How to Drive a Narcissist Crazy

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  • เผยแพร่เมื่อ 8 ก.พ. 2025
  • Narcissists expect you to lose who you are and become like them. There are certain things you can do that will drive them crazy.
    Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who has semi-retired to Waco, TX. For 40+ years he maintained a counseling practice in Dallas, conducting more than 65,000 therapy sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder. Since creating his TH-cam channel, his videos have received more than 110 million views.
    Join the Team Healthy community HERE: survivingnarci...
    Check out videos, articles, quizzes, and more at our website: survivingnarci...
    #narcissist #narcissism #toxic #toxicrelationships #controller #control #controlling #relationship

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  • @yukio_saito
    @yukio_saito 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +739

    Arguments with them get nowhere. It's a huge waste of time and energy.

    • @Hatbox948
      @Hatbox948 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +55

      I can vouch for that. You'll just go in circles with them always trying to unsuccessfully defend yourself.

    • @yukio_saito
      @yukio_saito 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +30

      @@Hatbox948 So true. You will just get into an infinite loop.

    • @yolondasmith6415
      @yolondasmith6415 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +17

      That is the truth for sure 👍

    • @Crashesdown253
      @Crashesdown253 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +25

      Omg Yes all the logic and patience in the world is no match for the delusion that their viewpoint and demands are right and correct. It is never anything but.

    • @こなた-m1o
      @こなた-m1o 6 หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@Crashesdown253exactly. i wish someone confirmed to me as a child that my experience of them was not my fault for not saying the right thing or being smart enough. it was just that they had a fucking personality disorder and were horrible parents.

  • @roxymovie3938
    @roxymovie3938 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +824

    "The wrong one will find you in peace and leave you in pieces.
    The right one will find you in pieces and lead you to peace."

    • @karenk2409
      @karenk2409 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +26

      Excellent advice. Also, be that right one for your partner. If both of you are the right one, you have gold.

    • @elcee7800
      @elcee7800 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +6

      @@karenk2409 Not if they’re a narcissist I won’t!

    • @karenk2409
      @karenk2409 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +13

      @@elcee7800 Absolutely not! I had one of those - being loving to them is delivering yourself to slaughter.

    • @roxymovie3938
      @roxymovie3938 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      @@karenk2409 Thank you, Karen, for your kind response 🙏 And yes, that would be gold but therefore both have to be quite healthy and mature.

    • @roxymovie3938
      @roxymovie3938 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

      @@elcee7800 When they are a Narc, they will leave you in pieces, so they will never be the right one.

  • @fredfred4086
    @fredfred4086 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +416

    "Don't jump into their mudhole" Words of wisdom.

    • @WildBillHickums
      @WildBillHickums 6 หลายเดือนก่อน +8

      Based, sexually as well 😂

    • @shawnj-o1k
      @shawnj-o1k 27 วันที่ผ่านมา

      Worms of wisdom lol dumb evil weak jealousy inferor injustice violence envy Barf narc witches lol 😂 traitors who took the easy path of ego Darvo victim bullying blaming rape murder violence lies and human trafficking what isn’t theirs for profit
      Easy path looser fake fsmiky trespassimg because they are human trafficking

  • @mallorykreiger
    @mallorykreiger 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +885

    “Beyond that, there’s no need for you to justify who you are, they’re NOT listening anyway”
    👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 thank you Dr. C ❤

    • @Hatbox948
      @Hatbox948 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +16

      So true too!

    • @mallorykreiger
      @mallorykreiger 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +33

      @@Hatbox948 I wish I knew this a decade ago!
      So grateful for Dr. C ❤️

    • @ClaireGraceMarshall-jr5mm
      @ClaireGraceMarshall-jr5mm 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +16

      Commonsense I love it, thankyou🙂

    • @Hatbox948
      @Hatbox948 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +21

      @@mallorykreiger Me too! I thought narcissism was just an over inflated ego. When I finally learned what it really is, it explained everything I was going through.

    • @rosemoreno6249
      @rosemoreno6249 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +11

      Amén! Amén! Amén! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

  • @Gigi-gz3fd
    @Gigi-gz3fd 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +383

    “I learned long ago, never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it.” G. B. Shaw

    • @vanessajohnson6077
      @vanessajohnson6077 6 หลายเดือนก่อน +7

      😂😂😅😅😊 ❤️ ❤️❤️🌹🙏🏾 AMEN

    • @daleszabo5032
      @daleszabo5032 5 หลายเดือนก่อน +8

      How true, thank you for the reminder.

    • @jojocee-q4v
      @jojocee-q4v 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

      😮😮😮 SO GOOD!

    • @pamelaranney6631
      @pamelaranney6631 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

      Thank you! Finished wrestling with the pig and now busy scraping the mud off! LOL

    • @VenusianLissette
      @VenusianLissette 20 วันที่ผ่านมา +1

      hahahah this is a great one! thank you! 🚬😂

  • @mikepatrick8017
    @mikepatrick8017 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +259

    NEVER LET A NARCISSIST STEAL YOUR JOY! YOU ARE A CHILD OF THE MOST HIGH GOD AND HE HAS THE BEST PLAN FOR YOUR LIFE!!

    • @Enoughalready20237
      @Enoughalready20237 6 หลายเดือนก่อน +11

      🙌🙌🙌🙌🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏 This is SO hard to remember

    • @rg-mi5hh
      @rg-mi5hh 5 หลายเดือนก่อน +12

      When they keep provoking, won't leave you alone to have any peace, keep crossing boundaries...I have prayed until I am blue and it doesn't change them. One right now going at it.

