As a family law paralegal of 7 years, I cannot express enough how much I appreciate his immediately bringing up people who pay money to complain. You have to remind your clients of this, always. And some of them are still shocked when they get a $40k bill at the end of it. Lesson: therapists are cheaper and will actually be able to help you. All we can do is bill you if you’re telling us something we can’t use for your case.
I used to work for a small firm and became close with the clients. Sometimes I would just let them talk and not charge for the entire time while I worked. I would also try to keep them from speaking to the attorney unless it was necessary... I had to leave at some point because I couldn’t leave work at the office; I was too invested concerned about the future of their family and the children.
@@tinam761 I definitely understand that. I work in a small firm myself. Kudos to you for being able to have that connection and still ask the hard questions that always come out in divorce (have you ever been arrested for drug abuse, have you ever hit your kids, etc); I tried and failed to do both, and it takes something special to be able to walk that line. I truly believe that anyone going through a divorce should make whatever effort they can to also seek counseling, because they deserve someone to speak to who can help them in that way.
@@tinam761 That is noble of you but in all honesty, if I am a working professional whose time-value has been clearly communicated to my clients I would never allow this.
This guy is correct, when you buy coffee you get a warning " coffee is hot". When you get married and can lose your house, land, savings...... you get nothing. Not even a warning on the marriage license.
Not married, but I believe that prenups are a great idea. if you can't agree on these essentials while you still like each other, how do you think things will turn out when you no longer like each other?
I love that he said marriage is not hard work! A successful relationship might take your effort to look after the other person, but it is NEVER hard work. If you are with the right person and you are both showing up, a healthy relationship just flows.
@Penultimate Hortator He has a healthy post divorce relationship with his ex wife, kids are much better off under those circumstances than within an unhappy household or stuck between battling exes
@Penultimate Hortator There is no way we can know for sure. Regardless, the decision is not ours to make, and I trust they made the best one for their family's interests.
As someone who is going through a divorce, what he said about "No one tells you your rights when you get married" totally hit home. Most people I know don't even know what separation is and why that happens. I had no idea what I was losing, or what my ex was going to lose. There should be at least a one pager or something - maybe I would have talked finances differently before we got married.
That is another reason why getting a prenup is great. My sister recently got married and for the prenup she and her husband went to a lawyer they trust and he explained everything about the contract and their options to them. It took quite long but that way both know exactly what they signed up to. And also were aware they could update it in the future, like incase they have kids, which they don't plan currently. The visit to the notary was really expensive but they both said it was totally worth it.
Biggest nugget for me was "If someone asks me to attend an event in the future, I make my decision based on if I would do it tonight. If I don't want to do it tonight, the answer is no." I did not get the verbiage exactly correct, but this really made an impact.
I absolutely loved this. James’ answers kept hinting at not giving up happiness and wellbeing at the cost of obsessing over small costs or illogical trade-offs. ...and the quotes, expressions and analogies are completely on point!
Yes he is amazing at discussing divorce topics and he isn't trying to mitigate that he doesn't do this to promo his book or his expensive law fees which may need to come down in the long scheme of things for fairness for people in the future. The interviewer has some shady eyes / not trustworthy when you see her speaking, not a fan of her.
35 years later... still very aware of how devastated my mother was after first meeting with her divorce attorney. She was a stay at home mom. She didn't know his salary, the balance of mortgage, his VA benefits, the credit card debt... the lawyer didn't even have a baseline for child support request. .. I will never, ever, let myself be in that position.
Yikes; I hope she was able to recover and live a deserved life. I grew up below the poverty line and under difficult life circumstances. I'm traumatized and TERRIFIED of living like that without a choice again. I've also witnessed many abusive relationships where the victim couldn't afford to leave. I'm probably gonna want to be a SAHM when the kid is young and don't want to be screwed out of all my options if I ever get divorced. Plus unfortunate things happen to good ppl all the time. A misunderstanding can turn into frozen assets and we need a flotation device. I'd feel too vulnerable having every egg in one basket for practical reasons. I'll probably be the type to have a pre-nup then a post-nup with a stipend agreement after we have a kid. Have a regular check in my name and agreements that are written and legalized. I also plan to have investments and a business or low maintenance side hustle for a regular check that I'm not relying on my spouse for. My anxiety filled survival instincts need to know what's going on with the paperwork. Fortunately for me, I manage the household budget and we look over things together. It'll be really hard for anyone to empty the joint account, rack up debts on shared accounts, dodge bills and leave me off of paperwork. I'm not the one. I'll be damned if I respect the institution and principles of marriage, only to be left in the cold without room to rebuild- even more so with a dependent.
@@SeychelleSunshine two sides of the same coin. I have a similar philosophy but I’m on the opposite side. As a man I have no protections in divorce so I’ll be damned if I’m gonna respect the institution of marriage just for the wife to surprise me with “I’m not happy” and leave with cash and prizes at my expense. Hell no, never me. Marriage is for suckers as a men.
@athesit humanist I’m talking about in the west where most everyone knows marriage screws men over disproportionately. Factoring in religious countries all over the world has no bearing on how unfair it is in the west.
@@sweetpea6230 that is true except for the most part high earning females look to date/marry other high earning males. Rarely the opposite is true. So it’s less of a risk for them than it is for high earning males
I’m a single woman in her 20’s and never been in a serious relationship and I find this the most fascinating topic out of all the guests you have here. He’s humble, he knows what is best in relationships and finances. I can see why you chose him as part of the financial confessions. This is really eye-opening for me.
Damn. His boundaries about how he charges for his time are awesome. He is not afraid to charge $600/hour. If only all female professionals / freelancers could offer a similar spiel to every client at the start of every project. No more free hours!
No more free hours from misunderstandings at least. I’ve had clients, full blown companies, ignore invoices because they just didn’t feel like paying. And the overall project wouldn’t have paid the lawyer fees for me to go to court 🙁 luckily it’s only happened twice.
Their discussion here about pre-nupts sounds like what we used pre-marital counseling for. We talked about all those things before we got married and we're going 16 years strong!
