I Think My Neighbor Is Running A Cult.
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 13 ก.พ. 2021
- In every little slice of suburbia, there is always THAT house.
AUTHOR:
Check out more of the author's work below!
www.reddit.com/r/hgtv_neighbo...
►Written By: / hgtv_neighbor
►Story: / the_neighborhood_hoard...
ARTIST:
►Horror Story Thumbnail Art:
Eliz Roxs
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Honestly, protagonist and his wife seem like the most annoying neighbours anyone could have. Nosy and up in everyone's business. The author did a good job of making them unlikeable.
What? You don't mow your yard on Tuesdays? You monster
I've had random people from a local HOA show up on my property to snoop or to complain, their HOA was built all around my families property on 3 sides so they think our little group of houses are part of the neighborhood when we've been here for 20 years before the HOA started. They even once sent a work crew to use my friggin yard as parking while they worked on a nearby fence that wasnt on my property or on a shared boundary! Even had a lady once come onto my property to due to complaints about my yard and then she complained that my dog was in my yard, preventing her from coming onto my property. Extra stupid since they cant access my home from their neighborhood, they have to leave their road, get on the main road, travel over 100 feet, then drive up a clearly marked "private property" and "beware of dog" signs so they can travel about 200 feet up my driveway to get onto the family "compound".
@@arthas640 get a restraining order
Just sue the hell out of them for trespassing and send everybody in their HOA a warning that any additional harassment from their association will cost them their freedom to run Nazi tactics over their neighbors.
They aren't that bad they just want the dude to not ruin their neighborhood with his disgusting level of junk. The wife was a little worse than him actually a lot worse.
This story has me cracking up. “That’s not Gain, that’s Tide! That shits expensive!” You’ve captured the HOA, middle/upper class suburbanite perfectly
This is the funniest story ive heard in a whilw
Incorrect the author only captured the upperclass HOA suburbanite, as a lower middle class suburbanite, people like the mc would have been very politely asked to GTFO and please not come back ever again
@@rynnziolkowski4642 thats what I said
I work for a call center. I can attest to this capturing the spirit of that horror perfectly. I wince whenever I have to take calls for an HOA and pray it will end as quickly as possible.
What's HOA?
The fact that his wifes name is Karen and she is starting an essential oils business makes this story a 100/100 from the bat.
Karen ... _and Brad_ 🤣
And Sean Hannity hahaha
She’s definitely Facebook messaged her high school friends like “Hey hun, you ready to be a girlboss.”
Idk anyone that watches Sean hannity that also uses essential oils, or that wears crocks, @@Cheeseburger.Launch.Sequence
Bahahaha! I thought the same! Damn Karens 😅😅😅!
"Her essential oil business has really taken off" is the real fictional aspect here 😅
You can do great at an essential oil business, they key is to get into the middle or top tiers of the pyramid scheme rather then actually selling any oil.
Her names Karen too lol
@@prestonyannotti7661 probably spelled with a “C”
$20 says Karen buys "crystals" and claims to be sort of psychic "empath" too
Don't forget about her 152 subscribers. Woman is a full fledged celebrity
I'm the author.. Thank you all for listening! Your comments are cracking me up, and I really appreciate the love. Hating Brad is the best compliment you can give me!
This was inspired by my own two neighborhood hoarders (who live beside each other..haha) and the guy across the street from them with the perfect yard. My own reddit username was inspired by another of my perfect yard neighbors as well. Thanks again!
Please keep writing. This story was a trip and the most fun to listen to from start to finish. I hope you have further content and keep that energy., it's delightful. Thank you so much :)
I don't know which neighbour is more horrifying: the Cultish Horder or the Overly-Bland Conservative Suburbanite.
Both have skeletons in their closets (both figuratively and metaphorically), and probably have had revenge-fantasies involving the torture of their boss. Trust me: The Human-Spider/Second-Lifers will be the last thing this neighbourhood worries about once that Text-book Boomer goes off the deep-end.
I am howling! Please write more!
I thoroughly appreciated the hilarious accuracy of your annoying characters.
You are so welcome!!!
When you're worried another cult is moving in. Absolutely hilarious story.
lol
The Demons learned a lesson, Never take on a fully matured Karen in her prime. Unless she's sleeping.
The Author and Narrator are excellent.
I can’t 😂
I never thought I would see the day I wanted to punch a story. The level of smugness in the beginning is infuriating. Well done.
Agree. I almost stopped listening!
See, this is why you avoid neighborhoods with HOAs like the plague.
