How Trauma Wounds Manifest as Low Self-Esteem
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 15 พ.ค. 2022
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Even if you're good at acting confident, you may be giving off signs that you feel "less than" other people; just feeling badly about yourself can have the effect of pushing those good people away from you, and in turn makes it harder to heal. In this video I teach about "the Underdog effect" -- the unspoken signals we give that we have low self-esteem.
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Sociopaths/narcissists can often sense people with low self esteem or high empathy. These types of abusers often prey on non aggressive individuals. Beware.
Hmm something is odd about this statement
It's true. And if they can't have you to siphon off of, then they'll do everything in their power to ruin ur life and to make others dislike you.
I would be careful diagnosing/ labeling people. If you develop strong boundaries or ignore them, they will just move on. It’s part of human nature to prey on the weaker link. Animals and even plants do it. I see what you are saying, but not everyone follows a moral code, unfortunately
This is true and has happened to me. They offer lots of unsolicited help and love bomb at first, then ask uncomfortable questions to test boundaries. A wise woman once told me “beware the friend you make in a day”
There is nothing odd about this statement, it’s 💯 % truth. In this world you must have your own back & heal your sh*t because predators will smell blood, measure you up & take whatever they think they can!!!
Our parents worked really wonders on us, didn't they? 😑 Sometimes I'm tired of constantly working on myself but it is necessary.
Don’t give up. You can’t give up. You can make it through this.
seriously it gets old, need to just live life and avoid those that hate us.
Well it doesnt stop and if youre doing all the right things to enhance and realize yourself itll just get easier👍
There comes a time to graduate.
I'm tired of fighting this darkness every single day. I have been fighting for way too long. 😢 when does it stop?
This is a spot-on analysis of how trauma can impact every aspect of your life. I was in a relationship with someone whose actions often triggered my CPTSD. My heart felt heavy and I felt unhappy at some point of everyday. I ended that relationship and regularly implemented the tips in your 'How to have a great day' video. Within a few weeks, I noticed an improvement in my mood and aura which, in turn, changed how the people in my life and even strangers responded to me. Thank you for your wonderful advice, you are helping me on my healing journey in so many ways.
Thank you for sharing such a beautiful comment. I’ve felt the same at times, even with strangers responding wonderfully. You’ve captured the reason for the change in us that is so nice to experience from the inside and also with how people respond.
That's great! Hopefully the video helps me too. I tried a relationship with someone recently and I said I thought I hated myself (I thought I only hate I wasn't strong enough in my childhood) and then I got judged for still having issues. He wasn't cruel it's just I don't think he's right in his opinions of me and I think maybe I just have low self-esteem even though if someone doesn't like me, I have the "good riddance" attitude about it. There's too much of a duality in things for me so it's very confusing at times.
When I was in elementary school, the kids at school would call me fat and say the other awful things my father would say to me. The 5th grade boys would attack me on the school bus when I was in kindergarten and beat me up like my father did. I used to wonder to myself, “How do they know? Why do they treat me the same way that I’m treated at home?” Humans are just like other animals-pecking order, high horse, alpha, etc. And if you’re abused at home, you’re gonna be abused for the rest of your life wherever you go.
Until we heal of course 😊
@@marilynking527 yes 😃💕
I wish you healing 🙏🏾
I am so sorry 😐 you experienced that!
I’m SO sorry! Kids learn from their parents.
I met someone like this the other day and you are right, people can sense it from a mile away. But you can't fix it in yourself because you feel like it's correct and justified to feel this way about yourself. It's so hard sometimes.
It is, but we're glad you're here and we're all rooting for you! -Calista@TeamFairy
I’m totally blind, I’m on the autism spectrum, and I have CPTSD. I used to think I was stupid, worthless, unlovable, a burden, unwanted, and a lot of other things. I used to think I didn’t belong on this earth. Fast forward to now, I rarely call myself stupid and all this other stuff. If I do hear myself call myself those names, I hear myself say, “wait a minute. Who said that?” I even didn’t like myself because I was blind and not like everybody else. But nowadays, I try to love myself every day even though I’m blind, because blindness won’t kill me, neither will autism or CPTSD. Now if I call myself any names, I call myself a silly goofball, or I make up silly funny names to call myself.
this is exactly the comment i needed to see, im autistic, still living with my parents, unable to hold a job, and constantly having mental breakdowns from anxiety and depression, i feel utterly worthless and not deserving of life especially because of the abuse i experienced all during my school years. other people are very good at making me feel like im a bad person for the autistic/ anxiety driven behaviors i have that make me seem cold and uninterested in others when really i'm just shy. i have internalized this inferiority complex even into my 30s. but reading how you deal with the same problem is really good to hear, thank you!