Most women don't need to worry about prenups as most women marry up so its to their advantage not to have a prenup . Plus most men aren't marrying in general they won't even live with a women as it might be considered common law marriage. Men are running away from any long term relationship with women while women try to convince themselves they are being done wronged by men !!! The self victimization never ends . FYI the vast majority of women still think men want them because they are chased for se x , when in reality a man will hookup with a 100 women but won't even commit to 1 !!!
57:17 my man just goes in so CLEAN, CLEAR and CONFIDENT. "I don't have any." Not a hint of fake humility, desperation, self-deprecation, fake simping. Cutting like a ninja. We love authentic vulnerability when warranted and also love authentic confidence without a hint of apology for it. What a boss.
omg came for the financial advice on divorce and got incredible advice on communicating in relationships!!! both perfect for me and my non-existent relationship :) love the podcast as always - great to hear from a divorce lawyer!
Same ,I am asexual and never gonna have a relationship or marriage ,but still watching how guys manipulate girls poor ladies always get nothing especially in my country
Omg I LOVE HIM! I was recommended by TH-cam a video a year or so ago and it was about divorce lawyers giving advice or something. He was one of the lawyers and 30 seconds into the video I was like this guy is cool. Can’t wait to listen!!! EDT: I just finished the episode and LOVED IT. One of my favorites. Loved all the analogies James always says. Makes things easier to understand!
He's right, where's the pamphlet??? How much would it take for him to do another podcast about what happens legally when one gets married? Can that be a podcast? Who do I have to pay?!
Honestly google. This law varies by state so I’d google “family law outline [your state] 2021” and “probate law” it will bring up law student outlines so it’s good crash course on the basics in your state. Probate law is for wills/ estate planning so you get a true overview of the impacts. You can also google “most influential family law court cases [your state]” Some family law attorneys have blogs where they post an overview of the law so you just need to find one in your state. Sometimes they even have citations to the actual codes if you want to deep dive and read the actual laws.
I have always enjoyed James in interviews, an insightful dude that realizes that mindfulness is super easy but often forgotten and so valuable. Also, I loved how he would get a big laugh from Chelsea on several occasions. Fun stuff, thanks for the work in putting these together.
Definitely a great idea! I am single and I have listened to his first book twice in the last 3 years. I’m a much better girlfriend in my relationships because I read this book.
@@RH-tl9iu same I found sooo many little gems of wisdom in his interviews and loved his book!!! I'm single and unmarried too. Watch his interviews on podcast lewis howes episode and LifePix university were awesome!!!
This was so much valuable knowledge, holy moly. And we didn’t need to pay $600 for it! Awesome episode. Really had me thinking about my upcoming marriage.
My husband and I just watched this podcast together First his time he just discovered his new favorite series, because he no longer feels so bad about some past financial mistakes. I personally believe that The Financial Confessions humanize us more
Yea he is very articulate and has been through a lot in terms of experiences with divorced clients - but that interviewer does not seem to be believable and is giving inaccurate/not helpful advice it seems to people eg. the post nup and also condescending in how she speaks like she knows better eg. talking about women and their finances. She could be in huge debt for all we see.
Great interview--one of my favorites in this series. It was so robust. Even people who go into marriage prepared and clear headed can be uninformed about the extent of the financial implications just because those are not really part of public discussion. That is to say: we don't know what we don't know. That's why we need interviews like these. I really appreciate how insightful this conversation was about both financial and emotional matters. I learned so much and will be picking up Sexton's books for further reading. There were a lot of important things said, but my favorite takeaways are: get a prenup, divorce doesn't mean a marriage failed, communicate about how you communicate, don't wait until you're angry to figure what's fair, your partner will not and should not fulfill your every need (it's loving to not put that pressure on anyone and destructive when you do), retain your individuality and independence, discussing finances and making sure the parties involved are comfortable is very romantic, and everyone should have basic financial know-how. 10/10 will watch again.
It’s mind blowing to me how many people, especially women, don’t take care of their own personal finances. I’m sure it has to do with my upbringing and my current situation, but it would terrify me to not know what’s going on in my finances
Watching this as a happily married person. It's hard to discuss a prenup with your spouse because it always seems to imply you don't think it will work. No one wants to even consider the possibility of a marriage ending in divorce, so prenup talk feels taboo in a relationship. Not that I think it should be, it just feels that way.
Alisha Hicks agreed! I phrased it in a similar way that Chelsea did. My partner and I are on the same page with a prenup and view it as an act of love and protection for each other. Communication is key.
My fiancé & I just had this conversation (him being the breadwinner). My response was “I’m totally fine signing a prenup because 1. I don’t ever plan on leaving you, & I assume you don’t plan on leaving me so we should never need it. 2. If something happens & we end up splitting up then it’s one less thing we have to argue over & I’m not here to take your hard earned money. I’m able to support myself in some way!”
I think it would be better if it was framed as "What should we do if it doesn't work out?" and instead having it be about that 'pamphlet' that doesn't exist that he talked about. Talking about it like "Here is how being married legally affects us. What do these changes mean for us?" and go from there. I think it will naturally make people think about how to approach money as a couple... then you can bring up getting a prenup in light of this 'new information'
I kind of equate it to life insurance. You don't pay for life insurance because you plan on dying. But its there to make things a little less messy just in case things don't go as planned
My goodness- such an entertaining & enlightening interview with a.....divorce lawyer? I was NOT expecting this- you've really outdone yourself this time, Chelsea!!
Wow. I just watched this because I watch everything Chelsea is in but I learnt so much. James gives amazing answers and analogies and he is so well spoken. I want to pick up his books even though I have no intention of getting married anytime soon.
This was a FANTASTIC conversation. I'd been meaning to write notes for my partner for so long. I stopped the video, wrote the notes and then hid them in the pockets of his clothing. Thank you!
My partner and I recently talked about pre-nups, and it reassures me that this attorney had the same views I do about handling marital contracts 😅 I always said that they help you look out for the one you love while you're still recognizable to each other and genuinely want what's best for the other. Nobody goes into marriage wanting divorce, but the statistics are what they are, and you have to be realistic about what you're getting yourself into. It's one of the best things you can do to show your love for one another.
