Psychologist On Strengthening Your Ability To Be Alone After A Breakup

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  • เผยแพร่เมื่อ 22 ธ.ค. 2024

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  • @richalexander1138
    @richalexander1138 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +70

    The most difficult part is forcing yourself to go outside to not be stuck indoors. I went to a concert today by myself and it was BRUTAL seeing happy couples everywhere. Removing the pressure is very very tricky

    • @dannycolwell8028
      @dannycolwell8028 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

      Hard to get out of bed 😢

    • @Lionandlamb
      @Lionandlamb 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +15

      Bro I’m separated and went to see Deadpool vs Wolverine Thursday night and almost cried bro. First time I’ve been to the movies alone in over a decade.

    • @RHR1991
      @RHR1991 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

      Same for me. Seeing happy couples together when I go out is like pouring salt on a wound.

    • @MrFilipaguimaraes
      @MrFilipaguimaraes หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      You are not alone

    • @snakedogman
      @snakedogman 11 วันที่ผ่านมา +1

      Yeah, it seems like everyone is in a happy relationship but you. Of course that's not really true but it feels like that.

  • @TarisKit
    @TarisKit 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +67

    The hardest thing after heartbreaking and moving on is to do it alone :(

    • @cerico76
      @cerico76 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +8

      It is at the beginning , but if you work on yourself , it is actually better. It is a big occasion to grow and to become a better version of yourself.

    • @vybinvincent
      @vybinvincent 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      Yup. I have absolutely no family or friends to rely on. But it’s easy to give and to despair when things seem bleak and hopeless. I have faith things will get improve with time.

    • @banzaiman1
      @banzaiman1 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

      But how do you live alone? What do you do in the house by yourself? I've always lived with my wife, we rented a flat together after a year of being together, we then bought a house a year later and had a baby. We spent soo much time together and now after 12 years, she's done and is having an affair with a married man. I feel robbed that she never gave me a second chance

    • @vybinvincent
      @vybinvincent 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      @@banzaiman1 she robbed herself of a second chance when she had that affair. but, it’s not easy to live alone especially when you partner had been with you for 12 years. you lost apart of you. part of you is dead, and you need to grieve that lost. embrace the grief, cry it out for however many days or weeks you need to. maybe throw a mini funeral for yourself. living on your own isn’t easy at first, but you have to learn how to live with the silence one day at a time. try to enjoy it, not everybody is gifted the tranquility of solitude. but also make plans to fill you life with news hobbies and activities, specifically new things that don’t remind you of her.

    • @vybinvincent
      @vybinvincent 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      I’ll add one last thing: You’re stronger than you know. You held onto a relationship for 12 years, and you did what you could with the gifts and skills you had at the time. Take pride in that, not many people can hold onto someone that long.

  • @jimjam_games5783
    @jimjam_games5783 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +16

    Relationship of 18 years (with children), marriage of just 2 years ended abruptly for me via a blindside 3 months ago. We struggled to overcome a betrayal (her betrayal) but I was standing by her and fighting for us. She had other ideas and left me on the spot completely unexpected. 18 years of normality, companionship and love gone in an instant. It really is almost impossible to "find yourself" when so much of you belonged to this other person for so long.

    • @zloungeact
      @zloungeact 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Sorry man, I hope you're doing well.

    • @Ben-zn8pe
      @Ben-zn8pe 11 วันที่ผ่านมา

      Walk the camino de Santiago Frances

    • @MrFilipaguimaraes
      @MrFilipaguimaraes 13 ชั่วโมงที่ผ่านมา +1

      I stand by you

  • @angel-y5z6f
    @angel-y5z6f หลายเดือนก่อน +7

    I am nearly 3 months after the break up. We lived together for 6 years and were engaged to be married. I have searched everywhere for help and found this amazing person, Maika!
    You have been so helpful and seem to understand exactly what is happening. BUT - even though I am trying to close my heart - it is still full of love. I miss him every second of everyday. I dread the end of the working day, weekends, holiday time. I am lost without my soulmate, my best friend. I seem to walk around in a daze, a parallel universe, where everyone else is living and I am just existing. I smile and try and be happy but inside I am broken and my heart aches all the time. I have been to the gym, country walks, cinema and even a dance - but it is all just going through the motions. I feel like I am half a person. Like I lost half of my body. I cry everyday. I just wanted to say that your posts have helped me and I watch them over and over and I just pray that this pain will ease one day. I cannot ever see myself with anyone else. Even though he does not want me - I cannot seem to be able to think negatively about him. Everyone says, time is a healer but it hurts so badly.

