Remember men, it's your fault. You didn't make her "emotional safe" But Chad made her "emotionally safe" 3 minutes after meeting her in the bar. So safe she went to the bathroom with him 3 minutes after meeting him and now has his unit in her mouth. You are to blame for not making her "emotionally safe" Modern women get a huge thumbs down. They are so full of it.
Men like to say that they are decisive, level headed yet they are chock full of hypocrisy and speaking out of both sides of their mouth Which is the opposite of decisive. Here is what I mean: years ago they said they don’t want a women who NEEDS them but they wanted a women who wants them because want indicated that the woman choose to love them but could live without them. However, now I’ve heard many men say they WANT a women who needs them not a woman who just wants them. Why has this changed? Also, Men claim to want to protect a provide yet they get mad at women who ask them for money for anything and they accuse her of being a user and gold digger. Why is this? What do men want women to do in terms of finances and money if she is relying solely on men for money? If you are just dating do you want to be the providers as well or only when married? If you are dating how do you want women to approach the topic of money? What does it mean to men when they say that they want to be the PROVIDERS? Please don’t project what you think I mean but I’m truly looking for answered to all on my questions being asked here. If you are a man reading this please give us some of your thoughts to these questions. Thank you
@@FlowerPow-tz1cn what is needed is a trip to divorce court, then get stripped of everything you ever worked for during the past 30 yrs, plus your kids taken, and you did absolutely nothing to deserve it. thats guaranteed to put you in a proper frame of mind. as far a what a woman wants, i could care less. you want something, get it yourself. this is your collective dream, so sh ut up, and live it. then if you dont get it, can add it to your list of things to bit ch about, and have a drama filled, hissy fit at will, any time you choose to pass the time away. as far as my money, from here on out. LOL best of luck.
@@lilfairycupcake The reality and with science is that women do not know what they want specifically but they know how they want to feel - Tingles, Validation and impunity. That is why expecting women to be loyal in the post social media world is really asking for a pie in the sky. They are essentially adult children and naturally most hosts are too unwilling to make that conclusion and hide behind the complexity and "we are all individuals" argument. Sorry, we are not that complex and very predictable. Chad will always be desired and men will always prefer a pure woman in her 20s all else being equal.
Good comments Rachael but I think something is still overlooked. A commitment was made to love and support for life. What does it say about the character of a wife or anyone who can simply justify destroying another person in the name of "seeking purpose". It's hard and been hard but it comes down to one person who lives with their commitments and one person who feels they are totally entitled and if the spouse is in the way they simply get run over. It's shameful to hurt people this way and totally narcissistic to hurt someone that has given so much without regard of how it affects. It is a mystery to have lived so long without really knowing what your spouse was capable of doing.
check out free agent lifestyle, CGA. he'll give you the answers you seek. real answers. I think we've reached a point where hearing that men have participated in the downfall of society when we all know that feminism is the root cause and that these women are marrying the financially successful man first and divorcing him to then get with the "badboy" after. This is why the woman is so inherently mean because she's letting her true feelings fly. and she's trying to push you furthest away so she doesn't feel like the POS she truly is. uh, that's not your fault. you'd have to be a mind reader to anticipate her unreasonable demands and then get lucky on a test that is rigged for You to fail. the worst part and most reprehensible part is women talk. yes. and she knows this. So lets quit with the whole "you somehow participated" in your families breakup" you did no such thing. How could you be responsible if you were providing for your family and were there to listen? you were doing your job, the least she could do is keep up her part of the bargain and keep the home clean and take the children to school. be a god wife. have your back and never ever lie. you're not supposed to be a mind reader but these women expect you to be because they are behaving in bad faith. it's what happens when someone wants you to fail the test and when the test is over they won't let you see the answers. I know it and you know it. The problem is women in America have been pedestalised to the point that they think they are something they truly are not. the truth is they weren't made to earn their keep. they should be doing 50% of the work and yet they choose to be pampered like a princess even though it's 2024 not 1524. with 80% of them initiating divorce they have turned marriage into a business. a get rich quick scheme and they are using our children as firewood all so they can extend their market value on dating sites. it's not you that has let them down. they have let us all down. they have ruined marriage crippling it to the point that men don't want to even go near them cause they see what's happening to guys like you and it's scaring them away. and we've heard women's bs for a long time. it's nonsense. what they are looking for is a slave. not a partner. they are doing the exact thing they supposedly hated so much they are abusing their partner. and it's got to end now. check out free agent lifestyle CGA, he will give you the answers you seek. real answers, enough of this.
Yup, after 14 years my ex-wife wife wanted an open marriage where she could "eat pray love" in another city (she was already sleeping with another guy) while I looked after her kids (my step kids) and all the bills. HARD PASS!
Men like to say that they are decisive, level headed yet they are chock full of hypocrisy and speaking out of both sides of their mouth Which is the opposite of decisive. Here is what I mean: years ago they said they don’t want a women who NEEDS them but they wanted a women who wants them because want indicated that the woman choose to love them but could live without them. However, now I’ve heard many men say they WANT a women who needs them not a woman who just wants them. Why has this changed? Also, Men claim to want to protect a provide yet they get mad at women who ask them for money for anything and they accuse her of being a user and gold digger. Why is this? What do men want women to do in terms of finances and money if she is relying solely on men for money? If you are just dating do you want to be the providers as well or only when married? If you are dating how do you want women to approach the topic of money? What does it mean to men when they say that they want to be the PROVIDERS? Please don’t project what you think I mean but I’m truly looking for answered to all on my questions being asked here. If you are a man reading this please give us some of your thoughts to these questions. Thank you
After 28 years together and 24 years married my wife started telling me that she didn’t need me, she wanted to want me, and i heard that for 3 years. I worked a full time job maintained our multiple properties and was the primary caregiver to our kids and gave her the freedom to grow in her career and now she is on top of her career and travels all the time. Now i am left with my kids picking up the pieces as she sails off to pastures that are not any greener. I did everything at home to lighten her load, and she went and met someone else. No video will explain why that happened.
This is womensplaning. Men do better for others while Women do better only for themselves, or maybe sometimes the kids. It’s no different from Eve in the Bible. She wanted to be more than what she was created for and bit the apple. She wasn’t manipulated too hard by the devil. In that same story she realized she needed Adam in order for the apple to take hold because her bite did nothing alone. Even while men help women get to where they think they want to be (bite the apple with them) their reason for doing so is because the devil told them they were more and wanted that. After the apple was bitten by Adam is when she sees her faults and regret everything, But then it’s too late.
@@Emptytopfloor trust me, women regret all horrible decisions. It just takes them decades to get it, admit it and when they do finally admit it, it’s in secrecy to themselves. It’s called the “epiphany stage”. All women go through this because all women make dumb decisions at some point in their lives.
Marriage has nothing to do with love, it is a legally binding contract dealing with money, assets and arrangements for children only. You must remember that. You cannot find a judge that will make her love you. Your wife will easily find one to divide your assets and take your children away from you however if she asks him or her to do it, with or without good reason. Marriage is unwise and potentially quite cruel for men when it ends (the majority of them do statistically). I wish it were not the case but it is. I will advise my daughter to marry but my son to avoid it.
It’s unsafe for men to get married, if it goes south the quality of life drops. I have seen my brother, cousin and friends go through it. Children get used as a weapon. It destroys them.
Racheal you are really making a good case for men never to even contemplate committing and investing in marriage. The risk of a rug pull 20years down the road is too great
Hi Steve, thanks for watching and for commenting. But I'm afraid you're missing the point of this video entirely. All I'm saying is that women and men want the same things. If you marry a woman who wants a partner, not a wounded child who wants a father, and you treat her with the same respect for her capabilities and dreams that you would want for yourself, you can enjoy a healthy partnership where you both thrive and grow and face challenges together. If you insist on seeing women as weak creatures needing your money and protection to be okay, and don't respect them as humans sharing the same desires, needs and capacity for success as you have, then yes, the rug will definitely be pulled 20 years (or much sooner).
