My Biggest Mistake! | My Experience losing Friends

I'm going to be honest, this wasn't easy to do. I was on stream this day and was like "eff it, I'm going to tell you". Let me tell you the story how I lost a really good friend and what I learnt from the experience.
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#mentalhealth #friendship #helpingothers

[@MatGalaxsi]

Edit (19/07): I'm doing a lot better since this video! Let me honest but this video is what led to me going down a dark path between the month of April and May. That is why I decided to take the hiatus and I am glad I did because I feel I have my content mojo again and I am enjoying what I do.
But there has been some recent drama in the TH-cam community and its made me come back to this video. Let me be very clear, I am not a victim and I am not here to feel sorry for myself. This was something I wanted to get off my chest for a very long time and having been blocked off from doing so, I felt this was the only way to do so. This video was very mentally draining for me to make and it was for a few months and then I took a break and re-evaluated. Now I am back to what I love doing and even have some more plans in the future... I am actually excited.
But to my former friend who I found out was recently contacted on their channel, if you do end up reading this (because I found out recently someone has indeed tried to inform you of this), just want you to know that I didn't do this to hurt you in anyway shape or form. I did try to send you an email but go no response (as I was expecting). But I just want you to know that you did make me a better person and for that, I will be forever greatful.
For those who want more details and a bit more in depth discussion and how it really impacted me:
t.co/v3wNX0QhhQ

[@LoshaKosha]

Hi there! I knew you a long time ago. We met in High School.
If I am being honest, you were a very kind and caring person back then so it shocks me a to hear this. However, its important to remember that we are all humans and we can learn from what we do and its really important to learn to forgive ourselves... Because even if she is did forgave you, will you truely be able to get over it?
I think you are very strong in doing this, there is a huge social stigma that men cannot be in touch with their emotional side and its absolute BS that you weren't able to express yourself in a way you desired. TBH, I hope she sees this (I do know who you are talking about btw) and I hope a path of recovery (for the both of you) is on the cards... but even if not, then I hope this video acts as a way of closure.
Can I ask if you looked into therapy around this? I think if you can learn strategies to cope with this sort of thing, then you will be able to move in the right direction.

[@MatGalaxsi]

Hey and cheers for the message. Yeah, I like to think I am still kind and caring and this even makes it more so. Forgiving myself is something I am starting to do and it’s slowly becoming something I can look on fondly as a lesson.
Honestly, and no disrespect but it wouldn’t make a difference if she saw the video or not. I feel if I was her, I would want to forget about me and what I did and move on and I respect her a lot for doing that. My only concern is I have sent her an email about my true emotions and express that though I would want to reconnect, I’d truely respect her if she wanted to avoid me all together.
As for therapy, I have but not for this situation. I did strongly consider it at the beginning when it was fresh but my family strongly believed I shouldn’t go and was told from a young age that it was a waste of time. My opinion of that has now changed and it is definitely a healthy option but I have for much more serious stuff.

[@LoshaKosha]

​@@MatGalaxsi Ofc you are still kind and caring and I'm glad you are taking the steps to finally forgive yourself for what happened. Actually I strongly believe once you are able to do that, then the less damaging mentally that event can be as you continue to view it.
And don't be so down on yourself. You really can't know what she is thinking about you unless she tells you herself. And if she does feel that way, then it is defiantly for the best that you two went your own paths... You are both drastically different from the day you fell out to today to the point where I'm sure you wouldn't even recognize each other personality.
Growing up, I was told time heals wounds and you will slowly and surely find your way back up again. We are knocked down multiple times over and over again to the point where we may want to give up, but if we think about those who are cheering for us, it makes us want to try again and try our hardest. Now... The people who used to be in our lives may be gone from us and either have passed on or left our lives... but when you think about the people who cheer you on... do you think of those people? Like a lot of people say, don't be sad because it ended, be happy it happened 😊😊