Agreed, i'd hate to live in any suburb like this. The idea that everyone has a certain day they all mow the lawn is madness to me. I've done construction work since I was a kid (for my dad since i was little and starting professional at 15) and HOA's have always seemed insane to me. My dad has had the same business in the same location since the 70s and at the time it was outside the city, but they steadily extended the suburbs and the city limit until he was fully engulfed, and the HOA next door occasionally sends us complaints that we're "violating HOA rules by operating a home business" and we end up informing them every time that A: we're not part of the HAO, we outdate them by about 20 years, B: we were grandfathered in by the city as far as having a business this size in city limits, and C: they can go f*ck themselves. I even had a pissed off neighbor once threaten a lawsuit since they were upset that we refused to pay to replace their section of fence that collapsed since they planted a tree that grew into it, weakening and eventually knocking it over so they said they'd sue us for "illegally operating a business inside the HOA and in violation of city regulations".
@@arthas640 hao is a cult.
Apparently the writer has been watching his neighbors to write this pasta accurately rofl
Karens are immune to the mental influence of anyone who doesn't already agree with them.
Almost 5 minutes in and I already don’t like the main character, wife named Karen with essential oil business, all plant diet, crocs?!?!? FUCKIN’ CROCS?!?!
(edit: listened ahead, A GOD DAMN KALE SHAKE?!?!??!?)
ahahahah
Stereotypes. Stereotypes everywhere! LOL!
I swear, there is a fuc#$ Karen in every neighborhood.
You're name doesn't have to be Karen to enjoy a plant based diet, though 👍
I don't think someone that would watch Hannity would be eating a plant-based diet. That's a Richard Madcow viewer.
"Which one of you assholes cleaned up my yard?!?".....classic
best ending
HGTV_Neighbor is quite the writer!! This story was funny, scary, and Lighthouse Horror narrated it filled with all the emotional excellence it contained! The character voices were perfect and both the horror and humor shone thru magnificently! I can’t express enough how much I look forward to your videos and narrations. Always a pleasure and never disappointed! Thank you both very much!
Hah thank you my friend! Glad you liked this one
Man I'm so hooked with this stories specially how the narrator tells the story
thanks Kaito!
Oh, this one is MAGNIFICENT.
This story is funny on so many levels! A snake oil saleswoman chewing out a fitness cultee for selling fluff is amazing.
This guy is in my top 3 narrators hands down. Always got lighthouse horror in my playlist when I'm working in the garage.
Would the other two be creepymcpasta and mrcreeps?
@@stretchwheel9958 dr. creepen and mr creeps.. I use to rock with dark somnium and Mr creepypasta heavy but they both really fell off lately smh.. creepsmcpasta is pretty cool too just not my favorite.
@@chaosandstuff3519 I forget about mr creepypasta and dark somnium I've never heard of I'll check him out. But you got a point most of the creepypasta guys are starting to feel kinda stale idk if it's them the creepypasta being uploaded or our fault for indulging so much lol
@@stretchwheel9958 lmao yea I definitely over indulge. If you listen to somnium check out some of his older stuff like how to survive in hell or the one about him being a prison gaurd, for what I'm guessing, are suppose to be more like SCPs . I just forget the story name it's pretty long though.
@@stretchwheel9958 plus I like lighthouse and dr creepen for the simple fact that they have such a wide range of horror stories they aren't just limited to shorts and creepypasta reboots
Horror & humor, no one, Imo, does it better than you lighthouse horor. This story was fantastic with all of it. Thanks man!
Hah you're awesome Tenzen! 👻
I am gobsmacked. Blame my dizziness for saying what every Creepypasta narrator least wants to hear - that was one of the funniest stories I've ever heard in my life. I mean rapid-fire stand up comedian funny. In between blowing lukewarm tea out my nose and hawking loogies from my smoke-saturated lungs between gasps for air and wiping tears from my cheeks a thought came to my mind - not only was the story hilarious, a woefully inadequate word, but virtually every freaking sentence had something funny in it. I imagined all the neighborhood spiders gathered to see this preposterous facsimile of their species scuttling over the rooftops and asking are you shitting me ? And how they wouldn't believe it if they hadn't seen it with their own eight eyes. Then things got foggy again as I was lost to further squalls and gasps. It's a damn lucky thing my landlord already thinks I'm insane or I might be strapped to a gurney right now and on my way to study ink blots. As for the delivery well you either have it or you don't and that was a formidable display of 'it' indeed. I hope no one else attempts this story because the best version is right here. I also have a new favorite author right now and I'll read anything of his I can that I don't have to buy on Amazon. The only thing comparable is a writer named Bentley Little who I will keep recommending until everyone puts one of those sleep masks people born without eyelids wear at night just to black me out. But if horror/satire/comedy gets your moon juices bubbling then Bentley Little and THIS guy are exactly who you need. The purgative powers of my laughter convinced me I can shoulder my guilt no longer and it's time to confess. The severed penises are in the
Lighthouse has the perfect voice and cadence for this one as well. He captured Brad perfectly. I have listened up to Karen's introduction yet.