This was such a great interview. Jim was dropping knowledge left and right, and Chelsea's questions were fantastic at facilitating and getting Jim to dish out that knowledge. I'm really loving this podcast
I never ever comment but I have to this time: what a brilliant interview! I've learned so much. I really enjoy his outlook on life & relationship, and his honesty. The whole series is great but this one is definitely the best so far. Great job Chelsea !
Wow. Speaking as someone who's probably going to get married in a few years - this was super educational. I mean I'm already pretty pragmatic even when it comes to marriage; I'm not really planning on getting married mainly to "solidify our love" but I look at it quite practically, so that part wasn't that groundbreaking but I still got my eyes opened on many things. I'm not sure if everything in my country works the same as in the US but a lot of it definitely does. Thank you so much, this was brilliant.
I think I feel you on what you mean by looking at marriage "practically". My bf of 5 yrs and I do have sentimental reasons for marriage, like a certain foundation for possible kids and wanting to be represented as a team in every way. However, there are practical reasons that are super important to me as well. There are legal protections and ease of access regarding finances, assets, power of attorney and dependents; along with possible financial benefits like tax deductions/credits, insurance rates, and the sharing of Social Security benefits. There's a lot more to it, especially in the U.S. I'm still doing my research but luckily I'm a few years away from jumping the broom.
My then boyfriend and I read James’ first book before we got married. We both loved it and apply the “not to do” advice in our marriage. Can’t wait to read his new book with my husband. Thanks for this video! :)
Second attorney I’ve ever known to inspire me as a fellow attorney. God, what drive, passion, wisdom, kindness, tough love, everything. I feel really inspired having watched this and learned about James. Thank you!!!
I think this is probably one of my favorite interviews. Especially because this is advice isn’t the most accessible otherwise. I’m long off from getting married, but I am happy to kind of start having this information embedded in my head.
This has probably been my favorite interview. Jim was super down to earth and so practical and explicit with his advice. I also just found it super uplifting when considering my own relationships. ❤️❤️❤️ I live these interviews, thanks TFD!
My dad had the best divorce with my mom. I believe this attorney or any would have been delighted. He believed she deserved everything and more for 1)putting up with him 2) being the mother of his children. He left her the house and anything she wanted. The court ordered a specific amount a month and he gave her double for us children. With that said I do believe in a prenup even though I’ve seen a good example. You may be the person that gets someone like my father or someone that is angry with life after a few years. Definitely plan ahead in your best times.
This was one of the best sessions ever.. he's so wise. A lot of his advice about relationships and just general stuff made significant impressions on me. Came for financial advice left wiser with life lessons
I've never looked at the "best friend" angle from that perspective. I say that my boyfriend of 5 yrs is my best friend and favorite person in the world. He's my best friend because I enjoy his company the most but I work hard to maintain my individual identity and have other best friends that have become sisters. I've been through too much in life to lose myself because I put all of my emotional eggs in one basket. When I have deeper conversations about why I say he's my best friend, I'll include a condensed version of what you said Chelsea. It was very insightful for me.
I don't always like what James says, on some youtube videos he sounds like one of those "bros before hos" women haters. But in this video he was really impressive and human and gave excellent advice. I don't always watch videos this long, but this one I watched completely til the end. This video should be required for anyone contemplating marriage or relationships in general.
Stevie Sanko in Canada we don’t have prenups either. You can establish your marital contract once you get married. If you don’t do anything it will be 50/50
@@sexytrekkie , in India prenups are illegal and adultery is legal ,so I am never getting married, marriages do and have always sucked in India for women
I wish I could like this video more than once. So much great advice and insight! My parents went through a horrible divorce that dragged out over Three Years, and while I'm not even engaged that is something that I've always had at the back of my head: if I get married and unfortunately get divorced I Do Not want to have to endure that hardship. I love how practically and logically this topic is discussed here, because I think that aspect of marriage is not often enough considered. Everyone talks about their love and their floral centerpieces, which is great, but address the logistics too. Thanks for your continued fantastic work Chelsea! I'm a longtime fan ❤
Thank goodness for the spouses elective share! My grandpa left the house my grandma lives in to one of my uncles and he tried to kick her out. My grandpa never thought his son was a total jerk.
The thing about having to see that person again… I think a lot of parents don’t think about it. When covid took away my chance at a college graduation, part of me felt relief because my parents wouldn’t have to see each other. And part of me dreads eventually having a wedding, because my dad HATES my mom and I don’t know what to expect when they finally do see each other.
Love these long form interviews! I wish the pre-nup conversation was more normalized- marriage is a legally binding arrangement so all parties should understand the terms and have a chance to adjust them
Me and my partner have been together 3 years and are now beginning to discuss combining finances. I would love a video discussing the best way to navigate the conversation and the best way to mesh finances without taking away financial independence
Idk how far established you are in your careers because that can make a big difference. But, I personally wouldn't combine any finances until I was married (or engaged with a date in mind) to someone. It's good to make sure you're on the same page with one another, both know where you're at individually, and any expectations or aspirations you may have that could affect finances. (EX: costs of having a child, taking time off work to care for a kid or relative, switching careers, etc.) I'd suggest going through Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University together, particularly if either of you have debt because it's made to be great for couples. It's a bit rigid, but it provides a really good structure to build off of and the classes would help keep things moving forward. If you just talk, it's easy to just stop talking. If you pay for a class that happens every week and teaches you how to budget and stresses the importance of behavior in financial success? That might make a really big difference. Also, if you care to know about my personal experience you can read more. So, with my husband and I, we came up with a way to split bills when we were talking about moving in together. But before we were officially engaged, we shared our financial goals, where we were at (credit scores, savings, debt), and our financial mindsets and pitfalls. Obviously this wasn't just one big long conversation. But financially, we were basically roommates that could talk about money. We even budgeted together when we had a time for our wedding. We wanted to be debt free and get his car paid off. So we had a super affordable wedding and honeymoon. Together, both were less than $1,000. Then we paid off his car (he started making larger payments before we got married because our goal). It's been less than a year since we moved in together, we paid off nearly $10,000 on a car loan, have a full emergency fund, and are contributing to retirement. But we still have our own money. There's a ton of shared expenses and we have a joint checking out. But we each get $200 a month in discretionary spending. We can save it, spend it, give it, invest it, do anything we want with it. Your amount might vary, but feeling like an individual financially is important. I found this keeps me from going off like "Why are you spending so much at Starbucks??? We have coffee here!" Or him from questioning why I got another beauty product. There's no resentment this way. Of course, I'm newly married but I've heard others say that works well for them too. I've also talked with couples that have everything joint and just have certain rules or guidelines in place like if something costs more than $50 or $100 then they'll talk about it with their partner before going forward with it. Of course, if it all varies and honestly whatever you do, it'll probably change quite a few times because even if you find the right strategy on your first try, life changes so your strategy could too.
