You don't see the red flags throughout childhood , then she finally takes the mask off...then when you start looking back you see all the evil things she has done.
It is so true. Our sister is a monster and has been one since she was a child. Our mom and I used to wonder why she was always so mean and abusive, we had no idea back then about narcissism. She is a fraud in everything she does and pure evil.
@@fahnidoesthingsandstuff2938 did u cut contact? Cuz mine is cool fun with everyone but is different to those close to him at home? I no longer engage with peace is a blessing
I know these comments are old but I'm going through it now and boy am I going through it. I constantly am ordered to fetch things for her to take care of her due to her fall she had six months ago than afterwards completely disregards me with silent treatment but when she needs something gets up and yells didn't you hear me calling wth?
Wow, Aaaisha90! I feel your pain. My sister is super narcissistic, and I just realized that this is her issue...Thanks to TH-cam! It only took me 62 years... Ouch! :-(
My sister has tried to destroy me and my character , she has turned my only daughter against me , she blocked me from saying goodbye to our Ain’t , a grandmother figure , Gaslights me But she owns most of my apartment and recently left me with nothing to eat . In lockdown she said she had done a big shop as in food . Hence I did not buy too much myself , I don’t have car and am in pain , she cancelled once but two days later she phoned , she baited me , we had an argument then said ‘Well I am tired I had my second vaccine and I don’t want to be around you if you are agitated , so I think it’s best if I don’t come over , sh had a fridge full of food , then cancelled . I was suicidal again , I am 60 as I had s little cash but too broken to get on a bus to get to store . I had $6 in my bank so not enough for Uber eats ..... I thought she had gone low but this was disgusting . Lucky a friend out 10 in my account so I got McDonajds delivered . Then three days ago I had a semi dislocated hip , had an appointment with chiropractor but I did over spend and needed help from her to get taxi there and back . She kept lecturing me about why had I spent all my pay , going on and on , she did not put even $20 in so I embarrassingly missed my appointment but left me in horrendous buttock hip pain , no pain relief , living alone . I can’t forgive her for that one She lives in a 4 million home yet her apartment I live in is full of mould and won’t get it removed even though I know I have mast cell activation syndrome and my pain is heightened by the mould and by my cruel sister I plan to leave I will get my mothers portion of the apartment as she has really gone to town on me ever since mom died and her husband left her She liked my ex more than me Never seen me do ballet I can’t take it anymore Tell me to stand up and get her out of my sensitive caring soul
Me too my sister texted some bad words to my gf from my mobile as me and broke my relationship with her she blocked me god I want to kill my sister.. She hurts me even after knowing I'm in pain
good for you, glad you are having a better life. I just realized my sister is a narc. Going to have a little fun before I go no contact. My mother is a narc too but is in long term care, so I must keep the relationship with sister until she passes, but low contact is what I am doing, and watching videos and reading for support. They are toxic.
@@karendadd5118 I am in the same position!! My father is in long term care, and doing worse. I am literally looking forward to his passing so I can never have contact with my sister again. I knew she always lied, but now I realize she's a narcissist. Toxic to me. I always referred to her as a pathologic liar, but she's more than that.
I am at rock bottom. I am in the process of getting some outside assistance and am trying to gain the courage to go no contact. My soul has been sucked dry and my finances have been as well. If I am not successful in getting away I don't know what is going to happen. The evil that my sister has done over the years is the worst a person could imagine and no one deserves to be treated as badly as she treats people. She is the most two faced fake person horrible there is.
I have a narc sister who's trying to compete with me. She never apologize to me unless I apologize first. Very lazy and only nice when she wants to use me.
@Elena Rusnac I thought this was only me! My Narc sister went out her way to imitate my style - hair, clothes, all of it. When she found out the guy I like ALSO liked my style, she went even crazier trying to find out what I was going to wear or do for him so that she could do the same, but better...It's actually scary.
Yes, it is. My family tease me (nicely) about how I spot so many narcs since I have been made aware. But it's true - there really are so many toxic people. It's just most people aren't aware of it. A bit like autism 25 years ago, no one had heard of that. Now everyone knows an autistic person (not saying autism is bad - I have an autistic son which is why I use this as an example. Autistic people are probably amongst the most genuine people on this planet). I hope NPD will get the same 'outing' over the next few years and then they'll have fewer and fewer places to hide as their vile ways become mainstream knowledge. P.S. - my children call their aunty The Narcissister - see what they did there :) :) You have to laugh.
AND ANOTHER THING--NEVER TELL THEM ABOUT MISTAKES YOU'VE MADE OR REGRETS YOU HAVE CAUSE THEY WILL FILE ALL OF IT AWAY TO USE AGAINST YOU IN A MYRIAD OF WAYS.
My sister and I have always been at odds and she only got close to me because our parents had died I did my best to be a brother but in time of need I noticed how she reacted and I realized that she was playing false with me the whole time. The most devastating thing is realizing just how deceitful and clever they are with you there's absolutely no heart or soul involved
This was an excellent example of my covert narcissist sister. No, you don’t see the red flags because you think that it’s your sister that you grew up with. It is a betrayal on a whole new level. It was something I never saw coming.
Orah Russell Yes! Took me almost a year to get my head around what I was dealing with in her. The betrayal was heart breaking. I trusted her, considered her a friend. It's been four years now with no contact. Without a doubt the most hateful, hurtful experience of my life. Oh, but I can see clearly now. A hard earned blessing.
You are right. They are extremely jealous and will do whatever they can to try to diminish your image in the eyes of others they value in order to feel better about themselves. It is all about what suits them and not about genuine goodness, love and care of you as a human being
It took YEARS for me to realize this but she was not introverted and really wasn't the golden child either. Sharing this because there are many variables in family dynamics and not all are carved in stone. Just be aware.
Linnea Wexler . I’ve had 58 years of that crap .... she’s gone now out of my life and it’s an amazing liberating feeling. She’s lost her controlling power. Jealousy is an evil thing and it brings out their true colours.
Disengage for sure! love that term , i have disengaed with narcs in my life as much as possible. its very sad how this affects families and others because they don`t understand or they are the same way.Sadly it is important to know who and what one is dealing with .Realease , disengage and stand grounded in your own space and time! We all deserve to love and be loved .Love from afar and disenage is most comforting for me so far. schooling myself has been helpful and thank you for your vid here.
I’m in the process of cutting ties with my sister. What you said about your sister is exactly my sister. It has taken me 40 years to discover her ways. Their ways eventually catch up with them. I’m done!
This is the most insidious form of narcissism, and other members of the family never believe you, sometimes you even question whether you are the narcissist.
Covert narcissists are so hard to spot. I've been conned for years by covert narcissistic family members and friends, and the brutal truth is really hard to accept!
+travelling incognito oh my goodness I'm still coming to grips that I have 2 in my family I replay different scenarios over & over again in my head like I can't believe how good they are hiding who they really !!
They will secretly compete against you too secretly jealous and secretly just want to destroy your life...you described one of the sisters I had...I'm done! And they not shy or sweet they are sneaky and secretly abuse you..
Yup. Though my sister didn't play shy, she played the "I'm better and normal and she is evil and weird". Then when you finally learn their tactics and get away from it your family thinks you're a crazy conspiracy theorist and continue to try and draw you back because they are still trapped.
Exactly! She used to say the most evil things to me at a time. I cut her off and all my family thinks I am cruel and acting petty for doing that. I should learn to forgive.
I'm happy you know so you can heal. I did my research for years and finally figured my sister out. She's ruined my life in a lot of ways. The hardest part was knowing she never loved me. I really believe she doesn't know how to love. I almost feel bad for her. Even after all the bullshit she's put me through. Personally it's easier to let go if I feel empthy. That's just how I deal with the heartache 💔 Best of luck!
Lemon Spring . I’ve had the same “ black sheep of the family “ ... by challenging them you’re labelled as the ‘trouble maker’ .... nah, that ain’t gunner work anymore. Walk away .. it’s the only peace you’ll get
Wow. My sister is similar to this. She'll be nice to me but then randomly be extremely mean. When she's mean she will not take responsibility for it. Example: I'm telling her a story. She is not responding at all. I take her silence as her listening to me. All of a sudden, I am saying something and she yells "You've already said that! Why are you saying that?" No matter what I say back, she doesn't wanna hear it. She doesn't care about what I'm saying. She just wants what I'm saying to be quick and expedient so that she won't "have" to listen to the "torture" that it is to listen to me speak. Your video gave me some tips on figuring out who she is, but I'm not sure if she's exactly like your sister. She tends to be nice a lot but there's always been a thing where we get into arguments and my side of the story is not treated fairly. She doesn't listen to me or treat me fairly in arguments. I think she's gotten a lot closer to me this summer because I have a car and she doesn't. When I told her that I didn't want to drive her anywhere anymore, she said "You can't order me around!" to which I responded with "I own my car and you don't dictate what I do with it." I just cut her off a few minutes ago and feel a LOT of pain. My parents are narcissists and now it seems yet another one of my family members is just a person feeding off of me and attacking me at their leisure. I'm tired of it. I'm reallly really really fucking sick of it.
The answer to this problem is SPACE. As much of it as possible between you and your sister, possibly your parents too. As soon as you possibly can, get your own place and keep contact to a minimum. Do not take the bait. Do not try to justify your decisions to anyone. Put the phone down, politely. Walk out the door, firmly but politely. Say, at most: "You are entitled to your opinion and I to mine. Goodbye." Just a suggestion. Don't let them get you angry. It's bad for your health. Good luck.
I really understand you, i had two narcisistic friends whom i had to get away from because i discovered VERY late were narcisists, one of them , unfortunately is a neighbor whom i can't get away from because she's friends with the family, but she've been giving me my peace lately, and it's because whenever i meet her i go in a black and white mode, i switch off my emotions,and become super boring and short, which is the complete opposite of my personality. And now i've discovered that my sister is a narc too, damn the pain ya'll. The pain of knowing you gotta keep your empathetic pure feelings to your self in fear of someone close using them against you, everytime ive met that friend it hurt me because in the back of my mind i just wanna be my normal, spontaneous self with her but i know it comes with a big price. And just now knowing i have to live the same experience with a beloved sister hurts me, but it's for the good, you have to be short with them, otherwise you and your life are gonna be the price.she has already in several occasions came between me and my mother, she would not let me play or hang with my niece in peace , ( her little daughter, whom i love so much) without using it against me and finding a way to humiliate me for it, i feel bad for her daughter,my baby, i wish she grows to be a stable and mentally healthy person, cause her mom surely isn't😔.
Thank you all for your replies. A lot has changed over 2 years later. I don't regret cutting her off. She absolutely is a narcissist and everything she said was gaslighting and invalidating me. I WAS listening to her, I WAS validating her, I WAS and AM a good person. SHE was the one who was taking advantage of me to use MY car whenever she wanted. She would give me little crumbs of "love" (such as keeping some of her promises--which really doesn't deserve extra praise because that's what normal people ALWAYS do). She would hold those crumbs over my head for months afterward if I dared to complain about her behavior. I had to move back in with my narcissistic parents, and she lived there while I was there. She called me a horrible person and said, "Well, I did everything I could. If you don't want to have any kind of friendship with me, then it's your loss." That moment right there was when I realized that she was gaslighting me. I thought to myself, "No, you bitch. My GAIN!"
@@teena5723 I feel you SO hard. I felt like I was choking when I couldn't express myself to my own family--the ones who are supposed to validate me and support me and encourage me. I was surviving--not living--when I was there. It's so painful to realize this is what we lived through.
Wolves in sheep’s clothing! Run!! 😅 They love nothing more than to triangulate, manipulate, control, compete, gaslight, put down, smirk, etc. My sister was somewhat contained until I progressed in life. Then she just couldn’t bring herself to ride up the elevator with me. Good lord! It’s almost like if they feel you’re beneath them they mostly leave you alone. If not, all hell breaks loose! 😂 I’ve learned that just because someone is family does not mean they get a free pass to all of the above. Seriously- we have to have some boundaries. Such a nasty personality type. Yuck!!😀 No contact for yucky people!
They do love ATTENTION & being put on a pedstal & she will use any tactic to maintain & control the power of shining on that self made pedestal. A secret jealousy operates within them that is very dangerous so never let your guard down. NEVER!!!! A Narcissistic is like a wolf in sheep clothing!
Dianne Anderson - perfect. Couldn’t put it better myself. I’ve suffered badly by my younger sister’s behaviour for many years. Thanks to my awareness of Narcs, I can now play the avoidance game. I no longer share my thoughts or confidences with her as an example. Now I treat her like an acquaintance, never letting her get too close to me. So far it’s working.
Omg! I recently just discovered my oldest Sister was a Narcissist after years of her betraying my trust, secretly competing with me, mirroring and acting like me, befriending my ex-husband or anyone that knew me and I was no longer friends with them. I became so freaked out when I realized this girl was trying to become me. She literally started painting like me, wearing her hair and nails like me, now she wants to wear lipstick, talking like me and when I called her out. She claimed she was always like that. I cut her off! She is dangerous! I told her you are an ENEMY! This was freaky as shit to watch someone literally trying to become you. NO DEAL! I now call her a FAN! It's a Wrap! Stay away from these kind of women.