    • @Alexander-ez8bf
      @Alexander-ez8bf 25 วันที่ผ่านมา +1

      I am the same if that helps! I am into month 3 and have only just stopped crying everday. Maika's video are sooo helpful! I think it helps to give up any hope of getting back together with your ex....the pain is moreintense but it will be shorter in duration that if we spin stories to ourselves about how we could avoided the breakup and how maybe she will change her feelings towards me....I am slowly settling for the reality that I will never see her again.....also some days i feel I have turned a corner but then the next day I am walking through a part of town I associate with her and I am hit by a dull pain across my body and do not listen to what anyone is saying to me...what is helping me is to bike every day to work, to do 15 mins of yoga in the morning, to write my dreams, to meet my cold water swimming group twice a week, to check out a movie alone or with a friend....Maika is right, be proactive to message friedns.....since my breakup I have counted 12 friends who have stepped up to the plate to listen and hang out....alll of this is fine, but the questino remains, how long will it take for me to move on....i think it will be another year before I return to normality....this video from Maika helps because iit enables one to see that while we are hit with the brutality of the pain, we can at least do stuff to address the core flaw of insecure attachment, so that next time we dont have to go thru all this anguish again...Thanks for sharing yr comment, and thank you Maika for all the help you provide.

    • @christianbarrientos8267
      @christianbarrientos8267 10 วันที่ผ่านมา

      It’s been 8 months since she left me..but I still see her a few times a week to get our 5 and 3 year old boys..it hurts to know our boys will grow up in a broken family…I feel like I’m prolonging my healing though because although she doesn’t call me or text me or seems like she wants nothing to do with me she sometimes calls when I feel she’s bored and we’ve been hooking up at least once a week the last few months..but it doesn’t seem to reignite any emotions in her as she just goes back to ghosting me the next day..

    • @jackboltonjr3642
      @jackboltonjr3642 3 วันที่ผ่านมา

      Angel you summed up perfectly how I feel. 11 years and we were engaged. She left in August.

  • @David-nu6kw
    @David-nu6kw 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +23

    Your videos have helped me after a 9 year ending. You seem like a kind person ❤

    • @ohadellert6319
      @ohadellert6319 หลายเดือนก่อน

      I'm right there with you. It's all very fresh.

  • @ChilledOut
    @ChilledOut 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +13

    I have no problem being alone, I need to learn how to be with someone 😢

  • @amelie-db7gu
    @amelie-db7gu 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +9

    Love your videos! Absolutely spot on. After 6 years living together, it was a massive grief. No one talks about the massive dip in all the happy hormones like oxytocin so you can truly go into a physiological depression.

  • @AlbertoSuarezMusic
    @AlbertoSuarezMusic หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    This video spot to my soul. I’m in the darkest, hardest, saddest moment of my life and I have hope watching this, although I feel so alone, heart broken, lost and soulless.

  • @princessdianaox
    @princessdianaox 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +6

    Ugh I really needed to see this I am in soooo much pain he’s all I’ve known!!! 4 years

  • @Esta-Beed
    @Esta-Beed 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +27

    You must do it alone, I have tried all year to avoid it but ultimately you are just pausing the process no matter what you do to ignore it. You must feel the pain and it's ok, your real self is waiting for you. Am staring to find myself

    • @cocosung2371
      @cocosung2371 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      I agree.
      I am also going it now

    • @Esta-Beed
      @Esta-Beed 4 หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@cocosung2371 Am sorry you have to go through it, there is no set time and no tangible way of confirming you are better but it will make you (us) stronger. I hope the best for you 🙏

    • @banzaiman1
      @banzaiman1 3 หลายเดือนก่อน

      For me, I just feel like I'm not ready to move on and make important decisions. I need to fall out of love with my wife which so far hasn't gone well, it's been 7 weeks since we separated and it still hurts like hell

  • @KevinMarquez-uk4tt
    @KevinMarquez-uk4tt 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +10

    Wow! I’ve found your channel a few days ago, the previous videos have been so helpful with my process and now this video appears exactly when i needed it! To strengthen my self when i feel lonely. Thank you Dr.

    • @bossbear1256
      @bossbear1256 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      I feel that! U not alone I promise. Keep pushing!

  • @cgirlinberlin
    @cgirlinberlin 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    I like it that this video structured itself like a workbook. I like the questions and I took notes to answer them.

  • @alicew87
    @alicew87 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

    Thank you. I am going through it currently and I haven’t stopped crying. I feel like I’ve lost my sense of self. Can you please do a video on this?