    • @gabriellegilbert5239
      @gabriellegilbert5239 3 หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@rg-mi5hh I Believe its a form of POSSESSION 👹🤡💩 🤌💫🗯🕳💨💯👋👌🤌🖖✊️🤙🤙🤙🤙🤙🐞🌺🐞

    • @fotogal54
      @fotogal54 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

      ❤ Amen!

    • @fotogal54
      @fotogal54 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

      @@rg-mi5hh thumbs down that you are still there. I tried for years to believe they'd change... only after leaving did I clearly see: they DO NOT WANT TO CHANGE. And they won't. I moved on and ENJOY my life again. Bless you, and I pray you will find peace. ❤

  • @TheSafetySmith
    @TheSafetySmith 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +94

    Never let a person like this rent space in your head and heart

    • @shawnj-o1k
      @shawnj-o1k 27 วันที่ผ่านมา

      The masons Illuminati anonymous Q fraud fake family is blocked for gang stalking Darvo rape kidnapping and human trafficking rights abuse and using violence against innocent rape victims and they the ones going crazy and I live free in their heads why they obsessed with stalking degrading threats rape and stealing from the empath and healer fake families are a fake eannbe cop and fake WANNBE god who don’t get the time of day from this one lol 😂

  • @karenfisher4170
    @karenfisher4170 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +364

    “They’re not listening anyway.” 💯

    • @notaclue822
      @notaclue822 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +21

      No except for anything they can use.

    • @Njoynlife
      @Njoynlife 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +12

      I came to say this! I’m making a sign.

    • @grandlaphi
      @grandlaphi 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +8

      Thank you!!

  • @johntuohy1867
    @johntuohy1867 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +358

    Its your character they will try to damage and destroy.
    Your value is not based on their inability to recognize your worth.

    • @Joe-hf3cn
      @Joe-hf3cn 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +7

      Double negative ,, should read “…based on their ability….”
      Encompasses the fact they have little ability to judge your worth.
      Yes, I got grammatical issues😅

    • @MelYo-pg5qu
      @MelYo-pg5qu 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

      Truth!

    • @Skyblue-js4th
      @Skyblue-js4th 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      ​​@@Joe-hf3cn I think it's written correctly, actually. The narc is UNable to recognise your worth, but that does not define your value, so you shouldn't let their bad treatment of you redefine you as worthless.
      If it was written as "ability", that would sound as though the narc WAS able to recognise your worth. Facts matter! 😅
      The alternative meaning of being hurt that they do not, and this inability being the thing that hurts you, is not the meaning of the sentence, imo. I mean, you don't recover your value by staying around them to make them value you, although that could be very satisfying. But I don't think it's the point the OP was making. Rather, that it doesn't matter that they don't value you. You have intrinsic value either way.
      I've thought about this so long it's making my brain hurt now 😂 and I don't even know if I make sense to myself anymore.😅

    • @sarahgomez6740
      @sarahgomez6740 27 วันที่ผ่านมา +3

      They try to destroy everything about you.

  • @INFJ2
    @INFJ2 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +36

    There will be no accountability or responsibility for anything. Don't ever expect an apology..ever

  • @jewishgirl1581
    @jewishgirl1581 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +81

    "They're not the ultimate arbitrators of truth" 💯

  • @Marilyn-zv6mt
    @Marilyn-zv6mt 6 หลายเดือนก่อน +35

    Just treat them like their don't exist, their can't handle being ignored

    • @AnnetteBird-e4p
      @AnnetteBird-e4p 3 วันที่ผ่านมา +1

      @Marilyn-zv6mt I'm learning to do this 🥀

    • @Marilyn-zv6mt
      @Marilyn-zv6mt 2 วันที่ผ่านมา +2

      @AnnetteBird-e4p it will be so hard at first, things will get worse, as they will try and find new ways to get under your skin, too get arise out of You. That's when you
      Know, ignoring them is working.
      Prey on it and let it go.

    • @AnnetteBird-e4p
      @AnnetteBird-e4p 2 วันที่ผ่านมา

      @@Marilyn-zv6mt thankyou fir your help 🙏 ❤️‍🩹

    • @crystalcrawford553
      @crystalcrawford553 วันที่ผ่านมา

      Ive got it down pat I feel. He says I don't list3n to him so he abuses me on purpose to get mynattention. The last time he did it he got drunk peed on the toilet and all over the floor. I asked him to clean it up so my daughter could use the toulet and with wide crazy eyes stared and said no. They will dehumanize you and make you feel like utter poo if you let it get under your skin. That solidified my suspicion of him. Because wtf

  • @moonpleiades99
    @moonpleiades99 20 วันที่ผ่านมา +8

    God bless anyone who cannot get away.

  • @Gibbon420
    @Gibbon420 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +238

    It really feels like the more you try to move on and be happy, the more they try to shove you back down

    • @karenk2409
      @karenk2409 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +29

      Of course! That is why the only solution to sanity, safety, and peace is NO CONTACT FOREVER!

    • @Tanner-yn6uk
      @Tanner-yn6uk 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +16

      Yes, they will say " I don't care how you feel , just do it my way ".

    • @amandaa3713
      @amandaa3713 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +14

      @salmon
      Narcs have malicious envy.

    • @amandaa3713
      @amandaa3713 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

      ​@d0v3Tai1
      AGREED.