I went through this my whole life with my sister. This describes her perfectly. She was so good at it she convinced our mother to never talk or see me again when I was 25. My sister brain washed our mother with so many lies about me it worked. Such a heart breaking ending as my own mother actually died thinking I was the enemy, she believed whatever my sister told her, she was the "golden child" her whole life and I was the "family scapegoat" for all the family problems and unhappiness at home and even when I lived in another state. I survived years of mental, verbal, physical abuse from my sister and older brother and then years of rejection from my mother due to my sister's brain washing her, only to be refused access to my dying mother from my sister and older brother. It was pure hate from them as they even took it as far as our mothers death bed. I could not even comprehend how evil they both acted, and they were in their 40's and 50's at the time. Your videos helped me so much to see how many of us are in the world that are hated by family and are truly the scapegoats. We understand in the end why we never had loving family and close relationships with siblings. So very sad.
Hi same situation here. But you need to remember something. A mother would never been brainwashed by no one if she truly loves her daughter. Meaning that....they used your mother to hurt you. But sometimes we need to detach from the bridge that the pain can come from and then there will be no space from the pain to come, is a way to protect yourself. As they feel like taking something from you they will hurt you and that satisfies them seeing you like that. But when u tell them that theyve nothing from you is where they dont have where to hurt you. I used to love my mother alot. And my sister and father used her to hurt me. Until the day i had to cut her off too. Coz if someone loves you and specially a mother will not even dare to listen 1 bad word be said to you❤
Anyone can be brainwashed (a.k.a. abused, manipulated, etc.) by a narcissist. My mother was controlled by my narc sister for 41 years, from the day my sister was born until the day our mother died (Dec 2020). And since our mother’s death my sister has become even more cruel and disgusting, which I didn’t think was possible. Never underestimate the abilities of a narcissist.
My sister turned my whole family against me. She told everyone the nastiest worst unbelievable lies about me and they believed her. They attacked me made false police reports restraining orders. I'm so traumatized I can barley function. I am no contact but still feel great pain and fear
I experienced similar with fabricated legal stuff like yours. It is indeed extremely traumatizing and a major "mind-f" to be the actual victim and be made out to be the opposite from such evil people. I am no-contact as well and am experiencing pain and fear too, because it makes you fearful that if that can happen, anything can. Especially when they use lies to turn the very law that is supposed to protect you, against you. I completely understand, I am working through it as well. I am getting therapy for PTSD and hoping to see light on the other side. Love and light to you for healing and freedom from them forever.
Danielle Sunshine stay away from your sister...mine did the same thing to me 10 years ago. She made a false police report and sided with my ex to take my kids away from me all because I had a man in my life. Jealousy is an evil poison. I keep her far from me because she is unpredictable. My parents see but don't understand to what extent she can push things to make my life hell. We are middle aged and she still acts like a jealous teenager. I'm in pursuit of peace so I can have a balanced and peaceful life. I keep toxic people far way.
How to keep theese people away when they have my daughter and use her against me. I meditate and want to get stronger...... Hope my meditation will make me stronger.......... planning on getting my daughter home and move from here, but my daughter has issues also now, she has such anger issues and she is only 4,5 years, that came after she moved to my sister, she is not good with foods either and her own kids struggle with learning issues, migraine etc etc... maybe she is starting to get karma....?
The narcissistic sibling can be the most dangerous because you never see them covering !! Unmasking who they really are helps to protect yourself from these predators !!
Discovering the Narcissistic Father You nailed it! Took me literally YEARS to realize my older sister was a narcissist . As children she literally ruined my relationship with my father. He grew to "hate" me because of the things she told him about me as a child as well as the years of growing up. All the time making me believe she "loved" me and wanted to spend the rest of our lives together as best friends in our "old age". He didn't know the truth until he was on his death bed and even then I was still in denial . It took her telling me out right she wished I had never been born, wished I had died in an accident (had in my teens) and that yes, she did create the hate my father felt for me by playing "my victim". I have not seen, or talked to her in six years.
@Judy Osborne I finally realized my older sister totally hates me. It should have been obvious way before now, considering all the things she has done to undermine me up to and including theft of my personal belongings and interference in my friendships and social circles. But at the same time she would always hand-make these very lovely but totally sentimental and sickly sweet occasion cards, always with SISTERS! in some kind of curly script and some reminiscence of a touching childhood memory. Classic covert tactics? She would always brag about my talents to others, but not in ways that would pique their interest; rather it would have the opposite effect and completely embarrass me and probably insure that they lost all future interest. She has for decades acted butt-hurt like it is mean ole stuck up me that is the reason we don't have the ideal sister bond, because I am a selfish asshole who rejects her in favor of my "cool" friends. Of course this is bullshit. We were never close and yet as children, even though I was the younger one (3 years), I was somehow made to feel responsible for her social life. I always had an easier time making friends and fitting in and instead of this quality being praised and nurtured, it was treated as a betrayal of her, as if it was my responsibility to make sure she had friends to play with/hang out with. Totally backwards. It is true I would ditch her - because she wasn't fun. She had no sense of adventure and was always the naysayer, the worrywart, the voice of "oh don't do that!" and then she would make SURE we got in trouble by tattle-telling every time, so gradually yeah, I ditched her! I have constantly been called out for being "disloyal" to her, which actually just meant not confirming her distorted recall of events, which usually concerned a conflict with a third party. E.G. say she got in a squabble with one of my friends, in which she was totally wrong, and I would give my true opinion of who was right. This was NOT allowed! I should ignore my perceptions of reality and inner sense of integrity in order to be "loyal", loyal to the lie, that is! She pretended to be proud of me in adulthood while always sabotaging me in various ways, like getting me to do something for her in exchange for her doing something for me, only she would never do her part! She nearly made me miss a very important deadline that could have wrecked a project I had been working on for months until I finally wised up to this and quit and didn't see her for a couple of years. Another reason I stopped seeing her was her gross inability to be on time for everything and then never apologizing because it was never due to her poor planning, or selfishness, or lack of consideration for others, it was always something beyond her control, so why should she apologize, even if I had been waiting five hours in a freezing train station or something! I told her I couldn't make any more plans with her until something changed, and she took responsibility for this pattern. She didn't because nothing is ever her fault so we didn't see each other for a long time, couple of years. She later characterized this as me "rejecting" her and once again took absolutely no responsibility for causing the chain of events that led to the rupture. Most recently, she has tried to get me to take responsibility for our Cluster B mother's abuse: the last time I saw the woman, she physically attacked me, out of the blue, in a drunken rage and in the process got hurt herself. My sister wants me to apologize to my mother for this which of course I will never do. I have another half sibling who is a totally reptile-brained sociopath but she is a lot more high functioning that the older sibling and actually she scares me more because she seems capable of attaining some kind of power in the world, whereas the older one has a messy, aimless life. Sadly, there is another half-sister with whom I might have had a good and real relationship, including investigating Cluster B and what happened in our family, but she is totally trauma-bonded with her evil sister, with whom she grew up in my father's hoard, the mother already haven gone nuts and vanished. If it weren't for people like you,with similar stories, and the Internet and great people like the gal who runs this channel, I would have died a long time ago. It took me until my 30s to begin figuring this out and I have been at it for 16 years now. I always had a ridiculous fantasy that I could save my older sister. Now I realize she fucking hates me anyway and is a covert narcissist who has just been consumed with jealousy since the moment of my birth, so what a waste of heart. I'm done. x
My sister in a nut shell, yes, this is exactly how its been all my life... I'm 38 and have been so broken hearted over and over... She's turned my entire family against me, ruined my relationship with my mom and ripped all my nieces and nephews away from me... 😔
I can relate. It always puzzled me why my sister and I didn't have a warm, loving sisterly relationship. I knew I was a caring and great person, but I could never understand why my sister didn't see it. Then she would sometimes act like she was a nice sister and my hopes would go up that she is finally going to appreciate me, but then for no reasom she will do something very hurtful to me. I knew I had a narcissist mother and I was the scapegoat, but I now realize my sister is a covert narcissist so I will give up hope of ever having a caring, loving sister. It only took me about seventy years to realize this!
Eff that. You don't need what she brings into your life. She doesn't like that you're a better person. You have a heart. She envies that because she has to fake emotions.
OMG, you are a GOD SEND!!! The two narcissists in my family are my mother and my sister...the "golden child with the halo around her head!" She's a narcissist, but she's not introverted nor shy. She's rather out-going and DOES have a very jealous spirit.
+Mutable Mercury 16 wow thanks you for your message !!!! Once thing about it you know who to avoid going forward in life!!! I just hate that I believed it was all normal until I got older and realized nothing shout it was ever normal! Took me a little longer to realize who my sister was since she's the introverted Narc!!!
My earliest memory is being 4 years old and excited about a sibling, but then being told that I have to give up for them because they have to 'compete' with me. My sibling realized this very early and from the time she was 6 she was manipulating life... I was told it was 'sibling rivalry', that I got more than she did and should be appreciative, that I should set the example. Took until she was 40 and threatened to shift the crap to my kids for me to see her for the sick individual that she is. I was Daddy's girl, he saw the BS and told me to 'get out and move on', but he died recently and NS is going all out to cut me off...
I can't even begin to run down the list of things my sister has done to me over all this time.... and I'm in my forties. She still tries to carry on fake conversations and makes plans to hang out....and the interactions are SO strange. At least she doesn't have the family hoodwinked though....
+Janet Romey yes! Now she is completely predictable I can see her coming from a a mile away with her devious plan and I am sure to watch out for her thank you so much for the comment & support
They keep up the facade. They tell lies to people making it sound like they care. Spreading bad images of you. If something good does happen, they will be sure to never mention that. They don't want to hear that you've done something good.
Always competitive and comparative with you while in front of the family always talking good about you. So when you cry foul, you are the ugly one in front of the family.
Lemon Spring You should be happy that they take you as a role model. If they like to compete with you, that means that you’re doing something right that they like to emulate. This is the highest compliment. I always treat narcissists with patience, kindness, and love and don’t let their actions faze me. I can only control my actions, and if my actions make them better, that’s a great achievement for me. I have faith that God changes hearts when He wills, and I’ve seen it happen.
My sister..is completely a text book covert Narcissist...it is Absolutely Hart breaking....a complete nightmare.... nothing but pain and sorry ! ..... you are all the way right They will get people 2 hate you... for no reason!!
It used to frustrate me intensely that no one would believe my sister to be a narcissistic princess. She's the classic covert narcissistic; her public persona to the world is the shy, delicate little missy who wouldn't hurt a fly. Hearing your description of covert narcissism has been enormously validating. Thank you.
Omg..now I get why I don't really have a bond with my sister.. You would think sisters would be super close..nope.... I really have isolated myself from my family because they are so toxic. What makes it worse I find myself with some toxic traits.. Sad because you grow up thinking this behavior is normal. Have to come to grips with the reality that my Mother may be a narc. I'm a grow women and can't make a move with out her input. Sad because I may have been groomed this way. Ohh not to mention if a day goes by and I don't call her.....it's all starting to come together. These narcs smell us a mile away. Now I understand why my marriage failed. He was a serial cheater abandoned me and his kids now remarried with kids and he see those kids everyday. I was starting to think something was wrong with me. But it makes since why he moved on so fast remarried with six months of our divorce being final Same women he cheated with . The crazy making levels these people can get you to stoop to.. Healing is taking place and. I appreciate channels that are bringing more awareness to this abuse.. I find strength in it all because it was meant to destroy me. I refuse to not be happy. So many eye opening things. Great full is all I can say.. Still loving with a good heart. They on the other hand are dead inside. .....
+MsLovelylady32 thank you so much for sharing I can not imagine how difficult that must be for you!! But it's a great thing that you are still fighting the good fight! Yes unfortunately they're times when we find ourselves caring around their negative traits and energies and acting like them it's easy to pick those bad habits out when you were raised with them!!! Be patient with yourself during this healing process and continue on your road and journey to happiness...I wish you all the best!!
Oh. I’m so sorry, at least I only have one sister. Although it seems my bipolar brother also is Narcissistic. Something I only realized recently and he’s retiring now, I’ve just turned 60. So for years felt sorry for both of them.
I have finally cut ties with my 2 elder sisters who have always hated me, especially the eldest one.....she has been crazy jealous of me all my life. I could never figure out why they hated me so much because I have not had a happy life.....in fact I have been through a lot of heartbreak. I finally met a kind and caring man a few years ago and we are married and for the first time in my life I feel happy......my sisters hate it.......it's like they really can't stand the idea that I have finally found some happiness. I am now going to cut contact with them.......I can not take their evil energy and negativity any more. I'm done. The only thing that makes me feel sad is that I love their kids (my nephews) and this means that I probably won't see my nephews any more....but this is a price I am going to have to pay in order to be free from 2 bitter, twisted and cruel women. The loss is theirs, not mine.........one thing that I will always be thankful for is that I have a kind heart.......I would NEVER want to be like those two.
SAME...OMG....EXACTLY THE SAME. SHE CAME OUT AND TOLD ME TODAY...SHES SICK AND TIRED OF WATCHING ME GET EVERYTHING I WANT... MY JAW DROPPED!.. NO CONTACT FOR CHRISTMAS...SRY 4 ALL CAPS WHOOPS
Dead On!!! Because this is a spirit named Narcissism...affects many!***** ZERO genuine Accountability***** for their actions....But a victim of Life.....ALWAYS a victim..... On the up side of it...so very grateful I'm not them and actually pitty their sad existence....Their own insecurities are Their Own Prison.... You can Love them but you don't have to be their friend.
Just found out my sister; the only relative who is still alive, is a nsrcissist. Whats mind blowing is that I had to really live on my own for 2 years to come to that conclusion.
