Listen to YOURSELF: you likely already know the answer

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  • เผยแพร่เมื่อ 29 ก.ย. 2024
  • Buy my book, "The Value of Others"
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    At this stage of my career, I conduct consultations with men from all walks of life from all over the world. One of the most frequent reasons men book my time is to receive an objective, third-party gut check on their relationships: should they continue to invest or cut their losses? After only a few minutes, it often becomes clear that these men already know the answer to their question -- though they may not want to face the consequences it entails. It's important for men to listen to themselves. If your story was coming out a friend's mouth, how would you respond?
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    Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.
    #psychology #relationship #men

ความคิดเห็น • 749

  • @psychacks
    @psychacks  8 หลายเดือนก่อน +57

    At this stage of my career, I conduct consultations with men from all walks of life from all over the world. One of the most frequent reasons men book my time is to receive an objective, third-party gut check on their relationships: should they continue to invest or cut their losses? After only a few minutes, it often becomes clear that these men already know the answer to their question -- though they may not want to face the consequences it entails. It's important for men to listen to themselves. If your story was coming out a friend's mouth, how would you respond?
    Book a paid consultation:
    oriontarabanpsyd.com/consultations
    Social Media
    Facebook: facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090053889622
    LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/orion-taraban-070b45168/
    Instagram: instagram.com/psyc.hacks
    Twitter: twitter.com/oriontaraban
    Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com
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    Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated GRE self-study program based on the world's only empirically-validated test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com.
    Become a Stellar affiliate and earn a 10% commission for every membership purchased by a new student you conduct into the program: stellargre.tapfiliate.com.
    GRE Bites: www.youtube.com/@grebites4993
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    th-cam.com/channels/SduXBjCHkLoo_y9ss2xzXw.htmljoin
    Sound mixing/editing by: valntinomusic.com
    Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.
    #psychology #relationship #men

    • @Fashion-Meets-Fantasy
      @Fashion-Meets-Fantasy 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Very good advice and the other comments are also very insightful. Will share this video on other social media platforms.

    • @lycanmagic1664
      @lycanmagic1664 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      It's true I'm trapped in a marriage with a woman that is always unhappy no matter what and even tells me. I need to make her happy, or says I don't make her happy and she deserves better. It's not your problem or responsibility.

    • @lycanmagic1664
      @lycanmagic1664 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      How do I get ahold of you to hire you? I could use a lot help and advice

    • @Fashion-Meets-Fantasy
      @Fashion-Meets-Fantasy 7 หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@lycanmagic1664 Dr. Orion shares his contact details above. I wish you great success beginning to resolve your relationship issues with your wife.

    • @Ninakas.
      @Ninakas. 7 หลายเดือนก่อน

      So I was just gonna enthusiastically share your video when I noticed its for for men😄 I hope I am ok to like it as a woman too😂

  • @ronmexico5908
    @ronmexico5908 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +872

    A lot of men think a relationship is trying to make an unhappy women happy. It isn’t your problem

    • @anilbalram7768
      @anilbalram7768 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +43

      The issue is when she thinks the same thing and then gets mad at you for it.

    • @sammyb1651
      @sammyb1651 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +71

      Thats a worst case scenario. A more common scenario is the woman (happy or otherwise) inserting herself at the centre of the relationship and making the relationship about her. That's the VAST MAJORITY of heterosexual relationships and it's soul destroying for most men.
      Women think it's perfectly reasonable. They will stare at you like you've got two heads if you question the dynamic. The truth however is that it's purely extractive behaviour that hollows the man out.

    • @minor12828
      @minor12828 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +11

      Word up bro word

    • @mpsangha
      @mpsangha 8 หลายเดือนก่อน

      ​@@sammyb1651you described my last relationship to a tee. I used to cry with my eyes bawling out because of how miserable and under appreciated I felt. She had BPD I'm sure of it. I was in that relationship for 8 months, the highest of highs, and lowest of lows. It was a complete roller coaster. I'm 7 months removed and I'm still healing. But I'm better off... It was the right decision.

    • @vidard9863
      @vidard9863 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +26

      It isn't just your problem, it's not something you can do. You can barely make YOURSELF happy, you cannot however make anyone else happy.

  • @dev_apostle
    @dev_apostle 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +138

    "You didn't come here to make the choice, you've already made it. You're here to understand why you made it" - the Oracle, Matrix reloaded

  • @jcnlaw
    @jcnlaw 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +499

    Experienced divorce lawyer here. I approve of this video. Many guys suffer from cognitive dissonance.

    • @mpsangha
      @mpsangha 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +38

      It's hard to see it when you're in it, there are blinders on, especially if sex is involved! Easiest way to get out of it, is if your friends told you the same things, what advice would you give them? That puts a lot of things into perspective...

    • @dahliafiend
      @dahliafiend 7 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Cognitive dickonance

    • @ChrisPTY507
      @ChrisPTY507 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +17

      There’s no way to unsee the truth once you cross paths upon it.