You can have a joint account and each have a personal account. You never want to be in a position where you have absolutely nothing if things go south.
@@SevenRiderAirForce if you live together a joint is the best option so you have an agreed amount for bills that you both should pay. Like if I make 100k and you made 40k, I might put a larger amount because we might agree that we both put 20 percent because that will cover all the ( rent) and bills.
LOL.. That back ache analogy is so perfect. I do that ALL THE TIME. I have regular back pain. When it's gone the next day it's such a relief. You realize how great life is without it. Then after a couple days, yea, it's just what it is.
Thank you for this! I’ve always had an emotional stand against prenups, and always viewed them as belief that the marriage was going to end. But now I’m more open to the idea! But I’m definitely buying the book!
I don't know if TFD reads a year later comments but this is so informative! I needed this. Its so helpful to think of things from this perspective, even though I hope to never get divorced.
Wonderful episode! My most favorite attorney was able to discuss difficult topics with kindness but firm honesty. Agree about discussing potential problems while the feelings are full of goodwill. Thank you for the work you do. Very impactful.
This has been an amazing video that everyone should watch before marriage, if possible. Also, him speaking on helping his dad learn to cook chili is so sweet. ❤️ Edit: After finishing it, I am going to rewatch it with my partner. We aren’t engaged, but we are discussing marriage, and I think this is a wonderful start to important conversations.
I just got married myself. I read the book "The Five Love Languages" with my husband and I'd recommend it to anyone thinking about marriage or already married. It really breaks down the "in love" experience and how people "fall out" of love but can fix that or prevent it from even happening. It's saved so many marriages and made so many of them better. It's available as an audiobook so you can listen to it when you're in the car, laying in bed, etc. That's actually how I listened to it with my husband, I got the actual book later since I liked it so much. The guy who wrote it is a Christian marriage counselor, but the logic applies to all marriages and even to dynamics with friends and family.
Wow I learned SO MUCH about the legal nuances of marriage today!!! This episode was awesome and wow that guy is clearly such an expert in his field. Keep it up!
This was the most impressive and captivating conversations as it clearly explains concepts that are so often over looked by people. This alone has influenced me to subscribe. I absolutely loved this
This was the best one of the series. Jim dropped non-stop gems.
Thank you fay !
right?
Still true in my opinion!
As a family law paralegal of 7 years, I cannot express enough how much I appreciate his immediately bringing up people who pay money to complain. You have to remind your clients of this, always. And some of them are still shocked when they get a $40k bill at the end of it.
Lesson: therapists are cheaper and will actually be able to help you. All we can do is bill you if you’re telling us something we can’t use for your case.
You know about trusts. All of us who have a legal background know how to protect ourselves.
I used to work for a small firm and became close with the clients. Sometimes I would just let them talk and not charge for the entire time while I worked. I would also try to keep them from speaking to the attorney unless it was necessary... I had to leave at some point because I couldn’t leave work at the office; I was too invested concerned about the future of their family and the children.
@@tinam761 I definitely understand that. I work in a small firm myself. Kudos to you for being able to have that connection and still ask the hard questions that always come out in divorce (have you ever been arrested for drug abuse, have you ever hit your kids, etc); I tried and failed to do both, and it takes something special to be able to walk that line. I truly believe that anyone going through a divorce should make whatever effort they can to also seek counseling, because they deserve someone to speak to who can help them in that way.
@@tinam761 That is noble of you but in all honesty, if I am a working professional whose time-value has been clearly communicated to my clients I would never allow this.
Therapist don’t help, their own lives are a mess!
Felt comfortable in a $600 per hour conversation that i did not spend, thanks TFD. 🖤
Exactly
This guy is correct, when you buy coffee you get a warning " coffee is hot". When you get married and can lose your house, land, savings...... you get nothing. Not even a warning on the marriage license.
"Who ever discovered water wasn't a fish" that's a 🔥🔥🔥 quote lol
Not married, but I believe that prenups are a great idea. if you can't agree on these essentials while you still like each other, how do you think things will turn out when you no longer like each other?
Radaweu absolutely!!!!
Good way to put it 🙌
@@hbic7659 very well said
I take it you've never been through a prenup negotiation have you?
prenups get tossed out in court if the other person argues duress
I love that he said marriage is not hard work! A successful relationship might take your effort to look after the other person, but it is NEVER hard work. If you are with the right person and you are both showing up, a healthy relationship just flows.
My mom always said "Marriage is work!". I figured out eventually my parents are totally incompatible.
Yep, if 2 people work and maintain. Not bad. But if your spouse is a narcissist, I don’t know.
I love his philosophy about marriage at 8 minutes.
It's always been what I've said. It's not like success is that one person dies and then it's worth having.
So do I! What a mature, refreshing way to look at marriage!
@Penultimate Hortator He has a healthy post divorce relationship with his ex wife, kids are much better off under those circumstances than within an unhappy household or stuck between battling exes
@Penultimate Hortator They did act like adults and worked things out. They worked out that divorce was the best solution in their circumstances.
@Penultimate Hortator There is no way we can know for sure. Regardless, the decision is not ours to make, and I trust they made the best one for their family's interests.
As someone who is going through a divorce, what he said about "No one tells you your rights when you get married" totally hit home. Most people I know don't even know what separation is and why that happens. I had no idea what I was losing, or what my ex was going to lose. There should be at least a one pager or something - maybe I would have talked finances differently before we got married.