    • @janetstephens9563
      @janetstephens9563 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +8

      Never give up regaining your joy!
      God bless you! ❤️🙏🏼❤️

  • @nicolehayes6020
    @nicolehayes6020 9 วันที่ผ่านมา +7

    ‘They’re not listening anyway’ is 1000% truth and the only other thing is to walk or run away in silence with your head held high ❤🙏✌️💯🌹💪

  • @Eliza_sun
    @Eliza_sun 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +17

    The longer that you engage, the more insane you’ll feel. Even keeping them at an arms distance is futile. The absolute worst is attempting to co-parent. It’s awful.

  • @tenningale
    @tenningale 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +189

    Another aspect to this is just not giving them any personal information to weaponize against you. It makes what he's saying so much easier. And not caring what other people think is a superpower.

    • @elainebines6803
      @elainebines6803 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +14

      I totally agree. My mantra is 'your opinion of me is none of my buisness' 😊

    • @juliewhyte122
      @juliewhyte122 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +13

      They don’t need any personal information about you.
      My own personal experience with them, is they make up lies about you anyway.

    • @tenningale
      @tenningale 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +9

      @@juliewhyte122 100%. With my narc mom, now I'm cold, distant, evasive, bad social skills, etc. They trash you behind your back, smear campaigns. Can't win with a narcissist. But at least I'm not giving any fodder.

    • @sabrinamystified
      @sabrinamystified 6 หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@juliewhyte122 don't worry. God will protect you from malicious people like narcs and their little games they play to stay in control, and their character assassinations of others. No matter what they do, they won't win at the end.

    • @daleszabo5032
      @daleszabo5032 5 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

      My Mother was same way. I did not know that she was not happy to see me, ever. We hope narcissists do better in the spirit world than they did alive with us. In the afterlife they will be on equal footing as everyone else. Makes me sad for them.

  • @danarchambault8723
    @danarchambault8723 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +78

    They are already nuts , get the hell away from them

    • @katalinpuscas9722
      @katalinpuscas9722 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      😂omg this is so true. Very good advice

    • @RavensAchilles513
      @RavensAchilles513 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      If only it was as easy as saying I'm going to get away from him...

  • @ExistentialErika
    @ExistentialErika 23 วันที่ผ่านมา +11

    “Get out of their way and let them be who they are.” Did this and the peace that came with it is divine.

  • @Datsail
    @Datsail 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +34

    Once you see them for exactly what they are its really easy.

  • @KOProductions777
    @KOProductions777 หลายเดือนก่อน +17

    What is the worst thing about them is they don't want the people in their lives to be happy. So they'll purposely do things they know hurt you, even to the point of destroying themselves. It's 🥜 and as it's a result of childhood trauma, they never grow up or have wisdom... that alone is annoying 😂

  • @jalawialotaibi6639
    @jalawialotaibi6639 5 หลายเดือนก่อน +76

    it is so exhausting when you’re forced to live with them in the same house 😔

    • @Xenlacasa45
      @Xenlacasa45 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

      Just focus on cleaning the home maybe washing the dishes etc put some music on you set the tone of the home. When your so busy cleaning you'll forget about them or whatever they last said

    • @gail.r.4604
      @gail.r.4604 หลายเดือนก่อน +8

      Yes, it is! That house is Never big enough, to escape. I could feel the hate and anger through the floor. I hope you can escape.... YOU are worth it.

    • @Influential1blis
      @Influential1blis หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      @@Xenlacasa45 thank you.But no, you don't want to make their life easier as a matter of fact you want to make it harder

    • @Xenlacasa45
      @Xenlacasa45 หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@Influential1blis how so? If I don't clean nobody cleans. Narcs are dirty people.

    • @keariewashburn4680
      @keariewashburn4680 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

      Yes. Same house. Just wish my name was on it 😪 making my plans to get out.

  • @worldupsidedown1
    @worldupsidedown1 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +125

    They most certainly are “task masters.” Like they’re the parent figure & you’re the child. Perfect description.

    • @richardlandis793
      @richardlandis793 6 หลายเดือนก่อน +10

      They will even admit that.

    • @lijohnyoutube101
      @lijohnyoutube101 6 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

      I think sometimes for sure but also some people are just lazy and force people to be task masters as they just don’t pull their weight.

    • @worldupsidedown1
      @worldupsidedown1 6 หลายเดือนก่อน +12

      @@lijohnyoutube101 Naw, we're talking about bullying and overlording, that's always unacceptable.

    • @yazajag
      @yazajag 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +9

      Yep even though they are the ones behaving like an adult toddler emotionally.

    • @LostNFound432
      @LostNFound432 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +6

      I feel like both his mother("take care of me") AND his child("do as I say"), but never an actual equal or partner.

  • @KimberlyGray-cd3lt
    @KimberlyGray-cd3lt หลายเดือนก่อน +8

    Live As A FREE Person❤❤❤❤❤

  • @aysenuri2419
    @aysenuri2419 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +12

    The number of times I’ve told my mom “ you are you and I am me” is insane. It’s like they can’t see others as individuals separate.

  • @jeffreydeanstanton3229
    @jeffreydeanstanton3229 12 ชั่วโมงที่ผ่านมา +1

    100% truth ! My time & peace is not worth wasting on a narcissist. Walk away from angry miserable people !

  • @Wingsandflowers77
    @Wingsandflowers77 11 วันที่ผ่านมา +4

    Be you. Be independent and stop trying to reason with them. So true❤

  • @GeorgiaJakes7
    @GeorgiaJakes7 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +35

    I was always accused of starting fights. It took me years to realize that he considered a fight anytime I held a different opinion or wanted something different than he did. He’s told my kids and everyone around that I started all the fights. Now, when I hear this I proudly say yes I did. I wasn’t his slave and I had my own opinions. It’s not a fight to think for yourself.