    • @lycanmagic1664
      @lycanmagic1664 7 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Do you have a website or professional number I could reach you at?

    • @thelucariamonarchs4889
      @thelucariamonarchs4889 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +10

      I usually spot your comments here and there within red pill/divorce content sir, let it be Rich Cooper, James Sexton or this channel himself and is refreshing to have a hands-on professional about these matters and why is important for men to take caution on their own relationships, hopefully you could collaborate with Dr.Oryon here in the future, that'd be a great video for sure!

  • @hmw_kamikaze3885
    @hmw_kamikaze3885 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +71

    Solid advice.
    I spent 14 years hoping that being a kind and considerate partner would ultimately lead to some kindness and consideration in return… Nope, apparently I was just “hoping to change” her, and loving someone doesn’t require such a demand.
    I got played. In hindsight, I had a bad gut feeling the whole time.

    • @TheHamburgler123
      @TheHamburgler123 7 หลายเดือนก่อน

      I take it you were married at some point?

    • @mumenraider
      @mumenraider 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

      Can relate that a bit..
      Being kind , considerate and loving don't mean at all.
      We can hope all we want .
      There's a saying " If one feeds a serpent milk, the snake will simply increase his venom "
      She was more resentful and cold . More I cared and loved her ..

    • @Paul-yk7ds
      @Paul-yk7ds 7 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Protect yourself better in the future

  • @kylonguyen-we5mx
    @kylonguyen-we5mx 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +95

    My man, you are literally dropping truth bombs as always. Not a freaking word is redundant!

    • @Vision-dd8fl
      @Vision-dd8fl 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Absolutely

  • @bobdavis7290
    @bobdavis7290 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +109

    100% correct. And it's not just personal relationships, it's life: If the answer to whatever question isn't "F*ck yes," it's a no.

    • @raytekkers
      @raytekkers 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

      Yes and no. One needs to have experience in order to discern if it’s a fuck yes or a no. 🤓

    • @bobdavis7290
      @bobdavis7290 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

      @@raytekkers that's up to you and your judgement, right? Maybe your judgement is messed up, and if that's the case go back to the drawing board. Now listen, and this is my opinion, everyone knows truth when they hear it. Similarly, if you can't enthusiastically say yes to whatever opportunity shows up, the answer is no. We have to take a position and make it stick, right or wrong. That's called learning.

    • @raytekkers
      @raytekkers 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

      I understand precisely where you’re coming from. I’m referring to something, an experience that one has not tried before. For example, one needs to taste pizza before they can emphatically say fuck yes to it 😁

    • @bobdavis7290
      @bobdavis7290 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      @@raytekkers HAHAHAHAHA!!! Good one. Enthusiastically yes.

    • @kelvincasing5265
      @kelvincasing5265 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Explains why I haven't said yes in 40 years

  • @demven04
    @demven04 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +38

    If it isn’t a “Fuck YES!!!” - it’s a No. The best advice I ever heard ❤

  • @jakesdekker7503
    @jakesdekker7503 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +22

    When in doubt, say no.
    This motto has saved me countless times.

  • @MMKnight_1
    @MMKnight_1 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +22

    This is so extremely true. I was in a situation where a girl started ignoring me randomly, and I let her go. After a month or so (I was still very attached to her then), she started showing interest in me again, but didn't talk, and because I was so attached, I took the plunge and started talking with her again like nothing had happened (I even started acting a little weak cuz I deep down got insecure when she pulled away), even though she should have been the one to fix it.
    I even thought that was disrespectful, but cuz I was so dumb and full of emotions, I didn't trust my gut instinct and made it a lot worse. Obviously she left again, lol

    • @edheldude
      @edheldude 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

      As a young guy you will make these mistakes and hopefully learn. Women already haveca black belt when you're just beginning.

    • @chimichurri2612
      @chimichurri2612 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      happened to me too, buddy 😮😢 it hurts more to not let go

    • @XMehrooz
      @XMehrooz 5 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      ​@@edheldudetrue af my dude

  • @pablolopez5452
    @pablolopez5452 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +8

    This guy gives advice like the dad some of us didn’t have (even if they were present)

    • @TheYotamoron
      @TheYotamoron 17 วันที่ผ่านมา

      Absolutely.

  • @sachinkrishna8306
    @sachinkrishna8306 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +14

    I felt suffocated in a relationship for months and suffered the emotional aftermath with physical health ailments and debilitating chronic anxiety for a year and a half straight. It all only lasted until I had the clarity to listen to myself and move on. This advice works like a charm, not just for relationships but for other areas of life too!

  • @SigmaWarrior1978
    @SigmaWarrior1978 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +8

    Killer clip Dr Taraban. Right on the money. I’ve experienced it all. Brothers, we have to dictate the terms and conditions of our relationships right off the rip. It’s the only way. As soon as she disregards the terms and conditions, pull the plug. Solitude is far better than a bad relationship.