Freezer. Everyone knows where they are.🤷
I posted this yesterday but it didn't work I guess. I'm the author, and I very much appreciate your absurdly detailed compliments..lol
@@patrickrushbrook4523 Great Job, Patrick.
@@itsjustme7487 thank you!
Honestly, the funniest part about this story is where the neighbor says he found those people in Second Life. I've had an account in that virtual world for almost 8 years now and I totally believe that people like the "Jogging Suit Brigade" could actually exist there. I personally haven't met any because I typically stick to the breedable animals circles, though. I also use a Second Life account for my channel.
“I’m a breeder too, if you know what I mean” - dnsl
This is a ridiculous story and I love it!
I love the looney feel to this, from the change in music to the voice altering and acting, it feels surreal, awesome job!
The satire just makes it so much better, the author did amazingly!
@@acid_tongue_4315 hey thanks! Satire is my forté I suppose. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Omgosh!!! I am laughing so hard..... Fantastic job!! I seek you out daily. Thank you LH!!
This story was amazing! Also I like how you added in the small videos playing in the background instead of the typical still picture! Nice job narrating
Thanks Infinity! Trying to up the video quality
"domiciles" and "malarkey"... whew, the word choices slkdjfs
wow you even came up with a tune for the cult's song, that's some dedication
Karen is a force to be reckoned with... wait is she an Actual Karen being used for good??? sldfkjdslfsd
ahah I had to look up domiciles!
@@LighthouseHorror LOL
Before watching this video, I just want to say, I know to do a 30-45 min video takes at LEAST 2.5 hours to put together. So I just want to say how much I appreciate the longer stories that you and all the other narrators in this genre take time to record. Much love ❤
I've never wanted the protagonists in a creepypasta to just die already like this rube and his wife
Absolutely brilliant story choice and narration as always, loving your voice, you really bring these stories to life in my mind 😊
Thank you very much!
Wow.....that was the best story I've heard in a while! Thanks Lighthouse and author.
I laughed at how I could picture this couple perfectly in my mind 😂
That... was a crazy story, lol. Lighthouse, you do a phenomenal job with different voice accents!
Your voice and the stories keeps me sane
This is base. The story, the character development, the exquisite narration- I feel like people who aren't enjoying storytellers like you are missing out on something culturally valuable. This is some of your best work. Thank you!
Definitely sounds like some nosy suburbs to me, awsome story and well written. Well narrated. 👏
That was great, and was good to hear from you my friend!
This one's a product placement extravaganza. Lol.
lol
Now this was Such a cool story, loved it to bits! A fresh breath of air into the recent staleness of creepypastas
I cannot thank you enough for making so many videos. I have difficulty falling asleep and for some reason creepypastas help. It always make my forever thinking brain calm down. You've helped me many nights already and for that I thank you. ❤
You're very welcome!
Ditto!
Same! This is the only narrator I can listen to if I need to fall asleep, as he is a true story teller. His voice acting is so on point and rarely does he need to use a voice that is so grating and stereotyped that I have to listen while awake. He also doesn’t do any weird “I’m trying too hard to sound creeeeeepy” affectation, or like yell the entire story, as one popular narrator does. If the voice is already turned up to 11, there is nowhere else to go.
I love this story telling!
I found you around 2 weeks ago and I must say I'm happy i did you are a great narrator
I really appreciate that and welcome to the channel Charm!
I'm thinking "typical Karen" when I heard about his wife trying to return something lol
Yuuup! Lol
Same lmaooo
That was the point of naming her Karen.
Everytime I hear the word " gainer " I think of Nakey jakey making backflip jokes. Great video btw. You nailed it
Hey, thanks!
Ughhhhh I'd be lying if I said I didn't need some of their energy right now......just not sure I'm in the mood for some spidy acrobatics though 🤔
Brilliant narration Lighthouse!
This story was hilariously terrifying
That spider sound was so cool lol I replayed that part like 4 times
10:50 NOW THAT'S CREEPY😳 "only raw organic food" ....I think I know where this is going....