  • @DebbieDavis-d6e
    @DebbieDavis-d6e 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +12

    Bingo! "Dont jump into their mud hole"! And I'm not going to let them be MY taskmaster! Thank you!

  • @jeanlaubenthal698
    @jeanlaubenthal698 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +34

    Get up early and spend time centering yourself with your goals and a healthy self care plan …for the day.

  • @ernestbrummitt1206
    @ernestbrummitt1206 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

    Standing up to one cost me my kids, my career and everything. They will manipulate the corrupt court systems to no end. Don't try to fight these people....I learned the hard way. Give it to God. Let him handle it.

  • @zareththealchemist8982
    @zareththealchemist8982 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +103

    Driving a narcissist crazy is a very short trip.

    • @kathismith2865
      @kathismith2865 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +6

      Classic ‼️

    • @PatriciaCrump-jb6xy
      @PatriciaCrump-jb6xy 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Yep! From his house to mine.😊

    • @terrysiave9996
      @terrysiave9996 8 หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@kathismith2865 LOL

    • @gregorystinette8271
      @gregorystinette8271 8 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Good advice

    • @MM-xh6dp
      @MM-xh6dp 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      It’s kinda funny once you see.

  • @explorer_highway
    @explorer_highway 6 หลายเดือนก่อน +9

    Thank you! I’m now living free of family abusers and finding my own way…. at 60!

    • @earlineblack8276
      @earlineblack8276 5 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      @@explorer_highway hey there that’s great, I’m 79 and getting ready to move on and let my little light 💡 shine ✨ I’m so great full for seeing the beautiful light 💡 ahead of me 🙏🏼💡🙏🏼

    • @Ioncandi
      @Ioncandi หลายเดือนก่อน

      I'm waiting for mine to pass on and then I'll be free. Probably in another 5 years if I can make it.

  • @anitaaustralia
    @anitaaustralia 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +7

    Mine asked me early on if I was intimidated by him. That was the reddest of red flags
    ...

  • @Celisarei
    @Celisarei 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +15

    “There’s no need for you to justify who you are, they aren’t listening anyway.” 👏👏👏
    I spent way too long trying to tell him that all the things he made up about me weren’t me and it just got him more angry and explosive as he doubled down. They aren’t listening. They are living something out in their head and they assigned a character to you, but you will never be able to wield that character or make any conscious choices with it- it will be whatever they say it will be. None of this ever has anything to do with you or who you actually are

    • @cherylmahalak8904
      @cherylmahalak8904 22 วันที่ผ่านมา

      Respond, do not react! That want a reaction....they spin stories at every opportunity....then when they convince you, they were only kidding!!!!

  • @OneLindaCarter
    @OneLindaCarter 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +8

    They definitely think they control you. When I dumped him he screamed “you do what I say” & I replied in an antagonist way “& I do what the f I want to do” he screamed it again & I said it again then reminded him that I have surpassed him in life & that his life is in shambles. Also that he doesn’t know if he’s coming or going & don’t know who he really is. Then I said now why would I listen to you. I didn’t get this far in life by listening to you, why would I start now. He had nothing to say.

    • @Xenlacasa45
      @Xenlacasa45 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      They are cowards

    • @gail.r.4604
      @gail.r.4604 หลายเดือนก่อน

      LOL🎉

  • @IzabelaWaniek-i1x
    @IzabelaWaniek-i1x 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +71

    Spot on dr Carter. Be your authentic self, live your life as a free person, don’t be intimidated by their crazy BS. Walk away from their narcissistic nonsense.

    • @ceciliahink6611
      @ceciliahink6611 8 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Thankyou, Your a wonderful Dr. Better than my Dr. PLEASE CONTINUE HELPING ME AS MUCH AS YOU CARE TO.I HAVE NO ONE NO ONE LEFT TO CONSULT!!! THE BOYFRIEND I HAD WHO PROPOSED MARRIAGE AND THEN WITOUT EXPLANATION MOVED OUT OF MY PLACE.TELLING ME LATER,HE COULDN'T DEAL WITH MY NEGATIVITY!!! NOW

    • @ceciliahink6611
      @ceciliahink6611 8 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Now , he's in love with me AGAIN AND IS TRYING FOR FRIENDSHIP. IT'S EASY TO GO FROM FRIENDS TO A COUPLE,THAN COUPLE BACK TO FRIENDS!!!

    • @DirkvandeMolenbeauxarts
      @DirkvandeMolenbeauxarts 6 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Thanks so much.....and leaving that person, I feel great. Mieke van de Molen

  • @thevoraciousscribe
    @thevoraciousscribe 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +6

    "Live as a free person" hit me deep. That's where I'm at right now, and it's hard but worth it ❤

  • @deborraholiveri6202
    @deborraholiveri6202 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +18

    I never rver stopped being who I am. Im confident, resilient, kind, and i stand in my truth. Thats why i was discarded and replaced.

  • @kevinhaggerty3007
    @kevinhaggerty3007 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +13

    Well said ! Anyone who is full of themselves should just be ignored

  • @eurokay4755
    @eurokay4755 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +63

    It took me a long, long time to figure out why my mother was so hostile to and about any friendships I formed, especially after I left home and was living on my own. She became visibly irritated and agitated any time I would talk about them. For years, I thought I was just talking too much about myself. Today, as a parent of 2 almost-30 year olds, I'm so happy and proud that my children's friends welcome us "old folks" to their celebrations and enjoy coming to our home when they're in town.
    Love expands your world exponentially.