  • @animamagna3077
    @animamagna3077 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

    From my 30+ years of dating experience I can tell that you'll see the first red flag normally in the very few days max weeks of getting to know each other. Take heed and if it's there, run away as fast as you can. It'll save you lots of time and money, my dudes. There's nothing to think over if you have issues like those ones Doc has mentioned.

    • @Vision-dd8fl
      @Vision-dd8fl 7 หลายเดือนก่อน

      You're words are so damn true. Date 3 you know what my ex said to me? "I don't have a filter, if anyone annoys me, I just say whatever I want" Why did I dump her 8 months later? Because of her going into angry agressive rages at me..

  • @Just_human_being
    @Just_human_being 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    As a woman i totally agree with that point. Just spot on! It is a priceless advice for both genders. Listen to yourself and no doubt. Of course it is easier said than done , however our brain has all answers already. And finally : dear gentlemen if your ladies behave the way as it was described by the doctor - RUN FOREST RUN for goodness sake

  • @RyanGavlick
    @RyanGavlick 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    My man, just spot on. A voice that is wonderously heard by those of us men who have been taken for such a rough ride that can barely believe that someone can put it to such clean, clear words and make sense of the hell we stumble through in our minds when we try to make sense of it on our own. Thank you for saying things like this that helps us know that we're not crazy or alone ✊🏼

  • @evdrivertk
    @evdrivertk 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    It is hard to walk away from a longer relationship. It's the "sunk cost fallacy." If I find a lot more energy going out than coming in for a given person, it's a warning flag.

  • @ommpeter
    @ommpeter 2 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Literally laughed out loud during this one. Thanks for the great logical content

  • @mskilike1302
    @mskilike1302 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    Terrific episode Orion! Really awesome. 9 minutes to remember! I've been doing that for a while, as crazy as it sounds at first, recording myself reflecting out loud about what the relationships were like, and asking myself to "PLEASE listen to me, PLEASE". And it works. You break up, it hurts, but there are others. You break up again, it hurts, but there are many more. There are soooo many women out there. There's really no need to hold on and that feeling is like a muscle, it's getting stronger and stronger!

  • @level_ken5231
    @level_ken5231 7 หลายเดือนก่อน

    The underlying thing here is seeking validation. I used to be in that place where I was looking for other men to tell me how to do what I needed to do. After a year or so of journaling and reflecting after a major break up, I realized that I knew myself a little better. Now I know who I am and what to do, and I’m just taking my sweet time.

  • @IstillHeartMyPrivacy
    @IstillHeartMyPrivacy 6 หลายเดือนก่อน

    You just gave better advice than anything I’ve ever heard in over 20 years of premarital and postmarital counseling from clergy and licensed therapists. “If it isn’t a ‘Fuck yes,’ then it’s a ‘no!’” I really could have used this 20 years ago.

  • @eeezdee5251
    @eeezdee5251 4 หลายเดือนก่อน

    “Fuck that”. Definitely. This is the way.

  • @Egsise
    @Egsise 2 หลายเดือนก่อน

    ❤ I just love how straightforward you talk here.

  • @rhenriksen
    @rhenriksen 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

    10/10 amazing advice.

  • @justinfarrell6498
    @justinfarrell6498 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    OMG I wish I had of watched this video back in the courtship days with my ex wife. Great video just like all of your videos. Love your work!

  • @ahmedlago6651
    @ahmedlago6651 6 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Thank you

  • @al-bsure4284
    @al-bsure4284 6 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Perfect advice

  • @stella441
    @stella441 6 หลายเดือนก่อน

    All very cool and sarcastic-u only forget that some men( shocker!) actually have feelings and do want to work things out with the person they love,rather than anyone else. Same the other way around. But, of course,no one expects you to comprehend that.

  • @paulds65
    @paulds65 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    Brilliant!

  • @TheYotamoron
    @TheYotamoron 17 วันที่ผ่านมา

    What do I think? Orion is the GOAT.
    One of your best episodes.
    In my line of work (I'm a software engineer) there's a term for what Orion described, it is called rubber-ducking.
    It goes like this: You have a problem you've been banging your head against for some time.
    Grab a rubber duck (you know - those small yellow ones that float), put it next to your screen and just start telling it what is the problem. That's it - just talk to it and tell it what is the problem. More often then not, this simple action of vocally wording out WHAT is the problem if enough.