Imagine thinking your aunt and twin cousins love you and care for you and then at age 11, your mother dies you move in with them thinking that you get to live with your best friends and a lady who loves you like your mother did and then things change and all three of them are narcissists with your twin cousins ganging up on you (one would make up lies about me and the other would back her) and your aunt always believing them over you and making you feel like crap. Glad I dont talk to them anymore...
I'm finally seeing my little sister for the manipulative covert hater actually she is. This describes her pretty accurately. As an empath,, it was a hard pill, but signs are all there. Wow...glad I'm awake!
Wowwwww!!! i literally thought i was the only one!!!! it took me years....recently at 31!! this is sooooo on point..it is crazy... this has literally have 2 be true..there is no way this label is a coincidence!!
Yes, torture. I wish there was more about this out there. There's a lot about narc parents and partners, but whilst there's a huge crossover, having a narc sibling is its own uniquely horrific experience too.
I'm sorry it took me 55 years of life to realize my younger sister is a covert narcissist. She was also extremely shy and an introvert so I never made the connection until a year ago.I had an epiphany finally and so I started reading about COVERT narcissist. I suffered years of abuse and being accused of horrible things. Her jealousy and rages would catch me so off guard. She is always the victim and is always feeling slighted, but you could go months with everything being fine which is when I would let my guard down, but she eventually will attack! There are 4 of us siblings and I'm the only one who had kept a relationship with her because I am the empath in the family. Our mother passed away a year ago and I was the executor of the estate which angered her beyond comprehension. I handled everything with our mom's death alone because of covid yet she accused me of the most horrible things. She was filled with rage and she was so vicious. I will never forgive her this time. She called me every filthy name in the book, accused me of stealing, told me my kids hate me (they love me), told me I was ugly and jealous of her, told me she was going to tell my spouse of 25 years that I cheated on him which is a made up lie but she was going to tell him that anyway. When I told her he does not understand why I still talk to her, she began to make threats against him. She told me that I have made it my life's mission to destroy her starting from the time she was born. I'm just 2 years older than her! I have saved all of these rage filled text messages to remind myself! Have not spoken with her since Sept of 2020 and I couldn't be happier.
BOOM! You could have described my sister! Only difference is that she is 20+ years older than me. She has never liked me, has always been covertly hostile. I tried for decades to reach her, only to be treated as if I was some kind of juvenile delinquent, even when I was successful in my career! She pretended to support me when I went no contact with our mother, but in reality she was undermining me and using the situation to her own advantage. It took me all this time to finally figure out how much she has always hated me. I am DONE!
It is scary when the mask slips and you see them for whom they are. My sister would always ask to get together and then not be available for weeks. I assumed she was just really busy until a few group emails went out to the family and the sister who was always too busy to see me was suddenly available for other family activities, and didn't care that I knew it. When I told her in an email that it hurt my feelings she stopped communicating with me, and didn't respond to any further communication.I guess it is a blessing in disguise.
This makes some sense. My sister was tricky. She was very jealous and she gathered information about me to report back to my parents. I think some of it was lies. She helped me financially for awhile but it was a way to make herself look generous and like the good sister when she was scheming against me out of hatred and envy. It took me decades and I’m just beginning to see her for the cruel person she really is. After awhile she tortured me mentally and I almost lost it because it had gone on for years and I didn’t detect it. I’ve gone no contact and I’ve gotten so much better. I think of her as the twisted sister. Yuk, should have told her, I don’t want your money! Nothing is worth that pain.
"She puts in her headphones when she is supposed to be spending time with me." WOW. It's like they all read the same narc playbook or something. My sibling always puts in their headphones when they are with me.
I love this! My sister is an extroverted narcissist (was shy when young) but changed for more attention and now her 20-something daughter is the same. Sad. They are toxic.
Thank you so much for this video! A perfect description of my sister :-) You do a great job in analyzing and putting words to this problem. I agree with you, the coverts are the worst. My overt narc father laid the foundation and made me the scapegoat of the family, but it was my covert narc sister who almost succeeded in driving me to commit suicide. Luckily, in the end I was to coward to go through with it! So I had to stay in hell for some more years, survived, and then got out of there bit by bit. I´m now in my fifties, and it took me decades to understand what was going on in my family and why I had all these emotional problems, and then many years of work to heal myself from the depressions, the anxiety, the social phobias etc. To a great extent I am healed now and I have a great life, although not without problems of course, and some clearly connected to the narc abuse, so I keep working on those. I very much appreciate your videos - it´s so important to reach people with information about these things. Keep up your fantastic work! Take care!
+Amalia K. Sooo sorry you had to endure that pain!! :( but I must correct you, you weren't a coward for going through that you're a warrior for getting through that & still finding reason to push through so good for you !! Keep staying strong & you're welcome for the videos they're my pleasure
Your story is just like mine! It’s shocking! The overt bullying father and sister. They almost got me to commit suicide and I somehow am alive. My narcissistic mother turned out to be even worse than them! She even told me to kill myself. I just turned 60. I was in mental hospitals and emergency rooms from attempts all the time because they scapegoated me mercilessly. I was on tons of psychiatric medications. Now I’m not because I left the whole family. I’m soooo much better now that they are gone!! These people are cruel and evil. My family actually wanted me to die.
I can't thank you enough for this! It's not talked about enough. I feel that it's worse in a family setting. My sister is a covert and she has ruined my life in many ways. It's hard on the whole family but they believe her lies. I'm of course the scapegoat but thankfully she's not speaking to me anymore.
Wow I’m sorry you’re going through this I hope that you can set healthy boundaries ! Thank you so much for listening and you’re very welcome I’m glad my message could reach you.❤️
I've just found out my 1 older sister is also a covert narcissist just like my covert narcissist hubby is that I left 8 weeks ago.As I speak I'm trying to leave her.I left 1 narc to go live with another 1😢.
Thank you so much! I was beginning to think nobody had narcissistic siblings that specifically a sister you would not believe the things that mine has done to me and my mother believes her not me thank you thank you
The family doesnt discuss it openly. Wikipedia describes these dynamics. The dysfunctional family and the control freak and what happens when you bring it out into the open.
How sick, self defeating even for the sister. Ridiculously threating for you. you have a right and a need to find a space to call home and a safe bed to rest.You do know better and will keep good quality beneficial friends despite this. So glad that you gained clarity, and thanks for sharing.
I love the way you explain about the Covert Narcissistic Personality Sibling dynamic. Thank you for shedding light on this subject, it’s painful but very much needed. 🙏🏼❤️🕊
Wow thanks for this video. It makes me feel so much better. This explains my sister to a T. The entitlement (especially when money was involved,) ignoring phone calls for months, pretending to want to hang out but not caring at all when I was in need, being really good at faking interest in things that were important to me, constant lying, bad mouthing friends behind their backs and then pretending to be their best friends to their faces, etc. etc. She cut me off years ago and blamed it on terrible things I'd supposedly done that never actually happened. My parents wanted nothing to do with the situation, so I felt really alone. I was confused and devastated for a long time and kept going back into old memories wondering if I'd done something different growing up if our relationship could have been better, but now I totally see that this is just how she is and nothing can change it. All of my best efforts to have a good relationship with her may have failed, but now I know it's not my fault. It just wasn't ever going to be the way I'd hoped. I'm actually really grateful she did that now. I don't have to ever worry about dealing with that BS in my life anymore. I'm sure there probably would have come a point where, if she didn't do it, I would have. It's sad she had to turn it all on me to do it, but it's still really liberating. I just wish I'd realized this sooner.
I'm moving because I need to get away from this family. I don't know where my dad or other sister stands by my mother and my oldest sister has narcissism omg this was like my key to my life right now
Thank you for this video!! I realized that my father was a narcissist a couple of years ago. I started to suspect that maybe my sister was a narcissist. Based on your description, my sister is definitely a covert narcissist. You described my childhood to the letter and now my adult relationship with her.... THANK YOU!
I have a narcissistic young sister who has treated me like crap since we were young. The things I have gone through, the things she's said to me still hurt to this day. The worst thing about dealing with a narcissistic sister is that no one will believe you; not even your other siblings or parents. I have forgiven her over and over again but her behaviour doesn't change and the worst thing of it all, my parents just sweep her behaviour under the rug taking about how we are "sisters," we should love and forgive each other and highlighting the fact that other family members would be happy to hear that we don't get along. But nobody seems to care about the emotional damage she has done to me. Earning more money than me does not give you the right to treat me like crap. She's a lawyer by profession, so you can imagine how smooth she can talk then pretend she's done nothing wrong and doesn't know why I'm hurt. She a manipulative human being who is never wrong. I cant even have a conversation with her about anything because my opinion doesn't matter. I have literally cut her out of my life. She's so toxic, emotionally abusive and good at covering it up.
Omg yesssssssss holy shit my sister is the same!! but shes the loud narcisist but is verrry sneaky amd manipulative. Nobody can see it but mee its so frustrating.
Gemini Queen at least you are on to her !! I wasn't on to my sisters hidden covert gifts of being a nasty sociopath until I was down & then she kicked me hard so the whole family could see how much better than me she really was !!! she hated how her bad choices made her feeel less than so she had to come up with a life time plan to wreak havoc , exploit my weaknesses ....
The same. Nobody can see what is my sister. Everybody love her because she is harismatic person but nobody really see what are she doing to me, what kind of person she is.
I have a covert narcissistic sister. You never see them coming because you don't think its your own sibling who's out to secretly harm you. They DO NOT acknowledge your accomplishments, if you look attractive, not even your new car, job, promotion, ect.. Not going to happen. There's a secret jealously. They spend time gossiping behind your back and WILL speak negatively behind your back yet smile in your face. Compassion and understanding is non-existent.They LOVE to hear everything about your life because they're secretly trying to find a window of sabotage. They are jealous of your loving relationships with others and WILL betray you when the opportunity arises at the drop of the hat. She slept with a boyfriend of mine. He was a looser narcissist to the tenth power, yet it was her betrayal that hurt. She planned sleeping with him right up under my nose. I was so naïve. I wondered why she kept mentioning him....smh. She never admitted tho, even with blatant proof!! When they harm you, its always excused, justified or didn't happen. They gaslight always. When something terrible was going down in the family, SHE was always silently in the background manipulating and creating all of it. They never apologize. Not mine at least and LOVE when you're having any sort of calamity. Oh, and the lies are relentless!! There was ALWAYS an underhanded, snide remark when speaking with me. Always a put-down. They will also try to get your own children turned against you. She has the whole family fooled. I could go on, yet no contact is the only thing that's a must.
Butterfly Whispers wow. you were talking about my sister ..this is her profile exactly .. I do not know if she slept with any of my romantic partners but she HAS. done all the other shit you mentioned ; so I'm sick to my stomach knowing she probably did or wanted to ..GROSS!! how sadist narcissist really are !! their minds are really screwed!!!
Can't agree more with the underhanded snide remarks bit! Have dealt with them for long from my "sister". And yes has got the whole family fooled! They believe in her as she always appreciates me in front of them and plays the victim telling them I don't talk to her anymore, which is so very sad. Poor her. Haa
Mine also had some sexual relations with an ex boyfriend of mine, and has told some of extended family my "deep secrets" I never wanted them to know about me (mostly related to my sex life/some drug use in my teens which I am TOTALLY PAST NOW ), AND brought up some of these unflattering stories about me at family gatherings as if they were some funny old stories, much to my embarrassment. I chalked it up to her having no filter or tact, but I'm thinking since she also never congratulates me for accomplishments and she ignores me a lot, she may at least have some tendencies towards this kind of pathology.
One time I complain about a relationship I was having didn’t feel like ending it just girl I was dating was being testy my sister grabbed my phone without my consent sent end of relationship text . When it was clear as the blue sky her boo was cheating on her everyone from me my parents told her to end the relationship or move on . She didn’t and caused. Herself a lot of heartbreak which now she’s trying use as a way to try and control me I’m still pissed by hypocrisy she’s alright with ending people’s relationship without consent I’m still pissed about that since I put too and too together.
@@darthbaesiannn it's been 9 years since I've seen or spoken to my sister. I know she hates me and had to stay on good standing with our narcissistic mother. I'm nothing like them so it's safe to stay away.
Wow, it’s only been 2 weeks for me tomorrow. I felt numb the day I decided to go NC and I’ve cried a couple times. Now I feel guilt, I start to feel I miss those good times and the warmth and support I thought was real. I start to second guess at times. It’s comforting to see how others discuss it in TH-cam and online comments. It helps a lot. When I finally put the puzzle together, I made the important decision and I know it’s best for me. My health was going down rapidly from the stress and deep depression it caused on top of life challenges. Good for you for making this choice and sticking to it despite how hard it is to let family go. Thanks for sharing with me
@@darthbaesiannn I tried for about 7 years to reconcile with cards (my sister is the narcissistic estranger)...I finally had to stop and let go. I missed the person I thought she was. It still hits me but counseling really really helps.
They constantly show you your worth by how they treat you. I have a whole family unit like this, so what your saying resonates with me. You do not walk alone...
