Going no contact with my narcissistic siblings has caused me grief, of course, because they're my little sister and brother but it has also brought me peace. I was my parents' scapegoat. I will not be theirs too. I'm giving myself time to process the grief of losing my family and accepting that my life is happier without them in it. This too shall pass and I will find a new tribe.
Love this Chess. Your analogy of the button pressing (oh my gosh do they love to press those buttons, don't they?) So one day i decided to put a clear sheild over the button panel of my being. "Access Denied!" LOL. Bzzzzzt. Their villany frizzles out real fast when they can't press those buttons. Total non reaction, grey rock, poker face and silent stare. Our control panel does not belong to them, it belongs to us. It was only an illusion that they had some right to press our buttons and yank our chain like a demon. At one point i was desperate with a malignant N situation, to find a solution. I'm not kidding, one time i got a blow horn can, the kind used at sporting events, and when the narcissist made that repititious cutting remark which they were asked nicely not to "go there" but did anyway, i delivered the reward. . . beeeep!!!. "Oh how rude!" , they exclaimed (you know, their infamous double standards) The horn is very loud but it's a good training device for the impervious. A shock collar might be better, but can't do that. LOL. Then with much work and growth, one eventually realizes it isn't changing. Low or no contact is better for the physical and mental health, JMHO. They don't have a reputation as "impossible" people for nothing. It's impossible to please them and have peace and harmony in a relationship where one person is devoted to darkness and pointless war, and one devoted to life and light, joy and health. Minute 4:15 yes!!! At what cost is the "going along to get along" going to be, as opposed to a life based in Truth and reality, a re-direct and going toward freedom from the prison of these exhausting draining relationships that take all we have and leave us only depleted and discouraged. Drubbed on so many levels. Nah, not worth it. "Two roads diverged in a yellow wood. . . " and i fled the narks and found a happy life with kind wonderful people. I can even throw away the fog horn and the button guard now, because these kind people wouldn't dream of pressing those buttons. Yay! 😂
I lived with the weight of the prior conviction ''not good enough'' but I was buckling under the additional ''Not likeable either'' verdict. The sentence is Smeared and Isolated. I'm trying not to feel like I'm in a cell (in my head). I'm free. I just need to feel free. Over the last 3 weeks i stretched my morning run distance from 1k to 3k. Even my face is ''glowing'' right now. I'd going to garden centre later. It won't change the fact that my family kicked me to the kerb and I'm the pariah, but still somehow feel like the victims of me, but the running is helping me I know, and I'm no athlete!
Amazing progress on the running!!... which I am sure echoes the progress you've made in healing. It's hard when we can't measure it in the same way, but I firmly believe every day we are away from toxicity we are working towards more clarity, calm and feeling free. Keep it up, you are doing this!!
As often Chess has me puzzled for at least half a week, I guess it means she has good questions and suggestions. But what's bothering me this week is, Just exactly what did the narcissist win ? To me it seems they lost, lost things like dignity, decency, sanity even. Or what about love and compassion ? Honour, respect ? Common sense ? It's like some con artist, a pickpocket, a thief, a rapist or murderer saying: "I won"! What ? Like it was a fair match ? A honest game ? I guess it was none of that and you/me/we were sucker punched by evil and/or the mentally insane. There is no shame in defeat when faced with such unexpected disguised evil and many people suffer the misfortune of being hurt by seriously mentally disturbed people in their lifetime. It's because of them, not you. We were just in the way. So the whole notion I've "lost" something and have to "catch up to get even" in some again reactive thinking pattern to the narcissists ill behavior ? Uhm.. No thanks, maybe some other time
Such a great comment! And so true! I think it's partly the challenge of writing a catchy title, but sometimes we do find ourselves going literally head to head, say in a legal or professional capacity, where it is one person's word against the other. We can feel like we've lost, but as you say, they are professional con artists, so what chance did we have. Thanks for your great reflections on it! As always, so interesting!! I appreciate you being here :)
This is the stage I'm at. Post Verdict. There was no justice or decency in my family, that's for sure.
