Rachael, Thank You for this exceptional video. You have covered so Much in this video. The mere survival of Losing your identity as a father and husband shows strength in an individual. Grieving that lost identity takes a lot of time, for me it was several years, while at the same time trying to create a New one. I searched my heart as to what was my first Love, before family and get involved in those again, all the while grieving. Yes, picking up new skills is a part of forming a new you. For me it was baking, which I learned whilst incarcerated. I spent all my time reading, that the guys used to encourage me to do something and actually coached me into the kitchen. Now, baking is my therapeutic relief. Prior to baking, cooking and the bar b was my enjoyment, as I did this every single day for my family.and loved watching them eat, all my crazy creations. Since moving to the Caribbean, I now live on my family homestead and learning to raise chickens and plant vegetables. The temperature here is crazy to get used to, moving From a cold climate. I'm slowly getting to the place of forming my new identity. I just wish I could get out and fish More regularly. Love your program and thanks for your Support.
‘What would my best self do?’ That’s gold! Thank you. The other night I tried to journal what I would say to a friend in my situation and other than ‘that sounds hard,’ ‘you must be feeling a lot of emotions,’ etc. my page was blank.
Sometimes it can be hard to find the words, especially if no one has spoken to you in that way before. I'm hosting a free workshop starting this week on emotional regulation, and one of the tools you'll learn is how to speak to your emotions in a way that allows you to process them effectively. I'd love to have you join! You can register here: resources.rachaelsloancoaching.com/free-workshop
So true. Shortly after my ex-wife moved out unexpectantly, after 39 years married, which was a huge shock, I learned how to cook almost like gourmet meals; binge reading and watching videos on relationships, etc.; begun dance lessons and going to Friday night dance socials and dance workshops, thus getting out and meeting people which helped me to move on; traded in the family van for a vehicle that suited my style; upgraded my wardrobe; Friday night pizza with the grandkids; ventured into online dating, stumbled for two years; two years after separation finalized divorce, got my own place; four years after separation, met someone, through dance, and we've been together for over a year. Life is so much better.
You're welcome. I'm really glad the video has been helpful. If you'd like to go a little further, I'm hosting a free workshop starting this week. You can register to join me here: resources.rachaelsloancoaching.com/free-workshop
Great video!! Journaling on your wins every night is a great way to keep your mind focused on the good that is happening, rather than the bad. In Habit 2 Steven Covey's 7 Habit's he talks about being principle centered. If your life is wife centered, job centered, kid focused, money centered, self focused, etc. it creates issues because if something happens to whatever you're centered on you become dependent upon that. If something happens to the wife, the kids, the job, or the money, you're in a place of being lost, like most guys are after divorce. Designing our lives around established, long term, proven, value based principles, is the best way to not find yourself in a position of weakness. I also follow the "future self" idea as well. It's much better to be pulled forward by a "future self" that you've chosen, than held back by a past that you didn't. Thank you for the video!!
Thanks Tim. That was explained well. I will try. “ designing my life around long term value based proven principles is, as yet, a bit murky to me, so that’s where I’ll try to start. Perhaps they are explained / illustrated a bit further in one or both of the books you referenced, which I would read ( I’m familiar with Covey’s) , but man do I need to put some change into action. I’m still so beat back by grief and agony over what is no more, that I feel adverse to making my life better beyond. Quite the self-defeating paradigm, I know: to be more, to further myself beyond the family ,yet doing it for the sake of the family as well as myself. It’s a hard nut for me to crack.
@@petercelle1796 Good luck!! It's definitely not easy, but it's worth it!! I was all messed up after my divorce. I was lost. I kept saying that I needed to find the "old me." Come to find out, I was never all that happy with the "old me" so I decided to design a new me. As Albert Einstein says, " imagination is more important than knowledge." I used my imagination to design the me that I wanted. I started eating better, exercising better, seeking out knowledge, dressing better, and getting great hobbies. But, I did it for me. That way when I got into a new relationship I would stick with what got me there. I wasn't doing it just to attract someone new. Women will ALWAYS try to get you to give up the things that made her attracted to you in the first place. They, unknowingly, do it to test your strength. This does 2 things: 1. She loses attraction to you because you're no longer the person that she was attracted to in the first place. 2. She loses respect for you for letting her make you stop doing the things that you loved. Also, self confidence is crucial. Again, Covey says, "True self respect comes from dominion over self." Keeping your word to yourself is one of the best ways to develop your self respect. Design who you want to be. Work on him. Build him. Most importantly, do it for you!! Stoicism has many great motivational quotes that are just quick inspiration. Get some of them that just speak to you! Keep them close where you can see them often. BECOME the man that you've always wanted to be!! It's all worth it!! I promise!
Thanks David! I'm glad you like them. If you'd like more, please join me next week. I'm hosting a free workshop that's going to go a lot deeper into the step by step processes to heal from divorce. You can register here: resources.rachaelsloancoaching.com/free-workshop I hope to see you there!
You are awesome Mrs Sloan
Rachael, Thank You for this exceptional video. You have covered so Much in this video. The mere survival of Losing your identity as a father and husband shows strength in an individual.
Grieving that lost identity takes a lot of time, for me it was several years, while at the same time trying to create a New one.