Spiffleh absolutely you never know until it happens to you... I tell people you have to think completely different when things turn to this.
@spriddlez can you elaborate on what you mean by what you lost?
That is another reason why getting a prenup is great.
My sister recently got married and for the prenup she and her husband went to a lawyer they trust and he explained everything about the contract and their options to them. It took quite long but that way both know exactly what they signed up to. And also were aware they could update it in the future, like incase they have kids, which they don't plan currently.
The visit to the notary was really expensive but they both said it was totally worth it.
Biggest nugget for me was "If someone asks me to attend an event in the future, I make my decision based on if I would do it tonight. If I don't want to do it tonight, the answer is no." I did not get the verbiage exactly correct, but this really made an impact.
unless you are depressed... then you should maybe go out anyway ;) ... based on my own experience
I absolutely loved this.
James’ answers kept hinting at not giving up happiness and wellbeing at the cost of obsessing over small costs or illogical trade-offs.
...and the quotes, expressions and analogies are completely on point!
Yes he is amazing at discussing divorce topics and he isn't trying to mitigate that he doesn't do this to promo his book or his expensive law fees which may need to come down in the long scheme of things for fairness for people in the future. The interviewer has some shady eyes / not trustworthy when you see her speaking, not a fan of her.
Because lawyers are liars, Manipulators and very persuasive.
35 years later... still very aware of how devastated my mother was after first meeting with her divorce attorney. She was a stay at home mom. She didn't know his salary, the balance of mortgage, his VA benefits, the credit card debt... the lawyer didn't even have a baseline for child support request. .. I will never, ever, let myself be in that position.
Yikes; I hope she was able to recover and live a deserved life. I grew up below the poverty line and under difficult life circumstances. I'm traumatized and TERRIFIED of living like that without a choice again. I've also witnessed many abusive relationships where the victim couldn't afford to leave. I'm probably gonna want to be a SAHM when the kid is young and don't want to be screwed out of all my options if I ever get divorced. Plus unfortunate things happen to good ppl all the time. A misunderstanding can turn into frozen assets and we need a flotation device. I'd feel too vulnerable having every egg in one basket for practical reasons.
I'll probably be the type to have a pre-nup then a post-nup with a stipend agreement after we have a kid. Have a regular check in my name and agreements that are written and legalized. I also plan to have investments and a business or low maintenance side hustle for a regular check that I'm not relying on my spouse for. My anxiety filled survival instincts need to know what's going on with the paperwork. Fortunately for me, I manage the household budget and we look over things together. It'll be really hard for anyone to empty the joint account, rack up debts on shared accounts, dodge bills and leave me off of paperwork.
I'm not the one. I'll be damned if I respect the institution and principles of marriage, only to be left in the cold without room to rebuild- even more so with a dependent.
@@SeychelleSunshine two sides of the same coin. I have a similar philosophy but I’m on the opposite side. As a man I have no protections in divorce so I’ll be damned if I’m gonna respect the institution of marriage just for the wife to surprise me with “I’m not happy” and leave with cash and prizes at my expense. Hell no, never me. Marriage is for suckers as a men.
@athesit humanist I’m talking about in the west where most everyone knows marriage screws men over disproportionately. Factoring in religious countries all over the world has no bearing on how unfair it is in the west.
@@sweetpea6230 that is true except for the most part high earning females look to date/marry other high earning males. Rarely the opposite is true. So it’s less of a risk for them than it is for high earning males
Pre nuptial 👍
I’m a single woman in her 20’s and never been in a serious relationship and I find this the most fascinating topic out of all the guests you have here. He’s humble, he knows what is best in relationships and finances. I can see why you chose him as part of the financial confessions. This is really eye-opening for me.
Damn. His boundaries about how he charges for his time are awesome. He is not afraid to charge $600/hour. If only all female professionals / freelancers could offer a similar spiel to every client at the start of every project. No more free hours!
I love how he does all these other things to mitigate the charges for his clients but giving away his time is not one of them.
Yes. I like his transparency.
No more free hours from misunderstandings at least. I’ve had clients, full blown companies, ignore invoices because they just didn’t feel like paying. And the overall project wouldn’t have paid the lawyer fees for me to go to court 🙁 luckily it’s only happened twice.
Preeeeeaaach!
Katherine Petersorf ugh sometimes the big companies are the worst! And then you have to ransom the deliverables to them. We gotta keep people in line!
Their discussion here about pre-nupts sounds like what we used pre-marital counseling for. We talked about all those things before we got married and we're going 16 years strong!
It will happen eventually.
Most women don't need to worry about prenups as most women marry up so its to their advantage not to have a prenup .
Plus most men aren't marrying in general they won't even live with a women as it might be considered common law marriage.
Men are running away from any long term relationship with women while women try to convince themselves they are being done wronged by men !!!
The self victimization never ends .
FYI the vast majority of women still think men want them because they are chased for se x , when in reality a man will hookup with a 100 women but won't even commit to 1 !!!
@@blah44287😊a Ada Asa Like l
TFD is killing it with these podcasts lately!! I’m sitting down with my future husband and watching this before tying the knot.
Alyssa Arietta very smart!!!
How did the marriage go?
57:17 my man just goes in so CLEAN, CLEAR and CONFIDENT. "I don't have any." Not a hint of fake humility, desperation, self-deprecation, fake simping. Cutting like a ninja. We love authentic vulnerability when warranted and also love authentic confidence without a hint of apology for it. What a boss.
omg came for the financial advice on divorce and got incredible advice on communicating in relationships!!! both perfect for me and my non-existent relationship :) love the podcast as always - great to hear from a divorce lawyer!
Same ,I am asexual and never gonna have a relationship or marriage ,but still watching how guys manipulate girls poor ladies always get nothing especially in my country
Haha
As someone who’s getting married in 4 months, highly appreciated.
Was there prenup talks?
Omg I LOVE HIM! I was recommended by TH-cam a video a year or so ago and it was about divorce lawyers giving advice or something. He was one of the lawyers and 30 seconds into the video I was like this guy is cool. Can’t wait to listen!!!
EDT: I just finished the episode and LOVED IT. One of my favorites. Loved all the analogies James always says. Makes things easier to understand!
