
Yeah but it certainly keeps those who were born and raised in that life in line
@@PokemonRules333 True. But fear has a pretty short shelf life and once you're out of the crazy clutches you learn to think for yourself. I am actually of the opinion that any adult who exploits a vulnerable young population that way is guilty of criminal assault and should be arrested. Instead they're ordained and paid to continue their behavior.
@@maxalberts2003 yeah because extremists love to target anyone who is vulnerable especially anyone who is young it is disgusting
Either she was mad at satan or she was a yelling bully .
Maybe a religious leader is not the right person to seek support from when one is deconstructing ones faith? Isn't it kind of setting oneself up for disappointment?
She was definitely right about the potential you have in you, and that you had enemies trying to keep you in Hell on Earth.
Yeah her and other extremists
The "encouragement" of your questions is always bait. Once you're vulnerable and invested and reliant on the community and "ready to listen" the tactic is to strongarm you with God's"conviction ". She was trying to manifest a Holy Spirit conviction of your sin of doubt and have you be overwhelmed with emotions from Him convicting you. 🙄 In her mind she was fighting spiritual warfare for your soul driving out a demon preventing you from seeing God.
Unfortunately that's where you're always going to get with cult indoctrinees because the person can only "help" you so much (in reality it's a ploy to get you to trust them though they themselves have often been programmed to believe that they're truly helping save you) before they have to choose between the cult values and you: the value is obedience without question, that's how faith is defined by evangelicalism. If your questions don't immediately lead you back to God you're not self-policing enough which means you need to be "disciplined" or "held accountable", or that a demon needs to be driven out. Whatever the problem, the only allowed solution is you need to end up submitting to God's leadership. If you don't, they'll be watching you like a vulture waiting for you to be vulnerable again and say you feel lost and need direction.
In her mind if you said you're willing to hear from God but aren't hearing from God there must be something not right with you. The kindest interpretation she's allowed to have is that you're not disobeying deliberately but are being besieged and possibly deceived by a demon.
The only times you're not explicitly bullied are when A) they think it's unnecessary ie you're already self-policing or B) they don't think they'll get away with it and will "drive you away" so they still need to "draw you in". But enough self-righteousness and bigotry can make people disregard either of those and nobody who gets held up by the Evangelical movement as a "true" Christian who "doesn't waver" is kind, the more toxic masculinity and bigotry the better your faith must be, any sign of doubt is considered weakness and being gentle if it hasn't been "earned" by the other person's submission is associated with being feminine and considered weak and not a good leader. Forgiveness and love is the carrot, fire and brimstone and hell is the stick.
The evangelical movement is all about attributing your emotions and crowd energy to "the holy spirit" so the more frenzy the more is attributed to God.
I think you'd be really interested in following Genetically Modified Skeptic and The Antibot as they talk a lot about their past evangelical fundie experiences and relate them to their experiences on how spiritual indoctrination and manipulation happens, and they're also kind and gentle people (based on their channel content) whom I think you'd really relate to. In fact I really hope to see you do a collab with them one day!
The truthful implication of "the enemy" is that you are the enemy as Satan doesn't exist outside of mythology as an independant spiritual being. To be fair, you are placing conditions on God in the form of questions and possibly prayers not being answered. That's not to say your questions aren't useful and valid.
Yeah atheists can be nice
No wonder you have left Christianity. More Christians should listen to you. Not to lose faith, but I think many are blind of how different kids absorb information. Christians’ approaches need some help!
I think you were expecting too much of Bridgit. She was a leader. She's only going to go so far with you then she'll have to let you go, which she did. Now it's your journey. If you're to remain friends it'll have to be with different common ground than before. Good luck.
Ignore the brain, that God gave you. Such insolence
We aren't God. No human being will ever have all the answers this side of heaven and hell. That doesn't prohibit you from asking God for some answers, however. Don't be surprised or disappointed if you never get them, though.
After what I've been through in religious circles I'm pretty skeptical of "following" anyone. I think you need to learn to think for yourself. I don't agree with you just forgetting God, however. But, that is your decision, ofcourse. I would say think about coming back at some point. The world has no answers except earning your worth. That's the devil's way.
And yeah, Satan is a real being. There are evil spirits.
Have you ever watched any of Dan Wallace's videos on the reliability of New Testament manuscripts? I'd give that a look see if I were you. Also Joel Kramer, an archeologist who lives in Jordan, I think it is. And Sean McDowell, a teacher at Biola U. All reliable sources for discovering truths about the Bible that you won't get from non-believing sources. You want to hear both sides before making up your mind I hope. What you've gotten so far is mostly spiritual abuse it sounds like. Tune in to some knowledgeable folks that won't beat you up.
Jesus was abused by the religious establishment of his time…..it may have been similar to your “church” (cult really!) …. He was more then abused….they killed him!……. His followers thought it was over….but he completed his purpose in life as the perfect sacrifice and the Father brought him to life with another purpose to be above everything at the end of time….. he’s not done and neither are you Elly!
I pray that you turn back to Jesus Christ before it's to late
Amen.....it seem like they are making videos to cause people to turn away.
I am needing Jesus and wish to God I had paid attention Spiritually and not move so fast and focus On GOD AND NOT GET CUT OFF into sins and flesh and anger..... Playing
@@TriciaRP The lord is coming back soon would you be ready so get right with him today Joshua 1:8 may the lord jesus christ bless you sister trisha perry I pray one day I will meet you in heaven
@@TriciaRP No one is forcing you to watch these videos. People who don't believe have a right to share their experiences and to be heard just as christians do. If you are "needing Jesus," don't watch. It's just that simple. Then your precious faith won't be affected.
@Tansy Thomson out of love Tansy Thomson like you would tell are love one don't drink and drive
@Tansy Thomson people are free to drink and drive but they don't not have the freedom to kill some one else on the road
She was right in rebuking you. You were trying to change a Bible believing church. If your point of view is so great then you should be able to find a group of like minded people, right? Good luck.
U gave up cause your feelings and are letting the devil win and now trying to convince or make it seem that it’s ok u will regret ur decision u need accountable friends to keep in line it’s not all flowers and clouds it’s a battle TRUST IN THE LORD WITH YOUR WHOLE HEART AND MIND !!u know it’s wrong that’s y u ignore all the truth comments
if you sit back and realize something that there are religious denominations out there who fit into their own little bubbles and if you do not agree with their truth or their version of the bible,you get kicked out rejected and basically shunned for not believing in their God,shes not letting the devil win,shes merely expressing herself and letting out her true feelings,emotions of how she feels about it,and somehow it seems like that you feel threatened or offended that the fact of someone expressing themselves in their own way bothers you,and you are telling her " she needs accountable friends to keep her in line?" no one needs to keep her in line,you are not her boss or her master,you need to quit telling her what to do,I am proud of this girl for coming out and exposing the hypocrisy,at least she has the guts to do it and say it.and doesn't sit there and just take it anymore like a slave,shes not going to regret her decision,that almost seems like a threat to me when you walk away from things that do not make sense.
You single