Agreed hah
Yeah to the doctor for your digestive issues and vitamin/ nutrition deficiency. 🤪
The circus-like music added to the surreal nature of this one. Great choice!
the most terrifying part of this is that the Karen is the defender of our protagonist and is somehow the good guy
This was equal parts funny asf and terrifying! Narration spot on as always.
Not what I expected and that was what made the story wonderful.
This time Karen saved the day. And rescued Brad from making the biggest mistake of his life.
So true.
This was both hilarious and terrifying. Oh my god
Omg... Karen vs. The Cult?! This is brilliant.
That last line from Alan really made me chuckle. Fantastic story telling as always!
Loving this one Lighthouse Horror you rock my friend 🕷️🕷️🕷️
Wow I was mesmerized by this author! Please get more.
I love me some Lighthouse Horror !
The light house spotted another banger,lets goo
O.o creepy. Pure horror, those suburbs
I love how the "respectable" neighbors are the horror in this story. Lol!
I loved this one kinda reminded me of a Twilight Zone episode or at best something you'd see on The Ray Bradbury Theater also the cult song was hilarious (great job as always on the different characters and voice work) Thank You Lighthouse for a truly enjoyable story
YES!
You're a great narrator.
Been an interesting story so far. I listen to many of these at night while I can't sleep.
You've earned another subscriber.
Love your story,I really enjoyed it.
Wow, what an awesome story! And you narrated it so well! Thank-you for posting this, I thoroughly enjoyed it!
The entitlement saved them lol
lol
Ok this story was actually a good one , ending made me giggle and laugh~
This story reminds me of a modern retelling of “In the Hills, The Cities”
Hey LH😊hope your good,Thankyou for another fantastic story!,I loved it lol your telling of it had me giggling with what Brad was saying😁....I always look forward to adding your stories to my playlist🥰🥰
HGTV Neighbor I can't wait to hear more of your stories. That was the best.
Hi, and thanks! If you haven't already listened, LHH narrated "Return to the Dark" a few stories before this one. It's not comedic like this one, but it's an excellent narration. If you want to see a list of all my narrated stories, go to r/hgtv_neighbor on reddit. Most of my stuff is humorous horror but I have some regular stuff as well.
Dude your voice. So many options. I love it
this story was so tounge in cheek lol
What a fantastic story, you always narrate the best stories ❤ Happy Bee 🐝 Day. Thanks for sharing Stephen xxx
Awesome job! I love your channel; you're the perfect narrator! 🥰 Keep on rocking it!
Wow this was really an unusual one! Was not expecting it to go the way it did
This could absolutely be a comedic horror movie. It has every great aspect of one.
I appreciate the effort you've put into the video to go along with the story. 👍
"Proven, anecdotal evidence"
Well that's a contradiction in terms right there 😂
This is absolutely one of the best stories yet !!!
Omg i was laughing so hard listening to this story I love you man great story.
Yaaaay
Ohhhhh man! That was GREAT!! YOU SOOOO ROCK!
Another fantastic narration, man! Thanks so much! 🙂✌👍
Thanks for the amazing narration.
Omg, this story is fantastically written, and you narrated it perfectly!
Congrats to 40k subs!! Ur videos help me fall asleep so much!!
Great story narration, by a great narrator ❤️
"I love that mower"
I nearly hurt myself laughing when I heard that.
One of the best I've heard on your page!
This was a fantastic story! I enjoyed it very much. Chuckled a lot too. Narrator was excellent as usual.
I didn't think I'd like that he added Karen to the story but that was actually a good character. Great story btw!
" Duluth Trading Khakis..."
This got a huge laugh out of me for some reason.
My thought was "maybe if you went for Duck Canvas it wouldn't have gotten as soaked?"
You had my attention throughout this story up until Brad was climbing on the roof again, the you had my utmost consciousness focused and concerned with the story!
The essential oils get me a clue and dang i was right lmfao
yeah l ‘m glad to see your still putting out stories , when are you gonna write more horror stories,
OMG this story is awesome, thank you to the author and thank you LH for a thoroughly engrossing narration!!
I'm only halfway through and I can't get enough, this is HILARIOUS
It's a bit funny having King Creole tell this story 🤣😂 Another amazing story..
Funny, creepy, brilliant narration. Love it.
I absolutely loved this intriguing and at many points, humorous little story... Thank you to the author❤
That chanting was terrifying 😱😱. Well done Lighthouse 👏🏾 👏🏾 👏🏾