I supported my wife for the past 10 years. I worked so hard to put her through college and medical school and was hoping myself to retire when she began working. She took and took, and when I was about to retire she ditched me. Now she wants half of our savings that I had planned to use to retire. The ultimate selfish act after she took what she needed. I'm sad but I will survive and learn from this.
you’re spot on. i’ve endured the same scenario in terms of the grey divorce. it’s shameful that they become “empowered” due to all that we provide & they will callously dump the provider and walk away with the “cash & prizes”. i feel victimized.
Except they still want you to provide and protect with alimony and child support.. that’s their “purpose” Sounds more like raising a child than a life partner..
I'm sorry that's been your experience. Unfortunately many men who believe that the main value they bring to a relationship is being a provider tend to attract women who are only looking for a provider. There are many women who want a life partner and are capable of being a life partner... but to be with a woman like that a man has to find a different identity in the relationship than provider/protector. Many men find that they aren't attracted to women who are equal partners, because it robs them of that provider/protector identity and they don't know what they bring to the relationship without that. I think for every one of us who has ever been in a relationship that ended badly, one of the questions we have to ask ourselves is this - why did we choose a partner with those particular tendencies and flaws in the first place? Why didn't we choose a healthier relationship? When we face that question we have a chance to heal and choose better relationships moving forwards.
@@similakchild1 you're welcome, thanks for watching and being a part of this community on TH-cam. The best way to learn about my programs and how to work with me is to watch my free masterclass: resources.rachaelsloancoaching.com/masterclass-register
@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoachSo a young man is supposed to choose a young woman who will not forget her vows? You just did a good job explaining why men are fools to get married.
@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach Its very very very hard to find a suitable woman in 40s and 50s because the single women at this age are mentally massively problematic. They really are. No need to argue. I have too many experiences with that.
Greed,selfishness,self esteem, lalaland romantic fantasy with the new guy, the internet, and social pressure. Marriage is considered to be a bontage. Why do it?
Agree with so many of the frameworks on this channel and have found compassion through understanding. Not sure marriage should be a thing anymore given these factors.
Thank you for watching and commenting. Marriage the way a lot of people go about it does often end in pain. But if you shift the way you view marriage it can be an amazing opportunity for on-going personal growth and healing. In my own marriage, for example, my husband and I are both constantly learning and growing along side one another, in part because staying together requires us to keep challenging preconceived beliefs and to heal old traumas and emotional wounds. We can either let the triggers in our relationships keep us trapped in old, toxic patterns, or we can use them as signposts to show us where we have the opportunity to heal.
Please watch the video. If you do, I think you'll see that I'm saying exactly the opposite. It is NOT about the money at all. That's the problem. Many men are taught to believe it IS about money for women, when the reality is that women, just like men, need a sense of purpose, connection and agency in their lives in order to be satisfied.
@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach She can get what she needs and still being LOYAL. It’s okay for me of her having agency and purpose, it is actually making life more joyful. But women think of that as a REVENGE of nothing, “you controlled the relationship for years, now you can’t control me and I will break your heart”, when man did nothing wrong but his role as a provider. There is a small voice inside every women that says “men WANT to control me and cut my wings as some of them did decades before”. The world has changed, marriage is more like a team, both of them needs to work and find purpose while BEING TOGETHER. Women don’t understand that.
@@alfaruq9540 I can tell you've been hurt, and I'm very sorry for that. No divorce is single sided. There are always two people involved, and it is the negative cycles they get caught in as a couple that end the marriage, not the failures of one person or the other alone. I hope, for your sake and your own healing, that you can start to get curious about the role you played in that negative cycle between you and your ex wife, instead of blaming all on her.
So men work and develop their careers and income for the Family and to nourish the giving. Women develop to have the "feeling of agency" to end a relationship.
she consistently take an immature, simplistic view that favors a woman’s right to walk away from the vows she has made to a man that has altered his life for his wife. in a sense she makes the case that a man should not promise to provide and protect someone that will turn on him in a moment’s notice. women understand this and so do divorced lawyers. laws are written to favor a woman because attorneys know 80% of marriages are filed by women. it’s the way they make their living, why wouldn’t they appeal to the side that makes reckless decisions based on the emotions they feel right now? women’s insecurities lead them on a destructive path to fulfill both financial security and their maternal instincts. the man that altered his life for his woman is now left in the ashes of her destruction. why did rachael marry a man 14 years her senior? daddy issues perhaps? i’ve listened too many of her vids & the more i listen, the more i empathize with her hubby!!
Hi Dan, it's clear that you've been hurt, and I'm sorry for that. My husband and I support each other, and we pick each other up when we're down. I'd love to know in which part of this video you see me as turning on the man whom I've supported and loved through good times and hard, financial losses, business successes and failures, moves across many states and multiple countries, chasing his dreams and my own? At times in our 13 years together he's supported me financially. In the last few years it's been me who has been able to support him in pursuing his dreams instead. Where do you see the betrayal in that? When you are in a partnership, which is how I see my marriage, you both sacrifice sometimes. I support my husband, even when he makes mistakes. And I am grateful that he supports me as well. If you can't see a woman as your equal or have respect for the sacrifices your wife made for you, then you are probaby going to struggle to find a healthy relationship.
i find your response to be nothing more than lip service due to your lack of marital experience. 13 years? that’s all? do you really think you’ll have the same mindset in 18 more years? can you assure anyone you’ll be the same person after the hormonal time bomb lets loose? i highly doubt it. i don’t mean to be mean, but you’re still a bit of a rookie at this.
So I'm not sure about Rachel and her husband but I will agree with you. Rachel videos aren't really help for men. It's passive aggressive. It's always still a man's fault no matter the equation. He does not understand, he's nit emotionally connected, he's bitter , he's hurt , he's triggered , he's doesn't support or whatever ever you want to ad. There is no accountability for these women. It's always some emotionally wound up excuses that falls back on the guy and it's just purr 100 percent Gas lighting. Just call it what it is. Your doing wrong but you make the person think it's something they are doing or what they are seeing your doing is not actually there😢. I think Rachel knows this and she's getting kind of a naughty little kick out of it. It's really sad it really is.
@@jamesbrantley8105 It's what I call low-key narcissism, and her publicly coming to the internet and announcing to the whole world that she makes more money than her husband. I feel sorry for the poor guy, and she just looks average to me.
My ex-wife could do almost anything she wanted. I had a thriving business, she a professional degree. She worked if and when she wanted. She took trips if and when wanted, never held back. My parents helped with the kids. And I still got an affair to deal with and all her mental confusion. Unfortunately you can’t predict when the woman you marry & work your ass off for will simply blow up on you.
From what you have said in this video you have confirmed the notion of the higher rates of divorce upon working and "well educated" women whom think when they become higher ranked in work/status that they have overpowered the man they have married and will not hestiate to leave when their "emotions" get triggered for any silly reason.
Part of the problem is women are told that being a mother and homemaker is beneath them , when in fact, it is the highest purpose on the planet. It literally shapes the path for humanity to exist. It’s practically the apex of having agency in your life. Can a woman have a purpose and agency outside of being a mother? Sure, but what’s her legacy? Even the most accomplished people are mostly forgotten in a few decades, a mothers love is timeless.
You are not considering personality disorders. Most men I know did it all and were, romantic, were supportive, emotionally available...ohhh, how sweet. They just needed to express their dreams. As if a mans dream is to give up everything for a women that will become dissatified. Grow up. Like men do.
Men like to say that they are decisive, level headed yet they are chock full of hypocrisy and speaking out of both sides of their mouth Which is the opposite of decisive. Here is what I mean: years ago they said they don’t want a women who NEEDS them but they wanted a women who wants them because want indicated that the woman choose to love them but could live without them. However, now I’ve heard many men say they WANT a women who needs them not a woman who just wants them. Why has this changed? Also, Men claim to want to protect a provide yet they get mad at women who ask them for money for anything and they accuse her of being a user and gold digger. Why is this? What do men want women to do in terms of finances and money if she is relying solely on men for money? If you are just dating do you want to be the providers as well or only when married? If you are dating how do you want women to approach the topic of money? What does it mean to men when they say that they want to be the PROVIDERS? Please don’t project what you think I mean but I’m truly looking for answered to all on my questions being asked here. If you are a man reading this please give us some of your thoughts to these questions. Thank you
When a woman hits the menopause she just wants out of the marriage and files the divorce, does the man whatever he does. Its VERY common. And it is impossible to avoid menopause.