    • @DrMaikaSteinborn
      @DrMaikaSteinborn  4 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      I‘ve noted down the request 👍🏻✍️

  • @fembot521
    @fembot521 20 วันที่ผ่านมา +1

    My husband of 20 years died suddenly and my fear of abandonment has gone into overdrive. I don’t think I will ever be able to have a healthy relationship ever again. The thought of dating and being ghosted is too much for me to handle.

  • @zotw-101
    @zotw-101 19 วันที่ผ่านมา +1

    My 18 year marriage ended brutally with an open affair and I couldn’t resist snooping on her phone. I saw everything including pics and videos. She moved out and I stayed with the kids for a year and a half. I decided I needed big changes, so now I’m back in university and the kids live with her. I miss them all so much and living alone is very hard. It is getting a bit better though, and I’m putting in the work to repair my decimated ego. Dating apps were just feeding my anxiety so I decided to delete them all and just focus on being happily alone, so I’ll be ready for a healthy relationship some day. I suppose I don’t have the much needed closure yet, because I can’t bring myself to file the divorce papers. I’ve got them, signed and ready, just needing them notarized. Whenever I think about it something inside blocks me.

  • @happydays3678
    @happydays3678 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

    Dear Maika, hello from England. 👋 I can't thank you enough for these amazing videos. You're helping me so much. After my marriage broke down, utterly heartbroken and struggling to function, my close family, siblings, either acted as though nothing has changed, or began putting immense pressure on me to " get over it." This brought the added sorrow of having to detach from my siblings, because I couldn't cope with their comments and expectations. I appreciate your work so much, and the way you have made your help so accessible. Bless you. 🙏❤

  • @A.Varsakelis
    @A.Varsakelis 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

    I was married for 32 years. She passed away and I didn't recover. Then shortly after, too shortly, I got mixed up with a very manipulative and controlling girl. Our six month marriage was me trying to "fix" my problems and please her. When my money ran out, she immediately filed for divorce. Trusting people will not be easy. I want to love and it will destroy me if i cant figure out how to not have to need someone.

  • @billhosko7723
    @billhosko7723 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    Bravo. Thank you Maika and to all you sharing on here. Thank you. Feel your loss and sadness, time will heal all wounds if you can allow it.

  • @lexystalheim7930
    @lexystalheim7930 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

    Thank you for this. Still having a hard time after breaking up with my ex. Glad we are still friends. But it is hard.

    • @Separo1
      @Separo1 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Being friend with an EX is the hardest and most dangerous thing for us Limerent. I tried and failed.

    • @lexystalheim7930
      @lexystalheim7930 20 วันที่ผ่านมา

      @@Separo1I ended up parting ways with her. She went from not being opposed to dating again to completely against it. I could not stick around as I could feel my pain growing when I was near her.

  • @frokenfingerfardig8108
    @frokenfingerfardig8108 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

    It's been 1,5 years since the breakup and I'm still struggling. I really think I've tried to get through, to process, to feel the feelings. I understand that I'm a good person and I have a good life, but I feel so sad, abandoned and lonely.
    Som days I feel so exhausted and desperate, I just don't understand how to get through this and have my life back. I'm most of the time in survivalmode, I'm not living.

  • @richieobura7008
    @richieobura7008 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

    My girlfriend of 6 years just broke up with me in the worst way possible. One week before she broke up with me she went quiet abruptly. I just kept trying to reach out to her but she didn't answer any of my calls. So last Sunday after a week of going quiet she decided to break up with me and when I asked why she ghosted me before breaking up she told me all through the week she was with her ex boyfriend. They went out made love and connected and after that she dumped me without even apologizing😢. I feel so lost. I don't know who to talk to. I feel my heart is so heavy.

    • @Separo1
      @Separo1 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      It is hard and you just need to go through the feelings, and there are a lot of them. The one to avoid is revenge, the revenge will come to her from somebody else. Just take care of you and listen to podcast like this one, listen to book read by someone about dealing with emotions, whatever your age, live YOUR life and slowly forget about them

  • @Victory_to_Ukr
    @Victory_to_Ukr 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    Thank you! Already in first 2 min I heard something fundamentally shifting for me

    • @DrMaikaSteinborn
      @DrMaikaSteinborn  4 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      That’s great ☺️🙏🏻

  • @mina77sp
    @mina77sp 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +7

    I made the mistake of going to my FA house to ask him why he blocked me when we had promised each other we wouldn’t do that.
    I have not in the past 3 weeks bombarded him with messages
    since we broke up I have been implementing the NC rule.
    But it’s been rough. Really bad. I’m a mess. 😢