@@debutchi I’m also totally blind. And I’ve gotten crap just for doing certain behaviors due to my blindness. For example, exploring everything, especially out in the public. I have a tendency of touching everything, and I’ve been downed for it. And for spilling things, knocking things over, especially in the store, and for dropping things. I was abused throughout my middle-school and high-school years. I even had cruel jokes played on me because I’m blind. Like, people would pull the chair out from where I was about to sit, they were hoping I’d miss the chair and fall on the floor. I was ran into things, as a “joke.” If I ran into things, they would laugh. I’d even get crap for trying to take my cane away from my sister when she was 3. But if I would’ve let her play with my cane, and she would’ve broken it, I still would’ve gotten crap. I don’t even have a job because of my blindness, and people’s concerns of me exploring everything due to my blindness and a few other behaviors.
@simply create I see a spammer in the comments.
@simply create you clearly said message is lying for help.
Hi Sienna, why not call yourself a gift to other people...see how long a list you can make of all the things you have to offer someone else or the world in general...I'll start you off:
You are a sensitive and honest communicator, you are a role model for someone wanting to become their best self, you are able to love and reach out to others to help them, you are resilient and you are a survivor...I wish you Peace and Joy...let us know how you are doing...
I've actually had a former friend tell me the group bully was the underdog because no one liked this bully because she was nasty to everyone. I got tired of the excuses she made for this woman and dumped the friend group. Only then could my husband and I start to heal from the pain inflicted by the bully. She was NO underdog! The saddest thing is the bully went on to train as a psychiatric nurse practitioner.
@@annastone5624 Yep. You're right! That's exactly what this friend did. We saw it and got out! She's lost a lot of friends over it but she still has that bully for a "friend." 🙄
It's funny how ppl often say "That bully is covering for their low self-esteem." I call bull. I am glad you cut those toxic ppl out.
Lots of bullies and disturbed people working in MH care. Some are sicker than the pts.
@@echase416 not just mental health, also health care and social services in general. Some things that I witnessed as a young nurse, together with my brain not being suited for night shifts, drove me to change careers when I was 23. Angry people and people who maliciously enjoy power over helpless others really need to be weeded out of the caring professions.
Hi Roxy, Years ago a girl in my class would dump my friends books. This was in the late 70's. The bully was blonde and popular. She would call my friends house to make crank calls. My friend's brother answered one of her calls and shot her down but good. I got bullied but not by her. Later, we had heard that she works with disadvantaged children! There was never a kind moment in this girl. What would possess her to help children? 🤔 You can not change unless you get help.I hope she had.
I have low self esteem and it really ruins my life and it’s hard to improve it. Something that i notice when around other people is that it’s hard for me to connect on a deeper level because my brain can’t see that there are people who truly likes me as a person, i’m very sensitive to the tone of people’s voices, if someone sounds stern or irritated i feel very uncomfortable even though it may not be aimed at me. I also feel sad because i feel that people don’t listen to me when i speak, so many times i have said something to just sit there waiting for someone to answer me which doesn’t happen it has even made me question if there is something wrong with my voice or that i’m not speaking clearly but that is simply not the case. I don’t want to spend time with friends anymore, i isolate myself more and more because i feel tired and a lack of motivation. I haven’t always been like this, i think it all started when a close friend began to pretend i’m a ghost and that i don’t exist just out of nowhere that really broke something in me, i now suspect strongly that my friend was a Psychopath or something because to just over a night decide to just ignore me totally like that is not normal imo
some of you need to realize that Anna needs to make a living as well. She has helped so many of us, I think she has a right to talk about her courses in these videos. She already gives us so much of advice FOR FREE. I also think she deserves to have paid promotions because she has one of the best and helpful channels on YT.
Thanks for supporting Anna's work!