She self-actualized by taking my semen and my money and disregarded her Christian wedding vows. The state enabled her deviance. Hypergamy, feminism, social media, and the state fuel this selfishness. Love is a verb. Love is not a noun. God sees everything. For me, I will never again allow a woman to be able to take my kids and clean me out of assets because she just wants to have fun.
When you marry you make vows to one another in the vows they said they would be with you though good times and bad tell death do use part. men meant it and your saying if women feel unvalued that’s why they leave there Husband‘s Ruin, their families. this is way men are just done . Women’s feelings change on a regular and that’s a great reason to leave!!! these women Divorce Counselors just make excuses for these women it makes me sick.
As Al Bundy from Married With Children said. Women understand each other and hate each other. It tells you everything you need to know. Never cohabitate and never marry.
Her needs have changed, so now it's fair game for her loyalty to change. This is how it comes across. This is the reality. It sucks, this is what it is.
In other words, a woman will use you to meet her needs when it is to her advantage and disregard you when those needs change. This video has reinforced my decision to never marry and remain single and child-free.
This is such a great question. The answer is that they could... I think unfortunately a lot of times couples aren't truly very good partners to one another, and they often don't allow much room for their partner to change and grow (men and women are both guilty of this in many relationships). For example, one pattern I see playing out in frequently with the men I talk to is that they were the ones making more money, taking care of things financially when the two first met. The man liked being in that role, it fulfilled his sense of identity as a provider and protector, and he had the expectation that his wife would be there to support him and be grateful for his efforts and sacrifices. But what happens if she decides to pursue her career or business dreams? We all know that requires hard work and sacrifice... and often time, energy and resources directed away from the home, family, partner, children. That is really disruptive to the balance in a relationship where that hasn't been the role she fulfilled before. The couple has to shift, the husband has to be able to shift and grow as well to allow room for his wife to take on a new role. It's not easy for either partner to undergo this kind of growth and change (I know this from personal experience! In my own marriage it hasn't been easy for either me or my husband, and it takes a LOT of work from both partners to stay together).
@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach I just wish she would of chose the path together. My wife asked me for a divorce in November. Moved out end of January. Says she regrets being a mother to a beautiful 4 year old daughter of ours and says I kept all my promises and vows. I was a stay at home dad for 3 years to support her to have a career. I literally did all I had too amd she is gone. Cold like all the beautiful moments we had no longer existed and I almost disgust her. It's so rough because I love her deeply.
@@strengthsciencejim I'm so sorry. Honestly, it sounds like she is dealing with some issues that are deeper than anything that has happened between you. I'm really sorry you and your daughter, and your wife, are going through this. I don't know any details of your situation, but I do know that to regret being mother and to say that you kept your promises and vows, yet she wants to divorce, suggests that she is dealing with a much deeper level of shame and even self loathing. One of the greatest tragedies is for someone who is loved by another to not be able to love themselves... because they are unable to receive all of the love you offer. Do you have a good support system yourself? There is going to be a lot to process, unpack and heal for you emotionally, especially given the circumstances.
@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach I go to the gym alot let's say. It really helps me the time I am there. I'm not a social bug so going to the bar or hang out at a friend isn't my thing. I take care of myself and my daughter and work and keep my place clean and just hope she figures it out amd I get a text saying she wants to come back and work on it. If not then I keep working on myself and my daughter and live my life. I'll always love her regardless!
This hits a nerve. It’s correct but points to the selfish nature of women, that once saw purpose in family, community and respect and admiration for a husband who did what the wife could not. I think the best response for a man is to retreat from his purpose of supporting a women and seek an enlightenment instead. Let the women have this world if they want it and the suffering that it causes.
Interesting take... She's making the case for a prenup... Instead of gratitude for her husband's provision and sacrifice, she's empowered to do her thing, no matter what... They could have opened a chain of restaurants, sold franchises and retired to Mexico... Now, he shouldn't let his ego get in the way, but if he allowed his dream to die, and hers to bear fruit, why is he still with her?
It's a bit harsh to judge a whole relationship off one anecdotal story. The point of the story as I understand it, is that people are individuals, and circumstances change as people get older.
It's interesting that this is what you heard here... that one of us had to sacrifice our dreams for the other. That's not the case at all. You assume that for me to become successful he had to sacrfice his dreams, which makes me wonder - has that been the lesson you've learned? That only one person in a couple can follow their dreams or be successful? If that's been your experience, please read my little story below. There are other ways to be in a couple, where both people can find and support one another's happiness. My husband chose to sell his restaurant and retire to Mexico not long after we met, because he was frustrated with the day to day stress of running a restaurant. That was his choice, not mine, and happened 9 years before I ever became a life coach or started my business. I won't bore you with the details of those last 12 years, except to say that we made some poor financial choices, lost a lot of money, worked a lot of shitty jobs and had a mutual business dream shattered by the shutdowns during Covid, which is when I decided to get certified as a life coach. And now it is the success of my business that has allowed us to move back to Mexico, and financed the opening of HIS current business there six months ago, which is growing and becoming a success in its own right. When I say that it's been a transistion for both of us, I mean it. Do you think it was easy for him, a previously successful business owner who made some poor financial decisions and lost a lot of money, to see his wife's business becoming successful while he was still working for someone else? Do you think it's still easy for him to build up his next business when mine is already bringing in more money? No, it isn't. But we've been a team all along the way. No one 'gave up' their dreams for the other, and neither of us would tolerate it if the other tried. We respect each other and support each other far too much for that. I'd encourage you to question the assumptions you made when you heard me share a few brief sentences of my own story here.
Thank you for watching and commenting. Perhaps I wasn't clear enough in this story - my husband's losses and my successes weren't because of one another, and happened many years apart. In fact, a big drive for me in the early days of my coaching career was the hope that I could help him move out of depression by making enough money for us to be financially free (a fallacy I think many men fall into too, believing that a certain dollar amount in the bank account will make their spouse happy when the spouse is suffering from a loss of their own purpose or agency in life). My hope in this story was simply to share that it's not easy for many men to accept a woman's success, especially if they've had ups and downs in their own careers. I see that internal struggle and how deeply ingrained the 'provider' role is for my own husband, and I am grateful that he has worked hard to stay open and supportive of my growth and wins, instead of seeing them as a threat to his own. Thanks for watching and being a part of this TH-cam community!
I am not mentioning this from a red pill brainwashed place, but it is something I’ve found to be consistent from my experiences, women I’ve met and conversed with since my divorce, and seeing things in divorce groups (not manosphere-based - both genders): hypergamy is a factor
Thank you for watching and for sharing your experience. I think hypergamy CAN be a factor. It isn't always. That's the important thing to remember, I think for all of us. These stereotypes may be grounded in some truth, but that doesn't mean every woman thinks that way. For example, just today I was on a coaching call with a divorced client who has been with his new partner for four years. In his words, he said, "It's a weird feeling. She doesn't need me. She just wants me." I hear this a lot, especially with clients who are dating women in their fifties. They frequently meet women who are very independent and capable, but WANT a relationship with a man for companionship, friendship, intimacy and sex.
Which women? Do you really believe all women don't recognize this? If so, you are probably going to have a very hard time meeting any women who are going to be good partners. People can tell when you don't respect them.
@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach - No smart man would get married in today's legal climate and no one that cares about men would advise that they get married in any circumstance today.
I hope the phrase FFL becomes the norm for men in 25 years. Female Free Living. A no nag, no complain, no emasculation living space. Never cohabitate, never marry. Us older men have an obligation to tell young men about female nature before they make stupid mistakes. Oh and never let women shame you is absolutely RULE 1 for men. Rule 2 is the word misogyny just means telling the truth about female nature.
Hi Dan (is it Dan, or is this a psuedonym for YT?), Did you work with me inside BBD? I don't recognize the name you're using here. If you were a part of my program and didn't find it helpful, I hope you'll tell me what it is that upset you or didn't work for you. Feedback of all kinds, positive and negative, is so important to me - it is the only way I can keep improving my coaching, my courses and the content I share. I am here to help. If I didn't help you, I would very much like to understand why and what went wrong. You are more than welcome to post your comments or criticisms here, or you can email me with the contact details you have from the program.