  • @thingsandstuff9529
    @thingsandstuff9529 7 หลายเดือนก่อน

    You deserve all the success that is coming along with your growing channel. Thank you

  • @nikeisagreekgoddess4135
    @nikeisagreekgoddess4135 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

    The role of a man includes living life in principle. Taking responsibility. Whether or not we meet that bar, no matter how we fail at meeting it, every single man that is not Cluster B is compelled to do so if he is to consider himself "a real man". If not to do so, to try it and if not even that, at least he will torture himself in his mind for failing at it.
    That is good, if there is reciprocity and the transaction with femininity makes sense. It increasingly doesn't and I'm not even advocating for some regressive / conservative / shaming Sadia Kahn-type view of life. I am happily normal.
    This type of content serves to orient men through the mental process that takes place when the consideration of waiving a responsibility comes to mind. It is meant to be difficult for a man to consciously decide to leave a relationship. To stop providing and being of service for someone else. Regardless of how unsophisticated he is or how little he has to give, the masculine will always struggle with that.
    Just ask a guilt infested deadbeat dad in his 60s after leaving the drinks aside. I find that leaving a woman comes with a sense of guilt or shame and just like everything else mentioned here, it is perfectly aligned with the role of a man.

    • @chipsteve
      @chipsteve 7 หลายเดือนก่อน

      TOP comment. It increasingly DOESN'T make sense. Mostly on account of the rotten post-feminist culture. Ideologically consistent feminism is OVER, folks. It's all Schrodinger's feminism now. Taylor Swift embodies this in her character - who she really is. That's WHY she's so uber famous. Because that's how women want to exist today. Its all rotted out & regressive, actually.
      Owen Cook was citing Sam Vaknin in a "Live" he deleted - said that the way women are today, they are almost all functionally Cluster B when infatuated / hooked on a particular new man.

  • @Dan-v7e
    @Dan-v7e หลายเดือนก่อน

    One of the best episodes!!! 😊

  • @dancamp21
    @dancamp21 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Great job

  • @MH-jp8en
    @MH-jp8en 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    scary how right he is. I really fucked up getting married.

  • @marcuschauvin7039
    @marcuschauvin7039 7 หลายเดือนก่อน

    some of the best advice i've heard in a long, long time

  • @briceparlant9304
    @briceparlant9304 7 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Best psychologist EVER !!!

  • @frant1cOne
    @frant1cOne 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    Why journaling is important.

  • @mikemillerfilms
    @mikemillerfilms 7 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Thank you!! I especially resonate with this topic and this has given me some much needed clarity. Thank you for what you do 🙏

  • @jimhardy4987
    @jimhardy4987 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    That was priceless … I laughed and laughed, we men are so stupid!

  • @ChristnThms
    @ChristnThms หลายเดือนก่อน

    I wish I'd heard all of this 40 yrs ago.
    At this point in my life, I think it would be accurate to say that every single "rule for life" I was taught growing up is an outright lie.
    That's to say that they were not just incorrect, but that the adults teaching me knew they wouldn't work and did it anyway.

  • @SeenAndCheese
    @SeenAndCheese 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    This is great advice...until you have kids with someone. Then it's harder to say bye to her shit when you realize that person has your kids for 18 years without you.

    • @dinsel9691
      @dinsel9691 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Especially if you fear that her bipolar condition will get worse when your not there and she will take it out on the kids

  • @sergzz12
    @sergzz12 7 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Thanks, excellent video. I think generally there is a format issue with TH-cam videos, since the topics are fragmented. Something in this video can be taken out of context, such as “cut things off at first sign”, which can lead to misguidance of men. Typically you do a good job explaining the caveats. This video was a more on the black and white side. Anyway, that’s just some feedback. I appreciate you!

  • @pianoalquimia
    @pianoalquimia 7 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Thanks Dr. for another wise advice!

  • @Meirele
    @Meirele 7 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Very good, Dr.... Again! Thank you1

  • @trrealestatenycrealestate200
    @trrealestatenycrealestate200 7 หลายเดือนก่อน

    I've been dealing with my EX for 4 decades , men listen up ..

  • @michalpastrik8321
    @michalpastrik8321 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    This video is great for women as well. Women should learn how to have a healthy relationship with men just as men should with women. What to accept and what not to. Men can also explode on women and show incredibly bad behavior as well. Women easily rationalize this and think working through it will make the relationship stronger when in fact, you're correct... In the courting phase it shouldn't be happening at all. Both sexes can learn to grow and improve and bring their best to the relationship.

  • @adarshachatterjee493
    @adarshachatterjee493 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

    What if you are not enthusiastic about anything? What if any sort of relationship - romantic or otherwise- feels like a duty or a set of boxes to be ticked off? What if you keep a mental distance from every person you come in contact with?
    Then it is not really possible to say 'Fuck yes' anytime. How to deal with that?