-Cara@TeamFairy
just love hormones so as to replace those tangled traumatic memories..
as a woman, being single, what cured me- because i dont like jumping into relationships just to get love- i adopted pets.. cats because of their serene nature....
in return, i developed a peaceful mind and able to reconnect and heal those dusturbing events i gathered in life.
and maybe because of oxytocin it produces from the bond i develop with my cats
I don’t know why, but I started crying from the beginning to the end of this video. Whenever I watch your videos I feel like going out of therapy session.
I have C-PTSD from ongoing childhood trauma & then entering a bad relationship because it felt normal. However, I always wondered how others knew & would take advantage of me as a stranger I began to wonder if we give off some kind of signal somehow. And I got my answer from a security guard & ex-con, who I hired as security for Halloween, night.
He asked me if anyone else in my rural neighborhood had been threatened by the neighbors of having their houses torched? I had to tell him that I was the only one as far as I knew. He told me he already knew this or assumed it. I asked him how he would know such a thing & he told me that he can smell injured people, most ex-cons can, and that we give off some kind of scent that bad guys can pick up on.
I was bullied at home and did it to others as a young person 😳 I regret it.
When we know better, we do better.
@@echase416 thanks 🙏 for the compassion !!! 🥰😍😘😘😘🙏❤️😍🌻🌻🌻🌻. It goes a long way in making the world a better place!!!
I felt the need to be real and honest with this video.
A+, Anna! You're helping a lot of people make a big difference for themselves
Thank you for the kind words. Grateful you're here! - Ashley, Team Fairy
Agreed 💯 If I had not found Anna, I wouldn't have a clue what "Dysregulation" is, and that I am indeed a person who has been affected by childhood trauma. (I had a great childhood, but was affected by an unwell family member.)
I agree!
@@onenonlysarahd5158 yaaalp
Could you do a video on recognizing good and bad friendships EARLY in the relationship?
Yes, THIS please!
I walk with my head down. It's a habit that my mum and teachers tried to correct when I was young. Also if am walking on a path, I squeeze myself to the edge. I don't know if this makes sense😀 English isn't my first language.
makes sense❤
Both posture and voice can convey low self esteem and trauma history. Non verbal communication.
Excellent point, I agreed with you!
You're an example Carl Jung never taught a student who also wasn't in analysis. Every thing you're saying is deeply and painfully true, and it's not because you read about it. You lived it. You earned this knowledge the only way you can, the hard way.
@Tracy i wouldn't trust a therapist. ..well im kidding but maybe keep one eye on em. Half of them are writing dollar signs on the pad they never show you.
This has been my WHOLE life. Thank you for this.
You're welcome. Thanks for watching! - Ashley, Team Fairy
If you're in distress and need support you often attract people who see you as an easy target to take their crap out on or you may attract people who want to help but their ego gets involved and they make you feel worse because they make it about them and their virtue signalling. Most people are out for themselves and if you're programmed as a pleaser from birth you are denied a healthy self esteem, often can't spot red flags because they are the norm to you and you are unable to set the healthy boundaries needed to deal properly with takers, abusers and do gooders. I've been working on this for decades and find it unbelievable that experts don't seem to understand that trauma is an involuntary response to a current stimuli that triggers bodily responses from past unresolved abuse etc. It's very difficult to even control your own emotions while having a panic attack/trigger response, never mind having to deal with other peoples egos. The extra pressure to try to stay calm and collected while in a disregulated emotional state so that we are accepted by others seems to lack compassion to me. Victim blaming is everywhere and people play on this to their advantage. Hit that like, follow that guru and take the course. Despite how the system works. money is not more important than lives. People say they care but very few back that up without your email address or an ego stroke. Everyone's got to eat so no offense to Anna or her work, it is useful in a lot of ways but underdogs and scapegoats seem like the collateral damage of society. The ones who need the most help fall through the net so often, it's very sad.
@angellightrose Thank you, and I agree with you. It feels like we are blocked from doing the right things and making real positive changes to make things better. The world is indeed corrupt and we are set up fail. See 'The System' by Tom MacDonald for some truth bombs about the corruption of the world. Also, the work of Daniel Mackler on here for insight about how family systems enable and entrench it all from the start while society accepts it as normal.
🌟 Crappy Childhood Fairy replied: "Sounds like you see yourself as having no agency at all, but also entitled to free help (from strangers) that doesn't imply that there's anything at all you can do, and if they .."
Anna, your comment doesn't appear on here only in my notifications and it is not in full.