    • @SurvivingNarcissism
      @SurvivingNarcissism  8 หลายเดือนก่อน +15

      That last sentence...precisely!

    • @rachell2972
      @rachell2972 20 วันที่ผ่านมา +1

      @@SurvivingNarcissism Dr my entire family has been struggling with my sister, I started listening to your podcasts 2 yrs ago and it's been a game changer. I'm totally at peace for 2 years, no contact. Thankfully she lives on the other coast so that makes it easier . I started sharing your videos with my parents who as their child they choose not to ingore and I understand that but they are much happier now understanding the theory behind all the nutty behavior and don't take it personally anymore . We are team healthy here

  • @9liveslisa
    @9liveslisa 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

    True, true. After living a long time with a family of narcissists, I've found the best thing to do is just walk away and live a happy life!

  • @TrixieMoe
    @TrixieMoe 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +18

    I have lived with this for years. It is almost enough to drive the person dealing with this crazy.

  • @lynb2039
    @lynb2039 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +7

    They DO listen. Listening is a peak character trait; what they know about you, is what they use to control you and glorify themselves. Listening does not imply CARING, but you already know that

    • @Xenlacasa45
      @Xenlacasa45 2 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Why do they talk about your family ? I had a narc friend that would always bring up my female cousin and how weird she is for marrying an old man. I myself haven't even seen this female cousin in ten years yet THEY bring her up despite barely knowing her why do they do this ?

    • @Ioncandi
      @Ioncandi หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      @@Xenlacasa45 I deal with 2. They do this because it's their way to justify their superiority in their lives.

    • @Xenlacasa45
      @Xenlacasa45 หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@Ioncandi guy still lives with his parents what superiority pfft lmfao 🤣🤣

  • @AmandaAlexander-jp2ym
    @AmandaAlexander-jp2ym 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

    After 16 years I've truly lost myself

  • @suziesmith2142
    @suziesmith2142 5 หลายเดือนก่อน +11

    GET AWAY FROM THEM altogether, forever, if possible!

  • @kylie_joe
    @kylie_joe 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +13

    I've found responding "lol" to every text or email is pretty triggering for them. And satisfying for me.

    • @crystalcrawford553
      @crystalcrawford553 วันที่ผ่านมา +1

      Grey rocking i thinknits called does work and can be very dangerous. But the panic and tantrum they resort too is kind of funny in the moment. Extremely childish

    • @kylie_joe
      @kylie_joe 13 ชั่วโมงที่ผ่านมา

      @crystalcrawford553 Yeah grey rocking can definitely be dangerous. The longer it goes on, the more wound up they get inside (I think), and then they explode after not getting a reaction for so long.

  • @franciscocardenas5758
    @franciscocardenas5758 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +67

    These are all excellent takeaways. To to me fear the the narcissists intills in you is the most destructive to ones quality of life. You become afraid of the narcissist, you become afraid of the life, you become afraid of going out on your own. Fear, it is a killer.

    • @michignamymichigan
      @michignamymichigan 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +8

      And, we are worth the time we need to heal and grow. We are worth every effort we take for ourselves. Be you. 🧡

    • @nancytwigg4631
      @nancytwigg4631 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

      Exactly. Well put.

    • @worldupsidedown1
      @worldupsidedown1 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +8

      Yes, the fear they instill is huge. Got to learn to not be intimidated.

  • @nancytwigg4631
    @nancytwigg4631 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +57

    "Don't jump into their MUDHOLE, ok?"
    "Don't buy into their BS!"
    "Your character is everything!"
    "Be you."
    Don't lose who you are and meld into who they are or their delusions.
    Each and every direction....a live saving mantra....repeat, repeat, loop this one and you'll avoid going loopie!!😂❤ Thank you, Dr. C. You are fire! Keep burning for us. Such warmth, love it.

  • @emmanuelperez3839
    @emmanuelperez3839 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +7

    Been there done that lived most of my life with 2 narc parents, now I know better and can guide my children away from their kind

    • @emmanuelperez3839
      @emmanuelperez3839 2 หลายเดือนก่อน

      P.s. it f my reality up, i had to grow up with a bunch of trust issues, feeling confused not even been able to pin point the cause of it because I thought they loved me.

    • @Ioncandi
      @Ioncandi หลายเดือนก่อน

      My son has finally figured out that his grandmother is a narcissist and doesn't care about trying to please her. He's finally listened to my stories and knows it's futile to try.

  • @lindaschweitzer5349
    @lindaschweitzer5349 หลายเดือนก่อน +9

    Perfect! You can do this when you have effectively split off from them emotionally and you see through their fantasy of who they have presented themselves to be... they have no control over you. You know that they are very small inside.

  • @richardlandis793
    @richardlandis793 6 หลายเดือนก่อน +12

    ALSO WHEN WALKING AWAY FROM THEIR RANTS, AND THEY SAY "ARE YOU IGNORING ME?" SIMPLY SAY "I'M TRYING." 😊 (PERSONAL EXPERIENCE) 😊

    • @greenjewel509
      @greenjewel509 5 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      @@richardlandis793 Also, if on the receiving end of the silent treatment, ignore them for a little while and then say " If you've got a throat infection, there's some aspirin in the cupboard".

    • @Xenlacasa45
      @Xenlacasa45 2 หลายเดือนก่อน

      ​@@greenjewel509I find it it works best to just watch something funny and laugh really loudly it makes them feel weak 😂

  • @ritz7825
    @ritz7825 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +7

    Block, filter, no contact, DONE!