Going no contact with my narcissistic siblings has caused me grief, of course, because they're my little sister and brother but it has also brought me peace. I was my parents' scapegoat. I will not be theirs too. I'm giving myself time to process the grief of losing my family and accepting that my life is happier without them in it. This too shall pass and I will find a new tribe.
Good for you for following your path. Stay safe and be well!
Love this Chess. Your analogy of the button pressing (oh my gosh do they love to press those buttons, don't they?) So one day i decided to put a clear sheild over the button panel of my being. "Access Denied!" LOL. Bzzzzzt. Their villany frizzles out real fast when they can't press those buttons. Total non reaction, grey rock, poker face and silent stare. Our control panel does not belong to them, it belongs to us. It was only an illusion that they had some right to press our buttons and yank our chain like a demon. At one point i was desperate with a malignant N situation, to find a solution.
I'm not kidding, one time i got a blow horn can, the kind used at sporting events, and when the narcissist made that repititious cutting remark which they were asked nicely not to "go there" but did anyway, i delivered the reward. . . beeeep!!!. "Oh how rude!" , they exclaimed (you know, their infamous double standards) The horn is very loud but it's a good training device for the impervious. A shock collar might be better, but can't do that. LOL. Then with much work and growth, one eventually realizes it isn't changing. Low or no contact is better for the physical and mental health, JMHO. They don't have a reputation as "impossible" people for nothing. It's impossible to please them and have peace and harmony in a relationship where one person is devoted to darkness and pointless war, and one devoted to life and light, joy and health. Minute 4:15 yes!!! At what cost is the "going along to get along" going to be, as opposed to a life based in Truth and reality, a re-direct and going toward freedom from the prison of these exhausting draining relationships that take all we have and leave us only depleted and discouraged. Drubbed on so many levels. Nah, not worth it. "Two roads diverged in a yellow wood. . . " and i fled the narks and found a happy life with kind wonderful people. I can even throw away the fog horn and the button guard now, because these kind people wouldn't dream of pressing those buttons. Yay!
😂
I lived with the weight of the prior conviction ''not good enough'' but I was buckling under the additional ''Not likeable either'' verdict. The sentence is Smeared and Isolated. I'm trying not to feel like I'm in a cell (in my head). I'm free. I just need to feel free. Over the last 3 weeks i stretched my morning run distance from 1k to 3k. Even my face is ''glowing'' right now. I'd going to garden centre later. It won't change the fact that my family kicked me to the kerb and I'm the pariah, but still somehow feel like the victims of me, but the running is helping me I know, and I'm no athlete!
Your face is "glowing" you are your best self ❤
Your mother won't like that but, Susana YOU are the one who MATTERS ! Xx
Amazing progress on the running!!... which I am sure echoes the progress you've made in healing. It's hard when we can't measure it in the same way, but I firmly believe every day we are away from toxicity we are working towards more clarity, calm and feeling free. Keep it up, you are doing this!!
As often Chess has me puzzled for at least half a week, I guess it means she has good questions and suggestions.
But what's bothering me this week is,
Just exactly what did the narcissist win ?
To me it seems they lost, lost things like dignity, decency, sanity even. Or what about love and compassion ? Honour, respect ? Common sense ?
It's like some con artist, a pickpocket, a thief, a rapist or murderer saying: "I won"!
What ? Like it was a fair match ? A honest game ?
I guess it was none of that and you/me/we were sucker punched by evil and/or the mentally insane.
There is no shame in defeat when faced with such unexpected disguised evil and many people suffer the misfortune of being hurt by seriously mentally disturbed people in their lifetime.
It's because of them, not you. We were just in the way.
So the whole notion I've "lost" something and have to "catch up to get even" in some again reactive thinking pattern to the narcissists ill behavior ?
Uhm.. No thanks, maybe some other time
Such a great comment! And so true! I think it's partly the challenge of writing a catchy title, but sometimes we do find ourselves going literally head to head, say in a legal or professional capacity, where it is one person's word against the other. We can feel like we've lost, but as you say, they are professional con artists, so what chance did we have.
Thanks for your great reflections on it! As always, so interesting!! I appreciate you being here :)