What I seem to takeaway from the video is that men need to leave room in the marriage for feminism to germinate and blossom. A lot of women today, have a desire to outperform ‘the man’ and that can hinder a healthy family unit.
They want to be the man today and as much as this is hard to hear, guys (not all) history with them at certain points have not been kind nor good for women and those guys kinda created this mess we see today. I don't see it getting any better.
Sounds like selfishness to me. You make a commitment and promises, you don’t just throw each other away. Life is hard but you don’t just rip the person you said you loved apart. Psycho and sociopaths
My ex left me, if I'm being honest with my self. Because the relationship became stale . Nothing worse to a beautiful woman then being stuck in a relationship while everyone is moving on with their lives and exploring the world . The dreaded " your still with him". Started popping up I can see it all and I wasn't even there with her and her friends. The new guys showing interest. And boring dull home n me whom she was tired of. The season passed , it was time to move on, yes we had a child, but our adventure ended long ago. I didn't want it to end, I was holding on to the dream. But not into reality. Now I see her, this person who died about it damage after our breakup. And I wonder what it would of been like if we could of just honored eachother . But she wasn't happy, and I wasn't happy that I couldn't make her happy. She left because I wasn't the one
Sounds like you are describing women are not suitable mentally and maturity to be wives and on that point I think most men agree. Agency for men that are willing to marry is the family and most women choose to breakup because they do not agree with that with the need to "finding themselves" - with Chad the majority of the time.
Unfortunately, it seems that modern psychology has given lots of simplistic rationale for break vows and misunderstanding, what marriage and commitment actually mean. The real loss of meaning and purpose can be found right here in this video where the very meaning of marriage is undermined in favor of career.
Why women of old are more content? Because just like communism everyone is content when everyone else is miserable. Women in developing countries will always act more content and traditional because everyone else in her "known world" is as well.
This is womensplaning. Men do better for others while Women do better only for themselves, or maybe sometimes the kids. It’s no different from Eve in the Bible. She wanted to be more than what she was created for and bit the apple. She wasn’t manipulated too hard by the devil. In that same story she realized she needed Adam in order for the apple to take hold because her bite did nothing alone. Even while men help women get to where they think they want to be (bite the apple with them) their reason for doing so is because the devil told them they were more and wanted that. After the apple was bitten by Adam is when she sees her faults and regret everything, But then it’s too late.
So let’s look at the opposite view- a woman who is denied money, told how to dress and what to do, has no autonomy in the marriage- she should leave too, right? Luke 11: 32 “They are like unto children sitting in the marketplace, and calling one to another, and saying, We have piped unto you, and ye have not danced; we have mourned to you, and ye have not wept.”
I think that often people feel that if they get a divorce that they can get rid of their problem(s). So then they remarry and they do not have THAT problem but now they have a DIFFERENT problem(s) that they never had before. Like your ex-husband was a great provider but your second husband is not. For the first time you're in a situation where you can't pay your bills or can't pay them on time. OR, your new stepchildren do NOT like you and they make your life miserable. See what I mean. You KNOW that if you have TWO divorces notched onto your gun belt, you're going to be in really deep tabbouleh and much worse off than you were before. See what I mean now?
women see men as a resources provider and security. once he has passed his use by date or she misses the chads she enjoyed to much. then you can loose it all on her wims.
I understand all you say but the real problem is that if you don’t read her mind on these agency issues then you’re already done because it’s not just agency it’s us not seeing or recognizing that need. You never once stated the importance of stating your need of something different as there are many other things we are required to mind read out of females. Relationship, cohabitation, fine, marriage, absolutely not!
That you can relate having a wife to having a pet says a lot, I'm afraid. This is the issue we're talking about here - men and women need to treat each other as equal human beings and respect one another, not treat each other as prizes to be won or showed off or frightened of.
@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach you have totally missed my point here. Wether on purpose or not being able to appreciate the volatility of the extreme emotional swings that women possess. It is very dangerous for a man to enter into a marriage now.
@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach Wow you don't even get the analogy/ comparison. He's not referring to his wife as a pet. He's using the analogy that marrage can be like having a tiger as a pet. When everything is going right, it's all good. Can't feed the tiger, your on the menu, as a man usually is in divorce court. You literally just took that statement as the woman being a pet 😂 but I understand your confusion. After all you are a woman and most women are like cats, let you feed them and scratch their ears, but not opposed to letting the neighbors give them a treat and scratch when your at work. The last part was just put there to get the fur up on your back there kitty 😂
After divorcing their 'good provider' husband, what do they then do if the man they remarry is NOT a 'good provider'? If they divorce their SECOND husband, THEN they might be 'radioactive' with slim or poor prospects after that going forward. Divorces can potentially become a slippery and dangerous slope. NOT just for you but maybe for your children too.
Why can’t we ALL just wait for the right time to start a relationship and start a family?!?!? If we can simply WAIT until we find agency and purpose in our individual lives, then partnerships would become understandably easier and more secure and fulfilling. Of course we will still encounter challenges, but the transparency of the participants will provide some premade solutions that will help avoid the destructive effects of so MANY unwanted divorces that leave men (like me) utterly devastated.
leave? oh thats fine. i always end every relationship on this final note. "best of luck with my upgrade". and i do this for multiple reasons. the last words you speak to someone, will haunt them.
Thank you good information . I as a man understand a woman wants meaning and purpose in life the main order and priority that God has spoken in the book of Genesis that she is to be a help meet to the man when that stays in place in that proper order then it honors God and all of her dreams , purpose , meaning , happiness is forever perfect in the eyes of God all the days of her life 😀♥️
Maybe not the intent of the video, but man, this is really opening my eyes up on the danger of men getting married in today’s era and a reminder that I need to make sure my boys are educated on modern female nature
Have a quick listen to Dax To Be a man (Mega mix version) and it will give you a glimpse behind our curtain. Speaks the truth to many of these situations.
I lost 19 years of my life. 6 years knowing her and 13 years married. I gave over 100% in every sense and she left because she is following her sense of purpose? What happened to our sense of purpose as a couple, share experience life together? What is the point of meeting a woman and marry her? I got only toxicity and trying to patch a false facade. It is pointless.
Remember men, it's your fault.
You didn't make her "emotional safe"
But Chad made her "emotionally safe" 3 minutes after meeting her in the bar. So safe she went to the bathroom with him 3 minutes after meeting him and now has his unit in her mouth.
You are to blame for not making her "emotionally safe"
Modern women get a huge thumbs down. They are so full of it.
its always our fault; and best of luck w chad. lol
Men like to say that they are decisive, level headed yet they are chock full of hypocrisy and speaking out of both sides of their mouth Which is the opposite of decisive. Here is what I mean: years ago they said they don’t want a women who NEEDS them but they wanted a women who wants them because want indicated that the woman choose to love them but could live without them. However, now I’ve heard many men say they WANT a women who needs them not a woman who just wants them. Why has this changed? Also, Men claim to want to protect a provide yet they get mad at women who ask them for money for anything and they accuse her of being a user and gold digger. Why is this? What do men want women to do in terms of finances and money if she is relying solely on men for money? If you are just dating do you want to be the providers as well or only when married? If you are dating how do you want women to approach the topic of money? What does it mean to men when they say that they want to be the PROVIDERS? Please don’t project what you think I mean but I’m truly looking for answered to all on my questions being asked here. If you are a man reading this please give us some of your thoughts to these questions. Thank you
@@FlowerPow-tz1cn what is needed is a trip to divorce court, then get stripped of everything you ever worked for during the past 30 yrs, plus your kids taken, and you did absolutely nothing to deserve it. thats guaranteed to put you in a proper frame of mind.
as far a what a woman wants, i could care less. you want something, get it yourself. this is your collective dream, so sh ut up, and live it. then if you dont get it, can add it to your list of things to bit ch about, and have a drama filled, hissy fit at will, any time you choose to pass the time away.
as far as my money, from here on out. LOL best of luck.
@@lilfairycupcake The reality and with science is that women do not know what they want specifically but they know how they want to feel - Tingles, Validation and impunity. That is why expecting women to be loyal in the post social media world is really asking for a pie in the sky. They are essentially adult children and naturally most hosts are too unwilling to make that conclusion and hide behind the complexity and "we are all individuals" argument. Sorry, we are not that complex and very predictable. Chad will always be desired and men will always prefer a pure woman in her 20s all else being equal.