Ryan Dawson tell them nothing, no matter how much you want to share with them. They may ask or bait you but go grey rock. The are not entitled to know anything about your life even though they think they do. Good luck on the interview, I hope it's a new start to a good journey
I stood next to my sister in front of a mirror. She had just played yet another nasty trick and I suddenly spotted the sardonic sneer, it was a revelation of a lifetime of yes, evil things. Lies, deceit, breaking and destroying my things, spoiling get togethers, always 'sicker' than me, thankfully she is on a different continent and we're in our 70's, I feel like she was a demon in disguise when I've shown her loving kindness all along. No more contact and feels very freeing.
i am just realizing this about my sister and its soo good to know im not the only one!!! it pissed me off to realize finally what she was doing and had been doing all our lives!! i will never speak to my sister again unless she is truly remorseful for her actions against me because she has tried to ruin my life many many times and im close to hating her for it since i now know... im so upset
I think I've been lucky in that I am not the only family member who noticed traits of narcissim in my sister, I just didn't realise until very recently that there is a name for her behaviour. It's helped me to finally realise that there is no point continually trying to be helpful, kind, affectionate, forgiving... normal, with her, she will never change. Minimum contact and hopefully, finally peace of mind. Don't waste your time with them.
My sister has turned all acquaintances against me. She tells people all about the family wedding i was not invited to because she knows they'll mention it to me. I moved nearby her 3 years ago and have no place to go back to. I feel suicidal but honestly think that would fit her story so well. I think that's what she wants. I didn't realize she had turned into my mom. My mom used to get this little smile on her face when she knew she had poked a sensitive spot in me. I wish there were shelters for women being abused by their female relatives. I need a witness protection program.
I am in awe how well you know my sister and how much you and I have in common. I could have narrated your video with my story and they would be absolute replicas. Thank you for validating my feelings cuz you know the nar. family would never ever. Even tho every one knows I am the genuine kind hearted one. Of course they feel the only choice is to vilify the goat. Lifetime of pain. I am newly no contact but still in shock and horror this occurs.
Omg you are an answer to my prayers. Your sister sounds exactly like my sister and two of my brothers. It’s such a sad situation, being that it is family. Trust me on what I am about to say. Plz cut all ties with this person. She will destroy everything else in your life including boyfriends, aunts, children etc. These people are really sick and their is NOTHING that you can do to help them. I have four brothers and one sister and two narcissist parents. It took me a very long time to figure out why every time I would attempt to have close relationship with my parents, some of the younger siblings would destroy it. I am the oldest child and the only one that is an empath. They’re very dangerous people. I pray that God would help you to detach from this sister with love so that he could fill your life with people who really care about you as a person. Good luck!
Wow you are speaking of one of mine. I have videos on narcissist that may interest you. My sister is like that. Don't forget that they also play the damsel in distress role.
It's made me realize not to be Judgemental because everyone handles things differently....but it DOESN'T give them the excuse to treat you a certain way.... #Selfpreservation
OMG!! My older sister is the same! She goes back and tell my mom everything that I do to make me look bad and she never apologizes to me. She has been envious of me for years and never cares how I try to express my hurt to her. Thank God I have a big brother I can talk to!
The haircut thing really brought memories because I've always been myself & experimental with my hair. She never complimented my hair cut, she would insult me, my mom would reprime her for it then later on she would say she didn't know how to react to the change🙄. Few months down the road, guess who has the same haircut after mine grew out. Same over the secrets after I was 19 just lost grandma, got put through the ringer with my mom's depression and as a result an eating disorder. I couldn't stand it anymore, I told her how I felt about everything because instead of being there for mom because she was grandma's favorite, no she goes off to another state with her deadbeat husband to save her "marriage". Instead she tells my mom every thing I said to her in a twisted way. Since then I've understood my sister is messed up. I've fixed my relationship with my mom since then but my sister all I can say is I'm glad her only daughter is away from her.
There were four of us growing up, learning the oldest was a malignant narcissist came as a huge relief there was a name to what she was, it was the "garden variety" narcissist that was much more painful in knowing what she was. We had always liked her growing up, she was so much easier to talk to, the malignant one was someone to be avoided. I think compared to the malignant one, she was just mild in comparison. Her darker side didn't really show like it did when we were grown. I think what bothered me the most was the way she couldn't hide her intense hatred for me, I would catch her staring at me with this look on her face, one I recognized from our childhood. I've always loved my children intensely, and have been happy just being their mom, you can bet this is what they choose to criticize me for. They both have children, but it was always obvious they couldn't stand being around them, (even while pretending), much less loving them. I was blessed with an un-narcissitic sister, I don't know how I would have ever survived without her. I hope you have a special someone from your family to who's un-narcissistic.
+Anonymous Follower thanks for always sharing these messages make me feel like I'm not the crazy one!!! Yes coming to grips with even the fact that there's more than one Narc in your life is hard enough realizing it's a sibling who you believed you had a great relationship with is another!! I definitely do have someone in my family that I can talk to who validates what's happening and who shares in my experience Los and I am very thankful for him!!! Just knowing you weren't the only one is priceless !!
My overt narc sister triangulated her 3 daughter's and now one of them hates her guts. She is the only family of origin member I have contact with, and we both see it for what it is. Our golden child brother moved out of state and is smug about all the "drama" we have. Also, he "appreciates (his words) the overt narc." He sees it as his sister's "not getting along." The three siblings all ganged up and decided I "must have done something horrible" to have incurred and deserved the overt narc's wrath. Meanwhile covert narc sister "befriends" and "bff's" me for decades, all while treating me like crap, and bad mouthing me behind my back. When I finally figured out what she was it hurt worse than the systematic abuse of the overt narc. I left them to cannibalize each other. I still grieve the relationship I thought we had. I am no contact with all 3 siblings. This all got worse after both our parents died in the same year. My brother also raised a full on BOD who now claims she has aspbergers as to avoid revealing her diagnosis. She's absolutely horrible. I feel long sometimes, but would probably be dead at this point, from the stress and gaslighting, had I not figured it out
I cried as I heard her. Because I can relate. I always wondered why I felt some distance. Your video has made me realize I should really get over her. It hurts because she's my little sister but no matter how I try to get closure she does what you explained in video. I always experience same shit over and over😕. 😔
For the first time in 60 years i now understand why my sister is like she is. I have lived the most agonisingly painful and confusing life with her. I always wondered why she hated me one minute and supposedly loved me the next. The only time i can really remember her being nice to me was when i was helping her with her studies. Once they were finished her contact with me dwindled to nothing. She always made me feel like i had done something horrible to her, but i never knew what. Two years ago she cut contact with me without warning or reason. She just stopped responding to any of my calls, emails, messages etc. I found out through another sibling that she wanted nothing more to do with me ..but no reason was given. I was so very hurt, but she has remained closed to any attempt to reconcile any issues she feels she has with me. Your story has helped ease an extremely heavy emotioal burden, and i can't thank you enouhg . All the best from melbourne, Aus.
I believe you 100%. I've lived everything you mentioned. The reporting behind my back. The competitiveness. The secret jealousy. The lies and manipulation. The hoarding of all the attention. The back-handed compliments (insults) that I just "take the wrong way" because I'm too sensitive. I couldn't take it anymore, I went no contact for four years. I went back at my dad's urging and nothing changed. Nothing. The dynamics were exactly the same as when I left. No one missed me. No one treated me better. Absolutely no self-reflection on their part. I'm no contact forever now. Never again. I'm so much more at peace without them. You're very smart. It took to so much longer to understand what was happening to me.
Holy shit. This is my life. This is the only video I’ve found that touches on this. Sometimes I find myself mourning over the sister I just never had. I always wanted the external best friend and just never had it. The part about running stuff back to your parents happened, you constantly forgiving. Everything you said I felt and experience and continue to experience. Wow.
My younger and older sister are covert narcs, they are so good at their devious plans they were able to manipulate everyone in my family. They stole my dad's buisness after they tortured my mom until she died prematurely. I was the only one trying to help my mom, my dad was in shock so he just followed the abusers. They kicked me out of the family and call me the cursed child.
omg yes I don't have a sister but 2 best girlfriends that I just found our after years and years thinking I was the bad person because for year I couldn't understand why I was feeling bad about the relationship until I started to understand narcissist abuse WOW I was surrounded by narcs literally raised by one two best girlfriends to ex-husband's all narcissist not to mention you know all the other ones that were out there that now I go that's why I felt so weird around them
Thank you. This is what I’m going through. I’m 37, and finally decided to quit dismissing all of the emotional abuse. How can you have a relationship with someone who has no interest in you as a person? >I can’t anymore.
That's my sister who gets away with being disrespectful to me and my dad and never apologizes when she's wrong I'm the scapegoat child in the family and my mom is just crazy she said she can take away my rights by law as a us citizen I have rights she cannot take them away from me
Thank you. Sounds much like my older sister. She used to keep her mouth shut when she had an audience but behind the scenes she was extremely violent. I went to her house to offer some help. Her Husband whom I care for needs a lung transplant. I offered to help them in any way I could financially. She's real nice , tells me she loves me and two days later tells my mother and my little sister that I am a drunkin liar and there is no way in hell I could have any money. My little sister threw the narcissists out of her house [Proud of her} I went no contact that day, little sister about a week later. What a relief.
OMG I was JUST telling my mom about this! She only shows up when she wants something from me/her/Dad. She will only show up when she gets something. I never enjoy spending time with her because she drains me of energy. She makes me feel like absolute garbage and I know it's all on her end. I just don't know how much longer I can put up with it.
Run and don’t look back. I waited way to long and wished I’d cut ties sooner. If you sense you are being abused, don’t put up with it. Life is too short.
And when you call her out for her bad behavior she flips it and makes you feel like you’re the problem
💆🏽♂️
Sounds like DARVO
💯
Omg this. She used to do this all the time!
Not even apologizing for shitty behaviour
You don't see the red flags throughout childhood , then she finally takes the mask off...then when you start looking back you see all the evil things she has done.
That's the word, pure evil
Absolutely. All of the pieces come together
Omg sooo true!!!!!
Yes!!!!!
It is so true. Our sister is a monster and has been one since she was a child. Our mom and I used to wonder why she was always so mean and abusive, we had no idea back then about narcissism. She is a fraud in everything she does and pure evil.
That's really sad, because sometimes
family, isn't really family.
completely true, i saw i myself in my younger sister
@@fahnidoesthingsandstuff2938 did u cut contact? Cuz mine is cool fun with everyone but is different to those close to him at home? I no longer engage with peace is a blessing
🙁
I know these comments are old but I'm going through it now and boy am I going through it. I constantly am ordered to fetch things for her to take care of her due to her fall she had six months ago than afterwards completely disregards me with silent treatment but when she needs something gets up and yells didn't you hear me calling wth?
The most hurtful things I ever heard was from my sister.. she broke my heart so many times.. I’m not interested to be sister to her anymore
Same. She's texting me and I no longer respond.
Wow, Aaaisha90! I feel your pain. My sister is super narcissistic, and I just realized that this is her issue...Thanks to TH-cam! It only took me 62 years... Ouch! :-(
My sister has tried to destroy me and my character , she has turned my only daughter against me , she blocked me from saying goodbye to our Ain’t , a grandmother figure ,
Gaslights me But she owns most of my apartment and recently left me with nothing to eat . In lockdown she said she had done a big shop as in food . Hence I did not buy too much myself , I don’t have car and am in pain , she cancelled once but two days later she phoned , she baited me , we had an argument then said
‘Well I am tired I had my second vaccine and I don’t want to be around you if you are agitated , so I think it’s best if I don’t come over , sh had a fridge full of food , then cancelled . I was suicidal again , I am 60 as I had s little cash but too broken to get on a bus to get to store . I had $6 in my bank so not enough for Uber eats ..... I thought she had gone low but this was disgusting . Lucky a friend out 10 in my account so I got McDonajds delivered . Then three days ago I had a semi dislocated hip , had an appointment with chiropractor but I did over spend and needed help from her to get taxi there and back . She kept lecturing me about why had I spent all my pay , going on and on , she did not put even $20 in so I embarrassingly missed my appointment but left me in horrendous buttock hip pain , no pain relief , living alone . I can’t forgive her for that one
She lives in a 4 million home yet her apartment I live in is full of mould and won’t get it removed even though I know I have mast cell activation syndrome and my pain is heightened by the mould and by my cruel sister
I plan to leave
I will get my mothers portion of the apartment as she has really gone to town on me ever since mom died and her husband left her
She liked my ex more than me
Never seen me do ballet
I can’t take it anymore
Tell me to stand up and get her out of my sensitive caring soul
@@merrilynstanger7241 Stand Up. Get Her Out Of Your Sensitive Caring Soul. You have all MY LOVE❤️
Me too my sister texted some bad words to my gf from my mobile as me and broke my relationship with her she blocked me god I want to kill my sister.. She hurts me even after knowing I'm in pain
After 60 years I cut off my relationship with my older sister and my life immediately improved.
good for you, glad you are having a better life. I just realized my sister is a narc. Going to have a little fun before I go no contact. My mother is a narc too but is in long term care, so I must keep the relationship with sister until she passes, but low contact is what I am doing, and watching videos and reading for support. They are toxic.
@@karendadd5118 I am in the same position!! My father is in long term care, and doing worse. I am literally looking forward to his passing so I can never have contact with my sister again. I knew she always lied, but now I realize she's a narcissist. Toxic to me. I always referred to her as a pathologic liar, but she's more than that.
@@karen-glennrichardson295 THANKS FOR REPLYING , Im not alone in this journey.
Congrats! I am 62 and I FINALLY realized who she is. I am detaching because I do not like how she treats me.