He's right, where's the pamphlet??? How much would it take for him to do another podcast about what happens legally when one gets married? Can that be a podcast? Who do I have to pay?!
Hannah Lash You can pay him and buy his books.
Or as he said 600 bucks per hour 😂
Honestly google. This law varies by state so I’d google “family law outline [your state] 2021” and “probate law” it will bring up law student outlines so it’s good crash course on the basics in your state. Probate law is for wills/ estate planning so you get a true overview of the impacts. You can also google “most influential family law court cases [your state]”
Some family law attorneys have blogs where they post an overview of the law so you just need to find one in your state. Sometimes they even have citations to the actual codes if you want to deep dive and read the actual laws.
I have always enjoyed James in interviews, an insightful dude that realizes that mindfulness is super easy but often forgotten and so valuable. Also, I loved how he would get a big laugh from Chelsea on several occasions. Fun stuff, thanks for the work in putting these together.
This is the most interesting financial confessions I have watched so far. I really want to read this guys books. I am not even married.
roshé very smart!!!
I hear you! I am not married either but I am finding this video very insightful.
Definitely a great idea! I am single and I have listened to his first book twice in the last 3 years. I’m a much better girlfriend in my relationships because I read this book.
@@RH-tl9iu same I found sooo many little gems of wisdom in his interviews and loved his book!!! I'm single and unmarried too. Watch his interviews on podcast lewis howes episode and LifePix university were awesome!!!
This was so much valuable knowledge, holy moly. And we didn’t need to pay $600 for it! Awesome episode. Really had me thinking about my upcoming marriage.
Leila Blair very smart!!!
$640 to be exact haha
"Love is not permanently gifted, is loaned." Wow
Love this dude’s charisma. Very articulate and smart.
My husband and I just watched this podcast together First his time he just discovered his new favorite series, because he no longer feels so bad about some past financial mistakes. I personally believe that The Financial Confessions humanize us more
Yea he is very articulate and has been through a lot in terms of experiences with divorced clients - but that interviewer does not seem to be believable and is giving inaccurate/not helpful advice it seems to people eg. the post nup and also condescending in how she speaks like she knows better eg. talking about women and their finances. She could be in huge debt for all we see.
Great interview--one of my favorites in this series. It was so robust. Even people who go into marriage prepared and clear headed can be uninformed about the extent of the financial implications just because those are not really part of public discussion. That is to say: we don't know what we don't know. That's why we need interviews like these. I really appreciate how insightful this conversation was about both financial and emotional matters. I learned so much and will be picking up Sexton's books for further reading. There were a lot of important things said, but my favorite takeaways are: get a prenup, divorce doesn't mean a marriage failed, communicate about how you communicate, don't wait until you're angry to figure what's fair, your partner will not and should not fulfill your every need (it's loving to not put that pressure on anyone and destructive when you do), retain your individuality and independence, discussing finances and making sure the parties involved are comfortable is very romantic, and everyone should have basic financial know-how. 10/10 will watch again.
I can listen to him talk ALL DAY. 😂 he’s so interesting & I learned so much.
It’s mind blowing to me how many people, especially women, don’t take care of their own personal finances. I’m sure it has to do with my upbringing and my current situation, but it would terrify me to not know what’s going on in my finances
💯
This came at the right time since I got engaged last month and we are trying to figure out all the things we have to navigate
Watching this as a happily married person. It's hard to discuss a prenup with your spouse because it always seems to imply you don't think it will work. No one wants to even consider the possibility of a marriage ending in divorce, so prenup talk feels taboo in a relationship. Not that I think it should be, it just feels that way.
Alisha Hicks agreed! I phrased it in a similar way that Chelsea did. My partner and I are on the same page with a prenup and view it as an act of love and protection for each other. Communication is key.
I used to feel this way when I was younger. Now I think it's probably one of the best/healthiest thing a good and healthy couple can do.
My fiancé & I just had this conversation (him being the breadwinner). My response was “I’m totally fine signing a prenup because 1. I don’t ever plan on leaving you, & I assume you don’t plan on leaving me so we should never need it. 2. If something happens & we end up splitting up then it’s one less thing we have to argue over & I’m not here to take your hard earned money. I’m able to support myself in some way!”
I think it would be better if it was framed as "What should we do if it doesn't work out?" and instead having it be about that 'pamphlet' that doesn't exist that he talked about. Talking about it like "Here is how being married legally affects us. What do these changes mean for us?" and go from there. I think it will naturally make people think about how to approach money as a couple... then you can bring up getting a prenup in light of this 'new information'
I kind of equate it to life insurance. You don't pay for life insurance because you plan on dying. But its there to make things a little less messy just in case things don't go as planned
Ohh man just took my breath away, man he's charismatic!
My goodness- such an entertaining & enlightening interview with a.....divorce lawyer? I was NOT expecting this- you've really outdone yourself this time, Chelsea!!
Wow. I just watched this because I watch everything Chelsea is in but I learnt so much. James gives amazing answers and analogies and he is so well spoken. I want to pick up his books even though I have no intention of getting married anytime soon.
This was a FANTASTIC conversation. I'd been meaning to write notes for my partner for so long. I stopped the video, wrote the notes and then hid them in the pockets of his clothing. Thank you!
He is so articulate, knowledgeable, and inspiring! Thank you so much for introducing him to us!
I’m single and this was just so interesting
"know your rights and know what you just entered into"
These topics need to be shared with the public!
My partner and I recently talked about pre-nups, and it reassures me that this attorney had the same views I do about handling marital contracts 😅 I always said that they help you look out for the one you love while you're still recognizable to each other and genuinely want what's best for the other. Nobody goes into marriage wanting divorce, but the statistics are what they are, and you have to be realistic about what you're getting yourself into. It's one of the best things you can do to show your love for one another.
writerspen010 omg I love what you said. I have been saying since my situation changed thanks for this.
Ok... I think I have a TH-cam crush on a divorce lawyer... send help.
Look up his girlfriend. Might change how you view him.
@@glitterstarbeau who is it??
He was flirting alright... I enjoyed the interview a lot though 😊
glitterstarbeau how do you find her out?