    • @poifish7442
      @poifish7442 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +6

      Orion mainly talks about the dating machinations from a place of having mostly figured oneself out. In many ways, his advice can fall on deaf ears if you're not yet at that stage.
      Your question is not that of "dating", perhaps not even of "relationships" at all, and I personally think you shouldn't be looking for an answer within the dating content community.
      On the other hand, any advice or knowledge you process will help move you in the direction you want to be going.
      To answer: you shouldn't yet be looking for "fuck yes" answers. For now focus on listening to the voice in the back of your head telling you what you do and don't want. Give it increasingly more fuel as you become more comfortable with it by allowing it to make gut decisions for you. First in seemingly insignificant things like "what do I eat today" or "which clothes should I put on". The more you open up to it, the more you will trust it.
      There will be hiccups, and you will hurt yourself and other people by acting this way. There's no other road to take though. And one advice I would personally give you is: remember that sometimes you NEED to be dramatic. At times you will feel like you're being petty or childish. Good. That's exactly what you need to externalise and express in order to grow.
      Of course I don't know you or your life, but I'm sure you can figure out how to implement this for yourself. Good luck brother.

    • @alex434343
      @alex434343 8 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Maybe you're Aromantic? Or Asexual? Or depressed? Or just a loner? I hate to be That Guy, but what you're describing sounds like a prime candidate situation to sort through and figure out with a therapist.

    • @protect-free-speech
      @protect-free-speech 7 หลายเดือนก่อน

      1. What advice would you give to a friend that asked you these questions? Write it down and then do it yourself..
      2. Get comfortable with being uncomfortable. Put yourself in stressful and difficult situations on purpose and work your way out of them. That will grow your confidence and self-worth.
      3. Be kind but don't sacrifice self-respect. Most people are decent and if you show friendliness and warmth it will be reciprocated.
      4. The Buddha was wrong. Avoiding attachment leads to nihilism (read your post..). Go into everything head and heart first, the secret is to be able to detach quickly and embrace suffering. This is the underlying message of all of the Doc's posts.
      Good luck to you sir, enjoy your journey.

    • @alex434343
      @alex434343 7 หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@protect-free-speech Buddhism being nihilistic is a common misconception. In fact Buddhism goes very in depth into why nihilism is not helpful and a dead end. Very deep and nuanced subject.

  • @ajseb
    @ajseb 7 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Thanks for this Dr. O’Rien. I am about to take the major step into moving in with my girlfriend of 4 and a half years. She’s been an exceptional partner so far, and I genuinely love to spend time with her, but the only major red flag is her current income. I make 6 figures right now but she only makes about 40k a year. I think it’s fair to move in with her, but also have a check in and tell her if we are gonna make this work, she needs to step it up (she has been trying to job hop for a salary increase too).

    • @Vision-dd8fl
      @Vision-dd8fl 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Wow your supposed to be the man in the relationship. Mens biological role is to be a provider and protector.. why are you excepting her to make more money

    • @ajseb
      @ajseb 7 หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@Vision-dd8fl you wanna help me with the rent that’s average 3k in my area (NY/NJ)? Not even a 6 figure income all alone can handle that

    • @Vision-dd8fl
      @Vision-dd8fl 7 หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@ajseb fair point actually

  • @jmiller1095
    @jmiller1095 หลายเดือนก่อน

    god ... true & yet funny!

  • @Roadmannerism-cc
    @Roadmannerism-cc 7 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Great Ending Dr. When In doubt ask yourself. WWPOND? (What would Patrice O'Neal do? )

  • @SaltyDogPerformance
    @SaltyDogPerformance 8 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Yes and yes.

  • @aek72
    @aek72 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    One of the few times Orion is almost shouting in the microphone. It can be very frustrating trying to hammer that truth in to simps.

  • @qlee50
    @qlee50 7 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Thanks!

  • @KXXNG5
    @KXXNG5 7 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Wise man!

  • @Howtovideos840
    @Howtovideos840 7 หลายเดือนก่อน

    I sense the frustration

  • @mariusmiron7525
    @mariusmiron7525 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    Let’s go doc!

  • @ChaiTogether
    @ChaiTogether 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    Facts 🎉

  • @dnielrable
    @dnielrable 7 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Köszönjük!

  • @jennteam
    @jennteam 7 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Teraband has a gift. I laughed out loud a few times.

  • @silentm999
    @silentm999 7 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Many men stay because of the Sunk Cost Fallacy

  • @For3xampleJohn
    @For3xampleJohn 7 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Sunk cost concept ftw 🎉

  • @matttiberius1900
    @matttiberius1900 7 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Listen to your gut. 9 times out of 10 I've know what to do, and all everyone else did was try to talk me out of it.

  • @whankerNJ
    @whankerNJ 8 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Top Shelf!

  • @bonson9156
    @bonson9156 7 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Ya'll should really try to reach out to the community around you more often. There's people where I live who probably don't even know what a therapist is. They can't afford one anyway.

  • @ESNchris
    @ESNchris 7 หลายเดือนก่อน

    well, given the examples you gave orion, that's not the place where I am. I feel and am neglected sure. but she's a good person. and those are literally horror stories (except for the dead bedroom)

  • @justtekina6709
    @justtekina6709 6 หลายเดือนก่อน

    umm can you expand on the mutual understanding bit....