    • @Kumachanchan
      @Kumachanchan 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

      don't beat youself up for that move. Don't forget...the heart doesn't listen to logic. Just relax and realize that you did nothing wrong. You seeing them in person makes it hard again but if they aren't ready you can't make someone do something you want them to do. Let go and focus on you. If it's meant to be they will contact you to work it out. When? who knows. But they can't miss you if you are still there. Be strong you are not alone ❤

    • @thomasandersen2534
      @thomasandersen2534 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

      You aren’t a mess. Love is crazy and makes you do crazy things. I’ve been there. Trust yourself again do things you like. But removing all reminders of the person helps. DONT look at pictures or reminisce on the past. In time it helps.

    • @mina77sp
      @mina77sp 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

      @@Kumachanchan thank you. You gave me hope and made me stop crying at 1 am 😓

    • @mina77sp
      @mina77sp 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

      @@thomasandersen2534 thank you
      I was crying and reading these comments made me feel better

  • @robertvanderhorst2412
    @robertvanderhorst2412 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    Dear Maika, I really appreciate this post. Its very insightful and came at the exact right time. Please continue your work knowing that you are changing the minds and hearts of people around the world(at least one in the Netherlands 😅). With this you really made a difference for me. My best, Robert

  • @cerico76
    @cerico76 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    The bigger issues I have right now, are living in the present and don't be scare / believe in the future , and also I don't know why , when I go out for a party for example ,or my birthday, it makes me sad instead of happy. It is still hard to forget the past , but I'm getting there.

    • @bluebubble13
      @bluebubble13 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      Emotions take time to heal. You will get there, however long it takes. You are doing really well ❤

    • @cerico76
      @cerico76 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      @@bluebubble13 Thanks for your support. I am really digging as deep as possible into myself to become a better version of myself. It will take time I know, but I've decided to face it instead of trying to avoid it.

  • @JonathanRobinson11
    @JonathanRobinson11 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    Thank you. Very helpful for framing big feelings and emotions.

  • @belleiccm9801
    @belleiccm9801 4 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Thank you so much Maika for this video! It helped me realize which areas I am making progress in and which ones I need to focus on more and develop intentionally. My break up is turning out to be my transformation and I am enjoying my life more and more.

  • @jeffcauthen6434
    @jeffcauthen6434 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    Thank you! Most calming voice and calming advice! Bless you.

  • @Take-yr5hl
    @Take-yr5hl หลายเดือนก่อน

    I would love more videos of how to cope with breakups!

    • @DrMaikaSteinborn
      @DrMaikaSteinborn  หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      I've got more coming :) 👍

  • @Laaalt
    @Laaalt 4 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Thank you so much for your series of videos on the heartbreak topic.It’s really helpful for me and I’m sure thousands of other ppl❤️

  • @nicolasvelascoperez7916
    @nicolasvelascoperez7916 3 หลายเดือนก่อน

    This is helping me a lot to heal. Thanks so much

  • @kierlak
    @kierlak 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    What helped me a lot when going through divorce is a book by Richard C. Schwartz: You are The One You've Been Waiting For. I highly recommend it (perhaps reading an introduction to IFS beforehand too).

  • @arshitavatsal2385
    @arshitavatsal2385 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    Exactly what I needed rn, thank you ❤❤

    • @AndreaLikesMusic
      @AndreaLikesMusic 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Same. I know this video is about being separate but it helps to know I’m not alone in learning how to be ok with that ❤️❤️

    • @arshitavatsal2385
      @arshitavatsal2385 3 หลายเดือนก่อน

      I hope both of us get through it soon ❤the most difficult part is feeling like there's something wrong with me for feeling so lonely but not being able to put my finger on what exactly needs fixing... But this video confirmed to me that it's normal to feel this way and it will go away on its own...

  • @Chris-fh2cl
    @Chris-fh2cl หลายเดือนก่อน

    Thank you Dr Maika!

  • @Daniel88563
    @Daniel88563 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    I've just come out of a relationship, we broke up years ago and got back together. We have kids and thought bringing our family unit back together would be great.
    It wasn't great. I used to live for my ex, everything was on her terms it was me that had to change, i wanted everything back. I was the one who had to make effort. Turns out that's hard after i lived on my own for 18 months.
    This video is amazing. I wish i could not feel the pain i do. And would love to understand why i compare everyone to my ex. I'm thinking about having therapy to learn to be alone and love myself!