I am at rock bottom. I am in the process of getting some outside assistance and am trying to gain the courage to go no contact. My soul has been sucked dry and my finances have been as well. If I am not successful in getting away I don't know what is going to happen. The evil that my sister has done over the years is the worst a person could imagine and no one deserves to be treated as badly as she treats people. She is the most two faced fake person horrible there is.
I have a narc sister who's trying to compete with me. She never apologize to me unless I apologize first. Very lazy and only nice when she wants to use me.
PrettyPurpleful
Same with my sister
@Elena Rusnac I thought this was only me! My Narc sister went out her way to imitate my style - hair, clothes, all of it. When she found out the guy I like ALSO liked my style, she went even crazier trying to find out what I was going to wear or do for him so that she could do the same, but better...It's actually scary.
Yeap, sounds like my sister too!
Mine too.
Omg that's my sister.. so on point man..
Not just my sister, i see cousins, girlfriends, co workers, this thing is an epidemic.
LA L. Sad
Yes it is
Woooow I thought was the only who noticed I’m literally surrounding me or had rather but ah one by one straight in the trash 🗑
TV is full of Narc "role models." It's sick.
Yes, it is. My family tease me (nicely) about how I spot so many narcs since I have been made aware. But it's true - there really are so many toxic people. It's just most people aren't aware of it. A bit like autism 25 years ago, no one had heard of that. Now everyone knows an autistic person (not saying autism is bad - I have an autistic son which is why I use this as an example. Autistic people are probably amongst the most genuine people on this planet). I hope NPD will get the same 'outing' over the next few years and then they'll have fewer and fewer places to hide as their vile ways become mainstream knowledge.
P.S. - my children call their aunty The Narcissister - see what they did there :) :) You have to laugh.
AND ANOTHER THING--NEVER TELL THEM ABOUT MISTAKES YOU'VE MADE OR REGRETS YOU HAVE CAUSE THEY WILL FILE ALL OF IT AWAY TO USE AGAINST YOU IN A MYRIAD OF WAYS.
Learned this the hard way. I feel like such a fool.
My sister and I have always been at odds and she only got close to me because our parents had died I did my best to be a brother but in time of need I noticed how she reacted and I realized that she was playing false with me the whole time. The most devastating thing is realizing just how deceitful and clever they are with you there's absolutely no heart or soul involved
This was an excellent example of my covert narcissist sister. No, you don’t see the red flags because you think that it’s your sister that you grew up with. It is a betrayal on a whole new level. It was something I never saw coming.
Orah Russell Yes! Took me almost a year to get my head around what I was dealing with in her. The betrayal was heart breaking. I trusted her, considered her a friend. It's been four years now with no contact. Without a doubt the most hateful, hurtful experience of my life. Oh, but I can see clearly now. A hard earned blessing.
You are right. They are extremely jealous and will do whatever they can to try to diminish your image in the eyes of others they value in order to feel better about themselves. It is all about what suits them and not about genuine goodness, love and care of you as a human being
Yes in a nutshell!!!!!
It took YEARS for me to realize this but she was not introverted and really wasn't the golden child either. Sharing this because there are many variables in family dynamics and not all are carved in stone. Just be aware.
Linnea Wexler . I’ve had 58 years of that crap .... she’s gone now out of my life and it’s an amazing liberating feeling. She’s lost her controlling power. Jealousy is an evil thing and it brings out their true colours.
Natalie Womack . I’m
Not surprised... me too !
WOW - exactly what has happenend to me for decades. I cut all ties a couple of years ago.
It took me 60 years to realize i have narc family members and then disengage myself from them for good.
mamaboo cee Good for you ❤
Me too! Researching narc traits in my son, bingo--I suddenly saw my family and husbands for the first time.
feels good doesn't it
Same, well I ditched them at 57 and am recovering at 60 from it. Better late than never.
Disengage for sure! love that term , i have disengaed with narcs in my life as much as possible. its very sad how this affects families and others because they don`t understand or they are the same way.Sadly it is important to know who and what one is dealing with .Realease , disengage and stand grounded in your own space and time! We all deserve to love and be loved .Love from afar and disenage is most comforting for me so far. schooling myself has been helpful and thank you for your vid here.
I’m in the process of cutting ties with my sister. What you said about your sister is exactly my sister. It has taken me 40 years to discover her ways. Their ways eventually catch up with them. I’m done!
This is the most insidious form of narcissism, and other members of the family never believe you, sometimes you even question whether you are the narcissist.
Covert narcissists are so hard to spot. I've been conned for years by covert narcissistic family members and friends, and the brutal truth is really hard to accept!
+travelling incognito oh my goodness I'm still coming to grips that I have 2 in my family I replay different scenarios over & over again in my head like I can't believe how good they are hiding who they really !!
I know.
They are the same, but omg, it is SO painful when you find out what they are.
Music Is Therapy They are sly!! Took my 47 years.
@@rain3743 agree, i can barely get through this mourning the loss of my mother and sister who i thought were my best friends
They will secretly compete against you too secretly jealous and secretly just want to destroy your life...you described one of the sisters I had...I'm done! And they not shy or sweet they are sneaky and secretly abuse you..
My mother my fiancée and my sisters … help me God!
Try both families mine and his too
@@LoveGod1987 I have a sister too
💯💯💯
Yes!!
Yup. Though my sister didn't play shy, she played the "I'm better and normal and she is evil and weird". Then when you finally learn their tactics and get away from it your family thinks you're a crazy conspiracy theorist and continue to try and draw you back because they are still trapped.
Same! I'm a crazy conspiracy thorist because I can actually critically THINK and want the TRUTH
Exactly! She used to say the most evil things to me at a time. I cut her off and all my family thinks I am cruel and acting petty for doing that. I should learn to forgive.
I'm happy you know so you can heal. I did my research for years and finally figured my sister out. She's ruined my life in a lot of ways. The hardest part was knowing she never loved me. I really believe she doesn't know how to love. I almost feel bad for her. Even after all the bullshit she's put me through. Personally it's easier to let go if I feel empthy. That's just how I deal with the heartache 💔 Best of luck!
Nystia sometimes you’ve just got to cut all ties for your own sanity! I’ve just done that and the relief is amazing. Phew !! No more shit !
Lemon Spring . I’ve had the same “ black sheep of the family “ ... by challenging them you’re labelled as the ‘trouble maker’ .... nah, that ain’t gunner work anymore. Walk away .. it’s the only peace you’ll get
Wow. My sister is similar to this. She'll be nice to me but then randomly be extremely mean. When she's mean she will not take responsibility for it.
Example: I'm telling her a story. She is not responding at all. I take her silence as her listening to me. All of a sudden, I am saying something and she yells "You've already said that! Why are you saying that?" No matter what I say back, she doesn't wanna hear it. She doesn't care about what I'm saying. She just wants what I'm saying to be quick and expedient so that she won't "have" to listen to the "torture" that it is to listen to me speak. Your video gave me some tips on figuring out who she is, but I'm not sure if she's exactly like your sister. She tends to be nice a lot but there's always been a thing where we get into arguments and my side of the story is not treated fairly. She doesn't listen to me or treat me fairly in arguments. I think she's gotten a lot closer to me this summer because I have a car and she doesn't. When I told her that I didn't want to drive her anywhere anymore, she said "You can't order me around!" to which I responded with "I own my car and you don't dictate what I do with it."
I just cut her off a few minutes ago and feel a LOT of pain. My parents are narcissists and now it seems yet another one of my family members is just a person feeding off of me and attacking me at their leisure. I'm tired of it. I'm reallly really really fucking sick of it.
I have a horror story of a sister called ...a just like you. God help us.
The answer to this problem is SPACE. As much of it as possible between you and your sister, possibly your parents too. As soon as you possibly can, get your own place and keep contact to a minimum. Do not take the bait. Do not try to justify your decisions to anyone. Put the phone down, politely. Walk out the door, firmly but politely. Say, at most: "You are entitled to your opinion and I to mine. Goodbye." Just a suggestion. Don't let them get you angry. It's bad for your health. Good luck.
I really understand you, i had two narcisistic friends whom i had to get away from because i discovered VERY late were narcisists, one of them , unfortunately is a neighbor whom i can't get away from because she's friends with the family, but she've been giving me my peace lately, and it's because whenever i meet her i go in a black and white mode, i switch off my emotions,and become super boring and short, which is the complete opposite of my personality. And now i've discovered that my sister is a narc too, damn the pain ya'll. The pain of knowing you gotta keep your empathetic pure feelings to your self in fear of someone close using them against you, everytime ive met that friend it hurt me because in the back of my mind i just wanna be my normal, spontaneous self with her but i know it comes with a big price. And just now knowing i have to live the same experience with a beloved sister hurts me, but it's for the good, you have to be short with them, otherwise you and your life are gonna be the price.she has already in several occasions came between me and my mother, she would not let me play or hang with my niece in peace , ( her little daughter, whom i love so much) without using it against me and finding a way to humiliate me for it, i feel bad for her daughter,my baby, i wish she grows to be a stable and mentally healthy person, cause her mom surely isn't😔.
Thank you all for your replies. A lot has changed over 2 years later. I don't regret cutting her off. She absolutely is a narcissist and everything she said was gaslighting and invalidating me. I WAS listening to her, I WAS validating her, I WAS and AM a good person. SHE was the one who was taking advantage of me to use MY car whenever she wanted. She would give me little crumbs of "love" (such as keeping some of her promises--which really doesn't deserve extra praise because that's what normal people ALWAYS do). She would hold those crumbs over my head for months afterward if I dared to complain about her behavior.
I had to move back in with my narcissistic parents, and she lived there while I was there. She called me a horrible person and said, "Well, I did everything I could. If you don't want to have any kind of friendship with me, then it's your loss." That moment right there was when I realized that she was gaslighting me. I thought to myself, "No, you bitch. My GAIN!"
@@teena5723 I feel you SO hard. I felt like I was choking when I couldn't express myself to my own family--the ones who are supposed to validate me and support me and encourage me. I was surviving--not living--when I was there. It's so painful to realize this is what we lived through.
Wolves in sheep’s clothing! Run!! 😅
They love nothing more than to triangulate, manipulate, control, compete, gaslight, put down, smirk, etc.
My sister was somewhat contained until I progressed in life. Then she just couldn’t bring herself to ride up the elevator with me. Good lord!
It’s almost like if they feel you’re beneath them they mostly leave you alone. If not, all hell breaks loose! 😂
I’ve learned that just because someone is family does not mean they get a free pass to all of the above. Seriously- we have to have some boundaries.
Such a nasty personality type. Yuck!!😀
No contact for yucky people!
They are very very nasty twisted evil 🚮 fxxkers
Devious to the bone 🍖
They do love ATTENTION & being put on a pedstal & she will use any tactic to maintain & control the power of shining on that self made pedestal. A secret jealousy operates within them that is very dangerous so never let your guard down. NEVER!!!! A Narcissistic is like a wolf in sheep clothing!
Dianne Anderson - perfect. Couldn’t put it better myself. I’ve suffered badly by my younger sister’s behaviour for many years. Thanks to my awareness of Narcs, I can now play the avoidance game. I no longer share my thoughts or confidences with her as an example. Now I treat her like an acquaintance, never letting her get too close to me. So far it’s working.
Omg! I recently just discovered my oldest Sister was a Narcissist after years of her betraying my trust, secretly competing with me, mirroring and acting like me, befriending my ex-husband or anyone that knew me and I was no longer friends with them. I became so freaked out when I realized this girl was trying to become me. She literally started painting like me, wearing her hair and nails like me, now she wants to wear lipstick, talking like me and when I called her out. She claimed she was always like that. I cut her off! She is dangerous! I told her you are an ENEMY! This was freaky as shit to watch someone literally trying to become you. NO DEAL! I now call her a FAN! It's a Wrap! Stay away from these kind of women.
Thiiiiis!
Can't believe I trusted her.
I can't believe I did either.
Every time I think I understand the sickness of my family, I learn something that further complicates it.
Same!
ditto
Yep.
Monique Loupe same! No ore though!
I went through this my whole life with my sister. This describes her perfectly. She was so good at it she convinced our mother to never talk or see me again when I was 25. My sister brain washed our mother with so many lies about me it worked. Such a heart breaking ending as my own mother actually died thinking I was the enemy, she believed whatever my sister told her, she was the "golden child" her whole life and I was the "family scapegoat" for all the family problems
and unhappiness at home and even when I lived in another state. I survived years of mental, verbal, physical abuse from my sister and older brother and then years of rejection from my mother due to my sister's brain washing her, only to be refused access to my dying mother from my sister and older brother. It was pure hate from them as they even took it as far as our mothers death bed. I could not even comprehend how evil they both acted, and they were in their 40's and 50's at the time. Your videos helped me so much to see how many of us are in the world that are hated by family and are truly the scapegoats. We understand in the end why we never had loving family and close relationships with siblings. So very sad.
Hi same situation here. But you need to remember something. A mother would never been brainwashed by no one if she truly loves her daughter. Meaning that....they used your mother to hurt you. But sometimes we need to detach from the bridge that the pain can come from and then there will be no space from the pain to come, is a way to protect yourself. As they feel like taking something from you they will hurt you and that satisfies them seeing you like that. But when u tell them that theyve nothing from you is where they dont have where to hurt you. I used to love my mother alot. And my sister and father used her to hurt me. Until the day i had to cut her off too. Coz if someone loves you and specially a mother will not even dare to listen 1 bad word be said to you❤
Anyone can be brainwashed (a.k.a. abused, manipulated, etc.) by a narcissist. My mother was controlled by my narc sister for 41 years, from the day my sister was born until the day our mother died (Dec 2020). And since our mother’s death my sister has become even more cruel and disgusting, which I didn’t think was possible. Never underestimate the abilities of a narcissist.