Good comments Rachael but I think something is still overlooked. A commitment was made to love and support for life. What does it say about the character of a wife or anyone who can simply justify destroying another person in the name of "seeking purpose". It's hard and been hard but it comes down to one person who lives with their commitments and one person who feels they are totally entitled and if the spouse is in the way they simply get run over. It's shameful to hurt people this way and totally narcissistic to hurt someone that has given so much without regard of how it affects. It is a mystery to have lived so long without really knowing what your spouse was capable of doing.
check out free agent lifestyle, CGA. he'll give you the answers you seek. real answers. I think we've reached a point where hearing that men have participated in the downfall of society when we all know that feminism is the root cause and that these women are marrying the financially successful man first and divorcing him to then get with the "badboy" after. This is why the woman is so inherently mean because she's letting her true feelings fly. and she's trying to push you furthest away so she doesn't feel like the POS she truly is.
uh, that's not your fault. you'd have to be a mind reader to anticipate her unreasonable demands and then get lucky on a test that is rigged for You to fail. the worst part and most reprehensible part is women talk. yes. and she knows this. So lets quit with the whole "you somehow participated" in your families breakup" you did no such thing. How could you be responsible if you were providing for your family and were there to listen? you were doing your job, the least she could do is keep up her part of the bargain and keep the home clean and take the children to school. be a god wife. have your back and never ever lie. you're not supposed to be a mind reader but these women expect you to be because they are behaving in bad faith. it's what happens when someone wants you to fail the test and when the test is over they won't let you see the answers.
I know it and you know it.
The problem is women in America have been pedestalised to the point that they think they are something they truly are not. the truth is they weren't made to earn their keep. they should be doing 50% of the work and yet they choose to be pampered like a princess even though it's 2024 not 1524. with 80% of them initiating divorce they have turned marriage into a business. a get rich quick scheme and they are using our children as firewood all so they can extend their market value on dating sites. it's not you that has let them down. they have let us all down. they have ruined marriage crippling it to the point that men don't want to even go near them cause they see what's happening to guys like you and it's scaring them away. and we've heard women's bs for a long time. it's nonsense. what they are looking for is a slave. not a partner. they are doing the exact thing they supposedly hated so much they are abusing their partner. and it's got to end now.
check out free agent lifestyle CGA, he will give you the answers you seek. real answers, enough of this.
Yup, after 14 years my ex-wife wife wanted an open marriage where she could "eat pray love" in another city (she was already sleeping with another guy) while I looked after her kids (my step kids) and all the bills. HARD PASS!
Just do not get married or live with a Woman. Massive numbers have chosen this path and are enjoying their freedom-The old model is almost over
Men like to say that they are decisive, level headed yet they are chock full of hypocrisy and speaking out of both sides of their mouth Which is the opposite of decisive. Here is what I mean: years ago they said they don’t want a women who NEEDS them but they wanted a women who wants them because want indicated that the woman choose to love them but could live without them. However, now I’ve heard many men say they WANT a women who needs them not a woman who just wants them. Why has this changed? Also, Men claim to want to protect a provide yet they get mad at women who ask them for money for anything and they accuse her of being a user and gold digger. Why is this? What do men want women to do in terms of finances and money if she is relying solely on men for money? If you are just dating do you want to be the providers as well or only when married? If you are dating how do you want women to approach the topic of money? What does it mean to men when they say that they want to be the PROVIDERS? Please don’t project what you think I mean but I’m truly looking for answered to all on my questions being asked here. If you are a man reading this please give us some of your thoughts to these questions. Thank you
Some people want have children, btw...
Take away alimony, divorce settlements and child support, and watch the divorce rates plummet.
FACTS!
Men are in it for love.
Women are in it for business during a divorce.
If theres no sexual guarantee, then there shouldnt be a monetary one
If theres no sexual guarantee, then there shouldnt be a monetary one
If theres no sexual guarantee, then there shouldnt be a monetary one
After 28 years together and 24 years married my wife started telling me that she didn’t need me, she wanted to want me, and i heard that for 3 years. I worked a full time job maintained our multiple properties and was the primary caregiver to our kids and gave her the freedom to grow in her career and now she is on top of her career and travels all the time. Now i am left with my kids picking up the pieces as she sails off to pastures that are not any greener. I did everything at home to lighten her load, and she went and met someone else. No video will explain why that happened.
wishing you all the best!
I feel for you. I did everything for my wife and 5 kids. When the last one got out of college she divorced me.
This is womensplaning. Men do better for others while Women do better only for themselves, or maybe sometimes the kids.
It’s no different from Eve in the Bible. She wanted to be more than what she was created for and bit the apple. She wasn’t manipulated too hard by the devil. In that same story she realized she needed Adam in order for the apple to take hold because her bite did nothing alone.
Even while men help women get to where they think they want to be (bite the apple with them) their reason for doing so is because the devil told them they were more and wanted that. After the apple was bitten by Adam is when she sees her faults and regret everything, But then it’s too late.
@@popa213 doubt she regrets anything
@@Emptytopfloor trust me, women regret all horrible decisions. It just takes them decades to get it, admit it and when they do finally admit it, it’s in secrecy to themselves. It’s called the “epiphany stage”. All women go through this because all women make dumb decisions at some point in their lives.
Marriage has nothing to do with love, it is a legally binding contract dealing with money, assets and arrangements for children only. You must remember that.
You cannot find a judge that will make her love you. Your wife will easily find one to divide your assets and take your children away from you however if she asks him or her to do it, with or without good reason.
Marriage is unwise and potentially quite cruel for men when it ends (the majority of them do statistically). I wish it were not the case but it is.
I will advise my daughter to marry but my son to avoid it.
It’s unsafe for men to get married, if it goes south the quality of life drops. I have seen my brother, cousin and friends go through it. Children get used as a weapon. It destroys them.
Racheal you are really making a good case for men never to even contemplate committing and investing in marriage. The risk of a rug pull 20years down the road is too great
Hi Steve, thanks for watching and for commenting. But I'm afraid you're missing the point of this video entirely. All I'm saying is that women and men want the same things. If you marry a woman who wants a partner, not a wounded child who wants a father, and you treat her with the same respect for her capabilities and dreams that you would want for yourself, you can enjoy a healthy partnership where you both thrive and grow and face challenges together. If you insist on seeing women as weak creatures needing your money and protection to be okay, and don't respect them as humans sharing the same desires, needs and capacity for success as you have, then yes, the rug will definitely be pulled 20 years (or much sooner).
very true ive decided to stay single unless a wife wants to provide for me its not worth the risk anymore
100% avoid marriage this is what this whole STUPID and REDICULOUS video is saying
Women portray themselves as that. I'm not seeing your point. @@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach
Bait and switch. Film at eleven.
I supported my wife for the past 10 years. I worked so hard to put her through college and medical school and was hoping myself to retire when she began working. She took and took, and when I was about to retire she ditched me. Now she wants half of our savings that I had planned to use to retire. The ultimate selfish act after she took what she needed. I'm sad but I will survive and learn from this.
God created women to produce children. Not to play the Boss Babe in their relation.
Sorry to hear that, man. Stay strong.
you’re spot on. i’ve endured the same scenario in terms of the grey divorce. it’s shameful that they become “empowered” due to all that we provide & they will callously dump the provider and walk away with the “cash & prizes”. i feel victimized.
Happened to friends of my parents. Wife got a nice career after like 15 years together, now she divorced him
Except they still want you to provide and protect with alimony and child support.. that’s their “purpose”
Sounds more like raising a child than a life partner..
I'm sorry that's been your experience. Unfortunately many men who believe that the main value they bring to a relationship is being a provider tend to attract women who are only looking for a provider. There are many women who want a life partner and are capable of being a life partner... but to be with a woman like that a man has to find a different identity in the relationship than provider/protector. Many men find that they aren't attracted to women who are equal partners, because it robs them of that provider/protector identity and they don't know what they bring to the relationship without that.
I think for every one of us who has ever been in a relationship that ended badly, one of the questions we have to ask ourselves is this - why did we choose a partner with those particular tendencies and flaws in the first place? Why didn't we choose a healthier relationship? When we face that question we have a chance to heal and choose better relationships moving forwards.