  • @paulbucklebuckle4921
    @paulbucklebuckle4921 7 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Ya Bob on kid,,,

  • @gemmasmit3577
    @gemmasmit3577 7 หลายเดือนก่อน

    BPD is the most curable disorder with CBT

    • @zachariahwolfe
      @zachariahwolfe 7 หลายเดือนก่อน

      I ain't letting no one T my CB to cure their BPD

  • @Snarge22
    @Snarge22 8 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Rich Cooper, "Stop complicating your lives!"

  • @superiergaming5463
    @superiergaming5463 7 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Watched it and can see the distance between u and me. That this is the way u should keep it. Calm like stone eager like a flower growing slowly and yeah. Just like everyone i guess because even this comment means nothing but to myself. Me.

  • @Soup2Nuts
    @Soup2Nuts 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    Damn.... that whole record yourself method was heavy.

  • @chicagochano
    @chicagochano 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +341

    This is some of your best advice ever.🤣😭🤣 I've recorded myself talking about my last relationship, and it was over 3 months later. All I heard was stress and emasculation trying to make sense of her chaos. This video is the definition of a therapist's level of tough love.

    • @defiantenergy
      @defiantenergy 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +13

      Remember when nagging, inlaws, and spending too much at the store were the main issues men talked about. 😅😂

    • @nikeisagreekgoddess4135
      @nikeisagreekgoddess4135 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +9

      This is the masculine version of journaling. You will do it when you need it, verbalizing the issue is itself cathartic, which provides short-term relief, and the ability to listen to yourself from the past, picking up the inflections of your voice, with good hindsight is really a good replacement for a conversation with a friend for those things you won't discuss with anyone else.

    • @michaelcummings8744
      @michaelcummings8744 5 หลายเดือนก่อน

      This world is sad. Men are so blind. And yes professionals who sound good and are confident can be extremely misguided. Like our friend Orion here. He pumps out a mixed bag and people eat it like little kids eating whatever papa puts on the table today. Grow up and see how we'll he actually raised you. To put ones mind and life in the hands of another is no small thing. The Catholic Church is 2000 years old and has immense wisdom on how to live your best life as your best self. It isn't the latest psychobabble fad from another bobble head. It's tride and true. It's real and attested to by billions over the centuries. The largest charitable organization in the world and a place where heroic saints are born.

  • @RobertNuttmann
    @RobertNuttmann 7 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Thanks!

  • @JaySmith-pv2mw
    @JaySmith-pv2mw 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +127

    I totally agree. I'm 57 and can confirm, things don't get better in a relationship, especially after marriage. They will only get worse. Also, anything other than a definitive yes is a no.

  • @dhruvdangi_
    @dhruvdangi_ 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +144

    "Like Fuck That" that's right there is the best line.

    • @tonybernard4444
      @tonybernard4444 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +20

      It's the second 'fuck that' that sold me.

    • @bdtrap
      @bdtrap 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +8

      ​@@tonybernard4444 haha yes the commitment to Fuck That is commendable! 😂

    • @geemail369
      @geemail369 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      🤣🤣🤣

  • @biziswhatitis283
    @biziswhatitis283 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +109

    “As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live.”
    ― Johann Wolfgang von Goethe.

    • @edheldude
      @edheldude 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +8

      And you can't trust yourself if you keep betraying yourself.

  • @brianbachmeier34
    @brianbachmeier34 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +462

    “Waste no more time arguing about what a good man should be. Be one.”
    - Marcus Aurelius

    • @brendan4917
      @brendan4917 8 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Aurelius was a literal cuck.

    • @BG-sq7zf
      @BG-sq7zf 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +6

      What is a good man? 🤔
      What is a healthy man? 🤔
      What is a wise man? 🤔

    • @kelvincasing5265
      @kelvincasing5265 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +9

      What is a man? WAIT IM SORRY DONT FIRE ME!!!

    • @Whiterun_Gaurd
      @Whiterun_Gaurd 7 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Oh no you didnt​@@kelvincasing5265

    • @Paul-yk7ds
      @Paul-yk7ds 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

      Irrelevant af to the video

  • @riffermaddness
    @riffermaddness 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +160

    This was my consult exactly. Dr. Taraban was spot on.
    #1 this consult most likely saved my life.
    #2 Saying this stuff out loud was terrifying.
    Worth every penny. Money well spent.
    Thanks for everything doc.

  • @h.f.4095
    @h.f.4095 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +105

    every man regardless of age should be subbed to this channel

  • @RLDrums7
    @RLDrums7 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +73

    Wow. That recording idea is brilliant. The therapist I hired repeated back to me what I had said then said, “why the f are you married to this woman?”
    I couldn’t come up with anything.

  • @pazzodi3
    @pazzodi3 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +82

    Everyone has such great wisdom and insight for others, but everyone fails to take their own damn advice. Isn't that humanity in a nut shell. Love this channel

    • @brianndege5331
      @brianndege5331 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

      Its called Solomon's Paradox @pazzodi3

    • @vedantbhatkar
      @vedantbhatkar 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      So true!