My comment was not an attack on you, simply my opinion about the system we are indoctrinated in. I think your work and that of many others is an important part in helping people to help themselves and guiding them to take their power back.
I am disappointed in a corrupt system where people are encouraged to be money loving, debt slaves. I, in fact think that people are kind, compassionate, sharing beings before the system gets a hold of them. In this, I judge by my own standards. I have agency or I wouldn't be able to articulate the problem. I have learned authenticity which has only come about from healing myself largely independently and don't expect hand-outs from strangers although, I have been that stranger many times. I wish you the best in your endeavours.
I started a sort of realtionship/situationship ( it was all just emotional, nothing physical) with someone and it brought up all my insecurities because I put him up on a pedestal, he had all these amazing qualities ( especially my physical insecurities showed up). He strung me along until I spoke out and I thought I had a chance because I really wanted to be with him, he made it seem hopeful, but he suddenly told me he only saw me as a friend when he felt I put pressure on him. I keep thinking that if I were more confident in myself I could have been seen as a partner by him.
I'm so pissed dealing with all of this my soul is literally trying to leave my body.
I get you, I feel like that too. You're not alone❤❤
i understand
@@CJ-uk1rt thank you
@@Luva_-_ I have heard this alot. thank you
@@serenarivera7640
Wow! I can't believe this. After all the years I finally found someone who described what I was sensing and struggling with. I always felt disconnected from others and whats worse it was always hard for me to find friends and it is getting even worse. Before I at least once in time had the luck to meet someone nice in my life. To gravitate towards to good people but yes - people who seemed nice, they didn't want to be my friend. People who are fake or manipulative or narcisstic - they wanted to be my friend. After another relationship with narcissist / emotional abuse I can't find any new friends for 2 years. (He also stole 2 my good friends). And I feel like having this cloud around me and not knowing how can I change it. I felt like I need kindness and love from people the most but I wasnt having good friends. At some point they turned against me. The only long lasting real friend who I have is another "underdog" like me. Both went throught many traumatic experiences. Its horrible. Because we feel this energy is all the time present (the dark cloud) but it feels unable to do something with it. Thanks for the video I will watch it again for sure. 💝
I'm learning now, not to trust anyone 💯 I've been hurt so much in my life. That's why I have six cats 😅
I'm a Christian and know that we're just passing through here. I believe that we are here to learn about love and for some people, who have suffered from abuse, love comes with a lot of forgiveness on our part. "Forgive them Father for they know not what they do" were Jesus's words as he hung on the cross. I do not block people out but I am aware of human weakness. I accept that in myself and others. The Bible says for us to "guard our hearts for it is the wellspring of life and it affects everything we do"
Faith in Jesus has saved me. My childhood abuse took me to many dark places. Jesus started to clear out, and still is, every room in my house that needed healing. Having faith as small as a mustard seed gets the mountain moving. "Lead me to the rock, that is higher than I" (psalm 61.2) 🙏
Genius!! I know that weird vibe you're talking about! I sense it in myself and I can tell it makes me and everyone uncomfortable. I have to tell myself you're fine just ground yourself.
I’m so glad you showed up in my feed. I have CPTSD, but I’m just on my own trying to handle things and I feel like I’ve been having a nervous breakdown that’s gotten worse the last few months and I keep looping because I don’t know how to break the cycle and I don’t have a support system. I definitely repel people and I don’t mean to and I don’t want to but I feel like if I apologize for my behavior, it lessens how bad someone’s behavior has been towards me. I feel stuck.
Welcome to the channel! - Ashley, Team Fairy
Since a few months I had a lot of childhood trauma coming up, and even though im already experienced in accepting and giving them space to heal , I find myself sort of trapped back in this low self esteem mode. Thanks a lot for this video and the upbringing input.
I have not built an actual relationship with anyone my entire life. My mother died when I was a child and my father was absent, only came around every few years for a few minutes. I was taken in by an abusive relative who then died a few years later as well. Their spouse, not a blood relative, ended up sending us to live with yet another relative a couple of years later. That relative sold drugs and we were exposed to violence and drug addiction daily. Then I became pregnant with a man who left me after I missed a period when I was 17. I literally had another baby with this man 5 years later, and yes he left again. I then found a partner who was physically abusive, who left me pregnant ONCE AGAIN. I wish I knew what I know now when I was 17. But life lessons are learned the hard way at times. I still feel very blessed to have found this information in my 20s and not my 60s as some people have had to do. Thank you for being a light and a helper in this world.