@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach so interesting and thank you for your reply Rachael.. how can I get information about your classes/sessions?
@@similakchild1 you're welcome, thanks for watching and being a part of this community on TH-cam. The best way to learn about my programs and how to work with me is to watch my free masterclass: resources.rachaelsloancoaching.com/masterclass-register
@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoachSo a young man is supposed to choose a young woman who will not forget her vows? You just did a good job explaining why men are fools to get married.
@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach Its very very very hard to find a suitable woman in 40s and 50s because the single women at this age are mentally massively problematic. They really are. No need to argue. I have too many experiences with that.
So you basically went off him because you became more successful than than him: HYPERGAMY
Greed,selfishness,self esteem, lalaland romantic fantasy with the new guy, the internet, and social pressure.
Marriage is considered to be a bontage.
Why do it?
Let her find her agency by herself,and put yourself and your best interests first
As she said to me: I want to find myself" at the age of 62
@@urbanart7325 I'm sorry man... that's brutal
Agree with so many of the frameworks on this channel and have found compassion through understanding. Not sure marriage should be a thing anymore given these factors.
Thank you for watching and commenting. Marriage the way a lot of people go about it does often end in pain. But if you shift the way you view marriage it can be an amazing opportunity for on-going personal growth and healing. In my own marriage, for example, my husband and I are both constantly learning and growing along side one another, in part because staying together requires us to keep challenging preconceived beliefs and to heal old traumas and emotional wounds.
We can either let the triggers in our relationships keep us trapped in old, toxic patterns, or we can use them as signposts to show us where we have the opportunity to heal.
So she becoming an empowered women give her the right to leave?
What is loyalty to her? What is humanity? Respect? Is it all about money?
Please watch the video. If you do, I think you'll see that I'm saying exactly the opposite. It is NOT about the money at all. That's the problem. Many men are taught to believe it IS about money for women, when the reality is that women, just like men, need a sense of purpose, connection and agency in their lives in order to be satisfied.
@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach She can get what she needs and still being LOYAL. It’s okay for me of her having agency and purpose, it is actually making life more joyful. But women think of that as a REVENGE of nothing, “you controlled the relationship for years, now you can’t control me and I will break your heart”, when man did nothing wrong but his role as a provider. There is a small voice inside every women that says “men WANT to control me and cut my wings as some of them did decades before”. The world has changed, marriage is more like a team, both of them needs to work and find purpose while BEING TOGETHER. Women don’t understand that.
@@alfaruq9540 I can tell you've been hurt, and I'm very sorry for that. No divorce is single sided. There are always two people involved, and it is the negative cycles they get caught in as a couple that end the marriage, not the failures of one person or the other alone. I hope, for your sake and your own healing, that you can start to get curious about the role you played in that negative cycle between you and your ex wife, instead of blaming all on her.
Yes, I’d say it’s all about money.
@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach”it’s not about the money” right up until she tries to take all the money in court and devastate you.
So men work and develop their careers and income for the Family and to nourish the giving. Women develop to have the "feeling of agency" to end a relationship.
she consistently take an immature, simplistic view that favors a woman’s right to walk away from the vows she has made to a man that has altered his life for his wife. in a sense she makes the case that a man should not promise to provide and protect someone that will turn on him in a moment’s notice. women understand this and so do divorced lawyers.
laws are written to favor a woman because attorneys know 80% of marriages are filed by women. it’s the way they make their living, why wouldn’t they appeal to the side that makes reckless decisions based on the emotions they feel right now? women’s insecurities lead them on a destructive path to fulfill both financial security and their maternal instincts.
the man that altered his life for his woman is now left in the ashes of her destruction.
why did rachael marry a man 14 years her senior? daddy issues perhaps? i’ve listened too many of her vids & the more i listen, the more i empathize with her hubby!!
Hi Dan, it's clear that you've been hurt, and I'm sorry for that. My husband and I support each other, and we pick each other up when we're down.
I'd love to know in which part of this video you see me as turning on the man whom I've supported and loved through good times and hard, financial losses, business successes and failures, moves across many states and multiple countries, chasing his dreams and my own? At times in our 13 years together he's supported me financially. In the last few years it's been me who has been able to support him in pursuing his dreams instead. Where do you see the betrayal in that?
When you are in a partnership, which is how I see my marriage, you both sacrifice sometimes. I support my husband, even when he makes mistakes. And I am grateful that he supports me as well.
If you can't see a woman as your equal or have respect for the sacrifices your wife made for you, then you are probaby going to struggle to find a healthy relationship.
i find your response to be nothing more than lip service due to your lack of marital experience. 13 years? that’s all? do you really think you’ll have the same mindset in 18 more years? can you assure anyone you’ll be the same person after the hormonal time bomb lets loose? i highly doubt it. i don’t mean to be mean, but you’re still a bit of a rookie at this.
So I'm not sure about Rachel and her husband but I will agree with you. Rachel videos aren't really help for men. It's passive aggressive. It's always still a man's fault no matter the equation. He does not understand, he's nit emotionally connected, he's bitter , he's hurt , he's triggered , he's doesn't support or whatever ever you want to ad. There is no accountability for these women. It's always some emotionally wound up excuses that falls back on the guy and it's just purr 100 percent Gas lighting. Just call it what it is. Your doing wrong but you make the person think it's something they are doing or what they are seeing your doing is not actually there😢. I think Rachel knows this and she's getting kind of a naughty little kick out of it. It's really sad it really is.
@@jamesbrantley8105 It's what I call low-key narcissism, and her publicly coming to the internet and announcing to the whole world that she makes more money than her husband. I feel sorry for the poor guy, and she just looks average to me.
Ita better for a man not to marry. Is a terrible deal. You can have love, companionships , intimacy and even family without signing any contract.
But what if the man never prevented her from working and finding her purpose. The man never prevented her from finding her agency or doing anything?
My ex-wife could do almost anything she wanted. I had a thriving business, she a professional degree. She worked if and when she wanted. She took trips if and when wanted, never held back. My parents helped with the kids. And I still got an affair to deal with and all her mental confusion.
Unfortunately you can’t predict when the woman you marry & work your ass off for will simply blow up on you.
Relationship equity means nothing to women
Beware female nature!
You should check out Rich Cooper to help understand women more.
From what you have said in this video you have confirmed the notion of the higher rates of divorce upon working and "well educated" women whom think when they become higher ranked in work/status that they have overpowered the man they have married and will not hestiate to leave when their "emotions" get triggered for any silly reason.
Part of the problem is women are told that being a mother and homemaker is beneath them , when in fact, it is the highest purpose on the planet. It literally shapes the path for humanity to exist. It’s practically the apex of having agency in your life.
Can a woman have a purpose and agency outside of being a mother? Sure, but what’s her legacy? Even the most accomplished people are mostly forgotten in a few decades, a mothers love is timeless.
You are not considering personality disorders. Most men I know did it all and were, romantic, were supportive, emotionally available...ohhh, how sweet. They just needed to express their dreams. As if a mans dream is to give up everything for a women that will become dissatified. Grow up. Like men do.
Men like to say that they are decisive, level headed yet they are chock full of hypocrisy and speaking out of both sides of their mouth Which is the opposite of decisive. Here is what I mean: years ago they said they don’t want a women who NEEDS them but they wanted a women who wants them because want indicated that the woman choose to love them but could live without them. However, now I’ve heard many men say they WANT a women who needs them not a woman who just wants them. Why has this changed? Also, Men claim to want to protect a provide yet they get mad at women who ask them for money for anything and they accuse her of being a user and gold digger. Why is this? What do men want women to do in terms of finances and money if she is relying solely on men for money? If you are just dating do you want to be the providers as well or only when married? If you are dating how do you want women to approach the topic of money? What does it mean to men when they say that they want to be the PROVIDERS? Please don’t project what you think I mean but I’m truly looking for answered to all on my questions being asked here. If you are a man reading this please give us some of your thoughts to these questions. Thank you
When a woman hits the menopause she just wants out of the marriage and files the divorce, does the man whatever he does. Its VERY common. And it is impossible to avoid menopause.