@@salena8148 why do u even have contact with ur ex sister after all?
@@salena8148 do u need to borrow my scissors? CUT THEM OFF! ...BEFORE THEY RUIN YOUR LIFE!
Same situation
My sister turned my whole family against me. She told everyone the nastiest worst unbelievable lies about me and they believed her. They attacked me made false police reports restraining orders. I'm so traumatized I can barley function. I am no contact but still feel great pain and fear
I am so sorry ! I hope you're doing better !
I believe you . My sister is exactly like that . she took me to court to sue me and the acts like nothing ever happened . Absolutely insane BS .
I experienced similar with fabricated legal stuff like yours. It is indeed extremely traumatizing and a major "mind-f" to be the actual victim and be made out to be the opposite from such evil people. I am no-contact as well and am experiencing pain and fear too, because it makes you fearful that if that can happen, anything can. Especially when they use lies to turn the very law that is supposed to protect you, against you. I completely understand, I am working through it as well. I am getting therapy for PTSD and hoping to see light on the other side. Love and light to you for healing and freedom from them forever.
Danielle Sunshine stay away from your sister...mine did the same thing to me 10 years ago. She made a false police report and sided with my ex to take my kids away from me all because I had a man in my life. Jealousy is an evil poison. I keep her far from me because she is unpredictable. My parents see but don't understand to what extent she can push things to make my life hell. We are middle aged and she still acts like a jealous teenager. I'm in pursuit of peace so I can have a balanced and peaceful life. I keep toxic people far way.
How to keep theese people away when they have my daughter and use her against me. I meditate and want to get stronger...... Hope my meditation will make me stronger.......... planning on getting my daughter home and move from here, but my daughter has issues also now, she has such anger issues and she is only 4,5 years, that came after she moved to my sister, she is not good with foods either and her own kids struggle with learning issues, migraine etc etc... maybe she is starting to get karma....?
The narcissistic sibling can be the most dangerous because you never see them covering !! Unmasking who they really are helps to protect yourself from these predators !!
Discovering the Narcissistic Father You nailed it! Took me literally YEARS to realize my older sister was a narcissist . As children she literally ruined my relationship with my father. He grew to "hate" me because of the things she told him about me as a child as well as the years of growing up. All the time making me believe she "loved" me and wanted to spend the rest of our lives together as best friends in our "old age". He didn't know the truth until he was on his death bed and even then I was still in denial . It took her telling me out right she wished I had never been born, wished I had died in an accident (had in my teens) and that yes, she did create the hate my father felt for me by playing "my victim". I have not seen, or talked to her in six years.
My mother and sister need they ass whooped.
@Judy Osborne I finally realized my older sister totally hates me. It should have been obvious way before now, considering all the things she has done to undermine me up to and including theft of my personal belongings and interference in my friendships and social circles. But at the same time she would always hand-make these very lovely but totally sentimental and sickly sweet occasion cards, always with SISTERS! in some kind of curly script and some reminiscence of a touching childhood memory. Classic covert tactics?
She would always brag about my talents to others, but not in ways that would pique their interest; rather it would have the opposite effect and completely embarrass me and probably insure that they lost all future interest. She has for decades acted butt-hurt like it is mean ole stuck up me that is the reason we don't have the ideal sister bond, because I am a selfish asshole who rejects her in favor of my "cool" friends. Of course this is bullshit. We were never close and yet as children, even though I was the younger one (3 years), I was somehow made to feel responsible for her social life. I always had an easier time making friends and fitting in and instead of this quality being praised and nurtured, it was treated as a betrayal of her, as if it was my responsibility to make sure she had friends to play with/hang out with. Totally backwards.
It is true I would ditch her - because she wasn't fun. She had no sense of adventure and was always the naysayer, the worrywart, the voice of "oh don't do that!" and then she would make SURE we got in trouble by tattle-telling every time, so gradually yeah, I ditched her!
I have constantly been called out for being "disloyal" to her, which actually just meant not confirming her distorted recall of events, which usually concerned a conflict with a third party. E.G. say she got in a squabble with one of my friends, in which she was totally wrong, and I would give my true opinion of who was right. This was NOT allowed! I should ignore my perceptions of reality and inner sense of integrity in order to be "loyal", loyal to the lie, that is!
She pretended to be proud of me in adulthood while always sabotaging me in various ways, like getting me to do something for her in exchange for her doing something for me, only she would never do her part! She nearly made me miss a very important deadline that could have wrecked a project I had been working on for months until I finally wised up to this and quit and didn't see her for a couple of years. Another reason I stopped seeing her was her gross inability to be on time for everything and then never apologizing because it was never due to her poor planning, or selfishness, or lack of consideration for others, it was always something beyond her control, so why should she apologize, even if I had been waiting five hours in a freezing train station or something!
I told her I couldn't make any more plans with her until something changed, and she took responsibility for this pattern. She didn't because nothing is ever her fault so we didn't see each other for a long time, couple of years. She later characterized this as me "rejecting" her and once again took absolutely no responsibility for causing the chain of events that led to the rupture.
Most recently, she has tried to get me to take responsibility for our Cluster B mother's abuse: the last time I saw the woman, she physically attacked me, out of the blue, in a drunken rage and in the process got hurt herself. My sister wants me to apologize to my mother for this which of course I will never do.
I have another half sibling who is a totally reptile-brained sociopath but she is a lot more high functioning that the older sibling and actually she scares me more because she seems capable of attaining some kind of power in the world, whereas the older one has a messy, aimless life. Sadly, there is another half-sister with whom I might have had a good and real relationship, including investigating Cluster B and what happened in our family, but she is totally trauma-bonded with her evil sister, with whom she grew up in my father's hoard, the mother already haven gone nuts and vanished.
If it weren't for people like you,with similar stories, and the Internet and great people like the gal who runs this channel, I would have died a long time ago. It took me until my 30s to begin figuring this out and I have been at it for 16 years now. I always had a ridiculous fantasy that I could save my older sister. Now I realize she fucking hates me anyway and is a covert narcissist who has just been consumed with jealousy since the moment of my birth, so what a waste of heart. I'm done. x
Ugh yes! And all her actions when she was younger were excused by or covered up by my nparents.
Discovering the Narcissistic Father I know all about it..!!
My sister in a nut shell, yes, this is exactly how its been all my life... I'm 38 and have been so broken hearted over and over... She's turned my entire family against me, ruined my relationship with my mom and ripped all my nieces and nephews away from me... 😔
I can relate. It always puzzled me why my sister and I didn't have a warm, loving sisterly relationship. I knew I was a caring and great person, but I could never understand why my sister didn't see it. Then she would sometimes act like she was a nice sister and my hopes would go up that she is finally going to appreciate me, but then for no reasom she will do something very hurtful to me. I knew I had a narcissist mother and I was the scapegoat, but I now realize my sister is a covert narcissist so I will give up hope of ever having a caring, loving sister. It only took me about seventy years to realize this!
Hope you're doing better. I'm in the same boat and trying to cut ties...
Eff that. You don't need what she brings into your life. She doesn't like that you're a better person. You have a heart. She envies that because she has to fake emotions.
I feel you
Have a twin sister that is exactly like this 74 yrs old. Done with walking on eggshells.
OMG, you are a GOD SEND!!! The two narcissists in my family are my mother and my sister...the "golden child with the halo around her head!" She's a narcissist, but she's not introverted nor shy. She's rather out-going and DOES have a very jealous spirit.
+Mutable Mercury 16 wow thanks you for your message !!!! Once thing about it you know who to avoid going forward in life!!! I just hate that I believed it was all normal until I got older and realized nothing shout it was ever normal! Took me a little longer to realize who my sister was since she's the introverted Narc!!!
Mutable Mercury 16 my sister to a fucking t sadly :/
Anybody. I will scratch your back if you scratch mine........
My earliest memory is being 4 years old and excited about a sibling, but then being told that I have to give up for them because they have to 'compete' with me. My sibling realized this very early and from the time she was 6 she was manipulating life... I was told it was 'sibling rivalry', that I got more than she did and should be appreciative, that I should set the example. Took until she was 40 and threatened to shift the crap to my kids for me to see her for the sick individual that she is. I was Daddy's girl, he saw the BS and told me to 'get out and move on', but he died recently and NS is going all out to cut me off...
So she's a covert then huh?
I can't even begin to run down the list of things my sister has done to me over all this time.... and I'm in my forties. She still tries to carry on fake conversations and makes plans to hang out....and the interactions are SO strange. At least she doesn't have the family hoodwinked though....
Always walking on egg shells and have to keep a look out for her next attack that will come. Now she'd predicable!
+Janet Romey yes! Now she is completely predictable I can see her coming from a a mile away with her devious plan and I am sure to watch out for her thank you so much for the comment & support
it's the same for me😞
Don't walk on eggshells....walk on out the door instead...
They keep up the facade. They tell lies to people making it sound like they care. Spreading bad images of you.
If something good does happen, they will be sure to never mention that. They don't want to hear that you've done something good.
Always competitive and comparative with you while in front of the family always talking good about you. So when you cry foul, you are the ugly one in front of the family.
Lemon Spring You should be happy that they take you as a role model. If they like to compete with you, that means that you’re doing something right that they like to emulate. This is the highest compliment. I always treat narcissists with patience, kindness, and love and don’t let their actions faze me. I can only control my actions, and if my actions make them better, that’s a great achievement for me. I have faith that God changes hearts when He wills, and I’ve seen it happen.
My sister..is completely a text book covert Narcissist...it is Absolutely Hart breaking....a complete nightmare.... nothing but pain and sorry ! ..... you are all the way right They will get people 2 hate you... for no reason!!
There's a reason and it's jealousy
@Zhara Moreira no offense Block her
@Zhara Moreira that's why I keep a TH-cam channel my family don't know who I am
It used to frustrate me intensely that no one would believe my sister to be a narcissistic princess. She's the classic covert narcissistic; her public persona to the world is the shy, delicate little missy who wouldn't hurt a fly. Hearing your description of covert narcissism has been enormously validating. Thank you.
+Adrian Smith yesss that's how they are!!! & you're welcome thanks for listening !!💕
Omg, yes. VERY validating!
Same with one of my mine.
Omg..now I get why I don't really have a bond with my sister.. You would think sisters would be super close..nope.... I really have isolated myself from my family because they are so toxic. What makes it worse I find myself with some toxic traits.. Sad because you grow up thinking this behavior is normal. Have to come to grips with the reality that my Mother may be a narc. I'm a grow women and can't make a move with out her input. Sad because I may have been groomed this way. Ohh not to mention if a day goes by and I don't call her.....it's all starting to come together. These narcs smell us a mile away. Now I understand why my marriage failed. He was a serial cheater abandoned me and his kids now remarried with kids and he see those kids everyday. I was starting to think something was wrong with me. But it makes since why he moved on so fast remarried with six months of our divorce being final Same women he cheated with . The crazy making levels these people can get you to stoop to.. Healing is taking place and. I appreciate channels that are bringing more awareness to this abuse.. I find strength in it all because it was meant to destroy me. I refuse to not be happy. So many eye opening things. Great full is all I can say.. Still loving with a good heart. They on the other hand are dead inside. .....
+MsLovelylady32 thank you so much for sharing I can not imagine how difficult that must be for you!! But it's a great thing that you are still fighting the good fight! Yes unfortunately they're times when we find ourselves caring around their negative traits and energies and acting like them it's easy to pick those bad habits out when you were raised with them!!! Be patient with yourself during this healing process and continue on your road and journey to happiness...I wish you all the best!!
MsLovelylady32 I'm currently trying to break the cycle. :/
I had to cut ties with my family too. What I learned of healthy relationships I learned from outside my family.
I thought I was just the only one...
Everything you said is spot on. It’s almost liked all of these people are cut from the same mold. There’s not much difference.
Spot on. I too have a covert narc sister. Took me 50 years to figure her out. Im no contact. Great video. Super accurate!
I have 45 year old sister, I just learnt today that she is covert narcissist
We have the same sister. I have two of them. One is overt and one is covert. Ugh! Sneaky as hell!
Oh. I’m so sorry, at least I only have one sister. Although it seems my bipolar brother also is Narcissistic. Something I only realized recently and he’s retiring now, I’ve just turned 60. So for years felt sorry for both of them.
I have finally cut ties with my 2 elder sisters who have always hated me, especially the eldest one.....she has been crazy jealous of me all my life.
I could never figure out why they hated me so much because I have not had a happy life.....in fact I have been through a lot of heartbreak.
I finally met a kind and caring man a few years ago and we are married and for the first time in my life I feel happy......my sisters hate it.......it's like they really can't stand the idea that I have finally found some happiness.
I am now going to cut contact with them.......I can not take their evil energy and negativity any more. I'm done.
The only thing that makes me feel sad is that I love their kids (my nephews) and this means that I probably won't see my nephews any more....but this is a price I am going to have to pay in order to be free from 2 bitter, twisted and cruel women.
The loss is theirs, not mine.........one thing that I will always be thankful for is that I have a kind heart.......I would NEVER want to be like those two.
SAME...OMG....EXACTLY THE SAME. SHE CAME OUT AND TOLD ME TODAY...SHES SICK AND TIRED OF WATCHING ME GET EVERYTHING I WANT... MY JAW DROPPED!.. NO CONTACT FOR CHRISTMAS...SRY 4 ALL CAPS WHOOPS
Except my nephew is 29 and loves me.