  • @fionataylor4269
    @fionataylor4269 17 วันที่ผ่านมา +2

    Totally agree ! This is the sensible way to deal with any narcissist, it challenges their sense of entitlement, though it is best not to deal with them at all.

  • @TheExpansionist93
    @TheExpansionist93 5 หลายเดือนก่อน +8

    “Your character is everything so hold on to that” thank you!

  • @rajendrasahasrabudhe4633
    @rajendrasahasrabudhe4633 22 ชั่วโมงที่ผ่านมา +1

    Very good advice! There's no meaningful communication possible with a narcissist.

  • @Niko-xz5lk
    @Niko-xz5lk 6 หลายเดือนก่อน +24

    This is great advice provided you don't live with them. When you live with a true narcissist, they will find a way to get to you. If you're human you will break and that's a fact. Narcissists know that you will break eventually and it's almost impossible to go on under their pressure without giving in. The only real solution is to get out before it destroys you completely. It's not easy, but there's usually a way and it comes about, especially if you've got a loved one who cares about you. I got out 2 years ago, and I'm doing well one day at a time.

    • @Isabelmaryj
      @Isabelmaryj 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

      Well said. Strength is needed to leave and then you become even more truly who you are.

    • @Xenlacasa45
      @Xenlacasa45 2 หลายเดือนก่อน

      I been dealing with a narc for 7 years and before that I dealt with family narcs and parent narcs all my life. The key when your almost about to break is to redirect that's energy into cleaning the home maybe wash the dishes just work on something that's needs to be done that gives the home better energy. You'll be so busy you forget what the narc pissed you off about and you don't give them the reaction they wanted

    • @Niko-xz5lk
      @Niko-xz5lk 2 หลายเดือนก่อน

      @Xenlacasa45 A real narc will stop at nothing to destroy you mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally. If they catch you trying to do something to ignore them they will either ask you to do something or wait and get you after. There's no time off and no way out. Just get out while you still can.

    • @Xenlacasa45
      @Xenlacasa45 2 หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@Niko-xz5lk well the stuff I do needs to be done because they are dirty and don't clean at all. I'm not doing it to ignore them but to keep myself busy and not thinking about the last stupid thing they said

    • @Xenlacasa45
      @Xenlacasa45 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      @@Niko-xz5lk and whenever they ask me to do something I just say no or keep my headphones on. Setting firm boundaries they can't break shit

  • @maIwaldron
    @maIwaldron 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +13

    They love to instill instability in all ways... plant seeds of doubt in your mind, gaslight you into believing your peace, comfort and boundaries are pointless and weak. Genuine happiness and contentment in others always leads to rage for a Narcissist. They have too much trauma in their maladaptive ways, it must be dispersed among those close.

    • @こなた-m1o
      @こなた-m1o 6 หลายเดือนก่อน

      oh my god yes

  • @stevenbanks268
    @stevenbanks268 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +6

    He's right. If you just keep being you, it'll drive them crazy. Have other relationships

  • @Prometheuspredator
    @Prometheuspredator 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +6

    So true. I have said you have your truth and I have my truth and that is ok. Drives them bonkers.

  • @franken-pattern
    @franken-pattern 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +6

    ..and when you do call them out on their BS in a calm, confident way, its, "you're picking on me! Why are you starting something?!" 😂 No. Not at all. I'm _finishing_ something.

  • @yzolakitchi
    @yzolakitchi 5 หลายเดือนก่อน +12

    It would be great if every parent who finds this in their feed could share with their kids. if 25 years ago, someone had explained this to me - I would have got out of a seriously messed up abusive relationship within a couple of months - not the years I stayed, and as you say, got completely lost in who I was. This is a conversation topic for all teens and adults alike. Thank you :-)

    • @oOIIIMIIIOo
      @oOIIIMIIIOo 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      My experience is that people don't want to listen anyway. Everyone has their own journey.

  • @MythsScamsLies
    @MythsScamsLies 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +18

    Both of my parents were over the top narcissists and I was just another piece of "equipment" at their disposal, to generate income and status in the community. What I wanted to do, how I wanted to live my life, were simply irrelevant to them. I knew at a very early age that I needed to disappear and never go back. Even with that knowledge, it took me decades to scrape them off.

    • @こなた-m1o
      @こなた-m1o 6 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      same oh my god. took me till 22 to run away and still came back at 28. now trying to get back out at 30.

    • @MythsScamsLies
      @MythsScamsLies 6 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

      @@こなた-m1o It's a nightmare. Just have a plan and make it happen. There's going to be damage all over the place. People are going to hate and shun you. Your goal is to preserve your mental health and to gain your freedom. You should not be doing anything that doesn't lead to those two things.

    • @gail.r.4604
      @gail.r.4604 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      Still scraping!

  • @kevinn2216
    @kevinn2216 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +23

    I don't usually listen to shorts because they're a waste of time but for Dr. C I'll bend that rule. Some great nuggets of info here.

  • @ruebensfilms
    @ruebensfilms 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +28

    You're a lovely person doctor and a great educator

    • @SurvivingNarcissism
      @SurvivingNarcissism  8 หลายเดือนก่อน +7

      Thank you.

    • @ceciliahink6611
      @ceciliahink6611 8 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Thankyou so much for clarifying what I have been going through!!! It would have been easier for me if I didn't actually have feelings for him!!!

  • @Black_Wolf_XY
    @Black_Wolf_XY 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +8

    Walking away/ignoring them is one of the best tactics. I appreciate the "they aren't listening anyways" bit. That is going to help me out.