I searched my heart as to what was my first Love, before family and get involved in those again, all the while grieving.
Yes, picking up new skills is a part of forming a new you. For me it was baking, which I learned whilst incarcerated. I spent all my time reading, that the guys used to encourage me to do something and actually coached me into the kitchen.
Now, baking is my therapeutic relief.
Prior to baking, cooking and the bar b was my enjoyment, as I did this every single day for my family.and loved watching them eat, all my crazy creations.
Since moving to the Caribbean, I now live on my family homestead and learning to raise chickens and plant vegetables. The temperature here is crazy to get used to, moving From a cold climate.
I'm slowly getting to the place of forming my new identity. I just wish I could get out and fish More regularly.
Love your program and thanks for your Support.
‘What would my best self do?’ That’s gold! Thank you. The other night I tried to journal what I would say to a friend in my situation and other than ‘that sounds hard,’ ‘you must be feeling a lot of emotions,’ etc. my page was blank.
Sometimes it can be hard to find the words, especially if no one has spoken to you in that way before.
I'm hosting a free workshop starting this week on emotional regulation, and one of the tools you'll learn is how to speak to your emotions in a way that allows you to process them effectively.
I'd love to have you join! You can register here: resources.rachaelsloancoaching.com/free-workshop
I like # 5 and it is at the 6:50 mark. Thanks
So true. Shortly after my ex-wife moved out unexpectantly, after 39 years married, which was a huge shock, I learned how to cook almost like gourmet meals; binge reading and watching videos on relationships, etc.; begun dance lessons and going to Friday night dance socials and dance workshops, thus getting out and meeting people which helped me to move on; traded in the family van for a vehicle that suited my style; upgraded my wardrobe; Friday night pizza with the grandkids; ventured into online dating, stumbled for two years; two years after separation finalized divorce, got my own place; four years after separation, met someone, through dance, and we've been together for over a year. Life is so much better.
Thank you for this!!!!!! been doing my Journaling, Hitting the Gym and started Cooking for myself.
Thank you for your perspectives. A guiding angel you are.
You're welcome. I'm really glad the video has been helpful.
If you'd like to go a little further, I'm hosting a free workshop starting this week. You can register to join me here: resources.rachaelsloancoaching.com/free-workshop
This video is precisely what I need right now. Thank you for everything you put out on your channel.
Great video!!
Journaling on your wins every night is a great way to keep your mind focused on the good that is happening, rather than the bad.
In Habit 2 Steven Covey's 7 Habit's he talks about being principle centered. If your life is wife centered, job centered, kid focused, money centered, self focused, etc. it creates issues because if something happens to whatever you're centered on you become dependent upon that. If something happens to the wife, the kids, the job, or the money, you're in a place of being lost, like most guys are after divorce. Designing our lives around established, long term, proven, value based principles, is the best way to not find yourself in a position of weakness.
I also follow the "future self" idea as well. It's much better to be pulled forward by a "future self" that you've chosen, than held back by a past that you didn't.
Thank you for the video!!
Thanks Tim. That was explained well. I will try. “ designing my life around long term value based proven principles is, as yet, a bit murky to me, so that’s where I’ll try to start. Perhaps they are explained / illustrated a bit further in one or both of the books you referenced, which I would read ( I’m familiar with Covey’s) , but man do I need to put some change into action. I’m still so beat back by grief and agony over what is no more, that I feel adverse to making my life better beyond. Quite the self-defeating paradigm, I know: to be more, to further myself beyond the family ,yet doing it for the sake of the family as well as myself. It’s a hard nut for me to crack.
@@petercelle1796 Good luck!! It's definitely not easy, but it's worth it!!
I was all messed up after my divorce. I was lost. I kept saying that I needed to find the "old me." Come to find out, I was never all that happy with the "old me" so I decided to design a new me. As Albert Einstein says, " imagination is more important than knowledge." I used my imagination to design the me that I wanted. I started eating better, exercising better, seeking out knowledge, dressing better, and getting great hobbies. But, I did it for me. That way when I got into a new relationship I would stick with what got me there. I wasn't doing it just to attract someone new. Women will ALWAYS try to get you to give up the things that made her attracted to you in the first place. They, unknowingly, do it to test your strength. This does 2 things:
1. She loses attraction to you because you're no longer the person that she was attracted to in the first place.
2. She loses respect for you for letting her make you stop doing the things that you loved.
Also, self confidence is crucial. Again, Covey says, "True self respect comes from dominion over self." Keeping your word to yourself is one of the best ways to develop your self respect.
Design who you want to be. Work on him. Build him. Most importantly, do it for you!!
Stoicism has many great motivational quotes that are just quick inspiration. Get some of them that just speak to you! Keep them close where you can see them often. BECOME the man that you've always wanted to be!!
It's all worth it!! I promise!
What if I don't know what person I want to be? I'm at a stage in life where I essentially gave up. I have no idea what I want to do.
These videos are great!
Thanks David! I'm glad you like them.
If you'd like more, please join me next week. I'm hosting a free workshop that's going to go a lot deeper into the step by step processes to heal from divorce.
You can register here: resources.rachaelsloancoaching.com/free-workshop
I hope to see you there!