  • @mikezotaj
    @mikezotaj 6 วันที่ผ่านมา

    Ending a toxic relationship is like quitting a drug. You know it’s bad, but you still experience withdrawal-both physically and emotionally. Too often, people treat relationships like quick fixes, replacing one partner with another instead of facing their own issues. We need more honesty, shared goals, and meaningful connections, not just jumping from one relationship to the next. A healthy relationship demands REAL compatibility, being genuine in long term goals, and caring enough to break this cycle of blaming including any inferiority complexes. A lot of people lie to themselves including their partner in the process and later claim they changed or something along of that line yet if they didn't lie to themselves in the first place and believed the lies, all of the hardships could have been prevented. I think our society no longer trusts which without trust, there is no real relationship. Its crazy though that as you age, you learn to defend yourself by knowing that everyone in your life can end up literally, backstabbing you. I mean its often the ones closest to you which is sad but when they don't its beautiful.

  • @LadyRie
    @LadyRie 4 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Thank you!

  • @idenshi51
    @idenshi51 3 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Is it me or your sunflowers are arranged to look like Van Gogh’s?
    Randomness aside.
    Thank you Dr Maika, I chanced (TH-cam algorithm) upon one of your videos yesterday. Your thoughts/words/knowledge helped me a lot more than you can imagine. I tried many ways and methods. And today might be the day I finally decide to move on after a break up that happened years ago.

    • @DrMaikaSteinborn
      @DrMaikaSteinborn  3 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      I didn't purposefully arrange them like Van Gogh's, although I really like his paintings 🙂💖. I'm glad my videos resonate with you and helped you so much. Welcome to the channel 🙋

    • @idenshi51
      @idenshi51 3 หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@DrMaikaSteinborn it’s an interesting resemblance then, but it’s beautiful. Thank you for the reply. I understand it’s not easy and takes a lot of time and effort to put something together but if ever possible I hope you can do a piece on never having the closure one needed to move on. Thank you once again for your videos.

    • @DrMaikaSteinborn
      @DrMaikaSteinborn  2 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Sure, I can note down this request. ✨ Can you explain a bit more about not having gotten closure - like in the sense that your ex didn't say why they wanted to break up?

    • @idenshi51
      @idenshi51 2 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Thank you for asking, Dr. Maika. I’ll try to keep it brief. I was in a traumatic? 6-year relationship with a lot of trauma bonding, though we did really love each other. We agreed to take a break so she could find her purpose, and I needed to find mine. We never spoke again. I reached out after 1.5 years but got no reply. It’s been another year, and I believe she’s moved on. I thought she was the one, but maybe my trauma or my projection of what we could have been clouded my judgment. I tried therapy, but, given my self-awareness and life experiences, I didn’t gain much from it. I haven’t dated anyone in almost 3 years (even though there was some people who were clearly interested) because I want to sort myself out and not carry unresolved feelings into something new. I don’t think that would be fair. Still, I feel stuck, unable to move forward with my life.

    • @DrMaikaSteinborn
      @DrMaikaSteinborn  2 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Thanks for elaborating, this helps. I have it on my "next video topics" board!

  • @melvinjperdomo
    @melvinjperdomo 4 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Are abandonment feelings something everyone deals with? Or are they just a part of the population?

    • @DrMaikaSteinborn
      @DrMaikaSteinborn  4 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      To a certain extent almost everyone feels it after a breakup, but depending on someone’s past experiences, especially in childhood, some people feel it a lot more intensely.

  • @scutelnicalina1437
    @scutelnicalina1437 3 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Im 4 months after breaking ( discard) im still very sore and can’t cope with my life……..went to a club last night with 2 friends and i was crying… couldn’t see nobody around… 7 years of relationship just faded away with no Reason… he never even rang to ask how im getting on…..

    • @TesfamikaelSeleshi
      @TesfamikaelSeleshi 3 หลายเดือนก่อน

      What good would that do to you? Being asked after break up?

    • @scutelnicalina1437
      @scutelnicalina1437 3 หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@TesfamikaelSeleshi to show that he have something human left in him

    • @TesfamikaelSeleshi
      @TesfamikaelSeleshi 3 หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@scutelnicalina1437 I'm not trying to be negative or anything but, what if there's nothing human left in him?
      Because I think after break up, we're on our own, as much as it hurts we should find our way to be okay n heal?

  • @palapalak.8907
    @palapalak.8907 2 หลายเดือนก่อน

    The gym helps me. The pool and the hot tub.

  • @mohamedabuthahir5087
    @mohamedabuthahir5087 4 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Brk up 6 mont ago she find new man alredy. 😔

  • @mikewilliams235
    @mikewilliams235 4 หลายเดือนก่อน