I’m 47. Had severe childhood trauma with sexual abuse and an alcoholic narcissist father and a co dependant mother. My self esteem has never been so low. I feel completely worthless. I tend to put my worth on how I look, which I hate. I believe I’m flawed and weird and so different than everyone else. I’m starting therapy soon and I’m hopeful. Thank you so so much for all the wonderful videos and advice you put out. You are honestly an angel ❤
I am so awkward aeound people i dont know. Dont know what to say...small talk escapes me. I just want to run away. Im almost 80 and have felt this way all my life, except when i was drinking. I dont drink anymore and i feel it strongly now.
This is EXACTLY what happens. Thank you so much for this! I understand how this has made me awkward and weird to others when I just wanted to talk, or scream or just a hug. ❤
Incredibly relatable. Have been overcoming some self sabotage, and feeling heaps better for it. Thank you. Changing things we can and doing what we can, doesn’t stop the other things being real or present, but does focus us on what we can do and where our efforts will have results.
Happy to hear this video hit home! Thanks for watching. - Ashley, Team Fairy
When I grew up I was a centre of ridicule by the people I trusted most, people very close to me. I was ridiculed in front of family members, friends and relatives. When tried to be me by doing things like unleashing my talents, it became worse. They expected less from me. I was young and vulnerable. Even when I do things in group, I would be singled out as the weakest link. This happened from a very young age into adulthood. Now I have severe low self esteem. No friends, no partner. I push people away cause I am scared they are going to hurt me. I prefer not to say anything during meetings cause they are gonna laugh at my views or say something hurting. I'm always overprotective of myself. When I am praised, I criticize myself, my clothes, everything about me to the point of feeling like running away. I am 52 years and still struggling with low self esteem
Always late to school, or anything morning 😩
Perfect timing Anna. Thank you for your wisdom, it was much needed today.
I’m so happy that I decided to invest on myself and went to see you in NY! It made a great impact on me! It raised my awareness on so many things
I'm so glad too! Thank you for being part of all the healing here!
Anna, you have no idea how important your videos have been in my journey with self-help and healing. For the first time in my life, I genuinely feel that a great weight has been lifted off me, and it's been such a relief to my spirit to acknowledge the deep wounds of my childhood and even begin to address and connect them to the problems I currently face in my adult life. I never would have thought to even get to the root of the problem when I've been gaslighting myself and in denial for so long. Your videos are healing me and are giving me the strength and courage to better myself and begin to live my life on my own terms, to strive for happiness and greatness. You've saved my life and I can't thank you enough.
Thank you for sharing and for doing the hard work of facing wherever you've been in denial. You are who this Channel is for :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
I want to thank Sara for showing me this. Talking with me and not being afraid. I have a ton of respect for her. (Yes you guys probably don't know her or maybe you do). I just needed to thank her out into the universe. She is an amazing person. You saved me. I appreciate more than your ever know. 🤗🌻❤
A recent self help tip I have learned came from spotting a cornerstone to all of my problems. A friend helped me see all of this time I have been taking on the world's problems as something I caused. Any and every burden I subconsciously try to take on as my fault then attack myself for it. All these years I never knew or saw it though it's as clear as day looking back. This in turn made all of the other issues linked to CPTSD worse. After spotting this one key issue after all these years I'm finally getting some real lasting relief.
This makes so much sense.
Shame is the big marker. A horrible guy at work told this, to someone I know, as a jibe because she rejected his advances. He said it in different words, but he was right. Our work is to take care of ourselves and our lives so that we can feel good.
When CCF describes herself as "acting weird" at 3:16, it feels very shaming. I have CPTSD, but am also on the spectrum. No matter how hard I try, or how much healing I do, I will always be weird. CCF is clearly judging herself with this remark, but it is harsh and discouraging to what I am sure is a significant number of neurodivergent people who subscribe. It is important not to confuse being broken with being different.
I get what you're saying. I'm quite "weird" as well because that's who I am. I'm different, my interests are different and I'm introverted. I won't try to fit in. I'll find the right people.