He was on some other show with a fancy car and a lady. I'm sure if you Google his name, you'll figure it out.
He has a way of explaining things that are so easy to grasp and understand.
This was such a great interview. Jim was dropping knowledge left and right, and Chelsea's questions were fantastic at facilitating and getting Jim to dish out that knowledge. I'm really loving this podcast
I never ever comment but I have to this time: what a brilliant interview! I've learned so much. I really enjoy his outlook on life & relationship, and his honesty. The whole series is great but this one is definitely the best so far. Great job Chelsea !
just got out of a relationship and James' words about falling out of love with someone were weirdly cathartic...I needed that, so thank u
Meg right!!!! The reality of things.
Wow. Speaking as someone who's probably going to get married in a few years - this was super educational. I mean I'm already pretty pragmatic even when it comes to marriage; I'm not really planning on getting married mainly to "solidify our love" but I look at it quite practically, so that part wasn't that groundbreaking but I still got my eyes opened on many things. I'm not sure if everything in my country works the same as in the US but a lot of it definitely does. Thank you so much, this was brilliant.
I think I feel you on what you mean by looking at marriage "practically". My bf of 5 yrs and I do have sentimental reasons for marriage, like a certain foundation for possible kids and wanting to be represented as a team in every way. However, there are practical reasons that are super important to me as well. There are legal protections and ease of access regarding finances, assets, power of attorney and dependents; along with possible financial benefits like tax deductions/credits, insurance rates, and the sharing of Social Security benefits. There's a lot more to it, especially in the U.S. I'm still doing my research but luckily I'm a few years away from jumping the broom.
Of course it's very "practical".. for women
@@wanderingdoc5075 Why would it be more practical for women than for men?
@abnattitude where can I find your published study? lol
I love this guy. I’ve seen several other videos with him and I bought his first book. Fascinating person with such a unique outlook on marriage.
Time is a non-renewable resource. I love that. I'm going to use that. Wow. Sweet line. I really like James, what a boss.
Wow, what an awesome guest. Who knew a divorce lawyer would be one of the best guests (IMHO) so far!!
This was my favorite interview of the series. So awesome. Great questions, conversations, and thought provoking points about tough topics.
My then boyfriend and I read James’ first book before we got married. We both loved it and apply the “not to do” advice in our marriage. Can’t wait to read his new book with my husband. Thanks for this video! :)
Second attorney I’ve ever known to inspire me as a fellow attorney. God, what drive, passion, wisdom, kindness, tough love, everything. I feel really inspired having watched this and learned about James. Thank you!!!
I think this is probably one of my favorite interviews. Especially because this is advice isn’t the most accessible otherwise. I’m long off from getting married, but I am happy to kind of start having this information embedded in my head.
this channel provides me therapy, marriage counselling AND financial literacy, thank you Chelsea LOL
People always look at me crazy when I say that a divorce isn't a failed relationship, so happy to hear this.
It often is, but once in a while is not.
Jim is always so on-point, if we take his insight to heart, it can definitely change one's marriage for the better.
This has probably been my favorite interview. Jim was super down to earth and so practical and explicit with his advice. I also just found it super uplifting when considering my own relationships. ❤️❤️❤️ I live these interviews, thanks TFD!
My dad had the best divorce with my mom. I believe this attorney or any would have been delighted. He believed she deserved everything and more for 1)putting up with him 2) being the mother of his children. He left her the house and anything she wanted. The court ordered a specific amount a month and he gave her double for us children. With that said I do believe in a prenup even though I’ve seen a good example. You may be the person that gets someone like my father or someone that is angry with life after a few years. Definitely plan ahead in your best times.
“Time is a non-renewable resource.” 💎
This was one of the best sessions ever.. he's so wise. A lot of his advice about relationships and just general stuff made significant impressions on me. Came for financial advice left wiser with life lessons
46:14 as a CPA that is absolutely correct and is usually a CPA exam question!
I've never looked at the "best friend" angle from that perspective. I say that my boyfriend of 5 yrs is my best friend and favorite person in the world. He's my best friend because I enjoy his company the most but I work hard to maintain my individual identity and have other best friends that have become sisters. I've been through too much in life to lose myself because I put all of my emotional eggs in one basket. When I have deeper conversations about why I say he's my best friend, I'll include a condensed version of what you said Chelsea. It was very insightful for me.
I don't always like what James says, on some youtube videos he sounds like one of those "bros before hos" women haters. But in this video he was really impressive and human and gave excellent advice. I don't always watch videos this long, but this one I watched completely til the end. This video should be required for anyone contemplating marriage or relationships in general.
Prenups aren’t legally binding I’m the UK or many other countries, be careful where you get married, where you get divorced
Anlbe1 the UK doesn’t have prenups? Or do you have your own version?
Stevie Sanko in Canada we don’t have prenups either. You can establish your marital contract once you get married. If you don’t do anything it will be 50/50
@@sexytrekkie , in India prenups are illegal and adultery is legal ,so I am never getting married, marriages do and have always sucked in India for women
Jim is an examplary lawyer and philosopher. The ethics and humanity behind the profession is always what makes it shine. Kudos.
yt keeps recommending this man, and i concur.
Such a phenomenal episode. Hats off to you all. Thank you for the insight.
I love listening to him. He is so knowledgeable and sage. 💓💕
I wish I could like this video more than once. So much great advice and insight! My parents went through a horrible divorce that dragged out over Three Years, and while I'm not even engaged that is something that I've always had at the back of my head: if I get married and unfortunately get divorced I Do Not want to have to endure that hardship. I love how practically and logically this topic is discussed here, because I think that aspect of marriage is not often enough considered. Everyone talks about their love and their floral centerpieces, which is great, but address the logistics too. Thanks for your continued fantastic work Chelsea! I'm a longtime fan ❤
This guys quotes is on point.
I love his thought of marriage and what it is.
Thank goodness for the spouses elective share! My grandpa left the house my grandma lives in to one of my uncles and he tried to kick her out. My grandpa never thought his son was a total jerk.
Thanks!
This has been my favourite episode so far! *ordering his book*
This was amazing. I love when someone who really really loves what they do for a living gets to share their wisdom. Thank you, James.