This video should be labeled 'Excuses women can use to leave marriages. '
She self-actualized by taking my semen and my money and disregarded her Christian wedding vows. The state enabled her deviance. Hypergamy, feminism, social media, and the state fuel this selfishness. Love is a verb. Love is not a noun. God sees everything. For me, I will never again allow a woman to be able to take my kids and clean me out of assets because she just wants to have fun.
When you marry you make vows to one another in the vows they said they would be with you though good times and bad tell death do use part. men meant it and your saying if women feel unvalued that’s why they leave there Husband‘s Ruin, their families. this is way men are just done . Women’s feelings change on a regular and that’s a great reason to leave!!! these women Divorce Counselors just make excuses for these women it makes me sick.
As Al Bundy from Married With Children said. Women understand each other and hate each other. It tells you everything you need to know. Never cohabitate and never marry.
True! That's the advise I got from my own mother, that women are evil.
Remember men, it's all about her changing emotions and feelings. All about them. It's why lesbian marriages are the worst of them all.
That is a fact. Lesbian relationship has the highest % of violence and divorce
Her needs have changed, so now it's fair game for her loyalty to change. This is how it comes across. This is the reality. It sucks, this is what it is.
Thank you. Best argument I’ve heard so far for never marrying.
In other words, a woman will use you to meet her needs when it is to her advantage and disregard you when those needs change. This video has reinforced my decision to never marry and remain single and child-free.
Asked my wife to get a job after 7 years of me providing. Then she left with the kids.....
But why can't women do all that with a life partner by their side? Why do they have ti divorce to think that's the only way they can achieve this?
This is such a great question. The answer is that they could... I think unfortunately a lot of times couples aren't truly very good partners to one another, and they often don't allow much room for their partner to change and grow (men and women are both guilty of this in many relationships).
For example, one pattern I see playing out in frequently with the men I talk to is that they were the ones making more money, taking care of things financially when the two first met. The man liked being in that role, it fulfilled his sense of identity as a provider and protector, and he had the expectation that his wife would be there to support him and be grateful for his efforts and sacrifices.
But what happens if she decides to pursue her career or business dreams? We all know that requires hard work and sacrifice... and often time, energy and resources directed away from the home, family, partner, children. That is really disruptive to the balance in a relationship where that hasn't been the role she fulfilled before. The couple has to shift, the husband has to be able to shift and grow as well to allow room for his wife to take on a new role. It's not easy for either partner to undergo this kind of growth and change (I know this from personal experience! In my own marriage it hasn't been easy for either me or my husband, and it takes a LOT of work from both partners to stay together).
@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach I just wish she would of chose the path together. My wife asked me for a divorce in November. Moved out end of January. Says she regrets being a mother to a beautiful 4 year old daughter of ours and says I kept all my promises and vows. I was a stay at home dad for 3 years to support her to have a career. I literally did all I had too amd she is gone. Cold like all the beautiful moments we had no longer existed and I almost disgust her. It's so rough because I love her deeply.
@@strengthsciencejim I'm so sorry. Honestly, it sounds like she is dealing with some issues that are deeper than anything that has happened between you. I'm really sorry you and your daughter, and your wife, are going through this. I don't know any details of your situation, but I do know that to regret being mother and to say that you kept your promises and vows, yet she wants to divorce, suggests that she is dealing with a much deeper level of shame and even self loathing. One of the greatest tragedies is for someone who is loved by another to not be able to love themselves... because they are unable to receive all of the love you offer. Do you have a good support system yourself? There is going to be a lot to process, unpack and heal for you emotionally, especially given the circumstances.
@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach I go to the gym alot let's say. It really helps me the time I am there. I'm not a social bug so going to the bar or hang out at a friend isn't my thing. I take care of myself and my daughter and work and keep my place clean and just hope she figures it out amd I get a text saying she wants to come back and work on it. If not then I keep working on myself and my daughter and live my life. I'll always love her regardless!
@@strengthsciencejimI hear you man, same
This feels very relatable but flipped in the gender roles.
This hits a nerve. It’s correct but points to the selfish nature of women, that once saw purpose in family, community and respect and admiration for a husband who did what the wife could not. I think the best response for a man is to retreat from his purpose of supporting a women and seek an enlightenment instead. Let the women have this world if they want it and the suffering that it causes.
Interesting take... She's making the case for a prenup... Instead of gratitude for her husband's provision and sacrifice, she's empowered to do her thing, no matter what... They could have opened a chain of restaurants, sold franchises and retired to Mexico... Now, he shouldn't let his ego get in the way, but if he allowed his dream to die, and hers to bear fruit, why is he still with her?
It's a bit harsh to judge a whole relationship off one anecdotal story. The point of the story as I understand it, is that people are individuals, and circumstances change as people get older.
It's interesting that this is what you heard here... that one of us had to sacrifice our dreams for the other. That's not the case at all.
You assume that for me to become successful he had to sacrfice his dreams, which makes me wonder - has that been the lesson you've learned? That only one person in a couple can follow their dreams or be successful?
If that's been your experience, please read my little story below. There are other ways to be in a couple, where both people can find and support one another's happiness.
My husband chose to sell his restaurant and retire to Mexico not long after we met, because he was frustrated with the day to day stress of running a restaurant. That was his choice, not mine, and happened 9 years before I ever became a life coach or started my business.
I won't bore you with the details of those last 12 years, except to say that we made some poor financial choices, lost a lot of money, worked a lot of shitty jobs and had a mutual business dream shattered by the shutdowns during Covid, which is when I decided to get certified as a life coach.
And now it is the success of my business that has allowed us to move back to Mexico, and financed the opening of HIS current business there six months ago, which is growing and becoming a success in its own right.
When I say that it's been a transistion for both of us, I mean it.
Do you think it was easy for him, a previously successful business owner who made some poor financial decisions and lost a lot of money, to see his wife's business becoming successful while he was still working for someone else?
Do you think it's still easy for him to build up his next business when mine is already bringing in more money? No, it isn't.
But we've been a team all along the way. No one 'gave up' their dreams for the other, and neither of us would tolerate it if the other tried. We respect each other and support each other far too much for that.
I'd encourage you to question the assumptions you made when you heard me share a few brief sentences of my own story here.
Thank you for watching and commenting. Perhaps I wasn't clear enough in this story - my husband's losses and my successes weren't because of one another, and happened many years apart. In fact, a big drive for me in the early days of my coaching career was the hope that I could help him move out of depression by making enough money for us to be financially free (a fallacy I think many men fall into too, believing that a certain dollar amount in the bank account will make their spouse happy when the spouse is suffering from a loss of their own purpose or agency in life).
My hope in this story was simply to share that it's not easy for many men to accept a woman's success, especially if they've had ups and downs in their own careers. I see that internal struggle and how deeply ingrained the 'provider' role is for my own husband, and I am grateful that he has worked hard to stay open and supportive of my growth and wins, instead of seeing them as a threat to his own.
Thanks for watching and being a part of this TH-cam community!
I am not mentioning this from a red pill brainwashed place, but it is something I’ve found to be consistent from my experiences, women I’ve met and conversed with since my divorce, and seeing things in divorce groups (not manosphere-based - both genders): hypergamy is a factor
Thank you for watching and for sharing your experience. I think hypergamy CAN be a factor. It isn't always. That's the important thing to remember, I think for all of us. These stereotypes may be grounded in some truth, but that doesn't mean every woman thinks that way.
For example, just today I was on a coaching call with a divorced client who has been with his new partner for four years. In his words, he said, "It's a weird feeling. She doesn't need me. She just wants me."
I hear this a lot, especially with clients who are dating women in their fifties. They frequently meet women who are very independent and capable, but WANT a relationship with a man for companionship, friendship, intimacy and sex.
So as she evolves she needs someone who is better also ?
A couple is a team work…..this is what women do not recognize.
Which women? Do you really believe all women don't recognize this?
If so, you are probably going to have a very hard time meeting any women who are going to be good partners. People can tell when you don't respect them.
They recognize it. They just don't care. The only thing they care about is who is a little bit better and next.
@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach - No smart man would get married in today's legal climate and no one that cares about men would advise that they get married in any circumstance today.
@@dalord63 You're not kidding! I'd rather floss my ass cheeks with barbed wire than go through that again.