You are fantastic ....have shared your channel with others! "The Dark Cloud" has always been my terminology for this feeling. You are always right on target. ❤️🙏
Thank you for the love!
Thank you Anna. Grateful for meeting you.
Just realized how shamed based my entire life has been, I’ve run everyone in my life off currently.
I feel this way too. I’m still resisting sabotaging my current relationship (which is going fine). I always look for problems so I can continue to replicate what I know: pure loneliness. I am working on changing my mindset and sitting with the discomfort of new feelings and changes in self perception. What if I wasn’t ashamed? What if I could change? What if I was just a normal human and not subhuman, like I’ve always felt? Just opening the door to those ideas helps me.
LOVE how you explain this!! Here is to focusing on positivity past any traumatic experiences!
Its true took me long time to understand this. Complex ptsd is the worst.
I’m so grateful for your content. It’s the first time I’ve heard lateness explained in a way that makes sense to me and in a way which makes me feel as though there’s a way to change.
Wow, what an excellent video, Anna! So perceptive and insightful. Thank you!
I love your channel so much! You are such a bright light, you have helped me so much & I'm so grateful. I'm also taking your boot camp course. Thank you! 💕
This is excellent! Thank you!
You are a blessing for us all, thank you 🌅😍😍
Love this subject. It is exactly what I need now and want to thank you a lot!
Once we know what the problem is we need how to cope with it :)
Rant warning;
I started dating somebody who I look up to for his self confidence and strong sense of self. I feel insecure sometimes because of how low my confidence is and how unstable my self perception is, and sometimes I wonder if I’m not good enough for him. But I want to be better, to be more confident, and feel like I deserve this happy relationship like he does.
When I’m my most confident around him, we both have a great time together, and I want to work on finding that person and building her up. I start therapy soon, so I’m hoping my self awareness can help me heal from past trauma and be a happy person!
Good topic for so many people like me. I have had traumatic experiences-mostly growing up. I know my worth, and highly empathic. However, what some people think they see about me is low self esteem. The real issue is that I refuse to mistreat others, or make them feel what I have felt.
I recently met a 63 yo man who kept asking me if I had been an orphan, because of the mannerisms he claimed I have. Really, he was a former foster parent, hoping to groom me for manipulation. I am in my 40s; but he saw me as more childlike. Weird, I know. I had to keep reminding him that I am a grown woman, who knows how to live my life. I told him to either see/treat me as the woman who I am today, or I will be moving on. He kept trying to manipulate me, and I stopped answering his calls. People are always mistaking my personality for weakness, naivety, and gullibility. Rather than trying to explain why I am so 'different,' as they say, I tend to keep to myself instead.
Fantastic content ❤️❤️❤️thank you, dear Anna
Great shirt Anna👏🏼
this is so true .you have no idea how many people i have rejected with my perception of myself .
i ignored a boy( i used to talk to him all the time in middle school .we even had genuine moments too. we could have been friends .)
because i assumed he wouldn't talk to someone like me . and i swear to you he was a little bit hurt when i ignored him .and he never tried to talk to me .
Thank you!
The video is here and it’s a good one. Thank you. Doing what we can, and not worrying about things we can’t change, and addressing and stopping self sabotaging behaviours yes, good advice.
People have been telling me that I'm unwanted for longer than I can even remember. Preschool was a nightmare. I feel unwanted because other people made sure that I knew that I was unwanted. It's what I was taught. Nice of you to insinuate that it's my own fault (not).
Thank you
Can totally relate to this 🙏🏻 for covering this
Glad you're here! Thanks for watching and taking the time to comment :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Great video. I struggle with keeping up good habits like you said in the video. But I am slowly working on them. Simple habits that I wasn't really taught. But I do notice the progress and the impact. It's not too easy to keep up and sometimes I take a few steps back. But I appreciate how encouraging you were.
You can do it!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I build model cars as a hobby... I get 90 percent positive feedback on my work,but I tend to instead pay more attention to the 10 percent that are critical of my work and I take it personally...... 😫!!
Your content is so helpful, but also requires a lot of courage to watch. I need to pace myself because it hurts. Facing my wounds and old traumas...
Sending you encouragement! - Ashley, Team Fairy
Like a skipping vinyl record. My behaviors i mean. Ones we need to change. To have a truthful but kind mirroring in life (a person) to help us see maladaptive behavior this would be a blessing. Boy did i need and still need that. But loving kind feedback, not scolding !!