3 years later and I’m still coming back to this episode! I’m excited to read his book before getting married (:
Best interview to date that I've seen on your channel.
This is the best thing I've ever heard on TH-cam EVER. Amazing stuff, both of you are fantastic and the time just flew by!
This has probably been one of my favorite episodes, dude is extremely insightful
The thing about having to see that person again… I think a lot of parents don’t think about it. When covid took away my chance at a college graduation, part of me felt relief because my parents wouldn’t have to see each other. And part of me dreads eventually having a wedding, because my dad HATES my mom and I don’t know what to expect when they finally do see each other.
Love these long form interviews! I wish the pre-nup conversation was more normalized- marriage is a legally binding arrangement so all parties should understand the terms and have a chance to adjust them
I loved every second of this, I went straight from here to amazon and bought the book.
Which one?
Me too
Me and my partner have been together 3 years and are now beginning to discuss combining finances. I would love a video discussing the best way to navigate the conversation and the best way to mesh finances without taking away financial independence
Idk how far established you are in your careers because that can make a big difference. But, I personally wouldn't combine any finances until I was married (or engaged with a date in mind) to someone. It's good to make sure you're on the same page with one another, both know where you're at individually, and any expectations or aspirations you may have that could affect finances. (EX: costs of having a child, taking time off work to care for a kid or relative, switching careers, etc.) I'd suggest going through Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University together, particularly if either of you have debt because it's made to be great for couples. It's a bit rigid, but it provides a really good structure to build off of and the classes would help keep things moving forward. If you just talk, it's easy to just stop talking. If you pay for a class that happens every week and teaches you how to budget and stresses the importance of behavior in financial success? That might make a really big difference.
Also, if you care to know about my personal experience you can read more. So, with my husband and I, we came up with a way to split bills when we were talking about moving in together. But before we were officially engaged, we shared our financial goals, where we were at (credit scores, savings, debt), and our financial mindsets and pitfalls. Obviously this wasn't just one big long conversation. But financially, we were basically roommates that could talk about money. We even budgeted together when we had a time for our wedding. We wanted to be debt free and get his car paid off. So we had a super affordable wedding and honeymoon. Together, both were less than $1,000. Then we paid off his car (he started making larger payments before we got married because our goal). It's been less than a year since we moved in together, we paid off nearly $10,000 on a car loan, have a full emergency fund, and are contributing to retirement. But we still have our own money. There's a ton of shared expenses and we have a joint checking out. But we each get $200 a month in discretionary spending. We can save it, spend it, give it, invest it, do anything we want with it. Your amount might vary, but feeling like an individual financially is important. I found this keeps me from going off like "Why are you spending so much at Starbucks??? We have coffee here!" Or him from questioning why I got another beauty product. There's no resentment this way. Of course, I'm newly married but I've heard others say that works well for them too. I've also talked with couples that have everything joint and just have certain rules or guidelines in place like if something costs more than $50 or $100 then they'll talk about it with their partner before going forward with it. Of course, if it all varies and honestly whatever you do, it'll probably change quite a few times because even if you find the right strategy on your first try, life changes so your strategy could too.
You can have a joint account and each have a personal account. You never want to be in a position where you have absolutely nothing if things go south.
Don't combine your finances until you're married. Recipe for disaster.
You have your own, he has is own, you make agreed amounts to a joint
@@SevenRiderAirForce if you live together a joint is the best option so you have an agreed amount for bills that you both should pay. Like if I make 100k and you made 40k, I might put a larger amount because we might agree that we both put 20 percent because that will cover all the ( rent) and bills.
Love this! Definitely want to read his book!
"Happy wife, happy life" is a frustrating saying!
LOL.. That back ache analogy is so perfect. I do that ALL THE TIME. I have regular back pain. When it's gone the next day it's such a relief. You realize how great life is without it. Then after a couple days, yea, it's just what it is.
Thank you for this! I’ve always had an emotional stand against prenups, and always viewed them as belief that the marriage was going to end. But now I’m more open to the idea! But I’m definitely buying the book!
My gosh. Jim seems like a great guy and lawyer
One of the best, most informative interviews I've seen on TH-cam. Both participants were fantastic. Thank you for this vid.
This is my favorite episode.
I don't know if TFD reads a year later comments but this is so informative! I needed this. Its so helpful to think of things from this perspective, even though I hope to never get divorced.
This was a really great hour! One of the best TFD episodes in my memory :)
Wonderful episode! My most favorite attorney was able to discuss difficult topics with kindness but firm honesty. Agree about discussing potential problems while the feelings are full of goodwill. Thank you for the work you do. Very impactful.
This has been an amazing video that everyone should watch before marriage, if possible.
Also, him speaking on helping his dad learn to cook chili is so sweet. ❤️
Edit: After finishing it, I am going to rewatch it with my partner. We aren’t engaged, but we are discussing marriage, and I think this is a wonderful start to important conversations.
I just got married myself. I read the book "The Five Love Languages" with my husband and I'd recommend it to anyone thinking about marriage or already married. It really breaks down the "in love" experience and how people "fall out" of love but can fix that or prevent it from even happening. It's saved so many marriages and made so many of them better. It's available as an audiobook so you can listen to it when you're in the car, laying in bed, etc. That's actually how I listened to it with my husband, I got the actual book later since I liked it so much. The guy who wrote it is a Christian marriage counselor, but the logic applies to all marriages and even to dynamics with friends and family.
Rebecca A. Thank you! I’m definitely going to add this to my reading list for this year. ❤️
@@katieosborne5203 You're welcome!
Katie Osborne very smart!!!!
I never intend to get married and STILL this was uber helpful. Thank you!
Wow I learned SO MUCH about the legal nuances of marriage today!!! This episode was awesome and wow that guy is clearly such an expert in his field. Keep it up!
This was the most impressive and captivating conversations as it clearly explains concepts that are so often over looked by people. This alone has influenced me to subscribe. I absolutely loved this
I love James Sexton!!! I read his book! Thanks for bringing him as a guest.
Good for James not having a debt!
This is so good. So good. This should be public information.
This episode gave me so much insight!!!!