  • @keyanderson6518
    @keyanderson6518 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +14

    Finally❤. Someone who knows what he's talking about!

  • @proverbs2522
    @proverbs2522 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +44

    Something I find funny now that I’ve gone no contact for a few months and I’m learning about the games he played is when I was grey rocking him or just not arguing with him he would try and guilt trip me by saying I don’t care about him or anything since I’m not willing to talk about things. He actually wanted me to feel bad for not letting him criticize me and call me names and yell at me for anything and everything he could come up with. I don’t care about anything because I don’t want to argue. Now that I know what he was doing to me I can clearly see the manipulation at play. He’s gone and I’m so grateful. I give all the credit to the LORD because He saved me from that closet monster on top of saving my soul.

    • @janicepaul9957
      @janicepaul9957 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      By don’t speak too quick from a person that knows they always come back they never leave and just when you think they did to come back

    • @janicepaul9957
      @janicepaul9957 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

      What I meant was they’ll come back when you think they’re gone. They show up when you least expect it.

    • @Lexi_Con
      @Lexi_Con 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      So glad you're out of that situation. So toxic, damages self esteem & makes you question your memory & reasoning skills, principles, & even sanity. I've been there. He went Jeckyll/Hyde after posing as a friend & good person for 10+ yrs.

    • @LadyVandMrT
      @LadyVandMrT 6 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

      I'm not saying this was the case here, but sometimes the one who refuses to argue is the narcissist. An argument to one person is sharing their feelings and seeking resolution to another. You have to be willing to let people have feelings in front of you sometimes. I hear my mom say "I wasn't going to talk about it because I wasn't going to argue" and accuse others of calling her names, and she is unarguably the narc playing the victim.

    • @tailsthefox6568
      @tailsthefox6568 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

      I feel the same! Your right about God rescuing because these type of people are great pretenders! The closer you get to the the more you see the claws and fangs! Ewh!

  • @danivynsteele7695
    @danivynsteele7695 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +7

    Whenever I execute tactful exits and disengagement, I get an onslaught of the narcissists attempts to get back in and regain manipulative dominance. Its exhausting having to deflect that incessantly.

  • @mschlund1
    @mschlund1 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +7

    Been there done that, trued walking away saying i wiuld talk when they are sober, she grabbwd my arm, i jerked away and kept going, she followed me so i took off running and literally hid from her in some bushes, i was not going to argue with a drunk narcissist

    • @Lynda-c5s
      @Lynda-c5s หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Drunk Narrisse I had to deal with. So Happy now. No contact free

  • @hunterluxton5976
    @hunterluxton5976 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +39

    SUperb advice, and so true! I REFUSED to play a friend's bullshit game. He went mental. I kept challenging his dillusional reality

    • @incognito595
      @incognito595 9 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Yes! To All of what this lovely helpful man says! She Coerced and lied to me, I made the mistake of TRUSTING HER. NOW, I have only A FRACTION OF MY LIFE SAVINGS LEFT! YES. IT'S ALL ABOUT DECEIT. MY NEXT STEP IS INFORMING ALL OF THE AUTHORITIES AND SUING HER ASS!

  • @janicepaul9957
    @janicepaul9957 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +12

    About 50 years of living in this insanity with the narcissist, I one day said to God oh God help me he causes me to lose my peace and it just seemed like overnight things changed. It’s been wonderful.

    • @monicahocking1507
      @monicahocking1507 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

      In what way did things change.

  • @Marilyn-oz1op
    @Marilyn-oz1op 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +20

    Divorce is a wonderful place to be.🌹

  • @farzanaaniq658
    @farzanaaniq658 6 หลายเดือนก่อน +7

    I don't want to argue but he drives me nuts i lashed out and he calls me nuts 😂😅

  • @GlmToto
    @GlmToto 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +7

    When you wrestle a pig in the mud, only the pig comes out happy

  • @makelifematter1896
    @makelifematter1896 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    It's a WIN when you leave takes time but you WIN

  • @amandaliverpool3374
    @amandaliverpool3374 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +31

    If they're not listening. You stop talking!!!

    • @roxymovie3938
      @roxymovie3938 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      Why should you start open your mouth when their ears are closed in the first place?!!😉

    • @amandaliverpool3374
      @amandaliverpool3374 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      @@roxymovie3938 True 👍

    • @yukio_saito
      @yukio_saito 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      The reverse is also true. If they are talking, I stop listening to them. It's just a meaningless self-talk. 😁

    • @amandaliverpool3374
      @amandaliverpool3374 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      @@yukio_saito ha ha 😂 yes

    • @Greenwings701
      @Greenwings701 8 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Yep, and if they are listening it's with evil ears. They will twist what you say and weaponize it. They are not your friend. They are toxic and their agenda is to spread that toxin far and wide in YOUR life.

  • @KayasWhaleWonders
    @KayasWhaleWonders 26 วันที่ผ่านมา +4

    This is so helpful. Thank you. Basically, love your best life, unapologetically in front of the narcissist. ✅

  • @lauramartinez7057
    @lauramartinez7057 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    “They’re not listening anyway” is what I had to realize when dealing with a narcissist.

  • @GeorgeanneCharlos-jm6py
    @GeorgeanneCharlos-jm6py หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    Thank you for "They're not listening , anyway. "😂😂❤

  • @jerryjohnson217
    @jerryjohnson217 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    “They’re not the ultimate arbitrator of truth”

    • @gail.r.4604
      @gail.r.4604 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      They would not know the truth if it were a 6 ton bright red freight train. No, I don't feel bad for his evil self, he made that bed, now he gets to lie there, and wallow alone...