I've been diagnosed with ADHD and punctuality has always been challenging for me, and I've heard time dyslexia be described as a hallmark of ADHD. I wonder though if what's labeled as ADHD couldn't really be the symptoms of childhood neglect causing inability to focus in some people, which might have implications for any decision-making process, including getting somewhere on time.
TL;DR - ADHD and CPTSD can often be a generational vicious cycle
I believe in a lot of cases since ADHD is highly genetic, sometimes our parent(s) unknowingly have it as well. Common symptoms of it, like trouble regulating emotions, substance abuse due to lack of dopamine, etc. can manifest in ways that cause trauma.
Was just talking to my mom about this - she and my dad both have ADHD and I suspect C-PTSD. I was diagnosed with both plus other comorbid issues. They didn't grow up in a time with the knowledge and treatment we have today, so the disorder and generational trauma and dysfunction was unfortunately passed on. Trying to accept that they tried their best while struggling, and acknowledge that yes I was still hurt in the process.
Check out gabor mates book on adhd
Can have both.
There’s is a tiny bit of overlap but it’s not identical. I have both plus dyslexia, I know the nuances of all of them. For example, no one who isn’t a born neurodivergent can be hyper sensorially sensitive and have auditory and sensory processing disorder! The effects of CPTSD on the brain can be healed, but neurodivergence can’t be changed because it’s a complete genetic brain mutation.
@@sharroon7574 he is completely wrong in they book. He doesn’t understand neurodivergence at all. No neurotypical can understand what it’s like in our brains, so they just make assumptions and invalidate us. For example, coffee and all other stimulants makes the adhd brain SLEEPY, while it makes the neurotypical brain more stimulated.
Absolutely YES !
I so so relate to this at the moment! Helloooo from the dark cloud 👋🏼
Hello there, glad you're here :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Distorted perception ...faulty decisions
We interna!ize this confused state of mind
Healing is possible ....we can do this
The goal is to be happy productive people 👌💗🙏
Keep moving 4ward
Yes just realised that an early marriage where there was addiction gave me impression I was unloveable. Only took 40 years to realise I do not feel good enough to be loved.
Yes.. like Linus from Charlie Brown with the cloud over his head.
That's exactly the picture I see in my mind too.
Omg everything you have said. Thank you. I feel like you’re seeing me.
You are in the right place.
Nika@TeamFairy
This was so helpful ❤️
Glad to hear that! Thank you for watching!
Nika@TeamFairy
I suffer from low self esteem. I am lucky that I come from a VERY loving family who supported me through the traumatic events that causes my present day triggers. I WISH I could change myself. Outwardly I seem strong and accomplished, but inwardly I am the opposite. I have been in very dark places on occasion. I am/seem strong-minded or the effects would be much worse and I have managed to prevail despite myself so far. But a lot of times I don’t know how much longer I can go on. Your example of a downtrodden dog resonated with me. You can only kick a dog so many times.
I'm still trying to get a therapist "in network".
Have you checked if cerebral would be in your network?
You can make it stop ?!? There is hope
We can change these seemingly insurmountable changes
This stmt alone is worth its weight in Gold 👌💗🙏
Thank you.
I doubt i can change how i am now. Especially as a male, absolutely no one cares if i live or die. It simply doesn't matter jto anyone. Maybe i wasnt always ugly and stupid but i sure am now. Was kicked once to often when down. Good luck everyone!
I would encourage you to start with Daily Practice (a free course). If you want to go deeper, Anna has a whole course on Healing Childhood PTSD.
Free Daily Practice: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
Healing CPTSD course: bit.ly/CCF_HCPTSD
Nika@TeamFairy
thank you thank you thank you!
Do I have to have friends? The risk/reward ratio just hasn’t been there for me in adulthood. I recognize that it’s because of past trauma but I think I’m too old to care. My dog is my best friend.
Yes they pick up on it and try to exploit it
5:18, "for some people, this is permanent, and this is tragic" how to help those people, how do we know it's not permanent for us?
I need to learn to not what others think of me effect me so much.... A lot of the time it's not me with the problem but the person that is criticizing me...
Stop making me cry dear lady
Why are you so Akamai?