❤️❤️🌹
Dead On!!! Because this is a spirit named Narcissism...affects many!***** ZERO genuine Accountability***** for their actions....But a victim of Life.....ALWAYS a victim.....
On the up side of it...so very grateful I'm not them and actually pitty their sad existence....Their own insecurities are Their Own Prison.... You can Love them but you don't have to be their friend.
Well said Natasha, their own insecurities are their own prison.
Just found out my sister; the only relative who is still alive, is a nsrcissist. Whats mind blowing is that I had to really live on my own for 2 years to come to that conclusion.
This is so on target!! Perfectly describes my sister and I. She constantly lies and is always jealous of me. She is a horrible person
.
Imagine thinking your aunt and twin cousins love you and care for you and then at age 11, your mother dies you move in with them thinking that you get to live with your best friends and a lady who loves you like your mother did and then things change and all three of them are narcissists with your twin cousins ganging up on you (one would make up lies about me and the other would back her) and your aunt always believing them over you and making you feel like crap. Glad I dont talk to them anymore...
I'm finally seeing my little sister for the manipulative covert hater actually she is. This describes her pretty accurately.
As an empath,, it was a hard pill, but signs are all there.
Wow...glad I'm awake!
Wowwwww!!! i literally thought i was the only one!!!! it took me years....recently at 31!! this is sooooo on point..it is crazy... this has literally have 2 be true..there is no way this label is a coincidence!!
+Rhiana Lingham no way at all!! Trust me I thought I was alone!!
Rhiana Lingham
you awakened early
I was 52 before I learned the truth about narcissism in my family..
my parent...
It took me years too. Now looking back on things, it all makes sense.
I was 48 when I started putting the pieces together. Damn, it it painful.
RUN FOREST RUN, you have awaken. Be Thankful, Now U Know its gonna get better from here. :-)
Yes, torture. I wish there was more about this out there. There's a lot about narc parents and partners, but whilst there's a huge crossover, having a narc sibling is its own uniquely horrific experience too.
I'm sorry it took me 55 years of life to realize my younger sister is a covert narcissist. She was also extremely shy and an introvert so I never made the connection until a year ago.I had an epiphany finally and so I started reading about COVERT narcissist. I suffered years of abuse and being accused of horrible things. Her jealousy and rages would catch me so off guard. She is always the victim and is always feeling slighted, but you could go months with everything being fine which is when I would let my guard down, but she eventually will attack! There are 4 of us siblings and I'm the only one who had kept a relationship with her because I am the empath in the family. Our mother passed away a year ago and I was the executor of the estate which angered her beyond comprehension. I handled everything with our mom's death alone because of covid yet she accused me of the most horrible things. She was filled with rage and she was so vicious. I will never forgive her this time. She called me every filthy name in the book, accused me of stealing, told me my kids hate me (they love me), told me I was ugly and jealous of her, told me she was going to tell my spouse of 25 years that I cheated on him which is a made up lie but she was going to tell him that anyway. When I told her he does not understand why I still talk to her, she began to make threats against him. She told me that I have made it my life's mission to destroy her starting from the time she was born. I'm just 2 years older than her! I have saved all of these rage filled text messages to remind myself! Have not spoken with her since Sept of 2020 and I couldn't be happier.
They aren't just simply shy. The chose what they are shy about.
Found out later in life there us a demon in there...its the jelousy
Bego. How did you know that.
That is the truth!
Exactly
Yep
Yeah.
BOOM! You could have described my sister! Only difference is that she is 20+ years older than me. She has never liked me, has always been covertly hostile. I tried for decades to reach her, only to be treated as if I was some kind of juvenile delinquent, even when I was successful in my career! She pretended to support me when I went no contact with our mother, but in reality she was undermining me and using the situation to her own advantage. It took me all this time to finally figure out how much she has always hated me. I am DONE!
+Deborah Armstrong she seems extremely jealous good for you for getting away from the situation
wow!! how did she use the situation to her advantag whe she pretended to support u.
@@beautifullife289 inheritance.
It's so hurtful because just as you think they care or are interested in you - they're just using you for their own gain.
This opens my eyes up to something I did not quite realize before about my sister. I am grateful for this video.
It is scary when the mask slips and you see them for whom they are. My sister would always ask to get together and then not be available for weeks. I assumed she was just really busy until a few group emails went out to the family and the sister who was always too busy to see me was suddenly available for other family activities, and didn't care that I knew it. When I told her in an email that it hurt my feelings she stopped communicating with me, and didn't respond to any further communication.I guess it is a blessing in disguise.
No... It's just a blessing
This makes some sense. My sister was tricky. She was very jealous and she gathered information about me to report back to my parents. I think some of it was lies. She helped me financially for awhile but it was a way to make herself look generous and like the good sister when she was scheming against me out of hatred and envy. It took me decades and I’m just beginning to see her for the cruel person she really is. After awhile she tortured me mentally and I almost lost it because it had gone on for years and I didn’t detect it.
I’ve gone no contact and I’ve gotten so much better. I think of her as the twisted sister. Yuk, should have told her, I don’t want your money! Nothing is worth that pain.
"She puts in her headphones when she is supposed to be spending time with me." WOW. It's like they all read the same narc playbook or something. My sibling always puts in their headphones when they are with me.
Start putting your headphones in if u have to be around them 👍
The same.
Sameeeeee
I love this! My sister is an extroverted narcissist (was shy when young) but changed for more attention and now her 20-something daughter is the same. Sad. They are toxic.
Omg same here with my sister and her kid
Thank you so much for this video! A perfect description of my sister :-) You do a great job in analyzing and putting words to this problem. I agree with you, the coverts are the worst. My overt narc father laid the foundation and made me the scapegoat of the family, but it was my covert narc sister who almost succeeded in driving me to commit suicide. Luckily, in the end I was to coward to go through with it! So I had to stay in hell for some more years, survived, and then got out of there bit by bit.
I´m now in my fifties, and it took me decades to understand what was going on in my family and why I had all these emotional problems, and then many years of work to heal myself from the depressions, the anxiety, the social phobias etc. To a great extent I am healed now and I have a great life, although not without problems of course, and some clearly connected to the narc abuse, so I keep working on those.
I very much appreciate your videos - it´s so important to reach people with information about these things. Keep up your fantastic work! Take care!
+Amalia K. Sooo sorry you had to endure that pain!! :( but I must correct you, you weren't a coward for going through that you're a warrior for getting through that & still finding reason to push through so good for you !! Keep staying strong & you're welcome for the videos they're my pleasure
You’re NOT alone! I actually have 5 siblings who are ALL Narcissistic! ALL are nasty & abusive & I’m NO CONTACT with ALL of them!
Amalia K. I’ve been there alright! NOTHING COWARDLY ABOUT IT! It takes INORDINATE STRENGTH to come through that trauma!
Your story is just like mine! It’s shocking! The overt bullying father and sister. They almost got me to commit suicide and I somehow am alive. My narcissistic mother turned out to be even worse than them! She even told me to kill myself. I just turned 60. I was in mental hospitals and emergency rooms from attempts all the time because they scapegoated me mercilessly. I was on tons of psychiatric medications. Now I’m not because I left the whole family. I’m soooo much better now that they are gone!! These people are cruel and evil. My family actually wanted me to die.
I can't thank you enough for this! It's not talked about enough. I feel that it's worse in a family setting. My sister is a covert and she has ruined my life in many ways. It's hard on the whole family but they believe her lies. I'm of course the scapegoat but thankfully she's not speaking to me anymore.
Wow I’m sorry you’re going through this I hope that you can set healthy boundaries ! Thank you so much for listening and you’re very welcome I’m glad my message could reach you.❤️
I've just found out my 1 older sister is also a covert narcissist just like my covert narcissist hubby is that I left 8 weeks ago.As I speak I'm trying to leave her.I left 1 narc to go live with another 1😢.
Thank you so much! I was beginning to think nobody had narcissistic siblings that specifically a sister you would not believe the things that mine has done to me and my mother believes her not me thank you thank you
The family doesnt discuss it openly. Wikipedia describes these dynamics. The dysfunctional family and the control freak and what happens when you bring it out into the open.
How sick, self defeating even for the sister. Ridiculously threating for you. you have a right and a need to find a space to call home and a safe bed to rest.You do know better and will keep good quality beneficial friends despite this. So glad that you gained clarity, and thanks for sharing.
+Asthens Beech you're very welcome. I recently started an ig page dedicated to recovery. Please follow, @discoveringthenarcissisticfather thank you
I love the way you explain about the Covert Narcissistic Personality Sibling dynamic. Thank you for shedding light on this subject, it’s painful but very much needed. 🙏🏼❤️🕊
Thank you for listening and commenting
Wow thanks for this video. It makes me feel so much better. This explains my sister to a T. The entitlement (especially when money was involved,) ignoring phone calls for months, pretending to want to hang out but not caring at all when I was in need, being really good at faking interest in things that were important to me, constant lying, bad mouthing friends behind their backs and then pretending to be their best friends to their faces, etc. etc. She cut me off years ago and blamed it on terrible things I'd supposedly done that never actually happened. My parents wanted nothing to do with the situation, so I felt really alone. I was confused and devastated for a long time and kept going back into old memories wondering if I'd done something different growing up if our relationship could have been better, but now I totally see that this is just how she is and nothing can change it. All of my best efforts to have a good relationship with her may have failed, but now I know it's not my fault. It just wasn't ever going to be the way I'd hoped. I'm actually really grateful she did that now. I don't have to ever worry about dealing with that BS in my life anymore. I'm sure there probably would have come a point where, if she didn't do it, I would have. It's sad she had to turn it all on me to do it, but it's still really liberating. I just wish I'd realized this sooner.
I'm moving because I need to get away from this family. I don't know where my dad or other sister stands by my mother and my oldest sister has narcissism omg this was like my key to my life right now
Ashley A. Flores a
Ashley A. Flores I totally understand.
It’s a great idea to move far away from them. I hope you do.
Thank you for this video!! I realized that my father was a narcissist a couple of years ago. I started to suspect that maybe my sister was a narcissist. Based on your description, my sister is definitely a covert narcissist. You described my childhood to the letter and now my adult relationship with her.... THANK YOU!
I have a narcissistic young sister who has treated me like crap since we were young. The things I have gone through, the things she's said to me still hurt to this day. The worst thing about dealing with a narcissistic sister is that no one will believe you; not even your other siblings or parents. I have forgiven her over and over again but her behaviour doesn't change and the worst thing of it all, my parents just sweep her behaviour under the rug taking about how we are "sisters," we should love and forgive each other and highlighting the fact that other family members would be happy to hear that we don't get along. But nobody seems to care about the emotional damage she has done to me. Earning more money than me does not give you the right to treat me like crap. She's a lawyer by profession, so you can imagine how smooth she can talk then pretend she's done nothing wrong and doesn't know why I'm hurt. She a manipulative human being who is never wrong. I cant even have a conversation with her about anything because my opinion doesn't matter. I have literally cut her out of my life. She's so toxic, emotionally abusive and good at covering it up.
Hear you.. they are v clever and manipulation used against us even through using own parents
Omg yesssssssss holy shit my sister is the same!! but shes the loud narcisist but is verrry sneaky amd manipulative. Nobody can see it but mee its so frustrating.
Gemini Queen at least you are on to her !! I wasn't on to my sisters hidden covert gifts of being a nasty sociopath until I was down & then she kicked me hard so the whole family could see how much better than me she really was !!! she hated how her bad choices made her feeel less than so she had to come up with a life time plan to wreak havoc , exploit my weaknesses ....
The same. Nobody can see what is my sister. Everybody love her because she is harismatic person but nobody really see what are she doing to me, what kind of person she is.
This sounds just like my sister:/
Lately she is making me sound like the crazy one. So often I catch myself questioning I am the real problem.
Betrayal bonds.
I have a covert narcissistic sister. You never see them coming because you don't think its your own sibling who's out to secretly harm you. They DO NOT acknowledge your accomplishments, if you look attractive, not even your new car, job, promotion, ect.. Not going to happen. There's a secret jealously. They spend time gossiping behind your back and WILL speak negatively behind your back yet smile in your face. Compassion and understanding is non-existent.They LOVE to hear everything about your life because they're secretly trying to find a window of sabotage. They are jealous of your loving relationships with others and WILL betray you when the opportunity arises at the drop of the hat. She slept with a boyfriend of mine. He was a looser narcissist to the tenth power, yet it was her betrayal that hurt. She planned sleeping with him right up under my nose. I was so naïve. I wondered why she kept mentioning him....smh. She never admitted tho, even with blatant proof!! When they harm you, its always excused, justified or didn't happen. They gaslight always. When something terrible was going down in the family, SHE was always silently in the background manipulating and creating all of it. They never apologize. Not mine at least and LOVE when you're having any sort of calamity. Oh, and the lies are relentless!! There was ALWAYS an underhanded, snide remark when speaking with me. Always a put-down. They will also try to get your own children turned against you. She has the whole family fooled. I could go on, yet no contact is the only thing that's a must.
Butterfly Whispers wow. you were talking about my sister ..this is her profile exactly .. I do not know if she slept with any of my romantic partners but she HAS. done all the other shit you mentioned ; so I'm sick to my stomach knowing she probably did or wanted to ..GROSS!! how sadist narcissist really are !! their minds are really screwed!!!