  • @majorbloodnok6659
    @majorbloodnok6659 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +84

    I once advised a guy "You know that small voice whispering in the back of your mind? LISTEN TO IT".

    • @Richard_AKL
      @Richard_AKL 8 หลายเดือนก่อน

      *whimpering

    • @Tushar_Talwar_09
      @Tushar_Talwar_09 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

      Thanks I'll pass.
      It's tells me to "Jump off" whenever I'm near a railing.

    • @majorbloodnok6659
      @majorbloodnok6659 7 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Take care brother@@Tushar_Talwar_09

  • @GameMusingsWithRaziel
    @GameMusingsWithRaziel 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +50

    It's mainly because most guys have a scarcity mindset, so we start to convince ourselves to accept bullshit because we may never find another person again. Which of course is all horse shit.

    • @manflynil9751
      @manflynil9751 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Yep, that's me for sure. You just identified my problem. I must change my mindset.

    • @Totsy30
      @Totsy30 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

      This is a core problem with a lot of guy's mindsets. I was there before. I fought tooth and nail to keep my first relationship, which was horribly toxic and she lived in a different country. The stress and disrespect I allowed myself to go through is horrible to look back on. After that relationship, I had an actual good one and it TRULY opened my eyes to how a relationship should be. Now, I have proven to myself that I can be in a good relationship and be a good partner, so I'm not going to cling to just any girl that will have me. I know I am worthy of a good relationship and am secure as myself.

  • @DavidPeacockChannel
    @DavidPeacockChannel 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +73

    It is difficult the first time to walk away, but years later you know you can survive and if you have a similar relationship in the future, you know you can do it. Walking away is a good skill to know that you can do.

  • @brandonroberts1936
    @brandonroberts1936 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +135

    "Picking fights with people in public and expecting me to come to her defense" 😵‍💫 that was me not too long ago..

    • @tienslabien
      @tienslabien 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +29

      aww man I had this happen to me and I grabbed her by the arm and told her "wtf are you playing at ? we ain't got time for this shit ..." and pulled her away ASAP like a parent dragging his kid around. It felt so wierd I realised how messed up she was. She wasn't happy and tried to give me shit for it but damn was I right to do so ... we separated a while later, she was too much trouble, not worth it ...

    • @ralphy1989
      @ralphy1989 8 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Patriece oneal wome are reactionary

    • @mbg9650
      @mbg9650 7 หลายเดือนก่อน

      RPA save you from that kind of problem.

    • @brandonroberts1936
      @brandonroberts1936 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

      She would get pissed @ me because i would try to descelate, but she always wanted me as irrational and irrate as her..

    • @LittleMew133
      @LittleMew133 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

      I think there is a difference between "get caught in conflict" and "starting conflict". If I am caught in conflict, I 100% expect my partner to come to my defense.

  • @markadams9946
    @markadams9946 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +201

    I am a man who has decades of experience with women. I am no expert & still learning, but I can say that Orion is spot on. However, he’s also right that only YOU can make the decision. It’s not one size fits all. The biggest mistake men make is allowing the fear of being alone or sex to stay in bad relationships. Your in for a terrible life if you do that

    • @stephengilbert6474
      @stephengilbert6474 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

      Nailed itt. Don't be weak or needy. They can see it and then they will crush you. Be strong. Women need a firm hand.

  • @luckywyatt
    @luckywyatt 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +26

    It’s been one year since my wife separated from me. 8 months since she served me with divorce papers. As Valentine’s Day approaches and a year of loneliness I contemplate reaching out to my ex wife. The depression and loneliness has obscured the memories of loss and betrayal. Listening to this self assessment was a breath of fresh air!
    Thank you

  • @hellmanksingh7967
    @hellmanksingh7967 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +42

    Gentlemen, our good sir also indirectly mentions, keep self respect, dignity and worth paramount for us men. If excitement and comfort lasts only 2-3 months and then drama and control issues arise, communicate, not working, WALK AWAY. We men all go through that feeling of pain/fear/confusion. At that time, face it, take it. Hurts like hell at times for weeks etc. after that you’ll see something happens within mostly. Slow character development and self growth.

  • @mazzbr
    @mazzbr 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +40

    Impossible to get clearer than this.
    Agree 110%
    Regards from Brazil 🇧🇷

  • @natureasitis3082
    @natureasitis3082 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +38

    Man you are a really smart honest coach. I’ve looked all over the web for an answer and couldn’t find it. I’m 50 and I have learned so many things through hardship. Gentleman trust this guy.

  • @brianbachmeier34
    @brianbachmeier34 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +122

    We're all gonna make it brahs

    • @marriagecausesdivorce7540
      @marriagecausesdivorce7540 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +6

      You are not going to make it if you lose your money, house and kids on divorce. Trust me. You are only going to make it back to your parents home empty handed.