Warmest aloha
Ps, yes I am swinging my sword
To what degree can our perception be distorted? I'm just now starting to see that I do this, and it's a huge additional load on the reprocessing I'm doing of my life. It makes me wonder how many situations that were traumatizing were more so - times a thousand - than they would have been normally.
Remember - in front of every silver lining, there's a dark cloud!
Anna, could u b my friend? Seriously, I need a really good friend like u in my life.
Hello. My mom's favorite quote is Matthew 10:37 "anyone who loves their parents and/or children more than me, is not worthy of me." I feel as if she uses this as a shield so she won't have to feel any pain or guilt. Everytime she don't feel comfortable in a situation, she will always have a Bible quote ready. It got even worse when I came out as a lesbian. Now she tell me, she has to pray for me every night so I can be accepted into heaven. Or she prays that one day I find my way and no longer feel any attraction to another woman. Is it possible use religion to emotionally abuse someone? It is taking a toll on my self-esteem and I often feel useless/worthless and even not worthy of heaven. I don't know what to do, it is embarrassing to ask for help because I feel like I am just over reacting, when in reality there's really no problem and everything is just in my head.
I am so sorry your mom is treating you this way. It is definitely possible to use religion to emotionally abuse someone. God loves YOU. He loved you enough to create you. You are very special to Him. All of that can be found in the bible too ;-) in many different verses. Please know you are not useless or worthless or not worthy of Heaven. You have a special place in this world and were put here for a wonderful purpose that only you can fill.
I have worked on how other people treat me. Reflect back the narc people in workplace or family.
It's just romantic relationships i can't deal with. Still attracting those toxic men. What to do ?
Narcissist is thrown around way way too much. It’s like people are narcissistic when you need them to be. Kinda like the overused word “racist”
You don't tell us what to do. How to change to project less of the hurt self.
Imagine being asked to do math in front of the other students in class with this mindset, everytime the teacher wants you to engage in the course, at the same time telling you over and over again that this is your weakest subject.
If you put it all on bad decisions...
Not everything is your own decision.
Health problems are not a decision, my autism is not a decision, being a caregiver for my disabled partner is not a decision,
but all that is why I became socialy isolated, can't have a normal life, I only have friends online,...
How change that?
Start with friends online who are also part of a supportive community that fosters growth. 12-Step groups offer that, we offer that too :) bit.ly/CCF-Membership :) -Cara@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairyno disrespect but, you can't help us change the way we feel
How can I get out of my victim role it's a mindset I keep going back to automatically both my alcoholic parents have done this behaviour I'm 55yrs old not able to have a relationship with them or siblings as I don't want to be belittled anymore. I feel like a victim how can I release this? I procrastinate all the time feeling stuck then set into feeling failure a victim to self. Anyone with any advice on getting my mindset to change .
The Daily Practice is how I changed my victimized perspective crappychildhoodfairy.com/lp/daily-practice
-Cara@TeamFairy
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7:03
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I don’t know why I have such an ambivalent feeling toward this particular concept of low self esteem. I feel like it gets used as a catch all. Because that means their are a lot of people walking around with low self esteem. I think I just can’t wrap my head around the idea that all these people with “low self-esteem” hate themselves and that they’re wearing it as a badge. That’s a little heavy isn’t it.
I don't think low self-esteem means people necessarily hate themselves. That's an extreme end of the spectrum, and would be better described as self-loathing. Low self-esteem is about having faulty narratives that project negative beliefs about ourselves. It dents our confidence and makes us think less of ourselves. Self-hatred would be too heavy, you're right. But that's not what's being discussed.
Most people don’t realize they don’t like themselves. You learn it very early. Learn isn’t even the right word because it isn’t learned. It is conditioned or programmed into you from a very early age. If you are ignored, you have no expectations of mattering.
@@wanderingseth you know that’s quite fair and a balanced way to look it. I may be looking at the extremes lol. Because I really don’t want to believe that about people. And I like the way you explained that.
I’m the opposite, need to be up at least 2 hours before work. Always 15 mins early into work. Bit ridiculous
Me too ✋
sameee
Not me. I'm driving over the speed limit and crazy hitting cars in the parking lot and running for the door, just to clock in exactly on time. Some of that is CPTSD for sure but some of that is simply that I don't love what I do and it is so very stressful that I hoard every private not working minute I can get and resent every extra minute they squeeze out of me, even if I DO get paid for it.