  • @Sherilynn-l4k
    @Sherilynn-l4k หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    He would always say to me "Do not insult my intelligence." 😂😂

  • @marie-jeannelicari4799
    @marie-jeannelicari4799 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    Very sensible advice : refuse to argue!! I used to leave he room and go into the garden or out and that way he'd argue with himself if that's what he wanted to do. I had removed myself from his rage. You can't win any argument with a raging bull charging at you who won't listen anyway.

  • @rev.dorisdaniels2869
    @rev.dorisdaniels2869 2 วันที่ผ่านมา +1

    Truth. Truth. Truth. I’m taking heed. ❤❤

  • @BaraSchmidt
    @BaraSchmidt 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +20

    When you are with a narcissistic individual, the only freedom you have is to follow THEIR commands! Know Better, Live Better, Stay Healthy! Thank you Dr C!

  • @judythompson8227
    @judythompson8227 6 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

    mother never forgave me for living where I live; she couldn't drive by and keep tabs on me. She kept me from every funeral in the family, and Im the last one standing. I would like to have gone to my 'real' mother's funeral, but I wasn't told about it until it was over...thanks, ma.

  • @lamoon1525
    @lamoon1525 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

    Thank you Dr. I thought I was the crazy one. Turns out, after gathering the facts, and examining them close up, I was being manipulated. Joyfully, he decided I'd disrespected him one last time and he cut me off. He thought he'd harm me one last time by trying to alienate family & friends. Forewarned is forearmed. Funny all I really feel is a sense of relief he is gone. You've helped me. Thank you.

  • @breggieoosthuizen5088
    @breggieoosthuizen5088 วันที่ผ่านมา +1

    Yes that is absolutely true what you're saying. It was the most heartbreaking time of my life

  • @RavensAchilles513
    @RavensAchilles513 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    It blows my mind when listening to your videos how you know these people so well. Its as if you have been around my relationship all these years. " Dont jump into their mudhole.". Outstanding! Made me literally laugh outloud. He goes the extra mile to make any holiday as miserable as possible. I take my sweet doggie in the back room and just sit here as at peace as I can be. Thank you for what you do.💜🙏💜♾️

  • @nikkibaning361
    @nikkibaning361 23 วันที่ผ่านมา +2

    Just had a relative attempt to tear apart my character and even my spirituality. My response was "Ok. You can interpret that however you want". Silence.

  • @allykatharvey
    @allykatharvey หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    This is so true. The dominance of a true narcissist is an almost unbelievable, mesmerising power. Seeing through it and not playing their game takes real strength but it’s worth breaking their stranglehold - if you can!

  • @Lyoungministries
    @Lyoungministries 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +7

    I think I need to save this video so I can refer to it again and again. After 18 years of marriage to a narcissist, I let him know I was on to him and demanded that we have complete autonomy. He does what he wants and I do what I want, and because he doesn’t wanna lose me through a divorce, (the house) things are going pretty well. We are cordial now and have an arrangement for expenses.

    • @Ioncandi
      @Ioncandi หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Why live a half-life? Boot that fool out and find your new future.

    • @queenesther4142
      @queenesther4142 7 วันที่ผ่านมา

      Don't be fooled. They will be cordial for minute and go right back to their devilish behavior.

  • @morgangraham3399
    @morgangraham3399 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    I mean, my jaw hit the floor before you finished your 1st sentence & literally remained that way. My God, if only I'd seen this 5-6 yrs ago before learning about it the hard way. The whole "stop trying to convince them, they're not paying attention anyway" comment is particularly heartbreaking bc of so many yrs wasted. Lost much more than I was prepared for. Still having issues coping, forgiving, letting go.

  • @aliceroberts1980
    @aliceroberts1980 14 ชั่วโมงที่ผ่านมา +1

    This is good to remember! And practice

  • @ReformedRepublican
    @ReformedRepublican 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

    We have one in our house of 6 people, 5 normal and 1 narcissit, who is a control freak. She screamed she hated me over dinner. I said "Well, l must be doing someting right." Just leave me alone until you need me to get you out of trouble again.

  • @ΔεσποιναΒασιλικα
    @ΔεσποιναΒασιλικα 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +31

    Absolutely true

  • @Isabela2024-yr
    @Isabela2024-yr 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

    I agree 100%. That's what I do. I can see he look miserable. He want to gaslight me but I left the room. Do something else upstairs or to my garden. If he is eating himself alone, I don't care. He's doing it to himself. I know, he's looking for another supply but I don't care anymore too. I hope he leaves soon peacefully. That would be great. Thank you Sir for the advice. May God bless you for helping people who are going through narcissistic relationship. I hope they're watching to get a clue. 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻❤️❤️❤️

  • @guydavis1158
    @guydavis1158 7 วันที่ผ่านมา +1

    It hurts me so much when I treat her so well and she just still treats me like I’m nothing!

  • @Teacher369
    @Teacher369 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +33

    Thank you, Dr Carter ☀️ I needed to hear “Your character is everything, so hold onto that.” 💥 My family of origin is gone now (some members figuratively, others literally). I’m left with my good character. I’m going to “lean into that.” 🙏 ❤️ ☮️ 🐕

    • @karenk2409
      @karenk2409 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

      After 46 years, and 2 years of court to get free, I have a very clear conscience.

    • @incognito595
      @incognito595 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      Yes! A million times Yes!

  • @monid30
    @monid30 5 วันที่ผ่านมา +1

    Refusing to argue agitates the crap out of them