Don’t be good guys. Focus on yourself buy yourself the car she’s going to cheat and leave you .
HYPERGAMY!!!!!!!!!
a wonderful explanation of female nature that provides the rationale for the red pill man
Walk away wife is devastating. Why baby? Why not find purpose together. Oof...
I hope the phrase FFL becomes the norm for men in 25 years. Female Free Living. A no nag, no complain, no emasculation living space. Never cohabitate, never marry. Us older men have an obligation to tell young men about female nature before they make stupid mistakes. Oh and never let women shame you is absolutely RULE 1 for men. Rule 2 is the word misogyny just means telling the truth about female nature.
i gave racheal a chance. just move on people.
Hi Dan (is it Dan, or is this a psuedonym for YT?),
Did you work with me inside BBD? I don't recognize the name you're using here. If you were a part of my program and didn't find it helpful, I hope you'll tell me what it is that upset you or didn't work for you.
Feedback of all kinds, positive and negative, is so important to me - it is the only way I can keep improving my coaching, my courses and the content I share. I am here to help. If I didn't help you, I would very much like to understand why and what went wrong.
You are more than welcome to post your comments or criticisms here, or you can email me with the contact details you have from the program.
What I seem to takeaway from the video is that men need to leave room in the marriage for feminism to germinate and blossom. A lot of women today, have a desire to outperform ‘the man’ and that can hinder a healthy family unit.
They want to be the man today and as much as this is hard to hear, guys (not all) history with them at certain points have not been kind nor good for women and those guys kinda created this mess we see today. I don't see it getting any better.
Sounds like selfishness to me. You make a commitment and promises, you don’t just throw each other away. Life is hard but you don’t just rip the person you said you loved apart. Psycho and sociopaths
My ex left me, if I'm being honest with my self. Because the relationship became stale . Nothing worse to a beautiful woman then being stuck in a relationship while everyone is moving on with their lives and exploring the world . The dreaded " your still with him". Started popping up I can see it all and I wasn't even there with her and her friends. The new guys showing interest. And boring dull home n me whom she was tired of. The season passed , it was time to move on, yes we had a child, but our adventure ended long ago. I didn't want it to end, I was holding on to the dream. But not into reality. Now I see her, this person who died about it damage after our breakup. And I wonder what it would of been like if we could of just honored eachother . But she wasn't happy, and I wasn't happy that I couldn't make her happy. She left because I wasn't the one
Sounds like you are describing women are not suitable mentally and maturity to be wives and on that point I think most men agree. Agency for men that are willing to marry is the family and most women choose to breakup because they do not agree with that with the need to "finding themselves" - with Chad the majority of the time.
Unfortunately, it seems that modern psychology has given lots of simplistic rationale for break vows and misunderstanding, what marriage and commitment actually mean. The real loss of meaning and purpose can be found right here in this video where the very meaning of marriage is undermined in favor of career.
Why women of old are more content? Because just like communism everyone is content when everyone else is miserable. Women in developing countries will always act more content and traditional because everyone else in her "known world" is as well.
This is womensplaning. Men do better for others while Women do better only for themselves, or maybe sometimes the kids.
It’s no different from Eve in the Bible. She wanted to be more than what she was created for and bit the apple. She wasn’t manipulated too hard by the devil. In that same story she realized she needed Adam in order for the apple to take hold because her bite did nothing alone.
Even while men help women get to where they think they want to be (bite the apple with them) their reason for doing so is because the devil told them they were more and wanted that. After the apple was bitten by Adam is when she sees her faults and regret everything, But then it’s too late.
What if the woman is the one with assets, job, money? And the guy has none? Still very risky to marry
So let’s look at the opposite view- a woman who is denied money, told how to dress and what to do, has no autonomy in the marriage- she should leave too, right?
Luke 11: 32 “They are like unto children sitting in the marketplace, and calling one to another, and saying, We have piped unto you, and ye have not danced; we have mourned to you, and ye have not wept.”
I think that often people feel that if they get a divorce that they can get rid of their problem(s). So then they remarry and they do not have
THAT problem but now they have a DIFFERENT problem(s) that they never had before. Like your ex-husband was a great provider but your second husband is not. For the first time you're in a situation where you can't pay your bills or can't pay them on time. OR, your new stepchildren do NOT like you and they make your life miserable. See what I mean. You KNOW that if you have TWO divorces notched onto your gun belt, you're going to be in really deep tabbouleh and much worse off than you were before. See what I mean now?
When a woman doesn't know what she wants in life, she will never understand the sacrifice it takes to achieve it.
women see men as a resources provider and security. once he has passed his use by date or she misses the chads she enjoyed to much. then you can loose it all on her wims.
What ever you think good luck with your thoughts wow
Feminism explained listen closely guys
I understand all you say but the real problem is that if you don’t read her mind on these agency issues then you’re already done because it’s not just agency it’s us not seeing or recognizing that need. You never once stated the importance of stating your need of something different as there are many other things we are required to mind read out of females. Relationship, cohabitation, fine, marriage, absolutely not!
Stay single guys modern women seem to want the Chad's and the drama.
The woman was maid for the man not the man for the woman. Her purpose is the man if she looses that she looses all
Sacrifice
Being married for me was like having a tiger as a pet.
That you can relate having a wife to having a pet says a lot, I'm afraid. This is the issue we're talking about here - men and women need to treat each other as equal human beings and respect one another, not treat each other as prizes to be won or showed off or frightened of.
@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach you have totally missed my point here. Wether on purpose or not being able to appreciate the volatility of the extreme emotional swings that women possess. It is very dangerous for a man to enter into a marriage now.
@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach
Wow you don't even get the analogy/ comparison.
He's not referring to his wife as a pet. He's using the analogy that marrage can be like having a tiger as a pet. When everything is going right, it's all good. Can't feed the tiger, your on the menu, as a man usually is in divorce court.
You literally just took that statement as the woman being a pet 😂 but I understand your confusion. After all you are a woman and most women are like cats, let you feed them and scratch their ears, but not opposed to letting the neighbors give them a treat and scratch when your at work.
The last part was just put there to get the fur up on your back there kitty 😂
After divorcing their 'good provider' husband, what do they then do if the man they remarry is NOT a 'good provider'? If they divorce their
SECOND husband, THEN they might be 'radioactive' with slim or poor prospects after that going forward. Divorces can potentially become
a slippery and dangerous slope. NOT just for you but maybe for your children too.
Soooo, never get married or live with a woman….got it👍🏽
Thank you Mrs Rachel🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
Why can’t we ALL just wait for the right time to start a relationship and start a family?!?!? If we can simply WAIT until we find agency and purpose in our individual lives, then partnerships would become understandably easier and more secure and fulfilling. Of course we will still encounter challenges, but the transparency of the participants will provide some premade solutions that will help avoid the destructive effects of so MANY unwanted divorces that leave men (like me) utterly devastated.
leave? oh thats fine. i always end every relationship on this final note. "best of luck with my upgrade". and i do this for multiple reasons. the last words you speak to someone, will haunt them.
Thank you good information . I as a man understand a woman wants meaning and purpose in life the main order and priority that God has spoken in the book of Genesis that she is to be a help meet to the man when that stays in place in that proper order then it honors God and all of her dreams , purpose , meaning , happiness is forever perfect in the eyes of God all the days of her life 😀♥️
Maybe not the intent of the video, but man, this is really opening my eyes up on the danger of men getting married in today’s era and a reminder that I need to make sure my boys are educated on modern female nature
OMG Thankyou! Finally I can make sense of her leaving our marriage.
Have a quick listen to Dax To Be a man (Mega mix version) and it will give you a glimpse behind our curtain. Speaks the truth to many of these situations.
I lost 19 years of my life. 6 years knowing her and 13 years married. I gave over 100% in every sense and she left because she is following her sense of purpose? What happened to our sense of purpose as a couple, share experience life together? What is the point of meeting a woman and marry her? I got only toxicity and trying to patch a false facade. It is pointless.
This makes alot of sense to me, Thank you so much Rachel, Went through a divorce a year ago and your videos have really helped me😊
Nice examples of real life! Thank you
Very helpful! 🙂
Because I don't want or need to be challenged on a constant basis by something I am charged with protecting, some learning must occur.....