    • @blastermaster7261
      @blastermaster7261 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

      ​@@marriagecausesdivorce7540 NGMI bro.

    • @gintoki_sakata__
      @gintoki_sakata__ 8 หลายเดือนก่อน

      ​@@marriagecausesdivorce7540chill 😂.. We'll make it man

    • @Remember-Death
      @Remember-Death 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      We're men over here. You sound DELUSIONAL. We don't need to *FEEL GOOD* emotionally, so I'm going to tell a truth that you wont: *Not All Of Us Are Gonna Make It.* Hell, most of us won't make it, simply because most men lack sexual discipline. Our need for sex is the primary reason we put up with so much nonsense from women. And *THAT* is the reason most of us won't make it. *Most men will STILL lead lives of quiet desperation.*

    • @edheldude
      @edheldude 7 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Most of us aren't gonna make and have a legacy. These ladies are out here destroying the foundations of Western culture.

  • @madness5693
    @madness5693 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +112

    You a real one Taraban

    • @marriagecausesdivorce7540
      @marriagecausesdivorce7540 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +11

      Someone give Dr Taraban a Nobel Prize. What more does he need to do?

    • @mann8098
      @mann8098 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      ​@marriagecausesdivorce7540 more specifically... the Nobel Peace Prize 😂 and, like Bob Marley, said: "No woman, no cry"

    • @manflynil9751
      @manflynil9751 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      ​@@mann8098that's not what Marley meant. He was singing to console a woman not to cry, as in " Hey little sister, don't shed no tear...."

    • @mann8098
      @mann8098 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      @manflynil9751 well that's embarrassing 😳 😂🫣 thank you

    • @clint120
      @clint120 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      @@mann8098 but your interpretation applies.

  • @mak529
    @mak529 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +25

    I retired Navy Admiral once told me "son always listen to your gut". This was after multiple combat tours.

  • @feminazislayer
    @feminazislayer 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +19

    Dont ignore your intuition. Your inner voice is your inner child trying to protect itself from experiencing more trauma. Think of that little boy, and woukd you put him through these things.....again ?

    • @ralphy1989
      @ralphy1989 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      These worlds hit my soul bro

  • @Highintensityhealth
    @Highintensityhealth 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +9

    Hands down one of your best videos. Fantastic work. ✨

  • @petelipson3769
    @petelipson3769 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +25

    I have it on my calendar to have my son start listening to, reflecting on Orion's advice (yt clips) as soon as he turns 17.

    • @davidattar4110
      @davidattar4110 หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@petelipson3769 totally agreed. Funny, I made the same mental note for my boy

    • @davidattar4110
      @davidattar4110 หลายเดือนก่อน

      How uncanny. I made the same promise to myself regarding my boy…

  • @scottanderson9656
    @scottanderson9656 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +16

    My mother said several times how some people think marriage is a magic wand that is going to fix problems in a relationship but it's just the opposite.

  • @samiam4158
    @samiam4158 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +15

    True. If things are not absolutely fantastic in the initial dating stage, walk. As he mentions, that is as fun and easy as it is going to get. It is going to get more stressful and difficult as you go along. Also consider that during that stage the woman is trying to sell you on a long term relationship, marriage. If she can't even fake being cordial and enjoyable during the sales pitch period, that signals some emotional and psychological problems.

    • @Vision-dd8fl
      @Vision-dd8fl 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      The girl I dated, within 8 months went off the handle with me 3x, even swore at me once, kept causing some drama and playing games. It was stressful as hell for months. I walked away

  • @jdanistheman
    @jdanistheman 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +13

    Had I listened to myself and cut things off at the first sign of poor behavior, I wouldn’t have experienced the worst pain I ever have in my life last year. I don’t say this out of bitterness but my relationship that ended last year is hands down the worst thing I’ve ever experienced in my life. I was better off cutting her off after 2 months like I originally wanted. Instead, we dated for 2 years and 3 months, 1 year and 10 months as an official couple. I thought I wouldn’t have been able to find anyway else. Not finding anyone else would have actually been better than dating the woman I dated.

    • @thickseed
      @thickseed 8 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Details, please.

    • @jdanistheman
      @jdanistheman 8 หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@thickseed honestly, I don’t want to go into details here. The only thing I’ll say is that there were signs of her lack of regard and respect for other people and their boundaries. She was always so full of herself and I let a scarcity mindset lead me into a relationship with her.

    • @Vision-dd8fl
      @Vision-dd8fl 8 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Always leave early man.. Always. I was dating a very hot attractive woman, super hot.. but her behaviour was terrible.. after 8 months I walked away. It's painful, but never as painful as 3 years down the line when she cheats on you or dumps you with a child in tow.

    • @jdanistheman
      @jdanistheman 8 หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@Vision-dd8fl trust me, I learned my lesson. I never want to experience what I experienced with her ever again.