Nature and Love-based Community @Alaska

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Nature teaches acceptance of change in life. It is by learning to ride those waves (triggers if in addiction recovery) that can emotionally stabilize you.
By being proactive and using coping strategies you learn to build resilience; self-esteem and contentment, so you have the ability to stay afloat when a stressful event happens and know how to quickly work on recovering from the slap of the wave.
(Think of a purse analogy-put in so have later when need arises)
There is a difference between surviving day to day and being resilient. Resilience is using tools to stay on the path you have chosen. It is utilizing a proven path compared with flopping in the wind or being tossed about in high seas.
With survival you are reacting versus with resilience you utilize learned coping strategies, proactive tools, that have built from past positive outcomes.
As a survivor you tend to normalize behaviors that would be considered very unacceptable.
Example: As a preteen (about 5th-6th grade) I became fully aware that my home life was not the same as most of my friends.
I had hidden my mother being abusive since Kindergarten when she had a mental breakdown due to stress as my father was in Vietnam for an extensive amount of time and back then the civilian community was not supportive towards the military. The family finances were being taken because cash was mailed back to the states, there were no other option at that time to receive paycheck and sent some home to your family.
Her behaviors included;
- pulled a knife on me threatening my life twice
- regularly searched my room in great detail because of a celebrity on television telling the public in a talk show, this was important to assure your child did not use drugs or become associated with bad people.
- took all my clothes away so had to wear the same pants & shirt until finally gave me a few other pieces of clothing as she had donated them to the family of a girl in my class.
- served me food with bugs regularly
- there is more but not necessary as this made my point. I became friends with others who suffered abuse, we were our own support group. I had one teacher who reached out.
As a married woman I once again experienced an abusive cycle;
- gaslighted
- made fun of me then stated was "just jokes" I was the problem
- watched/involved in a rape at a bar "loose ends" and asked me to say he was home with me and the kids.
- treated me negatively because of any comments one of his friends made or their wives did. Expected me to appease all his friends.
- stole my breast milk put up in freezer that was for our first child to work to let his friends put in their coffee
- would share our personal intimacy experiences with his fellow friends as a form of entertainment, sometimes comments in front of me.
Joined his religion that supported his family’s view;
- experienced confessors become abusive
- passive aggressive, I never did or was enough
- politics when reported myself abused, and staff never making contact to speak or acknowledging child was physically harmed by older religious personnel while volunteering on my birthday. I filed reports Administration twice and called sheriff who never followed thru.
- when I ended up as single mother working 2 jobs during college, negative comments and behaviors towards me increased including other religious stocking me when out in stores and when in community
- never validated several abusive experiences by religious staff to my family, always told I was responsible, or not credible
-working night shift caused many false accusations
- He was the head of the household but the guilt and shame always became a way to further add blame, validating their abuse and his.
I am not wiling to discuss my time in the military or working in government, but assure you there are additional situations there too.
Some sick people always want to abuse their power and some seem to draw their focus.
Once someone has experienced traumatic events, they need to develop their coping strategies and build a good support system.
Victims can get caught in repetiting a unhealthy cycle as abusers push the agenda that somehow they deserve this treatment, or discount their feelings.
Boundaries! Learn about boundaries!
I moved from that state, Oregon and now live back in Alaska with a more nature focused and supported environment. l attend a great love-based Episcopal Church with people and clergy that support and validate. I have real connection with peers. I trust the clergy and know will not present with vulgar behaviors towards me or gossip negatively influencing others. I am more than a resource to be used.
In sharing my experience to show we can find acceptance and healing, but it is a process and requires connection. As an Addiction Counselor and community volunteer, I like to ease the pain of others, supporting their choices, helping to make their life as effective as possible.