Can't agree more with the underhanded snide remarks bit! Have dealt with them for long from my "sister". And yes has got the whole family fooled! They believe in her as she always appreciates me in front of them and plays the victim telling them I don't talk to her anymore, which is so very sad. Poor her. Haa
Mine also had some sexual relations with an ex boyfriend of mine, and has told some of extended family my "deep secrets" I never wanted them to know about me (mostly related to my sex life/some drug use in my teens which I am TOTALLY PAST NOW ), AND brought up some of these unflattering stories about me at family gatherings as if they were some funny old stories, much to my embarrassment. I chalked it up to her having no filter or tact, but I'm thinking since she also never congratulates me for accomplishments and she ignores me a lot, she may at least have some tendencies towards this kind of pathology.
You literally explained my situation!!!
One time I complain about a relationship I was having didn’t feel like ending it just girl I was dating was being testy my sister grabbed my phone without my consent sent end of relationship text . When it was clear as the blue sky her boo was cheating on her everyone from me my parents told her to end the relationship or move on . She didn’t and caused. Herself a lot of heartbreak which now she’s trying use as a way to try and control me I’m still pissed by hypocrisy she’s alright with ending people’s relationship without consent I’m still pissed about that since I put too and too together.
Sounds like we had the same sister. It’s crazy how similar their behaviors can be. Great video. Thanks
Wow. This is so spot on, it’s insane!
It's like she was talking about me and my sister!
Same here :’( Since watching these videos and some research, I felt empowered. Hopefully you will too so you can make the best decision for YOU!
@@darthbaesiannn it's been 9 years since I've seen or spoken to my sister. I know she hates me and had to stay on good standing with our narcissistic mother. I'm nothing like them so it's safe to stay away.
Wow, it’s only been 2 weeks for me tomorrow. I felt numb the day I decided to go NC and I’ve cried a couple times. Now I feel guilt, I start to feel I miss those good times and the warmth and support I thought was real. I start to second guess at times. It’s comforting to see how others discuss it in TH-cam and online comments. It helps a lot. When I finally put the puzzle together, I made the important decision and I know it’s best for me. My health was going down rapidly from the stress and deep depression it caused on top of life challenges. Good for you for making this choice and sticking to it despite how hard it is to let family go. Thanks for sharing with me
@@darthbaesiannn I tried for about 7 years to reconcile with cards (my sister is the narcissistic estranger)...I finally had to stop and let go. I missed the person I thought she was. It still hits me but counseling really really helps.
They constantly show you your worth by how they treat you. I have a whole family unit like this, so what your saying resonates with me. You do not walk alone...
Thank you for your comment.
Ryan Dawson now one of them is trying to suck me back in, not having it and it's so frustrating for her! ✌️
Ryan Dawson tell them nothing, no matter how much you want to share with them. They may ask or bait you but go grey rock. The are not entitled to know anything about your life even though they think they do. Good luck on the interview, I hope it's a new start to a good journey
I stood next to my sister in front of a mirror. She had just played yet another nasty trick and I suddenly spotted the sardonic sneer, it was a revelation of a lifetime of yes, evil things. Lies, deceit, breaking and destroying my things, spoiling get togethers, always 'sicker' than me, thankfully she is on a different continent and we're in our 70's, I feel like she was a demon in disguise when I've shown her loving kindness all along. No more contact and feels very freeing.
i am just realizing this about my sister and its soo good to know im not the only one!!! it pissed me off to realize finally what she was doing and had been doing all our lives!! i will never speak to my sister again unless she is truly remorseful for her actions against me because she has tried to ruin my life many many times and im close to hating her for it since i now know... im so upset
I think I've been lucky in that I am not the only family member who noticed traits of narcissim in my sister, I just didn't realise until very recently that there is a name for her behaviour. It's helped me to finally realise that there is no point continually trying to be helpful, kind, affectionate, forgiving... normal, with her, she will never change. Minimum contact and hopefully, finally peace of mind. Don't waste your time with them.
My sister has turned all acquaintances against me. She tells people all about the family wedding i was not invited to because she knows they'll mention it to me. I moved nearby her 3 years ago and have no place to go back to. I feel suicidal but honestly think that would fit her story so well. I think that's what she wants. I didn't realize she had turned into my mom. My mom used to get this little smile on her face when she knew she had poked a sensitive spot in me. I wish there were shelters for women being abused by their female relatives. I need a witness protection program.
Oh my dear, my heart goes out to you. Be brave , be strong. Things will get better believe me. Play the avoidance game. I understand fully x
So do I. I have over 5 family members all treating me like cinderalla or a bug cause of my covert narc sis
I am in awe how well you know my sister and how much you and I have in common. I could have narrated your video with my story and they would be absolute replicas. Thank you for validating my feelings cuz you know the nar. family would never ever. Even tho every one knows I am the genuine kind hearted one. Of course they feel the only choice is to vilify the goat. Lifetime of pain. I am newly no contact but still in shock and horror this occurs.
Omg you are an answer to my prayers. Your sister sounds exactly like my sister and two of my brothers. It’s such a sad situation, being that it is family. Trust me on what I am about to say. Plz cut all ties with this person. She will destroy everything else in your life including boyfriends, aunts, children etc. These people are really sick and their is NOTHING that you can do to help them. I have four brothers and one sister and two narcissist parents. It took me a very long time to figure out why every time I would attempt to have close relationship with my parents, some of the younger siblings would destroy it. I am the oldest child and the only one that is an empath. They’re very dangerous people. I pray that God would help you to detach from this sister with love so that he could fill your life with people who really care about you as a person. Good luck!
Wow you are speaking of one of mine. I have videos on narcissist that may interest you. My sister is like that. Don't forget that they also play the damsel in distress role.
It's made me realize not to be Judgemental because everyone handles things differently....but it DOESN'T give them the excuse to treat you a certain way....
#Selfpreservation
I cut all contact with my hateful sister and my hateful family. Best thing I have done for myself and my kids and husband were free at last
Thank u for explaining this.You are absolutely right ! This is my sister,and she is sneaky like my narcissist mother.
+pearlgenuine you're welcome
This video saved me from my own sister and family I won’t be bitten by that snake ever again!
OMG!! My older sister is the same! She goes back and tell my mom everything that I do to make me look bad and she never apologizes to me. She has been envious of me for years and never cares how I try to express my hurt to her. Thank God I have a big brother I can talk to!
The haircut thing really brought memories because I've always been myself & experimental with my hair. She never complimented my hair cut, she would insult me, my mom would reprime her for it then later on she would say she didn't know how to react to the change🙄. Few months down the road, guess who has the same haircut after mine grew out. Same over the secrets after I was 19 just lost grandma, got put through the ringer with my mom's depression and as a result an eating disorder. I couldn't stand it anymore, I told her how I felt about everything because instead of being there for mom because she was grandma's favorite, no she goes off to another state with her deadbeat husband to save her "marriage". Instead she tells my mom every thing I said to her in a twisted way. Since then I've understood my sister is messed up. I've fixed my relationship with my mom since then but my sister all I can say is I'm glad her only daughter is away from her.
There were four of us growing up, learning the oldest was a malignant narcissist came as a huge relief there was a name to what she was, it was the "garden variety" narcissist that was much more painful in knowing what she was. We had always liked her growing up, she was so much easier to talk to, the malignant one was someone to be avoided. I think compared to the malignant one, she was just mild in comparison. Her darker side didn't really show like it did when we were grown. I think what bothered me the most was the way she couldn't hide her intense hatred for me, I would catch her staring at me with this look on her face, one I recognized from our childhood. I've always loved my children intensely, and have been happy just being their mom, you can bet this is what they choose to criticize me for. They both have children, but it was always obvious they couldn't stand being around them, (even while pretending), much less loving them. I was blessed with an un-narcissitic sister, I don't know how I would have ever survived without her. I hope you have a special someone from your family to who's un-narcissistic.
+Anonymous Follower thanks for always sharing these messages make me feel like I'm not the crazy one!!! Yes coming to grips with even the fact that there's more than one Narc in your life is hard enough realizing it's a sibling who you believed you had a great relationship with is another!! I definitely do have someone in my family that I can talk to who validates what's happening and who shares in my experience Los and I am very thankful for him!!! Just knowing you weren't the only one is priceless !!
My overt narc sister triangulated her 3 daughter's and now one of them hates her guts. She is the only family of origin member I have contact with, and we both see it for what it is. Our golden child brother moved out of state and is smug about all the "drama" we have. Also, he "appreciates (his words) the overt narc." He sees it as his sister's "not getting along." The three siblings all ganged up and decided I "must have done something horrible" to have incurred and deserved the overt narc's wrath. Meanwhile covert narc sister "befriends" and "bff's" me for decades, all while treating me like crap, and bad mouthing me behind my back. When I finally figured out what she was it hurt worse than the systematic abuse of the overt narc. I left them to cannibalize each other. I still grieve the relationship I thought we had. I am no contact with all 3 siblings. This all got worse after both our parents died in the same year. My brother also raised a full on BOD who now claims she has aspbergers as to avoid revealing her diagnosis. She's absolutely horrible. I feel long sometimes, but would probably be dead at this point, from the stress and gaslighting, had I not figured it out
I cried as I heard her. Because I can relate. I always wondered why I felt some distance. Your video has made me realize I should really get over her. It hurts because she's my little sister but no matter how I try to get closure she does what you explained in video. I always experience same shit over and over😕. 😔
For the first time in 60 years i now understand why my sister is like she is. I have lived the most agonisingly painful and confusing life with her. I always wondered why she hated me one minute and supposedly loved me the next. The only time i can really remember her being nice to me was when i was helping her with her studies. Once they were finished her contact with me dwindled to nothing. She always made me feel like i had done something horrible to her, but i never knew what. Two years ago she cut contact with me without warning or reason. She just stopped responding to any of my calls, emails, messages etc. I found out through another sibling that she wanted nothing more to do with me ..but no reason was given. I was so very hurt, but she has remained closed to any attempt to reconcile any issues she feels she has with me. Your story has helped ease an extremely heavy emotioal burden, and i can't thank you enouhg . All the best from melbourne, Aus.
What you put in the description box really made me know in my heart you understand how I feel right now in one sentence you make me feel validated
I believe you 100%. I've lived everything you mentioned. The reporting behind my back. The competitiveness. The secret jealousy. The lies and manipulation. The hoarding of all the attention. The back-handed compliments (insults) that I just "take the wrong way" because I'm too sensitive. I couldn't take it anymore, I went no contact for four years. I went back at my dad's urging and nothing changed. Nothing. The dynamics were exactly the same as when I left. No one missed me. No one treated me better. Absolutely no self-reflection on their part. I'm no contact forever now. Never again. I'm so much more at peace without them. You're very smart. It took to so much longer to understand what was happening to me.
This is amazing, your story IS MY STORY! I really feel less alone now!!! Thank you so much for sharing 🙏🙏🙏
I'm over my two oldest sisters I'm tired boss 48 years of abuse you on point
Holy shit. This is my life. This is the only video I’ve found that touches on this. Sometimes I find myself mourning over the sister I just never had. I always wanted the external best friend and just never had it. The part about running stuff back to your parents happened, you constantly forgiving. Everything you said I felt and experience and continue to experience. Wow.
My younger and older sister are covert narcs, they are so good at their devious plans they were able to manipulate everyone in my family. They stole my dad's buisness after they tortured my mom until she died prematurely. I was the only one trying to help my mom, my dad was in shock so he just followed the abusers. They kicked me out of the family and call me the cursed child.
Yessss! You’ve done a great job describing the covert narcissist. Those are the most dangerous. Smh 😞😞😞
omg yes I don't have a sister but 2 best girlfriends that I just found our after years and years thinking I was the bad person because for year I couldn't understand why I was feeling bad about the relationship until I started to understand narcissist abuse WOW I was surrounded by narcs literally raised by one two best girlfriends to ex-husband's all narcissist not to mention you know all the other ones that were out there that now I go that's why I felt so weird around them
Thank you. This is what I’m going through. I’m 37, and finally decided to quit dismissing all of the emotional abuse. How can you have a relationship with someone who has no interest in you as a person? >I can’t anymore.
That's my sister who gets away with being disrespectful to me and my dad and never apologizes when she's wrong I'm the scapegoat child in the family and my mom is just crazy she said she can take away my rights by law as a us citizen I have rights she cannot take them away from me
+Ramel Fleming 🙄🙄🙄sounds crazy
Thank you. Sounds much like my older sister. She used to keep her mouth shut when she had an audience but behind the scenes she was extremely violent. I went to her house to offer some help. Her Husband whom I care for needs a lung transplant. I offered to help them in any way I could financially. She's real nice , tells me she loves me and two days later tells my mother and my little sister that I am a drunkin liar and there is no way in hell I could have any money. My little sister threw the narcissists out of her house [Proud of her} I went no contact that day, little sister about a week later. What a relief.
OMG I was JUST telling my mom about this! She only shows up when she wants something from me/her/Dad. She will only show up when she gets something. I never enjoy spending time with her because she drains me of energy. She makes me feel like absolute garbage and I know it's all on her end. I just don't know how much longer I can put up with it.
Run and don’t look back. I waited way to long and wished I’d cut ties sooner. If you sense you are being abused, don’t put up with it. Life is too short.
OMG I cannot believe there are so many others who’ve lived through the exact same childhood experiences, that I have. Thank you for sharing.